The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - A Tribute to My Father

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

This episode is a tribute to Jeff Cavins’ late father, Robert E. Cavins, after his passing this week. Jeff reflects on his father's work ethic, faith, and family life as a devout husband and father. Robert had a profound impact on Jeff’s life and the lives of so many others. Snippet from the Show Everything my father did for me set the stage for the Lord to work through us. Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit https://media.ascensionpress.com/?s=&page=2&category%5B0%5D=Ascension%20Podcasts&category%5B1%5D=The%20Jeff%20Cavins%20Show for full shownotes!

Welcome to the Jeff Kaven show, where we talk about the Bible, discipleship, and evangelization, putting it all together and living as activated disciples. This is show 399, a tribute to my father. It's good to be with you this week, my friend. It really is, and between last show and this show and this show, So much has happened. My father passed away, three weeks short of 89 years old. And he's been suffering with Alzheimer's now for about five years altogether. And the last three years is pretty intense. And he went on to be with the Lord.

And I thought about, you know, well, maybe I'll just do something, you know, from years ago this week. But I got to thinking, no, I want to lean into this. I want to share with you a tribute. a tribute to my father. And I think that at times like this, you can either run from it or hide or you can lean into it and grow. And sometimes messages are really hard to give, you know, because you're in the in the midst of that pain and that transition. And you are also with other people like immediate family who are going through a tough time as well. And perhaps you have gone through that tough time. And if you have, you know what I'm talking about. If you've lost a

a father, mother, or one of your children. I think sometimes, at least from what I've heard from people, that that is more intense and it's more painful, oftentimes to lose a child, to lose anybody in the prime of their life. My dad was three weeks short of 89 years old. And so he lived a good long life. We didn't think you would live that long

because at age 49, he had a quadruple bypass. In fact, he had two sets of them. And so we feel very fortunate that we've had all these years with him. And I wanted to share with you a tribute to my father. Unfortunately, or fortunately, deep reflection about the people who have influenced you the most comes from more deeply after they have passed away. And after my dad died, his life seemed as though it is amplified and all that he said and all that he did enveloped me as I move forward to live my life as he had hoped.

Not everyone can say it, but my dad profoundly impacted my life, and I now carry a virtual holy medal around my neck, reminding me of his life. And today it is a privilege to share with you some thoughts on my father, Robert E. Kavens. He was born the second of three boys in Evansville, Indiana, on November 4th, 1935, his parents, Clinton and Marie, were simple people with deep moral and ethical principles. While going to college, dad worked with his pop, as he affectionately called him, pop, as a surveyor. And when working in a small town in Iowa, Sheraton, he met the love of his life, my mother, Patricia Crane.

And they married on May 12, 1956. My dad received his BA degree and later his master's and a PhD in electrical engineering from Iowa State in Ames, Iowa, where they resided. And while there at Iowa State, I was born and my younger sister, Jane. Much of my dad's employment involved microchips and lasers and was top secret. I didn't know that much about his work because it was top secret. I just knew he went to work every day and came home every day to love and provide for his family. He wasn't a man who needed any credit or notoriety. I have no memories, no memories at all of him being selfish, none.

I never once heard him put anyone down or speak negatively about them. Now, some people would say that about a relative and it would be hyperbole. or just a kind of a general statement, but I'm saying that as a fact. I never, nor have my sisters ever heard him put anyone down or speak negatively about anyone. He certainly was the opposite of, you know, so many people today and myself included who wish I could take back words that I said, you know, over my life. And, you know, over the years I've met men and women who worked for him. and they all said the same thing. My dad was always a humble genius,

a very bright man with a quick sense of humor and wit. Growing up, my friends respectfully called him Brainstorm. It wasn't unusual to hear my friends ask, well, what does brainstorm think about this? Or what does brainstorm think about that? Later, my dad taught advanced math at the University of Minnesota and volunteered as a tutor to relax. while he was brilliant, he was down to earth, he was practical,

I affectionately refer to my father's wisdom as Proverbs 32. Now, if you knew the Bible well, you would know that there's only 31 chapters in Proverbs. And he would say things like, for example, the only free cheese is on a mousetrap. That would be Proverbs 32, 1. After graduating from engineering school, we moved to Minnesota, where my dad worked at control data. in Bloomington, Minnesota, he later became vice president at Honeywell. And past employees often commented that he was the kindest and fairest manager that they ever worked for and always helped people advance in their fields.

I remember talking to one man who used to work for my dad, and he said, I never felt like an employee. I always felt like a son. My youngest sister was born during those years in Bloomington, Minnesota. and my father, he taught me what it was to love my wife every day that I was growing up. Every day I anticipated his coming home from work and he came home at 5.20 every evening. I waited on the front porch with two ball gloves. One was his and the other glove was mine.

And when he drove up in the driveway, I got ready to throw his ball glove to him. and once I threw his glove he caught it and threw it back and he walked by me tapping me on the head he went into the house and he kissed and hugged my mom and then returned to play pitch and catch he lived his priorities as Paul said husbands love your wives my dad converted to catholicism after marrying my mother we never missed mass and family prayers were faithfully said Just prior to going to bed, he pulled a New Testament out from his bedstand in red. He wore a St. Joseph medal around his neck, was a lecturer. He went to adoration and he enjoyed his Curseo friends.

As a boy growing up, he quietly supported me without any need for recognition. He owned my lawnmower business, but I didn't know it. While in sixth grade, I went around the neighborhood with handwritten contracts to mow lawns for $5. I managed to get around 10 neighbors to sign my contract, but then realized it was too much for me to do. So I offered my best friends the opportunity to make $3 a lawn if they would mow them. And it was my little business. Well, I used my dad's lawn more in gas and even let my friends use them, not. giving a single thought to the fact that my dad generously let me use the equipment.

There was always a full tank of gas in the lawnmower. I brought this up with him in my 30s and he told me that he knew about it and he wanted to support my business so he didn't say a word. When I was 18 years old, I started to date Emily, my wife now. I lived about 20 miles from her house, about a half-hour drive. For some reason, I woke up on a Saturday morning and I decided that I was going to run to her house. Before you think I'm crazy, I have to say, I was a long-distance runner, so it was just an impetuous challenge. I told my dad what I was going to do and asked if he could pick me up in four hours or so at Emily's.

I drank some water, put on my Nike shoes, and started off. About 10 miles into the run, I was doing well and enjoying the sunny day, and as I ran, I would habitually look back, I would glimpse over my shoulder to see if there were cars coming. And on one of my glances back, I caught a glimpse of my father following me in his station wagon. Remember those kinds of station wagons with the fake wood on the side? I was about a quarter of a mile back. I saw him. I did a double take. And sure enough, it was my dad. And I thought to myself, does he know that I can see him? A couple of miles from Emily's, I stopped and waited for him to catch up to me. He stopped and I asked him what he was doing. He said, I just wanted to make sure that

you're safe. He handed me a thermos of cold water to drink. And he got back in the car and said, I'll pick you up in an hour. Now, the reality of my dad having my back didn't sink in until years later. At the time, I thought, whatever, but after a few years, I grew in my appreciation for my dad watching over me. What if something had happened? What if I really needed medical helper, got lost, or got hit by a car? It's nice to know that someone had my back, and my dad always had my back. Let me ask you a question.

Are you proud of your dad? I hope you are. It's a funny thing, this relationship that we have with our dads. On one hand, when growing up, you don't want him to show up around school, but on the other hand, we are eager to list his accomplishments and brag about him. As children, we usually stand somewhere in the middle. I've had a very good father He worked hard for his education

He had responsible positions at work He was faithful and chock full of practical wisdom And involved with my life at school, Cub Scouts, fishing, coaching As I get older And my dad does too I grow an appreciation for all that he has done in our family. My dad had a stroke just prior to retiring. This left this once strong intellect in a place of starting over, and thank God he recovered most of his intellectual skills.

In 1977, I had a powerful conversion to the Lord and started to go to an independent church because that's where Emily was going. It didn't sit well with my dad, who passionately wanted me to remain Catholic. The night before I left home to go to Dallas, Texas, to study scripture, we got into, shall I say, a collision of the hearts, and it didn't turn out well at all. I buried the pain of that evening in my heart, and the pain didn't resurface for 15 years when I came back to the Catholic Church. As a result of my studies and the Lord's pulling on my heart, I returned to the church after 12 years as a Protestant pastor of a non-denominational church. Just before returning, I wanted to tell my father, but I couldn't muster the strength as I didn't want to revisit that

night before I left home. It was at that point that my father had a heart attack and was in critical condition. I was living in Dayton, Ohio, and knew that I needed to go back home and tell my dad about my imminent return to the church. I called him in the hospital, but I couldn't get in touch with him. Finally, I got to speak with him. He said to me in a faint voice, Bub, will you do something for me? Will you take care of your mother and your sisters? I told him, of course, and I told him I'm coming home. And I flew back to the Twin Cities, and my father, after having a quadruple bypass, his second, he came home. It was then that I was sitting at the breakfast table at their house desperately wanting to tell him that I was returning

to the church, but it just wouldn't come out. After a few minutes of pause, I said, Dad, there's something I want to talk to you about. I've been studying the Bible and praying, and he said, you've always been studying that Bible, Bob. And I believe, Dad, that the Lord is calling me back to the church. It looked like there was a relief on his face, that there is something I said, there's something I want to say. And the words were stuck in my throat. He looked at Emily as if to say, are you kids okay? She gave the signal, yes. I finally got the words out of my mouth. Dad, do you remember the night before I left home to go to Dallas? He paused and said, yes. I said, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for how I acted and how

disrespectful I was. It was a heated night. And I was hurt by what I perceived as a rejection of my decision to study scripture. He looked at me and said, Bob, as long as we are talking about forgiving each other, I have something to say as well. I have thought of that night for years. And I want to say, it's killed me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Bob. I'm sorry, too. But it wasn't just what you said that night. It was the way you said it. And it crushed my heart. I said, what?

He said, you looked at me and you yelled, You're no father of mine. And I'm not your son. And when he said it, it all came back to me. I was overcome with emotion as I realized those hurting words we both stood up. I said, I was, I was so sorry for my words and we hugged each other and cried. And that was the healing I was hoping for. While my dad survived two sets of quadruple bypasses, heart attack, cancer twice, a stroke.

Stroke is what ended his celebrated career. Just prior to retiring, he was stopped by a stroke. and I had to tell him that he wouldn't be going back to work, and it crushed him. Unable to go back to work after the stroke, he didn't want to just lay around the house, so he took a job at Home Depot in the electrical department. Go figure, huh? Ph.D. and electrical engineering. He loved it, and truth be told, that was where he went for entertainment on the weekends, Home Depot.

He loved tools and building equipment. He loved comparing prices, and one day he fell at work and he hit his head hard on the cement. He was done working and never went back. About six months after that fall, I went to the same store he worked at to buy some filters for the furnace. As I was checking out, I asked the guy behind the counter if he knew Bob Kaven's. His face lit up. And with a big smile, he said, Bob? I love the guy.

Everyone liked him, and he was the easiest guy to get along with. Why? I'm his son. He quickly asked, how has he been doing since the fall? I told him he is getting along, but he will most likely not return. I thanked him for being kind to my dad. Signed the credit card machine and left. I went out to the car, and once I got in, I just sat and thought,

about my dad working at Home Depot, I thought to myself, I don't think that guy inside really knows who my dad is. Sure, they had an idea, but due to my father's humility, I guess that they didn't know, really know. Something came over me. Maybe it was pride, and I knew I needed to go back into the store and tell the man at the register who my dad is. I went back into the store and the man looked at me as if to say any problems. I waited till he was done with a customer and he approached me and asked what's up. I said, do you have a minute? He said, sure. I asked him how well he knew my dad. He gave me a few lines about how nice he was. And he seemed to know his department, the electrical department, pretty well. And how everyone got along with him, but that was about it. I looked

him in the eyes and said, did you know that my dad started with nothing and graduated with a PhD in electrical engineering? He said, no, I didn't. He never said anything about that. He didn't put that on the application. I thought back to the times when a 21-year-old in the Home Depot electrical department would school my dad about electricity and products related to them. My dad would just smile and say thank you. I asked the man behind the register, did you know my dad worked on teams that developed the microchips? No, he said, I said, I didn't think so. Did you know my dad was the vice president at Honeywell? No, I didn't, he responded. I asked, did you know that my dad's PhD was related to inventing lasers and his work was mostly top secret projects among

other amazing endeavors. He said, wow, no, I didn't. I said, I didn't think you knew any of this, but I just wanted you to know who my dad is. He was touched and said, thanks for coming in. That's amazing. He's an amazing man. I went back out to the car and there I sat thinking about my dad and then it hit me. It took a son to reveal the father. And then I thought of Jesus and realized it took a son to reveal our heavenly father. It was around that time I was teaching the 24-week Bible timeline at St. Hubert's Catholic Church in Chanhassen, Minnesota. St. Hubert's was the parish. Emily and I were married in, and it was my parents' parish as well. I would typically go in prior to the nearly 1,000 people coming to study the Bible.

On the third night, I walked into the church to set up my 12-foot-by-3-foot Bible timeline in the front of the church, just three steps below the altar. I looked into the dark, with only a light from behind the altar. There was a man, but I couldn't make out who he was, and he was setting up my Bible timeline chart at the front of the church. And then I realized it. It was my dad. he decided to come to the study and as an engineer he took it upon himself to set the stage

for me to teach the truth is everything my father did for me was to set the stage to set the stage for the Lord to work through us and today this last Wednesday today I'm still thinking about

it but two days ago on Wednesday, October 16th, his coffin sits right where my timeline was set up. As my friend, my friend, I want to thank you for your prayers and encouragement. It means a lot, especially coming from you. In memory of my dad, we are asking that gifts be made, not flowers, but may do a fund that will act as a scholarship for young Catholic boys and girls to receive a Catholic education and help financially for young students to be tutored in what else but math. The obituary will be found in the notes. In closing, I would say to you, go ahead. Get out of your car.

Get out of your car and go tell someone about your father in heaven. it's okay to brag that's my father Robert Kavens God bless you and I look forward to talking to you next week