The Johnny Salami Podcast - Andrew Manthing

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

Andrew Manthing by The Johnny Salami Podcast

I think I took a shit in my neighbor's lawn. Yeah. Hahahaha Well I love you madly dear, and I need you badly dear. Why did you leave me here, without your love? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, bro, I'm hurting. Yeah. Dude, didn't you start off, like, wicked young? Yeah.

Yeah. How old were you? 26. We're the same age. Really? Yeah. Does that surprise you? Is it the mustache?

No, because I remember when I was younger, I think I was like 19 or something. It was like when I first started off, I would always see like posters of you. Because we were in the Northeast area at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you were like a Supercuts model or something, dude. But no, I would always see posters of you. Yeah.

And everyone was like, yeah, this guy fucks, man. Oh, God. Those were the days. And then I moved to the Big Apple, and now I'm nobody again. Yeah. I mean, you're 26, though, dude. So it's like, you're confusing me, man. No, yeah.

I just looked very young. That was the whole thing. It's interesting. You still look young. It's just the mustache yeah i i used to look a lot younger like those posters that you saw probably had my face on it i mean if you were 19 we were the same age and that was before i hit puberty i looked like i was 12 i looked and sounded like a little girl and it was a formative time in my life. Shit.

So you were fucking crushing it. Well, my biology fucking sucked. Weren't you like a headline? No, God, no. No, I mean, if anything, it was like I probably just posted flyers because I was excited. Yeah, you should like a good poster guy. Someone was doing posters. I mean, you know, if you do bringer shows, they do a nice poster for you so that they make you feel good about bringing friends to spend $800 there.

But other than that, I don't really know. You know, I had like a decent amount of fun and success getting booked on like shows and stuff. But I think a lot of it was like I was kind of a novelty for the crowd because I would go up and I was like an adult. But I but I looked like a child. And so when I went up there and was like pussy hair, they would be like, what the fuck is this? So, you know, you don't you think that was it, though? You don't think it was like what you were actually saying? I mean, to some degree, it was that i could like write a joke

and i was trying but a lot of it was novelty which is interesting because then i like i hit puberty with the help of a doctor because i had low testosterone which is a weird fucking world to be in uh and then like i was like oh i have to write jokes that aren't about my appearance. Because those would kill. When I looked so fucked up that my opening line was just saying, I wouldn't say anything. I didn't even know you had to warm up a crowd. When I was hosting at the Hartford Funny Bone and stuff, I would just go on stage and say, I'm 21 and a guy.

And it would just get them immediately. Because that's how fucked up I looked. I looked like a 12-year-old girl. And I sounded like get them immediately. Yeah. Because that's how fucked up I looked. I looked like a 12-year-old girl. And I sounded like it, too. So that was, like, just a cheat code, you know? Yeah. No, I feel I've never felt the same way in terms of what you just said, man. I remember when I was younger, I was...

What, getting a crowd? Yeah. Yeah. No, just what you said about, about like not having to actually like write just like relying on your appearance because like dude back then i looked even like more retarded than i look now so dude i fucking no way yeah dude it was it was wild man i was like 240 pounds that's my weight now really yeah what do you weigh now? I mean, like I should probably weigh myself. There's a good chance I could weigh 240 right now.

Just not even know it. But yeah, dude, I was, uh, I had a fucking nice pair of tits, dude. And,

uh, I know what that's about. Yeah. I remember one time, uh, dude, I went to super cuts and, uh,

like I walked in and stuff. I always go to super cuts, man. I love it. I love the tension that builds up in the parking lot. You never know what's going to happen, dude. I've gone there since I was a child, dude. I think I was like 20 and I just started comedy. I look like a full-bore

retard. I'm getting ready to go to, I think it was Mohegan Sun. You probably fit right in there. that place is full of monsters and accidents dude i think i brought like 20 people i was so excited man and uh i went to super cuts and uh they were like oh you want the same thing as last time and i was like hell yeah this lady just took out like sideburn trimmers she gave me a good old buzz cut, dude. Holy shit.

Did she mistake you for another person or something? She probably looked at my record from when I was fucking 12. Good lord. But yeah, so I remember going up on stage. And I didn't say, hey, how are you? How's everyone doing? I was just like, yeah, I just went to Supercuts. And dude, people laughed for like a minute straight.

And I was like. Oh, nice. It was probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me. So I was like, dude, I'm relying on Supercuts right now to get laughs, you know, like not actual jokes. Once I realized how, like, hard it is to actually be funny, I was like, fuck, dude. Should I even be doing this right now? Oh, yeah. It's so hard to write. i totally agree with that sentiment especially when you see people now who are like i mean i fuck with people who are disabled but it's like it's kind of that's

interesting yeah why do you do that you know what i mean dude you fuck with them like if you see a guy rolling by in a wheelchair you'll like put a stick in his spokes so he can't well he just has to go in a circle yeah in like a respectful way man yeah absolutely you know what i mean though dude yeah yeah when someone goes up and you're like oh here we go you know like you have to have jokes about being disabled if you're disabled definitely you can't just not yeah and it's like God cursed you. You might as well make it work for you in some way. I mean, imagine if you went blind tomorrow. That would suck, though, because that's not a visual gag. Yeah, that's true.

Not like being handicapped is a gag. What disability would you prefer? I would think wheelchair seems like the... I don't like standing a lot. So I think that just having a seat everywhere but uh yeah wheelchair just like you just get like both of your legs blown off and you become like an amputee that would be like your go-to i mean or you could just have the very skinny legs you know like just oh shit The tent poles, thin jeans,

you know. Dude, we had a girl in my middle school, she broke both of her legs at the same time. Yikes. It's just like, like naturally, like nothing happened.

It just broke. Jesus Christ. Yeah, she was literally like 85 pounds. Yeah. Her name was Carson Scoletti. Imagine having that name. That is a pretty interesting name.

I don't know what to make of that. Dude, if you saw her, you'd be like, holy shit. Yeah. It's fucking wild, man. She's just a little, like, just frail person. I mean, I shouldn't make fun of her, dude. She's probably struggling. Yeah.

What's up with her legs now? I don't know. I should follow up with her. I could probably find her on Facebook. Definitely. I'll pull it up after this and show you. Okay, cool. Yeah.

Let's do it. Yeah, dude. That was my fucking girl bro oh yeah what about you what uh what were you talking about again disabilities we were making fun of people with disabilities if i remember correctly i think i would uh i would just want to be deaf dude if uh i would need like a network connection though like if if i was dead you would need wifi. Yeah. Yeah. Like I would need someone to be able to like put me up there in like for me to know that I can rely on them. It's like, dude, I could just go up there and just fucking make sounds for like, you know what I'm saying?

Okay. I, I didn't know what you meant with network connection. I thought you literally meant like internet to like translate what people are saying with their mouths to your, you know, I mean like a legal, like, yes people are saying with their mouths to your. No, I mean like a legal like. Yes. Like an agent or some shit.

Yeah. To be like, all right, this guy is going to let him have his moment. Imagine being like on a first date and you see a guy go up on stage and you just make sounds. Not a one is a word. That'd be super fucking entertaining. And you're on stage. You're're like i'm killing dude they're just laughing at all my jokes have you ever uh have you ever like gone deaf for like a few seconds no but one time i went like blind the first time i smoked weed i was in the woods and everything just, I did go deaf also.

Like I got that thing that you get in the movies when like you're a bomb goes off near you. And it was just like everything just kind of clouded around and then just like in my ears. And then everything looked like it was on a different, like, you know how people make art where they'll do like a sheet of paper that's like leaves and then behind that is a sheet of paper that's like a jaguar and then

it's layered that's how everything looked and then it just started closing in and i was like gripping my friend who had me smoke weed for the first time and i was like do not leave me in the woods right now do not leave me in the woods i can't see or hear this is terrifying oh shit and i could like barely stand up damn that was your first time smoking weed yeah you remember when they used to say like the first time you never get high yeah and then you find out like that's a myth i i mean i guess it's probably true for some people everybody's brains is different but like yeah i got walloped the first time just totally like did you laugh at all or was just like 100 paranoia later i we had a good time yeah but like that's always good man you know

yeah it was like something that i got over i guess in like 10 minutes oh man that was like the best night of my life dude getting high for the first time yeah yeah i remember just like thinking i was like no matter how many hits i take like i'm not gonna get high so i was ripping it dude and then all of a sudden just like a fucking switch went off in my head man and i like started belching laughing for like five minutes straight and like by the end of the night i think we were in a tent just three dudes having a good time in a tent dude no homo yeah for sure i think i was uh dude i was eating uh mild salsa off of the tent floor oh my god with those tostito soups that is

gotta be a good time man when you're like also like all over my face just that's what's great about getting high is like you can be doing what most people would think of is like the behavior of an animal right before it dies you're like you know licking tomato puree off of the ground having the time of your life yeah i remember uh one of the first one of the best giggle fucking times i ever had was uh when i had an edible for the first time i had a brownie that was the size of a brick you'd make a building with. And I went to school

and I remember just being incapacitated. We had to go to the auditorium because me and my friends were just laughing too much to do anything else. And we were all just lying in different parts of the auditorium laughing our asses off. Just like on the floor laughing about nothing.

Dude, that takes some balls, man, to go to school like that. Holy shit. I didn't know about like paranoia or anything before that. It was like before my eyes had been opened up to like a lot of that stuff. Yeah. Like anxiety and such. Holy shit, man. Yeah.

I've told this story a few times, man, but I took like three brick-sized edibles. Jesus Christ. Yeah yeah the night before college baseball tryouts oh my god i got to try out for a college baseball team so during the tryouts i was like still super high of course and i got this uh i guess it's called like being stuck where you just stay high for like multiple days oh my dude i was inconsolably high yeah like we were doing we were doing stretches i was like crying laughing and the coach was just like this guy's having a good time right now yeah but uh do you think he knew well we did live pitching so you had to go inside of a cage and i had to pitch full speed.

Something that takes a lot of focus and physical control. Yeah. I had to pitch to the best of my ability to live batters. And, dude, I hit three kids in a row. They weren't even the batter. You were facing 90 degrees the wrong direction. It was the coach's son. So I hit three kids in a row and i was like i was like laughing that's fucking great like they were like all right we'll give you like

like we'll give you one more batter they were kind of like wrap it up these poor kids i was like i'm pissing dude the last kid i hit him in the helmet afterwards uh he talked to me about the kid i hit in the helmet and uh turns out uh like over the summer i hit him in like a summer league game three times oh my god and i was high when he told me that i was like dude i'm sorry man like i don't like not like you i just like i told the coach i was an alcoholic though because he sat me down he was like hey listen like what's going on yeah i love how you told him something worse yeah i i don't know why i was i mean i was high when i was talking that's true yeah yeah no it's all of your behavior is affected for sure yeah dude he's he was like a he's like seven years old man he was like the funniest coach ever had he was just

like a legend in the the state of rhode island his name's uh i shouldn't say his name i think he's on like the town council yeah he's he's like a mayor or something, dude. But he would say like the funniest shit, man. But he just, like even the fact that he sat me down, I was like, holy shit, man. This is a good guy. Yeah. Like most coaches would be like, get this fucking guy out of here. But I was like, yeah, man, I just have a drinking problem. He was like, hey, man, you know, like we all do.

I was like, all right, man, like it won't happen again. But yeah, dude, that was after that, man. I was like, I would rather get shot in the fucking kneecap than take a fucking edible. Dude, I was high for so long, man. It was like four days. That's incredible. I think at one point I was like, I'm just going to end it, dude. Like, I don't even know if I'm alive right now. You know what I mean?

Wow. Yeah, look it up, dude. It's called getting stuck. I mean, I've seen the videos. It's important. Yeah. All right, dude. It's called Getting Stuck. I mean, I've seen the videos. Some porn. Yeah. All right, dude. Sorry.

This isn't that kind of show. No, dude. This is an educational. Yes. I've never gotten stuck, but I did do acid when I was 18. Do you ever done acid? No. And mushrooms?

No. People bring up mushrooms a lot though. I feel like it's pretty popular now. I think they are. They're, they're pretty, I mean, people use them for all sorts of shit now cause they, you know, it's like coffee to some people, which is insane. Yeah. But, uh, the only thing that like had a long lasting effect with me for drug use was I did acid and, uh, I thought that I was going crazy. Like the trip was great. Actually.

It was like on like my 18th or 19th birthday. It was the first time that I ever did five minutes and had it go well. And then I came home and my buddy surprised me with acid. And then like after that, I just had what I thought were voices in my head. And I sought professional help because I was like, I'm going nuts. There's voices telling me that certain situations are wrong. Or like I'm fucking shit up. And then I went and saw i talked

to somebody and they were like those are like anxious thoughts you just you have anxiety and from what you've told me about your life you've had this your whole life but uh for whatever reason you're just noticing it now and so that was the only lasting effect that acid did because i've always had like anxiety thoughts and stuff. But that was, for whatever reason, I just became like aware of them after doing acid. And that's a funny story that I like to tell. Holy shit, man. That's pretty deep, dude.

It was weird. Is acid just like a tablet? It can be a tablet. I think it's like, you know, a liquid in its, you know, pure form. You can put it in stuff, liquids and, you know, I don't know if anybody bakes it in this stuff. But yeah, I freaked out on acid. I found out I was tripping.

This is like just a story that I've tried to get in to work in my act and it's never worked. But it's true. I was in the bathroom and I forgot that i'd taken acid because i was just like chilling on my phone on the toilet shitting and uh i go to wipe and as i'm bringing my hand near to my butt i spoke to my butt as if it was a separate entity and i was like oh by the way don't bite my hand when i do this holy shit yeah so that's what you're working with right now that I mean believe it or not it's not working uh but yeah that happened

punchline dude yeah it's a good premise like you've got the setup going yeah I just spoke to my butt that that's really what I thought was funny about it and just totally sincerely was like here you go but don't don't bite that thing because it's a friend you know dude was it like a positive like uh interaction or were you like threatened by it it was uh i'm just trying to paint a picture like are you casually like don't bite it it would be like if you could actually communicate with a dog that you were aware could bite you. But like you were also aware that if you just were like, oh, no, I'm cool.

Don't do this. And you went to pet it. Like, I don't know how to explain it. Because if my butt was aggressive and wanted to bite me, speaking to it, you know, I'm not going to reason with something that wants to hurt me. That's fucking wild, man. Yeah. I would love to see that on know, I'm not going to reason with something that wants to hurt me. That's fucking wild, man. Yeah. I would love to see that on video. I have it.

I record every set. Every shit. That'd be funny if you were actually at like a comedy club like on Acid and like the door was wide open. You were taking a shit. Yeah. And you just yelled, don't bite me. Oh, my God. Don't eat me. Yeah, man. man that's my uh dude that's hilarious like i've never heard anyone who's done acid

yeah so that's fucking really yeah i mean i've i talked to all the time who have done shrooms and they're like yeah everything around me is its own fucking penis you know what i mean like they're like everything is its own entity and i'm like whoa man that sounds fucking cool my own shrooms right now everything's its own penis did you just say penis and you're like i did not say penis and i'm like i'm gay got it dude you remember those videos when we were younger you probably remember this it was like uh the fuck the dude who's in the closet, he's on acid. Oh, fuck, no, I don't think so. Oh, it's a super popular, he's like in the closet. I forgot what his

famous punchline is, but then there was another video, and it was some dude who did shrooms, and they got it all on video, and he was just naked, and like, running, he was running around. That's always a great start. He's running around his neighborhood with a shovel.

Dude, they called the cops, and he got, like, tackled. He's completely naked. That's actually a happy ending to that story. Man on drugs holding a shovel. He was losing his fucking mind. It wasn't like he was, like, one with everything. He wasn't, like, feeling up his mailbox. He was, like, running around with a shovel like screaming he's gonna kill himself yeah so

it's like dude i just can't imagine me in like a room with the boys just like casually doing yeah you know i mean let's take shrooms and play cod and it's like the ceiling turned to blood 20 minutes ago for me so uh i don't know how to hang anymore yeah i'm super emotional about cod in general so i feel like that would be like that would be bad, man. You seem fun to play with. I used to love my playing COD with my friend because he would just lose his mind and I was like, I would

just dominate him. Really? And we would play one in the chamber. You remember that? Yeah. Black Ops. That was my first Call of Duty. It was the best time in my life. Just playing way too much Call of Duty. And just shooting him, in my life. Just playing way too much Call of Duty. Just shooting him, playing one in the chamber on Nukedown one-on-one and just hearing

him scream and then hearing his mom in the background be like, Peter, stop! Yeah, I miss that dude. I'm not gonna lie. I lived with my mom like two years ago and it was still like that bad. Yeah, she was like, can you not yell frag out at two in the morning? That's how you know you're in deep is when you're yelling the same thing as the.

That's when I was like, I should probably move out. I was like, I have the money. I should probably get out of here. Flashback. I fucking miss a new town though, dude. Doing like this quick scopes and shit. Just like playing with the kid you fucking hate That

That would happen too Especially if you meet Someone online who sucks Oh man I was playing zombies Not that long ago Zombies was fun Yeah

Zombies was fun Until you got to like Level 40 And then You were like What is the point Of this I have the thunder gun

It just never ends Yes Yeah It's like life It's Just everybody else around me What is the point of this? I have the Thunder Gun. It just never ends. Yes. Yeah. It's like life. Just everybody else around me is a mindless zombie. I'm just here surviving. Dude, I'm fine with playing COD, man. People keep talking shit.

They're like, dude, you still playing that? It's like, dude, yeah. Yeah, the video game snobs? Yeah. It's like, dude, I'll play until I'm fucking 40. Dude, I don't give a shit. That's what you're supposed to do. When you get older, old people's hands already look like this.

That's perfect for a controller. Dude, COD is the perfect game for old people. I mean, they're probably going to suck, but it's like, what the fuck else are you going to do? Play fucking Sudoku and shit yourself. Yeah, actually. Fucking asshole. Yeah, I'm trying to keep sharp. Yeah. She's playing Sudokuoku and she thinks it's the

crossword yeah dude i hate i don't know man i i keep thinking about like what we're gonna be like when we're older like just what is life gonna be man like we're just gonna like what are electronics gonna be like oh yeah okay. Okay. You know? Yeah. Cause like in the nineties, dude, think about like a, think about the cell phone,

dude. So like 20 years from now, what are we going to have, dude? You know? Yeah. What are we going to be working with? Like chips in our brain and stuff. Yeah.

I don't, I don't think I'm going to do that. I'll probably just go off into the sunset, man, before that shit happens. They might force it on you. I happens they might force it on you i mean not force it on you but i mean everybody has a phone now everybody's got a smartphone whether you like it or not homeless guys have smartphones yeah it's true who are they talking

to you yeah ever since i got bub man i've been uh been off my phone more and i feel like a lot better you got what bub oh okay i thought you said you got bugged and i was like am i about to hear a conspiracy theory like sincerely where you're like not even like here here's a theory of mine but you just like in passing you're like yeah the government's just tell you like some crazy story about how i was in the mob it could happen you're in rhode island what part of look i like could pull it like pull off the part. Yes, for sure. It's crazy how I look like I'm going to cause a genocide, but all I'm thinking about is farts and shit.

I think about that a lot. Yeah. Do you ever look yourself in the mirror and think about what other people might think about you? Probably not as much as I should, to be honest. Maybe that's what you need, man. Yeah. Dude, so what made you grow out the stache? So what made me grow out the stache was my girlfriend seeming like I'm very easily influenced by feedback in all forms, stand up, in life.

And so I did it as a joke. You ever grow out your facial hair i've grown out a stache before yeah not too long ago actually well whenever you shave it you do all of the different variations before it all goes away right like you do the hitler and then look in the mirror for a little bit and you know play around so i was working my way to the hitler i had like grown out all all this bullshit and i just i clean shaved everything except for the mustache. And then I went in into the bedroom and was just being an asshole. And I'm like, look at my stupid mustache.

Don't I look stupid? And my girlfriend was like, I kind of like it. And I was like, all right, keeping this for her. I mean, I like the compliments compliments and it hasn't gotten old yet you know i'm sure it will starts to like grow over the lips though dude then you gotta like you gotta shave it yeah trim it which is the toughest part i i have a plan i'm not gonna trim it and i'm gonna let it get crazy oh shit i kind of want it to become like one of those mustaches you see on a black and white photograph

of a guy holding like a, you know, what's the word? Like a repeating rifle. Okay. I want like just a ridiculous mustache. Shit, like you own a fucking musket? Yes. Yeah. Damn.

Well, dude, I think you should shave the, you should for sure clean shave the bottom so that it looks more defined. Yeah. Like if you're going to go. so that it looks more defined. Yeah. Like if you're going to go. Just mustache. Go all out. Yes. You know what I'm saying?

I almost did that earlier today. It's almost cowardly to have that. What did you just call me? Dude, do you grow hair up here or just on your neck? Just the neck. Same deal. No, yeah. I mean, wherever you see it right now is where i've got it so

yeah this is this is where it grows yeah man i only grow it on the neck i uh when covet happened i i tried growing out like a full bush beard and i only grow facial hair on my neck dude and it's it's terrible dude yeah like dude my fucking my facial hair is like something i'm genuinely insecure about like i haven't shaved my chest in like seven months dude yeah my chest literally looks like my gooch dude like there's no difference at all in the hair quality so when i see a dude with like luscious chest hair what way to say it i mean all pubes. Yeah, but there's like different types of pubes. Not to me. Not on my body.

Yeah. Well, like think about how thick your mustache is versus like this. Well, this is just because this I've let grow out. Like it's all the same. I think what I'm trying to say, dude, is like if you think about a gooch. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to step on your truth. Let me talk about my gooch science.

Yeah, your gooch chest. Dude, if you think about a gooch,'s not like clean as i do it's not like clean uh like hair it's just fucking it's down there you don't even know what's going on down there it's all over the place i don't know if i've ever seen my gooch so i honestly can't take a look in the mirror man we've got a camera right here you've never done you never look dude i've tried i'm not even trying to be gay right now you have to do it's effortless yeah you just need a mirror and like a countertop and where do you make sure the door is unlocked yeah make sure the the curtains are all open and it's sunny ch Sheryl Crow's playing, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I'm FaceTiming my mom.

I'm like, Mom, can you? You remember I'm your baby boy, right? Can you take a look at this? It's crazy, dude, because I actually did that, man. Like, I stood up on a countertop and I was like, I'm going to see what's going on down here. I mean, I've also, I actually recently stared into my own asshole this week, I think. Really? Yeah, I mean, you know. What was it like?

It's always worse than I thought it would be. I'm sure it did, yeah. But you were like standing, though. You weren't like posing. I was looking back at it, if you know the position. back at it if you know the position there is there's a mirror in our bedroom that uh is now available for uh that kind of like full body it's like a full body mirror yeah which i didn't have access to before and i was just like alone naked and i was just like i'm gonna see what this thing looks like now check in on it but yeah it's it's difficult to see the gooch there's a lot of

darkness down there and everything's pressed together yeah so what was like your facial expression like you just like casually lost like five years of your life uh yeah my my my ass hair turned gray actually immediately i mean that's kind of casual though like the whole mirror setup yeah it's a quality mirror man yeah i was so poor growing up i only had like the the fucking bathroom mirror that was kind of like head height so i had to stand up on the granite countertop and like like flexibly bend over yes so i got like the full scope of my butthole it was fucking terrible did you like do straight bend overhead

between the legs upside down view yeah i was looking between my legs okay i did to the side my cheeks yes yeah it was like kind of surprising though dude how hair is like only on the outer rim like right around the sphincter and then everything else is kind of just like scattered around you know i've never actually gotten a close enough look at my own shit like that because you know i don't know how to describe it it's almost like sauron's eye where it's like it's just like this shifting mass yeah and uh just like dead energy dude yeah yeah light doesn't escape it physics has been trying to understand my asshole for almost 200 years now dude what do you what do you think would happen if you were like on shrooms and you looked in your asshole?

Oh, man. I don't know if I could ever recover from that. Dude, imagine if you traveled into like another dimension. Yeah, I probably would think that that's what I was looking at in there. Like the year one. Yeah. It'd be fucking crazy, dude. It just opens up and I see like Jesus being born in the manger in there.

Everyone's been wondering what the meaning of life is and the whole time that's it's been what it is it's the whole yeah it's whole time that's why it's covered up yeah it's a fucking secret secrets of the universe we're unlocking a lot of shit right now yeah but yeah dude i don't know man i haven't shaved uh back to uh my chest yeah please seven months. I haven't shaved in like seven months. So I'm trying to just... Do you try to shave your chest frequently? I was previously, man, back when I was, you know, fucking getting out there. But I've just been spanking, dude. Okay.

I just haven't really had a reason to. I also feel like I'm at that age where it's like, should I really be shaving my chest? You know? Do you get a lot of chest hair or taint hair on your chest? Oh yeah. Yeah. It's like a lot, dude. Okay.

I don't, I, what I've got is, but that's the thing. I have low T so it's like, I got to take what I can get, I think. Yeah. So I have a different mindset. So if you had a six pack, yeah, I'm sure you, how do you know I don't, I'm sure you will this summer. You could you know I don't? I'm sure you will this summer. You could see it through the hair? Oh, absolutely.

Really? Okay. Oh, God, yeah. Yours is like a shirt. Oh, dude, I could be shredded, like have fucking eight cups in a six pack. And, dude, I'm so hairy that you wouldn't even see it. You would just look like Chewbacca. Yeah. Wow. It's six pack and dude, it's so hairy that you wouldn't even see it. You would just look like a Chewbacca. Yeah.

Wow. It's upsetting the way the hair goes. Like it's like, it's not like with the grain. It's just like. Curly. 30,000 different directions, dude. Yes. That's why I made the gooch reference.

Because that's what I think about when I think about a gooch. It's just like fucking everywhere, dude. Yeah. And that's what I think like every piece of my body hair pretty much is my chest hair is a little different i guess but to me i mean face hair is just pube hair in a different neighborhood you know i wish i felt that way man i really do well you gotta practice self-love or something i guess you know wake up every morning and say i love my chest hair yeah fuck dude you're man. Isn't that insane?

I mean, I haven't shaved it, so I feel like that deserves something. Yeah. I think it's just all confidence, right? When you take your shirt off, you just fucking flare your chest out and scream fucking something. Yes. Anything you want. Whenever you're at the bus station, it's your world. Some people like that, though.

I mean, do you think that it's just weird in general? Honestly, dude, I think it's uh geographical man back home nobody fucks with the mustache or the chest hair around here dude people chicks fuck hard with the mustache yeah i can't tell you how many hinged profiles i've seen that are like i want to do with the mustache. Really? Yeah. I've got to break up with my girlfriend. Jesus. Dude, you would crush it, man. I'm not even kidding, dude. Yeah, that's me. Yeah.

But. Pussy destroyer. Think about like New Jersey, dude. Like the whole like pierced nipple thing. That's a big deal down there. Is it? Yeah. Almost like every chick in New Jersey has at least one nipple pierced.

Wow. Fucking wild, dude. That's pretty interesting. Like what's even the point? I don't know. I really don't get it. I think you're just putting on for your city at that point. Yeah.

It's just, you know, you gotta do it. I'm pretty sure down there, dude, they play that song put on by Young Jeezy. Not familiar. Really? Yeah. Dude, you've never heard that song? Never. Probably not.

What? You don't listen to rap at all? No. Damn. What do you've never heard that song? Never. Probably not. What? You don't listen to rap at all? No. What do you listen to? Instrumental music. I'm, like, lame as shit. Shit, dude. What are we talking about?

Do you know the band Krungbin? No. Yeah. I tried, dude. Like, I tried right there. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Exactly.

I gave you a shot, dude. Yeah. I don't know. What does it sound like? Is it, like, what genre of music it's interesting it's like uh my boy calling me to play xbox right now dude yeah get on there and play caught dude uh it's uh like psychedelic sounding rock mixed with like thai sound it's a weird sound it's really interesting yeah uh they're a texas based band and uh they're doing pretty well but yeah it's like nobody's fucking heard of them yeah is this something i would hear at like a dive bar or like a fucking edm concert um more like a

not necessarily a dive but like i've heard them in public before coffee shop music okay because like i you know if i'm listening to something to write or whatever i don't want like words in there because it just i start listening to them and i can't think yeah but uh damn yeah i don't know i kind of you should show me afterwards i'm not even pretending to be engaged right now like i'm super curious yeah no they're good i will i'm very open-minded about music i listen to all types of music yeah i'm a big classic rock guy but i used to go to this place to get a like a happy ending and uh dude this uh this one lady would play the craziest shit she would play weird music. Dude, it was like fucking Johnny Cash, but it was like

the Chinese fucking Johnny N. Yeah, Johnny N. Dude, it was literally like she would play the Beatles, but it would be like a fucking banjo. Like a Chinese version. Weird.

Dude, I've never been more at peace in my life it's very peaceful they like play with your asshole too at the end she's just like what is this chest hair yeah she's just losing you know wow everything for me that's gotta be an incredible experience it was emotional man just for research purposes where is this place located uh massachusetts uh they uh they shut down dude oh yeah during covid yeah for sure they got hit hard got everybody yeah i mean dude you can't fucking give out handies during uh i mean you pandemic yeah no i don't know if that would be like a good like business proposition hey uh i'm wearing a mask so it's okay just pull your pants down I'll go to town

we're gonna use these PPP funds to give out HJs yeah PPP funds personal PPP equipment that's your claimant court

yeah just confusion yes I thought they were PPP funds I didn't know there was another P yeah

I mean if you're Chinese too did you have a good chance of winning that case yeah for sure Yes. I thought they were PP funds. I didn't know there was another P. I mean, if you're Chinese, too, you have a good chance of winning that case. Yeah. For sure. I'm not racist. I'm just saying. There's a good chance.

If I was in the jury, dude, I'd be like, that's my fucking girl right there. Yeah. Well, yeah. That would be a mistake on the part of the lawyers letting you get into that jury. A guy who frequented the handjob factory yeah i went to jury duty once showed up like an hour late they still have you

just like they're just like yeah man you can just come back another time i haven't heard back so that's i heard it's a big deal though it's just like isn't like a legal obligation to like you know yeah and i guess it's like you know you owe it to your community or something it's like a good citizen yeah something like that some bullshit some fucking stupid shit like that yeah yeah yeah giving back and doing your part horseshit yeah fuck that shit man what uh yeah i don't know i everybody says that jury duty sucks but i think i would just like to get out of work even if they don't like pay me money. They pay a ridiculous amount.

It's insulting. They give you like 30 bucks, I heard. Really? For a day that you're supposed to be working. Yeah. And, yeah. I might follow up with them then. Yeah.

See what's going on. Especially around here, I feel like the case would be pretty interesting. Yeah. You know, not like a traffic ticket would be like... Pretty boring. Some sort of like crucifixion or some shit. Yes, yeah.

Yes, somebody tied a lady to the runway at LaGuardia. Yeah, something crazy like that, dude. Something involving like samurai swords and fucking shit like that. Yeah. You know. But dude, you're saying you have low T. I was. And it was a weird thing. i didn't know for a long time

like you probably had your puberty experience at a pretty normal time guessing when we're going through it are you really well you've got more hair on your body than i've ever had in my life yeah i mean i've had hair for a while now uh Even when I was in high school, man, I had, like, a mustache. Yeah. Never. Never for me. Really? Dude.

You're just completely bald. Yeah. I mean, I got, like, peach fuzz like girls get. Yeah. But that was, like, all I had to show for hair on my body. It was, like, it was weird because I didn't know that, I just was like, this is me,

so my point of reference being me, I'm normal. There's nothing, I'm just like, maybe my voice is a little high pitched or whatever and I didn't really put it together at all. My nickname was Little Bitch

until a while later. So just looking like a tiny girl. But yeah, so got some testosterone from the doctor wish they'd given me more that would have been sweet um when i was about 20 years old they you know went saw an endocrinologist and they were like yeah you've got low testosterone so they hooked me up with some And it comes in a little squirt bottle. And it was like Purell. Yeah. Like if I put it in a Purell bottle, nobody would ever know that it was testosterone.

And what you do is you apply it to your hands and then apply it to... They told me to put it on my shoulders because that's a pretty neutral area. And if you get it on other stuff and then people touch it, they will then be taking testosterone. And you don't want, you know, you don't want to like put it on your arm, brush up against your mom, and then she's growing a dick, you know. Yeah. Or maybe. Dude, that's fucking insane. Holy shit.

Yeah. And so I did that for a few months. And like it was hilarious how much I thought it was going to take effect like that day like i put it on first day and then just started doing push-ups with my shirt off being like yes i feel it and it's like there's it's it's impossible actually yeah how long did it take 30 days wow it takes 30 days to get into your system at the level that you're going to be receiving it at fully and so i did that for a few months. And it was actually pretty fucking effective.

Yeah. When you felt it. Were you just going to the gym. And like fucking putting on four plates. You would think that somebody would be like relieved. To be finally able to like you know. Do shit like that. But no.

I didn't have any habits like that. Yeah. Because I was just like this lanky gigantic hipped boy you know and uh so i like noticed i was getting darker hair on my face and stuff it was awesome i was so excited my voice dropped it was the fucking craziest shit to go from like hi everybody what's going on and then like having like this deeper voice it was bananas people didn't recognize me people didn't recognize my voice or who i was and then after a couple of months i moved to new york right about

that time and my insurance changed because i moved out of the state and uh so they stopped my prescription and they were like you have to get a new one for a new state yeah and this is where the testosterone ended for me because when I went to go get it again they tested my blood and they were like I can't prescribe this to you your levels are normal and I was like well it's been like a month since I last took it because my insurance went out and I haven't gotten it back. So that's impossible. And they were like, well, I guess you're just making it on your own now.

And so like my body just like normalized and started making it on its own. And that's that. Wait, so why did it happen at such a young age if you were 20? So it wasn't like low T, I guess like how 45-year-olds get. It was like delayed pu like low T, I guess like how 45 year olds get, it was like delayed puberty low T where like my levels were low for where they were just supposed to be at for like a 19, 20 year old. Yeah.

You know, did you feel like low energy all the time or I didn't think so. I mean, you know, it's, it's weird to be like, cause what do I have to compare it to? Yeah. You know what I mean? Do you think it's like a, were you like eating like a healthy back then? And like compare it to? Yeah. You know what I mean? Do you think if like, were you like eating like healthy back then and like? Probably not. Yeah.

No. I ate a lot of Panera because I worked at Panera around that time. Yeah. Eating way too much. Like when I was younger, dude, I was so lazy. Yeah. I was like a 70-year-old in like a 14-year-old's body. Yeah.

Like I would just be like, if I didn't want to do something, I'd just be like, nope. You want to do something i'd just be like nope you know running dude anything like that i was like morbidly obese oh yeah once i started like eating healthy as shitty as that sounds and fucking stupid i just i just felt like a fucking a new man dude you know i felt energy that I've never felt before. Yeah. It was fucking wild, man. You know? I'm trying to do that now because I got to turn things around

because people have been using my real weight as to describe people who are very fat. Yeah. I mean, I did it earlier. No, it's fine. It happened last night and, like twice this month where you know people be like this guy was massive he was like 240 you know six feet tall and i'm like that is me and they're like oh well he looked really different from you you are six feet tall right probably

yeah yeah yeah if not a little taller i but that was another thing i grew like fucking four inches that was sweet i just like wrapped up puberty that should have taken like nine years in like three months it was just really weird but i think i was like i'm six feet two and i think it was like 240 maybe 242 or something when i like hopped on the scale and i was like dude this is this is sad for me at least just the way my body shaped yeah you know or like i was like for some, this is sad. For me, at least, just the way my body's shaped. Yeah. You know?

Like, I was like, for some reason, I didn't know I was that big. I was like, oh, dude, you're doing fine. You know, because I was, like, going to the gym. Yeah. But I was, like, going to the gym and then eating, like, fucking 15 bagels. Like, using a whole tub of cream cheese.

Yeah. It's like, it doesn't even matter how much you go to the gym, dude. I'm fucking eating mayonnaise. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm gonna die in five years. You know what I'm saying?

that's not good. Yeah. Even now, dude, I need to, I made that joke, 240. Yeah.

And I don't know how much I weigh right now. No, of course. I could weigh 240 right now. It's possible. Yeah, like I need to hop

on a scale tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. But here's what I want, by the way, are we gonna start? Huh? Soon? Yeah, in like 15 minutes. It's possible. Yeah, like I need to hop on a scale tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. But here's what I want. By the way, are we going to start soon? Yeah, in like 15 minutes. Okay, cool. In, like, I always heard that, like, muscle weighs more than fat.

And I'm, like, mostly fat, I think. I'm a very. I don't think so, man. I mean. I'm not trying to be nice either. No, it's mostly gelatinous stuff. I have a belly and tits, and my arms are nothing to write home about.

Yeah. So I just don't know where it is. I have like... You know what it might be, though, is my body developed in a weird way because of the no puberty for fucking two decades. I have ginormous legs and hips. So I've got like a big foundation and then this torso of like a 12 year old girl still.

Well, I mean, dude, the, uh, the scale really doesn't mean much, you know, like muscle weighs more than fat,

obviously. Yeah, that is true. For sure, dude. Like the heaviest I was, I was, like, lifting so much weight. Like, retarded amounts of weight, dude. That's the most amount of weight.

I can't lift weights now because I was lifting. I was, like, ripping my back apart. What was the highest amount of weight you ever lifted, and what was the form? So, this isn't even like a positive story like this is this haunts me to this day okay so i was like 240 242 at the time i didn't even know it and i was going through this huge dead lifting phase which is stupid because like i'm not like i wasn't like a power lift or anything what were you doing it for just to do it you? You liked it? I joined this gym that was really into powerlifting, and they would do these competitions,

and they would be like, you know, deadlift 405 for as many reps as possible. And I was like, that's fucking insane. But people would talk you into it. They'd be like, dude, just try it out, man. Push your mind, push your body. And like, dude, you're basically doing like scoliosis for time so i tried it one day and i was like i did like 20 reps and i was fine yeah it was

exhausting and i felt i was like wow did i really just push my mind and my body to like limits i didn't think were possible so fast forward like a few weeks later i'm like dude i should like jack up the weight on this deadlift thing oh god so i put like 600 pounds on the bar for no reason like just i was like dude you just picked a number yeah i was like dude if i make a number between 400 and a thousand i was like dude i did 405 i can do 600 right now so i put on like 600 i was like dude if i get this on video i'm gonna show my fucking kids my fucking grandkids dude i'll be a legend i just remember driving to the ground and just something my back fucking just shit the bed dude and i literally haven't been able oh to like do

anything moderately like dude i can't squat heavy. I can't deadlift heavy anymore. I went to physical therapy for like a year. Oh fuck. Did you really like try it? Yeah. I was like, I mean, you were dedicated to the program. Yeah. I mean like, dude, I just have like such a fucked up body that it's like, I don't know. I'm just like, I tried everything and I was just like, this is just me being like stupid. You know i mean yeah that sucks yeah it was fucking so dumb did you get the video i should have saved it it was just me trying to deadlift 600 pounds did it get up didn't even get it off the ground like you just see the bar bend and then you just be like all right fuck this you just mean like like your face just changing very quickly i mean like that is the funniest part of lifting it's like that moment

where you're like blasting like till I collapse you know that song yeah yeah I've listened during my call of duty times you're just blowing

out your eardrums yeah like dude you're just thinking about like your childhood like everyone who's ever bullied you you're just like

I'm gonna be so fucking strong I'm gonna squeeze your head this is for you mom yeah slip every disc in your

yeah you just shit your spine as you try and bring the bar out it literally makes no sense and now i look at like videos of people from that gym now and every one of them they just put up videos they're like yeah you know i tried to push it and i just fucking tore both of my ACLs. It's literally just them working towards like an unattainable goal. Yeah. Like breaking bones and then just being like, all right, fucking we'll get back. Yeah. I got to take some time out now because I can't find my kneecap.

It's shot under the desk. Yeah. It's like, dude, your wife's cheating on you. Just move on. Yeah, dude. Put down the chalk. But yeah, man. Now I'm kind of like, you know, I like going to the gym but dude you know i take it easy dude i don't really take it easy but like you know i'm not fucking maxing out dude i'm just going there to like not get diabetes in

five years and die yeah i mean so my family history is so bad dude is it so i'm so jealous of people who are just like yeah man like my dad's 100 and he still bikes he's like dude he's drinking like 30 a day like still eating like i'm just like dude what the fuck like dude i would die in five years if i was like drinking smoking eating mcdonald's like i would literally be so fucked yeah clean five dude i'd literally be like done out what's uh what kind of family history we're working with dude diabetes alcoholism the whole nine yards so but those are like like dude if i i i probably will have diabetes yeah when i'm like 60 maybe how's your diet no i don't know man it's pretty pretty good for like a 26 year old i would say yeah you know that's good but yeah i mean those alcoholism and diabetes

though those i think can be enjoyable on the road to death yeah whereas like having a family that like has soft teeth and melanoma like mine like yeah my mom's like immune disorders and shit yeah where it's just like just every once in a, God just sends a thunderbolt down on you. Just some wind. Yeah. It's just like, oh yeah, guess what? You have skin cancer now because of the luxury of going outside that you loved. Or, you know, like I have a tooth that sucks right now.

Really? Yeah, it's like dying, I'm pretty sure. It's got like a black rim around it at the base. I imagine it's not good you're not like ripping like marlboro reds or anything are you i used to smoke a decent amount but i go in like you know a month or two here a month or two there did you ever smoke no i mean really weed like yeah no i i got into cigarettes it was i fucking it's so it's so, it's, I just wish I could. Yeah.

I just so much wish I could, but, yeah, I don't know if it was the cigarettes, or, just like, I got some, I have a theory that I got the piece of a popcorn kernel stuck,

in between my tooth and my gums, and it just like, you know, decomposed there, and caused a problem with the tooth. Yeah. Cause you know how sometimes you get like that sliver of a popcorn kernel in? Yeah.

I feel like it just went down too deep to come back up. It ruined you, dude. Yeah. Shit, man. I don't know. I just have a theory that that's what happened. I don't really trust dentists, man, anymore. Yeah?

Yeah. On, like, a personal level? Yeah, I remember I chipped a tooth, and I went in to get it filled, and they filled the tooth next to that tooth, which didn't need to be filled. So I just had like filling on my tooth. And then like two weeks later,

like COVID hit. So I haven't, I've been fucked for like two years, dude. Yeah, I fucking, and it also sucks going to the dentist. How do you get that wrong though you're staring at two teeth next to each other one of them's chipped the other one's not i don't know man have you have you noticed as you've gotten like i mean we're still young but i've noticed

like how like there's a lot of fucked up shit that goes on like that you just kind of didn't notice when you're younger yeah like you would never expect like a dentist to fuck up and then you're like oh shit like it's very possible that a doctor like a dentist could just like ruin your tits dude yeah just absolutely just fuck your whole fucking world up i mean i had surgery on a shoulder one time on my collarbone actually not my shoulder but the amount of times that they had to specify which side of my body they were operating on oh yeah it was worrisome and i mean have you ever had that surgery or anything on like like a decent surgery where they're like i've never gone under now they they so by the way i fucking completely just like cartoonishly accordioned my collarbone into bajillion pieces yeah fell off a rope swing it was awesome and uh so like you know the nurse

is in there and i've got a neck brace on and a piece of my bone is like almost poking through my skin on this side and it's in a sling and then my other arm is like holding my phone and she's like all right now tell me again which side are we working on today and i was like my left they would leave they would come back they were fucking drawing on it with sharpie like this literally this one not this one and it's because every once in a while, a doctor will amputate the wrong person's entire leg. And that's just something that happens. Holy shit. Yeah, it's crazy.

Also, how much would that suck? Dude. Because then you still have to go get the other leg taken off. Yeah, dude, if somebody amputated the wrong leg, dude, I would legitimately, I would cause a genocide. Yeah. Like, I would kill at least, you know. A race. I shouldn't say that, but I would, dude, I would fucking blow up at least four oil rigs.

Yeah? Yeah. It would be, I mean, how would you do it if you're legless? What else would you do? Just be like, eh, it's fine. You have to be able to, able to press charges and that. Yeah, for sure. Medical malpractice, sue the shit out of that doctor.

I mean, that's, oof. But I mean, they've got a crazy job. I'm not trying to say that doctors are all that, but they do have a job where if I fuck up at my job, somebody's like, hey, my thing didn't show up. Where is it? And I'm like, I forgot to send it to you. Sorry.

It'll be there in three days. But, like, you know, if a doctor's, like, hungover or tired or thinking about their, you know, mom who's sick or whatever, and they're just like. Also, if you remember halfway through the amputation, do you think you do that thing where you just keep going because it's just like, I'll let somebody else catch this mistake. Or there's a point of no return. Yeah, you're like sawing through the fucking last of the leg bone, and then you just like, oh, fuck. I think I would probably just plead insanity at that point.

Yeah, maybe. I'd probably take a few bites out of the leg. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Just grab it and just smear the blood on your face. Just ask everyone in the room if they want to play tag. Yeah. Then they'll be like, all right, it's enough. Yeah, he's got a nervous breakdown going on.

Yeah. Dude, that would be, I've thought about that. Do you ever think about that as like pleading insanity? How easy that would be? I think it's harder than I think it looks because like, I mean, you see all the people in New York. I don't remember who it was. I think it was some old administration that was like fighting the drug war and shit. There were all these asylums that people were being like basically tortured in.

Like it was just like a free for all. You know, if you were crazy, they would just like do shit to you to try and make you uncrazy. You know, it's like, I don't know, let's put him in a bathtub and zap him for five years. Oh yeah, I think that probably still goes on currently for sure dude for sure but the asylums got emptied basically really yeah and that's why we have all these people on the street they used to you know just put people in asylums and everybody was like well this is wrong and the response should have been to reform stuff. But instead they were like, yeah, you're right. Let's stop all attempts at this psychiatric help.

And so they just let them out. They let them out. They literally just let emptied asylums all over the country. And they also changed the law. So now it's harder to put people in. If you don't want to be committed, it's a tough cookie to, to get committed. My old therapist,

she used to work at like an asylum and she said it was like the craziest shit ever. So I think her approach was like every client, she would just be like, you're normal. And they'd be like, no, I'm not. And they'd be like,

she'd just like tell a story about like the asylum. Still rejecting claims. He was normal. She said like, she said like there was like, she worked with like schizophrenic patients and they would just like shit in their hands and like throw it at people. Damn.

And I was just like, that sounds like a great life. Like to just be able to do that all day and then be fed and watch like fucking Judge and then to people you don't like that and just watch like fucking judge judy yeah i mean like literally it's like sure the furniture is bolted to the floor and the tv is behind the glass that they have at hockey games but you get to if a if a if a guard looks at you the wrong way you just like yeah i got something for you buddy you shit Shit. You remember this? Yeah, this is lunch.

You eat with me. Your life sucks. Yeah. I don't know why I always think about the courtroom, though. Like, proving to, like, a court of law that you're legitimately fucking tapped. Do you have, like, a tactic that you would employ? I always think about it, dude, and I just can't think of, like, the perfect scenario. But, dude, throwing shit would be hilarious.

If you had it prepped, like, meal prepped like meal prepped you know yeah yeah in a little container yeah you bring it out like you're about to eat lunch and you just crack the ziploc container imagine if you had it in like you had it in tub of wear yes you just take it out during your plea and throw it at your own lawyer any final words from the defense yeah dude we fucking I think we crushed it man

I think so too we really did dude yeah it was very smooth man fuck yeah did you think it was gonna like go like, go smoothly, or did you... I honestly didn't. You looked a little hesitant at the beginning.

You looked like, you know... I didn't think about it too much. Yeah. Like, I didn't think about it in specific terms. I mostly just get worried. Well, I'm like, I get a general sense that things are going to go bad no matter what. Yeah, I feel you. And then they're fine, and I never learn.

Like, I'm still scared of the dark. Really? It's never hurt me. I'm scared of my... Yeah,, I'm still scared of the dark. Really? It's never hurt me. I'm scared of my, yeah, dude, I'm scared of the dark too, man. Yeah, it's scary. I think that's pretty normal though, dude.

You know, most people, I'm scared of my own basement, dude, but. Yeah, basements are scary. But yeah, no, this was good. Yeah, dude, I had a good time, man. It was good to sit down and talk with you, man.

Same. Do you have anything you want to say to the people, dude? Please follow me on Instagram, people. I'm at AndrewManThing, which is an ironic Instagram handle I came up with because I looked like a woman. Fuck yeah, dude. Well, thanks for coming, dude. Yeah.

Hopefully I see you around, man. Definitely. Fuck yeah, dude. Let's throw shit at you.