The Johnny Salami Podcast - Danny Polishchuk

Episode Date: August 25, 2024

Danny Polishchuk by The Johnny Salami Podcast

I think I took a shit in my neighbors lawn Yeah Laughter Music Well I love you madly dear And I need you badly dear Why did you leave me here Without your love

Music Music Music Music Music Oh bro I'm hurting. Yeah, that window's tinted, by the way. Oh, okay. So no one can see you.

Oh. Sometimes, like, this Spanish woman just walks up and just, like, looks inside. Just sees what's going on? Yeah. Nice. She can't see anything. Oh, okay. So no one can see you. Oh. Sometimes like the Spanish woman just walks up and just like looks inside. Just sees what's going on? Yeah. Nice. She can't see anything though, so.

Is she a neighbor of yours? I don't know, man. She's just a local Spanish woman? I believe so, yeah. Nice. She knows my name, well no, she knows my dog's name.

I don't know how. Maybe she watches the pod. Maybe she's a fan. Yeah, she has like two dogs of her own and she's always like, you should come over and just play with us. And I'm like, I'm good.

Single? I don't know, man. It'd be funny if she had like a husband. Maybe she's trying to hint at something there. A little too friendly, man. But yeah, I think she's Latina for sure. Okay. How old is she?

I don't ask. How old do you think she is? Probably like 30s, honestly. i think she's running out of time yeah she's like all right this guy this guy would fuck me you know well we were talking about my podcast the other day you're not going women yeah this might be like an open invite that you're kind of just missing the sign yeah my dog was doing all the work dude oh that's the point of dogs yeah um i would say probably like mid-30s but you could tell she was kind of like running out of time yeah you know yeah that's about right

Yeah she was like yeah we see you all the time And I'm just like what's going on Are you a local character in this kind of area I think so I think I'm a celebrity dude Well Bub is so it's like They just see Bub and they're like oh shit But yeah man she invited us over And I was just like yeah maybe one day you know

Go for it I don't know where she lives though dude she didn't say where she lived well you gotta accept the invite it's true dude sure that sounds good it was great she's got off the bus too she's got off the bus the bus like drops off right here so i was like holy shit dude i think about that sometimes i mean nothing nothing uh what is it nothing Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Yeah, dude, I got nothing to lose, man. Hey.

You know? Just to break a streak, if anything. Are you married? Yeah, recently. Latino woman or no? Jewish woman. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah.

Because I've been thinking about going down the Latina route, just having seven kids. That's not bad. I mean, dude, fuck man, someone's got to have a bunch of kids. Someone's got to do it, man. Yeah. You know? I feel like Latino women are like the only loyal women left. Yeah.

I've never dated a Latino girl, but from what I hear, they will fuck you up. Like the stories, yeah. Yeah, like the stories. Everyone's like, they're fiery. And you're like, yeah. I mean, I don't know if getting cut is fiery. I kind of want that, dude. That sounds exciting, you know?

A little knife play? A little death threat, dude. A little knife? A little property damage, you know? I mean, they'll probably fix it, though, or at least know someone who will. Probably their family, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got a big network of people.

Do you know what someone told me is if you go to a Home Depot early in the morning, you can, like, actually pick up some dudes there yeah like they're waiting for work yeah the day laborers yeah that's like a whole thing ari did on his uh his old show the amazing racist or whatever it was like obviously a bit but he like picked up a bunch of day laborers and then drove them to like an ice office really but like people didn't know it was fake so then they're like this is despicable what did they do well it wasn't an actual ice office but like they were like i think they were real day laborers though but he's like i'll just pay you for like the bit and then oh so he like

gets out and he starts like ice i got some and then they all start scrambling oh it's fucking hilarious yeah it's such a funny bit dude yeah but yeah if you need ever like just help around the home or i thought somebody was like uh whoever told me i thought they were like fucking with me but it's like real no that's like a that's like a uniquely american thing because they don't have i'm from canada they don't have that in canada really like you can't go to a home depot parking lot and get home yeah yeah they have a home depot but we don't like everybody who comes over the border because those are mostly probably undocumented people. So they just work for cash, but they don't venture.

Like once again, the U S they're like, we're, we're kind of here. Yeah. There's no point of trying to go to Canada. That makes sense, dude. Are you like a big JP guy? I like Jordan Peterson. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Is he like, uh, well, when did you leave Canada? I left in, uh, 2019, almost five years ago oh shit exactly was he popping off back oh big time yeah like i was living in toronto and he was a professor at the university of toronto so like all that shit was happening like very uh localized i mean i will say his his first stuff was good because that was like his life's work and then i haven't you talking about like the 12 rules of like kind of just like when he went on Rogan those first couple of times, you're like,

this is really like describing what's going on. And then that was kind of like, I don't think he's had anything like any bad. I feel like he had like a, he had that. Cause I listened to a sound cloud remixes. Yeah. Like pump up mixes when I'm on the stair master and sure.

And he's always in them with that segment from a Joee rogan where he's like you want to be a monster yeah and like till i collapse just starts playing you know yeah i mean your place is pretty clean so that's what i don't know what you were like before this but yeah or before he changed me he changed me for sure yeah yeah he's got some good uh i mean he's been going off the the rails a little bit like when he started tweeting like all the haikus and everything. I don't have Twitter, but I've seen him cry a few times. Yeah, he cries a bit, but like he was on Twitter and then his daughter like took away his password. And then he was like going to get kicked off before Elon bought Twitter.

And then he got it. I think he was like, I'm coming back on and just to like, I have to check some DMs. And he just never left. But he was very much like, Twitter is bad for me. So I gave my password away and I'm coming back on just to, like, I have to check some DMs. And he just never left. But he was very much like, Twitter's bad for me. So I gave my password away. And then he got back on and just never left. Twitter ruins everyone, huh? I like it.

It's kind of my favorite one, oddly. Do you just follow, like, famous people? Or do you actually look at, like, other? I like just for news, it's the best one. Yeah. Because you kind of get, like, you can kind of get a more balanced kind of idea. And then also, a lot of news, you see it on Twitter, and then it's on Fox or CNN two days later. Yeah, I would have never thought that, too.

Plus tons of murders and stuff. It's like a cross between the news and faces of death. Wow. And Elon's running it now, so there's no... You've got to say something you gotta be real fucked up to get people putting up like dick pics and shit uh there's a whole porn section of twitter yeah it's hard to find like they don't like it doesn't come up in your like for you feed yeah or whatever just like legit porn like i don't know because you're obviously like on instagram

and instagram all these girls like crack the code where with the breastfeeding yeah where they go if you're breastfeeding you can't get kicked off instagram so that there's girls with fake babies uh-huh which is their tits out yeah but uh no you don't really see like if you look for it you can find it but you don't really see it on twitter yeah i might have to get back at it man i haven't had it since uh i think since high school i tried to tag you the other day and there was another johnny salami but really it was after we did the pod yeah i used to have it dude and i would put up like really fucked up shit because i was in like middle school and high school yeah i think i put up some shit about like uh egging someone's house and uh my uncle saw it and he messaged me on facebook and he was like you're the fucking dumbest kid yeah probably not a good place to

admit to crimes yeah i think i was talking about like throwing apples at my neighbor's house and he was portuguese and uh i mentioned that in the post and i wasn't trying to be racist or anything like i'm you're just i'm friendly with portuguese people color i was just trying to paint up the solid picture dude my uncle messaged me i'll never forget dude It was like an essay he wrote me on Facebook About how fucking stupid I am He was just like don't fucking look at me Like family tires Damn

He never looked at me the same Really? Yeah because I think that was his first glimpse of who I really was How old were you? I had to be in like middle school dude dude if i was in middle school when i had twitter i would be posting some insanely fucked up shit oh yeah you ever see like when they go back to like famous people's old twitter yeah it's all the n-word they're just all posting the end like every baseball player they find their twitter from

when they were 12 yeah it's just n-bombs it's crazy man it's like you know back then you just threw up like whatever you wanted yeah you. You know, it's crazy. I mean, I'm sure even, I don't know. I don't know how popular, although I will say like I, when I'm on the subway, like everybody's on their phones and just kind of, it's a little research. I just look to see what people are on. And I noticed people are on Twitter more than they used to be. Really?

Yeah, for sure. Damn, dude. I always thought it was just like people went on to, uh, I thought it was only for like famous people. No. Well, it used to kind of be, like, there was, like, a period probably, like, maybe 15 years ago where, like, comedian, like, there's no comedian who's, like, famous from Twitter. Yeah. But there were a bunch of comedians who got, like, kind of, like, popped off Rob Delaney and, like, some other people.

Yeah. But that kind of ended. I mean, they used to, like, kick you off for jokes and stuff. Is it good for, like, do you do you ever like practice jokes on there? You're like, all right, I'll run this. I have sometimes where like I'll post something and it's like hits and then I'll try and turn it into a joke. Because that's all we're doing. I feel like.

Yeah. And there's nowhere else you can kind of just write like just dumb thoughts. It doesn't make sense to do that on fucking Instagram or whatever. I guess you can make like a video, but. I always practice jokes on this or like in real life yeah just bomb horrendously but that's fine at least i found out i mean podcasts like i have some jokes for sure that i just like yeah came from a podcast yeah it's the best man yeah you know yeah yeah people get mad at you sometimes though like you'll do the joke and they're like i

fucking heard that on a podcast yeah like there's no rule against once you say something on a podcast yeah it's like i didn't burn it because i said it on a podcast like i'm allowed to turn that into a joke if i want yeah i turned off like comments and shit dude it's just it's too much for me yeah you know you turn the like getting the notifications or people cannot comment i said it to like um i can only see like people who i follow but that's what you can see or like that's all i can see yeah yeah but like our random is allowed to comment? Yeah, for sure. They can still comment.

I just don't see it. You just don't see it. Yeah, I don't have any social media notifications. Yeah, it'll fuck you up too much. The best thing you can ever do is just turn. I mean, you just don't need that dopamine dig. It'll just save life. Dude, your phone just constantly buzzing in your pocket. Every time you get like, dude, some people have it on for likes.

Really? Yeah, you're like, every like you get, you get a notification it on for like likes really yeah you're like every like you get you get a notification i'm like that's insane yeah man the whole dopamine thing just fucking me up because it's like everyone's so desensitized to everything yeah i remember being in college dude my professor was like the average attention span is like eight seconds and that was like years ago it's gotta be like three seconds now dude oh for sure man think about like when you're scrolling through like instagram reels or tiktok yeah you're just like one second you're like pass to watch a full video like you you need to see like a building blow up a pair of tits or like

like a total freak show i mean instagram has really like my i don't know if it's other people's but my instagram reels is just like barnum and bailey like your feed shit yeah it's just like freak show like it's just all the freaks of the internet are just you know wild man some guy just wearing a fucking diaper hitting himself in the head with some hot dogs yeah it's got to be fucking us up too man because I can feel it too when I'm talking to other people yeah I'm like yo speed this up man like let's go let's go get to the point we got some books around here I find like sometimes if you if you try and read a book it kind of helps reset you a little bit if you can just stay off your phone.

It actually makes me more sad, man. Reading books? I think the more you know, the sadder you get nowadays. I think that's always been the case. That's like the ignorance is bliss kind of thing. For sure. Pretty old. Yeah.

I'm just trying to get dumber, dude. Yeah. I'm trying to watch Trailer Park Boys like from start to finish and just be fucking retarded. Hey, man. That's a good show. Yeah yeah you know trailer park boys that's that's uh it's one of canada's finest exports right there really yeah yeah oh i've never seen it but i'm thinking about so you haven't you never watch it people are like dude you gotta watch it and i'm like oh it's pretty good i don't i think it would still hold up i've watched actually i saw one episode and i was like pissing my pants laughing.

Yeah, it's really good. One of the guys from there, when I was in college, he was, like, it was a really sad look into Canadian entertainment. Because he was, like, not one of the main guys, but he was, like, one of the second tier guys. I think it was Trevor, like, kind of half black guy. And he was doing, like, I went to school in this like small city it's called like guelph ontario and then he was doing like a music show there and he like crashed on a couch yeah i was like damn it's like i thought you were doing hey you thought he was doing like way better yeah but then it came out there's this whole thing where the guy who uh like the guy who created trailer park boys basically like famously like didn't like like

when when the show blew up and then there was like because if you watch it cory and trevor they're on for i think like the first few seasons and they're not on the show anymore yeah and it's because they were like hey we're like kind of you know we're not the stars of the show but can we make more than scale and they were just like no damn yeah they're like we're gonna pay you like basically the minimum and they're like probably better overall people though you know uh probably i i don't know what either of them up to probably just like working at a bar somewhere in saskatchewan i gotta watch it dude you know it's a good show i don't know the difference between like um audible books though and like actually actually reading? I find, I do listen to audiobooks.

I find they're not as good. You got audible? Actually, Spotify has audiobooks now. For free? If you have Spotify Premium, you get, like, 15 hours of audiobooks a month. Yeah. So I listen on there, and then, but it's just not the same. Yeah, man, there's something like

i kind of want to buy you're still distracted you're still on your phone yeah and i'm like i listen to them like at the gym or whatever and then also if i'm on the subway listening to it then i'm probably also on twitter and like you can't do both at once i got the free trial for audible and i was listening to this audible book and I think for like 35 minutes I didn't understand any of it and then the reader said retard and I immediately woke up your eyes just like lit up I was like this isn't for me man you know what was the book fuck what was it I think it was by Thomas Sowell oh okay yeah yeah a really hated republican yeah i love thomas soul yeah he's a man though because i used to like uh black i was black rednecks and what is that book yeah it's a good book it was uh fuck i can't remember the book it was yeah but dude

a fucking because i used to like be a finance guy like in college yeah i was like a retarded finance guy like i never knew what was going on but i was still there like i was i was present and shit and i remember i was present like i was present present living in the moment sure like i was surrounded by like really smart dudes and i was kind of just like yeah i got this suit from target dude like i don't know what the fuck's going on that's i mean that's uh thrifty but yeah man i remember like reading like thomas soul's books which were pretty fucking good, man. Yeah, his books are, I only heard about him probably,

not that, maybe, yeah, around Jordan Peterson time. We were required to read The Basics of Economics that he wrote, and it's literally for retarded people.

Sure. Like it's translated for retards. Like basic. But it's, I mean, I have all, that's why I went to school for is economics oh

really and it kind of gives you like a good framework to kind of for sure just like even for comedy just like an analytical kind of way of just yeah thinking about or just even just living in new york yeah like all the price controls yeah you're just like this is fucking crazy dude the price controls in new york yeah what price controls in new y You're just like, this is fucking crazy, dude. The price controls in New York. Yeah. What price controls in New York? Like a fucking like rent. Oh, rents.

Yeah. Stabilized apartments. Oh yeah. Yeah. This is like the, like here, New York is like the opposite of Canada. Cause here like landlords basically just run the show and they can just

jack up your rent, any amount of money. Yeah. Year to year. Whereas like we're in Toronto, like it's the opposite like it's all in the favor of the tenant like like if you're basically you can like barely raise like rent can barely be raised and and it's not like the one-year leases like it is here

like basically you have a one-year lease and then it just becomes like month to month so like some people can just you can just stay in a place forever well that's what they have here too dude i feel like a lot they have some they have some rent control places for like rich people can just, you can just stay in a place forever. Well, that's what they have here too, dude. I feel like a lot. They have some, they have some rent control places. For like rich people. No, it's, well, it's more like if they build a new, I actually currently live in a rent control place or unit in a building. And it's essentially like if a developer wants to build a building, the city is like to make it not, you know, unaffordable for everybody.

They're like certain units here have to be affordable and you can charge whatever you want for the rest of them really yeah how do they decide certain units though uh they just say a certain amount of them like they'll be like your building yeah is it actually like a lottery though or do you have to like suck some guy off and like uh the one we got was my wife just got it during covid it was just like nobody wanted to rent places during covid so it just became available really it was kind of lucky but i think that new york does have a housing lottery so you where you can get like pretty reasonable places i've heard stories that it's kind of rigged so like a lot of rich people will just have like second homes really just have

like that stabilized rent for like fucking three years. And then everyone else's prices go up. Yeah, yeah. And the landlords are just like, fuck this. Like, I'm not going to. Yeah. Like, they kind of make it out that in New York, you're like, well, it's supposed to be, you know, supply and demand. So, you know, if someone raises your rent too much, you can just go find somewhere else. But you're like, who the fuck wants to do that?

Yeah. It's got to be fucking retarded being like a landlord here. I don't get how they make money. It's like. Here? Well, I mean, your place appreciates every year and then you feel like my landlord hasn't raised rent at all maybe it's like paid free and clear or something but yeah if it wasn't like i don't get how you'd even make money well i mean depends yeah i mean it's like right now if it's paid free and clear then it it's just all profit other than maintenance or whatever.

Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know. I don't know, man. That was my boy, though, dude, Thomas Sowell, man. Yeah. I mean, the thing is, even if you listen to audiobooks, sometimes I'll listen to, like, a 10-hour audiobook and I'll be like, take two things that kind of away from it. Really? It wasn't for nothing.

You think it depends a lot on, like, who's reading it, feel like if morgan freeman was reading an audiobook i'd be like let's fucking go i always just get so distracted where i'm like probably i do hear stuff that's good and then i'm like yeah i'm working out or i'm on you know something else and i just i'm barely listening yeah like sometimes i'll literally like listen to half an hour of an audiobook and be like i didn't listen to one word. What are you thinking about though, dude? Well, it's not even what I'm thinking. I'm usually on like, because my, the audio books on my phone and then I'm just like looking at Twitter or like, like at the gym in between sets.

I'm like, I go on my phone and I'm looking at Twitter. So you're like a pretty interesting guy. I mean, I met you like a few days ago, but I saw you, I think I was spanking dude one night and then i was looking at youtube okay and i saw you where's this going fucking chris williams oh yeah he's a buddy of ours i thought it was like a like a like a video you were making or something but you were like actually on his podcast yeah he's uh he's a friend of mine that's wild yeah chris williams is the man yeah yeah i think he's gonna come on our podcast uh probably next month how would you guys meet

we met he came on our podcast like just like, videos we were making or whatever. And then he came on our show, like, probably a few years ago. Really? Yeah, on BoyzCast, the one I do with Ryan Long. And then, yeah, we're just pretty friends. That's pretty sick, dude. What was that? Were you, like, shitting your pants when you went on?

Or you guys just have, like, a bro? No, well, it was actually because I got kicked off of Instagram. Yeah. when you went on or you you just have like no well it was it was actually because i got kicked off at instagram yeah like in last october i got booted off at instagram and then it was kind of because you know like douglas murray you know that guy the british dude other like a news host he's like a author but he does like a lot of like uh journalism stuff and anyways they i made some video and then chris williamson like was showing it to him on this thing on on his podcast and then i don't know if it's related to that but then i just like my instagram just got fucking nuked completely and like they basically were like it was like a coordinated like there was i pissed off somebody who or multiple people who like work at instagram probably like content moderators because it wasn't even that bad it was like a coordinated like there was i pissed off somebody who or multiple people who like work at instagram probably like content moderators because it wasn't even that bad it

was something about like the october 7th thing and then uh but like the reason they gave me for kicking me off was i was like sexual solicitation basically what was the video actually about that it was about like the i don't know if it was like the queers for palestine thing because that was like when they first popped off was like basically right after October. What the fuck? Is that a porno? What the fuck is that? Queers for Palestine.

Well, it was basically queer people for Palestine essentially. And like, I think, I think that's what it was or it was maybe something else, but like I was just like making a joke. So it's homosexuals that are against the conflict? Against Israel basically. Okay. And for the Palestinians. Cause they're like generally.

Are you Jewish? I'm Jewish. Yeah. So you're like for i'm honestly like i don't like i'm not yeah yeah yeah i mean i'm not i'm not for palestine i'm like i definitely am against the war i'm not a big government guy i don't like governments in general so like people who are free market type guy not even that but like i general so like people you're a free market type guy not even that but like i am but like people who like suck the dick of of politicians you know like people were like this is my favorite politician i'm like that dude's a scumbag and he's well they all are aren't they that's what that's kind of what i'm getting at so then people are like oh like you like love the israeli government i'm like no yeah like even like because there are some jews

like there's lots who are just like blindly like pro-israel anti-palestine they're like love the israeli government i'm like that's that ain't me yeah but anyways i got kicked off and then chris was in town he was doing uh a show with this guy james smith they were doing uh some like live show or whatever and then yeah he's just like we just did his podcast it's pretty sick though man you know he gets awesome guests he's he's kind of like you know tim ferris yeah you're good at him he's kind of like the new tim ferris i think yeah for sure dude yeah especially like the setup dude it's fucking yeah well he went super crazy with it he's like the kind of first guy where like his shit looks like a movie. It's fucking crazy, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

The guy probably gets so much pussy, dude. No, dude. He's got a girlfriend, a long-term girlfriend who still lives in England. Yeah. Because he lives in Austin and she lives in England. Oh, he lives in Austin now? He lives in Austin. Shit.

She lives in England and they're just kind of like, they're together. Yeah. Yeah. I like watching his stuff, man. Especially when he has like hot chicks on. I'm like, dude, this is the best. Yeah. He has hot chicks on? All the dude this is the best yeah he has hot chicks on all the time dude really yeah you have jordan peterson's fucking uh daughter yeah yeah yeah she's got some other chick on dude who's like

not really like against women she's like against feminism but she is like i don't know i was just looking at her tits the whole time as you do i feel like that's all it is now though dude it's just like you're basically just watching like jersey shore dude kind of you know what i mean it's just like hey man sex sells like what's that fucking uh who's that politician like uh aoc or whatever yeah it's like every dude's watching her like i just want to fuck her you know what i mean like no one's listening to what this chick's saying some people listen to her really oh dude for sure yeah but they're probably still getting hard you know what i mean i mean she's she's pretty

attractive yeah yeah i think like what makes her attractive though is just like she's so emotionally unstable yeah like you could see her freaking out like a starbucks for like spelling her name wrong and shit you know yeah i think that's what dudes are thinking about though when they watch her and they're just spanking you know what i mean yeah so we were talking about this on your pod it's like it's all it is really dude just like dudes paying women for like titty pics now and it's like the saddest thing in the world it's the it's the worst the worst is the like the people who like subscribe to only fans yeah and then they're taught you know they like you can dm the chicks or whatever but like you're talking to a guy yeah like that's not her talking

to you so it's like you're getting all like worked up to go crank it over what you think is saying to you they pay people to talk to oh big time yeah yeah like they basically like a lot of only fans chicks will they farm out the whole like admin portion of because there's a lot of like a kind of quote unquote like admin yeah involved in running an only fans it's like you're kind of running a business and they're like i just want to fucking stick shit in my ass like i don't i don't want to and videotape it like i don't have to go talk to guys all day i don't even know that dude i thought i thought it was dude you're talking to some guy in like india really yeah so they're like they're paying like offshore like yes so it's basically and there's like companies

there's a guy at fucking uh williamsburg comedy club who we're like hanging out with and he's like i work for one of these companies. Holy shit. That does the management. They're basically like digital pips, essentially. Fuck. So being an economics guy, do you think it's the consumer's fault fully, or do you think women kind of... Sometimes I think about that, and I'm just like...

I mean, if there was no demand for it, then there would be no... So it is the consumer. Like, I mean, if there was no demand for it, then there would be no, like, I guess you could think. So it is the consumer. I mean, yeah. Like, again, obviously guys are like kind of hardwired to a degree. Yeah. To like want to do shit like that. Because like jerking off is always going to be there.

Yeah. But like before it used to be like browsers and stuff, you know? Yeah. I remember like stealing my mom's credit card and paying for browsers. Why would you pay for that? It was honestly one of the best investments i've ever read in high school dude you know just so much porn so much free porn dude it's like quality porn yeah it's like even better it's not like porn hub like full bush like pool party it's like you know let's crash a wedding and like start a forest fire type like like the

acting's there you know yeah well the acting i was never like even lisa lisa ann i'm sure you know she was on the bathhouse like a month ago yeah holy shit and she was like why would anybody pay for porn like she even said that where she's like it's all out there well nowadays but i'm talking like back in the day like even only fans now like you can just go on reddit and all some girl like any only fans is just like it's leaked yeah they're just like people just put them on reddit yeah but dude i remember i used to play baseball and this one kid was uh we would always just talk about spanking and like you know what type of like tits we were doing shit sure and he was like listen man like i want you to get like you know i want you to pay for browsers and he was like i want you to just like, I want you to get like, you know, I want you to pay for browsers.

And he was like, I want you to just try this out, man. Like, just watch the video from the beginning. And it took so much patience, dude. But it was. You're kind of edging yourself. Yeah. Yeah. It was. Patience.

What it took. I think that's what it is. Like willpower. Because you're just like, all right, let's, you know, let's like you're emotionally invested. Oh, see, I just. Yeah. You just fast forward to like a cream pie and you're like for me it's just a chore yeah but that's the whole dopamine thing you're just like fast forward to like some shit like squirting and just like

let it rip yeah i mean it's definitely not good for you the porn stuff that was another thing we was like she even agrees like it's just not good for you yeah it really isn't man but i think it's better than like you know i think everything relates back to economics man it's like opportunity cost you know sure well what's the opportunity cost of cranking it you're not wasting time like anything else anything else well it's still better to like be with a chick than crank it no really this is like this is like a dark because you're obviously younger than me but this is like a dark window into a younger generation for me. Do you think a lot of guys your age think that?

I can't speak for them. I would say whatever I'm doing or thinking, they're probably doing the opposite for sure. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're probably getting pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's, I don't know, man. I'm just saying, like, it could be worse like i could be doing other things you know like crime like ripping vapes fucking you know yeah fucking what else your kid's doing now i don't even know man anything else really playing could be drinking like ripping vapes like video games you know i mean i'm still doing that but like you know

yeah vapes are bad yeah you could be smoking i guess yeah i could just fucking i don't know man sometimes i think about like just ripping fucking marlboro reds and just drinking myself to death sure like that would be a beautiful ending to my life i mean it'll take a while though this is gonna be a really slow slow start to an ending like if you think you're like though this is gonna be a really slow slow start to an ending like if you think you're like i'm ending it all with just a bottle of jack and a couple barbara reds you're gonna wake up if i did i just feel like it'd be so much more fun than what i'm doing now you know yeah just like if this podcast ended i just started like drinking heavy and smoking cigs i just call you drunk every week i'm like do that podcast man i mean dude you probably find a lot of friends for sure

yeah neighbors and stuff are just not like real friends but just not real friends but friends and entertained by you know what i mean advice i suppose yeah yeah man do you think if you could like um if you go back to a certain point in your life like what would it be and like what do you think like you would do differently go back to a certain point in life and what would i do differently think about this a lot dude really it's not a healthy thought i don't like to think uh i don't like to uh re-litigate the past too much i think it's unhealthy yeah i don't want you to go like full jocko willink on me and be like it doesn't matter i mean you know what i would say is because i'm like i've been working out pretty hard and i just always went through like probably my 20s i started like lifting weights and then i'm like I've been working out pretty hard and I just always went through like probably my

20s I started like lifting weights and then I'm like 40 now and then I would go through like periods you know I'd like lift and then I you know fall out of it I always like work out but I like I kind of just kind of dick around like fuck around-itis as they say what would you do man you just go in the

gym I would just be a little more like regimented with it just because the thing is is like and what you realize when you get older is like when you're in your 20s you're like literally on testosterone yeah like you're the you're like you know people like take testosterone replacement therapy and like when you're in your 20s you're like yeah you're just if you have good genetics i feel like i mean regardless you're just like if you're in your 20s, you're like, you're just on test. If you have good genetics, I feel like. I mean, regardless, you're just like, if you're a man in your 20s, probably the cranking it a lot is not helping. But even still, you're just like, by nature, you're probably better off. For sure. Yeah, for most, man.

I actually like aged in reverse, to be honest with you. Because I'm like 28 now, and people think I'm like 23. But when I was younger, dude. There's no difference, really. Yeah. I mean, but yeah dude like if i knew what i knew now about lifting if i could go back in time dude i probably would have been a fucking animal yeah you know but i mean that's the thing at 28 like you still can like

easy because you have this like so much technology now and like everybody knows about like dieting and shit like if you could go back like you know podcast like fucking the amount of just like youtubers who just like are like literally like the best like exercise scientist dudes in the world yeah just like put out like i don't know it's all like free content yeah like i don't know if you know like a dr mike oh is he like a short dude short jack super jack little fucking cranky short guy yeah yeah he well he actually did our podcast recently he's yeah he's he's a man but like does he have small man syndrome i mean he's just on steroids i'm gonna come to clip this no he's the man like i love him and uh he's hilarious man i watch yeah yeah but he's the content he puts out i'm like man i wish fucking 15 years ago yeah it's tough though because he's

on like fucking horse tranquilizers right no he's no he's not on any downers he's just on like trt like he's on just steroid like he doesn't even lie about it he's just like yeah i'm like yeah you don't look like this without yeah being like like he does like bodybuilding competitions but not uh not the natural ones that's why it's tough though dude because like when you listen to those dudes on steroids you're like oh i want to look like this dude but it's like you're never gonna no but he's honest though because he's like you're not gonna look like me yeah like unless you're on steroids and like when you see because there's a lot of like fitness influencer dudes who are like just absolutely jacked and they're like hey buy my program you'll look like me and he's like you need both steroids and their genetics to look like them you're like you might

not have their genetics go on steroids and you won't look like them and if you have their genetics to look like them you're like you might not have their genetics going steroids and you won't look like them and if you have their genetics and you don't take steroids you also won't look like them yeah yeah but like every uh every young like uh fucking male dude like has watched like uh who's that other dude like column the fucking fuck face i don't know he's like some german dude who like oh he died he like tore his bicep i think that guy died i didn't really oh i'm thinking there was this one german dude who was like a big like uh fitness dude who died last year what's his name dude call him something he fucking tore his bicep and then like he tore his bicep doing that thing where you're like with another dude and you take like a 45 pound barbell and like load it up yeah and you both curl it at the same time oh and they were trying to curl like seven million pounds and he fucking tore his bicep yeah and just

like yeah i mean that happens like if you ever watch like because i've gotten really into it just like whenever i'm at the gym basically all i do right now is just listen to like videos of shit like this like really and uh yeah like dude like pro bodybuilders and stuff like they don't really do a lot of free weights because they'll just that's what happens you tear a pec you tear a bicep and eventually and then if you do that you're fucked a lot of them yeah a lot of them just do light weights for like high reps yeah but they'll do machine they do a lot of them will like because you think like oh man like if you do that, you're fucked. Well, yeah, a lot of them just do light weights for like high reps. Yeah, but they'll do machine. They do a lot of them will like, because you think like, oh man, like if you walk into a gym, you see like the bench press like machine.

Like you're like, oh, that's like fucking noobs do that. But then, and it's kind of true. But then eventually once you're like bench pressing fucking four plates aside, you're like, yeah, those guys eventually go back because they're like, it's just bad on your joints get fucked. That's a big one too. Like like you you know you fuck up your joints yeah i used to fucking lift like crazy dude if i could go back i don't know if i would you know like with like squats and like benching like yeah well you can when you're like it's one of those things where it's like when you're younger you can and then the older you get it's just you kind of have to

make a kind of decision where you're like, is this worth it? Because every time I've ever squatted, like I got hurt eventually. Yeah. It catches up to you too, dude. Oh, yeah. I fucking blew out my back at a gym, dude. I was squatting and I would squat heavy for like years. Like I would throw like four plates on and just fucking shit my pants.

Yeah. You know, that's pretty serious yeah and then like uh one day i was squatting dude i wasn't even lifting that heavy but i fucking blew out my back dude and i fell on my face at the gym dude and i'm like paralyzed in pain dude no one helped me really no one was even like are you okay i actually had like last two weeks ago i was i was at the gym and I was doing bench press. And like, it was one of those like bench press where like when you re-rack it, like they have like these really small little hooks and I missed one.

And the bar just fucking fell on me. This guy came like instantly ran over and fucking picked it up for me. Yeah, dude. I feel like, damn, dude, that's a good fucking guy right there. Yeah, it is a good guy. Dude, I literally was like, thanks, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, dude, imagine being a fucking guy who does that for a girl.

Oh. You're immediately getting pussy, dude. You might be. Saving a woman's life. Saving a woman's life, yeah, at the gym. Although, with gym culture right now, like, I watch those, like, Joey Swole videos, and she might just fucking me-too your ass on the spot for some content. You never know.

Oh, yeah, it's like a trap. It's goddamn landmine out there. yeah she's like the article's like you tea bag and a chick yeah yeah you gotta watch out that's always awkward dude i remember like giving dudes spots back in the day and like my nuts do not smell good yeah like nowadays i spray my nuts with a savage like the johnny it's expensive man i mean dude you fucking get what you pay for yeah you know yeah so my nuts are smelling dangerous right now but like back in the day back in the day i was so fucking fat and people would be like in the gym they'd be like yo can i get a like a spot bro and if you don't have that elevated like staircase right yeah we'll

step up then you're literally just like. Yeah, just teabagging, dude. I would be bad too. I would work out with a buddy of mine and like I would spot him and then, but I would like sweat so much and I'd be like over him and I'm just like sweating onto him. I'm like, I'm sorry, man. Oh yeah, dude. That's happened so many times.

And you're like just drew like Chinese water torture, just sweat dripping off my fucking face. It's funny when they're like using all of their energy to. I know. And they're like, oh. Sorry. Got to get that extra rep though. One of my buddies used to like blow on my nuts. Like no homo.

Like each rep he would just like breathe heavily into my nuts. Oh, okay. And I kind of looked forward to that, man. Yeah. Like in a non-homosexual way. Kind of just cool you off a little bit. I'm going to yell my boys bench in a day, dude. Yeah.

You know? You probably are pushing them for extra reps just to get a little extra breath on them. There's nothing better than that, dude. The camaraderie from like fucking working out with another dude. Yeah. In like a non-homosexual way. For sure. Yeah, I don't ever, like I even do the, where I go on the, because I don't make friends

at the gym or anything. You don't have a workout buddy? No. Well, for one, I've been trying to, because I was watching a lot of Jay Cutler. He's like 80. Wow, dude, you're really watching a lot of shit. Dude, I honestly just got so into it. Like, I go through phases.

When did you get into this shit? Like, recently? I've, well, I've been, I've probably been lifting weights for like 15 years, but like I go through phases and then probably like in the last like six months, I was like, you know what? I'm going to like actually like kind of learn about this as much as i can or whatever and then uh just just kind of like maximize my yeah my effort you know so instead of just listening to like music i'm just like listening to shit but anyway jay cutler who's like i think seven time mr olympia yeah he's like

a white dude still fucking rip dude oh he's massive or whatever but he's big on like which i actually have been doing less of but he's just like he doesn't work out with somebody because he only takes 45 seconds in between sets which is if you ever try and do that like for that kind of weight is crazy yeah and i did that for like three months maybe like for this whole year and then yeah like usually like 8 to 12 reps or whatever but uh it was taking a toll on my joints yeah like i was feeling it and so then i basically went to i'm at like a minute 30 right now that's not bad dude yeah some people go like fucking three minutes four minutes i used to get so i used to like recently get so impatient i would do like 30 45 second breaks and i'm just like dude just take a little bit it just depends on who you are

like for him he's just like swears by it and then you watch some other guys and they're like yeah i take like because like some guys are like yeah you like you can't properly even recover without three minutes yeah you really have to experiment man to see what works for you and kind of be honest about what you're going for like you know like at the end of the day like i'm not going to be fucking mr olympia it really is all about diet though which is the craziest part yeah because like dude i used to do like legit like nfl style workouts i would work out for like two hours and i would just eat like a fucking american hero you can undo that and i'm like dude everything you just did is for nothing well i mean you'll build some whatever like aerobic strength for your heart

yeah and some physical strength but yeah if you're trying to like just get rid of fat yeah for sure yeah yeah it's cool i have the same thing man like i'm watching a bunch of dudes on that's kind of like my whole feed is like right now it's like golfing chicks who are like you just see their pussy and their backswing yeah yeah and then it's like dudes working out and like you know yeah my twitter is a lot of uh not a lot of but for whatever reason that chick's page spearinak she had you know you definitely know her someone showed me her and now she's a blonde with the huge cans and she's like probably like a fucking 12 handicap or something like she went on uh bryson d chambeau's youtube channel yeah yeah and if you want to jerk off dude yeah watch that yeah there's a few of the

like hot chicks and they wear like a fucking yeah like onesie kind of like she's like good at golf too yeah she's pretty good i don't know how good she is though she's not like a scratch golfer i don't know man she did pretty well i don't know how many cuts they did but she was hitting like the thing with bryson with her like breaking 50 from the from the reds yeah yeah i don't know there's another one anyway the new york post she has like some deal with like the new york post what or she pays them for like because you can like new york post like you can you know hire like a publicist yeah and you basically just like grease some someone who works there and then they just make posts about you yeah like but her posts are like what's spade page spironak up to and you're like how is this the news yeah well you're supposed to be like

the news i know it's like new york post is kind of like a tabloid and that pays off for her like i mean i don't i don't know but she's definitely like holy fuck definitely not organic journalism that's for sure like yeah i mean she's got some cannons dude yeah for sure but i don't think she doesn't have an only fan no i think that was that was an article that i saw like on like apple news yeah it was just like uh she got like criticized for uh like not doing only fans that's people were like that's where we're at yeah it was such a weird article because it was just like yeah like if you're gonna show that much why not just like just fucking clean up make it i mean yeah it's a good. Such a weird article, though, dude. You got a coaster? Oh, no, dude, you got it. Okay, sorry, man.

Yeah. That's from Walmart, dude. It's fine. That's fine. I mean, I just don't want to fuck up your shit, you know? Yeah, appreciate it. Are you rude to me? You a big golf guy?

Dude, I went. It's been a rough week this week, but. Do you play around here? Other courses? I don't know. I haven't even looked into it. I have no one to play with. There a pitcher pot that right by city field yeah when i visit when i visit home in rhode island i'll go i did a week where i golfed every single day

did it every single day and then uh i went back a few weeks later and did the same thing but dude i was going in the morning yeah like like 6 a.m like 6 a.m before work um and yeah dude it's just brutal man because they have the grounds crew out there and they're all high as fuck yeah they're like cheering you on while like a lawnmower is going sure and it's wet and like fucked up and like you're trying to focus and this one dude fucking parked his like lawnmower in front of me to watch me tee off, dude. And I swung so fucking hard and I missed the ball. Couldn't handle the pressure, huh? I missed the ball by legit six inches.

People who don't play golf don't get the mental pressure aspect of it. If you ever play with your boys and we're playing literally $2 a whole skins and you're over a putt for $6 and you're like, who gives a shit? And then your fucking hands are shaking. So much pressure, dude. Yeah. Such a mental game. Yeah. This dude was so fucking high though, dude.

I teed off one hole and he kept following me around. Like, I don't know if like how fucking high, like he was legit like stoned off his ass. I don't know what he was on, like maybe sniffing paint or something, dude. Dude, I tee off and I legitimately hit the ball in the road and it's like bouncing and he just yells he goes come back i'm like dude what is this guy on right now i mean it'd be one thing if you're like a sick are you like a decent golfer terrible dude yeah absolutely brutal i guess i should have known that from the missing the ball yeah i haven't i haven't broken 100 yet really if i'm being honest that's i mean a lot of people lie yeah i think it's when

you videotaped yourself golfing that's when you find out really like what's going on yeah and i used to do that yeah i used to golf a lot when i lived in toronto but here it's swinging so hard dude it's crazy well i would say that that's unnecessary yeah yeah i would not i just gotta slow not swing as hard as possible oh really and you're still struggling no i'm just saying for you yeah i would not swing as hard as possible. Oh, really? And you're still struggling? No, I'm just saying for you, I would not swing as hard as possible. The only reason you should ever swing as hard as possible is if your swing is so dialed in that your swing is basically perfectly on plane and it doesn't matter. I mean, dude, the second you watch a Bryson DeChambeau highlight video, though. Oh, yeah, I guess you're fucking cranked up. You're going to

fucking get a 3d printed iron oh dude i'm slipping three discs in my back fat grips it was crazy man i went to the driving range after watching a bryson dechambeau speed uh like club speed video yeah where he's like just swing as hard as you you'll fucking throw your back on man if you have back problems that's like the last you just watch how you go so i'm a lefty and i go to this driving range and i go to the like the box all the way to the left i'm on the last one on the left and there's a telephone pole right in front of me yeah i'm like jacked up i brought like a fucking monster with me and i just swung as hard as i fucking could right off the pole dude hits the bounces back, misses the guy next to me. Really?

And the ball goes in the parking lot, dude. And I'm just watching the ball bounce like fucking 12 feet in the air. And it's just dodging every car. And I'm like, oh my, it missed every car. But I was like, that could have been so bad. Oh, yeah. If I hit that dude in the i was like that could have been so bad oh yeah yeah if i hit that dude in the fucking head he would have been out man i mean that's just like one of the hazards of uh yeah that would have been crazy if you had like one of those things

where like you get you get a concussion you start speaking a different language oh i actually saw a video of this chick she was uh australian and she had like she either got hit in the head or she had some like medical emergency and she woke up and she spoke English with a Chinese accent. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, yeah. The Chinese one? The Chinese one, yeah. That's crazy.

Dude, I saw one where it was a gay dude who got knocked out unconscious. And then he talked straight? When he woke up. He didn't have the gay accent anymore. It's like, I'm not going to be gay accent anymore It's like I'm not gonna be gay anymore That's so fucking funny Do we get phone calls man if you don't mind Yeah hell yeah

I love phone calls I've been kind of like slacking with these dudes so Gotta give the people what they want man Yeah I haven't been answering them too often so I'm good dude You ripping zins dog? Sometimes I'm good dude You ripping zins though? Sometimes They help you out?

Probably not I like them at the gym though Really? I don't know if it does anything Are you like a former smoker or like tobacco user? You know what this is so stupid But I smoked like 15 years ago I quit and then I just I don't know They kind of got popular I tried them and liked them.

The Zins? Yeah. 15 years ago you started using them? No, no, no, no. I quit smoking 15 years ago. I smoked for maybe like a few years, maybe five years, and then I just never did anything. When did you start the Zins? Six months ago.

Dude, what was that like, like the comeback? I mean, the first time you take a Zin, if you like, it was actually, you know, Lev, Lev Furr. He had one and he gave me and I almost puked. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a podcast where a dude took a Zin for the first time and he like threw up on the podcast.

Yeah. I mean, if you take, if you have no tolerance to nicotine and you take one, especially like a six milligram. It could give you like the spins a bit. Yeah. I remember I used to play baseball and I was going to like some kid, my Asian friend's fire. And like as we're walking.

You were going to his fire? Yeah, we were walking to his fire, like in his backyard. Oh, okay. But we were walking down the road and my friend whipped out um like chew yeah you know i never got i tried that once and i spit it out in five seconds dude i packed a fat lip like way too fat and i had never done it before and when we got to the fire dude i got the spins and i just started spitting on the kid next to me it was so bad dude i started getting the sweats i had to go home shower and just like fall asleep it was it was one of the worst nights yeah too much nicotine

is really really uncomfortable you think can that happen with zin that's like like if i packed his in right now if you took two of these right now you would be like fucking in the garb in the toilet just like puking oh shit how do you ease into it then well there's the there's the lower dose one this is three milligrams and then um you just like put it in for like five minutes take it out kind of thing so do you find yourself like wanting to smoke again or does it kind of like i'll never smoke yeah so just like it's not on the table i have no interest in vaping yeah what happens if you stop the zins though did you can have like uh withdrawals and stuff or no uh no like i

i go without them it's like i'm sure some people that's gotta you gotta feel dangerous though packing a zin and drinking a coffee like that's got to be oh it's it's nice man yeah it's nice uh man it's nice and i mean they're like pretty uh well there's a lot of these like health influencers who are like it's really not that bad's like, it's kind of has like some nootropic benefits similar to coffee. Yeah. Yeah, man. I don't really have any of that going for me right now, man. Like I haven't been drinking or anything, but right now, man, I'm just like.

Well, those things have got some fucking shit in them. Yeah. I just rely on them too much. But like right now, man, I'm just like so stressed out that I just want to get fucking blasted and like try to suck my own dick outside of like a fucking Walgreens. You know what I mean? Do you used to drink a lot i mean i'm not like completely sober you know but right now man it's been like such a tough week and shit that i'm like i just kind of want to get blasted yeah i mean dude you know like you have bad weeks where it's you gave like one bad day yeah this

week's just been like just one after another i went to the park with my dog, dude, and like I had him on the leash, and I'm walking towards the grass area, and I like drop the leash, and I take the ball that we play with, dude, and I go to throw like a fucking Hail Mary, and I just throw the ball like 30 yards. And, dude, the leash, like I fucking stepped on it, and my dog started running towards the ball, dude, and my foot got stuck in like the hole yeah and dude my knee literally like snapped like because like dude i'm like athletic enough to like if i like almost slip i can like regain

balance like this was like a fuck it situation like a fucking dude a speed dog though oh dude the amount of the amount of force he generated was like dude my knee literally snapped to the ground like internally rotated all the way down dude and i just i yelled fuck my tits and dude that was like the first thing that came i'm like yeah i yelled that dude and just laid there and there was like a bunch of hot chicks like sun tanning yeah like no one helped me like i was just like what do you even do man yeah that's tough that happened and then dude i got mad so i went to the gym tried deadlifting heavy for the first time in a long

time blew out my fucking back dude yeah you know you gotta ease yourself into deadlifting did that and then went to a comedy show, dude. Bombed so hard. I don't know if you've ever done this. Have I ever bombed? Well, no, like I know obviously you bombed, but like,

have you ever, I bombed and then I left the show and the dudes in front of me who were at the show were like, that last guy fucking sucked. Oh, for sure. You've had that? Oh,

hell yeah. Oh, man. When you're just out front and they're like, that person was terrible. I'm like, I'm right here. I was five feet behind them. I had to go up after fucking Sam Mor Oh, man. When you're just out front and they're like, that person was terrible. I'm like, I'm right here. I was five feet behind them.

I had to go up after fucking Sam Morrill, dude. And I, like, just, like, crushed, like, effort. Like, it wasn't even trying, dude. Yeah. You know, just murder. He's been calling me for probably 20 years. Yeah, but I've never experienced that where, dude, I literally was like, I got to get the fuck out of here afterwards. Yeah.

And these dudes left at the same time as me and they're walking away. And they were just like, that fucking last guy was so bad it should be like uh some fire for you though some fire fire in the belly you know like well that's why that's why i went to deadlift yeah that's what fueled the back blowout you know it's kind of like a bunch of errors compounding on themselves but yeah man now i'm just like you gotta have that fucking something to fill that void dude you know and i just like kind of want to just like buy a 30 rack and just like you know go to town hey man i mean you could do that i probably will honestly you could do that and then kind of just you know you'll wake up the next morning and be like this sucks yeah and then maybe get that out of your system and

just kind of reset yourself and just be like all right back on back on the path back on the path yeah yeah that's fine as long as it's not too much i feel like i'll like all right back on back on the path back on the path yeah yeah that's fine as long as it's not too much i feel like i'll be all right yeah as long as you know like i'm gonna do that every day yeah i mean some people are like fucking brutal alcoholics really are dude yeah can you do some calls yeah my bad here we go yo what's up johnny long time listener since the beginning i i got a question on how you'd handle this situation. Long story short, I was dating this chick for about seven months, and I was, I guess you could say, super in love with her. like six months and it's like probably a year and a half later and still have strong feelings for her and i just found out she got engaged to a guy that uh she was friends with while we were in the relationship uh how would you feel in this situation and how would you handle it you know mentally they got struggling dude it's tough I mean

the best solution is just go on go find someone else yeah he should find one of her friends I don't even need to know I don't even think that's not the worst idea but you don't need to be like vengeful about it just like dude there's tons of chicks yeah why do people call into your show

and ask for like uh relationship advice do you think they like look up to you dude uh no just like most of the just a lot of mentally ill people who listen to the bathhouse and uh no i mean people just got problems and sometimes just people are like like we had a bunch of times people call in they're like i just like don't really have any friends who i could ask this to they're like i'm like i'm not like my boys aren't like friends like this where i'll like ask them about problems yeah you said like as of late though it's been like a pretty common theme where it's like people are struggling with the ladies oh no there's always lady struggles more recently have been like people with like drug and substance

abuse problems yeah like people are like legitimately like heroin users like dude like derek drescher because he's like a recovered, and he's a recovered, like, heroin addict. And, like, legitimately, like, some people, like, he'll be like, yo, just, like, DM me. And he, like, helps people with, like. Oh, wow. Like. You should start charging, dude. Open up his own business and shit.

Yeah, a little fucking. But, like, people call it, like, I just relapse. I'm, like. Yeah. I'm, like, going through, like, I'm, like, dope sick right now and stuff. And, I don't know sometimes people don't Depends where you live Some people are like I don't have anybody I can really talk to about this

This guy probably doesn't want to go to his friends And be like oh I'm all hung up over some chick Well this shit happens all the time dude Yeah I don't know man I just feel like men are pretty replaceable So are women Dude first off There's literally the population in the United States is 51% women, 49% men.

Yeah, but I just mean like in terms of like do you think men replace women at the same rate? I mean, it's obviously like a little back to, well, I wouldn't say supply and demand, but kind of like, you know, yeah, it is obviously harder. Like women can easily get laid if they want to. Men, it's more difficult. Like you're married though, right? I am married, yeah. So do you feel like your wife looks at you like you're irreplaceable or do you think if like...

She's fucking better. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying, dude. Like, so you don't want to feel like... I mean, like, look, if I fucking drop dead tomorrow, I had a heart attack and died. Like, I'm sure she would get remarried. She's not going to be like just alone for the rest if you broke up though like you'd obviously be heartbroken if she like started dating another dude within like the like like the next two weeks right in two weeks yeah i mean i guess depends how like if i divorced her or vice versa yeah

nobody likes in the two weeks this guy's saying it was a year and a half ago like i know it's easy to say just like move on with your life but like you are not gonna give a shit like you'll find some new chick yeah this guy will find some new chick he likes and he will not even think about her like in two years like you're gonna literally he'll look back two years from now and just be like i can't believe i was like fucking moping around for six months over this chick like it's so stupid yeah what do you think the best way is to like get over it though go fucking gym dude go on a tear no no no just go fucking bang some chicks i don't know that's the best answer i've ever heard man for sure yeah it does help that's what i did man yeah i mean for sure like

you know obviously people are like i don't know i'm not like some guy who's like oh there's she's the one you're like yeah like look everybody who's ever been married was like she's the one and then half of them got divorced yeah so it's like sure man you know it's so yeah man just go on a fucking tear dude go on a tear just go hang out with the boys get some roast beef dude you know yeah and like i don't know just it's not it's not the end of the world. Yeah, man, I've been thinking about it. Like, there's like so many whores out there now. Tons. So it's like the supply's there. Supply's there.

You just got to, you know, you got to just kind of figure out a way to make yourself valuable. So many hot chicks out there, man. I mean, you don't have to bang just the hot ones. Yeah. I mean, you were saying, yeah, you were saying this, man. Like, there's a league of fives out there that are waiting for. You know how many fucking fives and sixes are out there? And I mean, fives are really...

There's no fours. Like, it's just... I mean, I've seen a few. Yeah, but like, really, just, you know... Fours, yeah. I might actually go down there for... Slum it down in the fours. But, you know, there's tons of chicks.

Like, unless... I mean, some people do call in the bathhouse and they're like, yeah, I live in, like, a small town. Yeah. Like, there aren't a lot of options. Yeah, the supply's not there. Yeah, the supply is not there. Yeah, supply is not there. And you're like, that sucks.

But at the end of the day, like it's still probably like from a purely economic standpoint, like, you know, there is a market clearing price on you and some woman where like, you know, like if you literally go down the curve, eventually, like you will find someone. Yeah, man. The problem is, and the same for women, like women are like, there's probably now more than ever where there's tons of women in their like late 30s who are single because they're just like waiting for that guy.

And you're like, and they're like, I can't find anyone. And you're like, no, you can find someone. Your standards are too high. Yeah. Well, I used to make a mistake, dude. After like a woman dumped me, I was like trying to make her jealous, you know?

Sure. A lot of dudes lose weight and put up these posts and shit to hope that they see it. But I think the best option, dude, is to just go straight up off the grid, you know? Max out on fucking forearm curls and just go rogue for a little bit. You know what I mean? Well, that's the thing, though. If you go get super jacked, then you'll go get more girls. Without publicizing it.

You know what I mean? Yeah, you don't have to make a whole thing out of it being like day one of the start of my life. If I could go back to a previous breakup, dude, I would just read three encyclopedias, dude. Fucking go on a fucking carnivore diet. Max out on fucking calf raises every day and just become acyclopedias, dude. Fucking go on like a fucking carnivore diet. Max out on fucking calf raises every day and just like become a straight up monster, dude. I mean, literally the like, here's the thing. It's different for men and women. Like the cure for men not being able to find women is to just improve yourself.

Yeah. Like it's, you know, improve yourself in some way, either by status or money or looks or whatever. Just, like, improve yourself. Women generally, they don't always have to do that because, like, if you're an attractive woman, like, nobody really cares what you do. Yeah. Like, no guy's like, oh, can you believe she has this job? Like, they don't care. Is she hot?

Yeah. That's what guys care about. This dude's also lucky, man. Like, I see a lot of my friends getting married. I'm like, that looks like shit, dude. That looks like it fucking sucks, bro. I mean, if I was your age. Yeah. I'm like, care about. This dude's also lucky, man. Like, I see a lot of my friends getting married. I'm like, that looks like shit, dude. That looks like it fucking sucks, bro. I mean, if I was your age. Yeah.

I'm like, dude, that's way. I mean, I specifically was like, I, for a very long time, I was like, I don't want to get married until I'm 40. Yeah. And then I did. Yeah. I'm watching it now. I'm like, dude, that looks like that's going to suck, dude.

28 is like, like, obviously certain types of life. Like, you know, I have some friends who like you know basically graduated college took over their like dad's business and you're like you're pretty set in your life yeah you know like you're not like a life of a comedian is is pretty uh dynamic i guess and there's a lot of unknowns and you know so you probably and to be honest like chicks don't love the lifestyle like a lot of chicks will not like the lifestyle of, like, a comic. But if you're just like, I have the job that I'm going to have for the rest of my life. I just, like, live near where I grew up.

Was, like, marrying a Jewish woman, like, a requirement of yours? No. Really? No. She was actually, like, the first Jewish woman I ever dated. Oh, wow. Yeah. How does she deal with, like, your lifestyle, then? She has no choice. Yeah. Yeah, it's just what it is. I ever dated. Oh, wow. Yeah. Just kind of. How does she deal with like your lifestyle then?

She has no choice. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it is what it is. I mean, that's the thing. I'm just like, I wasn't, I didn't lie about it and say like, you know, I'm just like, this is how it is. You can take it or leave it.

It's pretty sick, dude. Yeah. I'm not going to fucking. It's like a rare thing. It's like rare to find that though, dude. Uh, yeah. I mean, you know, she, she comes along to some some some stuff and that kind of makes it better but you know for the most part i'm like whatever legend dude all right see what else

hey johnny long time first time just had a quick question for you man yeah i met this chick not too long ago real real sweet chick you chick. You know, meets all my criteria, you could say. But the one thing is, man, she's got very large labia lips. And I'm

wondering how to navigate this, man. I hope you can help me with this. Alright, man. Later. My boy, dude. this man um i hope you can help me with this all right man later my boy dude um i will say dude i've been confronted uh first time i've ever been confronted with like a a dangerous roast beef sandwich was this year dude really i went right in what'd you think it was awesome man i mean here's the thing dude if you're if this is the kind of shit you're getting hung up on you're like she's

perfect in every way you're like you're gonna fucking die alone okay like if you this is your thing you're like i'm breaking up over her late it's like shallow hell if you're like dude you're like i don't know is this a deal breaker for you? Yeah. I mean, dude, a few Reddit threads kind of changed my mind because like a lot of dudes are ignorant to like, uh, like pussies, bro. You know, like there was in high school, you remember like walking around, like telling everyone like chicks, like certain chicks have like a fucking airbag for a pussy. And like, that would mean that they were like getting used up. Sure. Yeah. That's not even like factual, getting used up sure yeah that's not even like factual you know like it's all just genetic yeah for sure like i mean obviously like pregnancy is like a different breed but yeah yeah like if you crank out tons of kids probably or if you're using like a fucking

weed whacker for a dildo i had when i was in i was in spain like probably like six years ago with my ex we were like in a hotel lobby and this like couple from new zealand started like chatting us up and then basically they were like swingers but i didn't like realize it yeah and then uh until the girl started like talking about she's like because she had like two kids and she's like i have a what'd she say like sunken pelvic floor yeah or something and then her husband was like what well, what do you think? Like, uh, we all like go up to the room and whatever. And then I was like, so freaked out. And then me and my girlfriend literally ran away.

Like we ran. I thought you were going to say you both went up. No, no, no, no. We ran. So she, oh, it's like, um, she's like a, like a tight pussy. I don't think that's what that means. I don't know. She's just her, she's like her pelvic floor was sunken.

So it's either one or two. It's either like two children. I don't think it was. She was the opposite. You think it was like two. Well, she had two kids. Like she was all right looking for probably in late 40s kind of. But I was like, yeah.

The guy had an earring. It's a New Zealand couple. Damn. I don't know. I've seen a few pornos like that. A lot of Czech porno. Yeah. It's like if you want to watch it, it's like check uh sauna sex okay it's a good video man all right

it's like these couples that meet up at like a fucking like um what's it called bathhouse yeah i mean there was locker rooms and stuff yeah is that a yeah maybe it's maybe they call it a bathhouse i don't know maybe just like a um like a retreat type place okay you know and then just it was just them in the locker room just like looking at each other's tits and shit and then they were just like yeah let's like hit this on or whatever it's like sounds all right i suppose it's all the video i mean if they're hot i guess that's good yeah it was a good video but i mean for this guy you're like what are you doing? Yeah. Yeah, man, I had sex with a doctor, so I thought her pussy was going to be like fucking just like the gold standard.

Sure. Like a five-star rated pussy. And then I saw it, and I was like, what the fuck is going on? It was a what the fuck is going on scenario? It was a roast beef. It was like a Miller's roast beef sandwich, dude. I'm unfamiliar with that type of roast beef sandwich, but I can kind of put two. And I just embraced it, man, and it was uh it was a roast beef it was like a miller's roast beef sandwich i'm not familiar with that type of roast beef sandwich but i can kind of put two and i just embraced it man and it was beautiful it was fine i had to watch i had to watch a few youtube videos afterwards and like

look at a few like reddit threads that describe like the beauty of it and how it's natural and stuff yeah because i was so ignorant i thought oh, this chick's getting used up. Oh, definitely not. Maybe tightness would maybe. But again, you're like. It's like a genetic thing. Yeah. That is definitely a genetic thing. For sure, yeah.

But yeah, if you're with enough chicks, you're like, yeah, there's a lot of variation. I was on a podcast, and they pulled up a of like the different types of pussies too. Yeah. So if you want to look into that. There's like some weird like feminist like art shit. Yeah. Where they like, they'll do plaster molds. Uh-huh.

Like it'll be like a giant, like just, you know, fucking five foot tall thing. And there's just like all these different plaster molds of vaginas just in rows. Holy shit. It's multiple pussies? It's like a hundred. Pussies? Yeah. On like a canvas? No, it's multiple pussies it's like a hundred pussies yeah on a like a canvas no it's plaster like actual plaster molds like the fuck is that it's like they put plaster over it so it's like it's raised it's like a literal like if you were like like a fucking

ceramics class kind of it's like yeah it's but it's like they just and then the they put it over it and the plaster hardens yeah and then they peel it off and then it's just like so you can it's like a hard pussy. It's like a mold. Yeah. You know? So then like, I guess you could pour like latex in it and make like a,

like, like it's how they probably make fleshlights. Wow. Right. It's like to make a fleshlight, like to get their exact, like whatever vagina they like. Would you get arrested if you like fucked it?

Uh, probably for destruction of property. Yeah. Really? Yeah. And probably like the public indecency there'd be a few different charges there I think so

for being a legend dude I don't know if that's necessarily in the penal code yeah this guy's just gotta go all in dude and embrace it yeah you can't double that sounds like the type of shit where it's like a guy who's been with like three chicks but watches tons of porn.

Yeah. And you're like, yeah, because like probably in porn, there's not tons of chicks who have like, because you know, you can get surgeries and stuff to kind of have the labia. Last thing you want to do in front of a chick is like, like pump fake or pussy out. You know what I mean? Yeah. You have to go like either take a charge or just fucking, you know, you got to go all in, dude.

You can't be fucking around. I mean, it's not that. That'll make a woman feel so insecure. Like, unless you're like, I don't know, maybe super squeamish or something. Well, I'm just saying like if a woman pulled her pants down and you were like, what the fuck? Yeah. Like, obviously. Yeah, you don't want to.

You know? Yeah. I mean, girls do it for us, dude. They're just like. For sure. Fucking get in there, dude. Yeah. You know?

They do it. Whatever happens, happens, dude. You're basically like breaching a fucking door in like world war two you know what i mean it's like you're all in yeah you're all in you don't know what's on the other side of that but uh yeah i mean it's the yeah i would say this guy's dying alone if this is gonna be an issue you gotta make sacrifices man that's barely a sacrifice it's a small sacrifice she's like she has everything going for her but there's one thing which is she just has a large labia a small sacrifice she's like she has everything going for her but there's one thing which is she just has a large labia a little roast beef sandwich dude come on dude whatever

yeah this guy's gonna love it too he's gonna go in there well he must i mean he must know i can't imagine she like told him in like some weird sit down just to prepare he's gonna love the fact that it's like normal yeah i mean it's honestly like he just probably watches way too much porn and he just kind of doesn't get yeah that's i mean hopefully we gave him some comfort yeah you know he's gonna be like i watched the johnny salami podcast and they told me to go all in so i hope so and i hope they get married from it i hope that that like seals the deal changing lives dude yeah all right man well we'll wrap this up dude it was good to sit down with you yeah thanks for having me yeah good to meet down with you, man. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah, good to meet you. Yeah, it was fun. You have anything coming up, dude?

Anything? Just check out the podcast I do with Ryan Long, the boys cast every Friday, and the bathhouse every Tuesday night, the bathhouse live call-in show and podcast. And on Monday nights, I do a different call-in show called Low Value Mail, M-A-I-L,

which is kind of like weird conspiracy theories and stuff like that. Yeah, the bathhouse is fun, man. Yeah, it's a fun time. Yeah, check it out, dude. I'm going to be on the road in Baltimore October 10th, and Tampa Sidesplitters October 20th. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah.

All right, man. All right, thanks for having me, man. Thank you for coming, dude. You guys are just going to be on Patreon early. Hook you guys up with that. Thank yeah, dude. Yeah. All right, man. All right. Thanks for having me, man. Thank you for coming, dude. You guys, it's going to be on Patreon early. Hook you guys up with that. Thank you for listening.