The Johnny Salami Podcast - Mike Soucy

Episode Date: February 11, 2020

Mike Soucy is a firefighter with a smokin hot lady. After years of not seeing Soucy, I get the chance to catch up with my old friend.

What's going on everyone? Welcome to another episode of the Johnny Salami podcast. Today's guest, Mike Soucy. What's up guys? Thanks for coming out of the fucking trees, baby. Yeah, no problem. Glad to be here. How are you, man? It's good to see you. Yeah, nice to see you too. What have you been up to? I just want to...

You know, just trying to live my best life. What does that mean though? Because I never see you outside. I only saw you at the gas station. Yeah, that's just my excuse for uh being lame yeah yeah you have you have no social media man anything no one can track you down off the grid i'd ask from your number you know yeah yeah i don't have it no idea trying to lay low it's apparently it's working so yeah yeah what are you uh ladder 14 and yeah no yes what ladder are you uh ladder two oh shit yeah how many ladders on it uh there's eight of them really yeah you used to have nine but what's it like like uh being a firefighter though uh best job in the

world no bias yeah you know what's weird dude is like when i was younger when i was young i swear to god dude i wanted to uh like i legitimately wanted to be a firefighter yeah and i'm not sure if that's like what everyone wanted like i feel like it definitely is yeah it's like every kid played soccer and then every kid wanted to be like a firefighter or something or an astronaut yeah but do you think it was because of like the toy trucks probably yeah i think that's what it was though that the flashing lights too yeah but dude i would legitimately go outside like in my diapers and i would just fucking i just take the garden hose and start spraying trees just whipping it around yeah like nobody's business yeah

yeah then I just I just kind of like lost the aspiration yeah I don't know what it was I think that's I think I took a shit

in my neighbor's lawn yeah that would be the end of most people's careers right there no this is wicked fucked up dude but was that like yesterday you did that or yeah seems legit no this is wicked fucked up dude so uh when i was younger did we lived in uh like we rented a place out

in north smithfield it was like pretty nice it's like a legit house but there was houses like our house was directly next to another house like very close so we shared the same lawn so 9-11 is legitimately happening like the fucking towers are falling i swear to god dude i'm in the backyard dude i have rain boots on i'm in the backyard dude i have rain boots on i'm completely naked and i'm hosing down my trees because i think i'm a firefighter you're gonna save those trees and uh dude i was completely naked yeah and i had to take a shit so what else are you gonna do i run over dude and legit take a shit in my neighbor's lawn and i swear to god dude this guy saw me yeah and say anything yeah what are you gonna say yeah like what are you gonna say to a six-year-old yeah

i mean yeah i can't believe you're uh i was so young knowingly doing that yeah i mean i was so young but like i can like vividly remember that dude just because it was 9-11 i didn't know what was going on dude you know like my whole family's crying i'm like yeah the fuck most people like hey where were you uh when this happened where were you on 9-11 yeah we were too young though you're taking a dump in your neighbor's yard yeah yeah i mean i don't tell him that but yeah well he knows so you don't need to tell internally yeah it fucks me up a little bit yeah i'm sure a little ptsd action right there yeah i i'd be pretty messed up too if i uh took a dump without toilet paper i'm assuming use the guarding hose. What did you use?

I was at that age where you don't know if you should be using diapers or not. Yeah. Yeah. You just went no toilet.

Savage. Absolute savage. I think I just forgot I wasn't wearing a diaper. Yeah. Well, at that point, I mean. I might have just been

caught in the moment. Yeah, exactly. Caught up. A bunch of emotions going on. Yeah. Just confused about my sexuality and stuff.

I feel like this is yesterday you're talking about. I feel like yesterday you just going on. Yeah. Just confused about my sexuality and stuff. I feel like this is yesterday you're talking about. I feel like yesterday you just did this. Yeah, just like Shutter Island. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yeah. I think about that a lot, actually.

Maybe you should. You ever think about that, though? Like you're putting out a fight. Every day. I mean, that's like the running joke. No, I was thinking, thinking like do you ever think about like say like there's a fire in providence someone calls dude you know you come to the rescue dude you're fucking humping that hose like a badass dude but like realistically like

that's just your perception and you're like you realistically you're outside of like a like joey's beef barn just throwing rocks at the place i don't even know what to do with that question man so uh well i mean i don't even know where to begin with that question you don't have to i don't even i i want to answer it but i mean so i'm on i'm on a ladder company um so we don't really deal with the hoes. We do the other stuff. What do you mean? Saving cats from trees? Yeah, that would be more something that we would do right there.

Yeah. That's like an urban legend, although there was one time that I actually did do that, and it was an ultimate low of my career. Oh, saving a cat from a tree? Yeah. Really? Yeah. These people called.

They were like, hey. They called dispatch, and they were like, hey know there's a cat up in a tree and uh dispatch was like dude we don't do that like that's that's like something but like i guess you know a couple minutes went by and they called uh the chief this is back when i was at at uri and they uh they called the chief and the chief was like all right when I was at URI, and they called the chief, and the chief was like, all right, we'll send someone out there to go do that, and I happened to be at the station with a couple other guys, and so we took the ladder, and we went over there, and we get there, and this woman comes out, she's like, yeah, there's a cat that's up in that tree, it's been up there, you

know, we tried to put some like milk out for it, some food, we called the animal control, so put some food out there. It's been up there for like six days now. I was like, oh my goodness. You didn't want to call like day one, two, three, or four? Six days? Yeah, six days. Damn, bro.

Yeah, I was like, man, this thing's... Holy shit. It's like the Energizer bunny of cats. It was still alive after six days. That's what I said. I was surprised that a falcon or something didn't come by and just grab it. What do you think it was eating? I don't even know.

I don't even know. It's just up there with its thoughts. Yeah, I guess it's just up there with its own thoughts. Man. But anyway, so we went to go grab that guy, and that sucker was right out of a commercial or something. TV. He just grabbed on like a psycho. Yeah.

Just trying to help him out, and he just jumped out. His claws out. I fucking hate cats, man. I hate cats, too. Dude, imagine, like, but if you were in Florida, though, and someone was like, yo, there's a fucking gator in my yard,

you'd have to be like, yeah, and the gator boys are all fucking packed up. Dude, I'd call the gator boys. Really? Because they deal with gators. I don't deal with gators.

I thought firefighters, like, had to deal with snakes and gators, deal with gators. I don't deal with gators. I thought firefighters had to deal with snakes and gators down there. I don't know, man. If there's no fire there, we're not dealing with those gators. Call them gator boys. Yeah. I thought I was watching a show once. It was like firefighters showing up to a residence. And there was like a fucking anaconda in the backyard.

Yeah. I'm out on that one, dude. Yeah. I'm not sticking around for the anaconda in the backyard. Yeah. I'm out on that one, dude. Yeah. I'm not sticking around for the anaconda. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't fuck with like a viper, rattlesnake, anything like that. I'd just be like, hey, you're fucked. Yeah.

I wouldn't even get out of the truck. I'd just keep rolling. Yeah, looks like an anaconda. Keep going. See you later. Just peel out. Yeah. See you later.

So I was at work yesterday doing the fire department came because the alarm went off i swear to god dude two fire companies like departments came and they literally just looked at the there was a the fucking sign for the bank fell off and it was just hanging by a wire that was was it. Just one wire, dude. And people are so smart. They were like, yeah, I'm going to park right in front of this. Wow. And the alarm went off. The fire department comes. They just look at it, and they're like, no, you're fucked.

Yep. Yeah. That's it, man. That is exactly how it would go for the anaconda in the Gaties. So, I mean, dude, is most of your job just kind of like finding shit to do while you're chilling? There's always stuff to do. So, if we're not going on calls, then we're cleaning tools. We're training.

A big part of it is training. Always training. That's where that whole, like, you know, second family comes in. You just spend a lot of time with these guys. So, that's it, man. There's always stuff to be doing. How much pressure is, like is in a hose, though? Can you change the pressure?

Yeah, we can change the pressure. There's a decent amount. Because I feel like that'd fuck you up if you put that between your legs as a joke. Yeah. No, you can definitely... They lift cars with fire hoses. They get a couple of them,

strap them on something. They can lift a car with them. Really? There get a couple of them, strap them on something. They can lift a car with them. Really? There's a lot of pressure there. Yeah. It gets wild. Yeah, man.

That's too much for me, man. Yeah. How does it work? I drive by a lot of fire hydrants. Yeah. You have to take a wrench to those things? Yeah, I take a wrench to them, open them up. We put some gates on them so we can connect our hose to it. And then we just, it's good to go.

Let it rip. Let it rip. You just turn it in, let it rip. But there's some areas, like certain places, certain communities, don't have hydrants. Wild. You're just using people's water? Yeah, not even. I mean, like regular people people's water you can't even

it's not not enough of it you know so we we have water we carry on on the engines yeah and um but sometimes it's not enough dude imagine if you plugged one of those hoses into like uh like an oil slot we like to put an oil everywhere it's like an oil truck right yeah but like and you just like smoke a cigarette and like throw it on it yeah this is this is why i'm not a firefighter yeah yeah no it's all right it's all good dude so what's going on with you and the lady you still uh married yeah yeah yeah no we're not officially married are you gonna get married i probably not no i'm just kidding i don't know um it's whether or not she wants to stick around

you know yeah i mean you must piss her off dude a lot that's why like i you know i'd imagine one of these days she's just gonna be like all right enough's enough but she puts up with a lot like what just regular shenanigans like dude for today she wanted like this the only day we get to hang out and uh she just left to go hit like i don't even know get a new tire she popped her tire and she's like i'm coming back i was like i just gotta step out to my buddy johnny's house he'll be gone for a few minutes it's just like see you later man just left her high and dry so yeah yeah that's like my mom person that's like my mom though dude she always asks where i'm going yeah it's like mom i'm going to cvs i'll be back in five minutes yeah she's

like what are you getting and i'm like mom fuck off like just let me live my life you know what i mean yeah just need some some why are girls like that though i don't know fucking i don't know yeah why do you have to know where i'm going you'm going all the time you don't yeah and then they're like oh like what if something happens to you it's like it wouldn't matter either way like i'd be fucked yeah i mean someone takes an ax to me in cvs like you knowing that i'm at cvs isn't going to benefit the situation yeah i mean you should have shopped at right aid Aid, realistically. Rite Aid was bought out by Walgreens. Is Rite Aid no longer a thing? I'm pretty sure they were bought out by Walgreens.

Well, they'll shop there then. Yeah. You think it's better? I feel like there's less axe murderers that would go to Walgreens. CVS is kind of legit. Is it? Yeah. I don't know, man.

Walgreens just sounds like Fucking Walgreens It sounds like a Christmas Ornament or something Speaking of which On the way into your house today There is a Christmas tree That I almost hit In the middle

Of your street Yeah it's not mine Yeah you gonna You gonna move it Just leave it there It's not my responsibility Yeah I almost smoked That thing on the way in

Just almost I was like alright here we go I saw it when I got home And I was like it's not mine Wow you're a piece of shit. It's not my responsibility. I want whoever that is to pick it up.

Yeah, they're not picking it up. I'm sick of picking up after people's shit, dude. The whole Christmas tree in the middle of the street. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I hope somebody hits it. Yeah. Dude, I used to throw acorns at all these people's houses. You think I give a shit about a fucking Christmas tree?

No, and I used to take a dump in their yard too, so. That was in North Smithfield. That's probably why they left that Christmas tree there. Fucking limp dick.

That was in North Smithfield, dude. And they probably remember the name. Yeah, they probably do. I hope they do. Like Fort Minor? I saw that guy a few years later at a fucking hockey shop. My neighbor.

Yeah? And I'm pretty sure he knew. Did you take a dump in his hockey shop? Dude, two for one special? It wasn't his hockey shop. I was just buying stuff while he was... You just touched my foot, dude. Yeah, I did.

His table's not long enough for the two of us. Yeah. No, did he... I hope he remembers the name. He definitely does. The name fucking Johnny. Johnny Salam, baby. Don't you ever forget.

the name fucking Johnny Johnny Salami baby don't you ever forget I honestly forgot what else I was gonna ask you we got kinda sidetracked with the Asians yeah that'll happen

what was I gonna ask you man it was actually kinda important so you're basically just doing nothing all the time you have no social media no social media nobody No social media. Nobody ever knows where you are. Does that ever bother you?

No. Don't you ever want to catch up with your pals? No, I don't. Why not? The people I want to see, I see, you know? Oh, so you don't want to see me? No, I don't. Fuck, man.

Yeah, I know. The truth comes out. I knew this day was going to come, though. You had my number, though. I do. Wow. I do, yeah. So you knew it was me, and you still, wow.

Yeah, I knew it was you. What are you doing? I want to know, man. Can you tell me why? So, like, I've asked you this before, but, like, you don't have any social media. Is there, like, a reason for that? Like, you don't believe in it, or? No, I just never got into it. And then I kind of just kept going with it and now i'm in too deep i'm

in way too deep i actually do have a twitter oh really i had to get a twitter for a college class and uh i kept it because i ended up following all the uh twitter buffs who put all like all the active incidents out like like, fire buffs or whatever. They listen to scanners all the time, and they put the incidents out. So I follow those guys, see what's going on, whatever. But other than that, no, it's just... You feel refreshed mentally? I feel like there's a lot of distractions not caught up in, you know?

But I wouldn't know because I don't have one. Yeah, dude. I mean, if there was, like, a huge occurrence, how would you find out? Just, like, the news? Yeah, probably the news or something. Watching TV shows? I mean, everyone else has it, so, I mean, word of mouth.

You think someone would shoot you a text? Someone shot me a text. Like, yo, did you hear about Kobe? And I was like, no, I didn't. Oh. And then they informed me. And then you went online? Yeah. Yep. And that was like, no, I didn't. Oh. And then they informed me. And then you went online? Yeah.

Yep. And that was it. So that's kind of how it works, though. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. That almost makes too much sense. Yep. It's like you're onto something, dude.

Could be. I'm just ahead of my time. What were you like in middle school? Did you just scream vagina in class? Yeah, I was that kid i was definitely that kid i was uh you know 100 pounds overweight just that that uh yeah that chubby kid but i rocked it man i just rocked being that that kid i would have hate to have been my teacher yeah i mean you are always hungry yeah like you used to come to our house in college

and just fucking eat everything yeah it's just's just eat, sleep, poop, repeat. That's just my life. You want to know what I've been doing all these days? That's pretty much it. I remember you tried playing football. And that was like one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Oh, yeah. Because you were like an absolute animal.

I remember you got like 40 tackles one day in a JV game. You showed up late. And you got yelled at and just acted like nothing happened and then i remember coach skirka giving like a wicked emotional speech to everyone like looking him in the eyes and you just like fucking yelled something and no one laughed no one laughed except for you you were like nudging people on the show do you like that was funny right And no one laughed. No one laughed except for you. You were like nudging people on the show.

You were like, that was funny, right? No. Inappropriately timed jokes, man. You just can't hold it in? Constipation of the brain, diarrhea of the mouth. I can't remember what he was saying, though. He was wicked emotional about it. He was looking us all in the eyes. We're going fucking win this game and you were like yeah i'm gonna win that ass and everyone was like what

it's it's honestly it's funny because someone i'll have someone come up to me at least two or three times a week that i haven't seen in a long time or maybe i have seen like hey man you remember the time you did something like you like what you just said yeah and it's just so ridiculous and i for me it's just like it's so par for the course it's so regular so satisfying it well no it's just so so normal to me i don't it doesn't like i don't even commit them to memory i'm like this is just normal life but for everyone else i like dude that was so like there was one time bringing up football trent basey i don't even know skirka was there it was like after lunch he like stole a flip-flop of mine in the trans building which is a giant circle yeah and uh

so he was running around so we left the classroom he running around. So it's just like him and I in the hallway at this point. I finally catch him, push him down. And somehow the flip-flop went flying. But I grabbed it. And I was just like pretty much spanking him with the flip-flop. And I turned around. Like all the six teachers had just came back from lunch. They were standing there and all watching. They're like, dude, just go to the office. I was like, like, all the six teachers had just came back from lunch and they're standing there and all watching the, like, dude, just go to the office.

I was like, oh, okay. Oh, really? Yeah. Damn. Yeah, just regular nonsense. Dude, I remember that story. Yeah. I used to see you in the trans sometimes when I was a freshman and you were a sophomore.

Yeah. And that building was so isolated from everything else and it was so small. And I remember I was walking up the stairs once with one of my friends, and he yelled vagina. I don't know why I laughed, dude. Apparently, I still haven't grown up. So he yelled vagina, like not that loud. Like nobody could really hear it. But this one special needs kid heard it.

And he was one of those special needs kids where like when they hear something, they start yelling it too. So he started running around the trans and he was going into every single class yelling. Like he single-handedly ran into every single class and yelled it. Yeah, you're going to hell.

Dude, I've never laughed so hard in my life, man. Like I remember going to hell and dude i've never laughed so hard in my life man like i like i remember going to laugh and i thought like one of my lungs dropped yep but then afterwards it was like one of those laughs where you're like yeah like i'm going to hell yeah that was like one of the worst things that's ever happened yeah and we weren't even like egging them on either we were just casually walking naturally vagina yeah and this one kid was like i was saying just That was the start of it. Yeah.

That was the first time you ever heard of that and you just broke him right in. Yeah, no, I felt bad. I wanted to help him out, but he was just... There was no turning back. There's no stopping that train.

Yeah. It's going. It's just going. It's just fucking... It's unfortunate, but... Oh, dear. Did you spread that rumor about me in high school?

What one? The hot dog one. I don't know what the hot dog one was. I think it was Trent. This is like another one of those moments. Alright, fill me in. What happened with the hot dog one? I don't know what the hot dog one was. I think it was Trent. This is like another one of those moments. Alright, fill me in. What happened with the hot dog? I remember we were at lunch once and I think it was me, you,

and Trent. And Trent was like, yeah, dude, I'm going to spread a rumor right now that you shoved a hot dog up your sister's vagina and ate it. And I was like, I remember hearing about that, dude. And I was like, I remember hearing about that, dude. And I was like,

Oh, that's funny, dude. And like, I didn't know he was actually going to do it. And then he ended up doing it. Wow. Dude,

it went around the whole school so fast. Bro, that was true though. That wasn't a rumor. Yeah. I mean, dude, I could never eat hot dog again.

You know how many hot dogs I had at lunch, dude? Yeah. At least four. Ruined hot dogs for you yeah yeah hot dogs is good too man

yeah good for you and I'm pretty sure it was you who spread the rumor no I wish I wish I was capable of that you think so yeah no I wish I was capable

that's uh that's that's brilliant really dude it was so genius yeah like it's almost too genius to think that Trent did it

it could have been someone who was smarter I don't know I mean I believe Trent could do that Dude, it was so genius. Yeah. Like, it's almost too genius to think that Trent did it. It could have been someone who was smarter. I don't know. I mean, I believe Trent could do that. Yeah. I wonder what he's doing. He's getting after it. When I say he's coaching her, like doing a whole coaching thing. Oh, so he's someone you reach out to?

Yeah. Well, I see him at the gym every now and again when he's back. You going to the Foreskin Factory still? I still go to the Foreskin Factory. How's that? Love it. Really? Love it. Really? Love it.

How do you get motivated there? With a name like that, how could you not get motivated? How do you get motivated there, though? Pre-workout. Really? Yeah, insane amount of pre-workout. What are you taking? I was taking Amino.

It's like Amino, like by Optima Nutrition. And then there's like this new thing. It's like insane mind NO like by Optima Nutrition and then there's like this new thing it's like insane mind blaster wow those must be stroke 4000 yeah

gives you like a heart attack I was at an open mic the other night and there was like three people there everybody left when I went up because it was like

one of the last ones yeah seems right yeah I told this joke I was like yeah like I wonder what Starbucks is gonna to be like in like 30 years

you know what I'm saying I feel like you're just going to roll up to the drive-thru and be like yeah can I get like a can I get like a what are you going to get

are you going to leave me hanging I'm the one guy in the crowd are you going to leave me hanging on this joke so when I said this joke one dude actually started laughing because I was like

I was like yeah what are you gonna do like roll up to the drive-thru and be like yeah can I get like a like a grande pussy popper 350z

and the whole joke is like yeah like and then they're gonna be like yeah it's gonna be $330,000 it's like the dumbest joke in the fucking world but once i said uh grande pussy popper 350z dude this one bisexual dude started laughing his ass off yeah he was making jokes about like his boyfriend like pooping on his dick wow dude yeah it was insane that's

intense oh dude one it's depressing yeah yeah yeah that's what i have to deal with man but yeah my jokes aren't any better than his yeah what else do what i told the joke about um how i used to make up uh i used to make up bible verses at church you definitely are You definitely are. If there was any doubt before you, now you're definitely going. Dude, you never used to do that? No.

Really? No, I just was too dumb to remember them. Just couldn't remember them. They were just like, couldn't even think of an excuse. Just too stupid. Yeah, exactly. That's why you make them up, dude.

Like, I remember in Sunday school, they used to be like, he used to have to like, it was mandatory that you had to bring in a Bible verse, like memorized. And I would just make them up. I'd be like, and then a ziggious said to the tree, take me home, country roads. The teacher would be like, isn't that a fucking song by John Denver?

Yeah, John Denver. I'd be like, nah, homie, that's fucking John 316, baby. That's Johnny Salami 4. Yeah, there used to be a deaf guy at my church. Yeah. That's cool. Dude, he used to try to sing, too. He used to try to sing, too.

It was the fucking funniest thing in the world. He'd just be screaming the whole time. What the hell's wrong with you? What the hell's wrong with you? It's not even time to sing. Somebody's reporting the death of someone, and they're saying a prayer, and he just started singing

This fucking this chef you gotta get it together I've been doing this yeah, usually they hang from these things Yeah, I don't even have one over here look to your left Yeah, I don't even have one over here. Look to your left. You fucking Nazi. I guess I do. Yeah. I guess I do. So what's going on with

this whole car thing? Fixing the car? Like, do you just insert your cock into exhaust pipes? Occasionally. If that's what it's that's what's called for but like i don't i'm so confused when i see you because like you're confused about me and then i see you and you start talking about cars dude you know all this stuff and then i'm

just like what happened broke a lot of stuff growing up and you just had to fix it had to fix it that's how that's how it happened I feel like that's usually how it happens. If you break a lot of stuff, you got to figure it out. And I broke a lot of stuff. What did you break, though? Everything. Like what? I think I started out small, like most serial killers.

I started with, like, the lamp. Moved on to the toaster. And then before you know it, I'm just breaking cars. Yeah, i was talking more in terms of like cars though yeah oh i mean it was all these like dirt bikes and motorcycles then just got bigger you ride dirt bikes yeah i still do still in the woods or yeah woods is it true that like uh in the woods there's like a higher chance of you breaking shit yeah yeah there's trees there's more obstacles so i feel like there's a few close calls broke my hand once riding with avo oh yeah oh would you just

put like your hand out yeah he uh he stopped in the middle of we were on like a rock bank it was uh the reservoir and rock bank and a like huge thicket so we like pretty much had to go all over these rocks and he stopped all of a sudden I don't know just sucking

stopped all of a sudden yeah and I was right behind him which I guess I have a bad habit of like being right on people right on their ass

and as soon as he stopped I was like instead of hitting him I kind of just tried to stop as soon as I could ended up falling off and i had my hand out fell right on a few rocks and just broke my hand yeah which hand was it my left hand oh yeah that's good yeah which is yeah huge relief yeah i would almost be like upset because I'd want to switch things up yeah now it's just the same old monotony

same hand sometimes you just gotta switch it your dominant position but I mean it takes a lot of mental strength and what not you gotta be extremely focused you don't wanna get into some risky business

if you switch it up and you don't you don't know you know you gotta have gotta have that focus yeah i'm really just sick of asians like sticking their hands up my ass yeah and paying for it too i mean like it's one thing to have that happen but to pay for it yeah 140 bucks man yeah i might have to go back to therapy dude yeah they'll just tell me the same shit though yeah they'll be like oh it could be worse yeah

stop making fun of the deaf guy in church yeah stop doing that stop pooping on the neighbor's lawn yeah and stay away

from the Asian massage parlors is it only Asian massage parlors um for the most part yeah I feel like

you know because why why is that why is that a thing dude i almost feel like this is gonna sound messed up but i feel like there's almost like an inner sort of competition between them you know like who can get who can provide the best services who can get the best review on yelp i mean yeah but essentially i mean you're gonna you're gonna get a better you know yelp review if you fucking spank someone off and they shoot one off the ceiling, kill like three birds and change the world. Versus if you give some shitty massage.

But I mean, think about it. Is it a cultural thing or something? I think it would be offensive in their culture. Like, I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out why it's only that it's got to be only them right i mean i haven't heard of anyone else doing there's no way it's like a cultural thing they're not just like yeah like we give straight up hjs for dough yeah no i'm saying like obviously not but like add a massage paula though i yeah yeah no man he's like dude you can go to you can go to the mall and you'll see a bunch of No I'm saying Like obviously not But like at a massage parlor Yeah

Yeah No man It's like dude You can go to the mall And you'll see a bunch Of massage parlors But if you If you pull your pants

Down there and say Hey like let me get Some cha-ching homie That's a salt brother You're gonna pay the price Yeah You're gonna pay the price Yeah

Motherfucker Dude I bought some Some Chinese food The other day you gonna pay the rice motherfucker I bought some Chinese food the other day and no word of a lie she gives me the bag and getting ready to leave and she goes have a rice day how am I supposed to keep it together if she says that

just flat out was she trying to say nice she's definitely either faking it to get me to laugh or like this is this is so real either way i lost it i was like there's no this is real life yeah i mean you can probably tell just by like her body language she's like how i mean she looks was she like anticipating a response from you i don't even know man blank face yeah she was probably trying that but said have a rice day I was like no way No way

Oh my god Definitely roping me in On this one I'm telling you though dude Like I think most Most underground Asian places

Probably give HJ's Probably But if you're at like Emerald Square Mall You can't be You know No you can't be messing around I mean you can try

But they got mall You know they got mall cops And what not so Yeah Which you can't be, you know. No, you can't be messing around with that. I mean, you can try, but they got mall cops and whatnot, so. Which you could probably outrun. Yeah, I mean, they probably have cameras, though. Yeah. I think you're just screwed overall, but it's like, yeah. I mean, I don't. It's business.

Definitely not a cultural thing, but, I mean, if you can get 40 bucks, straight cash. Straight cash, homie. I mean, if you can get 40 bucks, straight cash. Straight cash, homie. I mean, why not? Times are tough. Times are a-changing. Times are a-changing. But I don't think it's a cultural thing. Yeah.

You can always ask... I'm not going to say that. always ask um i'm not gonna say that do you remember when uh i saw you and your girlfriend at the gym i was making a video yeah and it was like it was like uh it was like a snapchat video and i was like yeah like i'd rather be here than going out uh you know like hanging out with normal human beings and then i went upstairs in forecourt like the upper level and uh i remember uh i yelled sometimes when i shit i come at the top of my lungs and i didn't know your girlfriend was there

i never heard this story dude and uh dude i might actually have it on my phone unreal she was there yeah i didn't know she was there she was there though dude you end of though. Dude, are you into those? Are you into talking about, like, war and stuff? I mean, I don't talk about it. I've never been to war. But these guys talk about it, and I listen. It's not as...

There's different... I mean, it's not always about war. A lot of times it is. But those are the stories that kind of, like... A lot about leadership, life lessons, war. It's a lot of good stuff you know anything about like uh

war no I know nothing about war really yeah like weapons or anything oh I mean like that's just weapons

basic stuff but like dude cause I remember yeah dude remember I definitely do know a few things dude cause remember me and Evo lived across

from a Navy SEAL veteran when was that in Narragansett. Oh, he was, was he? Yeah, he was a. He was a Green Beret. That's what it was. Yeah, he was a Green Beret.

Guy was like legit. But dude, you were talking to him for like 40 minutes. A Vietnam Green Beret. I wish I did. I said two words to him. I didn't know it was him one morning. I think it was. Yeah, I think I must have been like three sheets to the wind talking to this guy he's like this guy is an idiot just

talking to me well my you know brain's just melting but uh yeah no he Ava was saying that guy was like some hardcore green beret yeah dude we moved in I moved in first and Ava wasn't even there yet and uh i think i was taking out the trash and he was like oh you must be the new neighbors and i was like yeah how's it going man he was like he just started going off about how he was like a green beret and dude i literally couldn't understand anything he was saying just so like it was just too hardcore for me yeah he was like yeah dude i used to i used to have two ak's strapped to my back shooting at these fucking motherfuckers yeah and i was just like holy shit man like i'm just trying to take

out the trash yeah but this guy was like this guy was like yeah i remember running like i remember running 20 miles at two in the morning and then jerking off while i did it and i was like dude like i don't want any trouble that guy yeah right i was just like dude like i don't want any trouble man like we're not to throw any parties or anything. Yep. But if anything goes down, I'll definitely reach out to you. Yeah, yeah. He was just going off.

He was telling me stories and stuff, and I was like, holy shit, dude. Different breed, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, those guys are a different breed. But yeah, we never fuck with that guy. I wouldn't. Yeah, probably best that you did i remember like that was the first thing that evo said when i went to the house he was just like

hey man you know everything's fair game just be careful because uh if you slip our neighbor probably might slate this is like slit your throat or something crazy yeah like if you was afraid to start my car like after 12 o'clock at night i was like if i start my car this guy's gonna come out and just beat me to death with my own hands or something. He didn't really care that much, man. No, he didn't. I remember we had a bunch of people over one night. He didn't really care that much.

Yeah. And I don't know what he was. I think he was probably like, he was kind of funny, though, dude. Yeah. We should have invited him in for a beer. I think we were just naturally scared of him just because of the stories he was telling. Yeah. But he still had some funny stories to him.

He was telling me, he was like, yeah, I got some stupid fucking conference call where I just wear my boxers and then I just wear a dress shirt on top. They can't see it. I was like, oh, that's kind of funny, man. But yeah, we had a decent amount of people over one night and he didn't care. No. But realistically, if you egged his house, I'm sure a bunch of landmines would go off the second you release the egg yeah like the egg wouldn't even touch the house the egg would be afraid to hit the house like nope i heard about this house man yeah just defying gravity yeah yeah i would not

fuck with that guy man all right dude we should probably end this before i kill myself yeah this is uh this has been quite the experience no thanks for thanks for coming dude yeah thanks for having me