The Glenn Beck Program - Ep 57 | After 2 Accidents and 29 Years of Nightmares and PTSD, I’m STILL Standing! | David Mellor | The Glenn Beck Podcast

Episode Date: November 2, 2019

David Mellor considers himself “one of the luckiest people in the world,” and his story is AMAZING. He was hit by two different cars in two different cities – and both smashed his knee.  He has had dozens of surgeries and suffered from severe PTSD for 29 years without even realizing it. But through it all, his love for his family and Red Sox baseball kept him going, and he became the leading innovator of creative turf patterns. David’s new book, “One Base at a Time,” tells his unbelievable story of overcoming PTSD, from a life of nightmares to a life of wonder. But most importantly, he gives hope for everyone feeling broken that life can still be fulfilling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's podcast is very special and personal to me. You are going to meet a man who I have admired for a very long time. In fact, when I first heard his story maybe close to 10 years ago, I bought the rights to his story and I wanted to publish his story and tell it. And no publisher was interested. And it went on and on and on. and finally, a couple of years ago, I said, David, I'm doing you a great disservice by holding your story. Please, I give it back to you.

Tell your story. He did. And it is now from Post Hill Press. It is one of the best stories I have heard. It is the story of a guy who grew up just wanting to be a ball player. He wanted to play so badly for the Red Sox. He had an amazing story. string of events that you have a better chance of winning the lottery than this happening to you.

Amazing string of events of bad, years, decades of just horrible stuff happening to him. And he fights through it the entire time and he fights alone self-imposed. He didn't know what was happening to him. Yet all the while he is doing a job he loves. He doesn't become a ball player. He ends up now as the groundskeeper for the Boston Red Sox. And you know his work. If you've ever seen a ball field where they've cut in the name of the team or they've made a picture on the field, it's this guy that first did it.

Amazing strength. Tremendous humility. You are going to love the next hour with David Miller. This has been a long time coming. I've loved your story since 2010, I think, is when we first stumbled across each other. You are truly a remarkable, positive man. And quite honestly, you don't have that much reason to, if you chose to look at your life a different way. and yet here you sit a guy who wanted to be a pitcher for the red socks that's all you dreamt of was a kid right

yes sir and here you sit you didn't get a pitch but as you sat down i looked at your hands and went oh my gosh and you are wearing the boston red socks world series ring yes sir i'm very very blessed So for people who don't know who you are, let's have them discover how you got that ring slowly. Let's start at the beginning. You're a kid. You live in the Boston area. Boston is your, I mean, the Red Sox are everything.

And you grow up wanting to be a pitcher. It did. Yes, sir. My grandfather played in 1902 in the majors. And my dream was to follow in his footsteps. Um, my dad died when I was three, and my mom and two brothers helped raise me and raised me to be a redsock fanatics. And I just lived and breathed baseball, but especially Red Sox baseball. Yeah. So you know, I wear, I don't, I don't follow sports at all, but my wife's family are Yankee fanatics.

Uh-oh. And so I wear a Red Sox hat just to drive everybody crazy. Oh, that's funny. That's quite. So were you good growing up? Were you good at baseball? Yes, sir. I had the dream and the love and the heart for it. And then once I got to high school, I had opportunities for scholarships. Yes, sir. So you were on your way. You may not have been a pitcher for the Red Sox, but you were on your way to some sort of career in baseball you thought. Yes, sir. You're 18. Yes, sir. What happens? Well, a month after I got out of high school, we had qualified for a student.

state tournament and my coach said before you signed a scholarship and why don't you wait till we go to the state tournament and if you do well you're going to get more offers I said that sounds great and so about 10 days before that tournament I had gone to see a movie with one of my buddies and we got out of the movie and there's beautiful sunset and there's a saying red sky at night sailors to light really superstitious and so I thought that's a great sign of things to come. And so we're driving. He says, how about if we stop and get a bite to eat? And so we saw McDonald's. And so we pulled into the parking lot and parked on the side of the right side of the entrance across from the door. And we got out and started walking across the parking lot. And I realized

I forgot my wallet. And so he says, hey, I'm going to go ahead and go in. And I went back to the car to get my wallet and picked my wallet up and closed the door and started taking a few steps toward the door and I heard a car come off the street quickly and stop suddenly. I looked up and the two people in the car, the driver and the passenger had opened their doors and were changing positions to the other person was going to drive. So I stopped and waited for them to get in. And when they got in and shut the doors, I motioned for them to go ahead and drive through to get to the drive-through and they motioned for me to start walking and go ahead and go and so I started walking and I heard them rev their engine and squeal their tires and I had enough time to turn and I lifted my left leg

and put both my hands up and the car was speeding right at me and I didn't have time to move anywhere else and the car hit me through me 20 feet in the air and I slammed into the the brick wall right where the corner of the door jotted out and luckily i landed right in the corner i slammed into the brick wall landed in a pile at the base of the corner of the wall and when i looked up the car was coming at a higher rate of speed and the car hit the metal handrail sparks flew and the car's metal bumper pinned the handrail and the car's bumper against my knee against the wall and I, you know, the, the engine is revving and the car exhaust is, you know, I'm having a hard time breathing. And I can see the lady just staring at me over the steering wheel.

And I'm screaming at her to please stop, please stop. And the force of the car is still pressing my knee against the wall. And, you know, by that time I can see people, you know, pressed against the glass trying to look at me and as time goes by pretty soon there's a gentleman with it's dusk and there's a gentleman shortly thereafter with flash bulbs taking pictures who later turns out while the engine is still going yeah shortly thereafter it turns out he was a newspaper reporter the local newspaper um police officer comes and uh tries to reassure me that it's going to be okay he gets the he puts it in park gets the lady out of the car

and his partner is going to back the car up and as soon as he does that's when the pain really kicked in and I almost just passed out from the pain it was so intense and it was just you know I feared that not only was my leg crushed that's when I really started wondering

what am I going to do if I can't play baseball and you know the EMTs arrived and you know I I grew up my mom and two brothers were amazing raising me but I didn't grow up with a lot of money and I had a brand new pair of jeans on for as a graduation gift and I remember they wanted to cut my jeans off because my knee had swollen up so much they couldn't see my pants or see my knee and it just struck me simple thing like that how that was going to impact my life. And then they had to take me to the emergency room. And even though I was 18, the doctors wouldn't really tell me what was going on until my mother got there. And so there was just so many things spinning in my head. What was wrong with my head? Not my head, but what was wrong

with my leg? Stop. What happened with a woman? What did she have a seizure? Was she? doing this intentionally? Who was the woman? She said she stepped on the gas instead of the break. The young lady who she changed drivers was just learning how to drive, didn't feel comfortable, I guess, driving through the drive-thru. And so the other lady who was approximately 40 years old said she would drive instead. And she stepped on the gas instead of the break and panicked. And, uh, hit me. So there was no ill intent? No, sir. It's just a freak accident. Did you ever talk to her? No, sir. Do you kind of wish you did or not?

No, sir. You know, it wasn't intentional. It was a freak thing. There was no forgiveness to give her. You know, certainly at the time I was upset. There was a time I went through where I was kind of mad at the world. Yeah, I bet. You know, I didn't understand what was going on. I thought, you know, if I couldn't play baseball, I didn't know for sure what I was going to do, but my dream was still to play baseball. That was absolutely my dream.

So when you were asking the doctors, they're not telling you what's going on, are you specifically asking, can I play baseball? Can I run again? Will I, what's happening to my leg? That's what you're all focused on. Oh, yes, sir. And they won't tell you anything.

They wouldn't tell me until my mother got there. And what did they say? They said, when my mom got there, they said, you know, your son's knee is definitely damaged, but he's going to need to see a knee specialist. And they gave us a doctor to see, and then, you know, a bigger city in Dayton, Ohio. And did you have surgery? I ended up having to have surgery, yes, sir. How many surgeries?

You know, initially I had surgery and went up to the, University of Toledo. Afterwards, they were still interested in me pitching. And unfortunately, my knee got injured up there. Oh, geez. Six weeks into school, and I had to withdraw and come down for another, come back home for another surgery. All right.

So now what happens in between this and the next event? Well, in between, you know, my desire was still to play baseball. Right. and so the doctor did surgery and gave me a person you know back then they put put your leg in a cast versus a knee immobilizer and so you come out of the cast and you have to get range of motion and then you graduate to after exercises to weight lifting and so they gave me a prescription to gradually start lifting weights low weights and so I took that to the physical therapy department and they said you know you can start with up to five pounds um but uh you need to go gradual

and so they had me sit on the side of the table and back then they did not have ankle weights at the facility i was at they had tube socks filled with sand and they would put any spandage around it so they had me sit on the side of a table and do leg extensions and uh my leg was so weak and muscles were so atrophied, I could not do a full set. My leg was just shaking. And that was on a Monday. And so they told me to come back on Wednesday. And they increased the weight to 15 pounds and said, you know, you want to play baseball again?

I said, yes, sir. And so, you're going to have to work hard. And, you know, basically I thought he was the doctor. I'd do anything to play baseball again. So I tried to do some extensions sitting on the side of the table and just could couldn't even complete a set. So he said, we'll come back Friday and plan on working harder. And I went back on Friday, and instead of sitting on the side of the table,

he pushed on the side of my knee and it was very sore. And he said, you know, we're going to have you lay on your stomach and do hamstring curls. So he strapped five, five pound sandbags and a two and a half pound sandbag to the side of my leg, to my ankle. I remember looking over my shoulder and it looked just like a big tumor on the end. the side of my leg. The ace bandaged her on and and, you know, told me

to do three sets and, you know, tap me on the bottom and said, you know, if you want to play baseball again, you have to work hard and walked out of the room and I struggled to lift it and I had my hands on the side of the table, bracing myself as I lifted it up,

all the weight shifted and my hip stayed flat on the table and my ankle bounced off the floor and I just screamed and screamed and a nurse and an attendant came rushing in and carefully picked my leg back up on the table and ultimately all the ligaments of my knee were not only the one the what was injured before but ones that were not injured before or now what they called global instability were all shredded so you immediately lawyered up and sued the pants off of that

firm or what happened next well so i ended up having to have extensive surgery and uh you know that also increased nightmares and uh so you were having nightmares from the first right from the first car coming at you because i can't imagine so that started right away that started the first night that literally started the first night and did you have them every night i had had nightmares every night for 29 years. I had one to five nightmares every night. You know, when I first, when I was living at home with my mom, I slept the TV on. So when I would yell out screaming at night and she would rush into the bedroom and say, are you okay? Are you okay? I would try to blame it on the TV and say, Mom, it's okay. It was just the TV.

Why didn't you want to tell her? I was ashamed. I thought it was a sign of weakness. at that time to ask for help. I didn't know what year was this? 1981. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know. You mean because of the nightmares? Yes, sir.

I didn't know. I mean, they were all car crash nightmares. I bet they were. And they were vivid. They were lifelike. You know, and I was having flashbacks during the day. If I smelled car exhaust, if I heard revving engines, if I smelled McDonald's French fries,

If guys brought lunch it back to the to work, and I smelled McDonald's French fries, that could trigger a flashback. Does it still? It does not now, no, sir. And that went out for 29 years. 29 years. So now your nightmares are getting worse. Are they the same nightmare? After the, after you have this incident where your ligaments snap, the nightmares get worse?

Yes, sir. And that adds into the nightmare sometimes where my leg bounces off the floor and I scream. What happens next? So we have, you know, I had seven surgeries. I walked on crutches for two and a half years and walked with a cane for 10 months over those first basically three and a half years. And you knew your baseball days were over. So after that injury in the physical therapy department, I came out of surgery. And I was in the most pain I had been in after any surgery.

and the doctor came to see me after in recovery. And I said, Doc, how soon can I play baseball again? And he said, David, you won't play baseball again. And he says, you'll be lucky if you walk normal again. And he did quotation fingers when he said the word normal. And tears just start pouring down my face. I was furious at the physical therapist. I was upset that not only was I not going to play baseball game,

but I turned it into a competition. You know, that was where one base at a time started to kick in even more. That that was a goal that I turned in even the smallest to walk from here, you know, three feet away out of the hospital bed, or to be able to walk to the bathroom or to be able to do one more leg raise, it just became a competition that I was going to walk normal again.

When you just told me about what the doctor said to you, maybe I'm wrong, but it looked like your eyes welled up still. It's still painful, isn't it? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. But I'm proud of what I've achieved since. But absolutely, it still hurts. So he tells you you are not going to play baseball

You don't want to accept it And you start working at least Did you accept the baseball part of it And you were just working to walk normal again I accepted the baseball part I was bitter I was really bitter And still having nightmares

Oh absolutely have nightmares and flashbacks Nightmares and flashbacks Nightmares and flashbacks Nightmares every night Then what happened So I was in physical therapy, and my mother was the assistant pastor at our church, and, you know, she was working. And fortunately, some retired gentleman and ladies from our church would drive me to physical therapy. And, you know, I'm embarrassed to say I wasn't always the nicest patient at physical therapy.

And I would do my work, but I didn't interact with the physical therapy. physical therapist. I didn't interact with the people around me. Were you mad at God, too, or did you hold on to that? You know, I think at times I was. Yes, sir. I was. I'm embarrassed to say I was. And, you know, I just, I was mad at myself. You know, there was times I needed, you know, thankfully counseling taught me to love myself again. But why were you mad? I mean, I can understand, I can understand your anger at the woman who first hit you. I can understand the anger at the doctor or the physical therapist.

And the situation. But why were you mad at you? Because of my mood swings. I wasn't treating my mom as nice as I should. I would be short with people. And then I'd be upset that I shouldn't have said that. Or I shouldn't have been short or I should have been polite. You know, my mother.

Did you express that regret at all? Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir. But then I never felt like I expressed it enough. Right. And then, you know, my mom and two brothers stressed me, you know, to find a career that I'd love to do because so many people don't love their jobs. They said, you know, David, you're really lucky. You know, before when I thought I'd go to college, that I'd play baseball, that I'd play baseball.

baseball, hopefully get drafted, that I'd study some kind of business. And I'd even know what business meant. You know, I just thought I'd study business. And they said, you know, you're lucky, David, you have time now to find a career that you truly love. Find a passion of what you want to do. And I had seen the good side of physical therapy. And obviously I had seen the other side where when it's not done with compassion and properly, people get hurt. So initially I thought, well, maybe I'll be a fiscal therapist. And when I got the okay after those seven surgeries to go away to college, I thought I would go to Ohio State and go into fiscal therapy department. And that program was full. And I had already missed basically two years of school. So I realized that I didn't want to wait

another year to continue my education. So I thought, what do I really, really love? And I thought I'd find a new career. And I realized I wanted to be outside. I grew up taking care of people's lawns. Science was a subject I enjoyed in school, and I loved baseball. I thought someone has to be a majorly groundskeeper. And my brother lived in Milwaukee at the time and told me if I could get a job with Milwaukee Brewers, I could live with him to save money.

So I reached out to the Brewers with many, many, many, letters and lots of phone calls and kind of became that squeaky wheel. And they finally gave me an opportunity 35 years ago and said, well, we'll give you an opportunity to be just on our day of game staff. I said, gosh, that'd be incredible. And so that's how. So did you go to OSU? Yes, sir. I went to Ohio State. What did you take? So I had two majors. One's landscape horticulture. And one is agronomy, which is soil science and turf grass management. Okay, which comes in very handy later in your life. Yes. So you are, I mean, if people don't know you, they do know your work. Your work is actually very, I'm not a baseball fan. I know your work. I've seen your work. And I've

seen it and gone. That is one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Thank you. So you're very close to your brother. Yes, sir. And you're living with him. And tell me about your relationship with him. You know, both my brothers are amazing, amazing. They helped raise me. And my brother, Terry, seven years older than me. And, you know, he's not only my brother. He's my mentor, my best friend. He's my father figure in many ways. You know, he taught me about life. He taught me how to mow grass, how to play baseball. He taught me how to be an adult, how to treat people with proper manners,

how to treat women. He taught me so much about life. And so when he gave me the opportunity to go live with him, it was an incredible experience, you know, best friends and mentorship. And it was just an incredible, incredible. So you're working there now with the Brewers. You're only doing one day a week.

Whenever there's a game. Whenever there's a game. Yes, sir. One game. And how do you grow that? So two weeks after I start there, one of the guys on the crew who's working, you know, 60, 80 hours a week finds another job. And the supervisor with the brewers say, hey, how would you like to work his shift, his hours? It's like, oh, my gosh, that's incredible.

And so, you know, I went from, you know, hardly any hours to, you know, working from showing up at 6, 7 in the morning until midnight. And who was your mentor there at the brewer's? So there were two gentlemen. One was named Harry Gill and one was named Gary Vandenberg. And Gary and I became dear, dear friends. And so you're working for the brewers. Yes, sir. Things are going well.

sir um and then well so after i graduated from ohio state the brewers created a position for me and i started full time and uh we were really my wife and i enjoyed Milwaukee we had two daughters and life was going really well and in october of 1995 um we had an opportunity to re-sodd the field and so we'd taken all the sod off the field and behind the bleachers in the outfield there were some offices and so the next day we were going to have semis and forklifts and so I spoke to the people in the office

and I said you know please don't have your cars behind here because in the off season they would park right outside their office door I said we'll have semis and forklifts here tomorrow so please don't have your cars there so they're not in the way and they said no problem So the following morning, we're waiting for the sod to get delivered, and I was out in left field raking around an irrigation head. And we had big double field gates behind the left field or on the warning track. And I heard a car, and I was certainly very hyper aware of car noises.

And I thought, that's odd that there's a car, especially inside the park. And so I turned, and there was a car coming from behind the bleachers toward the field. and so I ran over to where the warning track and the open gate were, and I put my hands up and yelled for this lady to stop. Hang on. You've got a car in your proximity. You have flashbacks. You're having all kinds of problems.

And yet you're trying to stop this woman, which had to feel familiar again. Sir. How much, what was happy, what part of you took over here of protecting the field or protecting yourself? How did you manage those few seconds? You know, there were a couple of my coworkers on the field. I didn't want them to get hurt. The field had just been graded.

I didn't want the field to get damaged. I just thought it was my responsibility to stop the car. And I thought she would stop. I didn't know why she was there. So I just thought when I put my hands up and yelled, I just thought she would stop. And it became evident when I put my hands up and, you know, I yelled stop.

And then she kept coming. I screamed stop. She stepped on the gas. That's your worst nightmare. Yes, sir. And I had enough time to once again, I tried to turn sideways, lift my left leg. and she hit me, and I hit the windshield, and I landed basically in a pile right at the base of the outfield wall, right at where the gate was.

So you're back against the wall again? Yes, sir. In a heap? Yes, sir. Hit by a woman who wouldn't stop the car. Yes, sir. Then what happens? She went speeding.

She turned to the right a little bit and went speeding down the warning track and followed the curve of the warning track and got behind home plate. And she was going so fast that it drifted her rooster tailed track material about 10 rows up into the stands. Oh, my gosh. She started doing a full lap around the track. And a couple of my coworkers came running over and said, David, are you okay? What can we do?

How can we help? And I said, please call 911. And behind the bleachers, we had two big six. steel delivery security gates. And I said, please close those up so she can't get away. And as I was laying on the track, she made a full lap and she was hugging the edge of the edge of the grass. And as she got closer to me, instead of hugging the edge of the grass, she starts veering

away and aiming right at me. Oh, my. And I thought, oh, my gosh. this is it this is it she's literally just going to run me completely over I mean I was on the ground

I couldn't move and at the last minute she turns the car and swerves to miss me and slams on the brakes and she sits up and starts excessively waving at me like she's sitting up like her head's touching the

roof of the car and she's just excessively waving and waving and waving at me. And my heart's in my throat, my ears are ringing, you know, my my pulse is racing. And then she sits down and peels out and goes through the gate and covers me in track material. And I'm just trying to gather my thoughts thinking, what just happened? You know, I'm thankful she didn't hit me. And shortly thereafter, I can hear her screaming cuss words and not just one. one cussword, I mean, every cuss word I've ever heard at the top of her lungs.

She's just screaming cuss words. And so I roll over and pull myself up against a wall pad and limp out behind the bleachers. And she's out of her car and she's dressed in a business suit and a trench coat. And the, you know, there was a wooden security gate that is splintered all over the, orange and white wooden splintered security gate that's all over the ground. And she's out of her car screaming cusswards at the security guard to let her out. And every once while her eyes would roll up in the air and in her head. And she'd just mumble.

And then she'd just start screaming. He was nuts. She was having a mental episode. And I noticed her car was still running. And so I thought I'd better take her keys out. or she's going to hurt someone else. And so I went over and reached in and turned her car off. And she starts charging right at me.

And she gets right in my face and she's spitting at me and just screaming every cuss word you could ever hear and saying, give me my keys, give me my keys. And I said, I'm sorry, ma'am, I can't do that. And she kind of pushed me and got in the car and slammed the doors. and shortly thereafter the deputies arrived and I knew the deputies from doing security at the ballpark and they asked what happened and I told them

and they told her to get out of the car and she wouldn't so I gave them the keys and they unlocked the door and she grabbed an ink pen out of the car council and tried to stab them and so they got her out of the car and cuffed her and it was a beautiful kind of Indian summer day you know, just a beautiful fall day. And they had a couple squad cars there.

And they put her in the back of her squad car in the back seat. And they opened the back window about that much. And they said, David, before you go to the hospital, do you mind filling out this police report while it's still fresh in your mind? And there was another squad car nearby. And so I started filling it out on the back of the trunk. And she screams at the deputies some cuss words. and they went over to ask her why she was there.

And she said she was there to do a stunt for a movie. And if it didn't work, she was supposed to kill herself. So this is on a Thursday. So because she said that, they took her to the county mental hospital. And so I go to the hospital and saw my knee surgeon. And on Sunday night, I got a phone call from an attorney. And they said, we would like you to come tell. testify tomorrow against her. Otherwise, she's going to be let go. And he said, well, if she's this unstable, I don't, I don't want to be the only person testifying. And they said, no, there'll be other people there. If you could please come to the hospital, we would appreciate it. So I went to the hospital and there was a regular courtroom, just like you see on TV in the hospital. And her attorney's there. She's in her room in a straight jacket and waived her rights to appear in person. So the, the,

I testified, the police officer testified, and a doctor testified that she had a past history of mental illness. In 1991, she was arrested in Florida for stalking Julio Ecclesias. 1993, she was arrested on international charges, threatening the Queen of England, demanding to be adopted, or she was going to hurt the Queen. The night before she did this at County Stadium, she tried to assault Oprah, but she got away. Oprah's security team got a picture of her and her license plate. Well, you're in good company. Oprah and the queen. How about that?

And so the judge said, well, we can only keep her for 72 more hours until we have another hearing. And so I went back on Wednesday at their request. And she's there this time. And she's on her fifth attorney since Monday. And she's at her table with her attorney. And she just stares at me the whole time. just giving me, you know, the dirty look. And so I testify, the doctor testifies,

the police officer testifies, and the judge says, well, we can keep her for six months or until we find a medicine that works. And he puts the gavel down. And she jumps up and starts cussing out the judge. You know, don't tell me what to do. I know what medicine to take. And her attorney says, you know, settle down.

This isn't the way to act. And she says, you shut the bleak. sleep up, you work for me. And then she turned and started shaking her hand violently at me and lunging at me. And she says, I want to know that I come within one foot, two foot, or three foot of hitting you because I always miss it one foot. And the judge said, you know, clear the courtroom and subdue her. And they were subduing her when I left.

And because of her rights as a mental patient, the state of Wisconsin at that time, all they could do is sign her up for a retest and she got to pick the date and the time of the test and the doctor said if she took her medicine in the morning she would be able to pass the test in the afternoon so where is she now um she lives uh still in Milwaukee so now you have nightmares of two car crashes

sir flashbacks yes sir now it's happened at the ballpark so now the ballpark is fused with that yes sir um and a crazy woman who is out and you're always looking over your shoulder. Absolutely. What are you doing mentally? Exhausted. I wasn't sleeping from physical pain, emotional pain was just dominating my life.

And I was looking over my shoulder from my family. It was exhausting. You were married? Yes, sir. Do you share this with your wife? No, sir. My wife's my best friend. Absolutely my best friend.

and, you know, before we were married, before I ask her to marry me, before we were married, before each one of our daughters were born, I would rehearse in the car out loud, trying to find the right words to describe all the turmoil in my life, in the demons of my nightmares, in the pain physical and emotional. How did she not know about the nightmares? You covered it with your mom. She did. What did you say to her? I'd blame it on the TV. There were nights, Mr. Beck, when I would sweat so profusely, I would have to get up and change the sheets in the middle of the night. She knew something was up.

She dealt with my mood swings. She dealt with me, my withdrawal from the family where I just didn't want to be together. She dealt with times of after dinner, I would go to the basement. and drink beers. In fact, in 2006, she had come to the basement and said, you know, honey, the girls and I wish you would stop drinking. You come down here and you're taking valuable time away from us

and you're not the same when you drink. And that was like a lightning bolt to my heart. I thought, in my own mind, I thought by drinking, I didn't drink every night and I never drank and drove and I didn't mix it with medicine, but I thought in my own mind at that time, if I slept better, it was a vicious cycle. If I slept better, hopefully I'd be a better dad

and a husband the next day because I wouldn't be as moody. But now I know that's that form of self-medication, but luckily that night I stopped drinking and I haven't had a drink since. But she knew about the nightmares, but I was scared if I didn't describe things correctly that she'd leave me. I didn't give her credit for the incredible lady she is.

Why would she leave you? I mean, I've been here, so I understand. It is a mental illness. It is. I mean, when you started in on the drinking and she came down, I know I used to truly believe when I would drink, I would be a better father. I used to believe that.

It's a total lie, but you get so spun upside down. You do. what was your logic of why she was going to leave you if you because i thought i thought i had uh thought i had thought i had been able to put up a front that i was a better person than i was i thought i was able to be better that that she didn't know how much pain i was in emotionally how much pain i was in physically, I thought it was a sign of weakness to ask for help. How did you not get addicted to drugs? I'm so careful, and I would try, I mean, I was so careful in what medicine I would take.

You know, I just never took any more than what the doctor told me. I was paranoid of it, and I never drank and did medicine at the same time. In fact, I wouldn't even drink the day after I took medicine, because I was, so scared that if I had some bad reaction, it might kill me, and I grew up without a dad, and I didn't want to do that to my daughters. Wow. Okay. So what happens next? What happens next? Is when the accident at the stadium just really turned my pain upside down, It increased my nightmares and my physical pain to another level.

I didn't know my pain could be that bad. And I just couldn't bend. And it got to the point where I saw the team doctor and he said, you need to talk to a doctor by a knee replacement. And I was 36 years old. And so I went to see the knee replacement doctor and he said, look, now this was 1995.

It was really early on. And he said, look, most people that do knee replacements are 65, 75 years old. And with the current technology, we can do two knee replacements before we have to fuse your leg straight. Says, live with it. Live with it.

And I said, problem is I'm missing my kid's life. And I'd rather, I'm not able to be the dad that I want to be. And I wasn't even telling anybody about the mental anguish and emotional pain I was in. And the physical pain, I mean, the kids would say, hey, can we go do something? I didn't want to get off the sofa.

I didn't want to get out of bed. Like I'd come home from work and not want to do anything. And my philosophy was I would have any knee replacement. And if it helped me, you know, you know, it would be. You know, over the next 10, 15 years, be more active so that I could be a better husband and a better dad to be active with them, that in 20 years, if I had to have my knee fused, at least I had time to interact with my kids while they were young. And so I went to see the doc and said, hey, I'd rather be a better dad now.

And he said, well, then let's do this. But at that time, I think I had already had 17 knee surgeries. and they were big zippers basically on both sides of my knee and most times when they do a knee replacement they go right up the middle of your knee but he said he couldn't do that because of the amount of scars on both sides of my knee he thought all the skin would die

so he extended the medial side of the scar that I had and did the knee replacement that way and they back then they would put you your knee in a passive machine that would move your knee for you so you didn't get scar tissue. And unfortunately, probably about day five, my knee swelled up the size literally of a basketball. And it would not move in the machine. So I had to go back and see the doctor.

And he said, you know, normally we don't put a needle in a knee replacement joint because of risk of infection. but I've never seen a knee swell this bad. He says I'm going to have to try to drain it or, you know, we're going to have bigger problems. And the blood had already coagulated and there was nothing to drain. And he hit the side of the knee cap and it felt like my knee was going to, you know,

the pain was excruciating. So he said, well, let's try to get it to move more range of motion to get the blood to move out of there. And unfortunately, my leg just basically stopped moving. He says, well, we're going to have to do a manipulation where I put you to sleep and physically rip that scar tissue out of there. Oh, my God. And he said, you know, I'll do it under a live x-ray, a fluoroscope to make sure that, you know,

I don't break your thigh bone, but, you know, we've done these before. and, you know, it should work. And so we did the procedure, and, you know, I went under anesthetic and woke up to absolutely the most pain I had been in my life. And you had just keeps getting worse. And I had been in extreme pain. And, I mean, I was absolutely in so much pain. One night I talked to God and said,

you know, I was okay with if I didn't wake up because I thought, even though I knew how hard it was growing up without a dad, and how hard, more importantly it was on my mom, not having a husband, I was in so much pain. I thought I was causing so much burden to my incredible wife, Denise, and to my girls. I thought if I passed away overnight that they'd be better off. And then when I woke up in the morning, I was thankful that I didn't pass away. I was just filled with so much guilt that I even thought that, having known... Can I tell you something? I have... I've spent time with Billy Graham. I've spent time with the Dalai Lama. I have spent time with people that recognize are just giants.

you are one of the best men I have ever met you are truly remarkable all of the things that you're talking about I don't know you're still tear up and you're ashamed but you're ashamed for the wrong things you just want to be a better person my gosh

spend some time with me I'll tell you some things you should be ashamed of because I was ashamed of my life you are such a good man such a good man you are a hero you really are

you really are humble just say that my family they're their heroes because they didn't give up on me they didn't give up on us and they're the ones that lived through the tough times they're the ones that deserve the credit my wife's she's the same and girls are amazing

and when I woke up that that morning you know I was thankful I was there you know I felt blessed that you know God gave me another chance and you know gave me a chance to be a better dad and better husband

and you know I was still long road. You know, I still, every day I try to take the philosophy of one base at a time to take on that next challenge. And, you know, fortunately, you know, that it was a learning opportunity. You know, that, that knee manipulation did not work. My knee stiffened up again, and a week later I had to have another manipulation and woke up for even more pain. But the doctor said, you know, I came out and he said, good news is I didn't break your thigh bone. I thought I almost did, but the better news is I think it's going to work this time because we got

more movement. I felt the scar tissue ripping. I felt more movement when I, when I, when I forcibly ripped it. Oh my gosh. And it did. It worked. I mean, the pain was intense, but it worked. So you go through this, you're still having nightmares? Yes, sir. You're getting worse. Absolutely. Still haven't talked to your wife. Yes, sir.

You miss how much work? So during my name replacement, I miss probably eight weeks or seven weeks of work. You go back to work. Yes, sir. What happens? I go back to work and the brewers are very supportive. And, you know, I find that, excuse me, from the beginning, the busier I kept myself at work, the less my symptoms had time to be active. Even going back to college, the more I studied, the less downtime I had.

My symptoms weren't as active. And so that was a double-edged sword. It helped my career. hurt your family hurt my family which is something i never never live down i always regret you know there's a time when our girls were probably five and three driving by the ballpark they were in the back seat and my wife was in the front seat and drove by the ballpark and her oldest daughter said to my youngest daughter hey look that's where dad lives because they were asleep when i got on when i went to work and

the girls would come down and have lunch with me at the work and they'd come down and then he used to bring them to the game and the Brewers were nice enough to let them help us pregame they had their own little wheelbarrow and rake and would help us pregame

and they would watch part of the game and go home and sleep when I got home and 9, 10, 12 game homestands and then they'd see me for dinner and then they'd see me in the off-season

When did you go to When did you go to Boston? November 2000 The Red Sox called Your brother's still alive? No, sir So My brother and his wife

lived on a lovely lake South of Milwaukee And he was like a second Second dad to my girls And he and his wife We were just incredible And we would go down on the weekends And go fishing together

and we had a lovely weekend in that July weekend. And after that, on that Sunday, we said our normal goodbyes of, I'll see you later and gave each other a hug. And I got in the car and we drove home. And two days later on Tuesday evening, my sister-in-law Pat called and she was an incredible lady. And she said, Terry's gone. I said, where did he go? She said he had passed away.

and it felt like my world was crashing down around me. She said she walked in the house, and Terry had a Samoyan dog, they had a wonderful relationship, close bond, and the dog was just going crazy in the house and kind of bouncing into the windows, and Pat looked, and Terry was laying out in the yard, and he had had a massive heart attack.

And there's just so many things I wish I would have told Terry not only that I loved him and thanked him for his mentoring his sacrifices and his love and he was just such an important person to me and I got caught up living my life

thinking I had time I thought he was in good health he smoked a little but you know I thought I had time and I just got caught up living my life thinking and there's time. I've got to work today.

And something we hope that people will take from the book in today's interview. I hope they'll reach out to their loved ones today and often. To tell them how important they are. Learn from my mistake. And don't miss their opportunity. And celebrate life every day. You know, you never know when that next challenge, is going to happen in your life.

And whether you'll miss that opportunity to tell a loved one how important they are, thank their coworkers. I mean, just two years ago, I was flying on an airplane coming back from a conference, just sitting there. And a luggage compartment door came disconnected,

slammed me in the head and shoulder. I'm still dealing with severe post-concussion syndrome. Dislocated my clavicle I'm dealing with. You never know when something's going to happen in your life. So it's so important to make the most of every day, especially tell your loved ones how important they are. Like I never dreamed in me that Terry would pass away. Never, never ever.

And I should have known better. Our dad died when I was three. When we were three, he was, Terry was 10. He went from being a 10-year-old kid to being a man at the house. you know and the sacrifices he made and you know i've been hit by a car multiple times and had you know the horrific injury and physical therapy and other things happen and yet i just assumed it would always be there just didn't make that time so you get a choice you get a call from the boston redsox yes sir got to be one of the better better days of your life i mean the days that we've heard so far pretty bleak

Oh, please, you know, it was a great day. And I think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. Yeah. You know, I mean, I think you are. Thank you. I really do. I think I'm blessed. You know, I never would have met my wife if I didn't get by the car the first time.

Never have two incredible daughters. You know, getting hit by a car twice in the way you did, you have a better chance of winning the lottery. I think that too. I play the lottery. It's over $100 million. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So the dream of a child was to be on the mound at Fenway Park.

Yes, sir. Who calls you? Mr. Joe Mooney. He had been the groundskeeper at Fenway for 30 years. And you knew who he was, obviously. Yes, sir. Yeah, absolutely. Admired him.

Yes, sir. Yeah. He calls you. He does. And he says what? He said, David, I'm thinking about retiring, but I'll only retire if you replace me. What did that feel like? Oh my gosh, my heart went in my throat

and I just got chills. I couldn't believe it. Had you met him before? You know, he was, when I, I just sir I had, you know, my last year at Ohio State, I sent a letter to every Major League groundskeeper with a resume and asking how to get my foot in the door and I sent a letter before I even started in the major leagues

or before I even went to Ohio State asking how to get my foot in the door and I heard back from only five groundskeepers and he was one of them and when he called it was just amazing. How did he know you? I mean, how did he know

that he would only retire if you would take it? I don't know how he selected me and why. It was amazing and the timing was ironic in that, you know, I just moved into my new office at Miller Park for the Brewers, and the Cincinnati Reds had just offered me a job the week before.

And the Reds were very nice. We couldn't come to terms. And I respectfully turned the job down. And the Reds said, you know, how about if we negotiate for one more week, but we have to have an answer next Saturday. And Mr. Mooney called that Wednesday. And you knew. And, you know, I did not.

know. You know, I was very humbled. My wife said she knew. And I just wanted to make sure it was the right move for my family. And I said, Mr. Mooney, I'm incredibly humbled and truly honored. And I'd love to follow in your footsteps. But I just have to have a firm offer so I can weigh all the offers and decide what's best for my family. And he said, I'll have John Buckley, who's the president of our club, call you. And the Red Sox flew me out on Friday. and said, David, this is not a job interview. The job is yours if you want it. We know what you can do for us.

More importantly, what can we do for Denise and the girls to make this successful? And that's what Mr. Sealy and the Brewers had done for our family in Milwaukee. And that's what Billy Bean at the A's had offered us in Oakland. And that's what we were looking for is a family environment. So you go, he mentors you a bit. Yes, sir. He was incredible. If I can be half as nice to the next groundskeeper who takes over Fenway as Mr. Mooney was to me, that would be incredible.

Because he's like a grandpa to my girls. He's just been incredible. What is it like to be that? What is it like to, you're not just, you're not on the mound. You're not famous, you know, like a pitcher would be. you're, it's your ballpark. There's a lot of teamwork that goes into. I know that, but you are the man responsible for it.

I'm very humbled to have the opportunity to follow in his footsteps and be one of the caretakers. Like I say, it's a lot of teamwork. I get goosebumps every day I walk out there. That is such a great thing. It is just, it's an incredible, incredible opportunity to be behind the scenes. So how will people know you? How do I know you? well um you know uh probably from some of the mowing patterns that you see on the grass

how did that happen how did you how do i mean i don't even know how you do it well certainly uh any mower will make a pattern in the grass the first mower was built in 1830 and instead of having wheels on the mower and behind the cutting unit it has a big drum and so that drum bends the grass blade. So a light stripe or section goes away from you and a dark stripe comes toward you. So it's kind of like vacuuming carpet. It changes the nap.

When did people first start doing these patterns? Well, the basic pattern, checkerboard and straight lines have been around always. The first unique pattern that I did was after a Paul McCartney concert in 1993. We had damage in the outfield that we made safe and playable from in front of the stage where the forklifts had driven,

but we did not have time or the technology to re-sought it before the team came back. And so I asked the vice president and my boss if I could do a unique pattern up on the infield grass to hopefully draw people's attention and focus to the infield instead of the aesthetic scar, you know, the dirty looking spot in the outfield. And they said, sure,

You know, I was staying overnight and kind of working 40-hour shift to aerate the field. And so I did this unique pattern on the infield. And it was amazing the feedback. Oh, I bet it was. What was the first pattern? It was a, we did different quadrants on the infield. So we had straight lines and checker boards in different areas. And instead of just using the whole infield as one canvas.

And then what was the first design design? When was the first real picture? You know, when I went to the Red Sox, I put the Red Sox logo, the hanging socks on the infield. And we put a 100 in the outfield. It was the 100th anniversary of the team. And we made the number one, a baseball bat and the two zeros, baseballs. And it was before social media.

But I guess the term viral kind of happened because media and players and radio and fans really reached out and started talking about it. It's amazing. It's amazing. Thank you. All right. So let's get to the redemptive part of the story. You're still in all this pain. Sir.

You're still just on the edge. You still haven't talked to your wife about things. What finally breaks? Well, September 23rd, 2010, which happens to be my brother's birthday, which is, you know, I don't think is a coincidence. It's another lucky day. And I have an aha moment where I have acupuncture treatments for pain management. Before acupuncture, there is a table with probably 50 magazines there. And I look in the pile and I see a Smithsonian magazine.

So I pick that up and I lay down on the table and the doctor puts the needles in. And I open the magazine and there's an article in there about a new treatment facility for veterans dealing with post-traumatic stress. Never heard of it. And my daughter is doing an internship program at the home base program, which is a wonderful program for veterans at Mass General Hospital who are dealing. with post-traumatic stress and traumatic brain injury. So I thought I would read this article to learn about what my daughter's doing and learn about post-traumatic stress because I didn't know anything about post-traumatic stress

other than I thought it was a condition that you got from war. In the first paragraph listed 12 symptoms of post-traumatic stress. And as I started reading it, chills just, I mean waves of chills. just start pouring through my fingertips, my arms, my whole body, and tears just start pouring down my face as I can actively feel these symptoms. As they describe them, I either actively have or have dealt with 10 of these 12 symptoms. The only ones I don't have or have dealt with are suicide and drug use. and it it scares the heck out of me but it gives me hope yeah it gives me hope that over the last 29 years maybe this is what I have you hid this so well that you have a daughter who knows

she she's a growing expert in this field and she doesn't go this is my dad you've hid it that well she and my she and my wife knew something was up they'd Definitely. You know, they tell me now that I never would have won an Oscar for my acting. You know, they knew something was up. And they, you know, when I read those words, it gave me hope. I mean, it scared me because up to that point, I thought you could only get PTSD from war. I had no idea you could get any other way.

Your life was a war. your life was a war zone you you had two women look at you from the windshield of a car and come at you that has to screw you up well it certainly impacted my life and sadly it you know it impacted my family's life and that's something that i learned through counseling that PTSD doesn't just impact the person who's dealing with it it impacts their loved ones and people around them You know, and that's, you know, we wrote the book to have people learn from my journey and learn from my mistakes and bring awareness to PTSD, bring awareness to how incredible life-changing service dogs are, and also bring awareness to let people know that PTSD doesn't just come from war, that it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help that I thought it was for those 29 years. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's interesting because as I think of,

I think of people in your position that might be watching this, and they would think, well, I haven't been hit by two cars. No, it doesn't, it can come many, many ways. And it is that, we were talking a minute ago about how your mind just gets all screwed up. And you think, okay, well, that's not me. and you avoid, you don't see the sickness that is so apparent in someone else. You don't see it in yourself. You think, well, they're different.

And I think that there are, I think if we would just talk more, a lot of people would be a lot better. Yes, sir. I agree. So just everybody is living in their own little secret world and suffering pain and feelings that everybody is feeling. I totally agree. I can't thank you enough for your support

and the opportunity to discuss PTSD and the book and to help try to break that stigma, you know, because too many people suffer in silence, and I hope people can learn from my mistake of doing that. You know, in 2010 in January, my wife and daughter, my oldest daughter came to me and said, Dad, and if you would have read a book of someone going through similar challenges, would it have inspired you, would it have helped you during your journey? And I said, absolutely would have. They said, well, why don't you write your memoir?

If it helps one person, one family, it's worth doing. And I said, okay, and at that time, I had not been diagnosed. And people would see the scars on my knee or see me limp and bully me or judge me. And I thought if I stuttered because of showing emotion or I welled up that I would be judged, I would be ashamed. So even when I first started writing the book or putting it on an iPad, it was just kind of like a police report. I didn't show any emotion. And then when I went home and after I read that article, I realized that was my aha moment that I had the courage to go see my wife. And I went home right away.

I said, honey, we've got to talk. And all those things I feared she'd say, Mr. Beck, she didn't say. I should have given her credit long before for the incredible lady she is. She said, I love you. We'll get through this together. Let's call your doctor. Let's go to Mass General tomorrow. And we did.

And the doctor sent me out to see a psychologist. And I walked in the next day with my hat pulled down and you know, sometimes in Boston people will recognize me. And I thought, oh my gosh, what happens if somebody recognizes me and says, why are you here? Now I'm proud to be a PTSD survivor. I hope somebody recognizes me so I can tell them it's nothing to be ashamed of. I see a counselor regularly now. And if something comes up, I proactively reach out. to my doctor. I mean, counseling has changed my world for the better. It's helped me be a better better dad. It's helped me be a better husband. It's helped me be a better person. But, you know, counseling, I remember the first day I went to counseling, Mr. Beck, my counselor said, your symptoms are going to get worse before it gets better, before they get better. I thought, oh my gosh. And if that happens, what am I? going to do. But that night I spoke to my wife, I told my daughter, and she said,

Dad, it's not going to be easy, but you got to make a promise to me, you won't give up. And I promised her that. And I wasn't going to break that promise. And counseling was tough. I did a type of counseling called exposure therapy in which you write out, you desensitize each trauma. you write out your traumas to try to desensitize those traumas one by one. And initially, I literally wrote them out on paper. And I would write them, as I would write them, I would be crying so intense that the paper would get so soaking wet that I would have to start over. And I would initially write them on paper and then my wife would enter them into the computer. and it was a way for her to learn about things that were going on in me.

And at times she would say this doesn't make sense, David. And I would try to explain to her the pain, physical pain, the emotional pain. And, you know, my symptoms were kind of, I thought of them as like a sea monster, like a cracking with tentacles of different demons or different symptoms would, you know, as soon as one would get better, another one would reach out and grab me and attach to me. And as I would, you know, write this down,

part of it would be to try to desensitize it was the writing process and then I would read it to myself, and then I would read it in front of a mirror, and then I would read it to my counselor and with my permission she would record it and then in between I went for an hour on Mondays and an hour and a half on Fridays and in between sessions

while I was working on continuing that trauma writing about it I would listen to what I'd been working on to desensitize that and it was an intense process I would take you so it took me me, I started right away in September, right after September 23rd, and it was an intense process.

And then February 25th, 2011, I slept through the night for seven hours without a nightmare. I felt like jumping up and down on the bed screaming, hallelujah, when I woke up. I mean, I looked at my watch. I had no nightmare. I had slept for the first time in 29 years. And that was the first signal that my symptoms, that therapy was really working. Before that, you know, I felt sometimes that things were a little bit better.

My flashbacks weren't as bad during the day. But that was like, oh, my gosh. and I'm major superstitious. I wanted to tell my wife as soon as she woke up, but I didn't dare because I was scared I'd jinx it. I wanted to tell my doctor, and I didn't want to jinx it, and then I went three days in a row.

And I just, as soon as my wife woke up, I just shared the news. Like, I was so excited. And then as soon as 9 o'clock rolled around, I called my doctor. I mean, I was so excited. and counseling, that was the breakthrough in my counseling that really started to turn the corner

and show that my flashbacks started to get better. My nightmares stopped until November of 2015, which I had two nightmares. And, you know, now I have tools to manage nightmares when they happen from breathing techniques to meditation to reaching out to my counselor right away instead of letting things fester where before when I had nightmares

you just bury them I buried them and they got worse I dwelt on them I didn't go back to sleep if they happened if I fell asleep at finally at 1230 and they happened at 1245 some nights I just too scared to go back to sleep and I just ran on empty till the next night and as sure is that sun was going to go down and sleep,

I knew it wasn't a question. Just dread than that. It was how many? Just dread going to bed. Yes, sir. How are your nightmarsh now? I'm not having them right now. Knock a wood.

You know, sooner or later, I will. Yeah. That's part of life. Yeah. But I know how to proactively go with them. Yes, sir. Can we talk for a minute just about dogs? Yes, sir.

You and I are both. both Shepherd fans. Yes, sir. This is the first time you've traveled without your dog. Yes, sir. And thank you for that. But your dog is sick,

but I want to talk about the positive stuff. When you first got your dog, there was a connection between that dog and your brother. Yes, sir. So growing up, my brother and I

always had dogs. and then for years Terry would say someday after I die I'm going to come back as your dog and I didn't think anything of it one I just didn't think Terry was going to die anytime and I just never put a connection with how that would happen

if that would happen or that it would happen and then Terry passed away in July of 98 and I didn't have a service dog when Terry was around and and then after counseling, my wife said, you know, David, I think a service dog could be another tool, another extension of your counseling and your healing,

would you consider getting a service dog? And before counseling, I don't think I would have gotten a service dog because I think people would have stared at me. I would have been too sensitive. I think I would have been worried. I would have been judged, you know. And but after counseling.

Do you let that stuff go? Yeah. Now I do. Thank God. But back then I would not have. You know, because I was getting bullied on people staring at my scars and getting, you know, when I limped.

And I was just paranoid. But after counseling, you know, counseling changed my world. And, you know, and, you know, And so we started researching service dogs. And my wife grew up with shepherds. And just... The best.

That's what she said. The best. And talked about loyalty and smart. And so we started looking into him. And we got a service dog. His name is Drago. And so he came into my life, May 9th, 2014. And we took him to the vet the next day for his first checkup.

And the vet ran the scanner down in his back to check his mind. microchip and it turns out Drago has the same birthday as my brother Terry. Isn't that incredible? And Drago literally means world to me. He's an important part of my life. He goes everywhere with me. You know, he's trained not to go to the bathroom on grass. He's on the field with me every day. How did you do that? Just repetition. Just repetition. And, you know, he's such an important part of my life. Yeah. I have never ended an episode this way before, but I would like to with you. First of all, thank you. Thank you for writing this book.

Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for being so open. Thank you for making me want to be a better dad and a better man. You are remarkable. Thank you for just not giving up. And thank your wife and your daughters. Thank you. Please, if I may, talk to the audience for a second.

The name of the book is one base at a time. Please share this with anyone you know. I wish this book would have been out for me and my family years before. Please read it. Just a reminder, I'd love you to rate and subscribe to the podcast and have Pass this onto a friend so it can be discovered by other people.