The Johnny Salami Podcast - Andy Aluise

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

Andy Aluise is a NYC comic and friend. In this episode we discuss life in NYC vs life growing up, and much more.

I think I took a shit in my neighbors lawn Yeah Laughter Music Well I love you madly dear And I need you badly dear Why did you leave me here Without your love

Music Music Music Music Music Oh bro i'm hurting it's like this is i think i've watched this podcast more than any other podcast yeah like in the past three years yeah i do remember man we haven't even known each other for that long but i do remember just going through like a terrible

time dude just hitting mics non-stop and i remember walking into like qed and just being like dude i don't know if i can do this anymore and then i started talking to you for the first time and you were like dude you're super funny, man. And that, dude, that brought me to a new level, man. Really? Yeah, dude, not to be gay, but. Yeah, man, that really, like, kept me going. And I've never said that to you as a man, but I felt like it's my duty to tell you that, you know?

Yeah. I mean, I've heard other people say the same things. know yeah i mean i i've heard other people say the same things like they just get to the city and like no one really like gives them compliments because like it's hard here yeah but just hearing like you're funny like i told zach that i like i mean who i produced the show with i was like yeah like and he said that like no one tells him that like i was like no you're so funny and it's weird that like people are maybe like insecure yeah everyone thinks they can do everything like on their own and it's like dude you need an army of retarded men to to make it out here like yeah i i read like uh

the happiness hypothesis and like is it a porno no it's like a book and like it just talks about like you really can't like like live for yourself and be happy like you have to give back and stuff yeah man i've read a few bumper stickers and shit like that bumper sticker or it's like they'll just be like yeah like you know imagine making it whatever that means to the top and you're just alone dude yeah no exactly it's like the saddest thing to think about dude yeah yeah that's why like i think like rappers like they always bring like their squad around because like and i feel like they're really happy because like they bring their boys around and they like party together yeah dude it's sick man it makes sense too yeah yeah man that would be that would be the dream dude to just like be with your boys that you

kind of like made it through the fire with dude yeah you know right like imagine fuck it dude that'd be such a fucking sick way to live your life, dude. You're just always with the same dudes you used to play, like, Guitar Hero with. Yeah, dude. Fuck it. Yeah, man. You know? Do you still, like, keep in contact with your boys back home? Yeah, well, my best friend lives in Rhode Island, and we're always playing Xbox, dude.

I just don't see him a lot. But when I do go home, you know, we'll hang out, and I'm just like, damn, dude, this is nice, man. Yeah. You know? Uh-huh. It's just so different, dude, because we'll be, like, you know, we'll be playing, like, golf and stuff and, like, doing shit outside, but when I'm here, I'm just always inside. Like, I'm always playing Xbox and, you know, we're still making sounds and, like, being

silly, but it's like, you know, we're not, we don't have that same bond, you know? Yeah. And I've been, like, you know, I definitely need to be more social, dude, because I'll say like three words a day, and then I'll go to a mic and say like five minutes worth of stuff. It's weird. Yeah, it's very interesting, man. Yeah.

You know? But, yeah. Yeah, stand-up is kind of a weird art form. Yeah. And like it's weird because you're on stage by yourself, but like you really can't do it alone. Like you have to like you have to get other people to help you. It's crazy, man, because like even with anything else, like you kind of think you can do it on your own. Yeah. You have that mind. So you're like, dude, I don't fucking need you know, this person's holding me back. And it's like, no, dude, like you you need that, dude. Yeah. You have that mind. So you're like, dude, I don't fucking need, you know, this person's holding me back. And it's like, no, dude, like you, you need that, dude. You need that person. But yeah, man, like I was like, it made me think I was like, damn, dude, like Andy said that, bro. And like, I don't know what would have happened if you didn't say that, dude. You know what I mean?

So I've been trying to like, you know, just tell people how I feel about them, you know, good or bad. Just be like, dude, I think you're funny, man. And just, you know, just to like, you know, try to like reciprocate that, dude. Yeah. You know, it's like, who knows, man? Like, dude, if you're confident, man, like you can fucking, you can fucking start an orgy, dude.

Like you can do a lot of shit, man. Like you can really set the tone. Yeah. Well, I mean, you're obviously hilarious. And you can tell with the numbers, I feel like, because your podcast is growing. And your stand-up act is hilarious as well. Like, after you did our show, the people that came,

I hung out with them after. They were like, yo, Johnny is fucking hilarious, dude. Dude, I got heckled terribly. I almost, like, fought some guys that was brutal man i remember like that dude uh heckling me pretty hard and i was like i mean it was fun but it was like i wonder if he said anything uh i don't think i knew that guy yeah he probably wasn't one of the yeah yeah yeah that was uh that was tough man to hang on in there but it was very fun dude you know what man like i hate to say this bro but i've been like i'm a pretty calm dude you know like i know i look like i'm gonna cause a genocide yeah i'm a pretty calm dude like i'm pretty

relaxed all the time yeah and dude every morning i take bub out to go to the bathroom and he just does his thing by like a tree and stuff and we kind of like mind our own business dude so the other morning man i take out bub you know and we're just walking by the tree and i hear some dudes screaming and i'm like what the fuck dude so i look over and this this old guy's screaming at me from like 150 feet away oh shit and i'm like dude what is going on right now and he's like hey pick up your dog's fucking shit and i'm like what are you he's like pointing the ground i'm like that's not my dog's shit and he's like yeah it fucking is he's like pick up your dog shit and something in me dude was just like i'm sick of this shit man so i start walking towards this guy and we're like locking

eyes like i'm looking into this guy so like you're about to fight him with bob dude and i just walk up to him and i'm like dude that's not my dog shit like i didn't even walk over here i like you're fucking 200 feet away from me yeah and he was like yeah it is pick it up and i'm like okay you're telling me that my dog took a shit right here and you saw it and he goes yeah i did and that's when i started like we started jawing at each other i was like dude you're a fucking liar you're a piece of shit like you're a coward like you just lied straight to my face dude we're like john i need i'm like blacked out dude like i'm like legitimately arguing with this guy like screaming at him oh you're like seeing red yeah i'm like fuming dude and like part of the reason was because bub's kind

of like freaking out because the guy was yelling at us like so pretty defensive of bub dude so i'm like really jawing at this guy dude and eventually i was just like dude change my diaper like fuck you you piece of shit and i like i'm like i gotta get out of here before i like lose my mind dude so i just like leave dude and he's like oh you're not gonna pick it up he's like i'm gonna put it on your lawn then and i was like i was like fucking do it dude yeah and you don't even have a lawn right i was just like you know what man you do you bro yeah and uh dude so i walk back over to arch free and me and bub are walking around like my apartment dude and bub eventually goes to the bathroom you know like actually goes to the bathroom yeah dude i pick it up and i go to

put it away like throw it away and then i see this dude dude he has the other dog shit in like a napkin. And he's like looking for where I live. Dude, goes to the wrong house. Dude, just drops the shit on this random dude's lawn and then just dips. And I was like, that guy is lost. Holy shit. Yeah, that guy is lost, man. What a psycho.

Dude, the guy was so stubborn dude like was he like a competent individual or do you think he was like he was like one of those old greek dudes like just so stubborn dude like yeah dude you could show him a video of like facts and he would just be like nah man like it just made me so mad like dude i just like i was like i'm so sick of this, dude. Like. Yeah. The old Greek dude mentality is just, like, you know.

Right. It's like, why are you being so stubborn, dude? Like, I get it, bro. Like, you know. Mm-hmm. Like, there was a genocide. You know, you're upset, bro. It makes sense.

Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? But, yeah, I just fucking lost it, man. Yeah. You know. Jeez. What a psycho. But, like, after those things happen, man, like, you kind of feel alive again, dude.

You know? So you felt alive after he put the shit in another person's lawn? I felt alive after I kind of just was like, dude, I'm sick of, like, taking shit from people. Oh, yeah. You know, I was like, because anyone else would have been like, all right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And just like, it's like, dude, I'm not picking up another dog's because yeah no you gotta bark back for sure fucking it's like i fear god homie but have you ever like have you ever snapped at someone dude because i feel like you're a pretty yeah i'm pretty chill um you're like one of the most chill dudes around like i've ever met man

really yeah like i can't i can't see you like freaking out at all well like i'm a little bit italian so like i have like that you know like rage in me yeah and so like i don't know i'll like lose my wallet and like yeah or like i used like one time i like lost in fifa or like i gave up the call and i swear to god i punched a hole through my basement i was like so angry over a fifa what uh what feet like what year we're 12 oh yeah like messy scored on me yeah plus like i wasn't like i was dominant at ultimate team and like i was dominant and um like you know i didn't like to lose yeah and uh dude i can i mean that sounds kind of silly but dude back then bro 2012 man

that's a big deal bro like that's man, that's a big deal, bro. Like, that's a big, that's a huge deal. That's all you had to live for in 2012. Dude, I remember playing Guitar Hero back in the day, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God, man. That got, I mean, I would always play on Easy because I'm fucking special, but dude, this kid, I slept over this kid Colby's house. Colby?

Colby, yeah. Oh, like Colby. Yeah. It was spelled C-O-B-Y, though, dude. Oh, that's weird. It was a Colby, you know? colby yeah oh like colby yeah oh it was spelled c-o-b-y though dude oh that's wasn't colby you know yeah i knew a colby he was on my little league team he was really good shout out all the colby's out there dude yeah yeah dude there's not there's not a lot left yeah yeah kind of a weird well it's not a weird colette she's a good singer dude yeah what does she sing uh what song it's not a weird name. Colby Collette, she's a good singer, dude. Yeah, what does she sing?

Ah, what song? It's definitely on the Spank Bank, dude. It's a good, yeah. I can't believe I can't remember that. Something about Twinkle in My Nose or something. Yeah, something like that. Wherever it goes, I always know. You make me smile, please stay for a while. But I don't know the name of the song.

Wherever you go. And it's like... Dude, imagine saying that to Shazam. You're like twinkling my eye. Maybe like, I don't know what you're talking about. Your phone just explodes, dude. What are you talking about? Dude, Shazam is wild.

That must get so stressful for them. I don't know if it's a robot or what it is. That would be hilarious if it was just a bunch of dudes in a room trying to figure it out. Yeah, now you could just use Siri. Like, Siri knows. Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, you could just be like, hey, Siri, what's this song? And it'll be like... Yeah. But you did have Shazam back in the day where you were just like, you'd

have to sing it into the voice recording. Yeah. When did you get an iPhone? Like, what grade? Probably maybe even like senior year of high school. I was an Android user for a while. You want to talk about, like, anger, dude? Talk about fucking Androids, dude? I don't know how people still have Androids.

I don't get that. Dude, that was one of the few times I actually threw my phone at the fucking wall, dude. Because, like, I had an important phone call, and I had, like, this Android slide slide phone and it would always spaz out like they would always glitch and they would press on random buttons and stuff and i just eventually just took it and i threw it at the fucking wall and it just broke in half and i was like all right well i just don't have a phone now yeah yeah geez yeah i had one of those phones that like it's it flipped up and like you could like dial with numbers or it could flip to the side like you could like dial with numbers or it could flip to the side and you could like text dude those were sick man they were sick i had

that since i but like everyone got an iphone when they were like in the eighth grade and i was like had that when i was like 17 and so like the nv2 or something like that yeah i don't know it was a samsung it was i still have it i think back at my house. Oh, like a Samsung Razr? No, it wasn't a Razr. I forget what it was called, but it was awful. Dude, if you had a Razr, man, you were top tier, bro. Dude, I remember I was at a Shywall game, and that was when cell phones were just coming out. And this guy was 16, and he just flipped open his Razr.

It was like that. Flash flood warnings, dude? Because that phone was like like if you had that dude that and like the the sidekick you remember those they would like flip up dude yeah i remember those i think that's what my brother had yeah people used to be on like a wait list to use those man like just their friends you know they'd be like yo can i use that to log into like my am and shit yeah and it's funny now because like i don't know, like I can't stay on my phone. Like I legitimately like, I'm very like anti

phones. Oh really? What's your screen time looking like right now? I like work at keeping it down. Like I have like app limits and stuff, but like I still get on Instagram like an hour and a half a day. Because it's just like I can't stay off of it. Yeah. It's like the worst.

Dude, it's a tough thing to admit man but i'm on my phone a lot too and i just uh i'm not even really like doing anything i'm just looking at tits i'm like yeah man it's bad like i gotta figure something out but the other thing is like if i'm not on my phone i gotta find something else to do yeah well what i've done is like i like try to leave the house and then i like leave my phone at home and then i try to just like look at trees and that's it oh so you leave it behind so like yeah it feels good i feel like uh i feel like i'm in like the 1600s yeah yeah that's fucking sick man i highly recommend what type of benefits do you feel you just feel like um i feel like more present and um i feel good i feel like i'm like aware more and i maybe like see like more like beauty and average things yeah yeah one thing that's getting me now with like the

podcast and stuff is like i'm reading some of the comments dude yeah dude i love looking at those though oh really some of them are really bad man yeah some of them i read them and i'm like damn dude they're kind of right. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's sad, dude. What are some of the comments? Some of them, dude. I don't want to get into some.

No, I'm just kidding. One of them was like, this guy needs to stop watching porn. Initially, I was like, damn, dude, that's fucked up, man. And then I was like, they're kind of right, you know? And then I was like, they're kind of right, you know? Like, you know? But a lot of them are, like, really, there's a lot of hate out there, man, which is tough, you know? Yeah, a lot of people are getting mad that I'm always laughing on the pod, which doesn't really make sense. Those people just, maybe, like, I never understood people that, like, comment on videos.

Like, I've never left a comment on like a random person's video. Yeah. Literally never. Like who are the people that are doing that? That's what I that's what I told myself to make myself feel better. I was like, yeah. Can you imagine being someone who comments negative shit on a video? Yeah.

And then I was like, oh, I'm fine now. I'm good. I'm ready for a war. Like that's all I had to tell myself. But then I was like, dude, you shouldn't even be reading that stuff like you shouldn't be uh i shouldn't be looking through the comments or anything like that you know yeah it's weird though because you like need engagement i feel like because you need like growth i suppose so like it's just like it's a tough you know it's tough to do yeah well. Well, it's like, dude, if you read the comments and they're like super positive, it's like

you risk like the ego, you know, like your ego getting out of control. Yeah. And if you read the comments and they're super negative, you risk like clinical depression. Yeah. What holds me back is like the numbers thing where it's like if I were to like post something and it like didn't get like the likes i wanted or the views i wanted that would like be like oh you know what i mean but i feel like you know everyone experience especially like you because like you started doing the podcast because you just are

funny and like you were like i just wanted to like talk to people man yeah so i have to remind myself that sometimes too just like i started this just to, like, have a good time. Same, yeah. So I should just kind of stick to that instead of thinking about, like, the numbers and stuff. I know. Because you really do want, like, everything in life to be organic. You don't want to, like, force anything, you know? So I just got to, like, figure out. I just kind of have to remind myself, like, what happened, like, why I started, and then I'm fine.

But sometimes you go down these rabbit holes, man, you know? And there's, like, a lot of pressure, you know of pressure you know yeah especially with like the laughter and stuff like everyone wants every episode to just be like two people crying laughing and it's like sometimes man it's nice to just like talk about like other shit you know what i mean absolutely deeper shit you know yeah it's weird like because like i think about last per minute and stand-up, but, like, a podcast, I don't know, like, I guess you probably, for a comedy podcast, you should think about last per minute, but it's just, like... Yeah, have you ever tried to force something, though, dude? Yeah, it's kind of not organic. That's why, like...

Never ends well, man. That's why, like, the Tonight Shows and, like, Kimmel and all them, like, I'm not going to say they're dying,'re dying because like they still do well but like podcast like conan just does a podcast now because like they were concerned about last per minute but it wasn't a real conversation oh and i mean i think so yeah dude you know what's cool is like um i kind of want to be like my mom in the way where it's like what you don't know won't hurt you because there are some things my mom is just not aware of and it is like the most admirable thing ever oh like for me those people they're like oh like like somebody brings something up that's like gossipy or like you know trending and stuff and they're just like oh i don't even know that and you're just like

dude i want to be like you like i want to i want to have that where it's like oh i had no idea like i was busy doing other shit that I actually care about. What does your mom not care about? It's not that she doesn't care about it. She's just not invested in the social media thing. So for her, I mean, you see people follow other people's lives all the time, and they're like, oh, did you see what happened?

Did you see what's going on with fucking Logan Paul and paul and shit you know it's like dude you just be a person who's like i have no fucking idea i was at the park for seven hours yeah that would be a sick life dude dude it's such a hard life to live though dude i have no idea what's going on with logan paul honestly or jake paul and like i feel like they cover them a lot on espn and i feel like yeah well dude, I mean that's, if you're on your phone, like you're going to see shit like that,

dude. Like that's cause they're paying advertisers to like promote that type of stuff so that it's always like in your feed. So dude, if you're on your phone, like chances are you're going to see things like that and you kind of get sucked in and then you're like, what the fuck am I doing,

dude? Like I'm following someone else's life, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then you start comparing yourself, but like you have to have instagram i feel like if you're like pursuing some type of art form yeah like we kind of need it yeah it's just how it is but like finding that balance is tough yeah i always said like dude i kind of want to live on like a fucking farm dude you know i mean you're from like west virginia right isn't it a bunch of farms and shit yeah

but i'm from charleston so it's like the capital city okay um but like you know if you drive 10 minutes you get to just straight forest straight up grass dude it's only 10 minutes uh yeah dude i mean even like charleston like yeah like five minutes away did you ever used to like cut grass because i feel like you should do like some manual labor and i feel like not a lot of people in new york did like manual labor yeah man i worked uh dude even in high school i worked for uh my friend's dad owned a construction company and we me and my friend like we played football and stuff together and we were like subcontractors but we basically just did like bitch work for his dad which makes sense because we were in high school so it's like we're not going to be doing anything like too risky dude

but sometimes dude he would be like yeah i need you to do this this is like a big responsibility and i would just be like fuck man you know i'd get like i'd be like fuck dude you just gotta sack up and do this shit man there were like a lot of big jobs where I was like, dude, I fucking. One time we were doing like an interior job and this lady was super rich, dude. And I like didn't want to mess anything up. And his dad like gave me this fucking saw, dude. And he goes, yeah, drill into the ceiling and follow this line. It's like a 10 foot line.

Dude, so I like start, start up the drill. Fucking, I'm, like, waving it everywhere. Like, I have no idea what I'm doing. Dude, I just go right into the ceiling, bro. Fucking no goggles on. Shit, dude. Shit just starts flying everywhere. Like, dude, I'm getting hit in the face with, like, debris.

And I'm just, like, I'm zigzagging across the line. And he's like, fucking, he's like, fucking stop. Like, that was how most of the jobs ended. He was like, fucking stop. Dude, I could never do anything, man. Dude, the worst job, bro. No joke, man. We were at like another rich person's house.

We had to paint their house, bro. And I was so bad at painting, man. Like, you have to be really patient and like. Yeah, I've never painted. I feel like that's really hard. No one wants to do it. Plus, you have to have the right strokes and all that. Yeah, you have to paint the correct way.

Yeah, bro. That's what I would do. Yeah, dude. Because it's so tough. You have to put on multiple coats. And like, dude, this is a massive house, man. You know what I mean? This is huge. We didn't have any of the automatics for us us so me and my boy dude we're just like painting with manual brushes on ladders bro and uh dude i remember my boss was like hey can you paint the garage with this paint right here and i like wasn't really paying attention and i just

painted the garage for like like fuck it dude it was like seven hours yeah and he like shows up and he's like dude this isn't the right color like it was just completely like the wrong color and we're on the way home that day and i'm sitting in the back of the truck and he's like hey john man uh why don't you take the next few weeks off man oh? He was like, we don't need you for this job, man. And I was like, oh, shit. But it made sense, dude, because I made so many fucking mistakes. Did you just like grab the wrong bucket or you didn't mix it right? I just grabbed the wrong bucket.

I was like, dude, you're about to shred it, bro. I was emotionally invested in it, man. I just had one of those things. Fucking zone out, dude. Yeah, man, that stuff's hard, bro. it's like it definitely like it's good for you i think like it's good to like work with different types like i've worked with like white collar people and blue collar people and it's just like i think it helps like your ability to just like relate to everyone yeah just being outside man because i've worked in offices and like by five o'clock dude i have so much energy that i need to like release into the world so like when i go to

the gym or something i'll just like when i would go to the gym i would just fucking shred it dude but if you're doing a blue collar job man by the end of the day you're just like fuck bro dude absolutely you're just like hold i can't i can't feel my fucking legs bro dude i used to work in drywall and like have you ever like lifted drywall it's pretty light right absolutely well like I mean like maybe if you do like one no dude maybe it is to you because I don't know oh no no no it's heavy yeah well uh isn't there drywall and then rock wall or something like that um it's like sheetrock sheetrock yeah sheetrock's heavy as fuck. Well, like, it's all drywall, though.

Like, this is drywall. Yeah. You can fucking punch a hole through this. Yeah. That's all I'm thinking about right now. I just stand up, dude, throw a haymaker through that. But yeah,

it's like, if you like, you see in movies and shit, people get like, tackled in the fucking, people get like, tackled in the drywall, dude. It just fucking goes. My, uh, one time, um, like I grew up with three older brothers and one time, um, we

were playing Mario, I think it was party. And like my like second oldest brother would like egg us on all the time. And I beat my older brother and he legitimately took me and threw me through the dry wash you went and there was just yeah and there was just a like he was like oh and i was like you just and i was like dude you just like owned me you just threw me do you want her to feel like when you went through it it didn't like hurt which is because there was like this huge hole yeah but uh you felt like kind of glorious well like i felt okay and so i was surprised when he just went i'll never forget

he was like oh and then like i got up and it's just literally a huge hole there was so many holes in our basement dude i would have just never got oh you just dude i was, like, you should just keep them, dude, and, like, sign your name next to it, dude. Yeah. Well, now my parents are selling the house I grew up in, so they got repaired. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Was that, like, an emotional moment, dude?

I mean, you got to do it at some point. Like, they don't... I mean, they're just living by themselves, so, like, you don't really need... There was four kids in there, so you don't really need that big, like, house. Yeah, you're downsized at some point, dude. Yeah. Yeah, man. I remember, like like uh yeah that's crazy man i don't think i've ever been like thrown through uh thrown through anything dude but yeah i just like you know i don't know man yeah nothing for that i'm thinking

about drywall right now yeah but anyway drywall is really heavy and but like one time like my first day of this drywall job i went with this dude named uh i forget their names but like we went into like dc and it was this elevator job yeah and we had like an entire truck of like five eights drywall which is like it's means it's like five-eighths of an inch thick and like they did bundles and like literally it's like we had to go there like 4 a.m yeah and so like i'll never forget like i don't know his name but like cory does it and he puts it in the elevator and then like whatever his name jay does it and he puts it in the elevator and like i try it and it legitimately takes me like five minutes i almost break my back

and like it's literally like 408 408 a.m and we have like literally an entire truck of drywall left and i was like holy fuck dude yeah it's just tough work but then you learn like the form it's like a technique yeah i fucking had to go to physical therapy for my back when i was in construction dude yeah yeah it was weird because it was like dude one summer we did my mom's house like it took me inside like we did like the front deck and like we did the fucking uh siding and stuff and there was a guy who worked with us who worked for free he was just like dude it was insane he was he was my buddy's uh like my boss's like good friend and he would just help him out for free

and i was just like all right man like it's kind of like that's insane dude you work for free and stuff like he's doing like hard work why did he how old was he maybe like in his 50s i think my my boss kind of like hooked him up with a lot of shit like they were maybe give him like money under the table or something like that yeah maybe i don't know i think he just like enjoy it i think his oh no his wife was a nurse so she made a lot of money and he wanted to like do something dude um but anyway dude we were working on my house and i would kind of get pissed off i don't get pissed off but like we were doing stuff on my house and he would just be like we would be told like what to do and he would just be like yeah man fuck it just do it this way and i would be like dude this

is my house this is my mom's house bro and he'd be like nah man fuck it like we'll just fucking we'll wing it we'll milk it i'm like dude the fuck what yeah what work were you doing on the house we had to do like the front deck like we had to do the front deck and then like the siding and then the roof and the front it was like a ranch style you know like a ranch style deck yeah so it's almost like an extension of the house so it took like the entire summer dude but i remember dude we were fucking we had to drill into the ground posts and we had to go like at least six feet deep bro so my boss takes out this fucking drill this huge drill and he was like all right i'm gonna mark like where you got a drill and uh

he's just like listen do not drill right now. I'm going down. I'm going to clear up some space. Please do not fucking drill. This dude just lights up the fucking drill. Oh, jeez. Just doesn't listen. Just starts shredding it, dude, and dirt's flying everywhere. Dude, I could not stop laughing, bro.

It was one of those things where I had to leave. I leave like i was like i gotta go to the bathroom dude i just like could not stop laughing dude like he wouldn't listen at all like sometimes and it's like so funny bro geez that's like the funniest thing about construction it's like dude if you don't listen at all it's so funny yeah you know because you can just destroy an entire job. Oh, absolutely. Like, I mean, did you ever, like, cut grass? Yeah, I worked for the town for a while, man. You worked for the town? That was my favorite job, like, of all time. You liked cutting grass?

I love cutting grass, man. Yeah, it's, like, kind of satisfying. Something about, like, manual labor, it's like you get off and, like, you were outside and you put in a hard day's work and you, like, feel good. Maybe it feels like, it just feels, like, natural to do. I mean, i mean for me dude just to be out there with like a weed whacker dude yeah dude i would weed eat oh dude bro if you got a high powered weed whacker oh yeah and you're blasting fucking john mellencamp fucking dude like that is there's nothing better than that, man. Absolutely.

Um, for some reason, like my phone, like didn't work. Cause I did literally just, I just weeded, weeded for a summer. Like we crushed it.

We, we, I called it weedy, weedy shit, man. We'd eat. Were you just working by yourself or were you? No,

I worked with a crew. Oh, okay. We drove around in a diesel truck and went to work. Dude, it was just me and my buddy, and it was the same thing. It was a diesel truck. Yeah. Yeah, dude. And they would do crack in the truck with me.

What? Not even kidding. You would do crack? I wouldn't. They wouldn't. Well, you said with you. Oh, no. I would be in the truck And they would legitimately do

I don't know if it was crack or meth But it was What? I'm not even kidding Holy shit And like I wouldn't ride on them Because I was like Okay I guess I should

Yeah You were just like I'm good man They offered me weed too I was like I don't want to smoke weed After you Oh that would be so

Fucking funny Yeah dude It's crazy If you were smoking weed While cutting grass yeah you would you would almost feel too good man yeah you know but yeah i worked with my buddy and like it was just us two in a diesel truck with all the mowers on the back of the weed wax and stuff oh man probably the best summer of my life man yeah i do remember like that specific moment man right outside of the high school i went to just lighting up the fucking malware dude and putting in my fucking airpods and just playing

fucking summer of 69 dude oh my god that sounds so nice shredding it dude yeah shredding it bro you know dude after like we had like a boneyard and like after work we would go there and like drink beer and then like one time the first time i ever shot a gun we were just like drinking beer in the bone yard you just had guns they just had guns with them and my my boss was just like have you ever shot a gun and i was like no and then you had meth and guns dude it was it's West Virginia dude I mean yeah Allen Creek West Virginia oh so it's like kind of acceptable you get pulled over you're like yeah we got some meth and guns but but we're doing hard work we're working hard dude yeah but uh yeah dude i missed those it

definitely like was a life-changing summer without a doubt so it was just it was good dude after that summer i was like dude i kind of just want to do this for the rest of my life. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I felt that way. Really? Because, like, I feel like you get to the age, and it's just like, that's hard, dude. It's really hard work, and I respect the people that do that. I mean, dude, where I was, it was, like, for the school.

So, like, the dudes who would work there, they worked seven to three. They got paid, like, 20 bucks an hour, and then then they would just go home which seems like the easiest life ever you know it was almost too easy but there was a point where i was like damn dude like i'm with my boy you know like one of my best friends i'm like dude i could do this for the rest of my life man yeah dude when i cut grass i did it with my boy uh dave and uh yeah dude we would just like drink coffee and like brings back good memories and just meet up and meet up at the boneyard dude dude it's the best feeling getting that coffee dude that morning coffee bro i know oh dude it was just it's good vibes dude yeah especially the talks you have man you know at launch and stuff yeah i was like talking about tits and stuff and like girls you like and you're just like not a worry in the world man you know yeah some guy i

worked with like he would call me meat because one day i brought in a sandwich and it had a lot of meat in it so he just called me meat really how long did like you keep that name for literally the whole summer really he was like i want to call you meat. Holy shit, man. That's fucking sick. Yeah. Think of like diabetes, dude. I piss like every, dude, every 10 minutes, bro. It's bad, man. Sometimes like, I don't know. I feel like I didn't do a rap.

I know Tate did a rap. So I thought about rapping while you were gone. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh shit, dude. That would have been sick, man. But dude, back, talking about cutting grass, dude. One thing I was thinking about was, dude, this summer I cut grass. My friend threw, like, a really big party.

And I can't get into too much detail, but, dude. What? Dude. So, like, one of my best friends, his dad was a Division I football coach. He played. Can't get into details. Got you. Sorry.

So he played on the team. My buddy played on the team. Dude, so he just throws, like, this huge party at his dad's house. Damn. His dad's gone for, like, the weekend or whatever, so he, like, invites a bunch of the football players and, like, all of these hot chicks and stuff. Whoa.

Dude, so I show up to this party not really knowing like what to expect you know and then i show up and i'm like dude this is sick man like there's like subwoofers like music's bumping people are playing like beer pong and stuff a few of my buddies are there dude and uh towards like the end of the night dude i go out into the backyard to like just see what's going on back there and there's a few few kids in there throwing bottles at trees. And I was like, damn, dude, that looks fun. So I start throwing bottles at the tree. And I just get out of control.

And I like, dude, I took this bottle of vodka, an empty bottle of vodka. And I go, yo, guys, watch this shit. And I aim it at one of the neighbor's houses. Oh. Dude, I like crow hop. And I go to throw it. And I just held on to it for too long. And I threw it through the party window.

Oh, my God. Dude, it was like a 10 foot window. It was like a 10 by 10 window. So this thing shatters. And, dude, there's subwoofers inside. People are partying inside. And you just heard complete silence. And everyone was like, what was that?

And then, dude, they just went back to partying. Oh, yeah? Dude, I get a call the next morning. My best friend's like, dude, did you shatter my window last night? And I was like, dude, I think so, man. And he, like, sent me a picture, dude, just completely shattered. And I was like, dude, I think so, man. And he, like, sent me a picture, dude, just completely shattered. And I was like, fuck, dude. Bro, so that whole summer I was working cutting grass.

Oh, to repair? All of my pay went towards repairing that window. Because it was probably expensive as hell. Dude, it was so much money, bro. I was making, like, nine bucks an hour. Yeah, man. So every single cent I made that summer had to go towards that window, bro. Jeez.

Yeah. That is wild, bro. Jeez. Yeah. That is wild, man. It was pretty funny, though, dude, when I went through the window. Dude, everyone was expecting me to, like, launch it wicked far. And I just, dude, literally, like, I was standing next to the window. It's just right here. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Dude, yeah, one time my brother uh we were playing like football in the front yard and he like threw uh he like threw a hell mary and like it just nailed our

neighbor's window and it just broke and then we all just ran away you didn't get in trouble for it well like it was our neighbor so like they found out and then yeah he got in trouble for it yeah there's something about breaking windows man i could never do it and like not feel guilty like i would always get caught just be like i gotta pay for this yeah yeah it's kind of sketchy there was like uh i know this one guy he like literally went to this like vacant sort of house and like him and a group of his friends just like threw rocks and broke all the windows really and like i think like even like lit it on fire and then they literally got like arrested for it damn you guys are different just lit it on fire dude i remember one time we wanted to uh my buddy shit in this bag and uh we wanted to put it on this guy's doorstep

and just light it on fire but dude but the lighter didn't end up like it ended up not working so we just took the bag of shit and put it on his windowsill and it just stayed there for like years like he never noticed we would just like drive behind our bikes And be like oh dude it's still there man It's like the long lasting shit It's like a decoration Holy shit dude Oh my god It's just a bag of shit dude Oh my god dude

You did a lot of that stuff though Would you ever sneak out in like egg houses and stuff No I was like a good boy You would probably get shot out there right if you did a lot of that stuff though like would you ever sneak out and like egg houses and stuff or would you know i was like a good boy like i really get shot out there right if you did that yeah um we used to like be like scared that like our neighbors had like a gun and so like if we ever like went through their backyard we would like run really fast yeah dude if i was in west virginia that's all i'd be thinking about it's like getting shot dude yeah but it's like i don't think they were actually gonna do that but it was just like this tall tale oh really yeah one of my neighbors actually had a gun dude yeah dude we were hanging out outside of his house he was like this old russian dude

and we were just in a circle like with our bikes and stuff just talking like not doing anything and he came outside and he was like get the fuck out of here and we were like like there's always like a few like smart asses in the group we're like no no man like we're in the road whatever and then he went into his shed and he took out a shotgun and he was like get the fuck out of here oh my god he rode so far away bro it was crazy dude he lived two houses down from me bro yeah my mom would talk to his wife and stuff about, like, gardening and stuff. So it was, like, a fucking, I was like, holy shit. Oh, my God. So, like, that happened.

Then two days later, my mom's, like, talking to his wife about, like, fucking, you know, petunias. How old were you? In, like, middle school, dude. And he just rolled up with a shotgun? He went into his shed and got a shotgun. And he, like, was, like was like toting it he wasn't pointed at us but he was showing us what he's made of dude we're kind of like all right man like

that's scary yeah yeah one of the funniest things i've ever seen dude um this isn't even that funny but dude i used to I used to sleep in tents with my Asian friend. And we did that so we could sneak out easier at night and, like, egg houses and play a ding-dong ditch and stuff. Yeah. And one night we sneak out, we go down the road, and we're, like, playing ding-dong ditch and stuff. And my friend just goes, yo, dude, watch this. And he like runs up to this house and he like put something in the mailbox.

And I thought he just put like a rock in the mailbox or something. And I was like, oh, like, it's funny, dude. Like, it's hilarious, man. Dude, next thing you know, the mailbox blows up. Just completely explodes. Like there's plastic everywhere, dude.

Yeah. And I just ran for like a mile dude dude so we ran we dude we ran so far man and dude at the time i had like tits and stuff like i'm struggling to breathe man and i see like we're at least a mile away from where it happened and i see these cop sirens behind us and i'm like fuck dude this is it man like oh my god a juvie or something dude they pull up next to us and i'm like i tell my buddy i'm like dude i got this like don't say anything and they're like hey what are you guys doing and i was like oh like we're just going for a run you know i was like i have to lose weight for football i was like go colts like whatever and he was like oh okay okay he was like yeah we just got like some reports of like you know some stuff going on oh it's so scary i was like yeah man you know we're just uh yeah i really gotta lose weight which i i did have to lose weight at the

time for football so it was like a really good excuse and then he was like you guys don't have anything your pockets right and i was like dude please don't have he takes out an m80 no he had nothing in his pocket i was like dude thank god yeah we got away but yeah man that was wild jeez i thought he just put like a rock in the mailbox but it's like a legitimate that happened illegal m80 yeah that happened when i was a junior in high school and these kids like legit they got like charged for like terrorism because like they got caught because the person had like a ring doorbell oh wow yeah it's crazy but i think they were all right like i don't think they got expelled or anything and i think it was all good

yeah i think like the lady had a hard maybe if i could go back i would have done it more yeah it sounds fun i used to be like, I got a bad grade in a class because we had this group project and you had to present something in this small group of people

and I couldn't take a moment of silence and so I would like, it seemed like I was interrupting everyone and so I got a B and ever since then I've really enjoyed I would like it seemed like I was like interrupting everyone yeah and so I got like a b and uh ever since then I've like really like enjoyed moments of silence yeah dude I remember uh when I was in middle school there was a moment of silence for 9-11 uh-huh dude it was so quiet bro like it was you could hear a pin drop, man.

And all of a sudden, this kid fucking ripped ass. And I just broke down, dude. I could not, I couldn't compose myself. Like, in my, dude, you ever see those memes where it's like no, like, three months of, like, no poop? That's, like, what my face looked like, dude. Oh, my God. Because it was just like so random, dude. Like I don't know what's wrong with me. Like it wasn't even the fact that it was 9-11.

It was just like a moment of silence. Yeah. Someone just, someone ripped out a heater, dude. Yeah, dude. Like a powerful fart, dude. and like to this day man there's nothing funnier than a moment of silence followed by a fart dude like it's it's still funny like it's not yeah dude like you think you could keep a straight face in that? Oh, my God.

Dude, that is everyone's fear, dude, right? Yeah, that's a really scary thing. Oh, my God. Because the story after is like, oh, like, you laughed during a moment of silence for 9-11. So people assume, like, you're laughing at, like, 9-11 itself, but you're laughing at a fart. You know what I mean? Right. Dude, that would happen a lot with, like, did they ever do, like, the Columbine visit to your school? What's that?

Oh, dude, like, the victims of columbine who like survived they went on like this uh this tour nationally and they would like sell out auditoriums and like talk about it oh no i never went to that bro i fuck i'd hold back tears but like oh my god yeah there were really silent moments where i was like dude if someone farted right now, I would fucking lose my mind, dude. Did you go to public school? Yeah. What was your GPA average? Low twos, bro.

Really low twos, man. Really? Did you not try? Because I feel like you're a sharp guy. No, I found out my GPA when I went to college. I found out my high school GPA when I went to college. How does that work? I don't even know.

I think you just kind of, they just say like you're graduating or whatever. And like, I didn't really pay much attention to it. But I remember seeing the number. Because I was trying out for college baseball. And they would show like your academic transcript. And I just looked and I was like, holy shit, dude. I was like, I'm surrounded by dipshits. And then they showed me my transcript. And I was like holy shit dude i was like i'm surrounded by dipshits and then they showed me my transcript and i was like well i'm dumber than all

these kids oh my gosh yeah it was bad man there were like a few finals i didn't even go to and i was just like fuck man would you skip a lot and skip but i just like didn't really like you know yeah you didn't care yeah i don't think anyone did man it was high school like half your teachers are like you know pieces of shit anyways you're like fuck it man what was it like growing up in rhode island i mean i enjoyed it i had a really good time because like dude i mean like where you grow up like makes you who you are absolutely yeah so like i don't think it would make sense to hate on where you're from no you can't do that it's like like wherever you grew

up like it made you who you are so it's kind of tough to be like fuck that place no you know i hear people like that in the city that do that oh really that's kind of crazy yeah like some girls like i'm from florida and it fucked me up it's like what like florida's an amazing state i feel yeah i mean if it fucked you up that's a good thing you know yeah like dude isn't there like crazy shit that goes on in west virginia though uh you guys have like riots and stuff what was like the big it was like a big like what's the there was like a huge fucking i don't even know what to call it bro yeah i don't know what happened in west virginia there was a shooting right i don't even know what to call it bro yeah i don't know what happened in west virginia there was a shooting right i don't think so or was that virginia it was at maybe

universities like what was the big virginia tech yeah yeah that was two different states yeah what is the difference between virginia and west virginia uh ones to the west and is it like a twin though um no i feel like like virginia you have like arlington and alexandria like i lived in virginia for two years and like there's rural part like i worked in marshall which is like super rural um but yeah i mean west virginia it's pretty much straight rural except like charleston and morgantown oh really yeah yeah it's not i feel like like you should grow up around nature i can't imagine raising kids in the city can you dude everything you've said on this podcast has like crossed my mind within the past like week or so yeah man yeah because you see families and you're

like dude why would you do that to a right to like a child man yeah like i can't even imagine like dude i think everyone like, if you have common sense, you're kind of trying to get out of here, you know? Yeah, it's this weird thing where like, this is the place to be, I think if you're pursuing some type of art, but like for raising a family,

I think like it's crazy to be like, dude, no one does that. No one thinks like, yeah, I want to raise a family in New York City. Yeah, it's, dude, it should be illegal, man. I yeah, I want to raise a family in New York City. Yeah, it's, dude, it's, it should be illegal, man. I don't think there should even be families in New York City. It should literally just be like independent people. It kind of is, though.

I mean, dude, like around here, you see families all the time. And like, you know, the families I've seen, I've just been like, dude, your kids are fucked. Like, you know what I mean? are fucked like you know what i mean it's like dude your kid has no access to like camaraderie and like there's no sports fields right like do yards you can't just hang out after school dude the schools are locked up yeah it's like the schools here they're not even names it's literally ps41 yeah it's like a fucking dude it's there's just like so much uh security and like you're so like like tight like it's like yeah claustrophobic right you know but like the thing is i meet people here that like grew up on the upper west side yeah and like

they're like the nicest most genuine human beings ever. So some people manage to do it. Yeah, a lot of the people I've met, though, are rich as fuck, dude. So they have access to other things. But dude, if you're just a middle class family living around here, it's like, I can't even imagine, bro. Yeah. I would never want... I feel like when you have a kid, dude, you kind of have to be like,

I've done my part, it's your turn now. kind of have to be like, I've done my part. It's your turn now. And to do that here is kind of fucked up. Yeah. Because, dude, I don't even know where I would be. Did you play sports when you were younger? Yeah, I was a lax bro. You were a lax bro?

Yeah. Do you ever think about what would happen if you weren't a lax bro? I mean, yeah. I probably would have just kept on playing fifa yeah and like gotten really i probably would have been a gamer and like probably pursued that yeah and i'm not trying to be judgmental dude but i do see like people uh i grew up my hometown with and i remember like there was a lot of hate towards athletes uh by like nerds not really nerds but people who just like didn't do any anything after school and a lot of those kids who didn't have uh like didn't do extracurricular activities bro they're just like fucked now like socially wise like life-wise they're just fucked man

yeah so they got nothing dude yeah you know and i would think about that i'd be like damn dude like if i didn't play sports and i just went home after school bro i would be fucked man yeah absolutely i'm a big believer in sport and like i think we kind of bond on that because we both like playing basketball but like sports are just like i mean it's a great way to meet friends it like puts like a competitive nature in you which i think like to be successful you kind of need that yeah and uh yeah i'm like i used to ref just to like give back to like the community really i ref for four years in college and to make money um but like you know it's like a good thing to do yeah yeah yeah man sometimes i like think about giving up uh there's just like a guilt that I feel about sports, you know,

because I do kind of look like disabled a little bit. So I don't know if people know that I used to play sports. Yeah. You know, but. Dude, that was so hype, the big Wachowski. And like. Oh, that was a movie, man. Dude, that was a movie.

It was a good time, dude. Yeah. I'm glad you came. Yeah, dude. We were tearing it up, man. We were. First game, we were killing it. The fact that we won the first game is amazing dude uh i think we should have won the second game personally i think that guy was just like fucking crazy um but yeah and you blew everyone away dude i was like no this kid's a fucking athlete i mean at this point in

my life man i'm just trying to go out there and not get hurt so i'm trying to do whatever it takes for the team but just trying to not get hurt yeah but yeah there is like a weird i don't know man i don't know if you feel this way about like sports and stuff like you reach a certain age where it's like people are like you can't play anymore yeah that's kind of scary my dad can't even bowl anymore that's pretty crazy really holy shit he's like his knees would just fucking snap i guess yeah holy shit damn dude yeah i don't know man it's like an ego thing with like sports because like dude you know like we kind of suck at basketball compared to like good players you know yeah well speak for yourself but i'm just kidding i mean bro because like there have been moments where i don't even know if you've been with me,

but I'll be playing at the park or something, and I'll just get demolished, dude. And then afterwards, the dudes on that team are like, yeah, you know, we used to play D1. Oh, really? Yeah, and I'm just like, oh. At Christie Street especially, yeah, you see these people could definitely be D1. I've been seeing it a lot at Queens, dude, and I'm just like, I don't even want to be here right now. Yeah. Because, like, dude, they'll blow by you and, like, throw it down.

And you're like, there's no reason for me to be here, dude. You know what I mean? I feel like you hold your own, though. Yeah. But it's like, you know, what am I gaining from this, bro? You know? But it is fun to play, dude. It's so much fun to just, like, continue to play sports as you get older.

Like, I do hope that, like, you and I, bro, when we're, like, 35, we're in, like, a men's league or something, just going at it dude for sure yeah we'll still be running the pick and roll dude yeah it's weird man how society's like bro like you can't be doing that anymore it's like why not bro you know i think basketball like obama played basketball when he was president so i think with basketball you could still do it yeah but like football you can't you gotta give it up yeah you're mean like uh fuck man yeah i hope i can continue to play dude it's like dude there's like so many there's not a lot of other things you can do you know i mean golf do you golf at all dude i was like really getting like good at golf and then one game i just like really like played awful yeah and i just lost my swing and ever since then like when i golf i just ruin everyone's time

because i just play so bad oh i mean dude we should go golfing dude i've been trying to find someone to play um yeah i'm down to golf like i went once in like brooklyn like near bay ridge and um like do you have clubs? I don't have clubs. Yeah, I have clubs with me. I'm a lefty though, dude. I can't use that. I'm just using the opposite way, dude.

Dude, you want to hear something crazy, bro? I can't even, I cannot believe I forgot this story, dude. Oh, yes. Dude, so my birthday is on 4-20. Dude. So every year, everyone I know is just gone, like completely blasted. Are you gone?

No. I don't smoke weed, dude. So one of my birthdays, I sent out an invite to go golfing, and only two of my friends answered one of them was like a super stoner and the other didn't smoke weed so we show up to this shitty golf course dude it's called locust valley in massachusetts and it's out of business now because it was like the shittiest golf course dude so one of my friends is just, he's like inconsolably stoned. And it's just like me and my other buddy, and we're hanging out at the first tee,

and we're about to tee off, dude. And my friend who is stoned just got new clubs at the time. So he's like, dude, check these out, man. These clubs are sick. And we're like, dude, those are sick clubs, man. Dude. So we look behind us in the parking lot, and this dude gets out of like a wicked nice bmw and he starts like limping towards us and he's like what's going on boys how we doing

like he just like we're like hey man how you doing so he just starts talking to us and he's like you guys mind if i take a fucking hack i'm like i was like yeah man i'm lefty like my other buddy's lefty but uh you know like one of our buddies was right-handed the dude who was completely stoned out of his mind who just got the new clubs yeah we were like oh joe like can you use your clubs and joe's like wicked high he's like yeah yeah sure dude hands him like a brand new like $500 drive. Yeah, Titleist. Bro, this dude takes a hack, almost falls over. Dude, he hits the ball.

No joke, man. It one hops this dude, hits another dude in the face, and the dude just drops to the ground like dude completely unconscious and then we look over the clubhouse and like the managers are like hey they're like don't worry about that guy he's always coming over here we're like what do you mean i guess this guy was just like would regularly do that he would chill by the first tee and then he would ask to take a half dude this guy had a prosthetic leg too like that's why he almost fell over and we were like holy shit dude like this dude was like unconscious for a while and he eventually

got up and like he like didn't know where he was and stuff oh wow i was like dude that is the like one of the craziest things i've ever seen in my life oh my god dude my friend who gave him the club that was stoned you could just see like his organs failing like he was just like laughing so hard he was so high he couldn't like he thought he was in a dream at that point like you see a dude with a prosthetic leg take a hack hit some him, do it in the face. Like, dude, it was wild, man. But, yeah, I guess he just, like, he would go there, and, like, that was his life, man. Like, he would just, like, he would just shoot the shit with guys

and be like, you guys mind if I take a little hack? Dude, what a fun, like, literally, I know. He was pretty blasted. Like, he was chilling in his BMW. I was like, damn, dude, that's a good life to live, man. Jeez, dude. That sounds amazing dude it was one of like the craziest things i've ever seen in my life man but yeah dude i've been like

when i go home like i golf a lot and like i just like around here i haven't found anyone that i can golf with dude so i'm down to go i just don't have club this like this guy invited me to like go to his country club in like jersey i was like dude i'm literally gonna ruin everyone's time like i'm just gonna literally oh yeah i'm not gonna i sometimes i can't get it off the ground like i need to take a lesson oh you can't get it off the ground i mean like i had my swing down but like now it's just bad yeah i mean dude i'm bad too like i'll hit it like three fairways over and then i'll just go find the ball and people will be like what fairway are you in man you know it's just like but i play it where it lies dude i just grind through just grind through it, man. Yeah.

I used to be like a whole martial art, like the Greenbrier Classic, and that was fun. Yeah? Yeah. You like hold up the sign. It's like quiet. It's just nice to be out there, man. Oh, my God. You're like surrounded.

It's like what I was saying. It's like around nature. It's beautiful. Yeah, dude. If we went to like a decent course, man, and shot 18, dude, we would have the time of our fucking life. I'm actually down. Yeah.

There's one in Brooklyn. I'm definitely down to go. But I guess I need to get clubs or like rent some yeah you should go on amazon man and just buy no dude you can buy like a set for like 100 bucks yeah not even that i use them for years of my life and they're not even that bad dude i have nowhere to like store them though because like i don't even have a living room my apartment's really small oh shit really yeah you live in a studio no it, it's a two-bedroom. Oh, you're living with someone, right?

Yeah. They only give you, like, a certain amount of space? What do you mean? So, like, you live with someone. Like, do you have, like, barriers, like, boundaries? You walk in, and it's our kitchen, and then there's a bathroom, and then it's my room and his room. Oh, okay. But, there's nowhere to like hang. No living room at all, dude?

Like you can't? Yeah. But in your room, can you watch TV and stuff? Yeah, I've got a TV but you have to like lay on my bed. Yeah.

Yeah, that's tough, man. It's awkward. Fuck, man. Yeah. And you don't have a car either so you really don't have a car. I don't have a car. I'm stuck here, yeah.

Wow, dude. But I don't know about you. I hate driving. I really don't like driving. Oh, really really oh yeah we would have to figure something out man you could uber but an uber is like 80 000 i wonder if you can like rent clubs or something yeah i'm sure you can do whatever it takes bro yeah out there man but dude thank you for coming man dude thanks for having me johnny i really appreciate it you're hilarious like i said man you're my boy dude dude you're my boy john dude. Dude, you're my boy, Johnny. Friends for life, dude. Absolutely, bro. The wheels fall off, dude. Dude, 100%.

I do have to... I'm not going to do an ad read. I was supposed to do an ad read. This company is fucking pissed at me. What company is it? If you're listening, the podcast is sponsored by Putt Light Golf, which is a golf tea company, and they make beer teas i don't have an ad read at this time but um you should definitely check them out uh i'll have to figure

something they're freaking out dude not freaking out but i feel like i've done i've done them in injustice dude because i haven't done an ad read yet um but yeah they are beer teas and i've used a few of them and they're actually really fun to use man uh can you explain it because i might get one dude so they're like beer teas they're shaped in the they're shaped like beer bottles but they're like golf teas and they have different designs to them so something like a few of them i used were like twisted tea it's like t-e-e you know what i mean oh that sounds great and then like uh you know putt light so it's like you know it's pretty chill man uh they they don't break at all dude like they're just like it's fun if you're like fucking around dude you want to like make a you know make a car

girl fucking scream dude you know i'm saying like so do you put the beer in the beer tea no it's just like a it's like a wooden beer tea it's not even wooden really it's like uh they like don't break but it's in the shape of uh like a beer bottle you know but it's like, they like don't break, but it's in the shape of like a beer bottle, you know, but it's like an actual golf tee. Oh, that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. They're pretty chill, man.

Yeah, dude. If you use code salami, dude, you get 10% off. So definitely check that out. I'll put the link in the thing. And then if you're still listening, dude, join the Patreon, bro. Just started a Patreon. So yeah, dude, you'll get like discounts on merch and, join the Patreon, bro. Just start a Patreon. Yeah, dude, you'll get discounts on merch and shit and

voting rights, bro. Early access to this episode. This episode you'll get a few days early. So check that out, bro. And do you have anything you want to... I know you run a show and stuff. Yeah, if you're still watching this and

you support me, come to my show. It's weird looking at the camera. I guess I'm looking. Come to my show that I produce in the West Village. It's called Rent Controlled.

It's really funny. Johnny, is it a good show? It's a good show, man. It's a good show. It is a really good show. We work really hard on it. And yeah, come to that if you're in New York

and hit me up if you're ever in New York. I also need some comp tickets. And yeah, Johnny, thanks for you're in New York. And hit me up if you're ever in New York. I also need some comp tickets. And, yeah, Johnny, thanks for having me on, man. I really appreciate it. You're the boy. Fuck yeah, dude.