The Johnny Salami Podcast - Mustafe

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Mustafe by The Johnny Salami Podcast

I really wish I could get into some, like, man's work. You know what I mean? Like, bring a lunch pail and just fucking work. Even with, like, a buddy, dude. Like, if you hit me up and you were like, you want to learn this shit, dude? You want to fucking sandblast staircases? Dude, we could go to one of those Home Depot classes. I think they're free, man.

They got classes to teach you how to do this shit at Home Depot? I think in the back. I don't know if they still do it anymore, man. In the back, dude. Just, like, a bunch of kids who's, like, it's just a bunch of dudes like all their wives are cheating on them okay and they just they go back they get into they're like let me build this house so my wife doesn't oh they're like getting rid of all sort of like competition like yeah my wife's cheating on me she's gonna fuck the carpenter so i gotta learn how to fucking build she's gonna

fuck the pool guy gotta learn how to do the chlorine all that shit they're taking a quick chemistry class dude every uh every week is like a new class so like one week could be like sandblasting the next could be like roofing who the fuck's the teacher i don't know maybe the manager that'd be honestly that'd be a good little thing to throw on your resume for the manager i mean dude even if we got like we got like baked as fuck and went there like once in a while dude took a few classes i'd be like heavy machinery and getting baked as a wild mixture like yeah because i'd be upset because if i got high before doing that shit and then fuck my shit up if i just fuck my shit up i'm like yeah that's life yeah if you were like blitz though when you were fucking sanding the shit out of some wood dude i would make weed illegal the next day

i'm making a fucking mission fucking hate weed they had like if they were playing like music in the background they had like subwoofers set up just fucking bumping while you're doing the yo i would honestly i would get into that shit. That's like, just like rolling through. It's like, I need to get nice at like my boy, my boy got into making like desks and shit. And then he'll just like send me and I'll be like, yo, I'll fucking respect you, bro. You taught yourself how to play the guitar. You could put a promo up on like LinkedIn, dude. It's like you with a sandblaster fucking like Rick Ross playing in the background. Yo, I would do that shit and then just sign up for like office job.

They would just be like, all right, this guy, he knows how to use excel and a sandblaster this guy's fucking talented multi-talented yeah he knows how to do something like yo i taught myself how to sandblast in this home depot course like oh my god he is he knows how to work fuck linkedin i mean linkedin is a joke anyway dude have you ever been on linkedin yeah i had that shit fucking bullshit man it made me make it in school really like when i was in college like make a linkedin i was like nah they made me dude they made me get a linkedin picture so i had to go to the mall dude and they uh they charged 250 dollars that's for like two pictures what are the pictures nice i mean i was like i was drinking a lot of the time so i was like hung

over and i was did you have that swollen face from i had that like heavy face dude like that fat face and i got my suit from uh target yeah i got like a fuck it wasn't even like fitted or nothing i had like dress pants already okay but i bought like the jacket from target and they were like one was navy one was black one was like really black and the other one was like like my pants were gray with like stripes on them so i just looked fucking just you just like looked like a piece of shit yeah that's a fucking move though but they made you they didn't even like like slide through a photographer or nothing like you have photography students. That would probably do that shit for like 40 bucks. I mean, dude, anytime you pay more for pictures

than you do for your actual suit, you got something going on upstairs. I'm imagining. You ever seen that movie The Master? No. Is it like a Chinese movie? No, no, no. It's like Joaquin Phoenix in Scientology and shit.

It's not Scientology, but you know what I mean. But he's a photographer in the beginning. He just beats the shit out of the guy that he's taking photos of. Really? Yeah. That makes sense. He's, like, fixing his tie, and then the guy's like, stop fixing my tie. Like, just, like, all stuffy and shit.

Really? And then he's fixing the tie, then the guy punches him, and then he just starts fighting the dude. I wish somebody fought me, like, before I made it to the fucking photography place, dude. That'd be fucking... Wait, have you ever gone in a fight and then you had to go to work the next day no i was talking about this yesterday uh

i've never even been in a fight i've punched someone in the face i've never been in like a fight i've never like exchanged blows but i've like punched somebody in the face yeah i've i've punched people in the face and then we're gonna fight back but i add that to the fight record oh really yeah because it's just what's your record right now i it's too many really it's so you and your brother's throwing hands dude well we were throwing hands but yeah i just got into too many altercations your brother's throwing fuck oh yeah my brother in the comedy game i've retired from fighting Yeah. He told me he was fighting, like, 30 Chinese dudes at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That shit's just... Which is another level, man. That's like... His hand's about to be fucked, man. I don't know, bro. He's going to have arthritis or something. Just like, yo, I fucked up one of my fists from punching a wall. That shit's now receded.

That's usually what happens, yeah. Yeah. Just have a fucked up fist for the rest of your life. I've never understood that, dude. Like, I've gotten really mad before, but, like, it's never occurred to me to like punch a wall you know what i'm saying yeah unless someone's if there's like a bunch of hot chicks watching it's kind of hot yeah so it kind of makes sense but if now if it's if you do it and you're mad at the chick that's like a form of abuse really stay away like emotional abuse no i think it's considered still

domestic violence because like i think the thinking's like yeah bitch i did this to the wall what can i do to you you know it's like an analogy dude yeah yeah it's like a sin yeah so you're telling her like you're gonna look like this yeah you're gonna like fucking drywall bitch imagine your ribs so like because like dude why i mean i like like i said like i've punched people in the face yeah for like call me fat not really honestly i punched somebody in the face once because i was cramping up yeah my guatemalan friend uh he was laughing at me okay and i was like 300 pounds yeah i was like no you were just fucking punching like that's some i was just confused like imagine like we're younger dude and we're just chilling and i just dropped to the floor and i'm cramping up and i've never

cramped up before so i'm confused dude i think so you just so you got up and thought your friend did something to you and punched him in the face dude i was so lost like i was his reaction dude have you ever cramped up man yeah that's just that shit's rough. It's so painful. It was my first time. I didn't know what was going on. How old were you? I was like, I didn't like probably 13, dude. Okay, okay. So I didn't know what was going on, dude.

And I was on the ground for a while. I thought I was going to die. Yeah. And he was just sitting there laughing. So like once I got up, I just punched him in the face. But did you think he was involved in any way with the cramp? I thought he was casting spells on me, dude. I was fucking lost. You're like, I'm fucking, yo this all right i've never cramped before in my life this guatemalan

child is near me he is responsible i mean dude yeah he was just like this little spanish kid dude with tits man like he could have been doing some crazy like satanic shit dude uh you know what man i like if it was the first time like you thought that he hit you with a blow dart he's just like yeah i thought he put something in my fucking milk, dude. That would have been rough. Yeah. Just sprinkled a little bit of shit in my, like, my cereal or something. You know what, man?

You were justified in punching him in the face. Yeah, it was awkward, man. Did he drop or anything? No, dude. I punched him in the face, and, like, it really hurt, like, bad. You hurt you? Yourself? My fucking hand hurt so bad.

So I just stopped and he like he was just confused like he was like what the fuck why'd you punch me in the face and then you said sorry it was awkward dude you're like my bad no not even you're just like oh i was pissed i was like why are you laughing dude like you put you putting fucking spells on me though dude i would have been so fucking mad if i got punched in the face over some motherfucker cramping i would have been livid it is funny though dude like if you fuck with people if they don't fuck back it's fine but when they fight when they fuck back it's like all right this is funny this is war i sprayed some dude with a lysol spray oh yeah in the fucking eyes and then and then he didn't do shit no he smacked me in the face

so like wasn't funny after that yeah you were like dude all i did was spray you with lysol in your eyes it was bad dude we were like uh we were at like a birthday party when we were younger and i just literally like he was blind for like 10 seconds and you just fucked up the whole party you're like yeah you can't do that shit man but like dude i grew up in an area where people usually didn't fuck back you know what i'm saying so it sounds like were you like in connecticut people were like all right like let's throw down i mean how many out of your fight record like how many were like you punched someone they were like all right all right versus like all right let let's go. You know what, dude?

Surprisingly, I'll say maybe four times in my life I got a good punch off, and then they didn't do shit back. Some of them was good. I punched my brother's best friend in the face. He was fucking with me at a party. I just turned around and just stuffed him in the face, right in his nose. It was great.

And then everyone was like, ooh, damn, he did that. And then he was just like, yo, I can't believe your brother punched you. He was talking to my brother about it later. I was like, hey, man, get my ass. What the fuck? He didn't get you back.

Nah, he cut him, though. The nose, dude, that's tough. The nose is good because my boy screamed at it. He was just like, yo, he's crying because he had the teary eye. Oh, dude, I'd be crying, yeah. If somebody punched me just right in the nose and it pushed up oh dude it's rough yeah i would go out to my car and start listening to fucking avril lavigne dude that's like what song would it be i'd probably just play

like one of our albums on repeat dude i was imagining that shit i would definitely cry dude for sure but like that sounds like an emotional cry at that point like he was just physiologically crying well dude not even the physical pain i could handle the physical pain but the emotional pain of everyone knowing that i just got punched in the face like dude i got knocked out by an asian dude once oh shit my fucking best friend dude we were throwing he knew we set up like wrestling mats and it's been his garage and we just started throwing hands yeah with like all of our friends and i was i was literally i was beating the fucking shit out of him yep and he just threw a right haymaker at me dude just knocked you out i didn't like fall knockout but i like saw stars

and i was like all right but you just, you blacked out for a little bit. Yeah. Definitely got a concussion for sure. That emotional pain, dude. It's nothing like this. It's a fight club situation. Yeah, for sure.

We were thrown down. It was me, my Asian boy, uh, my Guatemalan boy. And then some other kid who just got the fucking shit beat out of him. Like every time. Yeah.

Like, and you drafted it. This was like, this was like the champion. This was like the championship, dude. That shit, that we had one of those in that like all like the suburban like white dudes just

started like their own fight club it was funny because like none of the black dudes were actually invited by slut you know i was able to sleep slink my way into that that was watching that was the funniest thing because they had like a four round card like really had like oh yeah this guy this short guy that's like five seven he's gonna beat the shit out of this 511 guy that's a twig and then the 511 twig guy just beat the fucking just put the paws on him yeah it was just a whole day of fight i always wanted to fight the dudes who made the matchups yeah because that's not fair man who do you who do you think you are. It's like you think you got to get out there, man. Yeah.

Nobody ever thought that way, though. They were like, oh, this kid's cool. Like, no one's. So the guy who ran the, like, started the fight club thing, he had respect, I think, because his family was involved in the UFC somehow, just not even, like, they were fighting or anything. They were just, like, production involved. People were like, he got the respect. were just like production involved he got the respect

it was like he was following in the footsteps probably reaping in the money dude yeah yeah i think he was doing well they used to do that in my high school they would uh they would meet up behind uh like a house of pizza place yeah and they just bring gloves and everyone would circle up and one dude would just make the matchups it's like yeah i guess you could call someone out though which would be kind of weird yeah it would just depend like what happened day to day like how your day was going just depending i mean man one time i got in a fight with a guy and i beat him in the morning because like somebody instigated it and we did 21 seconds right and i was like smaller than the guy so i won by points you know what i mean like i was just

getting the hands and i punched him more times he punched me yeah you were mixing it up yeah and everybody was just like damn mustafa won because it ended after 30 seconds yeah so we had the full day of school and then everyone's just like damn mustafa won that's crazy like he shouldn't have won that fight just like yeah he's it was actually so funny you walk up like he uh he's with his girlfriend at the lockers she's just like wait i heard mustafa beat you and then he's just like yeah you know we won this guy didn't give a fuck he didn't even care that he lost really no he didn't he didn't give a shit but at the end of the day i should have just went back home called it a day got my dub at the end of the day dude just walk

up to me like yo you want to run it back again and there's just a more giant crowd i was like fuck it i don't give a shit and then the dude and then the dude just like and then he's like all right say no more runs out and then i'm just like wait nah i don't got shoes man literally just goes into a locker, grabs. He's like, yo, what size are you? I was like, 12. Gives me the pair of shoes. Ran it back.

Did the same thing for the first like 20, 30 seconds. I'm running now. I'm doing a good job. One clobber. And then they just don't stop it until I lose. Like until, because I was keep on trading punches. You know what I mean? Doing decent,

my punches are not hurting this guy. He's a little tank. I wouldn't buy points at the first time. Yeah. Just ended up mourning, beat the guy in the fight.

Dude, that's, I mean, yeah, dude. End of the school day lost. That should have, that must have been emotional,

man. It was a sad day. Because like, you could have just walked off the first time. I could have just had a dub. Walked off into the sunset, dude.

And I lived across the street from the school, so it was a very easy escape yeah but no it's all right dude i mean like it is the emotional pain though dude around here bro i like i like i should probably join like a boxing gym or something man just to fucking just in case you know because i don't know what i'll do you know what i mean like i don't think anything's gonna happen to me you know knock on wood dude but i mean dude some of the stories i read are literally they're like some of the funniest like i'll go on reddit and just look up like funny like dude i was like stories dude this lady uh when i first moved here i just went

on reddit and i was like subway train station new, New York City. And this lady put up a story. And she was on the subway with her husband. And this homeless dude walked up to her husband and just started talking shit to his face. And he was like, I'm going to fucking beat the fuck out of you in front of your wife. And this dude was like sweating. That's rough. Yeah, he wasn't doing anything. That's rough.

Dude, so his wife was the one who stepped in, and she had a bag of pennies in her purse. And just beat the shit out of the guy. Dude, she takes out the bag of pennies. Yeah. Aims it towards the homeless dude, hits her husband in the face. Oh, that's rough. Yeah, dude. I mean, like, he deserved it.

Dude, imagine. I don't know how confusing that would be, though, dude. Yo, I's rough. Yeah, dude. I mean, like, he deserved it. Like, dude, imagine. I don't know how confusing that would be, though, dude. Like, yo, I didn't, like. I didn't want to fight the guy. Imagine, like, the whole time that guy's just like, I can't fight him because I'm too powerful. Imagine being that much of a pussy, though, dude. Yeah, I think at that point. But, like, I don't know.

It's like stepping down. It's just like like if you know you're going to lose i mean i'd throw hands with homeless dude without a doubt i just think you have to act above it like that's the play to do it like the place like yo man get the fuck away and then you're like walking to a different cart with your wife kind of holding her off you get what i mean and you're just like and you're acting like you're somewhat in it but you know what i mean no i'm just i'm if a homeless dude was like i'll kill your whole fucking family i'd be like all right man that's cool but if like if you like started throwing hands with me i would obviously like i wouldn't be like if i was with if i ever had a wife i wouldn't just be like nah dude yeah like if a homeless dude punches you in the face you gotta fucking yeah oh

he already assaulted you dude you're defending yeah you're defending your family your life yeah dude honestly the thing is i would just stomp the homeless guy out just you know for fun yeah for sure dude just like yeah the homeless guy gave me an excuse oh yeah dude the most innocent guy too like yeah he's probably it's like bro come on this is maybe it'll motivate him oh yeah to get a house yeah if you beat him up real good that you'd have to whisper in his ear story it's like i got motivated like i just you know i was just chilling one day and this guy beat the shit out of me and i was like let me fucking get into crypto that's a good that'll give you a good storyline man good like rom-com you ever

did you get confronted by any homeless guys i haven't yet no i usually give them money to be honest really i do sometimes depends yeah dude it depends where i like i was in uh i ended up in like east harlem a week ago yeah and i was at this bus stop and i was like if i don't get out of here in like five minutes like i'm gonna fucking die yeah i mean there was like a homeless guy he would just threaten everybody in the car but i didn't move like i was just like i and then he's just like yeah man fuck you man fuck and then i was just like you piece of fucking shit shut up stop it like just like very sternly just fed up because i was like hung over it was 9 30 i was like i'm not moving my seat because this guy's small like if he beats me then it's just i like to hear the

story first i like to hear the story first they always have a story like this one dude was like the dude in harlem was like i just got out of the uh i just got out of prison i was like here you go man there's a dollar i can take it easy that's that's that's the way to do it prison. I was like, here you go, man. Here's a dollar. Take it easy. That's the way to do it. Yeah. If he was like really small and he was like on heroin or something and he was like, you got a fucking dollar? I'd be like, I would just probably ignore him. But anytime they just say, hey, I'm trying to get drugs or alcohol.

I'm like, fuck yeah, I rock with you. Yeah, for sure. And get better money. I don't like when they... You can get yelled. You can get like in trouble too for doing that. What? Like if you're in the subway station and you give a homeless dude like money and they the security

guards see it they'll be like you know you just like he's gonna buy drugs with that and you're like yeah i don't i only give in-town home like i don't give homeless like i'm not going to go to new york and give new york homeless people money because this this isn't my city yeah you know but it's like Local homeless people I'll throw them love Yeah you gotta put on Yeah You know

Alright yeah you're outside But then if I come back And they don't remember That I gave them money Before they're cut off forever Yeah dude there's nothing Like that man Like your own hometown

Like putting on Yeah Like I just imagine you In like a fucking Just in your car dude Playing that song I put on. By Young Jeezy, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you roll. You're throwing out dollar bills, dude. Have you ever seen someone like from your high school or some shit become homeless? No, not in my town, dude. Yeah, I grew up in Cumberland, man, which is like a super, not racist, but fucking. Super like white red. White ass.

There was like two black dudes in my class, maybe. Yeah? Yeah. No one got hit with the fat uh i mean you'll see dudes that are like yelling penis in class and you'll be like all right like you'll see me working at the gas station like a few years later yeah it's not really like surprising but that's like a fucking just that's common yeah and then there's like i don't know man probably like i would say like 10 to 20 black dudes and they're all like funny as fuck like they're like the funniest dudes they're killing it yeah that's the way to go no i knew it there was a guy that became it was just like he was begging like he was begging yeah like four four houses down from his childhood home.

I was like, come on, man. Just take it to the next town. Over. Yeah. Wait, you grew up, you live in Hartford? No, it's West Hartford. West Hartford. So it's, like, very, like, you know, rich.

Really? Shit, too, yeah. Shit, dude. I get it. Like, my mom grew up in Connecticut. Yeah. But everything I hear about Connecticut's kind of negative. Really?

Yeah. Honestly, dude, just the Joe Rogan podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They shit on Connecticut. We were about to do your mom grow up. She grew up on a farm, dude. I'd have to ask her. We went to visit the farm, and it was kind of like.

It was fucking tight. It was weird, dude. It was very weird. Like no animals? It's just weird to think about farms in Connecticut. Yeah, there's mad there's mad fucking grass and shit really yeah yeah connecticut to me just feels like a highway dude you know yeah i mean that's that's why it's like somewhat good for comedy though it's like two hour drive

everywhere whatever 30 to two hour drive yeah providence boston new york it's all the same distance yeah yeah i mean i'd have to like i've only been to like mohegan sun and stuff yeah i haven't really gone around anywhere else but every time i go to mohegan i just get heckled for like 10 minutes straight oh and comics yeah yeah they're fucking rowdy yeah i don't get that shit for the comet uh like contest but you like you like west hard for the you put on it is what it is yeah yeah i gotta put on for my city every time i'll pull up you know what i mean have you ever made if you ever made it big like would you would you rep that would you be like what's hard for you i think it'd really

depend i think i'd because connecticut's small enough that i could like ride the whole banner for connecticut so i localize it damn there's no like competition like no uh rivalries or anything like that nah i mean there's the 203 and the 860 but that's you know you get that area codes yeah yeah even with the other area code but it's fine you know i mean there's no it's like a cool enough state though to like rep you think i could never rep my town why not i could never be like 401 drive by like the local basketball courts i don't know yeah i think you got to really yeah people shouting my name yeah jay doll i know enough about rhode island that you could just like tell the story

however you want i could just make shit up yeah who the fuck's like i used to run these fucking streets dude yeah just pull up on the streets yeah too. Fucking peel out in like a Michael's Meats parking lot, dude. All you got to do is you got to get the youth on your side. That is true. The youth on your side, then you actually do run the town. Like the TikTok community? Yeah, just like find a couple, you know what I mean? Blow up, befriend like three to seven, 16 to 18-year-olds.

Make them think that they're going to be next up. And then they'll be stomping dudes out for you. You right man yeah you're right dude you're the youth on your side then they'll rewrite history bro i was at nick's comedy stop like a week ago some dude sold it out like over capacity okay and he's like a tiktok star all right like i don't even think it was a comedian you're just and then he was just fucking killing it and the youth was rocking with him at that point oh yeah dude He had people open up for him. We've, like, never done comedy before. Like, his girlfriend opened up for him.

Fuck yeah. Yeah. And the crowd was eating it up. Yeah, he was like, I'm going to eat her out after the show. And they were like, hell yeah. Yeah, they were all like, we fucking stand with you. And we were fucking, well, we're out here trying to get 33 to 37-year-olds to laugh. They don't do shit for you.

Yeah, it's all about the're just talking to no one. They're like, oh, man, that was a fun show. We're trying to give you tags. Yeah. It's just sad, man. Kids don't fucking do that shit. They don't try to give you tags. I get it on TikTok, man.

Do you have TikTok or no? No, I never partook. Really? I threw up one video, and then it was like community guidelines. Did it just beat you down, dude it it was like community just beat you down dude huh did it just beat you down no just community guideline me instantly and i was just like i don't think this is the path for me my brother got kicked off like three times i was like they already got me x'd out the chinese government you know are you and your brother

like the same or are you guys like kind of like because you're both funny which is kind of weird yeah because usually like one brother's funny and the other one's like jealous of the other brother yeah yeah you guys are like both funny i think so yeah so it's kind of weird oh you're saying we're both funny you are you're asking no no you're both funny like it's like a known fact dude hell yeah well i wouldn't have you on the podcast dude if you weren't funny the fuck do you think we have unfunny people on this yeah i don't know let me go through the list and see if there's anyone i'm funny you're just gonna see me scrolling down and then my face scrunches up like i don't know like uh dude you have like uh you have like telepathy with your brother at all no really no we didn't develop that i think the two years

difference makes it yeah are you older he's older he's older okay it'd be rough shit dude it'd be rough if i if i was older really yeah because i'd be like then i'd be jealous i'd be like yo he's getting these spots right now this is my younger brother i'm doing a guest spot for him on this show yeah dude i would kill him that is dude the telepathy thing is kind of weird man i like do you got a brother uh stepbrother do you have to love your stepbrother that'd be fucking tight yeah it'd be so like legally they sign it up and then you have fucking telepathy with your step dude one time uh i grew up with these twins. Yeah. And one of them got, like, beat up.

Okay. And the other one started crying, dude. And he could feel, like, his brother's pain. Like, he could feel the punches. It was, like, more of an emotional pain. Yeah, he was, like, in the middle of, like, this dude's lawn, just, like, crunched over, just, like. Crying? Having, like, a hindering moment.

It was wild, dude. No fucking way. He was, like, I feel his pain. Like, I know what he's going through. And he wasn't there to defend him he was there probably like 500 yards away he just didn't make it in time yeah that's like the worst superpower he couldn't have precognition to tell his stepbrother was gonna get beat up now stepbrother's twin brother yeah he could visibly see what was going on but it was too far away like he would have to

run like 500 yards to be like but that's it gets a tough run dude that's that's five football fields but that's fucked up that they both couldn't tell one of them was going to get beat up you know what i mean because that means they have the twin telepathy he's seeing yeah through his brother's eyes right he's thinking and then he's not like oh my god my brother's going to get beat up soon and then runs over and saves him they're just both idiots well dude i was talking to him afterwards yeah and i was like what if you didn't know what if you didn't see it and he was like i'd still feel it that's fucking weird dude dude that's like the supreme like bro if i had a twin brother and he was like, I'd still feel it. That's fucking weird, dude. Dude, that's like the soprano. Like, bro, if I had a twin brother and he was getting the fucking shit beat out of him at like a gas station right now. And I just bent over and started crying.

Yeah, I mean, I'd be like, yo, what the fuck's wrong with you? And they'd be like, yo, my twin brother's getting beat up. And I tried to explain that to you. I was like, dude, I feel that right now. Having a twin's kind of gay. Dude, it's the gayest of all gays like that shit's like especially like sleepovers and stuff yeah dude have you heard about like the evil twins like the conjoined heads yeah like conjoined head like and then they'll be like one of the twins is like

giving them evil thoughts you're like yo you gotta cut that bitch off that is toxic and then they get rid of the shit and then they're just like sad forever like they cut it off yeah what i think so no i just what i do is i read half of an article and then i come to my own conclusions yeah dude i don't know if that's legal man it's like murder i mean but if that'd be confusing ass court case man i'd be like confusing-ass court case, man. I'd be like, yo, they're a parasite. Like, if the twin can't feed itself, it's conjoined, the guy do everything, and I want to get rid of it, it's like my body, my choice at that point. If you were talking to, like, Judge Judy,

and you were like, I had to get rid of her, she's toxic, but she's actually me, so it's not murder. You'd be like, actually, pretty much committed suicide, dude. Wait, dude, if the twins never, that means they never, like, fully separated, like like as a cell you know what i mean they step they stayed conjoined so aren't they technically one being at that point yeah do they both have the same name how do you know who to talk to i feel like i don't know people got split personalities got different names yeah i will do i feel like you have two brains.

If you have two brains, that's the mark of a human. Yeah, maybe. What if they got one heart? Yeah, dude. I don't know, man. That might be subjective, dude. It's two brains and one heart. That's confusing as fuck, dude. If I was a judge, I would just quit on the spot.

I'd be like, yeah. I don't know, man. I'd just be like, what the fuck, dude? I could make this decision. Yeah. But I'd be pro it. I'd be like,, what the fuck, dude? I was like, I could make this decision. Yeah. But I'd be pro it. I'd be like, yo, you're taking your life in your own hands. Getting rid of that toxic bitch.

I've been thinking about, dude, you ever think about pleading insanity? I don't think I'd be able to pull it off. You watched Jeffrey Dahmer, dude? No, I didn't. Damn, dude, you gotta watch it, man. I couldn't watch it. Really? No.

Scare you, dude? Nah. It's just I can't support certain lifestyles. Yeah. Like serial killers. Yeah. It's kind of addicting, though. Yeah.

Well, you watch it and you're like, this is fucked up. And you're like, I'm gonna keep watching it. You know what I'm saying? It's like porn, dude. You're like, I shouldn't be doing it. The other way you saw the chick everyone get mad at, because she's like, I couldn't stop myself from masturbating to the Jeffrey Dahmer documentary. It's like, you sick bitch.

That happened? Yeah. Really? Yeah, there's some chick, everyone's getting real mad at her for it. She would jack off to it? Yeah, she was just fucking finger plowing herself. Was that on like a local news article? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was just like an Instagram. I think it was, no, I think it was a screenshotted tweet. People were getting mad. Oh, shit. You know? Like, if your tweet makes it to Instagram and people people are mad that's like cross-platform anchor i mean dude i'm all for spanking dude but if you're spanking to that it's like that's like what are you in it for yeah you know that's people died behind your spank right there man the whole spanking thing

is like getting on my nerves a little bit dude why. Why is that? I'm just mad at myself, man, for doing it. Yeah. I'm just at that point where I'm like, should I be doing this? It gets me too tired, man. Yeah, dude. It definitely probably affects dopamine for sure, man. I feel accomplished for the day. It's not even the act of doing it.

It's just the porn, dude. They're ruining childhood movies now, man. How so? Have you ever seen Angels in the Outfield yeah yeah i see that dude they have a porno called anal in the infield okay wait but like who's fucking like they took angels in the outfield and they made a porno called like anal in the infield but like how do they turn that into a porn plot line it's just dude they're just banging in the infield. It's like an anal scene on a baseball field. No, that's like the premise. Isn't it like the kid's like a kid with cancer or something? Yeah, no, the story never, the porn acting never makes sense, dude.

Yeah. It's the most confusing shit, dude. Because I'm just like, there's no, there's no like, because, all right, there was like a porn that's that 70s show. And then you're like, this all makes sense how they could turn this into a porn. Really? You know, because somebody fucks Kitty. Somebody fucks Donna. Yeah.

Somebody fucks, you know what I mean? Like, it's like all the characters. It's like an orgy? Huh? Is it like an orgy or is it just like a one-on-one? I think it's, I said I think like I haven't watched it. No, but it's like, you know, at one point, two of them are banging. Yeah.

Then four. Then a different point, you know, at one point, two of them are banging. Yeah. Then four. Then a different point, you know, somebody's banging somebody else. Yeah. It's nice because you can split it up into like seven different videos. Yeah, different segues. Separate jerks. It's like one of those compilations, dude. Yeah.

Like cum compilations. I mean, Donna was fucking hot. Yeah, dude. They did Donna correct. They should make like a Harry Potter porno, dude, like Hermione. That was like my high school, not even high school, dude. I was in like elementary school when Harry Potter came out, dude. Yeah.

I never got into it. Really? No. Dude, if you did, you would be fucking with Hermione, dude. Yeah. I mean, Emma Watson got some ass. Yeah, for sure, man. Yeah.

I like skinny bitches. What movie, like if you were going to make a porno, would you, like, replicate? Yeah, I was like... The Titanic or something? Let me really think about this. Yeah. Not even like a show, like a legitimate movie, dude. Like, same production value and everything?

You have, like, a $50 to $60 million budget. $50 to $60 dollar budget 50 to 60 million dollar budget dude inception bro really i don't even remember what the female characters was like but i just imagined this the lanes you could go in porn wise with inception that would be so confusing man yeah because then it's just like yo i'm gonna fuck this chick in her brain and she's gonna fuck me in real life and that's the entire heist yeah i wonder if dudes would come to that man i would come to that dude yeah like i would i would be loving incepting bitches i would just come out of confusion dude i feel like that's that could get into shaky ground though yeah like if you incepted a bitch and fucked her in her dreams dude i watched maybe 20 minutes of

inception i was like i don't even understand what's going on right now yeah i saw it in theater and i was like this is a good oh yeah everyone who said they saw in the theater was like this is one of the best movies ever i would have to watch it like five times and then i would have to go online look up the plot it's kind of simple man really yeah damn it was literally the the plot of the movie i've watched it one time probably 12 years ago yeah but essentially all they did was they took they were like there's this rich guy we're going to go into his dream leonardo yeah leonardo was no no leonardo was the bank robber. I forgot the movie. They just basically, they're like, I'm going to go into this rich guy's dream and heist. You know what?

I thought I understood Inception. So you're saying it was all a dream. They were like going into dreams and then going into from dreams to dreams. It's like a dream thread. And you're saying that's easy to follow. What you're like, okay, they're just jumping from dream to dream thread and you're saying that's easy to follow yeah i mean what you're like okay they're just jumping from dream to dream thread yeah i'd be in the movie theater for like 25 minutes and i'd be like all right i gotta get out of here i was remembering there's like a snow scene yeah that shit was tight yeah i mean leo's movies dude they're hit or miss man like shutter island

dude that movie was fucking wild i was gonna say that's a good time yeah that's a good movie dude yeah i feel like it more hits the niches. It also scares the shit, like, dude, like, you could be in a real-life Shutter Island right now. Like, we could be in the loony bin right now at lunch, just like... Like, this whole time we've just been crazy? Yeah, we're just eating, like...

I'd be pretty bummed out. Yeah, I would, yeah. I'd be like, fuck, dude. You think... It's confusing, though. Like, you think you would ever, like, know? Yeah, I mean, I feel like... That would be, like, the ending scene of Sh like you think you would ever like know? Yeah, I mean I feel like. That would be like the ending scene of Shutter Island when he's like.

Because Shutter Island was kind of like Truman Show, right? Yeah. I've never seen the Truman Show. The Truman Show is like the whole time the guy's in like a reality show. Is that with fucking. That's with Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey, yeah dude. He got like a bunch of awards for that, right?

Yeah, yeah. That was a good movie. Yeah. But I feel like if I ever got tricked to that point, I would be very upset. That's with Jim Carrey Jim Carrey yeah dude He got like a bunch of awards For that right Yeah yeah That was a good movie Yeah But I feel like If I ever got tricked To that point I would be very upset Yeah

Who the fuck Can I see about this Sometimes I feel like We're all tricked Like currently man You ever think that Like we're all just brainwashed Yeah man

It's called capitalism You a socialist guy dude Yeah dude I'm a straight communist I'm more communist dude yeah we need communism right now dude i was like i was like thinking i was like dude i want to be like a left guy but instead i'm just running around society like the dude from bar rescue i'm just like yo this shit's all fucked up somebody's just like no dude it's fine you're like oh this shit is disgusting just screaming dude if everyone was the same, though.

It'd be kind of tight. It'd be kind of dull, man. Like, if you went up on stage and they were like, this guy is the same as the other guy who came up before. I feel like there's a lot of that already. You think so?

Yeah. Yeah. You'll see like seven people just do the same fucking set. Yeah. And you're like, this shit fucking sucks. Fuck comedy.

Yeah, fuck this dude move forward the art where's that no we need communism dude yeah dude you ever seen like a nice communist movie yeah for sure dude what was that movie with uh i mean armageddon dude that's a good one yeah you ever seen armageddon dude i don't think i've seen it armageddon's with like uh bruce willis dude it's the end of the world dude i like how we just turned this podcast into like the inception version of movies like we're just following a thread and jumping from movie to movie to movie you gotta see armageddon though bro i didn't see armageddon but have you seen the core no with ben affleck no the core is tight dude apparently i watched in science class and they're scientists but instead they're going to

the core of the world but then there's weirdly a gap of air in the middle of the core but they're traveling to the core of the world so what happens to do some shit they're trying to save the world man what the fuck are they doing dude they're just like scientists and astronauts but they're of the world to do some shit. They're trying to save the world, man. What the fuck are they doing, dude? They're just like scientists and astronauts but they're going to the core of the world because some shit's going to get fucked up. I watched it in science class. It was fire.

Why does the Earth have a pocket of air before the core? How was Ben Affleck doing at this point in his life? He had to have been fucking J-Lo. Yeah. So it's sick. It was a good time, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If he's banging J-Lo, then it's good. Is Ben Affleck like a hero? I mean, dude, Armageddon, man. I saw that when I was younger, dude. It's just about the end of the world. There's one scene, dude,

where a meteor falls from the sky. Fucking blows up China, dude. I don't know if it was all of china but it was like a chinese village dude and uh it was one of the most graphic things i've ever seen in my life dude that's fucking fire oh yeah dude imagine being like 15 and seeing that you're like fucking like you do you ever like have those thoughts where it's like a big fucking wave coming in you ever see those big wave videos? Yeah.

Have you ever had a dream about that? Where you're like on the beach and like a fucking tidal wave comes in? No. Fuck, dude. You're missing out, man. It's like you're just very scared for a second. Yeah, I don't know, man. I used to have dreams about like chilling on the beach and then just fucking, you just see a massive fucking wave come and you have to like run for your life.

Armageddon's like that, except it's a legitimate meteor there's a meteor coming towards earth and these dudes who are all degenerates save the world like bruce willis he runs like an oil rig that's fucking the fucking government just picks up all of them just a bunch of fucking degenerates why they want the degenerates what was the uh like the low risk and they like they're like all right we're gonna we gotta save the entire earth yeah but we don't want to risk the people's lives that are going to save the earth yeah well they all work on uh like an oil rig and uh yeah i don't know that they fire some like dick missile at it and blow it up and then but that's not even the best part dude the best part is like ben affleck uh his relationship with this dude's daughter who's a smoke show and they like fall in love dude

and they're like flirting with each other in an open field before the world ends like before he goes off to like save the world you gotta get some pussy before you go off to save the world oh yeah dude he's he probably ate her out dude but because honestly the before you like the before you save the world pussy yeah is way more fire than the after you save the world i feel like that would probably affect the outcome for sure yeah no because then you're like does this chick like me for me or is it because i saved the world well i mean dude if if you save the world and they interview you after and they were like what do you contribute to you saving the world and you were like the pussy i got beforehand yeah you're a legend dude yeah yeah i want to shout out her

box i mean no one would even care dude they'd be like this guy just saved the world like yeah and he's shouting out box dude they, that'd become such a fucking hero. People would be like, yo, man, damn, that'd be fucking fire, bro. To get some box pre-saving the world, though. I mean, dude, if you think about it, really, man, like, that is kind of like, pussy can either save the world or destroy the world, if you think about it. Most powerful. Yeah, it's a powerful being, dude.

Most powerful slut in the world, man. You got a lot of friends now that are whipped or no? No. Really? Nah, man. Really? You got a lot of boys? A lot of bros?

They don't let the hoes fuck around. You're lucky, man. Yeah. I got a lot of whipped boys, dude. Chicks just talk to them however they want. Yeah, I mean, some of them are getting married now. It's confusing man it's like you're like what's the point well no it's confusing because it's like dude two years ago you were like lighting your farts on fire and now like yeah now you want to be in a marriage it's like it's like funny seeing the dudes who like you

haven't talked to him like two to three years all right and then you see them like you haven't talked to them like two to three years, right? And then you see them. Like you haven't talked to them two to three years, and they were the least happy you've ever seen. Just complete. Like the chick was just always bringing them down. They're like, oh, they're getting married now. That's fucking sad, dude. It's nice to see the happy ones, though.

Well, dude, I mean, like you said, you don't have any whip friends, but, dude, seeing a friend who you haven't seen in a while. Yeah. Who's, like, wicked serious now. Yo. And you're, like, you're busting, like, you're screaming penis around him and stuff. And they're just like, dude, stop embarrassing me. Yeah, they're like, dude, I'm not about that life anymore. It's like, how can I trust you, man?

They're like, they've gone clean. It's like, dude, you don't have to be, like, a boring piece of shit, no? I mean mean you do though you think so yeah you gotta grow up at some point like we've chosen a life where we get to be children but i'm very pro my friends growing up i'm like dude just get it you know really yeah damn i don't give a fuck dude i want to hang out with them yeah when they get it together it just means you know what i mean you don't think you're going to feel like a little lonely nah dude i'm you know dude's doing comedy every single day it's not time to really hang out that's like your coping mechanism yeah that's your coping mechanism

is just comedy yeah i don't know you don't know i mean just do it every single day but what is coping you know i mean I mean, probably that, honestly. The only way to find out is if you stop doing it. Oh, it would suck. Yeah, so that's definitely like your coping. It would be so boring, though. Have you ever just had like a Saturday with nothing to do? Most Saturdays, yeah.

I mean, I've been playing a lot of Xbox. I almost got back into Xbox, but I was like, This is not a hole I want to get into Dude you should run it back man Get Warzone dude We'll play together It's a move I was always ass at Call of Duty I was a Gears of War guy

Really Yeah Dude I feel like Gears of War Is probably harder than Warzone dude Really Yeah it's not even like Warzone's not even like

Multiplayer dude It's just you and your boys On one team Versus a bunch of other teams Even if you suck It's the funniest thing in the world dude yeah it's not like it's not like modern warfare was no dude it's not like multiplayer it's like literally you and like i always had a 0.84 kd man that's not bad dude i used to have like a 0.25 yeah i would just run out into the middle of the map and fucking start firing dude i would use the mp5 just. I mean, you need those guys, though, who suck at the game.

Yeah. Because that's how you feel better about yourself. Bro, just playing with dudes who would have, like, four KDs, though, and you're just like, damn, yo, this guy went 21-2. Dude, honestly, man, like, I don't even care how you feel about this. Yeah. Like, one of the best feelings in the world is, like, either not hanging out with a girl or knowing that you have nothing to do but primarily just like a girl telling you like

hey i can't hang out tonight yeah and then calling one of your boys and being like dude you want to play xbox right now and then just fucking cruising just shredding it all night dude yo that's the thing though that's that's why xbox isn't good for those nights where you're like damn dude i don't want to do anything but like you don't even have like your brain's way too zapped to watch a movie or some shit yeah i mean i don't know what would be worse man like tv or xbox but i mean dude if you're not gonna do anything anyway like you know xbox is the fucking move it's all about the camaraderie man like one of the hardest times ever after i was playing xbox one of my boys yeah he's fucking terrible dude he's like one of the worst players in the world but he like so he was the

you for you he like lives with his parents and he wanted to he wanted to like be for the boys so bad dude he called in an airstrike on us and he just yelled get the fuck out like at the top of his lungs yeah i'll get it so like we're playing on xbox live we're all in like a party chat yep we're playing with a team so all our boys we're playing against other people dude he calls in a legitimate airstrike which is supposed to call on other teams to kill the other like the other team like fucking jets fucking calls it on us like drops it on us and in real time like imagine him at his parents house he's so emotionally invested in the game dude he just screamed get the fuck out like at the top of his lungs and just that passion dude that was like that was so funny to me but why wait why did he call it on you guys he's a fucking idiot he's a fucking idiot

he was like i fucked up guys i fucked up let me make it right he was so there was so much emotion dude like he knew he fucked up he was like get the fuck out he was like this is the one thing i have left he was like i'm at my parents house he's like dude if i fucking call this airstrike they're just gonna leave all my friends are gone yeah but dude an airstrike it can't even kill your own team so it didn't matter anyway so you didn't need to get out it was like emotionally you needed to get out yeah we were all confused we're like why do we need to get out dude like you can't kill us with airstrike it was just so confusing and emotional dude but i was like that's that's passion that's passion man that's friendship yeah dude damn that's like to to get on Xbox and play with the boys, man.

That's like my equivalent to like, dude, if you're chilling with your boys and he's like about to go home with a girl, but you guys came together and he's like, nah, I'm going to go with my boy. See, man, I... You wouldn't let that happen? Nah, dude. You would make him go? You got to. Yeah.

I mean, it's different if it's a chick they're always banging or something. Then it's like, I don't give a fuck. It's like a once in a lifetime thing. It's like some new. Yeah. Some new, man. All that's going to happen is we'll just go back and be like, damn, dude. I should have banged that chick.

And now I'm part of some weird. It's like, I could hang out and do something else. Yeah. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's a nice gesture.

Yeah. It's like, you know, it's for the boys, dude. Yeah. Nobody's like that though, dude. Yeah. A hundred percent. Like all my boys would be like, nah, dude, I'm, I'm going with the chick. You have to.

Like get an Uber, dude. What was the purpose of all linking up? See? Yeah. That's right. It was like, if the beginning of the night you got to say all right so i'm gonna go to this bar and get some pussy everybody like hell fucking yeah high five and then the time comes and you're like yeah we're gonna go back and hang out

yeah you're right dude it's a terrible loss yeah it's like you're going there for a specific goal yeah and you get the opportunity and just throw it away because you're going there for a specific goal yeah and you get the opportunity and just throw it away because you're gay yeah that's what you really want you want your boy to be gay there's a lot of dude a lot of my boys like i mean you have any like you have any gay boys are you homophobic dude uh you know uh i mean i used to have a friend that was now gay. Yeah. But that's not why I'm not friends with him. Yeah. No, I mean, you got any gay homies? Some old gay homies. We're not friends anymore, dude.

Yeah. You're like, fucking, dude, I can't do this shit. We can't watch musical theater. Yeah. That's what you were on. I mean, dude, I was going to say, like, a lot of the boys I was boys with who are gay now, they're always like, are you, you know, they make it seem like it's surprising that they're gay.

And it's like, we all knew, man. You all knew? They'll always say shit like. Dude, I'm thinking like all the gay people that ended up being gay, right? Yeah. Like that weren't gay. Like motherfuckers ain't come out like, you know what I mean? And you're like, oh, that person was gay.

I've never been surprised. Oh yeah. Not once. It's not like, I thought that was going to be a thing. Yeah. That's the tough part, man.

It's like, is it fucked up if you're not surprised? Are you, are you being judgmental? But it's like, dude, some of your boys will say, like,

you'll be chilling. They'll be like, you want to watch Brokeback Mountain and like, see what comes first. And it's like, nah, dude. It's like, dude, we're your boys will say, like, you'll be chilling. They'll be like, you want to watch Brokeback Mountain and, like, see who comes first? And it's like, nah, dude. It's like, dude, we're just trying to watch the game, man. Yeah. They're like, who comes first?

Not even no stroke or anything. Just, like, raw penis just randomly busts. Yeah. And you're just like, nah, man, I'm just trying to watch the game, dude. Like, we're just going to chill a little bit. Dude, I think, you know, it's a good test. You got to just be with all the homies, right?

And you each tie a string to your dick, like right at the tip. Yeah. And you, you put it on a little bell, right? Yeah.

And you throw on some gay porn. Wow, dude, that'd be a tight set up, man. Dick lift, dick lift, you have the bell rings,

that is gay. Yeah. I would do that, man. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good test. It's a test of like,

will. Yeah. I mean mean if you haven't watched gay porn then do you know you probably you don't even know dude that'd be rough

you're watching gay porn and then you're just like this yeah I feel like if you're at that far and you realize you're gay while you're watching gay porn are you actually gay yeah

no I definitely tried that at an early age I was like I gotta I gotta find out you were like I gotta yeah I, I got to rule this out. I'm sick of thinking about it. I'm just going to see what happens. This is like a real thought just constantly.

I might be gay. The sign that you're probably gay is if you're disturbed by gay jokes. Like being gay with each other. Not making fun of gay jokes. But if you tell your boy, Yo, can I suck your dick? That type of shit. Yeah, you're'm gonna jerk you off in the rain dude very uncomfortable that's terrible yeah really makes you fucking so so so what the fuck you do man you just offered a jerk off your friends in the puddle and then they pull their pants down now they're the asshole?

I mean, dude, you might be gay, dude. Dude, that'd be rough. You think so? I mean, have you ever watched, like, Brokeback Mountain or anything, dude? Like, four times. Yeah, I've seen it a few times. Just so you know, it's a good movie. Moonlight?

Yeah. You ever watch Moonlight? Yeah. The big scene for me was, like, the Brokeback Mountain scene with the banging in the tent. I was like, I got to see if this gets me going. Wait, so did you fast forward to it? No, dude. You got to watch the whole thing.

Yeah. You got to build the plot. You have to watch the build up, dude. At that point, you're like a gay cuck. Yeah. I mean, dude, you just got to try it out when you're younger, man. You got to show your boys your dick and flash your asses and shit. Yeah, that's really, I will say, that's some white shit.

But you have a multicultural squad. That's what y'all are getting into. Yeah, man. I mean, we would fucking meet up in the pool and just show each other our dicks. Yeah, that was just fun. Just casually. We would flash our dicks at this one kid's mom who's gay now. Boy dick turned her gay.

Maybe we fucking, maybe we caused it. I don't know, dude. Yeah, she was just like, I can't. She reached her how many dicks she could see threshold. Yeah. I mean, dude, I knew I wasn't gay when I got, dude, I got stung by like six bees in my ass. And then just no arousal. At a birthday party. Yeah bees in my ass at a birthday party like my best friend's birthday party dude

and I was like in tears crying and his sister was like I'm gonna go I'm gonna have to check you out and I was like what? she was like I'm gonna have to put like some lotion on your ass and you were like fuck yeah dude

that was when I knew dude I was like I ain't gay if you were gay you'd be like oh no you'd be like no you'd be like worried about, what if I don't like it? And she knows. That would have been rough.

Nah, dude, there's nothing. I was like 300 pounds, dude. So she was just putting lotion on a 300-pound kid's ass. Oh, yeah. So it was pure clinical for her. Yeah, dude. It was definitely terrorizing for her but for me it was like the best moment of my life dude how long were you 300 pounds

i wasn't 300 pounds i was like 180 pounds in second grade okay it's a big boy yeah dude how long how long were you big throughout like elementary school yeah i lost weight since seventh grade that's a good time once i started I had to lose weight to make the football team. Like the Pee Wee football team because they had like a weight limit. So yeah, man, I lost a bunch of weight. I would just go on these runs with like trash bags. Were you like an athletic fat guy? I wouldn't say athletic, dude, because like my term of athletic is different from other people's.

Other people like in my town might have been like he was athletic. But I've seen athletic people. You got former fat guy calves? No, my calves are weak, honestly. Oh, shit, dude. That's like the one perk of being big and then losing the weight. You get those diesel fat guy calves. Yeah.

No, dude, my calves are super weak. I would always get knee injuries. Maybe that's why I get knee injuries. Real weak calves. Really? Yeah. Shit, man man big football guy i mean i play like peewee in high school and stuff yeah just always got injured man

how about you dude you smacking tits around dude nah dude i was ass at football really yeah i was fucking i hated football you played though bad at it yeah i played from what is it sixth grade to freshman year that's not bad yeah what'd you do after that school i just quit after freshman year i was like i'm not good so from freshman year to senior year what were you doing i fucking you know i'm just being a degenerate really yeah i wasn't playing a fall sport what were you doing like what would you do though i was a big sports guy i was a town league basketball guy you know that was my town league basketball yeah what about high school man did you try it out or no i think i tried out maybe don't fucking lie to me dude i tried out my

freshman year really yeah i didn't make it i should have though i was hitting post moves man really like spin moves and shit yeah dude i was like a fucking joelle and beat out there just no athleticism but i like basketball because i was tall yeah dude basketball like used to be my favorite sport i just knew i was never gonna make it so i just kind of like gave up dude yeah i used to wear my mom's tights dude fucking balling yeah i used to listen to we fly high by jim jones dude you know that song yeah dude a song yeah no uh that was a middle school song for me how old are you that was the first song I ever listened to on an MP3 player. Oh, shit. In fifth grade.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't even my MP3 player, dude. I asked my friend if I could use his and just listen to that song. Because that was like a, yeah, I remember I was in sixth grade. Motherfuckers would all just be hitting that shit just like. Just peeling out, dude. Balling.

You ever peel out in a parking lot? Or like a residential area? Like blow a donut? Is this smoking weed? No, dude. Peeling out is when you get in a car and you just put your foot on the gas as far down as possible. Could you only do that shit with a rear view? Or not rear view, like rear wheels?

Nah, you can do that in like a you could do that in like a 1990 fucking honda civic dude damn nah i've never had a good day i feel like like that's like some real like i don't give a fuck about my tread depth type shit that's called trauma dude yeah you ever done that shit no dude that's fucking fire bro wait wait dude you were like you lost all that weight were you nice at football after um i mean like my my best friend who grew up the road his dad was like a division one football coach okay and his whole life was like about football and we played sports together and i i hadn't played football yet and he convinced me like i should play yeah and would you do like slightly athletic fat kid you gotta yeah like we played basketball and baseball together and like we would play like backyard football and he was like dude you'll

you'll play a bunch because i was just like leveling dudes yeah on the backyard level yeah like dudes half the size of me i was just like leveling dudes yeah on the backyard level yeah like dudes half the size of me i was just fucking throwing shoulders like at fullback too you were like just running them over oh we would just play like tackle soccer dude i would literally just like you know damn man but i was just too fat dude so i ended up like having to get the mindset to like lose literally like 25 pounds man i would run around my neighborhood with trash bags 25 doesn't sound too crazy back then dude when you're that young oh yeah it doesn't come right off man i only had like three months to lose it too i mean a lot of it

was water weight but also like afterwards i look like completely different dude yeah yeah because you probably grew like an inch or two too it was like simultaneous yeah it was like one of the hardest things for me man like losing weight because i was so used to eating like six bagels with cream cheese a day and like shit dude drinking like coke and stuff and like yeah man but once i once i started playing football i didn't really like understand at the peewee level like the game game at all, I would literally just like, everyone was kind of just like running at each other full speed. Dude, I was so fucking bad. Really? I was so slow.

And I was like skinny as shit too, so there was just no position for a super slow skinny dude to play in football. Dude, peewee football is like hilarious though, man. Peewee, dude, at one point, there was like two super, coaches caught on to how slow I was. There were just like these two super fat kids on the team.

Like one of their nicknames was big baby. And then at the end of practice, like these 200, 300 pound kids and me, like 115, they're like, we're going to do a race. And these two fat kids,

I blocked out how I went. I know I didn't win because I blocked it out, but I don't know if I got second or third place. So were you slow with your hands or slow running just in general? Just super slow running. Really? Yeah. I mean, so was I, dude.

I didn't really know how to run back then. Dude, I think, have you noticed when I'm like, I was so much faster when I had no shoes on. Yeah, dude. what's up with the shoe technology dude honestly man you could definitely run uh they say like if you run barefoot that's how like your true form when you run yeah there's like a bunch of barefoot dog do they have like those barefoot shoes now you've ever seen those yeah i've seen like vivo barefoot yeah man i don't know man like i feel like it's a hard

move at the gym to pull up with the barefoot yeah man i'll never be wearing barefoot shoes but like it probably would help a lot man i just want to run a 40 yard dash barefoot real quick yeah i mean dude pb football was so funny though like just how confused everyone was at the same time and some people were just trying not to be confused. It was like a bunch of confused kids. And then there was those kids who looked like they were 35. Yeah, just oldest. They're just already done with puberty,

literally fingering kids' asses, dude. I just love doing anything back then, looking back on, because our brains were so undeveloped. Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing, man. But only you know, really. And your coaches. They saw all that stuff. The coaches are fucking idiots, dude. Yeah, dude.

Just think about being 45 years old and going, I'm going to make this 12-year-old that weighs 115 pounds run against these two fucking 230-pound kids. You could see the inner aggression they had, too. We would do those Oklahoma drills. Everyone's in a circle. We would call them sumo circles, dude. The whole team would stand in a circle, and they would just call people out circles dude like the whole team would stand like stand in a circle and they would just call people out to go in the middle and dude they were like you don't stop until someone gets pushed out like dude i got fucked up a few times by like dudes who look like they were like

35 i was like i'm not gonna win like this dude's gonna fuck me up and you just get the shit kicked out yeah one time i got leveled and i I was getting up, and the coach was like, finish him. And this dude just RKO'd me. I was like, dude. You're like, what am I doing? I was like, dude, your wife's cheating on you. Did he play all through our high school? Yeah, well, dude, I fucking played peewee.

And I played a good amount. That was my first year of football. And then the next year I played a good amount. That was my first year of football. The next year I played freshman football. I started hitting the gym and getting way bigger. We did double sessions. We're at probably the third or fourth day of double sessions. It's like 95 degrees out. The coaches are starting to realize who's good and who's bad.

They were like, all right, we're're gonna do this thing called like oklahoma drills except it's just with linemen so like same idea you have to like push the other person back dude so i make it to the final round and it's me versus this kid i swear to god dude freshman year he was 300 pounds six foot two i'm like i don't know how to, like, move this kid out of the circle. So, like, for some reason in my head, I was like, oh, dude, like, lower man wins. Like, just get lower than him. Bro, I swear to God, I'm literally, like, I got so fucking low, dude. So, they blow the whistle to go.

I'm pushing this kid, and I just remember I push him out of the circle, and I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I actually just won. And next thing you know, I'm on the ground, and my knee is, what the fuck? Like, I actually just won. And next thing you know, I'm on the ground, and my knee is, like, fucking out, bro. Dislocated. Bro, my knee is literally on the other side of my leg. And there's, like, this swelling the size of, like, a softball. And I thought the swelling was my knee. And, dude, I just went into shock.

And I was like, holy fuck. And that was the end of your football career? It wasn't even pain. Like, I didn't feel anything. But I was in shock. So I was like, whoa. I was like, whoa. He't even paint like I didn't feel anything but I was in shock so I was like whoa yeah but everyone was like what the fuck's going on like and then they looked at my knee and people started running away like some kids were getting nauseous like a lot of kids were like running away and where the kids went up to the varsity coach and was like

hey like you need to call 9-1-1 yeah yeah like some shit just went down and this guy had such an ego he was like all right i'll be down there in a minute and they were like no no dude like this is fucked and he came down and saw it was like what i love how they needed the intermediary to be like hey hey head adult you need to call the police like there was other adults there dude it was such a shit show man but yeah dude they uh some dude was like holding my hand and i was like dude i was just i don't know if you ever been shocked dude but i was like what the fuck dude i thought i was never gonna walk again dude i didn't even know what a dislocated knee was man when i went in the ambulance i was like you guys think i'm gonna be able to like

walk again and they were like no really that fucking dick they were like this is fucked like your knee like your leg looks fucked dude how like was it like was it like all the fucking tendons and shit in your leg like my patella just dislocated so all the tendons tore and like it fucking literally just slid out of place acl mcl all that oh no no no dude this isn't even that bad bro like i thought it was like the end of the world but literally just like it happens all the time to like dude your patella dislocates so like the tendons like i don't know if it's ligaments or tendons but dude your knee just slides out of

place oh so it's like wasn't that crazy of an injury oh no dude it's like fucking three months maybe oh at the high school level if you're in the nfl and you like dislocate your knee the only thing that sucks dude getting back is like the fear of dude because i went to the hospital yeah and i was in the er and this lady just walks in and she's like oh you dislocated your your kneecap i'm gonna pop it back in she's like i need you to relax just pops it back in and i'm fucking freaking the fuck out dude it pops back out she's like you need to relax i'm gonna pop it back in so they just pop it back in and put a cast on dude and it like needs to stabilize for a while the fear is like when you get back into it yeah it's gonna pop back out oh

yeah it's like the same thing like an acl you ACL. You're like, dude, I'm going to fucking tear it. Did it ever pop back out? No, but I was, like, shitting my pants all the time. Yeah. I was, like, mentally for a year, dude, the whole next year I was a pussy. Like, I wasn't the same. Those are, like, very formative. Yeah, like, I would be playing, like, offensive line or defensive line, and I would just be like, nah, I'm not going to go 100% because, like, I'm scared of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah so the freshman level i got back to playing and like me and a few my we're just leveling kids because it's freshman yeah sophomore year i was like i'm just not the same straight on v no it's fresh uh jv yeah i just wasn't the same, dude. Yeah. Junior and senior year, like, I was like, all right, it's fucking, it's fine. Yeah, it is what it is at this point. But. But that's like freshman year. I mean, if you push that guy out, that was like, you were fast track, dude. Yeah, it was a glorifying moment until I was on the ground.

And I was like, oh, shit. And, but if it was a worse injury, everyone would have talked about what could have been. You would have just went out in a blaze of glory. Yeah, dude. When I look back, I'm, like, pretty lucky, dude. Yeah. Dude, when I came back, no joke, I was kind of, like, just watching drills and stuff. So, like, I'm on the field one day.

Like, both teams are practicing. And you hear, like, a branch snap. Yeah. And you thought that was your knee? No. I wasn't even playing i like had just gotten back i'm on crutches i'm kind of chilling so we all hear this sound and it sounds like a legitimate branch breaking and we're like do you guys fucking hear that and all you

hear is this kid on the ground screaming to the top of his lungs bro dude this kid his femur snapped bro his femur dude that's the biggest bone in your body dude like in your leg literally the eye right dude biggest bone in your body dude snaps like dude you know how much fucking force dude so he was like he got like he got he was on the ground on both of his knees he got leveled and someone tabletopped him and it just fucking snapped like a branch so usually when people break their leg it's the lower half right yeah so he bro breaking your femur is like a fucking big deal dude so this dude is on the ground screaming they call 9-1-1 or whatever he gets fucking carted off dude they were like they were like if he moved like if he if he got up like he would have internally bled to death yeah so i was like i'm kind of fucking lucky dude yeah like if you think about it you ever broke any other shit

no but dude that guy uh that kid got like addicted to painkillers uh that's a rough spot yeah because he was just in pain so much like yeah dude i broke my ankle in both spots really yeah dude town league basketball like what do you mean both spots like yeah so what happened was i went up to block a shot and then landed on like a landed on like a sea of feet. And then when I landed on the sea of feet, the dude fucking like slid his foot out. So I did that shit. My knee buckled.

And then I like rolled my ankle. When I broke my ankle, both sides of my ankle broke. What the fuck? So like I went into the ambulance. I was like, yo, did I dislocate like my ankle? They're like, no, there's just like nothing for it to locate to what the fuck yeah dude it was rough so how long were you out uh i think that was like march wait so that was march until like the fucking summer really summer i was like in a boot or some shit wait i don't remember

it must have been a while dude if you broke it yeah yeah i feel like that would have been like six months dude i remember it was dude it was fucking mad funny there was a kid i sat next to in the class and he took like the video like he like took a video while i was writhing in pain it's like yo put the fucking camera down and then then I sat next to him in class for the entire year, just silent. Just dead silent. Because I told him, I was like, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. Yeah, that's fucked up, dude. Yeah, dude.

But then I caught him in class with crutches. Not caught him in class. He was at my boy's party. Yeah. And I just was drunk as shit and just started crutching over to him. Just started punching him in the face. And my boy threw him out of the party. Dude, that's...

After that, I literally tore my MCL twice. So I got... Dude, I hurt my knees so many times that I just didn't even feel anything anymore. Yeah, were you on the painkillers? No, man. Dude, even if I have a headache, I won't take that. I just know how't even feel anything anymore. Yeah, were you on the painkillers? Nah, man. Dude, even like if I have a headache, I won't take that. Dude, I was just... I just know how bad they are for you.

I was just popping them shits and watching Trailer Park Boys every single day. Oh, dude. It was a fucking era. Yeah, I took eight once, I think. Yeah. And like at the beginning, I was like, dude, I'm in so much pain. I just popped like eight and it was so much. I was so high, dude.

And then I was like, if I... Like i was so high dude and then i was like if i like this was my life yeah this was my life like nah dude i remember i got my wisdom teeth taken out and they gave me like a whole bottle and i just took like 12 in a day that shows i would just listen to the weekend i'm like this is what i'm supposed to do yeah no dude that stuff kind of scares me man it's too much fun much fun. Yeah. Yeah, it was like... I've heard, like, morphine, dude. Morphine's fun. Yeah.

Whenever you go to the... The scariest shit is when you go to the ER, and it doesn't even matter what happened to you. They're like, do you want morphine? Yeah. And it's like, no, dude. I fucking... Like, I do, but I don't.

You're just like, fuck it. I'll just go to the er to get more yeah i went there for like chest pains and they were like morphine the fuck fuck yeah yeah what are you trying to do yeah they're trying to get you trying to get me on the streets dog dude fucking is how fun is morphine compared to heroin? Probably pretty equivalent, honestly. I mean, I don't know, dude. Morphine is like, yeah,

morphine's like, yo, honestly though, you could do Michael Jackson style. Like if I reach a peak of my life, then I could just have a doctor on call that lives with me. That just like, yeah,

what I, my job is to shoot him up with morphine every single day. Well, I mean, do you think about like all the famous people people have died from like overdosing on pills. Oh, yeah. So it's got to be good. Oh, 100%.

Yeah. It's got to be a good feeling, dude. Yeah. I mean, it was wild. The fucking Xanax era looking back. Yeah. I just remember people just be like, yeah, man, I just took a Xanax and passed out for the entire day. I used to work at a supermarket and pretty much everyone was on Xanax throughout the

day. They had these things. They needed it to work. They had these things called green monsters that were just pressed Xanax. And then everyone just realized years later, they were just like, oh, that was just fentanyl. You're just doing fentanyl pills i mean dude you and i could make like the worst rug and like go to baltimore or something and start selling it you never really know like what's in it well dude you know the thing is with fentanyl

like i would i would uh i used to do like fucking documentary like videos. I was like talking to this homeless guy and the homeless guy just told me he was like a heroin addict. He's like, Oh no, he's like, everyone's like talking about the overdoses. Like these people, like everyone's like accidentally taking fentanyl. It's like, no, no, no, no. Us addicts will hear that there's a pack that has killed this many people. And then we think, like, oh, it's not going to kill me.

But that's going to be a great high. And then the sales go up. So it's like this weird inverse. It's like if you hear people are overdosing, you're like, damn, that's that good shit. And I'm just going to take a little less of it and have the time of my life. It's like word of mouth. You're like, let me try that, dude you just get the fucking streets man like such a dumb fucking thought too dude i mean but you're always not gonna think you're the guy that's gonna yeah

but dude that's like think about that from like an alcohol standpoint you're like oh dude you're drinking that from the bottle like i'll butt chug that fucking dead in like four seconds yeah well no butt chugging would be going harder that's what i'm saying like you're drinking from the bottle i'm just gonna take a shot yeah no i'm saying if i was at a party and i was like oh you think you're fucking tough drinking that from the bottle dude and i fucking bent over and put it in my ass that's a were you a big drinker in high school? Yeah. Yeah?

I feel like there would always be those kids that would be getting their personality, though. You know what I mean? Like, there was just, like, the most boring guy. And it's like, yo, this dude right here fucking chugged the entire pint. And you're like, dude, you don't have to do this for friends. Like, the entire pint? I would do that with my personality yeah i would like not say anything in class and then i would go to a party and drink like 12 beers oh dude just be the ham like fucking yeah dude i would just walk up to like the hottest

chicks and like fucking crop dust the kitchen dude just start throwing beer at the wall dude we was uh was it a big uh was it a big freestyle rap at the end of parties when i when i like my junior year no my senior year like people started to get into that type of shit and there was always like one dude who you were like all right man like you need to chill out dude yeah yeah you're not gonna make it dude dude that was looking back i'm like damn every single time niggas started freestyling at the party i should have left yeah that is a warning sign oh dude yeah it dude i have a video of like one of my best friends freestyling and he's like a legitimate like aspiring rapper like it was literally the

hardest i've ever laughed in my life like i have i'll show you the video after you're doing this for yeah it was so funny the shit the the lyric he dropped the first line he said dude i literally like my heart exploded i was like that is the funniest shit what was the lyric he said uh so like the the beat was playing everyone's like circled around he goes, he like yells this. He goes, you kidding me? This shit dangerous. I literally fucking lost it. It's like, what's dangerous?

Yo, I would always circle back anytime Freestyle Rapper talking about fucking other niggas bitches. Oh, yeah. It's like a great go-to. Whoa. I don't like when I get like calls and it's just a town i was like pretty like confused you called me and you said is this maureen that's my mom's name yeah dude that's how your uh caller id comes up really yeah what the fuck you're still on the family plan

i gotta grow up man i was like how does this kid know my mom's name that was fucking rough yeah dude let me show it to you so it's not fucking weird the fuck just giving out your mom's full you got like caller id like legit dude you know how come i don't have that dude yeah you need to what happens when scams call you dude does this show like scam likely you don't get the scam likely sometimes not always i don't like i do not like a town calling me though that's weird yeah why is why is why is this town calling me but i haven't committed any crimes in the town that's calling me so it's like that's good yeah for sure man that's definitely sketchy i don't i don't really i mean i get the scam likely sometimes but a lot of the time it's like a fake Fidelity.

What do you mean? They'll be like, hey, this is fucking Samuel from Fidelity Investments. Yeah. We saw your resume online. We'd love to. They're always trying to give you jobs. Yeah, but they're not real jobs. They're like trying to.

Get your information. Bro, if one more dude tries to sell me solar panels, I'm going to cause cause a genocide dude those are all real those are all real though there's like the model a guy tried to get me to do that job dude do they go door to door where you're from yeah i think so yeah this dude pissed on my lawn like legitimately i pulled up to my. This dude was pissing on my lawn. Pulls his pants up. Puts on his like red jacket and walks up to me and tried to sell me solar panels, dude. This is very odd. What is going on here?

What the fuck? This is your phone. You don't have your phone what's going on here it's fucking weird very awkward you think you're gonna go solar though dude oh i i don't know man what do you say when they offer you are you just like i don't own property yeah i feel like that's the only thing you could go with yeah you're like're like, I don't, I don't, I don't own anything. What the fuck? That's a good answer. Yeah. Yeah. Where are you going to get solar? You know what I mean? Yeah. You rent. That's a good point, man. I was way too nice to this dude. Pissed on my lawn. I should have fought him, dude. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I was like visiting my mom and I pull up in

my Honda Accord and this dude's legitimately pissing on my mom's lawn. Yeah. He sees me pull up, pulls his pants up, walks over to his buddy, puts on the yellow jacket, walks back to me. He's like, hello, sir. Does his whole solar panel speech, and I listen to it all. But you started with pissing on the lawn? Yeah, dude. There's no fucking way.

You know how much fucking balls that takes? That's honestly like pissing on somebody else's lawn, yeah i'd buy a solar panel i'd be like this guy yeah i was kind of like dude you're you're you're fucking getting after it dude yeah oh did you see the fucking this was a couple weeks ago it already went viral and shit you know it's already played out but the guy who just said hello neighbor like and then he just called he called them the hard r and then the guy was just like yeah and then he walks off the camera he's like dude what the fuck like he's just talking to himself sad afterwards wait what yeah so he walks up to the house he's he walks up to the door and they have like a ring camera and then instead of saying hello neighbors he went hello niggers

what yeah a white dude did that white dude and then he goes instantly just like, oh, what the fuck? And then the guy just closes the door whose house it is. But the best part is the guy walks off of the camera, but he's still in the ring light. And he's just talking to himself mad. Just like, dude, what the fuck, man? Dude, what? It's wild. Dude, because he was probably just like walking up just like, don't say it. Don it's a while dude because he was probably just like walking up just like don't say it don't say it that's insane dude

that's rough that's a rough way to be that's insane dude the fact that i was caught on camera too yeah yeah it's like what are the chances it's like somebody tells you about it and you're just like there's no way that happened wasn't't, dude, didn't some, like, country star, like, say something racist? I don't know. I feel like that fits. Yeah. It's like, there's, like, a story every single time. I can't remember who it was, dude.

Or a football player that, like, a white receiver at a country concert. Oh, yeah, dude. Or, like, some Mel Gibson situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just starts shitting on Jews Yeah dude I mean Kanye's on that right now Do you think so?

Well you You a supporter dude? Of Kanye? Yeah You know he makes great music Yeah he did Nah dude he's still making You think so?

I like Donda Yeah Yeah Donda had some heats I don't know I like his old music man Probably just because I grew up with it Nah dude Like Life of Pablo That's like newer still Yeah Yeah, Donda had some heats. I don't know. I like his old music, man. Probably just because I grew up with it. Nah, dude. Like, Life of Pablo. That's, like, newer still.

Yeah. And that shit's just as good as anything he made before. Yeah, I don't think anything slaps. Like, Power, dude, or Runaway. You remember those songs, dude? Yeah. See, honestly, though, I'm not super big on my... Like, my dark, twisted fantasy is Fire, but...

Yeah. You know. I like super old music, dude. I don't know. Yeah. It's not that old. That's, like, what, 2010? Maybe dude i don't know yeah it's not that old that's like what 2010 maybe i don't know 12 years yeah that's fire man now the kanye with the jew shit that's kanye with the jew shit or mel gibson kanye's on the jew shit now really

yeah he fucking he's he went defcon 3 on the jews damn what'd he say he said well he said hey i'm gonna start tomorrow i'm gonna wake up and i'm gonna defcon 3 on the jews what he's like i can't even be anti-semitic because you know we're the real semites uh jews are trying to silence and now he's on like a whole you know jews run the media kick oh like the banks and stuff yeah yeah a lot of people have done that, dude. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's a little hack at this point. Dude, my best friend's Jewish, and he was like,

the amount of people that are, like, anti-Semitic is, like, in the fucking billions. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a fucking crazy dude. You know, just slightly. Yeah. Have you ever seen the Mel Gibson video? Fire. Yeah.

Ten out of ten. Yeah. Ten, Mel Gibson, the Mel Gibson video? Fire. 10 out of 10. Yeah. Mel Gibson. The Mel Gibson video is so funny because he's just like, you're just like, damn, he was going off. Oh, yeah. He must have been like 12 deep, dude. He had to have been on coke. You think so?

He was definitely on something, dude. But you could tell he was like super passionate when he was saying it. Yeah. Like he really believed it. Yeah. He believed it, dude. It wasn't like a I'm drunk and like, I don't know what I'm saying. It was like this dude's, like he really believed it. Yeah, he believed it, dude. It wasn't like a, I'm drunk and like, I don't know what I'm saying.

It was like, this dude's been waiting to let this out. And that's the belief that only cocaine can produce. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the combination between the two, cocaine and alcohol. Dude, that's ego right there, man. That's that dude's ego.

Yeah, some people are just naturally on cocaine. Have you ever done coke, dude? No. Dabbled in it? I would never do it, man, but I would just probably get addicted, dude. Yeah, you'll see. It's like the most boring people do it, you know what I mean? Really?

It's like boring people do it to be interesting. Really? Yeah. You'll just be like talking to some guy about his fucking business ideas, and you're like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. I'm reading that book, dude. I don't know if you like Sam Talent, Running the light yeah actually i wanted to get that book yeah i got

this i got fucking kindle dude yeah and it just reads it to you no dude like i can just buy like i just pay for the kindle membership and like you can buy like a certain amount of books dude i only got the sample though but it's kind of fucking i like you gearing up that you were reading a book you only got the sample is that like half of the first chapter yeah probably it's probably like 40 pages maybe sam talents i saw him posting he's like anti-coke he's like guys stop doing it it's not really yeah shit man he did a rogue island comedy festival like fuck yeah i was there like last week i didn't go off oh really i just went i went up sunday dude but he was there the past festival yeah

but yeah man he like talked about his book and stuff and like it's kind of fucking depressing dude yeah but the guy in it does like aggressive coke dude wait is he is it like a memoir it's like life on the road and it's like I'm not really sure what a memoir is, because I'm not like that smart, but. Memoir is like an autobiography, but it's like, not somehow, you know? Yeah, so I think it's like, it's, the character's fictional. Okay. But it's like a real life depiction of the road.

But if Sam doesn't do cocaine then it's probably definitely fictional because the dude's like aggressively ripping lines no i think he's like a guy who did cocaine oh so you think he used to do it now he stops now he's anti yeah guys don't do cocaine it's no good yeah which i agree with you'll see people ruin their lives and you're like this is come on oh yeah just for synthetic happiness yeah dude we were i was hanging out with my roommate like a year ago yeah he had one of his friends over had like a bag of cocaine like that big yeah and he'll just take it out dude rip lines oh yeah and then just become real sentimental i i left when i saw it and i was like i gotta get out this is it

yeah it was like a big bag of cocaine. Yeah, like copious. Yeah. Like he was the leader of fucking cocaine. The leader of cocaine. Yeah, dude. He's like the leader or was a leader of cocaine? Both, dude. He's the and a. That's fucking fire. Do you do any like, you drink or no?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. You drink before you go on stage? No, I try not to, man. Yeah, same. Because, you know what I mean? You see, motherfucker, it's like, it makes you slower, you know what I mean? So, it's like.

Just in general, yeah? Yeah, so it's like, I'm not trying to fucking. Fuck yeah, dude. You know what I loved about this podcast, dude? Is like, we didn't even talk about comedy once, man. Hell yeah, dude. That's when you know you're real, dude. Yeah, the fuck talking about comedy.

Dude, I fucking hate it, man. I'm so sick of talking about comedy, dude. Dude, when you get into a fucking, when you you get into a into like a green room or just amongst comics and everyone's just like doing the size up talking about bookings talking about who you need to know yeah when you came in i was like if this kid talks about comedy i'm gonna end this fucking podcast dude you're fucking talking about comedy i remember i was doing I did one episode of a podcast and I just ironically kept being like, the grind,

the time behind the windshield. You gotta keep it at it. When I started this, I was like, I'm not gonna make any rules about what you can and can't talk about, but that's gonna be a new rule moving forward. Talking about comedy?

We're not talking about that shit, dude. Oh man, I've been doing open mics. Grinding. I've been waking up every morning. Dude fucking you know these comics it's like you see them get booked on a show and they don't even do an open mic once it's like what the fuck type of shit is that what am i going you know what i mean yeah i don't know i got no perspective but dude it was nice to meet you man hey it was a solid fucking talk man hell yeah i'm happy we did this dude it was a fucking blast thanks for coming bro you fucking talk, man. Hell yeah, dude. I'm happy we did this, dude.

It was a fucking blast. Thanks for coming, bro. You have anything you want to say to the people, dude? Nah, man. Follow me on Instagram, Mr. Afe. Fuck yeah, man. At M-I-S-T-E-R-A-F-E. Praise God, dude.

Praise Allah. Thanks, bro.