The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - The Ideal Man and Woman

Episode Date: January 6, 2023

What is the ideal man? What is the ideal woman? Rather than offer his opinion, Jeff shares what Scripture has to say about the ideal man and woman. Hopefully, these words from Scripture will help you or someone you know find the one who will help them get to Heaven. Snippet from the Show There is no ideal greater than Heaven. Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit ascensionpress.com/thejeffcavinsshow for full shownotes!

Welcome to the Jeff Kaven Show, where we talk about the Bible, discipleship, and evangelization, putting it all together in living as activated disciples. This is show 304, the ideal man and woman. Welcome to the show again. Thank you for being here. I just got back from the Sikh conference. in St. Louis and 17,000 people gathered there in St. Louis for the Sea Conference, and that was incredible. It's always fun to go to a conference and see so many people hungry for the Lord and searching and thirsting after God. It's just a blast. What I did is I was on a panel for the Ascension Presents team with Father Mike and Father Josh and Father Gregory Pine and Jackie Angel

and Ted Sri, it's just a wonderful time. And we took a lot of questions from the audience there in St. Louis. You know, as I was walking around the conference, which was massive, just a huge building in downtown St. Louis, as I was walking around, you know, I'm married, I've been married 44 years now. And as I was looking around, I was thinking to myself, man, there's a lot of people here that are going to, some are going to become priests and some are going to, some are going to, to become sisters and some are going to become religious or deacons. But most of the people there will most likely live in the vocation of marriage. They're going to find someone and they're going to marry them and they're going to have children and they're going to grow old together. And that's the way the majority of those people, the 17,000, are going to end up. And I thought

to myself, wow, you know, if I was 21, 23, 24, 25 years old again, and not married, that would want to be in a place like that because you have so many quality people, both men and women, who have gathered and what better place to find someone than somebody else who is seeking truth and seeking holiness. And that was one of the biggest impressions for me in the entire conference this last week. I want to talk to you today about the ideal man and the ideal woman. I have two scriptures that I'm going to share with you. and this is not an in-depth look, but this is kind of a synopsis. What is an ideal man, according to scripture?

And what is an ideal woman? And that's what I was thinking about at the conference. By the way, if you do want the notes for the show today, all you got to do is text my name, Jeff Kavens. And that's one word, Jeff Kavins, and you can text it to the number 3377. That's 3377. 7-7. Oh, by the way, I just thought of this. I hope you have a good Christmas time and a good New Year celebration. I came to you with just some short, just a couple of short shows there because I did not want to lose the relationship with you and the continuity of our ongoing discussion. So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And here we are now going forward again. And Thursday was the big funeral in Rome for Pope Benedict Emeritus. And once again, we were reminded of what a great man of God he was.

He's one of those guys that when he passes away, I think you can start pretty much right away saying, Pope Benedict, pray for me, pray for me. I think there's going to be more coming out about him in the weeks ahead and just what a great man he really was. And he was such a friend of John Paul the Great, Pope John Paul the Great, and he was a great ally of his in teaching and really defining the truth, defining the faith in fresh, new ways of understanding it. Well, he's going to be greatly missed, that's for sure. Okay, so what I want to do, first of all, I want to talk about the ideal man, and what I'm going to do is not give you my own opinion, really, here, but I want to introduce you to a set of scriptures. The first one is going to be about an ideal man, and that's Psalm 1,

Psalm 112 really gives the description of what an ideal man is. And then after that, it's Proverbs 31. And that describes really the ideal woman, the ideal woman that we would want to meet. And if we wanted to get married, we felt the Lord wanted us to marry. That's the kind of lady we would want to marry. And Psalm 12, likewise, is the kind of guy, you ladies, that you want to marry, or you have kids. You know, you have sons and daughters, and you want them. them to grow up and marry right? Well, in this podcast, I'm going to give you some things to think about for both men and women. And if you're already married and you have four, five, six, seven kids, this might be the type of thing where you take some notes and show notes, by the way.

You might take some notes and put that down in your Insight Journal for them in the future. To teach them and to pass it on, you say, what is the Insight Journal? It's a journal that Father Mike Schmitz and I put together. It's a way of keeping track of the gold in your life. I'll put that in the show notes. It is a journal for writing down the things you don't want to forget. We have so many notebooks for so many things, and we have so many apps for so many things. But an Insight Journal is really to write down the gold.

It's the golden insights. You don't want to lose them. And today might be a couple of those. So I've learned from so many different people. And one of the men that I've learned from is my mentor. and I give credit for him for so many things. He taught at Gordon College in Wendham, Massachusetts, Dr. Marvin Wilson. And when he teaches, he's an amazing man.

And I still draw from him today. He's a professor. I think he's retired now out at Gordon College in Winnom, Massachusetts. So some of this is what I have gained from people like him and looking at the Jewish backgrounds of the Gospels. and the teachings, Old and New Testament, of course. So in Psalm 112, we have the ideal man. And what we see is that God meets us in the real

and urges us to grow into the ideal. That's from Dr. Wilson right there. God meets us in the real and urges us to grow into the ideal. And what we want to look at is ideal men and ideal women, and not perfect men and not perfect women, but ideal, ideal men and women, okay? That's really, really important. So first of all, let's look at the characteristics of a godly man, and I'm going to read to you portions of Psalm 112 and give just a little comment there, and I will put this in the show notes for you.

So what we have here in Psalm 112 is really the description of the characteristics of an ideal man, the type of guy you'd want to marry if you're looking for somebody or your son to become or your daughter to look for. So in Psalm 112, starting with the very first verse, verse 1, it says, praise the Lord. Praise the Lord. Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments. So one of the first things that we see in Psalm 112 is that an ideal man is a man who fears the Lord who greatly delights in his commandments. There's two things there. One is he fears the Lord, which isn't a cowering, you know, and hiding under the table. Oh, no, there's God. I'm hiding. But it is, it's really a man who is in awe. Tremendous respect in awe. And that's something that

we've lost, you know, in our world. But that's the kind of guy you want to marry, ladies, is a man who fears the Lord. He was in awe of the Lord. Not a man who's just, interested in the Lord, not a man who is, you know, inspired by the Lord or, you know, just, you know, feels great about the Lord. You want a man who fears the Lord. When someone stands in awe of Almighty God and submits His will to God, man, that's the kind of guy you want to marry. You want to marry that kind of guy. And then it tells us in the second part of verse one, one who greatly delight. in His commandments. You're looking for a guy. You want to be that ideal guy. You start walking in God's commandments. Your greatest delight should be in the commands of the Lord. Just like it says in

Psalm 1 verses 1 and 2, Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law, he meditates day and night. Wow. So you want to be a man of God, an ideal man of God? Do you want to be somebody that women would want? You'd be a man who fears God and delights in his commandments. And that's important.

In verse 2 of Psalm 112, it says, His descendants will be mighty in the land. the generation of the upright will be blessed. Now, this speaks of a young man who's a family man. He's a family man. He puts a lot of value and a premium on having a family and a legacy that lasts. And that's an important thing. If you're going to marry someone, you want to marry a guy who wants a legacy.

You don't want a guy that just thinks you're cute, thinks you're beautiful, and you think, oh, he would, you know, he's going to produce nice children and that you want a legacy. You want this great treasure that you have and your future husband has. You want all of that to be passed on to your children and then your children to your grandchildren, then great-grandchildren. That's what a legacy is. That's what we're supposed to be building in our families. When I was at the Sikh conference, I was very, very, very inspired because they had a portion of it where some of the original

missionaries from Focus 20, 25 years ago, now have kids who are at this conference. And there was beautiful pictures of them superimposed on top of one another. Kind of gave you God bumps, you know, when you saw that. That's a legacy that lasts. So this man's children will be mighty. They will be mighty. And he provides for his household. This guy's a hard worker. The third verse says, wealth and riches are in his house and his righteousness endures forever. Wealth and riches are in his house. Now, when we talk about wealth and riches, we're talking about a man who provides for his family. This is not a deadbeat.

This is a guy who works hard. This is a guy who sees his responsibility as one of caring for his family, his daughters, his sons, his wife, and making sure that their needs are met. He has a house. A house is built filled with riches and wealth. But you know, I know you know this, that wealth and riches are not just rubies or gold and silver and land and that type of thing. There is a wealth and riches which are deep in the heart, wisdom, understanding, knowledge,

a wealth in mercy, in compassion, in gentleness, in love, long endurance, faithfulness. So when you have a family that is based on faithfulness, there's a wealth there in the house, and that's the kind of guy you want to find forever. This is a righteous man in the sense of he is standing right before God. His goal is to be right with God. that means this man probably goes to confession regularly just to make sure that this man is a righteous man and that righteousness will endure forever on into eternity man that's the kind of guy you want Psalm 112 in verse 4 says light rises in the darkness for the upright the Lord is gracious

merciful and righteous I like that light rises in the darkness for the upright this says that this kind of a man, this ideal man, is one who lets his light shine, as Jesus said. Let your light shine. You're the light of the world. And when there's darkness, this future husband of yours, when he comes on the scene, light shines. And that light is for so many different things, you know, to see the path in front of you and to see danger and to allow life where there's light, there's life. And so you want that. kind of guy. Verse five says it is well with the man who deals generously and lends who conducts his affairs with justice. With justice. Isn't that beautiful? I love that. Light arises in verse four,

verse five, it is well with the man who deals generously. You know what? Ladies, you want a generous man, someone who gives, someone who lends, someone who conducts his affairs with justice. Now, what's justice? Well, justice is when someone receives what is due. They receive what is due. You're giving them what is due. And so you have this combination of a generous man who conducts his affairs with justice. Wow. If he's, if he's conducting his affairs with justice here, you know that he's going to be raising his kids the same way. He's going to deal generously and conduct his affairs with justice. That's the kind of guy you want to look for. Graciousness, compassionate, kindness. This is a guy who feels very deeply. As one teacher

said, he feels from the gut. He has emotion and feelings and compassion and kindness. And then in verse six, for the righteous will never be moved, he will be remembered forever. you know what this is the kind of guy who is steady he is steady he is faithful he continues on and on and on he is tenacious he shows tenacity in the in the face of overwhelming odds he has tenacity in the face of a seemingly insignificant assignment he is tenacious even when there is overwhelming fatigue when things are really hard in your marriage this guy will endure. He will endure. And then verse 7, he is not afraid of evil tidings. His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. And you know what that means right there? That this guy, this ideal man,

handles adversity well. He handles problems well. He handles crisis well. He's not a wimp. He doesn't run away. He doesn't blame and cry. about it, this man handles adversity. Well, why? Because this man knows God. This man walks as Jesus walks. And then verse 8, his heart is steady. He will not be afraid until he sees his desires on his adversaries. Wow. You know what this says to me? This says that this guy. And I know there was a lot of him at the seat conference, but this guy is personally secure. Ladies, please, do not pursue an insecure man. You deserve better than that. This guy needs to grow up. You don't need to pursue a personally secure, insecure man. You need a man who is personally

secure. You don't need in your husband a child. You need a husband. You need a husband. You need a man, to act like a man, to be secure in himself and his relationship with the Lord, and faithful, a steadfast heart. Verse nine, he has distributed freely, he has given to the poor, his righteousness endures forever, his horn is exalted in honor. Now, did you get that in verse nine? So powerful. He has distributed freely. He has given to the poor. This guy has a for the poor. Now, why would that be so important? Because the man who has a heart for the poor sees the disenfranchised, the marginalized people, the ones who are being kicked around by society. And he comes to their aid. There is in the church's teaching, and this kind of a man

walks in it. It's called a preferential option for the poor. When he sees the poor, he is going to care for them. And you know why that's going to be so important, ladies? because when your kids come home from school and they have been battered around on social media teased and mocked they have been canceled your husband the father of these children he has a heart for those people that's why it's important that is why it's so important then the last one here in verse 10 the wicked man sees it and is angry he nashes his teeth melts away the desire of the wicked man comes to not so there it isn't that beautiful that is so wonderful psalm 112 and here's what i would recommend i would recommend that you

you can get the show notes but you can get this in your bible as well psalm 112 you know the ideal man and you can meditate on it and you can use this as a devotion with your son or a devotion with your daughter and what to look for in a man. And this is what parents do. We prepare our children for marriage. Now when I come back, I want to talk a little bit about the ideal woman. And I'm going to go through this. It's a lot. And I'm going to just, I'm just going to touch on it really kind of briefly and go through a couple of points that I think you might be interested in. You're listening to the Jeff Kaven's show. Hi, my name's Father Mike Schmitz, and I want to tell you about my latest podcast launching January 1st, the Catechism in a Year, where we will read the entire Catechism of the Catholic

Church over the course of 365 days. That is the 2,000 years of the church's beauty and truth and teachings of the church that Jesus Christ himself founded coming to contact with us and allowing that contact to change our lives. You know, after the Bible, the catechism is the most important book for Catholics. The catechism is much, much more than a reference book. It is the distilling, the unpacking, the summary of all that Christians have believed for hundreds and thousands of years and what Christians believe today. To see what we'll be reading each day, get the reading plan at ascensionpress.com slash

CIY. Welcome back. Welcome back. We're talking about the ideal man, the ideal woman, not the perfect man, not the perfect woman. I got the perfect woman. There's only one. There's two. Bless the Virgin Mary and my wife. But we're looking for the ideal man, the qualities, the character, a man of character. Now, when it comes to a woman, what I would recommend that you read is Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31 is really the tail end of talking of. about wisdom, and wisdom is a feminine, a woman, and the Blessed Virgin Mary is the model, for sure, for sure. And she checks every box in Proverbs 31, every single box. And so what we're looking at is we're looking at wisdom here. And you know what's so interesting about this? There is a form of Hebraic literature called an acrostic. An acrostic is a pattern using the 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet. If you look up Psalm 119, for example, you will see that

every block starts a new letter in the Hebrew alphabet. If you know Hebrew, and it's from olive to tauv, 22 letters, like alpha to omega, a to z, alif to tau. And an acrostic, what a necrostic will do is it will build a pattern with every letter of the alphabet starting either a sentence or a paragraph, and it's marvelous. And so in Proverbs 31, starting with verse 10, you go all the way from verse 10, all the way to verse 31. And so you've got the 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet. And there's one phrase about a woman, a wife, in each letter of the alphabet.

Isn't that cool? Same as Psalm 119. Solomon 119 does it as well. So C.S. Lewis said the sum total of all the decisions we make in life determines our character. You want a man of character. You want a woman of character. In his book The Great Divorce, at the end of time, he says, there will be only two kinds of people. Those whose character will be revealed after the decision and after decision and after the decision and then more decisions like an icicle.

the character is built one drop at a time one drop at a time the other is folly okay but what you want to be is you want to be an icicle and that is not cold but you want to be an icicle which an icicle isicle is a icicle is character building one drop at a time so in in proverbs 31 starting in verse 10 a good wife who can find she is far more precious than jewels when you find a godly woman, you have someone who is far, far, more valuable than precious jewels, rubies, diamonds. And that's the woman you want to find. And it's the interior wisdom and beauty that you're looking for. You know, all you have to do is talk to someone who's been married for five years plus. and of course they still think that their spouse is beautiful and handsome and debonair and she's gorgeous and so forth but if you mature in the relationship you will find that that it goes from the outside to the inside in the character of the woman and the beauty of the

woman and then you realize you have truly found something very very valuable verse 11 the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain and so when you when you find a prospective wife, you want to come to a place where you trust in her. You would trust her with your life. In verse 12, she does him good and not harm all the days of her life. She does him good. Her life brings goodness to the man and not harm. And while that sounds simple, I got to tell you, there's a lot of people in the world today who are very injured in their marriage. They're very scarred in their marriage. And you would have to conclude that she does not bring him good.

He does not bring her good. And harm takes place all the days of their life. So look for this woman, this ideal woman, she does him good. Verse 13, she seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. So this woman's industrious. This woman is not lazy. By the way, this verse does not put a circle around. women and say, okay, now you're supposed to work with wool, flax, and with your hands.

This is a description of a woman who is not lazy, but a woman who is industrious. She finds ways of getting things done. Now, that's my wife, Emily. Her name actually means industrious woman, and she is to a tea. Verse 14, she is like the ships of the merchant. She brings her food from afar. She is like the ships of the merchant. She brings her food from afar.

She too, like the man, provides for the family. The man provides for the family at one level and his wife provides for the family at another level. And the two come together and they are the providers in the family for the children. It says in verse 15, she rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and tasks for her maidens. again, industrious. Her house is a temple, a small temple. In Hebrew, they would say, Mikdashma'at.

It's like a small temple. And she provides for her family in every way. I ran into a young lady, I don't know, the last three weeks, I think it was. And it was a young lady in her 20s who was really looking at career and so forth, but started to ask questions and said, hey, what's so wrong about being a housewife and a mother and a wife? What's so wrong about that?

To which Emily and I would say nothing. It's noble. It is wonderful. It has great dignity. It's greatly needed. It's somehow, some way. The young ladies in our culture today are being taught that having a husband and a marriage and children is not desired. But I, A career is desired. Now, I'm not saying you can't have a career, okay? Do not walk away thinking, I'm saying that. But what I am saying is that somebody who wants to build a home with children, that's gold. That is really, really gold.

Verse 16, she considers a field and buys it. She's smart. She is possibly clever. It says she considers a field and buys. it with the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard. She plants a vineyard with her hands. Fruit comes from her hands. Fruit comes from her womb. And she girds her loins with strength and makes her arms strong. Woman. Now, it's not saying that every woman has to be crossfit. That's definitely what Solomon is not saying. Is that,

that every woman has to be crossfit. But what the verse is conveying here is that she has strength in her life. And I got to tell you, guys, I see more and more guys who give up their responsibility to raise their children, discipline their children, lead their children, become an example for their children. And they give it up and say, oh, my wife's going to take care of all that. They recognize. These men recognize that their wives are strong. The mother of their children, strong. And then they start to become weak themselves. That's not what you're called to do. You're called to be strong with a woman of strength. Verse 18, she perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. This is someone who has foresight. This is someone who can see. far-sighted, if you will. They can see the next day, the next month, the next year. Their steps are ordered. They don't just wake up every day and go, oh, what should I do today? And everything

hits them in the face. They weren't prepared. No, you want a woman who her lamp does not go out at night. When the family goes to bed and the children have been tucked in, they've had their bath, you've prayed with them. The light in your house will not go out even at night because this woman, this woman is a woman of strength. This woman is a woman who wants her house to be filled with light. Verse 19, she puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. Again, she is very industrious. She opens her hand to the poor.

Hey, that was just like the guy. That's like the ideal man. Opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. You want a woman like that. Because if you are like me, there's going to be times where you're needy. We all are, aren't we, from time to time? I love this one. Verse 21, she is not afraid of snow for her household.

This is for the ladies in Minnesota. She is not afraid of snow for her household. For all her household are clothed in scarlet. I like this. I can tell you what this means to me is that anytime we talk about scarlet, you know, we're talking, I think, you know, ultimately about Jesus and his sacrifice and the blood of the lamb. She's not afraid of snow for her household or being cold and exposed to the elements.

For her household is clothed. And I might suggest you clothed in Christ. Clothed in love for her children. Her children are clothed. Her husband is clothed. She makes herself coverings. Her clothing is fine linen and a person. purple. And then it mentions in verse 23 that her husband is known in the gates. In other words,

the gate is where the guys got together, the elders, and they would sit, there was decisions made, they took stock of what's happening in the city. And her husband is in that place when he sits among the elders of the land. And she makes linen garments and sells them. She delivers girdles to the merchant. And then it goes on. Strength and dignity are her clothes, and she laughs at the time to come. It's like, oh, next month's going to be really, really rough. How about her response? Yeah.

Verse 26, she opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. You know there's a difference between knowledge and wisdom. knowledge is is just the understanding you're not not the understanding the knowledge is what you gain by studying about various aspects of life wisdom on the other hand is the correct application of the knowledge and what do you get out of that understanding once you have walked in wisdom and applied wisdom the knowledge you have you've applied it correctly you will have understanding after that. That's the woman you want.

She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her. Many women have done excellently, but you, my dear, surpass them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord,

there it is. That was what the man is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates. Wow. So there's two different portions of scripture. Psalm 112 talks about the ideal man and then Proverbs 31, the ideal woman. Again, not perfect, but ideal. And I just encourage you to take this. If you don't have the show notes, get them, text my name once again, Jeff Kaven's one word, to 3377. That number is 3377. We'll get you these notes, plus you'll be on board for all the notes in the future. I mentioned to you the Insight Journal, and we'll put that in the show notes for you. Also the Great Adventure Bible. Do not forget, if you're listening to this out of order, we are right in the middle of the launch

of catechism in a year, Father Mike Schmitz, and there's four of us that work with him on that. Myself, Bishop Andrew Cousins, Dr. Mary Healy, and Sister Miriam, we each have one of the pillars to help in that catechism in a year. And if you'd like to start now with catechism in a year, you say, but isn't it too late? Never. Never too late. You can start in December. Anytime you want, you can start. You can go to ascensionpress.com forward slash C. I. Y. C. I. Y. C. I. I. If you want Bible in a year, it's B.I.Y. Both of them. All right. Let me pray for you right now. And your kids. And if you're looking for a husband, if you're looking for a wife. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Lord Jesus, we love you. And we thank you for giving us your word, your wisdom, your insight. I pray for all of those men. All my brothers, all my brothers and sisters, both. I pray, Lord, that they would look to you. your word to not only figure out who they should become, who they must become, but they would also look to your word when it comes to looking for a covenant partner for life. Give them wisdom,

oh God. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. If you think this podcast, it will be helpful to anybody that you know, please pass it on. Pass it on. I appreciate it. God bless. Thank you.