The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - Fiddler on the Roof and Marriage

Episode Date: September 14, 2018

Is love an emotion? Jeff answers this question by looking at the marriage of Tevye and Golde, the couple from Fiddler on the Roof who had an arranged marriage that lasted over twenty-five years. At one point in the show, Tevye asks Golde if she loves him, and she is hesitant to respond. Together, they discover that in their daily commitment to one another, they had in fact acted out of love. This doesn’t sound like our modern idea of a happy marriage (first comes love, then comes marriage), but Jeff shows how their love grew after marriage, and how we can use their example of commitment in our own lives. By choosing to love, we can strengthen relationships not just with our spouse, but with friends and family as well. Jeff also answers a reader’s question about what to do with old Bibles. "Marriage is not based on emotion but based on a commitment. And that commitment is a reflection of God’s love for the Church and a demonstration to the world of a commitment that goes beyond anything that the world is used to."

You're listening to the Jeff Kaven Show episode 81, Fiddler on the Roof and Marriage. Hey, I'm Jeff Kavins. How do you simplify your life? How do you study the Bible? All the way from motorcycle trips to raising kids, we're going to talk about the faith and life in general. It's the Jeff Kaven show. Hey, welcome to the show.

We're going to talk about Fiddler on the roof. this week. Probably didn't think you were going to get that. But most likely you have seen that wonderful movie or a play, whether it's high school college or your community, has put on Fiddler on the roof. And it is just absolutely filled with all kinds of good lessons for us. And years ago, in fact, when I used to be a Protestant pastor, I did a whole course on Fiddler on the roof and talked about different aspects of faith and marriage and family that, you know, a lot of different lessons we can learn from fiddler on the roof. So we'll get to that in just a moment. I do want to talk about love and marriage and fiddler on the roof. Got an email here

from Nanette. Thanks, Nanette. She said, Dear Jeff, it's a good question, by the way. She said, I am a faithful listener to your podcast, love your message, the way you turn everyday situations into lessons from Jesus. I intend on purchasing the new Bible. That's the Great Adventure Bible, she's talking about. By the way, thank you for all of your comments, folks. You guys have been sending in some good, good, good remarks about the new Bible. That Ascension Press has put together, it's the new Great Adventure Bible. She says, but I have one problem that I hope you can help me with. She said, I'm 57 years old. I can't help you with that. No, I'm just kidding. She says, I'm 57 years old and seriously began reading the Bible about four years ago.

My husband has even taught the great adventure Bible study at our church, so I am very familiar with what the new Bible contains. But what do I do with my other Bibles? That's her question. What do I do with my other Bibles? Three years ago, my husband gave me a large print, RSV Catholic Edition Bible. As I have gotten deeper into God's Word, I requested my children give me the did. Bible with commentaries based on the catechism of the Catholic Church, and in the last three months received the catechism of the Catholic Church. I love how these two are connected and help me

understand God's Word. If I get the new Bible, what do I do with the ones I have just begun to feel at home in? Thanking you for all that you do to spread God's word. Good question, Annette. What do you do with all those Bibles? Well, I've had to face that in my own life because I have many Bibles. And I have, I'll tell you, I've got a new American Standard Bible that I bought when I was, how old was? I was 18 years old. I went down to a bookstore and bought that, and I used it for probably, I don't know, the first 20 years or so, and it's been rebound several times, and I still have it. I don't use it every day, but I still have it, and I still refer to it. And I also have an RSV Bible, and I have an RSV 2, and Ignatius.

that Bible that was put out. So I have three Bibles that have been really my workhorses all these years, and most of them have been rebound once. The first one was rebound twice. So they're long in the tooth. They're old. They've got lots and lots of markings in them and citations and notes and pictures and everything else. So I do understand what it is to become attached to a Bible and for that Bible to be your constant companion in your time of Lexio-Devina, daily devotion, vacations, travels around the world, speaking all over the country. Yes, I know. And now I've got the Great Adventure Bible, which is becoming my mainstay. That's my new one. That's my new Bible. So what do I do with those other three? Plus, to be honest with you, Nanette, I have probably like four or five

others. What do I do with them? Well, I retire them. And I still use them. I go back and I look at the notes, but I do also find that having a new Bible gives me an opportunity to start marking my Bible a little bit differently and to get kind of a fresh start. But what do I do with those three that are quite worn? Well, I'll tell you, I have each one of them marked to become the property of my daughters. I've got three girls, and I'm going to give each one of my Bibles. And the ones that I'm using now, like my new great adventure Bible, will probably go towards my grandboys and my granddaughter. And I've got little Dominic and Frankie and Fiona, and they probably will get a Bible of mine someday. So I think it's good. You don't want to, you never want to

throw a Bible away. Don't do that. Don't, don't throw a Bible away. But keep them and give them two relatives as part of your heritage. I think it's a great gift to give, to you. them. And in the meantime, I'm really excited about using this brand new Bible, and I'm going to show you in future shows how I'm starting to mark this new Bible and use it, and how having the Bible timeline built right into the Bible is going to become a great advantage for me in teaching, and I think it will be a great advantage for you as well. So thanks for your question. It's a good question. And by the way, if you do have any questions for me about Bibles, Bible study, great adventure, the faith in general.

give me an email. The Jeff Kaven Show at ascensionpress.com. Well, we're talking this week about Fiddler on the Roof in Marriage, and I want to use this movie, which is fantastic. Perhaps you've seen it. I've seen it so many times. There's a part of the movie that speaks about marriage and really goes back to Genesis 24 in the roots of marriage and what marriage is really all about. You know, we've got this notion of love today in the world that is very emotionally driven, but there's a foundation to marriage and love that we see in Scripture that is reflected in Fiddler on the roof, and I want to talk about that. You know, I have celebrated 40 years of being married to Emily now,

and I know that some of you have even reached that great milestone of 50 years. You know that when you reach your 50th anniversary, do you know that you will have spent over 18,000 days together? That's a long time, isn't it? That's a lot of experience. That's a lot of time. The point that I would like to make today is that the responsibility to love each other and all that that entails begins today. You know, if you're just getting married, it begins today.

If you've been married for 50 years, it was 18,000 days ago. But the point I want to bring out that, I think, a fiddler on the roof with Golda and Tevia, which we're going to look into that great song that they sang to each other brings out, is that love comes after the marriage ceremony, and love is something you must work at. When I was a Protestant pastor before returning to the Catholic Church, I married I married dozens and dozens and dozens of people. And I remember so many of them came up with this unity candle, you know, that they had a candle for each of themselves, and then a candle in the middle, and they would take their own candle, which was lit, and they would light the unity candle, and then they would blow their candle out. And I used to chuckle inside thinking,

it ain't that easy. It's not that easy just to blow out the candle, you know. No, it takes huffing and puffing, and it takes a lot to become one. But today, the people living in the Western world are supposed to marry for love, love. Considerable emphasis is placed on romance and human emotion and finding that right person, you know. But the challenge that each new couple always faces is how to mold this premarital feeling of romance into mature love. Now, the Bible gives a different perspective on love. I've got to be honest with you, it's very different than the Western notion of falling in love. There's always that aspect of emotionally being drawn to someone, but the Bible gives a different perspective on love,

certainly different than what we are accustomed to. To begin with, love was more of a commitment than a feeling. It was seen foremost as a pledge rather than an emotional high. It was a person's good word to stick with someone, to have covenant faithfulness towards someone to make that relationship work. It was not merely a warm sensation inside that made me feel good. Now, the foundation in the Old Testament for marriage and for the Jewish people and where we get this idea of love and fiddler on the roof comes from Genesis Chapter 24. It's the story of Isaac and Rebecca, and it illustrates the point that love develops and is deepened after marriage. Genesis 2467, let me quote it to you, it says Isaac brought

Rebecca into the tent of his mother, Sarah, and he married. rebecca so she became his wife and he loved her now i want to emphasize the point there that is really important and i don't know how long you've been married or if you're going to be married shortly maybe you're still single and you're going to be married this will be good good information for you notice what comes first it says that isaic brought rebecca into the tent of his mother sarah and he married rebecca and so you think about love yet does it It says he married Rebecca, so she became his wife, and here it comes at the very end, and he loved her. And so I want to emphasize this point, and that is that Isaac married Rebecca, a woman he had never probably seen before, and then what?

He loved her. In a world of arranged marriages, it wasn't uncommon for each partner to see each other for the first time on the first time on the world. their wedding day. You imagine that? Think about your relationship with your spouse today. What if you just met them for the first time on the wedding day? That would be a little bit different than the modern Western notion of marriage, right, that you have this courtship period where you become so emotionally involved with each other and love each other and you can't wait to give yourself to each other after marriage. In short, for the Hebrew patriarchs, love came after marriage. It was not a matter of falling in love and then marrying. They married,

then they loved each other. It was something that they did. It was a commitment that they had made. It was something they did every single day. And in the biblical world, couples were expected to grow to love each other after marriage. And in modern times, the emphasis has been more on marrying the person that you love rather than learning to love the one that you marry. something to think about. Maybe you're at that point right now in your marriage where it feels a little stale, feels like, I don't know if I feel the same way as I did, you know, 20 years ago. Well, maybe you don't. But the biblical pattern of marriage is that you love the one that you married in the same way that Christ loves you, his bride. And you might not be as excited today as the day that you first gave

your life to Christ, and you are so excited about Bible studies and so forth. But today's the day of faithfulness. You love him. You love him, and that is a decision. Though both dimensions of love are important, both the act of loving and making a decision to love as well as the emotional aspect, they're both important for the modern Christian marriage. The emphasis needs to be put on love blossoming after marriage. Now, I'm going to take a break when I come back. I want to look into Fiddler on the roof in this beautiful song between Tevia and Golda, which expresses exactly what I'm saying today and then challenge you in your marriage, or if you're going to get married. You're listening to The Jeff Kaven Show.

Reading the Bible is something we as Catholics know we should do, but let's be honest, it can be kind of complicated. Even though it's a complete story, the Bible isn't really one book. It's more like a library, with dozens of books. and dozens of genres. There's poetry, prophecy, and prose. There are Apocalypse and Revelations, historical accounts, and allegories. No wonder it's difficult to keep a finger

on the story of God's love and plan of salvation for his people, the thread that keeps all of it together. If you're wishing there was a simple guide to help you tie all of this together, then you're just like Jeff Kavins and Tim Gray. That's why they wrote the book, Walking with God. God. Walking with God is a single book that traces the story that ties the Bible together. It helps you to understand the big picture of the Bible. If you're looking to read more of the Bible,

walking with God will help you do it with confidence, peace, and clarity. You can find out more and order Walking with God on ascensionpress.com or on Amazon. Hey, welcome back. We're talking about Fiddler on the Root. you know, that whole great movie, the play Golda and Devia and they fall in love, right? And they get married. We're looking at love comes after marriage in the Bible in Genesis 24. You know that musical came to Broadway in the early 60s and rapidly became a phenomenal, a phenomenal box office hit. I'd like to use a song from Fiddler on the roof to further illustrate my point today in the show. The scene is a small town, Anatevka. It's a little town in Tsarist Russia prior to World War I.

Tevia is a dairyman in seeking to rear his five beautiful daughters, according to what the good book says. And Tevia wants to arrange marriages for his daughter as his own marriage to Golda had been arranged. Most likely, if you're listening to the show today, you have not experienced an arrangement. marriage. If you have, you give me an email, the Jeff Gavent's show at ascensionpress.com. Now, his daughters, however, they see things differently. It is for love that they wish to marry. Now forced to come to grips with a new concept of marriage after love instead of love after marriage. Tevia says to his wife, he's intrigued by this because his five daughters are marrying these Russians and why? Because they love these guys. Tevi is not used to that. He's used to,

I will love the one I marry, not I will marry the one I love. So it's a collision of two worlds here. And I love this song. Tevius says to Golda, his wife, it's a new world, love. After 25 years of married life, Golda, do you love me? Golda says, what? Tevia, do you love me? Golda, do I love you? With our daughter getting married and there's trouble in the town, you're upset, worn out, go inside, go lay down, maybe it's indigestion. Tevia, Golda, I'm asking you a question, do you love me? Golda, you're a fool. Tevia, I know, but do you love me? Golda, do I love you? For 25 years, I've washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house,

given you children, milk the cow. After 25 years, why talk about love right now? Tevia, Golda, the first time I met you was on our wedding day. I was scared. Golda, I was shy. Tevia, I was nervous. Golda, so was I. So was I. Tevia. But my father and my mother said we'd learn to love each other, and so I'm asking you, Golda, do you love me? Golda, I'm your wife. Tevia, I know, but do you love me? Golda, do I love you? For 25 years, I've lived with you, fought with him, starved with him. Twenty-five years, my bed is his. if that's not love what is tevia then you love me golda i suppose i do tevia i suppose i love you too together they sing it doesn't change a thing but even so after 25 years it's nice to know isn't that

isn't that beautiful let's take a look at that just for a second here there's so many things in there I'm just going to bring out a couple of points. One is something so beautiful, and that is this, is that Tevia hears that his daughters are marrying for this emotional love with these Russian soldiers. And he's kind of curious, does Golda feel that way about me? And so he asked, do you love me? And she's, of course, she's answering from the perspective of,

since we've got married, I've done nothing but love you. I've showed you that I've loved you by everything that I'm doing. And then they talk about the fact that when we met was on our wedding day and he said, I was scared. She said, I was shy. He said, I was nervous. She said, so was I. But then I love this one line where Tevia says, but my mother and my father said, we'd learn to love each other. and so I'm asking you, Golda, do you love me? And finally, of course, she says, I guess I do. And he says, I love you too. Isn't that a beautiful ending to that? Here we see a love that is based on commitment rather than emotions, a love that is demonstrated in everyday life. And this is God's will for all of our marriages, that our life be occupied with loving our wife, loving our husband, rather than

trying to determine if we are in fact in love. Now, if marriage is based on anything other than our commitment before God, then our marriage is founded on shifting sand. And if it is founded on emotions, they will change. If founded on looks, they will change. Look at my pictures. Circumstances, they will change. Feelings, oh yeah, they will change. But Jesus Christ never changes. He is a sure foundation on which you both can stand through good times and bad. I like what Paul says to the Ephesians in chapter 5 and verse 25. He says, he says, husband, love your wives, that just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.

You see, love in a Christian marriage is a love based not on mere feelings or circumstances, but on covenant faithfulness. The commitments that you will make in your marriage or you have made in your marriage are peculiar to society, for it is an exclusive commitment. And this commitment rules out all potential rivals who might compete for the attention of your marriage partner. At Mount Sinai, God said Israel, out of all the nations, you will be my treasured possession, and you shall have no other gods besides me. You know that even, you might remember if you got married or if you're going to be married here shortly, the usher's seat your families on opposite sides of the room. As you are looking at the altar, the bride's family is to the left, groomed to the right.

It's for a reason. By setting them in this traditional manner, it provides a covenant setting. And that's what marriage is. Marriage is established by God as a covenant, not a contract. And the Hebrew word for covenant is barit. It is defined as a cutting. It's a compact made by passing between two pieces of a sacrifice. And this word is pictured in God's covenant with Abraham in Genesis chapter 15.

You see, marriage is beyond a contract. It's beyond a social agreement, but it is a covenant relationship. And yes, you chose the one that you would marry. and now love comes after marriage love comes after marriage and that means from this day forward you make the decision to put that spouse of yours first to die for them to live for them to give yourself to them to become a living sacrifice for your spouse you come second give your life for your spouse I encourage you today to maybe take these words of the song from Fiddler on the roof and

review your own marriage. As you look at each other and say, do you love me? It certainly is not an emotionally based decision anymore if you've been married for 25, 30, 40, 50 years, but it is a commitment that is evidenced by what you do and how you treat each other and what you say about each other and how you spend your time together and how you reflect the love of God and his church. For marriage is the stage on which God demonstrates his faithfulness. Love comes after marriage. Let me pray for you this week. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Lord, I lift up my friends who are married and those who are yet to be married and perhaps they will be. Lord, I pray that you would help us understand the deep covenant aspect of marriage

and that marriage is not based on emotion, but is based on commitment. And that commitment is a reflection of your love for the church and a demonstration to the world of a commitment that goes beyond anything that the world is used to. Help us, Lord, to walk in fidelity in our marriages and to walk in faithfulness in our marriages. Help us to become examples. of your love for the church. I lift up all my friends who are listening right now that you would re-ignite their marriage, not based on emotion, but based on faithfulness,

that they would experience that love at a new level. We pray this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen. Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, my friend, I hope you have a good week, and I hope that this has been a little inspiring, especially if you're married. If you're going to be married, use this for the future. I'd like to hear from you how are you doing with your new great adventure Bible.

If you haven't bought it yet, go to ascensionpress.com and get your new great adventure Bible. It's rocking the Catholic Bible study world, and it's an awful lot of fun. I'd like to hear your insights into the show. Any questions you might have. My email is The Jeff Kaven Show. The is kind of important in the address. The Jeff Kavan Show at Essential. Press.com. You have a fantastic, fantastic week.