The Joe Budden Podcast - I'll Name This Podcast Later Episode 6

Episode Date: March 25, 2015

If you've been with us since Episode 2 you may remember Joe painfully discussing his childhood crush not giving him the time of day in 6th grade. Well, as usual, Twitter found her; so we reached out and brought her onto the podcast as our first guest to discuss her role in Joe's path to relationship destruction! We'll just name Episode 6, "OLS -1". Subscribe on iTunes & comment below so Marisa can reply back to you in anger lol.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, Joe Bud and Marissa, go ahead. I'll name this podcast later. Something sounds a little bit funny with me. Mic check, mic check. Do I sound as fucking... You sound totally normal to me. Do I sound wonderful like I normally do? You sound totally normal to me.

Wonderful, Mr. Wonderful, Action Bronson album out now. It is. And I have to plug because he's fucking really cool with Paul and some type of business way. He's not on Interscope though, is he? Uh, no. Action Bronson is on Atlantic.

I want to say I could be totally wrong there, but, uh, he has something to do with Paul. Got it. Um, I heard that Slaughterhouse wanted to do something with him. That's what Twitter told me.

Huh? Somebody on Twitter said that Slaughterhouse kind of has to do stuff with him because of Paul. Because of Paul. Shout out to Paul Rosenberg. Speaking of Rosenbergs— Should I have said that? I want to fuck up my political connects. Fuck it.

Just throw it out the window. No, but shout out to Action Bronson. It's the wonderful album in stores right now. And I do appreciate the virtual cookbook that he is doing alongside the album as someone who is new to actually getting in the kitchen. Oh, you're starting to get into the kitchen? I've been in the kitchen for close to a year now. Okay.

It's my way of raising my husband profile. I thought you were going somewhere else with that. Yeah, that's dope. Where did you think I was going? I thought you were just stopping at raising my husband. So I was just a little- Stopping at what? Stopping at raising my husband. And then I think I was going to say? I thought you were just stopping at raising my husband. So I was just a little. Stopping at what? Stopping at raising my husband.

And then I was like, what? What are you talking about? He's like. Are you okay raising my husband? Yeah. Well, that's why I was like, what the fuck is he? What are you talking about? Anyway. So I do like that record that he and Chance the Rapper have.

I think that's a pretty good record. Baby Blues joint. Chance the Rapper. I always get a good kick out of. Every time I hear that name, I go record. Baby Blues joint. Chance the Rapper. I always get a good kick out of him. Every time I hear that name, I go back to Drake and Trophies. Is that? Oh, when he, something about, I'm not Chance.

Yeah, you don't even know. I know the line you're referring to. What do you know about hip hop? So what's the exact bar? What's the exact bar? Joseph, I know everything about rap, but in? The exact bar is, if i'd have left the if i'd have left the shit to chance i'd have picked a name like chance the rapper no offense because i don't know that nigga and then he the very next bar he offends him

i guess no offense because i don't know that nigga focus on making records and getting bigger now he could chance could have taken that offensively. But Chance opened up along with Slaughterhouse for Em at Wembley last year when Em had easily over 100,000 people in there. That's got to be a great feeling. Chance does big ass shows.

Chance the rapper is really dope. You don't really know much about hip hop, do you? What are you talking about? I feel like everything you say is just very, like, it's very. Yes. No, I just know. Chance do big-ass shows. He does.

He does a lot of festivals. He's a big festival rapper. They don't play him on the radio as much, but he's a big festival rapper. He does very good with touring. All right, well, all right. He's a touring rapper. Okay, all of that's a touring rapper. He is.

Who did you hear say that somewhere? Me, right? I said it myself. No. A touring rapper. He is. Who did you hear say that somewhere? Me, right? I said it myself.

No. When me and Rory were on our fucking campaign crusade for championing Chance the Rapper in our group chat. No, when you guys were hating on another rapper that shall remain anonymous because I'm not chatty patty. Yeah. Shout out to my political critics. But anyway, so.

Shut the fuck up. We did so. I can already tell by Marissa's energy that this is going to be like a weird fucking podcast. No, not at all. He said when I came in, he's like, you're going to take it over. And I don't have any plans of that. I just had something to talk about. Madi gets like fucking five retweets of people that support her.

And then she comes in here on a fucking high horse. No, I've gotten the same tweets. And then I have to come bring her back down to earth. And then I come off like the bad guy because it seems like I'm being mean when I'm really not. I'm really just helping a friend. Yeah, I never take your comments as mean. I just take it as Joseph. What the hell does that mean?

But anyway, how was your weekend? Did you do anything fun? Nothing too crazy. I went to a wake on Friday. Oh, that's totally not where I was about to go. But okay. Yeah, but no, it was interesting because my father, I was going through his phone, and he has an album of pics of his daughter.

And I realized that my pictures had synced to his phone one time when I borrowed his computer. And he has a kind of a nude of mine in there, but he didn't say anything to me about it. And it doesn't delete because it's through some weird AirDrop box situation. And it's a pretty bad situation. there's like pics of guys in like beds i never so you were looking like a hoe and yeah but it was when i was in it was 2008 it synced like the first 50 photos in my phone so it's a little weird your voice sounds funny you need to get closer to the mic or something how's this yeah that's a lot better well no. Anyway, I need to let the listeners know, no one should ever want to see a Marissa Mendes nude. No, my nudes are popping.

That's number one. My boobs like them. Unfortunately, I was privy to Marissa Mendes. You put yourself privy to it. No one told you to watch it. Can I please let the listeners know what I'm talking about before you just interrupt me that way? Unfortunately, one day, back a long time ago when Marissa

used to work for me when she was the worst assistant ever. No, this was two years ago. I was working for you. Oh, was it? Nope. We were just out in Edgewater. Stop disclosing my location. Actually, we were not your location. We were at someone else's. Well, I'm there, so it's disclosing my location. Anyway, yeah, unfortunately

I was privy to this is definitely, yeah. The engineer Joey has this shit sounding all fucking Juan Epstein-y. I'm hearing clicks and shit. It's just really unprofessional. And he left me outside for about 10 minutes. But anyway, off of that, I was privy to a Marissa Mendes sex tape. Right?

Look, let me give the backstory before you go into whatever. Well, before you do that, let me just let the people know. This had to be the worst sex tape. Okay, it wasn't a sex tape. It was a quick, like, 30-second video. Which is a tape. I suppose. But the thing was, I hadn't had sex for six months because that was my first foray back into the world after a breakup.

All right, so time out, time out, time out. Look at how fast I spot the whole shit. So you were coming off of a breakup. Yeah, I had six months. And your first woo-ha into the sex world, you decided to tape it. Yeah, well, I chose him as my re-acclimation back into that world because he was who i was fucking before i got with my boyfriend don't try to use words like re-acclimation i'm still gonna think that all of this has whole written on no he was the guy that i was fucking

with before i got with my ex and so that made me the most comfortable because i still wasn't ready to meet guys wait so you were cheating on your ex with this guy? No, I never cheated on him. So when did you fuck homeboy? Two years prior. Oh, you are such a liar. What? I have never cheated on anyone in my life. Madi. I don't cheat. Well, you've had one boyfriend in your life. I've had two. You've had two boyfriends in your life.

No, three. I had a high school one, a college one, and a post-college. That really counts for nothing. It counts for everything. This sex tape was the worst sex tape I had ever seen in my life, number one. It was alright. nothing. It counts for everything. This sex tape was the worst sex tape I had ever seen in my life, number one. It was all right. Number two. He liked it. Why did I see this? Because I was watching it on my phone and you're like, oh my God, let me see. And you stole my phone, locked yourself in a bathroom, texted it to yourself so you had it on your phone. And then you kept making fun of me about it. Yo, let me just let y'all know out there, I'm quick to snatch somebody's phone and run with it. Locked himself in a bathroom.

So wait a minute now. This just gets more interesting. What? You were coming off of a breakup. And I didn't even plan on talking about this at all. This is kind of like freestyling this. You were coming off a breakup. Yeah.

It didn't sound like it to me. Well, I was. Don't even play me like I wasn't in your house crying every day, like, into my food. Fam, I'm talking about the actual content that I saw. Well, once, I mean, I'm not going to cry. Yes, daddy.

I think it was zaddy. I did not say zaddy. I think it was zaddy. Yes, zaddy. Oh did not say zaddy. I think it was zaddy. Yes, zaddy. Uh, uh. And then he was equally fucking whack. So I'm like, uh, whose is this? Say my name. No, say my whole name and my middle name.

Uh, who's the best dick you ever got? You, zaddy. Like, it was like, uh, how old were you when this tape was filmed? 25. And it fucking sounded like you were 25. It was nasty, and I wanted to unhear it and unsee it. Oh, but you still texted it to yourself? You didn't want to unhear that.

Because it's hilarious. It was like the exact opposite of any time I have taped myself having sex. Well, for the record, he taped it, not me. He just happened to text it to me. I didn't even know he taped it. What a hoe. What? That's really hoey. he taped it, not me. He just happened to text it to me. I didn't even know he taped it. What a ho. What? That's really hoey.

No, it's not. You should be more aware of your surroundings when someone is inside of you. Yeah, probably. I mean, I've learned. How you didn't notice a phone with the flash? He didn't have a flash. We were in broad daylight. No, it was bright in the room.

More reason that you should have noticed a man holding a phone. He was behind me. I know. Another thing that was wrong about it. No one should ever be behind you. light no it was bright in the room more reason that you should have noticed a man it was he was behind me i know another thing that was wrong about it no one should ever be behind you during sex look a lot of guys appreciate it why is somebody behind marissa oh see now i wish people could see marissa but anyway marissa's pretty yeah, no. I didn't say you were not. Okay. Well, I'm sure I've said that before. But what I'm saying is, I mean, the rear area is just very Hollywood square-y. No.

It's pretty square. I have a butt. Nah. You know. No. It's not there. And what a good segue go Joe

and what I notice about people who don't have ass cause Marissa has like no ass at all I have ass no you don't yes I do

you really really do not and if you keep it up says the guy that dates Tahiri and shit like that's ass I can't compare to that can we do

that is ass but can we do one show where we're not talking about that I'm just saying look at your track record you can't compare my ass to any of your track record. I would debate mine into your history. I don't even know if I claim her.

All right. People without ass, right? They are really bad judgers of ass. No. This is just Joe because I have a couple friends that have ass for days. And he's like, that's not an ass. And it is like universally across the board accepted that they have a huge ass and joe will still say they don't have ass

you told me your friend had a really really huge ass she does she did not she does then over the weekend i saw you tweet that somebody had a really nice ass and they did not she also does and i know you're talking about our mutual friend yes Yes, she does. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, she does not. Yes, she does. But none of this is important. I'm done talking to you and this lasted way too long. Oh, Peter's here. Oh, nice for you to show up. This is

a first and maybe a last. I'm going to chime in and say that Marissa does not have no ass. Thank you. She paid perfectly good money to have some ass. No, I didn't. Well, no, that's the funny one. Well, first of all, Peter, Marissa

doesn't want anyone to know that she did that. That's number one. So she didn't do it. She didn't do it. That's right. Number two, Marissa is the only person I know that did that, even though she didn't do it. And there's no ass there still. Oh, my God. I just think your standards, Joe, your Joe standards are very tough. did that even though she didn't do it and there's no ass there still oh my god your joe standards are very tough thank you i could show you no ass like that that's not no

ass thank you everyone you know i don't want to talk about this but we're not talking about your your uh ass you bored or your ass you didn't buy you just wasted money you should get a refund oh my god huh i just want to say that Marissa you can absolutely say that you never did it and people will believe you. That's true. So you didn't do it.

I didn't do it. No, no, you didn't do it. You're right. Okay, alright. Damn, I forgot where I was going. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're really bad judges of ass.

No, Pete agrees with me. Thank you, Pete. But all for that. So I had a really interesting weekend. What did you do? of ass. No, Pete agrees with me. Thank you, Pete. All for that. I had a really interesting weekend. What did you do? I didn't really do anything but write music. That's good.

When you work your brain constantly, my brain gets tired. It's like brain fatigue when you're just constantly thinking of words throughout the day. So I needed to go out. So I went out. Me and an old flame.

We went out. I don't have to guess because I already know. No, you don't. Oh. Yeah, we went out to my hookah spot. That shall remain anonymous because I don't want any of you creep niggas at my spot. It's a wonderful spot. The spot that we've all been to?

Listen, listen, listen. All right. Yes, that spot. Okay. So we went to my hookah spot and there was like a fucking abundance of just beautiful hoes in there. It's a nice area, so. No, but, and normally there are very attractive women in this spot but on this day for some reason it was like multiplied by like 10 and they all looked single

how does one look single well i guess there's no man when you don't have a man with you and you're just shaking your ass all night to fucking moringa and bachata and when you're staring at me with the fucking i want to fuck you eyes you look single okay they all looked ready for a threesome or foursome nice they all looked just like ready to go and all i could say to myself well no no no let me just give you some backstory here. The person that accompanied me, I don't normally mind going places with this person because sometimes, most times, or there have been instances where this person is also attracted to beautiful women. So that can be like really, really cool and really fun. The fact that I'm a man never impedes on anything because she fucking likes girls too. Yep, that works.

But for some reason, and maybe we need a whole show to address the selfish bisexual girls. The girls that are bisexual, but they won't be bisexual with you. That's really, really, really whack. I think it comes to a level of trust at times. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. Are you bisexual? No. How the fuck do you know? Well, I'll do threesomes, but, really whack. I think it comes to like a level of trust. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. Are you bisexual? No. So how the fuck do you know?

Well, I'll do threesomes, but not with everyone. Wait, wait. Oh, man. Oh, man. Wait a minute. We might need more than an hour for the day. So you're not bisexual. No.

I feel like bisexual would mean I'd have to be interested in maybe dating a female if that would ever present itself. That's not what bisexual means. And I have a big problem with the context of the English language being totally lost upon today's youth. And Marissa would be considered today's youth. She is 27, right? Yep. That's youth. Okay. Bisexual means you are attracted to women.

It doesn't mean, oh, well, I feel like it would mean I would have to go, want to go to Houston's with them. And I feel like it should mean I would want to go on a date with them and be in a relationship. That's not what it means. Okay. Well, then, if that's the case, then... I'm not classifying myself.

I'm not putting myself in that box. But you've ate some pussy before. Well, I've never sucked dick, by the way. Right. Because that would make me, yeah. Very much so. Just to put things in perspective. I know, but I think there's a double standard there.

Why? Because you guys think that you guys can eat pussy and it will be what? Yeah, that's not my sexual preference. I just don't mind it. Then why'd you eat it? Because I don't mind it. It's cool. Well, I mind sucking dick.

Right. Yeah, you should. Because I'm not gay. I can't break down the logic in it. It's cool. Well, I mind sucking a dick. Right. Yeah, you should. Because I'm not gay. I can't break down the logic in you. It just is. So what you're saying makes absolutely no sense at all. Yes, it does. I wouldn't be interested in dating a woman, but I'd fuck one.

We're not talking about dating. Okay, well, I'd fuck one. Then you're bisexual. Sure. I'll take it. There we go. But I'm still not classifying myself as such. Well, you think you have an ass.

So apparently you just live in this adverse world where everything that is, isn't. Okay, well, I enjoy my happy little world, so. But anyway, so on this particular night, this woman that accompanied me, she wanted no parts of, she wanted no parts of. Bisexuality? Yeah, she was on some real, let me know when you're ready to leave. I think maybe because maybe you guys are not perfectly back where you were. So again, it becomes,

you're divulging. No, it becomes a level of trust at that point. And I think that makes total sense. It's just like, yeah. I'm talking about fucking and you talking about trust. I know,

but there's just that level of comfort. Why do you have to? That's not trust. That's familiarity. Yeah. But, or trust that you're not gonna like go fuck around with the other chick and then she has to deal with the whole fucking psychological thing it's a whole level to that shit i don't ever want to like i'd be cool to do a threesome with a guy that like i literally don't care about and like i don't care if he goes and ends up fucking with a girl or one that i'm so close with that i know he would never dishonor me and like go behind my back with her oh now that i'm thinking about it i know your

last threesome was that your last threesome uh what was my last threesome oh yeah what a hoe well let me give you a minute to figure out when you're like yeah that time we were out and i got that text yeah yeah yeah yeah so you ate ugly pussy at that so you would really she was average no she was not average you didn't really see her

I did see her what cause we found her Instagram oh yeah yeah yeah and I went through fucking 90 weeks yeah I mean whatever

you should be ashamed of yourself I mean it was just it was no option so not only are you fucking bisexual but you'll eat ugly pussy.

Ew. Wait. And. She was clean. And because my Virgo brain has to dig as deep as possible. I didn't pick her. And, oh, even worse. So you'll just fucking eat any old box.

No. So on top of that, you just told me that you had this particular nose ring since October. So I have to assume that you ate this girl with that nose ring yeah well i took a shower every day oh so that cleans the nose ring oh that really does it there so you fucking uh what's this you loofy loofer is that what it's called loofah a loofah you loofah your nose ring oh what a fucking thought bag you're a thought anyway uh oh man I was going somewhere. Oh, yeah, so when I was sitting there with this woman, I felt like I was bringing, like, I was, for two seconds, I was angry I had brought sand to the beach. Now, the type of person I am, I totally don't ever mind bringing sand to the beach at all.

Yeah, you do it often. Yeah, well, because, number one uh i'm extremely peculiar with women so nine times out of ten maybe nine and a half times out of ten the beach is not gonna have the type of sand that i'm looking for that's number one number two i'm such a fucking g my neg that sand never stops me from meeting other sand. From making a sand castle. Yeah. From making a sandwidge.

Who's cornier than me? Nobody, right? Not many people know. Shut the fuck up. A sandwidge? That's fucking great. What a play on words. I'm wonderful.

Anyway. Yeah. Yeah, sand never stops me from pursuing someone else. And typically, this leads to, like, really fun times. This is back in my threesome days. Right, back in the day. You don't participate in such activities any longer. No, no, no, no, no, no.

You've grown up. No, not that I've grown up. I'm too, I'm too, I don't, listen, it's hard enough pleasing one woman. I don't have time to be pleasing two. Okay. And then it's too many, like, women have changed the threesome rules now. Like if I can't have a threesome and like the best way to be safe during the threesome, so I hear, is you can't be the driver. Let the women control all this.

No, no, no, no. The woman that you are closest with has to drive. The second that you look like you are driving, and if you're going to drive, you have to ignore the other girl. That might be the smartest advice ever. You're really giving some threesome gems here. Yeah, you totally. I think the fellas need to take note. Well, first of all, half of the listeners out there have never had a threesome gems here. Yeah, you totally... I think the fellas need to take note. Well, first of all,

half of the listeners out there have never had a threesome. And two... Y'all whack. Y'all whack. I had mad threesomes. I've only had two. Only two?

Yeah. Who was the first one? My homegirl and that dude that was re-acclimating me back into the home-breakup. Oh, my God. I know. He didn't deserve it.

He really didn't. But I wanted to experiment with everything. I hadn't done any of that stuff at that point, so I just wanted to try everything. So what have you not done sexually? Or do I even want to know that? I don't want to know. I don't want to talk about your sex life because it's really nasty.

Damn, you threw me off. I didn't throw you off. Oh, so I don't partake in those activities Any longer threesomes and all of that jazz. I'm too. I'm too vintage if you Serious relationship would you be then interested in possibly trying at that point, you know the last almost threesome Well, no, no, no about four almost threesomes ago. Maybe six.

How many almost threesomes do you get involved in? Because contrary to popular belief, I'm typically the guy that deads the threesome. Okay. Why? I always find two girls that don't want to fuck. That have fucked each other. That want to include me because they're both fucking hoebags or whatever. No, so six almost threesomes ago,

I had a big argument with a girl for trying to have a threesome with me. An argument? Yeah. Shame on her for trying to please you. Her and I were, and I'll try to tell the story as quickly as possible.

Her and I, we were an item. Okay. Right? And I invited a friend of mine over. I we were an item right and I invited a friend of mine over the friend of mine that came over is a very attractive woman very voluptuous

fat ass but it wasn't me guys I'm gonna really fire you but me and this woman had never been intimate yeah there's something clicking cause the engineer

fucking sucks today well it might be phone interference phone interference oh yeah let me take this wire out uh alright

so yeah so me and this friend had never had sex even though everybody out there thinks that I fuck like all of my fucking friends

but couldn't be further from the truth so the friend comes over and you know they start drinking and by the end of the fucking night these two niggas all fucking kissy kissy face touchy touchy suck titty rub pussy blah blah blah right cool and they both got their little lusty voices on. Oh, Joe, come on. Let me suck your dick. Joe, join, Joe. And I'm like, nah.

I'm cool. Y'all rock. I'm chilling. All right. So this went on. I'll save some of these details, but this went on. So in the morning, I was a little confused, I was a little confused and I wanted to know what made this girl think that it was okay to open that door with an associate of mine that I invited over if I had never opened it.

If I had never opened this door, clearly it was for a reason. ever open this door clearly it was for a reason so why would you someone who is close to me open the sex door with this other person because she may assume that you didn't because you don't ever want to offend her that's a it's a no i've known the associate way longer than uh the other woman so if i wanted to fuck the associate i would have fucked the associate okay so yeah i cursed this girl the fuck out. Yeah, it was very inconsiderate of her. And, damn, that's not the first time we've had a little incident like that, actually. But totally outside of that.

Yeah, so then I felt bad because she said she was only doing it for me because she wanted to make me happy and all this bullshit. This is only a complaint Joe Budden would ever make. Right? He's such a Joe. Yeah. I mean, your life would have this as like a problem that happened. It was, though. I didn't speak to that.

I didn't speak to either of them for like a little while. Good for you. Way to take a stand. Wait, do I really found that like abnormal? Yeah, well that's another issue that needs to be addressed men need to just stop plugging every damn thing Oh, that's not every damn thing. It's two women that you have a rapport with yeah, but see on unlike most people stupid me This is my theory with this. Hmm Pete did you guys do a 20-minute Juan Epstein the other day?

It was a preview, right? It's not the whole thing. It was a weird random bonus episode where Syph announced that he's having a baby. Y'all just think y'all are like the podcast fucking... Congratulations, Syph. Congrats, Syph. First baby. Man, that's a horrible time to lose your job. Yeah, Syph. Congrats, Syph. First baby. Man, that's a horrible time

to lose your job. Yeah, but he's thriving. He's good. Don't take it to a negative place. It's a great place. Yay. Yeah, he's just fine. Don't you worry.

Yep. Well, I'm sure he's just fine, but I mean, shit. Life has been squirreling away money for 20 years. High 97 should have some type of fucking empathy some remorse you know fire me when i got a kid i'd have shot that whole up

wouldn't be the first time oh yeah that's true too uh so yeah this is my uh theory with that women are already as complicated as complicated can be, right? So you don't want to go fidgeting with their brains by just sticking penis inside of them often without having enough information about the person. Oh, you already know this about me. So why am I telling you? I'm telling the listeners.

I forgot that people were listening. So what we do as men is we say, well, fuck the girl and we will deal with the crazy later. No. So I don't really know if I'm that different or I have had enough crazy bitches in my life to where it's like, okay, I don't take crazy for granted. I think it's a mix of both. You're able to do that.

You can only do that logical deduction because of the unusual amount of vagina that you've gotten. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Allegedly. Hashtag, by the way, the hashtag for this episode will be Joe Budden problems because most of the people sitting around drinking Mountain Dew and eating a seven layer burrito right now have never had a threesome. Well, see, that's the other thing. I don't think that these are Joe Budden problems because I think that pussy is depreciating daily. It's very easy to get. It's probably easier to get now than it's ever been, actually.

Especially with social media. You look like you got a couple bans on Instagram. Bitches want to throw that box to the DM. Speaking of that, you know what's been happening to me? Let me tell you what's been happening. And we're going to put an end to this right this second. Bitches have been, and no, no, no, no. Here's some backstory.

Chicks that I have absolutely no rapport with at all. Chicks that I don't even want to be face-to-face with for longer than two minutes, right? Have been hitting me, texting me, DMing me, Insta-DMing me, and this is the line. Let's go on vacation. Really? Hold up, you hoes. This needs to be addressed.

Now, if I wasn't me, and I was just some nigga with some money and one of these manufactured women because they're beautiful but they should be beautiful because they paid the doctor to be beautiful you know about that well yours I don't know what doctor you were oh my Jesus you didn't you didn't

but yeah so these beautiful women just pop up in somebody's fucking inbox saying something like, babe, let's go on vacation. Now, I have to assume that they certainly aren't paying for this. I was going to say, where's the money going in this guy? Oh, the guy. This is how he's holding the movement out here. So they're really just saying, hey, take me on vacation.

Yeah, yeah, but they don't word it that way. Got to watch semantics here. I'm going to try that. I'm going to do that today. Oh, no, you might not have to. I'm going to experiment. You may not. Bitch and nigga take you to Staten Island. I'm going to try that. I'm going to do that today. Oh, no, you might not have to. I'm going to experiment. You may not. Bitch, a nigga take you to

Staten Island. I'm going to take you to an island. Oh, it's so exotic, old baby. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. So one day I was really, really bored and really, really petty and I engaged this girl.

Oh, man, I would expose her if I remembered her Instagram name. It was one of those fucking ho names, Miss Cherry Baby or something really hoey. Oh, man. But anyway, she said, bae, let's go on vacation. And I said, all right. Well, where would you like to go? And she said something like fucking Bora Bora.

In my head, I'm like, what would In my head I'm like What would make this hoe think That I want to go to any Why would you think I want to go to fucking 52nd street with her I want to go to the Port Authority With this hoe

But Very attractive face Very attractive implants And her lower posterior Is more like you But Which is why she only takes Pictures from the top up

You gotta watch these angles And these pictures I'm driving jewels here today okay this is pretty good but anyway so i said uh so i said oh and i'm such a fucking mutt i said um whoa what uh damn damn damn damn damn i said uh no no she then hit me back first before I could reply. And she said, I want to go somewhere hot where I can just be naked. Oh. What a fucking bird. Yeah. So I said, just throwing some bait out there like a doofus. Well, if you're going to be naked, what am I supposed to wear?

And she said, that choice is yours. Oh oh she thought she had it oh yeah she was packing her fucking suitcase oh and i didn't help matters at all because i said why don't you send me your full name and your date of birth and she said all rightdy. As soon as I get home and it's either the dates I'm free. Needless to say, I never reached out to this fucking hoe and I judged her and I almost blocked and reported her as fucking spam. But that was like the fourth girl that I have absolutely no rapport with to hit me and say, let's go on vacation. So fellas, in the event that you are experiencing this, Peter is saying that they're not experiencing this. Hashtag Joe Budden problems.

No one listening is having kind of hot Instagram models. Ask them to go on vacation. And if they did, 90% of guys, myself included, included if i was single would say yes well worth the money yeah because the people that listen to this podcast are like i want men to be pickier yeah i don't think any of them are fucking instagram models no be clear all some people are fucking the instagram models yeah let's be let's not give too much credit to the Instagram models Because like I just finished tweeting if you ever look at these old selfies and look at their bathrooms They're not above fucking working-class dick these bitches bathrooms are pretty are nuts

Nuts nuts the decor the shower curtains the soap be hanging on to buy a bubble These old bathrooms are horrible and yes, I'm looking at things outside of the actual girl in the selfie Yes, definitely, but I'm a dick that way but yeah But anyway, so yeah back to my story that I started 20 minutes ago so the girl I went out with she fucking fucking was mad selfish, rushed me out of there, and that was the end of my sand to the beach experience. Then I had this other girl who I kind of, who shall remain anonymous, continuously tell me that she needed gold hirachis. What? Now, this is sneakerhead hype beast type shit.

And nothing sounds wrong with that, as currently stated. However, it was the context in which this was happening. She was sounding very lusty. And it really made me very ashamed of myself. And she was happening. She was sounding very lusty. And it really made me very ashamed of myself. And she was drunk. She was inebriated. And she was Spanish. So it came out like

John give me gold arachis. John and she was touching me and stuff. So it came off like she was exchanging sex. For sneakers. For gold hirachis.

And then I took a step back and needed to reevaluate my entire existence. Were you contemplating giving it to her? No, I wasn't. But that was her other thing. Come on, you know you could get it. You could get any sneaker. I'm like, really?

Is that my fucking, is that what I've accomplished in life? I can get any sneaker. I'm sneaker man. One thing you've accomplished in life. Shut up, Pete. Accomplished many other things. That is one of them.

Can you get gold Harajis? Yeah. Well, no. No. Because she listens to this podcast. I want this pair of Jordans. Would you be able to help me with that? Shut down.

Would you grow up? What? Wrong women wear Jordans.. I want this pair of Jordans. Would you be able to help me with that? Shut down. Would you grow up? What? Wrong women wear Jordans. How about I get a pair of heels? I have a bunch. I'm going to wear a pair today. You know what? Can you take a picture of your heel collection so we can discuss it on our next podcast?

No. Something tells me your heel collection is really trash. I don't really enjoy wearing heels. So what do you know? Look how fast we fucking concede what we say. I do wear heels. I have a bunch. Where do you get your heels from?

Different places. Anyway, don't interrupt my story. So then, and then, and then, and then, and this is my last story about my weekend. And then I did what I do every few years. I went on a date with a girl. New girl? Who, how do we put this? I'm trying to think of a nice, clean way to say this. I did like opposite Joe day, which I do like every five years,

where I go on a date with a girl that you just wouldn't guess it at all. To say it nicely. Yeah, she was fucking successful. Great job. No kids. Owned crib. Owned car. She didn't tweet like a hoe.

Actually, she had like 100 followers or something. A real gem. Real gem out there. So I went on a date with her. And I won't even talk about the date. But, and this is another, I felt like, pure shit moment, so, and trying to decide for where to go and eat, because this girl was a very picky eater, she threw out at least four spots that I wanted to go to, and when she finally decided on a spot,

when she finally decided on a spot, I said, okay, well, do you want to call and do we, oh no, I said, do we need a reservation for this spot? And she said, of course. And then I said, okay, do you want to make it or should I make it? And then she said, you. And I said, all right, I'll call you back. And I hung up.

And just that fast, I said, wow, what an idiot. What a dickheadhead who asked the girl if she wants to call and make a reservation that's how far removed i am from the dating scene yeah that's bad it is pretty bad i must have came off like a real just like shit ball and probably exactly the stereotypes that surround you. But it's cool. Me and her did speak about it. And she said, yeah, when you said that, I was a little taken aback. Of course you were, because you are a fucking studious, fucking pristine gem out there.

But whatever. I'm off of that. So, we have a guest. We do have a guest. The woman who is probably largely responsible for this path of destruction i was just gonna say i wonder if our guest is hey all of this stuff that i have spoken about this far oh man we're blaming it i have to wonder what life oh is that her right there no it's not I have to wonder what life would be like without without our guest

I wonder how different it would be but because I'm a Virgo we have to blame someone can we not say any names let's not announce our guest oh I was about to do a big announcer voice because you're really corny talk to them while I say it okay so like a big announcer voice. And there she is. Yeah, because you're really corny.

Talk to them while I say that. Okay, so, on Saturday night, Joe is giving her a hug right now. On Saturday night, I went to a club in Jersey.

Had a great time with Flex. Look how horrible it goes. I leave you, I leave you to do this for two seconds while I say hello to somebody and you just fuck the entire podcast.

I know, which is why you're on that chair and I'm in this. You're fired. Let's just test this mic really quick. You smell nice. Thank you. How do you know that's her? Not me. Because she smells like a girl and I hope you don't smell like a girl. I'm getting floral and

you know. Madi, test her mic. Say something here. Mic check, mic check. All right, so her mic. All right, all right. That's enough of you. That's enough of you. That's enough of you.

So, right? So some of you that have been listening to this podcast for weeks now, and certainly not because of Marissa. It would all definitely be because of me. That was episode one or two, right? I'm going to say two. Two? Mm-hmm. Definitely of me. That was episode one or two, right? I want to say two.

Two? Definitely not one. One was all about our relationship. I don't even know how this story came up in episode two. But I told a story. And why am I telling a story from the sixth grade anyway? Because you're- That's really weird, right? Yeah.

Yeah. No, it was a defining moment. In your adolescence. No, in life. defining moment. In your adolescence. No, in life. Okay. Not in my fucking adolescence. Well, it's- Now.

Yeah, okay. I fucking take anger out on women because of this. Because of this person right here to my left. So I told this story about how I was in the sixth grade at Charles J. Waters, PS24. That's the name of the school, right? Charles J. Waters? Yes. Charles J. Waters, PS24.

That's the name of the school, right? Charles J. Waters? Yes. Charles J. Waters. And how I sat behind a girl and I had the biggest crush on this girl. And she didn't give a fuck. Not a single one. She could care less. She just curved me the entire school year because she was stuck on Eric Caratini who apparently you give too much you give too much

you give too much you give too much you give it too much you give it too much this is backstory this is backstory yeah well we have to go so and this is why the internet is beautiful so I told this story on a podcast and I spoke about how hurt I was and how it affected me throughout my life. And somebody out there went and found this woman.

And the guy. We found the guy first. They found Eric Caratini first. Eric Caratini is incarcerated. Unfortunately. And he is eligible for Eric Caratini first. Eric Caratini is incarcerated. They gave us his record. Unfortunately. And he is eligible for parole in 2023.

Did you know that? Absolutely not. All right. You didn't know that. You've got to get closer to the mic. But yeah, he is eligible for parole. Oh, she's getting you tongue-tied. Look at you. Don't look at me like that.

I guess it's okay for you to do that. You can have your fun. Okay. 2023, and then I felt really bad. And then shortly after that, just as the Lord would have it, they found Alma fucking Reyes. Yes, they did. Was it you that tweeted me? Okay.

Yes. That was you. You found Alma. That is her that tweeted me? Ah, okay. Ah, that was you. You found out. That is her. Thank you. That is her. Because when I was fucking tweet stalking you. Yes. Did you tweet me?

She tweeted both of us. She did tweet me. Yeah. Yeah, but my mentions are fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry. I'm not a fucking famous rapper reality star. Yeah, but you're famous for something. I'm famous a Jace.

Huh? Famous a J's. That's Pete's word. It's like adjacent. Don't do that again. Alma Reyes is my very first guest, and I think that that is so appropriate. Alma. How are you?

I'm great. How are you? I am emotionally scarred from our past dealings or lack of dealings. You set off this huge emotional roller coaster with me, and I've been just on a rampage hurting women ever since. Running through these ladies ever since. Because of the six-year-aid. Allegedly. Allegedly. Right. Now, you hear uh this story at all

yes i listened to it oh you did listen to it was it because of your friend or do you no it's because of her friend she's not checking you out on the fucking i wasn't thinking me i was thinking you no i don't know she's been stopping Been wasn't never checking me. So what did you think when you heard this story? I was surprised. Why? It's been 18 years. It's been 20 years, actually. No, 18.

Well, yeah. Not 18. 20. All right, 20. I remember. You remember every detail. Funny how the things you, what's that little quote? Funny how the things you never forget.

What is it? You never forget. Some people never remember. I don't know. It seems legit. I'll figure it out. Did you care about Joe Beckham? Did you even know

that he existed? Wait, I gotta get into her fucking thoughts when she heard this story. Okay. What were your thoughts when you heard this story? I was shocked.

You were shocked because why is this fucking guy talking about this story from 20 years ago? After so many years. See, you didn't even know the impact that you had. I did not. I was shocked. You were shocked because why is this fucking guy talking about this story from 20 years ago? See, you didn't even know the impact that you had. I did not. I had no idea. No idea. Now, what were you saying? I wanted to know

your thoughts on him back then. Oh, man. Now, before she says this. Now, before she says this. Can I ask my two parts? This is kind of like a truth or truth game. Right. We're not going to play truth or truth. two-part question. Can I ask my two parts? Well, this is kind of like a truth-to-truth game. Right. So, oh,

literally we do those. We're not going to play truth-to-truth right now. I want to know your thoughts on him back then and as he came to fame from my favorite song, oh, Pump It Up,

they played it in the club this weekend. I was famous before Pump It Up, by the way. I forgot all the words. As he came to fame, did you ever kind of forget like,

shit, I might have maybe been the next, you know the video star if I resent that yeah yeah well videos don't yeah well number one before she answers that I will say that in Alma's defense and this is very humble of me I probably wasn't getting very much why was a virgin then I'm gonna assume you were also a bird of course course. So that could be one reason. Maybe she didn't even know. She didn't even know enough about guys.

But you liked that Eric character. She liked Eric. She did like. She liked Eric. She did. You wanted to lose your fucking virginity to Eric. No, I did not. And by the way, he did give me play. But what is play in sixth grade?

What race was Eric? He looked whitish. Spanish? He was Puerto Rican-Italian. Yeah. Was it a race thing? No. Wait a minute.

Some girls don't like black guys. It's a thing. Some girls don't like white guys. Well, you know my memory is bad. I got to really dig back here. I don't know about that. Don't lie. That's a thing.

A lot of especially Spanish girls. Don't lie. Don't lie about that. Don't lie. That's a thing. A lot of especially Spanish girls. Don't lie. Don't lie about what? 20 years later. You wanted Eric Caratini. You did. I remember it. It was a sixth grade crush.

What is that? That counts. It definitely counts. That counts. It broke Joey's sixth grade heart. And... Then I find out 20 years later. No, you knew it

you never made it known she did you never made it known were you one of those weirdos that just sat there fantasizing I sat right behind her yeah

just picturing your lives together but never actually fucking verbalizing the fact that she's on a date thank you I think I even wrote a known you did not

did you fold it up with those pretty little corners and then pass it on Alma Reyes don't lie Joseph Budden wow did you call him Joseph Beckham You did not. Did you fold it up with those pretty little corners and then pass it on? Alma Reyes. Don't lie to one. Joseph Budden. Wow.

Did you call him Joseph Baxter? She didn't call me anything. She paid you dust. I'm bringing that back. So you had. Don't do that. That's not even a slang. So according to you, and this is a lie, but whatever.

This is a lie, but whatever. You had no idea that the guy who sat right behind you had an affinity for you. Is that what you are saying right this second? No. I mean, I was told. Oh. But you never approached me. It was so bad that they talked about it in the streets, and she still didn't give a fuck. They was all laughing at you.

All right, Marissa. We got it. We got it. We got it. So someone did tell you. But it didn't come from you. But they told you. Yeah, they did.

Who told you? I don't remember. Who's sixth grade? Giselle. It wasn't Giselle. Giselle. It wasn't Giselle. Yeah, she used to talk to a girl named Giselle back then.

I still do. Oh, really? You still speak to Giselle? Yeah, how's Giselle? She's good. She's married with kids Jersey everybody's married with kids. I love a Jersey City, too We didn't ask you that in there Okay, so it wasn't Giselle, but somebody told you and it that meant nothing to you. You could have cared less You didn't give a fuck i mean just just own it i

didn't look at you that way oh my god what's going on in the world damn oh my first of all i don't even remember the last time i've heard somebody say that and and today today when women say that to me it's a lie i don't look at you like that well i'm not lying well no i'm talking about you this is this is 20 years ago i'm talking about now and you you better not look at me that way hold on wait so how did you look at eric carotini that way though was joe was joe poppin back then was he a dork what was his situation i probably wouldn't have gave me any pussy either back then he you can say it those are the ones that usually end up as rappers.

Really? Didn't you take the normal route? Yeah. What study shows that? Just the ones. You know what's funny, though? I'm a clown still. You are.

You are. I'm super clowny still, but we don't need to do that. So the class clown, you figure, and it's funny because today humor gets you. Pussy. Yeah. Just not get you Almaraz in the sixth grade though. Not at all. Not with this Almaraz, don't.

So at some point, you're saying Eric Caratini did approach you in that way. Eric Caratini wasn't a virgin. Well, he was older than you guys why was he that age he was older than me and if he wasn't he seemed fucking older than me he had that sweat in the sixth grade he wasn't that much because we were in sixth and seventh grade right that's two years of pain in high school no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Out. And then I came back to Jersey and I went to Lincoln. But by then my life was already. Holy shit. I never knew that about you. Why don't you ask questions? That's amazing.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Joe, did you ever go to high school in North Carolina? That's going to fucking come across my mind. It's well documented in my past. But anyway, by the time I got to Lincoln, I was off school. Okay. You did go to Lincoln, right? So you were in a different mindset at this point.

Oh, yeah. Were you on your rap shit? so you were in a different mindset at this point oh yeah were you on your rap shit at this point I was too high to be concerned with Alma and women and I was fucked up at Lincoln but

you did go to Lincoln we could have had sex in Lincoln cause you weren't a virgin you were talking to Magali you remember sounds like someone no wait who the fuck You were talking to Magali, you remember? Oh. Sounds like someone trying to talk to him. Wait, who the fuck is Magali?

Maggie. And why was that her name? And do you still speak to Magali? Sounds like a foreign country. Wait, who's Magali? We used to hang out on Gifford together. Me, you, Lucky, Maggie. Magali?

Oh, so you guys used to hang out? Maggie. No idea. Your memory is shit. My memory is really bad, though. But that just goes to show how much you meant to him, that he clearly remembered you. Was Maggie cute? I wouldn't judge her.

Yeah, I think so. That means no. Yeah. It doesn't sound like a positive situation. That means she wasn't too hot back then. Damn. Magali. Interesting.

So now let's rewind before high school. Because my memory's bad. I could be totally off here. But you and I went to the movies one day. We did? Oh, there's a development here? I thought we did. He was so enduring.

He was making shit up in his brain. I thought that we went to see Juice. I don't remember. God, you guys are old. We went to... Why are we old? That was never... Because you were two years old, right?

Exactly. When Juice came out. No, her and I were very young when Juice came out, too. But I remember it because I thought that was it. You thought you were about to shoot your shot. I was in. Yeah. I wasn't going to shoot my shot. It was shot. And we went

with two other people. Who those people are, I don't fucking remember at all. Magali, obviously. No, no, I didn't go with Magali. I don't ever want to... I'm mad that we fucking let people know that I talked to a girl named Magali. That sounds exotic. Yeah, I'm sure it's not exotic in fucking Jersey City. Nobody exotic in Jersey City.

Actually, women just have the wrong definition of the term exotic. I was being sarcastic. Oh, okay. Okay, I don't know. But my point still stands about women. Yeah, so we went to the movies to see Juice. And I thought that we were making Some type of

I thought we were making Some leeway together Obviously it meant so much nothing To her that she doesn't even recall So I'm going to need you to Let go of that part I don't remember I'm hurt

Instead of healing the wounds that we came here for today I think we just opened a lot more you're kind of like reopening that's crazy you don't remember I don't

I bought popcorn I did did you buy it for yourself or for her as a 14 as a little nigga to buy some popcorn apparently I didn't get any popcorn

because I don't remember so were you guys still in middle school at this point or we had gone to high school no we were in middle school and it was raining and it was raining. And it was a weekend.

I had to beg my fucking mom to go outside. This was a very special night for Joe. And clearly, you were hoping that Eric would be there. And that's why you went to the movies. And he wasn't. So you erased that part. Well, no, this was probably just like a really casual thing for her. She just probably wanted to see the movie. But yeah, that's what I was going to add.

Let's rewind back to that. So Eric, at some point, came to holler at you. Eric didn't wanted to see the movie. But yeah, that's what I was going to add. Let's rewind back to that. So Eric at some point came to holler at you. Eric didn't go to Lincoln, right? No. I don't think Eric went to high school. He went to a Lincoln crime after that. I don't think Eric went to high school. Because he realized in the future he'd never be able to compete with

Joe Budden. That's not what happened at all. He was very much competing with me. He was killing me back then. Look at us now. Well, no. that's horrible. And that's a horrible thing to say. And I personally don't live that way. But so Eric did attempt to holler at you at some point. And in accordance to your story, you shut it down.

No. She obviously. Oh, they dated. Oh, no. No, no, no. We did not date. Oh, my God. Eric.

I'm fucking dying here. We did not date. You fucked Eric Caratini. No, of course not. In the sixth grade. Are you serious? No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, wait.

So y'all dealt in the sixth grade? I think it was seventh or eighth grade. Ah, that's my point. But still, there was no, no, nothing. Crazy. So then what do people do when they date? We were not dating. That came from you, not from me.

No, I got it from you. You said he approached me. He gave me play because in your last podcast, you said he didn't give me any play. Oh, so you want to rectify that? Yes. You want to fix that one up? All right. So he did give you play.

Yes. Okay. I don't know if I want to hear that. I don't want to talk about it. That's sixth grade. So it didn't last very long. Oh, no, no. No, it's the sixth grade.

So maybe it was, yo, hey, Joey, something is fucking up in here, but okay, I think I fixed it without you. Okay, so high school. I fixed it already. So high school, I'm assuming that's when your love life just began to sprout. My love life. Yeah.

People have to, at some point, begin to have a love life. And high school is typically when this occurs. Now, for me, it was really bad. That damn Chivanti Chestnut. Oh, it was bad. Is that a person?

Yeah, it's the person that fucking snatched my virginity from me. I saved for Alma, and she didn't fucking want it. So Chivanti Chestnut from Teaneck in North Carolina, who had allegedly slept with a few men at the school. But I figured that that was good. You want to get someone who is more experienced than you. You don't just want to be too virgin, Sidney, or just do it. But it was hard.

What a horrible, horrible, horrible experience. I can't wait for the internet to pull her up because you know that's next. Won't find her. Won't find Shivanti. I don't think it'll be that easy. No. And I really hope they don't find her. If they found these two, I'm pretty sure they're going to find everyone.

Shivanti wasn't the... I mean, we all got to start somewhere, right? Not me. I got a pretty nice... You started there, bro. I got a nice fucking track record. I was just going to her to get some experience. To just get acclimated into the world.

Yeah, to figure it out. That was like my situation with the breakup. So, high school, I'm assuming, is when this happened to you because you were and still are a very attractive girl.

You look the same. Thank you. The hair is different. And the dress is different. The dress style, you were very jeans and... Tomboy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah see but what i appreciated that

she didn't care she didn't care that i appreciate yeah yeah she didn't she didn't care that i appreciated that fucking but anyway so i'm assuming high school is when this is gonna take place right give me your fucking what's what's your story are you married no single children yes how many i was married for 10 years. Wow. To Eric? No. I got it.

I got it. Was it someone you guys went to school with? No. Oh. How do you... Married for 10... Well, which... When did this start?

High school, senior year. Oh, Lincoln. You married your high school sweetheart and he went to Lincoln I'm assuming no he went to Ferris Spanish guy huh Dominican

good old no wonder my downfall yeah good old good old Ferris good old Ferris full of Spanish people so you guys

would gather 10 years yeah I do remember that at some point because yeah you called me when I was living out in Maryland

one time I don't know how you got my number yeah whoa you're a creep I found her and were you already

pumping up Joe yeah yeah yeah yeah can we stop referring to me as that I don't know that's actually the only song

I know of his oh okay we have a huge fan here but she knows better so yeah I did find her and she was living away somewhere and she did have a kid and she had a yeah i think i saw some pictures on myspace or something like that yeah myspace yeah like a whole happy family going on

it was like all right cool so but then that didn't work. And now you are back in Jersey. I'm in Jersey. Oh, God. And you're in Jersey. I mean, I'm just saying. We're all in Jersey. We're all New Jersey natives. And I'm single like a $1 bill.

Are you? Oh, yes, I am. So in high school, did you ever find Joe attractive? He was cute. I just looked at Joe more of like brother type. So you guys had a relationship? What a curve. I mean, I used to cook mac and cheese. Mac and cheese and spam.

You don't remember? Yeah, but I was trying to, you know what I mean? Yeah, wait. Mac and cheese and spam? I was trying, you know what I mean? Wait, what is that story? Because that sounds disgusting. She used to make that.

I used to cook it for lunchtime. Lunchtime. With spam? Yes. Yeah, you fry the spam, put it inside your mac and cheese. She is two make that. I used to cook it for lunchtime. Lunchtime. With Spam? Yes. Yeah, you fry the Spam, put it inside your mac and cheese. She is two years old. That sounds disgusting. I've never even had Spam, and I would never want to.

It's in a can. It's canned meat. And she's white. Let me say that. She just, that's what's going on. You're trying to do this whole Spanish look today, and you're fucking white. What? I look like I look every day.

I have a jersey on, my Vans. Nothing is white about your appearance right now. Everything. Yeah, but listen. Back when we were doing the mac and cheese spam, I was still, you know what I mean? I was still trying to do my thug sizzle. You were trying to play the friends in high school, too. Yeah, but I still, I wasn't, yeah, wasn't i wasn't uh it did you you had no

i didn't know about women really then that's what it was okay i'm still figuring myself out now today you figured out a little bit too much shut the fuck up marissa i'm not the whore that you guys make me out to be oh Oh, I didn't say that. Who said you're right? Wait, we never got to the second part of the question. So as his career blew up, did you ever feel like, shit, I shouldn't have married this She was married for 10 years. Not at all. Who looks at their husband like that?

What a hoe. I'm not a hoe. I'm just saying where our minds are at, you know? If you let her look at your husband like that. Maybe she wasn't happy. Obviously, they ended up up somewhere so it didn't Oh, he left you I'm opening Never mind I don't want to make my fucking first

Okay, okay cool that that that's a say how's your brother doing he's great is he which one bitch I three oh he's good Oh, yeah, you do have fucking three brothers. Where the fuck is Big Chops at? He lives out in Linden. So he's still out here. Everybody's out here. It'd be nice to see him at some point. I'm assuming you have his phone number. We'll talk about that off the air.

So I noticed that when your girlfriend gave us your social media, you had only had a handful of tweets. Yeah, I'm not on social media like that. So did you make a Twitter upon knowing all this had started happening? Nah, she had a Twitter. It was before.

Somebody probably made her erase that fucking Twitter. Yeah, your Twitter is very low. It says something like four tweets. I don't go on it like that. I don't even have an Instagram. I just got back on Facebook. I'm not into that social media life. So what are you into?

What do you do for a living? What are you into? Nothing. I'm just kidding. I'm an office manager at OBGYN. I'm going to school for nursing. Oh, what doctor do you work at? Look at you, ready to run away.

Look at you, ready to run that way. I have not found a good one. I had a great one when I live with my ex. I do get checked every six months, one. I keep because I had a great But no I had a good one when I went to my ex in in King of Prussia in Pennsylvania Wait do we have to talk about OBGYNs on a fucking podcast? In Hoboken I'm not far from Hoboken.

Yeah, this is great. So it's a girl? A girl doctor or a guy doctor? We have six doctors there. This is not a fucking health podcast. Maybe I'm going to get some patients to them. Maybe we're going to get some advertising going. You sound too inquisitive about that. I don't know what your pussy is doing.

Because I want nothing. But I want to find a good doctor for when I have children. You want to stay with your OBGYN. My mother, I went to my mom's OBGYN. The one that birthed me, I was going to him as an adult, and then he retired. Maddie, let me just reel you back in. I don't care about any of that. Well, look, OBGYNs are important to a woman's life.

I just want to make sure that your fucking pussy is clean. My vagina is 100% clean. No STDs, no HIV. That doesn't even matter to me. It matters to the world. Nobody cares if your vagina is clean. They care because maybe I no HNs. That doesn't even matter to me. It matters to the world. I'm very... Nobody cares if you're a China's clean. They care. Because, you know, maybe I have a potential bae listening. Hey.

Anyway. So then, why are you single? It's by choice. Oh, yeah. That means she's fucking got baggage. It's never by choice. It's never by choice. It's by choice. How long have you been single for? Seven months.

Oh. Oh, this is fresh. This is a new. Oh, this is. Oh, this is getting great. Oh, wow. Well, who the hell were you dating? We don't need his name.

The divorce was seven months ago? No, the divorce. No. It's five years. Oh. Oh, okay. So the guy that you just left, how long were y'all together? Two years.

Yo, I can't lie. I hate to be petty next door here. I'm kind of happy that Alma's failing at fucking love. I'm kind of, I am kind of, it's like the curse of Joe. Oh, there we go. This is fucking great. No, I don't have your curse. How do you know?

Don't. You were just with a guy. Maybe she chose to leave him. It would still be a curse. It would still be a curse because he ended up being shit. Yeah. This is wonderful. I'm so happy that your love life is failing.

I'm glad you're happy. Not that mine is doing great at all. Right. You haven't done much better. Let's check out your track record. Oh, man. My love life. I'm going to find love out there, though. I am man. My love life. I'm going to find love out there, though.

I am faster than you. No. I'm going to find... I have nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your life is not conducive to finding love. No. So do you still want this guy?

No. The guy you just left? Oh, he fucked up. That was a fast no. That no was entirely too quick. Now, I'm cool. I'm good. Nah.

Damn, we don't want him. Nope. What do you look at? Do, we don't want him. Nope. What do you look at? Do you think Joe's attractive now? Oh. Let's make this nice and awkward. Let's get this fucking awkward as fuck. That ain't awkward.

Truth to truth. There ain't nothing awkward about that. I still see him as Joseph. Nothing's changed. Oh, yeah. Little Joey from the block. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's the PC answer.

That's the very safe, safe answer. Listen, Joe today at 34, this ain't little brother Joe from 13 and motherfucking, what was the teacher's name? Miss, starts with a W, Miss Witt. Miss Witt. Yeah, you remember her name? Yeah. Did you watch Love and Hip Hop when he was on it? No. She really doesn't give a was on it no she's telling you

she didn't have shit about shit her man wouldn't let her do anything that's not true he kept her in a basement somewhere in a box in a cage

in a dark room she had no shit about got her through a fucking exactly in a cage what's happening in the world so what do you do for fun you don't have fun I don't have fun that's sad I I'm not a club chick. Do you collect anything like stamps?

So what's wrong with you? What are you what are you defect? What do you care? Oh? For what's wrong with me? I'm a tad bit off, but that's okay. Fuck you, Marissa. Yeah, I'm off. I'm just totally, totally crazy. But yeah, everyone has something wrong with them. Right. What would you say if you were in a job interview, what your weaknesses are? No, no, no, no, no.

That's bad. That's bad. That's bad. We don't care about that. If I were to ask your ex what's wrong with you, what would he say? Well, you're Spanish, so you're crazy. I'm going to say psycho Spanish check. That was literally rolling off my tongue.

Yes, you said it. You stole it, too. You're Spanish, so you're crazy by default somewhere in there. Yeah, I have a lot of anger. Anger. Anger. Have you ever punched a hole in a wall? Yes, I have.

I was so joking, but that's amazing. Oh my God. This is fucking... Yo, I'm ecstatic that Alma is single and angry. Have you broken electronics? No, I used to be angry. Have you broken electronics such as cell phones and televisions?

Computers? Cell phones, app tires. Slash tires? You've got a good one here. There's been some cheating going on. She's been cheated on. Busted windows? I wouldn't have cheated on you, but you blew that one.

Yeah, right. You ruined that one. You had your chance. Well, all right, so have you been curving recently the way that you curved me in sixth grade? I did not curve you. You did. I did not. You knew that I was- You never made a pass. You didn't shoot your shot, Joe. You you. You did. I did not. You knew that I was.

You never made a pass. You didn't shoot your shot, Joe. You never made a pass. I didn't know how to make a pass. Well, now you know. But I was attracted to you. You knew I was attracted to you. And you didn't care.

That's a curve. That's valid. Yeah. Right? That's a curve. You can get curved every day, B. Because I think I told somebody to let her know that that was the case. You told somebody to let her know.

Yeah, well, we don't respect that. In the sixth grade, it's respectable. I bet you Eric Carantini told her straight up, yo, what's up? So that's why he won. Well, I don't know that he won because according to Alma, nothing ever materialized there. And I don't know if I believe Alma with that. She was enamored with this guy. Did you guys kiss?

Yes. That's the only thing. Oh my God. What the fuck is going on in the world? Eric got a kiss. I got spam and macaroni and cheese. You know what happened though? After one of those macaroni and cheese and spam lunch dates,

I think we were supposed to do that again. And that's when I had it set in my mind that I was going in. I was going for the fucking kill at that next one. And then the next one just never happened. That's horrible. Because you were talking to Maggie. And Maggie was your friend? Yes.

Look how spiteful I was. I was so petty and hurt. You were so pettyful I was. I was so petty and hurt. You were so petty and still petty. I was so petty and hurt. I said, let me talk to her friend. That'll teach her there. I wonder what happened with me and Maggie. I wonder why that failed.

Well, clearly I didn't have sex with Maggie. Because she's not even. The worst spiteful and hurt? You still have her here 30 years later. I still have her here 30 years later. Hey, that's a good point. Yo, who would do this? Who would bring their fucking first crush, first curve 20 fucking years later?

Joe, Joe, I want to tell you something. Several years ago, when I first started my talk show in D.C., I had a girl girl that I've been hollering at the end of college who I'd known for a long time Almost as long and she'd never give me any play. I brought her up here to the radio show Did almost this same segment? Do you know how it ended you got you got the pussy? God Marissa. Why are you so crude? it ended you got the pussy god marissa why are you so crude yes it ended up with us eventually hooking up a little bit and then i dissed her for my now wife oh but that's not gonna have that's such a love story oh that's not gonna happen joey ain't good hey there's that anger there's that i didn't hit the nobody suggested anything she just popped out well, that ain't gonna happen. He ain't getting shit. Like, damn. See, I can

maneuver today. See, today we can maneuver a little bit. They had only saw angry. Jesus. No one was even suggesting such a thought. So you would never consider a date with Joe? I'm not setting you guys up. I'm just literally asking her mind state. If he was like, hey, let's go out for hookah.

She probably doesn't even know what hookah is. I do know what hookah is. Spanish women love hookah. Well, I don't know. She's been in a basement. She's been locked in a fucking cage somewhere. I don't know what she knows. So you do know what hookah is?

Yes, but I don't smoke it. Okay. Do you eat food sometimes? Are you a robot? Like, you do eat from time to time, right? Of course. Okay. So, yeah, but that be two two old friends catching up

like that's there are different versions of dates there absolutely is i think i should go i think i should do it for research it's been 20 years no no no no no no no no no no no no no today today we won't shoot the shot i just wanted to get closure no i i just needed closure as to why this was taking place. Well, I'm glad I can give you closure. And she gave me

the typical Spanish woman curve. Do you feel any better? Like a little brother. First of all, how old are you? A little brother? I didn't say little. Oh, like a brother. She said like a brother.

I said brother. See, that's what you think of yourself, little. Like a fucking brother. Oh, no, baby. Oh, and she got that no baby quite the contrary but that's uh that's neither here i don't want to talk about that with marissa present right now um but no i definitely think that we should go uh where's a like friendly place the hookah friendlies

is that even is that change still even operating there's still friendlies fridays is better they have good drink selection i do like final drink yeah but alma probably i don't drink oh what do you smoke cigarettes what are your vices what What are you indulging? She is like a robot still. I'm not a robot. You don't do shit. Do you have any bad habits?

No. I used to. She's angry. I'm not angry. You told us you were angry. Used to be. Oh, so now you're broken in time. Yeah, but I feel like any man could bring that back out of you if he makes you crazy enough.

So who are you dating now? No one. No one. There's not any. I just got out seven months ago. Why would I jump into another what a good girl you haven't got like i'm so used to these hoe bags so there's like no hoe phase for you like

you're not no there's no just that's just you that's just you marissa the post breakup phase everyone goes through it which is i find that pretty funny that you're saying that, considering you've only had two boyfriends. That's not called a post-breakup whole face. That's just you being a whore. No, I'm very calm now. I don't really indulge. So how long, Alma, before you feel like you are ready to date?

Yeah. Ready to date. Was that what you were going to ask me? That is where I was going with that. And don't give me sexy eyes. Don't try it. Because you're like a sister. I like her little attitude. Reverse curve.

I like this. You're like a sister to me, all right? So don't even try it. Yeah, it doesn't work anymore, Joe. It's not. No? We're not buying it. Darn it.

Yeah. Yeah, so how long before, yeah. I don't know. Maybe a year or two. Jeez. God damn. What are you going to do in that year? Because you're not going to drink.

You're not going to smoke. You're not going to smoke. You're not going to watch Love and Hip Hop. I have a mindset. I'm just. Oh, but you're going to go to school for it. Oh. She is holding that pussy hostage. Oh, I already forgot about that.

It's valuable. Why not? Don't just give it away for free. Not for free. Exactly. Look at my. Look at my. Yo, maybe Alma needs to come away more often.

Marty seems so confused. Wait, it is valuable. Maybe she'd be interested in going on vacation. To Bora Bora, perhaps? That is pretty funny. No, we can go to... We can go to we can go to Staten Island

the exotic island we can go somewhere and oh what do Spanish women like that place in the Bronx who's going Don Kunky oh Don Kunky

see she likes it I knew it got it I won't be there we got terms and conditions today and I'm not just running to Don Kunky I say that like I don't be in all the hoodies and conditions today. I'm not just running the donko. I say that like I don't be in all the hood as fucking Spock.

Why don't you show her some very fancy... You like that place on the water in... No, because that would... That makes it no longer a friendly date. That would make her think that I want some vagina. So we have to do a really friendly... A Joe situation. Outkast?

I mean Outback. No. Look how hip hop I am. That's very basic. I went to Outkast from Outback. That is so fucking hip hop. I think Fridays was better. You like their wings.

I'm too famous to go to Fridays. You. What? We're getting that t-shirt pressed up right now. I'm too famous to go to Fridays You What? We're getting that t-shirt pressed up right now I'm too famous for Fridays Count Key Joe Button problems yet again That wouldn't be an enjoyable experience Especially the Fridays in Hackensack

We have to go somewhere where Nobody knows your name Where people don't really care Wait You didn't agree to this Yeah exactly We know your name? Where people don't really care. Wait. You didn't agree to this. Yeah, exactly. We know, we know, we know. How about like a loose bar in like Maplewood?

She doesn't drink, I don't drink. Oh yeah, that would be pointless. That would be really stupid. And the food's probably no good. Ruby Tuesdays? Why do you know all the bird spots? Like why are you just Ruby Tuesdays, Friday Personally, I prefer Applebee's, but Oh, you a super bird.

No, I'm just basic. Yeah. I prefer Applebee's versus like Ruth Gris. We can do what's this about? Do me a favor, Marissa. No, stop suggesting just shut the fuck up. I need a second without your 12 year old brain dictating

what happens in my life. No, that's where all the hoes go when they want some attention. So they can Instagram a fucking plate and say, oh, I'm over it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not doing it. We can go to, we can go to, is that Pier 115? Yeah. Have you ever been to Pier 115?

Very nice ambiance there. Very super dope spot. Okay. I have so much to ask you that I cannot ask you here. So, yeah, we'll talk. What kind of music do you listen to? We'll talk off of you. Marissa, wrap it up.

Yeah, yeah, look at fucking Marissa. Everything. Salsa, bachata, merengue. Everything. Everything but Joe Budden. I don't listen to Joe Budden. I don't listen to Joe Budden. I don't listen to Joe Budden. So that's not everything.

No. Clearly. How good is your bachata? It's great. I was married to a Dominican. Ten years. How good is your bachata? Yeah, really.

Mine isn't too shabby either. Well, you dated a Dominican for a while. All I've ever fucking dated is fucking... Oh my God, guys, we all dated Dominicans. Aren't we friends? No, you've sucked and swallowed a few. No I've ever fucking dated is fucking... Oh my god, guys, we all dated Dominicans. Aren't we friends? No, you've sucked and swallowed a few. No, that was my only Dominican. Smoke was the only one. And I don't

know if I'm counting him as like a... We were together for two years. No, I'm not talking about as a boyfriend of yours. He's like a weird introvert type. He's special, special case. Shout out to Rosa and Smoke, but he is a different type of Spanish Dominican. Okay, we didn't have to specify which Smoke it was now. Everyone. My bad.

But I want to thank you for taking your time out to provide me with closure. And thank you to your friend for facilitating. What's her name? Brittany. Brittany. Thanks, Brittany. Brittany. You have you have all you've helped me tremendously.

I cannot thank you. And Leslie. Shut up. Oh, you've helped me tremendously. I cannot thank you. Tremendously. Shut the fuck up, Marissa. I can't express to you how deeply appreciative I am that you made this happen. And Pier 115, if you're free, which you are because you're single and angry. I didn't agree. All right. You know what about these Spanish girls, guys?

Got to get to the defensive mechanism wall. She's hurt. She's guarded. All right. We'll deal with that off the air. How long has this been? We're getting the wrap-ups. Longest episode so far.

Time to go. All right. But how long has it been? 76 minutes. That's an hour. That's only 16 minutes over. We didn't get to our segment today. Oh, we didn't do what it might be over for.

Oh, suspenseful. Next week. Ha ha. Good, because Maddie wanted to do Chief Keef, and I was scared he would shoot us all. So that makes perfect sense. Thank you. So I'll name this podcast later. I want to thank Alma Reyes for giving me closure.

I want to thank Marissa for something. I mean, she didn't do shit, but whatever. And that's a wrap. Thanks, Peter, for being late. I want to thank Alma Reyes for giving me closure. I want to thank Marissa for something. I mean, she didn't do shit, but whatever. And that's a wrap. Thanks, Peter, for being late. As always.

I'm here for you. One.