The Flycast - MaNiaC Tells The TRUTH About His Recovery | The Flycast Ep. 43

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

This week we have Hitch and MaNiaC discussing OpTic Texas, Recovery, and their biggest irrational fears!  Check out the OpTic Podcast here:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/optic-podcast/id1542810047 https://open.spotify.com/show/25iPKftrl0akOZKqS0wHQG MB01VRXLRVBBYYQ MaNiaC Tells The TRUTH About His Recovery | Flycast 43

One two, one, two. I got beef with you, what you gonna do? I got skeet and poo when you go scoop. I got Pikachu when you're going to choose. Oh, no, I was going to start this off by saying, I'm sure you're wondering why there's no blankets. I mean, you wouldn't got a blanket. The reason there's no blankets is because it's hot as shit in here.

I feel like it's not much hotter than what it usually is. Really? Oh, God, is he going to turn off the fan? No, he is. No, what are you doing, Matt? He was like, oops, one more thing. Oh, no. I kind of like the background noise.

I'm sure the viewers do too. Right, guys? Well, I'm going to listen to... I'm going to listen to this episode and see if you could even hear it in the first, like, 10 seconds? Earthquake.

That's just Matt walking. He's thick now. That's fucked up. That was fucking. I was hoping for a response when I was like, Matt, what size do you wear? because I was like I don't have any small

I knew you were being a dick but he was just large oh yeah go check out the BTH merch guys yes don't do drugs show him the back yep I know you saw that but it's basically a BTAH logo

then I'm rocking the new white BTH logo front and Phoenix on the back oh that's what the back says oh that's pretty dope can you see it yeah I can see it yeah no it looks good it looks good

No, it's pretty good merch. Oh, my God, dude. Are these on sale yet? No. Next, I want to get, like, pictures and, like, a nice... These are, like, really, really dope. I want to get, of course, gotta get... I need to get a picture with Scump.

Yeah, of course. Informal. And then they'll release. So either this will come out Monday. So either this upcoming weekend or the weekend after. You do this through Aaron? Uh, his, does he work with, like it's Aaron's guy, but does Aaron like work with them now to like make the shit? I don't know.

He helps him out though. Talking about the one-up guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those people. That's dope. Yeah, this stuff is really nice. Yeah. This stuff is really nice.

We were thinking about doing a drop or two with them and getting some stuff out. We want to do like a World Cup, a soccer jersey for the World Cup. I wonder if they can pull that off. Who? I guess you can buy like soccer jersey blanks. Yeah. We've already done one with Umbro. We got a bunch of Umbro blanks.

What's Umbro? You know what Umbro is? Uh-uh. Oh, it's like a Nike Adidas umbrough. Right, guys? What, it's like another company? Yeah, it's like a sporting apparel. Nike Adidas?

Umbro. Like Adidas champion. Nenumbrough No it was nice though Those jerseys were fun I'm excited to do another one Yeah these are these are fresh This is like the first BTH drop

Or this is the second I think I don't think I was fresh out of rehab I don't think I made the PR list On the first one It's probably just scumpt Um Actually I got like a sample box So like give to people

And I just kept them all Dude the amount of fucking I don't know why Because I had I probably had like I don't know Maybe like five hoodies Five T-shirts

But I think I just I don't know I was too fucking lazy And then like Every time I was like Fuck I don't have any clothes I would just rip open a new one So I probably have like

Five At least like five BTH hoodies Lay around You know that I used to do that When I first moved to the scuff house I didn't have I didn't have like that many clothes

because I didn't bring any I just drove up and so every once in a while like I wouldn't have laundry done and I would just go into the game shark closet and just dude was the game shark closet the one to the left

I'm thinking there's the basement and there's the bathroom and then wasn't there like a door beside that bathroom that was like a yeah like that's where the all the shit flooded all the time. Oh, really? We had like a shit ton of merch in there at one point.

And I used to always go in there and just like take random stuff. I'm talking about, picture the front door from the inside. Oh, those two separate. Yeah, I did that too. One of those is, I did that shit all the time. And one of those, one of them was all Jimchark stuff. And the other one was all like old like optic like back in the day merch. Like the old like Midnight logo and like the scump logo.

That might have been one of my favorite hoodies, the midnight. Dude, midnight's first logo was so fire. That was such a good hoodie. Midnight, we should drop that again. Yeah, right. Do something like that. She has a dope-ass logo. I wonder if she even uses that logo anymore.

Dude, can we put the game on? The guys are playing right now. Really? Yes. In order to get knocked out. I'm going to put it on my phone. Oh, what? I didn't even watch yesterday.

We lose. Yeah, we lost. To who? To Florida. Which is kind of rough. but it oh oh haven't we lost to Florida before opt it yeah we lost to Florida the last time you're just gonna put it on silent like yeah I'm just gonna put it on silent and just periopally check the check the uh the score could we rip it throw it on our flycast and it's like

flycast reactions imagine it goes to game five round 11 oh we're up one oh I don't know what happened who are we playing uh LAG I don't know what happened, but we're up one out, so that's good. Oh, yeah. Let me move my coffee for you so you can watch. Dude, I was reading the, the, I was reading the comments on the last optic podcast. People are worried about you, man. I was, you know what's crazy?

I was going to say something. Bose texted me and was like, come on, man, step it up. You got people thinking you're relapsing and you're an alcoholic or something like that. Uh, yeah, I wouldn't work, well, obviously, he said it like joking, but, um, yeah, that's funny you brought it up because I wanted to say something about that, too. I didn't look at any of the comments. Yeah, don't. It's not, it's not bad bad. Okay. It's mostly people that, like, have experienced it before and they're like, somebody, make sure Nick's not rel-in. Yeah. Um, no, man. Like, alcohol, for, all right, I have not taken a pill or anything. anything like that, sent to rehab. I've drank. I guess that's not.

But I just, but I've drank, but like I really, I promise I don't have a problem with alcohol. When I do, like set those nights if like, you know,

like, you have like, fuck it nights. Yeah. I have like fuck it nights. But it's like, it's literally not consistent at all.

It'll be like, over the past, like, month. I went to Cabo, came back. Then we went to Austin. I got drunk there. And then I went out again the following weekend. So it would be like I went to Cabo. Of course, I'm like turning up whatever. Came back. Then we went to Austin. I like drank there. I mean, these were all like weeks apart of each other. But like, yeah, I definitely do drink too much in those situations. And I get and that's definitely like my my attic side coming out of it's like I just can't get enough your attic side comes out the night

of but when you get home it's not like you're like it's not like you're lining your shelves with liquor bottles no I'm not yeah I don't drink like I'm never at home drinking alone and I'm always home alone so I'm like I'm never really drinking it'll be like it'll just be those those random nights which might be like one night a week but in the past like month it's been more

it really hasn't even been a lot it's just been it's more than what I have three separate occasions and one of those occasions happen to be a week long at Cabo yeah so that didn't help yeah that did not help

but I mean I can see why it's concerning because but you're also just very open about you. You couldn't be open about you when you were taking Adderall because it was such like a problem. Yeah. Like I easily could have done that podcast not mentioned it at all. Yeah. But I just like oh yeah, it took a couple shots this morning. But I don't know. I just like I feel I guess I'm just like very transparent and like I don't try to hide anything because

I even know before I even said that and after I said that on the podcast I was like someone's gonna yeah and i haven't like streamed in like three weeks like since cabo and i was like people are gonna think i'm like and i've had a couple people like reach out to me and shit and but no it's if i thought you were relapsing i would i promise i don't have a problem with alcohol and i don't even know if i could have a problem with alcohol because it ruins my next day or two so hard that like I don't even the only reason and it sounded bad because like

I got I got drunk it was Memorial Day I was at a pool party is fucking I don't know I just had fun and then woke up the next morning fucking hung over

and I didn't want to be like yo I feel like shit like I'm not coming in because I just didn't want to do that so to cure my hangover and they're like all right man i'm just gonna like take a like because like my head hurts i just fucking feel terrible so i just like took a shot like drank a bunch of water lay down for a

little bit that's like all right let me get up and fucking shower got up showered and then like and then just took another shot and came i wonder if and that sounds bad here coming from like a recovering addict and like someone who you know has problems um it it definitely sounds bad but I promise like alcohol is not an issue. It like fucks my it like fucks everything up about me too like the following days like fucks my stomach

up. It like makes me like shaky. It makes me super anxious. Um so I'm definitely I'm pretty not wise but like I'm pretty I try to be careful with like yeah sometimes I just say fuck it let me just have like a fun night but then other nights

I'm like no I got to do this the next day, so I'm just going to stay home, do nothing. Like, I don't even want to drink. Because I don't even like drinking that much. I've said this a few people. Like, I can under, like, coming from, I mean, if you super watered down and dumbed down how severe your, your whole experience was,

I had a similar experience. And like, so I can, I can understand getting addicted to things like that. I can understand, like, getting addicted to drugs. I can understand getting addicted to drugs. I can understand getting addicted to drugs. I can understand getting addicted to drugs. addicted to like pills but I can't even comprehend getting a getting addicted to alcohol but it happens I don't know how people do it it happens like pills are like so eat like you're

just boom yeah like drink it and then and then you're and then you'll start feeling shit and then you can also just boom and it's like it's so much easier to do and you don't wake up you wake up feeling like shit the next day but you don't wake up like like your stomach's fucked up like you just mentally feel like shit. But alcohol is just it does way too much to I I don't even

I enjoy drinking on like certain nights like fun nights but like I'll never just like sit there and just drink a few beers or anything I would rather not drink I think

I didn't technically I had a I had a pact with myself that I made when I was in sixth grade. And it was my sixth grade teacher said, I guarantee you everyone in this room will smoke a cigarette. And I couldn't stand that teacher. I hated him. So I was like, I will never smoke a cigarette just despite you.

And then I couldn't remember. And then I was like, damn, this guy might be a genius. Like maybe that's, maybe he got us all to hate him, said we would all smoke cigarettes just to get us all not to smoke cigarettes. Maybe he's a genius. But you smoked a cig? It was a cigarette, but it didn't have tobacco with it. So you haven't?

You've never smoked the cig? No, well, I just told you I did. Yeah, but it's not tobacco. Yeah, but it's crazy because I never understood like what getting addicted to cigarettes. Like, how is that? I didn't either. Dude. Until after rehab.

Hated cigarettes. Really? Even like, you know how some people don't never smoke cigs. but it's like they're drunk at you know you're drunk at the event Sunday night you'll you'll like smoke a cig or something yeah I never understood it I never did either until I stopped taking everything else yeah and I was like fuck I feel that's just like the the addict side of like always wanting to like distract yourself because you're just like I think yeah you're just like not that comfortable without like

a distraction. Dude, it is wild how it affects. My brain has been thinking about it ever since. And it didn't even have tobacco in it. It was because it was like a, what is the, what is the minty kind? Like, makes your, menthol? Menthal. It was a menthol. It made me like minty all here. And you liked it? And I can't, my brain can't stop thinking about it. Really? How crazy is that? Yeah. It was like, I've only had one ever in my life. And it wasn't even technically a cigarette. Wait, how long ago was this? Three weeks, two weeks ago. Oh, shit. Isn't that weird?

You just been, yeah, man. I had the same thing. One time I had to go to the hospital, the emergency room, because I had a, what is it? An ulcer, like a stomach ulcer, so I couldn't pass gas. So my stomach filled up with air. It was the worst pain I've ever felt. I went to the ER and they gave me morphine. And for the next, I'd swear to you.

It was like the next three months. I would drive past that because we drive past that ER every day. I drive past that ER and I would go, the morphine's in there. I don't know if I've ever had morphine. I bet that shit's nice. It is in. It is. I was seriously, you can ask Aaron.

Aaron was in the room because he took me to the hospital. Aaron and Nina. I was sitting there in the bed, in the worst pain of my life. Like actually like doing this to the fact where, to the point where like Nina went and got the nurse was like, Hey, like he is really bad. Like they were waiting on a doctor.

So she came in and gave me morphine and within a millisecond I was better. Dude. But I could still feel my stomach. I could still feel the air bubble. Like it was literally I was like, I was like out here. And I could still feel

it and I could still tell that it was hurting my body but I couldn't feel the pain. It was it was insane. Yeah. That's It's, uh, I always wondered what like crack smoking crack with like, dude, how do people, because you see everyone that's like, you know, you have a picture in your head of what a crack head looks like. Yeah.

And it's like, why do? I want a before and after. I want to, well, this isn't going to help my case, but I want to. No, you don't want to try it. I've always wanted to try a hit of crack because like that shit happens. That's to be crazy. Or like heroin or something. To like fuck someone's whole life up?

It has to be insane. Literally one hit. But it's evil. It's literally evil. I won't. I'm not going to fucking do crack or heroin or fucking anything like that. We just started it off by you like, I'm fine. I'm fine.

But I want to take a hit of crack. No. Well, I'm mostly just like, no, I'll never do fucking crack. I'm mostly just like curious of. what that feeling is because I know the feeling of being on like a couple bars of Xanax or hundreds and hundreds of milligrams of Adderall and it's like yeah that crazy can or that feeling can be like

kind of nuts sometimes and it's like I wonder what like other drugs or so weird other feelings are out there have you been tempted since you haven't even tempted haven't even haven't been tempted in like the least bit yeah me neither I saw, I've only seen one pill since I stopped. And I saw it and I was like, like, ugh. I was like taken like, whereas in 2016 through 2019, I would have just like, oh, who's is that? Right now.

But like. Yeah. No, even people I've like been, I'll like go out with like, even like the girls, they're all like, like, you want to. Not like asking me, but it's like I just, I hear them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think some people know my history, and so I think they, like, don't say it in front of me or like, but I know they're doing it. But it's like, I just have no, there's no fucking reason to do it because it's not like I'm going to do it one day, enjoy it. And then like be okay the next few days.

It's like it's going to make me want it even more. Yeah. I mean, I know I could take it once and never do it again again, but it's like it's not. even like worth it. I don't think I could. I couldn't take it one time and then be like yeah that was my last one. I could just to like prove a point but I guess to prove a point if somebody was like you know 50,000 no no chance you'll be able to I mean I could do that but like I would never just be like one little one won't hurt because that's like that's the start yeah and like rehab people would would say like you know be careful like who you're hanging out with and it's like your friends

gonna you're gonna see it around and it's gonna be and you know like people try to keep alcohol even the sight of alcohol away from alcoholics and stuff like that but i don't know for me it doesn't yeah i feel like i had my last straw of like just absolutely hating my fucking life on it yeah and so now when i see it's like that's kind of what i that's kind of what i see i don't see like the good parts of it yeah like i look at it now and i'm like that shit i look at it now like that shit's so That's how I think. It's like directly correlated with a bunch of shitty things that happen in my life. And so I'm just like, yeah.

Like that's the, I blame it all on, I mean, even though it's not, it's a personality as well. And like me, but like I blame it all in that fucking little tiny pill. Yeah, that pill was, uh, I mean, I had some like decent memories on it. But really the only thing I enjoyed was playing video games on it, weirdly. Yeah And now you can't even play games, huh? Or why haven't you been streaming? Oh, you don't stream from the studio anymore

No, I just haven't streamed in like three weeks Oh, your whole setup's gone Is it? No, just kidding. It's still there. Yeah, I was going to say I was in there like the other day. I think it was, I think it's probably been picked apart a little bit, but No, I'm going to stream from the HQ.

I'm going to start streaming again Sunday or Monday, but the reason I haven't been streaming is I just been so another episode of how depressed maniac is. I've been so depressed. And I think that's probably another reason why people are worried because they might like hear the alcohol shit on the podcast and they like see I haven't even streamed in three weeks. Haven't even been tweeting.

Haven't been tweeting. Haven't been responding to anyone. And I just been so fucking depressed. I'd say the number one thing is because my back's fucked up. Like even when I was showing my shirt off, it felt like I almost like tweaked my back. Right. Yeah. And it's like, it's so fucking annoying.

And I wanted to ask this, if anyone listening has ever experienced, I think it's called Skyatica back pain. It's like lower back pain that like shoots into your legs. And like that's how you know it's your like back pain's really getting bad is when it starts shooting down your legs. Like it'll, it's like back pain all. even like just doing that but it's like lower back

pain it's like right above it's almost like where the back dimples are shooting like down your leg and even like all the way into my calf that's how far it's that's how far the pain is going on? That's how much it's over like in the past like month that's like what it's become. Oh shit.

Since like Cabo like going to before I even went to Cabo I stopped working out for like a week or two before because my back pain was just so bad. definitely couldn't squat or lunge or run at all so i like took a little break before cabo it's probably like a week or two i was like let me just like rest and see if like that does it because it's like any other pain i've had in my life it's like you sort of just rest and it like gets better like my fucking my shoulder um uh but it just the more and more i guess i laid around

and like tried to rest it it was just like the worst it got it would just but I think my like sleep posture is really bad because I sleep in like weird ass positions

and just like being so stationary just like made it worse and worse then I went to Cabo I did some like

half ass workouts there but like you know just laying around drinking the whole time eating dog shit so that didn't help came back back still hurts

I'm fucking I'm like hungover from Cabo. I don't want to do anything. Don't want to work out. I'm still eating like shit. And it just fucking spiraled and spiraled and kept getting worse and worse. Yeah.

So I would say that's probably like... But you're on the upswing now? As of today. Like today I woke up. I worked out. That's why the flight has been postponed so many times. Because the scheduling conflicts. Yeah.

Because sometimes you're just like, no. But we were supposed to do it that the day of that, that the optic podcast when I said that. But I took like my two shots to just make it there. And then after that, I was like, dude, I went home. I think I was, was I supposed to get a tattoo that day? Maybe it's the next day. Well, I was, I think the day of the podcast,

I was supposed to do the fly cast and then get a tattoo or something. But I even like canceled on my tattoo. And I just went to sleep. And I slept for like six, seven hours woke up. And I was like, fuck. yeah like that was so worth it like canceling on everything because i felt like so much better but i was just uh i think um i'm waiting for one more thing to happen in my life that i've i've been working on and once that's done i think i'm going to start getting tattoos really i just got

uh i've always i've always wanted to get more can you show nips on youtube yeah you can show your ass on youtube holy shit is that what you're doing today oh wait when are you finishing that I just got this like yesterday Is it still hurt? Fuck yeah Yeah it's It's fucking torture I don't really get when people

It might itch a little Mine itched like crazy Yeah I hear that all the time But like no tattoos I ever got have itched But I also like moisturized the shit out of it And I remember I worked with this girl I worked with this girl And I had my rap on my rap on

my on my tattoo at Walgreens and I was walking around I was like oh my god itches so much and I was like putting that stuff on it and I was telling her like it itches she was like just hit it I was like what she's like when she was like when black people's hair itches we hit it and I was like and then I was like oh my god that feels so good yeah and then she was like she was like I told you sweetie and I was like so I just went around the whole time just like hitting my arm that kind of that kind of happens with my motorcycle helmet. Like, I'll get an itch right here. And it's like, I can't really move it.

Oh, yeah. Smack the top of my motorcycle helmet moving around. That sounds like torture. Because I don't think you can, like, really hit that. And especially, sometimes you can move the helmet around slightly to let you get it. But sometimes it'll be in a spot and you're just like fucked. I remember that, I remember for that feeling in like, just as a kid and like bicycle helmets. I can't imagine on a motorcycle.

Oh, my God. Seth is going nuts. Did we win game two? Yeah, they're up too well. I think they're like fry-frying. Damn, I wanted to go to Toronto. Toronto, Toronto seems dope. It does seem dope.

It was just too much. Have you ever been there? I've been in Niagara Falls twice. Is that in Toronto? No. Or is that in Canada? It's in Canada. Like on the Canadian side.

Niagara Falls is like in, I think it's in Jersey or is in New York. It's one of those places. Niagara Falls? Yeah. Half of it is in Jersey and half of it is in. Canada. Because like the whole like river where the falls fall. That's that's one side of it.

But yeah. I was sad that the cod team lost, but. Yeah, I didn't even watch. Like when I tell you, bro, these like last three weeks. You haven't looked at anything? I haven't looked at shit. I didn't watch the game yesterday. I ignore all foremost texts.

Monster hit me up. okay well he's had like five texts sent to me and i just haven't responded to fucking anyone like yeah i've been kind of going through the last couple days hilton's hilton's called me like four times and i've just been like laying in my bed yeah he called me yesterday and but i was like getting tattooed and he was like yo call me when you're back and i just like i feel bad i need to text him but also it's like i ignore everyone hilton's like maybe one of the only people like even picked their shit up. And me. Maybe if you called me.

Then I'd be like, if you called me, I'd probably like, my heart would start racing. Like, oh my God, what's happening? Really? Yeah. Why? Well, I feel like you never call me. Yeah, I don't call anyone. I don't call any.

I hate people who do call. Really? Yeah. Well, I don't hate people. You hate them. But it's like, I want like, uh, give me like a pretext. Yeah. I'm like, yo, I need to talk to you about this merch drop.

Yeah. Like, don't just fucking call me. Because I'll, like, never pick up. Now imagine someone's showing up at your door and knocking. No, your heart racing. I had some of those experience. Did I ever tell the story of, like, when I was cracked the fuck out and someone was knocking on my door at like 2 a.m? And I thought it was Linda.

Yes. I think I have told that story. Yeah, you did tell you. I'm still wondering, bro, I'm playing. I always, everyone, just so you know, everyone besides you thinks that you were just so cracked out that you made that all up in your head. There's no way though But what Okay

So it's like 2 a.m. I'm gaming And I don't I might have been calling out Or something But I hear a knock And I'm like What the fuck is that

And I'm like so paranoid And just like I'm just at such a bad place mentally That it's like Any other time I'd like At the peephole And be like who the fuck is But I was just like so fucking scared

And I also have like a paranoia Of peeping through a peephole just seeing a gun and someone shooting me in the face. I don't know why you're so scared. I don't know why either. I don't know why. Maybe I'd like, because you know they wouldn't be able to tell.

I had like a bad dream or something. It's in a movie, isn't it? Isn't that in like, what's the movie? What's the movie with like the two brothers? With the, with the guns.

They do it for Jesus. I have no idea. They know what I'm talking about. But I think that scene is in that movie. And so that's where I don't know why. I'm scared of that. Even like, I don't know why I'm scared of door knocks. Like someone, I think I was like laying in my bed.

It's like 11 a.m. or something. Like kind of just woke up and I hear a knock at the door. And I was like, yeah, no. I don't talk to the door. You don't answer knocks on the door. But like I was like, okay, let me man up. And I like peep through the people. And it's just like a delivery guy delivering a baggage.

And I'm just like, what the fuck is wrong with me? I kind of have a solid reasoning of why I'm. Never mind. We'll talk about that later. Okay. So anyway, oh, the weird part is it's 2 a.m. I hear a knock on my door. And at first I'm like, damn, was I, like, being too loud or something?

But I was like, I don't think I was, like, being that loud. Like a neighbor complaining. So I just, I literally fucking, like, I probably, like, quit out of my game, shut my PC off. Me and Jr. are scared shitless. Just, like, standing in my room. Junior's, like, behind me. I'm just imagining you, like, a buck 35. Dude, I was sitting in the corner, scared with junior.

Literally, like, literally hiding around the corner in my bedroom, like, standing, like, trying to think of, like, what happens if, like, they just get in somehow. And then also I was scared of, or I was, like, hiding in my bedroom because I was like, what if someone, like, crawled on my balcony? And, like, there's someone at my balcony door right now. Dude. Were you on the first floor? Fourth floor. That's, I don't know. I really don't fucking know, man.

That just, that just shows the state I was in. But anyway, knock goes away for, like, I'd say, like, eight minutes. And I'm still probably just, like, standing there. I think at that point I, like, sat on my bed. But then I hear, like, a slight knock again. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I just fucking, I just didn't move.

I just like, God. Did you ever ask her? There's no way it was her. So you think it was just someone, I have no idea. I have no fucking... There's no way it was her, though. Who else would be?

Who else would come to my apartment and like knock pretty lightly? And then literally like eight minutes later. Knock again. Yeah, knock again. Same. Yes. I forgot about that. That's what fucking freaked me out.

That's what fucking made me lose it. Yeah. I was gaming. I hear a knock and I like take my headset off and I like look at my door and I can like see it. kind of going like this. Dude, you hallucinated this. That's what fucking freaked me out. You hallucinated this for sure.

And then I heard another knock. And then I didn't even look. That's what it fucking was. That's, I forgot about that part. Yeah, I remember that being like the climax of the story. But there's no fucking way. There's no way I was hallucinating. Like, I feel like never hallucinated.

I mean, maybe, too, there's just no way. That you know what. It was like, it was too, it happened. It happened. Like, I saw it move. But that would be fucking nuts if it didn't have or if I did hallucinate. I mean, how much of a bender were you on in that particular moment? It's probably like up for like three, four days.

It was like towards the end of my bendy. That for sure. Dude, if you're up for four days, do you know how bad that is? That used to be my schedule. It would be like minimum 72 hours. And then like sometimes it could be like maybe get a little over 100. and by that time I'd probably take in maybe close to like a thousand

that is so bad that is so bad bro makes me hit my jewel yeah do you ever think like holy shit I'm like lucky to be here yeah yeah definitely mostly because it's like I think you gotta take more Adderall than that

to like kill you but with the combo of like Adi and Zins it's like I don't know you never really know what your heart's going to do, but also... That's like literally how Mac Miller died. Well, it's the random fucks you get it from that could be cutting it with something. And for that, I'm like thankful.

Like, because I was like so desperate to always take that it's like I didn't even... It's almost like at that point it's like I didn't care. It's like I had to take it. Do you ever like read something that's like haunting and you can't get it out of your head? Because I read, I don't know if you want to hear this. But I read something about like...

Have you like heard a whole Macmillar's whole situation? Kind of, yeah. Dude, it's like his, like, last 24 hours is, like, haunting. Because, especially because he probably did it twice a week. Like, he probably did exactly what he did that night a hundred times, which is... Probably thousands of times. Yeah, probably thousands. He probably did it, like, damn near every day.

Yeah. He messaged, messaged his dealer. His dealer didn't respond. He messaged another dealer. That dealer said, I'll... I got you as long as you buy a girl. So he got a girl for a night. Then his other dealer responded again.

Mack bought a girl from this guy? Yeah, for a night. And then he brought it from a girl. So it was like a girl that sold drugs and girls for a night. So he bought a girl. The girl came in with all the drugs. They hung out for the whole night. And then his other dealer, while he was with the girl,

said, sorry, bro, just getting to this. Yeah, I got you. When can I bring it? And then so he bought from him too He was like All right yeah I'll just take whatever from you Then he had everything in one night

And then one of One of those was a was bad product It was like cut with something It was fentanyl And then he The cops found him In praying position on his bed What?

And that's what has stuck with me Ever since I heard it Yeah I mean there were plenty of nights Where I was like That is like heartbreaking bro Yeah Yeah. Like haunting almost.

Yeah. I wonder what his like day-to-day mindset was, or if he was just like always numbing himself. And the bad part is there's so, there's so many, there are so many, like, celebrities out there that are probably like that. There's just so much access to so much shit. Yeah. It's like, dude, like, what was that, uh, there was a guy that went to rehab while you were in rehab that I thought y'all were going to the same. place. Like a artist?

Yeah, like a super famous. He used to hang out. He wouldn't be going to the place I went. Yeah, but he went to the same one, but in Chicago, the one in Chicago. In Arizona? In Arizona, yeah, yeah. That one. Yeah, I heard that was a super nice one.

I heard that one's like insane. Apparently the one I went to, it's like, I guess they're trying to make it like that eventually. But it's like, when I win, it was like literally brand new. I think it was there for maybe like five months. Oh, really? Yeah. So it was about as basic as you can get.

It was fucking. Who's the guy that used to hang out with XXX, Tintoshion? Smoke perp. Maybe it's him. It's one of those guys. It was like really bad at one point. And another rapper took a PJ to his house and picked him up and flew him to Arizona. Oh, shit.

Like that's how like crazy it was. And I remember reading. I remember seeing this all happen while you were in rehab. And I was like, oh my God, they might be going in the same place. I wonder if I would have went to Arizona. Like, I would have been like, saw him be like, wait a second. Like, I've seen you somewhere. God, what is his name?

I can't remember his name. Was it a, fuck. I just watched the X, X, X,X, X, X, X, X, X, documentary on Hulu as well. Is it pretty good? It's kind of, like, fucked up, though, because he was kind of like a fucked up person. Yeah.

Like, he had, he just had, like, hell of anger issues, like, beat the shit out of his ex. Yeah. And I don't know. But it seemed like by the end of, he started, like, being aware of how shitty he was being and was starting to, like, change. Yeah. At least that's the way, like, the documentary made it. And it was, like, yeah, it was pretty sad because, like, you, they, you should watch it. The documentary just came out.

but it's like his mom is interviewed his baby mama's interviewed some of his family's interviewed smoke perp is that his fucking name smoke perp smoke perp is one of the guys but that's not the guy he's being interviewed like his baby mama's ex and it's like all these people that were like super close to him and like really knew him

uh would just like speak on him one of his like producers had like I think he was like just recording on his phone because they were in like a music session so it's like whatever, you know, someone says something good. Like, it was like, what was that? Playback again. But he had, like, a recording on his phone of, like, X, not, like, breaking down to him,

but, like, just telling him, like, how much, how much ex telling him how much he appreciated him. And it was just, like, a basic, like, white boy, like, me. Really? And it was, like, and, like, a little bit older. And he was just, like, just saying how much he appreciated him and, like, just talking about, like, life and stuff. And I was like, this is the side I want to see. Was that his producer from, like, Day.

one oh the guy's just three oh lg or l a g on to the next yeah i think we play crem next uh shit um what was i talking about oh was that oh someone from like day one no i think it was like someone he's signed with after his first like big hit and then they just got like really close yeah towards the but like they show like he has like multiple fight videos really of him just like getting in street fights and like him like beating the shit out of like some kid who owed his manager money. Has there ever been like a proper documentary besides those like YouTube documentaries that that

one dude does about like the O Block Chicago rap scene? I mean there's a fuck ton of them. Like besides like the vice documentaries that are like 15 minutes long. Yeah. Has there ever been like a you? I'm sure someone's working on it. like one you would want to see on like Netflix or who yeah yeah like I don't like from chief keef yeah yeah I would love to see that I don't think there's a it's a heartbreak that's

there's a lot of heartbreak in that but it's a whole different world too that one dude on YouTube that does it you know he just like he just kind of like narrates stuff and like I'm trying to think of his name if it's trap lord Ross is that his name? It's just like this random white dude, right? You can just hear, and he just voiceovers everything and like B-rolls everything. Yeah, I'm not sure.

There's like so many of those though. Yeah. But yeah, I definitely want like I love those kind of documentaries from like people that just live a totally different life than me. It's crazy. It's like a totally different world in the same like, it's not like it's on the other side of the planet.

It's literally, we live 45 minutes away from it. It's 45 minutes away from us. Bose was going down there. Yeah. Dude, if I would have known what I know now when we were in the scuff house, I would have been like, yo, stop. Yeah, like, come on. Like, Bose was putting his life in jeopardy.

Yeah. Like, all the time. Because, like, just going down there and, like, hanging out, like, he's in, like, the projects. Or, like, at least, like, someone he's, that just happens to be in there, like, some, the ops could have been following them. and it's like, boom, they're going to break into this house and just like... Regardless of whoever he's with, if he's down there,

there's someone in his crew, or there's someone in that scene, or like crew, that is... That is considered like an enemy by another crew. And at any point, something could happen. Bro, Bose fucking love that shit, too. Dude.

You all give me fucking anxiety. There is, like... You're cracked out. A gangster side to both. Bose is going down there. Yeah. Just like good time. Even the,

Bose's like best friend who he was hanging out with all the time. I don't even know how they got so close. I think he was, I think he liked games. Yeah. They like little Dirk in ASAP.

Yeah. They just love call duty. And then. Well, Dirk's like right-hand man was. Was ASAP. And then ASAP got killed from like gun violence. Yeah.

We saw him. He used to come up. over to the house all the time. Yeah. You only know like what type of life he was probably living. Yeah. Like Bose is going down.

And it's just crazy because we see him and he's the nicest guy. Like literally the nicest guy in our house. He was one of those people that like didn't, not like a nice guy as in like a nerd or like a soft guy from the hood.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like something about him. He just, he didn't try to be cool. No. was like genuinely interested in like what the fuck he's like what's going on with this like game and shit like this is dope as fuck like genuine is the best way to describe him because it seemed like he was always there and whenever he was there he was never like man i'm in this house with gamers like he was always just like yo what are you doing like yeah and i'd be like oh what's up sap and he's like hey

yeah because like some of the other people that came over and it's like people from chicago like they don't i guess when they're out of their element they don't really talk like like that like you see it with like rappers and like interviews and stuff like they're not they're sort they don't really say shit unless they just like answer the question yeah and it's like some of the people like dirk sap some other people would come over like some of the other people it's like they're just like staying quiet they're just they're just there because dirk's there and it's like they're probably his like protection I'm sure they had like guns and shit oh dude sap always had a backpack on yeah they all always had a fucking backpack oh he's the nicest guy but he always had a backpack

And I just remember, and I didn't think about it until after him. I was like, damn, man. Like, that's just a different world. I wonder if, it's like so sad. I wonder if we still lived over there. You know how Dirk's blown the fuck up sense? If, like, Dirk would come over now and, like, just chill. Dude, I bet you his body, because he had a bodyguard with him,

but he also had a bunch of boys with him. But he had one bodyguard with him. I bet you he's got like five now. Yeah. He's so big. I wonder if they hire. Especially since, since we've moved, you've got to. to think about how many rappers have been killed.

Yeah. X. Uh, uh, the guy from L.A. Damn. I can't believe I can't remember his name. Juice World.

That peeped overdo. Yeah, no, the guy from L.A. with tear drops. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. Oh. If anybody's watching this. That knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Nipsey. Nipsey. Nipsey. Natsy. Like, there's a bunch of, there's a bunch of like, uh, and those are like, and he was like a oh well vaughn but like nipsy apparently i didn't know i didn't

never even this is going to sound like super whatever and i don't care but i had never even heard of nipsy huffsell before he died i'd never heard of him and so i started listening to his music and like listen or like watching interviews and stuff he was like pretty smart he was a jean yeah he was a genius and he was like towards the end like towards the end of his career he was like super about or I guess probably for the duration of his career from my understanding he was like super about the community that's why L.A. loved him

and somebody just killed him and the reason he got killed was like someone that apparently snitch like I don't know pulled up in like in front of his shop that he was at and I think he sold like merch and shit there whatever but he

was just like there I don't even know if it was like in the hood but this dude he's I think he snips he saw this guy and was like, ain't this that snitch ass motherfucker? And like kind of caught him out on it. Or like said like, didn't you sign some papers or something like that?

And then they got in sort of like an argument. Dude left. And then I don't know how long later just like comes back with a gun, shoots him. I think he fucking, I don't know how exactly you went. I want to I'm like picturing it like a movie.

Like he like shot him, stood over him. like made sure he's dead like shot him again and like the head or something i could have just made that all up but i'm pretty sure it went something like that dude that is and then apparently nipsy's last words were like damn what oh shit the subliners lost to the royal ravens damn crims piss so we play we play the royal ravens next is that good i mean i i i'd rather play the ravens than the subliners right now. Wow, that's actually wild. Okay, sorry.

Apparently Nipsey's last words were like, damn, you got me. Dude. And I'm just like, what the fuck? Remember what I just said about like a haunting detail that stays with you? That's going to stay with me. Yeah, dude, it's fucking nuts.

That's their lifestyle. Am I the only one who's like, afraid to die? Like, these people, like, I can't imagine what that feeling is of like knowing you're going to die. Well, they just know they're going to... I think if you're in that world,

you know you're going to die eventually. And if you survive, you got lucky. I feel like that's how they see it. One of the guys in the documentary that was talking to X asked him, or he... I think it was like a producer or something. He had a baby, and X was like,

like, congrats, you're going to be a great dad. And then I think at the time, X had a girlfriend. And the guy was like, hey, you're a great guy too, man. Like, you too. You're going to be a great dad one day. And X was like, like, to like laughed and was like,

I ain't even gonna make it past 21 and then he died at 20. And it was just like little conversations like that in the documentary. You're just like, what the fuck? Dude. That is such a wild. Yeah.

It's literally a different. It's a different way of life. Like it's a whole fucking Their brother literally. It's an old like different world. Like even just their way of thinking. It's like they don't see. um like they don't see opportunity

they don't see like all right go to school college or whatever job I feel like they don't picture like progression progression progression progression they just see this like war zone that they're in so sad bro yeah it's crazy that like

I wonder if but I mean like shit like that has been around since humans entire existence and it's like is there a way to stop that? Like, why? How did this shit

start? Will humans always be violent? Is that what you're asking? Like, will there always be, like, a project in major cities and gun violence, especially in major cities? And, like, I'm just wondering, like, how did it start? Did it start with, like... Violence? I think there'll always be violence.

I don't want to get on the whole gun thing right now because of how America is. So I'm wondering in like a raceway. Why? How did like, did it go from like slaves and then like they had kids, they had kids, and then they like got forced into these like poor areas where they were literally given nothing and they had nothing to like even make money off of and that it's we're still like trying to get out of that. I've seen the documentary about the high rises that were the high rise projects that were in Chicago. and that's like still

I mean they don't exist anymore but that's still the areas and they literally just through people that didn't have money into these skyscrapers of projects you know with no I mean no water like no water dryer

like nothing and then the crime gets crazy because and then that's and then they eventually said well this is bad so they tore all of them down but then they still now there's instead of skyscrapers they're just houses like their housing districts so it's like still yeah it's still same same thing and that's something that people I think that I mean I'm not one to talk on it I don't know much but yeah like what you just said is yeah accurate yeah not even like want to say that

because it's like I don't I don't know I don't know either but it's like it's fucked and it's like something very very privileged in the fact that I don't know I like will say that. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Um, but yeah, I mean, the, the, the, the history, especially and the reason like Chicago is so bad is because of, because of that. You should look that up. The, I forgot what the name of the, the projects are, but it's literally like, like, you can see, it's like in the 80s, they built them and they're literally, it's like a field of nothing, and then like five skyscrapers that are just housing districts that look like, it looks like an industrial district and that's where they put everyone that was low income like that was basically

i could be talking about it's crazy how many people are like because it'll be like a big ice building a big ice building a big ice building then just like field all around it field and like grass and dirt all around it but it's like in those just three buildings just like 5,000 people maybe like 10,000 people which is fucking nuts And, like, everyone's poor. And it's just, like, they don't know. Everything sort of around them is poor. And it's just, like, they don't know what else to do.

Like, they just don't know anything else. Have you ever watched The Wire? I, like, kind of skimmed through season one. Like, put it on, but, like, barely watch. Really? And it's from Baltimore, too. Which is where I'm from, even though I was, like, an hour and a half north. Is this?

Gang signs? Dude, it's just the way that, the way that they're like, you get this block, you get this block. Does it, does it get better and better as the seasons go on? I thought it started amazing, so I don't know. I thought it, I thought,

I was interested at first, but then it just became like background noise. Yeah, I mean, you probably started texting and shit and missed a few things. TikTok. Yeah, yeah. Bro, it's so bad.

I get that. Dude, I can't even take a pee without. Dude, I took a shit this morning And my phone was like charging And I was like Almost about to cut my shit To go get my phone And then like resume

Like it's really bad Alexis gets Alexis gets like frustrated with it She's like you are always Always consuming content And I'm like Yeah And she's like I feel like you don't even do it for fun

What do you look at on your phone? I scroll through Twitter, I scroll through Instagram, and then when I'm caught up with that, then either I do like TikToks or like I check Slack or I check like whatever's going, like all the business stuff and then

I'll check my email. And then I'll look at YouTube. When I sit down, I don't even, I haven't watched the TV. I can't remember the last time I watched the TV show. I just look at YouTube. Besides the Kardashians, I was just watching that. You were watching Keeping up. Page put me on.

Dude. Do you see the interview with Kim talking about how when she first met Pete Davidson? I have never watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Is it on that?

I don't know if... Because I think I have one more episode to go. Oh, I don't want to spoil it. I saw it on academics Instagram page. It's an interview? Yeah. And what does she say?

Like, just where she met him and shit? She said... It was on SNL, right? She said, I texted the guy I knew from S&L and asked him about this guy because I heard he had BDE and I was DTF. Kim Kardashian. And I hope it wasn't, actually, I hope it was edited.

I hope whatever academics put on his Instagram page was edited. Because I was just like, there's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way she said BDE DTF. I know they, maybe it was like afterward. Like maybe she met him.

They did like a skit together and shit. Like she thought he was like funny, charming. Has like a weird look to him. And she liked it. Because I mean, Pete Davidson's not like hot. But like I can see there's something about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when girls say they want like a white skinny, tatted guy, like it's like I kind of picture that.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I get that. So I'm sure they like met, vived a little bit. Dude, imagine your fucking. like imagine i like someone comes kim k comes into the HQ and like i somehow know her and then i text you and i'm like yo you're not gonna believe you're not gonna believe who just texted me wanting you dude that would be fucking nuts but i mean he's also he probably thought he was

that'd be more nuts for us because i mean he was dating ariana grande no he's definitely a very charming guy like he's he's a hot dude he reminds me of myself yeah I did it I saw an interview with him

and someone was like asked something about depression who's just like oh I'm always depressed and that buddy said like a good like literally like my mindset of like getting out of depression of like

you kind of just are depressed so much that you start learning how to all right I got to just get the fuck up out of bed. Yeah. Just like go. It sounds like corny or like go walk around. Go take a walk.

But it's like it's not even those specific things, but it's like you just got to like get up. I'm actually, is it weird to say that I'm like, I'm pretty good at being depressed now. I'm pretty good at it. What do you do like you're good at like handling it? Yeah. Because this week has been the first time. This week has been the first time since. that's very key by the way

being good at being depressed it's very key yeah because I feel like I'm getting there to where it's like my depression has been a hard like three weeks like I'm telling you my days these last three weeks and it's not

because I'm an alcoholic I'm not fucking drinking at my apartment like I'll yeah we just gotta like I'm not an alcoholic alcohol would never be a problem for me I don't even like it like that uh

Anyways, but my fucking last three weeks have been like, I'll literally wake up. Just like get right on my phone. I'm in bed. If I decide to shower, maybe I'll shower. But like say it's a day where it's like I don't have to do anything. There's no like content, whatever. I'll literally just wake up, scroll through my phone, watch YouTube videos. And that'll be like four or five hours.

Then I'll order like DoorDash. And then I'll be, I'll eat so much. at least like $50 worth the door dash. Eat all of that while still laying. The only time I leave my apartment is to go get my door dash. And even then I'm like paranoid in the hallways. I'm like, I hope no one talks to me. Give my door dash come back up.

I'm right back to the bed. Yeah. Fucking eat. Watch more shit. Maybe fall asleep. Probably not. And smoke weed all day. Yeah.

And not even enjoy it. And then I'll get like a text like, you are right? No, just, I'm like, that just piss me off. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

it does make it worse. I'm like, that just piss me off because like, no, I'm not all right. Thanks for like trying to check in,

but I'm not even like checked in myself. Yeah. And I do like appreciate it. Like anyone who would like ever checks on me. Because if somebody reaches out, you're hoping, it seems like you're hoping

that you can shut everyone out and no one will notice. Yeah. No one will care. Yeah. But then when people, And then when I'm ready, I can just like spawn back in. And they're like, hey, man, how you been?

Like no days have gone back. Yeah. But when people check in on you, then it makes you be like, okay, it is obvious. Yeah. It is obvious that I, like, don't want to talk to people right now. Yeah. And literally, it's just laying in bed. Like, literally the only time I got out of bed was in, like, the past three weeks was to go out, um, drinking on, like, Memorial Day.

With Aaron. And just being like, all right. coming to this. And that was sort of like, I was so depressed where I was like, you know, and I'm going to get up today. Like, I'm going to go out, have fun tomorrow. I'm waking up tomorrow. I'm a workout. And like this will be, let me get, let me just go out, have fun, get back into like the social norm of shit of like actually getting up, going out, talking to people, whatever.

And it's like, I'll come back tomorrow. I know I'll be hung over, but I'll like just push through it. But then that fucking, then I just wake up the next day. And I'm like, I fucking just hate my life. and I don't want to fucking do anything. And then I'll be like, man, why do I feel like this? Why me? But I've gotten better to where it's only lasted me like three weeks max.

Yeah. Like before I feel like I would go much. Mine's down to like a week. Like literally not leaving my bed. The first time it really happened was like in college. And I dead ass did not get out of bed. I didn't go to class. I didn't get out of bed.

I slept. I told everyone I was sick. I wasn't sick. Because sometimes I wonder if people's like depression is like mine to where like they don't leave their bed. Yeah. Like they don't shower. I'll go one day max without showering by the way.

But like don't leave their bed. Don't shower. They ignore everyone. But I guess I'm like naturally like a messy person. I'm not dirty but I'm messy. So like I put my clothes on the floor. When that shit starts piling up. And when that starts piling up.

You feel like the. You're like, biggest loser. Yeah, it's like, oh, I'm just a loser and I'm just going to sit in bed

and lay in bed. And so that, that, I mean, it's not like that now, but that's how, that's how, I just remember that's how it was in college.

And then it happened like twice in the scuff house where I was just like, but like, it gets better because you start like realizing it. Like you can, it's like you can feel it here.

Like when you, when I start like worrying about something or getting anxious about something or like something goes wrong and that's what sparks it, I can like feel it. here and I'm just like okay

instead of sleeping all day how about I sleep until one and then I'll take a shower and then I'll go outside for 10 minutes see if that helps and then that's just kind of how I how I like get better and better yeah it's fucking

luckily I'm like on the super routine that like I have to go to it's so nice it's so nice I was literally in I've been in such like a good consistent schedule like pretty much since rehab but like these past

I'd say the past month has been the past like three weeks has been the worst I felt since like before rehab yeah because I haven't like you know conquered at all I guess I can still fall into into these traps

have you still I mean I feel like the biggest thing for you is to get help with your back that is the biggest thing it was this my back 100% started it because it threw off my once I because my entire routine for the past Lord knows how many months like eight months has been wake up I'll wake up at like 7 730 a.m. And then I have to be at the gym by 8 because class starts.

So it's like sometimes I wake up at 730 and it's like I don't want to go. But it's like no like you have to go. You don't have a choice. Yeah. Like you got to go. And so that start and then I'll go. I'll work out, get the blood flowing. I feel a little bit.

I feel like shit after the workout, but it's like just a shit post workout feeling. It's not like a depressed, I guess. But I'll feel a little better like mentally, got some momentum going. I'll eat like a clean meal. Let's get some more momentum shower, more momentum. And then just immediately get dressed and immediately like walk to the HQ. That's how I started my days. And then once I got my back problem, it was so, it's so fucking annoying.

all the time I feel pain And it feels better than what it did I'd say like three weeks ago Or a month ago Yeah that's good Have you got it checked out yet? No I need to fucking text my chiropractor He was supposed to like candle all that

And it was like a week ago Where I talked to his I guess assistant Who's like doing Who was scheduled me for an MRI Yeah Like gave him my insurance and everything But I haven't heard back from them. I actually need to text them because

I do want to MRI but it's also like I don't even know what the fuck they're going to do for me like they're going to send me to they're probably going to send me to physical therapy but it's like I almost feel like I sort of know what to do because all I fucking do is watch YouTube videos about shit like this

so I feel like I could sort of know what to do but I just when it hurts and I'm depressed and I have no fucking momentum my apartment's disgusting it's like i don't want to wake up and like do these stretches and then do these core workouts and then do more stretches after and then go take a walk because it's like being stationary so worst fucking thing and i don't know i just don't so it's like

i i sort of know what to do i just have to literally force myself to do it yeah i get like it's a lot better when i i like get my motivation from like other people and not letting other people down. That's how I like. I've been feeling like the biggest loser because of that too. Yeah. Like I wanted, I want to,

I got to put a hold on like this whole fitness thing. Even like this boxing shit I want to do. It's like I have to figure out my fucking back because I, this is fucking, it's the, it's definitely the worst injury I've ever had my life. Like I've never, usually it's just like,

I feel like as a kid you just fucking rest and you just chill and then it heals. But it's like now it's not fucking. doing that. I just felt like I'm like I'm not even fucking I haven't even streamed in three weeks like haven't even been working out for like a month maybe maybe a little over a month because of this shit I just feel like man I fucking

like failed. Yeah. Like I just let like I try not to talk like all this hype into it like I'd rather just like pop up one day and I'm fucking shredded. Yeah. And I just feel like man I let let them down because I know people see me like get momentum and they'll that'll inspire them to like you know what maybe I'll go

definitely helped a lot of people for sure I don't think I don't even think you realize how many people you have helped I probably don't realize how many but I know I have and I know it's something I like I'm gonna keep doing yeah but like to like stop and just fall into like a depressive state just fucking just feel shit that's I mean it's okay but I tell myself but like you're whenever you're you're you're going through hard times you're not falling back into like the shit you used to do which is a win yeah that's a win and you're back up even now when i like fall into the don't want to leave my bed at least i'm not like taking zanz and not leaving i'm just like sitting with the discomfort yeah and just like

yeah but i definitely do feel like i would like let people down and even like today it's like come on man like you have you have to be the fucking leader for the depressed like gaming bugs that just fucking hate their life sometimes and it's i really do feel like that's yeah it's what i want to do and uh i want to make people proud i want people to see like it wasn't like wasn't that guy like depressed as fuck and like didn't care if he died and like damn you really can like reprogram your brain Man, that's sort of, sort of the goal right now. Well, hopefully now that we're both on an upswing, we'll get more flycasts up to you guys.

I know. I think it's just like a week late. Yeah, it's just like a week. Which is better than six months like it used to be. Yeah. So we've gone from every once every other week to one, or once every other week. So thank you guys for watching.

Thank you guys for watching. Do we have any outro music? Play my fucking beat. Thank you.