The Johnny Salami Podcast - Jeffrey Scheen

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

Jeffrey Scheen by The Johnny Salami Podcast

I think I took a shit in my neighbor's lawn. Yeah. Well I love you madly dear, and I need you badly dear. Why did you leave me here, without your love? Oh, I'm hurting. I Knew a special needs kid named Raj really elementary school. Yeah, this might have been the same guy really Does he have a special knees podcast now, I mean dude if he fuck and he had skills man, so maybe yeah Is he like dark skinned? Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, how's he doing? He's good. Well, I did this by they also like

Like, you know when they'll do like podcast clips and then like do you want to collab? Yeah, you know I'll do it, you know for a little bit, you know, just like a little collab for like a you know day Maybe or something. Okay, and then Well, I mean he hit me with like four or five collabs It's too much. It was too much to collab. And then on like the fourth one, I didn't do it. You know, I was like, and plus the clip was like me sounded like an asshole. So like, it's fine. I'm just not going to.

And then I noticed Raj, you just see people liking your other stuff on your Instagram, whatever. He likes like a scroll back. You had to scroll back or somehow but I had a Did stops pod with a collab left that on the guy didn't uncollab that one And he just likes that one not like are you trying to tell me something Wow, dude, so you're accepting and then That's even worse than just not accepting it then They're getting a notification that's that's not sharing

Why don't we have it she stops podstade because the man's unfortunately a big celeb Yeah, and I gotta have that on my thing was the the clip you were part of did you crush it? Were you like a huge part of the clip you think in what the stop? stop one? Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, I was carrying that, Pop. For real? Oh honey. Anyways. That's all I have then. Yeah.

So he liked that one then. Yeah, I'll take the collab, you know? But I'm, you know, if you're a, which is like a little rinky dink operation. Yeah. I'm gonna give you a few hours of collab time. At least you're giving them some temporary... I'll give them a little bump in the beginning Yeah, but you're not staying with me forever. Damn, did you're evil?

Somebody what you were just talking about the car actually reached out dude The collab and they were like yo, bro, like I'm sorry man But I'm gonna have to like remove myself from this video really all they message you letting you know They're on class talking about his sister's tits or something and she followed him and I was like sure already knows dude Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's got big titties like well sure Sweet brother talking about or some family drama. I bet She's like you just you just took that with a smile you laughed at another man Yeah, joking about my large breasts. She knows no dude sure. I'm sure she knows but I like that he messaged to uncollab

Yeah, I just do that stuff. Let you see it. It's interesting man. It makes me feel like I wonder what it's like I'm not a you know, I'm not a smart guy dude, but I wonder like Psychologically what that means about you, you know what I mean? Oh Yeah, what the difference between what you're doing is and somebody who just doesn't accept it That's the nice see see to me. All right. I think it makes you look like you're a good guy You're a helping you're helping in the beginning. You know, that first few hours is quite crucial on a reel to pop. Yeah. So I'm out here giving you that push. But then after a while, you know, it wants the wheels get moving. Yeah, I think it means, you know,

I'm a nice guy with the what's well defined strong boundaries. Okay. You know, you're kind of like taking the training wheels off. Right? Yeah moment. We just let go. Yeah, I'll give you a push Yeah, I just hit stop share You're on your own I believe in this clip, but I'm not a part of it anymore. You gotta let go man. Yeah, I'm not in there Just letting go. Mm-hmm. That's How we react with all that stuff saying though, dude, like if you're gonna do that you gotta at least send a message

Hey listen, I'm letting go No, no, no, it's gonna be abrupt. You'll get a call You wouldn't accept and then a stop a few hours later How does Raj look at you now have you seen him at like recently? No, I haven't killed himself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's dead You couldn't handle it. It's like special needs again Yeah, not having to run into him since We'll probably never talk ever again. Yeah, every time I see him. I probably crossed the room I was watching a clip with I was like bill burr and like Dan Soder recently

Mm-hmm, and they were talking about how like the only reason like people text you back is because you text them And that hit me pretty hard So I just like kind of stopped texting people and now I'm just my mom dude. Mm-hmm Hits you hard. Yeah Yeah, well, you know, what do they what do they mean? Like people stopped the only text cuz you text them Yeah, they're just saying like we live in like like a transactional world you know, nobody's in it just for the friendship. They're in it for like the Materialistic shit, you know, yeah, I'm thinking like what can this guy do for me instead of just talking about tits for an hour

You know, no, we're done with this. Yeah, it's our old news No, no tits are old news. It's all transactional. Oh, I think we're gonna say it's all trans. No No, no, no That's that's against God. But uh, it's gonna be kind of hard, dude What like if you stop texting people who do you think would reach out to you? Like do you think it would be the same people? I do it all the time. Really? Just as like I stopped sharing I'll stop, you know, I'll forget. Yeah, I'll usually say something or not But then I just I'll let it go. Yeah for a while. I don't reach out too much. I feel you I like to be invited to things as you were you were like an only child, right? Mm-hmm

So it's kind of like PTSD a little bit Yeah, it's just you know, I'm good at being alone. I'm good at being alone, but I don't like to be alone Okay Talking about like is this like your revenge tour? Yeah, maybe maybe that's what that is I'm good at being alone, but I don't like to be alone. Okay Yeah, maybe maybe that's what that is, you know, no tech stop sharing leave me be yeah I think we are in transactional times. Yeah, it's late stage capitalism I'm just hoping dude AI can make like a fucking blowjob machine or something Yeah, cuz that's all I'm looking forward to blowjob machine machine, dude Good lord. Yeah, you don't think you rock one of those. Oh my god. No, I'm a married man

Ten years from now, dude, you're gonna be at Best Buy looking at like the blowjob master 350z, dude I like a Best Buy is still open Easy dude, I like a best buy still open Clearly declining company there's still got things got into blow job machine only buying a blow job machine Now I got a married woman. I don't you know No, I can see it in your eyes, dude. Yeah, right now. I'm married. I have sex once a week, and I'm happy really That's all you need. Yeah, you want? Do you pace it out for that reason just cuz you want to let it rip? Yeah, so you just once once a week, that's all that's fine takes fucking discipline dude discipline yeah Takes a lot to get that one. Oh really yeah. Oh, yeah, you're fucking Cheetos all day. Yeah, I'm a tired old man

Yeah, I can't tired old man. I can't hold you now 38 Wow, I know I mean you look younger man. Oh you 28 you're 28. Yeah, we're ten years apart. Yeah, look at us. No wonder we're thinking different dude Well now we're thinking cuz you brought it up. Yeah, I figured there was some kind of disk in that There's ten years. I could have said I was 40 and you'd be like hell yeah, man Yeah, you can't you said 40 I'd expect you to agree with me on some more things. Yeah, like the too much sex Yeah, you still you're shredding it. Yeah, you're in your pop and off. You're still in your 20s. Yeah, you're you want probably three times a week Mmm, no, dude, maybe three times a year for your boy, but I'm still shredding it. But how much would you want desired?

Not how much you're getting man. Once a week is a that's prime time you want more though Would you want more now dude? Cuz then it just wouldn't it wouldn't be as good Okay, so you don't want like a Super Bowl prep type shit. Oh, yeah, like two weeks to prepare and then You start to want rip man. Yeah, you're starting to wise it up. Yeah, cuz you're your 20s still you're all you're all banging each other. Yeah as long as I'm eating right well No, I'm not banging a lot of chicks. You know I have like small little stints, but where we at now dry spell I mean, I'm you know No, how long's it been well, dude, I did a I did one of those don't tell tapings Yeah, and they sent me like a rough cut

Okay, and they're like tell us like what you want edited out or whatever Uh-huh, and I'm not a guy who watches myself on video a lot Mm-hmm, but dude they had like 4k cameras zoned in on my double chin and I was like dude It's not looking good man. So okay So I hopped right on the diet. It's been three days, man. Yeah. And I feel, dude, when you go on a diet, man, you just feel like a different person. I was so I just feel like I feel better, dude.

I'm getting rock hard. Oh, yeah. That's a huge thing. Oh, maybe maybe it's my diet then. Yeah, I it's a combo me in late 30s in my diet I mean dude if you just ate like cucumbers and shit man for like a week And then had sex with your wife. I'm telling you dude, like the cucumbers just fill your dick You gotta eat you gotta swallow them whole and then it comes down your body and it fills into your dick I mean dude, your wife just fucking goes blind

My big cucumber penis You blew one out blind 38 years old mm-hmm she'd be like 28 yeah Yeah, I'm glad I don't see anymore. Yeah Sick Yeah, I'm glad I don't see anymore. Yeah That would be sick Crazy though with a diet does to just like Hormones and shit man. Yeah the science behind it, but it's like I've been on both sides of the the road man Where I'm just eating fucking cinnamon rolls and taking

Fucking bloody shits. Oh, no. Yeah Been on the road where it's like I'm taking shits. I don't have to wipe you know what I mean? It's meat and so healthy. Oh, those are good. You know yeah, okay. That's nice. Yeah, I was like when I die work on cruise ships. You know do jokes on cruise ships. Oh shit. Yeah, and You proud of that? Do you love it? I can't get enough You proud of that? Love it. I can't get enough. What's the vibe? Just a bunch of hillbillies from the south. Oh really? Yeah It's like doing a bar show on Georgia. Does it depend on the the brand?

Like is it like oh, yeah, it's carnival. I'm on the lowest here trash Like the top two you think be any different the best lot of old people I think it's a lot of old people in those richer ones. Yeah old people go on the more expensive ones. But anyways the boats eat a lot of buffet food nothing, but buffet and Day three well they put extra oil in the food. Yeah, that's all the oil up so it's easier on the septic system So day three everyone shits are just smooth Wow, yeah, they have a septic system on the boat So day three everyone shits are just smooth. Wow. Yeah. They have a septic system on the boat.

Yeah, they got like all the toilets in the rooms and stuff. Oh yeah. Yeah, that crazy. That's why. Yeah. So like if there's a Titanic, you know, rerun, people are getting fucking dumped on. Yeah. Yeah. There's a part of that boat filled with poop

I think yeah, I wonder why that wasn't in the Titanic. I can't make you know it could have been He's probably in there Maybe I missed that Yeah, there's one one is going down. There's a big brown patch that floats Continuing to play music. You know that part when Jack's on the door and then it gets all brown around him. That's the stuff that I can miss that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Together. Yeah, it gets real. That's what kills him. Actually. Yeah, the sectum cracks open. Do you know work for like a mortgage company and I'm like pretty retarded, but I'm like looking at these properties and oh yeah, some of them have cesspools in their backyards. What the heck? What's a cesspool? I thought that was just like a dirty place. Bro, it's literally just a pool filled with all your shit. What? You know what I mean? What do you mean? It's like an illegal, it's like illegal in most states. Some states you can have them though? Yeah, I think. Probably like down south and stuff.

You can have a just a big hole? big hole dude filled with shit and piss really? And it's in your backyard Yeah, I had a buddy who had a septic system, dude, and he had to get it replaced. Mm-hmm and Dude his whole fucking house just smelled like shit for like five months five months half a year at least a full summer but it was treacherous dude yeah I didn't get a filter you get a fix though people would drive by and kill themselves oh no few suicides over his over someone it's a septic stinky fun we were just ripping

heaters poor guy that's gotta be embarrassing though dude just getting a septic system replaced everyone knows everyone in the neighborhood knows where your shit smells like. Yeah, yeah, that's true. But sometimes, you know, it's kind of yeah. I mean, if it's the whole families, right? It's the whole family. Do you think when they crack it open, are you still you don't even smell your own shit? You're like, this is nice It's fine. Oh, I can stand to my own Do you think when they crack open the septic you can like that's a strong take? Yeah Like take a whiff saying like when you smell your own farts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah when they crack that septic. Are you like?

This is my family's you know This is my wife and my kids this is all of us, you know your eyebrows are just burning I wonder if you get high off that And you know from probably we lose a few brain cells like something's gotta happen to your mind We should probably get a little light-headed I think you'd lose at least five years of your life getting that close to it. You think so? You know, I bet I'd like it.

Like, dude, if you lived in a sewer for like a year and you came out. Yeah, something would be off. I mean, a sewer is like a whole city. Like if you were a Ninja Turtle for a whole year. Oh, yeah. And you just came out of retirement, you know, you were like, let's get back into it crawled out It got hit with some fresh air. Yeah hop in the office hop in the cubicle wakes you up

This isn't right. Yeah, you know you with the whole smell and your farts thing though, dude See that's right doing that on the wreck. Yeah, like if I rip a dime piece I'm trying to smell it and kind of like rate my stench. You know what I mean? Really? Yeah, it's like a hobby dude. I'm like I'm like rating smell it and kind of like rate my stench you know what I mean really yeah it's like a hobby dude I'm like I'm like rating my farts you like your own stench I mean yeah dude yeah you know all over to say it bro but no just when I'm ripping ass oh just ass like if I'm in the car you know and I rip one on the highway I'm trying to get us a whiff see what's good. No, that's good. No, I agree Yeah, I agree No, I go further real. Yeah all sense and smell like sneaking into people's backyards every sentence smell

With and fucking cesspool. Yeah. Well, no all over all body smells Okay, every single every single one of my body smells. Yeah, I enjoy I knew something was a Bo feet Wow farts interesting your own body or like your wife's and shit all of it Okay, no hers can go to hell so just yours just mine. Okay. I feel that you ever get those You ever get like a spot. I just got a spot cuz I'm an eating lot of ice cream I'm getting fatter a spot a spot on the body You know it's like my gut started to fold a little bit

Oh shit, you know wow and I've been walking a lot, and then I got this little red. It's like a lump Well, no, it's like a red sore area. You know where there's a lot of friction you ever get those spots on the body No, you ever get friction fat spots from moving around too much. No Not a little redness. It's just like a little redness. It's like a little red spots from moving around too much. No, not a little redness. It's just like a little redness. It's like a little just a little redness from moving around. Yeah. Anyways, to move this with wrong with you.

No, no, no. Hold on. Just a little redness friction area and I look I was like, oh, I got to put some cream on that. You know, you got a cream us like a sore area. But before I did I got I just did like a little just a finger wipe and just to sniff the sore spot You know, yeah, and it was like the back of earrings That's what it smelled like, you know

Yeah, and I couldn't get enough of it, dude You know man like I kind of want to be upset with you right now, but I know exactly what you're saying. Dude, I used to be like, I used to be fucking morbidly obese. Really? And I would get fucking I would get dick cheese, dude, between my fucking nuts. What? Right in my sack crack area.

And dude, I would fucking scoop the cheese See that's that's so gross I Knew you did grow stuff. I knew you had some stuff in there. Dude, I was just a fat kid trying to live his life, man. Yeah, when's the last time you did that? I had a lot of friends, dude. That's what I was doing, was just fucking scooping my dick cheese. Nobody wanted to be friends with the guy scooping his crotch area. Bro, nobody's talking about dick cheese, man. It's an underrated cheese, bro.

It is, nobody... You know what I'm talking about, though? Do you like, write in that V section, like V for Vendetta? Yeahrated cheese, bro. It is nobody well I know what I'm talking about though do you like right in that V section like V for vendetta? Yeah? Yeah, mm-hmm. I've had that before crevice dude. Yeah, if you smell that cheese, dude, you travel to another dimension Yeah, it's good stuff. Yeah, you know you get these little areas. Yeah, right when your leg meets your body that little crevice Give it a wipe and a sniff. Yeah, just a little sniff dude, and if it's from me if it's mine I Love it Other people's like your cheese probably gnarly I would never would you do for like a fat dude? Scooped his dick cheese and then like was like yo smell my finger. Hi. We like no

Dick cheese and then like was like yo smell my finger. I we like no Though you give it a whiff. I'd probably give it you got to give everything a sniff everything get everything deserves a I mean, unfortunately everything gets a curiosity sniff is like a lies that is like the ultimate humor though like as fucked up as it is like Telling somebody to smell your finger. Oh, yeah, that's like top tier tier humor that is kind of funny how like smells are the funniest thing in the world what are we out here telling jokes for we should be going on stage with some kind of smelling stuff yeah that's all we got to do yeah this this next smell you just have a mountain jar I feel like you gotta have the element of surprise though You guys wanna see a fucking magic trick?

Ladies and gentlemen, I actually have a little surprise for you This is the front row guy, I got a little sample of his dick cheese We're gonna put that in the vent system Everybody smells it, they're like, oh, gnarly You know, and that guy's all uncomfortable But I I'm just saying if it's yours. It's fine other people's I don't know where to put this coffee, but put it wherever you want. I love a good smell Yes, I have a weak sense of smell Same dude is that do you yeah?

Just all the years of like farting and shit like I have a dog dude And that has a lot to do with it you think that's what it is I have an air purifier and that kind of like gets rid of all the years of like farting and shit and like I have a dog dude and that has a lot to do with it You think that's what it is have an air purifier and that kind of like gets rid of all the smells You think are kind of important like I think you're supposed to soak up the smells right not negate them. Yeah So you're saying that we like over smelled and stimulated our nose burnt out our shit That's why we need such strong smells to feel again. I know some people who have like the nostrils of a what type of animal has good sense of smell. I don't like a hound a bloodhound again.

Yes, I'm like that. Yeah, they can smell like fucking 18 feet into the ground. Oh people with good senses of smell. Yeah, like a lot of chicks have like a good sense of smell chicks I give anxiety dukes. I don't know if I smell or not. I know I mean they always smell stuff that you don't smell Yeah, so you're just like what you know speaking of like my my wife going blind. You know yeah, we got nose blindness. Yeah, like That's gotta be scary dude. That's terrifying. You ever have a friend tell you your breath stinks Not openly. No, what a fucking nightmare. I've had a girl tell me that though. Oh god. Yeah one time I fucking ate a

Eat some beef with some nachos dude, and then ate this chick out One right after the other yeah afterwards just like hey can we have a talk yeah right now I'm full of beef and nachos. Let me let me get down there. I was just trying to be open I Can't contain myself. I'm full of someone if you get a plate with fucking Like ground beef mm-hmm throw some shredded cheese on there, dude. Yeah, yeah. Get some Tostitos scoops.

Yeah. And then eat a chick out, bro. You're living the dream. Yeah, yeah. You eat the beef and the nachos and then you're like, oh man, now I got, now I'm craving vagina. Yeah. I did it right in front of her too. I gotta get you had a Mexican restaurant. I gotta go under the table and eat you out because I'm full of beef and nachos. No break just back to back. Got to be simultaneous.

And then what she was like your breath stinks. Well, she texted me afterwards. She was like, hey, can we have like a just want to talk to you about something? And I was like, yeah Yeah, throw it at me. Yeah, she was like, yeah, like next time you like eat me out You just like brush your teeth beforehand. Oh, no Because I think they were spicy nachos too, dude. So also she felt some spice. Yeah, dude. Oh, that's kind of cool Yeah, that's cool. It's all natural stimulation, dude. Yeah, you got like a whole you got extra stuff happening down there

She should be like this is new this is nice. Yeah, no, it was super fucked up man Yeah, I didn't even like I should have shown more empathy dude I get any of the think about it all's I was thinking about was those nachos and pussy dude. No, she's in the wrong I know you were in the right you're fine Yeah, that's you. You don't listen to her. Yeah, she was next woman Yeah, I know you're in a bit of a dry spell right now, but when you break out of this nachos, yep beef jalapenos

Non-negotiable. Yeah, and then just hit her real quick. Yeah, don't even don't even make it back to the place Do it do it in the back of the car. Yeah back over it up. Yeah spikes that thing Oh, you know, this is your breath stinks. Wow. How was she smelling your breath if you were all the way down there? Mmm, you came up to give her a smooch. She wasn't even smelling my breath. I think she was just upset about like The spice the spice. Yeah, she didn't like any of the spice on that thing. Yeah, I'm sure she probably got a good with my breath She didn't mention she probably felt a little bad she probably she just told me like brush your teeth next time Did you keep coming up winded? She's just getting hit

Nacho and pussyussy Brick. Yeah, dude. I'm going back in. Probably still tells that story to this day. Yeah, she's talking to a dude right now. She's like, yeah, the last guy I was with. She's probably on a podcast. This fucking retard.

You know. What happened to her? What happened? What happened to that relationship? She ended things. Why? What happened? She? What happened to that relationship? She ended things. Why? What happened? She was Asian, man. She had a lot going on. She was really... She was Asian?

She told me after the fact, too. Really? One of those Asian people you couldn't really tell right away they're Asian. And then you see something in their eyes and you're like, oh shit. She said this afterwards. They're sneaky, man. The Korean ones, dude. They'll you're like, oh shit. Oh, she said this afterwards. They're sneaky man. Yeah, the Korean ones do No, okay, we'll sneak up on you did I think they don't want you to know right away Yeah, they got away. Yeah, they'd convert you to Christianity. I didn't mind though. So she split things off though. Is your wife a

foreign No, she's half Jewish. Really? Yeah, how does it make you feel dude? bored does she No, she's half-Chillish. Really? How does it make you feel, dude? Bored. Does she... I mean, we don't have to talk about her if you don't want to, but does she instill the once-a-week thing? What, that we bang once a week? Yeah. She wants it more. More. So you're the one who's like...

Heck yeah! Wow, look at you, man. Yeah, I'm like... Disciplined individual, dude. I know, I'm like, leave me alone. We did it two days ago Okay, and I want to play Marvel's rivals, you know on Xbox. Yeah, oh Xbox. Oh, yeah, I'm trying to game

Yeah, you know and she's like can we do it again? No, my She doesn't get it man. No, I'm like you don't get it. I'm about to play the thing. Yeah, you know, I know exactly Needs a tank I got a tank I can't be sleeping banging you playing with your boys are just alone Sometimes sometimes random sometimes random sometimes with friends Depends on my mood. Okay, you ever getting like that Sometimes I like I'll hide if I'm gaming online. I'll say I'm offline cuz I don't want to play with my friends Yeah, don't talk to me. I want to I want to I want to be In this game. Yeah, I just want to be silent in game. I feel that with a

Most of the time when I play Call of Duty, I just want to play with my one friend. That's it Just one just me and him. I just want to go to the depths with him, dude Oh, does he know this? Yeah, have you told him this? Yeah, dude. I literally I'm like I'm offline when I sign on I'm off. Nobody knows him online except for him. Oh, okay. I had text him. I'm like, yo, I'm on. Oh Don't let anyone know And he does he knows. Oh, that's gotta make him feel special Yeah, but do that brotherhood man, like sometimes he'll be bleeding out. He's like just let me die and I'm like, dude You think I'm gonna let you die out here. Yeah, and like chicks don't get that. They don't get that camaraderie

No, they're like let him die. Yeah and come eat eat my box. But after you eat these nachos Yeah, you can wait. Mm-hmm. I mean, yeah, I'm like leave me alone 38 you ever getting fights over it like you your video time Oh, we're getting fights all the time. Yeah, she's like get off that shit. Yeah, stop taking naps Would you do today and I'm like I watched YouTube, you know, she's like stop doing that You know, I watch too much YouTube. What are your what are your hobbies dude watching YouTube? That's like number one for one gaming number two, you know all that goes back to the Was it only child thing probably yeah, probably and you love it you just love being alone. Yeah, just alone

Well, yeah, I'm just a lone guy. Let me fucking be yeah I'm gaming in silence fucking sick, you know, we're watching just other people hang out. That's another that's why I like YouTube I like to watch other groups be Like a vlog, you know, I'll watch a lot of guy. I'll watch guys play slots Okay, I love watching guys. Dude. There was a group of friends playing slot machines in Vegas. That's my new one You played slots which go down south dude he was up like 600k oh yeah and like he was like about to cash out and the fucking machine went black no you just started beating the shit and then I guess like people

thought he was crazy dude but I get I get it happens all the time Really? Yeah, like if you're up big dude, they'll fucking Just make the machine go black because like dude, they're not gonna pay out, you know I mean, I think especially on like a slot machine. They got to pay out though, don't they? I don't think so. And there's some kind of there's got to be some kind of rules I mean I looked into it about four hours ago and from what I could gather man. It happens a lot, dude Really will be up like 400 600 K. Do whatever that means I just they'll just turn it off Yeah, it'll just fucking black out and then they'll be like, you know this mission like this mission went black and there's like there's nothing

We can do like dude You ever seen that movie 21? Which one's that? Oh, it's about blackjack, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Kevin Spacey. You love that guy It's kind of be that's got to be like what it's like in real life. They got those rooms in the back They're watching everyone. Yeah, maybe they're like we're not gonna let this guy win big Yeah, we'll have our goons beat him up. Yeah, dude In 2025 though, I think so man

Nice, I don't know I feel like if they if you hit a jackpot if you got money in, doesn't the casino watch it on camera? And then like, oh, that's when it went out. Well, we owe you that much. Well, the guy beat the shit out of the machine, so. Oh, that might have screwed him up. He might have fucked it up a little bit. Oh, because he broke it. He shouldn't have done that. Yeah, I would have immediately been like, dude, I'm getting a lawyer.

Yeah, me, yeah. Because there's cameras and stuff. They'll see that you had money in there. Yeah, but he was like, no, I'm gonna beat the actual shit out of this machine. Well, I don't gamble anyways. Yeah. I just like to watch people gamble. So when you're watching them, are you just watching them like throw away their whole life or like... Oh, no, I just watch some guys play. Yeah, I'm sharing for them. They'll hit a bonus, you know, on a slot machine.

Wow, dude. Make $1,500 bucks. I'm like, yeah, go... You think you're like a little bit retarded? That's wild. retarded No, I just lay on the couch and I cheer for people to win money on casinos, that's wild I Like that you're emotionally invested. Yeah, I'm mostly invested. I'm rooting for these guys interesting I like those guys and I like watching guys Clean cars out. Okay, that's my other jam. Yeah. Yeah, car getting detailed. Wow, man. I've never gotten a detail before, but I've been thinking about it. Watch some YouTube

videos of cars getting detailed. Is it like? When they get in there. It's like fulfilling though to watch them like really clean it out. Oh, there's some kind of satisfaction deep down. Yeah. You know, how much are they charging? You probably? few hundred four hundred bucks really oh yeah at least You want off clean out a car though you want me to clean it up for you. Give me a camera I'll do it. I'll do it over time provide you with satisfaction though. Yeah. Yeah, I need you to film it, too Let me watch it later Yeah, yeah, let me clean your car for you. I got little shorts on.

You'd have music playing or just complete silence? You want complete silence. Yeah, you want to feel. Yeah, Well now that we live near the park we can walk to the park But dude, I used to have to drive to the park and that was a fucking nightmare, dude Oh, yeah, cuz he sheds man, you know, he does shit. I'm covered in little white hairs. It's pretty bad, dude So yeah, so your car was covered in little white hairs. Yeah, I've just kind of accepted it man You know because it used to be like why I get a detail if it's just gonna go back right Yeah, all right. Well roll band bandaid on there dude. Just keep pushing

I guess you could film that every time though you cleaning it and you might get a million views This is the first time I'm hearing about this though. You ever seen any of this stuff. No, what about rugs getting cleaned? I Have seen that see there you go, and I tried to replicate it dude, but I just couldn't did you yeah I got like a fucking, one of those like scrubbers, those like, like you actually like electric, like you plug them in. Oh, okay. Like a straight up fucking steamer dude.

Oh nice, where is it? It's in the closet dude. It's like handheld though. Yeah. And dude when Bub was young, he used to piss on the carpet dude. Oh, okay. And just cleaning that up was kind of wild

You know steam it up Just absolutely steam it up, dude, and anybody you watching all these rug videos first. No, that was just me Well, yeah, I was watching like a tutorial and watch the tutorials are always way sicker than real life I'm like the commercial and stuff. Oh, that's great. Oh, man It's watching a fucking Swiffer Duster commercial. Yeah, they just move and it's clean Yeah, they just have some dude like shit on a carpet and they're like we're gonna clean this up, you know That's that's see that's the job you want guy that makes the carpet dirty. Yeah for the clean We just like fruity pebbles, dude. Yeah. Yeah, you know, they can you can you crap on this rug?

Yeah, like absolutely I thank you. Can you crap on this rug? Yeah I'd be like absolutely I would love to be that guy Make a few hundred bucks Just to just to make a rug nasty yeah That's all I want dude. Yeah, I mean I would love a part-time job like that like a just like a part-time gig. Yeah like what would you want your part-time gig to be though? If you were just like you shown up just like having sex just once a week, dude. Mm-hmm That's all just once a week. You got to do something. Oh

What's my once a week gig? Yeah if I had to do something. Yeah for money How much money am I making? like enough to like How much money am I making? like enough to like Pay rent enough to pay rent and I got to do this once a week just rent though. We can only cover rent That's fine. All right once a week covers rent do it for like what a few hours whole day I would say whole day like your whole Saturday my whole Saturday like you lose out on Saturday, but

Just once a week man shit. What could I do for once a week? Just once a week man shit. Why would I what could I do for once a week? It's gotta be oh what about this this would be something it's got to help society or something or am I just making that up? Maybe whatever you wanted. I'll be like I can be a guy that like I'll be the guy like wakes homeless people up that lay down on the train. Okay. I don't even know they had people to do that It's just a hobby I go hey get up they just don't move yeah then they have to do that you don't even get them to sit up that would be a tough job that would be a that's what if that what about that is a job that covers my rent yeah that's a that's a decent hobby slash job That's interesting, man. I mean I'm just I'm just saying like you could have just said cleaning

Maybe the subways need that guy. Yeah, you know, I mean do that would be like one of the hardest job Maybe the subways need that guy. Yeah, you know, I mean do that would be like one of the hardest jobs Even if you have a stick or something dude like waking up a homeless guy's like next level retardation I've seen cops do it What like late at night or something? Yeah, I've seen a cop so they didn't go they go sit up They make them sit up when it's like the last stop. It was in the middle of the middle of the ride Oh, wow, I've never seen that I seen her when they're on the subway and they're like yo last stop get off. Mm-hmm No, yeah, I've seen that I've seen like a guy was laying out a cop was like suit up made the guy stop taking up the whole row

dude, you know what I saw and I can't believe I just remember this but When I first moved in New York City people were like dude, you're gonna see fucking crazy shit And I was like I've seen some stuff in my life you know I've seen like my own dick cheese and stuff like yeah yeah stuff well I mean you smell to catch this though dude one of the first weeks I was here no joke dude was six in the morning uh-huh I'm walking to the gym and I lived in like kind of like a you know it was like a story it was kind of like more like a family neighborhood. Mm-hmm, dude. I saw a homeless guy Fishing in the road

Like he was casting at cars, dude That's fishing in there like just like a like in the road like in the middle of a four-way intersection Casting like at cars It was like next-level man What was he trying to catch? Maybe like a Honda Accord It was wild and it was I literally had to stand there for like two minutes and just be like there's no way this is happening right now You know, but I think he must have been schizophrenic

Or yeah, or something next level schizophrenic to be fishing the road Yeah, it's kind of beautiful though. I like that Most stories of people being like I saw a homeless guy in New York do this are always disgusting Yeah, yours is kind of nice. Yeah, man. I guess Driving though, and you just see a hook You just see a hook latch on This guy pulling it off fish on yeah, I mean you turn around be like well he's not shitting on the sidewalk Yeah, you know that would be my part-time job, dude. What have you do a little bit of fishing fishing for cars? Yeah, I'd want to be like

That river monsters guy you remember that guy. Yeah, I remember that guy that guy That guy was the fucking man. He'd wrestle an alligator guy dude, we tried a Me and my wife were walking and they were trying to do a New York has all these programs All over the city that get like people into I don't know education outdoors activities all these things Yeah, you can like rent kayaks for free in the Hudson and all that. Okay And there was one people they're like trying to get people to like fish you can fish the Yeah, you can like rent kayaks for free in the Hudson and all that. OK. And there was one people there like trying to get people to like fish. You can fish the Hudson, you know. Yeah. So they're staying there like, do you want to fish?

They like poles and everything. They were like, sure. And then we were talking to a lady and my always like, can you eat the fish actually? And the one lady is like, I mean, if you don't plan on getting pregnant, you can have like a couple of months This is the guy who like ran it Was like you yeah, you can you can fish do you need a permit and fish the Hudson? And you can eat a fish if you don't want children. Yeah, so that's not bad. Yeah, he's cracking jokes out there. Yeah, he's cracking jokes

Dude there are always jokes just man. Those like Those guys who run those things. Oh, yeah tour guides and stuff I guess they could they could do that get to be a tour guide once a week as opposed to be better though mine You like a full-time comedian, you're like, my jokes? I beg to differ. Yeah, dude. I mean, yeah. I think you'd crush him, man.

I could see he was a tour guide. Oh, yeah. Especially in like Chicago or something. Yeah, right. I'm thinking about that movie, The Breakup, with Vince Vaughn. Oh, yeah. He was a tour guide in that movie. A lot of walking, though.

Well, no. I think in the movie he was on a boat like a ferry. Oh Through the city. All right, I can do a high up on the the plank or whatever. They call it Oh talking shit about people. Oh, yeah starboard. Yeah, or whatever. I'm a boat guy. I'd be like back on the boats Yeah, I'm always on boats. Did you ever been a whale watching and I don't mean fat chicks dude you son of a bitch yeah yeah I've seen some whales really mm-hmm you've actually been out on the boat I've seen I have I've seen bail I've seen whales yeah I went with my mom dude and like that was probably the worst day ever why yeah where'd you go do you go? Dude, they just, uh...

Did you go here? No, I was in... I think it was in Rhode Island. Oh, okay. No, I think it was in Provincetown. Oh. But, dude, they fucking... You go to, like, this loading dock, and then you go on, like, this really small boat, and

they put us right next to the engine, dude. Oh, boy. Dude, dude, you go fucking far out. It's like three hours on this thing. Oh, yeah, that's where the whales are This fucking dipshits on like a plank just talking about whales and shit No, I sure random facts, and I'm like dude shut the fuck up for like 20 seconds this guy's non-stop talking He's excited about his job, and he's like yeah, you know we might we might see some whales today We might not and then dude out of nowhere this fucking whale Pops up out of the water like literally like 30 yards from the boat. Yeah, it was uh

The ones that fucking blow water out the top The things that's all whales Whatever dude At the top the things that's all whales Whatever Do this thing fucking squirts all over the boat. Oh Again, so they're like what the fuck from the blowhole? Yeah, dude this whale squirted all over everyone dude. That's cool There's a lot of old rich people that are freaking the fuck out out dude and they got the biologist who's on the plank dude dude he was like fully erect yeah that's big like holy shit that's great he was like we've never

been this close to one before yeah that's huge and everyone's there just like fucking soaked no you want to be covered in yeah I wanted to get fucking yeah I wanted to soak up the Sun with that shit dude but if you're well watching the engine so you didn't get you didn't get in... Yeah, I wanted to get fucking... Yeah. I wanted to soak up the sun with that shit, dude. But I was next to the engine. See, you didn't get sprayed at all? Nah, dude. I wanted to be up where the titties were. Oh, man. A bunch of... Just see some pissed off rich lady wearing like a white top.

Covered in like whale snot. Oh, dude. That would have been the best. Just like a rock hard biologist. Yeah, that'd be sick. Yeah, yeah, but you were in the back dry with my mom by the engine That's what a terrible experience. Do they hype it up so much? See I went whale watching I did it here. You can do it here in New York. Yeah the very tip of Manhattan There's boats that go out in the ocean shit. Yeah with your wife. No No, she stayed home Don't tell me you went alone dude

No, no, I didn't go alone. I went with a couple friends. Yeah, she was supposed to come. Mm-hmm and She drank and partied the night before and She drank and partied the night before Too hungover to go whale watching with me, dude So I had to go with my friends one of my friends that they had their girlfriends with them Oh my god, I know super embarrassing But the whales yeah Gorgeous you saw a few of them. Oh, yeah, how far away were you full tail? Yeah. Yeah full tail pops. That was next level. Mm-hmm

Yeah, not even a half. Yeah, so it was it was quite a lot of a lot of dolphins Yep, saw some big ol Things whales, you know, yep, and then I got back home and We're out there to like six at night. Dude. It's a day's journey. It was a whole, I thought it was going to be a couple hours. It was a whole day event. It's a crazy event. And when I got home, and my wife was just pissed. She's all mad, because I told her I'd be back at 3.

And so she was like, well I woke up and we were going to clean the apartment today. And she cleaned the whole apartment and I was supposed to help her. But I was like, well yeah, I was, you know was you know out there seeing whales yeah I was out there seeing whales with the boys yeah so we got to do a big fight about apartment cleaning and stuff like that and then we had to bring that up in the uh couples therapy the next morning oh man over zoom I feel like you have one of those wives who's like a Spanish teacher who's like super nice you know she's like he just plays this video games. Yeah Yeah, she's very buddy. Yeah, but she can flip she can turn

So we brought up the fight, you know in couples therapy and she's like I had to clean the whole apartment alone Yeah, and you were like good fucking hungover. Yeah. Yeah, she's like cuz he's out whale watching with his buddies. Yeah, I'm there if it's like Did you not communicate your whale watching activities? I was like, this is the whole plan. And she knew. I just didn't know it was going to take so long. But she's got to know. Yeah, she should have known, you know, full day's journey.

Full. So it ruined the whale watching experience. Yeah, because I got home. You were thinking, well, I mean, you were thinking about it on the whale watcher only when you got home. Oh, I'm only when I got home. I was like, excited. You saw some whales. I was like, this is a great day. I'm you got home. Oh, I will only when I got home I guess I get excited. Yes, well, I was like this is a great day I'm gonna get home like you wouldn't believe we saw a full tail. Yeah, but I get home and immediately

You know, she's like where were you I to clean this place and I'm like you just ruined my whale watching experience Yeah, and they just hopped on the Avengers right? Yeah, I was like I'm not doing this right We're not you know, we'll talk about this tomorrow. I'm gonna get it. Yeah, just in there. I saw a fucking whale tail today. Yeah. And I tried to share this moment with my wife and she just yelled at me about the kitchen. Yeah. The kitchen sink is nasty. I just feel like, I don't know if I'll ever get married, but. Yeah, stay out. Some stuff you can't just, you can't share everything with your wife, man. No, you gotta stay, you're a 28 year old single man. Yeah. Stay that way. Stay this way as long as you can't share everything with your wife man. No. Yeah, stay your 28 year old single man. Yeah, stay that way

Stay this way as long as you can yeah, sometimes my mom she'll hear me playing Xbox Yeah with my boy, and she knows I'm like emotionally invested in it mm-hmm, and you know She she told me one day when I was walking out the front door She was like I wish she would talk to me like you talked to your friends You call her gay and push her down Like later pussy Just grab her put your fours together no, I love you I love you man I just I think they don't know is that just don't I don't think they know, man. It's females.

They don't know what it's like. It's a difference. A whole different thing. And dude talk. No, it's a whole different like I could call you up, dude. Ask you like if you've ever taken a shit with a boner. And I know you're going to be there for me and talk. Oh, yeah, absolutely. For at least an hour. Yeah, I'll talk to you about that. Yeah. Without question. And yes. Yeah. Yes, I have yeah Really? Yeah, you never chat with a bone. You never chat boned up. No, I've never popped one out with a boner Really? Yeah, I mean I've been trying lately, but it's that's how I like the top of my like list of like things to do that's where I would a

Crank away Honestly, it was in the bathroom after a crab lied to you. I've never actually tried Because I've never really put my mind to it. Try it out Really? This is the only place I would get privacy privacy growing up So I'd go on there. It's Yeah, take a long shit. Well, I'm talking about shitting. As you do it, you have a boner. I'm not even talking about spanking, dude. I'm talking about you're taking a shit rock hard.

Yeah, I think because if you poop and you have plans to masturbate right after, you know, like I was still on the toilet. Yeah. At one point the Venn diagram overlaps to where you are shitting with a boner for a brief moment of time while you're finishing that up, getting ready for the next step. So historically, there was a moment in time where you were taking a shit with a boner. Right? Yeah. Yeah. For a brief moment of time when I was like, soon as it's done then we're going to crank town because the only place I can

lock the door yeah you know so at one moment they would overlap and I'd be like already oh wait not completely done so then shitting with a boner happened okay yeah yeah so what do you think of that I think it's alright I'm not as impressed like I Thought you meant like it just happened naturally no no no just use your mind power to make it happen Yeah, no, this is all part of a process. I'm talking about full-on like Bone or shit mentality no I guess I don't have that All right all right you got me Halfway there, but you're not fully there right yeah, I dipped my toe in the water

Maybe it's like a weekly challenge. We should have dude. You know yeah, and then once we finally do it We can call each other and talk for an hour and to do that dude no cheating like you can't take viagra Anything like no all you can use is your mind. Yeah, your mind's power I feel like you'd have to check into the loony bin after that. I Would feel so much guilt man. I Would immediately check into a facility that'd be like why are you here? Why like I just took a shit with a boner. Yeah, and they'd be like come with us You know We have a special special place for these yes

Just a bunch of guys hanging out. Yeah, we all just chat with boners. This is our wing of the mental You too yeah Meaning for dudes who shit with a boner Yeah, we shit with boners then over there guys that watch YouTube videos of cars getting cleaned like my name is John guys that watch YouTube videos of cars getting cleaned. My name is John. It's been six weeks since I've shot with a boner. I mean, it's such an idea. Six weeks clean, six weeks clean.

Have some guy walk out of the bathroom just wiping tears. I got one. I got what it came up. One of what caused the relapse, though. I got one. I got one. It came up. One of would cause the relapse though. I don't know. Certain song. Yeah. Oh, wow. The specific song comes on.

Yeah, you'd show Kelly Clarkson. Yeah, you're like, oh, no. Yeah. You're in a mall public toilet. Oh, no. Bro, you are late night supermarket guy. What do you mean? You're in a mall public toilet. Oh, no Bro You a late-night supermarket guy What do you mean go to the supermarket late night supermarket? I know yeah go to the supermarket. Yeah, not late night

I've been hitting BJ's man. You've been you got a BJ's out here Yeah, isn't that kind of like a Costco isn't like big dude. I think this might be a strong take man But I think it's better than Costco What the F it's like the same as Costco for like for like Food yeah, I think Costco just has more like other random shit Right like clothes. Yeah socks Costco has Kirkland brand

Yeah, socks. Costco has Kirkland. Their own brand. But dude, BJ's is the shit because they close at 10 at night. Oh, so you get to go in there at 930. No one's there, man. Really? They got some tunes there, like some old 2000s hits. Oh, that's got to be nice.

Yep. Ripping like Kelly Clarkson, dude. They got the whole fucking playlist going. Supermarkets are good for that type of shit. Yeah, well if no one's there, man, it's you just feel like you know yeah you do this a lot I just start I just found out there's a BJ's oh you just started yeah oh you're on your Costco membership man it was starting to get to me mentally like I don't know if you've ever been in a Costco dude but it's like it's been

forever it's fucking D-Day out there, dude. It is crazy. You want to kill someone dude going to a Costco me my wife tried to go like three weeks ago And it was a madhouse then we got it. I was like we're not we're not doing this. Yeah, we're not going to this Costco Yeah, it's too busy. Yeah, like what am I getting for this? Yeah, this sucks Yeah, and then I was like this is then we went to Olive Garden really and I was like we're going to Olive Garden then we're going home for like the bread sticks and shit mm-hmm yeah and I've got Olive Garden breadsticks you never had Olive Garden breadstick only heard about it man why why have you shied away I

don't know man I just feel like I think there was a point in my life where I felt like I was too good for Olive Garden you son of a bitch I'm not yeah I should have been there all alone you're a nobody and I was also more of a Chili's guy well you of a Chili's guy Well, you're a Chili's guy. Well, they used to have the two for 20 and that's really where I Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you seem like a two for 20 guy. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good deal I used to know a guy at a Chili's dude who He would like hook me up with beers and shit. Really? Yeah

You would just be like image like drink as much beer as you want. Just give me like 20 bucks Really? Yeah He would just be like yeah, man. Just like drink as much beer as you want. Just give me like 20 bucks Whoa, he didn't even ask really to give me like I just tipped him at the end So he was like just tip me. I was just like fucking so you'd just be getting loaded at a chili's. Oh, yeah, dude Oh, that's a nice chick who like wouldn't have sex with me. Oh, that's sick. Yeah, just eating fucking nachos Oh, yeah, like a fucking double cheeseburger When was this how long ago was this this probably like fucking five years ago? Oh, you had it made you gave it up. I know dude. I just you know, I was the same guy

Mentally, oh didn't have the confidence man. This was back in Providence Yeah, Rhode Island, man. I could have gone to slurp town and at Chili's Park. Yeah, dude What are you doing with your life? You had everything? Yeah, dude That's you know, that's even worse than the nachos and eating a check out getting a two for twenty and beer and then just being like Let's fucking I'd be shitting my pants, dude. I Mean, dude, do you know do you know what's coming out of your ass when you fart? What do you mean? Like when you rip ass do you just let it

rip and like pray for the best or do you actually have a good sense of what's going to come out? Oh so I don't shit myself? Yeah. I have a good sense. Okay. I give I can give it enough test push you know to where you can start to. I mean, how do you push you just like push and go? I do little soft like what do we got here? Oh, you know, you got to like feel it out, you know? Yeah, you give it a little push. Yeah, then you can feel it right at the right at the edge of your butthole. And you're like, that is air.

Yeah, you can tell if it's air or liquid. I do that if you do little baby pushes I used to be a full-on Armageddon push type dude. That's crazy. Yeah, I used to just absolutely rip That's because I just felt like I was being disrespectful if I didn't you know I'm not trying to be a pussy and let out like a little Little queef like I'm trying to blow fucking heat yeah, but you could get caught up in some you just go You're gonna shoot out something harsh dude I was gaining so much weight a few weeks ago that that I was literally at that point

And he just went for a big push dude I went for a big push and I was like yo I legit just shit my pants and then it was one of those things man where I went to go to the bathroom And I didn't shit my pants. It was weird. You didn't do it And I got kind of like PTSD from when I was in kindergarten, dude. One time I thought I shit my pants and I didn't. But I told everyone that I shit my pants. What'd you do that for?

I don't know, man. I don't know if anyone listening has experienced that, dude, but... You just feel it. Like you feel the log and you're like, yo, I literally... I just shit. The log? I don't know what it is. I don't think you could ever log shit your pants. You don't think so? No, because that's like the that's like a like you have to actively do it for more than a couple seconds.

You should know to stop. That's true. I mean, liquidate all the other stuff. than a couple seconds. You should know to stop. That's true. I mean, liquidate all the other stuff is just like, oh, but a lot like. Oh, that's a log like you would know halfway through. Yeah, that is true. Yeah, someone found out afterwards.

I mean, you just take your pants off. There's a full log. Yeah, if someone found out afterwards We're shaking it all out of you Like you You'd actively would be shitting your pants and know that you are yeah, that's why you gotta just get surprised But I guess that's what happens if you do full push push that's why I do these little baby pushes you're like Right, you have to be skilled man at the craft to be able to do that, bro Yeah, I have a very strong anus. It takes a fucking skilled man to do that, dude You know, it's a lot of years and now yeah, I can I can figure it out. I'll catch it too I'll even catch one where you do like this gifted you are man

You know, I thought everybody could do this. I don't know man. Well, I mean like you're not old yet But there's a lot of dudes man. I feel like once you get older like when you fart It's just like all you can do is pray man Yeah, well, I guess It's why do these little tiny ones you can I don't know. I've caught I always catch it I've only in the past few years. I can catch it pretty good when you do reach that point though like how do you think you're gonna handle it Jesus Christ I don't know it's gonna happen I'm trying to be like a funny old guy just shitting his pants yeah but like yell something before I do it no I'm gonna rip ass. Mm-hmm. She'd be like yo pray for him

Something like that, you know, that's good. Yeah, I'd go with a Whoopsie daisy. Oh right before yeah right before and then I just shit There's like a Romanticism to that kind of yeah. Yeah, you think so. I mean at least for me, dude Like an old guy not a young young guys kind of sad but an old guy You know shit in his pants. Yeah something romantic about it. Yeah, there's something you know something beautiful there Just me uncomfortable with it. It's course. Yeah Yeah, and you always know when it's a I'm surprised you thought you shit your pants and turn out you didn't.

Yeah. You didn't feel, I always knew, I would always know because it gets so hot. Well it's amazing what the mind can do man you know. I'm not even just saying that like your mind you definitely play tricks on you. mind you definitely play tricks on you. It's important to check though if you're in that situation. Like check first before you start telling people. Yeah you're always playing tricks on yourself. You got a tricky ass mind. Yeah. Making it makes you think you shat. Sometimes I wonder what the mind's capable of man. Yeah? You know? What do you think it is? What do you think it's capable of? I don't know man. You know like you ever seen that movie with that chick and it's like she gets to access like a hundred percent of her brain power. Oh Fucking blowing shit up with her mind

The movie is this called like limitless. I think or no, that's what the that's a Bradley Cooper Cooper he's taking a pill that makes them all smart with that fucking some hot chick, dude, and uh Yeah, she just like I Can't remember the name of it dude. She controls stuff with her mind. Yeah She's just like blowing shit up with her mind and like fucking I don't know killing people with There's that well, there's that thing that we use 10% of our brains You know, that's what I'm saying, and then they're always like if we use 10% of our brains, you know, that's what I'm saying, dude. And then they're always like, what if we used 100% what could we do? Yeah, what if like the CIA has our brains hacked and they're like, all right, we're

only going to let them access like a certain portion of it. Oh, you think? Yeah. Flips that switch one day though, dude. Imagine what could happen. Okay. You just see a pair of tits, dude, and turn into a fucking eagle. Well, would you what would you do if you

you had like 100 percent of your brain? Oh, man. Like if you if they like flip the switch, like they let you access the rest of it. What do you think you could be able to do? I think it immediately starts spanking. Just to see what it's like to do, you what I'm saying? A full, a full... To fully embrace all that shit dude. Yeah, a full brain spank. Yeah, because I would want to see what type of loads I could shoot with full brain power

dude. Just taking out satellites and shit. It's like glowing with electricity. See the sky open up dude. That's's such that's full brain power stuff. That's that's intelligent goo. Just like a random Latin verses in the background. I mean, that would be sick, dude. That would be sick.

You would do just go go into it. Do that be sick to go into like be sick. You would do just go go into an dude I'd be sick to go into like an Avengers game. Oh Yeah, yeah, just I would get like all the proper angles. Yeah, you know just to like join that squad Yeah, you'd be sick. Yeah, I'd be like, you know, I fucking clean cars out dude fight full brain power Fight full brain power. I would I would you know I do what 100% of brain Yeah, I would tweet at Elon Musk. Oh shit change the world. What'd you say? I feel like hey buddy. That's enough And then I'd be like this guy's using 100% of his brain. Yeah, he just stops what he's doing

of his brain. Yeah, he just stops what he's doing. The smartest man just corrected the second smartest man. He saved the world. Yeah, everyone's like, finally, somebody was smart enough to say it. Yeah, I mean, dude, it is getting kind of scary, bro. What? What? The news? No, I don't watch the news or anything, dude. But me either. I'm out. AI is... Oh, I like AI. Because I've been using Shad GPT and it's fucking wrong all the time. Is it? Yeah, like it's not It just like it's quick. I think that's what it is It's so fast, but it's like pulling just like it's like throwing shit at the wall

like sometimes it's gonna stick but like Yeah, but I mean it's gonna get better like dude You can fuck you over bad man like I was like looking up info for like check ordering and shit I have to order checks to pay rent and it gave me information from like another fucking bank Looking up information from my bank and it's giving me like another banks policies Oh, and I'm like dude this could anally fuck me right now. Yeah, that could have got you it's also like pretty fucking I don't know sometimes I just wish there was like a

Far right version and a far left version of chat GPT. Okay, like a little like a little switch And you could flip it. Yeah, depending on what you're looking into. Okay, so if you wanted a right wing chat GPT I'm like are there a lot of Jews in this area? Oh If you wanted a right wing Chad GPT, I'm like, are there a lot of Jews in this area? Oh, and it knows he's going to be like, watch out. You know what I'm saying? This would be the right wing one. Yeah, that would make sense. Well, the left wing chat chat GPT is Jewish.

It's like giving me a link to like Lockheed Martin. See, I like the AI stuff What are you typing in though? I just like what it's everybody's freaking out about it overall I just think it's good. It's gonna be good You see AI porn AI porn yeah Like VR stuff. Yeah, it's like this like all computer generated Yeah, they're making that now

Yeah, I mean it's all 3d looking yeah You're not on board or you are on board. I'm on board for like AI that humans can use but it's like Dude if you build a fucking robot, that's like Like think about somebody who shops at Walmart, right? The average Walmart shopper. These are some of the dumbest fucking people in the world. Sure. Right?

Now imagine an AI robot that has access to like all of Google's info, like everything online. Think about how fucking smart that thing is gonna be. It just kind of feels like history is going to repeat itself and like the robots are going to take out all the fucking idiots. You know, so if you're really smart, okay, aren't you going to be like, let's take over these fucking retards. So you think that do you think the AI is going to

take over after it sees us shopping. That's what happened with fucking humans Like sapiens fucking met neanderthals and they were like these guys are fucking idiots Yeah, but you know, they were they were the same type of deal Like we both like look the same, you know, we could communicate though. Yeah, we could do things that they couldn't do Not too much, you know, it's the same we could run walk jump I don't know it was our ability to like think though yeah and that's what didn't we like breed with them too that's what they think don't they think they were like mixed with the Neanderthals I think there's like two there's like two theories it's either like we fuck

absolutely blew him out of the water like caused an all-out genocide yeah or there's like I think we mixed with them for like a little bit absorbed him up or something yeah so maybe AI will just absorb us but I think the weak definitely got killed off so like we kind of like I feel like we made it with the Stronger ones you know I mean So only the strong people strong survive can mix with chat GPT Yeah, like whatever robots. They're gonna. You know what I mean. Yeah, they'll take they'll take people that are like they're like smart enough Yeah, yeah, no Walmart shoppers. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking I am a Walmart shopper so nothing against people who shop at Walmart.

I'm just saying so. Yeah, so you're a dumb person. It's pretty fucking scary. You're getting killed. I know, dude. I'm getting sucked in. You think so? Yeah, I think I'm going to become part of the machine. Yeah, just like this. I'm just on it. Oh, you think you just you just let them do whatever they want. Yeah, yeah. I'm like I'm like so into it. Would you do like the whole narrowing thing like? Yeah, I'm sewed into it.

My brains and my eyes are rolled back in my head and I'm just going, oh, oh. And I'm part of the AI thing. Yeah. They give you like an hour a day, though, to play your video. Yeah, I could do a good game. Like this guy play video games for an hour and then clean cars for an hour. Ten thousand like nerdy dudes just all connected. Oh, oh. You're all dead.

All the Walmart shoppers are dead. Then we get to unhook and game for a while. All right, Jay, dog, your shift. Yeah. And that is that's the utopia that I want That's why I'm pro a positive thoughts about like what do you think the future is gonna look like though? I think it's gonna be positive how though how is fucking you know, if you know everything how is it gonna be, you know? What do you mean? I'm just saying do I feel like life? It's all about like working towards shit You know what? I mean? Yeah now I think you're just being a fucking jay-z. No I did

Now life is all about pleasure. I mean if we're all gonna get sewed into the AI machine. Yeah, and just oh Yeah, non-stop. Yeah, and that's that's the future. I know you're fucking with me, dude We're all hooked I think that's good Yeah, dude. What's your like all jokes aside? What's your like typical fucking? Utopia though all jokes aside jokes aside, what is my future utopia gonna look like? You're saying no blowjob machine, but you're saying it's gonna be positive and I'm trying to figure out how it's gonna be. It'll be positive. We'll all just be hooking up, plugging our brains into things.

Reading each other's thoughts. Yeah, we'll be hooking, We'll be plugging ourselves and all this stuff That'll be good this the crotch area Obsolete damn that hole was gonna be these holes down here. It'll be useless brain holes are next, bro I can't wait to be like a fucking voyager one of those dudes who escapes in the woods and just watches from afar a Voyager yeah, like one of those dudes who escapes in the woods and just watches from afar a Voyager yeah, like one of those dudes you fucking like leans off path Oh like a homesteader Yeah, like a lone wolf. Oh, you're a lone wolf right now imagine being a lone wolf in AI days

Everybody's like connected to robots and shit You're just like living in the woods and like a fucking treehouse and you know, that's what you want to be doing Yeah, just kind of like watch from afar See I want to plug me in like what I like the old ways like I live by the old ways Always come to the dark. So I make bread Never grind up this stuff. No join us plug in plug your brain in you like a good evil character Plug your brain in me like a good evil character Plug your brain and it's fine Could you you know how there's like

I've always wondered this like in real life. There's no good and evil No good what there's no good and evil in like real life. Yeah, it's all kind of gray Everything's all shady but in like Disney World. There's like clearly a good guy and a bad guy. Yeah Would would you rather be the good guy or the bad guy? In a real like it in a Disney type so in a Disney type saying I would love to be the evil guy Okay, see there you go. I actually looked into that once because like I noticed like all Cuz like people think like Disney movies are real, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm

So like kids will watch that and they'll be like, oh that good guy is good in real life and the bad guy is bad in real life, right? And I think the reality of the situation most of the time was like the bad guys in films are actually like the good guys in Real life, you know what I'm saying? Yeah Yeah, guys the fucking in the film is the guy in real life who is like fucking Blowing up villages and shit, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like the good guy like the Disney movies like oh no He just wants to protect the girl and stuff Yeah, and it's like well, no, he's kind of a piece of shit and the bad guy just wants to expand

You know little Empire. Yeah, he's honest, you know, yeah Trying to think of a Disney boys. It's probably less stressful to play an evil dude in a movie, too You know, the little empire. Yeah, he's just honest. You know? Yeah. Trying to think of a Disney movie. It's probably less stressful to play an evil dude in a movie, too. Yeah, you can kind of like let everything out. Yeah, I'd rather. Oh, I don't always really play good fucking evil. I want to be an evil dude. I don't need stuff like that.

Yeah, you know, and you kind of like come clean. Yeah, the very end I do some I sacrifice myself. Fucking clean course. Oh, no, This isn't right Unplug your brain holes your wife's like no no Yeah, and I'm like I got a game And I'm gaming with everybody else in the woods yeah like it's like ten years later But before then I'm evil up into that point

I'm all about yeah, just join join the AI. I mean that is kind of realistic though, dude Like in real life you can do terrible shit and then just like apologize. Yeah, you wait to look like dude It's fine. Wait till the last second. Yeah. Yeah, just do all your evil shit In the very last second go. Oh, whoopsie And then she's got to go I grew I grew into a better person than they you still have all your millions. Yeah, brilliant move it all dude Yeah, evil people. That's the way to go. Yeah, you get mad pussy. You do. Yeah, if you're evil, yeah Yeah, it sucks to be good. Yeah

Good way to end the pod, man Appreciate you coming bro. Thanks for having me. Yeah, dude. It was good to good to meet you man With you dude, let's talk about our evil shit. Yeah, we didn't talk about taste that much dude, but it's whatever man Oh, yeah, it's true. Yeah, no, we'll see that for another time dude. You want to see my Instagram Explorer page You want to see this bad boy See how we're doing what's up I'll take a quick look dude let's see how we're doing here oh I got some AI stuff in there it's not too bad yeah yeah yeah there's big as your Yeah, and that's cool. You need help. No, who knows? Yeah, man, we're can I working people reach you dude, we're gonna follow you well, they follow me at Jeffrey Sheen

Jeff Sheen calm. Yeah, all that stuff you specials out dude. Yeah. Yeah, I got a dry bar regular They're fine. They're good. You know They're great. Yeah, they're fucking awesome, dude Yeah, I love them Now do you got some fucking banger specials out dude, you know you hitting the road at all dude. Yeah hitting the road I'm opening for our carry a lot Jeff R. Carey. I know that is but he's a he's a Popping off all over the place good man, and I'm riding with you. You're gonna fucking pop off soon, dude Oh this podcast probably be fucking I pop off on the toilet. Yeah Once you fucking shit with a bone

Yeah, but thank you for coming bro Yeah, thank you guys for listening, man. We're finally, this is the first episode in the new, with everything set up kind of man. You know, let me know how you guys feel about this. I feel it was pretty like a positive vibe, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think it's a good vibe. I hope you're comfortable, dude. Yeah, it's very comfortable.

Got the photos in the back still, man. Got those chairs. The chairs swivel, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, dude. The whole setup is nice. Yeah, as long as you're comfortable man. Oh, so I could fall asleep right here. Yeah, dude. Yeah, thank you guys for listening. You know, as always, please like

and subscribe.