The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - Boys to Men: Choosing a Husband

Episode Date: February 13, 2026

Choosing your spouse is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Drawing from Psalm 1 and Psalm 112, Jeff outlines the character traits of a faithful, steadfast husband—one rooted in Scripture, generous in heart, and strong in adversity. Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit https://media.ascensionpress.com/?s=&page=2&category%5B0%5D=Ascension%20Podcasts&category%5B1%5D=The%20Jeff%20Cavins%20Show for full shownotes!

Welcome to the Jeff Kaven Show, where we talk about the Bible, discipleship, and evangelization, putting it all together and living as activated disciples. This is show 469, boys and girls, to men and women. Well, hello, my friend. Thank you for joining me again this week, fresh off of another wonderful pilgrimage to the Holy Land. and it was a great one. It's always good to go over. That was actually my 70th pilgrimage to the Holy Land. Coming up in May, Father Mike Schmitz and I are leading one.

But I have a couple more coming out this coming January. I'll let you know about that, the release date on that. And we're going to do two of them in January. But I always look forward to going. And I always look forward to coming home too, you know, just to get back in the saddle and spend some time in the Word of God talking to you. Well, today I'm going to talk about a topic that I think every single family needs to not only know about, but reinforce with their children or their grandchildren.

And that is picking out a man for marriage, picking out a woman. For marriage, what are some of the characteristics? that you might want to pay attention to. Well, before I get to that, I want to remind you that you can get these show notes, because I've got a ton of them. I got all kinds of scriptures here for you today. Just text my name, Jeff Kaven's one word, to the number 3-3-777. That's 3-7-7.

You'll have all the scriptures here. But I was going to tell you that my dad, you know, when I was growing up, he used to say all the time he would go through this kind of a litany of the type of person you want to look for. And I remember him even saying, you know, when you find that one, Jeff, you might want to just take a good look at her mother. And I said, you know, why, dad? And he says, because she comes from her mother. And she has inherited certain traits, certainly learned some things.

But I thought, wow, that's interesting. And when I first met Emily and her mother, I didn't see that much, you know, in common. And then we ended up getting married. And still, I was like, well, she's very different than her mother. and the older that we get, we've been married 48 years now. I have to tell you, she looks like, sounds like, and has the same values as her mother. I don't know how it was so distinguished back when we first got married as far as the difference between them, but I won both sides, my wife and my mother-in-law, who passed away a few years ago.

So I want to talk to you about some of the characteristics of a godly man, and I'm going to use certain scriptures. What we find in the Old Testament is some descriptions of a godly man. And I'll give them for both. It's going to be Psalm 112 and Psalm 1 for men. And it's going to be for women, Proverbs 31. We'll go through that, Proverbs 31 woman. Now, I think this is really important because we are really living in different times now.

And if you are a baby boomer like me and you are relating to Gen Zers or millennials or Gen Alpha, one of the younger ones, you will notice that they do life differently than we did. And it's always fun to talk to my grandkids and tell them what it was like growing up in the late 60s and 70s. And the type of life we lived, what we did in the summer, what we did with our money and our time and for entertainment. And they look at me like, what? You just played outdoors all day long in the summer? Yep, with no shoes and no shirt for the boys. And that's the way it was.

You know, we would never, ever have dreamt of sitting indoors and watching a screen all day long. Boring. And it has consequences. And so I think that personally, my wife and I were talking about this this morning, Emily and I were discussing it, that people today have a harder situation, a more difficult situation when it comes to choosing a mate because of social media and the influence of so many people around the world who are influencing young people. And sometimes I'll be honest with you, they come to conclusions that I'm like, where in the world?

Did you get that? And it's an amazing thing. So I do think that as time goes by, there's going to be more of a divide between those who have grown up in a family that was grounded in the Word of God, the sacramental life, and those that went away and really began to adhere to more of a social gospel or more of a cultic attitude towards politics and popularity and Internet influencers. I really think we're going to see a difference there. So what I wanted to do today was just give you some ideas just from Scripture here. I mean, we could probably come up with a lot of other ideas, but why not use Scripture to really base this list on? So I'm going from boys and girls to men and women, in other words, growing up and becoming

men and women of God. And that's the kind of person you want your kids to marry. That's the kind of person you want to marry, is somebody who has particular traits going into the marriage because that is part of their worldview. You know, Jesus said in Matthew 11, 28, and 29, he said, Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble, right? And so when Jesus says, take my yoke upon you, he means take on my worldview.

And so when it comes to finding a mate for life, and I mean life can be a long time. I don't think I'm old. I've been married 48 years. That's a long time with one person. You better make sure that they are walking and embracing Jesus' worldview in rather than getting into a marriage and fighting with one another about world views based on social media and what you're hearing on Instagram or YouTube. Do yourself a favor.

take the time, be picky. You know, one of the things I've done for years, I carry around guitar picks in my pocket. And when I talk to a young lady or a young man about marriage and about, you know, finding Mr. Wright, Mrs. Wright, I give him a guitar pick and I tell them be picky. Put this in your pocket, remind yourself,

be picky about who you marry. And when you get married, then give them the pick. say you're the one. I was picky. So let's take a look at men first. Let's look at that. Some of the characteristics here. And like I said, I'm going to use scripture to do it rather than coming up with my own list. Let's start with Psalm 112. Psalm 112. I love it. Now, we're going to be looking at this and then Proverbs 31 for women. So Psalm 112, verse 1, praise the Lord. Blessed is the man who fears the Lord who greatly delights in his commandments. So this first one we see here is very, very important.

When you're looking for a man, you want to find a man who fears the Lord. Now, what are we talking about? Well, we're not talking about the guy that gets home or goes to church and just, you know, kind of turtles up in the corner because he's afraid of God. We're not talking about that. If that's the case, you find that guy, run. But we're talking about someone who really respects the authority and the awe of God and consequently their life and decisions, their thoughts, the way they raise children and everything else, is under that authority of God. And they have a sense of awe. That's what it means to fear the Lord.

It doesn't mean to cower, run, or be afraid you're going to get hit or disciplined all the time. That's just fear. But this kind of fear of the Lord is this tremendous respect. And you want a man like that. The fear of God, someone who stands in awe of the almighty God and submits his will to God's will. That's the kind of guy you want. And his delight is in the commands of the Lord.

That's where his delight is. Get a man who is into the Word of God. It only makes sense, doesn't it? That's God's Word. That's the instructions for us. Wouldn't you want to marry someone who is acquainted with? the instructions for marriage and life, rather than saying, well, he'll get it afterwards somehow, some way. Listen, I've been a pastor for 12 years in the past. It ain't like that at all.

Trust me. You know, Psalm 1 has something to say about this, which really dovetails with Psalm 112 in verse 1. Psalm 1 1 says, Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. You want to get a good man, get a man who meditates on God's word. This is a guy who's constantly thinking about the Lord and his word. Because why? Because that's what he's going to dwell on, and that's most likely what he's going to act on.

When you get into an argument, when your teenager's, come home drunk or whatever. You want a man who's equipped to deal with real life. Here's another one. Psalm 112 and verse two going on to the next verse. His descendants will be mighty in the land. The generation of the upright will be blessed. In other words, this is a family man. This is a family man. He loves family. He's not just selfish and thinking about himself and saying, you know what, I don't want a family. I just want me and you to go out. off into the sunset for selfish reasons. You know, you want to someone who's open to life, open to having children, open to a full

quiver, as they say in the Old Testament, quiver is where the arrows are stashed and where they are, where they rest. And you want a full quiver. That's at least open to it. Not everybody has children, and there's no shade thrown there. But if you want to have a family, find a man who wants a family. a legacy that lasts. Now, it says that this man's children will be mighty.

How do you know that your children will be mighty? Well, if the man you marry is mighty, and he provides for his household, hard worker, not afraid to work, supply for the family, provide shelter, food, protection, prayer, a headship, all of this. Incredibly important. You'd be surprised at how many people are attracted to a man, based on looks or he's funny or whatever it is. And after they get married, looks and funny doesn't carry the day.

And they've got a whole new problem on their hand. Yes, he's a good looking guy. Yes, he's funny, but he's funny because he's got a problem drinking. Not every man. But you know what I'm saying is that just being good looking and funny is not criteria for marrying someone. You've got to look at the heart. Remember when God chose David?

Remember that to be the king after Saul? well, his oldest brother was the good looking tall dude that everybody thought would be the king, but he was bypassed. And God went after David, and David had a heart after God. And God even said in that, he said, don't look at the outer man, but look at the heart. So, verse 3 of Psalm 12, wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. I like that. Wealth and riches are in his house. What are we talking about here? Are we talking about gold, Bitcoin, and property ownership and all that? No, no, not. Wealth and riches are in his

house. Well, what kind of riches and what kind of wealth? Well, wisdom, a heritage, mercy, kindness, a depth to him. He is a storehouse of riches that comes from baptism, confirmation, from the Eucharist, from prayer adoration, a faithful attendance at mass, giving. This man's wealthy. He's spiritually wealthy. If he's wealthy with finances, yay for that, I guess. But that isn't the reason you choose a man.

Verse four, light rises in the darkness for the upright. The Lord is gracious, merciful, and righteous. And I like that. because light rises in the darkness or the upright. Listen, I've been married 48 years. If you're not married right now, I've got to tell you, you're going to have some dark times. You're going to have some difficult times.

You're going to have some challenges. You're going to have some 40-day challenges in your life. You want to marry someone that will live their life and pray with you in such a way that light rises even in the darkness. You don't just have a pity party and say, well, we can't make this go. We can't, we can't figure this out. Woe is us. I'm a worm. No, you want somebody that says, you know what, we are the light of the world. And Jesus is the light. We want the light to shine in the darkness. Is that guy you're thinking about the type of guy that would shine in the darkness? Or would he cower? Would he blame you? Would he expect you to carry the weight of the family?

Run, if that's the case. If he's not going to do it, run. Good looking as he is. Run. Verse 5, it is well with the man who deals generously and lends who conducts his affairs with justice. Wow, that's rich, isn't it? He's a generous man, not afraid of lending. He conducts his affairs with justice.

What's that? Justice is when somebody gets what is due to them. He's not an unjust man. He's not a thief. He's not a manipulator. But he treats everyone, including you, my dear, with justice and your future children. Gracious and compassionate, kindness, he feels things deeply in the gut. Verse six, for the righteous will never be moved. He will be remembered forever. This speaks of a steadfast man, a faithful man, that will not be moved by, politics or public opinion, but his decisions are based in righteousness, right standing with God.

Verse 7, he's not afraid of evil things. His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. You see, this is a man of character, and he can handle adversity. You want that kind of a guy? They're out there. I know you're saying, I don't see him anywhere. They're out there. I meet him all the time. He's not afraid of evil tidings. He's not one of those guys that sit. and watches CNN and Fox every single night and then complains about the world on and on and on darkness. No, his heart is firm. He trusts in the Lord. My dear, you are really going to want a guy like that when things get difficult. A man of character. He can handle adversity. And then we have verse 8. His heart is steady. He will not be afraid. He will not be afraid until he will not be afraid

until he sees his desire on his adversaries. His heart is steady. He will not be afraid until he sees his desire on his adversary. I like that. His heart is steady. Do you know that word steady in the Old Testament is amuna? It means faithfulness. It's where the word faith comes from.

You want a man of faith. He believes. He says he believes one thing. In fact, he confesses at every mass in the creed. I believe these things. Faith walks in those things, in those truths. That's what faith does. Faith is not just believism.

Faith is intellectually saying yes to God. I believe you. I believe you. Yes, I believe that, that teaching. I believe that about the Eucharist, the Blessed Mother. I believe that about hell and heaven and purgatory. I believe that. And now the second part is a personal entrusting of himself to that truth.

That's the kind of guy you want. Mark this down. I'm telling you, there's going to be a day. where we're going to meet at a conference and you're going to say, man, I'm glad you told me that. I was about to pull the trigger on a wrong decision here. And you did. In fact, man, I could tell you stories of people that I've met before where I gave them this kind of encouragement. And they cut off a relationship.

And it was like five months later they found the one. And they were so thankful. The man, this man is personally secure, faithful. steadfast heart. I've got just a few more here, and I can see right now what I'm going to do is that this is the show here for going from boys to men, and next week is going to be girls to women because we're taking a lot of time here. But that's good.

That's good. This is rich. Very, very rich. Okay, let's look at this. Verse 9. Okay, he has distributed freely. He has given to the poor. His righteousness endures forever.

his horn is exalted in honor. Wow. Let's look at that again. He has distributed freely. He has given to the poor. His righteousness endures forever. His horn is exalted in honor. So this means that he has a heart for the poor.

That is a trait you want. You do. You want a trait. This guy sees. Jesus in the most hideous disguises, as Mother Teresa often said. There's a preferential option for the poor. That's actually a teaching of the Catholic Church, that we have a preferential option for the poor. We look out for them.

We take care of them as the body of Christ because he takes care of them. This man you're looking at must be a just man, benevolent. He gives from the heart. Oh, man, I'm telling you, you get a guy like this. you're off to an amazing start. I'd love to hear from you. Did you find a guy like this? Love to hear. Okay. And then finally, verse 10 of Psalm 112, The Wicked Man sees it and is angry. He gnashes his teeth and melts away. The desire of the wicked man comes to not. Now, this is in juxtaposition to the man of God. So there's a good way to compare. The Wicked Man sees it and is a angry sees what? Well, we're talking in verse nine that he has distributed freely, he has given to the poor, his righteousness endures forever. His horn is exalted in honor. Well, the wicked man

sees it and is angry. He gnashes his teeth. It melts away. The desire of the wicked man comes to nada. Nothing. You don't want it. All right, my friend, that's all I have time for today. So next week, I will talk about from girls to women. And guys, I'm going to give you some really good principles to look out for when it comes to choosing a life mate, a covenant partner, a bride, a bride that will compliment you in such a way that your marriage will be the stage on which God reveals his faithfulness. Let's pray right now for all of the young.

women listening. All the parents and grandparents are trying to have an influence on their children. Let's pray right now, shall we? In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen. Lord, I lift up to you all the young ladies that are listening to this podcast. And I ask you, Lord, to give them, give them wisdom, prudence, insight. Give them your heart and your eyes so that they can make the right decision. Give them patience in choosing. Help them to be picky in a godly way. And I pray that your will would be done in their life. Lord, ultimately, you lead us, you guide us by the Holy Spirit. Guide my friend right now in the decisions that they're making. In Jesus' name, amen. By the way, my friend, if you know of someone who needs to hear this, pass it on.

because this is powerful stuff. Powerful, powerful stuff. Next week, next week we're going to look at girls to women. God bless you. Look forward to talking to you. Love you.