The Johnny Salami Podcast - Cam Lazenberry

Episode Date: December 12, 2020

On this episode, I sit down with Cam Lazenberry. Cam is like a brother to me, and he's been serving in the military for quite some time now. We talk about the good times we had playing high school football, Cams Army tours, and much more.

Dude, I was listening to Here Without You by Three Doors Down, dude. Just driving around the reservoir, I was like, I don't know if I'm mentally going to be prepared to see you, talk to you, dude. That's wild, bro. I didn't even know you had emotions, man. Yeah. Last time I saw you, bro, you were just dead face, dead pan. Like, yeah, I'm going to cut this guy.

Yeah, I'm just going to hit this dude hard. Whatever, man. That's what I remember you thinking, yeah. I remember those days. You had feelings then, man? Yeah, dude. I cry a lot, man. I dig, man. I think what I remember you thinking, yeah. I remember those days. You had feelings then, man? Yeah, dude. I cry a lot, man. I dig, man.

I think it's important. I agree. But, no, dude, really, it's good to see you, man. Like, what's been going on? Like, I mean, we were talking a little bit about you going to the Army. You said it, you know, kind of sucked, but. I guess just to, like, give you a little quick synopsis, man, about, like, where I was. And I guess, like, where we left off, man. I guess after i tore my knees i was like i wanted to go play sports and i was

like well no one's gonna pick me up because of my bad knees and honestly i was stupid like when i say stupid bro like your boy had like a 2.5 like oh yeah yeah oh wow yeah we're really smart kid dude i was i was really not trying, bro. Were you in smart classes? Were you in honors classes? Nah, never. So you were just straight up throwing Play-Doh at the wall? I was just chilling, bro. Damn.

I was doing the bare minimum. Oh, shit, dude. Only class I got named was ceramics. That shit was great, though. Dude, I got a C in ceramics, man. Made a massive dick. All you gotta do is not make dicks and not make bongs and not make vaginas bro that's it that's it bro yeah i just took everyone's clay i was like i'm gonna make a cock right now

yeah but then i joined the army bro chilled out got sent to got sent to fort benning in georgia did my thing stationed texas from fort hood became a medic so i was a combat medic or you know just health care specialist is what they call us that was it man it, man. Then after that, I moved to California. What was it like, though? Like, when you were in high school, like, your senior year, did you know you were going to go into the Army? Or were you kind of like, this is it, man? Nah, man. Dude, I actually had no idea what I was going to do with my life.

I was like, damn, bro. I'm just going to chill at home and just, I don't know. And I remember my boy, Jacob Ryan, dude. My man. Shout out. Yeah, dude. Shout out, Jacob Ryan, dude. My boy was like, yeah, dude, let's join the Army jacob ryan dude my boy was like yeah dude let's

join the army man he's like we'll do like a buddy system join the army we'll we'll just fucking go through bases together i was like yeah bro let's do it man i was like man me and this dude just because i feel like jacob is so fucking goofy and lengthy yeah he would just like i feel like he would just take all the attention the drill sergeants like yeah bro like like i'm down for i was like this is the best guy to go with like this guy would be the whole focus and i would just be like chilling in the background like damn i'm really gonna make it through like you look like a great soldier and then they told my boy he couldn't get in because his acne on his back so we went through went through all the maps he went through all the

testing together and in the end they said he couldn't make it and i was like fuck man i was like wait what does it have to do with anything bro i guess so i guess when you're out in the field i guess like i mean i guess it could be pretty dirty out there i guess the acne could get like abscesses and stuff and i i guess that i mean it requires like medical intervention but holy shit they think he's gonna get like shot in the back and fucking i have no fucking like he always bleeding out dude that's nuts fucking just bleeding out puss man i would just let it fucking happen people's eyes dude I was like So when that shit happened bro

Jacob was like He's like yeah bro Just go man And I was like fuck bro I don't know Yeah he was just like Save yourself Like go

He's like dude Get the fuck out of Rhode Island bro And I was like Alright So then I got up And I joined bro And Here I am now

Yeah but so like You join Like they accept you Like it's basically like you're automatically accepted kind of nah no fuck how did they determine like what branch like what oh oh you choose your branch yes you chose the army yeah they were just like how do you how do they choose like your title though like you go through tests yeah you do a bunch of like aptitude tests you know like hey this is screwdriver what kind of screwdriver is, you know, like, hey, this is a screwdriver. What kind of screwdriver is this? You know, like, three plus three, cool.

Like, if you eat a rock, what happens to your digestive system? You shouldn't bite rocks hard. It's like, yeah, yeah, I shouldn't do that. This is like, this is to make sure you're, like, not an idiot. I mean, I might struggle, but. Although I kind of fucked up, like, low key. There's, like, a writing comprehension part. And I remember this one question, man, about, like, a tree and a monk.

Okay, so you're supposed to read, like, this paragraph. And, like, the monk is, like, he brings, like, a you're supposed to read like this paragraph. And like the monk is like, he brings like a quarter of water to the tree or some shit like that. And you're supposed to like infer that and then write that like that's your answer. I remember I was reading these questions, bro. And I was like,

so the monk brings the water to the tree. And they're like, what if you were the monk? How much water would you give the tree? And you're supposed to say the same amount of water as the monk. But I'm thinking like, how much water would I give a tree in the middle of the desert?

And I was like, give that shit a gallon. Yeah, you're thinking your own thoughts, yeah. I'll give that shit a gallon, man. That'd fuck me up too up too dude i was getting those questions dumb wrong i was an idiot sometimes it's like the simplest questions that really throw you off dude you know yeah man i struggled in college too like dude we had this uh law class and we would do like live debates so you'd have like the plaintiff and then like the defendant dude i argued on the wrong side in front of the whole class bro i took like two months to prepare this whole speech and it ended

up just it ended up just being on the wrong side so like halfway through my speech like the teacher is literally just having like an aneurysm exactly this kid fucking in the right class dang bro what was the what was the case man what was the law bro dude i can't remember it was like a case study like it's fucking long dude like pages of information it's basically just like a story and you're like you know who's right you have to argue on your side so i was like literally arguing for the wrong side and the you know they were just like well thanks like you just you know prove their point and there's no coming back from that you know what i'm saying well clearly bro you believe x y and z bro yeah i

was just like i was just like i stand by what i said and he was like i mean dude you're fucking failing so yeah man so you take the aptitude test you go in then what happens like walk me through like the specifics because like then you then you get on it then you go to a really nice hotel right outside of logan airport i don't know exactly where it is but you go really nice hotel they give you great breakfast they treat you good and then they send you out to basic man so that for me they sent me out to fort benning georgia so at this time when we went to fort benning georgia and i think now it can be mixed between men and women but when i went to fort benning georgia was just men really yeah so i was like what like 2013 2014 it's just men yeah i'm just like dang man so i remember just getting

there and i was like i remember just being scared as shit man i remember being so scared bro i like couldn't eat i was just sitting there like shivering like all the time we're looking around i remember they'd be like looking at you just like are you cold like we're in georgia you're in georgia right i was like yeah man did you say like basics pretty easy though yeah you know it depends honestly really depends man because i i've had a couple friends go through basic and tell me they never got smoked and smoke just means like they tell you to do a lot of physical exertion to like usually you vomit or whatever like yeah like i have some like horror stories bro like bro i had a story where i remember our drill sergeant felt like we disrespected him so we're in formation it's like a it's like a five by it's like a five by ten

formation and he tells us to squeeze in i forget i forget what the command is and he tells us to take out our canteens and just start drinking can't drinking the canteen as fast as we can and he's like yeah guys you guys disrespected me so i'm gonna let you know what it feels like to be disrespected and he's like now drink another one so we just kept drinking the canteen as quick as shit now if you drink water fast as shit you fucking vomit yeah so we're fucking vomiting on top of each other so when someone vomits on another person that person gets to leave the formation some motherfuckers are like vomiting on my shoulders like vomiting on my back and i'm like fuck dude he's like so you can go you can go i'm like sitting there like like fucking vomiting on people and they're like all right you can go

so i'm just saying like shit like that can happen in your basic dude i didn't even expect or like nothing at all bro like like i had i had another friend who just said like yeah they didn't smoke them like nothing happened they just chilled like i thought you were gonna say like we had to run up a hill or something dude no bro Nah, bro. Holy shit, man. No. Yeah, dude. If somebody threw up on me, dude, I'd be like, I'm going to go play in traffic, man. I'm out.

That shit was funny, man. I'd be like, honorable discharge. Can you do that? I remember in the M, bro, when we were graduating from basic, they let you go off with your family, dude. I remember this one dude went out with his wife or his girlfriend or some shit. He just forgot to come back they had us out here bro in front of our families in our dressed uniform our nice uniform doing push-ups in the rain i was like bro we were up we're out till like three in the morning and your family wants to say goodbye to you.

So they fucking drop you off at like 9 o'clock. Yeah. And they're like sitting there just watching you getting smoked, fucking crying, dying in the rain. And they're like, okay, I don't know when I get to say goodbye to my family member. It's now like it's like 1 in the morning because this person is asleep in a bed, like forgets they're supposed to show up. Yeah. Damn, bro. That was a good time.

What are they, like email them or like what? Nah, bro. They just wait wait they wait for to show up they don't have any contact with this dude i guess they call his number phone or something but oh shit this dude wakes up at like 1 30 in the morning really that easy to leave the uh the base like don't they have like security and stuff only in the end man i mean kind of like yes but they they're not they're not like they're not watching you super hard like like at first like this this is the part of basic we were like officially a soldier you can like leave yeah so like yeah so you can actually like go out to

bars and stuff and like you have like your own time period for that no you can't go to bars yet really this is just like so so at this point at this point in basic okay so like they kept you in there you did your thing did all your training they won't let you leave now the last day like all right cool you can go spend time with your family they came to visit right and they send you a thing called ait or at least that's the army right so at that point you're kind of free i guess you're like on post but you have to like for me we had to like wear like a badge like it's like this freaking it's like a it's like a light reflecting belt and we had to wear a light reflecting belt across our chest and like i like a number to symbolize what phase you were in so we could like walk around the base and shit but you couldn't go

off the base or it's like you get fucking kicked out of the army yeah so you get trained out for a little while like that and then when you get to finally go off the base you have to like fucking wear normal clothes but like with this reflective belt so you're like fucking i'm like this is in san antonio actually i got sent to san antonio for sam houston for my training as a medic so i'm walking around san antonio man like fucking a reflective belt on my chest. So, like, fucking that belt, bro, is like a beacon for homeless people. Now, I'm not mad at them. I'm not mad at homeless people.

I dig them. I get them. You know, I feel them. But it's a beacon, bro. I remember this black dude fucking came over and pulled me and my friends over and was like, yeah, man, like, let me tell you about my life, man. Like, dude, I swear, like, I know, like, I don't know if they're all lying to me but like all of them were like yeah i'm just trying to get into a hotel bro it's gonna be like 20 bucks i'm just like nah i'm good and every time you say you're good you say you don't have money like there's atm right over there like like bro

am i getting robbed like is this being robbed it's like holy shit but nah i mean other than that it was that's kind of it like you really don't get to go off base bro until you finish all your training like you don't really get to be like free there's always motherfuckers watching you and if you drink like they'll fucking they'll kick you off too like whatever bro you can't do shit when you're like higher up in the ranks though like do you get to go out to like you know i will get on some fatties i only made it i only made it to e4 man so i mean i was enlisted so and then when i was getting out they didn't want me to go sergeant i don't say they didn't want me to go sergeant it was more like uh i guess your unit can kind of prioritize who becomes a sergeant and so they won't if you're if you're getting out they're

like well you know some units are like okay we'll let you do it so you can look good better when you get out and some are like well there's no point my unit was the there's no point so yeah well like i mean you've always been kind of like you know know, like, you think farts are funny. Like, you know, you're a pretty, like, silly guy. But, like, when you went in, like, after Basic, do you think you kind of got, like, a little more serious? Oh, fuck yeah, man. Yeah. Bro, I used to get shit on in Basic, bro, for being silly. Really?

My dumb ass, man. I used to think this shit was funny to make jokes, bro, like, in the middle of formation. Bro, I used to get smoked the fuck out, bro. Motherfucker used to shit on me all the time. Yeah. Can me like an example of like something you did damn man okay this sounds kind of stupid this is gonna be a little dumb it's not it's not a great thing but we used to eat at this defect huh and once in a while once we got further enough they'd let us walk back in pairs instead of having to wait for everybody outside huh so i get out and it's just me and another two other guys i guess we were uneven there's like a 49 group people so we were uneven so we we took we took on a third guy

and i remember me and me and my boy were like running we're like running back to our barracks and we have to take the long way it's like the difference feeling maybe it's like an extra five minute long way but you can't you can just cut like and be you can potentially you go forward, or you can just take this right and cut through other people's areas, and then just go right wherever, go back to our base or whatever. But you're not supposed to do that, I guess. The drill sergeant's like, just don't do that. Just don't do it. I'm like, bro, why wouldn't I do this?

And I remember running with one of the dudes, and the third guy is like, yeah, we should take the long way. And I'm like, nah, man, i'm not taking the long way bro and he's like please just please take the long way man i was like i was like why should i do it man like jogging he's like why should i take the long he's like because it's the right thing to do like man that's not a good answer bro like i need more like i need you to really reason this out to me and little did i know bro the drill sergeant is like right behind us, jogging behind us, bro. This dude is listening to our conversation. I didn't know.

So I'm talking shit. Nah, bro, I'm not going to do it, man. He's like, please, man, please. So me and my other dude were like, yeah, man, we're just going to fucking do it. So we just turn right hard and start sprinting. And he still takes long when he starts screaming. He's like, guys, please don't go. And the drill sergeant

is like, hey. And we're like, oh, we're just fucking with this guy, man. He's like, after that, man, he fucking made us get our gas masks

and fucking smoked us to death, bro. The fucking bottom of this track. He made us put on gas masks and bear crawl around and do pushups. So I guess it's kind of

like me being stupid. I was just fucking with the kid, man. I wasn't really going to leave this dude alone like you don't think you would have kept running i might have kept yeah i might have kept running bro but i was fucking with him i just i just like to fuck with people sometimes man do you like like the like the physical workouts yeah yeah man i was like i feel like i mean me and you obviously you know like back in the day like i mean we could barely walk like we always looked like we were getting, you know,

like we were basically taking it up the ass and like people would make fun of us, but you put us on like a football field, you know, I feel like we held our own. We were low key athletic shit, man. Unstoppable, dude.

High key. All state. Damn, do I remember that shit, man? We were fucking nice, but I mean, I don't want to be that guy,

but we was kind of nice. Well, I mean, I mean, Eric Travers, they were all fucking beast. Nah, they were average,

dude. Yeah, average. It's good when it made it without us blocking. Well, I mean, I mean Eric Travers they were all fucking beast. No, they were average dude Yeah, average. It's good when it made it without us blocking. Yeah, our potential was just You know, we won't stop only for me and you had gained like 60 more pounds of like pure muscle We could've been like a fucking pair. We could have been the pair going out, you know, but whatever Yeah, I mean, I feel like everyone says like we were weird cuz like we work at lazy But like if you yelled at us like I feel like I don't know man I didn't see the fucking point of like running through the fucking hall to get to class bro like i had 10 minutes to get the class i had like five minutes in between shit to get i'm gonna walk slow dude i love walking slow i do not know why motherfuckers are rushing bro yeah i mean dude

i basically walk like i fucking waddle dude but it's so enjoyable man like i just like to like soak everything in and just really like think about everything bro i live like literally like half like quarter of a mile away from you bro and it took me like 50 minutes to get here bro you live right down the road man i was but dude if i was if i was gonna walk to your house man i'd just be probably bring a fucking banana dude you know a nice warm jacket and i would just take my time i'd really just soak everything in you know like the the foliage and stuff like i dig it people just don't get it though they're like fucking walk faster like what do you want to rush for i feel you man you're deep as shit now dude that's crazy yeah dude i didn't i mean i didn't know that's how you felt because

you never expressed that but i'm just going well dude everyone everyone would like make fun of me you know they wouldn't give me a chance like there's john you know fucking waddling it's like dude you don't know me bro you're like the science scary giant bro yeah you were that scared you were that kid everyone was terrified bro you were huge man man. No one's going to mess with you. I wasn't that big, dude. Bro, you were like 210 pounds, bro. You were like 220. Dude, there was a moment in time where like, I mean, you were a grade above me.

And like, obviously, you had your own thing going. Like when you were, yeah, when you were, you know, a junior and I was a sophomore. And dude, we were doing like Oklahoma drills. And I didn't really know you that well you just start like fucking screaming talking shit to everyone dude like i thought you were like ray lewis dude dude it was unreal man it was like you were possessed i remember i remember fucking losing a lot too i was having a good time yeah but you had the balls to go out there and like it was just like dude it was mind-blowing like i didn't really know you that well and i hadn't seen you like you know but like dude you

literally just started talking shit to everyone like getting wicked aggressive i was like holy shit i learned that shit from uh cam glad bro yeah i remember i remember i was a freshman it was cam glad dude it was like the i think i got to do that little freshman year they take like a couple freshmen to go up to varsity or whatever just to mess around see the practices or whatever i remember i was out there and they were just like yeah who wants to do that little freshman thing. They take like a couple of freshmen to go up to varsity or whatever, just to mess around and see the practices or whatever. I remember I was out there and they were just like, yeah, who wants to do kick return? And like no one went out.

So I was like, oh yeah, fuck you. I'm going to go out, bro. And I was standing there and then I turn around. I'm like looking at Kim Gladner. Like, they're like, yeah, that fucking kid's going to fucking kill you. And he fucking killed me. But he was talking some shit. He was like, yo, fucking, he's like, he like looked to the sideline.

He's like, oh, you fucking pussies over there. Just fucking, putting his fucking freshman. He's like, fuck you guys. Like, you guys are fucking weak. And then he fucking proceeded to fucking cream me in his anger. And I was like, fuck, bro. And then, you know who fucking, then you know who switched out with me after? It was fucking, ah, Jordan. Damn, what was his last name, though?

Ah, man, I can't remember his last name. I remember Jordan. The bigger, the bigger the bigger offensive lineman yeah yeah and his little brother played with us a little bit too he also joined the army i can't remember i can't remember his last name right now but yeah then he then he went out then he fucking got killed by camera too dude i used to do that in fucking games i was on like special teams i just get laid out and like it wasn't even like the kid was like that much bigger than me. But like mentally I was just like I can't be here right now.

You know what I mean? Bro, I used to size up motherfuckers all the time, bro. Looking across. I'd be scared. I low-key was always scared, bro. I can't even lie. I was a kid. Sophomore year is like the worst year, dude.

Because you're just like. You're basically like. It's like the first day of Latin class. Everything's backwards. You're like what the fuck. You know. Some of Latin class. Everything's backwards. You're like, what the fuck? You know? Some chick's, like, spitting dimes. You're like, ah.

I don't know if I belong here. You know? I feel you, bro. Dude, I was so scared, man. I remember I went in, like, as a sophomore and just got fucking dicked on. Somebody, like, teabagged me. Like, fucking, I don't even, I can't even remember. I blacked out, dude.

But I remember seeing you man and be like i look up this kid man you know i didn't we were always in the weight room too dude the shitty school weight room like getting after it i do remember that those were the days man quarter squatting our fucking lives away that was a good time though yeah i ain't mad at those quarter squats man i had a good time quarter squatting dude that's where it's at bro yeah man that's like i mean honestly, I couldn't even imagine myself in any life just being in the Army. I always think about that. When you line up in a formation and they have that moment where the drill sergeant is like,

you have to respond to him and like, sir, yes, sir. Dude, I'd fucking laugh my ass off, dude. My voice would crack. I'd fucking... Shit, man. you ever think about like yelling something stupid like during those yeah 100 like mostly during like cadences or something like because you get to sing bro you get to just like rift like something yeah kind of like they have like written down like cadences of course but like once in a while you know you can like

do running cadences there's like one where you like you can say when your left foot hits the ground everyone make that and you can say whatever you want like do running cadences there's like one where you like you can say when your left foot hits the ground everyone make that you can say whatever you want like oh sound so everyone's going oh and then you just you just start rapping pretty much like you start freestyling so there's like no censorship depends on your sergeant but generally speaking when i was going through it no not really man we could say whatever we wanted dude like if you like, you know how they have it in, like, what's that show called? Like, with the Army Rangers?

Yeah, yeah, I saw that. Like, I remember watching that before I went in, man. I was like, damn, bro. Yeah, dude. Like, they line up in a line and, like, the drill sergeant like, one at a time is like,

yo, change your diaper, bitch. They do say some funny shit to try and make you laugh, bro. So they have a reason to fucking smoke you and everybody else. Yeah, if somebody like if one of like the actual kids who was there said something funny dude and i was next to him i'd die like if some kid was like i like sandwich like at the top of his lungs dude i'd fucking piss bro i remember i remember so i'm going through seer school okay so seer school is like a survival evasion resistance escape school

right so it's like pretty much you're just surviving this like horrific experience of being like a prisoner of war and i remember we're like hanging out in like some concrete like dungeon or something with a fucking mask or fucking hoods over our face and we're sitting there and it's just quiet bro and you're supposed to like try and talk to like your captors i remember one guy just goes hello and. And the guy goes, shut up. I'm like, okay. He's like, where am I? He goes, he's like just quiet for me. He's like, hello.

He's like, where am I? He goes, you're on earth. And the guy goes, we're on earth, are we? And I just started fucking breaking down laughing, bro. I just couldn't stop. I was like, bro, we're hungry, bro. We haven't eaten for like four days. How can you still be funny, bro? This dude beat me up after.

But it was kind of funny, man. Good time. Yeah, as long as you're like having, like, dude, because I have a buddy who like, he was in the military and he came home to visit, dude. And we go to like his coffee shop. It's like two in the morning, one in the morning, something like that. We were just catching up. Like we were completely sober, man.

But I just wanted to see how he was doing. And like I'm talking about like farts and stuff and stuff that doesn't even matter, man. And I'm, like, dying laughing. Like, partially because, like, when I get caffeine, I don't know if you ever do that. Like, you have a coffee and you just laugh for no reason. But, dude, I'm, like, we're in this, like, diner, dude. I'm, like, literally in tears laughing because this kid is, like, completely straight-faced. Like, and I'm, like, one of the most straight-faced people ever.

Like, dude, so I'm crying laughing and this kid's just, likefaced but it was like because of the military i'm sorry man like you know like it's just what happens you know yeah dude i remember for a while i'm dude i remember when i came back after basic bro i like refused to put my hands in my pocket bro it's like one of those things like you can't put your hands in your pocket in uniform so i'm like walking around fucking cold as shit like 20 degrees outside like this like my hands like fucking i don't know man you're weird when you come out of the arm you're kind of weird like low-key like for a little while like you kind of normal you kind of get normal after you go to your normal stuff yeah once you go to your big unit you meet like some of the older guys who've been in for a while and they're

like yeah we go to clubs like we're still going fucking nuts and like okay cool like let me come out with you let me like fucking try to get normal again i remember one of my friends bro after this dude got a basic this dude was doing pull-ups in the club, man. Really? We're in a club, and to your right and left, there's these stairs, and this dude was under the stairs, bro,

doing pull-ups because he just didn't know how to talk to anybody, bro. Really? He just didn't know how to say hi to women. He just didn't know how to fucking do anything, so he just was in his club. I mean, it's already hard enough to talk to women in general, dude.

I can't imagine going in the military and like some chicks talking about her instagram page and you're just like bro i remember i remember motherfuckers women when you used to tell me like mexico safer than america i was like damn bro i was like shit like you do you know there's like some kind like some places in mexico are like run by gangs bro like right like there's no like law but i don't know man i guess i just i don't i i guess i i guess i just got used to it man like how would you like dude because your knees were pretty messed up like how did that like i had to uh i did i had to do a waiver for that man i do waiver for my knees really yeah man they let me in anyway i like retorn my knees like twice in the army bro but

they're like yeah you're fucking good i remember getting the fucking checks and they're like yeah bro we're still sending you on deployment the fucking guy still got some deployment i tore my knees in the mountains in deployment and i was like damn bro like i was like fuck that's so you're just like yelling at the top of your lungs like they're just like nah man you're good yeah dude i'm fucking i remember i'd come in like fucking limping like fucking one knee like double side like yeah dude like like you're still good to run i was like thanks doc appreciate that yo yo the health care is real bro that rumor is completely true i remember blowing on my knee like right in front of you

and you were just like yeah this gets fucked like no sympathy whatsoever like yeah coach he's fucking down i'm pretty sure you just let some kid Run at me too It was like your assignment dude Some kid just fucking Dives at my knees I'm like screaming At the top of my lungs Fuck man Yeah

That was fucking sad bro Yeah That was savage I was like fuck man You came back though right You came back That was the same season wasn't it I came back in the same day

Same There was a state championship game They were like yeah man You can go back in Oh yeah And they blew up my knee too bro Yeah We all

Dude we were all fucking robots Out there dude i remember the last quarter of the game i was waddling around i was just like fucking playing with people's tits i'm like uh yeah we killed them bro we killed them yeah dude that i mean i kind of wish like that was more of competition man because that like how did you feel after like winning the championship like i felt good but i felt like i kind of wish it was like it like came down to the you know the line you know what i mean yeah i felt i felt all right about it i mean i was definitely i think only i guess my only regret is that we didn't like fucking kill cranston west because i think that was the only team that beat us but they were out of division but as far as that i mean i was happy but you're right i guess i feel you i feel like i felt like it was too easy like

it wasn't like half halfway through the game was like was like 30 to zero. I mean, that's not to... I mean, halfway through the game, they knew our calls, too. We were like, Ohio. The dude just lines up right where the ball's going. We were like, ah, might want to switch it up. And we would try to switch it up, too, dude. I remember that, man.

Be like, Cincinnati. They'd be like, we fucking know, bitch. I remember that stuff. Some good times, man. I know, man. I think it's some good times man I think it's cause like we both like Like from the emotional standpoint It's like do we fucking blew out our knees Like if you think about everything we went through

Like weight room Blowing out our knees Taking shit from everyone Like it was kind of worth it Yeah I mean It felt like I think it felt like I guess it felt like the right ending i guess you

know you're like damn man you know we went all the shitty times i guess no one i guess i'm sure other kids are going through shitty times bro and they're like damn i finished my senior with like nothing to show for it with like some fucking shitty i don't even think i used to get like a shitty trophy like everyone gets like the same fucking plastic trophy so like i mean we fucking nailed it now we got some a fucking kind of gaudy looking ring but whatever i'm here for it yeah i'm here for man i just feel like i don't think anyone got shit on more than us like i feel like we definitely got shit on the most i mean you wouldn't shut up dude i would never talk like it was just like the perfect like situation we were chilling man yeah

i forgot who are who was our center bro i forgot who our, who was our center, bro? I forgot who the, oh, it was Jacob. Yeah. The fucking, I remember now. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. He was pretty,

I guess he wasn't really quiet either, huh? Was he? I don't know. I guess no one else was just, yeah, I guess you're right. I guess we were just the fucking idiots, huh? We were just like, we were just like having our own conversations, though.

I mean, we were just chilling. Oh, you know who fucking also used to be? Andrew. That big ass fucking dude. Dude, Andrew like made the team, bro. Yeah, man yeah man bro that guy took up like 12 feet of space just in general i remember me and him would just be chatting and he'd be like hey man just tell me you're cutting i was like yeah he's like i'm just gonna lay on the ground you just like lay on top of me really yeah fucking skirky's be pissed bro yeah he used to fucking i can't cut this thing man it's my yeah it's my

i don't know man i don't think i would change it for the world. Like, I just, I remember, like, emotionally, like, I don't think I was, like, fit at that time. Yeah? Like, I just feel like we were both pretty fucked up. Yeah, I think, like, after my concussion,

I was fucking, like, in my concussion junior year, I was, like, I was always kind of like, damn, like, what if I'm in mid-concussion right now? I do remember us talking

a little bit and, like, chilling. Like, I remember, like, thinking, like, damn, like, Chris is fucked up, like, low-key, because I think he had a concussion when he was playing. And I remember thinking, like, chilling. Like, I remember, like, thinking, like, damn, like, Chris is fucked up, like, low-key. Because I think he had a concussion when he was playing. And I remember thinking, like, I think he was fucked up.

Like, I could tell. I was, like, I've seen that, like, spacing outlook. I was, like, bro, I was there, bro. Like, last year, I was there. Your concussion symptoms were, like, unlike any other, though, dude. People would be, like, yeah, I'm dizzy. Like, you know, the light hurts. You'd be, like, yo, it's the fucking loony equinox.

Like, you thought fucking asteroids were coming down from the sky dude like you thought you were on shutter island dude yeah coach was like look man like you gotta fucking take it down and out i remember my boy lazarus saved my life man i all i remember bro is just like getting hit in the head my junior year have no fucking clue where i was man and then fucking lazarus was like yeah bro here we are and i was like i just remember everything being like black and white and like just i just couldn't stop laughing where i was man and then fucking lazarus was like yeah bro here we are and i was like i just remember everything being like black and white and like just i just couldn't stop laughing bro i was laughing hard man i don't know what it was i was like everything's so fucking scary i'm like this shit's hilarious and i was laughing so hard man that's all i remember

really i mean dude as long as you're like not in the loony bin now you know what i mean hey man it all paid off dude i mean who would have thought that like you and i you know would have a state championship ring? Like, dude, never in a thousand years, man, like, looking back on it, would I think, like, you know. I didn't think we were going to be that good because, I mean, the year before we weren't, like, fucking crazy good. You know, we were just a fucking. Especially me and you, dude. Like, both, like, borderline disabled, like, out there.

That's true, man. Like, mentally and physically. We overcame adversity that's how I think about it yeah yeah I guess so man we will be remembered forever

I hope yeah I mean I don't know how good Cumberland is now you know the two the two fucking guys who were with the broken knee

and the fucking broken emotions the fucking robot and I guess both robots is their own fucking way yeah that'd be funny dude like some kids from cumberland like see us at the mall they have like no idea who we are we're like yankee

candle wearing like sweatpants but you better fucking remember we'll go to the next thing at thanksgiving me like dude you better fucking remember yeah like dude we have a ring guys you want to fucking win yeah but so like all right so all that shit happened like what you so you're living in san diego now like what do you do though you're still enlisted uh no man i'm free uh kind of i guess i'm like so when you join the military you have your four active years and then you have four inactive years so at a minimum whenever you sign a contract you're there for eight years you have to be in for eight years but you only have to be active or reserve or or national guard for four of them and then so i'm like i think i have like one a couple more months left i think it's like in september this coming september i'm like i'm officially out but

like right now it's like let's say we go to war with uh i don't know fucking china or some shit and they can pull me back in they can be like hey we need you like you're fucking reinstated although i have i guess they could extend my shit too because they've done that before too like you'll be on deployment and you have like fucking one year left in your contract so when you get back you're gonna be hanging out for like one month they're like yeah we're gonna extend your contract because like this war isn't over yet like so fucking you hang out so there's like a lot of power over you man yeah bro dude like yo you are you literally like i couldn't realize bro like the more free you are like the less security you have and the more

security you have the less free you are bro and it is like the most highest security job in the military because you're always getting paid bro you can do whatever you have and the more security you have, the less free you are, bro. And it is like the most high security job in the military. Cause you're always getting paid, bro. You can do whatever you want in the military, bro. And you will never get fired, bro. Like you have,

in order to get fired, you have to do some real dumb shit. Like, like you have to either get caught doing drugs, like you have to get caught doing drugs multiple times. Let's start with that. Like multiple times, bro.

Or you just have to like blatantly just like, I don't know, just not show up to work every day. Like, and even then, like they'll still just fucking put you in jail or some shit. Like what happens if like me and you were in like a bunk bed together and like, dude,

it's like fucking two in the morning, like we're in a bunker, like everyone's sleeping and I just wake up like I'm sleepwalking, but I take like an AK 47 and just start blind firing at the ceiling. Like, would they kick me out then nah bro I think they would give you you know what I bet what happened I bet they'd give you fucking disability pay they'd be like they'd be like yo maybe like yo this motherfucker was normal until he fucking joined the army and now he sleepswalk because of the army and so they give you like $3,000 a month just to get out they would pay you to get out what if it was like the first day though

like the first time sleeping in a bunk bed just randomly the middle of the night i don't know bro dude that would scare the shit out of everyone dude you see a gunfire i fucking bet bro holy shit dude look i mean they don't have us walking around with live rounds like fucking just hanging out like that but yeah i bet that would make people fucking scared bro fucking a man oh dude i'd pay to see your reaction dude you should have seen me one time man where i was hearing but i hear no i had fucking pink eye in both my eyes fucking basically bro what are you just getting fart on by other dudes but i have no idea i swear people were just fucking pranking my shit man fucking wiping

their ass on my pillow bro because i fucking had pink eye for like two months like two like the whole fucking like two weeks probably actually more like but i was i was told like if you go to fucking the infirmary get the start over like they'll fucking recycle you i'm like okay so i used to wake up every morning bro my fucking eyes like fucking glued together and my fucking bunkmate underneath me i remember whenever you got up bro made a noise to scare the shit out of me like and i'd be like hey man help me get out of bed bro it's used to guide me to the bathroom every morning bro because my eyes are fucking glued shut yeah all this to say that fucking noises where you can't see shit would scare the fucking shit out of you. I'm just saying.

That scared me. Yeah, man. I'm usually a pretty good sleeper, but there's always, like, at least once a month. I tell people, people don't believe this, dude. I literally see stuff in the middle of the night. Like, it looks real to me. And I'll, like, blink my eyes and be like, dude, it's just a dream. But it's like, I'm legit seeing it, dude.

Bro, what the fuck are you talking about, bro? Literally bro literally like i'll wake up in the middle of the night dude i'll just fucking eat like a bunch of reese's pieces i'll look over in the corner dude and i'll just see a dude with like an hvac about to like vacuum my butthole dude dude i'll get up run into my mom's room and just scream what the fuck and my mom will be like what's wrong what's wrong and then i'll just walk in my bed like just go back to bed dang bro dude my mom laughs her ass off she's like she like knows it's coming though because it's like once a month dude dude but i'm telling you dude like in my head i'm like dude it's just a dream man like just close your eyes open your eyes fucking do something you'll smack yourself in the face dude but i literally see i think it's something with my vision like i have astigmatism dude i vision. Like, I think it has to do with that.

That's fucking, that's kind of wild looking, bro. Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. Maybe I'm, like, in, like, another dimension, dude. You should definitely join the area, bro. Because when you get kicked out, bro, for fucking sleepwalking and blowing a whole steel wall, bro, you will get paid just to get out, bro. Really?

Yeah, they pay you to get out, bro, in that case. You could probably plead insanity. Shit. Bro, sometimes I'm like, man, I wish I was almost more depressed than I am so I could be like, yeah, man, this is your fault. Yeah. Yo, pay me for this.

Pay me for this sadness. Dude, there's so many weird, like, rules about that stuff, though. Like, even in college, like, I remember we had a fucking, like, the RA, like, the whatever they're called, the RAs who, like, monitor the halls, dude.

Dude, they come into our room, like, we had this wicked weird roommate, dude. They come into our room, they're like, yeah roommate dude they come into our room they're like yeah like if you're like one of you you know kills yourself then you guys get free tuition and our roommate goes all right looks like i'm ended it we were like like yeah man wrong timing like you know like but like i don't even think it was suicide i was like if one of you dies like the mental trauma like we'll pay for your tuition so this guy was cracking like dude he firstly cracked a suicide joke he was like all right i'm gonna get my m9 we were like what the fuck and then he was like yeah man looks like one of you is gonna die tonight i'm playing like nhl i'm like what the fuck dude like texting my mom i'm like yeah i'm coming home for the weekend like you know so dude there's always weird regulations like that man i don't know why the fucking they

do that man almost incentivizes that shit a little bit that's kind of funny man it's kind of funny yeah but it's like somebody starts cracking jokes it's like yeah i'm going home for the week man that's just still kind of funny yeah man we had some fucking characters bro but like so what are you planning on doing? Like in San Diego, man, like the weather must be fucking nice, dude.

So, yeah, so I go to UCSD. So yeah, I'm going to university, California, San Diego, chilling.

I'm just getting my English lit degree, minor in psychology and become a teacher afterwards. So that's pretty much it, man. Like a psychology teacher. No, no, man.

Just a normal ass literature, language arts teacher. Teaching kids how to read and write. Wow, dude wow i can see you being a teacher man i'm changing the world bro i don't know if i'll change the world but i'm hoping that'll just be interesting you know but more than anything yeah i think it's cool like changing the world is kind of like a side gig for me i'm mostly just interested in like fucking watching kids like fucking interact in their environment bro yeah i feel like kids are so ruthless and like mean to each other and also really hilarious.

That kind of just want to like observe that. Yeah. I get bored. Yeah. There's so many like naive teachers that have no idea what kids are capable of, man. Like,

dude, if I think about me from like anywhere from like third to fifth grade, think about like the vocabulary you had at recess, dude. I'm just like, fuck, piss, shit.

The man was acting like he had Tourette's man like they're looking verbal Tourette's yeah i mean back then dude if you find out like what any of those words are like you're just gonna yell them and just like big thanks bro big thanks dude i almost got suspended in uh fifth grade um dude i'd never spoke at all like the quietest kid in the class there was this one girl dude she used to beat the shit out of me in the locker dude we had this locker like we put like all our bags in and like the teacher couldn't see you know like you take turns going to the locker dude and i'd always have to be with her dude bro i'd put my bag down she just started throwing haymakers at me dude so i'm like i walk up to the teacher i'm like hey like can i talk to you and she's like yeah yeah sure i'm like listen

like this chick literally beats the fucking shit out of me every day i've got like a black eye she's like teacher literally goes like i know you're making this up i'm like dude i can't go forward with this anymore like i can't take it so she like wouldn't do anything about it dude and me at a revenge dude i had like a group of friends, man. We made up this like vocabulary system where it was like we'd have like fucking these like code words. It would be like SUV, TV, DVD. And they would all stand for like different things. So like fucking, dude, TV was like tit vagina.

Like SUV was like, SUV was sex tit vagina like suv was like suv was sex under vagina dvd was dick vagina dick and we would just fucking yell it like in the middle of class i'd be like one of my friends would be like i need a new dvd and everyone would start dying laughing because like they knew what it meant and we thought we would get away with it so like one day the teacher calls me over she's like listen like i know your code words if you say that shit again like you're suspended i was like i was so confused i'm like how'd you find out like she's like oh like that girl that beats the shit out of you she told me and i was like like it's literally yeah i saw kicking your ass yeah she gave me the fucking she gave me the deets bro that's two losses though right there man i was so scared dude getting suspended but like dude the vocabulary

man at that age dude second to none i forgot why you get oh man i think i got i think i got suspended one time in high school for doing that too just really yeah because in the middle of his health class i thought it would be fucking funny when he was talking about sex to be like well if this is sex and what is fucking it's like what I asked him in the middle of class and put everybody just look at me like you're a fucking moron and he's like get out go you guys suspended I think I got suspended for that man I think I think I was just doing all kinds of shit like at that point yeah so I think I was like one thing on top of many i was like the final fucking straw to bring it back clown basically yeah pretty much yeah i was the exact opposite man i never said anything in class

but if i could go back i really wish i just took advantage of it a little more dude i feel like i feel like there's not really that many repercussions for just being stupid yeah i mean like when we had like tenorero and stuff like there definitely was you know they'd be like yeah you're expelled like you can't come back but uh yeah man i was always really quiet like but i would always fucking die laughing like dude we had this one substitute i don't know if you remember him man he had a gambling problem and he went completely bankrupt no i don't remember so he became a substitute teacher yeah like he still had a wicked nice car like he had a ferrari dude that i don't know, he still had a wicked nice car.

Like, he had a Ferrari, dude, that I don't know why he still paid for it, dude. But, like, he would come in and he'd tell us his story. He'd be like, yeah, you know, like, I was killing it. Like, the blackjack, like, you know, but I ended up going bankrupt. I, you know, still have a gambling problem. So, at this point, I'm literally crying laughing. You're in the worst position of your life. Like, well, this is a health class, dude. This Portuguese kid who can't even speak English, dude. right in front of him, dude, just yells penis, like, at the top of his lungs, like, aggressively.

Like, you know, like, when you yell penis, like, penis. Like, this kid yelled like his family was in danger. Like, penis. And the teacher, dude, just straight face, dude. Like doesn't even respond. And the kid just keeps doing it. Like he did it five consecutive times, dude. God damn, man.

There's like females in the class. Like legitimately like crying. Dude, I fucking cried laughing, man. It was so fucking funny but just to put yourself in that situation that guy must have been like bro straight up man what do you what do you do bro bro if i was a teacher i feel like i would just be like yeah man that's that's what that word is bro you're right yeah boys do have that shit especially

in a health class i feel like you have like some more leeway to be funny you know like i feel like i feel like the bad the worst thing about health class was people just aren't funny enough yeah like we see titties and then like they're like yeah but like these are just like yeah for milk and like babies i'm like nah bro but like they're for other things too man it's fucking hilarious like look at it's just fat on your chest bro it's like you're fat but like just on like

one part of your body bro like I'm here for it of course I never saw like the graphic shit that everyone else saw in health class like

all I remember is the Lifetime movies man those really got to me dude yeah I love those Lifetime movies I love the ones where like I'd be the only one like yeah those are the worst though man

when you're like watching those and you're like emotionally invested and then like chad's in the back of the class and he yells penis and you're like dude oh i was about to cry bro you know what i mean i was thinking the same thing man i remember like motherfuckers be like making fun of this dude like peeing his bed and shit i was like damn bro like yeah man i mean i get it like yeah i can totally nothing in his sheets emotionally invested yeah you know it's just like sometimes i wonder is it like you're just having like such a great dream you just nut or are you just like rubbing yourself off on your sheets by accident could be either or man i've never experienced that to be honest but i've heard some stories yeah dang bro yeah i just never never really got to me lucky you man my man never spoke so we never

got to get we never got to hear the sharp voice the My man never spoke So we never even got to get We never even got to hear The sharp voice The broken up voice My man just never had a wet dream bro You didn't even have puberty bro How'd you get this big man I never Dude I never had acne

I had like a Maybe like one or two zits man I never had acne I never had acne either I got lucky with that Yeah But it was just cause I was black But then I

Then I saw other black people And I was like shit man Them motherfuckers got mountains On their face Bro black acne bro Is the worst. I think so. Bro, you just said your friend got kicked out of the army for acne.

So, I mean, I... Okay, you're right. His acne was real bad, though. He was probably the worst acne situation I've ever seen, honestly. Yeah, I felt bad for people. I never had braces or acne. But I was also, when I was really young, dude, I was alsoly obese, like, smelly, didn't brush my hair, had glasses, so I kind of made up for it.

Glasses, dude. Glasses suck, man. Yeah? Yeah. I got some reading glasses, but I don't really use them. I have contacts now, but, like, back in the day when I had glasses, man, I was at one of my friend's, like, houses. when I had glasses, man.

I was at one of my friend's like houses. His dad takes a football, throws it right at my face, fucking breaks my glasses in two. So not only can I not see, dude, but just like one single tear rolled down my eye. Dude, his dad was literally like,

he tells a story to this day. It was like the funniest moment of his life. Like he'll go out to like dinner with other people and tell them that story because it was just like i was like straight faced and just one single tear rolled down my face dude a man will go to jay's deli and be like yeah man this one is for john like wait john psyche you're that john you're that guy yeah man but uh i don't know man kids are fucking ruthless dude But like if I could go back dude I'd do some crazy shit man

Yeah man Can't believe you got an A's A's Ramics though dude That's nuts Bro that's it Only A ever got man Were you like nice with her Like you

Nah bro You had Miss Rock I would just I was like some blonde woman Really Yeah I can't remember her name To be honest with you Tall blonde lady

But Nah man I just made a bunch of stuff man I was just making random crap and giving it to my mom and be like hey mom I made you a bowl today and she'd be like

thanks Cam this sub bowl's still hanging around at the house man that shit makes me feel good it looks ugly but it makes you feel good I can see you like throwing it out the window

bro I love that shit man I remember the only thing you couldn't make was like bongs yeah yeah man I remember a couple dudes would like try to and I remember I made like this candle

and she was like looking for holes and shit cause you know like the candle fucking holder and she's like yeah we're fucking holes and shit because, you know, like, the candle fucking hole there. She's like, yeah, we're fucking checking that shit for holes to see if we're going to try and smoke out of it. Dude, I struggled, man. I would always make, like, I made a massive cock, dude.

It was probably, like, this big. And I was just straight-faced. And she was like, John, like, what'd you make? And she saw it. And, like, she had to go in the back room to laugh. She told me that when she graduated. But, dude, anything after that i would make like a dick but i'd put it as like the nose so it's like a normal ass person with like a dick

for a nose dude it's fucking it bro i just want you to fucking do it man yeah i wish i was nice dude that sure reminds me of super bad man yeah you're fucking yeah dude man yeah i mean dude nothing better man but like so you think you're gonna i mean not think like i'm sure you'll fucking teach english but that's like what you want to teach that's the hope man that's the hope specifically in high school you know i might go for my master's maybe because i probably have some extra time on my gi bill but i mean other than that yeah i plan to just mess around high school and just freaking see those kids go buck wild. I don't know, man. High schools are weird, man.

I just want to watch that shit. Yeah, bro. You get the whole summer off, too. That's also a big deal, too, man. I'm here for the vacations. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. They say that they work on the summer.

But, like, I remember when I joined the Army, people were like, you don't get paid enough. You'll be poor. And I'm like, all right, cool. I guess I'll mentally prepare for that. You don't need that much money to go to the beach over there. But you're good. Like, you really make enough money in the army so you're good so i was thinking it's the same thing probably i'm hoping i'm hoping that like the summers will actually legitimately like i'll be able to chill oh dude i know like multiple teachers

who are just teachers just to get the summer off i'm kind of i'm kind of interested i heard they like change it like depending on the school department though they'll change it though like the pay because like i guess back in the day dude they used to just give you like a lump sum of money yeah but teachers would just blow it in like a week so now they like spread it out which makes sense like i can see you getting a lump sum dude just going to the beach man just getting cocked bro big facts man i just want to go i remember when i was so when i deployed i deployed to el salvador i remember he used to fucking he used to go to the beaches and just get drunk, man. Just drink mojitos all day and just chill, man.

I don't think there's anything better, honestly. Yeah, man. I have a friend who has a beach house. Dude, I remember one summer, I went to the, he went to his private beach like three days in a row and literally just got blasted

every single day and someone was like, dude, like, you think you can sustain this? Like, you think you could do this for the rest of your life? And I was like,

easily, dude. Like, it's the one thing I think, like, excessively I could do every single the rest of your life And I was like Easily dude Like it's the one thing I think like Excessively I could do Every single day Yeah Fuck man I don't know

I still It depends how hammered I'm getting bro Cause I do like to live I can't lie You know I can't remember The last time I was

Really hungover Like then again I can't remember The last time I was so drunk I was like damn Are you like a Are you like a big drinker I like to drink a lot of beer

Now Like what type of beer Are we talking I like lagers Like I mean I'm gonna go Are you like a big drinker? I like to drink a lot of beer Now Like what type of beer Are we talking? I like lagers Like I mean I'm a Samuel Lennon guy Or like Yeah pretty much lagers

Pretty much my type deal I might drink a blonde or two Here and there But Yeah mostly Or like Thicker Like thick things like Guinness

I dig a Guinness man Good stuff like that Good stuff yeah So we got a couple bars Like right up down the street I like live on a place Called like La Mesa Boulevard man And it's like You walk right down And it's just like A on a place called like La Mesa Boulevard man and it's like

you walk right down and it's just like a bunch of restaurants and bars and shit so I just go down there I was like how's the virus and everything like

affected that though quite a bit quite a bit we out there most things are closed down so in California like everything is practically closed down

right now pretty much no outdoor dining same thing so now we have to deliver again so bars I guess are pretty much no outdoor dining same thing so now we have to deliver again so bars I guess are pretty much

fucked now dude nothing like dude I work for Amazon now dude yeah I used to work at a bank long story short

I left like everyone got laid off dude I was talking to this one lady I used to work with man she has three kids dude she's getting laid off

so that's fucking scary to think about but luckily enough I got out in time I work for Amazon now I'm just delivering packages but it's so weird to think about it like just the world we live in dude like fucking like everything's shut down dude small businesses are fucked like there's no way they're coming back unless there's like a huge bailout but i doubt they would give it to the small businesses they're just gonna bail out all the banks i was even reading uh about how um

they do the rent relief is is not really actually like a finance like a financial relief it's essentially just like a prolonging of the time in which you can pay back your rent so essentially you i guess if you're not paying your rent you're essentially just getting more into debt so when the when the time comes that the the pandemic is officially over i suppose you'll have to pay back that time you didn't pay. Yeah, none of it makes sense. They have the PPP loans for businesses, and the majority of businesses, they're not approved for it.

So they're just fucked. They're just going to go under. But everyone continues to order shit from Amazon. Dude, there's so many fucking packages, man, from Amazon. Yeah. Probably 60% to 70 percent of them are imported from china so it's like dude china took two weeks off they're like yeah i was gonna open everything back up fucking send everything over but oh man it's just fucking

scary dude like just like hearing about like people getting laid off and stuff but yeah man this world is i mean this this is pretty crazy man honestly i i mean i suppose like i always in my mind i always thought like yeah we'll have a pandemic one day like this shit is like inevitable right i always thought it'd be more like hardcore like like i thought it'd be more like yeah like some of that actually makes sense dude yeah because i mean i'm not saying i understand i guess i understand okay i completely get into the beginning and i guess in a way because of how how not as deadly as it would appear to be,

I'm also kind of in the same light where I'm like, you know, man, at this point, I feel like maybe we should just... We know who are, generally speaking, we know who are the most vulnerable population, so maybe we just chill. Have them chill, and then the rest of us can do our thing. I mean, we're a mass, fine.

Yeah, I mean, anyone logically, like if you're political or not can say that this was handled like fucking terribly yeah we're so fucked but like yeah man especially at like california new york city are like genuinely fucked man yeah man we are i mean i mean yeah california's pissed off man a lot of people a lot of fucking municipalities are fucking angry yeah especially after Gary Newsom got or

George Newsom I forget his name Gavin yeah Gavin Gavin after he got caught like I guess going to that

whole restaurant thing that whole restaurant business I mean a lot of cities a lot of mayors are essentially expressly opening that like

yeah we're not gonna have our like sheriff departments enforces or XYZ so now you have like certain cities that are just practically open like nothing's happening and it's other cities that are just like completely locked down so yeah there's all this division now and i think it's just because mostly our politicians are like kind of messing around like a dude in austin river that i bring in mayor in austin who was like telling people to stay home and he's like recording the video like to stay home from his like mansion in fucking mexico or whatever yeah

as he just flew to mexico damn bro like so much shit going on man we really sucking out here now yeah man i've never been political but i would never agree like from an economic standpoint dude to shut everything down like what the fuck do you think is gonna happen man i mean mostly it's like in my opinion as far as i can tell mostly would seem it's just like the uh it's the ramifications of having a mostly capitalistic society which i'm down with i'm down with the capitalist society personally but like i recognize that the economy is one of the driving forces of a functioning capitalistic society so it has to be maintained the only like for example like a country like say like uh i don't know like sweden right or even denmark like where they're heavily now now they use the Nordic model, which is not, you know,

you can't, if you call it socialism, you'd be crucified. It's socialism with a free market, really. But like they can shut down their entire countries because 50% of the income of people, like they get from their work is taxed, right? We're in America, I don't know how much of our income is taxed, depends on your state, but it's no more than 10%. 10% would be ridiculously high, right?

Yeah. So, I mean, we're just not in that position man we try to react like the other countries that happen to have those things and i mean it's i guess i'm trying to say we live in a cutthroat system kind of i'm down with it personally i mean i think that's that's the way the world is right but i think they're gonna bet like dude the banks are lending money that they don't have like everyone like you should know that for a fact like that's how people fucking hate banks man like even when i work there like obviously some people don't understand the banking system and if they did they'd fucking drive through a fucking oil rig but like the banks literally just like they're just like utilizing money that they don't have obviously which makes sense but some people are so dude some people literally think like when you go to the bank and you make a deposit like

they think like they have their own little like deposit fucking cart where they're like yeah can you just put like 50 in my box and it's like dude are you fucking high right now like are you in second grade dude like what the fuck man like if people actually understood the banking system man which is obviously very complex dude it's like the scariest thing in the world man yeah man truly yeah it is pretty fucking wild to think about that shit i think i think i like when i was a kid i thought that but then when i read about the depression i was like oh shit like this is why motherfuckers are really losing money yeah like they're always gonna get bailed out but like i don't know man it's just like like the thing that scares me the most like working for

a bank is like dude they they probably knew what was going to happen. You know what I mean? Like, it's all, like, manipulation. It's fucking scary, dude. Bro, you ever think about that shit sometimes, bro? You ever just sit around and think, like, damn, bro, like, if another, like, if, like, another, like, complete economical collapse is, like, happening, like, your fucking bank just dropped. Like, bro, that's all your money, bro, just gone. Like, that's all your, I guess, you know, your theoretical money.

Yeah, man, I mean, you're always taught to, like, be like, yeah, like, you know, we have, like, FDIC insurance. But, like, dude, I don't know shit about FDIC. Like, what happens if everything crashes? Like, you see people sometimes going to the bank. They're like, yeah, I want to withdraw, like, 50 grand in cash. And they're like, we don't have that right now. And you're like, what do you mean you don't have that? We don't have that.

That's fucking nuts to me, dude. It's like, what if, what if you know like what if i fucking need that man what if i want to dig a fucking hole in my backyard put that shit in there bro you know fucking big facts man i'd fucking bury your fucking american money i dig it man some fucking fallout 3 shit man you'd be trading bottle caps man you're just finding american dollars hanging around like oh this is fucking neat fucking trade this in for some fucking bottle caps you just see your neighbor like burying it next day you go and take it dude just fucking gone oh my god dude yeah i was thinking about you i was like fuck man like i wonder what's going on out there like compared to here yeah i mean as far as i can tell, man, it's practically, I guess I wouldn't, your gyms are open, huh?

No. I mean, dude, they like, they closed, then they opened, then they closed again. And now I guess they're opening up the 21st. But it's like one person per 150 square feet. So I think my gym, like that's like 60 people. So basically back to full capacity. But it's like like why would you shut down

for two weeks like I don't I don't know man it's pretty it's kinda I think in California so I mean

well I know alright so I know but I can't I can't say the place just in case you know I don't want them to get I don't want them

but essentially yeah they're gonna be they're gonna be watching the podcast they're coming to the Johnny Salami podcast and be like this fucking guy this fucking this dude this fucking gym is doing this shit so

so because gyms are closed huh or they can only be outside actually i think they might be just be fully closed right now but you know this dude had this fucking idea while he's running his gym he's like bro he's like hospitals are still open he's like duh it's like so i'm a fucking he's like i'm gonna change my gym to a wellness center bro and then he's like i'm gonna make motherfuckers sign this waiver saying that their doctor said they had to be here for mental health and since they do that like technically the business is supposed to get the get like the evidence like our doctor written evidence from us but they're not asking for it they just say yeah just sign this shit so we sign it and then someone the state comes and asks they're like yeah they signed this waiver but they can't check us because of hipaa so they can't like so these

motherfuckers are essentially like yeah just sign this shit and when we show it to the state the state can't look into it because it's your private information so these motherfuckers are able to stay open because they're saying they're a private wellness center and like we're just we're there for mental health because our doctor said we had to be so it's just a bunch of fucking depressed psychopath anxiety fucking motherfuckers just working out yeah speaking of working out you like i mean you got into powerlifting like you did your first meet like what was that like i was like i was a year ago it's pretty cool man i mean it's fine i was kind of sick i got sick like literally like two weeks after i feel i always feel like a bitch

whenever i say this shit because i feel like i'm making excuses but like yeah i got sick so i was like kind of like vomiting i couldn't like work out for like a week or two like leading up to that so i was like i was coming right back in like damn well hope i get this shit yeah well what made you say though like i'm gonna do a powerlifting meet like were you oh so so i'm married by the way i'm married really yeah holy shit i didn't know that so my wife is an animal and uh i was like okay well i don't know i just wanted to be strong I guess I just like the idea of lifting heavy weight holy shit

I have a wife man I'm married wow man two cats holy shit dude throwing the heater man yeah man she's a fucking animal

when did this happen damn when did I get married bro I got married like why wasn't I invited last year it was just like a little thing

we just went to the courthouse and signed some papers and walked away oh it was like a low-key thing yeah it was low-key you didn't want anything big no no especially in my mind i'm like it'd be cool to like throw a wedding right but like it'd also be cool just like go to hawaii you know i'm saying like yeah which is what did you have like a honeymoon and everything no i didn't even do that man you just wanted to make it official yeah we were kind of getting in the midst of it and setting it up waiting for her to get her like, and then all the pandemic stuff sort of hit.

But, I mean, it was kind of later on, honestly, in the time frame of it. She probably could have did it sooner, but whatever, no biggie. So we'll probably wait until all this is done, and then we'll get a passport and go off to Europe and do the whole quintessential honeymoon. But, yeah, man. What's she like? How'd you meet her? Dang, so we met in medic school.

Oh, so she was in the Army? Yeah, she was also in the Army. Damn. Yeah, man. And then after that, we just, I don't know, after some time, her dating around, me dating around, we decided to, hey, you know, fucking, I'm depressed. You're depressed. Let's be depressed together.

Wow, dude. So it was beautiful. After that, we just, now we just have beautiful, depressing love. It's great. That's awesome, man. It's beautiful to hear, man. And she's fucking animal. She's competitive.

She's like super competitive. So it kind of pushes me to also be competitive alifting or yeah holy shit yeah i just want to say man look i'm gonna brag on her yeah she can bench 195 man i said it is i mean considering the state record for women is like i think it's 210 or something in california the state record in california is 210 so she was kind of like an influence for you or yeah yeah i mean kind of helps me kind of kind of interest me in competing, I guess. But like, so when you work out for fun, do you do like bodybuilding or are you more like powerlifting, really?

I do more like powerlifting because I guess I'm working out for fun, but like I'm also low-key working out for the pain of it. Like I kind of like, I don't know if that makes any sense at all. No, it makes complete sense. But like, I like to be in agony when I'm working out. I like to work out hard because I like the way it kind of hurts my body. Like, I don't know, I'm not actually hurt. I just like the fucking

strain of it. Yeah, you just want to be like bulletproof. Yeah, pretty much, you know. Bullets like bounce off of me

or like fucking that one scene where they bounce off of Superman's eyelid. Like, that'd be fucking, that'd be cool. Yeah. Yeah,

I saw your video, man. I was like, wow, dude, he actually followed through with it. I wish I was like him.

Dude, I saw your shit too, man. Dude, you're low-key kind of strong, bro. Like, low-key. I would never do a powerlifting meet though. not man i don't know do you know like there's a lot of state records we sat here in rhode island man like rhode island doesn't have much going on for it yeah i mean i don't know i just never like had the aspiration

to do it when i was when we were younger like everyone was like dude you should just like powerlifting i was like no man i'm good i mean i can't say i guess i'm kind of i would say i'm doing it for fun. I am. The only time I'll ever compete again, I probably, if like, you know, I'm just strong enough. You know what I mean? Like, if I know I can win. Yeah.

The thing I like most about Pirates of the Mesa, they're super unforgiving, bro. Like, if you go and you don't come in the top three, like, you don't get shit, bro. You don't get anything for your time. Yeah, I mean. Which is, I mean, which is what I like. I kind of like that. Because, you know, I kind of, it's like, damn, I have nothing to show for that.

Like, I have no proof I was actually there, bro, other than my video. Like, I want to go back and get me a medal, have me a proof that I was there. I kind of like that, I guess. Yeah, you want to, like, win, basically. Yeah, I want to win. Yeah, I've seen some, I mean, I don't know, I've seen some guys my weight and I'm just like, yeah, I'm good. Are you 240 right now or where are you right now?

Like 220 or what? Dude, I did, I just joined a weight loss challenge. And I think last week I weighed in like 227. So I'm still pretty thick, dude. I mean, you look good, bro. You look good. I'm still a thick boy, though. So like other dudes my weight, man, they're lifting like legit houses.

Yeah, I mean, so right now I'm like 188. But there's dudes in my weight class Who are like deadlifting Like 700 plus pounds And squatting like 600 And benching like 400 so Yeah dude I put 500 on my back once And I was just like Fuck

That's the most I've ever gotten like Till I collapsed Was blasting in the background I'm wearing flex fit jeans dude My adrenaline's at like an all-time high i was just like you might as well just try it like once in your life like you know your knee snaps like just fucking whatever man i got two reps but like my back was like like my body was like shaking dude i was like if i drop this right now dude like it's fucking over bro i feel you i

kind of like that shit though man yeah the scary element of like yeah i might die right now yeah it's like a euphoric feeling man it's like the fear of the unknown like you never know what's gonna happen i think i like that shit yeah that's also why i like i ride a motorcycle for example i like that stuff too like when you take those tight turns like damn bro like this might be it yeah this turn right here this is the one yeah no dude that's that's because like i'll do i'll do like basically like power building like i mean i like bodybuilding i like i like high rep stuff but like like you know now and then man i'll just fucking rip some metal dude and just fucking send it i just i don't know man i just like the feeling of that but i wouldn't be able to do that like every day dude i'd fucking cry yeah i fucking i lift like six times a week man usually Yeah, although maybe I'm exaggerating on the six day

because I'm not really lifting heavy. And even on some of the, like, I really only go heavy maybe like the first, like the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and after that, it's kind of just like I put it down a little bit and then I go back into it. Yeah. Are you pretty strict with your diet and stuff too? No, not really, man. Man, bro, look.

All right? You boy here. Look, there's a lot of things in life that are like kind of meh when i say meh i mean like i could be happier okay we could all be happier food yeah it's one of those things man that will always make me happy i will never give up eating food man like i just can't like i recognize that i'd be healthier so i so i recognize that so like i'll definitely like uh right like you know um definitely eat a good serving, like a serving at a size.

That's the difference. I feel like, damn, man, I used to fucking just go in on food at a certain point. I guess when I got out of the army, because I think it happens when you get out of the army, you just fucking,

you just go in, bro. Because you have this thing called the defect, bro. So these motherfuckers in the army, they take like $300 out of your fucking paycheck every month. So they provide you with food. And so theoretically, you don't have to cook at all in the army.

But depending on where you are, bro, the food you get is shit, man. Like, bro, I just get fucking raw potatoes, a bleeding chicken, bro. Or I never had ripe honeydew, never had ripe cantaloupe, bro. Everything. Dude, that shit sucked, man. Really? all that to just say that when i finally got out bro and i was like damn i get to really actually just fucking eat and cook for myself have money for this shit bro i just so i recognize it's like yeah so i i like tempered i'll back it down and just like

make sure some like most of the days i like hitting around like 2000 to like 4 2400 calories just about like keep it there and then i'll have like one day where I'm just like, yeah, I'm just gonna go off and eat like 4,000 calories like fuck the bullshit. Yeah, bro.

But like that's pretty much how I do it. It kind of keeps me happy. It's gotta be a good medium. Only thing I kind of like make sure I really hit is like my grams of protein. Like I get like 160 to 180 grams of protein a day.

Like I really make sure I get that. Other than that, I don't give it a go. Hey, bro, I got abs now, man. Finally. Really? Took me fucking a whole like

fucking like 15 years of my life but i finally did it kind of they're not great but yeah dude as long as you got it man i never thought i got him in the summer and i was like i'm definitely getting laid now just nothing happened so i was like all right let's go back to tits bro it's fucking hilarious man it's a good feeling i got I got one of my friends is like that, man. Great looking dude, man, but. Yeah. Ah, man. Personality needs some work, you know. It would seem so.

That would seem to be the case. Don't you wish women just a little bit more shallow, you know, just a little more shallow. Yeah, just a little more, you know, weird. Well, my wife is shallow, thank God. She's like, dude, if you get fat, she's like, I love you still, but like, I you still but like i love you a little less i was like like all right it's like no she's like she said she'll still love me but she said she would definitely be dissatisfied yeah i guess i guess you're just being honest bro yeah i guess but that i guess in that same case though i could be like hey like you know just stay hot like we're good to go yeah it's like if you both be hot yeah so if you go from like a nine to an eight like there's gonna be some paperwork

involved back on the fucking market bro it's gonna be some fucking be some papers fucking some legal separation you should walk out man well dude i mean that's fucking mind-blowing that you're married man um you just hit me with a fucking fastball dude but yeah man no dude honestly man it's like really great to see you do i'm glad i didn't cry like i thought i was gonna cry like a few times and then i saw you and i was like no no man but i'm glad to hear you're doing well i think we covered pretty much everything man you know like not much has really changed but a lot has changed at the same time I just want to let you know Dude I'm still the same

Still the same John Right Just Johnny Salami now dude You know Fucking comedian now man It's good for you man I'm happy for you brother Yeah man

I mean I don't know if I'll ever See you again but You know Maybe I'll come to California Once I'm sorry Come here Like to Rhode Island

Once in a while man I'll let you know I'm here in town man We can hang out Once in a while Yeah man I'd love to stay in touch maybe I've never been to California

but if I ever fucking make it out there dude find yourself in San Diego hit me up man we got a big comedy scene out there too man yeah

well I wouldn't say move your podcast there move everything there cause like I mean shit's expensive as fuck but like you know be there for like a fucking week or so

yeah dude I'd love to catch up man but it was good to see you man honestly thanks for coming on dude I appreciate it. Hey, man, thank you for having me, brother.