The Johnny Salami Podcast - Mooney

Episode Date: March 28, 2021

Steven Mooney is a man who can fly an aircraft fully erect while drinking a cold brew coffee. A man who would turn down an invitation to play naked Twister with a group of attractive woman, because he's for the boys. A man we refer to as "Poonslayer".

somebody threw a rock through my house seriously no joey dude dude one time uh i think it was me and cam bose dude we were on my side hill we were like 15 16 and we were launching rocks and we just kept hearing sounds and stuff like we just like we didn't know what it was but we just kept like hearing the rocks hit something so like 30 minutes passes and i get a call from joey and he goes dude are you throwing rocks and i was like i mean maybe and he was like dude you're hitting my grandma's house dude we were literally put like holes in our house dude you're gonna pay for that one eventually dude yeah man i'm happy to be back dude like i said man i appreciate you coming on

dude i mean last time we saw each other dude we were golfing which was fun oh yeah it was awesome it was terrible around yeah dude there was uh there was a kid who was like golfing at the same course we were on who was behind us. Oh, yeah. And, dude, he played baseball at Johnson and Wales. And, dude, he was, like, always getting pussy, man. Like, he was, like, one of the coolest kids there. Really?

And he was, like, he was watching you tee off, and you just had a cigarette in your mouth, dude. And you just hit a drive, 300 yards and he was like that kid's a legend allegedly yeah dude i was thinking about you remember the guy it's because me you and ryan and then there's that fourth random dude oh and he was just like taking dabs and stuff he's like that guy was weird dude i know he's wicked weird he had like multi-colored socks yeah he was wearing like a broncos hat dude yeah i just didn't want to get pissed off because he started getting mad, man. Like, when he was taking bad shots. I don't like playing with random people.

You never know who you're going to get. You get, like, an old dude. Dude, because he was there by himself. Yeah. And the starter was just like, yeah, you guys are going to have to golf with that guy over there. And we were just like, all right. I just didn't want to piss him off, dude, because you never know what could happen, dude. Yeah.

I mean, for the most part, you usually get good people, but. Dude, he was pretty good, actually. He was good. Yeah. But. I'd rather golf with someone worse than me, but it's hard. It's, like, actually hard to be worse than me at golf, so. I mean, dude, as long as you hit, like, one good drive, like, I feel like you're going to come back.

Oh, yeah. You know? It's all mental it's a mental game yeah and i've seen some people who are like pretty fucking nasty dude but like sometimes you wash them and you're just like they're just like not even like hitting the ball you know like they're just swinging that air yeah but then like the next time you see them they shoot like you know five under and you're like all right like i don't you know i don't understand how that happens but i guess it's just golf yeah consistency i think is the hardest thing with

golf yeah with anything really yeah you know for sure but dude i wanted to talk about like flying and stuff oh yeah for sure i mean i know you were in the navy we'll get to that at some point but um when i found out you were flying dude i mean i think everyone found out you were in the navy we'll get to that at some point but um when i found out you were flying dude i mean i think everyone found out you were flying and they were like what the actual fuck everyone was like wait a second are we talking about the same kid but like dude anytime anyone flies i mean it's pretty cool but how'd you uh like how'd you get into flying so i got into it when i was 16 i think and uh my dad got me into it and it's just at north central so it's literally like you go down george washington you know where the starbucks is in lincoln in lincoln

yeah like a mall you just take a left where like that panera bread is okay right down there we have a little office uh my boss is like it's literally like probably the size of maybe from here to your bed to like where you're sitting. It's like a small space. Yeah, really small. My boss is like 88. He's from Switzerland. I know it sounds sketchy, but I promise it's not. And yeah, I started flying with him.

He actually did my dad like 40 years ago flying. Dude, how does that work? He's literally been doing it forever, dude. So, like, when you're 16, though, like, you can literally, like, legally go into a fucking aircraft? Dude, you can actually train. Like, you can start flying. There's no age, dude. Like, you can literally be 12 and be, like, taking flight lessons.

But to go, like, still, you fly, like, maybe do, like, 10 hours. Like, I'll get out and be, like, tell have you fly like maybe do like 10 hours like i'll get out be like tell the guy like hey fly solo you gotta be 15 i think to solo and then you can get your license at 16 so you can legally fly before you can legally drive yes that's fucking nuts yeah with an instructor like on board but all right so when you're flying solo there's a guy with you uh when you're flying solo that just means you're pretty much alone so like no instructor that's kind of like the baptism by fire like you just get out of the plane and you're like hey like do a few takeoffs and landings like you know land and go back up land go back up yeah and honestly it's

scary more like if you're an instructor like that's what i do it's scarier for me because it's like dude is this guy gonna kill himself then guess who's gonna get blamed for it he's probably gonna go to jail so but yeah that's kind of how it works you get your you get your private license like you just do it recreationally all the way up to like commercial you can get a job what type of aircrafts like do you typically fly we fly piper warriors and cessnas so for people like me who like barely know how to read like what is that that's just like imagine you ever see like little planes flying around like you just look up sometimes they're like four seaters. One of them, like the Piper is like the wings are on the bottom and the Cessna things.

If you look it up, like probably on Google, you'll probably recognize like, hey, is it like an older aircraft or is it more of like a newer one? They're all from the 60s, 70s. Does that scare you a little bit? Yeah. Yeah. But like they're so expensive. Like if you try and buy like a 2010 it's gonna be like 160 150

000 really but most of the planes out there like the the general aviation ones are all like 70 60s because they're just really well like uh kept up by maintenance so like do you have an aircraft or you have to rent it um my boss owns two so they're like two planes from warriors from like the 60s yeah and uh i usually just fly like i'll fly his planes like i'll i'll give people lessons like in his two planes because he doesn't really fly that much anymore um he can still technically fly he's 88 but like he had a brain aneurysm yeah he like ran into a cop car and stuff but i'll tell you he's a hell of a pilot though he's one of the best but yeah he's got that blood dude it's like second nature to him really oh yeah yeah he's uh bro if i was fucking 88 and i wanted to go out like a fucking champ, I'd fucking take a fucking, I'd take a flight, dude.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, if I was flying my whole life, dude, and I was 88 and I was just, like, shitting myself, like, on a regular basis. Like, in the middle of the night one night, I would just fucking take it up there, dude. Bring it to Nantucket. But, dude, so, like, flying is obviously no fucking joke dude um like as far as learning do you think you just learned because you've been around it for so

long you were so interested in it because like if i'm interested in something like it's easier for me to learn it yeah but if i'm like you know if i'm learning about like uh regulations and shit like i'm gonna fall asleep yeah i'm the same way yeah i think it's fun because it's more hands-on it's like you actually do it you know maybe like the first time you go up you're like oh this is pretty cool yeah um and yeah it's really just a lot of repetition like the actual flying yeah it's almost like i don't want to say it's like driving because it's there's a lot of little nuances about it you know like actually flying the airplane when you're up there is easy you go left you go right up down but i think it's like take

off landings navigating is like what people have trouble with yeah what confuses me though is like so these planes are like from like the 60s and shit yeah what about like modern day planes like there must be more like buttons and stuff oh yeah yeah we have like i don't know if you have you really gone on an airplane like peaked in the cockpit like when you're flying like going somewhere no i've only been on a plane uh twice yeah well yeah now it's all it's all, imagine, like, I don't know, like, an iPad screen almost. Yeah. With, like, buttons everywhere.

They got, like, heads-up displays. I mean, I've seen the movies, so it's like, you know. With us, we just have, like, the little round gauges. I don't know if you've ever seen it. Have you seen, like, a World War II movie where they're flying and they have, like, the little... So it's, like, old school as shit. Yeah. It's pretty old school.

So, like, obviously this is kind of negative but what happens if like you're like shit like i'm about to fucking crash uh would you just jump out or no you probably die right if you like in the air you'd probably yeah if you jumped out yeah you'd probably be screwed let's get like a parachute on while we're in parachute it's kind of just like they teach you a lot of safety type stuff you know like always looking for a place there's stuff you can double check to make sure you're not completely screwed you know to like kind of sum it up but i always thought like i always thought like when um when you flew like i always thought it was illegal to just like fly solo

like i always thought you needed someone in the like fly solo like i always thought you needed someone in the plane with you yeah oh well after you get your license you're pretty much good really yeah before that you're yeah you can't but how do you know um like how do you know other aircrafts aren't in the air is there like a way to tell yeah you just look look i thought they had like uh like no fly zones and stuff like that. They do, yeah. Like, the new planes, you know, like the digital ones, they'll literally show, like, other planes.

Like, they'll have, like, little arrows, and those are other planes. It's really high-tech. Like, you can just look and be like, oh, there's a plane. But I've had, like, occurrences where it's like, hey, whoa, and there's a plane, you know really close to you like coming the opposite direction yeah dude that would suck man just getting fucking hit by like a southwest airlines plane oh yeah you're not that you're not up that high no you're not above the clouds right you'd be good uh you can go above the cloud i mean you can only probably get up to

like 9 000 feet but like yeah they have different airspace like you want to go into providence you know what i mean you gotta get clearance you want to go into boston they usually don't even let like me into boston because they're like why do you want to come here it was like oh it'd be cool yeah dude that'd be sick fucking flying over the city yeah you still have like logan and stuff so it's like dude if i like imagine seeing like a southwest airlines plane just coming at you man it'd be fucking nuts oh yeah oh it's scary yeah probably probably pretty scary but yeah man but that's fucking dope though man you should give it a try sometimes no dude i wouldn't i'm scared of heights man yeah like dude we uh i did construction when i was in high school

and uh i was always scared of fucking heights man so like whenever uh i worked with um josh's dad because he owns a uh like a construction company well he's like a contractor i worked with um josh's dad because he owns a like a construction company well he's like a contractor so it was me josh and him and what like we were working on my house and uh he was like yeah like when i'm gone i need you to take the ladder up and like take off all the siding on the front of your house and i was like all right and then like when i tried dude i made it probably five six steps and i thought i was like 40 feet in the air dude i don't like that yeah man i'm wicked scared of heights i don't like them either yeah but i feel like maybe if i was in a plane maybe

it'd be different it is a little bit different i can't really describe it but if i'm up on like a roof or something or i'm climbing a tree dude i get so sketched out for some reason flying like i don't know I just don't I mean dude it's like if I was in a plane like and I fucking knew it was going down I'd probably just make

some fun out of it you know what I mean like jump out with like a boner or something start yelling stuff like but like I'm not gonna do that if I'm falling off a ladder

like in my front yard I'm not gonna have enough time I'm not gonna have yeah I'm not gonna have enough time and like it's like not as funny

I mean it is but it's like it's not like as extreme you know what I mean like if I'm in gonna have the time and like it's like not as funny I mean it is but it's like it's not like as extreme you know what I mean like if I'm in a fucking aircraft like it makes sense but like dude if you fall off a ladder

in your front yard it's like what the fuck are you doing man oh yeah I know but my dog fell off a bridge yesterday it was so scary

oh I saw your I saw your video dude oh yeah she just jumped out. She was running across the bridge. She had wet paws. I was like, watch her, like, fall in the water. She literally just slipped and fell off.

I was like, fuck, man. Yeah, that's funny. I fell off a bridge at the reservoir once. I was getting high with this kid who, like, he was, like, a wicked guy, man, wicked friend. And, like, I think it was, yeah, I was in high school. And he was like, yeah, man, I'd love to catch up. Because we hadn't, like, hung out in a And, like, I think it was, yeah, I was in high school, and he was like, yeah, man, I'd love to catch you up. Because we hadn't, like, hung out in a long time. And, I mean, you know how I was in high school.

Like, I'm still the same way. Like, just fucking random, dude. But I showed up to the fishing site with waders on and, like, all my gear and stuff. And he was just, like, casual about it. He was just, like, wearing, like, normal clothings. But he was like, yeah, man, like, we need to cross this bridge this bridge you know to get to the fishing spot and i was like all right man cool so i'm like in my waders dude i've got my backpack on and like my fishing pole yeah and he was like yeah man so like the right side is probably like 20 feet deep and uh and he was like the left side

is like two feet deep so you can just walk through the water so i was so high instead of going to the left side i went to the right side dude and just stepped in like legitimate just res water and i just submerged dude and destroyed my backpack my fishing pole got lost and i was in waders so i had to like unbuckle my waders underwater and he was like high as shit watching this take place and when i got up when i like submerged dude i just yelled what the fuck so you just straight like you didn't yeah dude head first bro i was so high dude and uh yeah when, when I submerged, I just yelled. I just yelled, what the fuck?

Because I didn't know if it was actually happening or not. It could have been a vision, dude. And he was like, he almost had to call an ambulance, dude. Because he was laughing so hard. He was like, why would you do that, dude? But what were we talking about again? I don't remember. I don't remember what we were talking about, something about uh something about fucking who even knows dude

bridge there's a bridge oh your dog fell off the bridge yeah that was it yep that that key word man but yeah man that must have sucked dude yeah your dog was just like fuck it like it's oh she just slipped. I was, it was like, how old is your dog? She's four now. Oh really? Yeah. They're like rocks.

There was like a rock wall here, rock wall here. So luckily she fell right in the middle where like the water was somewhat deep. I like shit my pants for a second. I was like, Oh my God. Yeah. You're about to jump in dude.

She got out. She was fine. She's a nut. She starts running around and then, um, yeah. dude yeah she's great if you're looking for a dog if i wanted a dog man i'd get like an english bulldog but yeah one of those fat ones man oh yeah my cousin has one i gotta show you afterwards yeah they're uh they're hard to raise man because their face is all smushed

together so they have seizures a lot oh yeah so if i saw like a big fat bulldog have a seizure dude i'd be like what they have seizures because of that yeah man you ever see like their faces they're all scrunched together all scrunched so they have a hard time breathing so sometimes they like freak the fuck out you know have seizures they've got like a lot of problems but they're worth it man i feel like just walking around, a lot of problems, but they're worth it, man, I feel like. Just walking around the block with that thing, dude. Oh, they're cute. Be getting bitches, bro.

But how'd you, um, did you see any, like, heights in the Navy at all? Not really, no. I mean, you were kind of, you were overseas, right? No, I've never gone overseas. Really? Yeah. So what'd you do? Norfolk.

I've just, uh, reserves, so just go one week in a month, two weeks a year. Oh? Yeah. So what'd you do? Norfolk. I've just reserves. So I just go one week in a month, two weeks a year. Oh, okay. Just pays for school. I got a year left and it's pretty legit. It's an easy street. Dude, how do you like enroll though, dude? Because my mom was like, you should go in the military.

And I was like, I mean, they don't have comedy in the military. So like, I don't think that's going to work out for me, but. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you just go to the place in one socket right next to the little caesars wow dude so that's how it happened you just walk in you'd be like hey uh yeah i want to join them whatever the space force the coast guard you just they have like offices for each branch and they'll be like oh okay like uh we'll set yeah they'll ask you questions they'll be like have you ever you ever threatened to take your own life?

No. Have you ever shot up heroin with anyone? No. Stuff like that. You know what I mean? And even if you think yes, just say no, and then you're good. And then they send you off to a place in Boston all day where you do a medical. An old guy looks at your butthole he does really yeah why

does he look at your butthole i don't know they do it for everybody wow yeah so they're just like they don't there's definitely like some paperwork involved dude oh yeah you can't just be looking at buttholes without signing some documents bro i'm kind of fuzzy i did it literally like four a little bit over four years ago but yeah all the paperwork they call it meps in boston that's where you go for the medical the old guy um and then they'll just bend you over and like open up your cheeks or is he like you just get into an office with him and he's like does he stick his finger in no no i thought he was gonna do i almost cried so what is that that's for uh like prostate right it must be for a prostate check dude i was literally so scared i was like i didn't want

it to end this way yeah but no dude if anyone ever saw my butthole dude i was literally so scared i was like i didn't want it to end this way yeah but no dude if anyone ever saw my butthole dude i mean they'd probably lose at least seven years of their life yeah so good yeah yeah what is it uh pretty much pretty sure they like stick like when you're older dude they like stick uh the finger up your ass yeah you gotta do a prostate exam i don't want to do that i know it's the right thing. Do you squeeze when they, like, put it up there? I don't know. I've never done it before.

I don't think I want to. I heard a story where some guy did. They, like, fingered his ass. And, like, while the dude's finger was up there, like, he farted. And they were, like, they had never seen it before. So, like, like he farted and they were like like they had never seen it before so like when he farted like air came out of his ass i don't know how it works man i really don't yeah i shouldn't i should have said that but yeah man that's fucking i thought like uh for some i mean i didn't really know much like you kind of went off the grid for a while so

nobody really knew i mean we know you were in the navy but like i mean realistically when everyone goes in the military you don't really know much about it you know like yeah you could have been in fucking benghazi like shooting up villages dude i would have had no fucking idea man oh man like i had cam laz on dude like he was talking about the army and i just figured like you know maybe he was in the reserves but he was like full time like he had his own unit dude like he saw people die and he like didn't talk about on the podcast but afterwards he told me about it and i was like holy fucking shit dude really like you would have never guessed you know what i mean so like you never really know dude you know like you could be fucking filling up airplanes or you could

be fucking walking around over that m60 dude just just blasting shit could be chopper yeah dude just blind firing in the air dude during breakfast oh man dude the military like is always fascinating to me though dude because like i'm like not serious enough like i look like i'm serious enough so like when we were in high school like the national guard dude was always like dude i really want you to like join and i was like dude you have no idea who i am like like imagine imagine you as a commanding officer if you went in as an officer dude that'd be hilarious well dude i tell people this and like nobody else finds it funny but like

you know how like in like the have you ever seen like the buds videos where like they're all lined up yeah and they're just getting shit on and the guy's like what are you the fucking michelin bitch like i don't know what i just said but they'll just like shit on you one at a time yeah like i would fucking piss laughing like Like, dude, if they, just me yelling back, just be like, sir, yes, sir. I'd fucking piss. Especially, dude, like if I knew somebody there, dude. Oh, man. Oh, yeah.

Because I was, I've been getting wicked into David Goggins. Not wicked into him, but like. Yeah, I've listened to him. Dude, he's just like so hard not to listen to, man. So I read his book in like fucking four days, dude. Yeah. You know, and that's pretty impressive for me, dude. His book was fucking awesome, dude.

But it turns out like a bunch of people die in Navy SEAL training. Because like it's fucking twice as hard as like actual combat. Yeah, there's a lot of injuries and stuff. Yeah. So like, I mean, dude, if people are eating like pancakes and eggs, bro. is like actual combat yeah there's a lot of injuries and and stuff yeah so like i mean dude if people are eating like pancakes and eggs bro and i just whip out a fucking m60 at breakfast and start blind firing the air dude like nobody else is gonna find that funny you know what i'm saying just do a desk pop you're going 11 worth dude yeah but like if my life failed dude i feel like not if like like

if like my aspirations didn't come true dude i don't know man that'd be kind of fun to like get in shape like i've always been fascinated with like the fucking uh like buds dude yeah doing all that shit bro i listen to david goggins dude i'm like you know i want to run like 12 miles and uh yeah talk to a recruiter about fucking just never jerk off again you know what i'm saying do the no spank thing the what the no spank is that what it's called it's probably not called that oh no no not november is that what you're thinking what it is i think so no i think this is like a full-on commitment dude oh were they like uh oh no fap it's not it's not no spank yeah man i wouldn't be able to do that but yeah man it was a good book dude i would read it man

like i said man if you're interested in something like you'll probably want to read more into it yeah i just got lost in the book man i was like i'm not gonna stop fucking reading this dude Like I said, man, if you're interested in something, you'll probably want to read more into it. Yeah. I just got lost in the book, man. I was just like, I'm not going to stop fucking reading this, dude. Dude, you got me motivated. I was ready to go. I was like, okay. Yeah.

Well, I mean, motivation is kind of stupid, but just the stories he tells and stuff, they're just so hard not to listen to. I can't believe he ran 100 miles. Do you remember that? He said he ran a marathon, but he ended up going 100 miles on a track. Yeah, he was drinking with buddies the night before. And there was a fundraiser for the Fallen. That charity or whatever. So he was just like, fuck. He felt obligated to do it

ended up running 100 miles without training and finished which is like fucking insane dude i can barely run like two miles dude so he ran 100 miles and then uh yeah dude he had to like qualify for another race and like he ended up doing like two more 100 mile races just to qualify um for another one so that dude's fucking insane man yeah but like i think that would definitely like define insanity like i wouldn't want to like i don't know man like he would say like when uh because SEALs, like they work out every day. Yeah. So like nobody would be able to handle his workouts. Probably not.

So like they would do a workout and he'd be like, no, no, no. Like, let's keep fucking going. And everyone would be like, fuck no,

dude. Like I'm done. Yeah. So he was like that guy, like the hard out, like the Kobe Bryant of like the Navy SEALs do. He was like, nah,

man, I'm going to be out here for like six more hours. And everyone was like, all right, man, we're going to go to the fucking bar, dude. Yeah, man. Good book, man, I'm going to be out here for like six more hours. And everyone was like, all right, man, we're going to go to the fucking bar, dude. Yeah, man.

Good book, man. I fucking read it for sure. Yeah. I always used to watch those buds, those fucking videos where they like do the training and people like pass out and shit. Oh, yeah. I read. What did I read?

Something by Navy Seals. I wasn't by Chris Kyle. Was it? It was. It might have been Lone Survivor I think I forget what it was it was a story it was like an autobiography I have it at home yeah I think it's it's either one of the two it's either like based on American Sniper or um what was the other one I can't remember yeah Chris Kyle was the American Sniper

yeah Lone Survivor was like... That was with On the Mountain. I know Jocko Willink was in it. And then, I don't know who the other guys were. But I saw the movie, dude. I saw Mark Wahlberg out there, dude. Mark Wahlberg was there. I feel like a dick for saying that, but... Marky Mark, dude.

Yeah, man. But that's cool, man. I honestly didn't know anything. Because you kind of went off the grid for a while, dude but now you have a girlfriend and stuff dude i do i feel like everyone has a fucking girlfriend dude you know yeah i mean i'm trying to think yeah now i think of it a lot of my friends yeah a lot of my friends too i mean i'm the only one dude but i'll find dude we'll find you uh we'll go on christianle. I mean, dude, I think it's been like two and a half years since I've, you know, had sex with a girl. But the last girl I had sex with was actually a URI, dude.

And she was probably like plus 300. So I don't even know if I fucked her, man. I could have just been banging her stomach dude just plowing away at those fucking at her belly button dude and i wouldn't even know you know how depressing that is to think about dude i don't want to think about it yeah how many girlfriends have you had? Is this your first girlfriend? No, this is, I've had three. Wow, dude. Three, yeah. I think I've had, I don't even know, man.

Not a lot, dude. Not a lot. Yeah. Dude, the first girlfriend I had had a fucking bush, though, dude. Yeah. Like, full-blown fucking, like thought like when i saw it i thought like somebody's head was in between her legs dude like i thought she was cheating on me wow well dude uh i was looking excited like i think it was eighth grade she invited like me

and joey uh to like a pool party like to her house yeah and we rode our bikes there and when we got there dude she was just uh she was like planted on a beach chair with her legs wide open and when i saw it dude it was just like dude biggest bush man i've ever seen in my life like it was popping through her bikini and uh i ran home dude and then i broke up with her yeah i remember running i've literally sprinted home and i was overweight so i was running like two miles dude full speed you must have been dedicated later that night she hit me up on like a.i.m she was like where'd you go and i was like listening to like uh acon like in my feelings dude naturally yeah i was like listen like this isn't gonna work out and i never told her why but And I was, like, listening to, like, Akon, like, in my feelings, dude. Naturally, yeah.

I was like, listen, like, this isn't going to work out. And I never told her why, but eventually she found out. She ended up going to, like, more pool parties and people were like, you know, we got to shut this shit down. You know, she was, like, clogging up filters and shit, dude. But, I mean, dude, if I went back, man, i wouldn't have broken up with her dude i would love dude i would love a girlfriend with a bush man bring it on dude you know what i'm saying when you have the the hedge clippers yeah yeah i'd do i'd bring a full-on fucking weed whacker dude start blasting jimmy hendrix fucking tear it up but dude i asked uh i've been asking people to come on like how they met their girlfriends

because i'm thinking about just like taking a trip to like wherever you know they met seeing if i can get a better chance at it uh where'd you guys meet uh michael's meets really sorry job yeah oh you guys work together i worked with her yeah um and craziest thing i actually i knew her sister from from middle school but i literally i honestly didn't even know of her really and um which she's from cumberland yeah wow dude yeah and we just hit it off great and so like when you met you had no idea who she was no well yeah no i didn't wow because i knew her sister but i know her so wow dude that's crazy man it's crazy especially in a town like this i feel like everyone knows each other right i know

and it's been seven months now it's going amazing she's fuck yeah dude good for you man i remember back in the day man you and i we just never could get pussy dude and we were just like where's the action happening dude you remember that dude we'd always be like where's it going down tonight dude and it just never ended you know so good for you man like you figure it out yeah yeah well uh yeah you'll figure it out too probably not man but dude uh one of my buddies at work for my new job like he's like he looks like an overweight lesbian and he uses uh the hinge app dude and he was like hanging out with some girls on it so i ended up using that app for a little bit and i didn't lie or anything on it have you ever used it yeah a while ago yeah i use it i use it for a little bit but i was kind of like yeah man i tried it out and like um you have like these prompts dude where you're like you know like

what are you into shit like that just like wicked cliche stuff so when i downloaded it dude i was like i'm just gonna be honest you know so i was like one of into? Shit like that. Just, like, wicked cliche stuff. So when I downloaded it, dude, I was like, I'm just going to be honest, you know. So I was like, one of the prompts was, like, what if I told you and I put I do stand-up comedy? The other one was, like, you know, like, what do you do for fun? I was, like, jerking off. No, I'm just kidding. But I just answered all the prompts honestly, dude. And I ended up matching with this girl from Cumberland, dude. I'm not going to say who, obviously.

But, dude, this chick was saying some wild stuff, bro. What do you mean? Off the cuff? Yeah, dude. I messaged her. And this is weird for me to say, but I was like, hey, do you come here often? Because I never know how to start a conversation. And she goes, usually not, but desperate times, you know, with like a smiley she goes usually not but desperate times you know

with like a smiley face and i was like i don't know if you should take that as a compliment i don't really know how to respond now but yeah we ended up like texting and stuff and she was telling me like i should hang out with her and stuff yeah and i was like kind of thinking like why you know what i mean because like whenever a girl you know messaged me in general i'm like something must have happened you know what i mean like she must have she definitely has yeah dude she definitely has like an ex-boyfriend she's trying to fucking get out of her mind something like that dude um but yeah dude i think after we started like texting for two days i put up an instagram video um of me yelling penis and she hasn't talked to me since, dude.

So, I don't know, man, you know. Well, if she wasn't meant for you, man, at the end of the day. I mean, if you don't think yelling penis is funny, like, I guess we just can't be together. Exactly. You know what I'm saying? I mean, you did your self-fake. But then I found out, like, she's actually banging one of my friends. Oh.

So, I was like, I fucking lucked out, man. Yeah. The plot thickens. Yeah, man. I mean, dude,

if you're, that's my fear, man. Cause I'm like one of the few left who's like actually for the boys. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm fearful of like, imagine being for the boys, like with a girlfriend.

And then like one of your boys just rails or dude. Oh man. Like that must happen all the time. That's like. Yeah. That's luckily, it's never happened to me, but that must be tough, dude. Especially with all those, like, dude, imagine,

I'm sure, like, I don't know many Chads, but I'm sure it happens like in their world, dude. Oh, yeah. They're probably like, fucking what, dude? You know, like. Like fucking, you know, Becky bangs Brad and Chad's like, dude, I thought we were bros, you know. know and he's like dude that that doesn't even exist no you get sometimes you can get double crossed dude that's why you gotta know yeah you know your friends dude but i don't know man i don't know if it's

even worth it anymore just being for the boys you know is it like at this age that's a hard question to answer, man. There's no right or wrong answer. Yeah. I feel like you and Veggie have always been for the boys, you know? Oh, yeah. You guys have always been, I mean, but, you know, at some point it's just like, fuck, man, like, what am I doing? You know, I'm staying, I might be too loyal, you know?

But... I mean, there's, I feel like you can be for the boys but you can also be you know kind of in the middle yeah but it's almost like homosexual in a sense not like physically like don't get me wrong you know i love a good set of bean bags you know some cheeks me and you were you know we were always for the cheeks dude but like if you're with your buddy bro and some chick with some fucking knobs is hitting it off with you and she's like hey come back to my place you know we're gonna have some margaritas and play twist or naked and you go you go nah i'm here with my bro i can't leave him hanging and you leave with that guy dude what are you doing and that's something i would do that's loyalty dude yeah like does he

even care you know that i sacrificed naked twister for him i wouldn't really i'd care dude if a girl was like we're playing naked twister and she's like a solid nine out of ten i'm not flexible that's your reasoning dude that that's i don't know man i think about that a lot i'm like i hope this pays off dude you know what i'm saying yeah it will it definitely will man i got i got so they've been saying for years bro it's the last thing dude dunkin donuts fucking sucks dude are you working there no dude just i tried dude i had dunkin' Donuts coffee. I literally can't even finish it.

I have like a quarter of a coffee. I literally can't drink it. You drink coffee every day? Yeah. What are you getting though? I get like a mocha or what else? Just like a regular iced coffee. Really?

Dude, the weird thing, I used like duncan but now it just it's trash i don't know why i think it's the same man i think it's just your body maybe because i mean i have duncan sometimes but i have the uh they have this thing called the charlie cold foam and it's just like iced coffee with like a foam on the top with like cinnamon and stuff and it's pretty good but i mean dude whenever i have dun', I just literally unload. Oh, dude. I was just so confused. I'm like, did they change something? Because I used to, like, love it.

What do you mean, like, taste-wise or, like, you shit yourself? Well, yeah, both. So you were, like, this taste bad and you took a shit afterwards? Yeah. I mean, any coffee is going to make you take a shit, but. Yeah, but not, like, Dunkin'. Dude, Dunkin's different. Good way to tell, man, is to drink water because water just, like, like flushes out your system so i've been drinking a lot of water lately so when i have something that my body is like no you know dude i'm taking a shit for like 45 minutes dude

like i was running the other night and i had uh i had a dunkin coffee before like i went running yeah but i drink i'd been drinking water all day and eating good so once i finished dude like right in the middle of the run i was like dude i like i have to literally like blow fucking steam out of my ass yeah it's not and i didn't know where to go dude but they had the uh the bathrooms open at tucker luckily man oh thanks so i hopped the fence dude and i took a shit for like 45 minutes dude dude that's a good thing about running on the track because i usually run like in the woods and stuff and you always have to go to the bathroom when you're like the furthest point away yeah i'm home like if you do that and then you're screwed i know some people have taken shits in the woods too you know um and they'll just wipe with like

mother nature and i'm like i don't know if i could do that dude because even if i'm using two ply it's gonna take me like a lot of wipes you know what i'm saying like i'm not that skilled yet where i can just do one wipe dude you know what i'm saying i would rather just not wipe you know what i mean i guess so yeah i know nick provost man he took a shit in the woods once when we were fishing but he had toilet paper with him but even a little different though yeah he is dude yeah he's and he just said it with pure confidence he was like i'm gonna go rip one in the woods yeah it was actually near your house it was in the woods i respect him for sure so i think uh richie church one of my friend richie church he said he was taking his dog for a walk like in his own

neighborhood and he had to take a shit and he took a shit in his neighbor's backyard like didn't even wipe dude like i was like that's like my first question like dude did you even wipe and he was like what am i gonna use unless you want to fucking like wipe your ass on like scott's turf grow dude while someone's outside with their family you know i'm saying no imagine seeing. Like, having kids and stuff. You just see some dude, like, sliding on your lung. I wouldn't even be able to be like, yeah, I can relate to that. I'd just be like, this guy's a fucking animal, dude.

You know what I'm saying? He's too dangerous, man. Yeah. Dude, I think it's just, like, your body telling you something. Maybe. I don't know. Either that or the government's just throwing shit in there, man. You know?

Jax used to work at Dunkin' and he would tell us like, even other people who worked at Dunkin', like they would explain how the coffee's made. Yeah. And they would be like, you literally don't want to know like how it's made. Really? Like the amount of sugar they put in it, all the chemicals and stuff. Oh yeah, it's probably terrible, man. Yeah.

But, I don't know. Are you working out, Mooney? Not really. Really? Dude, I haven't lifted in probably, like, I went back, like, three weeks ago. I lifted once. Where are you working out? I went to.

Wait, so you left Michael's Meats. Where are you working out? I'm working at a place called Unify in Lincoln. Just doing, like, some accounting stuff. Fuck yeah accounts receivable oh shit that sucks but at least you get you got the door dude yeah that's like the worst man uh beggars can't be choosers but yeah um yeah like i went to max i think like a month ago i went once and they were like that's where veggie goes right yeah and then i haven't been back dude but i like run i run like a couple times so we go to four court at one point yeah that's where i've been going man yeah we all used to go to four court dude yeah dude i ended up coming back man it's

it's a good place it's not that crowded it's like your own personal gym man it's really nice yeah yeah i was there last night man you go there late at night dude yeah fucking nobody there man it's a hot tub open no not yet i mean think about all the shit that goes in there man exactly see some of those guys dude i wouldn't want to go in there man yeah that's like the worst part of forecourt i mean they clean that thing probably like once a year or two dude so you gotta be careful with that stuff man i used to see you running down res road though what happened to that yeah was that just like once in a while or were you actually getting after it i used to go like on down Rez Road, though. What happened to that? Yeah. Was that just, like, once in a while, or were you actually getting after it?

I used to go, like, on the daily, but now I kind of, here, there I go. Yeah. That must be nice, though, man, like, living there because you can just run down. I mean, if you don't get hit by a car, do you, just running down Rez Road? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I like to run in the woods, too. Is there trails in there? Yeah.

Yeah, there's a lot of trails like you know the fishing spots they go all the way back yeah you know like to diamond hill they go really far back really but um yeah i used to run the hills at diamond hill it's a good workout man i'll tell you yeah i'm just scared i'm gonna like fucking tear my acl dude because of all the rocks and stuff that's why i don't trail run it's like yeah i already have enough imbalances, man. So like, you know, running over boulders and shit, dude. You know what I'm saying? Like, it takes a toll on you, dude. It takes it, yeah.

Definitely on your legs and your back. I also don't really do like long distance running, dude. I'm just doing like intense stuff. Get a nice sweat going. You know what I'm saying? Kind of the opposite. I like to just run casual. I just think about stuff.

Well, dude, you used to have fucking, I mean, both of us used to have fucking double d's right you were kind of thick back in the day i was thick with like three c's yeah you were thick boy dude joke dude but now you're thinned out dude so i don't know how like honestly i don't really do anything different but really you must just be eating last man but he's the dunkin coffee yeah dude what is uh what is max like though dude i know um max is like it's pretty good i mean i see some hot chicks there dude yeah i don't know i only went once but it was like they got like a room with bikes and stuff they like glasses it's just one kind of big room what else they have like a turf like thing you can do sprints on and uh it's a football thing you know you push it you can stack all the 45s on oh the sled yeah

the sled yep and it's got tanning boosts i know it's like right up your alley yeah man i'll be honest with you max is literally the last place i would ever go to the fucking gym dude it wasn't really my scene dude i'd rather work out in the woods you know what i'm saying i just like i wouldn't want to like wait for like to use something yeah especially all the chads and stuff man yeah that's why i like four courts quiet it's like you can just kind of do your thing i mean dude the average age there is like 97 so oh yeah i was like i missed that man you know it's kind of nice i feel like you should be able to like motivate your own self you know that was my excuse though dude i was like i gotta see some cheeks dude if i'm gonna get after it dude but i don't really i get after it, dude. I don't really.

When I work out, I don't really care. It's like I kind of just like to go in there, get my zone, and I'm lazy, so I like to get it done as quick as possible. What the fuck? I'm in there for like an hour and a half, like two hours, but it doesn't even pay off, man. It does, like, mentally, but physically, like, if I'm not eating right, it's just like. Yeah, it just can't. What the fuck am I doing? It just goes out, yeah. Yeah.

But when do you think the next time, you're gonna fly is um i don't know i'm not sure yet i got nothing on the schedule so yeah as soon as as soon as i figure i'll let you know if you ever want to come i might do it i'd be fucking scared though man like i don't want to first but you'll get used to it though i mean for sure do it again yeah a little bit less scary each time so yeah i don't know man because i would just be in the back right no you'd be right next to you hey be in the in the cockpit yeah i might need a few fucking drinks man uh but what's the worst that can happen yeah i don't know man i've seen um Uh, but what's the worst that can happen? Yeah.

I don't know, man. I've seen, um, who was it? Uh, well, like Bill Burr flies, right? Yeah. He does, uh, helicopters, I think. I think he, he only like rides with, um, somebody in it though. Yeah. I saw a video of him once in, uh, California somewhere doing that though. Bill Burr's hilarious.

I love that guy. Yeah, man. Yeah. Once he started, like, that love that guy. Yeah, man. Yeah. When he started, like, that's what, when he started about, like,

he was talking about flying and stuff and I didn't really understand a lot of the stuff he was saying but I was like, that must be cool, man. Just to be up that high

and, like, realize how small we are. Oh, yeah. I don't know, man. Definitely be on the bucket list, dude. Yeah. If I'm ever feeling down,

dude, I'll hit you up and we can just fucking fly together, dude. Let me know. Yeah, just don't fucking kill me man all right all right brother well listen man thanks for keeping the podcast going dude all right i don't think you realize how much this means to me that you would uh you'd come on dude it's a pleasure thanks for having me you know i was getting ditched left and right dude and then you know you came out of the woodwork dude and you were like you know i'm fucking here for you dude oh And then, you know, you came out of the woodwork, dude, and you were like, you know, I'm fucking here for you, dude.

Oh, yeah. I got you, man.