The Johnny Salami Podcast - Joe Nunnink

Episode Date: August 11, 2024

Joe Nunnink by The Johnny Salami Podcast

I think I took a shit in my neighbors lawn Yeah Laughter Music Well I love you madly dear And I need you badly dear Why did you leave me here Without your love

Music Music Music Music Music Oh bro I'm hurting. I'm falling bad each night I lie. And I think of you and cry. And I tell you all about the rain back of my love.

All right. Huh? You want to just make an orgasm sound real quick? Huh? Wow, dude. Oh, yeah, man. It's a little soft. Yeah, dude, it's nice to meet you, man.

Yeah, you too, dude. Thanks for coming, bro. it's a little yeah dude it's nice to meet you man yeah you too dude thanks for coming bro where's uh where's the celsius dude i kind of polished it off in fact i think there might have been like a little bit left fuck are you down in those like on the reg dude a little bit more a little bit more than i would prefer to actually yeah yeah people are always like dude that's uh that's too much for me and i'm like dude i could have like three of those and yeah take a nap. The first one I took, it felt like doing an eight ball of cocaine. I felt invincible. And it has been a game of diminishing returns.

So now I do one just to keep it up, really. Yeah, you think you could go on like a little break, like a little vacay? I should, yeah. And then just rip it again so you can get that feeling back? Yeah, that's probably the plan for me. I think, you know, I'm just going to get through the next few weeks and then that's with anybody. Where would you rip it?

Like in a parking lot? Empty parking lot? After the break, where would I rip it again? Yeah, dude, that's what you just, you you know like this is it i'd probably go to the best buy in sunny side the parking lot fuck that one dude i might shotgun one of those yeah you should fucking shoot up the place afterwards fuck best buy man how are they hanging on i don't know what the fuck they're hanging on by i don't know i can't even remember if i talked about this dude but i'm trying to fucking blow that place up. At least the one in Long Island City.

Yeah, dude. What for, man? What do they do to you? They're just ripping vapes in there and like pointing people in the wrong direction. They're shit ripping. Yeah. Fuck it. You got the fucking mango kiwi plume cloud in your face.

Dude, no joke. I literally like I ordered shit online to pick up there so i just i just wanted to walk in and like pick shit up you did the whole job already yeah yeah this dude literally pointed me in like the uh like the washer dryer section i was like dude are you fucking like what are you ripping out of that fucking vape like are you fucking he's like yeah dude i think it's over there maybe it's over there that's all they do man they just rip the vape and they're like where am i pointing you know they're like they get together a team meeting in the morning like which which direction do you guys want to point today yeah it's gonna be point i wonder what those meetings are like man yeah dude did you ever

have a job where you'd have a little like pre-work yeah we called it a huddle yeah it was the gayest shit ever this is a gay shit yeah they would always have like a quote and stuff. You'd be like a quote of the day. Yeah, somebody would do We had a huddle morning huddle my old job on 9-11 And how old were you? Well, not the 9-11. Oh, it was like 9-11 It was like 9-11 2019, you know, yeah, but the guy conducting the huddle was like By the way guys, it's like it's like 850 a., he's like, by the way, guys, it's like, it's like 8 50 AM.

He's like, by the way, guys, today is, today is nine 11. So why don't we just, I was thinking we could split off into pairs and just kind of like, you know,

reflect. What job was this? Well, I worked at Legoland. Really? Yeah. Legoland. Legoland discovery center in Kansas city.

Holy shit. Yeah. It was a wild place to work you get high on the job i thought about it a lot it would have been a good place to you know rip some fucking a celsius but also make some shroomies what is lego land for people who don't know like so well they have like the lego land parks in florida and california that are like theme parks you know with like rides and all that shit but But then they have these like smaller, shittier ones in like smaller, shittier cities, like Kansas City where I'm from.

And it's like an indoor, like tiny thing. And it's like building focused. You go there and like build with your toddlers. Wow. Yeah. How would you like, so there's different look like in the other cities and the cities that are like better than, like, how are they? Yeah.

Have you ever like seen what they're offering yeah i went to one it was it's magical really yeah it feels like i must feel like going to like an indoor mini golf place that's exactly what it is really have a vibe it's for like three to ten year olds it's basically what it's it's geared after but yeah but yeah i feel like i have a good time it is a good time yeah they would do like adult nights. It's kind of a weird concept, but they would do no kids allowed, you know? Yeah. They'd bring like a bar, a little bar in. People would just kind of get trashed and play with Legos.

You'd have orgies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was sex workers. That'd be sick. And yeah. A lot of people would fuck in there. No. I mean, dude, if you made a Legoland orgy, you know how many views that would get on pornhub that would get a lot of views dude yeah you just like wrecking buildings right dude

you can maybe you build some sex toys i mean that's the first thing i would make with legos is like a dick yeah i thought about it but it's too sharp and angular it's hard to find enough curved pieces to i mean i think that's why i would do it though just for the challenge yeah you know what i'm saying it would be the ultimate test of your lego building yeah i feel like everyone everything that someone does high nowadays like i could do that just sober and have a good time you know yeah i never really enjoyed doing fucking things high right honest yeah paranoid going to movies getting high yeah i freak out i spiral dude yeah you're just like you don't even know what's going on, really. I went to get out high and almost had a heart attack.

I almost had cardiac arrest. Did you understand what was going on or you were just like, fuck? Yeah, but I was just like, it was just the emotion of it was so heightened. It was like already pretty intense. Yeah. I saw that sober and I think I cried, dude, when I saw that. Yeah, man. I was like, this might be the best fucking porno ever.

Well, the night before I got really drunk and when I was watching the movie, I just had a Coke and popcorn. Until my heart was like, you know, we can't take any stress, dude. All you got is popcorn and fucking soda and a night of booze. Oh, man. Yeah, I remember, dude, I used to go to this uh this gas station yeah that's what's up and then they opened up a gas station next to it so there was like a little bit of competition going on dude so i'm in the new gas station and i'm fucking new gas station i'm fucking high as tits dude and i bought like so much food so i like walk up to the counter and this lady's like checking me

out and she literally just goes shit she's like shit and I was like what wait why did you say shit I don't do she goes shit and I'm like I'm stoned I'm like I'm like dude this isn't happening drop everything that's like all it would take dude I started having like crazy thoughts I'm like, dude, this isn't happening right now. Just drop everything and run away. Dude, that's like all it would take, dude. I started having like crazy thoughts. I'm like, dude, is there like jizz on my shirt? Like what's going on? Like I'm starting to have these fucking wild thoughts. There's like a fucking swastika and Cheeto dust.

And she's like, dude, just continue. She just keeps checking stuff and just going, shit. I'm like, dude, just fucking checked me out and i left and i was like anything besides shit just shit just shit like five times shit five or six times i remember just being like dude let's just keep a straight face and get the fuck out of here dude and then the next time of here, dude. And then the next time I went, because I went like the next day and I was like, I got to see what's going on. You know, like, did that really happen last night?

And yeah, dude, she just had Tourette's. Oh, really? Yeah. People would go in there just because she had Tourette's. But she, dude, she was the coolest person ever. Yeah. Like you'd be having the fucking dopest conversation with her and she would just be like shit dude we had a girl in high school who had Tourette's really and she would bark she barked yeah dude so you were blessed yeah yeah you were like excited to go to a fucking school oh my god it was always quiet times like the like the pledge of allegiance every morning you had to

do that yeah and like you could just hear barking down the hallway oh man like the pledge of allegiance every morning you had to do that yeah and like you could just hear barking down the hallway oh man during the pledge what type of bark was like a deeper bark or more like a chihuahua it was like a cute yeah it was like a kind of okay higher pitched was it like accurate though like did it sound like an actual dog yeah yeah it was good i mean she was really really. Just a voiceover. That was crazy. Yeah. Dude, have you ever seen Tourette's guys go on vacation?

You mean Tourette's guy from like YouTube, that Tourette's guy? No. So there's a video. I think it was, I don't know if it was like Nat Geo or something. It was like one of the popular, like, I don't know. You know how you're like TLC and all that shit back in the day. It was one of those channels they filmed like a docu-series of these guys literally like they're all friends they all have Tourette's just going on vacation dude it's legitimately the funniest to this it's funnier than Borat dude so the funniest fucking thing i've ever seen documentary yeah dude these guys

fucking walk into like a fucking antique shop i think it was like an antique shop it was like really quiet and they're like gun like like we got a gun and uh there was this one dude i'll never forget this do i say this all the time i can't remember what he was doing i think he might have been playing catch with one of the other guys and he's just like kellogg's cornflakes and it was just so fucking funny, dude. Like, just the way he said it. I forgot. I don't know where they're from.

Dude, that's the thing. If there's one guy with Tourette's, you can pretty quickly figure out that, oh, that guy's got Tourette's. Yeah. But if you have, like, a few of them, it's just chaos. It's the best, man. I feel like it's disorienting. Well, dude, it makes you cry because they're all, like,

they talk about how much they struggle. Oh, yeah. But, like, have each other in the docu-series so you start to get really emotional yeah because you just laughed for like an hour straight at the guy right and then they're like yeah man like this is really having a hard time yeah he screams fuck like 60 times in a row and you're like dude this guy's really really struggling man that would suck if i had it i mean it would suck but i would be grateful that it wasn't like a racial slur also yeah well some of them have it dude yeah i want i want to figure out like where that comes from you know i think it's like your mind telling you to not do it and then you like have to do it yeah but it's got to come from somewhere dude yeah like the first like six months where you're a baby something guy they always beat around the bush they're like

no there's no i think they might talk about They're like, no, there's no... I think they might talk about it, actually. They're like, yeah, there's no... Nobody's discovered where it comes from. And it's like, dude, you guys know. No one knows? Wait, are you born with it or do you pick it up? Are you asking me legit?

Yeah. Are people born with it or is it developmental? I think it depends on the level of it. But definitely. Is it a choice me like legit? Yeah. Like are people born with it or is it like developmental? Like they just start. I think it depends on like the level of it, but definitely. Is it a choice like, like sexuality? I mean, that would be, yeah, I think that would be sick, but definitely not, dude. Cause I would be, yeah. I mean, I think both of us would be like, yeah, we're in.

Yeah. Let's do this. I would get in. Go to practices. That is weird that nobody, nobody knows where it comes from yeah yeah wow but it's dude it's literally if you watch just watch like an episode on youtube i think they have a best of tourette's guys on vacation dude and just the things they say it's like it's like comedian style humor yeah like it's like it would have taken me three years to write that joke you know

what i mean like they i think they sat down with a speech pathologist and like typically those type of people like don't laugh right but they like legit made her laugh like she broke out in like the middle of a meeting now were they like funny people and had Tourette's or were they just like normal people that's a good question man with Tourette's yeah yeah because it's kind of like you know do you want to like like you said like maybe they don't want to say those things right so it's kind of hard to figure out who they are you know right but they were doing fucking fun shit man like exploring they were hanging out in campers like fucking they're exploring they're doing like the funniest shit dude they're just like and you're just trying to figure out like you know where does it come from and are these guys

actually this cool oh dude i know i actually come to think of it every person i met with tourette's has been pretty cool even the girl that barked was like people liked her you know yeah yeah yeah dude sad man like what they go through right but the thing that confuses me is like some people are like yeah man you know like after a certain point it's like not funny anymore right like but it is you know what i mean like if you're screaming penis in church yeah that like doesn't just stop getting funny you know like that's funny every time you know yeah did you ever see the video of the guy who couldn't stop coming? Because this kind of reminds me of that.

This is like a porno or just like an actual video? No, no, no. It's like a document. He's like talking about it. Oh, does he have like that syndrome where you just like... He like comes like a hundred times a day. I saw one with a woman. Really?

Yeah. That's crazy. I didn't know they could come at all so much a hundred times a day, dude. It's crazy, man. That's wild. Yeah. But yeah, this guy, I mean, yeah, it took the joy out of you know coming for him yeah he's talking about coming at his dad's funeral he's like if you had to bury your dad and come eight times oh shit yeah

i have you know so wait so is this like a documentary i think yeah it's a real guy and he can't stop coming and he can't hold a relationship. It's too much cum. And, you know. Yeah, that's like a disease, dude. Yeah. You know, it's pretty common, actually. Really? Yeah.

I mean, Jesus Christ, dude. More common than you would think. Yeah, I saw one with a woman and she would just be like talking to you and then she'd be like, oh. And you'd be like, holy shit. You know? Yeah, dude. talking to you and then she'd be like oh and you'd be like holy shit you know yeah dude but i feel like uh people like that probably don't want to get like filmed you know no no who knows what makes i mean who knows what makes women come to like imagine if like your driver's license id like had to be like you coming like they took a screenshot of your face right when you came or like dating apps you go into the dmv they're like so there's a new law in effect and the policy has changed a little bit

so take this magazine go back there but it's like it's like the most disturbing face you know i mean i don't know what face you make when you come dude but i'm sure it's like, it's like the most disturbing face, you know? I mean, I don't know what face you make when you come dude, but I'm sure it's not like, have you ever seen your own fit? Like, I don't, I don't think I've ever been in a position where I've seen my own face while I come, you know?

Yeah. That'd be wild. Yeah. Go into like a mirrored room. Yeah. Mirror. Just stare at yourself. Point blank.

Yeah. I think you'd have to come out as like a fucking, what is it? When you like, you only love yourself? A narcissist? I mean that too, but. Oh, like auto erotic.

Like the sexuality. I think it was a sexuality when you're like, I'm only attracted to myself. Right. I feel like you'd have to come out as that after you drift off to yourself in like a mirrored room, you know? People would have, no one would have any sympathy for you coming out as that. No one would be like. Yeah, it's pretty selfish, man, pretty selfish man honestly yeah dude you're not at the pride march with that yeah i mean um yeah man i don't think i would want to see that because i've seen my own asshole before

yeah and that was enough for me yeah dude that was when i hung up the cleats and i was like enough of this you know enough of this inspection into my own life yeah this is for other people to see when did you see your own asshole what was the context of that uh it was like before a boys and girls club basketball game and uh yeah how was that the answer where i grew up like i had like a um fucking like the sink you could like kind of stand on it it's like a fucking like the sink. You could like kind of stand on it. It's like a counter for the sink. You know what I mean?

Where you grew up? You mean your house? Yeah. My childhood home. My childhood home. I thought you meant the town at first. Talking about the woods. Yeah.

Fucking Boise, Montana, dude. There's a sink there. Yeah. But you've never done that, dude. Just like taking a look yeah no i have your sphincter yeah i have i was trying to get like the 3d like so you just you just looked at it just to see what it looked like right i just wanted to get the imax like 360 little rotation view yeah and so i got i got elevated and i bent over and like really spread

my cheeks dude and i fucking legitimately think I like blacked out. So that's when I, uh, that was the first time I shaved my ass. Oh, you shaved it. Wow. That was why I shaved it. Dude, I've always thought about shaving my ass cause it's itchy in the summer and shit, you know? Yeah.

But yeah, I've never done it, man. There's nothing better though than just like picking your ass though, dude. Yeah. Especially in the summer. I go to Best Buy and do it every other day just really smell my fingers brother best place to do that yeah yeah no i looked at my own point blank i mean i took a picture of it because i had a hemorrhoid dude and i was trying to see what was the was going on in there is that from taking shits yeah i guess so rubbing

it too raw pushing it too fast like yeah yeah wow man dude i get them they flare up every once in a while fuck man yeah and you put a cream they give you like a little finger condom to put the cream on you put a condom on your fingers you shove it up your ass holy fuck man yeah it's crazy how often does this happen man i'm good for like every couple years flares back up is it like a moment you're looking forward to or no it's it's really painful yeah yeah can't do anything dude can't ride a bike yeah i've been thinking about uh yeah man i haven't really picked my ass that much lately i've been like uh i've been like picking my gooch though dude you know yeah okay what are you picking out of it i'm just like plucking the hair

and shit plucking the hair dude like fucking i don't know man it's like a like a majestic like run through almost like i'm like almost like i'm treating like a turf field okay so you got nothing but then there's like somebody sprouts up it feels like a little rakes going through it and i just do that once yeah you know but back in the day dude we used to like pick our ass where did you grow up uh rhode island rhode island i mean i don't think anyone else did it but i would like pick my ass and be like yo smell my finger to just anybody

to people go for that like a lot oh yeah for sure that's what's up man yeah I heard you're like a legend I'm still doing it yeah I would get like deep in there though dude really is that right yeah

I don't know how deep I've been really I guess with the hemorrhoid cream that's probably the deepest I'll go I feel like you can go pretty deep Before it's gay I think you can go maybe a full inch Before it gets gay Really? Yeah

That seems deep man I don't know man There's a line you cross where it is gay Yeah I would say maybe like this finger. Oh, the whole finger? All the way in? You don't know that I think about it? There's a crazy distance.

That's like touching your stomach. That's got to be gay, dude. I think the gay length is half the length of your cock. Yeah. No matter who you are. I think half. Like fully erect because like dude i can't even imagine taking a full cock to the a-hole dude that's got to be

my hat goes off to anybody who does it yeah so maybe anything less than that is like not gay like anything less than a cock that's true maybe anything that's not a cock is just not gay that's an interesting idea you know how'd you come up with that i just thought about it dude just fucking hit me yeah that might be it it might be anything besides a cock yeah there's nothing gay about fingering your ass dude i don't think so no i really don't man yeah for pleasure with a ball gag in your mouth that whole like smell my finger movement though that kind of died down pretty quick yeah how was that for you i'm just saying i think that's kind of funny like that's a funny phrase like like, smell my finger.

Yeah, right. But it's not what it was. It doesn't have the cultural poignancy that it used to. I feel like you need to stay in, like, a professional environment for it to really hit. For it to really hit. Yeah, you need to be, like, in a suit now. Well, dude, imagine if, like, fucking King said that. Like, if you were, like, fucking William Wallace in Braveheart.

Right. Trying to get the boys riled up you know if you scream that at the top of your lungs yeah you don't even like preface it with that you just scream it right off the bat

are you holding a sword? your finger the other way there's like two minutes of just straight silence is he walking through the line of troops with the finger Your finger, the other hand? There's like two minutes of just straight silence. Is he walking through the line of troops with the finger? I think he would walk in silence for like two minutes. It's like a solemn, serious pre-battle silence.

And then I think he would kind of like stop, and they would all be anticipating something beautiful. You know? Like, smell my fingers. I mean, I think that would get the boys riled up, though. Get them riled up. If you're going to war, dude, like, can you hear that? Like, dude, I'll fucking die for this guy. I'll kill my whole fucking family, dude, for this guy.

Yeah, dude, I don't care who's on the other side of that hill. I'm going to fucking bleed for this man, dude. And his smelly, shitty finger. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't be surprised man back then like the shit they believed yeah you really just got to be like a good public speaker and like they're just going to be like fuck yeah man i'll die for you oh pretty much dude we didn't know what the fuck was going on yeah the earth was flat and there's do they think uh like you think you could go to war like you think anyone could convince you anyone like right now yeah like at

this point in your life i don't think so man yeah no because i got planters fasciitis in this foot and i don't think i'm i can't run along that would be like your excuse yeah i'm flat-footed yeah that's a good excuse man honestly yeah what are you at would you would you go to war fuck no dude, like, back in the day I might, you know. Yeah. But with technology and everything and, like, just seeing. I don't really have anyone to fight for, dude. I'm not trying to fight for these chicks.

Yeah. I don't have a wife or anything. Like, I don't have anything to fight for. Fight for these chicks. Yeah. Like, we're going to, what, fight for these chicks so they can make, like, OnlyFans content? Like, we're going to, what, fight for these chicks so they can make, like, OnlyFans content? Yeah, dude, I'm fighting for these single chicks in Brooklyn who are OnlyFans selling feet pics?

Yeah. This is what I'm going to war for. Exactly, dude. They're airdropping me into Ukraine for this. Yeah. They won't even have babies. I'm fighting for their cats. There's no babies.

Yeah, you would have to 100% brainwash me, you know? I don't know what you could do, but I would have to be fully brainwashed, like, to the max. How long do you think it would take to brainwash you? A long time, like a year maybe. It's actually not that long of time. Yeah, you'd have to isolate me, like remove me from society, like. And then slowly. Whatever the process is, you know.

I bet it's easily done. I bet it's pretty easy to brainwash somebody. If you give them a year. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. You have a budget behind it, you know. Yeah, if you got the resources, dude. You get the resources.

It's got to be. You can expense, like, your meals and everything, too. Yeah. Working on it. Yeah. You know, a lot of write-offs. I mean, a lot of people are brainwashed now, you know. Yeah.

I think brainwashed is literally just like... Is it just believing in anything? Are you brainwashed? I think brainwashing is just like believing something and not being able to explain why. Right. You know what I mean? Right. So like, I mean, nowadays, if you just ask someone why, they fucking lose their minds, dude.

Yeah, they get defensive, dude. Yeah. They freak out. So I just ask them like a basic question, you know? You just said the word why. Yeah, God forbid. You dude. They freak out. So I just ask them like a basic question, you know? Just said the word why. Yeah, God forbid. You started threatening me. Yeah.

I'm happy I can answer that for like most things I do, though. Right. I have like a pretty in-depth understanding of like... Of why you do everything that you do? Yeah, like jerking off, Xbox, all that good stuff, you know? Why Xbox? Why not PlayStation? Well, my friends have Xbox, so that's the big reason.

Will they brainwash you? I will say, dude, PlayStation is actually probably better. I think it has more to offer, but... I think it takes a lot for you to admit that. Yeah, dude. But, like, the brotherhood, you can't leave the brotherhood, you know what I mean? No, no. You're going to go play with some 15-year-olds online on PlayStation?

Yeah. You've never met? Yeah. It's a different squad. Is that what you're ripping right now? PlayStation? No, dude. I got a Switch.

An Nintendo Switch? Yeah, I got an Nintendo. I'm like a 14-year-old girl, dude. You have to charge that? You plug it in to the wall. Wow. But yeah, no, it charges, yeah, because it's portable. Holy shit, man.

What type of games are you playing on that? Dude, zelda i got mario fucking golf holy fuck you're playing at home or just like wherever yeah dude at home i played on an airplane sometimes holy fuck man it's pretty tight dude and i like it how much is that going for dude they're like free like fucking giving them away it's nothing dude holy shit that's fucking sick man yeah dude yeah you can get them on almost any bug in though it's not like wireless shit that's fucking sick man yeah dude yeah you can get them on almost it's not like wireless it is wireless yeah yeah but you can do both you can plug it in all right to the tv so you can bring it anywhere you bring it anywhere dude holy fuck bring anywhere so just like the old days man like the nintendos yeah like the game boys dude yeah you a nostalgic guy dude

you getting yeah i think so i don't i'm not a big gamer so if i'm gonna game yeah i want like something that uh yeah that reminds me of the games i played when i was a kid dude what are you doing in your free time then besides like spanking and shit besides spanking it yeah it's a lot of that uh yeah pick my ass a little bit too yeah yeah there's uh there's zelda let's see i don't know man it's a good question i mean you're making sketches obviously making the sketches yeah does it take a lot of time yeah i mean it depends on what it is some of them the ones that take a lot of time and like energy yeah always tank and then the ones that i make in like an afternoon

yeah yeah whatever that i just come up with the idea and just shoot it with my phone you think it's because you feel like more natural I don't know man I don't know I think it's because the ones that I think about it's like more of a it's more of like an idea like a concept or an idea and the ones that I just make

spontaneously it's like this is just like a parody of this guy or like a character it's not like a sketch you know it's gotta this is just like a parody of this guy or like a character yeah it's not like a sketch you know it's got to be tough though overall just you know just to make it do it i don't know yeah i mean it takes time but it's like i i i like making them so it's fun dude just like throw up in my mouth it's gonna be a perfect time to do it dude i'm talking about my fucking dude before you came dude i got fucking not before like you jerked off but like before you fucking came here

yeah i was fucking uh i got the seltzer water dude and i took uh i buy like a hundred packets of gatorade zero powder oh okay so i put one in with the seltzer water dude and it started it was about to explode and then i fucking i capped it dude and saved it but that's what i'm drinking right now it was like a science experiment yeah it was sick gone wrong it was like back in the day dude we used to make those fucking toilet bowl like uh bombs yeah we do that wait toilet bowl bombs yeah you would buy this uh toilet cleaner at the dollar tree you know put it in a fucking two liter Coke bottle and put Mentos in it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you would throw it

and it would be like a legitimate like... Wait, you put toilet cleaner in there? Yeah, that's what made it explode. Oh, shit. Yeah, you probably just did Coke and Mentos. Coke, dude, I was on that basic shit. Yeah, I'm talking about like fucking Army Reserve type shit, dude. Like if shit hit the fan. Wow, that's incredible, dude. I didn't know it

leveled up from coke yeah but that's what happens when you have asian friends we used to do this one you get a a thing of pillsbury uh flour okay and then well you got to get like an m80 or something like a little heavy duty yeah you put it on top of it or maybe like tape it to it yeah and you light the m80 and uh that explodes but then something in the flower makes this like massive wall of fire after so you get an explosion followed by like a wall of fire wow yeah it was really sick i wonder how that works man that's fucking crazy it's just like a wall of fire and then it just goes out yeah like a little queef yeah it's a big flashy queef of fire after a big sick man giant fart of an explosion yeah it's really tight

wow yeah that's fucking sick man the fact that it just like comes out and then disappears yeah and it's all got a little fucking closeted homosexual exactly so you should have called it that's what the bomb was called yeah that That's what the bomb was called. Yeah. That's exactly what the bomb was called. Yeah, you yell that before you let it rip outside your neighbor's house. We're going to light a closeted homosexual tonight. Come over, dude. Bring some. What else?

I used to have a potato launcher, man. That was pretty sick. That's pretty tight. Yeah. Yeah. My Asian friend taught me how to build one. I just went to Lowe's and uh these things are if if you dude if you got hit with a potato from a potato launcher it would kill you yeah i think right in the fucking chest yeah break my fucking rib cage i think that would

be such a fucking sick death yeah i died by potato because it's like dude you don't want to get hit and then be like yeah you know like half of my brain's missing right like you want to go all you want to go all the way out yeah yeah you don't want to be like yeah i have fucking one ear because of a potato launch incident it's like no one's gonna talk to you man you know no dude especially nowadays yeah imagine going dumb from a potato hit to the head yeah you got one lazy eye drooping down you pass away though, dude. You're a legend man You said a fucking potato imprint chest Fucking open casket funeral. It's like cum stains Yeah, your pants your pants are covered in cum and there's a potato shaped hole in your chest

That's good way. Did you guys have BB guns airsoft guns? Yeah, I never got into that we got into paintball Chewing ice on the podcast man. Yeah, do what got into that. I got into paintball. I'm chewing ice on the fucking podcast, man. Audio's gonna pick that up. Dude, some old guy's gonna be like, turn that shit off, man. You know? Okay, this guy's chewing ice on his podcast. You make it this far in just to get pissed off.

Some of the shit in the comments is like i mean at least with like my sketches and shit yeah you read the comments some of them yeah yeah do you not you just i mean i i start like when i started i would yeah and then i was like this is fucking stupid yeah it's crazy i set my uh i've been fucking with the settings a little bit man you can set it to like people you follow only and stuff like that. No one else can comment or you just don't see them? You just don't see them.

So, like, it's like, yeah, anyone can comment, but I just look at, like, the people that follow me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't want to leave, like, one of my boys hanging or something. Yeah, that's a good way to do it. That's a good way to do it. Yeah, man. Plus, if it's so hard, like, once you start reading them, you just kind of go down a rabbit hole and then you start to get sad and stuff. Yeah.

It's like, fuck, man. You know, like, what am I doing yeah yeah dude my my a lot of my content has caused massive political discourse even though the thing is not political at all yeah but somebody just fucking finds something yeah somebody gets in an argument but dude it's good it's good for the algorithm man so for sure yeah yeah ripping the hashtag politics dude yeah just watch the country rip apart in real time i'm going viral that's all it is man i gotta figure out a way to like uh eliminate that from uh like discovering shit like any political shit you know i think there's got to be a way you know oh so you don't have to like swipe past it just so i can see like

titties and like shit that i'm actually interested in right you know my feet i just want to see like fucking someone throw a touchdown and then just like a pair of tits. That's all I want to see, man. Do you ever like let a video ride just to tell the algorithm that you want more? Like you're not going to watch this, but I'm just going to let this ride. Yeah. But for some reason it knows the truth. Yeah. It does know the truth.

It's always titties in football, dude. It's all it is, man. Yeah, dude. Nice. Chicks like doing like fucking hip thrusts yeah what uh what are your favorite kind of titties um they all i mean i think i saw a pair of titties when i was younger dude my friend uh he dated this girl it was like his first ever girlfriend wow nice his locker was next to mine dude i remember that's legendary i didn't even

know they were they were dating like this kid was retarded dude he was the dumbest fucking kid i've ever met in my life and this chick with fucking cannons just walks up to him dude and just starts like legit licking his face like dude she was licking his eyes and like did he know her they're going out this is like how they met it's like uh it's like a moral like combat type shit but dude so like i like thought they were making out dude but she was actually like sexually like licking his face wow and dude i laughed for like an hour straight and then he was like i was like, dude, what the fuck was that? And he was like, we're going out, man.

Holy shit. Yeah, dude, we're we're going steady. But he showed me a picture of our titties, dude. Really? And it was like I was like, no way, dude. There's no way that's real. There's no way like titties can be that nice. Wow. You know, because like for titties to be big dude and perked up yeah

yeah it's tough it's like dude you're literally like you know you're going against everything you're going against physics man right like if you showed elon musk that picture he'd fucking kill himself dude like can you imagine like elon presenting that to like a group of his you know his peers right like listen I think I thought gravity was real, but... Physics, gravity. Between this and the James Webb telescope, dude, everything's being rewritten. All the science.

Throw it all out the window. Think about the projector he's got, too. Just throws up the parachutes, like tits. Oh, yeah. Everyone's like, dude, my boy, you know? Dude, yeah, he's probably got the nicest fucking projector.'s like fucking 20k yeah whatever that means i don't even mean like the price i mean like the resolution yeah yeah no no what does any of that shit mean i don't know why is it five it's like 6k now four it's gonna be four thousand pixels maybe something like that

dude you're talking about that guy that guy who had his locker next to you and uh i had the guy whose locker was right next to me in high school this guy with like anger issues so he'd like come up to his locker in the middle of the day or whatever i'd be at my locker doing the thing and he'd come up to his right next to me and just like punch like the locker like fucking idiot like to himself i was like holy shit dude and then he just opened his shit and just like throw shit in it and slam it and then walk away did you figure out what's going on no dude i think his dad was beating his ass oh man that's tough yeah no you laugh at like angry people i laugh at like the absurdity of like the moment like but not at like you know

it's sad whatever they're going through yeah the outburst is very funny yeah angry people are pretty funny the moment is hilarious i love laughing at angry people do it anytime anybody gets mad it's very funny it is dude yeah yeah chicks don't like that but no they don't get it dude it's like it's just a joke like just chill out it's the guy yeah he's a violent man fucking chill out very funny yeah it's cool and funny yeah those were the days though dude yeah what else man high school it's just been like really downhill did you go to high school in kansas yeah wow yeah interesting man i know dude they didn't teach evolution yeah then i know some people i went to college and uh in kansas dude and they were just like yeah like i left after like two weeks there's just nothing

down there you know i mean there's not there's like you know there's bars and shit you can go to yeah yeah yeah so there's nothing really there but when you're making your sketches like are these people like saying like uh fucked up shit to you that like gets to you or no in the comments yeah no not even no one's really saying like fucked up shit like no one's being like this sucks or this guy's not funny yeah it's just more shit that it's like they don't realize it's a joke or something yeah and they'll be like oh actually you know skittles aren't they're not uh a product that would go you know what i mean they're just like lost on some sidebar thing i'm like how could you sit here and like type this yeah and fire that off to the universe dude it's insane it's crazy man i really want to be that guy

who's just like completely isolated from from it all yeah dude you're like what's going on yeah yeah because that guy's always the coolest guy he's always the chillest he has no idea what's going on in the whole world yeah right and he's still living a happy life yeah he's still living a happy life if you're that isolated you've probably got like you know some George R. R. Martin level of a fucking yeah thing going on in your place papers all over the floor oh you think a horror type shit yeah dude or just those people like how did he come up with that shit he must have just sat in an apartment for 20 years yeah come up with your own language you imagine coming up i'm thinking about you know i'm thinking about dudes who like uh like suck on titties, but privately.

You know what I'm saying? As opposed to publicly? Yeah, dude. Yeah, those guys are weird. You know? I don't know how to explain it. Maybe like that dude from old school. Like the dude that Will Ferrell played.

Yeah. No one knows. What's his name? Chet? I think his name's chet okay the guy the character in old school yeah yeah will ferrell yeah i actually forgot the character's name yeah i think it's chet he's like ma the meatloaf yeah yeah but like that guy like i feel like no one knows what he's doing ever right and that's kind of like a mysterious vibe

right because i feel like everyone kind of that's kind of like a mysterious vibe. Right. It kind of feels like what you got going on up here. I hope so, man. I really do. You really have. Yeah. I hope people think about me and they're like,

I wonder what that guy's doing. That's what I think about you. That's what I saw before I got here. That's fucking sick, man. Yeah, dude. And I was like, man, Johnny Salami? Who the fuck knows what he's doing out there? He's out there. Yeah.

He's out there. I see him on the internet Never seen him in real life He's a shadow on the wall dude That means a lot man Honestly dude Yeah That's like my dream

He marches to the beat Of his own drum Yeah Yeah That's all I want I want to see him out dude Yeah That's what

That's the word on the street Is what people are saying Yeah Johnny Wow You have to know that That's fucking sick man Yeah dude

Congrats man It's like dude Privacy is like a big deal man You don't want I feel like everyone wants To like publicly Just announce what they're doing all the time and it's just like whatever happened to fucking privacy man you know right just now when you say announce what they're doing all the time you're just talking about like people share everything people tweeting like going to

this restaurant went to this restaurant yeah just like their whole life story and like their political beliefs oh like everything they believe in who they are you know like nothing's a mystery anymore right right but like i feel like that takes away from like hard-ons that's all an erection really is it's just like yeah you know who the fuck am i dude the last thing you'd want to do is take away from hard-ons. Yeah. Yeah, so you want to leave those there. Yeah, mystery. You feel the opposite way, man? You feel like you're pretty open?

I feel like I'm pretty open, but I envy that in people. If someone has a mysterious life and you're like, man, what's that? I wish I could have some of that, but I just know that it's. You think you're addicted to just being open? I don't think. I'm not like that open. I'm not someone like broadcasting. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. I feel you, man. It helps, though, dude. Like, it really does, man. If you don't read comments, man, like, you'll notice a huge difference. Yeah. And I know that sounds gay, man, but you'll be like a lone wolf out there

yeah people are like talking about comments and you're like i don't even fucking read comments yeah dude don't even know what you're talking about you know yeah um damn that's all i was gonna say i forgot what it was oh but like just uh yeah i don't feel like i'm overly open but i feel like making content at all yeah is like you, you're putting a lot of shit out there for sure. So it's kind of like being open, right? Comparatively to like, you know, my family living back in Kansas, they've like never posted a Facebook status before. I've got like a fucking podcast and sketch and stand up clip out there. So if they saw like your Pornhub history, they'd be like, no.

Yeah, dude. Because like anyone, if anyone saw my like porn history, they'd be like, yep. Like they wouldn't be like surprised. It's like tits. Which I'm kind of proud of that. Yeah. You know, just know, it's kind of like an open book. You know what I mean?

They're like, oh, we get that for sure. Wait, so you're an open book or you're a man shrouded in mystery? I mean, which? No, I just like know that they wouldn't be based off of the interactions they have with me in person. Not over like social media. They're like, oh, yeah, for sure. That dude's watching Bang Boss. You know what I mean?

Dude, two girls, one cup every night. That's crazy yeah it's like every other night but whatever every other night yeah yeah all right man well we get some phone calls dude you down uh fuck yeah dude let's do that johnny my man i'm trying to make i'm gonna try to make this shorter than i than i have to make it but but here's the thing. So I started seeing this chick, and she's cool and whatever, super out of my league, super hot. But we've been having sex, and she goes, hey, this won't let you know, I'm a fucking sex worker. And I was like, okay, that's between you and God and whatever.

And now I'm going on the Internet, and I went on Twitter and Pornhub, and I saw her on the internet and I don't know how to feel. And she was like, hey, if you can't separate my business from my life, that's between you. It's usually an issue, but that's up to you.

And I'm realizing, I don't know if I can, should I be, am I a cuck here, dude? I mean, what's going on? That's what he's worried about are these real calls you get people calling it's real people that have real problems wow wow yeah that's a good problem to have man that is a good problem that's crazy bro he's getting with a chick and then oh my god yeah if anything it means that she's like a hot piece of ass that's sought after yeah i mean for sure dude he's uh he's living the dream man

right yeah but he feels weird about it that's understandable i'm a pretty uh jealous guy like i'm pretty if i saw a woman i was like having sexual intercourse with on porornhub. I mean, I would watch the videos and stuff. But I would be, like, so upset. Yeah. Yeah, me too. So she's getting fucked in porn. By, like, professionals. Yeah.

So, like, I feel like, I don't know how you feel, man, but I would feel pretty, I'd be like, dude be like dude pretty jealous man you'd be jealous yeah you wouldn't be able to date her basically yeah i mean i'd be like yo like yeah that guy's got an eight inch cock but does he fucking does he listen does he rip ass in professional environments yeah does he pick his ass the way i do um yeah i don't think i could do it dude i don't think i could do it yeah i don't uh i think i'm too jealous too you know what about this what if she was just doing like tit pics and like not doing like sex acts but was just like had her shit out there online consistently showing titties or just like in the past yeah and like texting clients who were like buying them and stuff, you know?

Yeah, not for me, man. Yeah, me neither. Personally, I know people who could do that. But I mean, if it was in her past, maybe I'd be able to, if she's like, hey, that's the old, you know, Janine. Right. Her name's Janine. She's in the porn industry.

But the new Janine, she's moved on. Like she's more mature now. Right. I might be able to accept that. But if she's just constantly putting up t more mature now right i might be able to accept that but if she's just constantly putting up titty pics and doing blow bangs it's like i can't you know yeah like dude that's insane bro like imagine going on a date with a girl like having a great time and then like the next day you're on porn hub at night you just see her in like a blow bang yeah dude and then the

next night you're like what are you up to tonight? And she's like, oh, I'm busy tonight, but we should hang out tomorrow night. Yeah. And you're like, you just have to sit there that night. The idea of texting a woman who's in the middle of getting banged by another dude. Yeah, texting you as she's getting banged. That's like the theme of the video she's in. She's like, oh, I have.

Yeah, he's like, who is it? She's like, it's my fucking boyfriend or whatever. And he's like, who is it? She's like. She's like, it's my fucking boyfriend or whatever. And he's like pounding the shit out of her, dude. That is the video. Yeah. That's a video out there. She's like, oh, he thinks we're serious. Tell him you're busy right now.

Call him. You're jerking off to it. You're like, this is good. This is good acting. Well, here's the other thing dude she probably only has like a three-year window in this business right before she ages out of porn that is yeah that is a thing man not a lot of people think about maybe he could either age out or you just like oh dear like a fucking dairy queen yeah dude you fucking nod off forever i mean that's how it goes man you know yeah all the best this is a bad situation for this guy yeah it's a short he's

lucky he has us though i can't believe this is the place he turned well yeah man like dude just you know bust a few out man just move Like, it's a short-term thing. Yeah. Like, to even, like, moderately think that it would be a good idea to do this in the long term is insane, dude. It's like, dude, do it a few times. Yeah, it almost seems like there's nothing to debate here. Get the fuck out, dude. Dude, hit and run, man. But, like, that's a good story to tell the boys.

Great story for the boys. Give it four months to lick your wounds. Yeah, everything's short-term now anyways, man. Relationships, everything, you know. I mean, especially if you're dating girls. Fucking gangbuster vids on Pornhub, dude. Yeah, everything's short-term now, man. Nothing's going to last, bro.

Yeah. All right, man. That was probably one of the best questions you've ever gotten, dude. That was a good one, dude. Yeah. Hey, Johnny and guest. this is cam i'm gonna need some life advice guys uh being my girlfriend you know for about a year and uh yesterday morning i built like the taj mahal inner toilet with my poo and uh tried to flush it and it wouldn't go down

and uh you know it took over an hour of me just fighting trench warfare with a uh you know the plunger and putting my heart and soul on the line. And, uh, you know, eventually it kind of went down, but I think I ruined the toilet forever. So anyway, guys, do I need to buy her flowers? What do I do? I mean, I'm trying to make sure that she doesn't kill me. I think she's all right, but I mean, I put that thing through the ringer and the worst part is I was laughing hysterically and she didn't think it was funny at all so help. Man, dude. I've been in that situation

so many times, dude. Yeah. He said it kind of went down. What does that mean? Well, he said he ruined the toilet. He ruined the toilet. Yeah.

It's been a fucking hour plunging, dude. He said he was putting his heart and soul into it though, dude so at least he never gave up. I'm saying if your man fucking clogs the toilet

and spends an hour pumping that shit Yeah.'s a good to have the courage to even put it down i would have given up dude just walked out would you just take a hit on the relationship and just try to rebuild somewhere else yeah because she's gonna tell all her friends yeah they're gonna tell everyone what are you gonna go double date them they have to fucking look you in the eye and know you're the guy that fucking ruined a toilet? That's crazy. You can't look at her friends in the eye after that. I mean, I would fucking show my face everywhere after that.

I'd be like... Dude, do you know how fucking legendary that is? I've got a guy removing the fucking toilet. Yeah. Yo, remember that time I blew up your toilet and dipped yeah the porcelain broke off on the floor especially she told all of her guy friends because they're definitely in a group chat like yo this john guy is a fucking legend well the thing is she didn't find it funny dude so she wasn't telling anybody about it oh she for sure if dude if you blew up a chick's toilet and left it, she's telling the group chat

for sure. But she's like pissed about it, right? She's like, I'm starting to think this guy's not a great guy. She's like, there's a 30 pound shit with blood in my toilet. It's got veins. It's pulsating.

I'd be like, hey, can you send me that pic yeah so he's thinking maybe buy her flowers yeah dude the fact no dude you fucking you take it like a man i mean in my opinion you just right i think uh you take it like a man dude i think you you talk to her like you're talking to one of the boys right and. And you go, yo, I fucking, I blew that shit up. Yeah. It's over now. Yeah, I think you're right. Because here's the other thing.

If you buy her flowers now, and every time you take a fucking dump in her toilet, you're looking at a full bouquet of flowers. Yeah. And if she breaks up with you for blowing up a toilet, like, dude, you're a legend. Yeah, dude, you're a rock star for that dude you know you get to tell everyone that and like you know so he's like why'd your last relationship not work out your thanksgiving your grandma and your family you're like yeah i actually wrecked this girl's plumbing yeah that's fine i don't

think you actually wrecked the plumbing but if you did that's that's pretty pricey man it sounds like it if it took an hour to go down yeah i don't know man just like uh if you're comfortable enough to take a dump at a girl's house i feel like he's he's gonna be all right he's gonna be all right she'll she'll get over it yeah man because like when i take a dump dude like i don't have a girlfriend or anything but if i was over a girl's house for the first time. This is a really funny combination of words. Dude, if you were at a girl's house for the first time and you had to take a shit, you're holding it in for sure.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. That's crazy to go in there the first time, take a dump. Who do I think I am? Dude, that's wild, man. But she might honestly get turned on by that. She's like, well, this guy's super confident. She won't, though. I love where your heart's at.

Put it on his tongue right now. It's not going to happen. That's like deep inside all of us. We wish that that was the truth. Maybe she'll get turned on by that. You try to like plead with her. you try to like you try to like plead with her you're like you're like yo did you not see me blow up your bathroom when we were together first date that's pretty impressive like think about it think about how comfortable

you made me that i was around you i mean that's actually the moment when i was blowing that that shit in your toilet. That was the moment I knew I was in love with you. That's like part of the wedding vows. Oh, man. Yeah. Good calls, though, man. Yeah, dude.

I think that, yeah, I think you're right. He just levels with her. Yeah, man. Maybe sits down at a table. Because, like, dude, if she's going to use that against him, man, that's kind of fucked up, you know? I hate when chicks do that. Because if you get a chick mad, man, it's almost like they have a Rolex of, like,

fucking memories. Right. They're like, oh, I remember when you do this. And you're like, that was fucking... And if you buy flowers and all that shit, you're, like, almost admitting to, like, you fucked up. She doesn't look at it like that. She looks at it like, hey, you know what? I'm a great guy. I'm a great guy. I'm a great guy.

I make you laugh. I spend money on you. And yeah, once every few months, I'm in your toilet. Yeah. You know what I think you should do? I think you should run it back.

Let's go, dude. Yeah. Yeah, run it back. Make it like twice as worse and like don't even flush this time. What about this? Maybe get her the flowers and run it back same day. Yeah uh there's flowers with no note though

you buy flowers or like do you want the do you want to buy the note no i'm not a big note guy yeah Yeah, he'll be all right, man. Yeah, man. I think he's going to make it through. All right, well, that's one more, dude. See what's going on. Hi, Mr. Salami. So when I was younger,

my stepmother took my Nintendo DS. This was probably about the year 2009. So I was looking for it in her room when she was at work one day, and I found a pleasure device. pleasure device and so I in my anger I went to the refrigerator and I grabbed some spicy Dijon mustard and I put it on a paper towel and I lathered it on it and when I was a kid I felt pretty good about it. But now as an adult, every year I feel a little more and more weird about it. She, about a week later, she wasn't at home. So I would ask my pops, I said, where is she?

And he said, oh, she's at the doctor. And she came back with vaginal antifungal medication. And I know I caused it, you know. So it feels, you don't take my DS, you know. So part of me feels like it was justified. But the older I get, it's a little fucked up, no? So, you know, was it justified? Thanks.

The most emotional one yet. Yeah, that was in-depth, man. Yeah. That was wild. That was crazy. Thanks. he was younger and i think that he shouldn't i don't think it was justified because of the the nintendo dude no you know no and you know i mean listen take this from a guy who i rock a switch dude i'm a switch guy yeah it's a good device someone someone takes that from you dude i had a ds somebody took my switch you know there'd be a problem but yeah when you start messing with somebody's pussy and you mix mustard with pussy yeah you know yeah i mean yeah this guy's messing with pussy dude he's messing with like what we respect as men yeah i mean that's like shooting up like a fucking you know like a what's that like shooting up it's like shooting up like a fucking yeah probably like a small not quite a mcdonald's but like maybe a small yeah maybe like a fucking chick-fil-a dude perhaps like a chick-fil-a or maybe i was thinking it's like dude you're shooting down what you love man like yeah well he's he's

basically shooting what made him dude right you know because he came out of that vajayjay and now he's disrespecting it yeah so it's like dude you're basically like what was it a stepmom's pussy did he say or a stepmom i don't know yeah but if it was stepmom it's like dude you're basically like what was it a stepmom's pussy did you say or a stepmom i don't know yeah but if it was stepmom it's fine still symbolic if it's his mom then it's fucked but if it's his mom that's really bad i think he said it's a stepmom okay it's fine then i think it's justified also okay now it kind of makes sense yeah it does make more sense for this yeah stepmom but uh yeah spicy dijon mustard i don't know the pussy juice is like a fine chemical cocktail balance that yeah there's ph ph levels got to be right there's uh yeah i don't believe

there's any like naturally existing dijon in there already so i think bringing some in there yeah it changes the the chemistry yeah you're just bringing like an m60 to a fucking fist fight dude exactly yeah you know now so she had the vagin whatever the problem but did that is her long term i think you just meant like a yeast infection probably infection yeah fuck man yeah i just feel like like that's a tough one, man. You're just asking if it was justified. You know? I think it would have been justified if it was your stepmom, dude, and she did something, like, bad, you know?

Yeah. But just taking the Nintendo. Taking the Nintendo. I mean, you probably deserved to have it taken away, right? He was probably on it all the time. Wasn't getting any vitamin D. Yeah, I'm trying to think of a time where something didn't go my way and I took... You took action.

I took action. Like a fucking V for Vendetta movie. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like a V for Vendetta movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like one of them. Yeah.

Yeah. This dude's like in a V for Vagina movie, dude. Yeah, he is. He's living his own. He is, dude. You should get one of those Guy Fawkes masks. next time he puts mustard on his mom's dildo. She shaves her head. She'd wear one of those.

Remember, remember. Fifth of November. Yeah, dude. I could see mayo or maybe even some ranch. What do you think I would do? Hidden Valley Ranch on the dild dildo yeah because then he's just hooking up his pops yeah dude yeah exactly you know right yeah man i just uh i know there's probably been a few times in my life man where like things have gone my way and i just kind of like took revenge and then afterwards i was like very i would think about it all the time right but the fact that he has to see her all the time now and she doesn't like know and he knew that he

fucking blew up this poor lady i honestly think dude like if he's at like a family party or something and he's like a little buzzed it might not be a bad idea to bring it up at the dinner table you know it's like, hey, you know, I know we've all been laughing and having a good time tonight, but there's something that I need to address. Yeah. Sharon.

2009. Yeah. If he's feeling bored, you know, if he really wants to spice up like the family chemistry and shit, dude. I think he's spiced enough things up. True, true, man. Yeah. yeah yeah that's my input dude i'm thinking uh if he wants that burden if he wants that weight off his shoulders he's got to let it out yeah you got to confess your sins man yeah i think you're right catharsis they call

it because it's like dude you want to live with that every time you see her all you think about is fucking dijon mustard yeah or do you want to be able to look at dijon mustard again it's like, dude, you want to live with that every time you see her? All you think about is fucking Dijon mustard? Yeah. Or do you want to be able to look at Dijon mustard again? It's clearly eating him up. I mean, this was 15 years ago. Yeah, he's still thinking about it. Still thinking about it. This guy's got demons, dude.

It wasn't justified, but I think he should forgive himself for doing it. Yeah. But he should also maybe confess. Yeah, maybe confess. Maybe he should go to a church, like a local church. Yeah, you don't have to confess to the stepmom. He could confess to perhaps a pastor of faith. Yeah, a man of God.

See what he says, see what his input is. That would be funny if he did it at church, but in front of everyone during Mass. He didn't know how confession worked at church. Middle of a song. I have a confession I gotta do. His stepmom's I got to do. His stepmom's right next to him.

Bart, what is this? Yeah. Damn, dude, those were some good calls, man. Probably the best calls we've ever gotten, to be honest, dude. Those are some amazing calls. Yeah. I can't believe it, man. But yeah, dude, you got your winter special coming out, man, like you said.

Yeah, thank you, man. Well, I'm taping it August 24th.th okay it's pretty soon pretty soon man yeah fuck it man saturday august 24th two shows 8 and 10 30 and it's uh it's at the gutter which is a bowling alley fuck yeah brooklyn so no the gutter's a nice place man yeah that'll be good nice like intimate vibe you know yeah yeah it's nice it's nice. It's nice. Yeah. You doing an hour? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. It'll be like 48 minutes. 45, yeah.

Everybody says an hour, and I'm like, it's gonna be 22 minutes. Yeah, 45 with, like, intro. 45 plus riff. Yeah. Good for you, man. That's fucking exciting, dude. But yeah, dude, so, yeah, thanks for having me on. Yeah, this will come out tomorrow, man, so. Oh, really? Fuck yeah, dude. It's gonna be exciting, exciting, dude. But yeah, dude. So yeah, thanks for having me on. And yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This will come out tomorrow, man. So.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be exciting, though, dude. This is like we've been prepping for you. Yeah. I'm excited, man.

Yeah. A lot of this shit I've just had for like a long time. And I'm like, I don't really do any of this material anymore. So I'm like, I just want to put it out there. You're just going to put it on YouTube. Yeah. I'm just going to put it on YouTube. And then, you know.

It's a way to go, man. Throw it on the get it on fucking radio if I can figure that out too so yeah how does that uh how does that work man like you obviously like put money into it but just like is it pretty like do you have trouble like finding like someone to record it and stuff is that like a stressful process yeah no so like there was this like guy that i met who's like a director he's done a lot of people's like specials and he was like a fan of my sketches or whatever the fuck. And then great guy, super nice. And then I just hit him up, and, yeah, he's giving me, like, a great deal on it.

That's fucking sick, man. He's making it, like, very doable for me. Yeah. And then I just got lucky to get to work with CYSK at the gutter to do it there. Yeah. And so that, yeah, so that helps a lot too man so that's fucking sick man that's exciting i'm fucking yeah i'm really stuck so yeah two shows next few weeks man just drinking celsius dude getting ready bro yeah you're just pounding celsius dude and then after the taping i'm gonna quit yeah and then i going to relapse in that best buy. Yeah, put up like a fucking Facebook post. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm six weeks off Celsius and Zen. Yeah, well, good for you, man. That's fucking sick, dude. Thanks, man. Thanks for having me on, dude. Yeah, check that out when it comes out, man. And it was good to meet you, bro. Yeah, dude, you too, man.

Good laughs, dude. Good phone calls, bro. Yeah, we've never met, dude. No, this is, yeah, it's hard to do this, somebody you've never met. But, yeah, I feel like. It's intense, though, dude. We just did it, dude. We just fucking've never met dude. So this is a, yeah, it's hard to do this. Somebody you've never met, but yeah, I feel like some tense though, dude. We just did it.

We just fucking did it. Um, but yeah, man, thank you for coming. Thank you guys for listening. Um, this episode will come out tomorrow and then I don't know if I'll be around next week, but we'll figure it out,

man. Thank you guys as always for listening.