The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - When Trauma Comes to Your Home

Episode Date: August 2, 2024

How do you respond when trauma enters your life? How does God desire us to respond in times of trauma and suffering? Jeff Cavins shares about a very recent situation in his own life that has brought trauma and suffering to someone he loves. He shares wisdom from St. John Paul II and Scripture to offer advice on how to respond in times of trauma. Snippet from the Show “It is suffering, more than anything else, which clears the way for the grace which transforms human souls” (St. John Paul II, Salvifici Doloris) Email us with comments or questions at [e-mail]. Text “jeffcavins” to 33-777 to subscribe and get Jeff’s shownotes delivered straight to your email! Or visit https://media.ascensionpress.com/?s=&page=2&category%5B0%5D=Ascension%20Podcasts&category%5B1%5D=The%20Jeff%20Cavins%20Show for full shownotes!

Welcome to the Jeff Kavens show, where we talk about the Bible, discipleship, and evangelization, putting it all together in living as activated disciples. This is show 388 when trauma comes to your family. Welcome to the show. Thank you for joining me. I'm Jeff Kavans and really thrilled that you're with me this week. As people come together every week, we talk about the Lord. We talk about discipleship. We talk about Bible study, prayer. What do you do in tough times? What about suffering?

And this week, we're going to talk about what about suffering? Because trauma came to my home. And I'll get to that in just a moment. By the way, if you do want show notes for the Jeff Kaven show, all you've got to do is text my name, one word, Jeff Kaven's, and you can text it to the number at 337. so what do we do when trauma comes well there's a lot of things that we do that are not good that's for sure but then there are things that we should be doing that are good when trauma comes and it's interesting

isn't it that when trauma comes whether it's at a restaurant or a traffic accident whatever it might be a lot of people freeze up they don't know what to do they stay in the car they're they're not sure whether they should touch anybody. And I remember one time at a restaurant, there was a lady who started convulsing and then just fell over and everybody thought she was dead. And everybody's standing there looking at her. And even the management of the restaurant backed off.

The waitress backed off. And I looked around like, isn't anybody going to do anything? And so I got down there and I started barking orders at the people. I said, are you her husband? And yes, take out everything in her purse for medications, anything that she might have taken. Lay it out right here. Do we have any other friends? Can somebody call 911?

I think that was the chef. Call 911. Tell them where we're at. We have a woman who has collapsed and then gave her some room and moved people back. By the time that the paramedics came, everything was laid out and they went right into action. But the thing was is that when trauma comes, people can become scared. and they don't know exactly what to do. I remember at a steakhouse and it was a restaurant in Sarasota, Florida, years ago,

a guy started suffocating. He had something in his throat, some kind of steak or something. And everybody literally backed off and just watched him and he's turning like a purple color. And I saw it and I ran in there, turned him around, did the Heimlich maneuver, steak across the room, and he was breathing. and so when trauma comes we have to do something even not doing anything is doing something but when trauma comes we can be valuable to that situation because we we know the lord and we're not afraid to get involved in other people's lives well my wife went playing pickleball

she's never played pickleball before i've never played pickleball before i played tennis racquetball but never pickleball, how hard can a game be that is named after a pickle? I mean, it can't be that hard. And so her best friend, one of her best friends, she's got a group of best friends, they asked her if she wanted to join them for pickleball. So she said, well, okay. Now, she didn't have the right shoes on, I don't think. And that's what those are her words.

And she got a big shot where she had to turn around and over the, over her. Her shoulder had to hit the ball back. And she was running so fast and realized there's a fence there she's going to hit. So she stopped. And her knee, all of her weight came over and it broke the top of the tibia there, where it joins with the rest of the leg. So she was an incredible pain. And the ambulance had to take her to the hospital. And I got the call from one of her best friends telling me what had happened.

And I went, oh, wow. Now, Emily's never had a big thing like this before. She's had, well, she had a cyst one time that had to be removed. I'm not telling anything out of school here. She talks about this. And that was very painful, but this was really, really painful. And so I got the call that this is happening. And I said, all right, I'll be at the hospital.

Now, from that point on, you can go in two different directions. One is very hurtful, and it's not very. helpful hurtful and helpful on the other hand is very loving it is very nurturing it's very gentle and it's looking for healing it's not looking for blame it's not talking about the cost it's not it's not looking at what's going to happen to your work now when someone in your family is in the midst of trauma they're in the best place that they could be which is the school of love and that's what john paul the second called the family the school of love that's where they are hurting and that's where they are learning

they're learning how to deal with trauma and if you look at how you deal with trauma i would guess i'm just saying i would guess though that there is a certain bit of emotional DNA built into you that when the chips are down and trauma comes you will probably act like what you saw growing up unless of course you begin a new chapter and a new way of responding to trauma anytime trauma happens out in the wild at the airport at a restaurant at a sporting game I'm automatically the one that will take charge in that situation because most people won't and certainly spouses are scared and so if you can stand up and say okay my name is jeff I'm going to try to help here.

Does anyone know her or know him? And someone will come out, yes, that's my sister. And they're kind of beside themselves. That's when a leader has to take charge and say, okay, we're going to do this. We're going to do that. And I remember a lady at a restaurant collapsing years ago. And everybody in their booth got up and stood by the front door.

It's like nobody wanted to be around her. And she's dying, you know. She's dying. Something's really wrong and she's convulsing. And so I stood up and I immediately asked, you know, where's the manager? The manager came. Call 911. Call him right away.

Are you her husband? Yes. Get her medications out on the counter for me and any kind of insurance or anything like that. Get that ready. I got everything ready there. So when the paramedics came, they could more easily tend to this lady. But I share that because so often people don't know. what to do and they just sort of stand on the sidelines while someone's in deep trouble.

But what they need at that point is somebody to take charge. Now, when I heard this, I went immediately down to the hospital and I met up with Emily, who was in some significant pain when I met her there. And I felt really, you know, really, really bad. And what she needed at that point was love, understanding, consideration, a positive, of atmosphere. Also, at the right time, a loving reminder of what we do with our suffering as Christians, and that we can offer up our suffering in union with Christ. In other words, we can do something with it. I just didn't know it was going to happen Monday. And maybe you're

like that too, that you look back after some trauma in your life and say, you know, I thought I was ready for that, but that Tuesday, that scrambled everything. and you have to figure it out on the run, you know, at that point. So one of the things that we don't want to do when somebody in the family has run into trauma, we don't want to start looking at the finances at that point. That is not the point where you start to mention where you could have gone to this hospital or that hospital's cheaper or did you really need that test. I could have told you that, blah, blah, blah, you know.

uh that's not the time to do that that's not the time to figure out exactly where your blame lies in the situation it is what happened and we need to love and nurture that person now and lift them up pray for healing pray for calm pray pray that the needs in their family their children going to school and to doctor's appointments and so forth that all of this can be addressed by the body of christ which is here for the purpose of loving one and other and experiencing a mutual healing in the various things that take place in our lives. So we don't, we don't start looking for blame. We don't start complaining about the finances in all of it.

We don't start reminding someone that you know we're supposed to go on vacation in two days. You knew that, didn't you? Before you did that? Yes, I did. That is all out. That's not the way we are. That isn't the way we are. And I've heard some, I've heard times where both men and women so hard on people who have experienced trauma in the family because of financial social reasons, financial reasons, or purely it just inconvenienced me, right?

I wanted to spend time on the lake this summer and this happened, you know, that kind of selfishness. That's not us. And if you are a guy who does that, I'm saying with all my heart in love, you need to deal with that. because that's that is very hurtful and sometimes those hurts can last what we should do when we hear this is we go into love mode we love we nurture we protect and we let them know we love them i love you so when my wife i went to the hospital and found her you know i gave her a kiss and told her i love you and and we're going to work through this we're going to do it together and God reigns. He is supreme. And we do believe in God's providence in our lives. And so, Lord, we pray and ask you to

help us to discover, to discover your will in our life. So once we went up to the doctors and we found out what had really happened, which was serious, I brought Emily back home, made sure she was comfortable and made sure that she had everything she needed to drink and everything she needed to eat and those things that would benefit her because at that time, which was yesterday, we didn't know exactly what was going to happen. We weren't really sure. So anyway, I'm going to take a break here. We come back. I do want to talk to you about some purposes for suffering. And it's not to say that Emily's in one of those groups. She could be. you could be in a couple of those groups, who knows.

But I'm just going to give you these different purposes in suffering, that suffering for us is not something that is just a waste. It is actually something that is quite valuable. And if you offer up your suffering in union with Christ, you will join with him in his cross, and your suffering even is redeemed. And so something beautiful and powerful can come out of this. Is it fun?

No. could I have avoided it? Yes. Did I? No. It's called life. It's called life, you know. I broke my left arm five different times in different instances growing up. I just ran into walls hard, you know. What I needed as a kid who I needed my parents to love me. I needed them to express that I'm okay, that I'm not stupid, that it was merely an accident and then love me. And hey, you know what? Back there in the late 60s, I got a hot wheels set out of a left broken arm. Anyway, we're going to take a break when you come back and talk about those four purposes real quick. You're listening to the Jeff Kaven show.

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then this app will change your life. Welcome back. We're talking about, we're talking today about something that's hard, and that is when trauma comes to your home. You know, I used to be a pastor before I reverted and came back to the Catholic Church. And I got to tell you that when trauma comes to families, I have seen so many reactions. I've seen reactions all the way from yelling and screaming and hitting their head against a wall that they can't believe this is happening to their family, to passing out, to going into a shock where they can't talk real well. I've seen people go into a fit of anger because their person is experiencing trauma because they disobeyed something that was said. You know, I've seen all of this. But,

here's the number one thing that when trauma comes to your family and you find out that your your eight-year-old girl was out playing around with her friends you know playing soccer but she didn't have the right soccer shoes on consequently she tore her ACL well yelling at her at that point is not going to do anything other than create a memory that isn't fun to listen to later on in her life she wants to know do you love me am i all right am i safe here. Yes, you are, honey. You are safe. You're safe in my arms. We're going to get through this. I can remember several times growing up where I experienced trauma in school or relationships. And I remember my dad saying something to me one time when I thought I was really in trouble

with the police. He looked at me and he said, we're in this together, Jeff. We're a family. and that meant so much to me when I went into that trauma. Now, there are different purposes in suffering for suffering in salvation history. I do go over a little bit of this in the great adventure in lesson, I think it's lesson two. But number one, suffering in salvation history punitive. In other words, punishment for sin. Jeff, are you saying that this is what Emily experienced? No, I'm not saying anything of what Emily experienced.

She is like a walking saint. So I don't imagine God's running around saying, well, you know, she's going to be suffering. She's going to be suffering for sin and make her be punished for sin. It just doesn't fit, you know, with her. But she's so sweet. The suffering that is punitive is important because it creates the possibility of rebuilding goodness. in the subject who suffers. So if you're struggling with virtue,

you're struggling with getting on board with the Lord, and you're back to doing your old thing, you could experience some suffering in your life, which is geared towards, get this, it's geared towards the rebuilding of goodness in your life. It's not a waste. You know, John Paul II said in Salvitici Dolores, you got to get that.

We'll put that in the show notes. He said in paragraph 12, this is an extremely important aspect of suffering. It is profoundly rooted in the entire revelation of the old and above all the New Testament, their new covenant. Suffering must serve for conversion, that is, the rebuilding of goodness in the subject.

So this is why a father disciplines his, son, not from hatred, but it is from love for your good. I remember growing up, and my father, he would discipline me for certain things, you know, that I did. And I remember I'm always saying that this hurts him to have to bring about this particular punishment that I was going through. So we could say, again, the father's discipline is not from hatred, but it is from love for your good. And that's why penance is overcoming evil, and it's always connected to suffering. Penance in suffering can bring about something good in your life. I think a lot of us can remember back to stories growing up where maybe suffering was punishment for sin in her life.

So I know I certainly can. Now, the second purpose in suffering would be under the category of probative. probative. It's a test. It's a test. Like with Job in the Old Testament, his suffering has the nature of a test that is going on. Perhaps that's why the story of Job is problematic in most people's estimation. He loses possessions, he loses his sons and daughters, and is gravely sick. And then it tells us that these three friends, or three friends of Job's, and they try to convince Job, that suffering can have a meaning only as punishment for sin, that that is, in fact, the only reason for suffering. They're trying to convince him of this in Job 4-8. And it goes like

this, as I have seen those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same. So they're basically saying to Job, who is going through a probative test, not a punishment for sin, in the end, God himself reproves Job's friends for their accusations and recognizes that Job is not guilty. His suffering is the suffering of someone who is innocent. It must be accepted by faith as a mystery and that we find out who we really are. Now, the third is disciplinary. And this has great educational value. Disciplinary. The suffering inflicted by God upon the chosen people, in every instance, we see an invitation of his mercy which corrects in order to lead to conversion. We see this in Second Maccabees 612. Now, I urge those who read this book

not to be depressed by such calamities, but to recognize that these punishments were designed not to destroy, but to discipline our people. In Hebrews 12.5, my son do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by Him. And then the fourth one is what I would call a supernatural dimension. Divine love, okay? Love is the fullest source of the answer to the question of the meaning of suffering. This answer has been given by God to man in the cross of Jesus Christ.

Let me just, let me say that again. Love is the fullest source of the answer to the question of the meaning of suffering. And everybody wants to know the meaning. And this answer has been given by God to man in the cross of Jesus. In other words, the cross of Jesus is the answer to the question of the meaning of suffering. But before we give the answer, we got to look at salvation history, okay? And that's where understanding the entire Bible really comes in. You start to see the patterns in the Bible.

And so we have the opportunity to love and join divine love with our suffering by an act of the will and to say, Lord, I join myself to you and I give you all of my pain, all of my suffering. And what are you learning to do here? You're learning to love like Jesus loved. And what's that? He died on a cross. He experienced physical and moral suffering. That's the suffering of the heart.

And he redeemed us with that love, that suffering love. And now he says, if you want to be my disciple, pick up your cross and follow me. Follow me. So the Bible is just rich with verses about the meaning of suffering. And I'm going to put them in the show notes for you. I've got two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. I've got a man, ten. I got about twelve of them, twelve verses on suffering. And I also have some quotes from John Paul II that I would like to give you. I'm going to give you six of those quotes from Salvitici, Delo. I think that if you take these verses and you read John Paul II, you're going to experience a tremendous blessing as you read what a saint did with his life when he encountered suffering. And when we encounter suffering in our lives, inevitably, we're going to be with people. And if you are walking into trauma, then you need to walk in as Jesus Christ. and not walk in as a insurance collector or a bank teller or anything else.

You know, that's not what people need at that point. They need to be loved. They need to know that things are going to turn out all right and as much as you can say that and simply love them. Very, very important. You know, I was looking through these scriptures and the one that, I even quoted it to Emily. By the way, quoting Bible verses about what to do with your suffering to people who are suffering must be done with gentleness because they don't want to hear suddenly how, wow,

God is delighting in me with all of this. No, they don't. And so if you're going to talk to them about the value of redemptive suffering and how to offer that suffering up needs to be done with a gentle hand, needs to be done with a steady hand, a loving heart, one that isn't placing blame, but one who is encouraging and lifting them up and making them feel safe. They're in the family. They're in the family of God. I know, and I love that, Colossians 124. Now I rejoice in my suffering for your sake, and in my flesh, I complete what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body that is the church. I'm not going to read all of these, because I'm going to give them, I'm going to give them to you. But I would say this, and this is what I am

endeavoring to do right now as Emily is in the midst of this, is that I need to put her first, and if I need to cancel something, I need to cancel something, because we have to be careful about putting other things in meetings above our loved ones who might need us at that time. And certainly with our children who are experiencing trauma, the two advocates they have are mom and dad and they need them. They need them and they need them now. One of the best things that you really could do is to do what Archbishop Fulton Sheen recommended about suffering. And I'll twist this slightly, but he talks about how people have the greatest fear which is dying. And he says, the way that you can deal with that fear of dying is practice for it. And right away,

people are like, what? Practice the fear of dying? What are I supposed to practice? But by practicing, he means die daily. He says, like Paul, I die daily. Die daily. Start giving your life to other people. Lay down your life in the service of the Lord. And then, when that day comes, your final breath is coming, you will have already had experienced dying to yourself, buffeting your body, you know, and preparing yourself for that. So when you come to someone who is experiencing this trauma, one of the best things you can do for them is to remind them of how much Jesus loves them and that you're surrounding them in prayer and that there are purposes to everything in our life and to look out for the purpose that

God is trying to show you in this situation. Now, you might ask, as we get ready to conclude here, well, doesn't that cause your schedule, Jeff, to change a lot? And the answer is, yes. Yes, it does. And this is where divine providence comes into our lives, that when something like this happens, I need to shift gears and I need to start looking out for why we might be going down this road and keeping my ears open. Maybe God wants to accomplish something here that he's in

charge of. This is all okay. It's if we can be of service to the king in his kingdom, that is great. But when you have that trauma in your life, now that is the time. to put all that you have learned into practice, love them, be gentle with them, comfort them, support them, let them know that all of their calendar items are going to be taken care of. All of their to-do list will have people looking at. Maybe there's something that we can do, but we want you to be comfortable here as we join you and we support you in prayer. You can work out the finances and things later, now is the time to love. Now is the time to extend the compassion of the Lord to that person. And your items on your calendar, will they change? Absolutely.

That's part of the great adventure. I'm not going to be going with so-and-so on this day, but I can on four days later, I can go and we'll see what God has planned for that. You know, I may be telling you, this is show 388, I may be telling you in show 412, or 413, exactly what happened here and we'll think, wow, God is amazing. He is. And life has suffering in it. And we know what to do with it. Offer it up in union with Christ. I just wanted to share that with you today because I'm in the midst of it and I just got back from seeing the surgeon where we talked to him. And later today, we'll discover exactly what's happening and already had a couple of opportunities to share Christ with people in a waiting

room. And so that was making, making the time, no, redeeming the time, the scripture says, make the most of every opportunity, redeem the time. So let's pray. And I ask you to pray for Emily. And we're going to pray now for you as well. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Lord, I lift up my friend or to you right now. And if they are going through trauma in their life, I pray that you will, if they're observing trauma, you will equip them to do the work that you do in the midst of trauma, to comfort and to restore and to heal. And Lord, use us to do that as we encounter people who are suffering. And if we are suffering ourselves, may we by an act of the will offer up our suffering to you

and we ask you to do something with it in a powerful, powerful way. I thank you for that, Lord. And I thank you that the words of Pope John Paul II were such a blessing. The springs of divine power gush forth precisely in the midst of human weakness. Those who share in the sufferings of Christ, preserved in their own sufferings, a very special particle of the infinite treasure of the world's redemption and can share this treasure with others.

And one last thing, if you're in the midst of visiting someone right now who's in the middle of a trauma, now it would be a good time to change a bit, your attitude or the way you're going about it, what you're talking about to other people, and go and love them. love them, pray for them, see if there's anything that you can do for their family. This is all an extension. This is all an extension of the body of Christ. I've even had times where I went to the hospital and I just sat with people. And they said, well, you really don't?

I just want to be with you. Anything I can do, anything I can share. Well, God bless you and have an amazing week. And I'll give you all the details in a week as to. how we're doing. Thank you.