The Jeff Cavins Show (Your Catholic Bible Study Podcast) - Wrinkles Tell a Story

Episode Date: August 11, 2017

What do you think about getting old? Is it something you fear, or are you looking forward to the days where your face will be etched with wrinkles and the color of your hair will reveal your wisdom? In this episode, Jeff explains how Scripture celebrates the elderly as those who have the wisdom of the ages, and shares how adopting a Godly view of aging has impacted his marriage.

You're listening to the Jeff Kavens show. Episode 28, Rinkles Tell a Story. Hey, I'm Jeff Kavins. How do you simplify your life? How do you study the Bible? All the way from motorcycle trips to raising kids, we're going to talk about the faith and life in general. It's the Jeff Kaven Show.

Welcome to the show. Good to have you once again. This last week. I got to thinking a lot about life, and there's been some things happening in our life that have reminded us that times are changing. It wasn't not too long ago that my father-in-law about four months ago passed away, and that gets you thinking. And Emily's mother is doing well. My parents are still alive, and we get to see them frequently. But aging has been a part of our story over the last number of months. And I want to talk to you about that of all things. I want

to talk to you about aging. In fact, I have entitled this show, Rinkles Tell a Story. Now, if right away you're thinking to yourself, oh, that's kind of depressing. I don't want to think about wrinkles and gray hair and all of that. Stick with me because I think I've got something to share with you today that is just a reflection. And that's what this show is all about. It's not just about theology and it's not just about, you know, Bible verses and things like that, which are all good and we will continue to do that. But sometimes I just get to thinking about life, you know, and I want to share with you some things today about wrinkles telling a story and about aging and about the value of aging. One of the reasons that this came about is really due to the fact that

I've been married going on 40 years, and I have had the privilege of being with my wife these 40 years and growing older together. And I'll never forget what she said when we were very young, and that she was looking forward to growing old with me. And I think that's a beautiful thought. And at the time, I must say, I don't know that I completely got that, you know, really, really understood it, but I do now. And there's something about growing. old together. At the time of this show, I'm 59 and my wife is younger. And I am seeing a difference in myself and I'm seeing a difference in my wife. And it's not something that I'm looking at and saying, oh, bummer, but it's something that I'm actually loving. And I'm appreciating the years

together and the changes that we are going through. So that's what I want to talk to you about. today is things that are growing old, the wrinkles, the gray hair, and the beauty that it stands for. Before we get into that, I got a wonderful letter from Teresa in Indianapolis. Teresa writes, and she says, I listen to it, enjoy your podcasts on my walks. By the way, break there, Teresa. A lot of people are telling me that they are taking the show on walks or runs or they're dropping, they're going on their way to work in the morning, some real creative ways to listen to shows like this. And by the way, if I'd like to hear from you, if I'd like to hear how you're listening to the show when you're exercising or whatever you're doing, send me a note.

It's the Jeff Kaven Show at ascensionpress.com. That's all one word, of course. It's the Jeff Kaven Show at ascensionpress.com. Teresa says, I listen to and enjoy your podcasts on my walks, offer it up, which was a recent show, show 25, is a phrase I heard often as I was growing up. My brothers, sisters, and cousins knew it was really code for, you are not going to get what you want. As an adult, I have learned to be grateful for that basic training because through the difficulties in my life, when I realized I was still not going to get what I wanted, I knew that in offering it up, God was going to get what he wanted. Thank you for your insight and wisdom, Teresa. From Indianapolis, thanks, Teresa. Thank you for your input this week. And isn't it

true that when we offer it up, we might not be getting everything that we want, but he is getting from us what he paid the price for and we can participate with him. Very, very well put. Well, we're talking today about wrinkles tell a story. Rinkles, you know, are a natural part of the aging process. Most of us know ourselves better than anybody else because we stand in front of the mirror every day and we do something about the problem. You know, we wake up in the morning, we look in the mirror and we get all cleaned up. We have makeup.

We do all kinds of different things, you know. And as people get older, their skin gets thinner, gets drier. less elastic and less able to protect itself from damage. And this leads to wrinkles, creases, and lines on the skin. Now, there's environmental factors here, such as smoking that can accelerate the development of wrinkles. But facial expressions, for example, repeatedly a smiling, frowning, or squinting can lead to fine lines and wrinkles

even at a younger age. But wrinkles and hair, turning gray and our skin looking different is just a part of getting older, but it tells a story. Some of the greatest pictures in National Geographic that I have ever seen were pictures of older men in third world countries who had so many wrinkles in their face. And when people see those kinds of pictures, do you know what they say? They say, That is a man of tremendous character in his face. And there's something about it that we're attracted to.

We're attracted to it. Now, this is a part of a whole other show that I'm going to do in the future on why we like old things, why we like aged things, why we like worn things, like worn jeans, or a fine old worn out leather purse with a great patina on it. Why is it that we cherish our grandfather's old pocket knife or golf clubs or whatever it might be? There's something about older things that tells a story that we cherish. And I want you to think about growing older as that type of fine, beautiful treasure,

especially when you see a husband and a wife growing old together and experiencing life with one another. there's something beautiful about it. Mark Twain put it this way. He said, wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. And if you've been a big smiler, maybe now people can tell that you're a big smiler because of the creases in your face. Lauren Hutton, she said, we have to be able to grow up. Our wrinkles are our metals of the passage of life.

They are what we have been through and who we want to be. Victor Hugo said When Grace is joined with wrinkles It is adorable There is an unspeakable dawn In happy old age Of course, you can look on the other side of it And you can go along with what Doris Day said

Doris Day said she's an actor For those of you that are younger You don't know who I'm talking about, Google it Doris Day she said that wrinkles are hereditary And in some ways they are But she's speaking a little bit differently she said wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children. It's the opposite way around. But our wrinkles, our worn jeans, great-grandma's old rosary, all tell a story. And that's what we

yearn to know, don't we? We yearn to know this story. I'm a grandpa right now. I've got two grandsons, Dominic and Frankie, Francesco. And I'm sure that to them, at six and almost three now, I probably look really old. Now, when I look in the mirror, I don't, you know, at 59, I think to myself, you're not that old, but I know that to someone who is so young and their face is so smooth and the color is so fine, they probably look at me and say, Grandpa's really getting old. But there's something about Grandpa that they cherish and they like. Have you gone to this website, Ancestry.com? Ancestry.com is amazing.

And it's easy to get caught up. I went on there and started looking around. It's easy to get caught on the Internet for 14 hours. And I've never done that, but I'm sure that some people have. 14 hours or 15 hours because you're going deeper into what story? You're going deeper into your background. You're going deeper into history and things accomplished and victories and struggles with pioneers and great-great-grandfather and grandmother and so forth, wars that they have been through. The wrinkles and the lines on your face tell a story.

The gray hair that you now might be getting or have tells a story. Now, stick with me because I'm going to show you something a little bit later on in the show notes that you'd probably think, I cannot believe you did that. But my wife recently experienced a real transformation when she went from dyeing her hair, coloring her hair, or as I inaccurately said for about a year, staining her hair, to where she doesn't do that anymore. and she has the most beautiful silver, black and silver, salt and pepper, hair. And I'm going to tell you a little bit more about that later, how that came about. It's fascinating. And I got to tell you, she's a silver fox, but we'll get into that a little bit later. One of the things that really fascinated me was the song.

This is what kind of caught my attention a few years ago about. wrinkles telling a story it was a song by brandy carlyle called the story and if you ever get a chance to watch this you know on youtube uh particularly one part in that song she is so intense and it's uh it's very moving now it's a song where she talks about all that she has been through and ultimately uh she wants to share this with someone that that loves her and she loves, which is true of all of us, isn't it? Don't we want to take the wrinkles and the gray hair and the age and the years and the patina of life?

Don't we want to take that and live that with someone? Well, she says this in the song. Here's the lyrics. She said, all of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am. so many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am but these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to

it's true I was made for you and that's the first part of that song I'm not going to read the rest of it it's just it's really beautiful but I like what she says all these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am And if you look at Emily and myself, we've been married almost 40 years now, if you look at a picture, which I'm going to put on the show notes for you,

a picture of us when we were very young, just met, and then a picture now. And yes, you will see a color difference in hair and both of us. You will see lines that were not there 40 years ago. You'll see colors that were not there 40 years ago. but you will see the story of who we are. And that's a beautiful thing. That is a treasure. That is a treasure.

Some of you have been married a long time. Some of you have been married a short time. Some of you listening have never been married, but you hope to. Maybe some of these things I'm sharing with you today and I'm going to move in just a little bit on gray hair and the wisdom that comes from it. maybe it'll mean something to you and something that you will long for and notice the real treasure in relationship and experience and wisdom rather than things of this world.

I remember what Leonardo da Vinci said one time. He said, wisdom is the daughter of experience. And when you have experience together as a husband and wife, or just as a person growing older, wisdom is the daughter of experience. It's the offspring of experience. is wisdom. A little ad for what I'm doing right now. I just finished up not too long ago a new study on wisdom. And wisdom is so valuable. It's brand new, Ascension Press,

has just released it. It's a new great adventure study on wisdom, and we are taking a look at the wisdom literature, and then we're talking about wisdom, and we are applying it to themes like making decisions, wisdom in older age, wisdom in finances, wisdom in relationships, wisdom in troubled times. And so we're taking a look at wisdom, but it's more thematic. Go ahead and check it out. I'll put the link in the show notes, and you can check it out for your parish. But if you're interested in wisdom, this is a good study for you. And our producers did a great job of putting it together. Now I'm going to take a break. When I come back, want to talk about wisdom a little bit and in fact I'm going to draw off just a little bit from

this wisdom study and then I'm going to share with you the story about my wife and I not too long ago my saying to my wife why don't you consider not dying your hair anymore not coloring your hair anymore you have such beautiful hair and she did it and we're going to talk about how that happened you're listening to the Jeff Kaven show I'll be back in just a moment of our Catholic faith, but it's not always easy to understand. There are 73 separate books and so many names, places, and events that sometimes we just stop trying to figure out how it all fits together. The good news is, the Great Adventure Bible studies make it easy for you to understand the Bible. By focusing on the story that ties all of Scripture together,

the Great Adventure Bible studies give you the big picture of the Bible. And once you see the big picture of salvation history, the Mass will make more sense. The Catholic Catholic faith will make more sense, and you will see how God has a loving plan for your life. The Great Adventure Bible Studies have helped hundreds of thousands of people to understand the Bible and grow closer to Christ. There's no other Catholic Bible study series like it, and you can get started on the great adventure today by creating your free account at ascensionpress.com. Welcome back. We're talking about wrinkles tell a story. tell the story. All these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am. So many stories of

where I've been and how I got to where I am. That's Brandy Carlisle, words from her hit song, The Story. We're talking about wisdom. We're talking about the real value of experience. And as Leonardo Da Vinci said, wisdom is the daughter of experience. You know, before we get into the wisdom part here, I just want to say this. You know, there is a real fear in our culture about growing old. There really is. Billions of dollars are spent on pushing back age. Not only the way we look, the way we feel, our bodies, insurance, you name it.

There's something about that end that we are so afraid of. But the greatest way to prepare for that end is to, number one, realize that wisdom accumulated along the way is valuable. It's more valuable than gold, more valuable than silver. The second thing is that the greatest fear that we have is the fear of dying. And the best way to battle that is something that Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said. He said, the reason that we struggle so much with dying is that we never practice for it. We never offer up our lives on a daily basis and die daily, as Paul said. And so the whole world is focused on this, this pushing back.

They're pushing back on something that's very natural and can become very supernatural as we live on with Christ forever and ever. So we live differently as Christians, don't we? We live differently. There is a fear of growing old in the Western world, fear of gray hair, fear of wrinkles. The elderly are often seen as a liability rather than an asset. But listen to what the Bible says. The Bible says in Proverbs 1631, gray hair is a crown of glory. It is gained in a righteous life. If you are old, you have become acquainted with life's many seasons.

You remember the spring of youthfulness, the summer with the kids growing up. You've navigated through the fall of life. And you know, what it is to survive a cold winter in relationships you can help the young inexperienced but you have to play a part by initiating conversation engaging those who are younger and sharing the wisdom that you have you see older people possess much wisdom and they give sound advice and that's what the wrinkles should remind us they tell a story the gray hair I like what it says In Job chapter 12 in verse 12, wisdom belongs to the aged and understanding to the old.

Rehoboam, for example, in the Old Testament, Rehoboam received wise counsel from the elderly rather than the young when it came to making a very important decision, very important decision. And he ended up taking the advice of the young, and he blew it. It says in 1st Kings chapter 12 and verse 6, then King Rehoboam took counsel with the old men who had stood before Solomon his father while he was yet alive saying, how do you advise me to answer this people? And they said to him, if you will be a servant to this people today and serve them and speak good words to them, when you answer them, then they will be your servants forever. But it was the younger people that he listened to. and they were unjust, unkind, and it ended up costing Rehaboam everything. Job 32-7, I thought those who are older should speak, for wisdom comes with age.

Wisdom comes with age. Now, you're probably asking yourself, why am I talking about this topic? Well, I've got to tell you, this transformation that took place in, my relationship with Emily was really, really profound, and it's something that is going on every day. I'll just get into it with you, and I'll share it with you. And you can take it for whatever you want to take it as. I talk to Emily. I asked for permission to do this. She said, yes, it's totally okay. It's fine. I found out that a good percentage of women in America dye their hair. No big deal. Men do things too. They dye things, you know, whatever.

Nothing wrong with that. And I noticed this, that she would do this, and she's always looked really, really beautiful. But when I first met Emily, and the pictures in the show notes, when I first met her, her eyes, her skin, her hair was so beautiful. And I was so beautiful. I was taken when she walked into that cultural anthropology class in college. And I found myself staring at her for days on end. Days on end. And I remember saying to her after we were dating, after we were engaged, after we were newlywed, I remember thinking to myself, I'll bet she is going to look just beautiful. in old age. And she said something to me when we were young. She said, I'm looking forward to growing

old with you. Now those two things right there, you might say, well, they're not so deeply theological, but you know what? They are. Because a husband who sees his wife as beautiful in older age. And a young wife who is looking forward to being with you, in life and growing older together speaks of a covenant and it speaks of a relationship, a relationship that is rooted in Christ. And it's a beautiful thing. Well, back to the story, I said to my wife, you know, I noticed a few times that she didn't dye her hair and I started seeing gray. And at first you're wondering, well, should I say anything? Should I not say anything? Because you don't know, as a man, you don't know if this is going to be an offense.

And I finally, I said to her, I said, you know what, you would look great in gray hair. And she's like, what? I said, no, I'm serious. You would really look good. And all I said to her was, you know what, honey, from my perspective, you can do anything you want. But I will love you, and I think you're going to look beautiful. And you know what?

She did it. she did it she went and she got her hair kind of colored so it was sort of like slowly coming in you know and after i think it's been now i don't know almost three quarters of a year or something like that my wife has the most beautiful natural gray hair and i love it we will be out to eat and i will be looking at her from the side and just staring at her hair and then she'll look at me and I'll say, you have amazingly beautiful hair. I mean, I can't stop staring at you. You're just beautiful.

You're beautiful. So I never thought I would share that on a podcast before, but I am. Because I want you to know there's something beautiful about growing older together. And when I look at her, I see those beautiful eyes and I still see that beautiful skin. and I still see that beautiful hair. Everything has changed a little bit, but she is more beautiful than ever. Rinkles tell a story,

and the hair tells a story of where we have been. As Brandy Carlisle said, all these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am. So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am. So when I look at it, at Emily and Emily looks at me, we can tell stories about where we have been, the children that we've raised, the financial difficulties we've gone through, the spiritual battles that we've

navigated. This is our life and our story, and we can see it in our face. Now, there was a study that was done, and I mentioned this in the wisdom study, a study that was talking about how wisdom sticks when health fails and when everything starts to turn different colors wisdom sticks and I got to tell you and this is kind of a brag session about my wife my wife is very wise she's very wise and insightful and wisdom sticks with her and I see that and I can see that through the years she's gained more and more wisdom and when I look at her now I see that I see her hair and everything about her as evidence of the tremendous wisdom that she has gained over the years. And I've got to tell you,

it is so valuable to me. The study was by Dr. Monica Ardelt, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Florida. And it's one of a group of researchers. She's one of a group of researchers who have begun to study whether older really is wiser. Their answer is a qualified Yes, qualified yes, that even as the brain slows down or memory deteriorates, older people are often better decision makers, recognizing patterns or being more attuned to the effects of their decisions. In surveys of people in nursing homes and hospices, Dr. Ardelt found that wisdom was positively related to their sense of well-being, even after the researchers controlled for factors like physical health, financial status, and social engagement.

The frailer or closer to death people became the greater the role wisdom played in their feelings of well-being. Wisdom may not necessarily increase with old age. Other researchers have found that it does not, but it becomes more central to people's lives as they age and compensates for much of the decline. Interesting study. And I did mention that, by the way, on the wisdom study. Now, let me kind of bring this around to the end here. The reason that I mentioned this to you today

about wrinkles tell a story is, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid of wrinkles. Don't be afraid of gray hair. It tells a story. Focus on the story. that God is bringing you through in life right now. I want to pray for you,

and I want to encourage husbands out there to love and to cherish the aging with your wife. I want to encourage wives love and cherish the time that you have had with your husband. For out of it, yes, you have had many battles. Yes, you have. and there's a story of who you are, where you've been, and where you're at right now. But wisdom has come out of that.

And together, you have a treasure. And the wrinkles, the gray hair, the marks on your skin are all evidence of the journey that you have had together. And the essence of that journey is the wisdom and the insight that God has given you. and next time you see your spouse and you notice aging whether you're 30 40 50 70 90 years old look at them and say you are so beautiful and you know now it's not just the outer looks but it is who you are where you've been where you're at now and the journey together it's a covenant relationship in marriage it's a covenant relationship with the Lord faithfulness long continuance tenacity is evidenced by the wrinkles on your face and the gray hair

for wrinkles tell a story let's pray in the name of the father and the son and the holy spirit amen lord i thank you for my friends right now and i lift them up to you i particularly lift up to you, Lord, couples who have been together and they have fought the good fight. They've been raising a family, been faithful at work. Lord, I pray that they will delight in one another and accept one another, even after all these years of working together and that they will see the outward man as evidence of that inward journey that they have been on toward you, a life of faithfulness, a life of joy, a life of communion with you.

Lord, we know that there's coming a day where we will be with you forever and ever in heaven. And truly, this is a journey that we're on right now. We thank you for blessing us. And I pray, Lord, you'll bless these relationships in a big way. In Jesus' name. Amen. Name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Now remember, go to the show notes. I got a picture of my wife when I first met her. I got a picture of us that we just went on vacation together, and I got to tell you, I see her as more beautiful than ever. And yes, I got permission to talk about this. So next time you see her or you email her, please know that, and don't say, how in the world could your husband talk about those things? We can talk about it because we have been talking about it.

God bless you. Thank you.