The Johnny Salami Podcast - Hailey

Episode Date: April 25, 2021

Hailey by The Johnny Salami Podcast

Just let me know when you're ready, yell wine. I'm not going to be ready ever. Are you nervous? Yeah. Really? Oh, shit. I never know because I do it like every other week. Yeah, I know.

I don't know. I feel kind of bad when people come on. They're like shaking. I'm like, do I look here? Do I look there? I can always tell after like the first question. I'm like, how you doing? And they're like, uh-huh.

I'm like, all right. Good. I'm like, how you doing? They're like, uh-huh. Like, all right. Good. I'm doing good. I have to calm people down. I'm like, yo, two minutes in, you're going to be all right. How long does it go for? No, I always think about just like yelling. Just yelling?

You're like, yo, welcome to the J Salami podcast. I just fucking throw my coffee at you yeah so if you say anything fucked up but you probably will we can just cut that out why do you think i'm gonna say something all right what's going on everyone welcome to a new episode of the Johnny Salami podcast. Today's guest is Haley LaRue. Haley, thanks for coming. Thanks for having me.

Haley, we've always had a love-hate relationship. You used to beat the shit out of me. I got it. And then we just became good friends. Do you remember beating the shit out of me in elementary school and stuff i remember um getting in trouble in fifth grade dude that's this is what i was thinking about all day like leading up to this dude you guys wimps i'm sorry. It was me and you and one, two, three. There had to be like five of us.

I hung out with the guys and you guys just couldn't take it. I don't know. What? I just remember like. You couldn't take it. I don't know. I remember vividly. It was Mrs. Saltzman and she was a fucking babe dude and we like we had

rotations where we would go in the back to like put our backpacks away it was two people at a time and you and i were partners and i didn't even know you dude and you just did barely you had to know me either way done my first sleepoverover was in this room at this house. Yeah, it was fucking terrible. Didn't you leave? You went home. I needed water, dude. I forgot about that, dude.

You probably beat the shit out of me in my sleep. No, you dickhead. Dude, I remember we would have rotations. And I was like, yo, first day of school, I'm going to crush it. And you come in the back room, dude. My fucking eyes bleeding out. I'm like, yo, I'm fucking bleeding out. And I remember telling Ms. Saltzman, I'm like, yo, this chick just beat the shit out of me.

And she goes, no, she didn't. No, she didn't. I had like a black eye, dude. Dude, I wish you had a black eye. I wish you did. Let's not forget, I think it had to be first grade. Had to be first grade. First of all, don't say that you didn't know me until fifth grade because my bus stop was always at your house.

Yeah, I've known you since I was like five. But I think it was first grade. Or maybe even maybe even i don't know whenever you start losing teeth and i lost a tooth on the bus and i remember holding it in my hand and i just had blood in my mouth and you just looked at me and you're like like like i was like something was wrong and that i shouldn't have lost my tooth and you you were like, damn. Oh, shit. And I remember getting off the bus and being like, meh. But everywhere my mom's like.

I was probably just grossed out, dude. Maybe. I remember one chick, she blew her nose, like, into her hands and just started eating it, dude. Bro, I've never been the same since. Wow. I think she works at CVS now. That's all I think about when I same since. Wow. I think she works at CVS now. That's all I think about when I see her. Okay.

Bro, it was fucking, you could see like the mucus and shit. She just started like licking it up at recess. I was like, yo, am I hot right now? Yeah. That's all I think about when I see you. That's all you think about when you see me. No, I thought about you coming on the pod and I just remember you beating the shit out of us in the fifth grade yep i also remember like almost getting suspended and i'm pretty sure because of you dude so we used to have still abusive or because we can share one more abusive memory if you'd like to take a trip

dude i was like bawling my eyes out. No, this is physical. What was I doing? You may have been making fun of me, so Probably not. You probably deserved it. I kicked you in the balls and you came

home and you were pissed and the next day we're at the bus stop and you're like i fucking threw up after you put me in the ball yeah i remember that and i literally threw up dude i was so upset i don't even think i did anything i think that's why i was upset dude i was just having like a fucking normal day dude yeah no something went down something went down don't mess you know i remember we used to have um it was like me brennan and dylan jepson and we used to make up uh we used to just like yell vagina like i think you knew that but we used to have these acronyms it was like suv which meant like sex under vagina which doesn't even make sense and then it was a dvd which was dick vagina dick and then there was tv which was

uh tits vagina so we would just yell that in the middle of class yeah like i'd be like yo i need an suv and like nobody knew what it meant so we were like dude we're fucking geniuses and then i somebody told miss saltzman dude i think it was you i don't think so i probably wasn't i know who it was i know it was though dude oh i'd love to know i'd love to know yeah like if you pull that shit again like you're suspended i remember uh i almost shed a few tears yeah i would have yeah who'd you have in a kindergarten miss rainy so we were in the same kindergarten class yeah we don't go there i remember taking a shit i took a shit on the floor in the bathroom that was you damn i'm just kidding i couldn't go to art because of that

Do you remember that though? Somebody pissed all over the floor And like shit on the ground And there was like a huge debacle Like they were like interrogating people Well no I think I think it was one of the special needs kids But like they didn't like put the pieces together

Oh So I mean that's pretty fucked up, right? I need a minute. But, Haley, I'm glad you're here. Oh, I'm glad to be here. After bailing on me fucking seven times, dude. I just wanted to know that you, like, really wanted me here. Really?

In this chair. What is it with girls and, like, doing that? Like, I don't understand. Is that, like, a girl thing? Like, where you need to, like, you need validation? Absolutely. Every single fucking second. I mean, I won't speak for everyone, but who doesn't like good validation?

That was the reason behind this. No. Wow. Shit just happens. Fuck, dude. You still still nervous call me out i mean fuck everyone saw so everyone saw yeah i'm gonna put the whole thing in no um no i feel all right uh there was a time period where we weren't friends for a while nope i don't think we talked to each other in high school and now i feel like No, I feel all right. There was a time period where we weren't friends for a while.

Nope. I don't think we talked to each other in high school, and now I feel like I'm slowly merging in back to the friend group. How does it make you feel? Are you upset about it? I'm not upset about it. It's good to see you around. Yeah.

Yeah. I was going to say, I can't. I cut this out. Cut this out. No. Yeah. Were you going to say something about Mitzi? No, not yet.

Oh, I thought you were going to say Mitzi. I was going to bring, I was actually going to bring a bag today with like different things in it. Yeah. And one of them was going to be a black cat. And I was going to be like. Wow. R.I.P. Yeah.

Yeah. Shout out my girl Mitzi. to be a black cat. Wow. R.I.P. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out my girl Mitzi. She loved a good life. She did. What were you going to say though? I don't remember. You just forgot. Yeah.

Dude, what the fuck? We were talking about me being in the friend group. I know. I love that you're in the friend group. Really? I do. I don't believe that. Did you like...

What the fuck? Why? Why not? group really i do i don't believe that did you like what the fuck why why not how did you guys feel like when you saw me after not seeing me for like 12 to 15 years i was like john be honest i was like john this is an intimate podcast it's like i was like wow it's fucking john were you upset at first no really why would? Why would I be upset? I don't know. I was just wondering.

I think about that a lot. Really? I mean, I left for a while. I was gone for years. Yeah, shit happens. People got to do what they got to do. Yeah. Do you feel like a little butterfly now out of your cocoon?

It feels like free will, you know? Free will. Yeah. Well, you guys have been friends for a really long time. You know, the whole friend group, so. So, girls. Yeah. I feel like you guys have like a... I feel like you guys aren't friends for a really long time. You know, the whole friend group. So girls. Yeah. I feel like you guys have like.

I feel like you guys like aren't friends though. Which is like pretty crazy to me. Because like every time I see you guys, it's like someone's missing. Yeah. And then there's always like. Busy lives. Why do you think that is? Oh, we're not going to hash out the South girls on the podcast.

Yeah. We're saying names, bro. no no no this it's just a group of girls who's been friends for a very long time a group of friends who have been friends for a very long time and we all have like probably the best memories in middle school like i don't think anyone could top our shit i really don't yeah i feel like i played a good part in that absolutely and so i feel like now you know like we visit joe in boston olivia lives in boston like we have to still like make connections but at the end of the day we have cooper out in fucking Pennsylvania. Yeah. Joey's still here.

Brennan. You know? Squad's alive. It's just spread out. Yeah, I'm not going to lie. There was a point where I was like, I think I need to move on, you know? Yeah. But once I got my fucking teeth checked, I don't know what to say.

You had your tits in the water? and teeth checked. No, I don't know what I'm saying. You had your tits in water. But, no, I feel like now that we're older, I feel like, I feel like a sense of loyalty. Yeah.

Just because you guys actually asked me to hang out and before I felt like I was asking other people to hang out. Yeah. I feel like that happens with a lot of friend groups. Yeah. Like, I just feel like cycles are a thing, especially when you've been friends with people for a long time because you just well like even back in the day like when i didn't have a lot of friends like joey would ask me to hang out so like i feel like if somebody asks you to hang out like that's i mean that's a that's a good thing but for a long time i was like always asking people to hang out, and they were just like, leave me alone.

And now it's like you guys are like, let's get John involved. Yeah. Before, I think it was always because I was doing stupid stuff, and you guys needed something. You know? I feel like everyone goes through those phases, though, because I feel like I even like outskirted a little bit at one point in time yeah but everyone takes their space yeah what about jackie dude

we can cut this out but that was my that was my first love dude don you can't expose me like this i'm gonna be a teacher are they drug test not yet they're trying yeah fuck dude so you can just be baked as shit like in front of kids oh god no that's not it at all you can you can live your life outside of school and do whatever you want yeah but when you're in the building you're not supposed to like you know i'm not supposed to be like hey kids smoking weed is a good time why not because that's not what you do we don't do that dude if i was a teacher i'd be taking fucking bong rips in the parking lot okay mr wait what age group i'm teaching birth to age eight

birth birth what does that mean like i'll be certified to care for birth to age eight. Birth? Birth. What does that mean? Like I'll be certified to care for birth to age eight. Like I've learned their development. Like right out of the womb? I mean, no, but like. Yeah, I was going to say, what are kids doing, dude? But like my daycare, we take people like, I think it's, we take like three weeks in. To life? It's crazy.

Like three weeks, something like crazy like three weeks something like bizarre like that yeah what because like the parents aren't around i mean yeah some people don't have that's fucking nuts yeah three weeks out of the puss and they're just like yo i'm dropping this bitch off yeah what the fuck so they're still in like a fucking carriage and shit there yeah dude we have like straight infants that still drink titty milk and oh shit the moms are pumping as they're walking in and they're like here's my titty milk do you milk them do i milk them like the moms or myself yeah the mom comes in she's like dropping off her kid yeah she's like also do you mind just i? And I'm like, no problem. Sucking on these titties. Imagine that, dude.

Personally, for me, not something I imagined, but. Yeah. I mean, that's like the first thing that went into my mind. Of course. That'd be fucking hilarious. You think of a daycare, you just think of mom's titties. Like a mom walks into the lobby with a kid and you're working there and you just walk up to her and start sucking on her tits.

You're like, got milk, motherfuckers? Bro. Dude, that's wild though three weeks yeah i mean maybe like a year a year would make sense three months six months is there like special things you have to do for each age group? I mean, until six or eight months, I want to say. They'll be on like their own schedule and then they hit a certain age and then they go on like the daycare schedule. Isn't there like special things like as far as like feeding goes and stuff? Well, yeah, that's what I mean. Like with my schedule, like they can nap whenever they want. Whatever the parent wants us to do, we're going to do for this certain amount of time.

But once they hit that age, it's like they nap at 11 and 2. They have to eat at 9 and 10 and this. Like, you know what I mean? Like I said, there's titty milk. There's formula. There's food. The different stages of shit, you know? That's fucking wild. So, like like every single child has their own schedule till a certain so you're like i gotta feed tommy at seven but janine she's

getting fed at fucking two yeah that's wild bro yeah damn bro but that's not me i'm not in that classroom i'm with the five-year-olds what is that like we're cool really do they like oh it's amazing do they like you oh yeah do you know if they like you i know for a fact they like have you seen any like crazy shit um one time i had a student who had lots of trauma and she was adopted and she was in a foster home and this foster home provided like too much structure where she came from a home that like had no structure and this girl was literally found like in days old diaper like outside on the swing set like chilling with her brother and she for some reason like nap time would trigger her so like we turn the lights off

every kid has their own little bed they have their own blankets from home all that jazz there's like nice music on whatever um she used to freak out when it was nap time and at one point in time she literally got up on my bookshelves and just started walking around stripping girl was down to her underwear what dude had her shoes on chucked him at my head screamed at the top of her lungs got down and called it a day this was all during nap time so like all the other kids are like dead everyone's just no no Everyone's like. When you say strip, was she like, was like low by flow rider playing? Like, or was she just like, was it sexual?

She wasn't working the pole. No. No. It was more like a manic. She just wanted to get naked. Yeah. Okay. I thought you meant she was like. She wanted to go like streaking.

Yeah. I thought she was like crumping and then she just took a pair of fucking crocs. No, she didn't twerk at all. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she yelled that twerking. I had my ones ready too.

It was crazy. That's the craziest thing you've ever seen from a five to six year old? Probably, yeah. Besides like the shits they take. Wow. Yeah. Are they still in diapers? No.

Really? That's a problem if a five year old's still in a diaper. I mean, dude dude i was in diapers till i was like 18 i think so don't lie i see the bag right there you still wear it sometimes fucking pampers young dude i remember when i was five i think 9-11 was taking place yeah and uh miss flanagan's that's all i can remember when I was five was 9-11. And I remember I wanted to be a firefighter. And I also like always had the urge to be naked.

To be naked. Just like my student. I would wear these like yellow rain boots and just go in the backyard like completely naked with a fucking garden hose. And I would put it between my legs and just start spraying the trees. No, I thought it was a firefighter like I thought that's what they did and I would just start spraying the the trees and uh dude this was all happening when uh 9-11 took place so my whole family was crying dude and then I went over to my neighbor's yard and took a shit in his front yard um do you remember the time that like you and like took a shit and set it on fire in front of someone's house do you remember those times yeah yeah that's what you have to say yeah because i when i was thinking of coming here i was like oh my god wait how'd

you even know about that you weren't even there dude that was probably the same day you guys put a cross in the road and lit it on fire. A cross? Dude. What the fuck? Who were you hanging out with, dude? You. We need to cut this shit out. I would never put a fucking cross.

It might have been a penis. No, it was a cross. Not a legit cross. You guys drew a cross. Dude. What the fuck? Dude. Fucking name dropping, dog. you threw golf clubs at someone

it was brennan or joe a golf club you guys found golf clubs and you just huck them in the air and you said some fucked up like whatever you were like and then we heard something broke and we dipped we're right near like trevor's house those woods over there wow did you remember shit that i don't remember at all bro you don't remember how could i oh my god i'm like the feds have my name and number and they're gonna come tell my parents like of course i remember yeah i remember so i remember being at a birthday party it was either it was kyle's birthday yeah we were in a bouncy house and i threw a ball at the neighbor's house and i ran out of the

bouncy house into the backyard like i thought i was gonna get in trouble and i ran through his fence like i broke it in front of his whole family yeah and i was stuck on the fence like screaming for my life and his whole family was just washing me and i just got up and left so like i remember that so like everything you're saying like the key words are popping out but like the actual story weird i also i remember lighting i remember brennan and cooper we were in a field behind cooper's house like a wide open field that was fucking acres long brennan lit a piece of grass and we just kept walking like 30 seconds later there was like a legitimate forest fire taking place like there was flames that were like 10 feet tall and cooper and brennan dude they took their shirts off and started putting out the fire

i was literally in tears laughing like oh don't get me started with you you're like fight or flight response yeah not there dude you're geeking out dude it's not my fault that he's not my fault that i find random shit funny dude if a fucking forest fire started behind you dude dude do you know how fucking bad that is to like inhale that shit so you just think laughing your ass off honestly honestly i didn't just watch i went to get snow like i got like i got snow okay it took me like 15 minutes but i went to go grab like these clumps of snow so like cooper and brennan yeah they're fucking they're like pitch black dude just whipping their shirts everywhere like putting out the fire and i just come over with snow or just plop it on there. Wow. The fence thing,

that freaks me out a little bit. Because if, dude, if you were at a family party. I was always, we were always at the family parties. Yeah, but like if that's the event that took place. Yeah. And that's my memory of it.

That's your memory of it. Then we're fucked, man. Yeah. Like that's bad. Mandela. But hey, what happened when we were gone, like when I was gone?

So like what was your college experience like oh i know you were into like drawing and stuff we don't talk about my college experience i was into drawing yeah um i've dabbled with we'll start right after high school so you leave high school what happens you want my life story that's what this podcast is about i leave okay so i left cumberland high and i wound up at ccri in lincoln yeah um that was a fun time and i got my associate's degree there and then i transferred to rick in their ja program And then I transferred to REC in their JA program. And now I'm still at REC living my best life.

Oh, you're still there? Sadly, yep. For what? Early education. And I'm in their Feinstein program. Oh, dude, Alan Sean? Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. My dude.

That is my dude. And hopefully I graduate next spring. Damn, bruh. Yeah. So, why have you been there for so long? I'm not trying to be a dick. No, I know. Um, literally when you do the program I did, you, um, have to, you end up having to retake some courses. So that sets you back. And then I've never been fortunate enough to not work. Like I've always had to work while being in school.

So that lowers the amount of classes I can take per semester. And then the pandemic happened, which was the icing on the cake. So here we are. But honestly, if it wasn't for the pandemic, I wouldn't be in the position that I'm in. And I'm in a pretty good position right now now so it's like weird how things pan out what uh what got you into early education though like what happened um because like you didn't have that mindset when you initially i mean i've kind of always wanted to be a teacher i just didn't know where and then i was like let me be an art teacher.

Let me be a regular elementary teacher. Let me be a high school English teacher. I did that first. That was literally my major for a semester. And then I was like, probably not. And then I did a practicum in a Providence school and I was in a pre-K or a kindergarten room. And it was my first time. And I fell in love. And I was like like this is where I'm meant to be yeah so you think like all those like setbacks set you up for that because like when you initially went in it like didn't even

cross your mind really yeah like when I was at CCRI I had no idea what I wanted to be or do whatever like I was just kind of there my associate's degree was just like in general arts or whatever so like what happened to the art thing though did that just go out the window or do you still like no I still like do art I still like to do it it's just something that takes

time that I don't have at the moment yeah what is it with like girls and like I'm not saying it's like a feminine thing but it pretty much is like you never see art uh as far as like drawings go oh i think you're really wrong really yeah there's like a lot of dudes who do it oh my god yeah dude i'm fucking sexist oh you're in the dark man no there's like great male artists out there no there's like great male artists out there really yeah fuck man my bad dude i didn't know that even people that we like went to school with i feel like what is it like when you sit down and like draw is it like um it's therapeutic really i like to smoke a little jibba put on some tunes

a little bit of that shit in the nature i love landscapes i love it what's so funny about that i just thought about you just like ripping a j and like drawing a massive car oh my god let me spark up in here it's my room dude so like it's like therapeutic though when you draw i would say so yeah damn bro i always felt stressed out when i. Well, I like to paint because it's just like loose and you can just cover it up and start over again. How often do you paint? Oh, I don't. That's literally the problem. That's what I'm saying.

So you don't do it a lot? I'm in a stressful part of my life right now. So why aren't you painting, yo? Because I don't have the time for it. I'm sitting here doing fucking podcasts and shit. Yeah, you making fucking records, yo. So you don't have the time for it i'm sitting here doing fucking podcasts and shit yeah you making fucking records yo so you don't do it like when did you stop maybe we're getting on to something right now a little awakening in my life yeah when was like the most you were drawing probably call it in ccri because i was taking art classes or beginning of

rick because i was still taking art classes when you take an art class how do they grade you though like oh my god you have to do like legit hours well they really do like look for your like your trying ability like if they see that you act like you could literally be trash but if you're putting in the time and the effort they're not gonna knock you because like a lot of time people just blow art off and they're like oh it's easy or like oh i don't care but when they see you yeah i thought i always thought it was like i thought it would be like hell's kitchen it's bloody ugly yeah where the fuck edges that's i dude i don't know man because like i always like i mean dude i'm not you know

we can talk about this a little bit you know be you know getting puss bro but you know i'm struggling out there but like a lot of these a lot of these biddies i'll be talking these biddies be drawing yeah just be like oh my god and like i don't know how to relate to them because like dude all these bitches be drawn like you know oh art's just so open though it's great yeah but dude if i if i drew something dude would definitely be a cock could be you see the clay penis i made in one of my videos yes i did dude how was that yeah dude that was 10 pounds of clay bro that is a lot of clay. Can you imagine?

Dude, I went to Michael's. I was like, how we doing? Where's the clay at? Yeah, dude. Dude, they sell clay like 10 pounds at a time. Yeah. So you got to think, dude. Two of the balls, two and a half pounds each, right?

Mm-hmm. Big balls. Big cojones. Big balls, dude. Those are fucking thick, dude. Yeah, bro, but like i'm struggling with the bitties but like the the ones that do slide in like they're always into art and i'm like whenever i used to do art like i'd always be stressed out i'm like dude i fucking suck at this you're like an artist what you're like a comedic artist yeah i'm talking about like fucking drawing so don't draw that can be her thing you get a wicked philosophy like you're like yo draw with your fucking words

yeah like a poet yeah if i said that to a chick she'd be like all right he's over absolutely no oh my god she'd drop her pants he'd be like let's go i might dude you think i should try it just like we're not even talking about drawing. She's like, ask me how I am. I'm like, yo, I draw with my words. Want to see me draw my dick? What? Did you say, you want to see me draw my dick?

With my dick? Oh, dude. I thought you were saying, yo, you want to see me draw my dick? thought you were saying i thought you were saying yo you want to see me draw my dick i gotta go john oh my god i'll get you around all right dude dude those those two lines right there i draw with my words i draw with my words you want to see me draw with my dick? I draw with my words. You want to see me draw my dick? I have to leave. Dude, you're actually leaving? No.

It's like, yo, I never meant to make you cry, young. Yo, not again. Not again. Scared him away again. I was listening to this thing the other day and they were like they were like yeah like you know if you're talking to a girl like you shouldn't just like lay it all out on the line like so if i'm on a date with a girl i shouldn't be like yo i got the johnny salami podcast i tell dick jokes like i shouldn't throw that at them i should like ease into it i mean me personally do you boo like you want to lay it out so that i know that you do dick jokes on your podcast that's great that's called johnny salami so i can look it up and creep on

you yeah that's good information i would love to have that so i can creep on you before our next date really yeah fuck dude i don't know man that's what i do that's what that's what i've always been against though is like i was always like you should just like say who you are yeah but honesty is the best policy what about like like the other person figuring out for themselves who you are? You know what I'm saying? People are too judgy. You gotta lay out the facts. Yeah. I don't know how I would explain myself though.

It might be easier to just show. You know. With your dick? Yeah. Should be like, yo, there's a new fucking sheriff in town. We're at like Chili's. I just slap my dick on the table. Like, yo, there's a new fucking sheriff in town. We're at Chili's. I just slap my dick on the table. Like, yo, you want two for 20?

Two and a half and two and a half. Dude, so you don't have any fucking relationship advice for me, dude? Like commitment and... You're just going to say words now? Loyalty. Don't put everything on social media because that shit's fake um what else i got just be happy life's too short dude i'm trying to fucking go to you for advice dude for real though you actually want my advice? Yeah, dude. I can take anything, you know? Take anything you can get?

Dude, you know you're the second girl to be on this podcast. I know. I actually wish I was the first, but the third, why? One of the first podcasts was with Julie Connell. Oh, okay. And we did the entire podcast. And... You didn yeah hit record she's like it was like yeah it was like 20 minutes i think and uh i was talking about like biology in high school and like fucking farting and stuff this is kind of like you know where things got bad i was like yeah like you remember in biology

when i used to rip ass and make like she's like that was your ass and she was just like yeah like you know i don't know why we're talking about this and then uh fucking it ended and i went out like i went to get up and none of it recorded. Dude, so we just had a conversation for no reason. And then I was like, all right, I'll see you never. Dude, then I saw her. She's engaged now. Yeah, her fiance.

I saw him at the gym and even he knows about it. He was like, yeah, I heard Julia went on about it. I heard it wasn't fucking shit. So at least he knows, dude. He was like, yeah, I heard Julia went on about it. I heard it was like fucking shit. So at least he knows, dude. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, dude, you're the second woman to be on here. I love that. I love that for me a lot.

Yeah. It's good to be here representing my females. Yeah, thanks for the fucking dating advice, though, dude. What am I going to do here? If you had a bitty, you know. If I had a bitty? Like a. So if I was a lesbian?

No. You want me to go on a lesbian mind state? I'm saying, like, if you had a bitty, you know. If I had a bitty? Like a. So if I was a lesbian? No. You want me to go on the lesbian mind state? I'm saying like if you had a friend, you know, she was looking for that salami. Yeah. Would you ever mention me? When anyone says salami, I say Johnny. You would actually do that for me? Yeah.

No, you wouldn't, dude. Why? It would have to be the right girl. You need someone. That's what I'm saying right now you need to look for someone who's funny who will roll with your roll with the punches and like be like you not be like you in that sense but like be like you you know yeah now we're talking yeah that's what i'm saying yeah yeah and like the right girl will come Yeah, now we're talking.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying, Haley. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, the right girl will come. She will come. Literally. She'll come, baby. Yeah.

Like, all of the above. But, yeah, you know, you need a funny gal for sure. Definitely a funny gal. Yeah. Where do you think I should go? I heard Mickey's is, like, A1. Really? For speed dating.

I did. I fucked up? That's fucked up. That's like the oldest strip club in New England. That's if you go for retirement, dude. That's stripper retirement in Florida. Imagine if I actually went. Why don't you go out in the streets?

Dude, you have the shittiest fucking advice. John. I'm happy we're friends though, Haley. Oh, me too. Yeah. That's good to hear. I'm happy we're friends again. I'm happy everything came full circle.

Yeah. But I think it's time to end this podcast. Wow. And I'm going to fucking end you. Cheers to friendship to loyalty to relationships i appreciate you coming hayley and for thanks for having bailing on me seven times but you finally came through hey that's this is this is how you know it's real this is where like i was just making sure that you were loyal dude i fucking came through yeah all right hayley thank you thanks