The Herd with Colin Cowherd - Jenkins and Jonez - Langston Kerman Is Your Favorite Troll

Episode Date: March 25, 2023

Comedian, writer, and actor Langston Kerman joins the show to discuss running his mother in law’s Hinge, how he became the inspiration for a running joke, the difficulties of the tv landscape, NBA conspiracies, and more. #Volume #HerdSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The volume. It's Jenkins and Jones, presented by Fandul. The NBA season is kicking into gear, and there's no better place to get in on the action than Fanduel. The app is safe, secure, and easy to use. Fanduel has exclusive offers, boosts, and more all month long. When you win, you'll get paid fast. Fanduel has lots of ways to play, like the spread, money line, over, unders, team totals, player props, and so much more. Jump into the action at any time during the game with live betting,

and combine multiple bets from the same game in a same. game parlay and try out same game parlay plus so download the fan duel app today start making every moment more disclaimer must be 21 and over in select states gambling problem call one 800 gambler or visit fanduel dot com slash r g all right we're very excited to welcome on to this week's jenkins and jones and friends our old pal uh a budding success all over the place every everywhere we look he's got his face is lankston kerman of the podcast my mama told me links and welcome to the show bro thanks for coming back on fuck yeah i'm happy to be here and uh and what an intro i loved it it made it seem like i'm really important i fucking hell yeah very important

you're you're you're you're your you're on network tv now bro you're our you know you're our little cousin that that uh that we're going to be hitting up for money like shortly hey man i was a series regular on a network television show that so few people watch you don't even know that it existed what so you know was that brandon was that the character you're talking about Yeah, the, yeah, I've done it all, baby. I used to make way more money than I do now. Bro, it seems like you everywhere, gee. Like, I was about to ask you, how do you manage all that with the shorty dog?

Like, I'm getting my ass kick trying to figure it all out. We had an interview last week, and I was about, what, 40 minutes later on that motherfucker because I completely forgot about it. How are you doing that, gee? Yeah, I will say that, that number one, a nanny changed everything where it's like, you know, if my wife doesn't respect my work, and I don't know where your wife falls in that. She shouldn't honestly. I'm going to be honest with you, bro.

Yeah, I don't disagree with her choice. It's inconvenient for me. I wish you respect me, but you're not wrong. But yeah, so because of that, I think she would naturally presume I'll just be daddy daycare forever and always unless I'm like on camera. And that's not a possibility. so I was real adamant we get a nanny and that opened up worlds.

But then her mom also like doesn't work and it will like just be here for months on end and that shit. It saves a lot of a lot of free time. You know what I mean? That's a double edged sword. Why are you all with that? Yeah. It could be. I'll say this.

Her mom is single and she put me in charge of her hinge account. So she's my hero. Hey, speak on that, dog. She's doing numbers on hinge, I'm out here swiping old men that look like totals. Come on, I'm flirting, baby. I'm going crazy.

So how does this work? So you're actually interacting on that side? Absolutely. I have her entire control. So I pick the men and then I chat with the men and they're all terrible at chatting, but I persist. And then I, when I've agreed that this is a man we should engage with, I tell him give me your number and then I give her a screen share

of all of his information to make sure that she can like call with confidence. So you're a filter then. No, you have got your work cut off of you because men, especially older men are terrible fucking textors

and I kind of realize that shit when I like tested I was texting my uncle like a month or so back I'd do some shit on the grill. I was like, bro, you want me bring you a plate? He said,

I got to go to the doctor tomorrow. I was like, bro, what the fuck does that I have to do with it? Vain. Yeah, that is like, hey, hey, I asked you one question. What's happening? Bro, he was so bad at communicating with me via text messages.

I legit asked my wife, yo, am I this terrible at communicating with you? And I just don't know it. Like, because this, he had no idea he was so bad at that shit. Yeah, no, all their messages, there was one dude I was messing with. And at one point, I, I just said hello. I was like, hey, man, how are you? And he replied, uh, I'm okay. just lonely and it was like bro.

That's early. Bro. Come on man. What? We just started. At one point can you say that though? Never. Don't say that. Don't write that down for anybody else to read.

You say that in private in front of a fire. You don't fucking put that on paper. Is it acceptable for that age group though? Is it acceptable for that age group? You know what I mean? I pray to God it isn't. I want there's got to be, if that's acceptable for that age group, we're never going to reach a point where we can vote on the same things in the same way. Like it literally ruins all of our potential for unity in this country.

If there's an entire mass of people that believe I'm lonely as a greeting is correct. People need a sales background. You need to understand the immediate question someone comes up with is, why is this person? person lonely. Why? Why, man? There must be a reason he's lonely. You old as fuck. You ain't got no friends. You ain't got no family. Like, what's going on with you, dog? Yeah, nobody in your life was like, hey, don't say I'm lonely first. You know what I mean? Nobody cares about you enough to be like, hey, that'd be the wrong entrance if you were thinking about it. Can I, uh, John and Tyler, can I take two minutes and explain to Lexington how he is the, became the subject.

of the stupidest running joke we have on our show? Oh, man. Oh, I'm going ahead. Go ahead. Okay. This is entirely a running joke about how stupid I am, so I think that you'll appreciate it. But when we had you on the pod, you mentioned, I think it was shortly after your daughter was born.

Is that right? I feel like... I think it was before because we were both, our wives were both pregnant around the same time. So it had to be before. Okay. And I remember you telling us, just when we were talking off air, I remember you telling us it was a little stressful being like on the opposite side of the country, I think at that time from your wife. And it was like, you were stressed. And John and I, John was like about to become a dad.

That was like all he and I were talking about at that point. And I'm just someone who really cares about people's families and them becoming dads and everything. And so I was like, damn, that's fucking tough. And so we, you know, we talked about a couple times on the pot or not on the pot. We talked about a couple times where the three of us are just bullshitting. so john a year later or whatever john's taking his baby to swimming lessons and no i'm swimming i'm i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a i'm a i don't know how to swim i let me be clear i wasn't gonna bring it up but i've seen this nigger swimming you know i mean i've seen him learning to

learn to swim man we we no it was it was a very fragile uh exposing thing i was like watching there were no cool hats no riffs about Karee. It was just a man. Fighting water, bro. Man for being vulnerable. Very afraid. Six feet of water, bro.

All right. So John mentioned us. He's like, I saw, he's like, oh, hey, I saw Langston when I was at the pool. And I was like, me, my immediate thought, like, Langston, my brain opened the file up. I was like, I hope everything's good with him and his family. I know he was stressed about it the last time. So I asked John, I was like, was his wife and his kid with him? John was like, no.

And I was like, okay, man, I hope everything's good. And John said, what the fuck do you want me to do, Mike? You want me to walk up to him and go, Lexington, where's your family, bro? I told him you was with your grandmother and your kid, you know what I mean? And he asked about everything. And I'm like, bro, like, you want me to be like, how's your family, dude? Everything okay? Did you lose your family, dude?

We're, dude, where's your family? Like, hey man, just checking in on you and your wife. Are you lonely like that? Solid footing. So that became a runny joke that we used for like Tom Brady who threw his whole family away. Oh, man. Tom, where's your family, bro? Where's your wife's going, Tom?

Oh, that's so funny. Oh, man, that's great. I love that. I love, oh, love being an inspiration and loves. saying a man I didn't expect to be swimming swimming. Was my swimming that bad? It wasn't. No, you were doing great. Okay, don't lie to me though. You can tell me.

It's just, I'll be honest. It was so wild because it's a facility I almost exclusively associate with children and elderly people. You know what I mean? Like, it's just babies and then like 80-year-olds doing aerobics on the other pool. Like, it's not a place that I'd be like, oh, there'd be, I bet I could see a friend. Learn to swim for the first time in his 30s. Was John knocking babies out of the way? Was he like creating tidal waves that were drenching old ladies and shit? You know that, you know when somebody's like, they're scared so they're splashing a little too hard.

You know what I mean? It's that kind of energy. It was a lot of arm, not a lot of leg. It's still that. But we're learning how to use the legs, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you're just a little scared. Or a lot, bro, or a lot. But whatever, man.

We figured it out. We figured it out, man. Hashtas baby girl know how to swim yet, though? She, you know, she can go under and do it without us blowing in her face. She can't really backflow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can't do those videos where you, like, you, like, kick this shit out of your kid into a pool. You know what I mean?

school course underwater, you know what I mean? Yeah. The ones where they throwing the baby in like they're chum in the water for sharks, they just pick a baby up by the leg and just underhand them right in the middle. Yeah. Did you see the video when they smacked the, like the baby got smacked into the water, like that older lady? Like, yeah, I didn't like that one.

That one made me uncomfortable. She tricked that baby. You know what I mean? She like kind of smiled a little bit at her and was really warm and then like muffed her into the pool and that was, nah that was unacceptable you know what I mean I might uh I might uh I would probably would have told Rother to put hands on or something

obviously I couldn't have done done but like yo something there might have been some some reaction to that dog like she backslash no there's no way right right the baby did a back flip it to the water dog she put sound like that baby like damn you need all that you feel me yeah it felt it felt like like almost an RKO you know what I mean like almost a full fucking wrestling

move on that poor child. And the smirk left her face immediately to it left too fast. You know what I'm saying? That's what made it crazy because now I know you're just tricking the baby. If you kept smiling, maybe this was just a genuine feeling you had, but this is your responsibility to smack her into the pool. Fine, I can live with that. But you getting serious afterwards means you're fucking, you're evil.

That was a bad. Yeah, no, you're a bad person. So how's the schedule of the pod? Like all the stuff you do. Like I was saying like how do you manage all that? Because like I said, I'm struggling with that. So how do you figure that out? Are you like a 5 a.m.

Waking up in the morning ass nigger like doing like a cold plunge? Listen to the motivational videos, bro. I need some help. I'm not and I wish I was. I don't know if there's any if that's any of y'all. But like I really fucking wish that I would. was a wake up at like six and like fight the wind with punches and then that's john and then make eggs i'm not i want to be i need to be bro i need to be on a day off what time you wake up

it's day off bro i mean i wake up with the baby every morning dog you know what i'm saying we don't have got to six a m before you had a baby uh day off six a m about six 30 you know what's saying that's maybe about six 30 and he drinks he's tyler told lankson about the shakes that john Come on, man. The amino acid drinks, the stem cells, the baby fetus. Have you heard of amino acids before? Have you heard of amino acids before? It's a very normal thing to drink.

I have heard of amino acids, but I think it's way more fun to say that those are stem cells. So I'm going to team Tyler on this one. You weird, you drink. Right, bro, we know what amino acids are, nigga. They are some hormone your body producers. How are you buying that shit at G&C, dog? Because it's, bro, you can buy this. shit at Target probably.

Nigga, it's very normal. It's like, it's next to vitamin C tapas. I just don't think it's normal to turn a human hormone into some powder that you put into a smoothie, though. It's next to your Flintstone vitamins, bro. It's not a big deal. I promise. It's on the same aisle.

This nigga think I'm like grinding baby fetuses up and making my own. I guarantee you, flistone vitamins do not have amino acids in them, dog. I guarantee you. They can't because they're for kids, Tyler. but it's in the same aisle. But kids can't have amino acids.

They can't have a little taste. I mean, my wife says Ron so many can. I'll be trying to like, I thought like, get a little sip. Let's see. Come on, try it. What's going to happen? You can be buff. Let's see what happens when we get a buff baby.

Let's see. But it can't be that, man. Come on, man. Yeah, no, we give my daughter fried chicken. That's worse than whatever amino acids could do. to a baby, you know what I mean? My baby don't like chicken, bro. I feel bad, dog.

No, no. What? She don't like chicken, dog. She spit it out and I looked at it like, have I not done my part? You know what I mean? What am I done, bro? Crazy.

And not in any form? No. You haven't been. No, bro. Damn. No, bro. Uh-uh. No, man.

Oof. She'd rather have rice with, like, yogurt and... That's just babies, bro. That's just how lots of babies are. Tyler will make some fucking chicken for Somi at some point and it'll change your whole life. Okay, man. Maybe I'm just not the chef.

My kids eat all kinds of shit they didn't eat when they were toddlers. You know what I mean? That's fair. Maya would eat bread and rice when she was a toddler. That was the only thing she eat. And now she eats bread and rice and toasts. And hot bread. Hot bread.

Yeah. I don't know that you get to. I think all you can do is just introduce them to everything and hope that they're cool about it, but it's not like we can fix it. That's a crazy part. They just choose and they keep re-chewing every week. I mean, yours chose fries chicken, so you've done the good, you know, you've done your part, man. Yeah, no, look, my baby eats dirt, so I don't think, I don't think she's leading.

You know what I mean? She's not a good leader, but she is, she'll take it down, you know what I mean? She'll eat whatever. It don't matter. So, Langston, my man, I want to tell you personally how much me and everyone here loved fucking bust down. It was phenomenal, bro. It was, it was like one of those shows that became part of my self-care routine. Like, I'm like, I'll be like, I'll queue up an episode.

I'm going to goddamn get high, you know, Uber eats some shit here. And I'm a laugh at these motherfuckers, goddamn, you know, holding themselves up at the sperm bank on this episode. A little treat for myself. So yeah, man, it's an amazing show, man. Just curious, like, is season two on the way or? No, no season two. Obviously, for those that don't know, Jack Knight, who was one of our creators, died, and we wouldn't do it without Jack.

Jack and I especially sort of were on the front end of a lot of the writing because Chris and Sam are celebrities and very busy. And so I wouldn't even be able to figure it out the same. same way if my guy wasn't a part of it. And also Peacock didn't want it back because nigger, we were acting up. Really? I don't know. Niggin, bro. That's the most of last.

That's my first question. I was telling them, bro. Like, I haven't laughed at. The question we always asked about bust now is how the fuck did you make that with NBC? Yeah, I mean, to be clear, and I'm a messy little bitch, so I'll say all the stuff. They never wanted the shit in the first place. they did that I think more as a favor to Lorne and a desperate reach to keep Chris and Sam in the NBC universe because they were SNL and you know all the shit and so they agreed to buy this series sort of as like this favor which is why it was six episodes it's not like we would have preferred six episodes we had a lot more in us and so like we had this small order on this network that never really wanted this shit.

And we did everything we could to like do exactly what we wanted in that short time. So, you know, we, we, yeah, covered my boy and come and had ladies fighting in restaurants. You know what I mean? Like we did everything we could. We fucked homeless people. We swung hard as hard than a motherfucker. you know we treated it we you know it was lynx sanity for us that's i think that's a good i think that was our lynn sanity where everybody was like these niggins

are going crazy this might be we're not going to do that no more was that liberating i mean like for for for you and jack like knowing like okay hey we sort of have a window here this probably not turning into eight seasons with fucking nbc was it liberating to just be like we can do exactly what the fuck we want because we're just there's no greater expectations beyond making what we want. I don't think, I don't think we knew that as much as I'm making it sound in the front front end. I know it much more now.

Okay, okay, okay. Through the process of attempting to release it. But while we were writing it, I think that just was, that that's always been who we as a four, as a group are, is like people who are interested in being like weird and edgy and a little naughty for whoever's mom could be listening type shit and that so all of that felt very correct to our style and then when we saw the way they behaved after we were like oh oh yeah we we didn't play any game that would have helped us keep this for them you know what I mean like was there any pushback before it was released like uh you know what's crazy is that during the

writing process because of the way that S&L schedule bumped up against when we could actually shoot this. We had just finished writing season one, a pause with Sam J, which I had wrote and Jack wrote on and Sam, obviously. And so we had just finished that in like May. And the writing schedule was like eight weeks from May to like the first week of July. Like I think almost fourth of July might have been our last potential writing day.

So we had eight weeks to fucking. pack this thing in, which is hell on us. But it also forces that network to not be able to like make drastic ass changes on everything because that window is so small. So they can't ask us to do six rewrites on shit that they would have wanted to ask us to do six rewrites on because no, they didn't want to fucking have a dude covered in come. They were furious at the very idea of it.

But don't they know the people that are. going to watch that are the people that are made to watch that. You know what I'm saying? They don't know. They don't know them niggas exist, which is why those shows don't exist. Do you know what I mean? It's not that people haven't been showing up with weird fucking ideas this whole time. It's that they're like, there's no audience for for come covered people.

We don't believe that's a thing that is out there. And then we, as in the little dent that we left, sort of show that like, no, the audience exists. And if you put your money and shit behind it, maybe that audience can really feel like seen and heard in a new cool way. But they don't, you know, they don't believe that. That's sort of my takeaway from it.

How did you get Freddy Gibbs to play his part in that? And I met Freddy Gibbs the night you had the opening. And he was like the nicest nigger on the planet. Freddy coolest. And I was like, I was, I had a, like, like, you know, muster up the strength to, you know, hey, you're my favorite rapper on the planet

right now. You know what I mean? Mr. Giddick. He did the Mickey Mouse voice too. You know what I mean? He's from Gary, Indiana. I'd be talking about all the types of shit that I have never experienced. I'm like, but he was so cool. Yeah. Excuse me, Mr. Right. I, uh, he was like, I sure do like your music

a lot, Mr. Gibbs. He's fucking shuffled over there and fucking said that. Yeah. I believe you the most when you say you've killed people, Mr. Giggs. Don't look him in his eyes and shit, digger. No, man, he was cool as hell.

Yeah, he's cool as shit. And I think we got really lucky because he had just hit a window where he was like really bump, like moving into acting. But hadn't gotten like a chance to do a comedy. We were the first comedy he's ever done. And if you watch his videos, you know, he's always being funny. And even when he's rapping, he's like always on some silly shit. Those big time watching lose with his uncle, dog. Oh, my fucking God.

Yeah. He's just hilarious, like naturally funny. And so like nobody had wanted him to do a comedy because they're still looking at him as the gangster rapper. You know what I'm saying? And so we were looking for this character that would be willing and feel like they would like bully the shit out of me through every single episode. and it was like, well, who am I most scared of? Freddie Gibbs.

I think it's who we're going to aim for. And he just, you know, it was fucking perfect. Right. And he was like, hell yeah. And then he showed up and he was so much funnier than I think we could have ever imagined he would be. For sure, for sure. Worked out perfectly, though.

Yeah. So, you know, unfortunately, Southside ended too. You know, you're a writer and actor on that. You know, you've been talking about. about how shady the TV businesses now we saw it firsthand with how that shit just ended out the blue like I mean I mean how do y'all deal with that

shit I mean besides you know hey you know chalk chalk it up to the game keep it keep it pushing but like like you know how do y'all deal with knowing that you know the executions might wake up one morning don't want to fuck with your shit anymore yeah I mean I think that that one I think hit in a weird way because it

Southside much more than bust down is a real like like hit you know what I mean like where people know about it it is popular it is beloved there's no like bad reviews of the shit and so I think it's one of those things where it's like I don't know how you kind of process that where where there's no real explanation and I'm sure at the end of the day HBO Max is shedding stuff right now and like the numbers may not have matched enough to justify keeping it it may truly be a numbers game but it's like Like, ugh, you know what I mean?

Like, how do you, okay, if it's that, then what am I doing this for other than than just getting one episode off or a season that I really believe in? You know what I mean? Like, what's the goal now? But I'm wondering like that benefit. How does HBO Max benefit from that too, though? Because I mean, like, I have friends in my in my chat. Like, I don't know if I want to have HBO Max anymore. That's why I had it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. For that. So. I think they have, they truly are like, all, all the, the streamers and whatever are algorithm machines. You know what I'm saying? Like, they're really run by, by accountants at this point in a lot of ways. And so for them, it's like, okay, if you and your friend are going to shed HBO Max,

we can afford to lose that, that number of people. Because this show is this expensive and it brings in this many views and advertising dollars. we can afford to lose y'all because we're going to gain on you know sort of like the the the cost we lost you know what i mean or or didn't lose rather yeah i i'm i was curious about that like you're obviously very experienced and thoughtful in all of the weird corners of the the industry as it currently exists and it just seems like it's so different obviously from where it was even like 10 years ago certainly 20 years ago where it was like the goal was find a sitcom right there for 15 years, you know, or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or or

or established place like you know, or how, or how do you navigate that? Like do you wish there was more stability? Do you enjoy getting to do different things with more frequency? Like how do you sort of land on the the landscape of shit I guess? You know what's crazy is that uh and this, This will show you how different the current state of the world is versus what it used to be. Every contract you sign when you like sign for for a major show, whatever the fuck it is. If you're in any version of like a recurring cast member kind of thing, they lock you into a version of hold with something called holding, which means that like or positions rather. So in the case of being first position on a show, you often sign a, seven year contract for that show.

This show may not go seven years, but you sign a contract agreeing that for the next seven years, I am obligated to this thing, no matter how it plays out, which tells you that at some point in the industry, shows were going seven fucking years. You know what I mean? Like,

there's no favorite show I have that goes that one anymore. Like, I don't, it doesn't even exist in the way that this shit moves. So, you know, I think that the, the, to answer the larger question, how do you deal with it? I think you just start strategizing ways to like keep season small or to have control over the beginning and endings of things in the story you're telling because there's a chance this shit ain't coming back. So you might need a dope-ass finale and no cliffhangers. So to like put that shit in sports terms, it will be like an athlete signing a seven-year deal with every year.

there's a team option, which no athlete would ever fucking give the team that much power. Well, that's an NFL deal. That's an NFL deal. I was about to say, and it would have to be in the NFL because once they cut it, they're not going to give you that seven years you didn't finish. They're like, nah, it's

over. Good luck, big dog. Industry rule number 4,080, man. No, it's crazy. And they're like, and at least with the NFL, you lose your job and like, they probably let you still go like use the facilities every once in a while.

They're not going to let me back up in peacots. You know what I mean? Like I, they're not going to let me use the bathroom over there and do pushups in one of their, their empty rooms. There's no friend. There's no love. You know what I mean? I think sports might be more like that than you would think that it would be.

Those key cards. Really? They got a, they got a HQ. They can push two buttons and revoke your key card access to, you know, like, you don't, you don't think Warren Sap could still show up and, and they let them in. Jerry Seifeld. probably still get into Peacock too, but that's the old, that's the old guard when, when emotions still existed in human beings, we're running things, right? Like, we talked about that with sports with the analytics shit. Like, I don't think people understand when you talk about analytics, you're talking about like every pro sports team has math PhD people doing quantum analysis. Like that, like they hire all those people out of Wall Street. They call them quants, right? Like, that's what they do. They just build algorithms and like let the algorithm run everything. And I, it is. a little like, I'm not going to crack any bottle of Kyrie Irving

open right now, but it does feel a little bit like, what the fuck is going on here? Like the math, the math algorithm canceled my favorite TV show. Yeah, I mean, we've talked about it a few times on my mama told me about like sort of the sports being fixed conspiracy theory that like these, these decisions are sort of being made. and I do think it's it's a lot lighter than we think it is where like the shit is fixed I think it's more like one individual just needed a thing to happen and worked really hard on their part to help make that thing happen but I don't think it's like the script shit that Aaron Foster was talking about that said that is the kind of like one person needing the thing right is like you have these accountants who are sort of like making these hard choices and going like, yo, it's more profitable

if this person and this team is competing. We can't decide if they win, but we sure would like it if the motherfuckers were involved

in the conversation the whole time. Sponsored by Fandall. I'm interested in how that would work in sports, though. Like, you know,

how would, how would that work? Is it? Like, like, how does that show up that way of that thinking when it comes to like, you know, you know, what we're talking about.

The analytics. Like, how was, yeah, like the kind of changing up the, changing up so like, hey, these two teams would do crazy numbers. You know, how is it? Well, here's a small example. Do you think it's a coincidence that the Lakers have like the 28th easiest schedule for the last month and a half of the season, given that the NBA knew that they were going to make a move at the trade deadline

to be more competitive. You know what I mean? Like it's, it's not really an accident that they're charging up from 13th to 9th, when if you look at their schedule, they have the few as back to backs.

They play the easiest teams at home. And if you look at the way the roster's constructed, everyone knows like, all right, the first half of the season, they're not going to be that good. Let's make sure they get to,

you know, I mean, that's closer to the scripted, though. You know what I'm saying? I think, yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think it's lightly sort of like strategize. It's the same reason.

Kauai Leonard plays every third game. And like any, no other job would let you do that. You only play sometimes and we just accept that. But it's like, no, if he wants to rest and we know he's going to perform in the big, in the big situations and he's going to really, this is what he does to show up, we'll take the risk that this is worth it. I mean, fortunately, unfortunately, it's never worked out for him. you know what I mean

on the clippers at least you know what I'm saying no the clippers he's struggling but it did kind of work for him in Toronto that motherfucker wasn't playing like that in Toronto no we getting into some shit bro who are you do you have a basketball team like

is the NBA scripted that's the title of this shit dog mr. Kerman says the algorithms are fixing the right right right right I just think they're I just think they're betting on on individuals they're like

This motherfucker makes us money. Kauai is a walking mean. That's why they, you think they didn't send him into that construction site for a reason? They were like, this motherfucker is going to be silly in there. We got to, we got to take photos.

Now the coach is in there. He's like, guys, we have to go. This is important. And now the team is rallying. They wanted Kauai in there. They wouldn't give a fucking Paul George is in there.

He ain't photogenic. Got a good hair line Too close to his eye line He does have a three head bro That my brother has the same shit He has it because he's Italian But he's the thing where he's got this step ladder Right in the middle of the corner

It just looks like a little push button You know He's got the original Jamie Fox thing going on Before he got it fixed But I guess it does make sense Being that there's so much money involved in this But I just can't see like what Mike was saying like all that thought put into it for and I think I think they the nice

thing is you don't have to put in all that thought for most the teams do you want I mean like I think a lot of these teams are going to sort of like even themselves out Charlotte's gonna Charlotte fucking Sacramento's gonna sacramento like even when they're doing good thing they come on y'all what are we talking about you know what I mean so it's like you ain't got to worry about strategizing around that, but you do got to figure out a way to keep Dane competitive for as long as he's been, even

though he lives in a shit city with no real draw other than Dame Lillard. You know what I mean? Like they got to keep him competitive. How do we get Ron in the playoffs? He can't miss two playoffs back to back. You know what I mean? That's boring basketball. Yeah, you know what I mean?

That's... He's Bill Cartwright's age now. and somehow still playing basketball that's yeah come on man keep it going keep that party keep the train going

what do you have a favorite NBA team? I know you follow basketball are you just a Yeah you're not going to like my nobody ever likes my answer but I grew up obviously I'm from Chicago as I was a major

Bulls fan and the Bulls are hard to continue to root for and also I'm a snake and a turnkey and so I can I remain a bulls fan but in my heart I fuck with I fuck with Golden State you know what I love that motherfucker's over there

I like everything they do my fucking white skin alliance he got real happy too you know what I'm saying that that Clay Thompson fights autism every day and shows out he every day

he wakes up and he says I'm going to do it despite my autism and he fucking and he does it. I love it. You just fuck with him for the neurodivergence. That's why you like the Warriors.

He's a star, baby. We're about to get canceled because it's nigga, dog. The basketball is fine. I really appreciate their different models of teaching people to read. Everyone learns the same way. God damn it. The fucking Bob Myers understands that.

I love it. I love seeing him thrive. He shows up in a boating outfit. He goes yachting and then comes to a game. And you can't root for that silly bill? No, there's something wrong with you. Crazy, crazy, crazy. What made you like them niggers, though, bro?

When did it happen? Was it 2016? I just think everybody over there is so funny. And they're so fun to like the way that they rub people wrong. It just has always sort of existed in that early 2015, 2014. Wasn't it 2014 that they all finished assembling? Yeah, I think 2015 was the first time they won.

Yeah, 2015. Right. So, yeah, that, that, because the year before they had like done really well. Yeah, for sure. But I think it was around then that I was like, oh, these are silly business. That one can't close his mouth. The other one runs silly, but he keeps on hurting big men's feelings. Relatable. Relatable.

I love everybody over here. As someone who had a personal reason to root for the Warriors for a couple of years, I would say they're the most fun bandwagon team. By far the most fun team to bandwagon, maybe in sports history. I got to root for the Chiefs this year, which was super fun, but there's some relatives and stuff. But the Warriors, because of exactly what you said, people are always annoyed at them,

and they're annoyed for the dumbest. reasons. Like, you're mad because they made basketball more interesting as a whole for everyone across the country at all ages. Like, that's what you're angry about. Yeah, no, they created a form of basketball that makes me scared to even step on like pickup courts now because like everybody is a threat from 45 feet. I can't do that anymore.

So like, I'm good. I retire, but like they created a game I really like watching now. Bro, I was watching a high school game recently and was like, they're shooting from so far out. Like, I was like, me and my buddy were like, that's so far where these high school kids are shooting from. You know what I mean? Like, I didn't have the upper body strength to shoot from where so many kids my size shoot from in high school, junior high sometimes. I didn't have the lower body strength. My legs couldn't have got the ball there from this deep, digger.

It's different these days, but yeah, yeah. I had the same thing. I had the same. I've been like, I just, I don't miss basketball at all because of watching the game that these warriors created. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That we see, mainly Steph that Steph has created, bro. It's just, it's not the same basketball.

I grew up watch a dog at all. Yeah, no, it's a different. It's a different sport now, and it's better. And every child is better than I was and possibly better than I am. So, like, no, I'm good. I'll be a fan of this. wild transformation in technique and shit, you know? For sure, for so.

Langston, you got any questions for us, bro? Yeah, I got, oh, I've been sitting on this for a while, and I feel like you guys are pretty insightful in, you know, in the world of basketball. What happened to Porzingis? Let's walk that whole thing through. Because he was, he was something in New York. You know what I mean? The algorithms ain't fuck with him, bro.

Yeah. The white accountant is making the decisions pulling to the street. Making sure braves in the playoffs. He said, all right. They need it. You know what I'm saying? But if you,

if you want me to really get conspiratorial, let's go, let's go. He's not, not without a sexual assault, uh, history, right? Like that, that was part of the shit that got him in trouble,

quote unquote, in New York. Was that, was that? Is it? Yes. Okay. I'm not,

I want hip. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah. So he, he had like accusation. I don't know, you know,

I'm not in, you know, enough of any world to be able to decide if he did. or did not do it. But he certainly was being accused of sexual assault while he was in New York. And that was also during that injury. So if I'm an algorithm man, I'm betting on that. Yeah.

And maybe you shouldn't either. Fuck him. You know what I'm saying? Like with that new information, fuck him. You know what I mean? I just think. But then you pair him with Luca. You think, oh, this is like, this will be a magical pair.

And he'll be phenomenal again. and he he looked, you know, he can't touch his toes no more. What happened to the boy? Listen, if you a white boy who Mark Cuban can't save, it might be a rap for you, dog. That man was over there trying to put together the Fourth Reich for a minute, dog.

I was like, whoa, what's going on here, bro? That's why he liked Delante West. He's like, you lie to go. Come on, I'm going to put you. I just love the jazz and the fucking Mavs like fighting over like mid-tier white basketball players like it's the last steak on earth just like with a piece of meat in each of their mouths just they they were watching lorry marking in from the tree you know what I mean they were they were rubbing their hands together like we

gonna get you we gonna get you that man that man Mark Cuban picked motherfucker um Eric Danpier over Steve Nash in the early 2000s and was like, I will never betray my race like this ever again. And he was right, bro, because what the fuck, bro? Yeah. That's a, that was the wrong decision for sure. It was like, I will always bet on a good white man from now on. I'm not going to mess around with these people over here.

Here's your Chris Stapp's Porzingis update from the night before we recorded. The wizard, oh, Adams, our other producer, Adam is punching air at his fucking house right now. a big wizards fan. Porzengis is on the Wizards. He scored 43 points last night for the Wizards on 22 shots. He was 17 to 22 for 43 points and they lost to the Hawks by two. Whoa. But see, I thought he was going to keep doing that all the time.

And it's like sometimes he does that and then he does like, you know, just the layup line. And you forget that he's even there kind of thing. Yeah. I was, I interviewed Nasree recently and he was saying that Chris Stapps was a nigger that cooked his ass when he was a rookie. Like that he just couldn't guard this motherfucker. And now, like you said, you know, he's just not the guy we thought he was.

But he's seven foot, man. That's a lot to ask, man. You know what I mean? He's in a unicorn, my guys. Sorry, you have the unicorn, man. I will say that I do think that basketball, maybe all sports is so much just confidence. It, like, really is, like, not just,

but a lot of the difference between the success of NBA players is truly like some of these motherfuckers just believe in themselves so much more than everyone else who somehow also made it to this impossible position. Right. And so like Chris Stapps maybe had that confidence for a while

and then just he's unfinding it and refinding it again Adam. Maybe maybe once again he'll be the the unicorn you dreamt. Good luck with that Adam. You feel me? All right. Langsa, thanks for hopping on with us, bro. We appreciate it. Everyone check out my mama told me.

Anywhere you get your podcast, anywhere you listen to this, I presume. And yeah, man, best of luck. Always wishing you luck. Glad everything is good with the fan. I should have said it. We are getting a divorce. No, I'm joking.

I know you're really happy in your marriage because of how quickly you put your hand up to say you were joking. Baby, don't hit me. Bro, bro, that Instagram post you have when you wish your wife happy right there and you were like, look at my old ass wife. None of y'all old woman look this good.

Bro, I show that to my wife. You're like, yeah, I know you would laugh at some shit like this. Yeah, we have fun over here. She puts up, I'm a rascal. A silly billy. Oh, shit. Thanks, yeah.

Appreciate you, my boy. For sure. So.