The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - This Is for All the Lonely People

Episode Date: November 29, 2019

The holidays are a time to spend with the people we love, but at times, this merely highlights the isolation of those who are separated from their family and friends, or even those surrounded by people, but who still feel alone. So if you’re one of those people, this episode is for you. Jeff shows us how the Bible addresses loneliness and isolation, and reveals that we are not actually alone if we put our trust in the Lord. Snippet from the Show From the beginning of Scripture to the very end, God is mindful of the lonely. It’s in our loneliness that God invites us to be with him. Even his name ‘Emmanuel’ or ‘God with us’ is powerful. It’s an invitation to rest in him.

You're listening to the Jeff Kavan Show, episode 143. This is for all the lonely people. Hey, I'm Jeff Kavans. How do you simplify your life? How do you study the Bible? All the way from motorcycle trips to raising kids, we're going to talk about the faith and life in general. It's the Jeff Kaven show. And welcome to the show. If you're listening to the show, if you're listening to the show, in the regular sequence of the show, this is right after Thanksgiving. And before Christmas, in other words, smack in the middle of the holiday season, New Year's beyond that, of course.

And one thing that I'm always reminded of every single year when the holidays roll around is family, and of course there can be difficulties with that and blessings from that, but also the holidays have a way of accentuating loneliness in people's lives. because it's a time of the year when people are supposed to be getting together and supposed to be surrounded by loved ones and traveling and, you know, and all of that. And it has its challenges, but I do know that a lot of people struggle with loneliness during the holidays. There's nothing worse for many people than to be surrounded by so much, quote-unquote, joyous activity, you know, at the mall and on television and travel and all that and at the same time to experience a

profound sense of loneliness. And so I want to talk about that today. I want to talk about loneliness. And really today's show is a show of encouragement and a reminder to you if you do struggle with loneliness that you are not completely lonely. And I'll explain a little bit as to why I say that. And I have a number of scriptures that I'm going to be sharing with you as well. And a quick reminder that all of those scriptures that I'm going to be referring to are in the show notes. And if you would like to get the show notes automatically, you can text my name, Jeff Kaven's, all one word, Jeff Kavins, to the number 3377. Love that number 337. 7, 7, and you will be signed up, and you're going to get the show notes, which I think are pretty

valuable, because I typically will include in the show lots of scripture, and I know that it can become very frustrating to listen to a show and to want to write down all of the scriptures, and maybe you're in the car, and you want to remember that scripture, and you think, we'll all get that when I get to the office or I get back home, and lo and behold, you, you don't, and it's not there. so we want to provide them for you, and I think they're going to be very, very valuable. Just a few, what was it, a couple weeks ago, I guess it was. My wife and I, Emily and I went to a concert here in the Twin Cities,

and it was a concert from a group that was very popular when we were in high school back in the 70s, and you know that group, most likely. It's America, and we had a great time going to the concert. And one of the famous songs of America is lonely people. And many people can remember the lyrics, this is for all the lonely people, thinking that life has passed them by. And that certainly is true of many people. Especially as you get older, you might think that life has passed you by.

People are growing up, grandkids are growing up. Everyone is passing you by, and you are there in your senior house. housing or you're there in a city where none of your kids are anymore. They have all left and they're moved around the country. And it does feel like life has passed you by. One of the other lines in the song, Lonely People, goes on and says, this is for all the single people, thinking that love has left them dry. And isn't that true with so many people that are single and feel that love has left them dry, you know, that love has left them dry, and they don't have somebody special in their life, and then they hit the holidays, and it's accentuated even more.

Well, I've got good news for you today, and you're not alone, and I'm going to explain that a little bit, and let you know that you are loved, and that I'm thinking about you this time of the year, and I know that many other people are as well. The holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, they often are the times when people feel most alone, but you don't have to feel alone or to be alone physically to feel alone. That's what I'm trying to say. You don't have to be alone to feel alone, and maybe you know that, right? You can be in a marriage and actually feel alone within marriage. you can be at work and there might be 30, 40, 200 people around you in cubicles and offices and there's a lot of hustle and bustle going on, yet in the midst of it, you are sensing

a loneliness, a feeling of loneliness. I remember one time years ago, I was feeling alone, and I remember going to a Minnesota North Star hockey game. That's the NHL. This is a long time ago because the North Stars aren't in the Twin Cities anymore. They're in Dallas. We have the Wild now. So it sort of dates this. But I remember sitting in the midst of about 16,000 screaming fans, screaming for the Minnesota North Stars.

And I even stood up and I clapped. But there was a sense of loneliness in my life at that particular point. I felt isolated, discouraged. And it happened to be around the holidays. and I thought to myself, how can I go to a hockey game or how can I go to the state fair and yet feel so alone at times? And I started to realize that feeling alone can be the results of your circumstances for sure, and we'll talk about that. But it can also be just the way I'm thinking and my perception of reality and life. You can actually talk yourself into big.

being lonely, and I've done that before. Self-pity can land you in an arena of loneliness, if you will. Envy can isolate your heart where you're not seeing things clearly as you should, and your envy are jealous of somebody else, and you feel so, so alone. There's a lot of reasons for it. But at the very beginning of Scripture, in Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18, the Lord God said, after creating Adam, God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. And so at the very beginning of salvation history, we see God making this statement that it's not good for man to be alone. And so we know that from the beginning of Scripture all the way through to the end, God is mindful of the lonely. He's mindful of the widow. He's mindful of the orphan.

He's mindful of the disenfranchised. He's mindful of those like King David who are surrounded by enemies and felt a profound sense of loneliness. I like what it says in Psalm 142 in verse 3. When my spirit is faint, thou knowest my way. In the path where I walk, they have hidden a trap for me. I look to the right and watch, but there is none who takes notice of me. No refuge. remains to me. No man cares for me. I cry to thee, O Lord. I say, thou art my refuge, my portion in the land of the living. The psalmist has this sense of loneliness and so much happening to the right and to the left, and there's this conclusion that no man cares for me. And I think some of us have been there before, right? Feeling alone is, uh, is, uh, is, uh,

oftentimes something that happens very much between the ears, is that we feel alone and we sense that nobody cares for me. There's no refuge for me. No one is taking notice of me, as the psalmist has said. There's also a sense where loneliness can come as a result of you doing actually good, your faithfulness. The psalmist said in Psalm 69, And verses six through nine, let not those who hope in thee be put to shame through me, O Lord, God of hosts. Let not those who seek thee be brought to dishonor through me, O God of Israel. For it is for thy sake that I have borne reproach.

That shame has covered my face. I have become a stranger to my brethren, an alien to my mother's sons. for zeal for thy house has consumed me, and the insults of those who insult thee have fallen on me. So the psalmist is talking there, of course, we recognize that from the life of Christ, but there is a sense of, I've done everything right, I have been faithful to you, O Lord, but I have become a stranger, even to my brothers as a result of this. I'm alien to my mother's sons, and it is that, it's the zeal for thy house. It has consumed me, but it has left me in this place where I could

feel so alone. Being alone can be the staging ground also for something very amazing, something tremendous in your life. And as I was putting this together, I naturally thought of Joseph in the Old Testament, who was one who was estranged from his brothers. And why? Why? Because he did what was right. Because he was faithful. And I've run into so many people who have been faithful in the church, faithful to the Lord. But at the end of the day, even their own family kind of forsakes them, and they have that sense of loneliness, particularly at the holiday season. Do you feel like that? Is that something that you are going through in your life right now? Well, Joseph, no doubt, felt that way. His brothers betrayed him. They sold him into bondage, and he remained faithful.

And so here's Joseph betrayed by his brothers, and he is faithful, but he's also in prison. It says in Genesis 39, now Joseph was taken down to Egypt, and Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, the captain of the guard in Egyptian, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had brought him down there. the Lord was with Joseph, and he became a successful man, and he was in the house of his master, the Egyptian, and his master saw that the Lord was with him, and that the Lord caused all that he did to prosper in his hands. And that's true, isn't it? But he was without his family. He certainly felt alienated in this foreign land. And I want to encourage you at this time of the year that if you feel that way due to your faithfulness. Know this, that the Lord will never leave you. The Lord will

never forsake you, and you have the fellowship of the body of Christ with you. Sometimes we don't see that, and sometimes we don't cherish that. We don't grab a hold of it and bring it to ourselves because we're looking for some other kind of relationship that is giving us that that warmth and that sense of family. And sometimes we don't have that, but we do in the church. I know also that there are people who have lost loved ones in the last year, and this also can contribute to a sense of loneliness. This is the first year for my wife, Emily, to go into Thanksgiving and Christmas without a mother or father.

it's the first time in 60 years. And so it's, it is different. And everything around us reminds us of Andy, my father-in-law, and Alice, my mother-in-law. And so for those who experience that, we need to reach out and embrace and love them. And maybe you're listening to the show today, and you're saying, I know of somebody who's in that situation. You know that it would be great just reach out to them and to love them and to let them know that you're not alone and I'm with you and I'm thinking about you. And we hear from people so often, you know, my thoughts are with you. But to actually call them and to say, I have been thinking of you can mean an awful lot. Now, the next thing might seem trivial for some, but for others, this is major. This is

a major thing. The death of a pet. Now, some might say, well, Jeff, that's a pet. But you know what? A lot of people have bonds with their pet. With a dog or a cat or a horse or whatever their pet may be, they have had this friend. They have had this relationship, you know, with this with this pet for 10, 15 years and the pet is gone. And there is a sense of loss and being alone. I don't think we should ever discount that in people's lives. This happens with children when they have lost their dog, and they ask mom or dad, is my dog in heaven? And they really want to know. And I'm not one who is a big disappointment to children.

I try to bring them hope, but I want to pay more attention to the fact that they're alone. They're missing something. And I think to call someone up and say, I know that you lost that tremendous golden lab you've had for 13 years now. and I know that that probably is difficult. That means something to people who love their pets. To people who don't have pets, it might not, and that's okay. But for people who do, it does mean something. Well, God is the answer to loneliness in all of these situations that we might be facing.

God is the answer to loneliness. And when we take a break here, come back from this break, I want to give you some thoughts, some positive thoughts about God answering our loneliness at this time of the year and some things to think about in reaching out to other people. You're listening to The Jeff Kaven Show. What if you could go back and experience the very first Advent and walk alongside Joseph and Mary as they prepare to welcome the baby Jesus? Rejoice Advent Meditations with Joseph is an all-new Advent resource from Ascension.

Experience that very first Advent journey through daily. meditations in the Rejoice Journal and through a series of short, easy to access videos. Make Advent come alive this year. Visit rejoiceprogram.com. Rejoiceprogram.com. Welcome back. We're talking about loneliness. This is for all the lonely people. And we all experience loneliness at one time or another in our life. Loneliness is a profound sense of nobody's around me, nobody cares. Nobody's got my back. I don't have my support system in place like I normally do, and I'm vulnerable. Maybe that's you. Maybe it's somebody that you know. As I talk about this, you might even be thinking about a particular relative or a friend or someone at work that is going

through this during the holiday season. Loneliness during this time is difficult, and the holidays act almost like a magnifying glass to loneliness, don't they? Normally in July, August, the sun's out, and this wouldn't have been that bad. But this time of the year, there's something that magnifies this, and I think that it is the sense and the hope that we really would be a family and come together in love and that we wouldn't be alone, and that things would be good. But they're not always that way. but God answers the lonely, and God is the answer to loneliness.

I love this scripture in Mark chapter 6. It's about Jesus going out to pray. And we know that he goes out to pray, but listen to the theme of loneliness here. As I read Mark 6, verses 30 through 32, the apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. And he said to them, come away by yourself. to a lonely place and rest a while for many were coming in joy and going and they had no leisure even to eat and they went away in the boat to a lonely place by themselves now i love that i love that text and i know that it's not saying you know specifically that people are lonely

but there's there's a principle in this that i think is is beautiful and that is is that the Lord meets you in a lonely place. He says, come away to a lonely place to be with me. It is in the lonely place that the Lord meets us. He meets us when we are lonely, when it's quiet, and when there's nothing going on. Maybe the rest of the world is out there doing their thing, but you're in that lonely place, and the Lord will meet you. Not only has God changed, chosen to be among us, he has decided to come into us, even in the Eucharist. But even his name, Emmanuel, God with us, is so powerful. And it's in the lonely place that he actually invites you to come and be with him. And so if you are sensing that profound, you cut it with a knife,

loneliness in your life this time of the year, know this, that the Lord will meet you in the lonely place and rest a while in him. And so my encouragement for you today in part is that if you are experiencing this, know that the Lord wants to meet you in that lonely place and know also that this may be an opportunity to rest a while in him, to rest in Christ. Matthew 28 in verse 18, Jesus came and said to them, All authority and heaven on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.

And lo, I am with you always to the end of the age. That is a really important scripture, Matthew 28, 18 through 20, where the Lord really encourages them and sends them out on a very busy schedule of going into all the world and making disciples, baptizing them, and then at the end saying, hey, listen, I'm going to be with you always to the close of the age. And that includes the loneliness that you might be feeling at this time of the year, is that God will be with you always, even from Thanksgiving to New years, he's going to be with you. He's going to be with you. And that's a promise that you can bank on. that's a promise that you can use as a foundational scripture for your life, and that is that

no matter what happens in my life, I will ultimately never, ever be totally alone because the Lord is with me. And as you read about the saints, St. Therese and Teresa of Calcutta and St. Augustine and St. John Paul II, you will always hear them talk about the Lord being with them, even in those difficult, lonely times. Psalm 42.11, why are you cast down, oh, my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my help and my God. I like the Psalms because, you know, so often David is encouraging himself. You know, he's talking to himself. love that where he actually says to his soul, hey, why are you so down? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my help and my God. And that's a good exercise to actually use to get into during the

holidays is to talk to your soul. Soul, you're not alone. Soul, you have the Lord. Soul, you have been given a great gift in the church. You've been given a great gift in the communion of the saints. You've been given a great gift in the Eucharist. You are not alone, but you are actually being visited by God constantly. There's also another scripture that I prepared for this time together from Psalm 25. Isn't it amazing how many of the Psalms come up when we talk about loneliness and being distressful, you know. And let's admit it. Most of the Psalms are written during tough times, and the writers like David will look at their situation. This is what I've gone through. This is where I'm at. But look where I'm going to go with the Lord. And it's a great

structure for the holidays in terms of encouraging ourselves. It might be something that you want to do during the holidays is read the Psalms more. Psalm 25, turn the thou to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Isn't that beautiful? Turn thou to me and be gracious to me, Lord, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble and forgive all my sins. Consider how many are my foes and with what violent hatred they hate me. oh, guard my life and deliver me. Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in thee.

May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for thee. Three things out of that real quickly. There's so many good things in scripture, but three things from this one real quickly. One is that the writer of Psalms here is saying, I am lonely and afflicted, my heart is very troubled. It's a cry to bring me out of distress. Consider my affliction and my trouble. And it's interesting that the writer says, forgive all my sins. One of the things that I think is very important to remember during times of loneliness or perceived loneliness is that we must take care of our heart. Forgive all my sins, O Lord. You know, sometimes, and I'm not saying this is the case with you, certainly, or it's not the single case or the single reason why people feel

lonely, but sin can isolate us. So I say that only to say, if the shoe fits, wear it, right? Sin can isolate us. It can give us a sense of being alone and that I'm afflicted and that, oh my gosh, I'm going to lose everything and I'm a loser. Make sure you go to confession in these holiday weeks. Go to confession and lay all of the burden of your life on the Lord and say, Lord, take this. Forgive me of all of my sins. Two other things that are mentioned in verse 21 of Psalm 45 here is, may integrity and uprightness preserve me. If you struggle from a lonely and afflicted heart, make sure that you are walking in integrity. Integrity is when what you believe is, is matched by what you are doing in your life. Make sure that you are doing the Word of God.

Make sure that there's integrity and, secondly, uprightness, righteousness in your life. That kind of fits in with going to confession, doesn't it? But if you are running this race, make sure that you confess your sins and don't run encumbered by the weight of sin. during this holiday season. You might be thinking right there, Jeff, that's not exactly what I needed to hear. Well, it might be. You know, it might be. I know for me, it has in the past. It really has. And then listen to this. This is beautiful from the catechism. In paragraph 789, it gives us three aspects of the church as the body of Christ that all three remind us that we're not alone. This is gold, and I'll put it in the notes. Listen to this.

The comparison, I'm reading now from the catechism, the comparison of the church with the body casts light on the intimate bond between Christ and his church. Not only is she gathered around him, she is united in him, in his body. Three aspects of the church as the body of Christ are to be more specifically noted. Number one, the unity of all her members with each other. as a result of their union with Christ. Number two, Christ as head of the body. And number three, and the church as bride of Christ. Now, I'll repeat those three, because I think they're really, really important. These are three things to remember in the holiday seasons, and this is for all the lonely people. Number one, the unity with each other. Just the fact that I'm here,

and you are with me right now. We're members of the body of Christ. You're not alone, even as you listen to this. So there is a unity, there's a unity in the body of Christ that is, how can I put it? There's a unity in the body of Christ that forever and constantly reminds us that we're connected to other people. And the description of the church as the body reminds us that every single aspect of the body is so important. And when one part hurts, all parts hurt. When one's blessed, all are blessed. There's a unity with each other. And this can go both ways. You might need to know that because you feel lonely, but you might need to know that because someone you know is feeling lonely and you need to let them

know, hey, you're a part of this body. The second is Christ as head. Jesus is the head of his body, the church. You will never be alone if you're a Christian because the head is there. Christ is there. And that's really the most important thing, isn't it? That Christ is connected to us in such a way that we will never, ever be ultimately alone. And church as bride of Christ, not only are we not alone, but we are experiencing a profound intimacy with Christ as the bride and the bridegroom, and the bridegroom giving himself to us totally. One of the great anecdotes, anecdotes for, or one of the great solutions, I should say, let me say it that way.

One of the great solutions in dealing with this sense of loneliness is receive the Eucharist. Receive the Eucharist because not only are you tied to Christ at that point, but we are tied to each other in the Eucharist. It's the most profound place in the world to be for the lonely is in the Eucharist. And so if you're experiencing that, I encourage you go to Mass every day then and receive Christ. No matter how lonely you may feel, no matter how lonely you may feel, you will never be alone in the Eucharist. I saw this scripture, by the way, in Deuteronomy, and I wrote it down, and I got to thinking about the fact that this is really a benchmark for us when it comes to loneliness. Clear back in the Old Testament in Deuteronomy 31.6, it says, be strong and of good courage.

Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Isn't that beautiful? He will not fail you or forsake you. Now, sometimes we associate being alone with various parts of our life falling apart. Well, God will not fail you or forsake you. If you feel like you're alone because various parts of your life are falling apart, remember what the writer of Hebrews said in Hebrews 13, verse 5, keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have, for he has said, I will never fail you, nor forsake you.

Maybe this year you lost your spouse or your parents. This verse is for you in Psalm 68. Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. God settles the solitary in a home. One translation says, God settles the lonely in a home. He leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a It was just a couple weeks ago, just weeks ago that I was in a G5 high-level security prison giving communion through a communion service to nine inmates individually one by one.

And they were in solitary confinement. Some had been there for 25 years in the same cell. talk about feeling alone and I was able to go and pray with them to give them the Eucharist and to let them know you're not alone I'm here I came here and we are one in the Eucharist we're connected in the Eucharist when you receive the Eucharist think of the Lord but think of me as well it's very very powerful now if you notice that someone is lonely I want to encourage you this time of the year do something. Invite them out for a cup of coffee. You'd be surprised what it means to know that you took the time to call them and to say, I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee. Maybe you know that they've lost their parents this year. Maybe you know that their spouse has gone. Maybe

they have lost a child or something really big happened this last year. Take some time out of your schedule to let them know you're not alone. You're not alone. And I would encourage you as I conclude today in our time together, pass this on to someone who needs to hear this. Oftentimes when we listen to podcasts or shows and we listen, we get into a way of listening for somebody else, don't we? Oh, I wish my brother could hear this. Oh, I wish my uncle could hear this, right? It's usually about things like sin and that kind of thing. But maybe during this show, You've been thinking all this time about your aunt who lost her husband, and you wish that you could share this with her. Well, you can. You can share all these shows with the people that might be experiencing that loneliness. Minister to those who feel alone. This show is for all the lonely people. Know this that God loves you. God has a plan for your life.

I love you, the body of Christ loves you, and you're not alone. Best thing to do in the midst of feeling alone is to go out and love other people. And isn't it interesting how our own sense of being alone can go away once we get our eyes on somebody else and we love them and we do something kind for them? I'm looking forward to spending more time with you during this holiday season. It's a great time for us to be together. If you have any questions or comments, please write me. My email is The Jeff Kaven Show at ascensionpress.com. I'll put that in the show notes for you. I'd like to know about your response to the shows, your ideas for other shows, and how the shows

are ministering to you. I know we get listeners from literally all over the globe. And thanks to the miracle of technology, we can be together and we can share things like this. Let me pray for you. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, Lord, I lift up my brother. I lift up my sister to you right now. And I thank you, Lord, as I put my hand on their head and say, you are not alone. God loves you. I love you. The body of Christ loves you. I pray, Lord, that in the midst of loneliness this year, that people will be reminded of the, the fact that you have called us to a lonely place to be with you and to give us rest. I thank you, Lord, that you have brought this topic up at this time of the year so that we can go out with

eyes open and ears open to listen for opportunities and to watch for opportunities to be a blessing to other people. May we be the solution to other people who are experiencing a profound sense of loneliness. This is for all the lonely people. You are loved. You are loved. In Jesus name I pray. Amen. Name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. God bless you. Pray for me. I love you. And I'm going to continue to pray for you even as this podcast ends. God bless you.