The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - 5 Things Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew

Episode Date: February 3, 2023

What are some of the things wives want from their husbands? Relying on his own experience as a husband of 44 years, Jeff shares some of what he has learned on how to be a good and loving husband. He also shares passages from Scripture to offer better understanding and encouragement. Snippet from the Show “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25 Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit ascensionpress.com/thejeffcavinsshow for full shownotes!

Welcome to the Jeff Kaven Show, where we talk about the Bible, discipleship, and evangelization, putting it all together in living as activated disciples. This is Show 308, Five Things Women Wish Their Husbands New. Welcome to the show again, my friend. Ah, what a title, huh? What a title. And it's not clickbait. I assure you, it's not clickbait. We're going to talk about five things women wish their husbands knew. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those shows that gets passed on. It's going to get passed on to a lot of husbands.

And also to people who are going to get married. Some of the things I want to share with you today just might be a marriage saver and certainly a great preparation for marriage. Because as you know, men and women are different. They are different. They're both beautiful. They're both unique, but they are different. And the needs, you know, we all have kind of universal needs, but I think that there are certain things that a man needs in his life and certain things that a woman needs in her life.

And there's nothing wrong with that, is there? It's actually beautiful. And I'm not going to fall into that pool of everybody is exactly the same. And if we distinguish differences in any way, it's somehow. bringing someone down to a level that they don't feel they're there. They're there. So we're going to use the Bible, too. Hey, if you do want the show notes, all you got to do is text my name, Jeff Kavans. It's one word, Jeff Kavins, J-E-F-F-F-C-A-V-N-S, and you can text it to the number 33-777. Quite biblical, 33-777. We'll get you the show notes. And I do have quite a few scriptures today about five things that women wish their husband knew.

Before I get into that, I do have a couple of things. I want to share with you. One is that if you're looking for wisdom in your life, if you're looking for wisdom, for relationships, for money, for any area, big ticket area in your life, I do have a Bible study for you. At Ascension Press, it's called Wisdom, God's vision for life. It's wisdom, God's vision for life. We talk about relationships and we talk about marriage and we talk about money and we talk about decision making and all kinds of ideas and it comes with a journal that you can keep track of.

Well, it's a journal, but it's actually the workbook and the workbook looks like a journal. It's kind of cool. And you can do this alone. You can do it in your family. You can do it in a small group. It's your church among your friends. friends, kind of build up your life with wisdom, seek wisdom, gather wisdom, collect wisdom for living. And some of today in this show kind of comes from that study. A little bit,

a little bit. Second of all, the Insight Journal, want to remind you, Father Mike Schmitz and I put together an Insight Journal to keep track of all the insights that you gain by listening to a CD, watching a TV show, Lexio de Vina, a homily on Sunday, something father said, something you heard on a podcast. You don't want to lose it. You want to keep it. And so we created an insight journal. That's what it is. It's beautiful.

It comes in burgundy and also a gray color. And I'll put that in the show notes for you. So five things women wish their husbands knew. Let me just start off by saying this. I am not perfect. That probably is no surprise. But I just want to state that I am not perfect in this area. I need to hear this show.

So I would kindly say, move over and let me sit down right next to you. Because I need to be reminded of this so much. And isn't it something how you can get an idea or you hear something and then you think to yourself, I'll never forget that. And a week later, you're not paying any attention to that great big revelation that you had. That's why an Insight Journal is important. That's why writing things down, frankly, is important. You might ask me, Jeff, how do you know these things that you're going to talk about?

These five things women wish their husband knew? Well, the answer? I'm married. That's the answer. I'm married. And I've been married 44 years. And you learned. you do and for me i learned the hard way and uh but i do think i have some gold to give you when i first

got married i actually knew nothing there i was 20 years old dropped into the land of marriage and i really i had to learn all of this from scripture and teaching and failing over and over until you come to a point where you realize you know what i need to get smart in this and i need to love my wife, the way Christ love the church. So I hope to do five things in the future of men, you know, as a show on five things, men wish their wives knew, but we're not going to talk about that today. So men, if you do have ideas, just help me out there, will you? You can send me a note, an email, The Jeff Kaven Show at ascensionpress.com. That's where you can write me, and you can give me some insights, guys. Five things men wish their wife.

wives knew. But today we're talking about five things that women wish their husbands knew. Okay, number one, and this is from a woman's perspective. I'm going to say this from a woman's perspective. That doesn't mean that I'm pretending to be, no at all, whatever that phrase is of what it is to be a woman, but I've heard. Okay, so number one, I would love encouragement and affirmation privately, not just publicly. A woman appreciates being told that she is beautiful, pretty, desirable, quite a catch. And by the way, some of these things I'm going to mention to you, these five, like this one, I would love encouragement and affirmation, not just at the business party, not just at the Christmas party, but privately, just the two of you alone. Some of these are

things that you probably have heard. Maybe you even heard a list of three things that women wish their husband knew or ten things that women wish their husband knew and this one i think is very important you know it's so easy for a man to give affirmation to his wife when they are out in public and there's something about us as men that we feel like we're really doing a big deed there you know we're we're really being kind because we said it publicly we said it publicly but when you say it publicly it also has something to do with you as well you made that fine pick mister and she is quite the catch and you know trophy wife maybe so when you when you compliment your wife publicly that's good and and that's great but it's when you're alone that it really means something

when you are alone you can you can compliment her and tell her you are beautiful women love to be told that they are beautiful not out of some neediness not out of some some deficit but because that's the way they're created they are beautiful and they love to hear that they are beautiful and and that's something that we don't do sometimes you know as men we we we kind of forget about it we i'll get to that later but we forget about it and i think that compliment are really important. Now, how can you compliment your wife privately, privately? Just the two of you taking a moment saying, honey, listen, I wanted to tell you something. I think you're an amazing wife. I really do. I think you're an amazing wife. I think you're an amazing mother. I think

you're an outstanding grandmother. I wish every, every grandchild had a grandmother like you. You are, you are something else and you make our home feel like a home i love coming home to you those are compliments you know you look beautiful you look nice tonight you know you just can't say it enough i like what paul said to the the thessalonians and thessalonians five eleven therefore encourage one another and build one another up just as you are doing he said to the ephesians and ephesians four two, and these are all in the show notes, let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying as fits the occasion that it may impart grace to those who hear. You know, you can impart grace to your wife by the words that you speak.

And by the way, I am very aware that this is not an exhaustive list, and you may write me and say, well, there's a couple of them you missed, Jeff. We'll go ahead, bring it, bring it on. I'd love to hear it. Maybe we'll have a show too in the future, but I do know this, that my wife likes to be complimented away from the crowd. She appreciates it, the crowd, don't get me wrong, but alone, I don't know, it means something different.

Maybe it means more. Hebrews 10 in verses 24 and 25 says, and let us consider, let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the day drawing near something simple isn't it just encourage one another when your wife is feeling down she's feeling exhausted and uh perhaps perhaps she just you know burnt out well you can encourage her take the load off do something kind. Buy flowers. Take her out for dinner. Give her a foot rub. Or just go out and have a wonderful evening together at her favorite restaurant. We have a tendency to encourage a lot of other

people, especially at work. We encourage our staff. We encourage our friends. Someone, you know, one of our friends says that they're really, they're really down about something. And what do you do? You try to encourage them. Start at home. Start at home. Encourage your wife. Number two, what you did to get them keep doing it what you did to get them initially do it so that you can keep them men i think that men love to conquer they really do they love to conquer but your wife doesn't want to spend her entire life being conquered by you so you conquered so you got the prize you've got the beautiful wife, this amazing woman. You did something extraordinary to get her. I know you did. You were in Olympic condition. You were. You dressed well. You showered. You looked good.

And you were kind and compliment. You complimented her mother. And you were in Olympic condition. Now, I was a pastor for 12 years. And so I've got to tell you, I know what I'm talking about here. and I know how men are in Olympic condition physically and emotionally and spiritually because they're drawing that woman, they want that woman, and now that you got her, you sort of stop doing it. You stop doing what you did to get her in the first place. She wants to be loved. Love your wife.

The way you did when you were pursuing her. You know, scripture says in Genesis, a man shall leave his mother in front. father and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh well have you left your mother and father is the apron string cut to your mother man is a cut are you are you pursuing your wife that hebrew word really talks about hotly pursuing your wife like you did at the beginning love your wife by giving her time without the tv on in the background give your wife time without that ballgame on every single night break the habit that that narrative that is slowly bringing your marriage down into a vanilla stage rather than peppermint bomb on

and do something different what do i do do what you did at the beginning you know the song of songs is just incredible and i'll put this in the show notes for you the song of song is now A allegorical tale of God's love for Israel and also Jesus' love for us, but it has a moral application, not just an allegorical application of God's love for us, but our love for our bride. Listen to these words. This is the love between God and us, but this should be the love between you and your bride. Listen, it's Song of Songs 4 in verse 1, how beautiful you are, my darling. oh you are beautiful your eyes behind your veil are like doves your hair is like a flock of goats streaming down pause remember the culture in which this is written and find a way of using another word for goats okay your teeth are white like newly sheared sheep just coming from their bath now i know that when i'm reading this. There's a cultural barrier. Again, I'm not saying you have to read this to her. You know, oh, honey, come over. Sit down for a moment. Your teeth are white like a newly sheared sheep. Just coming from their bath. That's what I think of you. Well, there's a way, there's a way of just saying, you're gorgeous, you're a knockout, you're beautiful. Verse two goes on, each one has a twin

and none of them is missing. Your lips are like red silk thread and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks behind your veil are like slices of pomegranate. Your neck is like David's tower built with rows of stones, which is strong. A thousand shields hang on its walls. Each shield belongs to a strong soldier. Your breasts are like two fawns, like twins of a gazelle, feeding among the lilies. Until the day dawns and the shadows disappear, I will go to that mountain of mur and to the hill of incense my darling everything about you is beautiful and there is nothing at all wrong with you oh i got a verse for you gentlemen that's it song of songs four seven my darling everything about you is beautiful even your uh perceived weaknesses are beautiful didn't john legend

have a song about that, something about that. My darling, everything about you is beautiful and there is nothing at all wrong with you. I'll tell you what, your wife and you get together tonight, may that roll off your lips. There's another thing that I was thinking about here, you know, as far as husbands pursue your wife the way you did when you were dating and you were courting her. In the book of Revelation, John the Revelator, he talks about the Church of Ephesus. He goes through these churches of Asia Minor and says, this is your strength and this is your weakness. And he said to the Church of Ephesus, he said, basically, you guys have it all together apologetically. You know the faith. You've got the books. You got the tapes. You're watching all the shows and everything.

And you know how to defend your faith for sure. But he says, I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance and how you cannot bear evil men, but have tested those who call themselves apostles but are not. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my namesake. But I have this against you, Ephesus. You have abandoned the love you had at first. Wow. You've abandoned the love you had at first. And then what was the remedy there that John gave the church in Ephesus? Remember then from what you have fallen.

Repent in. Get this. Get it. Ready? Do the works you did it first. Do the works you did it first. If not, I'll come to you and remove your lampstand from its place unless you repent. Now, that's powerful.

He's saying to Ephesus, you know what? You've kind of flacked off. Oh, yeah, you know everything. You are quote unquote orthodox. But you've lost your first love. Go back and do what you did at the beginning. For Emily and myself, it was malts at Snuffy's Malt Shop. It's funny as that sounds.

and we get together and talk and talk and talk at snuffies. Okay, I've got three more for you. I'm going to take a break when I come back. This next one is critically important. You're listening to the Jeff Kaven show. Hi, I'm Father Mark Toops. Do you ever feel like you're asking God for too much in your spiritual life? The truth is you're probably asking for too little.

And if you'd like some help this lint, opening up your heart to God, to allow him to bless you with all that he has for you, You should pick up the new Ascension Linton Companion Year A. This coming Lent, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got. If you'd like some help to go deeper, you'll need to ask for more. And this is what this year's journal is designed to help you with. Each day, you'll get a word to focus on, a reflection to help you pray, some scripture to meditate on, and a prompt to help you quiet down,

and listen to what God wants to say to you. and each week we feature a piece of original artwork as well as an original online video to help you in your prayer. I want to encourage you to be bold this Lent, to ask God for more. Go to ascensionpress.com and order your copy of the Ascension Lenton Companion today. God bless you. We're talking today about five things that wives wish their husbands knew, five things that women wish their husbands knew. Five things that women wish their husbands knew. And we're moving along the list here.

Again, I am not perfect. I have learned over the years these things. I've read. I've seen other people put together lists of men and women and singles and young and old and all kinds of stuff. The third one is this is what women wish their husbands knew, and that is this. Listen to me. Stop trying to fix everything. Oh, I've heard that so many times.

wow listen to me stop trying to fix everything do you know as men our natural inclination is to fix something when we hear that there is a problem and emily will tell me about a problem that she's experiencing my mind races my mind races like a bullet it races to a solution how can i fix this how can i make this right how can i how can i make sure that she doesn't have to experience this uncomfortable situation anymore you know you know what honey i got a solution and she's looking at me like i'm not asking you to come up with a big solution here honey i'm not asking you to fix everything i just want you to listen to me oh oh okay uh are you done no that's not why you do it you Enter in and listen. Both eyes on her turn the television off. Put that guns and ammo magazine to the side. Sports Illustrated. Put it back on the on the table and look at her and listen. If you do that, well, number one, she might be shocked and wonder if there's something wrong with you. No, I'm kidding. But she will be receptive. James said this. James in chapter 1.

one in verse 19 said know this my beloved brethren let every man be quick to hear slow to speak slow to anger did you get the first one there be quick to hear husbands you need to be quick to hear turn off the solution switch at least for now you can do it at work or among your friends right now your wife just needs you to listen that's what she needs just being together and being present is comforting. It's the relationship. It's companionship. Always trying to fix something hints at, you know what it hints at, come to think of it? Always trying to fix something, hints at, you know what? Let's move on. Let's get over this. Let's move on rather than, honey, I'll be with you in this situation. I'll be with you. And I have to admit,

And guys, maybe you are the same, that if my wife's uncomfortable, that makes me uncomfortable. It's like that old saying that says that a father and a mother are as happy as their saddest child. If your wife is not happy, well, it's hard for you to be happy. And so I want to be happy, so I'm going to fix it. I'm going to get this thing fixed. So we can move on to Monday night. football. I think you know what I'm saying. Listen to them. Practice it. Next time, you know, after dinner, make sure that there's nothing in front of you. Put your phone away and just say,

how are you doing? How was today? And listen. And don't offer a big solution. You'd be surprised it how that works out. Number four, I wish my husband would pray with me and lead the family spiritually. Oh my gosh. Now, if I were to rank these five, I might have put that first. Seriously, I might have put that first because I used to take surveys when I was a pastor and I asked women, if you could have anything from your husband, what would it be? Always, always. Women said, I wish my husband would pray with me and lead the family spiritually. I wish he would teach our children. Do you know how important that is, guys? Do you know how important it is for you to lead?

That doesn't mean you dominate. That doesn't mean you're smarter. That doesn't mean you're better. It means you are walking in your giftedness. To protect your family and to lead, to give, she will receive. It doesn't mean she doesn't give. She gives as well. But I wish my husband would pray with me.

And now here's the problem, ladies, your husband might feel. inadequate. You may have been the real prayer warrior in the family. You are the one that went to the great adventure study. You're the one that introduced Bible in a year. Not him. He's along for the ride. And he might feel inadequate. And he might feel stupid, ill-prepared, not as good as you. faky. I could go on with all kinds of descriptions here, but I think you know what I mean. Men oftentimes do not lead in prayer, even though their wives want them to pray with them. So here's what I'm suggesting. Start with just a little. If you're not accustomed to praying in the family or leading in the family, you can start with

something as simple as, honey, let's pray for our kids. And then just pray our father and a Hail Mary. Start where you know. You can say, let's pray for our kids and take her hand. Our father who art in heaven. Lord, we lift up our children to you. Our father who art in heaven. Hail Mary, full of grace.

Man, that's a good beginning. And maybe your buddies at work go to an assembly of God church or an independent charismatic church, and they're used to praying spontaneously. And you've heard them pray and you thought, I hope nobody ever calls on me. Well, start with where you're at. Or rope prayer is a beautiful prayer. We say those prayers because they are great prayers and effective.

And so start there and then grow in that. Now, you can start maybe a tradition in your family. Maybe after dinner, you could just take your wife's hand and just say, let's pray for the kids and our family and pray the Lord's prayer. and Hail Mary, Glory B, Michael the Archangel, prayer, you could pray the litany of humility. That's awfully humbling, though, when you do that. I mean, seriously, it really kind of convicts you. Wait a week on that one. Let's start with the Our Father, Hail Mary, and so forth, and then get to the litany of humility.

Maybe before you go to bed at night and you do the examine prayer. I have several shows on that where you look back on the day. maybe at breakfast you can ask your bride how can i pray for you today she may say well uh pray for me i've got a doctor's appointment or i'm going to go talk to the teacher at school or whatever it would be i got you i'll pray for you and again you can pray the our father start where you know start there so that is really really important and number five and maybe you've heard this before number five women would say to their husbands i'm a crock pot not a microwave you get it another words if you're going to love your wife i would start earlier in the day just like you plug in the

crock pot warms up by evening you have a wonderful wonderful evening i'll just leave it I'm a crock pot, not a microwave. Men have a tendency to be microwaves, microwave machines. And that's the way it goes a lot of times. But if you really want to know your wife's heart, you need to understand she's a crock pot. And I would start off earlier in the day with flowers being sent, maybe a note you left behind, a call in the middle of the day. Just let her know that you're thinking about her, that you love her. that you love her, and you'll be surprised.

That one you don't need to write me about. One through four, I'd love to hear from you. Number five, there are some things that are just left alone. So those are five things that I would really encourage you to pray about men, think about, put into practice, and you'll be surprised at what happens in your marriage. You really will. all right i want to remind you about the study that i mentioned at the top of the top of the show wisdom god's vision for life i'll put the link in the show notes the insight journal oh man i probably

gave you five points that belong in the insight journal right now and you need a place to put these things so you don't forget them i'll put that link also in the show notes the insight journal guys i love you i really do i'm in this with you i've been sitting down next to you during this entire show. And so I'll get up now and I will face you and say, thank you for joining me. And ladies, I hope the show is fruitful. I really do. Love to hear from you. The Jeff Kaven Show at ascensionpress.com. Let me pray. In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, Lord, I lift up my friend to you and I ask you to bless them. I ask you, Lord, particularly with the men, my friends that you would, that you'd give them wisdom and focus on.

on how to love their brides. I thank you, Lord, for giving us wisdom and insight. And the way that you loved us, Jesus, is so deep, it is so powerful. May we, may we imitate you and love our wives. In Jesus' name, amen. I love you, my friend. I look forward to talking to you next week.

Thank you.