The Herd with Colin Cowherd - 09/06/2021 - HOUR 3 - UCLA, Urban Meyer, Playoff or Takeoff

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

In this hour of The Herd with Colin Cowherd, former NFL player, pro scout and current FOX Sports Radio host Bucky Brooks joins Colin to discuss UCLA's dominant line play, the NFL's Week 1 matchups of intrigue and Jaguar head coach Urban Meyer's upcoming Jacksonville debut. Finally, an NFL Week 1 edition of Playoff or Takeoff. Guest: Bucky Brooks Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Find your local station for the Hurt at Fox Sports Radio.com or stream us live every day on the IHart Radio app by searching Hurd. Fox Sports Radio. Welcome in, Hour 3. We're live to the herd. you may be and however you may be listening. I heart radio, Fox Sports Radio, Fours Radio FS1. So I've already got my blazing five picks for this week.

And it's some of the worst teams in the league. But I always have this theory, Joy Taylor, that bad teams don't know they're bad until week three. You know, Dan Campbell can tell his team, bad teams often win in the preseason. And so much of the, I mean, the best team in the league, Kansas City, and the worst team, Houston's probably a 10-point game. It's not college football where Miami's going to win seven games this year,

games and then get blown out by Alabama. And so it's so funny how many teams this week I like, not because I think they're great teams, but they're getting way too many points. Yeah. Yes. And I mean, I'll give you an example. The Jets are getting five points at Carolina. Well, I think Carolina can win, but the Jets de-lines their strength. Carolina's O line is absolute their weakness. Five points is a lot of points when Sam Darnel hasn't taken a legit snap in a game for a new franchise with all new pieces. That's a lot of. That's a lot of a lot of points in the NFL. A lot. So do I have to bet? And I was talking to a better the other day and he said, take Houston over the Jags. I'm like, oh, that's gross. He's like,

yeah, it's the oldest roster in the league. Tiread Taylor doesn't make any mistakes. That's true. And you think to yourself, Houston's terrible. But are they for week one? Yeah, but Houston, Jacksonville? Oh, no, it's disgusting. I literally, if I bet it, I may not be able to eat the rest of the day my stomach. I don't know about that one. But it is, it is weird. About week three or four, the coach telling you how great you are wears thin. Well, all that raw, raw stuff.

It wears out. Actual coaching and scenarios and talent. Yeah. So, all right, 15 minutes. Bucky Brooke joins us, former scout, cornerback in the NFL. By the way, a little NFL update. Thursday night, it begins. Here's my power pyramid.

Here's my power pyramid, Joy. I added a layer to it. So I said last week, and the team I've kind of fallen out of love with, I like their structure, is the Steelers, and I think I'd have them. For our radio audience, I have a pyramid at the top is Tampa. Then left to right, Kansas City, Buffalo. I think Kansas City is barely better than Buffalo. Then I think Cleveland and Baltimore are better than Seattle.

Then it goes Chargers, Green Bay, better than Indianapolis, New England, or Rams, excuse me, I did that again this hour. Chargers, Washington, San Francisco, Miami, and then I have a question mark at the bottom. I think that's Pittsburgh, although it could be Dallas. We'll know a lot about Dallas on Thursday. Yeah, I think Pittsburgh's fair. They're always well-coached.

And their defense, their defense was exceptional last year, and then it got banged up. They lost multiple linebackers. Ben looks better. They addressed, well, they at least attempted to address the running game situation, which I think that they have answered that. But the difference is, if Dallas was in the AFC North with Cleveland and Baltimore, I don't think they'd be close to a playoff team.

Right. If Pittsburgh was in the NFC East, I'd probably have them winning the division. Right. So life's not fair. But what do I make of Pittsburgh? Steelers, Browns, and Ravens did make the playoffs last year. They did. I just don't, I guess, if there's a mystery team in the league for me, I acknowledge it.

I'm out on Pittsburgh, but Tomlin's never. of losing season. Correct. They solved their running back issue. They got a real player. Ben had a great offseason. And they're all healthy. So here I...

Plus also, I think those division games, the Bengals, I mean, I'm sorry, the Browns and the Ravens. Everyone knows everybody. There's no tricks. And they're very emotional. Like, guys get up for those games. So they're really, if you're competitive, go either way games. So if you're a Steeler fan, you have them beating Cleveland at home and

beating Baltimore at home. And a reasonable fan would say, we'll lose in Ohio, we'll lose in Baltimore. So if you give them a split against the Browns and Ravens, I don't. I would, just because of how those games usually go. Okay, so you'd go, let's count the wins. Like, don't let that

playoff game with the Browns confuse you. Like, they're going to be more competitive in the regular season. So I'll try to be, okay, so I have them at 8 and 9, but I want to take a more positive approach. So Buffalo's a loss. They're a six point dog, six a half.

Right. Beat the Raiders, beat the Bengals, lose at Green Bay. I'll say beat Denver. I'll say lose to Seattle. Seattle tends to play well out east. Buy, lose at Cleveland, beat Chicago, beat Detroit. I'll give him a win against the Chargers. I don't feel very good about it.

Yeah. Beat the Bengals, beat Baltimore at home, Minnesota there, a loss, Tennessee, at Kansas. at Kansas City lost, Cleveland Home, at Baltimore. I guess that way I come up with 11 wins, but I don't feel strongly about that at all. They've got a lot of these go-either-way games at Minnesota. That's a go-either-way game. Tennessee, go-either-way game.

Seattle at home. What time is that Minnesota game? You know what Kirk Cresden's is. Well, if it's on Fox, it could be a late game. It could be a big game. Yeah. So they're the mystery team in the league. And I think after the way they finished last year, that's fair.

But when you evaluate why they finished that way and what they did in the offseason to address that, they should be in that pyramid. For nothing else, it's Mike Tomlin. Well, and last year, they just had a running back deficiency. Yeah. You can't ask Ben to throw the ball 50 times. Right. Good stuff. One more herd? The herd streams 24 hours a day,

seven days a week within the IHeart radio app. Search heard to listen live or on demand whenever you'd like. Bucky Brooks is a former NFL defensive back. He's on Fox Sports Radio Saturday nights, and he is now joining us live. By the way, I would be remiss because I know you like Chip Kelly. I got to ask you a college football question before we get to the NFL stuff. Listen, when you watch Georgia Clemson, you see a lot of NFL guys. You know, there's some obvious things.

Notre Dame, obviously. they've figured out the offense. Brian Kelly's been scoring points here. And then I watch UCLA, and that just doesn't look like a Pact 12 team. They were so physical. And what did you make of it? I just, I mean, that's the first time in 13 years that a Pact 12 team has beaten a ranked SEC team. And I thought it was a butt kicking on the lines.

Yeah, they absolutely dominated. And it's so good to see a Pact 12 team play what we call. all big boy football. Dominated the line of scrimmage, physical at the point of attack. They did a great job of, look, making the game, the kind of game that they wanted. They ran the football. They ran it between the tackles. They ran it with big backs.

DDR did a great job of getting the ball outside. But what was most impressive to me was the defense that UCLA played. They did a lot of different moving in the back end. The coverage was great. And Chip Kelly has exploited what a lot of teams are beginning to exploit. they're exploiting the super seniors. When you look at that defense, fourth, fifth, and six year players

in that starting lineup, experience and expertise matters in college football. UCLA may have a nod in the Pact 12 because they have an older and established defense. All right. So when you were in the league as a player and as a scout, it's week one. Football has a way of kind of defining things very quickly,

big, strong, powerful, fast players separate rather quickly. Well-coached teams separate quickly. But I've always had a kind of a feeling in the NFL. A bad team doesn't know what's bad until about week four. And if you're 0 and 3, you start losing some guys and you lose the faith and the raw-raw stuff doesn't work. Take me to week one. There's some interesting matchups where, you know, Sam Darnold faces his old team. And the Urban Meyer starts.

Is there a theme you're looking for this week? is there, you know, Dallas Tampa Thursday night. That kicks off the year. Give me your thoughts on that game and what you'll be looking for. So Dallas Tampa Tampa Bay Buccaneers are now defending champions. And so what they're going to find is that everybody is going to treat them like the biggest game on their schedule. So how do they deal with the energy that comes from the opponent, the energy that comes from when they walk into opposing stadiums, all of that stuff? They have everybody coming back another year in Bruce Aryan system. The defense

is solid under Tide Bowls, but it's different when you go from being the hunter to the hunted. How do they handle the energy that comes from the opponent? I'm looking to see how they fend that off. But in week one, what I'm really looking for, Colin, and you know this because you love college football, I want

to know if Alabama is the new QBU. Tootanga Valoa, Jalen Hertz, Matt Jones will all make starts. When each of these guys came out, We celebrated them a bit as game managers. But if they can play like franchise quarterbacks, it now changes the narrative in scouting circles

when you look at a young quarterback like a Bryce Young. So I want to see how does the Alabama trio handle week one of the regular season. A lot of expectations and hopes tied to their performance. It also will trick it down to the way that we look at Bryce Young down the road. Okay, your expectations, let's just put it out there. Urban Meyer, Jags, Trevor Lawrence, what's it going to look like for Urban Meyer in year one as an NFL coach. That's a great storyline.

Look, it's going to be a little rocky for Urban Meyer. Anytime you're a first year coach in a new league, it takes you a while to get the lay of the land. But much like we saw in the preseason, he'll figure it out. Good coaches find a way to get it done. What he would do is treat the first half of the season as an observation period where you understand the way the NFL game is played, the way situations matter, in the league because it didn't really have to deal with that at Ohio State and Florida when he was always playing with leads. And then it will be, how can I build this offense

around what Trevor Lawrence does really well? How much of the Clemson playbook can we mix in with the NFL playbook to get the young quarterback up and going? I expect this team to eventually be competitive. I don't know what that looks like in terms of the win column, but I know this team will play much better the last half of the year than the first half of the year because Urban Meyer will acclimate to the way the NFL game is played. Okay, so Garoppolo starts over Trey Lance, Dalton's starting over Justin Fields. Mac Jones is obviously starting over Cam, who's been released. Give me your kind of lay of the land on the Tray Lance Garoppolo situation first.

How do you think it plays out? You know, Colin, I recently wrote about this. The two-quarterback system in San Francisco fascinates me if they go about it. We haven't really seen that since the Dallas Cowboys won a Super Bowl in 71. with Craig Morton and Rogers Stalbike sharing duties. In San Francisco, the reason it could be problematic is because you have a team that is already full of hybrids. George Kittle, you have Kowicek, Debo Samuel,

Brandon, Aniuk, Jalen Hurt. All those guys can play a variety of different roles. And now you have two quarterbacks who can seamlessly transition and play. Traditional and non-traditional football. Cowell Shanahan has done this before with the Washington football team with Kurt Cousins and RG3.

given how hard it is to stop his offense already, when you change who's playing quarterback with two guys being dynamic, it is a scary thought. I can't wait to see how he utilizes the talents of both quarterbacks because I absolutely expect to see both quarterbacks play. Andy Dalton, how long does he remain the starter? Rams is a top. I was saying this already to Joy. It's one thing to start and lose, but it's the Sunday night game.

So if you lose, it's a standalone game. if Dalton struggles on the road, the world is going to scream for Justin Fields. What's your kind of preview on what transpires? Look, I think Matt Nagy in Chicago would treat the first four games of the year like the preseason schedule. The first quarter of the season would be Andy Dalton's. Then they will reevaluate after week four. What they want to do is see if they can get off to a fast start with a veteran quarterback.

But if it falters at all, they're also going to look on the practice field and see when is Justin feels ready to take on more responsive? possibilities and step into the lineup. A lot of it would be governed by how does Andy Dalton do the first four weeks of the season. But I think after week four, Matt Nagy and the staff will come together and they will make a decision on whether it's time to hand the ball to Justin Fields. Mack Jones, your gut feeling on how he performs. It's going to be a fairly run-centric, efficient-based offense.

They're not going to ask him to move a lot. I think he's going to have some success. How much, in your opinion, in an improved division? Look, I think this team is going to look like the early 2000s New England Patriots, meaning they're going to play great defense. They're going to lean on a running game, and they're just going to lean on the quarterback to be a game manager, much like Tom Brady did very early in his career.

Tom Brady just had to really be a caretaker of the offense, make a handful of plays, and the cast around him did everything. I think this is a team that is okay playing tight games in the fourth quarter. They will win a bunch of one-score games if they're playing the way that they want to play. They don't want to put too much on Mac Jones, but Josh McDaniels is very comfortable with the style of quarterback that Mac Jones is. I expect this Patriots team to be right in the mix when we talk about it in the playoffs.

Finally, I have a, I said earlier that there are seven or eight teams I like at the top. And then there's four or five at the bottom, maybe three to four at the bottom, you know, Houston, Jacksonville, Detroit, little outman, Jets in their division, a little outman, new coach. but about 20 teams in this league, 22, I feel, are right in the middle. Atlanta, Minnesota plays.

They could play six times. They'd split them. I think the league is overwhelmingly in the middle. The mystery team to me in this league that I just have to watch play is Pittsburgh. Big Ben's in his best shape. Tomlin's never had a losing season. That defense is great. Now it's healthy again.

I think they've solved a running back lack of talent with Najee Harris. I don't know what to make a Pittsburgh. I just got to watch them play. I've got them around 500, but you can't be 500 with 17 games. What do you make of the Steelers? What's your prognosis here? The Pittsburgh Steelers will be a good team. They'll be a good team because they can play defense.

They're fast, they're physical. They do a really good job of keeping the ball in front of that's going to give them a chance. Offensively is where all the intrigue for me rests. Ben Rothesberger, look, he had too much on his plate last year, so what did they do? They completely changed the chairs in front of him. The offensive line has been completely. revamped. You go and get Najee Harris, who is a running back, I believe, in the same ilk as Levy and Bell in terms of his ability to run and catch the ball out the backfield.

But then the offensive coordinator, Matt Canada, adds more wrinkles, more pizzazz to this offense that will be more run-centric. I like the Pittsburgh Steelers. I think we've given away this division to the Cleveland Browns and the Baltimore Ravens. The Pittsburgh Steelers will be there when it's all sitting done. Everybody still needs to remember the Pittsburgh Steelers are the Steelers. You better buckle up. Good stuff, Bucky. Great seeing you. Thanks for having me. You bet. So we'll see. Can't wait.

Just looking over some of my NFL lines here. Very excited. You know, you get a Blazing Five on Friday? Very exciting. You're not going to try and sneak the Falcons in there, are you? Nope. Not even considering it. I'm going to bet a lot against the Raiders this year, though I can already tell. Raiders tend to have more fans in Vegas. They bet lines up.

And I've got a feeling I'm going to go, I'll bet against the Raiders a lot this year. Be sure to catch live editions of the herd weekdays in noon Eastern 9 a.m. Pacific on Fox Sports Radio, FS1, and the IHeart Radio app. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care what I'm saying. Yep, that's me, Cliver Taylor the 4th. You might have seen the skits, the reactions, my journey from basketball to college football, or my career in sports media. Well, somewhere along the way, this platform became bigger than I ever imagined.

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available on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Joy with the news. No, no, no, no, no. Turn on the news. This is the herd line news. Well, Naomi Osaka ended her run in the 2021 U.S. open with a loss in the third round to Lila Fernandez. She's been very open as of late with her struggles with anxiety and men. mental health recently, and she announced that she will be taking a break from tennis for a while.

She doesn't know when she will play her next match. She said, I feel like for me recently, when I win, I don't feel happy. I feel more like a relief. And then when I lose, I feel very sad, and I don't feel like that's very normal. Yeah, it's also, you know, these sports like golf and tennis, you know, we talked about this with Simone Biles. It's on you. and there is no, you know, it's not like baseball where you can go 0 for 12 in a homestand

and your team wins three games. Yeah, or you have, you know, a hundred more games to make it up. Like it's very intense. And if you're not in the right space mentally, I've seen in my life two or three great golfers, Greg Norman, David Duvall, Ian Baker-Finch, go off a cliff emotionally. Like literally get the Ips and can't play. When you get into these individual sports, gymnasts, tennis, golf, about half of it feels mental. And if you're not in the good space.

Maybe even more. It's funny you say that because Rory McElroy talked about it. And he said, I spoke about this in 2019 about separating who I am as a golfer and who I am as a person and trying not to let that define me. And it seems like that's what Naomi is going through right now. He said, how can I play tennis and enjoy it and not let the results define who I am? And I think everyone needs to let her have a time to figure that out. He obviously plays an individual sport and golf. And it's, I think it's important to not.

false equivalence has drive me crazy, right? Like we do this a lot in sports, and it's sometimes difficult to do because, you know, we talk about who's the goat of this and who's the greatest of this, and can you compare individual sports to team sports and all those things. But I also think what's going on with Naomi is sort of an interesting old school, new school, sort of culture class when it comes to sports. Like how much mental health played a role in, you know, that whole era

just rub some dirt on it and get out there. Like when guys fell apart, was it really mental health and we just were not allowed to talk about it? Like when guys broke down, was it really more of that than just their body and they couldn't take it anymore? But we just, you know, there was like that no crying in baseball mentality. Right. And now we're in a new space where we have a lot more access to athletes than we've ever had in the history of the world. And they have to deal with more criticism from fans and harshness and social media has changed. Social media has changed the game.

It has. And I think I was thinking about this last night. Like how much, how fair do we need to be here? Because when you talk about old school guys like, oh, like, don't talk about that and just need to figure it out and just, you know, pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Like, yeah, but you guys didn't have a million people every day giving their opinion about what it is you do. And not just the media, which is obviously much bigger now than it's ever been because of the internet. But like it's not normal to get this much praise or feedback. on a constant basis. And we are as humans, not just athletes, adjusting to that. Like, I mean, we talk about social media all the time in our business, like how you can get caught up. And people are gassing you up a little bit. Like, you are great, but are you as great as Twitter is telling you are? Are you as bad as Twitter is telling you are?

There's a balance to it. I think we really need to give young athletes a little more grace in the space because we're all kind of adjusting to dealing with this much input on what it is we do. So the Rams are expecting big things from Matthew Stafford in his first year with Sean McVey in L.A. And one NFL coach who has faced Stafford multiple times agrees that the duo will be a force to be reckoned with this season. He told Peter King, Stafford with Sean is going to be fantastic. Sean's been waiting for a guy who can execute everything he wants to call. Oh, that is.

So much shade for Jared Goss. Well, Andrew Whitworth was on last week and he didn't, it wasn't even shade. He acknowledged he goes, I said, you know, What is Stafford that I haven't seen at practice? What have you seen? And he said, Stafford is clearly a guy that's been in the league for 12 years. You can call anything.

And it really, I didn't say anything at the time, but this comment with that comment from Andrew is... Yeah, their offense was a little limited. It was, yeah, there's stuff you couldn't call. Either Jared couldn't keep up with it, you know, intellectually. Maybe cognitively couldn't keep up at the line of scrimmage. So I don't know the answer to it, but Whitworth's comment, that comment are saying the exact same thing. Oh, now Sean can call everything. I'm just,

I'm fascinated by Matthew Stafford with the Rams because he's somebody that we've heard about all of his talent for so long to now be in a situation with the Rams with Sean McVeigh. This is a highly functional organization. They're very aggressive. They expect winning. They have a coach that we have really no doubts about. By the way, what does it say about Detroit if he comes out and wins 13 games? what is it going to say about that organization? He couldn't get to the playoffs. It's going to say a lot. But I do think he's obviously in a better situation.

Like we can agree. It's a better situation. We can't really compare directly. I think it's going to say more about the Rams if Jared Gough has any success with Detroit. I don't think he's going to. I don't know. That feels like a fourth place team.

I'm looking for him. I just feel like people pile on Jared Gough a lot. Like, they play in a Super Bowl not that many years ago. Absolutely. And I, that's why I'm kind of. Like they crushed him when he came in. He got with Sean McVeigh and now he looks like a competent quarterback. And now they've moved off from him.

And it's like they have the savior. I just think, I think we're probably a little harsh on Jerkoff. Yeah. So, Dak Prescott has worked to recover from both an ankle injury and a shoulder sprain to be ready for the 2021 season. And he said he can't wait to take the field on Thursday night. I'm definitely right. I mean, I'm excited. I've put a lot of work to get to this point,

whether it was months ago, just rehabbing the ankle to the last few months, keeping the feet working while I let my arm rest. But there's so much work that I've put into this. I'm just excited just to go out there and be a part of the full game, just being out there with my brothers and getting to do something that I love. I've just been sticking to the plan, and it all works out. And yeah, from the shoulder to the leg, to my mind. I'm ready to go.

Well, I like hearing that from him and not from Jerry Jones or some weird tweet from the Cowboys. The line is bucks seven and a half. That's so many points to give a fox bet. I mean, Dallas is very productive offensively. That is a lot of points. Zach Martin is going to be out. He tested positive and is in COVID protocols.

That probably tells you that Dallas is going to be very reliant. That's a 45 attempt, pass attempt game for that. They're going to be throwing the ball more. Connor McGovern is a third-year player. He's going to be replacing Martin. He replaced him when he missed time with concussion and caffeine. injury last season. So he's expected to start in his place. But the Bucks had

the best run defense in the league last season. I know. It's going to be, you know what it's going to look like? It's going to look like a Steeler game where Ben's throwing 50 times. That's what it's going to look like. I'm so excited for it though. But I do feel like yeah, I got to think about that line a little bit more. 7.5 is a lot of points. A lot of points.

Joy with the news. Well, that's the news. And thanks for stopping by. The Hurdline News. All right. Playoff or takeoff. Which teams do we see flying towards a playoff berth? Be sure to catch live editions of the herd weekdays at noon Eastern 9 a.m. Pacific.

Hey, it's Ben, host of the fifth hour with Ben Maller along with my trusty sidekick, David Gascon, would mean a lot to have you join us on our weekly auditory journey. You're asking what in God's name is the fifth hour? I'll tell you, it's a spinoff of the Ben Mather show, a cult hit overnights on FSR. Why should you listen? Picture if you will a world where we chat with captains of industry.

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Either way, the podcast's Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care what you're saying.

Yep, that's me, Cliver Taylor the 4th. You might have seen the skits, the reactions, my journey from basketball to college football, or my career in sports media. Well, somewhere along the way, this platform became bigger than I ever imagined. And now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Clifford Show. This is a place for raw, unfiltered conversations with some of your favorite

athletes, creators, and voices that not only deserve to be heard, but celebrated. One week, I'll take you behind the scenes of the biggest moments in sports and entertainment. And the next, we'll talk about life, mental health, purpose, and even music. The Clifford Show isn't just a podcast. It's a space for honest conversations,

stories that don't always get told, and for people who are chasing something bigger. So if you've ever supported me or you're just chasing down a dream, this is right where you need to be. Listen to the Clifford show on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more behind the scenes,

follow at Clifford and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok. If you're watching the latest season of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, you already know there's a lot to break down. Georgia accusing Kelly of sleeping with a merry man. They holding Kay Michelle back from fighting Drew. Pinky has financial. his shoes. I like the boozy style of Housewives show. I think it looks like it's going to be

interesting. On the podcast, Reality with the King, I, Carlos King, recap the biggest moments from your favorite reality shows, including the Real House Wise franchise, the drama, the alliances, and the team everybody's talking about. As an executive producer in reality television, I'm not just watching it. I understand the game. As somebody who creates shows, I'll even say this. At the end of the day, when people are at home, they want entertainment. To hear this and more, listen to Reality with the King on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, I'm Jared Adano. You might know me as that loud guy who yells out, help on the internet. Help! Somebody! Please! But there's so much more to me than that. I'm an actor. I'm a

comedian, and recently, I've become quite the helper myself. And on my new, podcast, Hope from a Hippocrat, I'll be changing lives, helping people in need with my sage advice and thoughtful solutions. Sike, I'm a comedian. I'm not qualified to give good advice. Join me and my comedian friends as we riff, rant, recommend some of the most legally dubious advice known to man. If I'm calling you, even if you're on your phone, let it ring twice.

One ring is too scary. Oh, cream of chicken soup. Hey, cream. Cream a chicken suit. This is Help from a Hypocrite, the worst advice from the dumbest people you know. Listen to Help from Hypocrite as part of the Mike Coultera podcast network available on the I-Fart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So we call it a playoff or takeoff. Are you a playoff team or takeoff?

And largely, there's a lot of things to consider how the season ended, your schedule, and here we go. And now, Colin will decide if a team is headed for the playoffs. Playoffs? Or taking off for vacation. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Please turn yourself in securely. It's playoff or takeoff? Here we go.

The 49ers, playoff or takeoff? Playoffs. This goes playoff for two reasons. Number one, they had 31 players last year on the injured reserve list. That's the most in the league. So they had to overcome insane injuries. including to their quarterback probably won't happen again. They also have, and this is hard to imagine based on the division they're in,

they have the easiest schedule in the NFL based on last year's opponent's records. Now consider they're in the division with the Rams and the Seahawks. So their out of division schedule is Cream Puff City by NFL standards. So I believe as long as Garapolo can get you to about week eight, we'll see what Trey Lance becomes. I say they're a playoff team. How about the Bears? I would say takeoff.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Please trap yourself in securely. Here's the problem. They ended the season poorly. They have a quarterback dilemma. They were one and seven against teams that were above 500 and made the playoffs last year. So I always look, who are you beating? They ended poorly and didn't beat high-quality teams.

I also think Minnesota in division will be arguably the most improved team in the league so I don't think they get there. The Bengals. That's a takeoff as well. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Please trap yourself in securely.

Obvious reasons. They're still in the middle of a rebuild and it's arguably the best division in sports. I think their offensive line and their wide receiving core is getting steadier. but until they can show me, they can protect Joe Burrow.

And they were so bad at that last year, you got to go up against Pittsburgh's Front 7, Baltimore's Front 7, and Miles Garrett. I just don't think he's going to have enough time to make throws and grow, so I don't see him as a playoff team. How about their indivision Browns? That's a playoff team. That's an easy one. Playoffs?

Yeah. First of all, third easiest schedule in the league. and they return all 11 offensive starters. So you have a coach of the year, you bring back the same unit. They're going to score a lot of points. The question's really for them. Their interior of their defensive line and how quickly can their secondary with several new pieces gel? I don't think it'll take long.

I think it's a good coaching staff. So that's a playoff team. How about the Arizona Cardinals? Sorry, but this is takeoff time. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. lost six to nine to close out the year. Open three or four games on the road. So all of a sudden you find yourself in a little bit of a hole.

Now I will say the front office built this team to win now. A.J. Green, J.J. Watt. So they did it to build a winning team now. I don't see it. I don't think they're bad. I mean, last year they were 500. They're not going to be a bad team. That's not the question.

The question is because they win enough game. and their schedule is tough. The Colts. That's a playoff team. Playoffs? Listen, Frank Reich has made the playoffs two at a three years. They were one of the few teams in the league last year, only five that were top ten offense and defense.

I worry about some of their star players not being vaccinated in the COVID protocols. You lose the Darius Leonard or Carson Wentz for a game. It's a whole new ball game. But I think this is one of the more intriguing teams to watch because they really, they have. one of the deeper running back sets in the league. Michael Pittman became a star. The offensive line's good.

And they're not terribly quarterback-centric. You know, they can run the football on you and eat clock. That's what they did a lot last year. So I think it's a playoff team in a weird, bad division at the bottom. The Dallas Cowboys. I think they're a playoff team. Playoffs, here's the thing. After the Tampa game, they don't play a playoff team.

team from last year until November 21st. So they're facing either rebuilding teams, new coaches, new quarterbacks, new staffs. And they have the second easiest schedule in the league. It's a bad division. So you don't have to love Dallas, and I don't for them to peel off nine or ten wins. You start looking at that schedule post-Tampa. There are a lot of new coaches and a lot of new quarterbacks and a lot of new staffs. How about Philadelphia Eagles?

People like them more than I do. I see it as a bad takeoff team. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. They were fine against average teams, 3-3-1 against non-playoff teams. They were terrible against playoff teams, 1 and 8. Now, I will say this. Tight-end and wide receiver units will be strong. If their offensive line, it's old, can stay healthy.

they should be able in that division to move the football against everybody except Washington. So, you know, I've said before, I just, there's too much noise inside this operation. I don't see them as a good football team at all. But I do see them. Jalen Hertz moving around. I do see them putting points up. The Jacksonville Jaguars. Bad team.

I don't think we have a takeoff. This is bad. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Yeah, that's bad. Listen, they not only lost, they had the second worst point differential in the league. So it's a total gut job outside a wide receiver, not a single unit that is even good. I do think their defensive line, they've drafted it. There's some promising young players in their defensive front, and the division's bad.

So I think they're going to lose a lot, but can they lose close and competitively? That's a win for them if they win four to five and lose competitively often. Your Carolina Panthers. I'm not, I'm not, this is very much in the air as of this morning, it's takeoff, but. Ladies and General, this is you get in speaking. Okay, they got two things going for them. They were three and eight in games decided by one possession. That was the most in the league.

The way it works in the NFL, if you win a lot of one possession games one year, it evens out. If you lose a lot of one possession games, it evens out. Their schedule is not terribly difficult. Rebuilding Saints. rebuilding Atlanta. They open with the jets. But this is a rebuild, and they're very good at running back and wide receiver, and they got more athletic juice at quarterback.

I don't think this offensive line can match up with the teams on their schedule as of this morning to be a playoff team. But I have the right to pause. The New England Patriots. It's a playoff team for a couple reasons. Playoffs. One of the reasons is it's an easy schedule. Seven of the nine opponents of their first nine opponents. Because we all agree, Mack Jones will get there eventually, but it's going to be choppy. Seven of the first nine opponents, non-playoff teams.

So now the division's better, but you start, we did this the other day. You look at New England's schedule. You can see them ball controlling. I mean, Cam Newton was two plays within beating Seattle and Buffalo last year with no preseason and eight opt-outs. So this team spent $122 million on free agents. The offense is going to have more juice. So they're going to, if they can give you 24 points a weekend, which is reasonable,

it looks like to me a 10-win team and 11-win team. How about the sinks? Take-off. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Emmanuel Sanders, gone. Michael Thomas, not around early. Jared Cook gone.

I don't know what they have at wide receiver. This is a tough ask. I think this is the weakest wide receiving core until Michael Thomas comes back in the league. They have a long road and I don't think they can, they got a quarterback who can throw over the top.

They don't have a receiver who can go over the top. Finally, a team you were very high on, Washington football team. It's a playoff team to me. Playoffs. First of all, Two good receivers. They also acquired Curtis Samuel, right?

And offensive lines good enough. Antonio Gibson had 11 touchdowns as a rookie. I don't see the holes on this team. I think they solved a corner issue. Their defensive front is great. Quarterback, can they win, listen, Miami won 10 last year with Fitzpatrick. I think in a bad division, they're the best of bad. This is the team I like more than everybody else in the universe.

I think Washington's a 10 or 11 football team. Tired of waiting around, 15-year limited warranty. Navian tankless water heaters. Go to tankless maidsimble.com. Navian, Joy and I are done for the day. We'll see you tomorrow. Tuesday in L.A. It's the herd.

Another podcast from some SNL late-night comedy guy, not quite. Unhumor me with Robert Smygel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an a cappella band

with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to humor me with Robert Smigel and friends on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal, but encouraged.

It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast's Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year. Within probably 10 days, I'd put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth. Listen to Superhuman on the I-Hard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the Look Back at it podcast. For 1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 was big to me. I'm Sam J. And I'm Alex English. Each episode, we pick a here, unpack what went down, and try to make sense of how we survived it. with our friends, fellow comedians, and favorite authors. Like Mark Lamont Hill on the 80s.

Before it was a wild year. It was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people. Listen to look back at it on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good, y'all? You're listening to Learn the Hard Way with your favorite therapist and host Kier Games. This space is about black men's experiences,

having honest conversations that's really not safe to have anywhere, but you're having him with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit or armor. It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability that does not mean that you need to, listen to learn the hard way on the IHard radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHart podcast.

Guaranteed human.