The Flycast - Getting Dropped Changed EVERYTHING | The Flycast Ep. 135

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

Today @Methodz joins MaNiaC on The Flycast to discuss the OpTic Blacklisting, retiring early, and dealing with life as a professional gamer and content creator. OpTic Gaming Merch: https://shop.opticgaming.com/ Check out the OpTic SCUF collection and use code “OpTic” for a discount: https://scuf.co/OpTic Check out the OpTic Podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/optic-podcast/id1542810047 https://open.spotify.com/show/25iPKftrl0akOZKqS0wHQG 00:00 Methodz First Flycast 03:40 The Comments Section & Shotzzy 07:00 How Methodz joined OpTic 12:00 Mental Health and becoming pro 26:45 Social Media effects on life 42:00 Getting out of a slump 1:08:30 What’s next for Methodz?

I'll never forget when there was only one map, it was a Zier Cave. I would unplug my controller and Brack would play for me. They wanted to test that. So I would play every map in a scrim besides one where I have to unplug my controller. He'd sit down, change his settings and play one map. I'm like, dude, guys, this is fucking ludicrous. That's insane. What kind of, wow.

I'm so glad you said that because I had no idea that existed. I actually wrote down some of my own questions for today's flydress. We got Matt Craig with some questions. well and we're back with another episode of the fly guys episode 1 35 we got a special guest today an absolute legend he's been doing content all fucking day today he's tired no i'm all right but we're gonna we're gonna make it through shout out to hitch though that out davis man shout out hitch man he'll be back one day soon enough hopefully we'll see uh last fly cast i did Renegade, and it was just me and Renegade.

First off, I hate doing the Flycast just fucking one-on-one. This is not... This is not... This is like a little... I feel like Tony Soprano. You're like, you're my therapist. We're just gonna bullshit. But like, I did it with Renegade and we just...

I can talk too. Yeah, I'm gonna... Can Renegate talk? Questions and hopefully you fucking yep. He was... Did you see the Flycast episode with the Opticalo team and like Formal was leading it? The podcast? Yeah.

Yeah, I watched some of it. Well, and that he, like, didn't really talk at all. So I was like, shit. Well, it's something like this. I mean, you kind of have to. That kind of forces for someone I thought. Yeah, but no, he actually, he was, I don't know, he was talking. And it kind of, like, surprised me.

He even said, like, he somewhat wanted to join Optic for the content. And I was like, what the fuck? That's not something I expected. But. He'll come out of a shell even more, too. I mean, look at, like, I remember when Shotsie first joined the league, he was like a quiet, not very confident. At least I'm sure he might have been confident as a player,

but he wasn't like very out there personality-wise, and he just got better and better. So when you're putting situations like this, I just feel like you get better on camera. But the first fly cast I was on was the day either after or the day it happened between Kendrick and Drake and the episode I was supposed to be the center of attention on, you and Davis sat there for like an hour and a half

and just talked about shit that I didn't care about or no because I don't know Drake personally I don't know Kendrick personally so I don't really give a fuck about their beef Do you listen to their music at all? I listen to way more Drake than I do Kendrick But I still appreciate it I've never been big on Kendrick

And that's just I've always like I think he's a good artist I've just never found like I've never been drawn to his music I've always listened to Drake more I still think Kendrick's good I was

I was gonna go back and watch that episode because you are the point is and what I was trying to say as well renegade was the guess and I ended up talking like so much someone left the comment like I'm 40 minutes in and I've know and I know nothing about renegade and I was like fuck man as much as I want to be like shut the fuck up and like this is harder to do than it seems like it I mean there was some fucking truth I don't know well because so when that happened with me with the same with the episode with you and you're already starting to talk and I'm already cutting you off I just can't No, listen, I don't, I'm the same exact way, and I don't mean to do it.

I think it's ADHD or whether I'm excited about a topic. I talk over people a lot, too, and it's not like I, I don't mean to disrespect anybody. Like, I never. I just talk. I've always had that problem. And then, like, when someone's like, oh, fuck, you're talking too much, I'm all right, then now I don't want to talk. When do you get those comments?

Like, do you see comments? Do you look at comments anymore? Yeah, I mean, they kind of roll off their shoulder now. there was a little stint where they were on my ass for a bit Yeah, I was just like, what the fuck? Oh, they'll be bad. I didn't really under, I still don't really understand it. I truly think I only started getting more in those when I started sitting next to Seth.

So I'm not sure what it is sometimes or if it's just, it's a vocal minority is the way I see it. Like the negativity, yeah, negativity is a lot louder than the positivity. Like if I get 30, let's say I got 31 tweets right now and 30, we're like, hey, Zinn, we love you, love your content. and whatever it may be and one was like you're a fucking fat ass you're annoying exactly

that one tends to stick with you more than the 30 positive comments do and I think that's just the way it works but yeah you feel like you've gotten I mean even talking

you mentioned Shotsie earlier he uh bro did you ever see him in Halo no like when he when his team won worlds they just like kind of stood up and we're just like

yeah but like there was it's so insane insane the I don't really I'm trying to think of like some other examples besides Shotsie of people you do definitely get more

comfortable in camera as time goes on but a Shotsy fucking that dude did like a 180 like everyone was a super fan of him for his gameplay and shit but then eventually he just like grew into

he was also so young though because I feel I think he was like 18. Yeah. I think he was 18 when he won. I think he might have dropped out. I forget if he told me if he dropped out or not. Yeah, I don't know. I literally have no idea.

But, I mean, he's like, what, 20-something now. He's been in front of the camera. And I think the support helps. Like, when you have so many people supporting you and blowing smoke up your ass, like that helps you come out of your shell. Whereas, let's say, Shotsie sucked, for example. A hypothetical one where he was terrible. And everyone's just saying you suck and you're this, you're costing, blah, blah.

I'm not sure if he would have came out of a shell ever. I mean, who really knows? I completely agree. That's a completely different ballgame. But when you're shots and you're that good at the game and everyone's praising your game, then you start streaming more and you get these people coming in and supporting. I think naturally with age, maturity, making money, everything, right? It's just perfect world.

It all gave him fucking confidence. That dude did a 180. He's actually, like, funny as fuck. Dude, he's hilarious. Like, I'll tune into his streams, and he's genuinely just, like, even when he's not gaming, or when he's not playing himself,

even if he's just, like, watching something, or he just always, he makes fucking, it's just good content. It's just a good watch. I don't want to gas him up too much, but he's, he's like one of my favorite people in general, to watch, interact with, I mean, he's, like, if I called aunt,

I think he'd always answer and he'd always be willing to help with whatever I need or if it's a question or if it's positivity I don't know he's just he's a fun guy to be around and a fun guy to talk to

he's one of those guys that I think always adds to instead of takes away so he's just a fun a fun kid to be around I agree do you think uh did it take I feel like when you joined Optic you were and I kind of want to

oh like I was saying earlier I wanted to go back and watch the flycast we did but I was like I'm just gonna pretend that like didn't happen because I wanted to see like did I talk about his career at all did we go back because I know you went like pro when you were like 14 or some shit but we'll just fucking yeah we can go back to all of that when did you when you I guess we'll start with like joining optic and shit did you feel and talking about like being comfortable in camera and shit did you what did it what was it like joining are already I guess established

org as far as like maybe content wise and it was sort of like sort of join you're sort of joining like a click of friends yeah and you're like the fucking new guy and though like I think we might have like said what's up to each other a few times like maybe at events or something or maybe talked once or twice but it was like you weren't really in that I guess optic content click what was it like going from I guess just I mean did you do any of that for Boston? I mean, my stream was... I know you had like successful streams and stuff and you can talk about that as well, but...

I mean, yeah, I'll start there, I guess the stream the stream took off when I got benched by Ultra in 20... I don't even know, it was the Cold War season just started streaming every day, mostly like... Let's not skip over that. What? What was... You got benched by Ultra? Yeah, I got bench.

I mean, that one came as a shock. I mean, we can start there. Was that fucking depressing? I was kind of like... I don't want to sound egotistical, but I was like the face of Toronto Ultra. Like, I think when you thought of Ultra, you thought of me. I was very ingrained with the city. The restaurants, it sounds corny, but like I truly, I guess, I made friends and family

in that city outside of gaming. And, of course, we had a fun team. It was definitely an interesting team because you started with a 10-man roster. But either way, you know, COVID happens. We went an online tournament. That was awesome. I was kind of just the biggest brand on Ultra. Still wasn't streaming much at the time, but still my name carried a little bit.

bit of weight, I guess, because I've always been around for a long time. Who is the team? The 10-man roster was me, Looney, Metals, Lucky, Bants, Kleenex, Cammy. Wait, what the fuck? Classic. What do you mean 10-man roster? What does that mean? We had a 10-man roster. It was 5 v.5 at MW 2019, and they fielded a 10-man roster

so we can decide, and Brack. And, uh, Mayhem, we could decide on like the best five-man roster of those 10. Like, we had a roster going into it. We had our roster. It was me, Looney, medals, lucky and classic.

And then that ended up changing. The roster we won with was me, classic, Bant's, Kleenex, Kami. Either way,

I was very ingrained there and I felt very safe there. And, uh, bro, is that not, you know, it was crazy.

AIDS? I thought it was ludicrous. I can't think of a better word. I'll never forget when there was only one map, it was a Zier Cave. I would unplug my controller and Brack would play for me. They wanted to test that. So I would play every map in a scrim besides one where I have

to unplug my controller. He'd sit down, change his settings, and play one map. I'm like, dude, guys, this is fucking ludicrous. That's insane. We're kind of, wow. I'm so glad you said that, because I had no idea that existed. Sorry, the fact that there's players just like waiting for their fucking turn, and it's like, don't shit the sheets, or

we got fucking BRAC behind you ready to plug in his fucking controller. I think that part was dumb as fuck, but the 10 Man roster ended up working out because we were able to figure out a winning roster throughout those 10 people. Like, I don't think, I mean, Kleenex, Cammy Bants, if we just fielded a five-man roster, I don't think they probably wouldn't even been involved. It would have been me, loony, classic, lucky, and medals is what we wanted to go in there

with. And that ended up changing. So thank God that we actually did that. Who's in charge of that, like making the decisions of, like, who was the- There was, you know, the owners were kind of involved. And then, yeah, see, that was very annoying and toxic for me, just because they're coming with like a traditional sports type mentality and I've been a Cobb Pro my whole life

and I'm like listen you cannot make me unplug my fucking controller for one map like that is that is insane to me it's like what then you plug it back in for a game five or something like what if it really it didn't happen in matches only in scrims and then we finally scrapped it

and we were like this is this is a bit absurd but I was also a hardheaded young kid with an ego because I had the biggest following on the team and I was getting paid a lot of money and in hindsight site, they were just trying to test something, and I think everybody hates change, including me.

I could change in the beginning can always be difficult, but I, uh, I didn't react very well. Kind of like a little outburst there on the couch. I was what the fuck you guys talking about. Yeah, I kind of ran my mouth a bit, but fast forward to the next year, stolen the team. Now it's me, Bantz. So it's me, Bants, Cammy, and Kleenex, but we have a fifth substitute and it's Insight, who's a main AR. And I'm a main, I'm like, okay.

So we have a substitute who's a main A.R. This makes no sense. I'm the only person he can replace because he's slower. So automatically, I was like, okay, I need to play insane because I see what's going on here. Insight and Band start hanging out outside the game and whatever. And I still feel like Cold War, which could have been my best game, and we'll never know.

They benched me in a meta that wasn't that great for me, but I was still playing well. And Contrater Pompich, I mean, the reason they actually told me they had benched is because I was playing too fast with Cammy. Either way, that was demoralizing. I kind of didn't really know what I wanted to do. It was definitely something I didn't expect. I started streaming and it ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me.

So that's why I always say, like, sometimes what you think is the worst thing for you ends up being like the best thing for you because I was able to build a community that to this day still has my back and makes my days even when they're not so good. I got a question. I did like a Reddit AMA last week. And it was like, you know, how do you deal with your bad days?

And I was like, honestly, I view my stream. of one big therapy session where I can kind of be myself and talk about whatever I want to talk about and I get this insane amount of support and love. So if I sit there for 12 hours, I don't think you guys really see the bad days like that because the positive and the joy that you guys bring me through being there with me, if that makes sense. But either way, that happens like a bench. The stream kind of blows up. They offer me a full-time content position. I was going to get a Red Bull Canada contract as well. So Ultra wanted to give me like a six-figure salary, they were going to give me shares of the company and give me

Red Bull is going to give me a contract, which meant it made me a Red Bull athlete, which would have been cool. I turned that down and I go to New Jersey. So you get benched and then do you get back on the team? This was end of the year, no. I was benched for the whole year. And then they offered you to be back on the team and all that? My contract was about to be done and they weren't going to re-up my player contract, but they wanted me to stay on it as a full-time content trader and they offered me what I just told you. I declined because I still wanted to keep playing.

So it was going to be a salary for a content creator for them? I was going to be a content creator. A little Red Bull thing. Damn, you said now? I said no. Was it tough now? I wasn't ready to sit now. I mean, I wasn't really ready to say goodbye to playing yet.

I knew there was a rumor that this Washington Demon Cats team was coming through, and I knew I would be the front runner just because of the stream presence, and I was still a very good player. And I kind of streamed everything I was doing, so I was streaming challengers nonstop. So everybody was able to. able to see what I was doing. Like I almost got on thieves where thieves reached out to Ultra.

This was, they were making a roster change. Draza was on the bench. They were going to trial him, but they didn't assume we would go that well. So they were trying to get me. And Ultra just said no, which I was like, what the fuck? Like, I was benched and Ultra wouldn't even let me go to Thieves, which at the time was a little annoying. Yeah.

At least that's the way I heard it, that thieves reached out to see if it was a possibility and Ultra to shut it down, is what I heard. Damn. Either way, I wasn't ready to quit playing. back to New Jersey, I'm living there for a few months, and it was supposed to be Washington, ends up being Boston, they'd give me the opportunity, and I was kind of hoping to keep the stream going at the same pace while competing, which in the beginning worked, because I think I can't, I mean, when I stepped on stage with Ultra for the, or Breach for the first time,

I'll never, like, Clay after that match was like, dude, your fan base is fucking crazy now. Every single tweet before the algorithm changed and I was on breach, every single tweet, three to five K likes no matter what it was. Like it was just like, yeah, it was just like this insane hype around me. I'll never forget. Dude, I'm sort of intertwined with the cod scene, but I don't. Dude, it was a dream. When I stepped on that stage and I heard the crowd and I saw like breach masks and signs

in city, I was like, dude, what the fuck is going on? And it was awesome, man. What do you think? I mean, there's a lot there. but when you got, I guess when you got benched and you started full-time streaming, I guess that's what fucking, that's what sparked the fucking Zin City

and all your fans and shit? Yeah. Like, what were you doing? Because I feel like if any regular person gets benched, they're sort of slowly forgotten about. Yeah, it was good timing too. Because this was, I don't think, like, Optic wasn't streaming much back then. It was basically just me and Zuma, kind of streaming.

Good old days. part, and there were a few others. The fucking good all days. It was great. I mean, you kind of had this influx of viewership all focused on us. Rank play was good, but I was playing in challengers. So that helped me because I was teaming like T.J. and challengers at times and slacked.

And I streamed everything. Saints decimate. So we had these funny teams. I would stream, I'm not exaggerating, 12 to 14 hours every single day for like a year. Every single day I was live for 12 to 14. It would be, it would be scrims, then rank play. Then I'd play eights. and then I'd play GTA or watch videos in my stream.

And it was 12 to 14 hours every single day. And through that consistency, it was sort of just built up. Breach, I carried that momentum. Everyone was happy to see me get a spot and go back playing. I would say my, I was averaging like 8,000 subs every single month throughout this time, like Toronto and Breach. And then it slowly started to fall a bit on breach because I had to take a little bit of a step back to play.

Because sometimes I just couldn't really balance the stream. and playing as much as I would like to. Like, for example, I took a whole month off the stream before champs for breach. We had some heartbreak and losses, but nonetheless, I stayed consistent throughout. And then the optic thing, me and Seth sort of talked in the offseason.

I came to Dallas, and I visited. And, you know, we start talking about watch parties and a show we can do, and we're like, okay. Seth told me this is probably my last year, so I'll retire after this year. And then if you want to retire as well, we can do that. In my head, I'm like, this is the emotional

logical battle you have to make my stock despite what anybody ever's ever told you I understand that the way people talk you might think I was like an average or shit player I was very good

maybe I'm biased but I'm also not delusional like I could have kept playing for Boston I wasn't getting benched and like at least they told me like hey you're still starting if we offered you a blank check would you stay

I was a lot better than I think people give me credit for and maybe maybe I'm delusional well people do people say the same thing about like even just like your streaming career if like Seth made you but you're fucking i mean you can't really take your tweets seriously yeah no that's that that's the vocal minority but like it is it is i do think there's like some um because like almost everything you said like

i did i did know you live in Toronto all that like went the Boston but i didn't know the like I guess the small things in between of like how actually popular your streams were doing and like people just have this idea of like you were best friends with Seth and that kind of got you a spot on optic as if you like never streamed or did any kind of content before but that is the vocal minority but even in my head because I didn't know that much about you I didn't like believe that

go read go read the comments on the eavesdrop that me and Hex did when I was on breach It's got like over 250,000 views, and it's all, can't wait for Ziniddy to join Optic. Can't wait for Zaddy to Dutte. Then we did the Inner Circle video that I came out here for. When was the Eveshob? Before I joined Optic. Was that even before you talked about joining Optic?

Yes, I was on breach for both. I was still playing. There was no thoughts of retiring. It was just, I was still playing. Eaves Dropwood Hecks, Inner Circle. Every single comment is positive. This guy's perfect for Optic. Can't wait the same join Optic.

This is going to be awesome. And I really... Zini is the coolest dude. I mean, and honestly, whenever I want to be happy, I go back to read these awesome comments. And I still think, hopefully, I think, a lot of people still support me. It just there is a vocal minority. And I do feel like when I first joined Optic, I guess I can understand. If you're a longtime Optic fan, I was really thrown into like the biggest product, the watch party sitting right next to Seth.

And I was so thrown into everything. I can see how that kind of felt like I was being shoved down their throat where like this kid joins optic and now he's in every single piece we're putting out. So I like to think of things realistically as to why some people might have gotten a bad taste in their mouth or whatever. I was also responding to negative comments for a while, but that was, in my head, if I read a comment out loud and respond to it, it's to make a joke off of it and to, like, be funny.

Yeah. And I think that may be incited more. Uh-huh. Well, once they've realized, like, oh, he's reading these and he'll respond. Like, yeah. I can rage bait him. He might not even respond, but I'm going to fucking jab at him anyway. Yeah, I mean, I think the reality is my whole life since I was young.

And I will say, I think I was, when I was younger, you didn't know me when I was like younger and fat, like people talk about. I want to know that guy. I was, let's talk about him. I was a lot louder. And you'd hear me across the room and I talked to everybody and I was always cracking jokes and everybody loved that. And everyone thought I was so funny. When I lost weight and I didn't look like that, I don't think you, like, like, you. you don't look at me the same if I do those same things.

Instead, you're like, look at this egotistical prick versus look at the funny fat kid. Yeah. I do actually think me losing weight hurt me in that aspect when it comes to the way people, I guess, psychoanalyzed me or portrayed me. That's actually a very, as much as people might not think that's a factor. No, it is.

If a kid's, if someone like you lost a bunch of weight, looks better, taking care of himself better, and now he's cracking jokes and shit. I'm like this mother-frey. But if he's fat, he just plays cod, he's fucking dicking around. Hypothetically, 16-year-old me. That he's the funny fat guy. 16-year-old me fat as fuck.

If I'm like, oh, I'm fucking all the girls. Everyone's like, ha-ha. Hell yeah. If I'm 18 and not fat and I'm like somewhat decent looking, it's like, look at this scumbag. Look at his asshole. It's like just egotistical prick. That is.

Wow, I never thought about it like that. There's definitely some merit to that. But I also grew up along the way, so I got a lot more reserved, but I like to think I've always been a pretty good content creator. I've always been the guy to try to make people laugh. Like I was the class clown in school. I've always, I've always been the guy to try and spread happiness through making people laugh. My dad is the same way. My dad's the jokester. I mean, my dad is probably the reason I am

the way I am. And I guess when I first joined Optic, I think when I first joined, everything was fine and good. And then we entered the stint where I think I started getting a lot of hate. And, I mean, I'm not, I don't care to lie. Like, I, that definitely got to me and it definitely made shut down a bit. Like I just, I didn't really want to talk. I didn't really want to make jokes. I just, I just wanted to like sit there and talk about strictly Cod and just be there for business at that point. Because I didn't just, I mean, despite what anybody tells you, I will say it rolls off the shoulder now, but no one wants to read shit about themselves where it's like, like everyone wants to be liked. I think for the most part, I don't want to sit there and read comments about

this kid's annoying or he's this, he's this, he's this, he's this. That being said, now I'm a lot better at letting it roll off and understanding the reality is those people. I'm not friends of people that do that. And I kind of have a visual respectfully of people who do do that stuff. And it's like, I know I would never in my life spread hate just to bring someone down, like to a random person that I don't know. Imagine if we call it Pomage or hitch in a fucking comment section, like being, we'd be like, we'd be like, what the fuck, you weirdo?

It's, uh, dude, it's like, it's like when Derek Jeter strikes out. Oh, fucking hell, Derek Jeter. I'm not going to go tweet Derek Jeter saying, how do you not hit the ball? I've always found that stuff weird, but I understand, you know, as a... I understood hate as a competitive player. If, like, if you thought I sucked,

sure, I might have taken it personally, but I understand that more than, like, attacking someone's personality. You know what I mean? Do you ever see, like, your... Say, like, you follow a subscriber or a mod back on Twitter. Do you ever see them, like, tweet some dumb shit to, like, a celebrity,

and you're like, fuck, man. Yeah, I'm just like, don't do that. I mean, I don't. Yeah, or even about my friends or other players, like, I don't really fuck with, like, in my Twitch chat, like, the way I operate is like, I don't really let people talk bad about my friends, no matter what.

Like, if it's one comment and it's like not bad, it's whatever. But if there's just like a weird Zuma or Seth or maniac hater in my chat, I just ban them because I'm like, and then you go to Scumps chat ban them there. Formal chat ban them there. I've done that a couple times. And that's strictly.

and I mean, I think it's hilarious, and I know that's what, like, if someone comes from Seth's chat to just really, and despite who people think, I do think I have a pretty thick skin and I have a good sense of humor where if you're fucking around with me, and even if you catch me in a bad mood, if you're joking around, I'm really not going to take it serious. But if you're, like, trying to, like, really just be an asshole and bring me down. There's some people like that. Okay, I'm going to ban you in your favorite streamers chat, and that's going to affect you. Banning you here is probably not going to affect you. You're just here to bring me down.

but now you're gone and Seth shots he's formal's maniac poses nade shots every dashies I love it I'm a fucking I'm a spiteful motherfucker but uh no I mean I would say these days it's it's it's pretty good now I don't think um people understand and of course it's like they okay I don't think people understand what it's like to wake up every day and just randomly see people's shit talking

you and it's not as bad as maybe what it sounds but like go on Instagram see a comment of you Twitter see a comment about you you stream someone says some dumb shit you every

almost every and I don't want to say every single day but I mean you might but like because you're like streaming so much and you've been out there so so much content wise but i know like back in the day i used to and there's even been times afterwards i'm sort of referencing to sort of like the scuff house days and shit but like every single day you just wake up and see someone shit talking you about something and it's like it's not it's not normal like people with 98% of the world doesn't have a social media following so like they don't ever

see comments. They don't go to work and just get shit talked randomly. It's social media in general, too. It's so strange. It's like, it can slowly sort of eat at you, but it's just not a normal thing of like you just, you wake up and you're not supposed to see people. Yeah, you're not supposed to. Huberman, you love Huberman. You ever listen to Andrew Huberman? He has a great podcast. He's a professor. I think it's Stanford or Harvard. He's a professor. Yeah, I've watched him a lot. And he's like, he has these awesome podcasts, but he talks about internet trolls, really. And he's like, these people that spread hate anonymously, if they did that in real life, they'd be labeled a loser and no one want to hang out with them. He was like, we had a name for them growing up. It was like

the loser or the asshole or the misfit. Like no one liked those people. And if you, if you acted like that, you would be negatively affected because you wouldn't have friends, you wouldn't be included. And now, because of you being able to do it anonymously and you can respond to anybody's tweet and whatever, it's just so easy to be an asshole and spread your misery elsewhere. But that's the way you've got to think of it logically is most people doing that are spreading their misery to you because a lot of my friends are happy. I am happy and I don't even think about doing things like that, right? The extent of me talking shit about people is me talking shit about my friends, to my friends making jokes. Like that is what I'll do. Right. Um, yeah, I mean,

no one's meant to see all that stuff because you kind of are, you are what you think about. And if, if you're like me and you read a 500 comment hate thread on Reddit about how terrible your personality is and you sit there fermenting and just thinking of it. That was the little time period I'm talking about. A 500 comment hate thread on you? It was like Zinny's so, it's like Zinny's so immature he's talking about balls

and I'm like, bro. And then I think of the double standard. And okay, so I'm like, okay, let me actually think about this rationally. Am I immature? And then I think about that same day, Seth talking about how he's going to take his balls and lasso the camera.

And I'm like, there isn't really, it is Seth, but like, hold it to the same standard at least. Like, don't sit there. I mean, we're both kind of idiots. Either way, I think that phase is gone, at least in my head it's gone. I don't really overthink that stuff anymore. I'm very, I'm in a very good spot right now, man. I like where I'm at. I like what I got going on.

I like what we have going on. It was definitely just a bit of an adjustment. And I also think I'm overplaying it when I talk about it, too. Like, I think I viewed it as something a lot larger than it actually was. At least I would assume. At least I think so. So it's like it doesn't actually exist. To me, if you just turn, if you just put your phone.

Oh, it's the damn phones. It doesn't even fucking exist. Don't let anybody tell you it's not the phones, bro. I mean, I can go on all day about how I think these things have ruined the way people think, interact, talk, the whole nine yards. For people like us, it's our livelihood and it helps us make money and there's pros to that. And it helps a lot of people make money and there's pros to that. But this has completely changed the way humans think, interact. It's bad, bro.

Attention spans, relationships. I mean, when our parents were growing up, you met a girl in high school or at the roller rink. And now whatever city you're flying to, you download an app and you're swiping. You're looking at 1,000 girls a day like it's a fucking video game. Girls are looking at 1,000 dudes a day. Yeah, it's crazy. Once you have social. Yeah.

I was about to just go in a fucking... And I... I feel awful... I feel awful for the... The generation below us. Like, the kids in high school right now that are going to be in high school soon. Like, especially young girls

who have to worry about their appearance and, like, face-tuning photos. And it's just the most toxic thing. I don't know. I mean, I can go on for days. We can do that at a different time. I think social media in general... That could be a whole fucking podcast itself.

Because, like... I'm sorry. See? See, I'm like your counterpour. I can cut you off all day, and that's, I feel bad. No, it's just that, that's what, I mean, that's just a whole fucking, I don't know, though. Sometimes I wonder, nah, I was about to, like, try to play devil's adkin, be like, oh, no, maybe it might be not as bad for them. Maybe we got the shit end of it because it was brand fucking new and we didn't even know what was happening, and we're just getting sucked into the fucking phone and TikTok and shit.

Now it's like kids just kind of are porn with it, fucking iPad kids. No, it's fucked up. But there's, they're probably also, in some ways, like, learning a lot. And then they see other people. Like, I feel like there's a lot of successful young kids these days. And maybe I'm just, maybe it's the minority that I'm seeing because I'll see, like, a little kick streamer. That's a bad thing for a lot of people, though, because that warps the minds of everybody that age. And they all think they're behind now.

So, like, you're right. The issue now is, yes, there are some successful 18 or 20-year-olds with nice-ass cars. But then with that, you have the 8. and 20-year-olds who are comparing themselves to them and they're like I'm a fucking loser I'm still in school I have student debt right I have a normal job I have this I'm not a TikTok influencer and it's always like my followers are only exactly I mean it's it's it's a toxic mindset and I feel bad for all the people dealing with that like my sister text me she's 23 and she's like I feel behind the life I'm like Sam you have a good job you just move to DC you're a nurse

like you can't compare yourselves to everybody else like don't stop comparing yourself to me. Like I got insanely lucky that the game I was degenerately addicted to as a fat gamer that had nothing going for me turned into something way bigger. Bro, when I was 23, I was like stocking shelves. It's crazy because your little sister probably grew up in like a

sort of a different time period where now she'll see a 23-year-old fitness influencer living in L.A. Getting lip fillers and doing Pilates every morning. Memberships 300 a year. and they're eating at carbone and they're fucking eating caviar and they're on a private jet

and they're going to St. Lucia. It is just the crate. The algorithms that most people have just feed you this lifestyle of highlights and there was this lady on TikTok who went to Target and was displaying this awesome lifestyle. Then there's an arc class.

She got arrested for shoplifting. Like she was just robbing Target. Really? Yeah. Was that like a part of her vlogs? Yeah, like her whole vlog, yes. So like either way, she was just this fraud who was stealing and everyone was looking up to her in a certain way.

But no one on her videos knew she was stealing. No. She was just like basically doing it for. Until she got arrested. And it's like those private jets, the fake private jets where they're like a movie set and there's girls posting on them. It's like the way I say it, the way I relate to it personally is like, I say this to my stream.

I'm like, you guys see the pictures of the chicken palm or the nice steak. I don't post my egg whites in the morning. Like you guys see highlights or things that I think look good or whatever it may be. I don't post stories of my bed when I'm spending time there. I'll post a story if I'm in Fort Lauderdale for a tournament. It's like everyone's posting highlights. So I think the whole thing is fake. And I just feel really bad for everybody that has to compare themselves to what they're being fed these days.

It's just a fucked up. Yeah. It's not reality. I mean, when I was 23. And it looks like reality. When I was 22, 23. living with my parents. I think I might, I don't know,

I was either 22 or 23 when I moved out, I think. But I was, before I moved out, I was, before I joined Optic, I'm fucking stocking shelves at a grocery store. But even that, I feel like a 22-year-old now would feel like a loser doing that. I just felt like I was a 22-year-old with a fucking job. Now they all feel behind.

And now everyone, even me now, because I can't drop, I can't put my fucking phone down. I'm 33, which is insane. but I'm 33 now which I don't even know if I've really fucking am it's so insane for me to even say that I don't feel 33 I don't feel 27 I mean I know 27 is not that old but like

yeah I feel like you can still throw me in situations when I was 22 and I'm the same my mind I don't know when I hit 30 I was like damn how and I think I had a girlfriend at the time and she was like I want to be like I'm excited to get older and I was like this shit feels fucking weird but now with 33 I'm looking at like

Shotsie and I'm like this kid's personality all the money's making everyone loves me so good I'm scrolling TikTok 22 year old drop shipper fucking I get on YouTube it's 19 19 year old millionaire day in the life

meme coin trader life in a millionaire I get on Twitter fucking banks is a recruiting motherfucker's son What am I buying banks you tell me He's telling crypto this, crypto that. You got crypto millionaires by 20 and shit. And like I feel.

But like, and even I feel behind. But if I was to, when I was 22, if I was to say, okay, in 2024, you'll make this much in that year. You'll live at this place. You'll be in, I don't know, say this good or, I mean, I wish I was in better. shape, but like this going to shape, this much money, this life. It's never good enough. Back then, I'd be like, fuck yeah. Like, that's where I aim to be.

But I'm at that point. And you don't feel like you're there. Yes, that's the way it works. I don't fucking. It's like. And I don't know what it is, bro. I need some fucking. And this is, I think I use my streamist therapy as well.

But like this is, I'll talk about shit like this on stream and what the fuck's the answer? It's why I assume billionaires don't stop working. Like, the way my mind. works like dude if I had a billion dollars I'd be on vacations or doing whatever they just want more billions it's like think of money you or a house or an apartment it's like okay fuck yeah I'm I can't wait till I hit a hundred thousand dollars earned and I live in an apartment alone and then you get there it's like okay now I got to earn 200,000 dollars and upgrade the apartment you never actually

at least for me I struggle to live in the present where I'm always anxious about the future and what I'm going to do what I'm going to be, where I'm going to be, how things are going to develop, which is a terrible place to be, because being present is really the most important thing. But I think it's one thing to logically know you need to be present and also feel present, because those two things are very different for me. I would say, way my mental health and anxiety, whatever works is I would say there's kind of two virgins of me, depending on the day. I'm like, ah, fuck it, we're all going to die one day.

I can take a day off stream. I can do this or go out to dinner, do whatever I want. Or it's, I got to fucking stream. I got to do this. I got to make sure I keep my foot on the gas and don't let up. And I did just stream 12 hours today to prove I'm consistent. And that 12 hours tomorrow, 12 hours and 12 hours and 12 hours, it never stops.

And it depends on which guy wakes up that day. But I don't think the pursuit ever ends. And I'm not sure. I could be tripping. But I feel like America has a bad problem with this. Because when I was in Italy, I look around at people. And I'm like, dude, these people are socializing. They're sitting down having a coffee and talking to each other,

They're appreciating each other's presence. When they leave work, they leave work, and they're enjoying their free time. I'm not sure if it's probably a worldwide issue. Maybe I'm just over-exaggerating it. But my mind is always focused on work or ambition or starting a new company or making things better. There's never, I struggle to be calm and just relaxed. Like I'm always freaking out, kind of. Not a bad way, really.

Like I'm at a good place, but I feel like you know what I mean. It's just you're always thinking about what's next. I feel like that's why I mean in my, I feel like my type of anxiety and like depression and my better days ahead mental health is like I'll shut down like these. I would say like the past week or two I've like I've shut down. Like I don't get. There are spurts where I'm like I'm motivated. I want to stream. I want to work out.

I want to eat clean. I do all that. things. I feel like I'm like getting dope from those things. I want to show up to content. I want to perform my best. I want to be in a good mood. I'm like, but then there's times like these past like two weeks where I'm just like it's just I feel like I know I should be doing all those things but I just don't like fuck man. I just want to like I don't want to rot in bed but I've been rotting in bed. Did you ever? have a time. I know you've talked about anxiety. Obviously, better days ahead.

Depression. What was it like when you were shutting down? Did you ever feel like? Well, yeah. So I mean, I guess what's your version of? Because obviously you have better days ahead. You talk about anxiety and depression. I mean, I don't want to say a lot, but like it's somewhat in your brand. What's your version or story of that? Yeah. The way I would describe it is I'll never forget. I was at like Disney with my family, which is supposed to be the happiest place on earth.

How old way? And I was probably like 19 or 20. I was just in like one of those phases where I was just upset by some shit. And I felt like there was like a dark tint on. everything. Like I just, I couldn't get excited. I couldn't get happy. I'm not sure if that's the competitor in me, because I truly think competing at the highest level kind of fried my, um, dopamine receptors where it's like, it takes so much to actually excite me because when I played on that stage at the highest level, it just, I can't describe how happy it made me. And I feel

like I struggle so much to get excited by things that most people will get excited about. It's like going to uh it's like i i'm going off tangent but i i feel like any normal person if they're going like a pro sporting event they'd like oh fuck yeah i can't wait me i'm like okay cool i'm going to go to another sporting event like probably going to be fun cool but i'm not it doesn't excite me it's like normal i sit in court side do i know the players i mean like it's fucking sick but it's just i don't know i struggle to to to really get excited about things ever since i'm being competitor but I would say I've always been pretty good at distracting myself

3,000 times. I used to smoke a lot of weed and that really falsely helped me cope without what I was struggling with a lot of anxiety and depression. Like my first ever relationship, whatever the fuck you call it,

was I was talking to this girl and she fucked me over. And I was like the first ever girl I've actually talked to because I lost weight and I was a fact kid my whole life so I wasn't really talking any girl seriously. But that one fucked me up

and I just smoked a lot of weed to really get over that which didn't really help me get over it. And then I would say I have a similar thing of shutting down, but it's just my place gets messy. The laundry's on the floor. I'm not tidying up. I'm showering.

I'm kind of just going through the motions, and it just feels like there's a dark tint on everything. There's a lot of negative thoughts. I look in the mirror, and I'm like, oh, you're fat. You know, you're this, you know, you're that. Like, I would say negative self-talks always been an issue. When I'm doing with those things. Another year you fucking choked.

You said you were going to do this seven years. My idea, at least what I try to tell people, I'm not a professional, but I truly think you have to do your best to get yourself out of those situations because it ultimately falls on you because if you fall into the negative rabbit hole of just doing these things, then it's just going to get worse and worse and it's going to snowball. Like you kind of have to force yourself to go for a walk, force yourself to brush your teeth, love the dishwasher, do the laundry. and like take baby steps each and every day to really sort of like act as if you're not. Act as if you're not that fucking depressed. Yeah, I guess, I mean, kind of. I mean, fake until you make it.

And don't get me wrong. I know it's a lot easier said than none. Because I've had those days where you can't leave bed and you want to do this. Luckily, I've had a very good recent year, I would say, where things are going very well. And spirits have been high, but, no, I sympathize with everybody going through that

to tie it back to the social media thing, because I think it's worse now that it ever has been with social media because everyone's comparing themselves to others and seeing these highlights, I feel like everybody now is anxious and depressed. And like, this is a whole different can of worms, but our food quality fucking sucks.

And, like, compared to other countries, I think that does play a part because we're eating, like, the worst diets ever and it just makes everything worse. For some reason, saying that stuff now is, like, political, which I'm like, what the fuck? You can't even. Food?

Yes, bro, because they'll try to turn it into seed oils aren't bad for your. There's no winning. Everyone wants to complain about something these days. Everyone wants to make every topic political. But there's so many reasons why I think people are struggling with mental health. Do you think talking about it more makes it, I heard some, and I'm going to paraphrase and butcher it. But some professor was like the more, or like a psychologist or psychiatrist or something. But it was like people's biggest problem with anxiety is depression is they learn that they may have or experience anxiety and depression.

And now they all all they talk about is anxiety and depression. And it's now a part of their fucking identity, which is like I definitely fell into that, which is like sometimes now I, I feel like me and Hitch used to talk about it all the time. And everyone knew me as like the depressed, anxious guy and fire is always fucking. and something wrong with Maniac. And that was almost like my, like the monotone, the darkest kind of humor. It was almost my thing for quite some time.

And I feel like it definitely is, um, like talking about it kind of does. Yeah. There's, there's got to be some balance. Yeah. Like,

you are what you think about. If you're, if you're, you know, if you're anxious about going to the gym, For example, when you actually go there, you're probably going to be more anxious. I'm not sure if I'm putting that the right way. And I feel like, I don't know, because that's been a topic when it comes to therapy.

Some people don't believe in therapy because they're like, why would I go talk to a therapist about all of these problems? Because all it's going to do is make me think about these problems and sort of further me down the rabbit hole. I've never done therapy, so I know a lot of people that praise it. Some people don't. So that ones, I think, to each their own. I liked it because there would be stuff that like I'm going to take to the grave.

But it's like whether it's stuff in my family or like something I wouldn't talk to them about. Like I'll tell this fucking rando because I don't give a shit. And that's in that way I did like it. Yeah. I've never done it. So I don't really know. I just think it's it's something that I hope people can get better at dealing with. Because I do think a good diet and like exercise and like there are so many things that can.

to help. They might not fix the problem. I think I think the issue, at least the issue for a lot of people is they try to fix the problem very fast. So they instantly hop on drugs or like, you know, they don't give themselves because I think everyone's timelines is different. Like for some people, they're in the dumps for a month. Some people, it's a year. Some people, it's two years. But then for the most part, there is a day that comes that like things start looking up and you start feeling better. It's just, I think everyone's trying to fast track that process. So I think I fucked up. I found out would give me and this was like 2010. I found out that and I always felt a little depressed and I always kind of had a dark cloud

up on my head and I do think it is biological. Some people do just like there's motherfuckers people like formal for the most part is like in a pretty good mood. Yeah. Even though he just like eats like shit fucking he games and like but regardless he's like he's, it seems like he's doing fine. Yeah. But.

I felt like But then there's other people who are in like Hex he always like he's always kind of Like he said he's like never been depressed And I'm like what the fuck are you even talking about What do you mean you've never? Which that's something Hex would fucking say Yeah

But like I do genuinely believe like he Hasn't He doesn't really get it And that's not to make it sound like I'm in some cool depression club It's got to be biological a little bit Like my dad Has anxiety depression My mom does not at all.

My mom is like, doesn't overthink, doesn't worry, very calm. My dad's the opposite. So I definitely got those, the overthinking and the fucking, the foot tapping and the foot shaking from him. So I do think there's a level of biological to it. But I guess, I don't know, to put a cap on mental health stuff, I mean, my message to everyone is I do think the most part, as long as you, I think people will get through it. And I feel like a lot of people have short-term sight because it's so hard. It's like going through a breakup. When the breakup first happens, it's like the thoughts.

It's like this is never going to feel better. It's fucking. It's terrible. I've been there before. It's like this is never going to meet someone again. Oh, my God. My life is over. I mean, for me it's been, what, a month and a half?

I'm sure you're, I know you're struggling. It's terrible. Bro, I'm thinking like my few. future like this was supposed like I don't want to fucking talk to some other fucking yeah oh exactly like I don't want like I don't want to I don't want to hear you fucking talk this was my was this my person we should have done this oh I should have did this in the relationship let me give you hope you know because a lot of people if you if you hear the story about people that are now married happily for years it's like I went through this horrible

breakup and I was distraught and then I met the best fucking person ever now we have kids and dogs and this house and we go on vacation. You hear all these stories that give you hope. And that's where you kind of have to have let logic in and let logic fight the emotion a little bit. Like when I am in the dumps now, and I'm like, I guess, spiraling with negative thoughts, I kind of just force-feed myself thoughts like, you're going to be okay, you're going to be okay, you're going to be fine, it's going to be fine.

You're going to fucking die one day, it doesn't matter. See, that one I truly think is a good thought. And it sounds morbid, but I think that allowed. I'm like, the things I stress about, and I'm not, I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to say the things people worry about don't matter because they do. It's just for me, certain thoughts when I'm like, I'm like, dude, who cares? Who cares about that? Who cares if that doesn't happen? Who cares if this happens?

Like, you're going to die one day and it's not going to fucking matter. And like, there is, I guess, some solace in that thought of the insignificance of like what's actually going on. because you know you kind of have a finite time here and that sounds like a high thought but i i do think that way a lot because it helps me i'm like i'll get out of like a streaming rut sometimes of like fuck like i haven't streamed in a week or something i've had like nothing because a lot of times if i have like if like a banger clip goes out or a banger pod or a banger reel or some shit then i can start my stream and like there's just more viewers more people interact and yo that was hilarious but if like

Like, I feel like nothing's been going on and I sort of disappeared and I've been low-key. Then I just think about like, fuck, there's, I'm going to start the stream up. I don't know. I don't know if you want them. And sometimes I'll just be like, who gives a fuck, bro? You start your stream and, oh, no, your viewers aren't as high as you want it. Who cares? No.

And now I'll go through like, just, yeah, I'll just, that's sort of one thing I try to tell myself. I mean, I've been at the high ends and the low ends of viewership. Despite what most streamers say, that viewership number matters to them, because at least for me, I would say maybe it's different if you're like a League of Legends player and you're locked into each game for 45 minutes and you're not talking to chat. For me, I'm pretty, I guess my streaming, the way I stream and chat interaction go hand and hand,

like I strive on being interactive. So for me, I've had these super crazy months of streaming where I'm averaging, you know, 1,500 to 3,000 viewers. sometimes hitting 4 or 5K depending on what's going on to also having 150 to 350 viewers and it's like

there's definitely a hopeless feeling there so I understand I understand how it feels to be to deal with that especially now because how many people are streaming and that is tough I guess the one thing

I mean I'm just going to give you unsolicited advice or not even advice it's just like when you you kind of just have to stay consistent no matter what and then go from there it's like i look at tp for example and t p's blow up has been always been admirable to me because for a while i think t p had pretty average numbers and he just streamed every single day same schedule same schedule and now look at him he has like in my opinion i i love that guy's community he has such a loyal community and he's shredded and it's like you kind of got to eat shit for a while just to make it happen.

If you do a week on, week off, week on, two weeks off, you're kind of restarting from zero because you kind of need to prove consistency to the people that are going to be there every single day. And even if you average 150 for a month, if it's the same 150, okay, that's your base. And then you're trying to bring more people in. As long as it's Tilo shows up, drops of 50.

I struggle with the same thing. I mean, I've changed my streaming schedule. Right now I'm finding success with these two guys, Meal Team 6. and that's been an awesome breath of fresh air. Yeah. I totally understand the highs and lows. Well, I know even before the meal team six shit, you were like, we would have talks.

We were talking about IRL streaming and it's like, you can't play rank because fucking cheaters. Yeah, that doesn't help. Do you even want to play ranked? Warzone's fucking dead. Cheaters. And so you were at a spot for, to where you were like, I don't know what to do. Like I know you were, you were a little like fuck, man. No, I mean, yeah.

I mean, I've always been a call duty guy. despite my negative thoughts about some game aspects like cheating and shit, call duty is a game that changed my life. I love the game like no other. So when I didn't have call duty to play, it's like, okay, I do think I'm funny and I can talk and I can keep people around,

but a lot of people won't come to my stream unless I'm playing call of duty. So I don't know how to, essentially the way I thought of it was I'm going to have to rebuild a new base doing something different, whether it be React content, you know, who the fuck wants to watch me suck a Valorant?

I guess maybe there's some comedy at me sucking at Valorant, but why would you not go watch Tens or Nate Schott, who's actually good at Valorant and is going to be funny? So how can I separate myself? Stream schedules, right? I mean, I think there's no shame in changing your stream schedule. It's smart, right? Like, I don't want to compete with the direct hours of Scump,

Nate Shot, and every single other big streamer. Like, I want to maybe stream a bit while they're live, but I want to go longer. want to stream before them or after them. Like those are the things you gotta think about, I think, especially in this gen of content creation because of how many people are doing it. But the mental health around the numbers,

I mean, it's miserable because I mean, essentially as a streamer, you tie your happiness directly, usually to how things are going in your stream. I mean, that's like your line of work. It's like imagine being a real estate agent, you can't sell any houses versus you have had years where you sold so many fucking houses and that became your normal and then now you can't sell a single house and it's like what the hell I guess that's maybe a bad analogy but I think

that's a pretty good way to put it yeah everyone tells you not to worry about the numbers but we've kind of been conditioned and programmed now to where if your numbers are staying the same you're plateauing and if they're going down things are going bad and if they're going up you're doing great so it's like it's impossible to actually not care about the numbers because I do think the numbers are pretty important these days, or at least that's the way we've been programmed to think. Last, not last question. Last question about fucking,

because I want to get back to like the career and joining Optic, and I think we're at D.C. Or some shit. But before we, or you were talking about Boston, yeah. Boston. You mentioned something about a D.C. team or something, right? Yeah, it was supposed to be D.C. And then it became Boston.

You mentioned, obviously, Better Days ahead, your merch brand or your brand, whatever. You talk about anxiety. Would you say you talk about anxiety or depression more? I would say anxiety. What? But I think they're so similar.

At least to me they were similar. Like I feel like it was a mix of both. I don't know. My anxiety is, go ahead, sorry, I'm cutting you off. Well, I was, I'm going to ask, which I think you're about to answer, what?

Because I look at myself, like I have anxiety. I have social anxiety and it's like even before we like I've just not been in the fucking mood the last two weeks. Yeah. And then like I walk in here and James is trying to pitch like, yo, do this acting thing. And like, bro, instantly my like I start, it's as if I'm about to get in a fight. Like my heart rate goes high. This adrenaline just feels my body. And like I just, I had to tell him, I'm like, bro, I can't do that right now.

Like there's just no, like he wanted us for those listening, he wanted us to. do like uh well i don't want to spoil it for like me if if it happens in the future but basically wanted us to do like a little skit sort of thing i was just like bro there's no way i'm there's no way i'm doing that right now and like so my thing is sort of more i think social anxiety but then i'll talk to people and they'll be like really like i don't really see it like you fucking do podcasts and and i'm just like you guys have like no even like walking in here my before every pod whether it's optic pod flycast like my fucking heart's just going and i'm i can't remember the questions and i'm fucking i'm like just perma tweaking about this shit or like even going out

walking into a bar or a club my my anxiety my anxiety my anxiety over the what and i feel like you've talked about anxiety a lot what is your anxiety because i don't see it brother i i okay I see, like, I can sort of see, like, some foot tapping, and I can, but I just, and I think a lot of people that's just like, yeah, that's like, agree. Like, they don't, when I think of anxiety, I think, I guess I go to social anxiety. Okay, so here, and I, I guess what's yours? That's my fucking question, Jesus. And senior high school, senior year of high school, I was partying a lot, and I'll never forget this thought. It's like, I, the way you to describe that, this was my, this never made sense to me. I was fat, I lose way, I start partying a lot senior year high school. Every Friday or Saturday,

my school would have parties. It's the same people every time. Every single time leading up to that party, I would have anxiety about going to the party. But I'm with the same people. It didn't make sense to me. I was with the same people. We're going to do the same exact things. It's me walking in here. It's the same people I go to school with, the same people I interact with. There is no reason for me to have this, I guess, anxiety about it. So I can kind of relate to social anxiety. Me and my dad have always talked about this. I've always masked social anxiety with being super fake it until you make it outgoing fake confidence, blah, blah, blah. So maybe you don't see it.

But I will say, and I could, maybe I'm coping. I think I'm a lot naturally funnier than people get to see because my anxiety, I'm like kind of reserved and then I'm forcing it humor if that makes any type of sense. Yeah, no, I completely, especially if I'm around new people. If I had no anxiety, I think a lot, maybe not a lot of people, but I, I just think people would think I'm funnier and like more. I'm, I've always, fuck, I'm giving them ammo, bro. But I'm just like anxious about the way I'm perceived, I guess, is the way.

So like, I don't say things that I naturally want to say that probably would do way better or come off way better than the things that I actually end up saying. If that makes any, I hope that makes sense. Yeah, no, it completely makes sense. That's my anxiety. And I will say there are some days where I feel good. great and I'm totally fine and I will say food actually impacts that a lot like if I'm I'm like a different human if I'm hungry or if I've eaten which is another whole different some I'm literally

huge man but I hope that did I answer your anxiety question like I would say it's a mix of social shutting down to where like I don't like there's some months where I want to go to dinner with everybody and get food and drinks and hang out and there are some months where I'm okay with just streaming and sitting on my couch and talking to my girlfriend and doing nothing. I hope that answered it. Let's go to you joined. I want to get to like joining Optic and shit. Sure.

Let's see. Where were you had? You fucking join. Okay, Boston. You joined Boston. Were you, you had this streaming, I guess, fan base that I guess I didn't really know. I do remember when you retired from Boston. also when you say you have anxiety

but then you retire from fucking Boston and you're on stage I know like however thousands of people or something I'm like this dude just gave an epic fucking speech I'm like I would never even if my best friend asked me to like

give a speech at his wedding I might be like I don't know so that would terrify me too that's my fucking thing is like I can't perform when someone's like yo do this speech in front of these people Everyone's quiet And they're all just listening to you

First off, I was terrified before I did that I mean, I was terrified before I did that That was not one of those things That has walked on all calm and did I was shitting my pants You looked fucking cool You look like a legend up there Yeah, I mean I decide to retire

I mean Seth retires early Let's go back a little bit Join Boston, things are going well I'm now the face to Boston And I think Breach get a lot of new fans And we actually had a fun team Because we were pretty good We have Tja Halley, we have me

We're streaming You can relate to us Things are going well you know, me and Seth have always been close friends. Speaking of, like, what you said earlier, Seth made you, you're Seth Dick Ride or whatever. It's funny how they say that when your friend's successful versus when it's like, no one says I dick ride TJ, but I talk to TJ, the same amount I talk to Seth.

Yeah. It's just because Seth is said, it's like, if I can he made you, it's like, okay, whatever. But we've always been close friends ever since we were young. We met like MW3. We wanted to do stuff together. I've always wanted to join Optic as a content creator I mean there's no secret behind that I've always wanted to be

I think you missed a big part of how involved I was with Optic in the call of duty scene when I was younger before the whole that blacklist bullshit that you probably heard about I heard about it I don't like I still don't even know like yeah it was it was just this overgast thing where I was high fucking around in the Skype chat

and they took it as betrayal but either way like giving a man when I was that young fat kid and I was boys would Seth and Nate and Hex, like, every time Hector would see me, it would be like a hug and, you know, you want to come to dinner with us and all that. And then for a while, me and Hex didn't talk, but I always wanted to come back to Optic and I always felt very close to Optic without being an Optic when I was young. So it's always where I wanted to come and me and Seth talked. He was going to retire after the year. You know, it's that emotional versus logical decision.

It's like, okay, you know, you're going to be 25, 26. You have the opportunity to go join Optiq can basically be Seth's right hand manned and the biggest show, the watch party, and we were doing the breakdown at the time. It's like who in the right mind would say no? Like, despite how much I want to play or how long I think I can keep playing, it would be, in my opinion, very logically,

very illogical to not take the opportunity and further my content career before everybody else starts retiring and they start doing the same thing. So it's something I wanted to do, but definitely more of the logical side where my emotions definitely weren't, I don't think I was ready to retire early.

I was probably going to be ready to retire after that year, depending on how it ended. But I just forced the decision because I think it made sense. I'm happy now, and I think it was the best decision for me at the time. But I joined Optic, and, I mean, my retirement tweet has over 50,000 likes, millions of views.

The Optic announcement has 30,000 likes or whatever. Like, it was me joining Optic became a big thing, and I think when I joined Optic I think I took my foot off the gas a little bit to where I was enjoying a little bit too much what we had going on. We were eating too much, drinking too much, hanging out too much,

and I wasn't doing those eight to 12-hour streams that I kind of came up off. And I should have been doing that. But yeah, I mean, kind of just dove right in. And I would say now is when I'm finally picking those streams back up, streaming basically 10 to 12 hours every single day. And things are going well. I mean, with the watch party on YouTube, it changed a lot because we used to get Twitch hours in.

And it's a lot different going from your core community to a different community for like so much time and then trying to balance both. But things are going well. I had a period where I shut down for a while. That one got to me a little bit. I kind of felt just the imposter syndrome of like people tell me I don't belong here and, you know, no one wants you here. And I think. I feel like every time you mentioned something really negative about people. shitting on you I laugh and I don't mean to like I don't think you take it you're not

offended by it I don't it's just it's like it's almost just like I've I've been there it's it just reminds me of the fucking motherfuckers are ruthless yeah so I mean for while I shut down and and now I feel pretty good about everything I mean I'm not gonna sit here and lie there are days where like on the watch party if there's a bunch of negativity I I definitely shut down a little bit, and it's, I don't think I even mean to, and it's not like I go home and think it. Like, it doesn't really affect me long term or like when I go home and hang out with Kate or something. But when I'm in that chair and I'm reading a bunch of negativity, it just makes me just sometimes not want to talk, which isn't a good thing to really probably say. But that's just the way I feel sometimes.

And that's happening less and less and less. And I think it'll keep happening less and less and less as we go on. See, someone will hear that and be like, God, it's in such a pussy. No, exactly. Like, dude, you don't, and I'm not trying to, like, put me up here and you're here because you don't get it. But it's like, bro, some people, you just don't. Imagine just waking up and you just seeing bad shit about you every day. Like, it's, it's, I'm not trying to make it seem bigger than what it is, but I don't, I don't want to.

It's not an ideal situation for someone to deal with. Some people, like, the way they cycle analyze you or try to, it's like, I can tell Zen thinks he's the shit. I'm trying so hard. right now. It's like, bro, do you think I'm walking around in my head? I'm the shit. Like, are you fucking crazy? Like, I don't, like, I don't think any, I hope no one thinks that way. It's like, Zin thinks he's the man. It's like, Zin thinks he's tough. L-O-L. Don't let him talk to you like that king. Sin thinks he's tough. It's like, bro, I don't think I'm tough. Don't let him talk to you like that king. That's fucking great. It's like, I'm just talking to my friend, man.

Like, that's all it is. But yeah, I would say things are good. I'm happy I made the decision I made. I still miss the fuck out of playing And I don't think I'm not sure if that'll ever go away And I'm not sure if that's because I've But tired, I would say a little younger than Maybe most people would have But I still think I made the best decision through and through And love what we got going on here

I'm excited to keep it going Two-year anniversary coming up In a couple weeks, I think around Valentine's Day I think is my two-week anniversary Or two-year anniversary somewhere somewhere around then. So it's weird how fast time goes. Like when I think back to two years ago when I joined,

that stuff doesn't feel two years ago. Like it feels like it could have been six months ago or a year ago. Like we were at the downtown office and we're constantly getting food. And I don't know. I just feel like a lot has changed but also hasn't changed to where I feel like it was two years ago. What do you think you're going to,

I want to talk about Meal Team 6, but what do you think your what's your not immediate future but next year or two uh we've talked about this personally but like where do you see yourself living do you join the frisco elites yeah uh i like the apartment lifestyle right now like i like downtown dallas i like the restaurants i like how i can walk to the airline center if i want to go to a game yeah you got your two year anniversary coming up who's who knows what's next after that maybe a little zini soon enough no no no i don't know like i i uh met two-year optic anniversary by the way oh really two year what are you in kata uh october third so we just

celebrated that one year so we're like a i was about to say damn yeah we're like a year and what a half or however much okay you still got a little bit of time yeah so um i like downtown dallas i think friscoe like the neighborhoods and stuff are beautiful it's obviously expensive but i think getting a house is like a big step and I just like the liveliness of downtown right now. I like to keep growing my average viewership. That being said, I think that's also just one of those things that never stops.

Like, in my head, I'm like, dude, I'd love to average 2,000 to 3,000 every single day. Just no matter what. It's like I'm assuming if I start averaging 3,000, then I'm going to want 4,000. It's like, I'm not sure if that stuff ever ends. So I'd say hopefully I'm just happy and healthy I'm hoping I can

The one thing I struggle with sometimes Is being in Dallas and my family's in Jersey And like my I have like a 95 year old grandma My dog's 16 and a half And he's like not doing great And part of me feels guilty for being here Because it's like I thought when I retired I'd have I'd have more time to go home and do things

But like I have obligations here I want to stick to my streaming schedule I have my girlfriend here Yeah So there is some guilt I feel like I'm sure maybe other people can relate About not being close to home really But I wish I was

was able to do more time in Jersey or be closer to see family easier because it's like, I already know it because it's the same. Like when my grandpa passed away, I was like, dude, I wish I talked to my grandpa a little more. I mean, and then eventually, eventually, I mean, my grandma's going to pass away at some point. And I already know I'm going to say, I wish I fucking went home more. And I wish when I was home, I drove to her house and I wish I called her more. So there is a bit of, I just thought I'd be able to do this stuff easier when I retire. But now I actually feel like it's harder because my obligations here and the straighten the schedule and it's like

Before I could spend the off season there and be there for four or five months, you know what I mean? Yeah So it's I don't know I mean Kate just started a new job Things things are good here. We have the watch party still going hopefully one day the watch party goes back to Twitch just so we don't have to That would be a fucking blessing for y'all. Like the watch party is amazing and I guess there's this is what my mind works when it's on YouTube I'm still going home on Twitch and doing five to seven hours because I feel I still feel like a watch party day is like a day off

like it doesn't it doesn't compute the same way in my head Unless you're scump it's not like Scump has 60,000 50 60,000 viewers you have I don't fucking know what you get say 800 on YouTube or whatever the hell

like it's just it kind not that it is a day off if I'm on the watch party I'm like I kind of tell myself like hey I'm at least That is your day at work. But I go home, like, I need to do more. Yeah. And honestly, that's my whole thing right now is what I want to do.

I want to do more. I think I fell into the comfort of, like, I guess, being here and, like, being an optic member and having the watch party. And the stream has always done pretty well, especially subscriber-wise. But it's like, I think for a tiny bit, I lost a bit of my ambition and, like, wanting to actually be who I know I can be. and now I'm trying to get back to that and get after it and tough part about that is the streaming hours it's like now Kate comes home for work and I see her maybe for two minutes

and she goes to bed and I'm like I kind of feel guilty there because it's like fuck I was so that that type of stuff effect because I always felt like my streams would do because no one was it would be like Hitch would be streaming in the evening tonight

I'm like fuck if I it got to the point where like I'd be starting my stream at 9 8 9, 10 a.m. But then like 30 minutes later, Seth's getting on. And then there's their rank squad. And I'm like, well, fuck,

now my mornings are kind of chalked. Yeah. Because my viewership would go from, I'm just thinking out of time. I think I would play random war zone solos or some shit. And I'd have like, 650, 700 viewers. And I'm like,

fuck yes. But then it got to a point where like, then Seth started getting on early. And then rank play comes out. And it all kind of, I think, I don't know. I don't know how you,

manage to do that in your relationship and like obviously you feel like bad and guilty about it but it's like it's kind of what you have to fucking do right now and there's just yeah no she she's a good girl and she understands that and which like I've been in relationships and they do understand that but it's I would I would use it as an excuse of like well I'd feel bad so like I'm gonna get off stream and like I'm gonna go hang out with yeah no and I mean I do need to do that more because I don't think she should be, you know,

feeling that sacrifice too often for too long. Like if I had it my way, I would stream from 9 a.m. till 5 or 6 p.m. and get 8 to 10 hours in and then spend time with her. But the reality is the stream does that much better when I'm live late night. And it's like that's a sacrifice that I have to make. Like tomorrow's her birthday, so I'm taking tomorrow off. And like we're going to have a break after the watch party for like 12 days. And I'll take a couple of days off there to spend time.

time with her. But I think the reality is, like, where I'm at right now, to get to where I need to be and to continue riding this momentum, it's just what I have to do right now. And, like, that's, I guess, what it is. Well, where you're at right now, meal team six, you, J. Lito. And fatty. And fucking fatty. First off, where did you find these guys?

Because I don't know. I think I've heard of Jay. Just fucking. I've heard of fatty. Hitch invited me to, like a tournament. It was like, yo, this would be your team. But like, I ended up not playing in the tournament. Jay was going to be, I don't know, what see ya. How, what, how the fuck did you, what happened to you? I forget what it was. I think Shotsie and Zuma played a chowl against them

or something and I watched it. I mean, I knew of Faddy. But then when I was watching, I'm like, dude, these kids are just two S&D fucking ragers and they play together. And I'm like, so Jay and Faddy were already playing together? Yeah, they're going to do it for a while. Just two B-2s? Yeah, two B2s. And they probably play three. What a weird duo. But in my head, I'm like, dude, I love watching these guys. I can't play rank because it's infested with cheaters. I miss competing. Like, if I start playing S&D wages with these guys for money,

I think it's the perfect world to scratch my competitive it's to, I guess the best. I mean, I can't think of another way to scratch it. I mean, rank plate does not scratch the itch, like playing for money against other people going hard is. Of course, Fatty's sitting there with his shirt off, which is an added funny component. these guys are talking about fucking each other's mothers and your mom has a bow leg and she grabs it when she walks and she limps. And he's posting picks of his mom on Twitter.

And it's like, it just reminds me of like the old school S&D days. Yeah. And it's no, it's no puzzle or secret that it helps me too because my viewership goes up. And also, theirs does too. Like I feel like we're kind of helping each other.

Like they're helping me find my way just as much as I'm helping them kind of grow what they've had going on. and it's a fun mix so far I mean Jay lives like in Garland and then Faddy lives in Oh really? The motherfucker live right beside me

So they're gonna come here for the Our major and we'll probably do it Maybe an IRL thing or something And maybe we do an IRL stream Whatever it may be But it's just right now it's perfect I mean I get to play search For money

With two guys that love it And it just feels like The old times if that makes sense and it's definitely scratching the itch for me. So it's going well, man. I love it. I think... You didn't know them at all?

No. Like, you never talked to either of them, really? I interacted with Faddy, like, on Twitter before. I can follow him, but never, didn't know Jay Lido. None of it. Until I was like, yo, it was played. I had no idea they were a fucking duo. Yeah.

Isn't Jay good? Jay's really good. And Fattie's not good. How the fuck did they find each other? Dude, I don't... It's such a weird, like, it is the perfect. People come in my chat I'm like this is shit content

This guy's not even good talking about fatty And I'm like dude like first off No one's asking you to watch His tits are out What do you mean? It's fucking bad kid No one's asking you to watch And it's like fatty not being good

Makes it so much better for me Because I'm crying laughing Watching his POV Like when I watch him get turned on And he's blaming someone else I'm just sitting there dying laughing Bro if I was watching Obviously no offense

If I was watching you scump And Octane playing threes I'm probably never clicking on your I just don't care let me guess you win again yeah like I wouldn't care like this ad like it's just uh yeah I'm happy for you you found that fucking duo because that is uh it's fun man yeah that I feel like that added something to because without that it was like I think dashy would stream at night shots he would stream whatever the hell he's streaming at night and besides that it was which I don't really care about watching people play ranked but I will click on

your stream and just watch fatty with his tits out be the last guy alive. Even the S&D8s I watch. Like when I watch the pros play search eights, it's like, okay, I'll watch for a map. But it's like the same situations over and over again. The thing playing with like Fatty and Jay is you just never know what's going to be said, what mood they're going to be in. If Fatty's going to be getting turned on and raging at Jay and calling, telling Jay he has a man pussy.

And like it just, it's so much fun, man. So I'm loving it. hopefully things keep going well for for all of us I mean I think it's just like the perfect late night it's something that I would want to watch which is why I love it like if I was laying in bed on Twitch

and there was someone else in my spot it's something that I would want to watch because it'd be funny entertaining you get to watch competitive cod but also get that like comedic comedy central type feel to it so I love it man things are going well I see it

um okay well last question I wanted to talk about 14 year old fat Zin City but we don't have to dive into it So we're at I mean Whatever you want I think we're at time right now

So we'll just end it If you could give 14 year old Little Fat Zinny advice What would you tell them? It doesn't have to be about Cod It doesn't have to be about If you could give that little

guy who had a spark that kid that had a little spark in me that kid had crazy spark man I wish I could tap into I'm actually oh man I do have still have a bit of a spark but that kid could have been the biggest streamer in the world right now I'm telling you like I was just

I'm telling you he uh I would say don't smoke weed if you do not as much stay consistent with YouTube I had like 50K subs at age 15 back when like there was nobody on YouTube if I just fucking focused man don't skip prom

go to X games instead or no skip skip prom and go to X games instead I skipped X games and went to prom I'm like what the fuck so those decisions was that like you trying to be cool I'd say don't blacklist optic

because you know I lost some friends for a bit at the same time I think that taught me my biggest lesson ever because without that was the first time in my life I faced actual repercussions like I would get in trouble school, get suspended, but my parents really wouldn't take away my video games or anything

because I was making money on it and I was like potentially going to go pro or whatever it may be. So my dad would be like, no, we can't take it away. My mom, I'd make no, take it away, but they would never take it away. That was the first time my actions from just speaking without thinking had repercussions where I lost friends and let people down. Damn, was it like actually like serious? For some people, because I hear about it and I think of it like, oh, it's kind of funny. It wasn't serious. It wasn't serious.

For me, when I did it, it was serious afterwards. Like, Hector wasn't happy about it. Nate Chott wasn't happy about it. Seth kind of forgave me pretty quick because, I mean, we're very similar and just stupid, and I think he understood that, especially Seth at that time kind of understood. Like, dude, there's no way this kid had any harm.

But, yeah, I would say back then, sure, because it was a little serious, but that's pretty much it, man. No weed. Focus up, man. I mean, at the same time, I probably wouldn't change anything. You know, I am where I am because of everything that happened before. Don't really have many regrets, you know, kind of very grateful for this life I live. I'm pretty nostalgic.

So I often think about, like, Columbus, Ohio and the league and how we all grew up together. And I'm like, I still, to this day, can't describe how grateful I am for, like, this life that we get to live. Oh, yeah. Like, the fact that I sometimes complain, like, shut the fuck up, man. I mean, this is, you know, the fact that call of duty brought me and my friends

to a place like this is, uh, there's no better life I could think of. So I'm grateful for it, man. Well said. I'm excited to keep it going. Well said, man. Well, sad. Well, uh, yeah, I guess that's going to do it.

Hopefully this was good. Hopefully, fuck me. No, man, this was good. This was good. This might be my bad. Well, you were clutching up, bro. You were talking. See, that's the issue. That's the issue with me on combos like this.

If it's just me and someone else, I can just talk. Yeah. No, that's what I need. That's what I fucking need. And I think, I mean, it might have been the vocal minority. I think it was literally one comment. Everyone else was like in the episode, but I was like, fuck, I really do need to let other people talk. That one comment, I always get you more than the other.

This was great, bro. Thank you for joining. Yes, sir, of course. Thank you all for watching another episode of the Flycast. I think we might have hitchback next week. Okay. Who knows? But thank you all for watching.

Matt Craig. Play the outro music. See you guys.