The Johnny Salami Podcast - James M

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

James is a friend of mine who ended up moving away in High School. We used to play baseball and basketball together.

Yeah, man, I do work for Amazon. It's funny you say that. We all just got laid off. That sucks. Yeah, man, I've had a fucking tough week, dude. Oh, I know. It was last week. Dude, Monday I got laid off,

and then Tuesday I got in a fucking car crash on the highway. Yeah, dude, Monday, like, I remember pulling up to work, and you're, like're like in a parking lot dude there's no like headquarters or anything like you're literally just in a fucking parking lot someone comes over the clipboard like all right this is what you're taking yeah they're like hey you know today's a new day yeah and uh dude i remember showing up i was like actually in a good mood man you know like i go to good night's rest. Yep. Had my coffee ready, man. And they just like, they had us form this massive circle, you know, like not like a

circle jerk, just like a massive circle dude. And like some like big swinging dick showed up and she was just like, yeah, like all of you were getting laid off. So we were just like, why? You're like, all right, where do we go now? Yeah. They were like, if you, you know, if you want us to get you another job, you know, just let us know. And it's like, what does that even mean?

Yeah, what is it? So we got laid off, dude. And, dude, they give me, like, these third-party vans. So, like, instead of driving, like, an Amazon van, I drive, like, a legitimate, like, white, like, rapist van. Like, a carpenter van. Yeah. And they're all wicked fucked up, like every single emergency light's on. And Tuesday, I got a car crash on the fucking highway, dude.

In the van? Yeah. I was going like 60 miles an hour, and there was like probably three inches of snow on the ground. Yeah, that'll do it. And there was no tread on like any of of snow on the ground. Yeah, that'll do it. And there was no tread on, like, any of the tires. Like, they were completely bald. So I just remember switching lanes, dude, and then I went flying into a guardrail. Did you hit any of the cars?

No, man. I went flying into the guardrail, and my seatbelt came undone because like that's how shitty the vans are and then uh i was like waiting for the airbag to deploy and it just kind of like queefed like it didn't even come out and then uh yeah i kind of just like threw out my back and that was fucking it man it's a good start to the week. But yeah, man, I just like, I think the scariest thing was like how not scared I was like going into the guardrail. Like I remember just being straight faced and I just go fucking tits, man. And that was it, dude.

Yeah. You would have thought like I would have gone into shock or something like most people probably would have like tensed up. That happened to me one time. Yeah. I totaled my, uhed my 2005 Chevy Impala. That was my baby. You totaled it completely?

Oh, yeah. So you actually hit someone else? Yep. I hit this old dude. Came out of the car grabbing his neck. I was like, fucking shit. Here we go. So it was your fault?

100%. Yeah. I was texting and driving. Don't suggest it. Oh, my God. It was the day after junior prom in the morning. I'm a little hungover texting to drive and going to get my bagel order my coffee and this dude stopped short and next thing you

know his brand new hyundai you know is halfway pushed in how old would you say he was was he like a like a walking nutsack larry david so he's definitely like 60s 70 70s. Yeah, 60s, 70s. Poor guy. Was he like upset? He was at first, but then I think he saw how like white my face was because I was in shock and everything. So he kind of felt bad. Yeah. So you like, you cared. Yeah. Yeah.

I was going to say, if you just fucking nailed him and just got out. Hey bud, sorry. Yeah. You're like, dude, I'm trying to get a fucking bagel, man. Like the worst part is I had to, uh, my my friend like my best friend growing up it was his grandfather's funeral that day too so i had to go home shower get ready for that funeral and went to the funeral so i'm at the funeral everything's fine i'm still kind of in shock and then we go to like the not like reception but whatever like celebration of him at his aunt's house afterwards and i'm still so

fucked up from the accident the whole family's there like people i've never met it's like two o'clock in the afternoon i'm just passed out on the couch in the living room i was like nick your buddy all right i'm like yeah yeah yeah i don't know man that's uh that's what keeps me up at night just like knowing that i'm not scared of, it doesn't even keep me up at night. I'm just, like, a little worried, you know? Usually, like, you might want to seek, like, therapy, like, after that. That just shows weakness. Yeah.

I'm just going to be like, hey, listen, like, I went flying into a fucking guardrail, like, throughout my back, but I didn't feel anything. They're just going to say, you know, here's a prescription of Xanax, and hopefully everything gets better from there. Pretty much, man. But yeah, that happened. So yeah, man, I do work for Amazon. They can go fuck themselves, though, dude. Yeah. Losing a great employee and myself.

Well, you know, Bezos just stepped down, or at least... I saw the headline. Did you read, like, anything into that, or...? A little bit. I forget the guy's first name, but, like, Sassy or whatever is going to take over yeah i guess a little bit that i read bezos wants to focus on like his earth fund and that blue orbit uh like tourist space travel thing he's getting into he probably did some like sketchy shit he's trying to get away he's probably not

trying to catch another like like half a yeah bill prenup. Probably like casually just like committed treason. Now he's like, all right, I'm going to step down. Figure this shit out. Trying to catch up to Elon. That actually could be it, man. Yeah. I mean, he has to pay his ex-wife like all that money. Like 35 billion.

She made out. I would totally get fucking cheated on for that much money. Yeah. I mean, I feel like if you have that much money, it's bound to happen regardless man if i was him i would have stepped down like years ago even with one billion dollars what's the point really i should be happy i don't know man i feel like i would never be in that position but if i was i feel like at some point like i'd get so greedy you know it'd be like a day trading thing where I'm just like, I just want to like make more, you know? Just go all in.

Like imagine if me and you were like billionaires who were eating like prime rib, just getting shitted. Like we're not just going to be like, yeah, man. Like it was fun while it lasted. Like we're going to be like, let's go all in. I agree. But like at the same time, I feel like it'd be annoying to be in the spotlight all the time.

Yeah. But hey, what are you going to do? I'll never see a billion dollars, probably. I mean, dude. If you got a big fucking hog, you can just, like, marry a billionaire. Yeah. Guy or girl. I'd do that shit, man.

I'll take it. Yeah. I'd be like, do whatever. I mean, like, I'll do whatever you want, Ken. Sorry, Robert. Yeah. If, like, all else fails man yeah i mean like you know at that point you have that much money in the bank we could just make an only fan start doing

feet pics um wow and then you're in defeat dude i'm not in defeat i know some other people are wow yeah man feet kind of freak me out a little bit yeah never been a big uh yeah like if i'm watching like a porno dude and they whip out the feet i'm just like all right you know i'll bookmark this but look up socks only i just fucking i just can't watch it man you know especially when they start like sucking on the toes does it do it for you it's like i can watch almost like any porno and be like all right so you don't suck on toes or you don't like when people suck on your toes? Dude, if you sucked on one of my toes, bro. Holy shit, dude.

Bro, my fucking foot literally points, like, fucking at a 45-degree angle. Like, if I ever got in a fight on the streets, dude, I just whip out my toes, dude, and start slicing necks open. Yeah? Yeah. It worked that way your toenail clippers or you don't use them uh no i use them i'm just saying like my fucking my toes are so pointy dude it's like it's more of a gift yeah you're basically like swallowing a knife yeah you know what i'm saying but yeah man dude i'm telling you anytime i've ever watched a

porno like even if it's really fucking good man could be the best point ever dude the second the toes come out man i'm just like you have the candles lit and everything you're like getting into yeah i could literally be like about to climax and i just be like it's over i can't do it throw your phone out the window yeah man but almost anything else i can watch like uh who's? Nate Merck, dude. He watches this one. It's called Cereal Butt. What's that? It's like this dude just eats cereal out of a girl's ass.

It's like cake farts. You ever seen cake farts? No. You should look it up. What is it? It's like this video of this girl. It's a close-up on her and she goes, you know what I like the best? There's a birthday cakeup on her and she goes you know what i like the best and then there's a birthday cake yeah and she sits on it and gets up and it shows her ass she has a cake in it she she farts and she goes cake farts i feel like it's right up your alley wait there's no feet

shown in it either so so all the like all the the cream is like in her ass she just sits on like a really nicely made cake jesus i can't believe you haven't seen that before oh no man that would be like number one like on my list dude i was watching uh i was watching a porno a few weeks ago. This is another thing that fucked me up, dude. Dude, this girl was doing a tryout. You know how they do that? Casting couch? Yeah, they're like, let's see what you got. Let's see what you made of.

Show me what you got. So this girl's getting plowed by this dude. And right in the middle of her getting plowed by this dude and like right in the middle like of her getting plowed she goes uh yeah you suck that cock and the guy the guy just goes what she's totally out of context right in the middle she's got like lines on her hand written down dude the guy was so thrown off like right in the middle he just goes totally out of context. She's got lines on her hand written down. Dude, the guy was so thrown off.

Right in the middle, he just goes, what? Dude, I had to rewind six times. I was like, did she really just say that? I don't think she got the spot, man. No. Tell her to come back next year. She got red-shirted. If I was ever in a situation where

i was like dude you can't bust a load right now i would just think of that my girl says that to you dude you suck that cock baby you're just like what like like forget 9-11 like like highlights dude just think about that man that's uh that'll that'll follow you too you know nothing gets deleted on the internet yeah do you think porn is uh like bad for you no i think it taught me a lot of what i know taught me how to treat women properly yeah i mean it's kind of like uh it's kind of like going to the library you know know? Yeah. It is what you make it, I will say. You don't have to return it after you borrow it. Yeah, man, I just feel like it's, like, a lot of knowledge, but it's also, like, how you apply that knowledge.

And I don't know, man, I've been having some, like, mixed feelings. Makes me very happy I don't have a stepsister. Yeah, no, definitely. But I do have a stepmother. Dude. I'm just kidding yeah man those ones it's like i always have to like i watch it and then i'm like just to make myself feel better i'll look up like the name of the actual porn star and i'll just be like she's just a porn star like oh she went to cornell yeah i wonder what happened there yeah but uh dude that's that's what i'm saying like i think uh i think that's what makes it fucked up is like the storyline but dude if

you don't watch the storyline you know what i mean if you just fast forward well i if the acting's horrible i can't watch it i have to go find a new one yeah i'm a big that's my favorite part dude really dude if the acting is good though oh it's unbelievable yeah some of them are really good man some of them are like cringeworthy but it almost makes it better how about the ones where they're stuck in like the dryer machine you ever just go you ever just go get in your dryer machine and say there's no way i've actually never tried that they're not really stuck yeah those are good ones um i'm trying to think of like one where i was like that really stood out to me

but there's just so many no all of them honestly it's actually the exact opposite like i feel like a lot of them are just like the same yeah and then you're like you're kind of trying to find that one where it's like you know you want to see some dude who's like a mechanic or some shit like some role play dude you know what i mean yeah it's some like one-legged mechanic the plumber comes in yeah yeah it's always i mean the plumber is a good one imagine if it's like like legit the plumber's getting pissed because she's like oh you gotta turn that and fix that he's like this is my fucking job leave you the fuck alone yeah i feel like i could like if i was a producer dude i could come up with some really good ideas but i mean hey you just got laid off that might be that might be my calling that might be the next

yeah i just feel like they're always it's always like but we're just step siblings and then he just like whips out his dick and you're like i've seen this 700 times yeah where's the yeah where's the foreplay what's coming on i want one where's like, there's like an alien abduction. And like some dude just like, yeah, like if you don't like suck my balls, like there's going to be like an alien abduction. I want a full hour and a half like Oscar worthy movie. Then the end is just a sick, dirty fucking. Oh yeah, dude.

So you can actually get like immersed into it. be like, wow, that was really good. Genius, dude. And then it's like, what's better at the end of a great movie that you watch if you just, you know, rub one off? Yeah, it's like you watching, like, the Titanic. Yeah. And, like, right at the end when the boat's fucking sinking, they just start having an orgy. Yeah, everyone. Dude. You know what I don't understand with the Titanic is there's definitely room for two people on that float.

Yeah, there's room for Jack, yeah. I don't know what the fuck. Well, you have to understand, like, the, I mean, similar to, like, today's society, like, the rich overrule all. So, like, they were, you know, they were filling the boats with the wealthiest people first, you know. with the wealthiest people first, you know. Yeah, they were like, hey, you know, Jeff, like, you and your family, like, you know, you're invested in our company. Like, you can go on this boat and shit.

And then all the poor people were just like, we're fucked. Like, they just left without him. Yeah, all the poor people were like, all right, let's make this shit called Robin Hood. Yeah, I mean, I've seen the Titanic so many times. And, like, every time, obviously, obviously, there was room for Jack. But at the same time, it's like, what would the movie be if Jack survived? Everyone survives. There's no plot to the movie.

Yeah, there's really, I mean, who even knows if that actually happened? I mean, I'm sure it did because of the old lady. She might still be alive. Rose? Yeah. Is it a true story? I've only seen it once. Yeah, she, like, i think in the movie that

was actually her i got a lot of time on my hands maybe i'll go watch it again i mean it's honestly one of the best movies ever yeah but even even without the premise like even if they didn't have an orgy at the end like when the boat sinks i could still spank to that dude yeah just the emotional oncoming that comes just like the like how much i've like emotionally invested in that so do you think your mom like hears the titanic theme song and she knows not to come into your room i think she already she would already know yeah yeah either if i was watching it or if i was spanking yeah she would know but yeah man that would actually that's actually a genius idea dude to just watch like 30 maybe 45 minutes of like a legitimate like broadway film

and then they just like roll out like a fucking ladder of dildos and then 20 minutes after that they get back to the good film it's like you get it's like two for one oh so you think you would like recharge yeah hey you know wow it's definitely possible you're just like you're that guy who's like it's not over yet folks yeah it's uh you know i don't get to see my girlfriend for two weeks at a time because she's up in medical school so i've got a lot of practice and uh oh wow well two weeks isn't that long dude yeah no but it's a lot of alone time yeah so it's enough alone time it's enough damn bro so you have a you have a girlfriend now yeah about a year and a couple months man who would have thought yeah dude honestly man i mean i haven't seen you in uh just like everyone

that comes on the podcast i haven't seen you in a while yeah i mean i know back in the day you know we had our conversations that probably didn't make any sense no i think we just kind of like made eye contact with each other and just said random shit start laughing yeah i mean i know some people saw you or i but i mean i didn't go there so yeah but what was um i mean we just talked about like stupid shit for like 15 minutes but uh no i was gonna ask you like um because when you went to URI, obviously, like, you were in a fraternity and whatnot. Yeah. What, like, led to that?

Honestly, I wasn't going to go into one at first. And then just a couple of my buddies were in one, and they're like, it's not what you think it is. Like, I thought I was going to have to fucking walk around with guys' dicks in my hand and do all that weird shit. But it wasn't like that at all. It was more of like a drinking club. So, do that. And then you're paired up with sororities every weekend. So, it was just, you know, free parties and everything like that.

But it made me, you know, meet some of my best friends that I have to date. So, it was definitely a cool experience. Yeah. Because I remember, like, I mean, I think you and I were both at, like, a confusing point in our life when we were at like a Johnson and Wales party I mean I was just asking girls like if they thought farts were funny yeah and you were kind of like laying down the law so I mean uh both like pretty confused but when you went to URI I mean I didn't go to URIs and really see you that much but yeah no it was good it was like somewhere where I didn't, I knew like some people, but it was like venturing out and meeting new people. And honestly, like I, like I studied finance in

school, but I'd never worked in finance. I just got like a med sales job. And the best thing that I probably learned was from that, like just being able to meet new people and talk to them and be able to like make relations really quickly. How do you like overcome that barrier? Because I'm sure like a lot of people are watching are probably like, you know, I think I probably said hi to James when he was in a frat. He told me to fuck off.

Honestly, just a lot of alcohol. Calms the nerves and lets you meet people. Then you wake up in the morning with a fucking full notebook full of business plans, and you look at it, and you're like, oh, this is probably never going to get done. Yeah, so just like strictly alcohol yeah

i love the honesty man but uh no because i was just thinking like i mean i'm sure a lot of people like they reach a point where they try to move on you know maybe like myself for example you know i'll try to talk to someone you know and it just won't work out you know and you know i'll reach a barrier where like maybe you know i'm like maybe i'm just like you know better off alone you know sometimes if you find yourself at charlie o's it's closed now but what my buddy would do is he would get handed the karaoke mic and then just take his shirt off and everyone knew him as that guy and want to be his friend yeah so you know maybe you should go to the local bowling alley or something like that yeah if i was drunk though dude and like i saw a karaoke mic i mean dude i would have to be like

legitimately like unconscious yeah and i feel like I'd probably just like I'd probably start yelling stuff just being honest man like I'd probably start yelling stuff and like in my head I'd be like I think like a bunch of girls are gonna be like laughing yeah but with you or at you like you asked me before like how did i come up with the name johnny salami podcast i remember being at charlio's like legitimately intoxicated to the point where i had like this overwhelming confidence the point where i was like i can say whatever i want yeah but that's the best part sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but the thing with me is like i have this overwhelming confidence and like there's a there's a thought process that goes through my head where like I imagine what's going to happen.

So like when I yelled, they call me fucking Johnny Salami, baby. Like I imagine like like 10 chicks with like short skirts on, like coming up to me and like asking me like what kind of music I listen to when I take a shit. and like asking me like what kind of music i listen to when i take a shit but realistically dude it was just like six of like the most beautiful girls i've ever seen in my life and it was like their face it was like it was like they were like taking like an astrophysicist exam and taking a shit at the same time like that's what their face looked like it was like so baby shit and carrots mixed together that they just smelled yeah yeah and so like all that high that i was on completely diminished in a matter of seconds hey you win some you lose some joy yeah i mean i just wasn't made for it you know what i'm saying no don't give up yet yeah i'm gonna keep grinding you know

absolutely yeah but you you must have had like that that edge over you because like you i mean you moved a lot like around a lot as a child so yeah no i moved a decent amount was warwick cumberland moved to newport boston all around but yeah so like you think you were kind of used to just meeting new people in general beforehand i mean like even even when i'd go out like let's say college or high school and everything i'd go out with my buddies and then i'd always like meet someone new and like spend a majority of the time like meeting people so yeah i think i just i generally like i enjoy like meeting people and getting to know people um just like

kind of seeing like how people are it's kind of interesting to me but uh no it's just you just put yourself out there and then you know yeah and sometimes i've been i've been told to fuck off like sometimes i've been said like what the fuck is this kid he's a little fucking weirdo really yeah yeah i mean it happens to the best of us yeah you know if you're like a full bottle of brunette's deep by 8 p.m and you end up going out um usually doesn't work out that well but yeah you live and you learn yeah man so alcohol was kind of like i mean it wasn't like your savior but it helped you a little bit but i feel like even before that like even when you came to cumberland like everyone kind of loved you you know yeah i mean i don't know i feel like it's kind of just like putting yourself out there

yeah um if you're more reserved then it's like people aren't gonna want to approach you yeah so i think for me like what i'm getting out of this this whole uh talk right now is like no i've cut down i've cut down since college i've uh kind of been more serious like i think the girlfriend helped me with that because she's kind of like a no bullshit type of person she studies on her saturdays and okay i would drink so when she's like hey i just studied you know immunology um fucking anatomy blah blah blah she's like what'd you do i'm like well i just uh jerked off played cod and had a fifth of vodka i i don't i don't feel comfortable saying that to her so really is that um like is that what you like to do when you drink or is it more like

uh no it's funny i was telling you the story before though it's like i'm kind of happy i moved to uh boston because love my other roommates like went to college the guys love them but they're definitely still in that like college mindset so i was snowboarding last week in vermont like sitting down on a nice leather recliner, drinking a craft IPA and watching sports. And I'm flipping through Snapchat and I see that they have some of our buddies from college over. I'm like, oh, that's fun. I wish I was there. It sounds like a good time. I'm flipping through and it's getting worse and worse and worse in my living room in Newport. And there's five different kids basically doing the PGA Tour.

They have, like, a little nip of Dr. McGillicuddy's with a golf ball on top of it using my golf clubs and just hitting a driver into our wall. And I was like, ah. That actually sounds, like, pretty exciting, though. No, it sounds pretty fun, but I came home on that Sunday afterwards, and they're all just sitting with their heads in their hands on the couch looking at the hole like yeah so are you saying like you want to like i mean honestly like if i was in the situation i might like take part in it but i

probably would have if i was there but i'm happy i wasn't so now it's like so like you're kind of trying to like move past that yeah for the or just like kind of like uh find a balance i definitely like definitely a balance because I'm 23. I'm still young. Yeah. I definitely want to have fun. But. I don't think you should.

Have fun? No, like have a balance. Like I think you just have fun. Yeah. It's tough though. I got a lot of shit I got to worry about now. Like my new job is going to be pretty difficult. It's like surgical sales.

Oh, really? And I never did anything in the science field so i got uh it's like six seven months of training like learning anatomy learning procedures and yeah definitely a lot of like self-discipline studying on my own time so yeah i mean you've always been a pretty smart kid though yeah i mean like when if i was apply myself but a lot of the times yeah i mean like i think i reached a point like i think it was like kind of when this podcast started where i was like you know what man like i think i went like a full year without drinking and i was like you know what man i got my shit figured out like i was almost too comfortable and after all this shit's happened i've just kind of been like what the fuck am i doing dude like fucking have fun man you know go jerk like go jerk off on the highway you know do

whatever you want man like you ever done it in the car before in my car yeah like on the highway i uh urinated in my mom's car once i got a windshield yeah well i have like a three-hour drive to maine every other weekend so i've gotten pretty good at just driving on undoing the seatbelt one foot up really leaning over a little bit I've actually um I've thought about it before peed fully all over my car mask before by accident yeah and I've done that it was like past the point of return so I couldn't like hold it and like stop the pee from going on the car mats and I just yeah let the full thing go pull over to a fucking subway on the side of the road, go inside with the car vans. Yeah.

But I mean, like, I guess what I'm trying to say is, like, definitely, like, you want to have discipline, but when you have a chance to have fun, I think you should just fucking let it rip, man. I mean, I totally agree. I think, like, I'm not, like, big, like, oh, I'm not going to do that stuff anymore. My biggest thing is i've made it like only weekends now like before especially in college yeah tuesday wednesday thursday and now during the week like i tried to go to bed by 10 o'clock and actually get some

breasts and go to the gym because i've been accumulating like a beer belly oh really and it's not bad i have a girlfriend so i can kind of let it grow what she started to take notice. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, dude, even some of the hardest laughs I've ever had have been on the podcast when I wasn't drinking. So if you have a clear mind, a lot of the time, like, you process things you wouldn't process if you were drunk. Like, a lot of the time, like, if I'm hungover and stuff, I'm just like, I don't want to hear what you have to say. But if you have a clear mind, man, like, if you took, like, six months off from drinking and, like, refreshed your mind, like, you would, not only would you feel more, but you would just, like, like, your interpersonal skills, like, they're taken to, like, another

level. Yeah. So, like, if I'm telling, if I'm talking to you about farts, like, if I'm telling you a fart story, dude, you're going to be, like, very invested in it. I'm going to analyze it. Yeah. Yeah. But, like, um.

Well, it's funny you say that it's the same way now that i'm hungover like when i'm hungover now it's pretty shitty hangovers now that i'm getting a little older and i remember is actually yesterday two days ago i went to visit my cousin because he lives down the street from me in boston now and he's uh he's like he's done well for himself he's like 29 so he went to went to Scotland and has a bunch of really nice scotch. So we broke into that. My first night moving to Boston, I didn't even sleep in my own bed. I had to sleep on his couch.

And I was super hungover the next day. And when I'm hungover, I don't want to talk to anyone. I remember my grandma, sweetest lady ever, she calls me up. She's like, hey, do you want a new pair of shoes? I'm at the Nordstrom Rack. I'm like, not now. You were that mad or were you just kind of like. I just was like, I don't want to talk to anyone when I'm over.

So I was kind of. Do you get like headaches and stuff or is it kind of like. Yeah, it's more so just like fucking. Just don't feel like. Door dash a burger. Yeah. Sit in my room and eat it. She just want to like kind of be alone.

Yeah. Have you ever like taken Pedialyte? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Sit in my room and eat it. She just want to like kind of be alone. Yeah. Have you ever like taken Pedialyte? Oh yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. The Pedialyte popsicles. No. Just the Pedialyte extras or whatever they're called.

I'll just go to CVS and buy a bunch of those. Yeah. But yeah man. I mean I think like I think you're lucky man to be like surrounded by that because I feel like my whole life has kind of been like trying to find people like that who want to do intense things that just don't make sense. And a lot of people are just kind of like, I need to file these fucking spreadsheets. I have this thing to do this weekend that's more mature. I have this thing to do.

So I've always kind of been alone with my perverted thoughts about farts and stuff. And that's when I'll make a video or something but it doesn't really matter what day it is you know what i'm saying that's why i think this stuff's good just come and meet new people and like talk that shit out and have yeah but like for example like if say i met someone that was in your fraternity and like i went to uri like you know we might be in like a circle not a circle jerk like a circle dude just chatting it up dude and uh you know i wouldn't say anything so they'd immediately be like this kid's a fucking psychopath but then if like i said if i do what you said and just like make shit happen if i walk over to like

a park bench dude just open up my legs and let one rip dude they're gonna be like this kid's he's staying with us yeah exactly no they're definitely big on park bench farts. Yeah. You're just going to make it happen. That's the way to go, yeah. It's about taking it into your own hands and just making it. Just taking initiative, really. Yeah, exactly.

Just practicing for my interview right now. What's your next interview? Amazon Web Services? I actually have a few in Boston. Pretty nervous. Oh, good stuff, yeah. It's one thing. During quarantine, my first initial job, it was sales with ADP,

and it was pretty miserable. But I knew that you need at least a year there to get to med sales. That's what I always wanted to do. So I did a ton of interviews during quarantine, and I was awful at interviews but just like practicing definitely helps a lot but i've actually never practiced for any of you before really the biggest interview i ever had was at fidelity investments and i didn't get a haircut so i had long hair dude and i just took this fucking gel like i think it was uh like the old time like it wasn't even gel that goes

to your hand i think it was mousse i think it was my mom's moose, dude. Just put a gallon on my fucking head, dude, and tried to slick my hair back. Looked good for like 15 seconds, dude. I'm on the highway, bro. There's air just fucking it up. And I wore a fake pair of glasses, too. So this dude's like trying not to laugh in the interview. He's like scheduled for an hour it takes 15 minutes

i remember when he like fucking when he walked me out that's the that's when i knew i was like this is he's not gonna follow all right buddy you forgot your helmet i just remember like when i got back i remember i was unemployed for a while like two years ago and uh i was like in such like that was when i pissed on my mom's windshield yeah i pulled into a dick's parking lot and just pissed inside the car i was trying to piss in a bottle but you know like that extra shot you get afterwards yeah like when you cut circulation i pissed like a little bit on myself but like a lot on the windshield and i just left it there like that's how dark of a place i was in was it the winter or was it the summer it was the winter

so i just froze you're good to go it just got crusty and like disgusting and like my friend was like what is that on your windshield i was like oh it's urine and he was like we need to have a talk but that was the point like i was at in my life and i was smoking a bunch of weed dude so my thought process dude every question he asked me i go teamwork he showed me like the entire business bottle i'm like teamwork get up he's like what the fuck are you talking about he's like he's like yeah i guess i mean we have teams here but like yeah and uh when he walked me out he was like listen man take care of yourself and i was like okay i see what's going on so i'll hear from you yeah he was like this kid, I see what's going on. You're like, so I'll hear from you then? He's like, don't worry about it.

Yeah, he was like, this kid's literally going to shoot up the fucking. So, where are you interviewing in Boston? John's Cock,

John Hancock, and there's actually a place in Warwick, some like mortgage company, they want me to process loans. I can't really see myself doing that i'd

probably fucking i actually for the past three months because i didn't think i was gonna like i couldn't take adp anymore and i didn't think i was gonna ever like get into the med sales i uh took a job at embrace home loans so i was like a loan officer assistant for a while okay and then it was like a three-month training program and like they liked me like i had good work ethic and everything they're like super excited to get me on the phones and i was like yeah by the way i got a job offer in boston so i'm leaving and they're like i said i put my two weeks in and they were like yeah no just get the fuck out of here but yeah so it was like a you you left on bad terms uh so like my immediate boss was a really cool dude and he was like

listen dude i get it like you want to go to boston that's a pretty good gig no hard feelings but the guys upper up like higher up in the company that like invested in me and everything like paid for all my tests we're like are you serious i was like yeah what are you gonna do it's not no it's pretty good it was good though like if i didn't get this job i definitely would have stayed there really i think you you wouldn't mind working in the mortgage industry it's definitely interesting it's a little volatile but you can definitely make some crazy money i think the guy i worked underneath was pulling in like close to 500 a year yeah it's kind of like um you can just tell they have so many like mortgages to process and they just don't have the hands to do it so well yeah processing is kind of tough because like

when i was the assistant i did a lot of processing work so you just gotta call up a bunch of companies and get like verifications of employment and then call up like the title companies and get the title switch over so it's a lot of like busy work and bullshit but it's good like you do that for a year and then you they'll probably like invest in you to take your tests and then you start doing like refinances and purchases and i think yeah what you would probably be doing is retail. So they make like 1% of every loan and like the smallest loans, like $200,000.

That's like 20 grand. Yeah. I think the step up, so it's like processor, like account manager. And then like, they have like the credit analyst and stuff like that. Yeah.

So that would like credit analyst, you'd be starting to go into like commercial loan, like commercial commercial loan officers and that's that's where like the big bucks is like that's yeah that's something i was thinking about getting into but there's just i don't know it was there's a lot of like sent behind desks and now i'm doing outside sales like i like going and like meeting people in person because i did a lot of phone like uh like call center shit and it was like let's say i made 150 calls like 148 of them people would be like go fuck yourself buddy yeah that's what i was doing yeah i was calling from inside the bank i'd be like hi my name's john i was now an okay time they'd be like yeah you can fucking suck my ass and i'd be like i'd always

call like people hanging up on me i'd always call them back and be like hey I think we got disconnected and they're like actually go fuck yourself yeah man people are I mean I don't blame them dude like a lot of people nowadays they're gonna answer and they're gonna be like

oh this is John from Citizens Bank down the road and I'll be like yeah they'll be like what's the address I'll tell them the address they'll be like alright

I'm gonna call that right now and then they hang up and then they call and I'd answer be like hello this is John they'd be like all right you got me there like checks out yeah so like people i mean it makes sense though because of all the scamming that's going on now the amount of calls like i get like five calls the other day and it's like your car is extended warranty yeah every fucking time like block island rhode island it's always from block island too dude but it's always like i don't know

man i'd rather literally i'd rather get paid ten dollars an hour to scrub toilets than work at a call center or just make outbound sales calls like uh if i know who i'm calling it makes sense but if i'm calling some random schmo uh dude i would literally rather open up my own fucking company and just have like no business plan whatsoever. Yeah. Fucking do that, dude. Yeah. No, I mean, the cool thing about like that other job was there's a lot of worm leads.

So you're calling people up and they're kind of expecting it. Yeah. ADP was all cold calls. It was fucking miserable. Dude. But you have to do it, man. You have to do it just to like. It was a decent mix, though, because like, you know, the ones that you you did you go out and you make the sale in person like you'd sit down so

all you had to really do was kind of fucking lie to them and tell them that you can make their wildest dreams come true with a payroll software and then uh do they give you like scripts too like yeah but you know when you first start you follow that and then you know adp you were speaking with small business owners. So I'd be speaking to, like, some engineer dude who owns his own fucking oil dredging company. And that's, like, one conversation. Then I'd speak to, like, Marco Lopez who owns a landscaping company trying to, like, pay no taxes under the table. And that's, like, a completely different conversation.

Yeah, dude, you got to mix it up, man. I think it's, like, i think it's a necessity but at a point you just like you just kind of sit back and you you like think like what the fuck am i doing right now like i'm literally i live two minutes away i'm calling people in my own neighborhood asking them to invest and i don't even know what the fuck they're investing in yeah it's like what keeps you up at night no fucking clue but they wanted me to call you up it's like i can't say that over the phone, but you should come in. We're on a recorded line.

No, it was sick though. Cause like back, back when I was at ADP, we, uh, I probably will get in trouble for this, but I doubt anyone will see it. But we,

uh, we like went from outside to inside sales during quarantine and everything. So I was like pretty good at like front loading my business and get my numbers in the beginning of the month yeah so i golf five times a week like every fucking day and some days i feel pretty cocky and just go play 18 i get like calls on the golf course and everything my boss is like what are you up to right now i'm like you know just hammered the phones and uh have a pretty good day actually booking fake shit but yeah you know you live and you learn you move on

dude it could have been a lot worse if you knew what i did dude you'd probably get up and leave right now yeah i uh fucking for citizens when the virus hit they made everyone go to the call center and take inbound calls and i was so all PPP shit, trying to help out with that. Yeah, the PP loans. Penis loans. But, dude, I got so... I just got so depressed and dark and mad at the company, I literally kept my microphone on, like my headset on,

and I would just let calls come in, and I would go play golf. Yeah. I mean, that's what you got to do. And as long as you like hit your numbers, who cares?

But upper management called me one day, they were like, John, what are you doing? And I was like, literally golfing. I was like, I was,

you know, working. And they were like, they were like, there's someone on the phone like right now. So like some guy was just like, hello, hello,

dude, you stay on the phone for three hours. Like what kind of fucking idiot does that? Dude, he stayed on the phone for three hours. Like what kind of fucking idiot does that, dude? Just hang up the phone. You know what I mean? So they're looking at like my average call time and all these metrics. They're like, yo. You have four-hour phone calls.

What the fuck is going on? You're like, we're actually watching the Titanic together over the phone. Yeah. And then like I kind of like sat back and I was like, dude, that's fucking hilarious that you did that. My biggest thing that I learned, because this is like my fourth job since i graduated in 2019 and when i would tell my family i was like oh i'm interviewing for this new job blah blah they'd be like no one's gonna hire you if you keep having all these jobs and i can't stay somewhere but you know i learned that you you just got to figure out what makes you tick like what you want to do don't feel like you got

to be trapped somewhere just because like it's your first real job or something like that no i definitely felt trapped yeah i think uh i think the best advice i can give is if you're stuck still generate income somehow you know whether you have to work the streets yeah i would recommend like dude that's amazon as fucking shitty as they are and like unethical and terrible on the operation side like that is literally the best job to have if you're like confused like if you need like just to generate money and just like kind of even on the side like i uh i did a lot of like small businesses i worked with were a lot of guys who were 1099ing um like being amazon drivers but, but they'd buy, like, their own trucks and have their own crews underneath them. Oh, so, like, flex?

Yeah. I pee real quick. There's nothing worse than, like, having to pee. Yeah. And you're, like, talking to someone, and that's all you're thinking about. You're like, dude, I really got to fucking piss right now. Yeah, you're, like, doing a fucking dance. You're like, what's up, buddy?

Do you have Parkinson's? Like, what's going on with you? That's what I miss about, like, the office life, though, is having, like, conversations conversations with um like more mature people and like them actually thinking that i'm listening to what they're saying like would you mind just venturing off you're like every time it was like some dude who was like john you'll never guess uh you know what i did this weekend you know i fucking uh i took the kids out you know we got some ice cream and whatnot and like after that i just imagined like me going out into my car

and, like, driving through the place at full speed. And then I'd laugh, and they'd, like, start laughing, too. They'd be like, wow, I'm so funny. And I'm like, you have no idea. He's actually listening to you. You have no idea who I am, man. What was, I got a question for you. What was, like, the worst fart situation you ever found yourself in?

Well, there's definitely a few. Like, I moved around a decent amount when i was like five or six so i lived in north smithfield for like a very short time like we rented a home over there and i remember going i was in like kinder i was in pre-k kindergarten kind of and it was just like five or six and dude i was still i had just gotten off diapers, dude. That was like. Five or six? Yeah. Dude, I was taking shits, bro.

Like, dude, if you saw some of this. You're just sitting in it all day, too? Yeah, dude. Your mom's busy at work. You're just like. Yeah, so like, I just remember, I was like, I'll give you an example of how bad my shits were, dude. Like, I'm wearing a diaper and I'm playing a game with my sister and my shit's war, dude. Like, I'm wearing a diaper, and I'm playing a game with my sister, and my mom's making us food.

Dude. I just, like, look into my sister's eyes and just, shit. Like, a fucking log, though, dude. Dude, it was so big, it went through the diaper. So, like, my mom walks over, and she's like, oh, what's that on the ground? And it's, like, this 12 inch log dude and i thought it went through the diaper but it just went like out the out the leg out the side but that's still a massive shit that's like a grown man bigger than i'm producing right now yeah florts are obvious like i think shit's kind of gross dude yeah no i don't

think it's not gross like don't get me wrong like Like, I take my fair share of shits a day. I'm not really on any probiotics, but I do take a lot of shits. But, dude, farts will always, like, you know, farts will always have a place in my heart. Yeah. No, the best, like, I had COVID right around Christmas time, like, the week before that. And I still don't fully have my smell back. So, I was just so used to just like not even thinking about it and just letting them go and then like after my quarantine everything i visited

my girlfriend and i was still used to it we're just taking a drive in the car and i just let one go she's driving because i drove three hours there and she starts gagging like putting down the windows i'm like what i didn't remember that i did it she's like you kidding me right now i'm like all right you're right dude this um the worst farts i ever blew were at crossfit dude i used to crossfit for a little bit no homo uh they had like this open gym and there was always like this one girl who i had like the biggest crush on dude and she was like a crossfitter but dude they were like those short shorts and stuff man like they Like, they get after it. And then there was also a mom that went there that was wicked hot, dude.

Like, I don't know if she had kids, but I just, like, wanted to talk to her about, like. But you imagine she had kids, right? Yeah. I was, like, I just want to sit down and, like, talk about my emotions with you. And, dude, so we start this workout. And, like, before we start, like, the fucking instructor's, like, let's get fucking amped. And, like, they'll give you, like, a motivational speech and shit. So, I'm just, like, wicked amped up. Dude, I'm on, like, pre-workout.

So, like, the first workout, like, you have to row. Like, on the row machine, dude. He goes, three, two, one. I fucking lean back, dude, as fast as I can, dude. Like, aggressive as I can. And I just fucking send one off the walls dude and it was so loud dude you bounced off like it was acoustic in there yeah and this lady next to me was like the mom was like wicked disturbed dude i'm legit pissing myself laughing dude like

i didn't even do the workout like because i was laughing so hard i'm like dude i can't do this next time you go there the mom's not there and they're like oh yeah she actually rescinded her uh but like dude that happened and then uh i remember being like all right dude like you know you're paying like 150 a month for this come on just try one more time dude same thing happened again dude maybe a little bit less eggs before each class so the instructor's like watching me and he's like fucking red face he's like what is that ketchup and onions but like dude like the thing with farts man it's like i can't stop rethinking it over and over in my head like it just keeps playing like it's like a lot of people i know though like if somebody farts they're either like that's disgusting or they're just like

and then they just move on i'm like how do you just move on from that you know what i'm saying yeah it's tough yeah it's fucking really tough man i think uh my best i think my best fart story was fourth grade. So fourth grade. Yeah. Back in fourth grade, that was like my, my bad year. I was like fat back then.

Like it was a little fucking shit head. So we had, uh, we had this one week where our, I think our, uh, teacher had to have kidney surgery or something like that. So we had a substitute for a week.

Me and my buddy Josh were like, fuck yeah, let's go. So we tried everything in our power to get this lady to like walk out and it didn't happen till friday like we were just like getting up from our seats doing whatever and she was she was pissed but she wouldn't leave yeah so thursday and friday we figured it out and uh we'd always use like go to the bathroom hold our farts and go to the bathroom and do it so me and him just started letting them rip in the middle of class i remember there's this girl named Alex sitting next to him,

and she had to move her chair over. It was like every 15 minutes. He was just letting them rip. And finally, it was like the end of the day on Thursday or right before Friday, and the lady just stands up, and she's like, I can't do this anymore. I'm leaving. And then that Friday, we had like a substitute substitute teacher.

Yeah. Yeah. Damn, dude. It was funny i thought it was the most free i've ever felt really yeah man i remember like at that point in my life like fourth fifth grade like all my teachers thought i was mute because i didn't say anything but i would always fart on like the second third you know like last day of the year and dude i could fucking rip some dimes just leave your mark yeah yeah so like

people who are around me dude i told this story once some dude followed me home on the bus because like the last day of school i fucking borderline shit myself dude and he was sitting behind me and he goes dude if you do that again i'm gonna fucking kill you i like did it again like aggressively like fucking borderline like there was like shit dripping out of my ass dude this kid followed me home he took the wrong bus followed me home and threw a snowball at the back of my head and he goes dude fucking fight me right now and i go dude who are you and he he goes, dude, are you serious? And like, dude, he like actually tried to fight me.

And I was like, that wasn't me, man. And he was like, I was right there. I know exactly what the back of your head looks like. I've been sitting behind you all year. But yeah, man, I just like, I'm a little scared at this point. Like you were talking about health. I mean, don't get me wrong, man.

Like I'm eating healthy and whatnot, but like the, sometimes I fart, dude. And like, you you know I have to pull over you know it's fucking check yeah dude I just gotta be like I mean it's just the smell it's like you know it's so like dense you know I get like a little lightheaded and I have to pull over and just be like you know let's think about what we're eating today you know yeah because like dude if you're in like uh like imagine if you were in like a conference meeting at your new job dude and you see some dude who's like straight faced like nerdy like right in the middle of a meeting like he rips one like what are you gonna do i'm gonna die laughing that's that's probably be the best day of my life yeah you wouldn't like try to hold

it in uh i mean i'd probably try to read the room I think you would have time for that See if anyone's Like vibing with it Like thinking like Yeah that's funny as shit I don't think anyone would vibe with it Yeah I don't think anyone would be like

Yeah that was a That was a nice rep for Steven Nice job Rick Yeah They just look at you They're like That's how we do shit around here That'd be fucking awesome

If you're looking at me like this yeah like what you got yeah alright just pull your pants down spread the cheese yeah

aww that's funny yeah man but like I said man like I'm like legitimately I feel like at some point

in the near future I'm gonna fart and like shit's gonna to come out, dude. You talking today? What were we talking? Just, dude, like I met with this dude in my gym, like the gym owner. And he was like strongly leading me on to take a probiotic.

Because he was like, dude, if you actually shit that much in a day, like, that's just unheard of. And I was being complete, like, I wasn't even trying to be honest with him. You just tell him, like, you got rookie numbers. You got to get those numbers up, buddy. He was just like, how many times do you shit a day? And I was like, just straight-faced. I thought about it, and I was like, probably 10 to 12. Like, full?

Like, healthy? Yeah, like, aggressive. Like, I lost six years of my life shits like your legs are starting to lose circulation i mean when i shit the and it doesn't take that long it takes me longer to wipe than it does for me to totally agree with that yeah yeah and uh i've strongly been considering getting like a bidet. You need the wet wipes. I need a fucking power washer, dude. Like, ma, I'm done. Let me hook it up. But yeah, he was just like, you should take a probiotic.

What does a probiotic even do? It just like helps your digestive system. And I was like, how much are those? And he was like, like $100. And I was like, I'll just stick to fucking ripping dimes dude you probably look forward to them like it's i mean some of my greatest thoughts have come i don't know if you feel like do you ever take a shit and you just have like really great thoughts i've been playing a lot of chess i play a lot of chess when you know how to play chess yeah i uh did that movie lead you to it or queen's gambit absolutely that led you to it yeah it's funny i bought a chess board i was trying to play with my girlfriend she doesn't know how to play and i'm an awful fucking teacher yeah it's like i taught her like

how to move the pieces and everything and i'm not like good enough to like teach her strategy so we're playing and she's like what should i do what should i do and i'm straight face like make your move i beat her and she's like you're such a douchebag. I'm like, you think I'm going to lose? Are you kidding me? What would you do if you were in a wicked intense chess game and I just ran over and fucking spiked the board? I don't know.

Would you be upset? No. Because I know some people that would be like... No, I'm not that serious about it. I just play when I take shits. I heard you could play people on your phone like online that's that's what i do and i'm playing like babakav from russia and they're fucking they're nasty yeah they're unbelievable it makes no sense to me have you like noticed a translation uh into

like your like cognitive abilities like do you think like uh because like i've been reading a little bit i'm well yeah every time i like walk my house, I can only move two steps forward and one step left. Like, the night moves. Okay, that makes sense. That's how it's translated. Because I've been reading a little bit, like, working for Amazon. I feel like I've been coming, like, it's such a mind-numbing job. Like, you're not really using your brain.

So, all day, I'm just thinking about hypothetical situations that haven't happened yet. So, I started to dive into the books a little bit, and I was like, wow is what it's like which is like understand words i know i started reading recently too i've been reading this book sapiens it's like a very well known book like homos homos yeah homo sapiens dude i've only read like 40 pages of that i read some book on the stock market just to get like my head back in the game a little bit yeah because i forgot a bunch of shit yeah it's in one ear and out the other especially with college like i don't remember anything about that yeah man nothing in college i remember but no yeah man just reading like random fucking shit but i feel like it's kind of like translated it makes it definitely feel like i feel better after i read like just like more like aware and

open i feel like you've done something yeah whereas like if i play cod after like three games i'm like i gotta stop yeah i get like sick from watching the screen so much i just read uh that matthew mcconaughey book that was pretty good oh yeah yeah definitely good read a few books i want to read or like the david goggins book yeah i have that one it's actually in my car right now really yeah it's fucking wild i want to call him up and tell Goggins book. Yeah, I have that one. It's actually my car right now. Really? Yeah Fucking wild. I want to call him up and tell him fuck you like he just wakes up one day and goes and runs a hundred miles I tried to get in the treadmill the other day and run a mile and a half because I'm supposed to run a half marathon I may yeah, I thought I was gonna pass out like my

My BPM was 199. Oh, that's not safe. Oh, yeah I mean you were talking about your health like you're trying to get healthy how many times you exercise a week i try to go like you know five times a week weekends i just drink that's pretty good though i don't i only work like i work out like three times a week yeah i mean it ends up turning into like three or four yeah but like especially right now because i'm in that limbo stage i don't start start work until the 16th. So I got nothing to do all day. So I'll just, like, go with my roommates or something like that. My cousin has a gym at his apartment complex, so it's free.

So I try to get in there. So you're, like, just lifting weights or you, like, do conditioning? I do both, yeah, yeah, because, like, we're trying to train for that. It's fucking tough. Like, you can only really get a mile and a half. Yeah. I like running outside better but it's so cold right now i can't do that yeah i ran outside for the first time in a while the

other night and uh i was just running on cement yeah and it fucking hurts man when i was in newport there's like this one like three and a half four mile trail that we used to go down i remember one time it was so cold i got like a mile and a half in there and then I called an uber home. Dude, so do you like long distance more than like sprints? I mean, if I was able to do long distance, yeah, sure, I would like that. But I'm trying to get into it. I don't know. It's definitely tough.

Yeah, I've always struggled with long distance, especially in basketball games. I remember one time I forgot to wipe my ass at halftime. Like, I took a shit at halftime, and then I heard the buzzer beep, so I was like, I got to get back out there. For the rest of the game, I was just jogging around with, like, legit, like, non-wiped ass, dude. People are slipping on the ground. There's shit on the ground.

I mean, we won the game, so, like, I felt like I contributed a lot to that. You're just on the bus ride home. Everyone's like, what's that smell? Yeah, but dude, basketball running, that always got me. Long distance running in general got me, but I can handle sprints. We're going to do five wind sprints. I might tear something, but I feel like I'm better off. I'd much rather do that, too. I played soccer in high school when I moved back to Warwick,

and I was in good shape at that point and i wouldn't mind doing that but then we had to do like the two mile run for that and it was fucking awful i don't know why i just can't do you think you could do the david goggins 4x4x48 no my buddy my group chat actually texted us that like a couple weeks ago he's like let's do this i'm like good luck you luck. You're not going to do it? If I have to. You should do it before it happens. I think it happens in March. Yeah.

You should do it tomorrow, dude. So it's, I think I'd probably just do like a mile in 30 minutes and then take a 30 minute break and then a mile in 30 minutes. Because what is? A mile in 30 minutes, dude. Yeah. That's like walking. You have to do it and you just do it all day. I don't know.

Yeah. Did four miles, man. If I did one four miles. What is it? dude yeah well you have you have to do and you just do it all day i don't know yeah i did four miles man if i did one four miles what is it it's 48 miles in yeah four miles every four hours yeah so that's what i'm saying you do for 48 hours yeah and then you can i mean if you want to really go at it and do four miles in an hour i feel like i would tire myself out yeah i feel like i would just want to do the i would strip i would just want to do the four miles and then take a long break and then do it again i would just get my car and drive four miles you just go to where people are running just run them over just drive from boston or rhode island that's 48 miles i'm good to go are you in

um are you in like downtown boston or like southie so i moved to uh like i like i was saying earlier my uh a couple of my buddies from college like their friends who i know their parents own a house in everett and they had an extra bedroom so it's right near the new casino so it's like maybe seven eight minutes from td garden okay so it's the north end but it's like a 15 minute drive to southie it's not bad yeah it's not bad, yeah. It's pretty good. It should be fun. It's pretty exciting out there, man. I see a lot of homeless people, but it's pretty exciting. Yeah, not yet, but, you know.

I've never been to Southie, man. Southie's fun. I got a couple buddies that live there. But there's the west side and the east side. I think it's the west side, the crackhead side. Yeah. It's pretty interesting taking a walk down there at like 11 p.m. Yeah, I mean, dude, if I'm ever telling dick jokes in Boston,

like maybe afterwards we can meet up or something. Yeah, absolutely. That'd be exciting. Where do you do stand-up and shit there? Usually like near the TD Garden. What's the place called? The Laugh Factory or whatever? Laugh Boston.

Laugh Boston, yeah. And then you have like Nick's Comedy Stop and like all these bars. There's a lot of bars, man. There's a lot of... You have anything coming up? No, I haven't done stand-up in like a year, man. Yeah. I was thinking about that the other day. I mean, I think about it a lot of you have anything coming up no i haven't done stand-up in like a year man yeah i was thinking about that the other day i mean i think about it a lot it's pretty emotional but i just feel like like you said like we're talking about being trapped i feel like i've been trapped for like a long time i would say definitely try to do something soon because i

could get a bunch of people probably to go and like i showed my roommates your videos back in newport and they loved it like they're laughing their asses off so yeah i mean it's uh i'm just trying to like stay in it somehow you know yeah i feel lost i'm trying to like use this to stay in it um but yeah man it's tough like i have so many far stories to tell and just no one to tell them too so yeah just gotta go in the mirror and tell them yeah man i would love to just like confuse all of your friends like even if they don't laugh, like, just seeing, like, especially if they meet you before, because, like, you're saying you're generally quiet, like, it's, like, really throw them off, dude, what the fuck is this, yeah, yeah, man, I know, uh, there's actually been, like, a lot of random people who have been asking me if, uh, if I'm gonna do a show on ball, I think a lot of people are just moving out there,

maybe that's just, like, the point in their life but no it's nice like i'm pretty happy to move out there it kind of sucks right now with covid because it's a little more strict than rhode island but i just i want i need like a change of scenery and yeah man just something new it is really exciting man even like uh when i wasn't drinking just walking around was like uh it was pretty exciting man yeah especially like seaport seaport super nice yeah maybe i could like you know actually get laid out there. You know, maybe meet a girl and just not tell her what I do until like we, you know. Just tell her your name's like Ronald.

Yeah. It'd be good. She finds out. It'll be all right, man. Then you get blocked. Yeah. It'll happen eventually, man. But yeah, man, if I'm ever out there, you know, if I'm telling dick jokes, that's what

I do a lot of the time, man. I'll go to a show, tell some dick jokes, and then like meet up at the bar. Just kind of stare at people. Yeah. So yeah, man, if I'm ever out there, I'll telling dick jokes. That's what I do a lot of the time, man. I'll go to a show, tell some dick jokes, and then, like, meet up at the bar. Just kind of stare at people. So, yeah, man, if I'm ever out there, I'll let you know. But, yeah, man, honestly, thanks for coming on, dude.

It was good to just see you, man. Yeah, I agree. Brought back some memories, dude. I mean, like I said, man, we used to just stare at each other and just say random shit, so. No, man, it was a lot of fun, dude. I wish you the best, bro,, I'll definitely see you again.

Yeah. Uh, you too, man. Good luck with your interviews. Good luck with cock hand, John. Um, and whatever you got going on, definitely let me know if you, if you do any shows, I'll, I'll for sure come by.