The Johnny Salami Podcast - Doug Key

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

Doug Key is a comedian who I've known for about 6 years now. He just released his first ever special called "Mother of the Year" which is available on Mark Normands YouTube page. Please give it a watch and like it for the boys.

I think I took a shit in my neighbors lawn Yeah Laughter Music Well I love you madly dear And I need you badly dear Why did you leave me here Without your love

Music Music Music Music Music Oh bro I'm hurting. I'm falling bait each night I lie. And I think of you and cry. And I tell you one of us.

Bring back my love. Well, it's good to have you, man. Everyone listening, we have a special guest, so I will do an introduction. We are here with Doug Key. Thank you. And you just released your new special yes my first special i keep saying new but it's my first one ever yeah i say first because i hate saying the word debut that sounds so pretentious you know

pretentious word like especially in regards to yourself like anybody who says like my debut when talking about themselves i'm like get out of Yeah, if I heard you say debut, I'd probably walk away, dude. Yeah, yeah. It's tough to say. So my first special, Mother of the Year, just came out on YouTube. It's on Mark Norman's YouTube. He's a buddy of mine. He has way more followers than I do.

My YouTube is pathetic, so he offered to put my special on his thing. Yeah, I watched it. I mean, I jerked off to it. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, that's what I wanted. I forgot to comment, dude, but jerked off to it. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, that's what I wanted. I forgot to comment, dude, but I'll do that after this. Please.

You're really fucking up the algorithm, man, by not commenting. I'm just waiting for the right time, man. Yeah, yeah. Wait for that lull. You know, I respect that. Wait for that plateau and then hit it with a comment. I want to start the tsunami, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some people are like they leave. Apparently you can leave money on YouTube. Like if you like something, you could like send a tip.

Oh, wow. But it all goes to Mark. Oh, dude. It was like, I'm like, hey guys, my Venmo is in the caption. So if you like it. It's like a chatter bait for, uh. Yeah. For specials.

Yeah, exactly. Like he's, Mark's doing fine. Just, uh. Yeah, send it this way, man. Hit the cash app, hit the Venmo. Yeah. I've been thinking about doing that you know just like a send me money type thing yeah you'd be surprised you might get

one or two people send the money these guys giving you content for free this is free right or something yeah you know what i mean people don't have to subscribe for this pot i mean dude if you put up an emotional facebook post you can probably get a few bucks for sure yeah yeah i mean there's people that start gofundme'sMes because their daughter's bike got stolen. Yeah. You know? I've even had crazier ideas, man. Yeah?

Like starting my own construction company. What a wild idea to become an entrepreneur. Yeah. Just right out of the gate, and I'll just ask for an initial deposit, and then I just won't show up oh so you're talking about you want to be a criminal yeah okay okay that makes sense like sit down with the family be like what are we looking at like what type of renovations are

you looking yeah you know and then just be like listen like i'm gonna need you're like why are you wearing flip-flops and there's no pencil in your ear i mean that's not you can't say that's not a good idea it's a good blue collar crime i guess because like dude if you're i mean if you're struggling man like yeah i've never been to the point where i would do anything but i'm getting pretty close i mean there's cons like i i i consider myself a con man like recently i uh i ordered like a breakfast sandwich from Dunkin' Donuts. And I don't like their cheese. I think it's fake and it's gross. So I order no cheese on my breakfast sandwich.

So all the time. And then one time I got, they put cheese on it. And I was like, what the fuck? So I returned it. Or I didn't return it. I just, they took my, the next day I went and I had thrown that sandwich out. And I go, hey guys, yesterday I ordered this breakfast sandwich and you put cheese on it and i'm allergic to cheese which isn't even a thing i think it's just an intolerance to the lactose but i said i'm

allergic to cheese and they're like oh i'm so sorry and they gave me a new sandwich for free and then i was like oh i'm gonna just use that so if i go to like a new city i'll be like i hate to hate to bother you but i had you guys put cheese on my sandwich the other day and uh i didn't want to say anything i was embarrassed and you know nine out of ten times you'll get a free breakfast sandwich genius man yeah people are people are scared of altercation man yeah you know i mean look at me dude like i could lay some wood you know yeah just start throwing threats out there true yeah dude one time i was with, I think it was with like two fatties right after a party. So it was like the next day.

Yeah. When you mean fatties, are we talking about obese people? I wouldn't say obese. It was like... Man or woman. So it was me, my best friend, and then two chubby chicks. Okay. And it was the day after a party.

Too bad. So we walk into Dunkin' Donuts. We're living the dream, dude. Okay. And we're waiting in line, and this dude comes in. He's right behind us, and he screams at the top of his lungs. He goes, let me get a fur burger. A fur burger?

At a Dunkin'? And so like me and my buddy were just like trying not to laugh. And he just kept screaming. Dude. And we were like, is this guy going to stop? And he cut the whole line. Jesus. Wow.

Looked the lady right in the eye. I was like, I want a fucking fur burger right now. And she had no idea what he was talking about? Yeah, she had no. She pretended like he wasn't the eye. I was like, I want a fucking fur burger right now. And she had no idea what he was talking about? Yeah, she had no... She pretended like he wasn't even there. I was like, damn. She deserved an Oscar for that performance, man, because I was like, damn. Yeah, dude, I was crying laughing.

Wow. Maybe he wasn't there and it was like a sixth sense situation. He was a good... You were the only one who could see him. Oh, yeah, probably, dude. You guys seen this? Who else is yelling, I want a fur burger right now? That's only in your brain. Dude, that's such a funny term, though, a fur dude. You guys seen this? Who else is yelling, I want a fur burger right now? That's only in your brain.

Dude, that's such a funny term, though, a fur burger. Yeah. Like, from that moment on, I use that, like, almost every day. I can't even, do we know what it is? I think it's just a hairy vagina. Oh, okay. That's what I was thinking, and I was like, wait a second, did that phrase come from that?

Okay. Speaking another language, dude. Yeah. Yeah, because, like, I feel like if you do say it like a lot of people are just gonna be like either on board or like i have no idea what this guy's yeah you know yeah that's like the same thing with roast beef i've been using that a lot yeah a lot of people are kind of like i feel like that's more a more common one i feel like roast beef that's a new one that i've just been really i just kind of like uh you know roast beef i mean i yeah i've come across a few roast beefs they're so immature man i gotta stop saying dude and roast beef those are like my big goals for the year dude i love how

those are on the same playing field you're just You're just using roast beef like it's dude. What's up, dude? Roast beef. Yeah, I feel like you could back away from roast beef. But dudes would be hard. Dude is so hard. That's like the for a lot of people these days. Yeah, for a bro.

Yeah. Dude is. Because when you say dude, it's almost like, hey, listen. Yeah, it's multiple. I'm here for you. Right. Yeah. Like I'm one of the boys. Yeah. Dude dude it's almost like hey listen yeah i'm here for you right yeah like i'm one of the boys yeah dude it's like it it's punctuated with like a sincerity almost like dude yeah it's almost like saying gay yeah you don't even know it just kind of comes out right yeah yeah i don't know i mean i like i grew up skateboarding and we're all dude and like

when our friends were serious if like would be like, dude, stop. Dude, seriously. That's when it... I feel like I kind of grew out of it in a sense where I'm like, I don't know. I work at a nursing home with old people during the day, and you just have to remove it from your vocabulary. You work at a nursing home? Yeah. I'm a therapist at a nursing home during the day.

That's right. A little peek behind the curtain. That's how I afford to live yeah so you what uh i saw that you got the whole therapy thing yeah i was like a little like oh is doug like mature now like what's going on yeah no so i still when i started comedy i was going to school for physical therapy when i was like start when i was doing open mics and stuff yeah so i kind of started my therapy career where even i started my comedy career so they're kind of like both parallel with each other and uh you know i i obviously would love to just do comedy one day but i um i was just working in nursing homes and like

it was good i was during the day and then i could do shows at night but yeah i would i do exercises with old people okay so it's like physical therapy yeah physical but i during the pandemic i finished my master's and i got a degree in occupational therapy, which is similar to PT, except occupational therapy, you're rehabilitating like their activities. Like you're helping these old people like put their socks on and shit and like go to the bathroom again. You know what I mean? You're like showing them how to shit? Yeah, basically like showing them how to, not like showing them how to shit,

but like how to safely get to the bathroom, how to, like, like, there are some fat people that, like, can't, like, wipe their ass, so you have to give them, like, adaptive equipment. You have to teach them how to use, like, a tool to wrap toilet paper around the thing and clean themselves with, like, adaptive equipment. Like a third arm? Kind of. It's like, you know, some old people have, like, a reacher if they drop something on the ground yeah this is like to clean it to wipe your ass with it's a i wish i invented it i'd be a millionaire well what about uh like a bidet well not everybody can't afford a bidet uh i would love to have a day have you ever used a bidet no well once yeah we've talked about this but but it was at St. Mark's Comedy Club.

Oh, okay. It was more of just like a little spritz, you know? Wow. A comedy club that has a bidet. That's an upscale comedy club. That's what we were saying, man. It's just too good to be true, and I don't think it's a real bidet. I think it's, you know.

Yeah. That would be like comparing like a squirt gun to like a power washer. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like one of those kids that thinks, you know, right. They're hot shit, but it's like, you know. Yeah. Well, at least it cleaned your asshole. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see like a lot of them like shit their pants? I mean, I don't see it, but I can I sense it. Yeah. Yeah. You can you can definitely smell it. I usually just bring them back to the room

and have the nurses deal with it. The nurses are the ones that do all the dirty work. We just train them. The nurses are like, aren't you OT? Don't you do toileting with this patient? I'm like, yes, I train them on how to properly do it, but I don't clean them.

Do they ever shun your training abilities? I'm sure they probably do behind closed doors. Talking shit. Yeah, dude, nurses, I mean, I give them credit. They do get paid dog shit to do the worst fucking job. Yeah, I mean, some of them are better than others. Some of them are fucking the worst. But a lot of the nurses are very compassionate

and good clinicians. I heard a lot of nurses are like fucking slots, man. Yeah, I mean, back when I was dating, I dated a couple of nurses and because they see so much shit, I think they're just like, they have less inhibitions, you know, sexually. So I think they're like, they just let it out. They'll do some stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Because they're just like, they've seen death right in his eyes. You think it would be a good idea to like chill outside of a hospital just wait no you might get a restraining order i'll be honest yeah well yeah but uh hey you could maybe maybe you can just kind of trick one of them into yeah that would be thinking it's a serendipitous moment yeah i used to deliver pizza dude and uh in college and every day huh you oh in college okay college yeah okay mean, this was like a week ago, but pretend like, but, uh, dude, is that like, uh, I lived over in Narragansett in Rhode Island. Yeah. Dude, every day, this like a elderly man, he would order the same pizza and I worked the

same shift every day. So I would just drive it out to him and like, I would talk to him every day. Oh wow. And he would tell me like the funniest shit. Yeah. You know, like he wasn't even trying to be funny, but he would just tell me, you know, like he would tell me, he told me that when he farts, he doesn't know what's going to come out. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, I feel like that's a problem that can happen at any age, but it's more prevalent in your golden years. Yeah, I wonder what age that kind of, like, comes into play, though. Yeah.

Probably when you stop having control of your bowels. Like, what age do you think, though? I think it's a nerve issue. When you get older, that nerve starts to, like, not send signals to your brain to, contract your sphincter so it just it just comes out I think it's a mental thing I think it's a mental and physical thing combined you know or maybe you just stop caring yeah because I'm dealing I'm dealing with that right now man really sometimes I'll fart and I'll be like dude you don't know it's yeah like I let this rip, like anything in public or in the comfort of your own home, usually

like in the backyard. Specific. So just in the, you should stop going to your backyard. Maybe just hang out in the front yard. I don't shit inside. One of my friends has a kid who just shits outside. She lets him. And, uh, I was like, she was like she she was showing me her backyard this

is a beautiful backyard and uh i like i walk around the yard i'm like oh there's a bunch of flies over around that tree over there and she's like oh yeah my my son poops but that's his poop tree what yeah it's just how old he's like five four or five jeez and i think you say something it's like no i was just like that's hilarious i feel like at that you just get you just gotta be like all right it's cool yeah i remember i pooped in the yard when i was a kid right on the side of the house i didn't even try to hide it and my i just remember my dad walking around the house going what the fuck and he thought somebody like a neighbor it was so big you know kids like we have like really loose buttholes so like our shits are

like abnormally large for a child i know what you're saying so he thought that like a neighbor was like playing a prank or it was like some grown man shit yeah yeah i remember uh i was playing checkers uh with my sister when i was younger yeah i had to be five or six you remember those days where you were just chill and like a diaper and nothing else oh yeah yeah t-shirt and the diaper yeah i remember so i i shit dude and the shit flew out of the diaper dude flew out like not just creeped out i didn't see it you know yeah i saw it on the floor wow yeah and Yeah. And I, from that moment on, I always thought that I shit through the diaper. Like, I thought I put a hole in the diaper.

Oh, wow. That's what I was telling the boys. Yeah, yeah. You were bragging about it. Yeah. But then I just realized I was wearing, like, I guess I was just wearing, like, small diapers. Yeah. My dad one time was Santa for Christmas.

And I sat on his lap. I didn't know it was my dad. And I did the beard pull, and then I saw that it was my dad, and I shit on his lap. What? Yeah, and he'll never let me live. He's a behavior. Remember when you sat on Santa's lap and you shit your pants?

Yeah, I was like six. I was like older than I should have been. You remember it vividly. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. was like six i was probably i was like older than i should have been you remember it vividly yeah it's crazy like uh i can remember certain things from that age i mean i'm sure what's your earliest memory would you say i would say like five like from start to finish i'm not even saying this to be funny dude i i took a shit in my neighbor's lawn it always comes back to the shit yeah dude yeah i remember this visually i took a shit in my neighbor's lawn yeah when 9-11 was happening

wow dude well wait which i'm not making this up like between the towers or yeah it's crazy that you say that man because i was living we were living we were renting like uh it was like a townhouse in smithfield island so you had like one house that was connected to the other house yeah it might have been like a four unit i don't even know and uh so like my neighbor lived right next to us same yard shared the same yard yeah and i was wearing underwear for the first time and i just walked over into his yard like shit everywhere so everybody could see it yeah and they could see through the window you're like gladiator you're like are you not entertained yeah and 9-11 was legitimately happening wow yeah it was wild i remember everyone crying and i was like listen guys like it won't

happen again and they were like no no no like wow that was an outside job yeah dude maybe that's you know damn that's a sign i guess so yeah well that's where you are yeah i was in art class during 9-11 did they like they let you go home not initially, they just wheeled the TV in and played it on the news. I was a freshman in high school. They wheeled the TV in? You know how substitute teachers will bring a TV in? I feel like they wouldn't want kids to see that type of stuff. Well, exactly, but I think the teachers wanted to see it,

so they were just like, you guys are watching this. They didn't have smartphones back then. Yeah, exactly. And then they sent us home early with a letter. They gave us a letter to take with us to say then they sent us home early with like a letter they they gave us all a letter to you know take with us to say why they let us home early as if you know yeah they were gonna be like why are you home early it's like all this terrorist impending terrorist attack that could happen anywhere it'll be crazy to fathom something like that at that young of an age i know you know yeah it is kind of funny though when you combine shitting in

someone's yard with 9-11 though it is you know it is it's of funny though when you combine shitting in someone's yard with 9-11 though it is you know it is it's not really like something you would say on like a first date yeah well you'll never forget yeah never forget you'll never forget that you had two you had two towers fall out of your eyes yeah yeah dude four towers fell that day dude four times yeah oh man but dude you're uh did you already move back to mass i moved back yeah yeah i'm having a kid in uh next month so we decided to move back home to be closer to family and um but i still come back to the city a lot to do shows and pods and stuff so um yeah but i you know it's only three hours away you know you yeah i feel like uh it's a good idea man i can't even imagine raising a kid here yeah i mean this neighborhood that you're in

is real nice but uh like where we were in brooklyn it was like it was so far away from everything we had no support so um yeah we decided just to move back but who knows i might come back in the future it's so easy to just like travel here too yeah i mean i have a car but even if like i before i had a car i would take like a you know peter pan bus or mega bus or whatever that was like that's a journey man yeah it was it was longer it was the cheapest travel but um but yeah man i i definitely like having a car having the freedom of yeah doing the road and stuff. That's what got me a lot of gigs when I first moved to the city is like a lot of the guys that were headlining like don't have cars in the city.

Yeah, I've been used a few times for my car. Yeah, of course. Which I'm fine with. I'm like, hey, listen, dude, I got a Honda Accord. Like if you want to use me, like it's fine. It's a few bucks in your pocket and you get a gig out of it, get some new fans. And, you know, nine out of ten times I new fans and um and you know nine out of ten times i'll throw you an extra 20 for gas or whatever it is yeah you know but uh yeah man having a car is legit man especially like a honda accord you know what i mean yeah what type of car

are you driving right now mazda mazda cx5 oh shit yeah it's japanese cars stick rely no i can't drive stick yeah so you're just going like fucking 80 on the highway automatic pretty much yeah is that not good i don't know i i know nothing about cars that's like yeah me neither but i know nothing but i i do yeah i mean it's a smooth ride so you what's it called velocitizing when you're going fat you're like oh fuck i'm going 90 but it's like it's not you don't get any speed wobble or anything yeah you don't even notice no no yeah it's crazy because if you hit something going 90 like you're just you're done no you're done and now that i have a kid on the way i'm like trying to like practice driving slow more

safely oh yeah you know because you have to yeah that's got to be crazy man just knowing that you have a kid on the way it's a weird have you been talking about it a lot or you kind of just like don't want to i'm talking about no i'm talking about it just to like mentally prepare i think that's the benefit of like her being pregnant for nine months or ten months or however long they're pregnant for um is that like you can mentally and financially prepare for it you know but the closer it gets it's like gets more and more wild being like oh shit now it's like there's a timer it's like the clock is ticking, I feel like it's got to be like Navy SEAL training. No matter how hard you prepare, once it happens, you're like, fuck.

You can't. And that's what I find solace in the fact that once the baby's here, my fight or flight instincts are just going to take over. And you're just going to have to do whatever it takes to keep this kid alive. People are like, oh, you're not going to be able to sleep. It's going to be waking you up. And it's like, yeah, but you're not going to mind doing that if it's your child do you have a lot of boys that have kids i do i have a few yeah like a lot of my childhood friends have kids and uh

you know a lot of them had kids early on and that's when i was like oh i do want one of these because it's like oh shit you look just like my friend like i want a little custom person you know but at the time i was like i was pursuing comedy and i'm like i knew that that's not that's gonna you know really impede the pursuit here so i uh i put it off and then my girl and i got pregnant and we're like yeah let's fucking do it let's fucking shred it i'm getting older yeah yeah you got to reach a certain point man where it's like that's got to be so hard though yeah i remember like uh i think what brings me peace about thinking about it is just like knowing how retarded men are yeah

you know like that never changes no like you can hide it a little bit but right no it's still it's primitive it's up there you know yeah like people think like oh you have kids you got to be like mature all the time it's like no you just got to like hide it a little better yeah you have to modify a few things and you have yeah you have to kind of incorporate values and morals into into day-to-day life yeah you're already fucking practicing dude like you know what to say yeah yeah i mean i i do i always envisioned having a child but just like when it's actually on the way you're like oh fuck i do have to like get in dad mode and like you know be a good person now that's dude that's what i'm kind of stuck on like i mean dude i look like i eat crayons so i'm not having a kid anytime soon but

like well the good thing is kids eat crayons too so my father well that's what i think i would be too much like a kid oh yeah and i wouldn't be able to like discipline him or her yeah because you got to be able to be stop eating all my fucking crayons those are mine i have like three crayons in my mouth i'm like give me my fucking respect you know like i feel like you just got to turn that switch sometimes dude just like be serious and yeah that's got to be tough you know it is i mean i feel like it's you don't have to be serious i feel like you want to be a kid and that's i think the benefit of having one is you can kind of live vicariously through them and you kind of get a pass on being a little bit immature because you're like you're on the ground playing with action figures and like i remember my uh

my little sister she's 15 years younger than me so i was 15 when she was born and i would like she loved these baby einstein videos where they would just be like you know uh beethoven music or mozart music playing and there's like train like choo-choo trains going and then my sister would fall asleep and i would just be like just like glued to the tv like this is fucking riveting like i wish i was on mushrooms watching this you think you're autistic i probably it's a spectrum for a reason, Johnny. Because I know, yeah, trains are a big thing. Yeah.

I mean, I'm probably autistic, dude. Nowadays. You got to be. Yeah, for sure. No. With no disrespect. Yeah. You don't need to be a doctor to, you know.

Yeah. Give you that prognosis. Yeah. I don't think there's any sort of diagnostic criteria that's like matter of fact. I think a lot of it's subjective, too. Yeah. Give you that prognosis. Yeah. I don't think there's any sort of diagnostic criteria that's like, matter of fact, I think a lot of it's subjective too. Yeah. I mean, if you're screaming vagina in open fields, like. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a spectrum, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. I was going to say you have good eye contact. So I feel like you're not on the. I mean, you're easy to look at, dude, but some people. You ever look at someone and you're like, I just can't do it, dude.

Yeah, I know. Actually, my girl, she's like, sometimes she'll look at me like so deeply and I'll like look away. And she's like, you have a problem with eye contact. And I'm like, no, I just wasn't ready for like... You're not always ready for like a deep, sincere moment with your partner. You know what helps, man, is if you just aggressively look at someone in the eyes for like 10 or 15 seconds, then you kind of just, yeah, you just like get through the uncomfortable part and then you're good to go. It was hard not to try to stare at you while we were doing. Yeah, no, I know.

It's, it's tough. I did work with autistic kids for a little while and they're, they're, they're brilliant in like certain ways. Like this one kid, he's like obsessed with uh the presidents yeah and uh he calls himself uh jimmy carter he's like you have to call me jimmy that's his favorite president what would happen if you didn't call him that i made it sound like it was an ultimatum like it was or else thing it wasn't it was just you'd say his name and he'd be like, that's not my name. It's Jimmy Carter. Okay. All right. Yeah. But he would like,

he could like recite all the presidents front to back. It was pretty wild. And he was like seven years old. Yeah. I don't know. I know maybe the first

three presidents. Did he know anything about them or just? I think he did know some facts. I think he knew like the term, like how many terms they served. I don't think he knew like their vice presidents

or anything like that. But yeah, my mom is like, she's turning 70 next year she's always watching like her shows and stuff yeah and they always have like these autistic kids come on the news with like special talents it's fucking wicked entertaining dude yeah it's like they know all the capitals for autistic kids it's crazy man wow they had this one kid come on and he was, he knew the whole pie formula. Wow. I didn't know that. And he was just spewing out numbers, dude.

Like, I thought my fucking brain was going to blow off, dude. Yeah. You know? I mean, whatever is in their DNA has got to be something that's like, it's unlocking a different chamber of the brain that we don't have enough research about yeah dude you know like we didn't look we didn't start real like really looking into these kids until now you know it is wild like back in the day they were kind of just wandering around you didn't even know yeah they're wandering around i think down south are they still killing mentally challenged kids i didn't know that i didn't know that but i i knew hitler did that uh who there was a super funny

cop what's his name he opened for stanhope uh junior stopka do you know who that is very funny bit do you know the bit i'm talking about i thought you were gonna say junior say oh no no no he's damn dude yeah no that's a deep cut. R.I.P., dude. Yeah, R.I.P. Pour one out. No, Junior Sayo, he has a really funny bit about like, you know how I know there was no special needs kids in the Holocaust? He's like, they'd be smiling in the pictures.

I thought that was like, oh, my God. That's so dark on like different levels but funny that's a good bit yeah it's great i mean yeah dude i know i know people who live in texas like they're from there and they're like yeah like if you mention it they'll just laugh their ass off and it's like all right like is it is it know? Yeah. I've heard stories about people who live in Florida, and they were in class. They were like ESL. Okay.

And they had mentally challenged people in their class. And they killed them? No, dude. No, I just mean like in Florida, they thought that, like, speaking Spanish meant you were mentally challenged. Oh, wow. Damn. That's wild.

Yeah, that's got to be wild, dude. Being a fluent Spanish speaker. Yeah, because you couldn't speak English, that you were a little slow to learn the language. You're not one of us. You have it assimilated in a timely fashion. Wow. That's kind of funny, though. That is.

Just to, like, jump right to that. Yeah. No, you're not. Which is ironic because the person that jumps to that conclusion is probably more of the mentally challenged. Yeah, they probably came here on a fucking door. True. Yeah, man. Yeah, no, I definitely had a, you know, special needs classes as most high schools did.

And I always was curious as to what they were doing in there. You know, I was always like, oh, they're having like their own little recess. They never let you in there? No, no. They would let us in sometimes. Just to see what's going on. Just watch and learn. It's like a zoo now.

Yeah. They would be like, when I was in elementary school, they would be like, all right, you can go down the hall and you go hang out with the kids. Okay. Because I think they were just like, it was just all day recess for them, dude. You know, they're just like kicking, you know, those big medicine balls. Yeah. They're just kicking those like full speed.

Well, a lot of it's like social skills too so it's like they'll they'll probably try to like incorporate social scenarios like um like social reenacting you know like hey go ask that person for a pencil yeah you know just so they can like have life skills for for job skills later in life i think that was the school for them. Yeah. You know, it's like, yeah, go, go talk about the weather to this other kid. Yeah. After you kick this medicine ball at his face. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then quickly put this weighted blanket on. Yeah. Yeah. To come. That's how you learn, man. You know,

I'm surprised I didn't get put in like a special needs class when I was younger. Yeah. Are you like low-key smart with like certain subjects would you say that you're like excelling i mean tits yeah yeah so anatomy science all right specifically tits though yeah yeah female anatomy you're a feminist female studies dude that would be that would be sick to say during like uh an anatomy class yeah it would be just saying like you specialize in tits.

Yeah, tit specialist. When I was in elementary school, what I used to love to do was one, yell vagina as the recess doors were opening. That's a good one. During a dead sprint. Yeah.

I would just yell it as loud as I could. Were you at the front of the line? Depends on the day so sometimes you have to yell vagina and then just break through the kids going outside i always try to make it to the front but other times i wanted my voice to be heard you were william wallace out there yeah leading the pack yeah but dude one thing though that goes unmentioned is uh every day at recess they they had, like, basketballs. Yeah.

And instead of playing basketball on the blacktop, it was just me and a bunch of other kids. And we would just kick the basketballs in the air as high as we could. Yeah. And they were just level people. Oh, yeah. That's what we did. Yeah. We didn't do anything.

We played tennis, and then we would't do anything like we um we played tennis and then we would just have like home run derbies with the tennis balls over the fence oh shit yeah so on a baseball field no in the tennis court we would just hit like literally just fucking throw these fucking tennis balls over the fence into the woods tennis is kind of like fun it is are you playing or no no no i can't play i have i have asthma i can't i i don't do anything that involves a lot of you have asthma dude you'll click on fucking trt dude it's all an illusion really yeah no i i lift weights to create the illusion that i'm in shape but i have no like cardio endurance like i don't run like your heart health or shit yeah i like i feel like

my heart health is good i just don't like like sustained activities like uh like i could ever play like soccer or basketball because it's like constantly moving like i played baseball because it was you know you were a baseball player i was yeah it's first baseman so i just literally stay there and caught the ball you're just playing with your nuts scooping shit yeah yeah yeah and then i got into skateboarding i quit once i got into high school because i was like on a like an all-star team like in little league um and then once i get into high school because I was like on a mate like a all-star team like in Little League And then once I get to high school level they were like I was like these fucking pitches are too fast I was like a kind of a smaller kid. I was like just so terrified of getting pegged by Yeah, so I started skating and like then I was like this is it I'm gonna be a pro skater. That's my dream and

yeah, I started just fucking myself up, throwing myself downstairs and doing handrails and shit. And just, I broke so many bones. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that's fucking sick, man. Yeah, I still, I don't do it as aggressively anymore. I still fuck around. Like, you know, that's why I'm excited.

I like to have a kid, whether it's a boy or girl. I'm like, I can't wait for that moment where I can, like, just put them on a skateboard and, like, you know, do that again. Do you ever get scared that, like like maybe that might not be an option like yeah that's true uh the good news is the sonogram shows that it's got two legs so yeah but whether or not they can control those legs is a different story so what if what if your kid is mentally challenged i've thought about it and uh i think having some experience working with with uh mentally challenged kids i feel like i have some like background on it and um it won't be as like devastating but it would be not ideal yeah i'm gonna say i mean nobody nobody's rooting for that you know yeah i mean

you wouldn't like drop them off in a field and just dip no i don't think i would drop them off in a field i think i would love them a little less but uh i'm kidding i uh no i yeah it's something that every parent probably thinks about yeah you know but you don't know yeah i wonder if that would be fun man yeah just like fucking around with it you know what i mean yeah totally i mean i feel like you know it's like a a kid that you can have forever yeah so whenever you're upset just bring him in public exactly exactly yeah who knows we'll see yeah dude i've been i've been doing shit that i used to do like why is it so gay to do shit that you used to do like what like play pokemon skateboarding people be like oh what are you gay yeah that's why is that well i i mean i don't know what it is i think maybe not like what do you get i think maybe not like, what do you get? I think maybe like grow up,

like, you know, such a child or something like that. You might get that perception, like grow up. But, uh, yeah,

my grandpa, I remember before he died, I would still like, I was like in my twenties and I would like escape to his house. Cause I lived like not too far. And, uh, I'd bring my board and he would look at me and he would just be like,

yeah, still doing that, huh? I'm like, what physical activity? Like this takes a skill to do. And then he, you know,

fell and broke his arm and then got pneumonia in the hospital and died. I'm like, well, if you were skateboarding, you wouldn't have a fall. Yeah. Your balance would have been better. Yeah.

Or, you know, but, uh, just the way life works man i don't know what it is i feel like i mean you got a lot of comic book stuff or super like i feel like people that have like you say comic book stuff superman is that a comic book yeah yeah what else you got those are just bands no it's just bands yeah yeah but like anything could be perceived

as childish yeah you know what i mean any like anything could i mean dude i i went out into a field two days ago running around with my dog man yeah did you shit in the field yeah but i don't want to talk about it but dude that i got this sensational feeling yeah it was wild man of just being out like an outdoorsman it was just like a feeling of like, oh, I could still do this. Like this is still fun. Oh, yeah. Like you were running with the dog. Yeah, like, you know, we're running together, dude.

I look back into his eyes, you know, we're both having a good time. Why do birds suddenly appear? Yeah. Yeah. No, I love those little moments of joy. That's what I... I don't know if it's like euphoria or like what it is, but. Yeah. Yeah. No, I love those. Those like little moments of moments of joy. That's what I. I don't know if it's like euphoria or like what it is, but. Yeah.

You're like a little hard, but you're like. Yeah. You know. Well, it's like that oxytocin. It's like your brain secretes these hormones when you're like, have like these moments of like attachment to another living thing, like a baby or a dog or whatever it is. And I feel like that's that builds that bond between a parent a child or a pet and a owner it's an autistic man is that dude yeah that's good i think you're ready to be a dad

then no i don't think so man no i kind of dude i've been thinking like depressing thoughts like sometimes i wish i died when i was like 18 i I think that's common. Yeah. I mean, not to have a specific age attached to it, but. 18, 21. Yeah. The coming of age death. Yeah. That would have been sick, man. Just to go out like that.

Yeah. But then what do you think like, I mean, like you've done a lot of cool stuff since then. Did you ever regret being like, eh, let's push it to 30? I don't even know how old you are, but. 27 yeah you get a few years left dude you know what's crazy man i can't believe i haven't even brought this up yet what i've known you for six years yeah barely but dude do you remember the first time we met i remember doing a show with you at the casino right yeah was that the first time yeah i'm surprised you remember even that i don't remember what kind of show was a contest dude so we're at mohegan sun yeah and we're in the green room. I go into the back to take a shit and I just murder the bathroom, like blow it up.

Right. And then I'm walking out of the bathroom as you're walking in and I go, yo dude, I just blew that shit up and you go, I'm good. How are you? And I was, dude,

I was devastated. I was like, dude dude because i was like 20 yeah you know i mean maybe i just uh i think i might have a hearing problem i was like that was one of the moments in my life where i was like am i retarded like what did you know because what i said i don't think i said that with any sort of snark or like why was this kid telling me that he's pulled the bathroom? I think I probably genuinely heard, like, hey, what's up? How are you? Yeah. And then I just responded, like, in autopilot.

And then you just went into the bathroom and you were like, dude. Oh, no. I don't know. I have a skinny nose. I can't smell shit. Yeah. But I'll remember that for the rest of my life. Well, I hope we can clear the air now.

Yeah. Unlike the air in the bathroom that you left for me. Yeah, I've thought about that since it happened. No, no, I didn't even notice you said that, so it wasn't in any negative tone at all. Well, just imagine being like a 20-year-old. You barely know what you're doing. You know, you seem like a...

I did remember that you had shorts, like basketball shorts on. Probably, yeah. Yeah. Probably, like, not wearing underwear. Yeah. I think I was judging a contest, I remember. And I think I remember this because I got a laugh. I was like, you kind of look like a Duke lacrosse player that got accused of sexual misconduct.

You said that to me? I think so. I don't know. No way. I would have fought you, of look like a Duke lacrosse player that got accused of sexual misconduct. You said that to me? I think so. I don't know. No way. I would have fought you, dude. I think I... Wasn't there a... I think there was like a table on the stage and like they asked me to judge this comics

contest or something like that. Yeah, I did that, but it was... When I did it, it was... Yeah. I knew who the judges were. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was your bit, right? Was that your bit bit i don't know duke lacrosse yeah did you say anything about duke lacrosse or maybe that was my boys dude yeah no i back then i was talking about like jacking off to the titanic

and like yeah stuff like that well that's hot yeah nice the way the titanic like sinking or the titanic like in its all glory joke where i would be like uh people always judge me on my hobbies my only hobby is jacking off to the titanic and it would just bomb yeah you know but in my head i was like this has this has legs yeah you know i just have so many questions i'm like is it a diagram of the titanic like a blueprint or is it like the movie the titanic or it was the movie okay or the wreckage it's crazy how the titanic the movie is actually just called titanic yeah as opposed to the titanic i think they wanted to trim the fat. Just get right to the... They're like, we're paying for these letters.

Get right to the meat and potato. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. Just the irony of spanking to a movie like that. Yeah. I mean, Kate Winslet's tits were in it. Is that what her name is? You're a tit guy.

Kate Winslet, the actress. Is she still alive? Yeah, she wasn't that old. Dame Judi Dench is still alive. I'm thinking about the woman, like the old lady who tells the story. Kathy Bates. Oh, oh, oh. No, she's probably dead.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I feel like they would have... And in real life. Fuck, man. Yeah, sorry. When in the movie, was that actually her?

I think you should hold off on having kids a little bit longer. Is that what you're jacking off to is when she died warmly in her bed at the end of the movie? I mean, I would. Yeah. Wait, they show that? I think it's insinuated. Because they show the old lady.

Yeah, and then, like, Jack in the movie says, like, Rose, you're going to go on to, like, the fact that I remember this line is sad, but,'re gonna go on to have an old be an old lady and have a ton of kids and die cozily in your bed or whatever and then at the end of the movie the you know the the thing is that she actually dies warmly in her bed yeah and i can just picture a young johnny salami just jerking off to that part 20 year old johnny salami jerking off to that yeah damn that would be a fun uh reaction video to watch yeah putting that up on tiktok yeah just a three-hour going viral because of that titanic yeah i mean i wouldn't mind that at all yeah going viral over that video oh yeah it's content yeah that's crazy man you can put up one video and just sell out an applebee's man yeah no it's crazy i

do know i do notice like a lot of these comedy clubs booking a lot of like tiktok stars and stuff and and that's great because they're like they're giving them like the wednesday nights not like a full weekend so they're like all right yeah you're you know you got a million followers on tiktok or whatever so come to to this comedy club and sell out on Wednesday, and they might do that. But if they're not a seasoned comic, they can't do an hour of sustained funny material. Then a lot of those people might not come back and see them in the future.

So it's kind of like the kiss of death, I think, to really pop off too early. Someone was telling me at The Connection in rhode island like yeah they were booking like some tiktok stars yeah that's what i'm saying they would bomb so bad that they would have to like bring other people on it's yeah it's not great like um but as a business owner you're like all right you know it's a wednesday we're usually closed let's get this kid who you know reviews dish soap on tiktok to come out and you know sell the room or whatever and uh they do it but it's not like an act you know they're like do the do the dish soap thing you know they can't it's not 45

minutes worth of material that's like a bit that's kind of sad man i know so you know you might sell out a club in one night but those same people that came out aren't coming back to see you the next year they're gonna be like that was disappointing do you give a fuck at all or no you're no i'm not like i i'm i like that like i haven't peaked yet because i feel like there's so much pressure to like maintain that you know what i mean like once you're at a level where you're like selling out theaters consistently like you have to keep doing that for a while at least for a long time so you don't feel like you had this flash in the pan career and then just tanked you know you've done theaters though like big i mean i've opened for i've opened for people uh who are at that level and um and that's great

i'm like so happy to see this like upward trajectory of my friends doing well but like i'm kind of i find solace in the fact that like i'm not quite there yet so i still have like time to to um to peak per se and it's like you know maybe you want to do that a little bit later so it's like the downward slope is like when you're your kids are getting older you're retiring doing this so it's like that's a natural course of action i feel like in your life as opposed to like peaking when you're a 21 year old tiktok star and then i feel like the peak has to come at the right time dude yeah it's like, that's a natural course of action. I feel like in your life, as opposed to like peaking when you're a 21 year old TikTok star. And then I feel like the peak has to come at the right time, dude. Yeah.

It's almost like jerking off too quick. Yeah. Like the longer you wait. Right. The better it's going to be. Edging. I think you're describing edging. Right.

Yeah. Don't get that confused with the yard work. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Hedging. I think they call it. i do both at the same time you can uh you can edge like a bush though right you can edge a hedge is i think so yes yeah you

can edge can you edge a hedge only one way to find out you just kind of like tickle the roots a little bit someone's daughter's like riding their bike by like asking you what's up like oh i'm just edging yeah just see what happens man yeah i drive with my car on empty a lot before i find a gas station i feel like that's edging your car while driving you know you you get that like tingling sensation yeah you're like i could break down at any moment oh fuck man i never even thought about dude i urinated on the highway last night i peed coming here while driving while driving your car was moving my car was moving and i was in traffic which is even scarier because it's stop and go yeah and i i pull my pants down like to my knees and i have a um i pee in like a core water bottle.

Not to brag, it's got a girth of your mouth piece on it. Yeah. I'm a little bit better than a Poland spring. So I use a core and I just put it down there. I drape like a sweater over it and I peed. Wow, you got prepared. Yeah. I mean, I hate to say it, man.

I pissed in a Gatorade Zero, so I'm not like on your level. No no that's the same thickness of a it's not dude it's not a core bro a core water yeah it's probably the same mouthpiece i don't know should we compare water compare bottles that's all that's the the first thing i thought about when you said i was like what type of water bottle we feel like it's what everyone's thinking, you know, like what water bottle did you piss in? Yeah, yeah, no, it's not a 99 cent Poland Spring. It was a 349. I was on the highway, dude, and I was like, I'm legit about to piss my pants.

I just pulled my pants down, dude, and I fucking just let it rip, dude. It was wild, man. Wow. It was the first time. So I was like, whoa. Did you pee on the side of the highway? No, I was in the car moving.

Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, it was like bumper to bumper traffic, so it was already like stressful enough. You ever bang on the side of the highway? Not on the side of the highway, but in nature. that's all right yeah the side of the highway i just think the fact that you're like all right nature side of the highway nature same thing nature is is very closely adjacent to the side of the highway. So you are correct. So you're not far off. But I mean like on the road, like in the breakdown lane. In the breakdown lane? Yeah, in the breakdown lane.

Like you pull over. Yeah, well, nobody, like if you see a broke down car or like a car pulled over in the breakdown lane, you don't really think anything of it. You just drive right by it. I'm thinking about like a truck stop. No, no. You're just facing oncoming cars.

Well, no. I'm not in on not coming traffic i'm not crossing the median i'm in the same side in the breakdown lane and uh yeah you just it's fun you just oh so you're in the car you're not well no you can be outside i've done it both i've done inside the car and outside what you do is you pull over to the breakdown lane you go around in the front seat you bend her over the front and passenger side with the door with the with the rear door open so nobody can see coming down the highway and uh usually at night so you have the hazards on and then if anybody drives by they don't think you don't just see a car broken you don't like you're not like what's going on there you know and uh if a cop pulls up you just pretend like she's vomiting or something you know you're like oh she got she got car sick yeah and then you pull your pants up right away nobody's gonna

arrest you for that i've never even heard of that man that's wild yeah no it's fun it's usually like if a cop's i mean dude if you're a fucking balls deep in a chick and a cop in like a dodge charger fucking speech well that's the thing when you're you're so she's bent over into the passenger side and you're vigilant you're out you got your head on a swivel yeah you're looking you're looking at the cars coming down the road so you got yeah you're doing some some uh surveillance yeah you're thinking about 9-11 too yeah oh yeah you're thinking about everything you know you're looking every which way so you know you're ready for that cop to come by you're prepared you have your script ready to go you're like she was sick uh yeah so yeah it's fun i recommend it to all you people listening

out home uh you're like something something fell on her pussy she sat on something hot just peel out yeah yeah yeah she spilt a bunch of jizz all over you got like uh you got like asian energy dude asian energy huh that's good energy like you look like uh you look like super mature but like you definitely do like crazy shit dude i mean you know i definitely have a because that's the definition of like crazy shit you know yeah it's not the smartest thing I've ever done, but I assess risk. Yeah. I still, I'm not like. Fuck, man, I got to try that one day.

One day. Yeah, it's a fun. I like, I wouldn't say that I'm an exhibitionist. I don't like people actually watching per se, but I like the thrill of being caught. Dude, I can't even imagine. Dude, the emotional roller coaster that must be. Yeah. It's not as emotional as you'd think for me.

Maybe for her, but they've all usually been on board. Sometimes it takes a little. It's fine. This will be fun. You're crying, dude. Thinking about your childhood. I need this. It has to be 95 uh yeah yeah well dude like a big thing that's happening like over the past year is like people on the highway who are like pulled over are getting fucking leveled really by like drunk drivers wow well i might be retiring from this

kink that i have but uh yeah no i i definitely know that that is a risk i just feel like the probability that somebody won't just veer off going straight down a highway i think you have a better chance getting hit like i'm a how hard would you laugh if i if you saw me on like the news and it was just me banging a fatty on the side of the highway and a drunk driver just leveling me dude i would feel terrible because like dude that would be on you man yeah that i influenced that yeah he died doing what he loved i mean dude that would be a you, man. Yeah, that I influenced that. Yeah. He died doing what he loved. I mean, dude, that would be a good way to go out, dude.

He died doing what his podcast guest loved. He listened to his influencers, dude, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But he did want to go when he was 18, so I think he got. You saved me either way, dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Your life was more fruitful. either way dude yeah yeah yeah i had sex uh i had sex in the middle of uh the road yeah oh the middle of the road yeah this was in college on robinson street just like right in the middle of a residential street like a neighborhood street yeah like suburban yep just like imagine like a suburban neighborhood and then me in In a car or on the street? Nope. Just me and her, dude. Just bent over right in the middle of like a four-way intersection, dude. A four-way. Wow.

You like to shit in between four apartments. You like to fuck in the middle of a four-way intersection. You're quite an exhibitionist. Yeah. It's got to be that way, dude. Wow. That's huge. That was it, man.

No cars came down the road what's your play if a car came what was your script if a car came yeah what are you gonna say back then i don't think i would have stopped no no because i was like kind of reckless wow nowadays i'd probably fucking throw her into a bush and run away dude i'm like i'm not getting in trouble for this yeah you know what i mean yeah it's weird because it's like not it's it's a human thing that we do just like peeing in public it's weird that i mean i have a bit about it in my special i say like i peed in public one time but like it's not the pee it's it's the indecent exposure that's illegal it's not the act of urinating dude so like So, like, you just got to pee your pants in public. That's illegal. As a man, though, like, as a horny man.

Yeah. I don't know if any dudes feel this way. I, dude, if I'm with a chick that I'm attracted to. Right. I am always thinking about having sex with her in public. Like, not in, like, at, like, the doctor's office or something like that. Right. But, like, if we're doing like

have you ever like hung out with a girl at the beach dude yeah and you're just like you want to go right now yeah yeah that's i feel like that's a normal thing like i've been on a hike with a woman and been like do you want to just oh totally make love in the woods yeah and it's it's always weird when they can they think that's like so out of pocket i'm like really you're a human being you didn't this didn't cross your mind at all yeah you know i wonder if it does or it's just like it's got to i think it's just they want us to initiate it they want us to ask they want us they want to turn us down yeah you know or accept i've done that's how they'll get pleasured realistically by like turning us down yeah i think the sociopaths yeah but as a horny dude i feel like that comes up a

lot you know like especially hiking dude dude once you get to the peak of the mountain you're on the way down it's like yeah what better to do now than just let it rip yeah no you just want that release at the peak that summit that's what I said to her. That's Summit Nut. It's like, there's families around. Yeah. You still got boys, though, that you're hanging out with that you've been boys with for a long time? Yeah. I mean, my childhood friends, we're still tight. We're still tight, but if you're a comic, you understand that now your brain's... I can really only have intellectual conversations with my comic friends

because we're, for the most part, all on the same page. But the friends I grew up with, I still love them to death, but they all have their own lives. Their priorities are in order. It's something I'm struggling with with so i was just wondering yeah no it's like everyone's like in a relationship and they got their 401k stacked and i'm just like no i don't i don't have a 401k i have a roth ira you know that's good shit man yeah yeah it's after tax money dude yeah well i do it like i get taxed now and then when i yeah take it out later it's tax free but yeah that's the only thing i mean now that i have a kid i feel like i have to start doing all these

things yeah which i'm trying to slowly but surely you know i get a lot of like hateful comments about like being a child and stuff you know yeah but i i don't see why that's your that's your thing they shouldn't judge your yeah you know whatever you find to be yourself man around here you know what i mean like just be comfortable in your own skin. Right. Just be like full bore retarded and it's okay. You know what I mean? Do you read the comments?

I feel like that's no good. I am, uh, unfortunately, yes. I'm reading comments on every comment on my YouTube special. It's been very good. A lot of them are good.

There's some negative ones, but the negative ones are like, did you look at the profile of the negative comments? Yeah. I look at the profile and it's been very good a lot of them are good there's some negative ones but the negative ones are like did you look at the profile of the negative comments yeah i look at the profile and it's like they got you know it's like a picture of a cat or something or a car yeah and it's like they got no subscribers not that you know i got virtually no subscribers either but like uh i don't you don't take it seriously i don't even interact with them i kind of just laugh and i'm like i think i'm upset with myself for reading the comments i know they say don't take it seriously. I don't even interact with them. I kind of just laugh. I think I'm upset with myself for reading the comments. I know. They say don't, but you also want that dopamine rush of seeing the good ones, too.

So you got to weed through some of the bad ones. But it's like, you know, nine out of ten, probably a bigger percentage or better comments than negative ones. Yeah, and you also see like, I'll see people who are, like, very funny put up, like, viral clips. That's what I'm saying. You could be Richard Pryor and somebody's going to be like, this is bullshit. This sucks. This is the worst. You know, somebody's going to say it.

I think you just got to hope that, like, the majority of people have, like, a positive outlook towards it. I think at the end of the day, it's kind of just, like, knowing what a joke is. You know what I mean? Right. Dude, it's so wild people think like we're being serious it's crazy my opening joke is like about the punchline is like about like I say gluten free

bitch or whatever right and I'm like being ironic but it's clearly a joke and somebody comments like my nephew has celiac disease and I think it's kind of kind of lame that you would punch down on somebody with this disease. He can't have bread without going. And I wanted to be like, sir, I do not know wheat you are talking about.

And that's a dumb pun, but I didn't comment that, but I will. I'm on a roll. Right after this, dude, you're in the car. I'm thinking of all these weak gluten puns but I want to comment that but because it's a negative comment I don't want to engage with this person but I want to be like fucking idiot

it's a joke I'm not talking about your nephew idiot that'll be the end man if you do respond to the negative because then it doesn't stop there's no reasoning with somebody that's behind their computer screen if you do respond to the negative. Because then it doesn't stop. Because nobody, when somebody like, there's no reasoning with somebody that's like behind their computer screen.

Well, that's what they want. They want you to respond. Yeah. It's like the guys jerking off in public. Like the, they want you to look at them. Like even if you're traumatized by it, they get off on the fact that you're looking

and traumatized, like these women that are looking. But I don't know. I think it's just the negativity that sucks, you know? Yeah. It's like, why are people so fucking negative you know yeah so if you're out there leave a nice comment leave it leave a paragraph on why just do yourself a favor and leave a positive comment for one studio yeah that we will respond to and and never forget it and it will prevent us from ending things prematurely it will do that positive comment

can go a long way man it does yeah it does yeah leave a fucking positive comment on doug's new special dude yes and watch it podcast and this podcast like and subscribe like and subscribe dude yeah yeah man i know we didn't talk about the special much man but yeah yeah it's on youtube mother of the year on uh on youtube on you filmed it at the comedy connection in rhode island which is the homeland yep my home club providence uh comedy connection um it was it was before they renovated it so i'm the only person that's ever got has a special in the original room now i that's how i'm looking at it yeah you know you're the last i could have been pissed and been like damn it they just made like a beautiful new stage but yeah so it's the original room with kind

of the ugly backdrop but uh i'm uh i started there 13 years ago and um i'm glad that they helped produce it and yeah i mean dude it's crazy man to have known you since i was 20 yeah met you outside of a shitter now we're doing a podcast together, dude, and you have a special, man. It's kind of like... Yeah, full circle. ...fucking, you know... No, I'm glad.

I'm glad. Thanks for having me. Congrats on, you know, the success of this. You're a funny guy, and I hope I can come back as a guest in the future. Yeah, dude.

I'll always be here, man. Maybe next time vacuum all the dog hair off the... ...the...