The Glenn Beck Program - Best of the Program | 10/30/25

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

Glenn discusses the strange situation that occurred at a recent Wikipedia conference. Glenn discusses the operation Arctic Frost scandal that Glenn claims makes Watergate look like a child’s play operation. An update on the diseased monkey from Mississippi made the story even weirder. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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no amount of minimum, and no free mensue. You're made for negotiate, and the TD is there for you help. If you couldn't believe the news from yesterday about the monkeys containing, you know, herpes and COVID,

that escaped from containment in some movie gone bad in Mississippi, there's a... The Monkey Story has just gotten nuts. We've talked about that. Also, Wikipedia taking a stand on something as simple as not allowing pedophiles to edit pages regarding child stars and children. You know, it's noble.

But it also shows how low society has fallen. And the proof is in the pudding. The files on Arctic Frost have been released. You want to save the Republic? You need to understand this story and make sure it never happens again. All this and more on today's podcast. Winter isn't just a season. It is a test.

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because winter is upon us soon. Mypatriotsupply.com slash glen. That's mypatriotsupply.com slash glen. Hello, America. You know we've been fighting every single day. We push back against the lies, the censorship, the nonsense of the mainstream media that they're trying to feed you. We work tirelessly to bring you the unfiltered truth because you deserve it.

But to keep this fight going, we need you. Right now, would you take a moment and rate and review the Glenn Beck podcast? Give us five stars. and lead a comment because every single review helps us break through big tech's algorithm to reach more Americans who need to hear the truth. This isn't a podcast. This is a movement and you're part of it, a big part of it. So if you believe in what we're doing, you want more people to wake up, help us push this podcast to the top. Rate, review, share. Together, we'll make a difference. And thanks for standing with us. Now let's get to work.

You're listening to the best of the Glenn Beck program. Well, President Trump said now that's the problem. I mean, so much as hyperbole, you never truly, like everybody said that meeting couldn't happen. It happened. And he said it couldn't be done and it was done. I mean, everything is like, people, I got up this morning. People said I couldn't open the door and I opened the door. Okay.

It was the greatest door opening I've ever seen. But from all, you know, accounts, this was a really, really good meeting. Let me just say this. He's getting ready to meet with Putin and with what Putin. Putin has done in the last couple of days. And now everybody's upset. Oh my gosh. Donald Trump said he's going to start to it testing nuclear weapons again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know why? Well, China is testing them and Russia is testing them. We've had a moratorium on that. And here's what he's really doing. If I heard the news and I was in the Donald Trump White House, I would have walked in after I heard the news, especially yesterday, that Vladimir Putin has a new nuclear missile that he can shoot 6,000 miles away,

underwater, and it can navigate and then blow up like a hydrogen bomb under the water just off the coast of California, which would create a radioactive tsunami. This is what I would tell the president. Congratulations, Mr. President. You've won. Now, why would I say that? because Vladimir Putin's not going to do that. He's not going to do that.

It would make him the pariah of the entire world. You're not going to set off a nuclear, radioactive tsunami to cover Los Angeles. Because if I'm the president, and maybe this would make me a very bad president, but if I'm the president and I hear that he has just launched a nuclear missile towards Los Angeles, My decision is, do I stop it? Yes, I do everything I can to try to stop the missile from hitting. Do I respond before it hits? All conventional wisdom is, you've got to launch now, Mr. President.

You have to launch now. Now, maybe this makes me a very bad president. I don't know. I think it probably does. But I would say, no, I'm not launching. Let it hit. And then I'm going to say to the rest of the world, immediately after it hits.

This man just buried Los Angeles killed all of these people by launching a missile, a hydrogen bomb, underwater. God only knows what it's done to the environment, but here's what it's done to people, and here's what it's done to Los Angeles. I give the world an hour before I respond.

I don't want a nuclear war because we all know what that means, but the rest of the world, you need to condemn him and he needs to go on trial for crimes against humanity. Nothing, nothing warrants that kind of abuse of nuclear weapons. That's what I would do as president, because I know the rest of the world would not be kind to anyone who launched a nuclear weapon at the West Coast.

Wouldn't. If we launched a nuclear weapon, you know, even if we blew up Israel with a nuclear weapon, the world would be like, look at what America has just done. They've killed all these Jews. Wait a minute. I'm so confused right now what I'm for and what I'm against? But they would still condemn it.

Nobody can get away with that. He knows, Putin knows the president is the most concerned about nuclear weapons. So what does he do? He describes two nuclear weapons he has. He's pulling out all that. There's nowhere to go from there. What are you going to do next? I'm going to blow up the moon.

He's just used everything in his bag of. There's no place bigger he can go other than actually launching those things. Mr. President, congratulations. You've just won. So that's what I think is happening with what Donald Trump has done this week. And the way Putin is now reacting and he's about to turn his sights on Putin and Ukraine. So let's watch and see what happens. There's something else that has happened this week that we haven't had a chance.

And actually, I think happened last week and I haven't had a chance to address it. But I think it's important mentally because we have a problem with actual common sense in this country. So let me tell you a story. In New York, there was a conference hall that was holding just another boring conference with all the people from Wikipedia. You know, the beautiful Wikipedia people there are so great. I'm so glad Grockapedia is around. Not sure it's all that much better, but it's better so far than Wikipedia. but Wikipedia is responsible for shaping what the world calls truth.

So the head person of, you know, the CEO of Wikipedia is giving a keynote address and a guy walks onto the stage and pulls out a revolver. Doesn't point it at the CEO, points it to his own head. And he says, I'm not here to hurt anybody. You've got a gun. I'm a non-contact pedophile. and I want to kill myself. Now the worst part of me goes,

well, but that's the worst part of me. This guy's name is Connor Weston. Okay. He calls himself online, Gapazoid. Okay. Maybe you should.

Okay. He wasn't there to harm anybody, but himself. He said, I'm there to protest what he called a don't ask, don't tell policy at Wikipedia. Now, this is a rule that has banned anyone who openly admits to being a pedophile,

even those who claim to have never have acted on it. Now, I don't know about you, but generally speaking, in my workplace, you claim to be a pedophile, even though, hey, Glenn, Glenn, never acted on it, but boy, those children are hot. I'm not interested in your opinion, okay? I don't feel comfortable being around you. Okay. Now, I appreciate that you are admitting that, but can I ask you the next question?

What are you doing, dude, to get help? Okay. Well, nothing, nothing. I'm working on Wikipedia and I'm, well, I was. I was editing stories about children, psychology, sexuality. I call Wikipedia and like, what the hell are you thinking? Do you know this guy's a pedophile? not acting pedophile.

What does Wikipedia do? Well, the editor was like, we can't have those people editing, look, let's not just tell anybody. Let's just make sure if we find that out about somebody, you're not editing the Wikipedia files about children. Okay. And he said, I don't want a scandal on this. Let's just do it.

Well, so he was, he had been editing articles about children, child actors, child abuse prevention, child psychology, and pages on sexuality. Kind of a bad idea. I look at Wikipedia for the very first time, perhaps, and go, good move, Wikipedia, right? So they had a ban. He no longer could have access to change any of those or be an expert on any of those pages. And I think it was the right call. He's like, well, we're punishing the, this is thought, this is thought crime. Because yes, I'm thinking about it, but I haven't acted on it. No, this isn't thought crime. That's not thought crime. Here's the way to think about this. I get onto a plane and the pilot says, Ladies and gentlemen, as your captain speaking, and I just want you to know, I've been having

wild, wild thoughts of suicide lately, but I'm going to get you to San Francisco pretty safely and it looks like everything's going to be okay. Forget about the suicidal thoughts. I'm not acting on my suicidal thoughts. I say, excuse me, stewardess, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing. Either he's off the plane or I'm off the plane. I don't want a guy piloting the plane that has suicidal thoughts.

Now, that's not punishing him for thought. Ladies and gentlemen, I understand some of you are in a full-fledged panic right now. What are you accusing me of actually wanting to kill all of you? Again, I've had wild suicidal thoughts lately, but let's not panic here. and start prosecuting people for thought crime. Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing.

Yes, let's. I don't want to condemn him. I'm not going to call him a bad person, blah, blah, blah, but can we get him out of the cockpit so he is safe, get him some help, and make sure that we get to our destination without going down in his suicidal thought. Okay, that's just common sense. We, our lives depend on his stability.

That's not a thought. thought crime, okay? And we don't judge, we don't judge him. You know, if you admit you're, you know, I, you know, I am really attracted by that hot four-year-old. But I'm fighting the darkness every day. Great. Well, that's wonderful. I'd like to know what you're doing to get help to fight that darkness. And thank you for informing me. And I support your fight of that darkness. But you should not be in the airplane next to the guy with the suicidal thoughts. Okay? The problem is with the suicidal thoughts and the pilot, we can actually say, we need to get him some help.

Okay? I mean, unless you're in Canada, I think suicide is actually okay in Canada now. But we should get you some help. But with pedophilia, you can't do that because how dare you question their truth? Right? So we can't even say, he's saying, I haven't acted on it. Okay, why? Because he knows it's wrong.

But we can't say to him, what are you doing to get help, dude? What are you doing? We can't say you really need help because that's politically incorrect. That is, that is taking the boundaries off of compassion. We must not have boundaries on compassion, you know. Just like somebody who has anger issues, I don't know. I don't think they should work in law enforcement until they're healed. You know what I mean?

Some responsibility is just a little too heavy for the wounded to carry right now. And that's not prosecuting thoughts. We don't jail people for temptations they haven't acted on. At least conservatives don't. I mean, that's hate crime. You know, that's thought crimes. You know, conservatives don't do that. That's all the rage on the left, not on the right.

but we as a society have to protect the innocent from preventable harm. He's having suicidal thoughts. What do you say we prevent that from happening to all of us on board? That's not tyranny, that's civilization. The purpose of moral boundaries isn't to shame the fallen, it's to shield the vulnerable. And when you hold a position of influence, which, you know, I don't know, editing the world's encyclopedia and shaping how people understand, billions of people understand childhood, sexuality, and abuse, I don't know.

Our standard should be pretty high. In fact, our standard should be absolute trust because a single edit there will bring the whole system down. A single word suddenly changed will alter how the rest of us perceive evil itself. And if that trust is compromised, then the entire institution collapses. So yes, Wikipedia, continue to draw the line. I'd like you to draw a few more lines. But this one, this one is not balancing freedom over safety.

This one is already answered when you said, yeah, I wouldn't want the pilot to fly me to San Francisco. Honestly, even if you, I didn't have suicidal thoughts. I'm on the wrong plane. If you're flying me to San Francisco, bing, bing, bing, bing, can I get off? Mercy and moral responsibility. technology with humanity. These are the questions that deserve our time. Those are the things we should be spending our time in and our time on.

If we can't agree to protect children from the risk of a broken mind behind a keyboard, how will we ever protect humans from the power of a machine behind a screen? The story is tragic. Most of life is tragic. The only thing that isn't a tragedy is when people who have moral clarity, who have love in their heart, not persecution, when they stand up and say, this has got to stop. That's what stops life from being a constant tragedy.

You know, a man consumed by his own sickness, a gun in his hand. Somebody has to confront that. But it's also a warning. Compassion without caution is not virtue. it's negligence. Love the sinner. Lock the cockpit door. Because the purpose of moral law, of boundaries of rules and reason,

it's not to punish the lost. It's to keep the rest of us from being dragged into the fall. Mercy for the broken, but protection for the innocent. All right, let me talk to you a little bit about relief factor. Somewhere along the way we started living our lives in chairs, we sit to work, we sit to drive, we sit to eat, we sit to relax, and then we wonder why our bodies feel like they're, you know, rusting in place. We built a world that runs on screens and deadlines where our mind's race and our bodies hardly even move.

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That is the code name. And according to the records released now by Senator Chuck Grassley and the House Judiciary Committee, the Biden era DOJ and special counsel Jack Smith drove an investigation that sprayed subpoenas like a fire hose. We now know there were 197 subpoenas spanning more than 1,700 pages, sent to 34 people, 163 businesses, and then vacuumed up communications tied to more than 400 Republican individuals and entities. That's reaching into everything. They reached into media companies, CBS, Fox, Fox Business, Newsmax, Sinclair. into financial institutions, into political organizations, even members, employees, and agents of the legislative branch.

So now you have congressmen and senators being vacuumed up into this whole thing. This is not a precision rifle shot. This is a net and a very big drag net. This is not the way justice in America works. You do not go after, you know, an entire. party, 400 people? Now, what were they looking for? How did it start? Well, let me say the opening memo to justify Arctic Frost is called, in legal terms, it would be called the predicate.

And it was stamped sensitive investigative matter. And it cited, and I love this, listen to this language, cited evidence suggesting a conspiracy around alter Elector's. I'm going to get to that here in just a second. But it relied on, leaned on news clips, news clips to vacuum all these people up. To get the, to get things the engine turning, news clips were used. Suggesting, not proving, suggesting. And it just rose up the ladder. Ray, Garland, Monaco, even coordination with the White House counsel's office, it surfaces now in the record. This went all the way to the top. This is not my language. This is what the documents now on the table imply. Okay. Now, let me just pause for a minute in the reading room of American memory. What is this all about? Alternate electors. That's not a Martian invention. Okay, that's not something completely foreign. We've seen them before. 1876 and 1960, they were messy, contested, deeply political moments that produced zero criminal prosecutions for their existence of rival slates. In fact, Al Gore, if he didn't set a alternate slate of electors, he was counseled, and I've talked to Dershowitz about this.

He was like, they're counseled to have an alternate set of electors because once, if you don't do that and the table's turn, and you're like, you know what, there was a problem. If you haven't seated those electors before a certain time, you have no case. You can't change anything. So it has to happen. And it has happened two times before, I think three, but definitely in 1876 and 1960. In Hawaii, in 1960, Democrats signed certificates while a recount was still underway. The recount flipped.

So it was ultimately certified. The Democratic slate was certified. ugly, yes, but that's the way it work. It's not criminal. And history has said no. It's not criminal. But it doesn't matter when it's about Donald Trump. So let me go back to Arctic Frost now. As the subpoenas flew, the FBI reportedly snooped phone records of Republican members of Congress. The scope widened to donor analytics, broad financial data, Trump world advisors, the lawyers, the media contacts. We said during January 6th, we said internally,

if you don't think they are going after a massive tree. Because remember, this is what the Patriot Act allows you to do now. You go after one person. If anybody is calling somebody else, well, that person now can be hoovered up. And who is that person called? So you could get pretty much everybody that you want. with one subpoena. But that's not where they stopped.

They didn't stop with one subpoena. When the state cast a drag net over the opposition's political ecosystem with the authority to seize all their communications, compel testimony, and chill the donors, that's not tough politics, okay? That is the government with badges and grand juries leaning its full weight into one side,

of the national scale. Watergate? Please. Watergate. Let me compare Watergate. You know what Watergate was? Watergate was a gang of political operatives who broke into an office to get information. They weren't even losing the election. Nobody even knows why they would have even done this. It was so stupid that they even did this. But it was a local office. They broke in. They wanted to get some information that was there, you know, on the, you know, on the candidate and on the race. And then they covered it up. And they tried to keep the public from the truth. It was wrong. It was criminal.

And it forced a president to resign. And people went to prison over it. But Watergate was a private burglary executed by a campaign and covered up by the White House. Terrible. Awful. That's not the DOJ blanketing the opposing party's entire world with federal. subpoenas while citing news hits as the predicate. Do you see the difference?

Watergate was an attempt to weaponize a campaign. Arctic Frost, if the emerging records hold, was the attempt to weaponize the entire state against a political party. The difference there is the whole ballgame under a constitutional republic. You don't have a constitutional republic if that's allowed to happen. In America, the state is supposed to be the neutral referee, not a sideline enforcer wearing one team's colors, you know, under the stripes. And don't even start with me on, well, what about Donald Trump?

We'll play that game all day long. And you know where that gets us? Nowhere. You want to make a charge against Donald Trump and what he's doing. Good. Let's take that separately. Let's do that. I'm willing to.

Let's take that separately. Let's deal with this one first. Okay? The moment the referee picks up the ball and starts running, the game is over. It's not a fair game anymore. And if it can be done to them today, it will be done to you tomorrow. That's not a slogan. That's a law of political gravity.

Yeah, but Trump did. Okay, let's have that conversation. But can we at least have it honestly? Because if you think this is about what aboutism, you cannot see the nose on the front of your face. You're completely missing this. You cannot make a weaponization of a government, a partisan inheritance that each side can claim when it holds power. If any president, any prosecutor, red or blue, uses federal power to criminalize political opposition, rather than prosecute clear crimes,

it is an offense against the equal protection under the law. So let's lay down a standard here that I'm willing to apply to Donald Trump and to Joe Biden and any other president that comes our way. Because if we don't lay this clear standard down, we're done. The predicate, predication, it has to be real, not rhetorical. evidence suggesting via TV interviews is circular sourcing at its best. It's not something that you launch a sprawling investigation on into a presidential rival's universe. If you can't articulate the crime specifically, you don't get to launch a drag net on the people that are running against you.

The scope has to be narrow and tied exactly to the alleged crime, not a sweep through media organizations and donor records and opposition infrastructure under vague theories that come from TV reports. Journalism, political advocacy, fundraising, all of those things are protected activities. Separation from the White House also must be unmanned. If the White House's counsel's office is coordinating device transfers into an investigation of its chief political rival, alarm should clang in every corridor of every main justice hall. Everywhere, the alarm, the Claxton should be going off right now. Also, historic practice matters. If prior episodes, by the way, this is all thrown out by the Supreme Court, so you know. Okay, nothing there.

If prior episodes, 1876, 1960, and I believe 2000, if they were treated as political, not criminal, especially where alternate electors were explicitly conditional, then you need compelling new legal theories and clean facts to criminalize it now. You can't just say, yeah, well, history, He never did anything about that before. And actually, they said it was fine.

But now, now it's going to be a crime. Wait, can you be specific on what has changed? Well, we really dislike the people that are doing it this time. That doesn't count. That doesn't count. Now, before anybody clips this monologue and screams, Glenn Beck said, no, a Trump administration did anything wrong.

I don't think so, but that's not what I'm saying, because I'm not the judge. I'm not your juror. I'm the guy insisting that the rules are rules and they should be applied to everyone on all sides. Smith has his report. He says he wants to tell his side. Great, put him under oath.

If he didn't do it, then he should be set free. But it should be on a clear set of laws. What's happened in the Biden administration, they just kept changing laws. Well, yeah, I mean, the bank said there was no crime, but Donald Trump. And so all of a sudden there was a crime. Nobody's ever been prosecuted, ever before that.

Even the bank said this is ridiculous. There's no crime here. Didn't matter. That's not justice. I want real justice. Smith says he has a side. Let's hear it. Bring forward the memos.

Publish the predicate. Let the country see whether we had a criminal case or an election cycle drag net because that's what it looks like. If the emerging picture is right, if Arctic Frost opened up on thin evidence, escalated on political pressure, and metastasized into a government-wide sweep of the sitting president's chief rival and his entire ecosystem, then this is not just like Watergate. This is much, much, much, much worse than Watergate, in kind, not just degree. Watergate tried to steal the information. That's it.

They potentially attempted to steal legitimacy, to criminalize opposition by wielding the sword of the state. That violates more than statutes. That violates our creed that free men govern themselves by consent. And the process is sacred. And the law is the wall that even presidents and prosecutors can never climb over. If proven, the remedy is not a sternly, a terse letter or an op-ed and a shrug. The remedy is the full force of the law.

Inspector General referrals, special counsels where appropriate, prosecution where crimes are clear, statutory reforms to bar this from ever happening again, from press clippings being your predicate, bright lines need to be drawn. Protections for the press, for donors, and legislators in political cases. Sunlight, all the sunlight on how this began, who approved it, and why no one in the administration said, stop. And to my friends say, well, Trump is doing the same thing. I hear you. I don't agree with you, but I hear you. Why don't we codify the guardrails right now? So when emotions are high and temptations are strong, the Republic doesn't survive by trusting that our guys will be angels, it survives on the chains on power, everyone's power. You know, when you hold a founding

sermon in your hand, when you read the ink of Washington scratched in the margin notes of James Madison, you discover that America's miracle wasn't that we selected saints. It's that we built a system where even the sinners are fenced in by law. That's the process. When justice is blind to banners and bumper stickers and political parties, that's what America is America. Arctic Frost, if the record stands, it took a blowtorch to that fence. So the choice is really simple. Retreat into teams, each side cheering for its prosecutors and its dragnet. Or you can do the harder, nobler thing, just like our founders did, and insist that the

same rules that bind all power, especially when it's aimed at people we dislike, are enforced. That's how you keep a republic. That's how you make sure there's not a second water gate. Because we learned the lesson the first time, but

did we? Because if we haven't, if we don't learn it this time, and by God, we are done. The story of America is not a story of Who got whom? It's a story of a people who refused to let the government become a weapon. And if that spirit still lives in us, then this cold wind called Arctic Frost will pass and the constitutional withstand because you stood for equal justice, for due process, for truth that doesn't bend to politics.

And that, that is how we relight the torch of America. This is the best of the Glenn Beck program. Okay, so, Stu, you know, the Reese's monkeys that escaped, you know, on a crash of a truck on I-59. The what monkeys, the Reese's? The Reese's monkeys, yeah. Like peanut butter flavored? No, they're called the Reese's monkeys, okay. I just, that just sounds delicious.

It does, but I don't recommend eating them. Okay. Okay. Especially these. Yesterday, we found out they were riddled with disease. I think they had. Sad. What is that?

They had herpes and, I don't know, the clap and maybe a little. COVID. I don't know what they... Herpes and COVID were two. I don't think the clap was actually one of them. I thought there was a third disease. I wasn't sure. I think it was Hep C. Yeah, Hep C. Okay. So I don't recommend eating these monkeys. They sound less delicious. Not exactly chocolate and peanut butter inside. Okay.

But now, as if that wasn't weird enough that a truck got into an accident, the back door opened up and these very aggressive monkeys... This is a horrible movie. plot. It's a completely predictable, gee, what's going to happen? Obviously, all of society gets disintegrated through disease. They're now saying that these monkeys were not diseased, okay? Oh, wow, great for them. They got all of them except one.

And all of the other monkeys were, quote, I'm quoting, they've all been destroyed. Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, why did you destroy them? If they weren't disease. If they weren't disease, why would you destroy them? I mean, where were you shipping them to? I mean, this monkey thing just does not make sense. This is how governments make conspiracy theories much worse. Just go out and say, riddled with disease.

Yep. We were bringing them to the monkey Auschwitz. We were going to kill them all. Whatever it was. Just tell the truth on it. Okay. Why would the driver, this is what they're saying now, The driver didn't know.

Well, wait. So you just piled a bunch of monkeys into the back of his truck. And he somehow or another just assumed they were riddled with disease. Really? He was just like, I just picked up these monkeys, man. And they're all diseased. They all have hepatitis C. Why would he say that?

Come on. Come on. Stop it. Was this guy like, was this guy an employee or was it an Uber? They just like, can you come pick up? I got a bunch of monkeys. We're going to put it in the back of your Camry. I need it in an Uber black.

You should bring the SUV. Okay. Of course, there might be some monkey mess in the end because, again, they're riddled with disease. They're riddled their diarrhea. It's bad. It's bad. Okay. So now they're saying there's only one monkey on the loose, but it's totally fine.

It's totally fine? It's totally fine. So the one monkey that is loose, is it possible this one? monkey was like the control group didn't have the diseases. Maybe. Is that possible? Maybe. The other five who did have the diseases, they destroyed them already.

But they know them like by sight. They could just, you know, hey, there's number five. That's the one without the diseases. Don't shoot that one. So could I just, could you just get a shot on my screen here? Always a good idea. Always a good idea. This is the picture they released of the Reesus monkey.

and they have a picture of him like fiddling with the wires on a telephone pole. Now, I don't know. Maybe it's a Chinese spy monkey that is like, we're going to send these monkeys in. They're going to rewire the entire country for collapse. I don't know.

It also doesn't look safe for the monkey. He's not grounded. He doesn't have a safety tie nor a helmet. There's nothing rubber that he is holding on to. I fear for that monkey. Diseased or not, I fear for the monkey. Maybe this is how they destroyed all the monkeys.

They just told them to go up to the top of the telephone poles. It's possible. I mean, every day, it just gets weirder and weirder. Do you have a theory here as to what is, what actually occurred here? Yeah. Have you been able to? No, no, this is just a theory. I haven't put a lot of thought into the escaped monkeys.

It seems like you have. I really haven't. I've read two stories on it. That's it. That's as far as I'm going with the disease monkeys. Until they show up at your house. And then I'm going to regret. I should have known, is it Paul?

What is your name? Are you, Bob? We're friends. We're friends, Mr. Monkey. I think this is what happened. The university was either buying or selling these monkeys, and they were sending them to some other place that is doing even more monkey experiments. Okay. Whether they had diseases or not, I'm assuming they did, because I can't imagine the driver being so specific.

Yes, they have three diseases. They have hepatitis C. They have COVID and the clap or whatever. There's another, yeah, there was three. But like, you're right. That just doesn't just make that up. You wouldn't make that up. It doesn't mean it's true, but somebody told this guy.

Somebody told this guy. Unless he's just constantly assigning hepatitis C to people he runs into. You know what? I just was with a dog, leprosy. Yeah. My neighbor's dog has leprosy. You don't even know it. I know.

I'm a dog and monkey whisperer. It could just be his thing. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe this is just his content. I just don't think that's the case. Just assigning different diseases to different animals that walk by. This is just another reason why we don't trust anything anymore. Because people in government are weasels, diseased weasels that just don't have any spying at all.

Just tell the people the truth. Yes, we lost some monkeys in an accident. Don't go around. the monkeys. Okay, you see one, shoot the monkey. All right? I love how flipping you are. Just tell us the truth about how you lost a bunch of diseased monkeys.

Come on. I would rather know that than have them go, there's absolutely nothing. So my kid is in the backyard playing with a diseased monkey. You know what I mean? I just think, it's just for safety, maybe never let your kid play in the backyard with an escaped monkey of any sort, whether diseased or not.

This is my advice. You say it's diseased and, I mean, you know how many stupid people? go over this yesterday? Like 63% of Americans have, it cannot read past a sixth grade level. Yes, we didn't. Disseased monkey kind of jumps out at you. You know what I mean?

Monkeys, where 63% of the people cannot understand anything past the sixth grade level, I don't know. Monkeys might be like, oh, there's a cute little monkey in my backyard. Oh, okay. And your other neighbor that maybe can read at a seventh grade level is like, it's a diseased monkey, don't touch it. I just can't read the names of these

diseases because they're too long. Right. It's bad. Yes, bad. Bad. Just stop lying to people. But you're just throwing that out there. What if what they're doing is actually telling us the truth?

There's just nothing to be worried about it. That might actually be accurate in this case. Because here's why I think. Let me see if I can find. They weren't part of these monkeys were not part of a Tulane Transport and they're not infectious. Non-human primates at the Tulan National Biomedical Research Center are provided other research organizations to advance scientific discovery. The primates in question belong to another entity. They're not infectious. We are actively collaborating with local authorities. We're going to send

a team of animal care experts to assist as needed. I mean, it's not us. It's not us. They're not disease. We have nothing to do with it. When you think of our university, you don't think we have disease monkeys here. That's, I mean, it's a little, me thinketh you protesteth too much. I can I give a suggestion for future incidents like this if you're going to be transporting a bunch of diseased monkeys don't do it don't do it don't do it in an Uber

yeah don't do it in an Uber and maybe maybe have your own disease monkey truck that's it that's a that's you could go that way my what a stupid what a stupid phrase have your own disease monkey truck but that's expensive I will say disease monkey truck is probably expensive could be we are building all these Bs SL4 laboratories. Maybe we can keep them there.

But what I would say... Here's an idea. Maybe we don't take monkeys and we inject them with a whole bunch of different like COVID, you know? We're not going to stop doing that. That's not even an option. We're going to, we are always going to gain a function these things up. Can we not then just put them in a monkey truck? Can we just keep them there? I'm just saying dress them adorably.

If you, like, let's say you, if you had all these disease monkeys and you dress them all like Paddington Bear, if they, escaped, no one would be upset about it. They'd think it was awesome. Yeah, and they'd be like, oh, look at that. They'd be so excited to see the Paddington Bear monkeys. Then they'd scratch the clap into you. Yeah, but it was so wide.

It's the fear, Glenn. It's the terrorism. It's not like, when you think about terrorism, it's not necessarily that you're going to be caught in a terrorist attack. It's the fear it brings on a society. That's what's happening with these disease monkeys. So you're saying if we dress them cute, then everybody's like, that would be adorable.

He's wearing a Yankees pole cap. Yeah, that would cute. How cute would that be? That would be really cute. You would never be terrified of that. You know what? At one point in my career, I worked with both Zippy the Chimp and Bubbles the Chimp. Zippy was the-

At the same time? No. Two separate times. They did not get along. Anyway, Zippy was the David Letterman monkey cam, monkey. Zippy the Chimp. Zippy the Chimp. And Bubbles was Michael Jackson's monkey.

You worked with Bubbles? Are you kidding me? I didn't work with Michael Jackson, man. I went right to the top. I worked with the monkey. Oh, wow. Okay. And I will tell you, they are adorable.

They are adorable. Until they get to an age where they scratch your eyes out. But they are adorable. Didn't you do a commercial with one of them? Both of them, but Bubbles was like unbelievable. Bubbles? It's a true story. So I'm doing a commercial.

This is in the early 1990s, maybe late 80s. And Bubbles is a big deal at the time. It's Michael Jackson's monkey. And, uh, so he would like, what, like rent him out for commercial shoots? He would rent them out for commercial shoots. Okay. Yeah. His slave owner.

But anyway, uh, bizarre. So it was so funny because we went, it was a very complex commercial where all of these things that were unbelievable were happening. Uh, and, you know, at the middle of the commercial, a monkey just swings in on a rope and picks up a coffee mug, drinks the coffee, puts it down, looks at me and then swings back out. Okay. And the commercial just keeps going. you're not supposed to even, I'm not supposed to even notice it.

Okay. And so we, we work and we rehearse all morning. Mm-hmm. And rehearse, rehearse, rehearse, rehearse to get this right. Because it's a complex commercial. A limousine pulls up right after lunch and bubbles gets out. Okay. We, we come in a cab.

A limousine pulls up. And with the monkey and the trainer, okay? And so the trainer gets out and Bubbles gets out of this limousine like red carpet. And he comes onto the set. And we're starting to, you know, we're going to shoot it now. We've rehearsed all morning. We're going to shoot the monkey? Yes, we're going to shoot the monkey or the commercial.

I can't remember which. And so we're on set. We're ready to go. And Bubbles jumps up on this ladder. And the trainer gives him the rope and said, Bubbles, here's what you're going to do. You're going to grab this rope. When I point to you, you're going to swing across. You're going to land right here on the desk behind him.

You're going to pick up this mug. You're going to drink it. You're going to set it back down. You're going to look back at him. And then you're going to take the rope and you're going to swing back over to the ladder. Got it? And Bubbles shook his head, yes. And I'm like, yeah, right.

So in the, what? He just said like. That's exactly what he said. English sentences. English sentences. That's what you're going to do. Do you understand? yes, okay?

So we start shooting the commercial and it's flawless, it's perfect, and he swings back at the very end and he lands on the ladder and I just screwed, I just went, wait, this can't happen. And everyone's like, we had the take, man. What is wrong with you? The human screws it up.

And I'm like, it was the first take and the monkey gets it right? The monkey gets it right just by him saying, this is what you do? I mean, I don't think we should put diseases into the monkeys. I'm just saying. I see how you're tying that back in. It was an amazing thing.

Amazing thing. That's incredible. Yeah. And then he got old enough to scratch your eyes out, so they had to put him down. But that's a different story. There's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell.

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