The Glenn Beck Program - Best of Program | Guests: Bill O'Reilly & Andrew Heaton | 12/14/18

Episode Date: December 14, 2018

Best of Program | Guests: Bill O'Reilly & Andrew Heaton | 12/14/18 - Stay, Pay or Die?  - PolitiFact's 2018 Lie of The Year? - Picking It Apart with Bill O'Reilly? - Flashback GB 2008: 'Baby It's Cold Outside'? - Snorting Eels with Andrew Heaton?  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, it's Friday. Time for the podcast. Great one coming today. First of all, we start with a caravan update that you might have heard part of it. I'm not sure you've heard the rest of it. We really kind of need to cover just a little bit of that caravan because it isn't what they say it was. What a shock. Stunning. Also, Bill O'Reilly is going to be with us. We talk a little bit about Michael Cohn. He's got an interesting perspective on that. Also, by the way, baby, it's cold outside. predicted 10 years ago. We went back in the archives from a decade ago and found a comedy monologue that I did after listening to this song, basically playing the role of a social justice warrior and saying how evil this song is. It was comedy 10 years ago.

See how much of it they're actually saying with a straight face today. Also Andrew Heaton and a little bit on the new Deadpool PG-13 worth seeing. You're listening to The best of the Glenn Beck program. It's Friday, December 14th. Field of Greens, right now. You can get all your fruits and vegetables that you need. Just chug it back.

It's really good. I take it. I take it because I can now tell my wife, I'm not having that damn salad. I'm not doing it. Go to Brickhouseglen.com. Brickhouseglen.com. Save 15% on your first order.

Brickhouseglen.com. Okay, let me tell you about our update on the border. Bidip, beep, beep, beep, beep. Name Alfonso Giro. Love Alfonso. Huge Alfonso fan. Oh my gosh. Yes.

So he walked into the U.S. consulate in Tijuana, Mexico. And he said, I have a list of demands from the caravan. Now, I always like to hear, you know, the people who are like, help me, help me, please. When they come up, help me, help me, please, I've got a list of demands. And it always kind of works for me. me, softens my heart just a little bit. So he's got a list. The caravan is demanding if they're not granted immediate asylum,

asylum, they want the following. One, $50,000 in cash for every caravan member. I think that sounds reasonable. $50,000 in cash for every caravan member. Have you tried to catch a bus back to Honduras from Tijuana? Very expensive. Long bus. So they're saying these things, if we give them these things, they'll leave.

The leave. Otherwise, we will not go anywhere. Is it a French caravan? Kind of. I bet there are some French people there. Probably. Yes. After all, we've heard that some of the worst people are in the caravan. There's got to be Frenchmen.

Two, the immediate removal of all U.S. economic and military assets in Honduras. Okay. Well, that's a nice ask. Hold it just a second. And failure to comply with these things will result in the caravan continuing to try to penetrate the U.S. border. Help us. Help us, please. Let me give you a list of some Marxist things. So they want 50 Gs each and they want us to remove all economic and military assets.

Now, if their goal was too much military power for the United States and dealing with their country, why would they want to come to the country in the first place? Let me ask you this. If they were like, hey, we're really, really poor and it's really bad in Honduras, why would you say stop sending us money? Hmm. It's almost as if there's another motivation here. Could be. Could be.

Now, it's just, maybe it's probably just me. But if you're trying to appear like, you know, a grassroots movement, you know, for, you know, a group of migrants who are just trying to escape. the dangers of your own country, you might want to tone down the crazy Marxist rhetoric just a little bit. I mean, sure, it's the holidays. Who doesn't love the leftist freedom fighters' stic? You know, we all love that. But demanding millions of dollars and the removal of U.S. military from Honduras kind of screams, hey, we're Marxist communist revolutionaries.

I'm a Marxist terrorist, doesn't it? I mean, you're not wearing the shirt that likes. lights up like yours. But almost. Almost. Okay. This is the same thing as if you would have come up to the embassy wearing a beret shouting, Viva the Revolution, while firing off on, you know, an RPG.

I mean, it's, it's, you know, come up on your motorcycle looking like Che. So, this is just angry rhetoric. Isn't it? Isn't it still? I mean, what I just said about this poor man who is just looking for asylum, Mr. Giero, he is, he's just the poor guy just like you. He's got a family. Back in 1987, he tried to get asylum in Mexico. And he got asylum in Mexico. Well, he was suspected by the Honduran and U.S. government for Wait for it. Marxist left-wing terrorism. Oh. It's just weird. Well, everybody's got a couple of charges on the record.

Of course. Of course we all do. 1987, Honduras was ground zero for the U.S. and Soviet proxy forces fighting in the Cold War. The contra rebels were actually based there. And the leftist terrorist would sometimes carry out operations in the country in response. So it was August 8th. A bomb was thrown into. the China Palace restaurant, which, of course, imperialist, capitalists, and their China Palace

restaurants. Anyway, it was just a few miles away from the U.S. military base in Honduras. Six American soldiers were injured in the blast. Alfonso Guerrero was the primary suspect. He escaped to Mexico and claimed asylum. The Reagan administration charged the Mexican government for, quote, harboring a terrorist for granting Guillo protection. Now, that's the past. Giero's turned his life around. Oh. Now he's just a poor struggling Honduran.

Who doesn't wish anyone harm? He just wants a better life for his family. With the Soviet Union gone, Marxist terrorism does not pay what it used to. It doesn't. How is it even? He's struggling every day and the millions of dollars that he's demanding and will help them. And he's just asking for a little, you know, just a few little political things for his country. Just a few demands.

When will the media actually come out and go, oh, wow, we got that one wrong. Answer? Never. Because they didn't get it wrong. They were lying to you from the beginning. Anyone with any common sense or an ounce of honesty could have seen this thing coming from the beginning. Oh, and we did. But anybody who did their homework, anybody who did say these things, they were of course labeled an extremist, a hate monger, a racist, a danger to society. As I see it, the former Marxist terrorist is probably the real danger to our society. The Best of the Glenn Beck program.

Politi Facts lie of the year, I think it was actually a fair one this year. I did too. I was shocked. I was shocked. It was the lies about the Parkland students. And, you know, there was a lot of controversy around that. But the lies they highlighted were things like they were crisis actors. And, you know, that one of the kids ripped up the Constitution, which was a Photoshop situation.

Like, it was stuff like that. And those were, you know, conspiracy theory sort of stuff. It was not the normal political statement. However, they did give the options to people and people, their readership did not select that particular lie. The lie. And they will say, Oh my gosh, see. Look, that just shows that people believed that

or people wanted to believe that or whatever. No, we just think that was such an obvious lie. I mean, I can live with that being the top lie of the year because it was such a big lie, but it was so ridiculous that nobody believed that except crazy people. Yeah, it was all, you know, I mean, these things do get spread around widely.

They get lots of views. But that does not mean everyone believes them. Correct. A lot of times we confuse something that has a lot of views. Right. Something that's actually having influence. It wasn't the most influential lie. It wasn't the one that caused the most confusion.

Pretty much everybody heard that and went, that's ridiculous. Yeah. But, I mean, again, there really was a shooting in Parkland. And the fact that people tried to say that, you know, these people weren't victims. And it was really, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, it was horrible. Horrible lie. It is a weird one for them, though, because they usually will pick something that's a little bit more

contentious politically. Yes. Where this one, I think everyone... Unless it involves a Democrat. There you go. They've had a couple, though. I mean, Obama, Keep Your Doctor was the lie of the year. Yeah, two years after he said it. Was it two years after? I thought it was... I believe it was two years after he said it. It's possible. Could be. Maybe not. Too late. Too late, anyway. Yeah. After it was passed, that's for sure. But the false statement that the readers chose as the lie of the year for

Politifact was this one from Donald Trump. Quote, the Democrats want to invite caravan after caravan of a legal aliens into our country. And then they want to sign them up for free health care, free welfare, free education, and for the right to vote. Now, pause for a second here. Trump is, you know, a lot of times will illustrate an issue that a lot of people talk about and he'll, you know, he'll go a little too far maybe, right? Like, he'll, he'll say it, uh, he'll say it too, too definitively, right? Like, he's not necessarily capturing the nuance of a statement in an and off the, you know, of an off the cuff sort of comment.

This one, though, however, when you break it down, is pretty accurate, okay? The Democrats want to invite caravan after caravan of illegal aliens into our country. What is their answer to the caravan? Their answer to the caravan was not to stop it. It was not to say you are not allowed to come across the border. It was to allow people to claim asylum and then allow them to come into the country. And then over some period of time, they would go through. the asylum process and they would have to show up to court appointments, which we know a lot of

them don't do. But they're, they didn't, they never admitted to saying, okay, we want them to come in and be citizens tomorrow. And they did want to say, if they claim asylum, they come in the country and they hang out here until the asylum process is over. Their solution would have caused caravan after caravan after caravan. The difference here is Donald Trump, use the word invited. They didn't invite. No, they didn't send out engraved invitations. Although some of the groups related to. I mean, he said the Democrats, I mean, the Democratic Party, maybe not, but the people who were doing those invites and were working on those caravans, as we highlighted, were very friendly to the Democratic Party and were influenced and funded by Democratic donors. Yes. So it's not,

again, it might not be exactly to the... It's not like you can keep your doctor. Right. It's not. It's not that. You know, again, invite, I'll give you. It's a little bit different, but there is a justification for that. But then, and then they want to sign them up for free health care, free welfare, free education, and for the right to vote. Did they want them to go to schools, for example? Of course, free education is absolutely on the table. The right to vote, they've been talking about a citizenship pathway for people like this for a very long time. They're already signing them up. In California, they were trying to sign them up in California. Whenever you say, you have, you complain about sanctuary cities, what do they do? They give all of these things away.

And free health care is the one that really is driving me crazy on this. Free health care, part of, obviously, depending on your income level, is part of the Affordable Care Act. Let me quote from Hillary Clinton's 2016 platform, expand access to affordable health care to families regardless of immigration status. That was in her platform to give the Affordable Care Act to illegal immigrants. It was the thing, if you remember, going back so long ago that you'll barely be able to remember this. But do you remember the representative from South Carolina, Wilson, who said, you lie to Barack Obama? The thing he was saying you lie about is he was saying, in reality, you want to give the Affordable Health Care Act to illegal immigrants. He was, and Obama was saying he wasn't going to do that.

Well, guess what happened in the 2016 campaign in the platform of Hillary Clinton quoting from Hillary Clinton.com? It is exactly the thing that he was saying was being lied about. He was absolutely right. And this quote about it being some crazy fantasy that Donald, that the Democrats want to invite illegal immigrants in and give a bunch of stuff away from them, it's all in their platform. It's what they say is the heartless part of the Republican Party that we don't want to give away these free things to illegal immigrants. So the average, the readers that responded to this actually were saying no, the bigger lie was what Donald Trump said was happening on the border. Yes, that's what they said. That's insane.

I mean, it tells you a lot about the people going to Politifact that they're obviously very, very liberal. In fact, that one more than double, more than double the percentage of people who thought this was the biggest lie. The Russian state has never interfered into internal affairs, including election process, Vladimir Putin. They actually, they gave Donald Trump 36% of the vote, and Vladimir Putin, who said that Russia has never,

not even in this election, but has never, never interfered in, uh, in U.S. internal affairs, which we all know to be false. There's been people, numerous people caught doing it. And that one is in a big lie. Although I will say my favorite lie comes in at, uh, let's see, uh, down there, uh, seventh or eighth place. Um, it's from, uh, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Uh, she, uh, she said, unemployment is low because everyone has two jobs.

No, no, honey, no. And I don't want to talk down to you, but I feel I need to. Yeah, okay. That's not the way it works, sweetheart. That's not the way it works. I mean, this is a person with a masters in economics. I am telling you, if I had a kid at BU, I would be calling the administration and saying, hold it just a second.

Is it fake news, or did you give an economic degree to this woman? Yes, we did. Okay, I'm pulling my kid out. I mean, how does that, the most shameful thing, I think, the most shoddy work, a build, you know that building in San Francisco that they built and they sold those apartments for, you know, millions of dollars and it's collapsing and they don't know what to do with it? That looks like a genius move in shoddy workmanship compared to B.U. unleashing Ocasio-Cortez out with a degree in economics when she says things like,

no, the only reason why you people are so stupid. You're listening to the best of the Glenn Beck program. Like listening to this podcast? If you're not a subscriber, become one now on iTunes. But while you're there, do us a favor and rate the show. Patriot Mobile is a phone service that will give. give you all of the great coverage that you that you want. They're just not going to take the money from you and then invest that in causes that you don't believe in, like Planned Parenthood.

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Go to patriotmobile.com slash blaze. Get started today. When you use the offer code blaze, they're going to waive the activation fee for up to two lines. Patriotmobile.com slash blaze or 1-800 a Patriot is the place to go. Mr. Bill O'Reilly. Present. So, Bill, I'm here. The number one story in your mind this week is?

MESS a huge success. Okay, the number two story in your mind. The biggest story in the country is if the president of the United States can psychologically and emotionally survive the daily attacks on him. And you won't hear that anywhere else but here in the no-spin zone. Because, you know, if you step back away from the history, hysteria and you look at Donald Trump, he's a human being. You might not like him, might think he's not capable of being president, whatever. But any human being put under the barrage of hatred directed toward him

and having to defend himself every hour on the hour from whatever charge, the charge du jour, got to take a psychological toll on him. And that is the story, the big story. about all of this. Okay, so let's take this apart just a bit. First of all, Michael Cohen. Michael Cohn, A, Donald Trump said, low-level guy. Nobody believes that.

Was he a low-level guy? Let me tell you about Michael Cohn. All right, I've never met the man. At one point in the campaign, I was talking to Trump on the phone, and I was trying to get him on the factor that night. And he said, well, I can't do it, but take Michael Cohen, my attorney.

And I said, why would I do that? You know, I'm not going to put him on the air. He's just going to tell him, tell me what you want him to say. I mean, why don't I just put a puppet on there? You know, a real puppet. Okay? And that was the end of that conversation. So Cohen was basically what they call a fixer.

And when Trump had an annoyance, which was what these women were to him, an annoyance, Cohen would deal with it. So I don't know any more than that. I don't know what Trump said to Cohen. No one does. But Cohen's charge working for Donald Trump was to fix things, fix annoyances. And that's what he did. Okay.

The problem has come in now with the National Enquirer, that the National Inquirer has, has changed their story and now they're saying, okay, we did take direction from Donald Trump to pay this one person off. That is a, that's a felony. Cohn, do we have the audio of Michael Cohn on Good Morning America today when they asked him, why should we believe you now?

Listen. So what do you say to people and, you know, there are a lot of people who would be watching who are going to be thinking, but wait a second, he lied for so long. Why should we believe him now? What's the answer to that? What do you mean lied?

Lied about what? At the Trump organization, it's a microcosm of even just the New York real estate market. What do we lie about? It's New York real estate. Yes, it's the greatest product ever created. Is that a lie? Well, but you pleaded guilty to lying to Congress. Yes.

So why should we believe you now? Because the special counsel stated emphatically that the information that I gave to them was credible and helpful. there's a substantial amount of information that they possess that corroborates the fact that I am telling the truth. So you're done with the lying. I am done with the lying. I am done being loyal to President Trump. And my first loyalty belongs to my wife, my daughter, my son, and this country. Take that apart for me, Bill.

You know, it's your listeners, the people who listen to us every Friday, please take that into account. I'm not like any of the commentators on cable news or George Stepanopoulos. I don't take him seriously, all right? Which means that whatever he says means nothing to me. Nothing. Hang on just a second. Hang on just a second. I think that's where most, not the media, but I think that's where most Americans are.

No doubt about it. They just don't. That's a very astute observation. Yeah. Okay. So whatever he says means nothing to me as an American. Mm-hmm. Okay, that's number one. Number two, Robert Mueller had nothing to do with Michael Cohen and what he did or did not do by paying women. He referred that case out to the DA, to the federal attorney, U.S. attorney in Manhattan.

Why did Mueller do this for two reasons? Number one, that had nothing to do with Russian collusion. Okay? So Mueller goes, you know, I can't get involved with this because it doesn't come under my mandate. And number two, he, Mueller knew that Cohen's a sleazy weasel. I'm not, you know, I'm sorry, but he is. And he didn't want to be associated with a sleazy weasel. He also knew that the careerists in the attorney's office, U.S. Attorney's Office in Manhattan, would be more than happy to take this guy apart, which they did. They got into his taxi care business.

They got into his dodging of taxes. And then they came a point where they just said, look, Michael, just tell us what we want to know. And then we'll try to get you a light deal. And Cohen did. Okay. So that's Cohen. Right. Okay.

Hang on just a second. So I agree with that analysis. I think I would add it would be irresponsible of anyone in the justice system if they did find a crime that they didn't pass it on for further investigation to the appropriate people. Maybe, but look, you're giving Mueller too much credit in the sense that nobody would pursue this kind of a thing. This is what they call brand protection. Brand protection. Trump is a brand, okay? So he's now running for president, and he doesn't want his brand attacked any more than it's already been.

So these women try to get money from him, okay? So he says to his personal fixer, take care of it. Take care of it. And the fixer does. Right. And then, of course, the women come back for more money. But it's not a problem with Cohn. What it is is a problem with, what is it, American media, the Inquirer.

Look, I don't know what happened in the Inquirer. Again, none of us are privy to that. But this is the way business is done at that level. See, I'm waiting for the New York Times to investigate itself because they've had Buku private settlements in that newspaper. And so is every major corporation in the country. So I'm waiting for that. But the National Enquirer is basically in business to scandalize people. That's what they do.

All right. So Trump has a relationship with the publisher. Packer, I think his name is, right? Okay. So, yeah, Packer calls him and says, He said, hey, I got this woman and she wants to talk all about your affair and what should I do? And Trump says, well, you know, can you make her go away? And Packer says, yeah, I can do whatever I do.

So they give her money and she tells the story and they just, they don't print it. That happens all the time. Right. There's some critical things that you've left out, but we don't know if they're true or not. so I'm not going to nitpick on this. I want to get back to the, there's no reason to believe the National Enquirer. There's no reason to believe Cohn. But I do believe the National Enquirer in this instance.

I think that happened, okay? But what I'm trying to tell you is there's no, from my point of view, I'm not a lawyer, but I've certainly had many lawyers on Bill O'Reilly.com. Smart. And very few of them see any crime at all. This is business as usual, protection of a brand, a civil settlement. All right, and now they're trying to link it into the campaign finance, but it's a stretch, as we saw on the John Edwards case.

It's a stretch. Right. Now, they can do it. You know, what is it, the indict the ham sandwich line? Okay, they can do it, but do Americans feel that this was some kind of heinous, well-thought-out plot to subvert American election law? No. So here's the, here's the thing. In the 1970s, the Republicans eventually joined the Democrats and said, you know, we can't have, we can't have this going on in the White House. So we need to

make sure that we have somebody telling us the truth. And they didn't come to the table voluntarily, but they were eventually dragged to that table. Who are you talking about now? Hang on. Nixon, okay? And impeachment. Then we had Clinton. And so the people that were against Nixon and said, we have to know if the president is telling the truth. And the president has to, he can't perjure himself, he can't lie. All of a sudden, they were fine with Clinton.

Sure, because it's hypocrisy all day long. Correct. You just raise a point that, and this, you're going to be amazed by my brilliance right now. Are you ready? Everybody ready? Oh, yeah. Okay. In Watergate, there was a crime.

Somebody broke in, somebody took stuff, and they found him. In Clinton, there was a incident involving an intern inside the White House. No question to happen. Perjury. Here, here, okay, nobody knows what it is. This campaign finance thing, nobody knows what this is. Was there a secret payoff? You know, what, nobody knows.

Right. There's no solid crime evidence. It's theoretical. Right. Correct. And, but if there is overwhelming evidence, as Cohen says, that might mean a blue dress of sorts. But I don't know what the crime is at that point. You have to have a tape recording where Trump would walk into Cohen and say, hey, correct.

I want you to violate campaign finance laws and pays the babes off because I want to run for president and win. Thanks. Let me know how it works out. And then he leave. Let's take a look at, you want to talk about the person of the year? That's your article. The person of the year. Which is on the ropes and really not a factor in this country anymore, which is stunning

when you understand a history of that magazine. They select journalists at risk for their persons of the year, okay? But if you really deeply look into what they were doing, they were basically trying to humiliate Trump for saying fake news all. over the place. Yes, they put Kishoggi up and they put the five Maryland journalists who were slaughtered by a psycho up and that's good. I have no beef with that. But the overall arch of the article was Trump is a villain, we hate him and the usual. Okay. So the no spin person of the year is a person who helped this country. All right? So everybody should know my criteria.

and that is Senator Lindsey Graham from South Carolina. Now, the reason I selected Senator Graham was twofold. Number one, he single-handedly saved Brett Kavanaugh and his family from destruction, and they should not have been destroyed. So just on that basis alone, he saved four human beings from destruction. And then he saved every single American citizen. from losing a fundamental right, and that is you are innocent until proven guilty due process.

Now, what Senator Graham did involve courage, articulation, and risk. And that's why he is the no-spin person of the year. I can't even believe that I actually agree with that. It's like Lindsey Graham. Lindsay Graham, of all people, I never would have thought I said anything positive about him. I'm not a huge fan, but what he did in there? You agree, Stu, right? Because the overwhelming logic of my argument is impossible to refuse.

So you're taking credit for Lindsey Graham's achievements. That's what I would expect. Here's what I'm taking credit for you, Stu. You ready? Yes. The one moment this year of lucidity in your life is complement of me. I will say, though, I have not always had faith. in Lindsey Graham and the fact that he was the one who was brave enough to stand up and say,

hey, yeah, we don't convict people without any evidence. That's not what the society is supposed to be about. He deserves a lot of credit for that. He deserves to be the no-spin man of the year, and he is, which will never see that anywhere else because this is a country that now does not value honesty and courage. And here is— He does not value it. He is a—this is a good example of outrage.

used the correct way. He was outraged about something real. He was outraged about something that mattered. It was genuine outrage. People were feeling exactly the same way. He handled himself entirely appropriately at the time. He stated it eloquently. And then he was done.

Not all people. He was viciously attacked for doing that. By both the Democrats on the Judiciary Committee and the media. So that required courage. I wrote a long column, not long, but I wrote a column on this for Bill O'Reilly.com, which you posted now. And basically I made the point is that, you know, there aren't many courageous people anymore in the public eye. They're just not. And when you see one sticking up for you, because Lindsey Graham wasn't sticking up for his party,

He wasn't sticking up for himself. He was sticking up for every single American who could be accused of anything at any time and saying we cannot convict on allegations as these senators are doing in front of the nation. I mean, that took guts. And it wasn't a self-motivated statement. It was a statement to help all Americans understand their rules. rights and that their rights are under siege from the far left. I think that's why it was effective because if it had seemed prepared or contrived,

or contrived, you know, if it was like, I, you arrest me, I'm Spartacus. I'm Spartacus arrest me. It would have gone nowhere. Sincere. Yeah, it was sincere. And you know, in the process, this is always unintended consequences of everything you do and say when you're in public God. He destroyed the candidacies of Corey Booker, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren.

They're done. Okay, they cannot get any traction because of Lindsay Graham. This is the best of the Glenn Beck program. Ten years ago, ten years ago on this program, I made a mocking prediction and said, you know, I'll tell you, what the left should be upset about. It's a song. And I laid out the case 10 years ago. And while I've taken it a couple of step further than they are currently,

remember, this was comedy. This was insane 10 years ago. Listen. But maybe it's cold outside. See, maybe this is just, been hoping that you drop in maybe this is just the negative side of me but they're just like ice beautiful what's your mind i think this you know i use it stop this song for a second you know maybe it's just me but i i mean this has always seemed

like oh it's kind of cute but then i heard it done by dean martin and dean martin you know you couldn't trust i mean he was a friend of frank sinatra you know what i'm saying unions So, uh, so that I hear it from Dean Martin and, uh, and I think there's something here. There's something much deeper than this. In fact, go, go back to the beginning. I just want you to listen to the words. Now it seems like, oh, it's like almost like a Rankin' and Bass Christmas cartoon. But baby, it's cold outside.

But maybe it's cold outside. Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop. First, she says, I really can't stay. And he says, but baby, it's cold outside. All right, so if I may. In other words, what he's saying is, guess what, Skank? Put out, I'm going to leave you stranded in sub-zero temperatures. You know what I mean?

It's cold outside. Now, you might think that's a little dramatic. You know, right now. But may I lay the rest of the song out to provide some context? Go ahead. I'm hoping that you dropping. Okay, okay, okay. Now here's she's saying, I really can't stay.

She's trying to politely get out of there. I got to go away. You know, that's what she says. I got to go away. When was the last time you said, I got to go away? To somebody who is, hey, no, you just stay with me. I got to go away. You don't say I got to go away.

And she says, the evenings and Vince, Vin's so very, very nice. She's trying to act like nothing's wrong and excuse herself. right i i got to go away the evening's been very very nice and then what is he teller he's going to do listen to this opening it you dropping

i'll hold your hands that just like i stop just stop just saying holding your hand that's a sign of affection right holding your hands that's restraint That's a form of imprisonment.

Then she says, She's there just like ice. Beautiful, watch you're Listen to the... Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. She says, my mother will start to worry, and my father will be pacing the floor, which is exactly the thing that a hostage says.

If my contact doesn't hear from me, they're going to come looking. And then what is he say in response? Listen to this. Listen to the fireplace roar. Stop. See what I'm saying? You didn't catch it?

Let me tell you something. You're never going to work for the FBI unless you follow along. You've got a hostage situation. He's holding her hands. She's saying, somebody's going to come for me. They know where I am.

And then he says, listen to the fireplace roar. In other words, I'll burn you alive if you don't stay and put out. That's what I'm hearing here. Oh, how did we miss this our whole life? Then she decides it's escalating too fast. Listen to what she says.

To the fireplace roar. Beautiful, please don't hurry. Put some records on while I pour. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. So she decides it's escalating out of control. Well, well, oh, give me, maybe just one more drink. Just one more drink.

And then he distract. He says, you put on some records. First of all, who plays records anymore? Serial killers. She says, okay, maybe half a drink more, maybe just half a drink. And he says, yeah, put on some of those records while I pour. So now he's set up to pour the drink while her attention is elsewhere. What does he do?

He drugs the drinks. Hello? as evidenced by what she says next. Put some records on while I pour. Baby, it's bad out there. No caps to be had. Stop, stop. There it is, Your Honor.

Say, what's in this drink? Then she says, but no caps to be had out there. Your eyes are like star. I wish I knew how. To break this space. I wish I say less in this string. I wish I knew how to break this spell.

In other words, I think I've just ingested a date rape drug. I'd like to stop the effects now. He's going to burn me to death. Oh, dead. In the middle of it, he says, I'll take your hat, your hair, look, Okay, all right, all right.

He says, your eyes are like starlight now, clearly the effects of GHB kicking in now. And then he says, I'm going to take your hat. Yes, at her most vulnerable moment, he begins to take her clothes off. Then she says, mind if I'm moving. Wait, wait, wait, wait. She says, I ought to say no, no, no, but she can't. Why? Because she's basically paralyzed now laying next.

to the fire where she's terrified he's gonna burn her to death and he mockingly says mind if I move in close this is a horror movie knowing she can't resist she takes solace in the fact that she

at least has tried to stop his advances and then he says if your hat your hair looks swell gnarre they know but I can't I'm sorry at least it's going to say that I try

you'll hold out baby it's cold outside okay look I mean the song stop it we should never play this again it is a it's it's the nightmare before Christmas you know it just goes on and on and on you know I simply must go the clear answer is no

yet he he keeps coming and coming and coming you know what this is this is the story of the guy that dog the bowed about Hunter arrested in Mexico. Oh, the welcome has been so nice and warm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That warmth is, you know, the warmth that GHB induces. You see what I'm saying?

Your lips look delicious. Oh, I bet they do, Hannibal the cannibal. I get it. Put out or you're going to find yourself in an icy grave. Merry Christmas. Is that too? That's amazing. It was just me.

That is 10 years ago. It was, I think, just me 10 years ago. It was. And now it's not. And that was, that was something that was a comedic observation 10 years ago. Yeah. It was, I mean, you never think we'd get to that ridiculous point. Now, this is why there is no comedy anymore.

Because the things that are funny, you have to take it to the extreme. How do you take a, I'm? America to the extreme. Now, it's already, it lives at the extreme. You're listening to the best of the Glenn Beck program. You've been covering a couple of stories that, you know, I've not been covered by the mainstream media or really anybody else. Thus the name, something's off with Andrew Heaton. Well, you know, there's a few things we endeavor to do. It is a fun podcast. It's a thoughtful podcast. And so I do, I bring on a lot of people to have discourse. The motto of the show is good and intelligent people can disagree on matters of substance.

But before I get into that thoughtful stuff, I try and find headlines that I don't feel are getting sufficient attention in the national media. And this week, I didn't even do multiple headlines. I dedicated like a full block to trying to unravel this story, which I believe is what's going to get me the Pulitzer this next year. Really? Which is one of my goals for 2019. Wow.

Okay. So what was the story that you were? So, and I need to stress, I'm not making any of this up. This is all totally legitimate. Okay. scientists were concerned that in Hawaii, endangered monk seals kept being found with dead eels up their nostrils. That they were apparently snorting eels.

Have you seen this? Yeah, I saw the picture. It's creepy. And they don't seem to mind it. They seem, I don't know, seal psychology super well. But they appear to be kind of blithely on a way. I would. Or the fact that they don't have hands,

they know there's nothing they can do about it. They're just like, whatever I got that. They're the Buddhist. of the animal world where they're like, you know what? Like, can't do anything about it, so don't reject it. Just roll with a punch. Yeah, they, so it started out with this photo that's gone viral where there's, there's this seal monk that looks like it's half asleep with this two inches of eel dangling out

of this nostril. And this scientist, it was spotted on, you know, one of these endangered species cams or whatever, whatever the scientists have set up there. And so he sent out this email, and I did some research on this. The email subject line was just eel in nose, question mark. It was him email the other scientists to see if there was a protocol for removing eels from seal noses. And they had to do it back and forth. And eventually they're like, apparently we don't have this in the handbook.

So some guy just went out there and like pulled it out like a magic trick, like one of those handkerchiefs the magician has. Took out this dead. It was dead. It was it. Yeah, yeah. It's, I don't know how long it was alive. By the time they got it, it was dead. The seal was fine.

The seal was fine. Although this is one of the concerns they have is that if this keeps happening and they've found like, they've got like five documented cases of this now. at least four. They said four or five. So I assume one of them might be the same. They're just not sure. But their fear is that if this keeps happening, that the monk seals will either get pneumonia

or there just might be general health complications from having a rotting eel carcass in your nostril, which I think is a fair assumption. And so I... So are the eels crawling in against the will of the seal? That is a great question, or are they... Are the eels going,

somehow or another, come see what's in, the cavern of my face. Okay, great question. And this is what has been racking the scientific community these few months since this started happening. We're putting, we're putting Cures for Cancer on the back burner. And we're all trying to figure out. Oh, it's important. I mean, I'm a doctor, so I understand the important. And I'm a deputy scientist. Right. I own a lab coat. That's how that works under U.S. law. And no, so there's kind of three prevailing theories, and I've got my own fourth theory. The first theory is that the monks seals, when they're, they're hunting, and they eat eels, they eat eels, urchins, and octop

The theory is that they will find a hole underwater and just kind of shove their head into it and start grounding around. And there'll be an eel inside. And the only orifice with which it could escape is the seal nostril from the perspective of the eel. So it just shoots up there trying to escape and that that's one theory, right? That's a pretty good theory. And that's pretty smart. I feel like that's a good idea from the eel. It's actually pretty smart. It's, you know what? Like, I mean, shoot the moon. If you could make it through that whole gastrointestinal track, that would be the greatest eel of all time. If you could work your way through there. But so far, Well, you know what? Maybe they have. We're only seeing the dead ones.

Right. Maybe the really fast eels get out. I don't think it's super likely because apparently, again, I spent way too much time researching this. Seals have pretty good muscle retention in their nostrils. Like I think it's almost like a sphincter or something where they can control that hole. So I don't think it's likely something could force it in, which brings us to theory number two, which is that they're vomiting out the eels. So like if you've ever, you know, shoot Mr. Pip out your nose when you're laughing, because you're watching Newhart.

Right. Newhart, great show. And you're watching that. Bob Newhart just, you're always so funny. Yeah. And you shoot out that Mr. Pibb out your nose. Could be something like that, right? Again, but it's like the whole eel.

So I don't think that's like. And the third one, which is kind of the one the scientists seem to be gravitating towards is, and I'm not, again, this is them, not me. Teenagers are dumb. Their theory is that just there are dumb monk seal, probably males that just snort eels for the hell of it. Because why not to impress their seal buddies? So it's like the tea. It's like the seal's tide pod. drag racing. It's like tidepods. It's a stupid thing they do. It's like the seal adults are like,

look at the damn teenagers. Our entire society of seals going to be wiped out in the next generation. The elder seals are talking about how the water used to be wetter and how the young seals are narcissistic. They don't have proper seal respect and they don't clap their flippers as well. My theory, by the way, is I think there's probably cocaine in them. I think that there's cocaine inside the eels. I don't know where cocaine comes from, but it's probably eels. It comes from plants. It does it? Well, maybe. Then I guess those things are eaten.

Because that's the only thing I can think of that would compel an animal to suck an eel up, or any species to suck an eel up its nose. That's the only thing I can think of. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let me switch topics to... So if you're on the Pulitzer Committee, if you're listening, you're on the Pulitzer Committee,

I'm doing Yeoman's work here. It's a big investigation. It's on the level with the Miami Herald with all the stuff they did, the Epstein case. The Epstein case. I mean, there's a few nominees, but you're there. I'd share it with the Miami. So, you know, he does have an Emmy. He won an Emmy.

I was given an Emmy by John Stossel. Right. So John Stossel, great guy that I worked with, or I worked near. I wasn't on the same team as him at Fox Business, but this is the worst award ever. So he was given to you. He won it. He gave it to you and you weren't even working with him. That's not winning an Emmy.

You can't put that on the rest of it. So John, who, if you don't know, John. John's a incredibly smart guy and a very nice guy. Very nice guy. But also the least sentimental human being I've ever met. He just doesn't. It's like he had to like, he is like what AI is going to be. Yeah. He looks up like,

human emotions on Wikipedia and like reads about him. Yes. And so for a while what he would do is he, he would have these he has like, I think eight national Emmys which are big deal and he has like 400 local Emmys, which are important but not as big of a deal. So when he would go to college campuses whoever asked the best question, he would just

give them a local Emmy. So when I left Fox, I went like, John, if you're just passing out Emmys, I'd take one. And he's like, why should I give it to you? And I was like, well, because, you know, I do political satire. And then just walked over and handed me a national Emmy. It was like, here you go. So I thought this was really. And the way he told this to me, he was like, hey, you know, John really thought this was a funny thing that we did and everything else.

So I'm on a plane with John just a few weeks ago. And we're flying to, I don't remember, Bermuda. and so he hops on the plane and I said, John, no friend of yours. And he goes off and he talks and says all great stuff about Andrew Heaton and how much he loves him and everything else. And I said, Andrew told me that you gave him a national Emmy. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah.

You want one? I mean, he's giving him out way like they're candy. Yeah, yeah. No citadel in there. John was probably just tired of dusting. Yeah. Besides, that was an easy way to get rid of it. Incredible. Andrew, Andrew Heaton. Something's off with Andrew Heaton is the podcast. Subscribe to it. You're going to love it. It's a lot of fun. Andrew, thank you so much. Thank you.