The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - Anyone You Forgive, I Forgive

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

Are we able to forgive those who have hurt our loved ones? Today, Jeff gives some words of encouragement regarding forgiveness, especially when people have hurt those closest to us. Snippet from the Show “I have said this to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33 Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit ascensionpress.com/thejeffcavinsshow for full shownotes!

You're listening to the Jeff Kaven Show, episode 225. Anyone you forgive, I forgive. Hey, I'm Jeff Kavans. How do you simplify your life? How do you study the Bible? All the way from motorcycle trips to raising kids, we're going to talk about the faith and life in general. It's the Jeff Kaven show.

Have you ever had something? someone in your family who was so offended and just hurt by something somebody said or something someone did to them. And all of a sudden you realize that you picked up their offense and you have unforgiveness now towards that person that offended your wife, your husband, your children, or anybody else in your life. Jeff Kaven's with you. We're going to talk today about can we forgive?

people who have offended our loved ones. And don't tell me this doesn't happen. And this happens all the time. Before we get into that today, I want to let you know that I sure appreciate you joining me every week. And it does help to go to Apple and to go online and to make comments and to rank the show. Hopefully you'll rank it good. And that does a lot for the old algorithm them over at these companies. And when people go online and start searching for things like, how do I forgive someone who offended my daughter? Well, they'll find this a little bit quicker so you and I can work together on that. I got to thinking about this. Can, you know, anyone you forgive, I can forgive. Reminded of that, you know, that little song, Anyone you forgive, I forgive

better. It's not quite like that, but I can forgive. I can forgive someone who has hurt someone in my family. Think about that for a moment. Has that happened to you? Maybe somebody said or did something to one of your children in high school or junior high or maybe something was said to your wife at a family reunion. And everybody was all, you know, bent out of shape over it. And it has it has just followed you, you know, all of these years. And if your wife forgave those people that hurt her, can you? And the answer is yes. And in a way, we are related to each other in unforgiveness. Unforgiveness binds us together. For example, if my wife was really hurt and she was living in unforgiveness towards somebody and I picked up her offense and I now am living in

unforgiveness and so we are in a sense related to each other in unforgiveness but in the same way we are related to each other in forgiveness now as I start talking about this you're probably going to think about situations that oh my aunt needs to hear this oh my cousin needs to hear this well after the show send it to him send it to them send it to them and just let them know that you love them. So listen to how Paul talks about this. This is interesting. In 2 Corinthians chapter 2 in verses 5 through 11, which I'll put this in the show notes, and if you want the show notes and you're not getting them, all you've got to do is type my name, one word, and that's Jeff Kaven's and text it to 33777. That's 3377. Okay, so here's

what Paul says in 2 Corinthians too. He says, now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure not to put it too severely to all of you. That's kind of what I was talking about earlier, huh? For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough. So you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him, for this is why I wrote you that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. Now, listen to what he says here in verse 10. Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ so that we would not be outwitted by Satan, for we are not

ignorant of his designs. Whoa, that's gold right there. Solid gold scripture, Paul giving us advice there and saying, hey, there has been somebody among you that has really done something that has caused great hurt and confusion. He says, I'm suggesting that you forgive that person and that you release them in forgiveness. And then he says, listen, guys, Corinthians. I know something happened. But I'm telling you forgive that person. And I want you to know something, Corinthians, anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Isn't that powerful? And then he says something that's very interesting about this dynamic. He says that this idea of walking in unforgiveness because of something that somebody did amongst you is actually a tactic of Satan. I didn't write this. Paul wrote it.

He said, it's a tactic of Satan, and he says, don't get, don't be outwitted by Satan. Don't be ignorant of his designs. This unforgiveness that you are experiencing is part of the design of Satan. It's part of the plan, you know, the very first paragraph of the catechism says that God has a plan of sheer goodness, and I got news for you. Satan has a plan of sheer destruction, and part of it is unforgiveness. and what can happen is your wife can be scandalized and you pick up her unforgiveness and then you tell it to your children and your children pick up that unforgiveness

and they tell their friends and their friends pick up the unforgiveness. And before you know it, there's an entire satellite of people around you. There's a whole group of planets, if you will, around the sun that they're walking in unforgiveness now. And it could have stopped much earlier. If my wife forgives someone, then I have to forgive that person as well. And you know what? I remember a time when someone did hurt my wife. They did some things to my wife that were very, very hurtful. And in fact, it resulted in literally just weeks and months of extra work that was so difficult and unnecessary. And I started to pick up her unforgiveness.

And I was, I was upset about it. And I thought, and I picked up an unforgiveness towards this person because they had hurt Emily. But then after a period of time, my wife informed me that she had forgiven this person. And then I was faced with the, you know, with a dilemma. Well, she forgave the person, but I haven't. And now I had a problem. right she forgave but i didn't after all it's it's uh what that person did to my wife it hurt me too and they didn't even apologize but she forgave them she forgave them and then you know what i had to do

i had to forgive them as well and so think about this for a for a moment uh if your husband forgives someone you can forgive that someone too if you're if you're teenager uh has unforgiveness towards somebody else at high school, and you picked up that that unforgiveness, and if your teenager forgives that other student at school, you can forgive that other student at school. You see, this is a dynamic that I've rarely heard anybody talk about, and there it is in 2nd Corinthians, and Paul talks about it in 2nd Corinthians chapter 2. You know, as we look at the broad scope of the topic of unforgiveness. We see that Jesus said in John 16, he said, these things I have spoken to you,

that in me you may have peace. In the world, you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world. Now, when Jesus said, says that in the world you're going to have tribulation, what is he talking about there? You know, we're not talking about the great tribulation in the book of Revelation. We're just talking about tribulation that people go through, in their life as a result of trying to live a godly life. And that word tribulation means pulled apart on the inside. It means I'm all goofed up inside. I'm all tied up in knots inside.

Have you ever experienced that? It's not fun, is it? It's not fun at all. And I remember reading years ago, I think it was Father Lauer. He was the, I think he was the founder of Couple to Couple League. out of Ohio. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that's, I think that was right. Anyway, he said, it was very interesting. He said, when I was first ordained a priest, I believe that over 50% of all problems were due to unforgiveness.

After 10 years in ministry, I revised my estimate and maintained 70 to 75 to 80% of all health, marital, family, and financial problems came from unforgiveness. And then he goes on and says, now, after almost 20,000, years in ministry, I have concluded that over 90% of all problems are rooted in unforgiveness. You see, unforgiveness messes up your life. If you want to squirrel up your life, just walk in unforgiveness. The ability to forgive someone is a gift. It's a gift from God. It's an outlet. It's a way of dealing with the problem. It's a way of maintaining harmony. both with God and your home, whether you are married or single.

This applies to you. Now, when we come back from the break, I'm going to talk to you a little bit about a teaching that Jesus gave to show you just how serious unforgiveness is. And if somebody in your family forgave someone else, you can too, and you can avoid what I'm about to share with you. You're listening to The Jeff Kaven Show. Do you ever feel like you're just going through the motions at Mass? You know the liturgy's important, but you get distracted, your heart's not into it,

and you want to encounter Jesus more in every prayer and ritual of the liturgy. Hi, I'm Dr. Edwards-Sree, the author of the newly revised 10th Anniversary Edition of A Biblical Walk Through the Mass, a small group study for Catholics. Since its original 2011 release, A Biblical Walk Through the Mass, has helped hundreds of thousands of Catholics around the world grow in their faith, discover the Eucharist and fall more deeply in love with our Lord in the liturgy. For this revised 10th anniversary edition, we have the same core content, but we filmed stunning new videos in the gorgeous cathedral basilica in Philadelphia, bringing beautiful all-new

footage to this beloved study. If you'd like a free preview or to learn more, go to ascensionpress.com slash the mass. Again, for a free preview or to learn more, go to ascensionpress.com slash the mass. One word, the mass. All right, we're talking about unforgiveness. Anyone you forgive, I can forgive better. And I have a relationship with you through unforgiveness, but also through forgiveness. You know that unforgiveness is actually a trap?

When you look at a trap, you've seen these mouse traps before, right? I remember years ago we had a problem with mice in our cabin. deep in the woods of Minnesota where I do a lot of these podcasts, and it was getting tiresome. And so we ended up going out and buying some of these mouse traps. And you know what you do. You set the trap. You put a little piece of cheese on that little bar on the trap. That little bar is called the Scandalon.

It's called the Scandalon in Greek. It's the place where you put the bait. And have you ever been scandalized? You know, someone, you say, oh, I take exception to that. I'm scandalized by that. I'm offended. I'm offended by that. Everybody has a right to be offended, right?

I am offended by that. Well, that word offended is the word scandal on. That's the part of the trap you put the bait on. And the nature of a trap, if you didn't know, is that it's a trap. It doesn't look like a trap. You wouldn't suspect it as being a trap. And you know what else? It's stronger than you.

It is stronger than you. And once you're trapped, you need help. The offended person tends to draw back, right? And they're not socializing anymore. They don't want to talk anymore. They're trapped. And when you're trapped, you have compromised your vocation. As a father, mother, friend, priest, deacon, teacher, politician.

So when you are interacting with other people and you find out that your wife is upset and she's offended, or your husband is offended, or your friend is offended, don't you grab the bait? Don't take it, because you'll be trapped as well. Now, there's an amazing story in Matthew's Gospel, Chapter 18. I'm going to share a little bit of it with you. It is one of the best, well, not one of, it is the best one. It's the best story I know of. After all, it's Jesus telling the story. It's the best story. It's the best story. I ever heard. And it is from Matthew chapter 18, starting in verse 23. He says, therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to subtle accounts with his servants. When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. Now that's a lot. That is an awful lot. You know that what a talent is? A talent is more than 15 years. wages of a laborer. Think about it for a moment. All the money you made in the last 15 years. Well, it says here that this guy owed him 10,000 times 15 years. In other words, I don't think you can

ever pay it back. I don't think it's going to happen. It's impossible for the most part. and as he could not pay his lord ordered him to be sold with his wife and children and all that he had in payment to be made so what did the servant do well the servant fell on his knees imploring him lord have patience with me and i will pay you everything and listen to this this is the this is the kicker now and out of pity for him the lord the lord after having pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. Oh, man. Oh, I remember years ago when I had a lot of credit card debt. And back then, a lot of credit card debt was, you know, $2,500 or something like that. And I wasn't making much money at all. And so that credit card debt felt like 10,000 talents.

It felt like 10,000 times 15 years of wages. And I felt like I was just trapped and beaten down by this debt that I owed and can you imagine what it would feel like to have all that credit card debt and then you get a call from the CEO of Visa or MasterCard and they say is this is Jeff Kavens yes it is this is so and so from Visa oh no they're going to come after me I've got good news for you we're going to forgive you the debt what are you serious yeah very serious we're going to forgive you the debt oh my gosh, can you imagine what I would feel like after that? It would be incredible. And you would think that the person in this story that was forgiven 10,000 talents would turn around and start having a

different attitude towards other people. But he didn't. I'm reading from Matthew 18 and verse 28 begins, but that same servant as he went out came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. In other words, a few days' wages, and seizing him by the throat, he said, pay what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, have patience with me, and I will pay you. The same words that that guy that owed so much and was forgiven of so much, same words as he used, but he refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. Now get this, when his fellow servants saw what had taken place when his fellow servants saw what had taken place

they were greatly distressed and they should be and they went and reported to their Lord all that had taken place and then his Lord summoned him and said you wicked servant I forgave you all that debt 10,000 talents because you pleaded with me

and should not have you had mercy on your fellow servant who owed you just a few days wages as I had mercy on you? And in anger, his Lord delivered him to the jailers till he should pay all his debt. You know, one word for the jailers there in Greek is the torturers. Tortured, tortured.

You know what happens when you walk in unforgiveness? You're tortured. You're tortured. And it can result in all kinds of squirrely behavior, addiction, self-medicating, anger, blaming, depression anxiety when you walk in unforgiveness you have taken the bait you've touched the scandal on the trap has snapped and you're in it and it's just as bad when not only your wife is in the trap but you say excuse me dear let me get in the trap with you here i'm offended with you snap

and you're both in a trap aren't we smart we are so smart And this is what happened to the guy who wouldn't forgive, the guy who owed just a few days after he had been forgiven 10,000 talents. He's delivered to the torturers. He's delivered to the jailers for how long till he should pay all of his debt. It sounds like it's going to be a long, long time. Now, that's the, get this, that's the end of the parable. And I remember reading this for one of the first times and thinking, wow, there's a lot to learn there.

That's a very, very powerful story. I wouldn't want to be caught on the bad end of that parable. But the story's over with, but Jesus is not done speaking. Guess what he says? And listen to this very, very carefully. Listen to what he says. Now, this guy was forgiven 10,000 talents, released. And that's the key word when it comes to forgiveness.

Released. Released. And he went outside and grabbed the throat of a guy who owed him a few days' wages. and as a result of it was put into jail and was with the torturers. End of story. Then Jesus says this. Prepare yourself. So also my heavenly father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

Now that's the end of the chapter. And that last verse is the one that one that we, wakes me up more than any of the other verses from chapter 18, verse 23 on. It's that last one, when suddenly Jesus looks you in the face and says, do you know what? Same thing's going to happen to you. Same thing's going to happen to you. My father will do to you, every one of you, if you do not forgive, you'll do the same thing to you as he did to, as what happened to the guy who owed 10,000 talents. if you don't forgive your brother from the heart.

And so if you have a loved one who has been trapped by unforgiveness and then they are released and free of that unforgiveness, they release the person that hurt them, my brother, my sister, you better do it as well. You better do it as well, or you're going to find yourself in a giant mousetrap with a mouth full of cheese that you don't want anymore. that's what happens

now it's so important as we kind of wind down here today to realize that Jesus pays the price for all sin Jesus is the one who set the example when he he died for our sins the ones that were really responsible and he forgave you he released you of all of your sin and called you to himself in an intimate relationship and if we try to exact a price for the offenses that our loved ones have undergone,

then it's not going to be enough. Because the only one who paid the price, the sufficient price, was Jesus by offering his life. You want a price, you want a piece of flesh from the person that offended your husband? It's not going to work, and it's not going to be enough. The pound of their flesh wouldn't satisfy anyway, would it? We think we are punishing the other person,

but really only hurting ourselves and our entire family. Let me just share this with you. The blood of Jesus is stronger than the trap. And he offers you today the opportunity to be free from that trap of unforgiveness because you have become offended by something that happened to someone around you. And if that person around you, whether it be family or friend or colleague at work, has found it in themselves to release the person that offended them, then as Paul said, if you forgive them, I can forgive them.

If I forgive them, you can forgive them. And anything you forgive, I forgive better. And that's what we've got to live by. Do not comment on my singing, please. And so I will be offended if you do. So I wanted to share that with you today as a real kind of a lesson of hope because I know, you know, before I came back to the Catholic Church, I was a pastor. I was a pastor for 12 long years, and I sat down with so many people who were caught up in

unforgiveness, not because of something that happened to them, but because of something that happened to a loved one. And they couldn't let go of it. But you know what the truth of the matter is, my friend, you cannot afford to take the bait. And if you have, the Lord Jesus Christ gives to you the opportunity to be released from that trap of unforgiveness, but you must forgive that person from the heart. Now, how do you do that? Well, I would really encourage you to go to confession and to literally say, Father, forgive me for I have not sin. My last confession was a month ago or whenever it was. And I want to confess today that I am walking in unforgiveness

and I need to release someone who hurt a family member of mine. Because my family member has forgiven. They were here in confession a week ago. And I realize now I have picked up their problem, their offense. And now my spouse is not walking in a problem anymore, but I am. And it never even happened to me. I want to confess it as sin, and you'll hear those words I absolve you of your sin. You know what?

You're going to hear in your inner man the release of a trap that you have been in. That's what you're going to get. And you're going to walk away and you're going to be asking yourself, well, does that mean I can't think about it anymore? No. Does it mean that if I don't feel like it, I really didn't? No. But the more you walk in that forgiveness and releasing the other person, the more I think you're going to start feeling it and understanding it and keep doing it. And don't go back to it. Don't take it again. Just every time that enemy, remember what I said earlier, earlier in 2 Corinthians chapter 2, that we don't want to be outwitted by Satan. We don't want to be ignorant of his designs. Well, his design is that once you are released from the trap, he's going to try to get you. you back into it. Now, there's only one thing worse than being trapped by the enemy with a mouthful

of stale cheese, and that is to turn around and do it again. Don't do it again. Walk in forgiveness. All right, my friend, if you are interested, I'm going to pray here in a moment, but if you're interested in going next year to the Holy Land in June of 2022 with Father Mike Schmitz and myself, and Andrew and Sarah Swofford, Ali Ali, Taylor Tripodi, my wife, and many more, then go to my website, jeffcavens.com. We'll put it in the show notes and go to the pilgrimage tab and get yourself signed up for it. We're expecting a big crowd next year in the Holy Land. And do I know about vaccines at this point?

No, we don't have a final on it, but we'll let you know. But the important point is get your place in line and join us for the trip of a lifetime. We're going to be taking a look at God's call on our lives, and it's going to be good. You'll have a chance to go to Mass and all these amazing places. We're going to pray the rosary all at their appropriate place, and we're going to have a chance to go to confession right there on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. That's next year in June. Join me and Father Mike Schmitz.

And also, remember, tell your friends about the Bible in a year. we're doing well and every Tuesday or every, you see, every Thursday at 2 o'clock Eastern time on Facebook, Ascension's Bible study Facebook page, I spend about a half an hour with you 20 minutes to half an hour answering all the difficult questions that you have as you listen to the Bible in a year. Let me pray for you. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Lord Jesus, we love you. Lord, we thank you for paying the price for our sin. We thank you for paying the price for the sin of those who have offended us. Lord, we have been offended. We have taken the bait. We are caught. Release us, O Lord, from this trap. May we be free as we release those who have

hurt loved ones. And Lord, help us to know that if our loved ones have forgiven others, we can forgive them too. We thank you for this freedom in Jesus' name. Amen. Name of the Father and the Son in the Holy Spirit. Have a great week. I love you, and I look forward to talking to you next week.