The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - Overcoming Envy in the Holidays

Episode Date: November 25, 2022

Can we be joyful and envious at the same time? The holiday season hopes to bring joy, but we can also find ourselves pained with envy, not wanting others to be blessed in the ways God has blessed them. In this week’s episode, Jeff gives us several ways to overcome envy and celebrate the freedom that Christ came for us to have. Snippet from the Show Replace the envious thoughts in your head by praying for that person in your head. Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit ascensionpress.com/thejeffcavinsshow for full shownotes!

Welcome to the Jeff Kaven Show, where we talk about the Bible, discipleship, and evangelization, putting it all together in living as activated disciples. This is show 298, overcoming envy in the holidays. Well, happy holiday season to you. We've got Thanksgiving yesterday, and we've got, uh, Christmas coming up. And so we're right in the middle of that time of the year where people are busy. They are meeting family and friends and lots of different get-togethers at work, you know, and, you know, kids are out sledding and everything else. At least here in Minnesota, we have, well, we have quite a bit of snow already on the ground. And the question of, is it going to be a white Christmas? I have a feeling it will be. Not like our brothers and sisters out in

Buffalo, New York, who just had seven feet of snow. That is unimaginable. I mean, people think about Minnesota as being the place that's so cold and so much snow. And we want you to just keep thinking that way. We're doing really good here. But no, in all seriousness, it's not that snowy here, really, most of the time. And there's only a couple of weeks that are really, really cold. But it's cold enough right now where I have my...

my big cup, in my cup, best dad ever cup given to me my daughter. I have my puer tea, and that keeps me warm here in the winter months. We're not even at winter yet, are we? Well, we are in the middle of the holiday season, as they call it, and I want to talk about a subject that people don't usually talk about during the holidays. And it's the subject of envy. Now, when I've been teaching this course over the last, I don't know, 15, years or so. I have a course where I talk, one of the days I talk about envy. Most of the people

say, well, that's just not something that I deal with, really. You know, sure, I'm jealous about a few things, but envy, nah, that's not me. But I want to, I want to share this with you because you may be gathering together with family members that in some cases, your brother or sister is going to come together during the holidays, and they live across the country. You haven't seen them for a while, and the last time you saw them, there was tension in the air. And so often when families get together, there is tension in the air. There's unresolved conflict. There is jealousy about relationships.

There is a vying for attention or to be right or you're saying that I'm wrong. You've got religion now and you're saying I'm wrong. And there's just a lot of emotional and psychological things that can happen when families get together, one of which is envy. So what I'd like to do today is I'd like to define envy, talk a little bit about it, and then give you some really solid pointers on how to overcome envy. Even if you don't understand it right now, we're going to try to help you understand that,

and then how do I actually deal with it. Now, I do have some scripture to share with you today so you can get my notes absolutely free by simply texting my name, Jeff Kaven's one word to the number, 3-3-777. That's 33-77. You'll get on the list. We'll give you the notes every single week. We've been doing this for a while now.

Two more shows, and it'll be 300. 300 shows. And I love being with you. I really do. Okay, so what is envy? Well, envy, it really is an attack on all things that are good. There is a difference between envy and jealousy. When you get together with your family members during the holidays, there can be both jealousy and envy in your relationships.

So what's the difference? Well, jealousy is, I want what you have. Maybe you drove up to Christmas Day with a brand new Tesla and your sister's thinking, man, I wish I had one of those. Well, being jealous of somebody isn't necessarily sin. You could say, boy, I'd really like to have a marriage like you. years or oh, I'd love to have, you know, my children to get straight A's and on the honor roll for all four years in high school. Oh, I'm so jealous, you know. It's harmless when we talk about it like that. But envy is different than jealousy. Jealousy is I want what you have. envy is I don't

want you to have what you have. Because when you have what you have, it makes me sad. It's called a deadly vice, really. It's one of the deadly sins. And it's listed under deadly sins. You know why? Because it's deadly. It will steal you of life. It will rob you of joy. It will take you off of your game so fast. And it can seem like it's almost like a virus is just following you everywhere. You are envious. St. Thomas said in the Summa, we grieve over a man's good. Insofar as his good surpasses ours, it is always sinful, he said. When someone else wins, I lose. I lose. Let me kind of describe it like this. Maybe it'll be a little bit easier to understand. You and I are called to rejoice with those who rejoice and to mourn with those who mourn. But what happens sometimes in a family is that one of the siblings has become very blessed,

with their education, their job. They seem to have a lot of excess cash. They send their kids off to the finest schools. They buy all kinds of toys, you know, to put at one of their two cabins. And all of that has done something to you. You've allowed something to enter into your heart, and their success makes you sad. It makes you sad. And it's hard to deal with.

And when you get together during the holidays and they start talking about, you know, guess what? Guess what? We got a new boat. We got a new boat for the cabin that's way up north. And my husband for Harvey, he just loves it. And here's some pictures. And inside, you are becoming very sad. You are becoming almost angry.

It's like rather than rejoicing that they got that boat. I'm not talking about a boat necessarily. That could be anything, right? Well, listen to this. If you've been to Florence, Italy, which I have, I always wanted to see that statue of David. And when I went to Florence and I walked into the room where that great big statue of David by Michelangelo was there, I got tears in my eyes. I was shaken because I thought David was about five feet tall, six feet tall. No, no, it's 17 feet tall and weighs 500 tons.

that's amazing. This was a marvel of marble. And when I looked at it, it just really hit me, this masterpiece. He created it from 1501 to 1504, and that statue was cut from a rejected piece of marble. As I said, it stands 17 feet tall, 500 tons, and today it's on display in the Academia Gallery in Florence. But listen to this, and this is what I'm trying to get to. In 1991, an artist came into the museum with a sledgehammer and damaged the left foot, started pounding on the left foot of the statue of David. Do you believe that? What would drive a man to do something like that?

Well, he was taken into custody and asked why. You know what he said? He said, it was Veronese's beautiful nanny who asked me to hit the David. The guide at the museum said, also, the guy said, I am an artist. This is the guy that crushed the left foot of David. He said, I am an artist, too, and I simply couldn't swallow the perfection of Michelangelo. There you got envy.

Michelangelo, his statue of David, the David, seemed to be so perfect, so wonderful, people from all over the world were coming to see it, and it made that other artists so envious and sad. that he wanted to blemish the statue by hitting with a sledgehammer the left foot. Have you learned to recognize envy in your life? Who are you mentally and emotionally taking the hammer to in your life? Is it a family member? Does that ring a bell? My problem goes away when you fail.

That's what some people might say who are struggling with envy. My problem goes away when you fail. Remember the Grinch that stole? Christmas by Dr. Seuss? Do you remember his habit? He had a really weird habit. He would always bite himself whenever someone else was blessed with something. He would bite himself. Can I ask my friend a question today? And I ask myself that question too. This isn't something that's just me talking to you. Let me ask you a question. Do you bite yourself? Do you bite yourself when your brother-in-law gets a raise? Do you bite yourself? Do you bite yourself? Do you bite yourself?

when your best friend just inherited a lake home? Do you bite yourself when your sister's kids were just accepted at Harvard? Do you bite yourself when you hear that your colleague just paid off their home early? You see, envy is like a lump of burning coal. It consumes itself. In the words of John Chrysostom, as a moth gnaws at a garment, so envy consumes a man. Wow. That's powerful. This truth is illustrated in an ancient story, an ancient Jewish story that tells of an angel visiting a storekeeper and offering to give him whatever he wished. Can you imagine that? An angel visiting you and says, I'm going to give you whatever you wish. Those of us that grew up in the I dream of Jeannie era would know what we're talking about here,

the angel says, I'll give you whatever you wish. And this man, knowing that his main rival in business would get twice as much of whatever he asked for, he asked to be blinded in one eye. Wow. Wow. Take one of my eyes, knowing that my rival will have both eyes taken. Envy is distinguished from greed. It's distinguished from competition. Unlike the greedy man the man afflicted by envy does not necessarily want the goods he resents another having he doesn't want those goods he simply doesn't want that other man to have him he differs from the competitive man in that his aim unlike that of the competitive man is not to win but to keep others from winning oh this is awful isn't it you said chef you're talking to me about envy during the holiday

season. Where's the cheer? Where's the eggnog? Well, you drink all the eggnog you want, but if there's envy in your heart, you're not going to enjoy the holidays. So I'm trying to leave a problem here. So where did envy come from? Well, it's very easy. The book of wisdom tells us, in Wisdom chapter 2 and verse 21, thus they reasoned, but they have led astray for their wickedness blinded them. And they did not know the secret purposes of God, nor hope for the wages of hope. holiness, nor discern the prize for blameless souls. For God created man for incorruption and made him in the image of his own eternity. But through the devil's envy, death entered the world. And those who belong to his party experience it. Oh, that is amazing. Wisdom, chapter 2,

verses 21, 24, I'll put in the show notes for you, but through the devil's envy, death entered the world. And those who belonged to his party experience it. Now, I'm not going to ask you, are you part of his party? But are you experiencing envy? You see, Lucifer became envious at the beauty of God and the praise and the worship that God received. When God was praised and worshipped, it made him sad. That's what envy is. Envy is the chief in defining characteristic of the devil's envy. All of salvation history has been affected. It's all been affected. It's amazing. Galatians gives you sort of a resume. Galatians 520, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy, drunkenness, carousing and the like. Paul

says, I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Did you get that? Envy is stuck right in the middle of jealousy, sorcery, and all these different things. Amazing. Envy roots itself in pride, and it flowers in hate. I like what Ralph Waldo Emerson said one time about it. He said, envy is the tax which all distinction must pay. Start making distinction. between you and your sister who are coming over, she's coming over for Christmas, envy is the tax which all distinction must pay. So what is the result? Well, envy is a poison that affects every area of your life, your health, it affects your health and your relationships, your dreams,

and most importantly, envy affects your relationship with God. In fact, envy goes back to some aspect of your relationship with God that is distorted, not right. It's a it's not put together properly. You're missing something. It also affects your physical health. Proverbs 1430, a tranquil mind gives life to the flush, but envy rots the bones. You can't be envious and happy at the same time, my friend. That is an impossibility. It's impossible to be happy and envious at the same time. Socrates once said, the envious person grows lean with the fatness of their neighbor. This is not a diet you want to be on.

Calls for a little tea. The spiritual and mental health are also affected. Envy is an insult to oneself. You no longer see your value in terms of your relationship with God and all that he has given you, but you see your value in relationship to what you don't have. Rather than adoring the Lord, you get into the devil's adoration. Envy is the devil's holy hour.

It's counterfeit adoration, reading the imitation of Satan instead of the imitation of Christ. Hopefully that's not your devotional book, right? If you want to know what the enemy experienced before the fall, experience envy. Some have wondered how could the enemy fall? How could the enemy give up all of that that God gave him? Because he didn't have what God had. Envy ruins relationships. We should be concerned with God's will being played out in other people's lives.

And we should be happy about other people being blessed. Envy is meditating on the devil's will for someone's life and cheering and smiling. Envy puts you in a position where you are in total opposition to God's will for someone else's life. It's the antithesis of God's love. Envy is the antithesis of all we are called to do and say. For example, we are called to mourn when someone is unhappy, but envy mourns when others are happy. It's a counterfeit church, my friend, it's counterfeit.

Do you remember that movie, Mozart, Mozart, do you remember that? Well, I'm going to tell you just a little bit about that, but it's going to be on the other side of this break. By the way, if you do want the show notes, all you got to do, my name, Jeff Kaven's texted to the number 3377, and a little bit later on at the tail end of the show, I'm going to talk to you just briefly about catechism in a year, which is coming out, oh, just weeks from now. You're listening to the Jeff Kaven show. two thousand years ago jesus christ chose corrupt broken imperfect sinful men to be the foundation of his church and because these broken imperfect men chose to remain in relationship with jesus they became saints and they were used by jesus to transform hearts and minds two thousand years later

I invite you to check out my book, Broken and Blessed, where you'll find practical tools to overcome habitual sin, to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and to walk with an imperfect church toward a perfect God who is calling all of us to perfection over time. To order the paperback book or audiobook, Broken and Blessed, visit ascensionpress.com or Amazon. All right, we're talking about envy today, particularly during the holiday season, because I, as your friend, do not want you going into the holiday, whether it's a meeting before Christmas, a celebration, a business celebration, you know, holiday party, Christmas party, or Christmas morning or Christmas Eve.

I don't want you to be stung by envy. I really desire for you to be free of it before you get together. The Mozart movie, Donald DeMarco, great writer, does a wonderful job of explaining the difference between good pride and bad pride by using the movie Amadeus. And this talks about envy at the core. It's the story of Antonio Salieri and Mozart. Salieri wants to be known as a great composer. You might remember that. He's good.

He's no Mozart. He's not great. and he has pride he has pride until Mozart comes along he thinks he's really the hot stuff and then then comes this young upstart this brilliant young

pup Mozart and Mozart composes with such ease and this bothers Salieri he sees Mozart as a little brat because he is proud when he sees Mozart get this that pride gives birth

to envy. You've seen the movie, haven't you? This pride gives birth to envy. Envy is described as sorrow at another person's good fortune, rather than rejoice with Mozart. Well, it makes Salieri sad because it feeds into his pride and he's not getting the strokes that he wants. Everybody's paying attention to Mozart.

His envy turns to anger. and he decides to murder Mozart. Kind of like Canaan Abel, isn't it? But before he does, he tries to get Mozart to write a requiem. With the idea, get this, this is how insidious it is, he gets Mozart to write a requiem with the idea that the requiem would be played at Mozart's funeral. And he, Salieri, will claim to have written the incredible piece.

He will then get praise. that's that's devious he ends up in a mental institution rolling around and and forgiving everyone for the sin of mediocrity mediocrity so what's the solution for this what can i share with you going into the holiday season yesterday's gone yesterday's gone right that was thanksgiving but you've got the rest of the holiday season to uh to think about okay so solution envy number one is a spiritual problem This is not just an intellectual or psychological problem or social problem. This is a spiritual problem. It's not economic.

It's spiritual. And at the heart of the problem is our perception of and relationship with God. With God. Remember that story in Matthew 20, the workers in the vineyard? The Lord's response when others were blessed. You remember that? The guy comes in at 9 in the morning. Hey, I'll give you five bucks to work today.

Thank you. A guy comes in at 11 o'clock, I'll give you five bucks to work the rest of the day. Thank you. Another guy comes in at two in the afternoon. I'll pay you five bucks to work the rest of the day. And a guy comes in at four o'clock, an hour before quitting. I'll give you five bucks to work the rest of the day. Well, the guy that started at nine in the morning is all envious,

and it bothers him that these people are being blessed. It's bothering you. And the Lord's response is brilliant. He says, are you envious? because I'm generous? See, we must learn to be content with what God has given us. Paul did. Paul said in Philippians 4, I'll put it in the show notes for you. He said, Not that I complain of want, for I have learned in whatever state I am to be content. I know how to be abased and I know how to abound in any and all circumstances.

I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger. Abundance and want. And here it is. drum roll, I can do all things in him who strengthens me. Isn't that beautiful? Again, Paul, he taught Timothy a lot and he wrote to Timothy and said in chapter 6 of 1st Timothy, there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content. We need to learn to be content. We need to learn to be content. It's not going to jump on you. You're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and go, I don't know what happened last night, but contentment just jumped on me and it won't let go. It's got a stranglehold on me. Praise God. It's not going to happen. But there are a number

of ways to battle envy. Number one, recognize, I'll put this in the show notes, so you don't have to pull over. Recognize it in your life. It is sin. It's not a problem. It's not a psychological adjustment. friend, it is sin and it must be uprooted. Once you identify it, go to confession, develop a plan, a plan to build a good attitude towards your sister, your brother, your cousin, your mom, your dad, your grandma. We're so recognized it in your life. Number two, purpose to walk in love. When you go to that gathering this year, purpose to walk in love. In 1st Corinthians 13, it says that love does not envy. Love seeks out the eternal good for others and rejoices with them. Focus on the eternal good of other people. Number three, change your focus. Jesus pointed

those who struggled with envy in a different direction, a new focal point. To those who could be envious of the mercy he extended to the lost sheep, Jesus points to heavenly joy. You remember that? it's in Luke chapter 15 and verse 7 some were envious that he was giving attention to the lost sheep what did jesus do he pointed them to the heavenly joy that would take place when these lost sheep were found to those who could be envious of wealth jesus warned lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. St. Peter did something similar to that.

First Peter, too. So put away all malice and all guile and insincerity and envy and all slander. Like newborn babes long for the pure spiritual milk. At by it you may grow up to salvation. So Peter is telling us to feed on the pure milk of God's word. Here's the fourth one. Love, if your sister tells you something excellent about her son and your son is in detention school or detention after school, then learn to love excellence. Paul said it so well in Philippians four aid. Finally, brethren, whatever's true, whatever's honorable, whatever's right, whatever's pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute. If there is any excellence and anything worthy of praise dwell on these things.

So learn to love excellence. If your sister's family is experiencing excellence, and that's why your brother-in-law got that promotion at the hospital, love excellence. Number five, don't take the bait. One of the remedies for envy is to learn to love excellence for its own sake. When St. Paul's friends were drawing his attention to the shortcomings of revival preachers, He said, but what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives are true, Christ is preached.

And because of this, I rejoice, yes, and I will continue to rejoice, Philippians 118. See, he didn't take the bait. Yeah, but there's other people, Paul, that are doing greater works than you are doing right now. How does that make you feel? Fine, fine. I'm not taking the bait. when others are baiting him he doesn't take it replace the thoughts in your head by praying for that person in your head god bless them over and over until i'm changed that's number five number six the habit of gratitude fights envy i call it habitude confused myself there the habit of gratitude. The habit of gratitude fights envy.

The habit of gratitude fights envy in your life. Learn to walk in thankfulness and gratitude for all that God has given you. Listen, if you take a moment and you don't focus on what's happening to your sister's family or brother's family, and you focus on how God has blessed you so much, it will change your whole day. Don't focus on what others have. Be thankful for what you have. Come up with five things. a day and give thanks. Give thanks to God. Number seven, rejoice in the merits of others.

Paul said in Romans 1215, to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Don't reverse it, but rejoice in the merits of others. The catechism really explains this so well. It says in paragraph 2540, would you like to see God glorified by you? then rejoice in your brother's progress and you will immediately give glory to God. See, you can give glory to God by rejoicing in your brother's progress because his servant could conquer envy by rejoicing in the merits of others. God will be praised. It's so good that you can conquer envy by rejoicing in the merit of your brother.

Do it. Number eight, express admiration. Learn to admire the good things in your family. Incorporate them into your prayers. This is an exercise of goodwill. It's gratitude. Send them a card. Tell them, congratulations. Honestly, this is amazing what's happened in your life. Just do it. Overcome this. You overcome the sin with good. You overcome the sin by doing right. Number nine, walk in humility. Walk in humility. The catechism says, I just commented on it just a moment ago. Envy represents a form of sadness. It says, and therefore a refusal of charity, the baptized person should struggle against it by exercising goodwill.

Envy often comes from pride. The baptized person should train himself to live in humility. So, my friend, in conclusion, today, I just want to encourage you that when you get together with your family during this whole next month, Christmas, New Year's, Stretch it to Valentine's Day.

We can go all the way out there to Valentine's Day. When you go and you get together, you need to be aware and recognize this in your life. You need a purpose to walk in love, to change your focus, rather than the focus on what they have or did, you want to change your focus to what God is doing. You want to go into the holidays loving excellence.

Don't take the bait. Don't do it. Don't take the bait. and you need to develop the habit of gratitude that fights envy and rejoice in the merits of your family and those who are going to be attending with you. And if you can, express admiration right there at the Christmas dinner. And remember to walk in humility. I'm going to pray for you and I hope this helps in some way. Would you let me know? Send me an email. The Jeff Kaven Show at ascensionpress.com. Tell me what you think of this, if this has helped you.

Put it in the show notes, the show comments. Go ahead to Apple and rank it if you want to. Be a part of growing the good news here to people who are going to be searching on the internet. What is this done for you? Of course, probably nothing at the moment because I just gave it. But if you take it and walk in it, I'd love to know how this is going to affect your holidays. It's affecting mine. You say, Jeff, how is it affecting?

here's why would it affect yours because i felt like i needed to study it enough said you and i can be in the same boat at the same time so let's all let's all feed from the lord's table in his word and let's get right with god and right with those we love in the name of the father and the son and the holy spirit let me pause there for a second catechism in a year said i'd say something sign up for it starting in january we're going through the catechism in a year year using the new ascension catechism check it out i'll put it in the show notes father son and the holy spirit jesus we love you we thank you for everything in our life lord give us a heart of gratitude help us to develop that habit of gratitude and to keep our eyes focused on you and the goodness of you

rather than being sad about somebody else lord i pray for my friend right now going into the holidays that that they will overcome this and find this year to be a new year by the power of the Holy Spirit. Blessed Mother, I entrust them to you and your prayers. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us, sinners, now and at the hour of our death, amen. I love you, and I'm looking forward to seeing you next week. Thank you.