The Johnny Salami Podcast - Jess Levin

Episode Date: October 1, 2023

Jess Levin is a NYC Comedian. On this episode, we talked about masterbating while driving, WW2, food, and much more.

I think I took a shit in my neighbors lawn Yeah Laughter Music Well I love you madly dear And I need you badly dear Why did you leave me here Without your love

Music Music Music Music Music Oh bro I'm hurting. Huh? Huh? Testicles.

Oh, we're good, dude. You're good? We're live? Yeah. You're saying you would rather not jerk off, though? Oh, we're good, dude. We're good. We're alive. Yeah.

You're saying you would rather not jerk off, though? I don't. I wouldn't want to be found dead jerking off. You know what I mean? I don't know how. Well, for me, it would be like my hand on my whatever. For you guys, it gets to be much more obvious that you've been jerking off. Yeah.

For me, I could have had an itch and I had a heart attack. Where are you jerking off typically, though? Are you in the open? In the open? No. The only form of open I ever did was when I was driving, when I had a long ride. I've done it. Dude, you were one of those people? When I've had a long ride?

Yeah, dude. Down to South Carolina when you're bored as shit. On the highway, yeah. Dude, we just had a guy. He was talking about that. And I just took it. Fuck, man. He did it in Connecticut on the highway.

That's a lot. I can see a woman doing that. You know, just like flicking the bean a little bit. It just seems like it's easier than. In the southeast, I would do it, not in the northeast. Oh, so wide open roads. Wide open roads. You get to North Carolina, there's nothing, dude, until you get

like, especially when you get to the, was it the North Carolina, South Carolina border, the next thing it's like that, what the hell is that thing called? South of the Border. You ever experienced that situation? No, I've heard about the food, though. Oh, dude.

You've heard about the food? Were they in the hospital? Did they die? Well, that's like someone's motto, isn't it? Their slogan? South of the Border? Taco Bell or something? Oh, yeah. I think so.

You're right. Is it South of the Border? I don't even know. Something like that. But it's basically that the hotels charge hourly. It just it's it's gross bro yeah but yeah so there's nothing to do so you're just i mean you could be in the middle of a cornfield just flicking your bean and you'd be good uh yeah i guess so but i again i wouldn't want to die and get found yeah i don't want to be found naked that'd suck yeah i mean i think i would want to go out that way dude the more i think about it yeah

because like people would be like yeah you know like he was he was a good guy and like we totally could see that coming you know what i mean with they would do a good guy and they could see you coming dying from i'm saying i'm coming uh it's coming from jerking off and okay that's a lot but you could see you jerking off and dying from that? If they were just like, they just found out from a mutual friend, you know, someone was like, John passed away. And they were like, how? And they were like, oh, asphyxiation, like he was spanking. And they wouldn't bat an eye? No, they'd be like, yeah, I mean, that makes sense. It's about time. All right, well, I gotta say in the three, like in the about about 10 minutes I met you, I guess I'm not surprised that much either.

No, you should have seen me and immediately had that thought. Yeah. Your eyes got a weird placement and you look like you would die that way. For sure, dude. Would you like, would you put a bag over your head and you do the whole thing? I haven't really looked into it yet, but I'm just saying like if I was going to like commit suicide. Yeah. Or would you do, yeah, the tie on the door handle yeah i'd probably just hang myself i wouldn't even probably get to the

jerking off part because i'm not that skilled you know it looks like and that's the best part though dude yeah if you're gonna go out it's like dying of heroin it's almost like you need to like train for that stuff you know because if you're gonna like choke yourself out and jerk off like you have to be like a trained professional, almost like a Navy SEAL. True that. You know, but. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah.

You know what it is? You would have to like you'd have to go for it. Like there's no nonstop. There's no halfway with that situation. Oh, no, it's fucking. And I would think you'd want to be on the ground because if you're trying to jerk off while you're getting it's like trying to pat your head and like do your tummy. Yeah. Like you're mentally. You can't't like, how do you do that when you're choking and you're jerking off? That's a lot going on. You'll never, you'll never want to

fight with gravity, dude. No, no, dude. It's fucking science, bro. It is, you know, you can't do it out with it, dude. What are you like, dude, if you're jerking off though, like down South, like in an open road, are you listening to music? Like, are you listening to sounds? Usually I was like so bored and like my head starts like, it's almost like I'm almost going to fall asleep if I don't do something. Wow. I'm wondering, truck drivers have to beat off all the time. For sure, dude. Yeah, like a Lowe's truck driver or something.

Walmart, whatever. Between, you know, hitting, you know, famous comedians, they must be doing something. They have to. Those people have, that's a whole world that I don't even think. They have to. That's a whole world. That's a good point. Because those companies don't even care about you anyway. No, they smoke meth, dude. They have to get their shit.

The shit you need to choke yourself with that you're getting from Amazon is on a truck by a guy that's beating off to make sure you get your shit the next day. Dude, peak season 2, man. Peak season 2. by a guy that's beating off to make sure you get your shit the next day. Dude, peak season two, man. Peak season two.

I would totally depend on the truck for sure. Like Lowe's, Amazon, you know those guys are spanking. Oh, yes. But like a small company, you know, maybe like a Jordan's Furniture. Like I don't think those guys are spanking. They're taking their time, dude. Yeah, I would think that, you know, or the piece of cake people that are doing delivery.

You know what I mean? I would hope not. Yeah, yeah. That would be a little weird. Because then there's two dudes in the truck. Yeah, oh, yeah. And you're getting on a whole other level. That would be wild, dude. That would be very wild.

Yeah, if there was, like, a Staples, like, circle jerk accident. Yeah, dude. There's a total ring of circle jerks going on. It's all Staples, dude. Oh, my God. That detective would be in for a... I just wanted paper, bro. That's all I wanted.

Dude, that detective would be fucked, man. That would be... He'd be in for a rude awakening, dude. Dude, that would be horrible. Imagine if he, like, just got the job, too. That seems like that would be someone's luck to get that shit a circle jerk ring from staples they're like good luck man like none of us could figure it out so i just i didn't know it was that popular man just spanking and driving but i guess i was wrong you

know you go on long rides have you done that all the time yeah i drive home all the time yeah well how long is that four hours all right i'm talking 13 hours 13 hours we did a 13 hour ride yeah i mean bub would probably be with me, so. Ooh. I mean, I already jerk off in front of him anyway, so it's like whatever, man. Well, definitely. What's he do? Sometimes he looks.

Most of the time he looks away. Has he tried to copy or mimic what you're doing since it's a puppy? No, I mean, he doesn't have nuts anymore, dude. Oh, you took a belly as manhood. Yeah, I had to, man. Was he just, what was he? He was humping everything, dude. Was Why was he He was humping everything dude Was he really

He was humping everything bro I know the problem I know the feeling You know I empathize Was he That's cute as hell though dude Yeah I felt so bad

Did he hump like Every person's leg That'd walk in the door Yeah dude One guy came on And he I think he busted a little bit That means he likes you

But I mean if I was him I'd be doing the same thing Dude for sure I say this all the time If I had a penis I'd probably want to be like Yeah I did totally Cause you just insert There's no like you guys don't like We're caverns we take on your shit

Yeah I would think a lot about like having a pussy And I just like couldn't put my mind to it Well yeah there's more I feel like there's more responsibility In our thing cause it's like you know you guys are just like couldn't put my mind to it. Well, yeah, there's more. I feel like there's more responsibility in our thing. Cause it's like, you're, you know, you guys are just like, you guys are controlled by your dick. Basically I'm calling you all stupid.

And I just think it just like, you are dictated by your dick. It's gotta be more fun though. Right. Having a dick. Yeah. Cause like I would always like, I mean, you, you don't know, but like if you had to guess, if I had to guess, I would think for a certain yeah

for a time frame i think it was probably the best ever yeah oh i mean the best ever i mean yeah it is but not as good as it was like let's say in like the 50s 60s dude like when you watch mad men kind of shit okay you know we're talking about history right now we're talking about history right now. We're not even talking about. Yeah, we're talking about history. We're not even talking about history about my cock. We're talking about the history of cocks. Yeah, your cock, I don't even know, dude. I don't even know.

Dude, imagine if I didn't even have a cock. It was just like nothing. You probably are a Barbie. You're like a male Barbie. You're just a Barbie. Nothing down there, dude. Plastic. Bro, if I stood up right now pulled my pants down and there was

just nothing it was nothing that would fucking that would be the that's where i'd vomit it was just flat skin dude like an elbow fuck out and then like a small child come out of it be like help me and i'm like what the fuck is going on you're an alien i just start casting spells on you do it it makes sense you bought all this shit it's a facade you don't even know who acdc is yeah you'd be like it's about time though you know you you did yeah you know it's gonna happen eventually yeah dude it's gonna happen eventually man you gotta be prepared for that shit yeah well i don't know i'm not really prepared for anything i'm prepared to like that's why i kind of want a heroin kit. Yeah. I mean, you have, like, the funniest reactions to shit.

Like, you know. No, thanks. You remind me of, like, my aunt. You know what I mean? Kind of in a way. I get auntie vibes. I mean, just, like, because I love, like, random shit. Yeah.

And I would love to see your reaction to, like, random shit. Oh, word. Yeah, no, totally. Like, give me one example. Like, what's your favorite? Like, this is all random shit. Like, you have a thing called, you have heart on the like on the wall over there do you even name one song from heart alone oh nice job erie county field house too

this is some obscure shit well dude let's play the what if game bro let's do the way you're walking now so you said you want to get a dog right i do say you get a dog bro you're walking down the road one of the first days with a dog in Queens, New York. Yeah. You see me in the middle of the interstate jerking off alone by heart with a fucking boom box. And I'm just screaming shit in Latin. Oh, wow. This is after we did the podcast, had a great time.

Yeah. Just like a few weeks from now. Oh, this is me knowing you. Oh, yeah. You know me. Your facial reaction in that moment would be like. I don't know. I think I'd be like, what the.

All right. It's exactly like it's like now I know you're like asphyxiation. That would be like, all right, dude, that's just another thing to add to the repertoire. Yeah, but that would be funny to see like your face. Oh, it would be hysterical. Yeah. Trust me. I'd put it on the gram.

Yeah. I honestly. I mean, you seem like kind of a bro though you know what's up because like we made eye contact and you call me dude and i was like this is this is it man like we know we connected instantly it was like so you know not a lot of people come out with dude right out of the gate so i was like damn bro there's like dude a lot and immediately yeah dude i say dude so much yeah you say dude and bro it's fucking crazy bro sometimes too really yeah yeah it's a good way to connect with people i find it just cuts through the shit you know yeah it's like let's fucking do this man yeah like are we dudes or not in the end it's like what else are you gonna call them like their name yeah if you going to call them? Like their name?

Yeah. If you called me John, dude, you know, like soft my dick would get, bro. Really? Dude. Well, we want to make it hard. How about Johnny Salami? I mean, if you call me Johnny, dude, I'd be a little chubbed up. A little chubbed up.

Outside in the dark, too. You're like, hey, Johnny. Hey, Johnny. Hi, bud. Hi, bud. Yeah, dude. Stop. Yeah. Hi, bud. Hi, bud. Dude, stop. Yeah.

But, dude, if you're getting a dog, I mean, that's the best decision you'll ever make. That's what people tell me. I'm waiting until March because I'm going to go away and I'm doing a little trippy trip in February. And then when I come back, I'm planning on getting one finally. You don't know what type, though? Probably a mutt. I don't want to get one breed Because they're inbred I mean you should go full inbred

That's the way to go I don't want to go full inbred Really? I've been around enough inbreds I'm ready for a mutt Wait so like Was a mutt like a rescue you mean? Yeah probably

Fuck man They're so ugly though dude You know ugly fucking dogs are around here man? Depending man I see on my little app Whatever the freaking I think it's the New York Whatever the hell man they're so ugly though dude you know ugly fucking dogs are around here man depending man i see in my little app uh whatever the freaking i think it's the new york whatever the hell they they're really cute i don't know pornhub yeah sure why not i'm on there all the time i um no i don't uh i don't know which one i want i really don't know i want i i think i like big dogs but i think i'm gonna get a small one so i could travel with it yeah like dude if i ever travel i'm not getting a fucking chihuahua

i'm not doing that yeah what about like a wiener dog dude we're dobson little dobson dude i feel like if a wiener dog's fat then it's dude it's the best well i don't want like and not like i want a dog that i'll walk around with and shit and bring to the park and catch balls and stuff like that maybe hump things legs you know what i mean i want it you're gonna let it fucking release like it's fucking yeah let it rip peep things are you gonna yell that before you let it rip like you're gonna be like let it rip let it rip maybe i will that'd be fucking maybe i'll name the dog rip wow ripping rip let it. Rip. Let it rip. Yeah. Ripping it up. Dude. You know?

That would be fucking sick, man. I know. Yeah. I'm really excited. When did you get your dog? A year ago? A year ago. His birthday is, I think, in a few weeks.

I have to check the papers. They don't give a fuck anyway. Yeah. I'll probably just make up a day. It just depends how I'm feeling. Why not? Yeah. Are you going to get a doggy cupcake or something?

Like a pup cup? Yeah. A little pup cup. I don't know. It's tough with Bub, man. He can't really go to the park and stuff yeah he does his breed like he'll die you know what i mean yeah i know summer forget about it i can't even imagine what he was like in the sun yeah you really gotta time it well man 10 15 minutes and then you're inside fucking he's having a heart attack you know it's like but that's good you know because i don't want to i don't want like a fucking horse in my house dude no i hear you i don't that's the thing i want an in-betweeny dog.

I just want a dog that I can get out because I like having it to make me get up, make me get out. Yeah. Like has your life changed drastically since you got a dog? Drastically, dude. Yeah. Like I'm a different person. I don't even know anymore, dude. You don't even know?

It makes you look in the mirror and you just go, I don't even know who you are anymore, dude. Right. But you're responsible. Dude, it is very hard. Yeah. Like it's not not like a child but it's like it's prepping you for it right first it's the shit and piss dude the amount of shit and piss you see is like and yet training too i mean this is your first dog well i mean bub technically is mentally challenged so yeah dude bulldogs are the dumbest breed. It's half your sperm. Oh, like you think I fucked, you think I created him?

Maybe in another dimension, dude. I think a lot of, like, dudes, I have syphilis and all the, you guys must have created it. Because it's only a dude, like, in Greece that isn't around nothing but sheep. Oh, yeah, for sure. That want to fuck. You know what I'm saying? I get it. You have a dick.

I'm saying putting it in. For us, it would be a lot more work for an animal. Yeah, it would just be from, like, another dimension, though, for sure. That'd want to fuck. You know what I'm saying? I get it. You have a dick. I'm saying putting it in. For us, it would be a lot more work for an animal to put it in. Yeah, it would just be from, like, another dimension, though, dude. Like, I would have fucked something. Something. Yeah, okay. What would you have fucked? Probably, like, a fucking different creature, dude.

Like, a bulldog lesbian. Bulldog lesbian. You have a sexual preference. You know, that I met, like, in Applebee's and, like, another dimension. So, wait, are you a chick in this dimension too? Because it's a lesbian. Fuck, do they have genders in the other dimension? I don't know.

I don't know. You're the one who said bulldog lesbian. I'm a fucking merman, dude. You're a merman? That'd be hard. That'd be wacky sex, bro. That would be some G shit, dude. That'd be weird sex, dude.

If I was a merman, dude, had sex with a bulldog lesbian. Bulldog lesbian. Bub pops out, dude. That's some good acid right there, dude. Some good pussy, dude. All right, maybe some good... Maybe. Let me know.

Let us know. Oh, nice. That sounds like a drink you would order at, like, a fucking dive bar. What, the Pussy Mermaid? Just like a... You're like, yeah, can I get a bulldog lesbian? Can I get a bulldog or a bulldog dyke? Oh, dude.

That alcohol content's got to be up there. Spike. Like a stout, yeah. Yeah, that would be, that would be, yeah. Wait, do you drink beer? Every once in a while, yeah. I'm not like a big IPA guy, though. I hate IPAs.

Yeah. I think it tastes like hairspray. Dude, you know what I used to drink a lot in college was a fucking, have you ever had a Natty Ice, bro? Yeah, of course. That was all through my college, too. That stuff was like, I used to drink a lot in college was fucking, have you ever had Natty Ice, bro? Yeah, of course. That was all through my college, too. That stuff was like, I used to do pounders of those. Dude, how was that legal? I don't even know, dude.

We used to drink because they were so cheap. That's what we used to drink in college all the time. And I went to college. I lived, actually, my friends lived up here. Really? Yeah, where you are. But they got thrown out because this is a very quiet neighborhood. And we were college students.

I don't know why the fuck the place rented it. Yeah, you're pissing off Greek people. Oh, completely. I know this is the only part of the neighborhood that's probably still Greek. When I lived in Victoria, it was all Greek. Really? All Greek. You'd hear the music.

You could smell their cologne. It was all Greek. What does their cologne smell like? It's just very strong, pungent. Fucking pubes, dude. I don't know if it smells like pubes, but it smells pungent. I'll tell you that. I guess depending on the pubes.

Yeah. I never thought about how they would smell. I just know they fucking suck. I don't mind the Greeks, man. I like the food. I don't know how to feel about them, dude. Is this your first time? Everyone I meet is a dick, bro.

Well, are they really? Every Greek I meet is either just like... Probably because they're feeling your manhood and they want to like... Change me? Yeah, maybe. Maybe they want to hump you. I don't know. Yeah, because they haven't changed in fucking forever.

No, they're an old, old, old world. Yeah, so anytime someone's like, hey, this is how we do shit around here, they're like, no, no, no, like this. Well, you picked a weird neighborhood, bro. Yeah. Like, this is not... I don't even know where we are. I know.

I was like, wow, I didn't even know where we are i know i was like when i even i was like wow i didn't even know how you could find this i mean it's a cool spot i fuck with it yeah i mean i never know where i am but i just you don't have a car right i have a car yeah oh you do okay thank god honda accord baby oh nice baby shredding it man and dude i got out kia really yeah kia's fuck like a sportage or yeah it's like a little it's i don't know it's a go-kart car i just like that i could park it anywhere you ever like fucking really like rev it like fucking peel out i don't go crazy no i don't i want to have that car for a very long yeah i feel that you gotta respect it i got exactly i need that bitch yeah i would never do that with my

honda either i wouldn't do it either like it just sounds gay dude it would and it's so good look it's dude it's not a good look and where are you gonna do it peel it like just sounds gay dude it would and it's so good look it's dude it's not a good look and where are you gonna do it peel it like yeah maybe like a stop and shop parking lot or something yeah a key food parking lot or some shit you know what i mean at a dollar store parking lot in east elmhurst yeah i mean dude if i saved like yeah if i was at like stop and shop or something and i saved like 50 in groceries i'm like that's you're gonna pull a wheelie before i leave just a neutral dude. Just rev it a little bit, you know?

Can you imagine if you were that guy? Oh, my God. I think about that so much, dude. You're a big dude, too. Are you like on the steering wheel like this? Oh, you could see me in those parking lots hanging out. No, dude. I think about that all the time.

I'm like, how can you live that life, man? Where you're just peeling out. You need to move to Florida. They do about that all the time. I'm like, how can you live that life, man? Where you're just peeling out. You need to move to Florida. They do that shit all the time. And then you put a black light underneath your car. Oh, you get the low ride? I have to go over speed bumps sideways? Yeah, and then you gotta wear, like, those tees.

Actually, you almost got the perfect outfit. You just gotta get a white tee on. And, you know, no undershirt. You're still too Providence-ness. But the shoes and the shorts and everything is fucking... Dude, yeah, I just need, like, a white shirt and a backwards hat and, like, a chain, and I'll be fucking good. Boom. Done. Maybe throw a little grease on my fucking face, dude.

There you go, buddy, you know? Just, like... You smoke some weed, you do some blow on the dashboard, you know? You're doing those two opposites at all time. What do you think they talk about in those parking lots? Dude, I don't know. When I lived in Florida, dude, I would see them all the time in the parking lot. Like circled up, right?

Circled up. Like freaking, what's those shitty TVs? Too Fast, Too Furious. Like those idiots. Like before the race, yeah. Yeah. Just all sitting and thing with the purple crazy ass cars. Yeah.

Sitting in a public parking lot. And I'm like, what are you guys talking about yeah i wonder if they think like a chick's gonna drive by and just like i don't know like it's i have no idea what that kind of like brain how that brain works yeah i mean i have those thoughts sometimes but never really to go do that i have no one not to do that but like you know you i think they think like a chick's gonna see them and you know it's gonna be like flash flood warnings oh do you think that's gonna be like oh it's gotta it's gotta be good well i know in the south especially like atlanta they get that low ride shit and they all like you know what i mean they hang out with their cars

it's a whole culture thing yeah but i just florida's just they're reptiles man it just was a different thing and this is during the opioid uh we don't even know it was an opioid pandemic yeah that was happening but it was happening it's interesting to be part of something because i'm much older than you how old are you oh 27 yeah okay i'm 40 gonna be 43 okay so i was around when the opioid pandemic like started epidemic started happening but you didn't know it was happening yeah and it's weird because like now i think back and i was like yeah man everyone was doing on that especially in florida dude florida was probably just like mental retardation oh dude it was all over the place

but so was your neck of the woods like cape cod providence all that because i met a chick who moved down from boston and she was fucked up all the time dude she was supposed to work for me on st patty's day yeah and she didn't show up for the shift and i got pissed because i was like i worked the morning shift so i could party at night yeah and i went to the hotel to drag her ass out she was from boston she's from boston she just moved to naples florida and i go to get her and i knock on the door and she's like an after school special dude i walk in and i'm like what are you she's like ha ha oh shit not an out yeah i'm like you gotta go to work dude i'm like trying to get her dressed i'm like i don't give a fuck once i threw the body in oh i was like i'm out you're out yeah but it didn't work out didn't work out oh dude she was she was she was not she was she was vibing she was vibing

she's doing a me day she's aged out oh so aged out i mean she was so like the place was disgusting i should have i don't even know what i was thinking because i went to a place that was like gross like you ever seen the movie wild things it was just like it's swampy it it was a heroin den like you know what i mean it was just gross but i was like i was so i'm like i'm gonna go and get wasted tonight and you're not fucking you know my saint paddy's day dude yeah oh saint paddy's day that's what i'm saying it was saint paddy's day it's St. Paddy's Day, too That's what I'm saying, it was St. Paddy's Day It's the worst, man It's the worst I was, you know, in my 20s I'm in my prime, dude I'm in my prime drinking time, dude

She had to fuck with it Because she had to do heroin Selfish bitch Dude, what a bitch, man Not thinking about that Whatever, she's probably dead But, you know, hey Yeah, man, Cape Cod is, uh

Yeah, Cape Cod had a lot of it You had a lot of it I mean, I'm from Baltimore, dude, and they're I don't even know if that's a place anymore, dude I i mean i was born there i don't know anything that's going on there but i shout out my boys when i can you know yeah go crabs you know what i'm saying yeah we the real birds damn it no ew i mean dude you do look like lamar jack a little bit. Oh, dude, I fucking love Lamar Jackson, dude. I wish I was a Ravens fan, dude.

Do you like him? Yeah, dude, who doesn't, man? I don't, I'm not a big. Except everyone in Baltimore. Yeah, I know. I was going to say. I know, seriously. Yeah, I don't even know.

Wait, are you a Patriots guy? Yeah, I'm a Patriots guy. I'm sorry. Because of Tom Brady, man, you know. I'll follow him wherever he goes. That's what a lot of, what are you going to, like, a lot of people did that shit what do you think of this taylor swift jason kelsey thing dude i was gonna ask you that bro you know i'm pretty sure it's already on porn hub you know you think it's gotta be i guarantee it that is actually really interesting like

like a video of them actually no way she would walk out they got the walkout when they were walking out yeah oh you don't know if they were holding hands but they were pretty close are they do you think someone's beating off to that i'm gonna beat off to it later let me know how it goes dude i will poor bud i legit will let you know covered it's just like a four second video i'm just playing it on replay slow motion dude playing last term music on loud on your headphones i really am worried for that guy though like i feel like it's dude i just yeah i have him on my fantasy squad i would drop him right now you know shut up dude i get i this is for all the taylor swift swifty cunts out there do not fuck with my money dude it's a huge payout big payout

not that big but i still i just want to do do, you know, I built my team around him. Yeah, he's an idol. He's an influence. He's an influence. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I don't want her messing with my shit just because she wants to get another top 10 ticket.

I mean, dude, I can't even imagine what Taylor Swift. I don't know what it's like having sex with her. She seems so, like, such a child to me. Yeah, like, what do you think her pussy looks like, dude? I don't even know. Like, bedazzled? I have no clue. I have no interest. Dude, her pussy probably looks like a... She, to me a child to me. Yeah, like what do you think her pussy looks like? I don't even know. Like bedazzled? I have no clue. I have no interest.

Dude, her pussy probably looks like a... She to me is a Barbie. Like I don't even think she has one. Just like a chicken breast. She's very asexual. Oh, like a chicken breast that's never been touched? Yeah. Oh, dude.

A chicken breast. Yeah, there's a Purdue chicken breast down in there. Just never been eaten, dude. It did. You'll get salmonella. A little bit of salmonella down there, dude. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they make a documentary about it.

Ugh, salmonella puss. I never, I never, I can't even envision her even, like. Yeah, I might even back out of that, you know. If I had the option to eat her out, I might just be like, it's too clean down there. Like, I just, you know. Yeah, I don't know, salmonella puss, it's not that clean. I just think it's, I don't even think she's a real person. Well, dude, I heard rich people like that.

Dude, they probably got clean genitals, bro. Well, I would think so. I mean, I don't know, Kim Kardashian, you think her shit's clean? It's probably reconstructed. Probably smells like fucking olive oil, dude. Oh, you think olive oil like it doesn't even smell like anything well olive oil has a scent throws you off a little bit dude i'm trying to go to the fish market dude you know oh you like you like pungent yeah like natural

fucking smells dude oh you do you're a pungent guy yeah one of the first times i ever did comedy dude was by the water in rhode island and i walk into the green room so you get those fond memories of when you're doing stand-up when you're eating? Dude, bro, I would get out of my mom's car, bro, and like legit blackout because like the smell was so, it was by like a loading dock. It was intoxicating. And I remember just walking in the green room and like meeting all these comics.

Didn't say anything. The first thing I said, I go, yo, guys, smells like pussy. And you crushed. And Louis was like, yo yo i need to bring you on the road with me dog dude no one even smirked bro they were like what type of pussy are you eating i'm like dude you guys don't you guys don't get down with the flounder you know i was upset man i was like damn dude i must be doing something wrong that's the bal Baltimore part of you. Yeah. I mean, yeah. You like the crabs. You like them low-tide. Yeah, I mean, my mom, she's a deli manager, so I grew up in the deli, like, playing with

the meats and stuff. I think that might be it, dude, you know? Oh, my God, your mom was a deli manager. Wait, so you're Boris Head? Yeah. Yeah, Boris Head all the way, dude. I don't fucking know Dietz and Watson. The meats, man, at our place were fucking...

Yeah, you guys got the good stuff. We got the good stuff, like, fucking two sandwiches at good stuff like fucking two sandwiches at lunch everyone wanted to go to your house too like especially when there's drinking involved like you know what i mean once they found out i was eating two sandwiches at lunch dude dude there was a line outside man my best friend is that they own a deli and we used to get hammered and he didn't have the key and we would go break in late night and make sandwiches and that was the shit dude damn what type of bread are we talking just dude well they're jewish so it was like jewish rye we do the jewish rye situation sometimes dude there's nothing better than a good sandwich too good sandwich is killer oh i love rye bread i'm all about rye bread

big turkey swiss bitch love a chicken salad. Love a tuna salad. Dude. But I have to do white albacore. I can't do, you know, I need clean tuna. I never really got too into bread until I had like real bread, dude. You ever go to like a fancy restaurant and you have like bread that just tastes like fucking God's tits, dude? Yes. And you're like, what is this? That would be, you think God has tits?

I think if God does have tits, that's what it tastes like. You think God has nice tits or you think man tits? I think if God does have tits, that's what it tastes like. Do you think God has nice tits or do you think man tits? I think he has the perfect tits, dude. So you think it's like God with like a nice... What's the perfect tits? B, C, D? What are you? I think it would be like probably like a perky double D.

Perky double D while going against gravity. Like light nipples, dude. Light nipples. You know, just soft like a fucking Serta mattress, dude. Like a Serta mattress. You know, just soft like a fucking Serta mattress, dude. That's like a Serta mattress. Nice, dude.

Fucking sick, dude. That's really sick. Dude, imagine sucking on God's tits. I can't. I'm not into them, dude. If I have to get through the gate that way, I'm fucked. You're fucking lying, dude. I know you would.

I can't. No. If he offered you, you would decline? I can't suck his tits. Dude, I would fucking. I'm not lying, dude. Because I know you would. I can't. No. If he offered you, you would decline? I can't suck his tits. Dude, I would fucking. I'm not into tits. I'd chew those up, dude. Well, you should. Well, you like chicks.

So, yeah, you can. Even if. Dude, he's a guy. Yeah, but if you got long hair, I'm thinking God, like, in a gut. You know what I mean? You're like. This whole time I was imagining, like, a dude with double Ds. If he asked me, man, I'm going in.

Are you going in mobile and everything? I'd probably ask him to, like, play his favorite song and just go with the beat. Oh, really? With you going with the beat? Okay, right. That's a good call, actually. Yeah, you have to go with the beat, man. If it's silent, it's kind of weird, man, you know?

Yeah, because then, yeah. Okay, so you always have music on when you're in the music. Have you ever had sex to music, dude? Yes the time is it a is it a mandatory thing i'm usually fucking hammered um but most of the time they've been using in the background like loud or kind of like you can just barely hear uh depending the one time i'm thinking about this but we're a blasting radio head okay wow today so you got aggressive in there Oh yeah, we got aggressive You just throwing

Wow My day bed broke Really? Yeah Holy shit That was a hell of a party And then I woke up with a firecracker on one hand And a lighter on the other

And he was gone And that was my graduation party So you're really spicing it up Oh dude, we were going for it dude that's a big responsibility man to make a story here off of dip mods oh really yeah down the road wow i don't want to dox you but it was down down down farther down the road yeah i mean the few times i have had sex dude i've really fucked up the playlist man have you know because i listen to like older music you know you can't have sex to like fucking ccr dude i want to know oh dude i think uh my roommate dave he uh i think he got a blow job to ccr did he really like one of the best things i ever heard in my life that's actually pretty cool oh no it was uh i think it was tom petty that's a good one too there's dude hold on there's worse

out there i would like i gotta say one of my biggest turn offs is when a dude is into, like, pop music. Oh, like Blink-182 and stuff? Well, I hate them, yeah. But, like, more like Lizzo or any Britney Spears or anything like that. Oh, like Taylor Swift and shit? Yeah. Like a dude. But, like, Taylor Swift's modern day.

But, like, even a dude, like, it's like, you know, oh, I like Lizzo. Like Katy Perry and stuff? Yeah. Like having sex to fireworks? Yeah, that, I like Lizzo. Like Katy Perry and stuff? Yeah. Like having sex to fireworks? Yeah, that would be the weirdest thing ever. You'd be drier than the Sahara. Oh, my God. I'd be like, I can't even.

Oh, my God. I feel raped already. Yeah, dude. I'm telling you, though, man. I don't know if this sounds creepy or not, but, like, dude, if a girl bent over and fucking For Those About to Rock by ACDC was playing. Dude, I would come right away, dude. You ever do the game with ACDC, which is it? Thunderstruck.

Yeah. Yeah. We do it every time I go to Florida. I did that on a boat once. I did that on like I had a little fishing boat, like a little bass bass boat and I invited my buddy out and we brought like 18 beers. That's it? For that game you need all 18 bro. Oh dude he threw up.

I almost threw up dude. This is my all my friends when I go to Florida I get fucking tanked. Florida, Boston, Chicago. Actually everywhere. Like a dive bar or like? Everywhere man. yeah chicago actually everywhere but it's like a dive bar or like everywhere man when i'm in florida it's usually my buddy's house because he's got kids now so we got to get hammered locally he's got the setup though he's got a pretty sweet setup he doesn't have a pool or anything but he's got a nice little backyard and it's chill and he's got a tv out there i'm a big fan of the

tv on the outside especially during football season oh projector yeah well just like a tv he has like a tv oh shit that's over yeah do you know what i'm saying that's a big fan of the TV on the outside, especially during football season. Oh, projector? Yeah. Well, just like a TV. He has like a TV. Oh, shit. And an over. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? That's a big deal, man.

That's a big deal. Yeah. But yeah, I'm a big fan of that. It's all about the setup, man. It's all about the setup. Because if you're getting cocked with a bad vibe, it's like, it's nothing worse. It's nothing worse. It's like, what am I doing? I'm like putting my liver in jeopardy for this.

You're on carpet. Like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, no. No, dude. I can't fuck with that. There's nothing better, though, than getting drunk, like, than getting drunk on nice fucking Scott's Turf Grow, dude. Wait, what? Like grass?

Like Scott's Turf Grow? You ever see those commercials, dude? It's so funny. You do everything through Taco Bell, Scott's, Turf Toe. Watching way too many. Miracle Grow. Miracle Grow. Yeah.

No, I like lawns. I like drinking outside. I also like day drinking. I'm a big fan of day drinking. Dude, if you do a barefoot, too, Yeah. No, I like lawns. I like drinking outside. I also like day drinking. I'm a big fan of day drinking. Dude, if you do a barefoot too, man. Yeah, that'd be pretty. When your foot just kind of spreads out over the grass. I don't like barefoot.

I like, like I need to have flip flops on or some shit. Oh, really? Yeah. I need to, I'm not a barefoot person. Is it like makes you feel weird or? Yeah, I just don't like. Yeah. I always need shoes or some shit.

Like I'm big, like i'm like a i like sock and uh it's flip flip thing yeah i mean dude these are like indestructible dude they look like it they're made look like they're made out of titanium what yeah this is made out of like fucking gator skin dude what is it dude wait who made those who are these is that kanye fucking amazon dude amazon you got them off Amazon? Yeah, like 20 bucks. From the meth truck driver that probably fucking almost died to drop that off for you and jerked off. Well, like you said, Bub chews fucking shit, man.

Yeah, so. So he chewed all my sandals. Did he? And I ended up getting these, bro, and he has not broken through these. Shut up. Shut up. So I'm telling you, man, I'll put the link in the description. That is so.

That is awesome, dude. Dude, these are. That is fucking killer. These are so nice i thought about like getting my mom a pair yeah you know because we've got different colors yeah they got like pink ones and stuff so okay yeah because that's all my mom's asking i see a little chew on there did he try yeah he didn't break through though that might just be my fucking that's so funny he couldn't maybe he tasted the cum no that's that's from doing fucking calves at the gym, dude. Oh, dude, you've been ripping?

Just calves, yeah. Just the calves. So I'm breaking through the material, you know? That would be a cartoon character. That's what my mom wants, dude, is like slippers, you know, for Christmas and stuff, you know? Yeah, mom's slippers and pajamas. That's what they fuck with. So I might have to invest.

Hook her up, dude. Yeah, invest in it, what, $9.95? what they fuck with. So I might, I might have to invest, you know, hook her up, dude. Yeah. You invest in it. What? Nine 95. That would be sick. Just not tell her how much it costed.

Be like, mom, these are fucking, I had to fucking import these from fucking Zimbabwe. Yeah. Word by little 14 year old chicks that made them with a little bear, little hands. That'd be perfect for her.

But Natty Ice, dude, that shouldn't even be legal. Dude, we lived off of that. Nobody ever brings that up, man. Dude, that drink should not be legal. I don't even know, is the kids still drinking it now? No. No, these kids are like... Yeah, you remember Four Loko and stuff?

Yeah, I totally remember that stuff. Dude, I honestly think Natty Ice is like on that level right now. Wow, you really, I didn't get that much, but I do remember we used to play beer pong with that shit all the time. Because like I said, you can get a case for like five bucks or something stupid when we bought it. Oh, yeah. And we used to go to the bodega all the time and we used to get the 40s of them. Ugh. Yeah.

I can't, I wouldn't be able to drink it now, though. I will never forget like one of the first nights I had Natty Ice because it's cheap. Yeah. I can't, I wouldn't be able to drink it now, though. I will never forget, like, one of the first nights I had Natty Ice, because it's cheap. Yeah. Natty Lights for pussies, dude, but Natty Ice. Right. Oh, dude. I even liked, I could see the emblem of it. I could see you getting a tattoo on your calf of that.

Oh, dude, I wish. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's such a bold, I could still see it. Yeah. It just, like. It, like, looks like it's almost trying to be Coors Light, but it's like, nah. Dude, have you ever been like so fucked up you think you're in a dream?

No, but I've, I've been so fucked up to the point of like thinking like in the depths of me being like, you're completely fucked up right now. So like this is. only reason I remember this was because it's like the like the only time I've ever gotten drunk and been like, dude, I might be dead right now. Like I might be in a dream, you know, like I wasn't that fucked up. But I remember having Natty Ice taking an Uber with like my buddies laughing the whole time. Right. So I'm already lightheaded and then going into a party and just seeing fucking titty city dude and i remember when i walked in bro i was just like yo like i was like you thought you died and you walked into heaven yeah i was like there's no way this is happening right now you know like some girl from one of my classes was like hey what's up and i was like no

fucking way no way you know And what did you do? Don't even remember, dude. Oh, man. I don't think I said anything. Where'd you go to school? Johnson and Wales, dude. Ooh. Did you learn how to cook?

Don't they have a big, huge chef or cooking program? I did get, I transferred, dude. So I got stuck on the culinary campus, which is completely different from Titty City, bro. Well, you didn't get Titty City in the culinary campus which is completely different from titty city bro like you didn't get titty city in the culinary campus no dude i got fucking fucking what did i get dude i got fucking you got dick dick down derrick yeah it was like dick down in rhode island dude it was like all dudes and then just like culinary department chicks eating bread all day dude uh so fatties which i'm fine with twitter oh you're cool with fatties yeah there was an ra i had who uh she had some fucking steamers dude oh did she and uh well i did i wanted clams too when you say steamers too it's

not because you're fads because of rhode island i think of steamers right away but i like how you said the hooters you don't say hooters you say steamers yeah that's just what i was thinking at the moment steamers oh dude i like steamers yeah me too man steamers makes me think of uh stanley steamer you know you should get people all these companies to like find and sponsor you dude speaking of steamers let me tell you about our new booze Do you like fucking Arby's? Like roast beef? Do I like fucking them? But no But I do

You know what I fuck with though? Arby's? I like the sides Well no I was saying Arby's for like pussy Oh there's Arby's for pussy? Oh roast beef Yeah No

Give them a call? No I'll take the jalapeno poppers though I like their jalapeno poppers. Yeah. I don't think I've ever been to Arby's, bro. Their curly fries are the shit. But I would never fuck with their roast beef.

Negative. Arby's is a place I don't think I would ever walk into. You know? No, ever. I just can't imagine the hands that are going on that meat, bro. You know what I mean? I guess that's more drive-thru. You don't want to see it.

Just those divorced fucking hairy hands. Oh, divorced hairy hands. That's sad. Yeah. That's just sad. There's got to be a lot of occurrences of like hair and stuff. I don't know why. I see a gold ring and a gold chain.

It's like an Italian or a Greek person fucking running it. Oh my God, dude. I'm thinking the same exact thing. I was thinking that. That fucking black hair, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Like very, and like very like.

Yeah. Like the hand is like gruff like thick like it's just a small chody hand small chody that's just been through the ringer dude just yeah it looks like there's like a ring and the ring is like covered like it's never coming off exactly it's like red oh yeah uncomfortable like they need to go to a doctor's stat yeah they need to get their health i can't even yeah working in arby's now i can't imagine working in any fast food place but i do like arby's uh fucking curly fries really yeah dude i haven't had curly fries in a fucking minute man really i fuck what i like curly crunchy or like we're talking like soggy fries i like crunch yeah but i don't mind it when they're

like really curly if there's a little sog situation i never messed with mcdonald's french fries i don't know why everyone i fucking fucking love McDonald's french fries. See, everyone does. I don't get it. It's because there's so much salt. Is that why? I don't like it thin like that. I like a steak fry.

I'm a steak fry. Bro, if you ever get fucked up, go to a McDonald's and watch them put in the fucking salt. Is it? That's unbelievable? It is the craziest thing ever. They do it in front of you. They'll just take a fucking box of salt and just be like... That's like sugar and sweet tea, dude. I can't fuck with that. They do it in front of you. They'll just take a fucking box of salt and just be like.

That's like sugar and sweet tea, dude. I can't fuck with that. They're literally showing you diabetes. It's fucking crazy, man. I can't fuck with that. Yeah, I'm a big like, dude, crunchy fries, man. I like a little crunch. You know what I mean? I like it.

I like crunch and soft in the inside. It's going to be hard to make, though, man. You got to cook them like perfectly well yeah man you gotta do them yourself dude but i don't know i never fucked with you're out here making fries on your own dude oh i make fries i got an air fryer at the crib oh shit i've never fucked with an air fryer dude how does that work dude there's a lot of hot air there's a midget in there there's blow shit on there but i don't know you plug it into just a nice air fryer dude the quality yeah but you get yeah that's actually i think god i'm getting healthier but when i'd binge drink and eat having an air fryer that could be a big uh holy shit man i can't even imagine dude you have

you know especially if you do a trader joe's run and you got mod stick situation in the freezer you're you're near a trader joe's uh i got long Island City has one I didn't even know that man I got a Costco membership And they're not doing too bad It's alright man I get pretty suicidal when I go But I try to go in the morning If you go in rush hour dude You're done dude

You see the worst in the worst I can't even imagine The worst people ever dude What's the other ones that existed? There's been, what's the other ones that existed? There's Costco and what's the other ones? There's BJ's. BJ's, yeah. Yeah.

BJ's is like a big Rhode Island thing. Is it? That's not, BJ's is like rare though, dude. Yeah, I guess so. BJ's membership, you're fucking, you have a stay-at-home mom who's stocking up. You got fucking four fridges. That's shit, dude. Yeah, nobody's going to BJ's and fucking around, dude.

Wait, isn't Costco the same thing? Yeah, but around here it's like. Oh, really? four fridges no shit yeah nobody's going to bj's and fucking around dude wait what's business costco the same thing yeah but around here it's like oh costco around here is like fucking stop and shop anywhere else oh is it okay okay if you go to a fucking supermarket down the road it's like fucking you know old food everything's expired yeah notice that no yeah it's got the grocery stores in new york city Dude, they're so gross. When I go to visit my mom, I usually go grocery shopping or I go to Trader Joe's. Yeah, because at least Trader Joe's, I think there's a little more quality control. Plus, it's a newer place.

It's a vibe, too, man. It is the vibe. The fucking hot like everyone seems happy. I don't know if they're smoking crack. I don't know what makes everyone's a fucking stoner vegan, dude. Like stoner vegan. It's like the worst. If you don't know, though, it's not going to hurt you. Yeah, Stoner vegan. It's like the worst. If you don't know, though, it's not going to hurt you.

Yeah, I guess so. It's only when you start talking to them that you're like, all right. Oh, fuck. Yeah. And you're like, I wish I didn't. Like, I didn't ask for this. Trader Joe's, fucks, dude. No, but yeah, Trader Joe's is the shit. Their pre-made shit's overrated, too.

Oh, my God. I used to go there every day in college at lunch. Oh, did you really? Yeah. I would just get fucking iced tea, bro. Like, the big jugs of iced tea. Okay. And then just like a wrap, dude. Okay. I was feeling dangerous, man.

You have no idea. Oh, man. Really? They'd be like $3 wraps, too, dude. Ugh. Yeah, no, I fuck with the Trader Joe's, dude. I usually don't get their pre-made shit. I'm usually, their frozen food section is unbelievably... Really? Yeah. Oh, my God, man. And that's where you can get into air section is unbelievably. Yeah.

And that's where you can get into air fryer trouble. Yeah. If you know how to cook, man, most dudes don't know how to cook. So it's kind of like we're like limited to like our options. Right. Right. But I have seen some frozen food stuff where I'm like, dude, if I could make what's on that cover right now, dude. You could.

If I put my mind to it. Yeah. And you just follow the directions on the back of the thing, dude. You can do anything you want, buddy. Get nice calves. Yeah. You know, whatever you want. Yeah, I've never fucked around with cooking too much, dude.

You don't like it? I go on a Costco, bro, and I buy like— What do you buy when you go to Costco? Legit 40 pounds of chicken nuggets, dude. Do you really? Purdue chicken nuggets. All right, that's what you do with the chicken nuggets. I'll either have like chicken nuggets and rice or just chicken nuggets, dude.

At least you're not completely five years old. Dude, I am running on chicken nuggets. How about Mac? That's all you run on. All right, what do you dip it with? What's the sauce situation? Just ketchup, man. I hate ketchup, dude.

What the fuck, dude? I hate ketchup. What are you fucking with then? I'm fucking with honey mustard, son. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, with french fries, I don't even dip it in ketchup.

Honey mustard's kind of like Not sour but like sweet It's got the sweet and the mustard I love mustard bro I've never fucked with mustard dude I never put ketchup on my hot dog I hate ketchup The only thing I fuck with ketchup Is when the horseradish is in it

For cocktail sauce for shrimps I'll do it then There's something about the We're all fucked anyway, dude. Oh, yeah, it doesn't matter. Have you been seeing these fucking food documentaries? Oh, I... Dude.

I don't want to, because I'm just like... Yeah, yeah. It's, I mean, it's not going to change your life. No, not at all. I mean, if you go to Europe, they're much more... That's why they're not as fat over there. Yeah. But we're fucked here.

Yeah, we have, like, no food regulations, dude. None, basically. We pretend to. Especially with, like, chicken and stuff, man. Like, guys are just dropping their nuts. yeah but we're fucked here yeah we have like no food regulations dude so it's just like pretend to especially with like chicken and stuff man like guys are just dropping their nuts i can't even like imagine you and i working in like a chicken factory dude we're just like so sick of being my dad worked at a chicken um slaughterhouse in the bronx oh my god it was like the freaking upton sinclair the jungle. It was like what he told me was disgusting. This is we're talking in like the 50s, 60s, dude.

Oh, man. Yeah. Nah. Nah. Yeah. Nah. Because what they were saying is like they have no one to regulate the fucking slaughterhouses. Right.

Like by the time the chicken gets transported, there's like no one to regulate that shit. It shit it's like why would you want that job anyway i don't want to fucking look at chickens dude no not at all you know what i mean like a coop like that no way dude there's like shit everywhere dude it's like yeah no testing every single chicken oh my god talk about pussy dude oh yeah talk about that would that make you just freaking that that's bananas in this summer oh my god yeah dude if you're like eating chicks out too on the uh as a side gig as a sidekick at the chicken slaughterhouse no i mean like dude if you're surrounded by that all day just smelling that that's like pussy times 15 and then like maybe you meet a chick you go down that and then you automatically go back to that like i'm just

saying you can't even tell if a chick's like, you know, what she's packing. Like, if she's packing heat, that's nothing for you, dude. Dude, if she's packing heat like that, you'd smell it from a mile away, bro. There's no way. I know, dude. But you just like, as a human being, you can't even like experience what it's like to like confront that heat. You know what I'm saying?

There's nothing like looking into a fucking pussy, dude. I wouldn't think you'd pass out. You think so? Yeah. I don't know, man. There's something nothing like looking into a fucking pussy, dude. I wouldn't think you'd pass out. You think so? Yeah. I don't know, man. There's something about... Do you get a lot... You talk a lot about puss, dude.

You don't get any that much, dude. No. That's why I'm talking about it. That's why you're talking about it all the time. Do you go on the dating apps or any of that bullshit? No, dude. No, no, right. No, man.

I'm old school, bro. Yeah? Do you meet... Like, do you go out... Do you meet chicks a lot at the bar or whatever? You don't seem like... I have a date this Saturday, dude. Do you?

Really? Dude, first time in, like, fucking seven months, bro. You know, like fucking seven months bro congrats so shout out my boys who are listening dude i know they've been rooting me on man yeah you know wait so how did you meet uh she's followed the podcast account you know no so that's that's all it is man you know at this point in my in my life it's just chicks who follow the podcast that's's great. Yeah, dude. I think she just saw a clip and she's like, wow, this guy is retarded. Like, I really want to look into him. I want to do a good thing and help him out.

Yeah, I'm bringing my A game to that date, dude. Are you? I hope you know that. Okay, well, I hope she knows that, too. All right, what's the A game? What does that entail? Just me being me, dude. Oh, man, that's not the A game, dude.

I'm going to listen to fucking. Yeah, my A game is me being myself completely. You're going to read this in the mirror 10 times. Some people wait on the way there, dude. I'm going to watch the last dance. Others make it happen. You should drop that in the middle of your date.

Yeah, dude. I'll fucking watch the last dance on the way there. You're like, yeah, game five, bitch. Here we go.

Yeah. You know, it's fucked up, dude. It's like, if I go there, fucking guns blazing, just talking like I'm talking right now and she doesn't fuck with it, I'm going to feel like the man, dude.

Are you really? Yeah. Because it's like, dude, you were yourself, man. Like you fucking crushed it, bro. Oh, you know what? That's a good, that's a really good way to look at it. If you're going to go out, go out being you. Dude, that is the best way.

Dude, that's the best way to die alone, bro. Is to go out being you? Yeah, because then, dude, I got all that motivation afterwards, too. Be like, fuck that chick, you know what I'm saying? Oh, word, word. And then I can just put that shit towards something else. You know what I mean? Yeah, but maybe, do you think you could learn from the date?

Like, you could learn maybe I shouldn't, you know, put a bag over my head and your dick out? I mean, I'm not going to be talking about, like, roast beef and shit. No, okay, good. What are you going to talk about? I'm probably just going to ask her a bunch of questions about herself. Oh, that's the go-to move, I think, I'm not going to be talking about like roast beef and shit. No. Okay, good. What are you going to talk about? I'm probably going to ask her a bunch of questions about herself. That's the go-to move. It better be interesting. So she better bring her A game too.

Because you're bringing your A game. If she's fucking giving me shitty answers, that's when I'm going to start going into some deep shit. Okay. Right on. I'm going to be like, all right, watch this. So when were you molested? Who fucking hurt you i like to get into it right away yeah you ever contemplate the meaning of life do you think your dad really ever loved you

oh my god are you taking her to dinner i think think we're just grabbing a drink. That's smart. Yeah, some dive bar. You got to take it slow, man. You know, I'm not going anywhere fancy, dude. I'm just grabbing a drink, dude. See, I like this. You're thinking about it.

I'd appreciate a dude that's thinking about it like this. I'm just learning from my mistakes, man, you know? Okay, right, right, right. Yeah, you don't want to go fancy. Dude, drop like fucking $200 on a chick that just wants a drink, dude. Exactly. And then also you want to feel it out. It's like, I think if you bring it to her dive bar, it's like, is she cool?

Yeah. You know? I mean, I was looking at her Instagram, dude, and she's like wicked fucking cute, dude. Oh, that's great. Always traveling. She has like that look to her that's kind of like a mom look. You know what I mean? Like she would be a good mom.

You know what I'm saying? So she's not like a fucking barber. You want to have kids and stuff? Um, I mean, not right now, but I definitely want like a, because not to be weird. You want a junior? I want a mom type wife. You know what I mean? No, I got you.

I don't know if you know. It's not being weird. You know? Yeah, I got you. Everyone has tastes. It's okay to want like a fucking. There's just like people who want to be moms and then there's chicks who just want like to give blumpkins.

You know what I mean? And it's like. Give blumpkins? It's like, I don't want that dude right now. Who wants blumpkins? You know what a blumpkin is no bro dude a blumpkin's uh when you're taking a shit and a girl blows you oh my god really yeah you should start using that man a blumpkin yeah it sounds like it sounds like duncan i was thinking it was like a duncan donut i'm surprised you don't know what a blumpkin is, dude. No, I've never given one.

I mean, just, you should know, though. I should know about a Blumpkin? Dude, you should add that to your vocabulary. Maybe even write a joke about it, dude. I might do it, dude. Dude, you would fucking turn some heads. Yeah, I would. I don't know.

I mean, the only ones I knew was the, you know, the Rusty Trombone. I've heard of that one. Okay. What is the cowboy one? When you're, like, going from behind and then someone comes out of the closet i don't even know what you're talking about okay i don't know that's just called jessica two o'clock yeah and a tuesday i think it's called rape no is that oh i thought i liked it um but you think you could ever you think you could ever do that like a blumpkin a blumpkin no i don't

think i could yeah dude that's uh i can't no this no no no not at all that's too no yeah you seem like you're getting into it i mean you just said you listen to like fucking rage against the machine when you're having sex so it's like well not rage i mean like this is the thing i half the time i'm wasted and this is like during the era of cds because i don't fuck much at all yeah like the last time i got laid was this dude and i didn't enjoy it that much but i was just like all right let me try it out because i was trying to do a whore thing and i it's not me i couldn't do it really yeah wow dude you just felt guilty or well not guilty i just like i can't get off when i don't know you oh yeah so you have to create a

connection first yeah so now you're trying to like ease into it no i don't like them that at all well i mean like moving forward like you're gonna move forward i think i'm gonna have to do this stupid app shit and try to find someone that way i mean the apps are scary man but you might be able to you know i don't know i was hoping i'd meet like a dude that's a friend and then we naturally progress yeah like i'm surprised you haven't met anyone after like a show or something dude no us chicks we don't get we don't get dudes especially with me being up there i mean i sound like yeah you sound like me like a girl you know no i've got more energy but yeah but yeah you know i don't know what you mean dude i say that shit all the time dude dude yeah yeah i've never talked to a chick like

really after a show but i mean dude if that did happen like you'd be you know yeah i'd be sick some some dude was like yo i fuck with your shit yes it would be like that'd be really cool if a dude was like yo i fuck with your shit dude can i get you to drink some time and that's all it would take yeah but i don't even i don't you Also, I think a lot of times it's like dudes are coming with their girlfriends. Yeah. You know, or they're going out with their boys. Yeah. You know, I don't know.

I never, but I never put out, I never get the vibe of. And you're like hanging out afterwards too? Yeah, sometimes. Putting yourself out there, dude? I'm not putting myself, I don't know if I am. I have to work on a lot of like, I don't know, to get to that level with you guys. Because being friends with you, I'm always in the friend zone. Yeah.

I'm always friend zone. Just because I put out that vibe. Yeah. So I don't know how to like put out the whole like, you know what I mean? I don't know how that works. Maybe like some tit crack action, dude. Oh, do you think that would do it a little bit? I mean, that can take you a pretty good ways.

Okay. You know? Like just have them out a little bit. Like just the crack, dude. You know what I mean? Just a little crack. Like a little butt thing? Yeah, because then they'll know, dude.

Okay. That you're looking. Oh, is that the sign? Yeah, it's almost like an open for business sign. Oh, I got to turn the sign over. Yeah. I got to show a little of the crack. Yeah, if you're wearing like a turtleneck, dude, guys are just going to be like, what the fuck?

I'm not showing a turtleneck, but I just got to like, you know. Yeah. All right, I'll do a little bit of that, man. Let's try it, dude. I'll try it out, dude. That would be sick, man. I got to do less dudes. You know what I mean?

You know, like I got to like, because what happens is I automatically, when I'm around other dudes, I get very doody. Yeah. Because it's just the way I, it's just the comfort level. You think you act, you think you act different around guys than you would like a girl if you were talking to a chick? Wait, if I was trying to get with a chick? Like your girlfriends. Like, I don't really have many.

Yeah. So you're just strictly hanging out with dudes. I'm just strictly with dudes. So they're there. Well, that's all the time. Yeah. You know. But I've lately started hanging out with more chicks and I'm getting more like, but we even,

the chicks I hang out with are like bro bro They're like one of the boys Yeah Like I've had a few chicks on the podcast And I do feel a little different Do you? Do you feel different now? No

I put out bro energy bro I mean you call me dude right off the bat I just open up the gates man You know what I'm saying? I know. But other girls come over and they're like, Levin, don't do any high fives. We're constantly reminding me. Levin, don't do high fives. Well, no. These chicks are like,

they're still bro-y, but it's like it's just something, man, about... Well, they're hot. No, it's not even that, dude. Not even that? I'm not scared of hot chicks at all. No? There's so many hot chicks. I don't care if you're hot. Okay.

It's almost like there's just something about two dudes, man. Okay. So I put out dudes, but the chicks that have been on... No, you don't put out the full dude. I don't put out a full dude. But you're still one of the boys. I'm still one of the boys, right? You know what I mean?

But you're not on a dude level. Like if I was sitting down with a dude right now, I would feel different for sure. Okay. What would be... How would you feel different? Maybe just the fact that he has like a penis. Okay. Oh, do you mean the actual biology?

You know that it's there. I haven't figured it out yet, dude. You know? Yeah. I never really thought about it, man. You know what I think about a lot, dude? It's like, so I have a sister, she's a year older. Okay.

And when we were growing up, dude, you know, like we would both have sleepovers. Right. And when you see girls have a sleepover dude yeah it's unlike anything else man you know because you see them unfiltered and you're like dude right and then you see it you dudes at a sleepover and you see them unfiltered you're like bro this is two different fucking animals yes you know what i'm saying yes so i think i think it's a biology thing for sure yeah you're right we're just different you know i was talking to a buddy of mine who was talking like when he had like as an

adult now, when her friend, his girlfriend's friends spends the night the next day, she's there for like the whole day again. Wow. And with dudes, you guys, if you crash the night,

you guys are like, all right, I'm out. Yeah. You know, you're not like really, we're dipping. Yeah. You're not like, Oh, let's get some hot cocoa and watch a movie. You know what I mean? You guys are all right, I'm out. Yeah. You know, you're not like really. We're dipping, yeah.

You're not like, oh, let's get some hot cocoa and watch a movie. You know what I mean? You guys are all like, all right, we had our fun. Yeah. It's almost like after you're done having sex with a girl, you're like, all right, I'm going to play Xbox. Yeah, exactly. It's like time to detach. Yeah. You know?

And that's interesting because I think that has something to do with biology of something. Like, you know, we're social, you know? Yeah, I think girls are just more like social creatures. I do think girls use, like, gossip. You know, I feel like girls, gossip is almost like sports for them. You know what I mean? On some level. If you looked at it, there's a book out there called Humans,

and they talk about gossip as, like, the first way of social interaction with humans. Because people talk and shit but a lot of comics talk a lot of gossip shit i know a lot of dude comics that like do gossip yeah it's annoying nothing makes my dicks softer than that dude yeah i i'm i'm getting over the age where i'm over it i don't care i'm over it i don't want to deal with it i have to focus on what the fuck i have to do i don't give a shit it also could be an age i mean it's funny when you find out someone got their ass kicked that you, like, can't stand. You're like, oh, that's funny.

Oh, yeah. So when you don't like it, you're like, oh, that's kind of funny. Yeah, you're like, yeah, sweet. I'm glad to hear that one. It's tough not to get into, like, any gossip, but to be, like, promoting it. It's like, dude, what the fuck, man? Yeah, the promoting thing. Or if, like, there's a couple situation, they're coupling up.

It's like, that stuff, I don't give a shit. But if someone gets there, when there's violence involved, I'm like, oh, okay, cool. Yeah. It's also weird when, like, girls are I'm like, oh, OK, cool. Yeah. It's also weird when like girls are kind of like or dudes. If I like sit down with a girl and she's like trying to be a bro, because you can tell she's trying to like be something she's not, you know. Or if I'm trying to be something I'm not, I'm trying to be like more girly. It's just like, what the fuck, man? What are we doing? I know. Just don't fucking do it.

That's that's my thing. Like, that's why it's like I can't force myself to be girly, but I am trying to open up myself more. Because I do, I guess the bro-y thing is just me either having a way to connect with a dude and or keep them distant. Yeah. You know, that's what a lot of chicks think I think they do when they start to be bro-y. It's like, hey, I just like you as a friend. Oh, yeah. They're trying to like you. Which I can't stand. It's like, just be straight up. It's like hey i just like you as a friend oh yeah they're trying to which i can't stand it's like just be straight up it's like hey i can tell that you kind of have feelings for me i just want to let you know i enjoy our friendship yeah i don't like when people have to change their behavior to give a sign to someone yeah

it's like a fucking blues clues episode exactly it's like dude just straight we're adults here just tell me straight up what it is you know yeah man it's exhausting bro it's exhausting you know it's like dude should i put time into that or just fucking spank yeah get a bag over my head and jerk all opportunity cost dude it's like why would i do that when i can just go home and i like how you put that opportunity cost yeah i like that that's sort of like that's a life man that that is it it's like what am i putting into this what am i getting out of that you know what i mean it like, do I buy the extra drink? Do I do this? Yeah.

What are we going to get? Yeah. Sometimes, though, dude, you're like, listen, I think it's worth it to put in the effort to get that blowjob. You know what I mean? Well, that's good of you. Yeah. Sometimes. Not always, but like, it's like, you know, I get why some dudes are like that.

They're like, listen, dude, if I do this grocery shopping, my wife is going to slobber on my piece. And it's like, dude, I get it, man. Yeah. And, you know, us women don't mind having that over your head. Yeah. And you guys are like, listen, you got to fucking do something. You got to do something, dude. And if you're going to do that, yeah, like a dog, I will, you know, give you a little treat.

You know, that's how you train. No, no, dude. Even if you just say it, You know, that's how you train. No, no, dude. Even if you just say it, be like, listen, if you want to fucking do business. Wait, do you lay it on the line? You're like, hey, baby, if you do this. No, I just feel like some dudes don't know that. Or do you think it's like a nice surprise? Don't you rather think you'd be a surprise?

Oh, dude, if I did something like really put in a lot of effort for a chick. Right. And she wasn't down to like be intimate. I'm not going to lie. I would be emotional dude i'd be like what the fuck maybe like a single tear roll down my eye i don't know single roll wow okay yeah no i'm just kidding but i would be like what the fuck man like why am i i'm not your fucking bitch dude oh word that's where it goes to okay some simp dude you know yes okay

well you don't put out some vibes no i don't fucking take shit dude you know i was saying this i have a new bit i'm working on i can't be with a dude that like i i could beat up oh yeah you know what i mean i can't yeah that'd be weird i don't think a lot of chicks could either i think chicks are full of shit like i think oh like if there's like if i was being held up and i was with a dude and if he ran if once i i would never fuck that dude ever again yeah dude no yeah there's this huge like fucking woke movement now where chicks are like yeah i want a dude with feelings and like yeah but not really it's like no you want a gladiator dude yeah i do i want a gladiator i do i mean you can have feelings when you're like

the right time of being vulnerable. Like it's between, you know what I mean? And then I'm like, oh my God. Then it's timing, you know? Yeah. And I don't want some chick who fucking is fucking maxing out bench press. Yeah, exactly. Wearing Timberlands.

Exactly. You know? I'm a little, I'm a little bit of an old school soul. Like I just, I like a dude. Dude, I don't think it's old school. I think it's just biology, bro. You think it is? I don't know, bro. Cause I think there's a lot. I don't know. I mean, I think it's biology bro you think it is i don't know because i think there's a lot i don't know i mean i think a lot of chicks that think that

they want those things and then they get it and they're like because i mean i see some dudes that are like that and their chicks just manhandle them and i'm like that is disgusting like i can't get horny for that yeah i mean i don't know man i just like i have a lot of dude friends who are kind of like simps now and i'm like listen, listen, man, I can't do that. Like, I should hold a class like Andrew Tate. Yeah. How to be a man, dude. Yeah.

I don't know if it would be called that. I mean, it's OK for dudes to have feelings. I just think it's weird to be like on your first date to like showcase them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's something that's on an intimate level. Oh, yeah. You don't want to get too.

Yeah. Like a lot of dudes now are like I'm in therapy level. Oh, yeah. You don't want to get too. Yeah. Like a lot of dudes now are like, I'm in therapy. They lead in with that to think it's to get chicks. And it's like. Yeah. I did that a lot when I was in college. I would like go on dates with girls. I wouldn't bring up the therapy thing, but I would just describe how lonely I felt doing

comedy at that time. We would just be like in the car and I would just be like, yeah, like I just feel like I can't relate to anyone I don't know how to do it That would probably fall hook, line, sinker With college chicks No, they ran away They were like this guy's a fucking pussy

Because you're in Providence I mean I was Living near like URI and stuff So I was, dude, prime fishing area That is a prime fishing area The options were out there dude A lot was dude prime fishing area you know like that is a prime fish that's a lot a lot of the options are out there dude yeah a lot of creative prime fishing area very creative a lot of creative people yeah it was just me like being a pussy but i was being a pussy because i was like

go i'm like i'm telling fart jokes and these dudes are running like frat parties you know like i feel out of place and they'd be like i don't know what to fucking tell you that sounds like a you problem yeah but yeah you think you want to have like kids and shit no i mean i i i'm too old i'm not gonna have a kid at 50 get the fuck out of here like a mentally challenged kid or something no i am good yeah i'm good dude so you're set man you just gotta find a partner dude i just want a dude and a dog a dude and a dog that's what i want you have a sick life dude especially a comedy i just want a dude and a dog that's what i want you're gonna have a sick life dude especially a comedy i just want a dude and a dog so we can travel we can do stuff i just wanted and also think about

this too i want a dude that has his own life yeah who has like his own passion and shit yeah his own passion his own friends like babe i'm gonna go hunting with the boys babe have a great time yeah i mean honestly dude even if you did get married like you'd get divorced anyway so it's like you're not missing out on much i don't want to get divorced well i'm, even if you did get married, like you'd get divorced anyway. So it's like, you're not missing out on much. No, I don't want to get divorced. Well, I'm saying like if you did early on, like I feel like you'd already be divorced. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Your husband wouldn't have hung around. Like he would have been like, I'm fucking out. And also I was just a nut job anyway. I'm only now coming into myself and actually, cause the meds help. Yeah. And I'm also like just now like figuring shit out. So like, you know, I'm very naive when it comes to relationships. I had no clue what the hell that shit is.

I never really been in one really hardcore. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I mean, you just, I feel like you just kind of miss like the whole like divorce thing. That's really. Yeah. I kind of did.

You miss like the worst years. I kind of did. I kind of skipped through them, dude. Yeah. Thank you very much for putting it that way. I never thought of it that way, but I think I did. Now I just want to have fun. Dude, you're fucking sad, thanks buddy i appreciate that yeah because a

lot of people would not look at that in that situation i mean i'm just looking at it like realistically man you know sage bastard yeah you're the buddha you're listening to like some retard some retard in a polo I'm gonna watch like fucking a documentary after this I'm gonna watch a World War 2 documentary after this dude I love it dude the Pacific one

is it Ken Burns? no it's like the Tom Hanks one on Netflix now it's called the Pacific dude it's fucking hilarious dude bro one of the first episodes It's called The Pacific. Dude, it's fucking hilarious, dude. Bro, one of the first episodes, I never even thought about this. Yeah. Dude, one of the first action scenes, some dude goes to take a shit.

Okay. Gets fucking popped off on. See, that's a shit way to go. Didn't say the password, you know? You've got to say the safe word if you if you can go take a shit, dude. So they thought it was one of the Japs. So it was friendly fire? Dude, they thought it was one of the Japs and just started popping off. One of the Japs listening to you talking like you're still in it, dude.

It was one of the Japs. What do they call them? Yellow monkeys? Oh, sure. He went for it, kids. Wait, so he got his head blown off blown did they show him getting a head blown off while he's thinking of shit no it showed like the dead body afterwards it's one of those like tom you know like tom hanks has like i think it's tom hanks and steven spielberg yeah they've got

they got so many saving swami oh they got so many world war ii things out now but it's all right dude it's all right man there's like a lot of action you know so far i've only watched like two or three but i didn't even think about that man i can't imagine getting drafted and then just i'm just like yeah i'm gonna go take a shit and then you get nailed that'd be the i think that's the shittiest way to go yeah die your own fight by your own squad yeah dude taking an m60 to the chest while you're taking a shit? No. Oh, my God. That's ridiculous. What do you even do when you get the letter? It's like, are you kidding me?

Like, I mean, your mom gets that letter. You're like, that's how you went out? You can't even get, like, killed by, like... You can't even go out like a real man. You can't go out like a man? You're going to go out taking a shit by your own dude? That's horrible, man. You go all the way there there hope you got some good ramen

it's gotta be the worst that's the i wonder if they disclose that type of stuff too what's i'm saying like how far do they go it'd be like how did it happen because i feel like usually they write like heartfelt letters and they're like you know david they have to lie there's no way i'd want to like to just lie to the mom dude dude. Don't be like he died valiantly in a field of a trench trying to relieve himself. Yeah, David was releasing a beautiful heater. Heater. He ate some blowfish that disagreed with his body. No, I wouldn't want to go out like that.

But I do like documentaries. I'm a big doc person too Yeah I've been getting into them dude You just gotta find the right ones You do I like sports ones I like war ones I like the Ken Burns ones

The sports ones Like you put on one episode And you're just like Alright I'm watching this For the rest of my life Exactly Like the Swamp Kings one And shit like that

Wait which one? The Swamp Kings Wait is that the one about Miami? The Florida Gators Oh it's about the Oh wait I didn't see this one That one I heard sucked They didn't even get into like all the good stuff yeah it ended like dude it ended and i didn't even know it ended i didn't get into the aaron hernandez thing i heard they

didn't talk about a lot of good players and it was like what are we doing anyways you know yeah they didn't talk about any of that shit i want to talk it was good i want to watch the doc about the fake college that like uh 45-year-old dudes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a high school, though, wasn't it? Was it a high school? I think it was a high school, yeah. They were just insane, and then they were on ESPN.

Isn't that already out? Is that out? 35-year-old guy. I think it came out. I think. Yeah, dude, that would be hilarious. That is hilarious. Yeah.

It was 35-year-old man tackling 16-year-old dudes. Yeah, that would be a good one. Even the Aaron Hernandez one that came out. That was insane. Yeah, that was a good one, dude. That was a good one, dude. Yeah, that would be a good one. Even the Aaron Hernandez one that came out. That was insane. Yeah, that was a good one, dude. That was a good one, dude. That was absolutely insane. My jaw was open the whole entire time.

Oh, yeah, dude. Just hard as a rock. Dude, you were hard as a rock on that one, too. Man, it doesn't take much for you, buddy. No, dude, it's all I need is a good dog, man. Dog looking at you. Yeah, that's all you need, man. Taylor Swift in the background.

Yeah, we didn't even get into it, but I really hope Travis pulls through, man. I really do. I do, too. Because I feel like it's going to go downhill from here. It's like a huge weight on your shoulder, man, that you really just got to like. I mean, why do you want to do this right now

in the beginning of the season, dude? Yeah, I mean, at least he's got time before the playoffs. Right. Now you're getting involved. Now it's going to be, what, Christmas? Thanksgiving? You're doing all this stuff with her now? Yeah, dude.

I wonder. Dude, it's all going to depend. Like, once he goes down on her. You know what? Maybe. Oh, you think. It all comes down to you getting down with the pussy, huh? Dude, that's all it is, man.

It's like once you go down there and you see what's. Like, once they get intimate, it's kind of like, all right, are we doing this or not? Is that the only way you're getting intimate is going down there first things first dude i do hope um i just don't want anything to happen like you know after the season do whatever dude just make sure your phone yeah off season go ahead yeah and i'll make sure not to you know but i just uh you know maybe it'll be fine right now because she's you know did the tour she got it out they're like all like you know what i mean she shifted the economy she shifted the economy she's ended world hunger there's no more racism yeah maybe dude i'm really

like pulling for him i just history that'd be interesting if Kanye comes in. If Kanye comes in in the middle of them fucking being like. Yeah. Screams. He has some sort of patent. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. But like, oh man, this is some bullshit.

That'd be really good for that one to come out of nowhere. Yeah. Because you know Kanye and Taylor have beef. All you can do is pray, bro. Oh, that's all you can do, dude. Before you go to bed, man. You know, Travis, he just seems like a really good dude he does seem like a good dude i know good player good player good dude someone you'd love to have a beer with this is like the first

this is the thing where it's like will it go like if it's gonna happen it would happen to him it's not happening to jason kelsey which is great because that's my eagles but i'm glad i just i wouldn't even give a shit if he wasn't but the only thing that's gonna annoy me too is all seeing these chicks now with jason kelsey like you know his jersey went up like 50 percent like really buying wise all these chicks bought jason kelsey shirts damn this is sickness dude yeah that's that's not right man you know what i mean so maybe i just want you know it the nfl writers that are writing this season, it's kind of like they're making a very good, like, they're going to make this a drama and make this like, how is this going to end? Dude, it almost makes you think, like, is this planned?

Yeah, exactly. Is this for revenue? They're writing this shit, dude. You know? Totally. Maybe it is. Yeah. It's like, you know what, my jersey, I want to make it go sky high.

He just seems like too good of a guy to do that, though, you know? You really love this dude. I mean, I've seen some of his podcast clips, man, and I'm just like, this guy's... And you're about... You think he's the real deal? I'm just so emotionally invested when I hear his voice. You're really emotionally invested in this guy. Yeah.

I think... Would you suck Jason Kelsey's tits if he had double D perky tits? I mean, I would suck them right now. Oh, man, you just like to suck. You just want to suck some tits. I mean, dude, I think you would. You're one horny bastard. I hope you get something soon.

Me too, man. I'm rooting for you. Dude, I'm rooting for me, man. Oh, good. Dude, I appreciate you for coming, bro. I had a blast, dude. Dude, it was good to get to know you, man. It was good to get to know you, too.

Right off the bat, dude, we just connected, man. I felt like it. Yeah, dude. Fucking. I like your vibe. I like your head shape. You do look like a white Lamar Jackson. I felt like this was a movie, man.

We did make a movie. We made art. But, dude, if you have anything you want to promote, dude, that's usually the time right now. When does this come out? I have no idea, man. Oh, that's great. I will promote my Instagram. Follow me on Instagram.

I'm going to start creating a mailing list. I'm going to start doing adult comedian shit, so follow me at jlevcomedy. What are you doing in Boston next weekend? I'm headlining at Nick's. Oh, you haven't done that yet? No. Oh, shit. Okay. My first time. Have you done it? Have I headlined? No. No.

No, but I've been there, dude. Yeah? Dude. Yeah, all the boys listening From fucking Boston dude I know I'm going I'm doing South Shore Whatever pod Whatever the fuck that is On Saturday

I'm sure the boys Will be there dude I'm hoping the boys Will be there I love all the boys I love Boston Yeah I really do love Boston

But yeah dude Thank you for coming No thank you for having me Fuck yeah dude You don't even thank your listeners