The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - Protector of Widows: It's Not Just a Dream

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

Losing a spouse is one of the most heartbreaking things we can experience in this life, but we don’t have to go through it alone. Today, Jeff talks about his personal experiences ministering to those who have lost a spouse and gives some counsel on how we can remember those we’ve lost in the Eucharist. Snippet from the Show “You will know your spouse in Heaven, and you can know them today in the Eucharist.” Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit ascensionpress.com/thejeffcavinsshow for full shownotes!

You're listening to the Jeff Kaven Show, episode 221. Our Widows, it's not just a dream. Hey, I'm Jeff Kavans. How do you simplify your life? How do you study the Bible? All the way from motorcycle trips to raising kids, we're going to talk about the faith and life in general. It's the Jeff Kaven Show.

Of all the funerals that I have, I have attended over the years, which I have attended quite a few funerals, and for 12 years, I was a Protestant pastor, and I was overseeing the funeral, and I had family standing around, and I've got to tell you that the hardest funerals to officiate, the hardest funerals to attend are the funerals of men who suddenly are gone, and their wife is left with children. No doubt you have heard stories like this. No doubt you have friends or colleagues where this has happened and you attended the funeral. And there's not a dry eye in the place because there's something so deep that has taken place that it affects the entire congregation. It affects the

entire body that is assembled there to take part in the funeral. You know, in the last few years, there's been several of them like that for me. And every time I am part of a funeral where there is a surviving widow, I am reminded of what the Bible says about my responsibility to take care of the widow and to be attentive to not only their spiritual needs, but their physical needs as well. I'd like to talk to you today about our widows. Now, the title of this podcast did not catch you and say, well, that's not something that I need. It is something that you need. It's something that we all need

because we are going to have people in our immediate families that are going to experience this. And we're not spectators. We are not people who just observe, but we have an opportunity to be engaged and to love and to support the widows in the church. You know, widows are not just spouses.

A widow is, it can be a moment. A widow is a grandmother. A widow is a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a colleague. And so when we talk about widows, we're talking about people who are in relationship to so many other people. And the loss that they experience is deep, it's lonely, and it's indescribably empty. And you and I have something to offer them that is our responsibility in the body of Christ. I remember a song a few years ago. I think it was an award ceremony, one of these big television award ceremonies, maybe it was the country Western award ceremony. And Carrie Underwood sang a song that just brought me to tears. And I know I wasn't alone when I watched it. The song

was called Just a Dream. And let me share these words with you. And then I want to get into the scriptural aspect of what our responsibility is to the widow, and a word of encouragement to widows. Just a dream. Carrie Underwood performed this amazing song, as she sang. It was two weeks after the day she turned 18, all dressed in white, going to the church that night. She had his box of letters in the passenger seat, six pence in her shoe, something borrowed, something blue.

And when the church doors opened up wide, she put her, her veil down, trying to hide the tears. Oh, she just couldn't believe it. She heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands. Baby, why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever. Now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the backyard. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now. this can't be happening to me this is just a dream well those words are very powerful and no doubt you have seen that video and probably cried through it but this is just a dream the truth is it's not just a dream and for many it's a nightmare when suddenly they got the call that there was an accident

or the doctor called and said you got to come down to the hospital and they found out or the military guard comes to your house, they found out that they lost the love of their life. That might have come if after just a couple of years of being married or being married for 60, 70 years. It still hurts, doesn't it? As a husband, I have thought many times about what would happen to Emily, my wife, if I died. You prepare for that by making provisions for her, a will, retirement, money, house paid off, instructions on what to do, that envelope that's tucked away safely labeled what if. And if you are a husband, you probably have had this on your mind

as well. But what have you died suddenly? I remember a few years ago, I was speaking in Illinois, and I believe I was giving a Bible timeline seminar. And at the very end of it, I gave a challenge to people to get right with God and to use this time right now in the seminar to give your life to God. Go to confession. Don't leave today without making a decision. I said some of us have 30 more years to live, 40 years to live, some 20, some 10, some maybe five years. There could be people in this room that are only going to live one more year and you didn't see it coming. There may be people in this room who might not even make it home. Well, I found out shortly after that that there was a man in my seminar. After I said that, a man who on the way home stopped at, I think it was Home Depot

somewhere, Lowe's, and died after having a heart attack right there. The widow was in touch with me and let me know that that's what happened and said that that was the happiest day of his life. He loved the seminar, loved, loved knowing that God had a plan for his life. I want to talk to you if you are a widow, and to you who know widows, there certainly are aspects of what I'm going to say that even relate to men who have lost their wife as well. I find it interesting that James in the New Testament talks about what pure religion is. And if I were to give a, you know, a, you know, a test to all the folks in the churches across America. And it's a simple question. What is pure religion? You would probably get a lot of different answers like be nice to people, give to the poor,

go to church, pray, read your Bible. All these things are good. But James actually identifies what pure and undefiled religion is. He says in James 127, religion is pure and undefiled before God the Father, it's this to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world. Isn't that interesting that James says this is pure and undefiled religion, take care of the widows in your community? Now, before I move on any further, I'd like you just to think for a moment, and if you're listening in the car, you're certainly welcome to put this on pause for a mile or two. And think about who are the widows in your life. Maybe it was grandma. Maybe she became a widow 10 years ago. Nevertheless, she's still a

widow. It might have been your brother or sister. They are widows in your life. Maybe your sister lost her husband. Maybe your brother lost his wife and is feeling that deep sense of aloneness. 168-5, and by the way, as I mentioned these scriptures, I will put them in the show notes for you, and if you don't get the show notes delivered to you every single week, all you have to do is write my name in, one word, Jeff Kavans, and text it to 33777. And we'll get it to you. Psalm 68-5 says, Father of the Fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. and over in the scriptures, we see this dual concern of God for the orphans, for the fatherless and the widows, and that God is a protector of both. And if God is really concerned about the

fatherless in our country, and God is really concerned about the widows in our country, should this not be a real focus in our lives, something that we take notice of, something that we take action on. Well, I want to encourage you as widows today, as I've had the opportunity to speak to several groups of widows, and I would have to say that of all the talks that I have given over the last 40 years, over 10,000 talks, I think that my talks to widows rank towards the top because I really came in touch with the pain in their life and understood God's love for them. And I also understood God's prompting in my heart to love them with the love of the Lord. But I want to encourage you today as widows that there is a tremendous loss

in your life, to be sure. But I want to encourage you in this, that while you have lost your husband, Jesus remains your husband. And that is not just a theological phrase. That's not some kind of theological pie in the sky that makes us feel kind of good. It is a reality that Jesus is your husband. In fact, in the Old Testament, the prophets like Hosea cried out against Israel. And they said, oh, Israel, God is your husband. God is your husband. And we see God as a husband to his people over and over in the scripture.

And I think one of the greatest scriptures relating to this comes from Ephesians chapter 5, verses 25 through 33. Let me read a little bit of this to you. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands, you should love your wives as your own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it,

just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh now listen to what paul says at the end of this he says this mystery is profound and i am saying that it refers to christ and the church however let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband now i love that verse because it goes into detail about how a husband is to love and care for his wife, even as his own flesh. And then Paul springs a surprise on us, and he says, you know what, that is all true, but I got to tell you a deeper mystery, a more profound mystery, and that is, this is how Christ loves you, the bride. And so if you have lost your husband, I want you to be comforted as much as you possibly can at this point, knowing that you are not husbandless. And the husband that you have is

Christ, and Christ is our comforter. Christ is the one who grabs you and squeezes you in his arms and lets you know, I love you, and I will never, ever, ever leave you. And that's a powerful thing. Another thing that I love to share with widows deals with the Eucharist. It deals with the Eucharist. Now, the Eucharist is the center of our entire community as Christians. It is in the mass that we encounter the bridegroom, Jesus, and we witness, we participate in the ultimate sacrifice for mankind, where Jesus gives up his life to us,

but then he gives himself back to us and in us in the Eucharist. The Eucharist means Thanksgiving. It is the body and blood of Jesus Christ. As bread and wine are brought to the altar, the priest prays over them, the words of institution. This is my body. This is my blood. And that bread and that wine become totally 100% the body and blood of Jesus Christ. and then the priest gives this gift to you.

It's Christ giving himself to you in the Eucharist. Now, here's the beautiful aspect. And if you're listening to this and you don't know a widow in your life, keep this tucked into your heart to share with someone else. And that is this, that in the Eucharist, in the Mass, we transcend time. It is heaven kissing earth and earth embracing. heaven. It is a cosmic happening where we are participating with the saints in heaven in the holy sacrifice of the mass. And that means this, that the closest that you can come to your husband

who has died is to embrace him in the Eucharist and to spend time with him in the Eucharist, with Christ, and with your husband. You know, I've heard so many people, people say who have lost their husbands that when they go to Mass on Sunday, for some reason, they feel so close to their husband as if he's there with them. And theoretically, he is, because he's in the Eucharist. And so, you know, I've even seen this where I've seen widows after mass just linger. And they'll sit there for five more minutes and pray and think. But I would encourage you that if you're a widow, that when you go to Mass, acknowledge your husband to say, I'm here, honey, with you, I miss you, but I know I'm here with you. And one day, I will be with you

again in heaven, that God saw fitting that we would be husband and wife here on earth. And while in heaven there isn't husband and wife, we are all the bride and Jesus is the bridegroom, you still will be aware of your relationship on earth. You're not going to suddenly become dumb when you die and go to heaven and man, I can't figure out or remember who my spouse was. Oh, you'll know them. You will know them. And you can know them today in the Eucharist. That's a powerful, powerful thing. I'm going to take a break. When I come back, I'm going to share with you a quote from John Paul the second that is one of the most powerful, powerful quotes that backs up what I'm telling you right now about knowing your spouse and being with your loved ones in the Eucharist. You're listening to the

Jeff Kaven's show. Okay, here's the gut check right here, because if nothing changes, nothing changes. Do you want to be holy? And do you want to be an instrument of renewal in this world? And if so, do you believe it's possible? Do you know what it looks like? Do you know where to begin? Because if nothing changes, nothing changes. My name's Father Mark Mary. I'm a Franciscan friar of the renewal, and I wrote a book called Habits for Holiness. And it pulls from over 800 to use the Franciscan tradition, wisdom, and experience of radical and total discipleship in the midst of the world, but in a way which begins with little steps and works not only for religion, not only for priests, but for everybody. The change you desire is possible. The

conversion you desire is possible. The renewal you desire is possible. The healing you desire is possible. And it begins with little steps. So to guide you on your way and to help you make the next best step of renewal in your life, I'd invite you to pick up a copy of my book. for holiness. God bless you. Today we are talking about widows, and it's not just a dream. It's reality. If you have lost your loved one, it is a very, very, very painful thing, a very, very, very lonely thing to experience. You know, when you spend 30, 40, 50, 60 years with someone eating meals, sleeping at night, going on vacation, working through.

through problems, raising children, going to school right after you got married, you've spent a lifetime, a lifetime together. I remember reading the book about C.S. Lewis after he lost his wife, and he was talking about how he couldn't think about her face. For some reason, he couldn't land on what she looked like. And he said, the reason was that I have seen her in so many, different aspects, the side of her face and laughing and crying and joyful and, you know, tired and sleeping. But he said, when I think about her voice, I'm reduced to tears. When I think about her voice, maybe you've experienced that as a widow. When you think about your husband's voice, it really grabs your heart. I mentioned before the break that you're not alone. Your husband is with you in the

Eucharist, and the body of Christ is here, and the body of Christ is here to surround you with love, to comfort you, and to make sure that your needs are met. That's pure religion, James says. But I want to encourage you in another way, and that is this. You're not alone in this experience. You have the best mentor that you could possibly imagine, and that is the Blessed Virgin Mary. Think about it for a moment. We talk about how Mary is the Theotokos.

She's the mother of God. That was established way back in the Council of Ephesus. But Mary was also the wife of Joseph. And in this year of Joseph, the time where I'm giving you this podcast right now, it's the year of Joseph, Mary was a widow that Joseph was no longer around when Jesus entered that week of suffering, dying on the cross and rising from the dead. And she knows what it's like to give birth to the Son of God. And she knows what it is to experience the tremendous loss of her son and her husband not there.

But it's really interesting that the Blessed Virgin Mary experienced a relationship not only with Jesus, but I would say she probably experienced a relationship with Joseph in the Eucharist. I think I could say that certainly, that when she received the Eucharist, she received her son, yes, and I'm going to give you a quote here from John Paul the second that is incredible, but she also was with Joseph again in the Eucharist. And that is a truth that I don't hear talked about very much. But John Paul II once reflected on what it would be like to be Mary and to receive her son in Holy Communion. Mary lived her Eucharistic faith even before the institution of the Eucharist by the very fact that she offered her virginal womb for the incarnation of God's word.

In other words, for those nine months, she had Jesus incarnationally his body in her womb at the Annunciation. he conceived the Son of God, the physical reality of his body and blood, thus anticipating in herself what to some degree happens sacramentally in every believer who receives under the signs of bread and wine the Lord's body and blood. And then John Paul II goes on to describe what Mary would have heard at the last supper. Now pause there for a second and think back about Mary, giving birth to the son of God, raising him as a little boy, a teenager, going into full manhood, and then going public at age 30 with his ministry as the son of God who's come to redeem the world and he is destined to die a brutal death for our sins. So John Paul II describes

what Mary would have heard at the last supper as she heard from the mouth of Peter and John, James and the other apostles, the words spoken at the Last Supper, and the words spoken at every Catholic Mass, and that is, this is my body which is given for you. The body given up for us and made present under sacramental signs was the same body as she had conceived in her womb. And then he concludes, for Mary receiving the Eucharist must have somehow meant welcoming once more into her womb that heart that had beat in unison with hers. Mary would watch her son as he was deceived. She would watch her son as he was falsely accused, beaten, crucified, and later rise from the dead. And after that point, at any time she would receive the Eucharist, she would receive her son back home in her heart once again. That is a beautiful reflection from John Paul the second, but I would like you to also see that reflection, not only with the Blessed Virgin Mary receiving Christ back into her, but also you in relationship

with your husband. Coming together in the miracle of the Eucharist, the one time every week or every day, if you go every day, where you are as close as you're going to be on earth to your husband. And it is a real relationship. Paul said that nothing can divide us in the body of Christ. If you lost your husband, he's with the Lord, you cannot be divided, and he is still part of the body of Christ. That is incredible. That's incredible. You know, another thing that widows can take away from this is this, that you still have a spiritual motherhood, if you will. Mary was a mother and a wife. But once she had Jesus, we know that she didn't have any other children, but she continued, she continued to be a

spiritual mother. I've spoken to many women who have gone through menopause and wonder what's my life going to be like now. Who am I? Well, you have moved to that next phase from being a spiritual mother. You're going to be a spiritual mother if you have children, but to be a physical mother, if you've had children, but a spiritual mother to people. And in the same way, in the same way, you have been for years the wife of a husband, and now you continue to be that spiritual wife of a husband who is Christ. It's very, very powerful. You know, Titus wrote about this. In Titus chapter 2 and verse 3, I'll put it in the notes for you. Titus says, older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women

to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working-at-home, kind and submissive to their own husbands that the Word of God may not be reviled. One thing that I would encourage you to do as a widow is give away what you have learned. Give away your experience. Give away what you learned from your husband about love and about a family and how to get through tough times. Give it away. Give it away. Find some young women and teach them. Teach them. Young women, be taught. Go to those who have experienced this and ask them, do you have any advice? Tell me what you have learned. Those who are widows and are getting up in years, grandparents, if you will,

I'm a grandpa, my wife's a grandma. Grandparents can continue to influence. and love their offspring or love the grandchildren of their husband. It's a beautiful way to show reverence for your husband and respect for your husband by being attentive to your grandchildren. You see, you are the connection between grandpa and your grandchildren. You are the mouthpiece. You're the one that echoes the stories. You're the one that passes on the wisdom of grandpa.

and it can work the other way around. Grandpa's, you can pass that wisdom on to your children, what you have learned about grandma. It's a beautiful thing. I would also encourage you in a very practical way to establish relationship routines. By that, I mean, get together with people. Do not be alone.

Be a part of the church. Others, all of us, don't let the widows alone. Do not let them alone. Ruth, the beautiful Ruth in the Old Testament, she's another great model. She lost her husband. She lost her husband. Killian and Malone went over to Moab and died, and Ruth ended up coming back over to Bethlehem. She was a Moabite, but she ended up with a new husband.

Ruth said in, it says in Ruth, chapter 1 in verse 6. Ruth said, do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you, for where you go, I will go and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people and your God, my God. That is a, that's a beautiful thing. So Ruth, when she lost her husband, her first husband, she made it her point to pursue God and to follow God and to become thoroughly a part of the people. of God. She didn't run away. She didn't isolate herself. She didn't self-medicate. She pursued the will of God. That is a beautiful thing. Let me, let me say this. Do you know of women who are left all alone, whether they be widows, divorces, single mothers, or women who have been trafficked?

Do you know anyone? Make it a point to be a blessing. Make it a point to start. Make it a point to strike up a conversation. Make it a point to ask if they need prayer. Make it a point to ask if they have any needs in their life and let them know that they are not alone. Jesus is with them and you are with them a member of the body of Christ. God sees you. You are loved. You're not alone. Continue on with Christ as your husband and the church as your family. And know that in the Eucharist you will always be with your husband take your husband's wisdom that you have gained in all those years in your relationship treasure them write them down pass them on to your children and grandchildren and i would leave everybody with with this one thought a couple of times when i have been in israel prior to one of

our pilgrimages that we take every january to israel i have been a part of what is called asheva Eshiva is after a father dies. The wife is there in the home. And guess what happens? Something beautiful. The children, the extended family, all of the extended friends gather at the home, and for seven days they don't let the widow alone. They bring food. They bring pictures. They bring music. There's conversation. conversation, prayer, love, fellowship, and for a week in the Shiva, they do not let them alone. Oh, that we would have something like that in the Catholic community. Maybe you can institute that at your church, where you make a point that to find out when someone has died. Oftentimes we just hear this in mass. You know, funeral arrangements are being made, and funeral will be next

Tuesday at 2 o'clock. If anybody wants to do a, you know, a spiritual work of mercy, you can attend. But what about going beyond that, making sure that people are not alone? You have no idea what that would mean to someone who is alone. My friend, it's been good to be with you today. I want to remind you that every Tuesday at 2 o'clock, I give on Facebook a question and answer, period, and a lot of good questions coming up about the Bible in a year. And I'm there to answer those questions on Facebook. put that link in the show notes.

Let me pray with you. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Jesus, O lover of widows. Jesus, I lift up my friend who's listening to this right now, who has experienced what it is to lose their spouse, their beloved, the lover of their life. Lord, I ask you to wrap. your arms around them right now and whisper in their ear, you are not alone. I love you and I'll

never leave you and I'll never forsake you. Lord, I thank you for raising up a hope in our hearts and the hope in the hearts of all those who have lost loved ones that indeed one day due to the work on the cross we will be with our loved ones again. And until then, Lord, we set our hearts on following you and spreading the legacy of the one that we loved. I thank you, Lord, for comforting the widows today and pray that you would use them in a powerful way to speak of their relationship with you. I pray all of this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen. And my friend, if you're a widow, Jesus loves you. And I want you to know that I'm thinking about you today.

God bless you.