The Flycast - The Therapy Session | The Flycast Ep. 129

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

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Welcome back to another episode of the Flycast. Today we have a very special episode. It is officially begun. We are having a therapy session with Nick Maniac Kirchner. He has joined us on the couch. He's got his eyes closed. So I guess first, I've only been to, I've only taken three classes of therapy school, so I'm going to do the best I can.

My heart rate is jumped 3X since you started talking. So question number one, how are you? I got to be honest, Doc. I've been going through it a little bit lately. You know, we can get into some more details here in a bit, but as of late, just a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, you know, nothing new here, the usual, but just seems to be amplified. 10x

I get that these past past few weeks past month has been rough past week has been really rough past two weeks really but what have you been in there doc what have you been doing to

to numb that stress what have you been doing to get your mind off of it because I can't take you serious no I'm trying my best here being therapist what about what have I've been doing to keep my mind off of it. Keep your mind off of the stresses.

Off of what's been happening. Right, yeah. Trying to, well, to be honest, I've been sick. I've tweaked my, usually the gym would be my outlet here. Situations like this disappear to the gym for a few hours. Go sit down in Chipotle by myself. That's the usual thing. But I've been, I've tweaked my shoulder to where I haven't been able to hit like

chest and upper body really. for the past month. I have shin splints, which are still, they still come and go, so my running's been very inconsistent. And then I've been sick with a really bad cold. I might have COVID.

I forgot to mention that part. Well, thanks for coming in today. But, but, so even the coping, Doc, the coping hasn't even been where it should be at,

but I got to be, honest, I with the shit that I'm going through, I feel I feel that I've responded better than I thought I would. Usually in these type of situations I kind of break down and

hide away and shrivel up inside my bed and get nothing done and just think the worst of the worst and there's no hope and I've, you lost it all and you're fucked and then maybe this ain't, this just ain't for you and any negative thing you could ever think of

and start taking Xanax or something or drinking alcohol to get through it and just ease the pain and distract yourself but I gotta be honest Doc I've gone through this whole thing no medication just straight no alcohol

just straight fucking just straight pain to the heart just head on So I'm kind of proud of myself in that sense. I'm proud of you too, man. Hey, thanks, man. And so since you're not dealing with it in the gym and you're not doing alcohol and drinking drugs, what have you been doing?

Well, I have been doing it just not as consistent. Like, I would say half the, it's not every day, it's half the days, put it that way. I've been eating a lot of shit-ass food. very, very bad food. I think I've Doordashed every single day this month. Once, maybe twice a day. I eat out practically. Almost every meal.

So I've been eating like shit. And besides that, sort of just, I mean, I've had a lot to do these past few weeks. I've had to, you know, we can get into the nitty-gritty of it. But I've had to find a place to live. I toured eight different apartments. All these were like six, seven hours days, driving in traffic, it was a shit show.

Doing that and then packing, dealing with the animals. Besides that, I don't know, just sort of laying in bed by 6, 7 p.m. and thinking negative thoughts the entire fucking time and living in hell. That's been my past few weeks, to be honest. But you're not doing drugs. That is, that is, it's the positive.

That is a positive. So you found a, you found a place, though? I did. I found, uh, I went through a mid-like, I'm going through my midlife crisis. I'm paying I found a place I'm paying too much already thinking about

trying to get a car but I think I'm going to scratch that idea my rent's already high enough I'm going to try to be responsible I've completely cleaned out my closet I've set up my stream set up I've thrown away old, given away old clothes I'm starting fresh

Doc I'm starting fresh This might be the best thing for me. I don't know. But there's one thing I do know is that I don't have another option. And this is the way. So I need to step it to fuck up. Lock in.

And regardless of the pain and the suffering and the... I need to fucking lock in. My time is now. Got it. Doc. What does lock in? What does lock in mean? What are what are what are what are what are what are what are what are what are three goals for 2025?

Consistent streaming Uh some kind it doesn't have to be TikTok, but some kind of IG reels YouTube reels short form content. Okay. Streaming short form content. I mean best shape of my life, but I've been saying that since I was 18 years old. Um, maybe a little YouTube. I wouldn't really throw that as a goal. but

I'm trying to think of what a nice little third goal would be short form content consistent streams I'm trying to I mean there's like certain goals and stuff I want to do with streaming whether it's

fucking Eldon Ring marathon I got to do but I won't count those as like 2025 goals that just counts with like doing good with streaming yeah um wait what was even my other one

streaming short form content and then i don't know i don't know if i feel like you have to have a fucking third but that's where i'm at right to get in getting the best shape of my life but that's that's about where i'm at right now i want to i want to live a little more i think i feel like my the past not even just not even just the past few years but sort of the past few years i've been living a very mundane sort of boring life and it was exciting at times for sure but too many times I fell into

just a consistent averageness of not even blaming anyone else because it was me I got into a cycle of like not wanting to do anything not wanting to go out not wanting to drink not wanting to go have fun not wanting to spend time with friends not willing to drive from bum fuck

to go meet someone in Frisco or Dallas or Plano and I don't know, have dinner, go to a little party or a club. I just, for some reason, completely fell out of that stuff. And I got to the point where, especially when I started streaming again,

my life just got very boring and mundane, which it was just streaming a gym, which is good. It's probably what I'm going to sort of be at right now. But I definitely wasn't living life the way I should be living life. That doesn't have to include, fucking alcohol. It has to not include laying in bed by 6 p.m.

smoking weed, but I'm laying there, but I don't fall asleep until 3 a.m. So it's like fucking quick maths, say nine hours or some shit of just literally doing nothing but fucking smoking, playing, watching TikTok,

like it was just, it wasn't right. I got to break that cycle. And I think with this fresh start, I'm going to try to do so and live a more fulfilling life. We can get into some, do I just say it? I think so. Yeah, they probably already figured it out. Chat.

They probably know exactly what's happening. First off, I'm sick. I don't know if I mentioned that part. Yeah, you have COVID and you brought it in. so me and I'm not even going to say names me and my girlfriend of two say two and a half years we have officially broken up

we're separating and I and I'm just telling you guys this because I'm going to hear it on I'm going to see it on my streams I'm going to get tweets I'm going to Instagram or people are going to be like because we've had many talks of like talks about kids, talks about, you know, getting married. And just a month or two ago, we had, I think we were like,

yo, let's plan like when we're having kids and shit next year. But while even that was going on, in my head, I'm like, we're not having the best, healthiest relationship right now. It's like, things are a little off. So me and my girlfriend have broken up. We've been together two and a half years. We got two, we've gone, we've been through three dogs total. Um, a cat.

We bought a, we've lived in two different places together. We bought a house. Um, and then we've only lived in that this year. And then we're going to be selling it. So basically, I mean, there's nothing really to the story. And let me just say this. If you were to go out of your way and message, her and say anything disrespectful.

Just know I don't fuck with you at all. This wasn't some maniac goddess heartbroken. It was a, I mean, I really don't even need to go into the details of it. But it just happens in relationship sometimes. I think we got towards the end of ours and it was very mundane. And to be honest, I think I learned the most. I learned the most towards the end of this.

I can't say I didn't see it coming, but I almost, it's like I almost forced it to head that way. With just where my attitude was at, and I'm not even trying to take all the blame for everything, but just where my attitude was at in the relationship and things I would do, things I wouldn't do. Y'all know me.

Lazy sack of shit loser gamer And that sort of played a role in our relationship as well Obviously, I think I'm a very good person And I think I'm a good person But once you, I think once you start getting comfortable in a relationship You start doing this, you start leaving this out Little arguments start And you don't even try to resolve the arguments anymore

You just say fuck it Like you're done trying to make it feel or be okay, even though it probably was your fault. It just eventually gets to the point where you guys are at this weird fucking energy. There's something going on. I mean, I don't mean like something going on,

but there's weird energy in the house and you just, y'all have not addressed it. And then when you do finally address it, it's everything you thought it was. And we won't go. to the details of that. No, no one fucking cheated or

it was nothing like that. It was just us our individual selves sort of clashing with the other person's individual self on an almost daily basis and not really,

I wouldn't even say it was really arguments. It was more so just, I don't know, to be honest, I think a lot of it was me of just being comfortable and expecting things of her

and then her not expecting much of me and a little animosity to how maybe how her job works compared to how my job works and I mean I can take a lot

of the blame of just like I had I could have stepped it up so much more and it's not like I look back and think I should have it's kind of like I'm looking forward and saying in saying like I don't think I'll never make that mistake again about who fucking knows maybe i i mean i i felt like i really learned something from it um and it's not to say

i was being some complete freak like dirt ball loser like that's not the point that i'm trying to get at it's just i think and i think everyone relates to this and this is why a lot of relationships end you guys just get too you guys just get comfortable you know it's no longer about trying to make each other happy. Your routine gets very mundane. Both of y'all are bored. And it's not even in a sense of like, I'm bored, let's go out with your friends

and hit the club and shit. It could just be date nights, movie nights. Instead of watching TikTok for eight fucking hours or playing chess, I as a fucking kite losing every game. Spend some quality time with each other. Put some things aside. It's just little things.

It's everyone has their own individual stuff that you would take from a relationship of like, I definitely could do that better. She didn't deserve that or I deserve that. Why does she treat me like this? She's always got an attitude. Every relationship has something. And I'm not saying, so I'm not trying to pinpoint anything with ours. But I think it just got to the, to a point where we were sort of just nitpicky, knit pickily.

bored and like just both of us a little emotionally disconnected and so we just had to have yeah I'm really not going to get into any more detail I think I just broke down of why every single relationship sort of breaks up but it sort of just got to that point uh realize maybe we weren't the best for each other at least right now um and I say that as if there's like uh you know right now you know maybe in the future and it to be to be honest maybe i don't fuck you know i can't predict the future but i've never been a fan of doing anything like that it's just fucking stressful to me um but yeah i've my entire world the past to be honest it started uh probably over a month ago of like the weird energy in the house that i

just couldn't stand like I would be streaming and like I'm trying to put a smile on and I'm trying to like rage and have fun and have a personality but inside I was just like bro I remember games would end and I'm just like sitting there like shaking thinking of like like when is she going to get home like should I should we have should I try to force that talk to happen tonight like this could really be happening I'm about to lose my like I'm about to lose my family basically um because this is someone i thought i would have like kids with and like i was saying earlier like we talked about having kids kids with mary i was like even in that i was like damn this might be fucking it like this could be my

future but obviously and i'm sure a lot of people relate things change over time and um yeah this is where we're just at right now if we we broke up probably i mean i don't need to get into specifics but say a week and a half ago or so so i told them do not put me in fucking content there's because i was fucking when i i'm a pussy when i go through a breakup at first i shut down there is no way i could get on this pod or on a stream um i remember you even the stream. I was streaming, I think, like, two Thursdays ago.

And I was like, I'm gonna, in my head, I'm like, I'm gonna have a talk about our, with her, about our relationship. And then that day came, or I was streaming, and I just could, it was, it wasn't a bad stream, but I was just fucking sick to my stomach. Ended the stream, ended up, like having a talk.

Talk didn't really do anything. It kind of just got, worse over the next few days and then I think I was just I was like all right we need to like make some kind of decision because this is just what if you've ever lived in a situation like that that shit is fucking hell whether you've broken up and then still had to live with him for a while because I remember I remember like two exes ago and which if you're if you're dating me I feel like you have to be an amazing person, right? But like two,

so I'm not trying to knock anyone. But like two exes ago, uh, we broke up and then we still had to live together for like two weeks. And it was the, it's just fucking gut, gut wrenching. I don't think I could do that.

Dude, it's, I, I can't. I couldn't. I live through it. Am I fucked up forever now? Cause of it?

I don't. To be honest, it wasn't, it wasn't as, It wasn't as bad as I thought I would, but immediately when we were like, all right, well, I guess this is it. We go our separate ways.

When that, when we like talk that or said that, that's when it fucking was gut-wrenching me and the next few days and we're walking by and not looking at each other and not talking to each other or not. I was saying to someone, the worst thing ever is your parents dying. second worst thing ever is breakups with like someone you actually loved i think that might be

top too i mean obviously if you fucking the game of thrones ending is up there too that i was thinking i was thinking like battling cancer uh yeah i mean i've i've experienced the other ones you've talked about but i've never experienced the cancer one i was saying like cancer is probably yeah it's probably but every everyone knows what i'm talking about breakups fucking sucks bro it literally feels like someone died because it is it is like death like the person you loved especially in a new scenario you had for them like that person died and now you live your life almost probably never really seeing them again and you disconnect from them emotionally you disconnect from social medias you don't look at their pictures you don't you're not sitting there

reminiscing it's like boom they're gone your life flips completely upside down from where you thought it was going to go. Yeah. Especially like with a, basically, because like animals are damn near family. Oh my God. Yeah.

It's fucking. I haven't gone through. I haven't gone through that. I mean, I haven't gone through that. Dude, even honestly, I wouldn't say the hardest part.

Because the hardest part, I think it's just the breakup in general, like, of like seeing this girl potentially, potentially, potentially. being the one we get dogs and shit so it's losing

her it's like yes it's fucking sickening it makes you fucking sick I just want I don't want to do anything but if there's something that I want to do it's just crawl in my fucking bed and hide away like a pussy but the fact that we have we've been through three dogs

Milo RIP and then our two new puppies who we got together and it's like these are now our children who we're gonna, they are gonna know us their entire lives. Like we have to give them a good life. Past two years, gotten both of them and then now we, since obviously

we're separating going our separate ways, it's like what do we do with the animals? Obviously I'm taking junior my cat. But then with the animals it's like I'm telling you, they don't even really have a favorite human. They love each other. They are the biggest best friends. And it almost makes me more emotional thinking about the animals than like us.

Because these animals are best fucking friends. It kills me knowing that they're about to be separated. Because I'm going to take Chewy. She'll take Charlie. and it just fucking kills me knowing they'll be separated from their best fucking friend they're like brother and sister

and they are just best friends they walk together like if I get up off the bed and go to the kitchen they both jump off the bed come to the kitchen if I go to the guest room they both come to the guest room if I open my stream room they both come in the street

they are always together they both go outside they both wander in the yard they both play they both play it like they are a fucking unit so just oh god that's there and they're already they sense it they sense something is already coming because like I moved out

I officially moved out yesterday I took my bed um bed TVs on my clothes like everything I'm moving into my place I moved out yesterday and then but even before that just packing shit they were weird They were like not really eating.

Charlie looked like kind of scared all the time. She pissed on what she'd do? She like pissed on something just or she just peed on the floor because she was just like so scared that like something was happening. Like a big change in her life was going to happen and it is. But just I think that might almost just hurt the most. Seeing them having to be separated. We're going to work out.

See how I've ever dealt with. a breakup or like not even a breakup really just anyone i've ever sort of talked to like that plus a relationship any sort of relationship or just a situation ship once i stop talking to them like i have i have to like not see them again fucking i don't block them but i'll like mute their profile to where i like i can't see their face it's it's literally like they're dead to me um But we're, so that's going to make it tough because I can't really do that because we're, we're co-parriting with these animals. So like, I'm going to some, like if she, like today, she's working. So I'm going to like let them out for a little bit, hang out with them a little bit, feed them, blah, blah, blah.

And then I'm going to go. And then I think later this week, I'm going to take Chewy. But then she'll eventually move. Or I'm going to take Chewy, probably this week. And then I'm going to help out with Charlie when needed because she does work in Dallas. And then the drive back to Garlands could be like 40 minutes sometimes. So I'm going to help with that for a little bit. Once we're both moved, we're going to both be in Dallas.

And I'm going to have Chewy. She'll have Charlie. And it's just like, how are we going to do this? Because when I move, when I move on, I move on to where it's like. And it's fucked up because, like, she is more deserving than that. But that's just what I have to do for me. I have to just completely separate myself. I don't mean.

And how long is, how long can that realistically last, though? Like a co-parent thing? For animals, you can't do that. You can't, you really. I mean, I'm going to be honest. You can't do that. Because imagine, imagine you start seeing someone. Imagine she starts seeing someone.

Well, it would be like. The last thing you want to do is be like, I'm bringing my, the dog I bought with my ex over. You know, shit like that. No, I completely agree. Yeah. But at the same time, it's like, I think if you're super mature and you genuinely don't, like, if he, if I'm like, say I had Chewy and it's like, hey, can you bring Chewy over this weekend? I'll hang out with them all weekend.

I'd be like, sure. First off, I don't even want to see you. I would rather give it to your leasing office. Give Chewy to your leasing office and then they can take them or like you leave your apartment door open and I'll just pop them in. take them off the leash go and then i leave but if it ever came to a point where she has her new man over and i have chewy and then they meet me in the leasing office and he's there i'm like get me the fuck out of here i'm not doing this like shit like that it's like i could not do that but if it's like a hey i'm going to leave my door unlocked can you bring chewyy by and just throw them in there with

charlie i could maybe do that maybe in the beginning i i'd i'd always i'll be willing to just like face to face see her and like meet me at this dog park give me her and then you can leave but i don't know man because i i'm sort of on your side i'd never had to do anything like i mean i understand the transition period makes perfect sense but i mean i just think that's very sticky well it's down the line it is sticky but and like even if i was dating a girl and she was like my dogs my ex is going to bring back over my dog, I'd be like, I don't fucking want a part of this. Yeah. I was like, I'm not going to start meeting someone, start meeting and talking,

dedicating my time to someone who's still talking to their ex because they're co-paradering a dog. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't even, so like, I completely get it. It's not something I want to do, but for the love of our animals in which I have surprisingly loved so much, like, I feel like they like grew a seed of love in me that wasn't fucking there before yeah but they um they're just such best friends it's just hard to even imagine like separating like it's almost like maniac i talk to myself as maniac yeah yeah it's like maniac shut the fuck up you pussy get it together it doesn't get matter what she's doing man the fuck up get your life together be the fucking high value man you is high value man you is step your shit up in always possible and drop the fucking

dog off pussy is what i tell myself sometimes right and i feel like that's how it should be it's what it's like to be a man yeah i come back and i'm like but i'm a pussy right so it's just but for the love of the dogs. So we're stuck on that a little bit. We're not necessarily stuck on it. Like we're going to figure it out because it's like, they are just best friends, bro. And it hurt to just like separate them. Like even just like, even if I have to in my apartment, him, he'll just lay there with

with mopey, sad ears and just, I'll be like, fuck. Like, I can't even look at him because he's just sad now. Yeah. I mean, maybe. I don't know yet because he doesn't live in my apartment yet. So like maybe he'll be all right. And like I'm going to have to take him on some good walks. And we got to park.

There's a dog park. There's Clyde Warren Park, which is really big. There's a few places I could take him. Maybe they'll see it in my videos. I was going to say maybe cut that out. But they'll end up seeing it and like videos and shit that I make anyway. But I can't believe you moved downtown.

Yeah. So. Why not around here? So the location-wise, I just thought, since moving to Texas, I have never, I always had a dream. Like, my dream, whenever we first, we had the scuff house. And then when it was like, yo, we're moving to Texas. It was like, all right, fuck you. First we get pitched, we're going to be in apartments like looking over the city.

Then we get pitched that we're going to be in nice apartments in Frisco. But like, there's hell of shit around. There's like, and it is nice. Like, it is fucking nice around this area. and then we get here and it's like we're on some side fucking apartment building down the road a little bit not in the fucking mix of the coolness over here so start off with that

then we get like the fake optic house then we then where do I go from there then I went to like some apartment complex in Addison like the middle of fuck not the middle of nowhere but like no one fucking gives a fuck about where I was um there's there's nothing to do around there just some rando apartment building then moved to the isaic again or yeah maybe cut that shit out to i don't know i don't want to just start name dropping nobody lives

in the isaic anymore you're good um but i lived there like came back to friscoe live there and then while i was living there i was like man it's like it's super convenient to get here but i was like i'm just fucking bored and like i that was it wasn't a a point where I like started going downtown more and it wasn't necessarily good because then I would end up drinking more but it was just the Uber there then the Uber back or the Uber there

and spend the night at my friends because I don't want to get an Uber back or like I don't fucking so it's just that I was like we do literally nothing here in Frisco so let me just go let me get the or from there I moved sort of in with my

girlfriend to the Hamilton or to a high rise in Dallas kind of liked it but I was like halfway there halfway here so I never I didn't really live there then from there we moved to Turtle Creek a loft and yeah which is like a first floor loft um the building went kind of high but it was like sort of on the outskirts of Dallas of downtown um it was on the like out so it wasn't in the mix of the city. It was like kind of on the outside, but a nice, nice building. It was what I need, I felt I needed at the time. And then from there, we bought a house in bumfuck. Honestly, buying the house in bumfuck, I feel like kind of took a damper on our relationship. Because once she got a job in Dallas and she had to start commuting, she would sit in traffic every single day. Like it would

take, she would have to be there at nine. She'd leave here by like eight or like, like, eight. Or like, like 7.50. And like even afterwards, she'd get off at six. She'd get here at like seven. So it was just long days. And then she'd come home and I'm like maybe streaming or I'm already high. And it was just, I feel like that set us up for just. And it was my fault, man. Like she was working hard. But I think that sort of set us up. And even my drive here is 40 minutes. And I stopped hanging out with anyone because I was just so far away. It's not like, I'm not trying to fucking, that's just where our life was at the time. Buying that house.

But I thought like, all right, buy the house. This is it. Marriage kids. Like, I think this is going to be it. And then obviously, after everything I've said, it turns out it's not it. So I was during this time of looking for a new place, I was just like, what do I, what do I want? Yes, it would be super convenient. to hang out and it'd be super convenient to live in Frisco.

Frisco's nice as fuck. I actually really like Frisco. I think if I ever get a house again, it'll be Friscoe if I can afford it. But Friscoe, super nice. Obviously, everyone's sort of around here. Hex. Seth, Nade, you,

fucking a lot of people. So everyone ever wanted to hang out with people we could, but like no one really hangs out. Do sometimes. but it's just everyone grinds so I'm just like yeah I feel like there I would just I would stream and then I'd end my stream and then I'd just be like I'm fucking bored

so I was like where do I really what experience have I wanted that I haven't got and I think that was just like the high rise tall nice ass building my place is like very modern looking like very sleek it's all white fridge is built in gas stove

super white super nice LED underlightings like floor to ceiling windows I was like this is what I need it is $1,000 over the price I wanted to pay

but I was like this is what I fucking want and so I just said fuck it man I think I'm just gonna apply we toured probably eight places I found this place I'm not gonna say where I live but you'll see video soon enough

I can actually I think text Matt Craig a little bit. I can show you some pictures, but I do want to do like a, maybe a little tour or something like that. We'll get some kind of video out, but being single now, man, I'm like, I'm having some ideas floating around because I just, all of my time is now just on me. It's not about like making someone else happy. It's not about making sure they're okay. It's not about they don't feel well. So, okay, I'll just lay in bed with them for four hours and, you know, make sure they're fine or and I'm not trying to say

that's what the relationship was. I'm saying like my life now it's it's literally just me. I can do whatever I want. Chewy will be my responsibility and we will be taking daily walks and he will have an, I'm going to try to give him an amazing life, but it's me

and Chewy. And I'm just in Junior. Don't forget Jay Money. But Junior just like, he lives his own life. He only even fuck what us. but yeah I'm just I feel like my brain's starting to fire off some like ideas and I want to do I want to bring my setup sort of to the I kind of want to bring my setup to the living room because right now it's it's considered a two bed but the second bed is like sort of small it's almost more so like a study with a closet but it's like in the middle I think I can like scream and shit and kind of get away. with it hopefully because I was hearing some sounds last night but um yeah I was almost thinking about bringing my stream to my living room and doing my Eldon ring marathon there and coming up with dope ideas and like I don't need to time it with anyone I can just like I can if I want to do it I can

make it happen hopefully but like just shit like that man I feel like a little spark has come back I've I've been trying to document this depressing ass sad vlog with no laughs um yeah right i know you made some fucking jokes in there yeah no i'm definitely i'm trying to i'm trying to that's that's your your sad humor is like the best humor well it's like and i understand that but i was like i don't know maybe it's just the beginning so far

but i even said to the camera i was like i know this is depressing like it's but like this is just where my personality is at right now but yeah i'm trying to trying to keep a balance trying to make it happen but just doing stuff like that vlog um and yeah maybe some short for i i have an idea for a short form just like i don't ig youtube ticot real or something on wednesday of just like a pov you just got broken up with or at pov you just lost your entire family and your life flipped upside down and then it's boom me getting out of bed

and then it cuts and I'm jacking off and then the next scene boom quick shower headed to the gym gym do a few seconds boom walking here do a podcast fucking on the drive home splash water in my eyes like make it fucking like I'm crying and put on some hard ass gangster song

like shit like that I've already thought of it's just about executing and sometimes I feel too depressed to execute cute but that's what fucking makes you man when you feel like that but you get the job done anyway it is that's what does it so i guess that's that um like i said don't be fucking stupid don't we don't have issues with each other i don't need no one being mean to her and I don't need no one being mean to me. If you want to be mean, I've already seen some shit.

Well, not about my relationship, but I wonder if. Yeah, you couldn't, you couldn't, you couldn't. Remember what I said? Y'all couldn't break out, break up prior to the pred? Y'all had to, you all had to break up. Yeah, that's our bad. You all had to break up the same time that, that the other, that the optic breakup happened. Yeah, that's hard bad.

I thought, I told her we should wait. No, it was really me that was like, all right, let's miss. make a fucking decision here because this is depressing and I'm going to lose my fucking mind staying at this house one more day and she's kind of like the like she would quite get quiet yeah she would have rode that shit out and what is it's almost like maybe if she did ride it out she would have been like okay like let's make this work you got to step it up in certain things I'll do this and make like I'll stop being like this you start doing shit like this.

Like maybe I don't know. But all I know is they got to the point where I was like, I, Michelle, I am sick to my fucking stomach every single day. We have to just have this talk. I don't want to talk about it. I know, damn sure you know you don't want to talk about it. But we just got to do it. I felt like I approached it very mature.

I didn't, it wasn't toxic. And yeah, neither parties need any sort of, fucking verbalization. So please. Just no, I don't approve and I don't fuck with you at all. If you were to say some dumb shit to her, I mean,

and obviously me, I see it every day when I refresh my page on Twitter, so I'm a little more used to it, but like, the no way, shape, or form does do any parties need shit talk? Just have a little respect.

I know it's still fresh. I know even just, honestly, I was contemplating, not even talking about it, but I'm just like, there's no way I could just like not, Like I could just mention it And then just like

Go on and act like I give a fuck about the CDL And who's fucking three and one But I have Aren't we three and one? I don't know But I can't With my personality man

It's just With all these by I have four podcasts this week I have to just be me I there's no like faking the funk If I And I understand if I'm sad To be honest, there's a lot of times I am sad or like depressed or, but like I'll step it up for the pod.

But when it comes to the pod, I kind of, especially the flycast, this is the safe space. This is what I had to do. I just had to get it off my chest. Had to lay it out. My stream was suspecting shit. So I disappeared. It's been about a week and a half, I think. So I disappeared.

It just had to handle that because I was trying to stream while. going through this shit and I was just sick to my stomach. I mean, even all this stress just has made me literally sick. I've been, I thought I was about to have, what is it when you get a really super sore throat? What kind of sickness? Tuberculosis? I don't know. But I thought like I was about to have to go to urgent care.

My throat was hurting so bad. And then I just snod and the stress and the cold. It just, uh, a very rough week, man. a very rough week. I would say the second roughest, I wouldn't even say week. I would say second roughest month of my life. Just from a mental standpoint.

But sometimes that's life, man. You go through shit like that. And you bounce back stronger. Like I said, please just keep it peaceful. There's no animosity to anyone. We're handling this maturely. Appreciate everything she's ever done. but yeah that's sort of

that's uh I caught then I'm trying to catch y'all up I hope that I was trying to think if there's anything like Matt what what time are we at okay how about this how about I go pee

and then when we come back the therapy session's over so you we see and then we'll just talk about we'll talk about other shit perfect all right dude you had quite a healthy

stream right there. What? You had quite a healthy stream in the bathroom right there. Did I? Yeah, it sounded like, you know those, you know those things that you stick in the pool and you go, this is the first pot I almost didn't piss. You know, the things you stick in the pool and they go, and then you go, that's what yours shit sounds like, this is what, this is what, I don't, have I explained it yet on the

pot of why every time I come here, I, I would usually have to do a bathroom break. But it's because I like, wake up, I chug water. Yep. and then I might go to the gym and if I do, I'm drinking more water and I get home and I drink even. I'll chug a protein shake. So it's just so much liquid in me in the morning.

Then I'll get here and I'll be sipping on water. Then I'll walk in and I'll start getting nervous and parched. So I'll start sipping on the water. So it's like I piss when I get here. I sit down 30 minutes in. I got to piss again. It's just a fucking cycle. Sometimes my blood are so weird.

Sometimes I'll pee and then I'll leave the bathroom and I got to pee again. I think there might be something wrong with me. No, I mean, I mean, maybe But I've definitely dealt with that Have you ever had a What is it when Shamshig is in your ureth? Not hammerids

What is it when like Girls have to pee after sex Are they UTI? Have you ever had a UTI? What's the symptoms? It burns like fucking hell when you pee I don't think so Have you ever had one Matt?

Yeah, me neither he said nope I think one time I beat it and then didn't pee and then actually I have had I think once really it was like I beat it didn't piss did it pee and then you beat it again

I don't know if I beat it again whatever happened but I just like didn't pee right away and then waited and then my dick started hurting like I needed to pee and then I tried to pee and I couldn't really pee yeah and then when you when that little bit comes out it like hurts Yeah Yeah

But I thought like UTI was more like I think that's what a UTI is Serious Because if a girl told me she had a UTI I don't want to touch her Yeah So I don't know if that's Dude UTIs are not even

They're not It's not like a fucking STD But that's how I look at them UTI Your vaginas infected Is how I look at it All it is is They didn't pee

After sex I don't have sex anymore So I wouldn't know You just got to worry about your own I'm a virgin again Feels good Oh yeah Feels good

You're celibate Oh speaking of which Even though it's You'll see I was in Target yesterday And I'm buying the single male What's the fucking word man Can I get my fucking vocab up

Bathroom kit The single male necessities You go through Target you get your, I don't know, it could be a shaver, a new comb, new deodor and a new toothbrush, some maybe floss that you'll never use. Yep. You're always thinking, this year I'm going to use mouthwash. Yeah.

I bought mouthwash. And I get the good kind. Right. And it sits there. But I'm going through the aisles and I'm like, fuck, I need lube. And we know what the good kind is. And we don't sell at a target anymore. Yeah, I looked and they didn't fucking have it.

I know. I've been looking for it. I was looking and I was like fuck well I also also I just want to make the record clear you said that like

you and I have sex with each other we don't we don't do that we've just given each other recommendations of what we should tips and tricks on what what lube to use so yeah

went to that section didn't see it and I'm like fuck I gotta get some of this watered down bullshit lube the cheapy brokey lube which it is not the same.

It's not. I learned, I didn't not know, like, growing up, you always hear like, K. Y. jelly,

K. Y. jelly is like, Loub. K. Y. Jelly does not do the, it's like, I might as well,

pour this. Oh my cock. But anyways, so I'm reaching for the K. Y. Jelly feeling like a loser. Yeah. And then I just hear,

you don't need that. And like, I didn't even, it didn't even really register in my head. Like, because I was this, I was facing this way and I hear it from like behind me here. So I just like grab it.

I'd take like, two steps. He was not here. Sir, sir. And I turned around and she was like, you'll need that. I was like, what the fuck? Like she was no. And I was just like, ha ha, ha, uh, thank you.

Like, it wasn't, it wasn't as awkward as what I may have just made it seem like. But I was just like, ah, ha, ha, ha, like, hey, thank you, appreciate it. Like, she was like calling me hot. Like, that's her way of saying, calling me hot and that she wants to fuck me. Okay, wait. Let's break this down. Let's break this down. Did you fuck this up?

Matt, what's K.Y. Jellie used for? Can you look it up? I just want to make sure is K. Y. Is K.Y. Yes. K. Y is Loub. So it's not some shit for like.

Yeah. She saw me buying lube that I'm going to beat off with. That can be used for vaginal or anal sex with sex toys. This is my breakdown of it. Okay. She saw me buying lube that I'm a beat off with.

And she, but she was like, you don't need a beat off. I can beat off. you off for you. Dude. Or you're handsome enough to where you can get a female

to do that work for you. Oh. That's what I'm assuming she was saying. Oh shit. Put it this way. She was not my type. Okay.

She was, she just wasn't your type. Yeah, just not my type. She's just not your type. She was, she was not your type. Yeah, she's just not your type. She, uh,

we'll just say, she's just not your type. Because if I would have turned around, And it's just a baddie I would have been like What you mean? Shouts out the Bible app I would have shouted out

The Bible app right then and there I would have said God grant me disarranted to accept the things I kid not change the courage that change the But no of course I turn around and I was just like Ha ha thank you Thank you for that weird fucking compliment

But honestly I don't Because guys don't get That's my compliment guys don't get compliments but when we do it some shit like that to where you don't even know how to fucking respond it's never a nice shirt sometimes I'll get like a

hey I like your tattoos because it takes a weird it takes a weird girl to compliment and now imagine complimenting like that other than Alexis Alexis compliments me a lot

and I'm very and I'm very appreciative yeah Michelle used to us yeah the only other compliment I've gotten was one time I was at Chick-fil-A and I went through the drive-thru. One time I was at Chick-fil-A? I went to the drive-thou-at-T.F-Wa-Wi.

And there were, you know, there's like people out there waiting, like, to, they take your order at the window now. So there were two women out there. And one of them was like, can you take the other one so I can get this one? and I was driving my Jetta at the time and she was talking about me. Another girl was like, yeah? She walked up and she said,

oh my God, your eyes are perfect. And I went, thank you. It's like your brain's not prepared for a response. Thank you. And she said, what can I get you? I was like, chicken sandwich. Double cheese.

And I was like, what the fuck? What is that? That's like, that was the last compliment I got. that wasn't from someone that's not my fiance. It's so rare that it's when it, if it had. That was four years ago. Yeah, that's the only one you got in since.

I remember that. I don't know. I remember that. That's just funny. I did have a guy randomly. I was with Michelle. We were walking through like Nebraska Furniture Mart or something. Right.

And I had some, I think it was a shirt. And this dude, these two dudes walk. or walking past me and he looks at me and he goes like, hey, I like your shirt, man. And I was just like, gay. No,

but he actually, he said like, he actually said, I like your shirt, man. And I was like, oh, thank you,

bro, appreciate it. He was like, yeah, it like really works for your style. And I was like, you're trying to do this like, you saw this on YouTube of going to compliment someone.

And this is how you build conversation skills. Like, you're not fucking fooling me, buddy. This isn't. genuine. He said, damn.

Then he walked off. Oh, so you said all that to him. No, I'm a pussy. I just said, thank you, bro. Appreciate it. And then, of course, five minutes later,

we're walking past each other again. And we just make no eye contact. You're just, yeah. But yeah, that was my last compliment. That was my only one. In Nebraska furniture.

That guy and fucking the target girl. I went to go hang up the time to pound. Who put it down there? Someone would be fucking with our set. I don't fucks what I said. You don't fuck. One thing that I learned growing up is you don't fuck with the set. Should I mention this tweet I was tweeted at?

Yeah, hell yeah. I like it. So yeah, like I said, guys, going through one of the worst times of my life, I figured let me distract my brain. Let me get on social media. Just scroll a little bit. Just somewhere where all the happiness is. And I scroll.

and I just see someone tag me. So I look. Someone said, the thing I don't understand is why would optic drop pred so fast if it was a mental health, if it was a mental health situation, when Optic Maniac was a legit drug addict

and stayed. Someone else replied and said, Fax. Just Jake Lucky tweeted it. It's interesting that Optic would drop Prad, but keep rehab, druggy, mental health warlord.

Yep. Oh, nine, nests, though. Oh, nine minutes. I just don't know. Just don't know why they would do it. And then someone else was like, why are you tagging him? And then I'm just waiting for the other guy

to reply to him and then he's talking to each other and just make sure this stays in my mentions for a week. I want to, wait, I want to, I want to find it. I want to reply and be like, Dude, I feel that. Oh, let's fucking go. Wait, it's got four replies. I feel that so heavily.

Your boy Noah's got you. He also wasn't on the CDL team. Way different situation. I mean, I feel, I'm not going to say a word about this. We're saying words about it right now. I'm going to say less words about this. Then you were to, okay. If you don't get it, you don't get it.

Like, I can't explain this. He tagged you when at Optic Media. It doesn't get more common sense. Like that you can't figure out why? Wow. But yeah, so that's how I started my morning. It's crazy. I also drove, I drove to Arizona

the first week of December. So I've been living in Arizona coming back for obviously the flag cast and for content. and while I drove Wait, did you drive back? No, I flew back for this. While I have been in Arizona, that's when all the team change shit happened. So, like, this is one of the first times

that Optic has ever done anything where I legit don't know what's going on. I have no idea. I mean, I know a little bit more than that. Like, I didn't know. I heard of, I'm not even going to say of what I heard of, but it was not, I don't even know what's out there. Yeah, to be honest.

Because I have not been on... After the 45 minutes you just listened to... I've probably been on social media... Keeping out with this. Keeping up with this. I just... I have been out of the fucking loop. But I did hear about it.

I hit up Pred. And I just told him like, hey, I was like, I just wanted you to know, I fucked with you heavily. He immediately responded and was like, seemed to good spirits. He was like,

thank you, bro. Thank you, brother. Like, you know, I got to... There's some stuff I got to take care of. Yeah. I'm sure on his stream he talked about a lot of his shit. Since I don't know, I'm not even going to mention anything. But he seemed to be in decent spirits,

and I hope he just does what he needs to do for himself. Because I fucked with pred a lot. That dude has so much potential, just skill-wise, personality-wise. Um, but sometimes that doesn't come with a price because they have that personality. start giving them a little money, a little success, a low fame,

it could make you do some things that, you know, aren't the best things for you. Literally, specifically, I can't name anything that people might be talking about on the internet. So I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, like, back anything, y'all are saying I don't know anything about what he's done or what he's been doing or even his team's thoughts about him. I know a little bit

but I don't know enough to even to speak on it as far as why this is what it is. I just feel bad for everything. I think only I think quite literally a handful of people yeah a handful maybe more of people

can talk about it and all people want is for someone to talk about it. it's rough. I mean, I'd be down to sit down with him. I don't think he'd want to. I think he's in Australia. Is he? Yeah. I think we need... Yeah, well, no. There's nothing really to...

Oh, you're saying about everything that happened. I meant the actual dropping. I think the actual dropping of of Pratt, I think there's only a few people can talk about it. Oh, yeah. And so, like, I just saw... I tuned in. I've pretty much kind of downgraded to only watching the Optic Texas matches when it comes to the CDL

over the past few years, but I tune in to Seth's watch party, watch the, um, watch the optic match. And dude, it was unbearable. And I was in there for,

I was in there for 45 minutes. I can't imagine, I wouldn't be able to do it. I mean, I guess if I was getting paid, what, what Seth's getting paid, then I would be able to do it.

But it was just, nonstop, Fred questions, nonstop. So that kind of sucks. It'll calm down. Especially if they keep winning, it'll calm down so quick. Oh, yeah.

It's just a, it's a weird situation. So what are we? We're a three and one CDO. Three and one, yeah, we lost to Boston. And I think we played, we played some easy teams. Yeah, this. We put some easy. Yo, Brandon, who do we play next?

Oh, wait, it's break, right? Yeah, so the minor tournament, has it been announced when it is? I know when it is, but has it been announced? Yeah. So we don't play again until January 10th. January 10th there's a minor tournament and then after that go back into matches. Yeah, I need to get back into it because this past, since the league started, my life is fucking. Yeah.

So I've just been, whether it's moving, packing. Phase went 0 and 3. I did see that. They beat the Falcons yesterday, so they're 1 and 3. How many maps? Do you happen to know how many maps the Falcons, have one. Probably one.

They beat, they took a map off a phase. They're gonna end the year winning about four maps. Four maps and

no series wins. Okay, so they've won two maps. They beat them, they took a map off a phase, they took a map off of

a phrase. I don't like that, bro. I don't like how there's genuine good people and challengers that deserve a spot

in the CDL. Yeah. And these people just because they're from a certain region, and there's people willing to back that, that they get this chance when they are not qualified to be up here.

Yeah. Sounds rude, but it's... Dude, motherfuckers, Trump's back. We can start talking the truth, right? Yeah, that fuck. I fucked up there, huh? Sure, man, yeah. I don't give a fuck about Trump either.

Well, let's just be honest, man. These guys, they might prove me wrong. I don't know. But to actually... I remember at the beginning of the season, I was like, I'm going to be rooting for these fucks. Like, I want, I want something to happen for them. But it's just like, I just don't see it happening. Like, yeah, it'd be a cool story if they upset some teams.

But I'm like, this is a professional league. You shouldn't just be able to, like, some dude shouldn't be able to buy an NBA team and then, like, let his favorite college stars join. and then he can be they don't i mean they don't win i mean low key against miami 236 to 250 uh they took a map they took a control map i'm not saying they're horrible i'm just saying a team shouldn't be allowed to be bought in with that guys like sure by team falcons you have a spot now pick the four players that pick the four best players that deserve to be here don't just not just pick favorites but granted if you're paying 25 million or whatever it is for a spot you can do whatever the fuck you want to do but i do think

there should be some rules about that to where you can't do that i get you actually you know some bill so what if a billionaire comes in and he's like my four sons love playing call of duty i want them they want to get into competitive call of duty i want to let them play in this league like i know we're not going to win much but it'd be fun for them we're willing to pay like would that be they just fucking allow that? I don't know. And I'm not saying that's what Falcon is. Jesus Christ,

I feel like every time I say a fucking sentence, I have to backtrack and just make it for it fucking gets clipped out by Jake Lucky. Jake fucking lucky. Fuck you, Jake. Yeah. That, yeah, it's, it's tough. It's tough.

I want him to do well, though, man. That would be, that would be amazing. I will be, I'm not sitting here wishing, They are going to They are going to win A series And that series is going to be Fucking hype

I'm gonna be hype as shit That series is gonna be like when Marky B Sub- They're gonna beat us and I'm gonna be cheering Same Hell yeah shots he gets shit on On the watch party Could you imagine that chat

Holy shit That chat would be hell Matt Anything you want to say about the pred situation? Uh, yeah, no, absolutely. Now I'll probably cut you even saying that right now. Are we good?

Thank you guys. I feel like there's something else I needed to set straight, but I don't think so. Is the TST and the Zoo Mafia got into it? Yeah, y'all got beef. I was more so thinking about making this more, this podcast more about me still. Oh, okay. Yeah, don't listen to the Sun Mafia. I think I'm good

I've officially let me catch some people up the real ones are still listening so I've officially moved to move downtown Dallas yesterday just got internet set up today and today is Monday December 16th

just got internet today PC is all set up it's a brand new PC I got my brand new PC I got my old good PC So stream has stream quality improved And yeah I'm sort of excited I mean I explained a lot of shit

And I'm depressed Are you doing the Elden ring stream before 2025? I think so yeah So you're doing it in December That might be my first stream back You should do that you should Yeah I'd be getting

I bring my stream out to my living room and like try to make it a... Hell yeah. But yeah. Just wanted to catch you guys up with where I'm at for all the real ones. Support BTH man.

But y'all will see me soon. I also want a lot of podcasts this weekend. But as far as my stream, it resumes soon. I'm just debating on whether I want to start Eldon Ring immediately with my comeback. I feel like that'd be the best idea. But yeah.

Thanks for being patient. I've been on my consistent shit lately, and I know I disappeared. But after everything today, I hope you can forgive me for this time off that I've taken. It's only been like a week and a half. We'll be back soon enough. All right, guys. Thanks so much for watching this. It's been an episode of, I don't know, of the Flycast.

Matt, Greg, play the outro music, man.