The Flycast - 1 Year Sober, TooshTakeover, and OpTic Major Review | The Flycast Ep. 178

Episode Date: February 6, 2026

OpTic Gaming Merch: https://shop.opticgaming.com/Check out the OpTic SCUF collection and use code “OpTic” for a discount: https://scuf.co/OpTicCheck out the OpTic Podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/optic-podcast/id1542810047https://open.spotify.com/show/25iPKftrl0akOZKqS0wHQG00:00 Intro02:00 Late to Flycast04:30 TooshTakeOver13:00 Therapy 23:30 Major 1 & winners advantage 27:00 Best moment of our career, fighting our brain 35:00 learning to talk in public 43:20 Who’s the most trustworthy in OpTic 50:00 Where would like to live + homeless 1:02:00 Why do we stream? 1:12:00 1 year sober

Yeah, this one's really good. You're just in the love. Hell yeah, dude, I was chopping shit up, slowing shit down, putting filters on shit. Tight. Tight, dude. Chains? Top four best intro is all time. Dude, I actually can't stand this kid.

That was a bad one. What do you mean? I thought we were playing bangers. Not the same fucking time. I waited a minute to have to play my song for Hitch. and then in the fucking 22 seconds I wanted to play you come in at the fucking 15th second where shit starts happening

I'm telling you everyone completely ruined all my energy Everyone hates me nowadays What was it? What was the song was it? Hardspers in the fire I don't know if I'd You know what we did during the race

Would I give it a boo during the race? You gave everything that wasn't a rap song a boo? I don't think you would I can't hate on this No I won't hate on that one Yeah no that shit's crazy Good, good. I listen to that every day of my life.

What, um, what year would you go back to? Like, what year is that? Like, if you could attend concerts at a certain time period, which one would it be? That's a good question. What year was that one? And who is that? That's bullet from my Valentine. Why do you sound different?

My voice is gone because I was supporting Optic, Texas, dude. Did he just start? Because y'all rode together. Did he just start doing this? He didn't say, I don't think he said it. word in the car. I was just playing horrible music. I'd play like 45 seconds of a song.

I'd play like 45 seconds of a song. I got in the back seat, Pam. Backseat. He got in the back. Dude, I got in the back seat. Like, the chair was on my knees. I look at Pam. He goes,

That's up. It's how, dude. The Pam move. You're fucking seat, bro. My feet are suspended in the air. And even Pam didn't have it. He goes, I already did. we're fucking 25 minutes late

and the ex scooping coffee from Starbucks I had no hey I got it for everyone there's a treat for us all I knew we're all exhausted from the long hardworking weekend you didn't text me ask me if I wanted to

I knew you'd have a coffee in your hand I don't I didn't okay yeah did you know Pam was gonna be in the passenger seat no that motherfucker was like yo let me just stay at your stay at your place tonight And my initial reaction was that just

Yeah I mean I mean I don't have a reason not to And it's like I get it He lives pretty far away And this was like Friday night I think I was like I'll just let him sleep here tonight Like fuck it

And then he was just there all weekend Yeah We got to hang out all weekend You were blessed to be able to hang out No I do love Pam but I don't know if I'm much of have people at my it like stresses me out

like people are at my you're trying to go to sleep and you're like there's someone else in my vicinity I mean for I got a few examples one night he comes in at 7 a.m. Not like oh I'm back from the bar three or you know the

after's closes it goes from like 2 to 5am 7 a.m. I don't know where the fuck he's at till 7 a.m. Then last night he comes in it's probably like 3.30. I'm like slightly slightly asleep. I hear something. I'm like, oh, that's paying him.

I look at my phone. It's like 3.30. Try to go back to sleep. And then I just start hearing fucking footsteps coming towards... Go! Coming towards my door.

And I'm like, open my eyes slightly. I try not to like let him see that I'm seeing him. And he's just standing. He's not even like looking at me. He's just... Do you know what I?

Just in the doorway? Just in my doorway. Walk like two steps in my room and just stood there like this. What? And I was like, what? He was like, do you know where the remote is? Or no, he says, I was looking for the remote. I'm like, why the fuck would my living room remote be in my room?

I'm like, it's somewhere out there. He's like, my bad man. And then send me over the end. In the mornings, he would sleep on my couch and like, I have like floor to ceiling windows. He's sleeping. the windows are facing this way and he's sleeping this way. It's just a full fucking blast

of sun in his eyes. I'm like, bro, you could turn around and miss that entire sun. It's just funny. It is funny having Pam over you. He is a character.

He's a creature. It was a fun time, though. It was a fun week. I feel like it was a fun weekend for all of us. We all got to indulge in a little something. Yeah, it was pretty fun.

It was a pretty fun weekend. Optic Tech. First of all, welcome back to another. episode of the fly cast episode who gives a fire today we have got the man the myth the legend in the building Dalton tushbag

hey guys happy to be back back and he's loving he's loving it people really liked what you did this weekend on the socials on the team that's what people have been telling me so did you did you actually have the Twitter on your phone or did you have to run everything by james no i didn't james had it on his phone but we were we were in tandem pretty uh we were a good twosome this weekend i think we were bouncing

ideas off yeah i didn't know what that was going to be james you didn't trust him when you said you had the social with the account oh okay so he he he did you you had a few misses no no they weren't missing i mean we were getting a little soft at a certain point i was like what do we fucking do it like this is the tuesday over let's get a little bit edgy yeah you were going back to joey update type shit um yeah like there's a picture of like ron burgundy with a owner, like from Anchor man. Right. And I was like, let's tweet this after we win this map.

That wasn't allowed? Yeah, we were like, no, no, no, no. What are we doing? Who is saying the nose to those? James. You're asking James, what is James? James must know someone else. James is scared of Roger.

Roger's scared of Hex. And it's just kind of trickles down. Who's heck scared of? God. Jude. Hilton. No. He's not scared.

It's not big age. Yeah, this weekend was fun I mean, I guess we could talk about the matches a little bit I really only watched I just don't give a shit too much about Cod anymore I do enjoy watching Optic Play

I always forget how much I enjoy watching Optic Play until it's at a fucking event The CDL, like do you watch CDL at all? No, I'm probably worse than you Have you have you watched a CDL match yet? No Of course not

On the team On the team, though Of course not. You think I'm pulling up Twitch in my free time to log in a CDL viewing. But I will be running the Optic Texas Twitter. I could support the boys. Yeah, like, same with you. I loved watching them play, but I'm not going to do it in my free time.

That's insane. Yeah. I just don't get dope from it. Look at that. That's a fucking sick pick. Those were tired. Oh, I didn't even, okay, yeah, let's actually look at these. I didn't really see many of it.

These are all you? Yeah. Wait, scroll back. I made some fire edits, too. We'll hit. Yeah. All right, yeah, let's start from the beginning. What was, yeah, I got to know what the best.

Oh, wow, you're really. There it is. All in the fucking team. I hit, this was such a bad angle. Like, we did some bent over pictures. Yeah. Bent over pictures. I had like a soggy ass because my phone was in my back pocket.

The way my shoulders look significantly bigger than everything else, but not in a good way. I look like fat somehow. I look like top heavy. No, the Instagram was kind of crazy. There was like a video, video of, you bent over the railing. Yeah, doing a fucking snap count. I don't know.

I just did. That was the first thing. So he was like, do snap count. And I was like, all right. So I did it. Didn't love that, but whatever. All right. Seven rings between the three of us.

So good. So good. If you build it, they will come. He liked that one? I like the little field of dreams. And then it's just like, there were genuinely 22 people in the arena at this time.

That was 18 of them. That's fucking hilarious. The videos are, the videos are screwing up. It looks like. We're going to need it for the edits. You made your own edits? I was in the lab, dude.

I went on Capcut. I was grinding a little bit. Oh, shit. Okay. And then look, you in the corner. Dude. This is good.

People liked it a lot. Yeah, I hope so. And we don't really, ever do shit like this either. And the team kind of played along with it too? Yeah, I think they were... I think they tolerated me.

I mean, every time I'm around them, I'm like, all of these guys would put a bullet in me if they had a gun. Like, I think they all fucking hate me. You've always been that way, though. To where if he's around someone, they just want to kill him. He'll come up to me and be like, that shots you over there? I don't think he's ever looked at me once in my life. I'm like, dude, just go say hi. This one turned out good.

Super happy that you're on the team now. Usually we don't really beat teams like this. So what was, what were for this? You know, I like what I saw. I didn't love what I saw. I think there's always room for improvement. You and I both know that. Oh, for sure.

You know, we go way back in our history. And I think nothing's ever perfect. And we're always going to stay in the lab and keep working and strive for the best we can be. No, definitely. And you know, you obviously played apex, yeah? So like, the orange you, like, what do you think how it is in Cod? Like how do we How are you able to like

Maintain it? Right, I get the question I totally get the question And I couldn't agree more With the question Yeah, no, I agree If I could live with anyone's head For a day,

I'd be shot to do I have to know what's going on in there How was that even set up? Like is it just Ask each other questions? Like do you know what the fuck? He had to go off the cuff And I had to go off the cuff

And I had to go off the cuff Based on what he said And that's why it was a mess I think that I think it worked out That was the perfect mess Yes, so good Ring ceremony This was good

Yeah, that's a really good The iPad ones Me and my best friends Are the headphones plugged in anything? No No, that's it. No, if And I'm just on the home screen

Like people would screenshot The home screen, it's just a NASCAR Who's fucking iPad is that? Why is it a NASCAR background? This right here, right about Here is when my legs went numb from screaming

And then I had to stop moving And then regain my balance I was walking back I couldn't feel my feet So is this cap cut Oh this is you Yeah that she was fired You made this?

Yeah Play it again That shit's so tight JP's part is sick Shark Yeah dude that'll get anyone fired up Oh my god

That is solid And I think my best works Yeah this one's really good Hell yeah dude I was chopping shit off, slowing shit down, putting filters on shit. Tight. It's so funny.

Tight, dude. James, did you ever think the boys were like, what's happening? Did you give them a warning? Are you thinking like this might fucking check him? Because Form would be like, dude, that'd check me so hard. Right, right.

Okay, okay. Okay, okay. James is saying the boys were playing the bit and they usually took like pictures. They usually took like pictures and all the content, like a couple hours, obviously, before the guy's played. So it was a quick, like, little snap and then...

Yeah, I'm fully aware that they all hate me, so, like, it's in and out as quick as possible, minimal eye contact. I think maybe... I think maybe you've got some shit that a therapist could work out. I've got three therapists. You really?

Yeah. So, don't worry. One for each one. Don't worry. We've been... We're working on it. Yeah, one for each one. One for each what?

uh one's like a life coach one's a therapist and then we're going to do couples therapy so that's three damn so do you like therapy like do you think it's worth the investment and what about it works for you uh i mean if you have money i think it depends like how far you need your dollar to go so if you can afford therapy you'd recommend it i think if you'd know yeah yeah yeah yeah why why do why do you it's good to work i don't enjoy it i don't go in there and love it at all. I'm never excited to be like, can't wait.

But I think it's just good. It's just good. It's good to air shit out. It's good to hear shit. It's good to like talk to someone that knows what they're talking about. But you kind of have to go through a process of like vetting therapists

and making sure it's the right fit for you and stuff like that. But if you have money and you know you have shit to work on, not even if you know you have shit to work on, everyone has shit to work on or therapy can help in some capacity. So yeah, I would say yeah, it's good. I've kind of been thinking about it lately.

Yeah, you need it. See, like, I hear that. I don't know how the fuck you haven't been. I hear that all the time, and I've heard it from, like, a few ex-girlfriends. I mean, you just do it. But I don't, I don't understand, and I've done therapy before, and it's always me yapping, and them just kind of being like, yeah, well, you know, you should try this. Like, it's just, it's shit I already know the answer to. But it just seems like they're kind of just.

there to listen i never have like an aha moment yeah but i get told all the time that i need therapy how long have you done it for not consistently it was some a little before rehab some in rehab some when i was i think like in like college trying to get like adderall and shit well yeah it's the same like you're going into it for the wrong reasons yeah it kind of was right i was like i'm fucking crazy i need addie it's the same for the reason i can't focus you have to like keep going what you say you have to go consistent consistently to like actually have your aha moment yeah yeah because like you have to go hear something and possibly like take it out and work on it or like apply it and then see how that goes come back

with that talk about results it's a back and forth it's like the same thing is like if you ran you know once a month you're not going to get any any more in shape what would you say because i would say i need help with like i have a i'm addicted to negative self-talking And I think that's what I would go into my therapy session and like talk about What's your thing? Yeah, I mean I had the same thing like I certainly had that you know that I was so mean to myself I mean like something that tells me is like would you ever let anyone else talk to you the way you talk to yourself? I am a pussy Yeah, but like you wouldn't and most of the shit that your brain is telling you like first of all it's that's not you like you're not your brain

your brain. They're just thoughts. Like a lot of the times, like, your brain is weaponized against you. The cool thing is about your brain is that you don't have to listen to it. Like, you could just literally just let the thought pass. It's one of the hardest things that, like, I've had to learn or, like, try to do. Because my brain just, like, once you start hearing one thought, they build and they build and you keep listening to the thoughts, but they're not real. Like, you're just lying to yourself.

You just have to let the thought fly by you. You have to ignore your brain. See, the issue is I'll hear that. I'm like, yeah, yeah, of course. Like, it totally makes sense. It's something you need to, like, practice. But I feel like I'd go, that's when I would go in for, like, one or two therapy sessions, hear that kind of stuff and then just stop going.

I feel like maybe it's, like, a practice you have to. How often do you go in? Probably, like, once every two weeks. Okay. Depending on what's happening in my life. Yeah, I feel like it's very much. He's expensive. So, yeah.

I feel like it's very much like a practice. What about you, Hitch? Therapy. I did therapy twice. Just two sessions? No, no, no, two different times. My life, one, one, like, right after my dad died. And then that went on for, like, six months.

And then one in 2020. But it was... 2020. Yeah. But it was only online. What was 2020? Was that on, like, some infinite shit? Coronavirus.

No, like, the energy days. You had a few moments, huh? Yeah, I'm like, hey. you know i used to have this guy is my best friend i haven't talked to him in six months text him nine times sent him pictures of my toes one time hoping to get him to talk back i'm checking his steam profile he's on halo three all the time oh it's about me oh i was about i thought this was getting a hex or something no it's you yeah i i 2020 would have been a good year for me versus therapy yeah probably because holy did you not do a bunch of therapy and rehab

No, we did. It was like almost every day. Yeah. Yeah, you do it like every day. No, it was, I, I enjoy yapping and someone listening. It's just applying it. Like, I feel like in therapy I did everything right. But it's getting out of therapy and making that, like, I was hanging out with someone a few weeks ago.

And we were talking about therapy. And I was like, actually, you know what? let me fucking look up with therapist because she was telling me like maybe you need therapy I'm like how does this always keep fucking getting back to me so I was like let me let me look up some places I started looking up some places

put in my like even put in my insurance it found some places around me then I click on it and then it just seemed too complicated to even like sign up and I just gave up and that's usually just how it goes like if it's directly given to me and this kind of applies for a decent amount of stuff in my life but if it requires me to

go out of my way and figure it out step by step and figure out which therapist I want. Where is he located? What hours is he located at this location? Because a lot of therapists will like bounce around from place to place. And then like schedule it and what if I meet him and I don't like him? I don't know. It's just turned into. See, I'm just like, see, this is too fucking difficult.

Fuck this. Yeah, I mean, I'll. But in therapy, I'm with it every single day and I actually enjoyed it. I liked yapping and just because I feel like with a therapist, I'll talk about anything. Stuff I wouldn't like tell my mom. or close friends because like you know they'll use it against me one day but yeah

I think a therapist a therapist I'll just tell them fucking anything I don't give a fuck to your point of like having that little thing get in the way and you just like quitting immediately I think like I think it's hard to give a fuck about like self-improvement

if like your life is going good or like middle of the road like if you're operating fine and your life's not melting and like you're doing okay like it's hard to like put yourself in a therapy because you're like I'm fucking I'm chilling I'm okay yeah exactly you're okay if I'm at rock bottom I'll figure something exactly yeah so like with me if I'm not like

consistently working on shit like I'll start to deviate back to like old ways of thinking and old patterns and stuff like that so it's just kind of like constant maintenance that I have to do on myself to kind of keep it level been thinking about getting on an antidepressant lately this is becoming depressing isn't it a bottle baby so yeah you guys want to talk about something else something else me you i want to said someone you guys both said someone think of something else you positive person um therapy's good though fellas all right next i'm gonna try i'm gonna try i'm gonna are you i got it see this is it he's like i don't know this is you should go home and

write down like five to ten like actually go right down see that that that acquires going down or never mind keep going just write down five to ten things that you think you could like work on and then be like should i talk about this with something someone and then if if the answer is yes go get something done the answer is yes I don't even have to write it down the answer is yes the answer is absolutely yes right all right so uh the event was fun yeah that was fun the tuesday take over was fun I'm happy that I got to be utilized in a different light super grateful for the opportunity it was a good time I think the fans loved it from what I could tell people said they loved it so I think it was received pretty well not the end result we

wanted, you know, as a team, as the coach of the team who's on the team. And, you know, it could have been, it could have been a really glorious moment for me. I will be selfish in the fact that I would have got a lot of, like, bounce off credit with, with, like, I don't deserve at all. The champs, the championship, the picture of you holding the trophy would have been very good. It would have been tight. It wasn't tight, but that's okay. It was still a good run.

And the event was sick. What a crazy, what a crazy finals. That's probably one of the best finals I've ever. ever seen. God, I needed that round 11. Yeah,

I know. Even if we would have lost. Anticlimactic way to go out because it didn't end on a kill and ended on time. Yeah.

And it's just like, oh. I can't believe the format of not having an advantage making it through winners like that is I think it's so silly.

Yep. Yep. That's insane. It's been something that we've talked about for five years. And they don't change it. It used to be a best of nine.

Isn't that, isn't that correct? I think it used to be a best of nine. Then they changed it to a best of nine. of seven and we were like why not two best of five?

I don't know how that's not talked about more. I don't know how it's not changed. It's talked about every time. It's funny because I know what's wrong because when Optic, when our guys get to grand finals through winners, I'm like, oh, but if we get

through, through losers, I'm more exciting. Right. I'm like, oh, we only have to win four maps. Yeah, it's a bailout. Right. Like we slam Paris and send them to losers and we get no advantage and they just come right back. Yeah.

They're warm and they're cooking. Yeah. Neptune's on crack. He is. And yeah, it's tough. Yeah. I agree. Because people will say, well, you're, like, if people said you're biased, I'm like, well,

I'm biased when Optic comes through losers because I'm more excited that we are coming through losers because we don't have to go through this entire grueler that everyone used to have to go through. I mean, they're sitting up there for two hours. maybe shooting bots. While Neptune is just getting fucking screamed at from the crowd and dropping fucking bombs, making plays clutching up one v2, like two one v2s in a row or something like. 1v3 to end up coming back down 5-2 in that search.

He wins a 1v3 to start it and then they just win four in a row and they win the series. Yeah. Because I remember even in the... And they did it on us. Yeah, they did the same thing to us. 2-5. Come back again. That was tough.

Tough one, tough one. I think Halo's a little OD with it. They do two best of sevens. Yeah, sometimes that's too much. That's a little too much. We're in game 15. So what should it be just two best of five? Two best of five.

Yeah, that's not overcomplicate. But I think Halo just had too many game times. Yeah, I remember we lost Map 1 in finals. And then I was like, all good. We're still warming up, man. Like, you know, we got plenty of time, plenty of matches to win. Like, it's all good. And then they told me that like, no, it's just one best of seven.

I'm like, okay, there's no time. For mine, there actually is no time to warm up. Like, there's not, you can't fucking find your momentum again. You're just starting from cold. But it does sound very copy, but. I will say that that ace that Neptune got on phase is probably the best play. He got MVP, right? He had to.

I mean, was there even an award. We were out. We were out immediately, but we were at that piece. It was either him or Seb, I think. Had to have been him. It has to be him. This, yeah. The 1v3 is crazy, but the round after this is unreal.

The 1v. Cleanly wins it to a 1v2. Small paws in it. Small Paul's in it. Yeah, the 1v3 is crazy. The 1v2sah Bros. The Zaza Bros. The Zaza Bros.

I don't know if I like Zaza Bros. Drozza Abusa. They call them the Zaza Bros. Oh, it's tough. You don't like that? No, if I like it. There comes the plan. It's just the one where he kills the guy on the deep wrap.

He's going to get the disadvantage in a major way with the clock now ticking against him. And all this base has got a clear. Decent shots for the first. If the final of the one B one. Nate. It's just crazy. This is game five. No, yeah, it is the other play during the other round that you're talking about Hitch.

I saw something where he got. like 10 kills in a row? I thought that was insane. Scroll up one more. This one. This play is the best. Wait, go back to the original or the beginning.

Watch him fucking World Star. He shit on us a few times too, man. He had some three pieces that were crazy. That shit is unreal. God. That might be the best play. What's that feeling like? I didn't get many of them.

No, that's pure dope. There was one where he got like- I don't know how they don't have like. Yeah, I mean, they shoot so straight in those moments. I would love to put a heart rate monitor on them. I just want to know. Because they look chill, but that feeling is like a adrenaline is just fucking flowing through you.

It's not even like you're trying to look chill. It's like there's probably just too much going on to even fucking react. What was the craziest moment of your career? Like I remember shit feeling almost like, slow-mo. It was... Because it was Halo. But it was

first event in 2010 or maybe it's the second event. But I think it was the first time I took Addy at an event. It always fucking comes back to that. But I remember playing for top three against status quo. Flame, enable,

assault, ace. Just easy work. But I was playing my best fucking Halo ever. I know scope like, it was Narrows, Slayer. No Scope, like six people in a row. It's on featured station. None of it's on fucking none of it's saved or on YouTube or anything. But it was on the featured station. I just remember

having like a crowd around me and I could vividly hear SK behind me saying like, this guy might be the best player in the game. And like, how am I in game? He's making all of this up. But it's like, how am I in game hearing this? And everything felt just so easy and so slow. And it just, and everyone was just behind me watching my screen and I went like 21 and 9 or something in a slayer flow state but there was just I mean it didn't happen often I was like one out of my 20 year career that's not what I was asking that flow state what were where where was there a moment in your in your career where like your heart was pounding or you're like holy shit I think let me think there was and later in my careers when it would happen I feel like early on I didn't really care

Early on, I was, like, standing up talking shit, putting my feet on desk while playing, like, just being a ignorant little kid. So I don't know, I don't, I can't remember. Actually, there was one during Halo 5. I don't remember the event or anything, but we were playing for, like, top eight. We were some, like, qualifier. And I, like, back smack someone right at the very end as he was about to cap the flag. I think it's on video somewhere You wouldn't be able to find it

Oh yeah This is on a cloud was like about to cap the flag I'm running through front base Charge him smack in back smack him Right before he caps it I get the return Qualifiers? Yeah Some sort of in Burbank

And then I think we might get the We might counter cap or something But I remember right then like holy fuck Like sometimes the series would end And I'm just like Like I'm like getting a little dizzy I'm also on like A lot of MGs like

There were times where like I would not feel like I'm about to faint, but it was like kind of close. Like my heart rate would be insane. I've always wondered. I didn't know if it was more like because like when I would throw these little like throwback tournaments in like 2016 and shit and like my favorite, my favorite call of duties ever. And then I would play in them. Dude. I used to play in them. We're in round two of of a bullshit $1,500 tournament and my heart

is pounding. It's got to be like 160. It's bad. Anytime my teammates died during the Bob Bash and I was last alive I was like See I don't know I don't know what I'm doing So I'm just like fucking blind basically I don't know where I'm supposed to be looking or checking or doing So I'm just like fuck Yeah I'm shaking like you're overstimmed

I'd be wondering if I thought I was the freak I was like there's no way other people were getting this nervous Bro we'll do 1B1s back there I remember I was 1V1 in the Halo 3 thing And I beat him it was like tied 9-9 and there was like no time left and I sniped him in the head for the

for the last kill and I got up and I think I went to you and hex and I was like pro look at my head it was like and I was like feel my heartbeat and it was just fucking insane I was like we're in a random one like who gives a fuck the older I get the more nervous

I would get or the older I get the more nervous I would get fucking heart racing out of my chest I don't know because I don't care anymore i don't know why i don't care i care less now why is my heart racing more i was nervous as fuck for the drums dude he was shaking he was nervous he was bro i i i wouldn't i i don't under i truly don't understand tush because like you're sober now so i would think like you're way more nervous

and i guess you would say you are because before you would what maybe get drunk and shit like that wouldn't be his nerve wracking the same nerves but i had it out yeah had an out every time I could delete it. See, but I feel like you, I don't, I just don't understand, you'll say that and then like, you'll get in front of a fucking crowd and like be screaming like that or hyping people up or you're on stage with the drums. And I'm just like, bro, I don't know if I could do that. Yeah, it's easier to like, physically I was nervous. Mentally I wasn't.

Like, mentally I was like, everything's going to be fine. Like, you're chilling. Like, you're not going to fuck this up. But I have like a physical response to like big intense situations. Like my body, like, my body. like my legs were like couldn't really feel them right and my hands were cold and sweaty like I went to sign someone's shit like while we were standing by the jig yeah the jig section that we were standing by I think that's what it's called and I like touched this girl's hand while I was signing

something of her she's like you're freezing and I was like yeah I'm gonna fire and pass out so yeah I'm gonna fucking die I feel like I just don't like do you think would it be like if you had to give a speech would you be nervous in front of like a crowd yeah yeah 100% Like you'd be freaking the fuck out? Yeah, because I get so in my head. Like, so, I rehearse it in my head. Like, I don't even share it like meetings that I go to because I'm just like, I try to like, because I have a sicko brain. I just like can't turn it out like what we were talking about earlier.

Like, it's hard to turn my brain off. Like, it just goes. And so I just like, I would pre-rehearse the speech. I would think about every single thing I could possibly fuck up. And then I would think about the reactions to the fuck up. And then I think about what conversations they're going to have in their car about me fucking up on the way home. And then I would think about them like probably not. hanging out with me over again because I fucked up like a word I should do drugs and die

yeah it always goes I understand that yeah it's like psycho the shit that like my brain will come up with in order to make me panic yeah I feel the same way my biggest fear is just doing a speech I'm not gonna ever do one one of one of my craziest like anxiety moments was when I first bought the around the bar bar they dropped it off at hex's um garage and I texted the production team so it was page roge matt craig and i texted and i was like hey do y'all want to you know have some beers and you know go over to hexas garage and like set up the around the bar set and they were like sure so we were drinking and at one part at one part we were just talking and i was like i got to pee and i went and i peed and as i was there like they i could hear them

outside but they weren't talking i think everybody was just on their phones and my brain was telling me that they were looking at each other being like, really? Yeah, and, and, and, like, pointing at me while I'm peeing and just like, like, you know what I mean? Like, whispering to each other. And that's all I could think was happening. And I remember when I came out of the bathroom, I, like, peaked around the corner to see

if, like, they were, but they were just all just on their phone. Dude, that's so. It's crazy. Yeah. And I literally told them right there. I was like, y'all don't even know what just, like. Imagine though they were. Yeah.

And they're like, holy shit, he sensed that. That's definitely what happened. You weren't wrong in your thinking. It wasn't wrong. That's exactly how I think about so many situations. Yeah. Like, I'll have elevator conversations in my apartment. And, like, all this not really, just like a, hey, how you doing?

This fucking, some of the, just not an awkward conversation. Just like, nothing came out of it. And I walk out, I'm like, oh, my God, they think I'm so fucking weird. Next person they see, they're going to say, I just had the most weird. I just had the most awkward conversation with this fucking weirdo. They're also strangers. They think, but also it's like they could be thinging the same thing. They're like, holy fuck I'm weird.

That cool guy probably thinks I'm such a nerd. I wonder if life has always been that way or if it's because of like our generation. Because like everyone's so detached from actual interaction. But then there's some people who I think don't feel that at all. There are like flame sword. Yeah, Hector. Or Hax. Yeah.

Yeah, when Hex, I saw, um, Haxed the. optic pod with the barstool boys and he was like welcome back to another episode join with I don't know their names like Jerry what is it mook sass and sass but he forgot sass his name and he was like

and I'm so sorry I blank turned your name and it was just it was like kind of awkward it was like oh no way oh my like people were like kind of doing that yeah it's like no no no give me a minute like give me time and he like couldn't remember it Then I think I eventually remember it's ass. And Zinni was like, bro, just redo the intro.

And he was like, no, just keep it going. Like, heck's like didn't give a fuck. Yeah. If that was me, bro, I would have turned fucking blood red. Yeah, right, right. Probably, like, I would, the rest of the pod would have been horrible. Yeah. Because I would have just been having like a panic attack the rest of the pod.

Yeah. Like I probably would have pretended like, yo, I got to take a shit. And then I just would have not came back. Just would Rick Ross did. And say I fucking. I'm sick or something. That's good. Yeah.

But yeah, some people don't give a fuck. And I, I, I, I, like, kind of want to be better just in general with talking to people.

Because, like, I'll watch Hexon, like, this optic suite. And obviously it's the optic suite so he knows everybody. But this is kind of how he always is. Like, he'll bounce around to people,

and it's just like, it's just like no, no fear at all. It's just like, yo, hey, even if he doesn't know him. Even if he doesn't know him, he's like,

yo, who are you? What's your name? Yeah. And they're like, oh. Just the confidence that, who are you? Yeah, and I've never been able to do that. But I feel like you kind of have to, like, I don't know, not have to, but like, if you, if you really want to like.

I think it's important to grow into that. Yeah, for sure. For sure. And I'm trying to grow into that. I think that's what I, I think around the bar is helping me a lot. I think so too. For sure. I feel like you're good at it from a third person perspective.

I'll say that you're good at being able to converse with people. I was think with gamers, I feel like you are sort of confident in that. because you know a lot of random like um I mean obviously peanut but he wasn't really peanut at the time you did around the bar then like gingy and people like that

like I don't even know how you like know these people but like you're in like the gaming scene so even with like meeting like silky I was like oh hitch is in my head I mean I'm not really thinking about it but I was like oh Hitch is probably like nervous about that because like you know Hitch probably doesn't

know much about Soki or like yeah I'm sure you haven't sat there and like watch his streams or his YouTube videos and stuff like that so I was like this is probably like a little remember we had that combo and I was like what are you going to like ask him on around the bar besides like phase stuff yeah and I was just like for me that would be nerve wracking but for you I feel like you're like figuring this shit out to where like I think a lot of risk people a lot of respect is getting put on your name for that podcast and it's becoming like almost like these podcast and our sort of genre of stuff. And I think that's

maybe helping your confidence. Because I think you are doing you're doing very well. Yeah. And I think like you're hitting a fucking stride. I'm putting a lot of love. I mean it's something I've always wanted to do is around the bar. And so I'm putting a lot. I'm finally like putting a lot of love into it this year. So like you did

what? Back to back to you did three this weekend? Yeah. Talk to talk to T-Dodog called Duty's Back baby. Talk to Trayark, which is really exciting. See, talking to Trayark at Were you like nervous about that at all? Sam? Yeah. No, Traerick was probably the most nerve wracking.

Actually, I was nervous, but at the end of the day, I just knew if I asked the wrong question. Because once I met Lawrence, like you, he's just a, he's just a normal guy. Like, he's just, it's not like, like, there's this cloud of like, I guess, aura, whether it's good or bad aura that Activision has. And so I always thought when I met somebody from Activision, that it would be like, don't ask the wrong question. they'll shoot you in the head.

Like, you know, but, but that's, it wasn't like that at all. Like it was, it was actually pretty good. And he answered every single one of my questions except for one, which is way better than, are you allowed to say which one? No. Could you told me? No. That's him?

Yeah, yeah. But I don't know. You're just, I feel like you're confident about, I mean, maybe you just. Was he drinking? No. Maybe you're just a lot smarter than me, but I just feel like I couldn't have enough information in my head to even have conversation. It's funny you I feel like a fucking idiot.

It's funny you say that because you you're kind of the same way in a in like a different Are y'all heading out? Are you all leaving? Oh, okay good. I want to listen You're kind of the same way where like you just say whatever the fuck's on your mind with no fear and I Something I'm trying to work on with around the bar is like I stumble over not trying to step on people's toes So like if I didn't know Tush and you told me about like rehab and then you went you went to rehab and stuff. If I didn't know you, but you came on around the bar, I would be like, like, I would say like six months ago, I would be like, oh, oh, rehab, that sounds intense. But nowadays, but you're doing things better now, right? But what you're doing things better now?

That would be the interview. But nowadays, be like, what the hell did you go to rehab for? And it's like, once you ask the right question, if people like bring it up, they most likely want to talk about it or they're available to talk about it. Whereas if they don't want to talk about something in general, they won't bring it up at all. And you, you've, you've always been good at just saying, like, like, even when you met Soki while he was, like, live streaming, you said a few things that I was just like, like, their confidence in you to say that. Or you were just, like, blacking out and just saying.

Yeah. But regardless. I felt before meeting Soki, it's because I'm already thinking about everything. Yeah. I was like, God, I'm going to meet him and be so fucking awkward on that dumbass stream. Like, that's my mindset going. to that. But it was just like a right, I think it was just like a right moment to where it was like natural. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To where I was just like I'm kind of looking over here and then I see him.

It's just like, oh shit, what's up, Sogie? And it just felt like I wasn't trying to like force anything. And also his energy was just easy to work with anyway. Yeah. Very, very approachable guy. Yeah. Yeah. Very. Because sometimes you'll meet people in there. Not that they're cold, but you meet them and you can just tell like, oh, this guy has no idea. of who I am. So it's like you don't enter, you just don't feel comfortable with having like a personable conversation almost.

You almost just want to say like hi, bye. Right. Because some people are just like a little, I don't even want to say a little cold because maybe that's not saying that would be their personality, but sometimes you just don't fucking know each other and either. Like sometimes people just want to be cool

and they're sort of nonchalant and mysterious and shit. I would say if there's- But Zoki was not like that at all. Soki, he looked happy to be there. It was like, this shit's fucking dope. And like once you feel that energy, you kind of give him the same back. I feel like kind of how I started thinking about it too is like if you want to have a good conversation, imagine two of yourself in a room together and you don't know each other.

Would those two people talk to each other? Fuck no. Right. Wait, say that again? If you had two of your own selves. Two knee-X. Two N-X in a room together and they were strangers. They didn't know each other.

Would they talk to each other? I don't know. That might be weird. No. Mine wouldn't. speak. Yeah, I think mine would be on some like real pussy shit and like look at each other.

Do you think yours would hate each other? They'd be like, I don't really fuck with this guy. No, I don't think so. Damn, what would mine be like? That. Probably judging each other. See, you guys, I think you guys think I do do that, but I actually like

love everyone. I feel like I'm the most I feel like I'm the most trustworthy person in this org. James just laughed I guess it depends You are trustworthy I will say trustworthy

I feel like trustworthy Every day Yeah that's not trustworthy I'm not late every day That's not I don't feel like that's not a trust thing Sorry I picked up my friends Drove fucking No

I'm trying to think of I'm just about to lie I was just about to say I had to wait for Pam to get his ass up But he was sitting there ready With his bags back sorry I got my friend Starbucks The exit was closed

Fucking traffic to fucking I remember when the Office was downtown It was like no they're gonna be late Yeah no they got to drive from Frisco And that people were late Every single time But now that it's back to Frisco

It's you cannot be late It's inexcusable But when it was downtown it was fucking Oh but well they got a long drive You know traffic Oh yeah If I'm ever late something's really wrong.

Something really, really wrong. To the year? Yeah. I can't even blame it. You just wake up to a phone call and you're fucking fool bloody. I'm just like traffic. Fuck. Traffic's really bad.

Look outside. There's just hell of people though. I will say from everyone that's lived in the apartment building that I live in, I have had the least amount of times that people have had to come knock on my door. It's only happened once. Matt Craig. What was that for? I can't remember.

but it must have been important. It must have been important. I think, do you remember that one time we were supposed to do a flycast with Seth in the morning and I just didn't show up? And then I was here and they were like, yo, you two can just run it. And I was like, I don't feel comfortable. That's like the only time I've slept through a flycast.

And it was the one, of course, the one with Seth. Yeah. And I woke up. You can't get him on often? No, it's a hard, hard guy to get a hold of. No, I'm just kidding. They just scheduled them for it. That was when we first started doing guests.

Because we did 100 episodes without guests and then we started, you know, doing guests. And even the one with Shotsie, you, for some reason you didn't show up. Either you ever slapped or you thought it was a different date or we just weren't getting a hold of you. There was one downtown with Shotsie. Really? And it was me and Shotsie were sitting there. We were calling you. We were like, if he picks up, like, sure, we'll wait like 30 minutes for him to get down here.

that you didn't pick up. And then I was like, all right, well, you know, let's just reschedule this because I don't want to, I just get so, like, nervous about it. But Chatsy was like, no, it's fucking running, man. And that, like, kind of gave me a little confidence. Maybe I can do this. And we did it, and it was really good,

but it was also, I had, like, Halo. Yeah, yeah. We just talked about Halo. I'm friends with his friends, so it was easy. Right. But fucking Seth, like, I can talk to Seth, but, like, it's scump. You're going to start talking Kai.

Yeah, and my brain doesn't know Cod to fucking do that shit. I do miss, uh, damn, that made me feel like I fucking missed a bunch of flycasts. This was like the only two flycass I've ever missed. Yeah, the two most important. But I woke up to Matt Craig beating on my door. But I've also done the door beating, especially when Formal and Dashie live there. Holy shit. Really?

Page would call me and I'm like, fuck. And then she would say, Paige would say, to wake Dashie up, sometimes you have to get like a night. and hit the hit the metal part or like use your keys and hit the metal part because that's when he'll wake up and i'm like page you have a weird job we have a relatively sleepy org like every time i walk around here like everyone no one like has any no one's hyper no no and i'm here like i'm here quarterly and every time i come everyone's like just blake you said blake came to the scuff house a few times and he would say that as well he was like dude everyone is just like they're trying to I can't tell if they're tired or high or trying to be cool. Yeah. But they're just all talking the same. That's how I felt in the scuff house.

I was like, I'm tired of like everyone's trying to like be cool. I mean I wasn't trying. I definitely was a part of the problem as well because I'm just no energy like wouldn't want to be on camera. But like it really was like like you look at how people are doing it now like phase and shit. All those guys. They like try when they're on

camera. We turned into just like a weird. We were like spoiled little, maybe Hex was right. Just like spoiled little brats not taking advantage of the situation at hand. Probably. He fucked up immensely. I don't know the situation, but he sounds right. But I mean, shit really still hasn't changed.

Everyone still just kind of chill and shit. No one really like, and that's what we were telling Silky. Like when he does his IRS streams, we're like, yeah, I don't know if he could probably be kind of boring to follow us around with the camera because we're not. not energetic like that when are we going to get tush to move down the would that ever be an option for you to move here that's probably off the table like i was entertaining it before but i don't think like it would have to be a pretty big number to get me down here

like in a contract to get me to pick up if we got a team house do you live with your girlfriend yeah that's the thing i live with my girl and i think she wants out of austin at some point said to dallas right no team house yeah she wants she said she wanted to live with her in the team house she did say that yeah she's uh no it's probably completely off the table

so instead of austin where would you where would you think she's thinking north she wants seasons she likes cold you're just gonna be gone i don't like cold though she's gonna go back to school soon to get her doctorate so uh you do what she wants it's yeah it's like a weird spot where it's like do i want it like do i want to it's a big risk and it's scary it's a big jump Like, do I want to kind of drop everything that I have in Austin? Like, my friends, my sister, a really sick house to kind of just drop everything and move to make her happy. How do we meet in the middle? Because she wants out of Austin.

It's like this weird little spot. It's not like too pressing. But at some point, we've had some conversations about it, but they haven't really led to anything. So we'll see, man. We'll see. I love the way my voice sounds right now. Oh, it's sick. It's very soothing.

It's fucking tight, dude. Where would you live if you could pick anywhere? Probably Florida. Probably go to Florida. We're in Florida. That's a good question. Not Miami. I would like Tampa.

I'd go Tampa. I'd like Chicago if the winters weren't real, but they are. So that was a stupid thing to say. Miami's hell. Why is Miami hell? Because you walk outside and you can, you have to surf through the air. Dude, it's like the most muggy, humid place I've ever been in my life. I love that shit.

Dude, it's insane. So just like the humidity and stuff. I thought you were going to say because of like the, like Miami is the hub of I want to be cool. Yeah, that's my number one reason. That would be my number one. I can't. It's not the weather.

Yeah. Mine's the weather. I couldn't be around. I'm not around people that try to be cool very often. Besides James, I guess. Is that what you were doing? Yeah. Yeah, just James.

Oh, okay. You fixed your mic? Yep. I don't know where I'd be. I almost want to go back to the East Coast. Feel some fucking seasons. A nice fall. There is no fall here.

It just goes summer. Ice storm. It goes hot, ice storm, cold, hot. Then like this week will be warm or something. I like, I like Dallas. I like this area a lot. But, I mean, obviously, if you're trying to party and shit. Like, when I was talking to scrap, he was like, dude, Frisco sucks.

I was like, Frisco sucks. He's been spamming. in that. I heard it on their podcast. But then I was like I was like he's 24 he's 23 like imagine if we were in the scuff house in Frisco I guess we're I mean I guess we kind of were I remember moving to Frisco

our apartments we weren't the happiest with but like we fucked with Frisco yeah it just seems like a very like it seems like a great place for family which is why you get heck Seth and Nade like moving here and starting a family but like if you're a 23 year old

scrap and you're trying to party you're coming from Toronto Frisco is probably He's not it He's not it Is it like Toronto Toronto Or is it like

Pomage Toronto Which is what Which is like Just some grand deep A forest A fucking hut 50 miles in the mountains Surrounded by like

Dogs that aren't allowed Inside Dogs tied to poles Outside eating slop ATVs that don't work ATVs that don't work He has to get there on horseback But like he calls it Toronto

So it's like what scrap in the city I think the Toronto ultra Was in the city yet And he's also from New York Pennsylvania He has a personality That would make me think so Yeah he's from that area

So he's from like a city Move to a big city And then move to Frisco So that's where I think that's his I mean it is very calm yeah that's not it for that age and that amount of income do you live in like the city of awesome i live like 20 minutes outside downtown like probably 15 actually would you ever do like a

city high-rise kind of apartment no i live downtown like right in the ass of downtown for like two years it was fine but then my sister moved out of her house and her house was huge and she was like do you want to just move in and rent it and i was like yeah oh yeah so that makes sense Hitch, why are you so against Like the high-rise city You hate it even just driving to Dallas Well, Dallas sucks Like Dallas sucks

Why? Downtown Dallas? Because there's nothing good about it Yeah, it's a... Yeah. Like downtown Chicago, you've got a river And you've got good food And you've got good entertainment

But you don't think there's just like something about a city There's life, there's people walk in, there's food everywhere. There's something about a good city. And Dallas is. is not a good city no i think dallas might be overrated i'm not really genuinely sucks thoughts on dallas i think dallas is filled with like a bunch of people that wish they lived in the real cities i agree that like i think everyone that that lives down there and goes out down there and the people that i see i feel like in their core want to be in like a new york or a chicago or a l a

but they can't. So they're like, they're like, I'm going to be the shit here. Yeah. I'm, this is me. Well,

the thing is, I feel like downtown Austin is fun. Downtown Houston is not bad. Downtown San Antonio is beautiful. Let's do a road trip. But downtown Dallas is like,

it's got no personality. It's just concrete and kind of lifeless. Yeah, right. What, Austin? No, downtown Dallas. There's no, it's two, two trophies of Dirk Nguinsky and a hockey guy, I don't know. And like, that's not much of a culture.

Yeah, no, a bunch of homeless people that like, why are you homeless here? Like, yeah, go somewhere else. Right. I feel like being homeless here. No, not get out of my sight. No, I get that. No, like. Get out of my sight.

No. Scram. No, that's not what I were saying. Run. I was just saying there's better places to be homeless because it sucks here. If you were homeless, where would you, how would you get there? let's say you became homeless you walk outside and you're a homeless and you have 75 cents yeah how do you get how do you get to where this this homeless utopia you're alluding to

first thing build sign build sign so that probably takes like 15 then you work for like two weeks what do you first thing build sign but you go to sign first I mean you got to start working I think you got to go Sharpie first no bro I mean that's part of building the sign. But you don't need the... I think you find the board. You find the board somewhere. Sharpie, board, and a stick.

Is this fucked up? Homeless cosplay we're talking about? Is this fucked up? No, this is a challenge. How are you going to get out of this? I'm not going Sharpie first. What are you doing? This should have been a fucking whiteboard.

You've got 75 cents. Like, where are you going? I'm probably like, can't go like... Like, at the back of like a bagel place and get some like scrap food. Okay. They're not going to allow you in. No, they throw shit out.

Just in the back dumpsters behind a bagel place. Yeah. I'm feeding myself first. Then I'm probably finding a nice cozy spot under a bridge. But then you just end up in Dallas. Then you're just sleeping. Then you're just sleepy in Dallas. Process.

It's a process. You get fueled up. I get in. I get in with the others. I mainline fentanyl. I become addicted and I die in two weeks. That's my plan. That is not what we're trying to do.

The goal is to get out. I never make it out. I never make it out if that happens. You can't even... I do drugs quickly and pass away in Dallas. That's what I do. So you don't even attempt to get a sign. No, I fucking give up hope.

I give up everything I've worked for. It's gone. I'm lifeless. I'm getting drugs with that 75 cents. You've completely... You've completely sabotaged this scenario. I wouldn't make it. I wouldn't make it

Our goal was how do we get out of Dallas To be homeless in San Antonio or El Paso Dude I have the easiest life of the world And I still find a way to bitch daily Yeah Yeah I'm working on that I'm homeless bro

Pull the plug Pull the plug but I'm getting high first Homeless people are probably fucking free What do you mean they're free They're the ones living there are they happier than me Is basically my question Some of them for sure Fuck no

No No No, they do seem kind of miserable. Yeah, some of them for sure not. No, none of them. I would like to say I do give back a decent amount. What does that mean? Like if they have a sign and I have something on me,

even just like a water, stay hydrated. Or if I have some cash, give it to them. I don't just drive by. I say God bless. I wish you the best. You just throw used water bottles at them? Sometimes it's like what I put my zins in. I'm just kidding.

We can't keep going with this. This is not a good look. Obviously, that's all a joke. But I'm not kidding when I say, dude, try to help. Holy shit. But how I would get out. I could see James tweaking behind the set. Yeah, how many cuts are going to have to be?

I just love that you guys, one of you guys said you would end your own life within two weeks, and the other two said you're going to make a sign. That's the first step. You can't get a Sharpie for. 75 cents bro those are the two most extreme but you realize like you don't have to like if you walked out and we're homeless

you don't have to start begging immediately like you could probably like motherfigers ain't about the grind no it's not but what I'm saying is it's not like you walk out and you're all of a sudden like a dirty hair grown out look disgusting that's how you spawn in that's how we were

spawning in yeah I thought that was our character spawn in I'm under bridge how do I just Second pocket, 75 cents. How do I get to L.A.? That's kind of like. Like that should be a simulation. That probably is a game.

Homeless Sim. What do you? It probably might be. Can you look it up? Go to Big Timers' channel. Go to Big Timers YouTube channel. See if he's playing that. Homeless Sim is fucking crazy.

I wonder who the happiest. What? What? Oh my God. Homeless simulator. Holy shit. Save 51%. On homeless simulator.

Wait, is this gas? Oh, it's like that one game that we played for like two weeks. The weed selling game. Dude, that game was so good. Schedule one. Schedule one is so good. The shit took over my life for six days. Dude, I haven't played it since.

That game was so good. I just started gambling on it. I never got that into it, though. The casino, yeah, it was tight. So there is a homeless sim game. Oh, yeah. I wonder if, like, you eventually get a home. I wonder if that's the point.

For the Nintendo Switch. For the Nintendo Switch. Street Survivor. Homeless Simulator for Nintendo Switch. Yeah, and you are spawning it. Oh my God, he's fighting a cop. Oh, it's just like one little segment of GTA. That's all it is.

What was the Hitch, what was the Halo news you had to break to me? Oh, I saw a headline, so I don't know if this is actually true that APG was reacting to. that said that at it's true then at dream hack um there's a halo event but there will not be any room any seats for fans it's standing room only good job halo

you fucking impressed me again i just i you know a lot of thoughts of where halo could go sure less prize money there's going to be less orgs involved but if that's true i don't i I mean, like, that sounds too absurd to be true. Yeah, no seats would be kind of wild. Me and Bradder there, just standing watch party. Just working out on a treadmill? Dude, that's... I mean, they did announce, so HCS did announce a tournament.

What is it? Is it Birmingham? Is that an AI picture? Yeah, sure is. Lack of a comedy that lies ahead. Wait, what? I clicked on... This is an APG's surprise reaction. that's not APG

that's definitely not APG yeah could be it's not him yeah I don't I don't know about Halo this year APG stumbled across a FAQ section revealing that spectators at the Halo tournament will not have chairs we'll get we'll get APG on next week

or something and he'll break all this down we'll see what we'll see what we got we got to work with but what's been your game of choice lately do you still love it no see you see you see you say that and then you'll grind a 12-hour session. I work because it makes me feel like I've contributed to my life, you know?

Like if I work for eight hours, it's like, yeah, like, I didn't really enjoy it, and it kind of makes me sad, and I don't love it. The American way. Yeah, but at least I did it. So I have, like, a sense of accomplishment for the day, but that's why, like, I got, I have, like, a life coach, or, um, I just got another therapist and we're going to go through a bunch of shit like he's a it's a vocational therapist in terms

of like me wanting to try to find my way throughout this because streaming is like not it for me right now I don't think it's it for a lot of people but we just continue to do it I mean I've fallen off in a crazy way it sucks to like just stare at that every day

like from comparisons like chat four years ago to chat now every time chat just stops moving I'm just like I am such a fucking loser like this sucks. What sucks for you is you, because I never even came close to what you were. Like you fucking were averaging what, like 10,000?

So like I never got to experience that. But like I was at a sort of a place where it was bumping for me. So like now where I'm at I sort of still get those same feelings. But I imagine, you know, your brain got to experience that. Yeah. Yeah, it's certainly a big change. I also don't like I think

you know getting sober has been great but I think it's like opened my eyes to a lot of different things in terms of why streaming is like not necessarily it because streaming is the same

it's just not good for you it's not what you should be doing sitting and trying to be entertaining in front of a camera for 10 hours and like now I'm on there and I used to have these very big highs and lows of like

you know I get wasted and I do watch parties or I'd be fucking tweaking on Apex for 14 hours straight playing ranks, screaming, slamming my desk, fucking cussing out someone in chat. Like it was super fucking, it was just tweaking for six years straight. And now, like, I live in this kind of stable, stable pocket of life where I don't have these huge lows, but I also, like, miss out on, like, the big highs. So getting sober has kind of made me significantly more, like, mundane and calm and still.

And it's just not good for streaming. So I'm trying to just like navigate Throughout this whole part Like it's gonna take a while to get back to the way I was But I know I could still be entertaining and funny And like the old me It's just like it feels weird streaming it And trying to

Yeah you don't have like an excuse Because when you're you're drunk or high You have an excuse to like be that way Yeah And you just don't give a fuck Yeah yeah Yeah I'm also pretty like checked out of it Like yeah

It's uh something feels off Like streaming I'm doing the same thing, but I am significantly different than the way I was before, and I could very much feel the friction there. Granted, I'm still very grateful for what I have in the small community that still continues to support me. It's also not very small, like in the big picture. Like, I'm still doing okay. I think people, I look at your numbers, and I still think you're doing pretty good.

Yeah. I always, it's really hard for me to let go of the past and, like, continually compare myself. to what I used to have instead of just being present and being grateful for what I still have. So that's something, you know, I'm aware of. Yeah. And I need to work on. Yeah.

I feel that. Not to the level you had, but still to us, I mean, there was at one point we had 14,000 or 15, wait, no, we had 18,000 subs on Twitch. And you're just like. Starting every stream, you're doing a dance, music's blasting. I remember there's times in the Scuff House where I do that.

start my like countdown go shower come out put on clothes jump on stream music's blasting yeah like that shit just doesn't hit the same there's like 1700 people already in chat yeah yeah i mean i think everyone's kind of going through it i think so too i think so yeah yeah i think so is it because the genre switch to like i rl i don't think so i think so i think there's just so many people doing it it's just i think in order it's the same as anything else like in order to just keep going, you have to do something different. Or you just have to be, be, or you just have to do the same thing even more. Like, like, you have to be like summit.

I always say you have to be like summit or shroud or you have to be like peanut and Tim. Like those are the two different waves. And then like the IRL stream guys like in the middle is what I kind of see. But as far as like gaming, like, you have to be like, you have to like, your community has to like rally behind you and like you grow off of your own community. I think that's why Summit and Trout and people that just game all the time, like lyric,

like that's how they continue to grow because their community is so big. And then I think, then there's people like, like, you know, peanut and queso that like, they're just really entertaining. I think peanut might be the only person.

I mean, peanut, peanut might be the only person and it used to be doc for me. But like I can turn on a peanut. Like, I'll open my YouTube or, I think it is YouTube. And it's just,

or no, maybe it's Twitch, but it's a Peanuts second 24-7 live account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I'll be on my PC, like editing or looking up something, blah, blah,

and then on this monitor, I'll just click on Peanuts 24-7 live. And every single time I click it, and I don't even think it's highlights. It might just be like straight play-throughs. Yeah. I click it and it's just something insane is happening. Yeah.

He's in some huge spaceship and some, dumb little costume and he's ranting about something. It's like that motherfucker is good. He's flowing right now. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I like how he, he, I could, like, relate to it because he's like so

he's not, I'm gonna say lost in it. He's not, like, lost it. He's obviously very in control. But he's like, he doesn't think about it and he's just being himself like to a T and it's just like perfect. Yeah. You could tell when he's hopping on stream that he's like fully into it, being as entertaining as you can and loving every second of. it which was tight i missed that feeling for sure because now i'm just thinking about every single

thing that i do and say and every person in chat that isn't there and just constantly thinking and like not just separating myself that isn't there yeah no for sure yeah yeah now i feel that fucking he's great peanut um then what i like about him is he'll say shit like like i remember when ninja was huge it was it almost turned kind of p e g yeah um but peanut just he was talking shit about who's the football OJ Simpson he's talking about he made some joke about

OJ killing his wife or some shit and I was like I heard him say that and I was like holy shit this guy doesn't give up it doesn't matter that his viewership just increased by 80,000 yeah no

he just he genuinely just he made a joke on a day he made a joke one time on a stream and it was like a guy with an Indian accent and Rakers and he was like no thank you sir we don't want any Microsoft computers

and I was like I was like dude what the fuck if I said that I would have been massacred I'm supposed to say you got cancelled for less I would have massacred four years ago he says that in front of 130,000 people everyone's like yeah did you get canceled yeah wait I think I've said that before yeah

we didn't talk about it where have you been for I I think for less than that joke but it was a bad time it was a bad time everyone was kind of people just picking shoes block was hot block was hot people picking shoes like once one person starts getting canceled then it turns into Let's get some more people cancel. There's waves of sensitive times.

We're out. I think right now we're going back. No, I think it'll go back. You think? Yeah, I think it's always overcorrections. I think you overcorrect one way, and now you can't even say anything. Like, or everyone's, that's when people are like,

oh, you're offended by everything, which was like, what, like three years ago? Yeah, what is it now? Now it's overcorrecting the other way, where it's like if you say one thing wrong on Twitter, People are just slurring you. And it's just like, oh, it's cool to say now, so I'm going to overuse it. And then it's inevitably going to readjust. And then I think it's always going to overcorrect.

Yeah. I think woke will be back in like two years. I'm almost positive. I'm almost positive. And then it'll overcorrect again. Okay. All right. And then slurs will come back in like eight years.

Just back and forth, back and forth. Shout out technology, bro. What are we even talking about? I was like slurs are coming back in eight years and you're like slurs are back shout out slurs no no no no you should all schedule tweets right now like eight years from now and then really hope they're back you just gamble congratulations oh my god 365 days sober true sober not fake sober true sober true sober yeah this is good and this is out of rehab or this like because i remember last time we were the flycats you said there was a little a little no i had a i had a few relapses it

post rehab but uh this is raw 365 days ago was the last time you to four drugs and i haven't drank in like 540 days absolutely oh so you didn't even keep the street going when you dabbled in drugs or i mean like see i'd be like it doesn't really count so it's been 500 some since drinking yeah i haven't drank since my last time i drank was at pebble beach like two weeks before i went to rehab um Who was I telling last night? I was telling Scootsey and JJ, my agent. Last time I drank was at Pebble Beach. I was at a bachelor party,

and that was like at the peak where I was like, I had to drink so much to get to that one little tiny sliver of like my happy place. And my happy place was drinking so much that I could not think because I was so sick of myself and hating myself. So like, my tolerance was so high.

I could really get after it. It was sick, dude. I could drink so much. Anyways, I woke up at a, bachelor party with puke like all over myself and I was like oh my god I could have fucking died like I could literally just choked on my puke in the middle of the night and died so I didn't drink and then two weeks later I got caught cheating on my girlfriend and then went to rehab after that yeah I mean that does that's fucking that does suck that does suck I can't

imagine that feeling but because you said you had something like kind of like that with the ice cream obviously it's not puke but you just said you're you wake up oh I'd pass out after being up for a hundred hours straight and then i just wake up and ice cream's on me ice cream i'm just eating ice cream and pass out because i would he would fall asleep i'd be up for a hundred bro i was had ice cream would melt all for him while he was a sleep like it's not quite as dangerous but not dangerous but still like something that you wake up out of and you're like what the fuck i would put on givion and like some sad music and i would just sit there cry like eat ice cream and just pass out after and it was almost a high at

I almost I would crash so hard it almost felt like a high it was it was it's just fucking sick it's truly sick but congrats to tushman that's a fucking hard to do even myself everyone knows I'm still fake sober because I'm still not comfortable were you afraid of not being comfortable in certain situations like I'm still afraid of it like last night I went out yeah to that after party and it was pretty uncomfortable like I certainly walked in and being at a bar there's I feel like you always do good, though. Yeah, I mean, exterior, I'm fine. And, like, it was okay.

Like, I'm this many days out, but 300 days ago when I did it, like, I was fucking freaking out. I was panicking, like, when I got out of rehab. And you guys were drinking in front of me. Like, I was kind of panicking. Like, I didn't know how to do it. Yeah. I didn't know what was right, what was wrong.

All these feelings were new. But last night I went out to the after party, and I was fine, and I was super grateful to be sober and, like, didn't, was like, this would suck to be like. Because, like, in the old. Like the old days, I would be in that bar And I would be Fucking getting so blacked out

For no fucking reason Because I thought I had to To be entertaining and to be funny And to like Give a fuck about myself And not hate myself I thought I had to drink 15 drinks To just finally have a good night

Yeah, yeah And to get out of your head Just to feel like okay And I'm way happy with where I'm at Like last night Would have sucked to black out in there There's no fucking No room to walk

10 minutes to fucking get a drink every time but I would have did it. I would have fucking did it. I would have definitely did it. Or I would have gotten like 15 people to go to another bar and spent like $2,000 in a table there and try to fucking make something happen because I have to be that guy

because I have to be entertaining. I have to be funny. I have to make shit happen. I have to black out. That was like what I told myself like every day. So yeah. Big year. Weird year.

Great year. People think that you'll like walk into a bar and it's like this, a feeling comes back to where you're like itching to drink. And I don't know, think that's like the case at all is it for you not for me but i know like yeah no it's certainly like seeing people drink don't drink around him he's you know two years sober but i don't think that's the case no god no yeah i people like we went to dinner um and like i think like true got a

manhattner an old fashion the next morning i tweeted that after dinner and the next morning he was like dude i'm so sorry i got a drink i was like i don't really i was like don't say that shit ever again but I'm happy you got to drink that's fucking awesome manhattans are sick dude like drinking's tight drinking is fucking tight it's awesome um but for like i can't speak for everyone like in recovery but i'm sure some people couldn't do what i did last night i noticed that on the race you were once people kind of started drinking you're you started like please fucking drink you were feeding drinks yeah you were amping me up you're getting me excited last night too it's one of my favorite i was like this is for fucking too yeah it's tight you're just living through people yeah

You shotgunning non-alcohol? Or were you just like, I got to save this stream. Is that, is that healthy? You think your, is that, you think your people in rehab would be happy that you're shotgunning non-alcoholic beers? I think everyone handles it differently. I mean, I think it's totally fine. I just want to, I just want to be a part. I like to, I like to have fun still.

Yeah. You know, there's not many opportunities, like really fucking, like, there are. To have fun. Yeah. Something that I struggle with for sure in sobriety is like, it's just like life doesn't feel as fun. Yeah. just doesn't feel as fun like it's so much better in every avenue of my life like everything in my life has gotten better but i just struggle with like having fun and boredom it's just hard yeah boredom

which is actually just peace but yeah we call it boredom yeah maybe with three therapists yeah i don't know if i that was eye open yeah just being so bored all the time but like you don't have to that's the thing you do you're not supposed to be fucking stimulated all the time and our brains are so fucked. Right. From being a drug addict and streaming. It's like if I sit still for fun, yeah, like that shit. It's like I'm sitting still for, I can't sit still for an hour because I need something, but you don't.

Bro, you just relax. My girl's like, you can just relax. Like, you don't have to be stimulated all the time. And I'm like, holy fuck. You're right. I feel that. Yeah. See, you getting into, what are you getting into now?

What is it called disc golf? Hell yeah. See, that's, I do enjoy that. But it's like. My life, I used to fucking go crazy. Like, it would be a four-day golf trip. I'm blacking out every day. I'm doing an eight ball.

And then three days later, I come home. I stream for 12 hours a day, three days straight. And then I go to Vegas for two days. And then six days later, I go to fucking L.A. for another golf tournament. And then I come back and stream. That was three years straight of fucking abuse on my head and my brain and my body. So I'm still in like a refractory period of trying to just reset and like enjoy things.

super anxious after like wake up and then you just immediately go into drinking again but there be like there was times where I'd go on like a five day vacation and um I forget where I went somewhere in Mexico but I was with some girl her friends and it was just five days of drinking first night I'm just not blacked out but I just drank so fucking much immediately woke up the next day just knowing they're upstairs like I'm I did not want to socialize at all go upstairs and I just just like rip three shots and it's just it starts from there five and then five days later probably 80 shots worth of alcohol my fucking my skin hurts my face is red i'm like my skin starting to peel on my eyebrows like it's so bad i don't know how i like that's five days i don't understand

how people do it as like a lifestyle yeah like hardcore alcoholics like i i would drink i would binge drink like three times a month so I wasn't like a hardcore alcoholic but yeah I don't get how people like live people drink like a handle a day out there man yeah I don't understand it's fucking crazy but yeah I mean I knew the only way out was back in for me personally like that was

my out of the pain that I was feeling from what I had caused the night before was back in it's not a bad strap to drinking no it's the only strat if you yeah people people are always like what's your best fucking hangover cure like on TikTok and shit like fucking drink like, fucking drink again and drink more.

It would go from like the first night, which we'd always send way too hard every time, then you have to like go like times 1.25, whatever you did before. You have to drink more.

See, you gotta drink like 2.5. And then it's, you got, then you just, yeah. The only way out was back in for me. I learned that after rehab.

It was, I mean, it wasn't a rough, like, few years. I'd never, alcohol, like,

fucks with my stomach too hard to even like, I can, can't even get that into it. But my addictive, my addictive brain comes out for sure whenever I start drinking. It's very, it's very,

I think it's crazy that people get addicted to alcohol, but like it happens often. It's probably the most common one. But like the uppers and downers, I can see, because I mean, I guess, it's just so easy to take a pill.

Yeah, alcohol is a downer, downer, but like, I'm talking about like a fucking, like an antidepressant or something like that, like a fanx or something. Like I can see more,

and I can see how you get addicted to that. But, dude, alcohol just makes you feel like... I think it's just the easiest to get. It's legal. And, you know, people are just looking for any way to sort of not feel... Yeah, get out of themselves. Yeah.

I think that's just really what it is. Yeah. I don't think people truly want to choose alcohol. It's just the most convenient. You know, a lot of people suffer in silence. But yeah, this week... This weekend was amazing. But such a dad.

I wish the boys would have won. But, you know. Can't win them all. Can't win them all. What's the next one? Birmingham, Paris. Birmingham is next. You're going? I don't know.

If all the team. It depends. I mean, maybe they're going. All right. It seems like you're going. That'll be there. It was really easy to be in the element that I was in, like the fucking... Optic fans.

You could feed off the fans of them, but like Birmingham. They're looking for someone to play along with. Like, they're there for the event. Like, they want to have fun, too. I don't want to just sit in the stands with their fucking controller in their asshole. Birmingham might be actually better. You think? I think you might have some flexibility to be the villain at some of these events, too.

Paris. Paris is going to be tough. They wouldn't let me tweet shit, man. Yeah. Yeah, but I think that, like, that's our home major so we can play the hero role a little bit, and it's also, like, the first event that you did this. But I do think, like, as people got the bit, if we go into, like, quote-on-quote enemy territory and make that, like, the narrative of you going from the start, I think there's a little flexibility there.

Yeah. Team walking out, throw a banana peel. Slip. We got time to think of ideas. Hell yeah, that's all you. That's a good jumping off. Write that down. Are there going to be fans at that of that?

event? The Birmingham one? For the rest of the event? It's a dream hack. Oh, it's a big one. Yeah, it's a dream hack. Okay, yeah, I mean, that was my only concern is like... Paris is going to be probably slammed.

You think? I mean, I just know that, like, Optic has the best fans in Cod, yeah? Yeah. You'd say that? Yeah, it's not even close. Yeah, I think so, too. So I guess I was just concerned with the turnout and, like, the overall stoke of foreign events. I think in general, I mean, Optic has the most...

fans, but in general, European fans are the most passionate. They are rowdy. Because they love competition and they don't get a lot of them. Like the last time we were in I can't even remember the last time we were in England, like over there. Okay, so it'll be sick. It'll be awesome.

There's just nothing going on ever over there. So when something does pop up, they make it fucking worth it. And in Paris, in Paris, like, I think Gautaga's, because Gataga's like a huge streamer. and the gentlemen mates are really good

So I think it's going to be like extreme Like I think it's going to be lit there Like well I'd love I'd love to go I'd love to go well I don't know who's going to make the call I don't know what meeting they're going to have James It's going to be a production and hacks meeting talking about it We're going to review the analytics how am I going to get graded on this performance I think it's an A plus there we go

I think it was everything we wanted it to be and more All right yeah good I feel I want another opinion though I think the fans would agree though I think everyone that I've talked to was like the Tush takeover thing was fucking great. Yeah. I think it was just, I think it was really cool because like it was a, it was something new that we've never done. We usually keep it super clean on socials during events and very, very professional, which like is in line with, with how we, we've always done things, which is important.

And we maintain that on the optic accounts. But then we have this other account that's Optic Texas. And it's like, why not have a little fun with it? Yeah. For sure. Uh-huh. Well, Tush is on the team. He'll be seeing y'all at the next event.

I guess that'll do it. Shout out to the cod boys. Shout out to Tush joining us today. It was a fun weekend. Thanks for having me. It was great. Yes, sir. And James Sallers, play the outro music.