The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - What To Do When You’re Offended

Episode Date: August 27, 2021

Are you offended easily? Today, Jeff explains why it’s important to not let our emotions get the best of us, and how being easily offended could interfere with our relationship with God. Snippet from the Show “Unforgiveness and being offended are carefully laid traps of the enemy.” Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit ascensionpress.com/thejeffcavinsshow for full shownotes!

You're listening to the Jeff Kaven Show, episode 234, what to do when you're offended. Hey, I'm Jeff Kavins. How do you simplify your life? How do you study the Bible? All the way from motorcycle trips to raising kids, we're going to talk about the faith and life in general. It's the Jeff Kaven show. And thanks for joining me again. You are deep in the woods. It's Minnesota right now, and I am on the edge of the lake. In fact, I'm looking at the lake right now because, well, it looks a little bit different because we've had so much rain in the last few days that the rocks that I normally can see

are covered up, and the lake is teeming with new life. One of the things I really like to do is to go out at night, and you can hear the sounds of summer with all of the insects and the frogs and so forth, and occasionally you'll hear a a bass jumping out of the lake. And it's just a wonderful, wonderful time. So I enjoy being out here and bringing you, my friend, out here, out into the woods of Minnesota. We've had some forest fires in Minnesota just recently, still going on just west of two harbors, north of Duluth. A lot of fires, and that seems to be happening in different places around the country.

Hey, speaking of fires, have you ever felt like your life was literally like a forest fire? Like everything is going up and it's become hot and you are aggravated? Well, this show is going to be for you because I'm going to talk to you today about what do you do when you are offended? And I do have some amazing notes for you. And as you know, I give all the notes away absolutely free. If you don't get them every week, all you've got to do is text my name, Jeff Kavens, one word, Jeff Kavens, and you text it to the number 33777, and you will be on board for the rest of the podcasts. Love to share the notes with you. And if you're like me, you listen to podcasts in the car, and you really don't want to be writing things down.

Okay, so easily agitated, preoccupied, quick temper, judgmental speech. impatient, depressed, and angry. These adjectives describe someone who may have been offended. Now, I don't know of anybody who can actually say, I have never been offended in my life. The old dictionary gives us kind of a definition of being offended as it says that it's resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived, underline perceived insult. Well, now, have you ever been offended? Boy, I have. I can think back to three or four times in my life,

whether it was with family or someone at work, where something was said, something was done, something wasn't done, and I ended up being offended. maybe let me just give you kind of an idea of how somebody could be offended maybe this fits you and this is not something in my own life but i just want to give you an idea let's say that you and your brother-in-law and sister you have been the best friends for so long and when both of you got married you did everything together in fact you went on vacations together and and then you had your

first child and your sister had her first child and And then the second, third, fourth, and before you know it, there are all kinds of cousins. And you find yourself going on vacation and doing so much together. You really enjoy one another. And then one dinner party, as you were sitting there and talking, your brother-in-law says something that didn't sit right with you. And you interpreted it in such a way that, well, it was very, very hurtful. It was very, very painful. And something happened to your relationship that day.

No longer did you get together in the summer with the kids to go to the lake. No longer did you go on vacations. In fact, you skipped Thanksgiving at their house because of what happened during that dinner party. The description that I'm giving you there is not that uncommon, to be honest with you. And maybe you would say, boy, Jeff, if I could talk to you right now, I'd give you three or four examples. that have taken place in my life. So we as activated disciples, what do we do? How do we handle this whole topic of being offended?

I want to talk to you a little bit about that and then give you some practical advice that I think will really be good news for you if you struggle with that issue of being offended. I want to start off by saying that in the Gospel of John, chapter 16, and this will be in the notes for you, Jesus said something about this, about this trouble that we can enter into. He said, I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace.

In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world. Now, I so appreciate this because one thing about Jesus that is just so amazing is that he's straightforward. He's not mincing words. He's not dancing around the truth or trying to find cute ways. of bringing up topics. He just says, in the world, you're going to have some, you're going to have some trouble. You're going to have some tribulation, one translation says. And when we talk about that word, in this world, you're going to have trouble. That word for trouble in Greek,

it really is, it means pressure, anguish, tribulation, burden. It's like a tearing apart on the inside, right? And he says, but be of good, be of good heart, take heart. He said, I have overcome the world. And that idea of overcoming the world is to subdue, to conquer, to overcome, prevail, get the victory. And so we shouldn't be surprised that there are going to be opportunities in our life where we can be hurt and we can be offended. And that being offended can turn to unforgiveness in our lives, we should rejoice in the fact that he has overcome. And if we are in Christ, we can too overcome and we can get the victory. Now, one of the greatest obstacles that we have to overcome in our walk with the Lord is the obstacle of being offended

by others. Being offended by others. It's this condition of being hurt, resentful or angry. And oftentimes being offended is followed by unforgiveness. Something was said or something was done and you sense this offense and the more you nursed it and you rehearsed it and you cursed it, it turned into full-blown unforgiveness towards that person, whether it was right or wrong, whether they intended it or not, whether you were right in your interpretation or wrong in your interpretation. So either one can greatly hinder you and your growth as a disciple of the Lord. But together, being offended and unforgiveness, well, they can literally immobilize you. And so this topic that I'm sharing with you today is critically important because if the enemy can immobilize you, that means that he immobilizes you as a disciple.

And it means that you can't do what you are supposed to do. You're immobilized. You're sidelined. And if you are immobilized as a husband or a wife, well, that's detrimental. And then that turns into immobilized as a father, right? Or a son or a daughter or an employee. This issue of being offended in unforgiveness ultimately can cost you way more than it's worth. and unforgiveness due to an offense can drive you into the pits of depression and bitterness.

So this is not something to nurse. It's not something to allow to linger in our lives. And I'd like to show you today when you have the opportunity to be offended, that it can actually become an opportunity for growth in your life. You can get over it. You don't need to be entrapped by it. and there are two things that I've noticed about this subject of offense and unforgiveness. Number one is that I have the opportunity to be offended. Now, maybe you know this as well. I have the opportunity to be offended right when God has something special going on

in my life. I have seen this pattern. Listen, I've been walking with the Lord for over 40 years now, And I have seen this pattern that when God wants to do something special in my life, or I'm on the verge of doing something different, an opportunity to be offended is right around the corner. That's number one. Number two, it's always geared towards stopping me from walking in my vocation. almost every time. It stops me cold in my tracks as far as being a husband or a father, certainly an activated disciple of the Lord. But I want to introduce a concept to you today that I think is critically important, and that is that the taking offense and unforgiveness is actually a trap. It's not just an emotion that you can enjoy now,

And then, because after all, you deserve it. And they were wrong anyway. And this is just what happens when they're wrong. I feel like crud. Crud is Greek for rotten. Okay. So taking offense and unforgiveness is a trap. And one of the points that I'd like to leave you with in this particular podcast

is that unforgiveness and being offended are carefully laid traps of the enemy with the purpose of immobilizing you. Unforgiveness is a trap. Taking a fence is a trap. Now, let me explain what I mean by a trap here. You've seen these mouse traps before, right? The typical mouse trap. It's a little piece of wood and it has a little piece of metal that you put the cheese on

and there's a spring with a bar on it. And you put some cheese on the piece of metal, a little flat piece of metal, and then you set the trap with the hopes that, that little wily mouse will come and eat the cheese, grab the cheese. And once he grabs that cheese, that bar is going to trip and slap down on him so fast and so hard that he won't even know or she what hit them. Well, here's what's interesting.

That little bar that you place the bait on on a trap in Greek is called the Scandalon. The Scandalon. Now, does that remind you of a word in English? You're right. Scandalized. Scandalon. Originally, that was the name of the part of a trap to which the bait was attached. It is called the Scandalon.

And it is a hindrance which causes a fall. An offense, literally, is a deliberately laid trap of the devil to get you to fall. to put you out of commission. Now, the person who is offended or the person who is filled now with unforgiveness, they're tied up by unforgiveness, may not even know that it was a trap. But the devil has laid a trap for you to put you in bondage and render you unproductive. And the person who may have hurt you in some way didn't even know that they were a part of this entrapment in your life.

Matthew 1623, Jesus turned and said to Peter, you remember this one? Jesus said he was going to go to Jerusalem and he was going to suffer and be crucified. And Peter said, may that never happen to you. And what did Jesus do? He turned around to Peter and he said, get behind me, Satan. So much for your first day in the papacy, huh? Get behind me, Satan. You are a stumbling block to me.

You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men. Well, that word for the stumbling block there is this word, scandal on offense. The enemy, through Peter, tried to immobilize Jesus and cause him not to do God's will. And Peter wasn't even aware of it. But what would have happened if Jesus would have taken the bait? What if he would have listened to that and taken the bait? You and I would not be sitting in the place we're at right now as disciples of the Lord. I can tell you that.

What is usually our reaction to being offended? Well, Proverbs 18 and verse 19 says that an offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city. And disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel. When you're offended, we have a tendency to draw back, don't we? We isolate ourselves. We're coy in some ways. you know, we act disinterested. When someone asks us what's wrong, we usually say, oh, nothing, nothing. But everything about the way you said it and everything about the way you look and your posture,

it all spells, I am offended. I am offended by what you said or what you did. Another reaction is to go to someone you know and tell them how badly you've been offended. Not only is this unscriptural, but it spreads the poison. And people will usually come to you and say, listen, I wouldn't normally talk to anyone about this, but I know that you'll take it to the Lord in prayer. Do you know, Brian over there, let me tell you something what he said. And so we have this desire to spread it and let other people know that we have been hurt. These little offenses may seem like little things to you, but I want to show you how these

little offenses can prevent you from great miracles and opportunities of blessing, both for you and your whole family. I can use the example in 1 Samuel 17 of David and Goliath. Israel was facing the Philistines and their champion Goliath, and they didn't have anybody to fight Goliath. And then David stepped up to the plate. This young man who was taking supplies to the front where the fighting was going on. And David suddenly became interested, and he heard that there was a reward for the one that would take on Goliath and win. David in front of his brother Eliab and the others said, hey, what does the guy get for fighting Goliath? And Elieb, spoke hard against David, basically minimizing him, speaking down to him. What are you doing? You're a show off. Well, David could

have taken the bait. He could have taken the bait and he could have become offended leading to unforgiveness. But look at what he would have missed. Look at what all of Israel would have missed had David taken the bait. And he didn't. He didn't take the bait. He fought Goliath and he won. Notice here that this was a trap laid by the enemy to get David not to do what God called him to. And that was was to deal with the giant. Oh, you just want to show off and get out of the chores back home, David. David could have returned home offended, but the giant would not have been dealt with. Let me ask you a question.

Are there any giants in your life that are going untouched, undefeated, because you're nursing an offense? Have you said no to going down a certain? avenue that will mean spiritual growth and victory for your family because of your own pride and you've been offended and your children will suffer now because you're nursing that offense? All offenses are silly. I'll say that again. All offenses, I mean this, all offenses are silly if they keep you from God's best. If you are participating in other people's offenses, you are blowing it with God.

Husbands, wives, don't be a part of your spouse's offense. Instead, help them to see the trap. And if they're trapped, help them to become free. Someone shares their offense with you. Don't go along with it and be part of the problem. Help them to see that it's a trap. It's a scandal on they have taken the bait. they've taken the bait.

So what happens in us at the point of offense? When we are offended, we have a sense of being violated. We have a sense that someone has taken something from us, and we should be paid back. We have a feeling that the score should be evened. We want to pound a flesh for the offense. But you know what? Two thousand years ago, a baby was born in Bethlehem. This wasn't just another boy.

This was God coming to dwell with man. And this baby would grow up as the son of God, and he would show you and me a better way to deal with hurt and pain, a way that would transcend retaliation. A way that would avoid turtling and bowing out of the social discourse and family reunions. A way that would do away with controlling one another. by unforgiveness. Have you ever felt controlled by unforgiveness? Have you ever tried to control someone else through unforgiveness? This way I speak of is the way of forgiveness. And I'm going to talk to you about that right after this. You're listening to the Jeff Kaven show. Am I saved? How do I develop a better prayer life? How do I trust in God? The Curious Catholic

is a new series of by-size books from Ascension that answer these questions and more. The Curious Catholic features small books from various authors that provide busy Catholics ways to go deeper into spiritual questions. The first three titles in the series are from Father Mike Schmitz, host of the Bible in a Year podcast. Father Mike's books explore the topics of salvation, prayer, and trusting in God. To learn more about the Curious Catholic series, go to Ascensionpress.com slash Curious Catholic. That's Ascension Press. We're talking about something today that is so important, and that is avoiding being offended, but then when you find yourself trapped by unforgiveness, what do you do?

You know, I was going to tell you before the break, you know, there's two things about a trap that you need to realize. One, because you might be thinking yourself, oh, I'd never be trapped by being offended. I'd never be trapped by unforgiveness. I'm too good for that. I'm too mature for that. I've read the Bible for years. That's not going to trap me. Well, there's two things about a trap that you have to realize. One is that a trap doesn't look like a trap. That's why it's called a trap. If it looked like a trap, you wouldn't get trapped unless you like getting trapped. So it doesn't look like a trap. And the second

thing is that a trap is always intended to be stronger than the one it's intended for. So if if you want to trap a mouse, you've got to have something stronger than a mouse. If you want something that's stronger than, if you want to trap a cougar, you got to have something stronger in a cougar. If you want to trap a bear, you've got to have something stronger than a bear. And if you want to trap a human being who is not walking with God at the moment and not walking in wisdom, then you need something stronger than the human being. And guess what? Unforgiveness and being offended. is stronger than you. It's right. It's stronger than you. And that's why we're going to see here that

we need Jesus. We need something stronger than the trap, and that is Jesus. I love it. I love it. Let me introduce you to one of my favorite portions of scripture from my favorite gospel, the gospel of Matthew. Matthew chapter 18, this is such a beautiful, beautiful story here. It's a story of the unmerciful servant, the parable of the unmerciful servant. And I think that this parable of the unmerciful servant very accurately speaks of the issue of unforgiveness. Once you are trapped, once you are offended, and you feel the steel of this, you feel the steel of trap around you and you feel helpless, you need help. And that help comes in the form of

crying out to God and confessing, confessing that you took the bait and that you have been offended or that you are now holding on forgiveness towards someone. And the key to getting out of that is to walk in forgiveness, to release someone else who you feel owes you something or has hurt you. And so going to confession is very key to getting out of the trap of offense. But at the heart of it is that you believe that somebody owes you something and until they wake up and pay what they owe you, you're going to carry this grudge. You're going to carry everything emotionally that goes with that grudge too. In other words, you're going to pay a price. And so you have to ask yourself, is it worth carrying this?

or should I let go and allow the cross of Jesus to be the price that was paid? Listen to this amazing story. It says, therefore, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king. And by the way, this is on the heels of Peter. When Peter came up and said to the Lord, he said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but 70 times seven.

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. That is amazing, isn't it? Do you know that a talent is like 15 years of wages? One talent. this guy owed 10,000 times 15 years wages. In other words, this thing cannot be paid back. And as he could not pay his Lord ordered him to be sold with his wife and children

and all that he had and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees imploring him, Lord, have patience with me. And I will pay you everything. Now listen to this, verse 27, and out of pity for him, the Lord of that servant, here it is, released him and forgave him the debt. But that same servant, okay, so that ends that, that's verse 27. Now we pick up with verse 28. Now, this guy has been forgiven, 10,000 talents, a talent is 15 years wages.

He has been forgiven all of this. Why? Because he fell on his knees imploring the master. Please forgive me. I'll pay this back. And the Lord forgave him and released him of that obligation. You talk about a winning day. You talk about a day where the lottery has come to your house. But then that same servant as he went out came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denari, just a few days' wages. And seizing him by the throat, he said, pay what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him. Have patience with me and I will pay you. But he refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. Wow. Now get this. Verse 31. When his fellow servants saw, in other words, people were watching, she didn't realize it,

but this was on Fox News. Somehow the story got on there. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their Lord all that had taken place. Now listen to the response of the Lord. Then his Lord summoned him and said to him, You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me, and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you? and in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers till he should pay all his debt oh can you imagine the feeling that guy went through as he realized that he was forgiven of so much but he wouldn't

forgive other people he wouldn't release them for what they owed and now he's in prison and he owes it all and he's in prison now that would be nice if that was the end of Jesus' teaching, because we could use that in a CCD class or a Bible study. But that's not the end of what Jesus said about this. It's the end of the parable, but then he says to the disciples, get this, so also my Heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart. Now, my friends, this is serious. if you have been offended and find yourself walking in unforgiveness, it is critical that today you make plans to go to confession and you confess this as sin. You are walking in

unforgiveness, even if they meant to hurt you. And you have to release this person. And that means that you are not going to live in the future with the attitude that somebody owes you something. That which somebody owes you, that price was paid at Calgary. And if we walk in unforgiveness, we're basically saying to the Lord, I know that you paid the price, and I know that you said it was finished, but you know what, it ain't finished. not till they repay me. They have offended me. Then Jesus will say to you, then you will go into prison and suffer the consequences in the emotional weight of your own sin. Don't do that, my friend.

Today go to the Lord and release those who have offended you and rejoice in the fact that God has paid the price for that sin. He has paid the price for that sin. He has paid. paid the price for what they have done to you. I love this scripture. Psalm 124, praise be to the Lord who has not let us be torn by their teeth. We have escaped like a bird out of the fowler's snare. The snare has been broken and we have escaped. We have escaped.

Our help is in the name of the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. My friend, I do pray that you will walk in the forgiveness of the Lord and in turn release other people. God bless you. I will pray for you and you have an amazing week.