The Johnny Salami Podcast - Hunah

Episode Date: July 26, 2020

On this episode of the podcast, I sit down with my new friend Hunah. We talk about his aspirations of becoming a politician, things that pump us up, and much more. Check out his podcast on YouTube called Hunah's Thoughts.

All right, what's going on everyone? Welcome to another episode of the Johnny Salami podcast. Today's guest, Hanatuma. Yeah, man, you had me on your podcast. It was a lot of fun, dude. Thanks for having me. Dude, thanks for coming. I didn't know how it was going to end out.

Honestly, I was like, this might be really awkward. Because we've never met before. No, I just shot my shot. I was like, yo, let me have you on. You were just like, what do I need to do, man? Yeah, bro. You got've never met before. No. I just shot my shot. Yeah. I was like, yo, let me have you on. You were just like, what do I need to do, man? Yeah, bro. You got to make those connects. Yeah, and then I went to your neighbor's house by accident.

You went to their backyard, bro. Yeah, dude, in a SpongeBob shirt, man. SpongeBob shirt. Just staring at their hammock, dude, just planning my attack. With your flaming pickup? Yeah, that could have been bad, man. That could have been bad. A six-foot-three just, like like giant in your backyard with a sponge.

Some fat kid with tits just staring at your hammock. It's like nine in the morning. With the most monotone face, too. Like, where the fuck is this kid doing the podcast? I was wondering where you were. I'm like, where the fuck is this kid? You were like, I'm near the hammock. And I look up to my hammock.

I'm like, yo, I know I'm not tripping balls right now. Like, what is going on? Yeah, dude, I should have went up in the woods you know i just came out of the woods just to like really freak you out do you know how much of a mind fuck that would have been yeah dude i'd just be like dude you're high man i i would have genuinely been like yo someone put something in my drink i don't know what happened last time i remember i was drinking a coffee so you're like you're like pro marijuana though you're all about the uh the ganja yeah yeah i'm definitely um i'm pro anything and if it if it's uh if it's harmful to the individual then i think we need to have a facility which they can go and use it or or get off of it but no i'm definitely pro and you said you want to be a

politician yeah so like is that something you'd like act upon or you just be like low-key like stoned on the weekends no no no i don't i don't i don't really do that stuff uh because it's like you know i work and stuff like that so i don't really and i'm not of age so i i get like i feel like i would get way too paranoid in order to do that stuff i'd be like ah no because like my worst fear is to like do it and then get like wicked paranoid that the cops are gonna come in my basement and be like really smoke yeah um i think but i think honestly like dude if you were like if you were a politician and you were pro marijuana and you just went to like one of your rallies just stoned out of your mind like i think you'd gather like a really large following i think I would. And I don't even smoke weed, but I'd still follow you.

If you were just straight up like, I'm paranoid as shit right now, I would fucking piss laughing. I think everyone would. I would definitely vote for you, too. However that works. Here's the thing that I don't get. So, like you, I don't smoke, but it's like, who gives a shit if someone else does? As long as they're not hurting themselves and they're not... it's not impeding on their progress as a human being. It's like, who gives a shit?

I mean, I definitely hurt some people mentally when I used to smoke marijuana. You hurt people mentally? Yeah. What do you mean? Like, just getting high with, like, regular people, you know? Like, dude, when I was in high school, people used to, like, they would legitimately text me and, like, ask me to get high with them, like, free of charge. Like, they just wanted to see what it was like. It was almost like an experiment.

For them? Yeah. That's preposterous. And I don't think they had any idea what to expect either. Oh, like, it was their first time and they were like, hey, I want to be with you. So, you know, most people, like, in high school especially, like, they just get high and, like, talk about how high they got, like, the day before. You know what I mean? Like, it's not, like, it's not that exciting.

But, dude, I would just, like, scream vagina, dude. I used to love playing the what if game high. Like, that was my favorite thing to do. Dude. The what if game. Okay. That's the best game ever, man. Well, I'm only saying that because I have a friend that gets high, like, all the time. Really? That's the only thing he does. Oh, dude, it's the best. ever man well i'm only saying that because i have a friend that gets high like all the time really that's the only thing he does oh dude it's the best oh my god it's it's

hilarious when you're sober and you watch it happen you're like what are you doing dude i uh fuck man i went to uh i went to a college baseball practice on uh weed brownies like from the night before those are strong and i was just beaming kids, like, in the head. Like, they had to, like, legitimately tell me, like, to calm down. But I was just, like, super, like, I want to shoot myself in the leg stoned. Like, from the night before. Were you, like, Joey Diaz stoned? I don't know if I was that stoned, but I remember telling myself, like, well, this is brownie, so it's obviously different. Sure.

I just remember telling myself, like, dude, I would rather get shot in the leg than do this again really yeah that's that sucks because it just goes on for such a long amount of time that you're like i just can't do this anymore you know what i mean weed brownies oh yeah if you take a lot yeah i believe it well because you're you're digesting it so that would make things about like oh yeah a lot of it's just like um you know quantity and tolerance which is something i've never under like i've never been able to handle like i'm just the type of guy that's like if we're gonna go in dude let's just go full bore you know some people are like yeah man i just want to relax you know yeah you're like nah bro i'm here for a party yeah that's with everything though just alcohol marijuana but yeah man i you know i don't smoke anymore obviously but back in the day

dude i would just let it rip dude beyblades man like i would not i would not hold back at all so that would be hilarious man if you just went up on stage you were like look i'm fucking stoned right now i'm paranoid i don't want to be here i think you'd get a lot of votes man i think i would too i think they'd be like yo we feel bad for him if we for him, he'll get the fuck out of here. You'd be on Worldstar, man. 100%. All the platforms. I think you'd crush it, man. I think I would crush it for maybe a day or two.

And Snoop Dogg would see it and be like, what is wrong with this dude? And I would just get excommunicated by the whole rap game. He'd be like, we don't even know who this guy is. Get the fuck out of here. That'd be the worst thing ever. I think it'd be the exact opposite, dude. I think they would endorse you. Would you? you do you think so they would endorse your weed smoking skills like on linkedin oh my god yeah my paranoid skills if i was just tripping balls yeah i think

here's the thing okay okay if you're 18 you can go to war just you should be able to buy alcohol you should buy you should be able to smoke now there are some statistics that came out before it was like the amount of drunk drivers uh increased during that time but it's like you're always going to get that when you first let something uh out yeah when you first make it legal and then after it's going to go down after another year or two but they took it away right away i think it was massachusetts where they did that yeah you should be able to smoke weed if you're 18 honestly or maybe 21 if we're cutting slack like that but um i i do understand some people that are like your brains fully developed at 30 therefore whatever but it helps a lot helps a lot of people man i might be um i'm hopefully gonna sell thc capsules on the website that would pump me up badly because

california would be there be just legitimate thc capsules yeah you can you take it it would be digested through your stomach and then after it hits probably half an hour 45 minutes that's usually what happens uh when people do do it i'm doing my research before i actually sell it yeah and you have to get a good amount of licensing and paperwork but if people want to buy it why not and i don't want to do it where like they would get totally like messed up faded but it would be pretty cool if they were like able to relax with it that's the whole point of the website yeah man yeah like i uh yeah i think it affects everyone differently but like i've you know i never really used it for

relaxation i just wanted to laugh and have a good time yeah like i would just laugh for like hours on end and just be like all right well let's wrap it up you know then the next day obviously i'd question like the meaning of life and everything but i think it was worth it you know what i mean 100 like i would never be able to like do homework or anything like stoned like i've tried it a few times i remember going to the monastery stoned once yeah and my friend was just like yeah man like you can do this like trust me like you got this and i remember getting stoned once yeah my friend was just like yeah man like you can do this like trust me like you got this and i remember getting stoned i stepped in a piece of dog shit so i like started smelling like actual shit walking in the monastery yeah i was like dude do you smell that and he was like no

man i was like dude reeks of like actual shit yeah and like i thought it was like you know like paranoid or something but i like i actually stepped in like a thick piece of shit and i walked in the monastery like with it so i had to like just like literally leave the monastery stoned and just like figure out a way with like mother nature just to like get it off yeah i didn't have another pair of shoes they were nice shoes too man did you have to throw them out no i think i just took them off and like took a stick dude just did everything i could just like figure it out dude that was like i'm like doing homework like smell i'm already like i'm already like paranoid as it is and i'm like trying homework like smelling shit I'm already like I'm already like paranoid

as it is and I'm like trying to do accounting homework like yeah no it's not happening bro I was just like

I was just like dude maybe it just wasn't meant to be you know so no some people say that it helps them focus though I

oh definitely like there were times where I would like do problems I'd be like I've never thought of it this way and then like three minutes later

I'd be like no idea what I was thinking about i just completely forgot so then what you gotta do you gotta record yourself and then be like oh that's exactly what i was saying the moment you're sober yeah it wouldn't work out though because i'm all about it though dude i think i think there's definitely worse things in the world man you know oh 100 dude yeah you do you man you know i just think that'd be i think that'd be so fucking funny dude if someone just walked up yeah that's who i think um man the last presidential election we had there was that dude gary johnson i think was his name third party

candidate he had to have been high on something man yeah like all the time did you see his interviews no the way he spoke to people was like like, psychotic. Like, if you're running for president, I expect you to, like, talk like this and shit like that. Yeah. He was, like, talking exactly like this at every single thing. Really? Yeah, and it wasn't like that's just how he is. Because you could tell the way he walked and stuff. Like, he was, like, out of it, man.

He would look at the camera while he was doing the interviews and shit. Like a sociopath. No. Yeah. I mean, dude, if you're making eye contact with people stoned like whoa that's enough level dude you're looking into the soul guy that's preposterous i would never look at anyone's fucking eyes if i was high dude looking straight at the ground. Yeah, I don't... The way that you just described it made it sound gross.

Never mind. Because I wouldn't be listening to what they were saying. And that could... I mean, that could... You know, you could take some wrong turns. You'd just be staring at them. Especially in like

a really professional situation. That'd be bad. Because you could... You could just... They could ask you a question. Yeah, they could ask you a question and you could just be looking like right into their eyes you know what i mean like psychopath so how many hours can you work i could work like 35 40 hours they could literally just

scream at the top of their lungs like i fucked your mother and you could just look right in their eyes like nothing happened and everyone around you just questioning what's going on you're on like fox news they're just like wow this guy's fucking stone cold uh yeah man i would uh i remember dude uh one of the first times i got high i remember walking into a bowling alley and like it was one of those moments where like your friends are friends were like, all right, John, don't say anything. Just stay calm. Yeah.

So, like, walking in. Everyone goes to the bathroom. And I remember there was, like, a bunch of, like, special needs kids there. You know, good for them. Like, fucking kill it. Yeah. But I'm, like, stoned. And, like, one of them just ran right into me, dude.

Like, leveled me. I was like, dude. I was so fucking hot, dude. them just ran right into me dude like level I had to get up and just be like did that really just happen and like obviously no one laughs like no one's gonna laugh at that no they're just stunned and I like told my friends and they didn't believe me cuz they were in the bathroom. I was like, dude, I literally just got leveled by a special needs kid. They were like, dude, just, they were just like, enough, man. Pull out the security tapes.

Was that the local bowling alley, dude? It was definitely the one right down the street over in Mass. It was the one in Woonso near uh like savers yeah there's one uh but dude yeah that's uh i think that's the best though man like when you're stoned and like something happens and you're just like did that really just happen you know what i mean like those are the best moments that sounds like i mean again i'm like i'm not i don't really do that stuff so it's like yeah but uh this is like years ago like of course eight years ago i think okay well you got a full-time job plus you got the podcast oh yeah yeah i'd be i would be people can't function like

that some people can't i don't know how i would fucking laugh my ass off dude i think wait wait speaking of staring right i've realized that i have a tendency to stare but like i don't know that i'm doing it when i do it and it's like i'll scan the room and i don't know why i think it's like a survival thing don't ask it's like but i didn't realize that i did it until i saw my grandma and then her son my dad dad doing it. And I was like, all right. So now I probably look high all the time, even though I'm sober all the time.

Yeah. It's like, you just have a tendency to like look in the environment, but nah, I'll never forget. I was in college and I'm, I'm walking down the library and I felt like everyone was watching me. And so I'm like, oh man,

I'm like, I'm doing this like thing, holding onto my backpack straps. I'm walking down, I'm ready to sit down. i'm like oh man i'm like i'm doing this like thing holding on to my backpack straps i'm walking down i'm ready to sit down i'm like yo why is everyone staring at me and then i realized i had the most massive thing of like toilet paper literally stemming from my shoe and part of it was like on my backpack too don't ask me how i got there were there like skids on it or was it just straight up no it was just straight up toilet paper which was good. It was a little moist.

I'm not going to lie. Really? Yeah. And I was like, for a second, I was like, oh, maybe like people think I'm looking attractive today. Hi. Sweet. So I sit down and I just like look at my feet. I'm like, dude, really?

Some chick walks over. Hey, I just wanted to let you know. I was like, no, no, I fucking know. I can tell now. Thank you, I just wanted to let you know. I was like, no, no, I fucking know. I can tell now. Thank you, though. Was she hot? No, she was like, any girl that says, I just wanted to let you know is like probably not hot. Because she's got nothing else to do in her life.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's what I mean. It's like, what are you doing? I just want to let you know. Can't argue with that. No. I mean, here's the thing.

What are you doing? I just want to let you know. Can't argue with that. No. I mean, here's the thing. I feel like when you grow older, you look for more of an intellectual or more of a personality than the actual physique. And that's not to say you totally disregard the physique. Yeah, because the physique fades.

The personality can get better over time. Yeah, man. I can't stand talking to very, very attractive people. Guys are girls, and they're just morons. Oh, man. Yeah, but dude, what do or girls, and they're just morons. Oh, man. Yeah, but dude, what do you think would happen if you just like, speaking of staring, you just like,

you just like straight-faced, just looked into her eyes and you were like, I take some mean shits. What? Like while I was hanging out. Oh, while she was in the toilet paper? Like just with like 100% confidence. Like you think that would like turn her on a little bit? No, I think she'd be like, while she was looking at the toilet paper? Like just with like 100% confidence. Like you think that would like turn her on a little bit?

No, I think she'd be like, holy shit, I'm going to die today in front of everyone at the library. Do you imagine if you walked up, if you as a grown man

walked up to me and you were like, yo, you got toilet paper? Yeah, let me try. Let me try right now. Give me like a second. Be like, yo, you got some toilet paper

on your shoe. I'm going to just act like I'm doing my own thing. You going to ask me? Oh, you want me to do it? Like role play? Yeah, be like, yo, you got me toilet paper. Hey, man, I don't mean to bother you, but you got some toilet paper hanging from your foot.

You got this. I take the meanest shits. And then you just straight up eye contact for like the next ten seconds? Yep. One button, one button. Start stroking the chest. I'm not going to lie, dude. I'd get pretty hard if you said that. No, you wouldn't.

No, you would definitely get the cops called on you if you did that 100 there would be some legal precautions i would call the cops on me i'd be like damn what the fuck did i just do bro yeah but dude if i was like a bystander and i saw that i'd be like really proud of you would you be probably studying for like economics and i just like saw that take place i'd be like dude you want to hang out sometime would you i'd be like let me get out of here so fast you don't understand oh man yeah but dude if i was walking down the library and i had toilet paper hanging out people were laughing at me and there was actual skid stains on it dude i'd literally just like i just start flailing my arms everywhere like screaming stuff in latin

i know like i'd probably pretend i was possessed just to like make it even worse just make it look like you got a rage and then show up the next day perfectly fine boom but no ever since that day I look back when I go to the bathroom I look back I'm like dude I can't take any more even if I go to the urinal I'm like there's some more on that left toilet paper on the ground somewhere

yeah it happens you gotta look back as long as there was no skid stains it was just like a little bit of that that's life changing man You got to look. Look back. Yeah, I mean, dude, as long as there was no skid stains, like, you know. Nah, it was just like a little bit of that wetness. You know, that's life-changing, man. That is life. You're known as that guy from forever and ever.

Yeah. Oh, who's that guy? But it could happen, dude. You don't want to jinx it. No, it could happen, yeah. My biggest fear is, I don't know about you, sometimes I put gold bond between my butt cheeks. Because it's like, bro, you got swastika, you can't take a dump, though. You got to go to work right away. You're like, all right, you got to put some gold bond between my butt cheeks because it's like bro you got swass you can't take a dump though you got to go to work right away you're like all right you got put some gold bond wait

so if you have to take a dump and you can't you just fucking spray yourself with gold bond no no no no like the powder bro you gotta just put the powder on you just wait so that's what you do to like prevent taking a shit no no not to prevent taking a shit but like if you ever have swass period even if it's not taking a shit i thought you were prevent taking a shit but like if you ever have swass period even if it's not taking a shit i thought you were like dude whenever i have to take a shit dude i just take gold bonnet shoot it up in my ass i'm like dude what no what does this guy know that i don't know no no that would be that'd be pretty cool uh but nah i just i just kind of put it up there a little bit not too far obviously like like post dump uh sometimes yeah sometimes but you gotta

wipe then you do it that's what i don't get about girls like how do you go to the how do you go to the beach wearing it like like basically nothing like you're not afraid you got skid marks or anything yeah i thought like girls actually didn't poop for a while like i was like i guess they just don't poop you mean serious yeah i'm just kidding but like dude they never do poop like you never like see it happen no well they make it very uh uh yeah it's like it's like night and day with like girls and guys like guys just like yeah i'm gonna go rip one there was a girl at my high school yeah you went to the same high school but you're five years older than me and she uh she she like claimed she

just didn't poop like i'm not making this up man she was like i don't poop. Like, I'm not making this up, man. She was like, I don't poop. Nice girl and everything. And then she said that, and I was like, what are you talking about? She's like, I take pills that make me not poop. And I was like, that's not a thing. It's not even possible. What are you doing?

How does it get out of your body? Like, sweat? Like, some psychotic shit? Yeah. She's like, no, I just pee. I'm like, oh, okay. So you don't poop you don't throw up it's disgusting right and she was like a senior in high school saying this too

preposterous smart girl too it like threw me off guard so fast because like how do you react to that imagine if i was like if you were like yo you take shit and i'm like nah like what what no it's just i don't do it. I'd probably just be like, yeah. I'd be like, yeah, I'm just going to go play in traffic. I'll just walk away, to be honest. Yeah, bro. Well, it's like, what benefit do you have to lie about doing the most human thing? Yeah, I wonder what the reasoning behind that was.

I don't know. Like, making yourself better. I mean, like, you know, like, girls and guys lie a lot about, like, small things. Not really small things, but, like, they're like, yeah, like, I don't know, like, making yourself better. I mean, like, you know, like, girls and guys lie a lot about, like, small things. Not really small things, but, like, they're like, yeah, like, I don't use social media. And then they, like, put up a picture of them, like, bent over in front of Joanne Fabrics. And it's like, okay, so you're lying. Yeah. It's not a big deal.

But, like, that's a big lie. You know what I mean? It's a huge lie. Yeah. It's like saying you can lactate, dude. And it's, like, proven. And you're like, no, I can't. I can't. I can't, though, I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I actually breastfed one of your dogs earlier today. It was. Dude, that guy is. He's got a small dick, dude. Dude, I didn't. He really needs to pick it up.

I didn't notice. Because like you're like the 10th person that's asked if he's a girl. And I'm like, dude, like we've had talks about it, too. Is he the dog? I'm like, dude, you got to fucking do something, man. You got to wear pants. Testosterone pills will give it to you. Just you and the dog? I'm like, dude, you've got to fucking do something, man. You've got to wear pants. Testosterone pills will give it to you. Just get them a little thong.

Yeah. Yeah, I was thinking about this. I went to URI. Because you go to URI. I went to URI for a semester. Long story. I left. So you're almost running away.

To do something bigger so then it's like almost healthy because if you're like man i hate my job and then every time you leave you're like all right now i'm gonna go work on whatever i want to work on you know what i'm saying yeah like i've definitely but i feel like for some people it's kind of like, fucking run. Yeah. Like, just fucking. No, definitely, bro. Yeah. Like, let's fucking wrap it up. I'm done. Yeah.

And then other people who, like, have families and shit, they're like, yeah, you know, I'll stay late. And you're like, good for you, Craig, man. Like, your wife's cheating on you, but good for you, man. It's good, bro. When you guys get the divorce settlement, that extra two hours isn't going to make a difference. Dude, so many guys are just getting cheated on and like, you know. You think so? I would say

a high majority. I think dude, every time I go out, I see like a group of like 30-year-old women who are just absolutely slaying, bro. And you can tell like they're just trying to get away from their husbands. Well, at that point, it's like, yeah, that is a little messed up. Like like do you take initiative and just be like look like you have a

family i can't do this or you're just like a hundred percent bro really you wouldn't be like let's let it let's make it happen well no no no like you gotta imagine duh who's that dude is it is it uh steve the dude that owns the gym you go to yeah imagine like walking home and being like that's the dude's mom that you're with and he just wants to like rip you to pieces yeah i think i'd be like dude yeah not even that just like the respect it's you know yeah but if you don't know you know what i mean because like why would uh like why would a 30-year-old woman be like, yeah, like, I'm actually married. Like, she'd probably be like, no, I'm not married. And then afterwards, she'd be like, by the way, I'm married.

That's a piece of shit move on her. And then you got to come clean and be like, hey, didn't know. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I'd be like, I'd be eating, like, a banana in my boxers. I'd be like, hey, look, man look man i didn't know the husband's just coming back from work yeah exhausted he just had a wicked shitty day yeah i'm like look man just take a bite of the banana she'd be like look man like i didn't know dude

but your wife's got some fucking knobs oh Have you ever seen the other guys? Yeah. You remember that scene where they walk into that chick's house and Will Ferrell's like, she's married with the absolute beta male of beta males. That's like one of the best scenes in like movie history.

You will sleep with my wife. Can you imagine the mind fuck? Yeah, no. Personally, I'm not all for that. But. Yeah, I mean, dude, I can't even, you know, I can't even do it in general. So like for me to pull that off. Yeah, for me to pull that off, dude,'d be uh that would literally go down in the history

books like i'd probably write the story down on my wall with like a feathered pen and then just uh there would be some spelling errors but yeah i'd put it up yeah i mean yeah man i i just for me i wouldn't i wouldn't uh i wouldn't feel good about myself even if they were like imagine like the dude like works at like home depot too you just run into him once in a while yeah you're like hey man do you guys saw scott's turf grow and he's like fuck you dude but he's not the manager yet yeah because he's just like an assistant he's been the assistant for like seven years nah bro you have you have the manager you have the manager have him help you out nah that would suck that would suck that's why you got to grind

when you're younger that way you don't end up being put in that position yeah i mean dude but you always have those thoughts man like if i dude if i worked at home depot for more than two years i would literally every day i would just think about like you know where they line up the sheds yeah just fucking ripping it through those things i don't know man some people enjoy like a simple life but it's like to each their own yeah is it a simple life though dude i wouldn't mind working like they have like the garden center at lowe's like i wouldn't mind working at one of those like in general but like lowe's as it is not really because you're dealing with so many people. Think about like, oh, dude, the shit you'd have to deal with too.

Like not a lot of people are like home improvement savvy too. No, we ask stupid questions. Believe me, I'm one of them. Yeah, I ask stupid questions, but I let them know what's coming. Does this brick come in different sizes? I asked that question once too, I'm not even lying. Dude, speaking of. You have the same brick, just bigger. And my justin works there and he was like what and i was like no no listen justin the same brick right just bigger yeah and he was like you're like on something i was like

no no and i bring my mom and that's when it gets worse when you bring the mom she's like listen sweetie do we have the same brick just bigger he was like i honestly have no idea how to answer this question no what were you saying you can't you can't tell him like the actual like story behind it though like the shit you're buying like i've been there to build like a potato launcher so like he was kind of like putting the pieces together he's like what are you building dude i'm just like nothing and like i made the i made a squad bar and i uh that's impressive yeah so i didn't want to be like hey man like I need your longest steel pipe with connectors, and I'm going to put tires on each side.

Go to the local baseball field and just squad it. Squad it. He'd be like, all right, man, I'm going to be right back. Hard out. Yeah. And just go into the break room and not come back. Yeah. You just call out the rest of the day?

Oh, 100%. What else are you going to do? Bump into the same guy dude when i worked at dicks there was a guy who came in and he was like yeah i'm looking for a helmet this guy was like 47 yeah like late 40s early 50s he's like yeah i'm looking for a helmet and i'm like okay like for your kid he was like no he was like no it's for me like for recreational purposes and i was like what are you doing with your life bro fuck out of here i swear to god dude i'm not even kidding he goes uh

he goes yeah i'm uh i'm like training these women to fight in my basement I'm like training these women to fight in my basement. He was like, yeah, I need helmets with cages on them. Fuck out of here, bro. I was like, dude, what? That is some Krav Maga type stuff. Yeah, that's like human trafficking shit. I was like, all right, so you're training women in your basement to fight?

He was like, yeah, I've tried using the baseball helmets, but I need something with a cage so that I can fucking. I'm like, dude, I'm fucking out of here, man. Like, what do you do in that situation? Like, do you just, like, you have a responsibility to serve the customer, or can you just literally just start, like, crying? I would mess with them. I'd be like, so like talk to me about the training lessons

hey tell me about tell me about how I can learn more and defend myself he starts pulling up some stupid shit yeah dude

he literally I swear to god he bought like a bunch of fucking caged softball helmets. Get out of here. And then a shit ton of football pads that you use for training.

I'm like, dude. No, he's definitely not training people. You're making a porno, bro. Yeah, I was going to say he's got a fetish or something like that. You're not. Hey, you are not at all training women in your basement, you psychopath. You have a fetish for some stupid shit. He's probably got like a bunch of corn stalks in his basement.

Corn? Yeah, just corn stalks. Oh, okay. Like just, he probably just swings as bad as hard as he can at them. Like pretends it's real life. Oh, Jesus. There are people like that. I mean, I'm one of them, dude.

Dude, like, I mean, that's, that's a huge conflict, man. You know, it's like, do I serve this customer or do I just like, can I just be like,

hey man, like, I already hate myself enough. Like, can you just fucking fuck off? That's when you got to be like, hey, listen,

bud, I think you need to find some help. I think you need a family. He's like, no, I got a family. And you can definitely tell his family, when he goes home, they're just like a sack of potatoes. Like a legitimate sack of potatoes that he put like smiley face on.

Yeah, that's depressing, man. Sociopath. No, people like that, man. I had one dude that was like, I had a manager at this other job that I worked at. Not lying. He was like maybe 30. And this is how much of a jerk he was. Well, I don't think he realized it.

He's like, yeah, I have a 16 a 60 inch tv but i keep it unplugged what and he's like yeah i bought a 60 inch tv but i'm so committed to this job that i keep it unplugged i'm like just you alone in the house with an unplugged tv he's like yeah you know i'm not looking for anyone right now i'm like like, oh, okay. Kill people for fun. Like, that's what you do. Yeah.

Who just looks at their TV by themselves alone? I'm going to unplug this shit. Yeah, who keeps it unplugged? Psychopaths. Dude, if, like, water, you know, some perspiration gets in touch with that, and then you plug it in, like... You're done. Yeah. Imagine.

How'd he die plugging in his tv what that's a fucking sad death man out of here bro yeah but dude you um like you commute to uri though you don't uh i might here's the thing i'm stuck i'm stuck i'm like i might i did this past year but i might uh i room, but I looked at all my classes. They're all online. So it's like, do I want to pay the amount of money that I'm going to pay on a monthly basis? Or I could save it, invest it, as the economy is definitely going to shit with either presidential candidate. It's going to.

The market's definitely down. Oh, yeah. You've got to invest in foreign markets, all that stuff. And it's like, i think i might want to stay home but at the same time getting to that point where like i get tired of living with my parents not not forever i just need some time for myself yeah man i live i had a house and it was like you'll definitely like um you know create some memories dude you enjoy the little bit of freedom this thing just stopped oh no, no, it didn't.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I think we're fine. Are we fine? We might be fucked, but I just don't care. It's too late.

What time is it anyways? It's like 10-10. 10-10. We got time. Dude, we, uh, when I was living on campus, I ended up going to, like, uh, I ended up going to this party, and, going to this party and uh this is in the middle

of like providence you know it's actually one of those i actually felt like pretty confident yeah at that moment in time yeah i was like dude i got this yeah people were hanging out on the roof and i was just like absolutely smashed so they're like they're like letting people in so people are waiting in line yeah and i see this wicked hot chick who I used to see at the gym, dude. And she would do hip thrusts with 315 pounds, like three plates, dude. She's a monster. Just no pad. And I'm pretty sure every rep, when she got to the top, she would just fart and then smell it.

And then just go back down, dude. She's a savage, yeah. Just unreal savage, dude. If you had kids with her, they would end up being like Gliaths yeah okay oh dude my kid would have fucking diesel quads so like i'm on the roof like smashed like inconsolably cocked and i see her and her friend like waiting to come to the party so instead of like going down there and like letting them in dude i started urinating off the deck like like on them. And I swear to God, dude, this chick was legit. Like, she literally looked around and she was like, oh, my God, it's raining, Becky.

Dude, she thought it was actually raining. Everywhere else, it's totally fine. Dude, imagine getting pissed on, like piss is hitting you in face, and you're like, it's raining, guys. Everyone's looking at you like, yo. All right, dumbass. And then you could see me, like, on the roof, like, screaming poop. Like, just fucking making it rain. The most ultimate confidence.

I didn't hold back at all, dude. Like, I made it known that I was up there, too. And she knew it was me. Jesus. Like, she took a mental photo and then like ever since she just never talked to me. She still go to the same gym? Well, this was years ago.

This was the school gym. Like I don't know if you've ever been to a school gym, dude, but there's some fucking CTOs. I believe, I believe it. Well, no,

they say there's like two different gyms at URI, right? We're talking about there's one gym where it's like all the attractive people that don't actually lift go. And then there's like two different gyms at URI, right? We're talking about there's one gym where it's like all the attractive people that don't actually lift go.

And then there's the other gym where they're like nothing but gym rats. Is that how they separate? Yeah, man. And like, you know, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah.

The gym rats are the people that like you have. Oh, wait. All right. You haven't met those people that are like, they don't do anything. They just go to the gym and they work like a 10 hour shift every week just to make by yeah they're like man i just don't have time for anything or anyone it's like no you

are at the gym forever not doing anything bro what are you doing that's a life man that sounds like the shittiest life ever what are you talking about i honestly if i was on steroids i wouldn't mind living that life yeah but like bro like dude but then you don't those are all my favorite things sleeping eating and working out you just do that all the time just barely making money though not having a social life or anything i mean you've met you've met those gym rats if i made money off of like sponsors just like enough because i don't need a lot dude as long as i have my own place like a bed i mean most of my money would be spent on food hey to each their own that goes back to the home

depot people yeah they're like hey man if i can interact with two people today help them find Most of my money would be spent on food. Hey, to each their own. That goes back to the Home Depot people. Yeah. They're like, hey, man, if I can interact with two people today. Help them find the right size brick. Yeah, if I can sell this guy a weed whacker. Yeah. If I can give him my recommendations that no one gave him. Imagine asking a guy to test out a weed whacker.

Some shit my dad would have someone do. Like, yo, can I test this out in the store? My dad's straight up from Syria, too. yeah he's straight like dropped out of seventh grade all the whole nine sometimes they ask questions and like you understand them but like you ever watch a jackie chan movie and it takes you a second to comprehend what he means like you understood every word yeah you're like i don't think i got the gist perfect that's exactly what it's like indirect yeah that's exactly what it's like talking to my dad sometimes. And he'll be like, do you have the weed?

And that's all he would say. I can picture it right now. He's not an unintelligent guy. It's just a language barrier. He'd be like, yeah, do you have the weed? And I'm like, Dad, you've been here for 30 years. You know what that means. And he's like, no, no, the weed whack.

They're like, no, the weed's not whack. It's actually pretty good. You can ask that guy. You know what I'm saying? The people at Home Depot don't care, man. They'll be like, yeah, it's not whack. Yeah, Home Depot and Lowe's. There's a huge barrier between Home Depot and Lowe's.

Home Depot, I feel like customer service is top notch. Lowe's, they're kind of like Stacy from like furniture. Like she's just on fucking Facebook all day. Yeah. Like messaging her ex-wife. She just sent in hardcore conservative Facebook all day. Yeah. Like messaging her ex-wife. She's just sending sending hardcore conservative posts on Facebook. Yeah.

Oh man. I fucking hate that dude. Like I want someone to walk up to me and be like how you doing? Can I fucking help you? You know what I mean? Like I don't want someone to be like

what do you need? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah you want that good service. It's like an exciting moment dude walking into fucking Home Depot. You're like dude I'm gonna tear shit up out here you get excited with the weirdest things

if i'm buying like two by fours bro for what dude you're gonna have to hold me back i don't know dude anytime i do a project like because like when you're younger you're kind of like i can't do this like halfway through dude i remember my fucking exhaust pipe was like halfway off and i'm like i guess i'll just let it drag on the ground and start a forest fire yeah bro but instead i was like you know what i'm gonna saw this thing off it took me like two hours just to saw it off you even look at it but dude that last that last fucking fist that last pump through where the exhaust pipe fell to the ground dude i felt like braveheart like i felt i

actually i felt like it changed history you felt like that masculinity just creeping in i was like dude i got that shit done yeah i mean see i don't have enough expertise to be doing that shit like i don't even know half the shit that you just told me in that sentence. Yeah. I'm the same way, but I can do small things. You know what I mean? I can't even do small things. I'm trying to learn.

Here's the thing. All my friends are all like handyman slash trying to be like landscapers and all that shit. Yeah. And I'm the only one that's like, yeah, I want to be a politician. And they're like, what? Like, they're all like wicked, like macho-esque men. And I'm like,

yeah, dude, I would love to, I would love to just pass some fucking legislation. That would just really get me going. That would get you going if you pass a legit bill? Bro, do you know how pumped up I would be if you, like, stuck me in a room,

like, in some, like, public office and you were like, yo, you're going to just come up with ideas to help people out. Just do some research, I'd be like, let's go, wow, let's go, I don't know why, I'd be like, yo, let's go, yeah, but, like, what if you put all that time into, like, coming up with, like, legitimate ideas, and then, like, it comes to the point where, like, it has to be passed, and the people who actually pass it are just, like, fucking dweebs, and they're like, no, yeah, well like no yeah well that it comes with the comes with the territory then you got it well then you have to make sure you're not ass kissing

yeah but dude aren't uh like politicians kind of like like backstabbing in a sense like what if like what if you had like a politician friend who was like you know man like i know a guy who can like really do your hedges good and like next thing you know like your whole like front yard's dug up because you just passed that bill that you didn't want to get past yeah he was like fuck you for passing that bill and he just left a note on your lawn and you like can't do anything you can't do anything what are you gonna do fight the guy yeah uh no man i think like 90 of politicians now especially if they're on like the major scale not like local office they're celebrities that ended up like not knowing how to act like like act as in going into movies and shit and so they

were like all right and they or they never knew it and like their parents were always like yeah you're the greatest ever they were like okay and so that's why like like you have a look at like trump and pelosi and you're like all right both of you clearly have like mental issues going on yeah i don't you made it. Biden, I look at that guy and I'm like, dude, I don't even hate him. I just feel bad. I'm like, what have you been doing with your life?

I have a different thought process. When I see Biden, I feel like he's legit been sniffing like ass. He looks like a guy who just smelled his farts like way too many times and it like finally got to him mentally.

You can't tell me he doesn't look like that. He looks like he has he looks like every weird uncle or like grandfather that like someone has. Yeah. And he's just there

and he just kind of like scratches his thigh but it's like right near the ass cheek. Yeah. And he's just there and he just kind of like scratches his thigh, but it's like right near the ass cheek. Yeah. Exactly. I can see him going to Ocean State job lot, buying a bunch of noodles and walking out without even paying and just not even noticing what he did. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I could see that, too. And nobody stops him, too. Dude, that's scary. Like that guy's going to probably run the country. Because if it was like a couple months ago, I'd be like, yeah, Trump's going to win. Okay. Whatever. He's not the best, but he'll make knows what's gonna happen dude but like that's my thought process going into it when you have friends who are like dude you need to vote i'm like i don't need to vote like but like dude it's like your civil duty

i'm like okay i'm taking a shit right now that's also my civil duty i don't know like it's just like dude i don't fucking like either one of them. Like, why do I have to vote? And they're like, dude, you just have to, like, you just have to attach yourself to, like, their policies. And I'm like, dude, I would rather legitimately. I would rather, dude. I'm trying to think of, like, a good analogy of what I would rather do. Would you rather, like, do your own ear piercing i would rather

anything about this so you know like on diamond hill road yeah where there's like all those gas stations yeah i would rather legitimately put on My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. Like the Titanic theme song. Yeah. Literally blast that full volume. Put on a pair of swimming goggles and just drive through each and every one of those gas tanks. Until I finished. Like I would keep my foot on the pedal until I was like actually deceased would you like go through every single little uh like i would legitimately like people would be

like people would be questioning what's going on i would pull up to the first gas tank like horizontally and i would just start revving the engine and people would hear the song and be like all right back up like this guy is going to fucking do something. And then I'd just literally try to make it through every single gas tank before I blew up. Like, I would rather do that. Than just sign a piece of paper that says who you're going to vote for? Yeah, dude. Because I feel like a sense of, like, responsibility. You know what I mean?

Like, if you vote for someone, you should know why you voted for them. Yeah. Well, a lot of people don't. They know what i mean like if you vote for someone you should know why you voted for them yeah well a lot of people don't they know what so it's like you don't yell at me because i didn't vote like i didn't i didn't like either of the options okay and if dude if you vote for someone like that's you know that's your responsibility dude you know what i mean yeah but at the same candidate doesn't mean ex-candidates gonna win yeah like the amount of times that uh that's the other thing like i feel like if you vote you have to understand voting and like i understand the popular vote but i don't understand like like this year they're doing it by mail like think about it like that's gonna get messed up yeah think about how messed up that's gonna get

dude oh yeah well i don't i don't get why people are trying to push that like i get corona's a thing i do that being said you're gonna have with either candidate that wins of the other side going hey this is bogus this isn isn't going to work out. I can already picture it. Listen, if Biden wins, every red state ever is going to march with their AKs and just like, they're not taking away our fucking president. And then like, it's true, man. We live in this town and half of the people are going to be doing that too.

And they have every right to that being said and then if if uh if by if trump wins every freaking blue state is going to be like you're not taking away the new revolution and whatever bullshit they want to pass yeah you know half of them are like socialists biden man he's too woke right now he's like woker than Obama. And I didn't like Obama for being a little too woke. I didn't pay attention to any of it and it didn't affect me at all. It's like, here's the thing. I'll break it down to you in the most dumb way possible. Thank you.

For these guys too. Right now, Black Lives Matter is obviously a thing. Rightfully so. That being said, with it comes, for whatever reason, some type of socialist or communist agenda. And I feel like a lot of these people aren't black, number one. And number two, they don't give a shit about black lives. And so it's like you're using it as ammunition.

Or they have like a self-righteous vibe. And we were talking about self-righteous people like my podcast. They don't actually know what they're talking about. They have good intentions behind it. I'm not going to say that they're mean people at all. They really truly do have good intentions. They want everyone to feel some type of economic growth. And I get that.

But it just makes no sense. And some type of socialism does, but not the way that they're painting it. Not the way that they've been rioting and protesting. It's like, dude, if I'm a white guy and I'm not, but if I'm a white guy and I'm a cop, the lack of shits that I actually have to give for people that are ruining my town and saying, F me. It's like, you could do it. And yeah, they're trained professionals

they should be fucking a little bit more some of them are trained dude some of them i think others are trained in like dildo to dildo combat though yeah man well here's the thing both sides come from a good place genuinely they do yeah and and both sides have their own bad apples they do that being said i don't understand the the defund the police thing it's like listen why don't we make it hard there's a guy that i worked at at dicks and he was like yeah man less people have been applying to to be a cop which means it's gonna make it easier for me and in back my head i'm like dude that's terrifying because i don't trust you being a cop like i know you man yeah we need some like tough physical and mental training

evaluation yeah that needs to be pumped in weed out all the weak fucking people and we need the same thing with politicians too i think if you run for like anything past governor you need to be like okay let's take an iq test let's see if you're psychologically fit we can't have any other like celebrity presidents and none of that bullshit dude you wanna you want to get a good laugh dude watch uh pepper uh pepper spray uh training for police officers oh i've seen that shit dude that's so fucking funny it's hilarious because they know it's coming but they can't do anything yeah dude one guy started crying and they have like a fake nightstick that they use and you have to like attack the target and he was just like blindly

swinging it in the middle of the circle like legitimately in tears just by himself dude it was like one of the best things i've ever seen but it's like dude like this is the greatest country in the history of the world and this is the training we're putting them through yeah i know the physical training is like not that hard no dude uh you know like what is like a mile and a half and like a certain amount of time? Three months of training max. Like, I could definitely maybe pass the training. I might fart during one of the sit-ups, but, like, I could come pretty close.

Yeah. And, like, dude, if I honestly, like, I'm not even joking, like, if I farted during one of the sit-ups, dude, I would fucking, I'd just give up. Like, I wouldn't be able to finish. You'd give up? Can you imagine, like, dude? That's, like, so... Imagine passing the fucking... Imagine passing the running test. just give up like i wouldn't be able to finish you'd give up can you imagine like dude imagine passing the fucking imagine passing the running test you do the push-ups you do everything you

do the uh the written exam you fucking crush it they're like all right you just need to do like 30 sit-ups in a minute and you're on like rep 28 dude and you just fucking spank one out your ass that'd be hilarious dude i wouldn't be able to finish you just laugh the whole time yeah and the funniest part would be like people would be like dude you only have your ass. That'd be hilarious. Dude, I wouldn't be able to finish. You'd just laugh the whole time? Yeah, and the funniest part would be like, people would be like, dude, you only have two more. And I'd be like literally laughing so hard that I just wouldn't be able to finish. That'd be hilarious. Yeah. They'd just be like, what could have been?

Did I tell you? I don't think I've ever told you. One time, it was a Friday when I was doing football. I was on the football team. And it was off season. And so they have like random challenges that they might do after the workouts usually people don't even have a workout to do so they show up just to do the random one one of them was the amount of push-ups you could do in a minute and this was like freshman year so i was really good at like calisthenics

i was shitty in like absolute strength but i was good at like pushing my own body around and i would do like 300 push-ups every day. Blah, blah. Can't do it. Don't ask me to do it now. But I could probably do 50 at most now. In one go. And in one minute, I did 86.

And I'm not lying. It was literally me pushing myself as hard as I can. And then trying to push my body down to where like my chin hits the ground yeah and I get done doing it and have you ever like legit seen stars from the workouts that you do and you're just like yeah my I'm brown my face was like your skin color I'm not even lying it was preposterous it was like really yeah I saw myself in the mirror and I was like yo I I think I'm going home the coach was like I think you're gonna die right now can you just sit down for me yeah that's crazy 86 in a minute 86 i can't do it again yeah dude that's uh unless you have me train yeah man i i did uh we used to do training for

rugby yeah and there was like there was like there was like training uh routines you would have to go through like in the gym so So while people like other like, you know, areas of the public were working out in the gym. So you'd have like a bunch of hot chicks working out from the soccer team, like some random bozos working out. Yeah. And they were just like, yeah, like you did like deadlift and like squat and stuff like as many reps as possible. And then they were like, all right, like, you know, this is like one of my first weeks of like school. And like my mom, I mean, it was my fault. Like I forgot to like legitimately bring underwear.

So I'm wearing like legitimate rugby shorts, dude, with no underwear on. I was just like, dude, I'm just going to. Yeah. Dude, so I'm squatting in it. I'm dead lifting, dude. My, you know, my nutsack is just fucking, it's not fucking doing well, dude. No, it's just going back and forth. And they were just like, dude, like, you know, the last test was like fucking, literally

you had to run on a treadmill at an, like an elevated level, like as hard as you could for like, I don't even know, man. It was like 10 miles an hour for just like as long as you could go. And then when you stop, like you just have to put your arms out and just fucking spread your legs on the side of the treadmill dude so this coat like i have music in and i see like i see people looking at me and i'm dude i'm going hard as fuck bro yeah like i have like 50 cent pumping i'm fucking getting my knee drive going dude my coach is like legitimately screaming to push harder and like all the guys behind me i guess they were laughing but dude people were fucking pissing themselves

laughing because dude my nuts were fucking flapping so hard against my leg dude like they thought someone was clapping and shit like dude it was so bad and like my coach had to talk to me after like about it he was just like dude just walk it off man like like we know you couldn't hear you know like you had music in like you fucking crushed the workout you know just go get some rest but like ever since like when i walked in that gym i could like feel that vibe where everyone was like that's the kid that that would be an awesome vibe though yeah i'd be like no it was like uh that's the kid. That would be an awesome vibe, though. Yeah. I'd be like. No, it was like. That's when you got to make a joke out of it. It's like one of those moments where, like, you're going as hard as you can and you're not paying attention to anything else.

And, like, things are really going bad. Yeah. And then you notice afterwards and you're like, fuck, man. Like, what could I have done? Like, I should have just brought underwear. You know what I'm saying? Oh, definitely, man. It's all right.

If it makes you feel better, one time I was at football practice. It was raining pouring and I got hit so hard that I couldn't tell whether or not I had peed myself because it was raining too and like my friends definitely could tell because they were like I'm cool with all of them

so they were like yo I think did you just piss yourself and I'm like yo I got hit by Joey man he's a big kid it was Joey LaRock who's a big kid and then my dude Cole Hooper. Both of them hit me at the same time. And so they're both, like, your size, but, like, they're huge, right? Yeah. So, and Cole's playing.

He does something at Wisconsin. Oh, he throws at Wisconsin. Man, I remember, like, I just was like, like okay i feel warm down there but is it that like blood is now pumping again or is it like you know what i'm saying yeah so you just walk it off because now i'm kind of grossed out because i'm a germaphobe so i'm like all right you have like legit piss in your pants do i have piss in my pants throughout my leg or is it rain walk back you kind of do the waddle thing yeah clean disinfect everything yeah just smell bad and i'm like oh okay i must have pissed myself just for like a split second right there just a

split second dude if i were you you know what i would have done i would have showed up with like the tightest fucking tights next time and then i would have been like yeah see that that's why you guys don't have a piece of rugby shorts man they're so comfortable though like they're like going with short shorts right literally short shorts, right? Literally short shorts, yeah. Like, I could feel my nuts, like, moving around. Like, I could feel them flapping. I just didn't realize they could make a sound that was so loud that, like, people in the gym could actually hear it. So, like, there's a sense of pride in doing that.

I was going to say. But, like, at the same time, it's like my sense of awareness needs to be at, like, another level. It's kind of like a girl who doesn't wear, like, a workout bra. It's kind of like when you're, like, hanging out with a girl when you're younger and, like, you're shooting hoops or something. And, like, you're in, like, a large group. And, you know, like, you see some kid who, like, throws the ball at the backboard and, like, laughs. And then he just keeps doing it. And you're, like, dude, this isn't funny.

You know? But he's, like like trying to make the girl laugh yeah but he's just unaware of like what's going on so he just keeps throwing it as hard as he can at the backboard oh like laughing at himself because he thinks it's funny but like everyone else is kind of like yo dude can you just like go in the corner for a second just fucking just stop doing what you're doing yeah that yeah yeah man larry bird's the shit though by the way i know we're talking about lar Bird, but that was my idol growing up, dude. By drunk.

Okay. And, like, my neighbor, dude, Joey dude joey we were like playing basketball one day and he stops and he's like absolutely like shitted out of his mind and you Okay. I just felt obligated to try it. Yeah. Dude, I was like 30 feet away from the hoop. Drove away. He probably knew.

He's like, I had to do it. I don't think I can do drag now. It's like at least... It's like, what jerk pulls down, like, what need do you have to be a big guy? How many drinks have you had, bro? Nah, he definitely didn't have drinks. He probably had. That would be funny, though, if, like, because it happens all the time. ...them for, like, 10 seconds and then moon them like all right well those are the new neighbors and i'll never forget i saw one of them at the gym and they moved out like two years ago and i was like hey how you doing I didn't know

the guy's name this is the ones that you went to their backyard it was like two years ago I go hey how you doing and he was like the biggest weirdo on the planet he's like oh do I know you I was like oh no I live right next to you he's like oh okay and I was like well it kind of annoyed me because I had a conversation with him the

day before literally like in between both of our backyards talking about the barbecue that i was doing so i'm like do i know you like how like what were you on and um yeah he uh he proceeded to just like take off his shirt in the middle of the gym so i'm like okay dad bod cool i guess and then he starts flexing talk about looking at people in the eye and he's flexing right here but you know when you can look at someone else in the mirror and he's doing that to me and i'm like this is a grown man first of all secondly he's married but like it's a grown like listen if you're into that stuff that's cool i'm flattered no no like i

was flattered to an extent i was just like dude he's married like what and uh and then he just kept asking me random questions like how does this look do you want to touch i'm like no i'm good bro i'm just yeah i'm gonna leave but um at right before i left i was like yo show me that arnold he's like which one i was like you know one. And I had no idea what I was talking about. I was just like, let me see if he knows what he's doing. And he does the back thing. Yeah. We flexes like that.

No fucking physique at all. It was amazing. Everyone at the gym was like, what is wrong with these two dudes? Yeah, dude. What if he, like, named his cock Arnold, though? What? Dude, what if you were like, yo, let me see that Arnold. And he was like, oh, my cock's name's actually Arnold.

Dude, is this like a Planet Fitness? No, that was at Max Fitness. Oh. I was like, dude, like, train shirtless, that's cool. Yeah, because, like, dude, if you, like... Where do you get this stuff from, dude? You spent, like, 20 minutes talking about weed. Honestly, dude, some guys would probably do that

like some homosexuals no some people in general yeah i know straight no not like actual homosexuals just like those dudes who are like like who literally just whip their cocks out at like local family parties and you're like dude i'm trying i'm trying to talk fucking i'm trying to talk the market right now, dude. I'm going to give mine a name. Yeah. I mean, Arnold's kind of broad, but let's be real, dude. Arnold's like, you got to think for a long time. So, yo, let me see that fucking Timmy Turner. You got to give it a good name.

Bro, one time I was in a class and i she was like what nickname do you want i was like i want brown hammer and she had no idea what i was talking about she had no idea i was like i want oh dude i swear she was like 60 she's like brown hammer is that like really that and i was like a brown hammer the whole class starts like erupting in like laughter it's like is it inappropriate is it provocative i go no not that i'm aware of and i knew obviously yeah this is high school junior year of high school maybe i know sophomore year of high school and i was like i just want brown hammer i just really do you said with a straight face too oh yeah well because listen i'm going to be a politician you got to be professional you know yeah and i could see you in like a conference meeting with a straight face

oh 100 you have to. And then you go into the conversation of like, you don't want your politicians being robots, but you also don't want them to be like another not giving a shit politician like we have right now. And so I feel like that's good. That's a really good reason for me to be doing the podcast. It's like bring out the human in me. Yeah. I was, I think I watched like a few seconds of yours and I was like, I wonder like the podcast it's like bring out the human in me yeah i was uh i think i watched like a few seconds of yours and i was like i wonder like what this kid's like

and you have like you kind of look like you like fucking flip dough you know what i mean no i don't you look like you could own like a chain of pizza restaurants that nobody knows about oh yeah yeah like i could see you as the owner yeah well when i uh when i opened up the the vitamin store like the actual brick and mortar yeah no one followed it and i was like yo i'm not getting love from any of my friends and then someone like i maybe 15 people in two weeks were like yo why do you keep promoting this shit they're paying you minimum wage anyways and i I was like, nah, I own this. I own this. Like, this is mine.

And that was pretty cool. Um, cause then it went up from like 50 followers to like 200, which was cool. But, uh, yeah, I,

I get that vibe. People are like, yeah, you look like you live in the city. The thing is like with me, it's like, you can tell if I like you because I'll have like immature conversations. Like if we sat here for an hour talking about politics and I was just straight-faced going along with it.

I feel like you wouldn't enjoy it, though. Yeah, but if you couldn't tell. I could tell. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. When I have immature conversations with people, that means I'm being myself. I was going to do it either way, but I was kind of hesitant at first because we were in your backyard and i was like if i just started talking about like you know double d's with this kid like is he gonna like is he gonna like kick me off you know no that would be such a square move because here's the thing podcasts in

my opinion should be things that you do and i gotta head out in a minute actually i don't want to be rude no i got you i was gonna say it's uh it's 10 42 yeah but um podcasts like these in my opinion should be like the way that you're talking in your backyard a lot of people bro i'm telling you every single person has conversations like these maybe not as radical all the time but they know what we're talking about you know yeah the general idea is there but in terms of the specifics i don't think they're there with where i am i don't think anyone's is like i think i'm on another level but i think like in terms of like the uh like the coffee table conversations i think that's what it's supposed to be like that's important dude that's like that's the transparency is absolute key it's like listen man you're gonna be voting for me you know who

you're voting for dude like this is everything unfiltered and that's important and that don't get me wrong you're gonna have to be professional at times obviously yeah the moment you put that suit on bro the moment i put a suit on i don't give a shit if i'm going to a christening i'm like straight faced serious i'm ready to go i don't know what it is it's like i'm ready to go fucking bang bang dude dude i'm ready i'm like yeah i get like excited when i watch like a four-hour godfather movie something's like i'm ready to go fucking bang bang dude dude i'm ready i'm like yeah i get like excited when i watch like a four-hour godfather movie something oh yeah yeah dude i put i used to have a shirt i used to have a suit from target dude suit from target yeah and uh once dude once i upgraded once i went to men's warehouse dude you never go back it was just quarter chub all

the time of course i was never i was never flat i was just always ready to attack yeah bro you get that confidence yeah yeah that's why i'm growing out like i'm growing out the facial hair i'm growing out the hair too yeah like mortgage rates could be like seven percent i'm like i'm gonna give you 2.5 just not giving a shit yeah just completely lie to people closing costs probably like probably like two grand they're like seven you're gonna redo 2008 but thanks for coming man honestly i appreciate it thanks for having me on dude yeah for those of you who don't know i was on uh on his podcast i'll put the uh i'll put the link in the description uh we had a good time man um so yeah thanks for coming dude bro thanks for having me on it's

always a fucking pleasure to be able to talk about like anything you get tired of talking about serious things all the time yeah man that was it was fun dude seriously both times man i appreciate it yeah likewise fuck yeah dude