The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - OCD: Our Christmas Dilemmas

Episode Date: December 19, 2017

During the Christmas season, we pause to think about the impact of one very special life—the life of Jesus—on the life of every single human being throughout history. It might be easy to see Christ's impact on the world, but do we ever pause to reflect on how precious and powerful every single human life is? Do you ever take time to think about how your life has powerfully impacted the world around you in ways you might not even know? Today's episode reflects on how every life carries great meaning in God's greater plan.

You're listening to the Jeff Kavana's show, episode 45, O-C-D, our Christmas Dilemas. Hey, I'm Jeff Kavins. How do you simplify your life? How do you study the Bible? All the way from motorcycle trips to raising kids, we're going to talk about the faith and life in general. It's the Jeff Kaven Show. Well, Merry Christmas to you. This is the week preceding Christmas. If you're listening out of order, it's okay. But if you are listening in order, we're just days away now from Christmas, and it is kind of the highlight of the year for most people,

even if they don't even believe in God. Somehow they find a way to celebrate Christmas. And, of course, the malls are all ready to sell you anything, and the food is being prepared. It's a lot of fun. But I have found that, people stress over Christmas more than any other time in their life. And that's what I want to talk to you about this week is OCD our Christmas dilemmas, the things that we face as we go into the

Christmas week. And really on a serious note, what I'm hoping to do is to talk about some of the things that we face going into Christmas and New Year's a bit and give you some advice as far as how to encounter these difficulties that we face. It's amazing how many people will say, as Christmas is approaching, I just want the holidays to be over. It's like an annual rite of passage. We've got to get through this. I've got to buy the gifts.

I've got to prepare the food. I've got to go to the concerts and so forth. And when it's done, they need a vacation. Well, I want to talk about that. And I want to talk about our attitude, we approach Christmas because you as a Christian are a unique breed. You're going to be at that Christmas dinner, that unwrapping of the presents and so forth, and you're going to have a different perspective than everybody else. And you've got an opportunity to be a witness. You've got an

opportunity to let that light shine for Jesus Christ. I'm going to give you a number of things today, specifically seven things to think about when it comes to our Christmas dilemmas this year and how to deal with it. And all this, of course, will be in the show notes. You can go. Marisa, my unbelievable producer is putting it all together for you. And that's her gift to you to give you all the notes for every single show. So as I am speaking, we are literally, we're literally, let's see now, We're literally a week away from Christmas, and everybody is preparing for it, and a lot of things going on. So I'm in the same boat you are to some extent here. So let's talk about this, shall we?

Let's talk about our Christmas dilemmas and how we're going to approach this Christmas. And let me just start off by saying this, that the number one thing about Christmas, obviously, is not gifts, it's not food. it's not relatives and all of that. It has become that and it's good, yay. But the number one thing about Christmas is Jesus Christ. And it is his birth. It is God coming into the world. It is the divine intersecting humanity and changing life forever.

And that really is the emphasis. And whatever we experience in the Christmas season, And we've got to keep that in mind that it really is not about the malls. It is not about the food. It's not about the travel and all of that, even though these are the things that surround this truth that we are experiencing. And that is, God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son and that he was born in Bethlehem over 2,000 years ago.

So I just want to kind of lay that down as a foundation that, yes, Jesus is the reason for the season. He is the reason that we are celebrating. We've got to keep that central. And just like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, they had all the trees to eat from, but the one tree, the knowledge of good and evil, they were not permitted to eat of it.

And if they ate of it, they would die. And there was a lot of choices for them. In the same way, for us today, there's a lot of choices, and there's a lot of things we can get preoccupied with during the Christmas season, but there's only one thing really required of us, and that is to sit at the feet of Jesus to adore him and to show our deep, deep appreciation for his coming into this world

to save our souls. This is an amazing thing that God has done. So I just want to lay that down as a foundation. Okay, so OCD, our Christmas, dilemmas? What are some of these dilemmas that we face on a daily basis during this holiday season? Well, number one is an overemphasis on things, namely gifts, rather than the true reason for Christmas, which is Jesus Christ. Or we could say that experiences trump gifts, the experience of Jesus of Jesus, the experience of receiving his love and his mercy and his kindness

is greater than any physical gift that we can give. And one of the things that we have to watch out for during this Christmas season is the over-emphasis on things. Most people would say that they know that things will not make them happy. Most of us would say that. And we don't have a problem with that. We say that things will not make us happy. money will not make us happy, but what really makes us happy is an experience.

And I would really encourage you this year to de-emphasize things and look for the experiences. Now, when you get together with your family and you're opening presents and you're eating food and all of that, I think it's a good idea to press in to the experience of Christmas, the relationships, the beautiful people that God has given you in your life, the realizations that you've experienced this last year when it comes to discoveries in Bible study, discoveries in prayer. Focus on experiences with Jesus

and experiences with other people rather than simply things. We're going to get to this a little bit later, but most of us would agree the things you're going to get are nothing compared to the experience of Jesus Christ. So give yourself to other people during this Christmas, not just things, but give yourself. One of the things that I've told my family this year,

and I really mean it, is, and some people say, well, you're depriving them of giving you a gift. No, no, no. I said to my family, please, there's no need to buy me any thing. quote-unquote thing, what I would really like is if you were going to give me a thing, take the money that you would have spent on the thing, and let's give it to a charity. Let's give it to some people who are really in need. That would truly make me happy.

It really would. So an over-emphasis on things, we've got to deal with that this year. That's one of the dilemmas that we face when we're dealing with OCD. Number two, bad memories. Bad memories tied to the holidays. You know, when I was a pastor for about 12 years, one of the things that I constantly counseled people on was how to deal with the bad memories tied to anniversaries, birthdays,

major holidays, and the king of all holidays, Christmas. It's unfortunate, but so many people have grown up in a situation where everybody's emotions and everybody's difficulties came out during the holidays. Sisters, brothers had to prove something and there were fights and there were disagreements and hidden feelings of animosity and jealousy and envy. And unfortunately, that happens during holidays. Why?

Because families come together around holidays. So bad memories sometimes are tied to Christmas where people think back and they'll think, well, I don't have a good memory about Christmas. But I want to encourage you to walk in forgiveness. I want to encourage you to walk in forgiveness this year. If you know that Christmas is going to be a difficult time, it's one of your dilemmas, and you're going into it thinking, here we go again, my sister, fill in the blank, my brother, Phil in the blank. my uncle, fill in the blank, is going to do fill in the blank. Prepare yourself. Prepare yourself to walk in forgiveness. Prepare yourself to walk in the mind of Christ. And I love what Paul said, and I'll put this in the show notes for you. In 1 Corinthians chapter 2 and verse 16, Paul said,

for who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ. we have the mind of Christ and so I want to encourage you this year if one of your Christmas dilemmas one of those elements of OCD is a bad memory of Christmas go into it with the mind of Christ and you will make a difference

in that situation number three that missing person very very difficult and one frankly that I'm experienced experiencing, my wife is experiencing, my brother-in-laws are experiencing, my mother-in-law is experiencing this year, that missing person. You see, earlier this year, my father-in-law, Andreas Tobler, died at the age of 91. And we haven't had a Christmas without Andy. And that's a heartache,

you know? It's a heartache because we have had, my wife and I, 40 Christmases with Andy. And this is the first one without Andy, my father-in-law. And that's a difficult thing. And I want you to know that I know that. And for some of you, it's the first time that you've ever gone through a Christmas without a relative, maybe a child or an uncle or your wife, your spouse, grandma, grandpa. And it's difficult because family coming together at Christmas time means something in itself.

It means we're family. love each other, even though we might fight, like point two. But we're family. And every time you experience a major holiday for the first time without that special person, you automatically think about the fact that they're the ones that handed out the gifts. They're the ones that gave the gifts away at Christmas. They're the ones that provided those gingerbread cookies. They're the ones that made that special dessert that nobody wanted to eat. That missing person, heartache. Here's what I would encourage you to do.

Lean into the Holy Family. Lean into the Holy Family. Mary Joseph, Jesus. Lean into them and to take comfort and consolation in the Holy Family. Who went through so many difficulties. I would also encourage you to make this a matter of the communion of saints. You see, you might be missing your father this year. You might be missing a relative or a best friend this year, a colleague at work. But one of the beautiful things we have

to celebrate because of Jesus at Christmas is the communion of saints. Isn't that beautiful? And one of the best time to celebrate the communion of saints is during the mass. Because the church teaches us that in the Mass, we join the saints in the great Eucharistic celebration in heaven. And so as you go to Mass for Christmas this year, if this is a year of heartache and you're missing a person, join the saints and celebrate with your family, celebrate with your dad during that mass, and celebrate the good things that you remember about your lost loved one, your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, make their virtue a gift. to yourself and others by telling others of the good things about your loved one.

Focus on the gift they gave you, if you can. My father-in-law, Andy, 91 years old, born in Switzerland. He was an example to me of a hard-working blue-collar man who wanted no glory for himself, but he worked for his family day in and day out, month in and month out, year in and year out, he was faithful. I celebrate that this year, that missing person. Number four, preparing for Christ rather than meeting others' expectations. The Advent season, my friend, is a time of preparing for the coming of the Lord.

We celebrate his first coming. We also look forward to his second coming in Advent, which is the beginning of the liturgical year. and we are preparing for Christ. And during the Christmas season in America, oftentimes, we find ourselves preparing for meeting others' expectations. What do you want for Christmas? What are other people expecting of me? And that's okay.

But we need to focus on preparing for Christ's coming. That's really what this is about. And so I would encourage you to do three things. one is to prepare for his coming sacramentally, confession, mass. Number two, prepare for his coming in reading his word, reading scripture, Lexio-Devina, listening to his voice during these readings as we are preparing for his coming. And third, prepare for his coming by engaging in solidarity with the body of Christ. Now, what I just gave you in those three points is really what Nehemiah and Ezra and Zerubbable did in the Old Testament as Israel came back from Babylonian captivity.

And when they came back from Babylonian captivity in three waves, they focused on the temple, which is similar to the sacraments. And they prepared in reading the Word of God and studying under Ezra. and that is our Bible study and they also came back from captivity and Nehemiah built the walls which speaks of community solidarity we need the community those are three ways that we can prepare

for Christ rather than others' expectations we've got numbers 5, 6, and 7 coming up but I'm going to take a break just a reminder that you can send me an email at the Jeff Kaven's show at ascensionpress.com. Love to hear your comments and encourage you to go to iTunes and rank the show and give some comments. It does marvels for raising up the show so that other Catholics can hear some of the good news that we have to celebrate. I'm Jeff Kavans, and we'll be back in just a moment.

It's hard to live out your Catholic faith on your own. In fact, the Bible reveals that we need a community of people to help us on our journey of faith. If you're interested in finding that community by joining or starting a small group study, visit ascensionpress.com and sign up for a free access ascension account. With your account, you'll get all the tools you need to start walking with others towards Christ. Welcome back to the show. We're talking about OCD, our Christmas dilemmas, and we've gone through five dilemmas so far that we face every Christmas.

year, many of us do at least, over emphasis on things, bad memories, that missing person, preparing for Christ rather than meeting others' expectations. And then number five, I'd like to talk about this. This is really a big one. So it's almost addictive, to be honest with you. And I experienced this years ago when Emily and I lived in Birmingham, Alabama with the kids, and I was with EWTN, and every year we would drive back to Minnesota to be at my parents and Emily's parents during Christmas.

And as we are driving back, just to be honest with you, and I'm sure you would concur, there was such a hope in my heart, an expectation in my heart of what this Christmas would be. We're going to be with family. There's not going to be a lot of obligations during this time. We're going to be with family. We're going to have great food, entertainment. Of course, Christmas presents and singing, whatever. You know, just really a lot of, very hopeful, very, very hopeful.

But one of the things that I have discovered over the years in my own heart and in counseling other people and listening to the conversations around me is that so often what Christmas becomes for people is not what they were hoping for. That when it's all said and done, the paper's on the floor and the food has been eaten and people are stuffed and some are leaving to go back home, they think to themselves, this wasn't what I was hoping for. And I want to challenge you this year and ask, what is your desire? What really deep down inside is your desire?

Is your desire simply to be together and eat in open presence, or is your desire deep down inside peace from Christ? A certitude about your eternal destiny as a result of your relationship with Christ. I have learned over the years that there's one thing that is really, really for sure. And that is Proverbs 1312. I'll put it in the show notes. hope deferred makes the heart sick

but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life if you will set your desire and your hope this year on Christ rather than experiences and things in food which is yay it's going to come it's going to be good but if you can set your hope and your desire on Jesus Christ you will never ever ever be disappointed You will never be disappointed.

And so in one way, I'm saying, prepare for the day after Christmas. Christ came, now what? What are you left with? A mess, calories, returns? No, aim for Jesus. That's your desire. Take some time to really thank him and to enter into that moment. Maybe you have to break away from the crowd, but you break away and you say, Jesus, thank you for coming.

Thank you for changing my life. Nothing is bad or nothing is disappointing beyond this. You are everything. I'm reminded of the Christmas story. Remember that Ralphie? At the very beginning of the film, the whole center of his Christmas was what? He wanted the Red Rider Carbine Action 200 shot range model air rifle.

Remember that? And he mentions it to his parents and what does his mother say? you'll shoot your eye out. Well, that is hope deferred and made Ralphie sick. And he spent the rest of his Christmas preparation trying to convince Mom and Dad, trying to convince his teacher, trying to convince Santa Claus

that I want the Red Rider Carbine Action 200-shot-range model air rifle. But they all said he'll shoot your eye out. But he kind of held to his hope, didn't he? It's what he really hoped for. and what's interesting about that is that in the end he got what he was hoping for but what really touched the viewing audience wasn't so much Ralphie getting the Red Rider Carbine Action 200 shot range of battle a rifle what really touched the audience was the joy of his father giving him the gift and even trumping that was the joy was the joy of

mother giving in and saying okay all right so sometimes when we think you know I'm not going to get what I was hoping for and I'm not talking up so much about gifts you might find out that God is going to give you what you're hoping for this year hope deferred makes the heart sick hope in Christ so so what do you do when you get that ugly sweater or that clip tie similar to the one you received at confirmation back in 1971. What do you do? You're gracious. You're gracious.

And you see the gift giver behind the gift. One of the things that's actually attached to what are you hoping for is the problem of and the dilemma of getting sick. Now, I'm not putting sickness on you here this year, but I will say this. I've had a couple doozies over the years. And I remember, I think it was four years ago. I think it was four years ago, four or five years ago. There was a flu going around in our family.

I mean, wicked, knockout in the first round type of flu. And everybody had it except for me and my son-in-law, Patrick. And I was thinking as we were coming to Christmas Eve, well, I'm one of the lucky ones. You know, I just beat it and everybody else got sick before Christmas. And thank God they got sick before Christmas. And I remember going to bed on Christmas Eve thinking, you know, I beat this thing. And then Christmas morning I woke up, felt fantastic, felt really good. And, of course, we all do the customary Christmas morning.

We go down and there's food out and Santa, his stuff. has visited and Rudolph has rubbed his nose on the on the Kleenex and the food that we left for Santa's half eaten with the donut and so forth and we all kind of gathered around the tree and and there's some special gifts out there that were not out there the day before because Santa had visited of course and the kids all came down and we're on bath robes and got a cup of coffee and it's it's your home okay we're at your home it's the same and I'm sitting there and I felt really like a million bucks. Well, a million bucks can be burnt pretty quick. And it was about 10 minutes later, I think it was my daughter was playing Santa that year and she

passed a gift over to me and I started to open it and just like that. I felt awful. I mean, I knew this thing it hit me full force and I looked at my wife and I said oh no she goes what and I said I could have gone upstairs I went upstairs and for the next two days laid in bed shaking sick as a dog and everybody opened their presence downstairs and I could hear them and then everybody left our house and went to my parents house to do that side of the family and I was in bed shaking and trying to drink water and take some medicine. And I thought, oh, this isn't how I expected it to turn out.

But you know what we can do as Christians? As people who understand the sufferings of Christ is that we can, if we happen to get sick, and I'm not putting this on you, but if we happen to get sick with the flu, the cold, whatever it might be, gives you an opportunity to enter into the sufferings of Christ. to enter into the sufferings of Christ, he was born into this world, he was born to suffer.

He said in Hebrews, a body you have prepared for me, Father, and he suffered for you. If you happen to get sick, if that's your dilemma, your OCD dilemma this year, enter into it as a mature Christian and embrace the sufferings of Christ. And when someone comes into your room and says, some peanut brittle, just tell them to get out. Or some almond bark in the shape of Santa? No, no, get out, get out. But enter into that suffering.

Number six, financial strain, buying too much. A real simple thing here, what I would encourage you to do, if this is your OCD, your Christmas dilemma, our Christmas dilemma, it might be too late for some of you as you're listening to this. Maybe you've spent too much already, but focus on making something or an experience rather than just simply going broke to buy things that people may end up returning the very next day. Some of the greatest gifts that I've ever received were things that people made for me,

and I don't want to get rid of them because it was part of their heart, part of their life. And then number seven, travel. One of the dilemmas we face, our Christmas dilemmas, is travel. Many of you are going to be traveling by car across the country to go to your kids or to grandma's house in the woods, you're going to experience problems perhaps in travel on the road. You're going to experience maybe kids are going to fight in the car, that type of thing. Airport problems and delays, hotel reservations, bad weather. All of these things have happened to us.

I remember one year we were coming back from Dayton, Ohio, to Minneapolis for Christmas, and it was like the day before Christmas Eve, and it was, oh, wow, was it cold. It was like Siberia in the middle of Indiana. And we're traveling along about 11 o'clock at night, and we've got another few miles to go before we get our hotel, and all of a sudden, boom, flat tire. And it's like eight below. And the car is packed.

And my daughter, at that time we only had Carly, she's sitting back there squished in between all the presents and everything else that we're going to take to Minnesota, and the spare tire is beneath all of it. And I'm like, no, no. But you know, something I really learned, I learned something on that particular trip because I got out of the car,

and I had to start taking stuff out of the car to get the spare tire, and it turns out I didn't have a tire iron. And this guy pulls up behind me, and my first thought is, uh-oh, weirdo, 11 o'clock at night, I'm in trouble, protect your family, you know? be the hero and he walks up to me and he said can I help you and I said well I don't have a tire iron I got to change my my tire the guy you know what the guy said he said I'm a Christian and I'd be happy to

help you I thought oh praise God praise God I literally stood there while he did it I even wonder to this day whether that was an angel but if you have travel problems this year and that's one of your dilemmas, once again, look for God's hand in it. Look for the opportunities to be a blessing to other people. Don't focus on your own dilemma. Focus on God. This is what's happened. What can I do in this situation? So there's seven dilemmas. OCD, our Christmas dilemma is this year, and I hope that some of this will help you this year if you happen to encounter any of these seven. as a conclusion I just want you to know

that Emily and I are wishing you the greatest of Christmas the greatest experience of all which is this intimacy with Christ and to embrace him to know him to experience him

to walk in forgiveness and justice and love and peace and to embrace your family and see the good in them even if it's that sister

that you don't get along with. Ask Jesus what is good and what can you focus on. And I pray more than anything else this Christmas. On behalf of my family, that you would become more like Jesus. Love to hear from you. My email is The Jeff Kaven Show at ascensionpress.com. And once again, I encourage you to go to iTunes as maybe a gift to me. Go to iTunes, rank the show, make a comment.

I would appreciate it, and I receive that as a gift from you. Even if there's criticism, I receive it from you. Let me pray for you. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Lord, I lift up my friends listening to the show today, and I ask you, Lord, to bless them this Christmas, that they would truly see the real meaning of Christmas and that they would be able to deal with OCD, their Christmas dilemmas, are Christmas dilemmas, and that we know that we can do all things.

things through you who strengthen us. You are the reason for the season, Jesus, and we love you, and we adore you. And we say, with our lives and with our speech, happy birthday. Amen.