The Flycast - 6 Month Sober Mental Check In - Flycast Ep. 37

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

6 Month Sober Mental Check In - Flycast Ep. 37 by The Flycast

Talk talk, check, check. Who's next? I'm next. I got that dude neck that I give neck to my dudes. Hello, hello, hello, hello. To another weekly episode of the Flycast. Weekly. I think it might actually start being weekly.

I think because they're putting it on like the... They had a good idea of it just being like own a schedule. Yeah. Instead of being like, yo, podcast tomorrow? No, I can. I'm doing. What's happening?

And I don't think, I don't know if anybody's talked about this yet, but there's like an optic podcast like network. Yeah. And the flycast falls under that. The optic podcast falls under that. The eavesdrop falls into that. And then he's got a few more ideas for other podcasts. So that, in order for that to blossom into that vision,

we're going to be doing this probably once a week now. Yeah. And it's going to be easier having instead of, because people don't know, how we usually set up is like flycast tomorrow. And then it's like, oh, I got this tomorrow. Right. Let's do it Monday. Then Monday will come around.

And it'll be like, oh, shit, I can. I have a haircut. Our schedules have been kind of crazy lately. Well, I want to do it in the morning. in that but like before your stream i would yeah like not eight nine a m or something that's but there's no way you're doing that well that's when my training is starting so we can't do that but i'm down to do it after your stream i think that's the best part if we can do like a monday it's crazy to think that in the scuff house we were doing the shit

like three in the morning yeah yeah the most random of times how many how many how many how many How many flycasts do you think we were sober for? None. Me, none. I don't think I was either. I was telling me or... I really don't think I was. Because I was pretty bad at that point.

Like, Addy? Yeah. Um, I know I was never. Yeah, I don't think... One single episode. That's crazy. Yeah, I was always, I was always on X at least too. Sometimes maybe not Adderall.

but I was for sure always on something. Dude, I went back to the scuff house. Oh, yeah. You did a little trip to Chicago. Dude, that was wild. Being back there, you haven't been. Was it like a good feeling? Are they still doing construction?

On that same, fuck it. No, they're not. That's hilarious. I totally forgot about that. They were doing construction for three years. Dude, that's hilarious. How was your Chicago, It was good.

I mean, it's always great seeing her, but, uh, we like kind of just, what? Someone popped in. Oh, that was Matt. Um, we, so we went, she lives like 10 minutes away from like the Inverness place. So what, uh, that's kind of crazy. Yeah. Like, is that her hometown? Yeah.

Yeah, that's where she grew up. That's crazy. So went over there and, uh, drove around and, uh, drove to the house. and it was just so weird, dude. It was really, like, strange. Like, like, even, like, she, she makes trips all the time to, like, the Mago area. It was like a steakhouse there that we never ate at while we were there. Or at least I never did.

And it's right. It's in the gym parking lot. I forgot what the name of it is. Yeah, it's literally in that parking lot. And I went there and I just, we started walking around. and we walked by Mago and she just never knew me back then. So she didn't know like how I was. And I'm just like, it's so crazy to be here.

Like, but it's her hometown. She's just she's thinking nothing of it. But like I walked by Mago and I remember the first time I sat down there when Hex picked me up from the airport and then Kremsex walked in and I was like trying out the fanboy. Like I remember everything about that like atmosphere. But it's also crazy because here in Dallas, everything is

like the quality of everything is just better like the the places you go to eat the the the building you're in the frisco like the building structure is like literally

everything like if you go back I guarantee you you remember it like I walked in the target and I was like this looks like a target from the 80s and like we went there all the time but I don't remember but I was just just like, I don't remember it being like that.

Yeah. That's the first thing, Hex said to me. That's almost like whenever I go back to my hometown, I'm like, damn. Like, me and my girl went to, like, her dad's house. And it's kind of like in the boonies. It's like it's 30 minutes. Like, you don't take a highway to it. You go down Main Street for like 30 minutes and like back roads and shit.

It's like, damn, I kind of forgot like this type of living. Yeah, yeah. not exist, but it's just like, I haven't been around it. You're just so used to your environment. Yeah, which is kind of crazy. 60-50 to the one, one, two, three, five, like just nice ass house, nice ass house. So fucking spoiled. And then move here.

And it was like decent apartments, but like just Frisco. Yeah, the Frisco is white is nice area. The Frisco is like, imaginable. Friscoe is like crazy nice. Yeah. Like whenever you tell somebody in the Dallas area that you live in Friscoe, they're like, oh, Friscoe. go. I was like, no, I play video games. Like, it's not that.

Like, my, uh, my parents aren't billionaires, but even, uh, did you get any weird, like bad nostalgic feelings? Like, like, I don't know. I'm picturing you driving up that driveway in your Jeep, just like an ex's car is parked there or something. Not really, man. Not really. Because like, I, I bet you the way I feel about the scuff house is, kind of how you feel about 60-50 where it's like that first like you're in it and you're like holy shit

that's how I that's those the times I remember I don't really like I kind of miss the Emerson that shit hits. Oh really? I drove past the Emerson one time like when my mom came and visited and the emerson is the apartment as we lived in whenever

we first got here and we were under Infinite I was like showing my mom around Texas and I drove past the Emerson and I was just like, fuck this place. And that's like right down the street. So it's like, oh. So I get what you're saying, but.

That's kind of how whenever I go get a haircut from Able, I drive, like, his barbershop is like right near where my apartment used to be. So I get to see all that and I'm like, like, even just driving down the roads. Yeah. And like passing all the buildings, I was so used to passing. But like, I was just in a completely different mind. mindset at the time and just so fucked up. It's like I see everything sort of differently and it brings back just like these weird

nostalgic, sort of like bad feelings. But crazy enough, it's almost like I miss it. Yeah. No, for sure. It definitely, it was so nostalgic being back there that it like almost, it was like almost kind of like a painful feeling. Like. But at the Emerson?

No, no, no, at the Scuff House? Yeah, around the Inverness area and the Barrington area. It was just like, everywhere I went, I was just like,

man, like, it's kind of like that fucking quote from the office where it's like, you don't realize you're in the good times until they're already gone.

Yeah. And it just felt like that. It was like, I was like, man, that's where like formal and I went. That's where you and I were always at. And then I passed the,

the fucking Froyo place beside the gem is still there. And I'm like, dude, we used to go there all the time. time and just and just like that's where i went with tj like lived with tj and pj and and fucking like formal homage like just thinking about everything and ian and and and and and and seth were best friends it's like hop you sent me a picture of when we'd go at fucking four

a m it's just like dude it's all the time too and it's for a long time especially in 2018 i feel like i was kind of living in the past just because i was stuck like got got fired didn't know what to do And like, there was like a three-month, four-month span when I got fired between when I started TST. And so I just had nothing to do. And I was just like reminiscing all the time about Scuff House. Just basically living in the past. All my content was reacting to Scuff House videos. And just it was like a horrible time, dude.

Like a horrible time. And I feel like I've passed that now for like a couple of years. What happened? You say you got fired? Was it like actually? I don't really remember how you, I guess, went out with like the infinite stuff.

You don't want to get down that bad? You want to get into this again? Do you remember the whatever you say infinite? I'm like yeah that that was pretty shit but or when I hear infinite, optic infinite for those listening or not knowing what I'm talking about.

Like I don't I'm just like yeah. Yeah. But I feel like when you hear you're like Oh it's it's the worst. I mean it was 2018 was the worst year of my adult life when i hear the work the the numbers 2018 i already get a bad taste in my mouth i don't care who you're talking about it's like yeah that that album came out in 2018 i just go you know what i mean like it's just that whole that's how i feel about the entire year now if you talk about 2016 i'm like that was a fucking year that year was

dope because i don't know 2016 was just crazy what 2016 you weren't even in the first year we lived in the scuff house. Oh. You moved there, what, like late, 20? 2015. Oh, shit. Wait, 2016. October 2015 is where we moved in.

So, 2016 was our first full year. Wait, we moved into scuff house at the end of 2015? Yeah, on Halloween night. Damn, what the fuck? Yeah. Because I remember I was there for two months, two months, and I still was like getting know you guys, and then I went home. I can't believe for Christmas.

Was your first video, like your first appearance in a video? Actually, we were in the Navy Stream. Yeah. That was the first video. Bro, it's crazy to think about it because I didn't know you like that well at all. But I knew I was going to be friends with you just because I had seen your content and stuff. And because I knew I was moving in at the house. I don't know if I, yeah, I knew I was moving in at that point.

And then you were like, yo, you want to be in a video? And I remember, dude, I was anxious that entire time, like extremely anxious. I probably was too. Oh, yeah, just because... Well, I think I just always am anxious. Yeah, I'm just always anxious. But I was like... But I know you're saying.

You gotta think like, Doc, like, I had been watching Optic videos and shit. For four years. Like, before Nate... I think that helped me moving in, not watching anything. And I was just like, eh, whatever. It's like, I had been watching before Natechot was in Optic. Like, that's how...

I had been watching that long ago. And then I, five... Finally, after a four-year grind of like doing, like learning about everything and getting into the community and doing content, then I finally get to the house. And then you're like, you want to be in a video? And I'm like, holy shit, this is my first optic video. This one right here. And so I was like, I have to do well. And luckily, you asked to rap.

And I was like, oh, no, I can showcase. Because I don't, I thought you. There's no way you knew I knew how to multi. No. Because I mean, I wasn't, I don't know. I'm surprised I even did that type of video with like someone new. Yeah. Like what was the video?

It was a Q&A. So somebody knew that I rapped. It was like, can you guys do a rap battle? And I remember thinking like, bro, I think I sent you like three of my videos that I made like back in the day, like of me rapping. I definitely didn't see them before that video though. Yeah. Because when you, I think you, because I remember thinking, oh, damn, Nick just watched my video because he liked it. But I'm pretty sure I just tweeted it at you and you just like, like what it was like a song or like one of your old like college.

Yeah, yeah. Random. My like cramps. I know that it blows mostly because nobody even knows who you are like that. I don't. I have that like. Yeah, because whenever you said the, whenever I heard you in my video say what you said, like I was not expecting that at all. So I feel like if I would have saw or heard your other videos from like college of you rapping and stuff, I would have been like, oh, this guy actually like knows what he's doing.

Oh, yeah, because when I said maniac, take it back, I'm going to take your red hair and paint it black. Like, that's three double multisyllables. And I'm sure at that point you thought I was going to be like, damn, I'm going to hit you in the face, put you in your place. You know what I mean? Like that kind of stuff. And I remember as soon as I said paint it black, you go, what? You go, holy shit. And I remember, like, wrapping it at the moment.

I was just like, damn. I don't remember anything I said. I'm sure none of it was good. Make you do a naked split. Yeah. Take your bitch. Make it do a naked split. So it was like, it was still like multi-in.

And I was like, ooh. But, I mean, I had the advantage because I knew shit about you. You didn't know a damn thing about me. And I think it was just for fun. Oh, it was. It was like, you got to think like. We'll take like. took like three to five minutes to just write something real quick.

And as soon as you were like, as soon as you read the question, I was like, okay. Because you and Ava had that thing at the time and I was just like, I can capitalize on that. That is funny. The take it the DLC for Destiny and just come out, the Taken King. So maybe see him in the gym with weights and things. Catch them on or playing the Taken King or patiently waiting in Ava Street. Wait, what's the taking, that shit was hard. That's impressive for three minutes.

The Taken King was a DLC for Destiny that had just come out. And it come out that week. Was I playing it? No, but Mike was. So I was just kind of like, it just rhymed. So I was like to catch him in the gym with weights and things. That is so funny. You know, speaking of battle rap, I'll have fucking, and I saw Elmaculate tweet hacks about something.

I don't know if you were tagged in it. Oh, he was like, I, Dude, it's so crazy. Omacula was like, I got mentioned in the optic podcast or something. What? They, like, tweeted that and they, like, added hex. Yeah. And then it was something of me.

And then I think he put a video on it, too, where it was me saying, like, yeah, Omaculate, like, came in my, has come in my streams a few times. Yeah, yeah. And I don't know. He was just so, I don't know, it's just weird for me to see him excited to be mentioned like what was the how old were we when you how old were you when you saw an elmac video um for those in el macula it's a battle rapper like an o g yeah then he's good as fuck super i was probably watching him i think i started watching battle rap in like ninth grade

so i was probably like 14 so that was probably two it's probably like 2007 yeah like seven or six yeah i think i was watching like the meek Mill random fucking street. The redollary shit. Yeah. And then I started learning about the scribble jams and the Elmaculis and the Osiris. Yeah.

And Elmacula was like my favorite battle rapper for a while. Yeah. And then like hollow to dawn. Because I used to watch like those 2B2 like scribble jam. Mm-hmm. I just remember Thor. And that's all freestyles. Like all of it is that was before people started writing.

I mean they have like a line or two. They know they can say like a fallback on. Dude, that one point, they're battling this dude and he's like, you don't know what I've been through. My father died. And immediately, the source goes, your father died. I guess you don't know that I'm the guy that made the homicide. I was like, what the fuck? I remember thinking like, what?

Just immediately. Like, yeah, it's crazy. Like, every once in a while, Elmack will reply to one of my tweets and it'll be like, and I'll tweet. That's when I'm like, trolling, like, tweet. tweeting dumb shit and every once in a long I'm like damn I forget that like some people that I grew up watching like can see this shit like Casey nice that follows me and I sometimes I forget that when I tweet dumb shit I'm just like Casey likes it randomly I'm just like oh no yeah oh Mac like came in my stream and like sometimes I'll rap like fucking around and usually especially nowadays I just I'm choking like I'm not rhyming good but I kind of make it funny but like one time I actually was I was like I was so proud of myself. to do some multi-syllable rhyming in front of him. Yeah. I was proud of myself.

I feel that. Dude, one time Nick Merck's hosting me and all of them spammed rap. And that was the scariest. That's the scariest I've ever been. Wait, did you rap? Yes. I was the scariest I've ever been. That is fucking great.

I was sitting there like, and I was like, no, I can't. And they were like, do it. And I was like, oh, shit. Damn. So then I put on a beat. How did it go? It actually went pretty well. The auto tune worked perfectly, and then I went back and I went to it.

Was it like a TST stream or just you? It was a charity stream. So I was like spectating a tournament and he had just gotten knocked out of the tournament. And it was, we were raising money. And so he hosted me. And then they all started spamming like rap. And I was like, if I do rap and I do kill it, then they'll donate more. So I was like, I have to try.

I have to try. I think I did pretty good. I remember thinking like, holy shit, that actually went really well. But that's, that is less stressful than trying to wrap in front of a battle rapper. The most NIAC thing that has ever happened was one time Ninja hosted me for 106,000 viewers. And I don't know why. Maybe it was just all this new traffic being like on my end. I don't know, but my internet started like fucking up.

My stream started lagging. Discord started lagging. Oh, it was terrible because Ninja hosts me, and I think I might have been playing with, like, courage or something, too. So it's just the most Niac thing that could happen. But still, 106,000 fucking people. Dude. That shit was fucking nuts.

I don't know if you'll ever see that shit again. Yeah, my chat, just the other day, they tried fucking with me. Like, I, like, went and took a piss, came back, and then I just seen in the chat, Ninja Raid, Ninja Raim. I was like, no. Honestly, at this point, I'm like, no, not today. Just please don't tell me it's today or he's going to do it today. I mean, a ninja right now is fucking awesome.

But a ninja rate in 2018, dog. It's shit's different. It was like unbelievable. I can't believe you got that shit. Dude, whenever Jack was playing with him a lot, I remember Jack, I always bring this up whenever I'm with Jack because he texted me and said, hey, man, do you have any Red Bulls? And I was like, what?

He's like, do you have any energy drinks or anything? And I was like, yeah. He was like, can you bring it to my apartment? I was like, okay. This is like one in the morning. So I go and I have like a couple drinks. I knock on his door. And he opens him and he's like, thank you so much, man.

And he was about to shut the door. And I was like, like, you got to tell me what. He was like, Ninja just hosted me. I got to. I was like, I'll get back to it. And that's how crazy it was. Like literally career defining. Yeah.

I wish that would happen. See, like back then that happened to me. And then I probably took like the next two days off or something. Because I like, I understand how big it was, but I just like didn't care enough to like really capitalize off that situation. Yeah. I'm always very appreciative of like when Seth and Matt host me. Because I mean, that's a big jump. But like, I mean, but most most people that watch Seth.

or Matt has at least seen me in like a video or something. Like they know who I am, but a completely new audience at that point, it's just like things like you're just anxious. You're like, I have to make a good first impression for 100,000 people or 10,000 people it is. I try not to. That's how I always think about it. Like, there's been times where I've been hosted by people and it seems like I can just tell

I'm like trying. I'll do stuff that I wouldn't use. usually do. Like, I'll just be more obnoxious or it's like, like, you can just tell they're trying to be funny. And it's just not funny. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. I've hosted, I've hosted people who I can tell when I host them. Like, we'll just find a random small streamer. Yeah, yeah. But it's like when I host them, you can tell they, but they just like switch. I need to start doing that again. I've kind of stopped doing that. I don't know why I stopped. What hosting random people? Yeah, yeah, because when I get off, because, well,

Really what happens is we get off at like 3 a.m. And I look at my following and like nobody's online. So I'm just like, hi, we're just getting off. But I need to start hosting people. And that should always makes you feel good. Like when you host somebody small and they get so happy. How's what's your, because I saw your tweet, and I heard you just saying it on the optic podcast, I think,

that you don't know what TSTs. I feel like we had this conversation a few months. Lots to go too. Well, it's just like the... What content? Because I'm stuck too. It's like what I'm terrified of, which I guess I don't need to be... I overthink like a motherfucker, but...

It's fucking hot with these lights. It is very hot. But like I overthink, like, I don't want to get stuck inside of this like call a duty bubble or like people will only watch me or people will only watch TST if we're playing. multiplayer cod because even when we switch to war zone there's a huge drop off from league play or yeah from regular multiplayer yeah from pubs or league player there's like a big drop off and i don't want to have to bank just because i feel bad about it i don't have to bank on op on optic especially the cod team and like everything i do you know what i mean but because i mean i'd like to eventually

just have TST grow out of that. But it's so hard. I mean, I'm very grateful for the success that it brings because like wouldn't be here, but wouldn't be here without that. But like having to, it's also scary because you don't know how many years Seth's got. You don't know how many years Matt's got.

So it's like banking on those guys. It's like. Yeah, I'm in the same boat. Yeah. I feel like everybody. and in Cod is in the same boat. Yeah. Because even like Zuma's crushing it doing the flank,

but then if you watch Zuma go play something else, it's like there's a massive fall off anyway. Or there, there's a massive fall off there too. And I mean, we're not crushing it anywhere near what Zuma is. So, I don't know. It's just something that I'm constantly like always thinking about. And plus like, I don't know, games right now are, I keep seeing people say that games right.

now are just bad, which I guess is one part of it, but I don't like to say, like, I don't like to say that or use that as like an excuse because, yeah, like we're playing video games for a living, like, we'll figure it out. Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I think you're in a good, I think you're in a good spot though, because I am definitely doing. If you keep, if you keep playing Halo, you're going to be on the front lines for when Infinite drops. Yeah. And I think we even might play infinite. I mean, whenever that game comes out, what other... Everyone's going to be...

I think everyone's going to be playing it. I'm going to be trying to tap in with fucking Nick Merck's, Ninja. Ninja. No, Ninja. Want to play twos? I mean, all of them play... Anything. Ninja cloak.

Everyone's going to be playing Halo. Hopefully it's some... Hopefully it's not just fucking pubs or something. Like social slayer. Yeah. To where it's not like... I don't know. Hopefully just when Halo Infinite drops the big names.

are going to be entertained and going to be playing like a war zone. Yeah. Maybe they'll switch to Halo for a little bit. Does Halo drop with a competitive? Or does it usually takes a couple months, right?

I think it dropped, but I really can't remember. I feel like it does usually drop. Yeah. But the ranking system will be like pretty shit at first. Like I'm pretty sure for Halo 5, it was like not that good it like wasn't good but then like by the time i retired and stuff then it became good yeah i think i remember like right when it dropped right when halo 5 dropped i was watching

people play like coltium and stuff so there was like at least some sort of yeah there was something some sort of like small arena level yeah i'm sure they're gonna have something not just big team slayer so that'll be i mean i'm guessing that's dropping this that the holidays this fall or something like that. But until then, it's just like, damn, I don't know what. Because right now all I'm doing is playing league play or

playing Halo. And I have to stop playing Hama. Why? I mean, the thoughts, like, the thoughts that I get, well, this is a whole rant I can do, but the thoughts I get

from playing Halo 3 and like last year and even like just the last few years, just always being cracked out on Halo. Even though I don't think it made me a better player, it just made

just sitting there and forgetting about everything in life. Yeah. And just being so focused on Halo, just playing for fun. Even though I'm like raging half the time, but I just couldn't get off the game. I loved it so much. Yeah. And now it's, I do not have that feeling at all. I just get mad. And I'm like, man,

I'm so fucking bad. Yeah. Like, I do not. And then, like, I'll get off the game, fucking get shit talked by kids. It's a matchmaking. I get off and the stream. And then I'll be, like, sitting at my apartment and just thinking, like, I'm, like, trying to find reasons, like, ways of, like, reasoning for me to, like, start taking again. Like, it's pretty bad.

It's just like, I, I'm like, what if, okay, if my streams are doing really well, like, how much money do I have? And it's like, damn, how much Adderall would that buy me? Or, like, get me. And it's like. Like, I really do fall, like, in that thinking pattern. Do you think that's because of Halo? Or just, like, that's just... Well, I mean, I didn't really have it until I started playing Halo again.

Yeah. Like, Halo 3, at least. But it's pretty bad. Yeah. Like, it's hard for me to sit down. I do have fun. Like, I'll play league. Like, I enjoy almost playing league play more than Halo.

I mean, I can, but, like, I'll have some fun. I can imagine. After an hour and a half, two hours, I'm like, all right, that's enough video games for me. Yeah. Because I'm just so just not that cracked focused, loving it feeling. I think that's the biggest thing is like, is like there's not a game right now that I love. There's really not a game I love. And I don't know if I'm ever going to love a game again, sober.

Well, I mean, you're never fucking taking that shit again. That's pretty depressing to think about. But it's true. Yeah. I'm the same way. Fuck that shit. Fuck that shit. That shit was pretty bad.

But I mean, I think about it too. Every once in a while, I'll think about it and I'm like. Lately, it's been like every day. Like, it's pretty bad. Yeah, I do. Something. I think about it every day. And like my life, like I stream two, three hours a day.

My stream does really well for just two to three hours. Yeah, yeah. I don't grind my stream. And I couldn't grind my stream. And I, well, I could, but I don't want to. Right, right. Like it's, um, like my stream started doing well, doing well on, like health, fitness. Yeah.

Um, like, it's like all the aspects I wanted to sort of like resurrect and like start being good again. everything is kind of good again in my life. Yeah. Like a good girlfriend. And there's still like something. There's, it's like there's, I can't even say there's something missing because I don't think there's something

missing, but it's just like my, it's like my perspective. It's just like I'm, like at first, when I first got back, it's like, I want my,

I want to get my stream popping again. Then it's like I did that. All right. I want to get in pretty good shape. And like, I'm doing that. And I know I'm going to do that. It takes time.

Yeah. But now it's just like, and then I got into, to investing a little bit. It's like, all right, I still need to work on that. But it's just like,

it's like I'm always fucking searching for something. Yeah. No, I think that's, and it's like it's never going to be filled. Yeah. Because once I find that something, like say I love a video game again,

I'm going to be like, all right, well, I want to be the best at this video game that I love. And then once I'm the best, and it's going to be like, well, I want to compete and win.

Yeah. But it's like it's just a never-ending cycle. It's almost like, I don't know, like content-wise, it's almost like I was so hype about, not that I'm not hype about streaming anymore. I still really like streaming. But like whenever the guys came here last time, we did like a couple IRL videos,

a couple opt-a-content, we did a cross-bar challenge. And I was like, dude, I feel like that's where, like, that's the direction that, like, would make me happy. But I don't know if that would make me happy. in the short term. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And it's hard because the guys will come down every once in a while. So the next time they come down, I'm going to do like nine videos instead of two. Yeah, I watched the crossbar video. Yeah, it's pretty. Can't believe disappointed in the outcome, but. Hey, that's okay. We had to throw in order to.

For the video. Yeah. Like you need Castro in the thumbnail. Castro's not going to promote it if he loses. I feel that. I feel that. I went to, I went to his house for the fight for the fight. for the fight and the

the the fucking Copa finals he has a really nice spot I bet he does I don't even know any I've met Castro a few times

and he's cool but I just I've never seen his videos I know he's in the soccer yeah he's like a he's like the top see like a huge Twitch streamer or is he like a huge YouTuber or is he both

Twitch streamer okay he's I think he gets like 10,000 concurrent viewers, like when he streams. Easy. Playing Fiva, yeah. It's like insane what he does. He makes a very entertaining stream though.

Yeah. He like opens packs. You know, like the, yeah, the packs. Yeah, yeah. It's like, he's like opening cards on stream, but virtually. And like, I think you can, I don't know how FIFA works, but I think you can build a team.

So if you like open Cristiano Ronaldo, like you could put him on your team, I think. You can like build a custom team. I don't really know how it works. works. I wonder how Castro. They love that shit. Yeah. I wonder how Castro looks or like just bigger or like Seth.

Like we're looking at these things in our lives where it's like you kind of feel like something's missing. It's like what would make me happier? I wonder. And you look at people like Castro or scomp or just these super successful people. Right. And it's like I wonder what they're thinking. Like are they like, man.

Yeah. Like are they do they have to win? That one's easy. Yeah. But I mean, Castro is very in tune. Like talking with talking with people, like there's, there's very few people that I've talked to that are that successful that are just like that when I bring up someone else, they're like, wait, who's that? Or like, what do they do? Like, they know who's doing what.

It's like people, people that are that big, they usually know everyone's out with. With, with what's big on Twitch, what's big on YouTube. what the next, what the next thing might be. See, I'm not. I am totally not that. I'm totally not in tune.

Yeah. I am. I love that shit. Yeah. I love that shit, but it also stresses me out. Like what? Like,

like, seeing other people just fucking crush it, or seeing other people get ahead of the curve. Uh-huh. And I'm just like, fuck. I could have done that.

But I'm always happy. It's never out of jealousy. Well, It's never out of jealousy. It is jealousy, but it's not out of jealousy of that, of that person's success. It's jealousy that I didn't think of it first. Because like whenever I see somebody crush it, like seeing the 100th, 100thieves just announced they're doing a Gucci collab. And it's like, and I'm really like, I'm in tune.

I'm like very conscious of my thoughts and my first thought was fuck. You know what I mean? And then I'm just like, my first thought was like, you fucking kidding me? Yeah. That's my first, and that's your first thought. Yeah. But then I like, I like take a second and I'm just like, I'm really fucking happy. I'm really happy for them. I wish we had that shit over here.

I wish we had even half of the fucking staff that they do because, come on. You know what I mean? But they're crushing it, dude. And it's like that, I get that feeling like a lot. I get it all the time. I also like collabing with people and I like... Yeah, like, I wonder if Nade shots sitting there like... Like, what's next?

See, I'm not going to be happy till I collab with Gucci. See, that's the thing is, I don't know if they're a lot... They're, what's it like on top? You know what I mean? Not saying that these other people we've been talking about aren't on top, but it's... It's like once you close a Gucci collab,

you don't care of what anyone else is doing. You're closing a fucking Gucci collab. Like... Or what if you're at that point to where a Gucci collab isn't that. They got to be freaking out. The first time you got to think. You got to think about when Ninja closed a shoe deal,

it's probably insanity. And now the third Adidas drop is happening. And he's like, this is still really cool, but now what's the next thing? So it's like that you've got to ride the high of the first one. But what's after a Gucci collab, a fucking Lamborghini? Like what do they go from here?

Maybe I do need therapy. what I said earlier because fucking I don't know I try it I try going to therapy but like there's whenever I tried it was like mid-corona that's why even like

half the days we talk about during the flycast like mentally I'm just like I just don't even when when I I can't really say no to if Roger puts me on content but some days I'm like I don't know I don't know what the fuck it is.

Yeah. Like, but I'm mostly just saying this for everyone sort of listening. Like, it's not, and I guess kind of being with me on this little journey or whatever, that it's like, it was, I was, I was on like a little high for a little bit. Like, especially when I, my stream is doing really well. I started talking to this girl. I've always liked. And I don't know.

I was just like on a high. That's probably what they mean. Now everything's settling down. And I'm just like, what? Like, why am I anxious? Yeah. Like, I'll just be sitting on my couch. Like, what the fuck?

Why am I anxious? I'm streaming every day and working out every day. Yeah. I think that's what I think that's probably what they mean in rehab where it's like a lot of people come back. It's because as soon as you get out, you're on this like high. Same thing. I mean, this is a little different.

But they used to tell me that's, they used to tell me that at Jesus camp. When I go to Jesus camp for a week, they'd be like, just so you know, you've got to go back out into the real world. It's not all kumbaya and talking about God all the time. Nothing bad is even happening, but it's like, why? Just why. And it almost pisses me off. It's like, I know a lot of other people live with this. And it's not like everyone shows their feelings.

Like, you can't tell what people are going through. Like someone might seem good, but they're really fucked up inside. And it's just, I don't know. It's like I'm envious of people that do just get to sit there and like chill and they're so relaxed and they're just eating food and they're just watching movies. And looking at me, that's probably what you would think I'm doing, but I'm just in my head like overthinking, imagining situations that aren't going to happen and that aren't true. It's because like right now I've been really into music, like super into music. But then I try to make music, like jokingly. But also not jokingly.

Like I've been trying to like write and get better at writing. But then I watch my stuff and I'm like, fuck, I suck. Like I'm so bad. And then I'm just like, I'm not doing that shit. Like, why would I even try doing that shit? I'm 28. Like I'm not going anywhere in music. But then it's like, but I think that's just like getting into your own head about,

I mean, nobody starts making music and they're just, well, I mean, some people do start making music and they're fucking amazing. but it's like a constant like it's like I'm like I feel like I'm constantly in my head like I'll have an amazing stream ride that high the next stream you know I'm reading out resubs and you know pretty much the whole time and that's fine I mean I mean that's incredible it's a lot of people's dream and it was my dream I mean it is my dream that that came true but then I get in my own head I'm like damn we didn't even like people don't really fuck with us anymore. And it's been one day.

You know what I mean? One day. And that's and I feel the same way about like I everything really. Yeah. I think I'm getting pretty good because I was all the way at like 4,600 subs and I was just like I never saw this coming. Yeah.

Especially for like the no one ever host. Well I stream at like 10 a.m. So like no one's going to be getting off around 11 a.m. to host me. So it's like I never get hosted. Like no one's like shouting out my stream. I'm not playing with anyone and I hit like 4,600 subs. I only playing like two hours a day or streaming like two hours a day. So I was just like

fuck yeah. And then now it's dwindling down. And I think now I'm at like 25 or 2600. Yeah. And I'm like this is still fucking amazing. Yeah. For like the time that I put in. And I feel like I know I am a good streamer. Yeah. Like for me not collabing with anyone. Like I just know I'm a good like pretty entertaining streamer. And I'm doing well, but it still kind of fucks with me, but I'm getting good at it not fucking with me. Like this, just seeing the sub count. I don't as much, I don't know if streamers do admit this or if they don't, but they look

at their sub count and that fucks with them. I look at it every day. But one, one thing I have, haven't done in like, I think it's been like two months, maybe three months. Something happened with my stream deck and it, it, um, it like reset. It all, it still works for OBS, but it doesn't work for Twitch anymore. And it took away the viewer count on my stream deck. And that's the only place I ever saw my viewers, my viewership. And I never fixed. I just never fixed it. So I never see how many viewers we have. And that has, I don't look at viewers. That has helped me a lot.

I never look at viewers. Like I did, I minimize my shit instantly. Yeah. Yeah. Because I, I mean, that should, that will mess with you. Because I just feel like, sub count's gonna fuck with you regardless. But with the viewers, it's like,

me seeing how many people are in here should not determine how good of a stream or how much effort. Right, right. And that's how, like a lot of times I'll tell, like, say I have a stream where it's like, I felt like I barely got any self. like the next day and I'll be sort of depressed about it or whatever but the next day I'll tell

myself like regardless of how many people are watching what's happening in my stream like I need to just have a good stream, have a good time coming with a good mood. Yeah. Good vibe. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Just I guess have faith that the rest

will work itself out. Yeah. I mean you're just getting I think it's getting into slumps is what they're getting into like little ruts happens. Like you gotta, yeah, even for people like, like I wonder if T-Fill, he had like, what, 50, 60,000 subs. Yeah.

And I think now he's at like 10K. Yeah. But it's like, I wonder if that's fucking, like it's got to be fucking with them, right? I don't know. Because that's the thing is like, people that hit that like crazy peak, you got to know that it's got to come down.

Yeah. Like, we hit. 18,000 subs at one point. And you know like... And it's like we had... At that point we were averaging 1,700 viewers and we had 18,000 subs. Like we knew damn well that shit was not gonna have...

That was not gonna last. It was like the same thing, like... You know when Ninja's in 2018, he's like, I have 200,000 subs and I'm getting 150,000 viewers a day. There's no way... Like, that's why he was streaming 25 hours a day is because he knew that shit wasn't...

He wasn't going to, that wasn't going to last. Same with, I mean, whenever Toast blew up in Among Us, he actually made a video that was like, I understand that this Amongus wave is not going to be, you know, it's not going to be long term. So I'm going to upload a Amongus video every single day until I can't anymore. And that's what he did. And he was the, he fucking took off. And so like when you get to that point, that decline, I don't know if it fucks with you as much. but it probably does I feel like it probably would

do you think so do you think ninja is like super stressed about it? Well say like Tifu sitting there at and not to point out Tifu I like him but say Tifu like Tifu had I don't know as high as sub count

but every time I would click on a stream he'd have like 40,000 plus subs yeah it was stupid and now I click on his stream and he still has like 15K viewers yeah and then he'll and he has like 10k subs. Yeah.

So I'm thinking like, and he's streaming like every single day. Like he probably puts in like eight hours a day. Yeah. And it's like, is it fucking with him? But you, but if you're Tifu, he does Minecraft speed runs a lot of the time. You know you're not going to get that many subscribers doing Minecraft speed runs. Yeah. Or do that or are they at a point where they don't give a shit?

That's what I'm saying. Like I think some of them like Tifu at any point could be like, Hopefully Ninja now doesn't give a shit. I mean, Ninja's so much. Like, it doesn't matter about viewership on Twitch when it comes to Ninja, in my opinion. Because his brand is so much bigger than any of all, than anyone's. Yeah. So, like, he can still, I mean, he could stop streaming forever.

And he would still be getting. If I was him, I, well, I don't know. I don't know what I do at that fucking point. I mean, he just plays, like, doesn't he just play like, Final Fantasy? Final Fantasy. He just does whatever the fuck he wants. Yeah.

But Tifu at any point could be like, all right, I'm playing Cod for the next month. And I guarantee you, his viewership. He's been playing war zone. Rockets, like Skyrockets. Yeah. And as soon as he started playing the war zone,

his numbers just cranked back up. That's just because he's so damn good. It's like people that are that good, they can come back whenever. Or they can choose whatever they want to do. In my opinion. Like people that are that fucking snappy. See,

now I'm depressed again. Because I fucking suck. Like, I wish I could, I don't know if it's just getting old. Yeah. Or, well,

it's a combination of a lot of shit. But I just wish I could get on and just fucking, I don't remember the last, the last time I could, like there was a time where I would, I would turn my stream on and people were coming. Of course, for entertainment, but like I was shitting, like on random games.

Like 4-night when it first came out, H-1Z-1 when it was sort of popping. Yeah. But like I could actually like put on a show, but I was always fucking cracked. I was always so focused. Yeah. And it's just so hard for me on it. I have no desire for that. Whenever I watch streamers, I, like, whenever I watch streamers for like, I guess for

like motivation or for like. inspiration. I never watch the fucking really good people. Like I know they're good. Like, especially,

like, whenever I watch warzone content, like, I see like, I see like, almond and blast and like, like, Z-Laynor and like all these like really good,

like cracked war zone streamers. And I'm just like, they're, like I see them and I'm always like, they're almost too good. Like I'll never be that good. I could play eight hours a day for the next two months and I won't be that good. Not even close.

Yeah, like not even in the same ballpark. So like why would I try to make that content? Like I'll watch other people. I watch like I especially like watching like YouTubers because they make some funny shit. I guess what's funny content. I guess what fucks with me is during 2020 when I was fucking cracked all the time, Like, I would have moments, even though I had to deal with my fucking broken internet all the time. Like, I would have moments where I'm like, I still got it.

Yeah. I know I'm fucking nasty. But, and now it's just I don't get that feeling. Yeah. And that's just kind of depressing. I don't have it. Every once in a while, I'm like, you know, like, I'll do something. And I'm like, man, if I tried. Yeah.

If I actually tried, I'd be so nice. nasty sometimes i do try to do that like i'll set a like if a game starting up i'm gonna be like all right chat i'm actually gonna try like i'm gonna pretend that i'm like out of m ogy right now i'm gonna focus i'm not gonna read chat and sometimes i do that and sometimes i actually will play like pretty good but it's like after the games i've only you just like you're like literally exhausted that it's just like all right back to fucking trolling or whatever i do Yeah. That shit's so funny.

We were playing with Marcel one time. And so Blake and George are like in their like war zone like want to be really fucking good bag. And whenever we play with Marcel, me and Marcel do whatever the fuck we want while they try to go kill people. At one point, Marcel says, whenever I swipe left to right, I'm really accurate. But whenever I swipe right to left, I can't hit anything. And then George goes, maybe you could try.

try like aim labs that'll help and he's like oh i don't care i'm just telling you i don't care that i can't hit that is that is exactly where i'm at like mentally no as soon as he said that i was like i've never related that's weird though thinking i don't know why i'm thinking of that but like i'm accurate from right to left are you aiming with a mouse i can't even remember i haven't i don't know i've played a mouse so long i was like thinking about it like wait you're accurate going this way just but yeah that's where I'm mad mentally. It's just like, yeah,

like I'm sure if I played like, even sometimes in Halo 3, I'll be like, what the fuck? Like, why the fuck aren't we blocking? And then I'll be like,

wait a second. Who gives the fuck? Like, who gives a shit? Yeah. Like, I don't even care about winning this game.

Yeah. But I don't know. My mood kind of goes all over the place with, with Halo in general. Or streaming in general. Oh. Well, anything that is stream. Like, I'll just, yeah, I'll just be, I'll be playing fall guys and can get in that mood.

Just like, what the fuck? Why the, the, just raging? You missed the fall with the fall guy's wave. I did miss that wave. But dude, that way it was fun. Wasn't that in 2020 last year? Late 2020. Oh, was it late 20?

I think it was like, I think it popped off. And then once it started dying down then I was like, wait, what is this game? Yeah. And I was like, wait, this is it. That shit was fun. Dude, there were so many viewers for that. And people say that game died, but... Oh, it's dead.

It's just like... I can barely get a game. Like, how are you supposed to keep that game alive? Yeah. Like, it's like Mario Party. Imagine like a Fall Guys Mario Party type game where it's just a bunch of mini games. And then if you don't get, if you don't win the mini.

Dude, they need a fucking Mario Party. like a multiplayer online they have one really yeah it's called probably want to be as good as i'm imagining it to be it's called pummel party it's actually really good really i think you'd like it but do you mean and you can get up to like 12 people or some shit to play with like online who i played it with the uh the mob a long is it just like mario party yeah like you basically exactly hit the block you move around yeah then it's a mini game yeah then there's like stars and keys and shit like that it's actually really fun and then those mini games it's a fun game but i mean

those games are like one-off games it sucks that when you think of games as a streamer you have to think of the longevity of the game and if you can play it for a long time how many people are going to watch it if it's a one if it's a one-off stream or a one-off video you have to record it or do you have to can you stream it or can you just do it casually and will people give subs to it will be any hype to it like that's when i think about my chat are just like you should try this I'm like, where the fuck are you finding these games? I know if like Warzone, Fog Eyes, Halo, Valerent, like everything you would think I would know of.

But like people are finding, like I'm forgetting, people are actually still just going and playing new games for fun. Yeah. You should just play the Halo campaigns. I did that one day and I don't know, just didn't. I was just bored. There's nothing to even like fake being excited about. Okay.

Yeah. A Halo Infinity campaign, though. I'll play the shit out of it. So you remember all the campaigns like really well? No. Oh. No. I just,

I was never that big of a campaign guy. I know some of the halos. Like I think like maybe Halo 4, maybe Halo Reach as well. No, not Halo Reach. Halo 4 though, for sure dropped. And I think like, Me, APG, lethal and like, I don't know, maybe Ace or something, played campaign. Oh, shit.

But did that for... You can play with four people? I think so. Oh, damn. I could be delusional, but I'm pretty sure I play with my friends for some of the campaigns. But it's just not that entertaining. Yeah. I'll have to find something.

Because league play. Yeah, it's getting rough. What I hate and I yell at my subs every day is because I only play league play with my subs. I'll sign on and be like, all right, whoever gets in there first. Then I started up. But it's like, how am I doing better than you guys? Like, I genuinely get pissed off.

I'm like, guys, don't join if I'm going to be doing better than you. I need to be the worst on this team. You guys are cod people. So do not let me do better than you. That shit is funny. Yeah. I mean, that's, yeah. But you got to remember you're a streamer.

You play VATTS. video games. Yeah. Because I think that too. I'm like, I'm like, dude, if we like,

when we, we'll go into squads and we'll squad fill with one other person. Just because it's random as hell. And that person, 100% of the time, always sucks.

A hundred. It's a hundred percent of the time. It's not like every once in a while. There's a crack dude. Have you? I guess not. I mean, a couple times we've had hackers on our team.

Like the fourth guy's a hacker. So weird. It's like, oh, damn, this dude's nasty. And then you see it's using FAA. But I think for you guys, or it'd be fun if you just died and then just spectated him. Yeah. I want to do that.

Apparently, like, spectating solos. You should spectate solos. Dude, that would be. That actually is a good idea. hilarious. Because that's like popping off right now. I saw Tim the Tatman doing that. Yeah.

That's what I got to do. Jay God did it. I'm texting myself that right now. Jay God did it. It's actually. Tim did it. Jack's done it. I mean, everybody's done it.

It's, I saw Mavis. doing it one time and mavin was just like stressed out of his mind like because it's like you either win a solo or you get to spectate somebody that would be great for my stream because my stream is like play war zone play war zone like solo war zone that's the worst see what i mean you got to you got to you got to you make content out of it fuck this is genius You guys are getting behind the scenes footage of Warzone solo, spectate. Dude, what have you been listening to lately?

I'm tired of talking about fucking video games. Weirdly enough, you wouldn't guess. Still, UK drill? No. I've been tapping into sublime. What? What the fuck? I've been, because my girl listens to that kind of music.

That makes sense. And, well, she doesn't around me, but it's like, I think I saw a sublime shirt in a fucking store. And I was like, that shirt's dope. She was like, oh, you like sublime? I'm like, no. No. She was like, you don't like sublime? I'm like, I don't know.

And then they have that what? That's no answeria. I don't have no. That song. Yeah. And then I heard that. I'm like, yeah, I know that song. But like, other than that, I don't know shit.

Yeah. But yeah, like, yesterday we were listening to like Breaking Benjamin. So Sublime, Breaking Benjamin. And I feel like these, are these people you kind of listen to? I don't, I didn't listen to them like that, but I know who they are. Yeah. Breaking Benjamin. A bunch of my friends.

Sublime. Who the fuck else? I don't even remember. That's so funny. I don't think, I think, oh, I don't, you listen to, if you're not listening to rap, I remember you listening to like. You, dude. I love the chili peppers.

I know all of these band's most famous songs, but I don't know they're like, I want to hear, because like if someone's not a fan of Drake, and they're like, what's Drake's best shit? I'm not, I'm not,

you're not playing. Fucking God's plan. And fucking best I ever had in Wootang forever. Like 6 p.m. in New York. Yes. 5 a.m. in Toronto. Yeah. The shit like that.

And I want, you don't understand. He needs. it this and this. I want to find like the that for those type of bands. Yeah. And even like people like ACDC or Metallica or stuff. Like I know their most popular shit, but that's so yeah, that's what I'm.

That's dope. Sort of getting into. Yeah. You were listening to Jimmy Hendrix for a little bit in the scuff house and I was like, damn, what did you know about this? Yeah. I was going to say I used to love Jimmy Hendrix. but I didn't really love him.

But I did have a tape. Was it like purple rain or purple haze? Purple haze. Is that a tape or a song? Song. Well, I like that one. Yeah, yeah. Was that the er.

Was that the er. Yeah. Is that Jimmy Hendrix? Wait. Right. No, that's smoke on the water. That smoke on. Okay, I had that tape.

Maybe I wasn't a fan of Jimmy Hendricks at all. but that's how little I know about these people but I want to find their good shit that like real fans would know yeah yeah I get that so that's what are you working on that what's your art like when we go to the car what do you about to listen to?

When I go to my bike when you go to your the next time you're in the car what are you listening to? I don't know I don't know that's so funny like every day I kind of pick something new like yesterday

was like red hot chili peppers yeah the day before that was like they're my favorite they're my favorite band for a long time red hot chili peppers my favorite guitarist of all time is the guitarist for the chili chili peppers he's dude so what should i listen to today i would say like californication the album i think red hot chili peppers is their album yeah i can't even look at there's no internet here um what about a different band or And the people are listening. Yeah, I know. That's why I'm so stressed.

You put me on the spot. I know the comment. Maniac, you should listen to. Yeah, that's a good idea. Give us an album. Give us an album to listen to all the way through. Yeah, I want a good album. I don't want a good, I like good albums.

Like, I like albums that I play from the beginning. And I'm like, you should listen to the Boston, Boston album all the way through. Then you have that record or something? Yeah. It's my favorite album to ever release. I'll listen to them today. If you listen to it all the way, there's not a bad song. There's not a bad song on the entire album.

I'm going to put it on my iTunes. Hell yeah. Or I'm going to bring it up on my iTunes. So when we leave here in a minute, I'm going to listen to this. That's something I've always wanted to do is like... On my bike ride back. That's the only I want to do is like start a book club, but an album club. It's like you get an album and then you come back and you're like, dude,

this album was so good. I'm doubt to do that. That would be a good idea, right? Wait, what's the band, Austin? Bro, the Flycast album club? We can do it with the check with the... with the viewers? What if they don't come up,

clutch? What if they just... It's Boston, Boston. It's their self-title album. Boston. It's got a big spaceship on it. Their guitar spaceship. 1976.

I almost said chat. Chat, are you going to clutch up? Comment section? Are you going to clutch our movie song? We'll start it right now. If you guys, we'll start the first Flycast album club with Boston. Do we have to call?

an album club the album club I don't like to say the word cringe you didn't like flycast and look where we're at yeah you wanted to call it the humdrum podcast yes you did there's no watch the first episode really actually I do kind of want to go back and watch the first episode that's another thing I did do on stream now you're learning I'm getting you back

finally you're the missing piece The album club, the Flycast album club, go out and listen to the self-titled album, Boston, from Boston, 1976, Blue Album, has a spaceship on the front. Listen to that all the way through and let me know what you think. And then you can give me the album next week. Okay, good. Because I was panicking right now. Yeah, yeah. No, you give me the album next week.

Okay. And just so you know, I am not well versed in any only only. old hip hop. I can help you. Yeah, so if that's what you want. Fuck, yeah. If that's what you want to give me. All right, these flycasts should be more consistent.

Yeah. We're, now that we've said that for four years. But now that we're officially an album club, we can't let you guys down. Yeah, the album club. We can't let the album club down. No, but we got, we got Emac Craig yelling at us and putting us on schedule now. So he whips us if we don't, if we don't come here and spanks us. Fuck! I forgot I do the outro.

I was waiting for you to just like end it. But I'm going to find good outro music from your album you mentioned. Do we have outro music? What?