The Johnny Salami Podcast - Mustafe Mussa

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

Mustafe Mussa by The Johnny Salami Podcast

I think I took a shit in my neighbors lawn Yeah Oh bro I'm hurting. I'd just be chilling, man, you know? Dude, I... Oh, shit. Snig said sit up straight. Snig said sit sit up straight it's not even a sit up straight situation damn dude all right let's see let's see you got you the couches is too comfortable for a nigga to sit up straight let's see let's see are you asking me to sit up straight i don't

even know how to sit up straight i'm like learning new shit yeah just make it so it's not like what's going on the mic's like blocking your face dude you gotta angle it different dude it's about angles man yeah man you know there you go honestly i just want this to come out good for you man i don't want you to see it and be like why is that shit blocking half my face i mean yo johnny salami does this show all the time you're're going to let a nigga know? That's good. I'm looking out for you, dude. Yeah, people will be too quick to not

offend. Yeah, it's like when you have a snot in your nose, dude, and no one fucking tells you, man. It's the worst. Yeah. You can't trust people like that, dude. If I had a snot in my nose, dude, you would let me know, right? I think it depends you know what i'm saying like like we in front of people and you already like i'm like yo this

nigga just has had snot in his nose for a couple hours now i feel like he's cool with it if we were around if we were around some chicks though dude if i thought you was going to bag you know what i mean if we were just around chicks and i'm like yeah you're not getting it you know what i'm saying like like it was already a done from the start and i'm like yo he's just letting the snot like as a power thing it might it might go full circle like you might not care so much that you end up bagging at that point yeah i mean allergies dude that's a that's a huge weakness of mine dude yeah i'm i think i'm a sickly guy, I'm blowing snot rockets left and right, dude. Yeah?

Like, bad. Dude, when I was in second grade, you remember those things? Fucking. They weren't even, like, projectors. You would have to, like, solve problems on them in front of the whole class. They were, like, they were fucking illuminated. They had, like, a light, and it would, like, shine down on this like uh fucking thing and like you would just take like a a marker and solve the problem well dude i fucking blew a snot rocking

on one of those yeah in front of the whole class dude yeah it's kind of sad that like if you do like i sixth grade i threw up like four times five times in the year and then like that's just how like niggas was just like yo what's up what's going on you throw it was even niggas because there was a lot of white people in the school but they were just like what's going on were you one of the few uh homies nah there was a decent amount really yeah you had a few brothers yeah yeah you like you're like i'm like homie slot so you're like brothers and then you're gonna elevate to niggas by the end i mean dude if you were the only black kid in school man i'd feel bad you think so no no no i wasn't i it was like kind of i think the percentage is like the same as

america you know what i mean so there's like 13 black people yeah i mean do we probably have like one or two black kids yeah yeah how'd. How'd you treat them? Dude, so much disrespect, man. So much disrespect? Nah, dude, we were boys. Were they like the most athletic, at least? Nah, that was the thing, man. You were very disappointed. They were lazy, dude.

Yo. I like how you said they. It's just one. It's just one guy. There were a few of them. Okay. One of them was my best friend, dude. Yeah?

Yeah. We played like offensive line together. But he was lazy There were a few of them. Okay. One of them was my best friend, dude. Yeah? Yeah. We played, like, offensive line together. But he was lazy as shit, man. Yeah. We were both super lazy. He brought you down? We were both boys because we were both lazy as shit, dude. That's some good shit. Yeah, I felt bad, dude, because he was just, like, the only fucking...

He was, like, one of the only black kids in his grade, and I just... You know? You were like, I will be a good friend to him. No, I wish, dude. No? Yeah, you didn't give a fuck that much. No, dude. He was a good friend.

Did he seem to care about it too much? Dude, he was such a good friend, man. I actually cried when I saw him a few years later. And I actually, I had to hold back tears, dude. It was emotional, man. He came on the podcast. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Was it a good episode? It was emotional, man. He came on the podcast. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Was it a good episode? It was good, man. It was good to see him. Like, good to catch up with him. But I was emotional the whole time, you know? You're just like, I'll miss this guy. Yeah, like... Well, he moved to San Diego.

Oh, that's pretty far. Yeah. I mean, he's got, like, a girl and a motorcycle and like a studio apartment dude so it sounds like you were just more you were just like damn he's he's living a better life than me you're like you're both just this lazy guys and then you know he got together he got a motorcycle yeah before me dude he got a motorcycle and i got a podcast dude he's living the dream i want to live man yeah you could just trade all the podcast equipment for a motor i mean dude he was telling me man he's just like yeah dude like i gotta i gotta chick we have a studio apartment he's like i just bang go to the gym and shred my motorcycle

i was like dude that's a pretty fucking sick life that's a sick life man yo i just i realized at one point in my life that motorcycles was not in the cards for me you know what i mean like there's some type of people that's like yo if i got a motorcycle it's just like yeah nobody would be surprised if i got the accident you know what i'm saying like like i like i'll fuck up on bikes like without an engine like that shit just goes wrong and then i also fuck up on cars yeah i could see you fucking driving into a garage with a with a harley dude bro it's just like the seventh least bad accident i've been in would be deadly with a motorcycle you think if you were like a little tipsy at the bar and you had your

bike there you'd be like i'm going home a thousand percent yeah i think i would text and ride the motorcycle yeah while while you're cocked. Yeah. Yeah. Cause at that point, I'm fucking sick at the motorcycle. Who are you texting? Yeah.

The worst part is I'm not even texting. I'm just watching YouTube videos for the sound. You know what I mean? Cause it's like, yo, this is a good video, but then I get distracted and I'm like looking down while I'm on the motorcycle.

Damn dude. Did that shit ever watch a video while driving? No, dude. I've talked to a few people who have... Dude, I'm stuttering today like crazy, man. It's all good. I don't know what it is, dude. Work day.

But I've seen a few people who they've masturbated while driving. What, like you witnessed? You know what's crazy, man, is they both said it was when they were driving through Connecticut. Like the first way you said it was like you was in the backseat. Just like, all right, we doing this? Yeah. Yeah, now masturbating on the highway. You know, I can see why that would happen in Connecticut.

Because there is just a billboard. Like there's a stripper billboard. Oh, really? For the strip clubs on billboard. Oh, wow. So you see that shit, and you're like, shoot, shoot. Strip clubs, yeah, they're pretty popular. Yeah.

I mean, they just said they got bored, and they just decided they were going to spank. Spank while driving, huh? Yeah. Yeah. I would never be able to do that, dude. Oh, yeah, nah. I would never. I can't even jerk off in the shower, dude.

I couldn't even imagine that being a possibility. Yeah. Yo, honestly, I can't even imagine jerking off. You know what I'm saying? Every single time it happens, I just wipe it out. I'm like, yo, what the fuck was that? Yeah. Dude, jerking off is like drinking for me.

Yeah. You know? Every time, I'm like, this is the last time. Ah. And then the next day, I'm like, run it back. Yeah. Jerking off is like drinking for me. Yeah. You know? Every time I'm like, this is the last time. Ah. And then the next day I'm like, run it back. Yeah. Jerking off. Bro, you know what I just recently realized?

What? Every single nigga who's, well, not nigga. Every single person. Every single person who says they got a porn addiction. All that means is they just started watching T-porn. T-porn? That just means they just start getting in trance yeah like if they're like i got a porn addiction that just means they start watching shit they don't

want to watch anymore either that or like chatterbait chatterbait is wild just wait but chatterbait chatterbait's like live cam girls yeah chatterbait dude that'll burn everything that's left in your brain dude yeah just Yeah, it just seems like gamified. It's like, I feel like OnlyFans is safer than just the live check. Oh, yeah, dude. That's nothing compared to ChatterBait, dude. It's kind of wild that the live stream porn was popping so much before it does live stream anything else. Yeah, I think I watched it once and I was like, I can't be doing this.

What do you mean you watched it once? Chatterbait. Like you just hopped in on a what's it called? Chatterbait. Like, I just mean you just clicked in. Yeah, you just log on and there's just like a bunch of live cams. No, you don't have to log on. Well, I just Googled it.

I was like, Johnny, you don't have to make an account i do also know about chad you just what's it called you don't make an account and then you watch the other motherfuckers who are on it spending the money like fucking suckers you know you could just yeah you gotta wait for free you gotta wait half a day though yeah what do you mean you gotta wait like half a day just to see like a pair of tits no but they have the clicks they have the boxes and you'll just see that they're the ones that are already naked oh yeah but if i just pop in at the like you let another motherfucking do all the work yeah and then you just pop it it's like yeah all right i just feel like all the ones i was invested in like they were at the beginning and i was like, I don't have, you know, I don't have time.

You're like, I got to see the arc. They're like fully clothed. I got to see the. You start, yo, you start the video when, before the woman even makes the decision to do porn. She's just chilling by herself. Just like, oh man, finances are tough. What should I do? She's like, I'm in so much debt.

I got to figure this out. I'm in so much debt. And then you're like, $12. Dude. Imagine how hard you would be compared to the alternate, man. I mean, if I'm watching her biography and I'm drinking some beet juice, dude, I'm gonna be shooting fucking lethal weapons, man. I wanna hit the ceiling at that point.

If I'll hit the ceiling with a little bit of, you know, just a little bit of. That's all it is, though, man. It's like excitement, you know? Yeah. I don't want to be one of those guys that like fast forwards right into like reverse cowgirl. There's like a bunch of fireworks going off. Neon lights. Yeah.

Sirens going off. Yeah. Just like crazy music in the background. Just like the mummy soundtrack. Yeah, just like they're watching some bullshit. The wildest, you click and then you're like, oh, they don't even know English. Yeah, dude. You're like, they're just speaking it.

I got to, now there's a backstory, there's a mystery. You're like, what language are they speaking? You ever watch like Chinese porn? They're on like a cargo ship i i can't say i have that sounds like human traffic have you ever you know just signed up for a job with homeland security i never thought about the best shit you know dude you gotta take chances you gotta spice it up a little bit yeah that's that's the wildest road to erections you know yeah you're like let me sign up yeah man it's it's so sad though dude

you're like oh fuck dude every time i spank dude i'm like what what the fuck man you just think about what brought everyone there you know oh dude you ever jerk off in the shower dude yeah oh wait why did i like i pondered for a second like i was like huh have i yes should be like a rare occurrence man just because you know it gets all you know i mean dude it just takes so long by the time you're done you're like on your knees like bawling your eyes out. Why? There's a lot going back here. Why are you so... You shouldn't be coming and crying.

If you're coming to cry, something's wrong. There's something deeply broken. Yeah, I mean, I've been close a few times, dude. Yeah? Oh, yeah, dude. Dude, I was... Dude, there's only one window in my room and that's all i look forward to man like during the day it's just like looking out that window

just for like some sunlight dude and there's a there's a shed back there but you look forward to looking out your window yeah not metaphorically like literally even when you're like outside already i mean you know like during the day when i have to be inside that's my one like that'd be mad dope if you were just like outside like walking your dog you're like i can't wait till i get back i can look out my window can't wait to get close to that window dude but dude it's the only window so it's like that one window you're like i need you man you know i think i only got one window too yeah you can't be in a windowless room man oh yeah yeah i was talking to somebody who was trying to rent that and i was like i feel like

oh yeah i feel like you know you're gonna be in an insane asylum in like three months like in the in the note for like looking for the roommate and mentioned it was like you have to be somebody who's not home a lot like like i'm only renting this out if you're not going to be home that often yeah you're gonna be like one of those guys it's like, yeah, dude, I got a good deal. Yeah. And then it's like, yeah, I got a good deal. And I only sleep there sometimes. Yeah.

Next thing you know, you get caught with like a flamethrower outside of like a Cumberland Farms. Your life just went down a road you weren't even expecting. Three months in. Yeah, you're just three months in and you've rekindled. You've rekindled with your entire family. Dude, you want to hear something crazy though, dude. So one window, dude, I'm, I'm spanking in the shower, dude. I let it rip. I'm already super upset, man. I got my towel on. I go in my room. I open up the blind to see the outer world, bro. There's a shed right next to my window, and there's just a dude in the shed. He's, like, getting fucking materials and shit, man.

And all of a sudden, my blinds just fall down. Did he make eye contact? My towel falls at the same time yeah i assumed so so this dude just sees me completely naked bro not the end of the story dude so turns out there's someone that lives in our basement we found out when we moved here because we had to go downstairs to hook up the internet yeah and the landlord was just like yeah you know like they live down there like they help out around the house so we let him live down there so that's the guy who was in the shed so i was thinking for like two days i'm like i wonder what this dude's

like thinking you know because we see each other sometimes and this dude just looked directly into my nutsack wait wait wait but this guy this guy does like like, it sounds way more suspect. Does he pay rent? I don't know, man. I'm afraid to ask. He just sounds like a dweller. Oh, yeah, dude. He's probably listening to us right now, man.

He's just like, oh, all right. He probably lives here when you're not here. Yeah, probably, dude. You just see fucking gunshots come through the window, dude. Yeah, he has beef. He's fucking just been talking mad shit to other people. He's just upset he saw my nuts, dude. He's just been plotting on you every single sentence.

He's like, yo, I'm not fucking gay. He made me gay. Fucking dude, he made me gay. I had to see his fucking nuts. I'm going to fucking kill him. Fucking yo, he's calling all his friends from back home. He's like, yo, this fucking dude, he got a podcast. He made me fucking gay.

Dude, would you laugh if you saw like ak-47 bullets come through that window and you just heard him yell that i think i would be concerned i'm not fucking gay dude i was just kidding oh yeah you're not you're not gay honestly you're not nobody's guy yeah but anyway dude so before you came on the podcast, I'm like, I had to take out the trash. Dude, I hear the downstairs door close and I see a dude coming up. Not the same dude. Oh, there's a new dweller. No, dude.

He might be. Oh, he might actually be gay. Yeah. You made him gay? That's what I'm thinking, dude. You saw your nuts and he was like, yo, honestly, bro, this isn't even a good pair of nuts. And I'm fucking feeling good. He's like, dude, I'm going to get a sublet.

He's like, oh. He's like, no, no, no. What if he's like blackmailing you? He's just like, yo, this motherfucker. This motherfucker. He had to see my nuts. He's blown up with the podcast. I'm going to let everybody know he made me see his nuts.

I haven't thought through the blackmail that much. I was going, but you know. You didn't read the whole book. Yeah, I was just like, halfway through, I didn't even believe in myself anymore. Oh, dude, you can't give up though at that point you just gotta make something up I mean we all know people who do that shit man

they're telling a story and it's like super boring and then at the end they're just like and then a fucking building exploded and you're like that was 9-11 yeah dude it was wild man I was like damn dude fucking building exploded. That was 9-11. Yeah, dude, it was wild, man.

I was like, damn, dude, maybe I made him transition, you know what I'm saying? Like transition to gay, transition to transgender. I just feel like everything came full circle in that moment, dude, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, he got brought back to a different shed. Yeah, the world just kind of made sense, man. You know? Yeah, and, you know, he's thinking, right? If you don't let him sublet downstairs, he's going to tell everybody about your nuts.

Brought it back for y'all. Bro, you see this, you read that article about the new chat GPT thing? No. Dude, so it like, I guess it's coming out i don't know when but dude so it literally it reads people's minds then it'll formulate your thoughts into words so like they showed like an example of like someone going into a coffee shop and they just fucking read your mind like they know what you want and then it pops up on how does it read your mind you like uh internally like through your mind you just tell them you know do they got like a chip i don't know i don't know i don't know the science behind it based on i feel like the science behind out you know what i mean like we you can't

just jump the reading the mind part like everything else everything else they're doing is like, okay, that's normal shit. Now we don't know. But, like, the reading the mind is like some new shit. Like, chat GPT. Like, before, what was it doing? Like, equations? But, like, for it to jump to, yo, I'm going to be able to read this motherfucker's mind is wild. Yeah.

Well, the reason I brought it up is because I'm trying to write a joke about it because that's so funny, dude. Like, it's like trying to take your order because, like, whatever you're thinking is going to pop up on the computer screen. There's just so many jumps. Oh, yeah. I mean, like, dude,

if I'm thinking about, like, fucking that woman's tits, though, like, that's going to pop up on the computer screen. Because, yo, you could be thinking about some shit that you're not even really thinking about you know what i mean i mean i guess you could be thinking about some shit you're like yo yo that's that's oh like some dark stuff you could be like yo you know i could fucking do that pow you know oh yeah like murder yeah i'm gonna fucking kill this guy yeah that happens how are you even friends with that guy you know what i mean yeah like i could shoot this guy in the face right now that pops out like a starbucks yeah they pronounce

your name wrong yeah and you're like i'll fucking kill this guy and then i'll find out i'll find his family sometimes i get deep i'm like y'all find his fucking i'll figure out if he has people you love well i mean at that point they've already it's already too late like they already made cops are already on their way he's like dude uh you you could have your coffee just why why why why rape my mom yeah they got the SWAT team already in there they're like we saw your vision bro you so you dude you're like Somalian bro you got that in your blood dude Somali dude you got fucking oh it's Somali yeah it's not Somalian, bro. You got that in your blood, dude. Somali, dude. You got fucking, oh, it's Somali?

Yeah. It's not Somalian? No. Damn, dude, my bad, bro. We just do our own shit. You just kill me right now, dude? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? All the Somalis would be in the comments like, yo, Somalian's not even a thing.

Are you 100%? Oh, yeah, dude. We don't fucking do that mixed shit. Damn, bro. What a... I'm in a tribe, bro. tribe bro really like i have a tribe what's the name we're singeli brisson galley we're sitting galley worse than galley yeah damn bro it sounds like the name of a deli yeah i mean it rhymes man you got it tatted on you somewhere

no no i mean you know this is all inside you yeah i just got the whole bloodline you know what i mean are you going back to it every once in a while just thinking i'm like damn i'm in a tribe I don't know. It's just all inside you? Yeah. I just got the whole bloodline. You know what I mean? Going back to it every once in a while, just thinking I'm like, damn, I'm in a tribe. Yeah. Because I could see you with a fucking crazy tattoo, dude. Dude, my cousin was the chief of the tribe. Really? Yeah.

He just didn't do shit all day. First cousin? Yeah, first cousin. Where are you guys hanging out? Honestly, bro, just going from crib to crib drinking coffee. That's just all day. That's just what it does. That's fucking sick, man, just going from crib to crib drinking coffee. Really? That's just all day. That's just what he does. That's fucking sick, man.

It's like a fucking pretty sick job. He has a walking stick, but he doesn't have any sort of limp or anything. He just does it like a pimp game. Oh, damn. Yeah. Does he have like an imbalance in his hips or something? Nope. He's just doing that shit for swag.

So he's like in shape, but he's... Yeah. He's just walking around. He's just trying to throw people off. Like his whole thing is, it's not even coffee. It's tea. He just sits down, drinks tea, hangs out, just goes from spot to spot all day. When are you going to start? Huh?

I mean, that would be my ideal life. Yeah, you got to kill him, dude. My bad, dude. You want me to cut that out? Cut that out, dude. They're going to see that shit in Somalia. They're going to be like, yo, yo, he's plotting. He's plotting.

Next time I go back out there. What's your phrenology? What's your skull shit? I've never done the 23andMe, dude. Do they do it with spit, or is it cum? I don't know, dude. I was like, I know what I am. You know what I mean?

That sounds like it. Yeah, you might want to confirm it, though it though dude you could be like some unknown breed I find out like I'm actually Puerto Rican I think the 23andMe thing I think you have to spit into some sort of like cylinder that'd be funny though if you like jerked off into it it would be more accurate right you think so I I mean, I feel like jerk off is more. If you're in a crime scene and you spit, everyone's like, all right. Yeah, there's just like a blackout. Yeah, I think, actually, I think either way you're fucked, right?

But you don't even know what you are, huh? I mean, I definitely know I'm like somewhat Irish. Yeah. My last name is Psyche, though, so that doesn't sound Irish. That sounds like... Oh, it's Psyche? That sounds like I'm from another dimension, dude. Yeah. My last name is Psyche though. So that doesn't sound Irish. That sounds like Psyche. That sounds like I'm from another dimension, dude. Yeah.

It's spelled like sicky, right? Yeah. I always just thought it was sick. He did. Some people get it right, but I've always wanted to look into it, man.

Maybe I'm like, you know, Swahili or some shit. Part of the, like some unknown Indian tribe, dude, that created like masturbation or something. You know what I mean?

You, you, you're like I mean? You're, like, the source. You're, like, the Joseph Smith of jerking off. I mean, dude, I am, like, borderline retarded, so I think it might stand, like, my ancestors were probably, like, legit, like... You think they were, like, part gorilla? Like, textbook cavemen.

Like, the Neanderthal DNA is strong. Oh, yeah. Yeah, nah yeah yeah not yeah like i dude i look like i escaped like fucking like your ancestors discovered jerking off before fire i mean i feel actually maybe everyone's ancestors dude my ancestors just dude my ancestors discovered spanking before god god i scream that at church your ancestors knew the apple pie trick from apple pie first you know i mean like the first man to fucking apple pie in a microwave imagine saying that at church or something dude imagine just being in church just like yo i got new methods to jerking off remember the stranger they're just like like the guys in the church and then he's hearing like oh you're talking about the netflix movie no and i'm talking about like the guys in church right and he's thinking they're talking about how god's you know like oh yeah like uh like a ghost or

something right and he just thinks he's inspired he's like yo if i sit on my hand it's gonna feel it's gonna feel like it's not me and if i jerk off it's gonna feel like a hand job tells all his friends about it and then he's like i was inspired by god yeah he just knew before anyone he just knew before anyone and like that he was chill i'd be pissed man what do you mean like once people started doing that you'd be like yeah that's my shit yeah you're like dude i invented that you can't prove it man you can't prove it because there's nothing you got no witnesses unless you're doing it in church they're like why are you just sitting in your hand at church there's like a story that was written about you yeah everyone just like this guy every day he would he would sit on his hand

and then he'd walk to the bathroom sit on his hand for 15 minutes walk to the bathroom come out within two and a half and then be very calm yeah i mean even to have a story written about you like that dude that's sick man to just have a story written about you like that, dude, that's sick, man. To just have a story written about you. Just in general? Yeah. I mean, even nowadays, man, like publishing and shit, that's got to cost like crazy amounts of money. Yeah, dude, I kind of miss being a child just able to write stories. Yeah, at least we got podcasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, but I just remember it's like that, like being in like English class or like a creative where they were just like yeah you could write this is what you're supposed to do right now yeah and then get i remember one time i wrote a story about a guy like a mob guy and he uh took an ice skate and cut off someone's achilles tendon what grade i think this was like seventh really yeah that's a good grade man to write your first good you remember when you wrote first, was that your first good story that made sense? Nah, I think, I don't know, dude. I think I was banging them out heavy. Really?

Dude, I remember the, I actually remember exactly the first story I ever wrote, man. And I, dude, I got an A++++, dude. Damn, bro. Dude, they took me right out of special needs, man. You got just straight to the trajectory that you've been on. They were like like we really doubted this guy yeah dude the story was like uh it was about a kid like a child yeah and uh he gets his first pet and it's like a bird and it flies away so he gets another pet it's like a cat

you know it scratches his fucking face off so he gets another pet and it was just him getting pets over and over again and then like either fucking up or like something goes wrong and then he finally gets a dog dude yeah that was a story man and like all that well the whole story was like it was like stories within stories he kept fucking up it was just about trial by the end he was ready you know dude it's all about trials and tribulations man yeah the dog was the perfect companion yeah man you just got to keep grinding dude you gotta find the right beautiful dude it trials and tribulations. The dog was the perfect companion. You just got to keep grinding. He's fucking beautiful. To this day, man.

They actually had you on the short bus? Yeah. That was worse, man. I was on that shit. They had me retarded for like three years. In learning disability? Learning disability or retarded? Retarded.

Like you were with special needs kids? I was literally in that back room. I was with them niggas. I was kind of the leader. But not even really. I was like second in command. And then they took me out and then put me straight to like the higher reading levels and shit like that. And I was like, damn, this is a wild arc.

Why did they have you in there? My dad talked a lot of shit. Really? I even mentioned it in stand-up. My dad, they had a meeting. He's like, yo, there's something wrong with this kid. He was talking shit about you. Yeah.

Damn, dude. You think he pulled some strings to get you in there? I think he quite literally pulled some strings to get me in there. He's like, yo, there's something. I don't think he wanted them to put me in with the read. Yeah. You know, he didn't strings to get me in there. He's like, yo, there's Sutton. I don't think he wanted them to put me in with the read line. Yeah. You know, he didn't want to put me in there.

You think it was all so he could like talk shit about you? Nah, nah. To his boys? I think he was just like, yo, there's Sutton up with this kid. God, what's going on with him? And what were you doing, man? Like, what do you think? I was just walling out, bro. Yeah.

Yeah. You were reckless, man? I think I was just, you know, very very i was a hyperactive young oh yeah a little bit like adhd you think dude the good thing is never diagnosed with anything you know what i mean we beat all the allegations that's what it's all about hey that's what it's all about being the allegations i haven't been diagnosed yet man because i've seen bro i've seen the soulless eyes of a kid on riditalin. I never wanted that for myself. Yeah.

You also see like those kids try to like bite their own ears off, man. It's like, shit. You see a kid like that just, that was on Ritalin from the start though. Like now they're just, you know. Yeah. Where they at? I hate, I don't know, man. I kind of had a hatred towards kids with ADHD in class.

Yeah. They would just never leave me alone, man. What, they wanted to be your friend? No, they kind of like bully me and they like wouldn't stop because they had all that energy, dude. They just had stamina to fuck with you? Yeah. But I don't know, man. You just got to, I kind of like felt bad for them because they would get in trouble and they get like suspended or something.

And they couldn't control themselves. They couldn't control themselves. Yeah. It's like a legitimate issue. Like, dude, we had we had hippie chicks. This was the funniest shit ever. We used to have these like you in your high school. You had like barefoot hippie chicks.

No, not that I know of. There's like six chicks that just decided like, you know, we don't wear shoes anymore. You know, they'd have to wear shoes at school. But like if you count them on the block they just wouldn't be wearing shoes just you know just high all the time type shit yeah i just remember what's it called one of my one of my friends like this chick was around and then one of my friends this kid was just like like his little brother was just obvious like adhd and then she and then the chick just goes oh my god this kid special this is an indigo child

this is this this this child has seen everything i'm like yo you just what are we doing here this kid's stupid this kid's like you you know what i mean like what's going on yeah bro you want to hear something crazy dude yeah we used to have this class called advisory dude yeah and it was 25 minutes and you would just meet in a circle and talk about your feelings and you would read like paragraphs from these like novels dude there was a girl named Emma

in my class bro she didn't even speak English and she didn't know how to speak it was almost like she was in a cave for like 15 years and then she just came out dude so like every time she had to read she would go like this she'd be like yeah yeah yeah oh man it was the best i feel like they put too much stock into reading fast you know what i mean i feel like that got me through a lot of shit where they're like yo this guy this guy because i'll just sit there bro i would sit there in class like after like

we'd have something to read yeah and then i'd just be done not understanding shit just like just watching they're like yo that guy he fucking he's fast reader yeah and on that just puts you imagine being in a small intimate like a small intimate circle though and seeing that like seeing a chick like struggle like yo because you don't want to see somebody learn how to read like which dude i don't i don't think she didn't know how to read so she was just making sounds like did she have an arc did she turn out normally the tones would change dude it was it was so funny man and nobody like if you had to read if you had to read after her you wouldn't know where to where she stopped she's making a bird sounds but like what would the teacher's reaction be nobody knew when to turn the page or like what to do but like did the teacher would typically

like all right i'm gonna like thank you for that but like did the teacher understand her i think she she felt bad for sure. I don't know what her... But the teacher kept calling on her. Did she expect anything to change? Maybe, dude. She never gave up on her. She's like, today's the day that she says a word. I think so, man.

She never gave up on her, dude. I know that. She never... The moments like that is when you're like, oh like oh wait my life is not like a movie whatever's going on in this person's life is like a movie i hope she figured it out though man yeah honestly because i did feel bad you know i hope she's smoking hot now and you know yeah she figured it out and then she just like tells people about that weird era where she made bird like could you do it one more time is that like is that like uh right yeah man i kind of oh yeah it's like kind of michael jackson-esque

i think it dude i think it's just so uh so original man you know it's just her thing no one else has that thing dude but you know what would have been super funny dude is if she was like fucking with us the whole time oh yeah she's like these fucking stupid kids she's these dumb fucks she was actually like 30 and she was just doing it all as a bit fucking avant-garde i do i do think she uh i would sometimes think about like her home life dude you know because she had to have been like locked in some sort of like cage or something just not exposed to the outer world for a while and they just let her out and they were like go get them yeah dude like those west virginia people i mean dude have you ever like uh i remember high school

we had to watch like a film once about that some girl was like stuck in a like a basement for like 15 years and then uh she like escaped and bro it like didn't know how to speak did not communicate it was just like oh you would be fucked oh dude they tried to like bring her back to life and they couldn't do it. Apparently they apparently if you grow up like that too, you have a way shorter life expectancy. You know what I mean? Like you got like 37 years, you know? Yeah.

Not even 37, 17. You're a fucking cuck, dude. You know what I mean? You can't get down like that, bro. How do you fucking... It is sad, but it's kind of like if you saw it in real time you would obviously like laugh. Honestly? I don't think I would. I think you would. You would panic.

I'd be fucking, bro. I'd be like, oh, shit, dude, this is wild. Yeah, I wouldn't want to like make anything obvious because like I wouldn't want to die, obviously. But you would. Oh, you think? I mean, I don't know what she's capable of, dude. You know what I mean? I feel like she would wild out, you know?

Yeah, I mean, she couldn't... He or she definitely wouldn't be able to be around music or anything like that. Wait, why did she just become non-binary? I'm just trying to be respectful. You're like, yeah, I don't know if in the cage she had a gender. She gets to choose, man. Or they get to choose pronouns that's probably what like she was saying the entire time my bad her pronouns yeah yeah that'd be rough back then they weren't, like, a thing. She knew a dude before.

She was just, like, top tier. She was just reading through time. I mean, but hold up, hold up. How many years did you go to school with her? Three, sixth, seventh, and eighth grade. Did she get more normal as it went? Dude, so there's, like, mentally challenged kids. Yeah. And then it was A1, A2, and then honors.

She was an A1. So I never really, I was never in any of her classes except for advisory, which was just like a meet and greet kind of. It's like a 25-minute break where you kind of just like. She was an A1, though, so she was above the mentally challenged. By a little bit, yeah. By a little bit. She passed the threshold.

That's interesting. Mike's blocking your face, by the way, dude. I'm just letting you know, bro. You know, man, my bit, yeah. By a little bit. She passed the threshold. That's interesting. Because I feel like... Your mic's blocking your face, by the way, dude. I'm just letting you know, bro. No, man. My bad, bro. I'm just... I need to adjust. But, dude, we got some voicemails, man.

Let's check these out. Oh, sick. Yo, Johnny. This is Tommy from fucking North Carolina, man. And, like, I don't know if you spent any time around, like, the younger generations recently or, like, within the past few years. But recently, I was with my girlfriend's family. And she has a younger brother. And, like, just, like, looking at, like, the shit that's, like, on a younger brother and like just like looking at like the shit that's

like on the tv and like the shit that he's saying and stuff i was just like dude like what what fuck and like basically i was just wondering for you and your guests like what do you think like the generation after us is going to turn out like because in all honesty like i'm a fucking like idiot and like everybody i know my ages and i look at the people younger than me and i'm like dude like that's a flow like wow the fuck is that going to be a functioning member of society so like do you think like it's all going to turn out good and like it's actually like it's like an inevitable cycle or like are we actually fucked with this, like, cocomelon generation? Yeah.

Thanks, dude. Hey, Johnny. You think? What do you think, dude? You think everything's going to be all right? You think the world's going to be safe? You think we're leaving the world in good hands and it's going to be better than when we left it? I like how he just started off with, like, an anecdote.

But there is no specificity to whatsoever. So he gave up on it halfway through to just say what he really wanted to ask. Like he's like, yeah, I was watching the TV and there was like a guy on the TV talking. And I thought to myself, what's up with the next generation? Yeah, I wonder what uh i wonder what they were watching yeah i don't think he was watching anything i think he saw like some youth outside and got like he was like what the fuck's up good with these kids i mean i see what he's saying but i don't know if uh the tv was a good example because

this dude's probably jacking off to like die hard. You know what I mean? Like some shit from the 80s. He's like, yeah, I was just Bruce Willis. His character's making no sense. He definitely got upset at the party and then went home and fucking jerked off to high school musical. I mean, I think, I think, you know, what do you think? What do you think, dude? I think he's just asking if everything's going to be okay.

He's having like one of those generational meltdowns. Yeah, I think it's going to be, you know, I think they're fucked. I think like the circumstances around the next generation, you know, they're all going to be fucked. Their brain's going to be pretty mushed up. They've been, I mean, dude, they've been saying that for years, though, man. Dude, the kids are fine. Every time they come out, it's the same as before. Yeah, man, I think things are changing, which is fine.

But this dude is slowly becoming like a Republican. You know what I mean? I ain't going to lie. I ain't going to lie. I ain't gonna lie I ain't gonna lie I ain't gonna lie I feel like I'm getting older where I just get mad at shit for no reason oh yeah you know what I mean oh what the fuck yeah you gotta snap out of it though dude because you don't want to be that guy showing up to your your kids baseball games blasted you know being like go Brandon you know you just fall fall out of your fucking lawn chair.

Yeah, I mean, I just think, I think, I think that this dude, what he needs to do, he needs to fuck around, right? He needs to just jerk off real quick. I got nothing for him. He's got to fuck around and find out. Yeah, he just, honestly, he just needs to fight a child. He needs to take out his aggression on one kid. Oh, yeah. And then afterwards, I don't think this dude could fight that well.

So if the kid puts up a good fight, then he'll know. This dude's got two options, right? Yeah. You go down the anger path, right? Where you're just getting mad at shit and freaking out on people who are who are never going to change right you know you become like some angry old man who's like back in my day or you could just be like us where we just joke about everything yeah don't take anything seriously nobody knows why we're here yeah we're talking

about farts balls physics dude like all the good shit man dude you just gotta enjoy your life dude man like kids you know all right yeah dude you can't be getting mad at that stuff i find myself in that trap a lot too man where i'm just like somebody doesn't hold the door for me dude and i just think about throwing fucking haymakers you know what i mean just beating the shit out of them? Yeah. I saw some children on the subway the other day that were just talking too much. And I just was like, you know? Dude, I got assaulted, like, not too long ago. Yeah?

What was that like? This group of kids, they threw Skittles at me. Oh. And I, like, didn't know what to do. Yeah. Dude, being a... I did not realize when I was a child, like, cause there'd be adults, you know, you just throw snowballs at their cars and shit.

It's like, dude, dang fucking your car thrown. Like, and then the adults would pop up and chase us and shit. We're like, who the fuck's good with this guy? Why does he care so much? And it's just like, they can't do anything. It's just like being an adult, just getting accosted by children is so frustrating. The kids just throw like getting if i got oh man if i got some thrown snow but what would you do if you get this through some

snowballs at you if it was a snowball i wouldn't really care that much you'd be like good one but back in my day dude i was throwing like full-blown apples at people's houses throwing rocks at people's windows yeah and then you're like, oh, that's so funny. Like that just fucked up somebody's entire like next four hours. Oh, yeah. And then they got to figure that entire rock in the window situation for four hours. Go to sleep and then go back to work. You know what I noticed, though, dude, is I would like destroy my neighbor's houses. And then when I got older, I found out that they're just dicks anyway.

So it doesn't even matter. Like, I don't even care if they were nice people. I'd be like, damn, I really fucked up on that one. But yeah, I got to know them when I was like, these people fucking suck. There's, there's like, I remember that. It's just, you would hear about the good old days when like, I remember I had a neighbor and then we shared a backyard. Yeah.

And then just one day, just the fence went up. Like, damn, dude, fucking. Get the fuck out of here, dude. Fucking, you lost that, a backyard. Yeah. And then just one day, just the fence went up. Like, damn, dude. Fucking. Eat the fuck out of here, dude. Fucking, you lost that, you know? Yeah. I mean, dude, I've been, you ever read JP, my boy, Jordan Peterson at all? Watch any of his videos, dude.

Oh, you definitely have seen a Jordan Peterson. I know you got a catalog, dude. You got a catalog. I can't fuck with Jordan too much. I can't do it. He's just whining all the time. Yeah. It's interesting, though, dude. You fuck with Jordan too much because he'll just be like, I can't do it. He's just whining all the time. Yeah. It's interesting though, dude.

You fuck with the JP? Some of the things he says. He like explains how you need to be like socialized with people. You can't just be a loner like your whole life. Yeah, but I feel like that's just good general advice. For sure, yeah. Which this dude who just called in needs, man. I need that about like dude i gotta get out more and like start talking even if even if you don't enjoy talking to people

like you still got to be around other humans or you're gonna fucking lose your mind yeah you know what i mean yeah and the whole key is you can't i've been realizing i was like oh i'll fucking i'll fucking drink a beer too just Cause then somebody Whatever bullshit They're talking about Seems a little interesting Yeah But it's like no You need to You need to suffer

Until it's alright Interacting with this Blind person It's just a part of life dude Yeah You just gotta fucking suck it up Fix your mic dude No

Fix your fucking mic Mike's in my face again Yeah Damn dude I apologize You know I was not close enough dude What's up Salami Uh

Big time fan here quick question uh i know you're a coffee drinker all right and i know you work out a little bit uh i love coffee i drink coffee before the gym if it's not energy drink but uh how do you deal with the uh following explosive diarrhea nause nauseous, sometimes vomiting. Sometimes it leads me to roll around on the bathroom floor in prayer. So I was wondering if you had any advice, maybe some medicine or something that you could help me out with. I'm actually on the john right now. I'm not going to lie to you.

So take care, man. I hope you have an awesome holiday. And yeah, take care, man. I hope you have an awesome holiday. And, yeah, take care, man. Well, thanks for the call, man. Yeah, dude, my advice would be to embrace it, dude. You have to embrace the John, dude. Like, you have to embrace taking dumps, you know. Everybody looks at it as a bad thing, but, dude,

so many great things have happened on the John, man. Yeah, Andy, yeah. Actually, it looked like you were going to hit a poignant point about the John. It's alone time, dude. It's time to be alone with your thoughts. You might be struggling on the John, dude. Yeah, man, so many good things can happen. I think you should just embrace it. Don't try to run from it.

Yeah, Andy, you know he should be thinking about all the other so it's like he's just thinking about the coffee and the working out right it's like everything else everything else he's eating because if you if that coffee just pushes the shit out and it's quality shit you know you eat a lot of fiber she's going to be a troop you know yeah if you're eating healthy dude for sure yeah well you'll be fucking fine that coffee just inspires something that needed to happen anyways oh dude i mean like dude when i go to shows and stuff man i'm showing up with a coffee i'm taking like three dumps before i go up there coffee every time makes you shit yeah the nerves combined with the coffee and like everything i'm eating for sure yeah but that's my alone time dude that's like my ritual before i get up before

you got up on stage yeah everyone's got their own ritual yeah shitting's pretty good man shitting's shitting in a like but shitting in like a shitty bathroom that shit builds character i will say though dude you know what i've been doing since i'm so broke is uh i've been like making stuff on my own and uh one thing i made recently was um pre-workout dude made my own pre-workout, dude. Made my own pre-workout. Like, you just have the chemicals? Genius idea, dude. Well, dude, like, pre-workout, if you look into a pre-workout, like, if you look at the ingredients on the back, like, dude, you and I could open up, like, a pre-workout company,

buy all the ingredients in bulk, get, like, cool containers with labels and shit, and just rip people off. Huh. You know? And that's what, like, they're doing. Because if you look at, like, the amounts, they're, like, underdosed. So, dude, I just want on Amazon, you can just buy the ingredients by the pound and just make it yourself, dude.

Yeah, you should actually, you should just do that and then sell it to the podcast listeners. Yeah. It's not a bad idea, man. You know what I mean? Like, illegally. What, you got to be, like, FDA regulated? I think listeners. Yeah. It's not a bad idea, man. You know what I mean? Like, illegally. What, you gotta be, like, FDA regulated?

I think so, maybe. You gotta pay off, like... Dude, you think that stuff's FDA regulated? I doubt it. I doubt it, too. You just gotta pay off, like, two people.

Yeah. There's so many, like, uh... Well, the thing is, like, if you make it with just the ingredients, it kind of tastes like ass. Oh, so you gotta put, like, a sweetener or some shit? So you gotta put some, like, sativa or like um i put like gatorade powder i put gatorade powder in mine dude

bro you mean stevia stevia yeah my bad i was like damn this thing is getting baked i feel like that's counterintuitive to the pre-workout slip a little bit like crack in there yeah bro but that's i mean that's the best pre-workout yeah crack yeah oh my bad but dude you know what uh you know what's gonna get this uh this dude going along with us man little unknown secret is uh beet juice you ever have beet juice dude that shit makes your boner stiff right oh yeah dude you'll be you'll be carrying around fucking king john's sword dude yeah dude you know he also needs to get he needs to get the honey from the gas station before he goes to the gym really yeah what does that do the honey from the gas station just got the same ingredient as viagra just makes a dick for real just be bricked up at

the gym yeah are you fucking with me or not dead ass dude go to a gas station start watching that shit and then you'll just see the fucking honey. Gas station honey, dude. Yeah, what's the brand, though? Royal Honey, maybe? All right. Royal Honey.

Yeah, dude. You ain't never seen that shit? No, but dude, I've been taking beet juice, and I'm chubbed up all the time. Double bricked up. Yeah, honestly, I can't be doing too much shit that gets me chubbed up all the time because it's just 14 you know i mean dude you got off on seven times a day dude no no no no no you're just saying that dude no no i'm dead ass dude my dick's like average generally if we looked at a chart right now of the average dick size like per country you don't think somalia would be up there no i don't think so dude because malnourished what your dick size yeah your dick size based on your i wish we had a producer

dude you could just pull up a chart yeah yeah i don't think somalia got it but i think that doesn't matter because i'm in america now i think that it flattens out you get what i'm saying yeah either way it's flattens out i'm telling you though dude like anytime i've ever been around like a chick or like some dudes like i want to be like a little fluffed up yeah i never set off though i think that's every dude's dream man it's just be like a little fluffed up but i never had been before i found beet juice wait wait wait so the beet juice just keeps you at a semi it increases your blood flow so like your dick is just like fluffed up a little bit. It gives you like that extra.

Oh, that's pretty sick. I do like, I do like those days where your dick's just chilling out. You know what I mean? Cause it's like the boner stays the boner. It is what it is. But like, I like when my dick's small for it to be bigger. Yeah. You want your dick at a size where it's like, if someone saw this right now, they wouldn't

make fun of me. I like my dick to be in good pissing size, you know? Like when that shit's just, when it, when it gets real cold out on his head. You know what I mean? When it gets real cold out and the dick gets skinnier than the head, you know what I'm saying? So it looks like a little like a mushroom from Mario. Yeah, you gotta look for it, dude. I don't fuck with that shit.

Like if you're at like a, if you're at like a urinal next to another dude. I don't fuck with that shit. Like, if you're at, like, a urinal next to another dude. People don't talk about the variation. Like, shower versus grower type stuff? No, I just mean, like, from day to day, the change in dick size. Oh, yeah, dude, it's a rollercoaster, man. Some days I'd be looking at you, other days I'm like, oof. Yeah. We're not getting pussy today.

You know what that is, man? That's just blood flow, dude. Yeah. That's all that is, dude. Cigarettes. Every time I stop smoking cigarettes, that shit gets fucking meaty, bro. How many times have you stopped? Cigarettes?

Yeah. I'll bounce out for like two weeks. Then my dick will get really hard all the time. You like running back? Yeah, my dick will get real hard all the time after I stop smoking cigarettes for a couple weeks. Like all the time. So you're smoking cigs because you want your dick soft? Yeah, dude.

I'm like, bro, I can't just be walking around with this hard dick. Dude, that would be such a funny Marlboro commercial. No, they had a Truth commercial. The Truth commercial is like, twinkle, twinkle, little dick. Wow. Now, because I smoke, I get so sick. Some shit like that. Wow.

How did that make you feel? I was like, damn, bro. You feel like you're a part of that, dude? Possibly. Damn, bro. How many cigs are you ripping a day? Dude, I only, honestly, I only smoke at night. You know, I don't smoke during the day.

They make me too tired. How does it make you feel? I heard it feels like amazing. Cigarettes? Yeah. Yeah, I think because I fucking't smoke during the day. They make me too tired. How does it make you feel? I heard it feels like amazing. Cigarettes? Yeah. Yeah, I think because I fucking only smoke them at night, I always get to have the head buzz. So everyone's head buzz goes away eventually. But I always have that first cigarette of the day and that shit's kind of sick.

You ever think about getting on the Zin train? I hate them shits, bro. Why? The Zin, it just was, nah, dude, I couldn't do it. You tried it? Like, you experimented with it? Yeah. And then the vapes make me even worse.

The vapes, I walk up the stairs and fucking want to kill myself. Yeah, I think those are worse than cigarettes, aren't they, with, like, all the chemicals and stuff? Yeah, yeah, I don't think. You got to get cancer how everybody else got cancer. Yeah, dude, you just got to be a man. Yeah. All right, let's see what else we got.

Hey, it's Tony. yeah you gotta dude you just gotta be a man yeah all right let's see what else we got hey i mean it's tony um just calling again kind of regressing back to my old ways man uh you know we used to like run around and throw cement bricks through fucking people's windows and build forts and fucking set them on fire in the middle of the woods i don't know man i've been craving something like that like some kind of action we used to like go into abandoned historical buildings and fuck them up it's been like eight ten years since i've done something like that so i don't want to go to jail what should I do man to get that fix you know oh he's looking for help no he's looking for stimulation dude he's looking for stimulation

yeah he's I feel like all right I wish he gave a couple more details about how the the rest of everything's going I mean dude Tony calls in every time give me a little more backstory Tony's a regular dude oh you never know what he's I mean, dude, Tony calls in every time. Give me a little more backstory on Tony's situation. Tony's a regular, dude. Oh, you never know what he's going to say, dude. Yeah, it's wild, man. He's throwing some shit out there, dude. Is Tony getting boxed?

I don't know, dude. Tony sounds like he lives in a log cabin somewhere, dude. He just knows some shit that we don't know. Yeah, but Tony just wants to fuck shit up right now. Yeah, wants to run it back man he wants to run it back he like he said eight to ten years ago since the last time he went and fucked shit up yeah i think he's chasing that that stimulation though that you used to get from doing that type of stuff yeah which i don't think you can you can't simulate that dude and it's probably not even as fun anymore. You know what I mean? People got ring cameras and shit. You know what I'm saying?

Like, people got ring cameras. Like, you know, you don't want to be, like, that's a tricky situation. You break into the wrong house while somebody's at work. They come back real quick. They come back real quick. You're out here pissing in their pot. You get shot up. That ain't how you're trying to go out.

I'm going to be honest man like uh if you ask me to go out right now and egg a few houses yeah i'll probably do it man oh yeah i got three dozen eggs in the fridge yeah i'd be like let's do it man i think you're asking me if we want to do that i'll be honest with you no i mean you'd be having a fuck you'd have a fucking heart attack dude hey i i'm physically capable of throwing out they would profile you dude there's a bunch of there's a bunch of greeks around here man oh they don't know what it's like dude you know what i kind of like greeks not too bad really i don't think they're like people you want to fuck with dude oh yeah but i'm just saying If they saw you egg their house. Yeah, I just, it's not a good move.

This is like what we're getting back to. As like an adult, it's like, yo, you're just fucking up somebody's day. You know what I mean? Yeah, but that's why it's funny, dude. Dude, like I remember, oh. You ever fuck some shit up? You ever fuck some shit up as an adult? I remember it was my friend's birthday,

and we had to have been like maybe 20, dude. We're just pretty old. After 18, you got to throw in the towel, dude. No, because after 18, you can't like, because you remember when you would do some shit like that and then you'd all get pulled to the side and get scolded you know like um you like those few times you would get caught and then like an old person with a pickup truck or something cornered you all and then they're just guys what the fuck like you and then they're just telling you all that

shit it's like once you're over 18 you need to just it just goes it elevates do you just need to assault that person if they're going to stop you you know what i'm saying like it's like oh dude it's like oh yeah i fucking egged this guy's house this guy chased after me this guy's saying we're gonna wait until the cops come it's like oh no we need to beat the shit out of this old man yeah like we can't tell tell Tony to go out there right now and start egging houses because he's going to get shot. Yeah, and it's like if you start egging houses, people come out. They're upset at you for egging the house. Oh, yeah.

Nowadays, dude, people are going to be calling the fucking Supreme Court. Dude, and then, you know, you end up there filming you after you egged the house and you're looking like an asshole. I'm not trying to get beat up on camera. You know, you ever met a guy that got beat up on camera? Because like, dude, we would like we would be on the rink like they would see us in the ring camera and we would like still do it. I'd be like, yo, chill. I'm cool. I'm cool.

Ring camera. I'm just here. I like start pretending to be a Jehovah Witness. You're holding 12 full eggs. It's like start pretending to be a jehovah witness you're holding 12 full eggs it's like oh i want to see if you like eggs i mean these eggs they're going to expire these eggs are going to expire i need i i don't even like omelets anymore yeah like it's not what it looks like i just learned i was allergic to eggs so i thought to myself let me bring it to a neighbor. See what they like.

Yeah, that would end well. But I don't even think, he's not talking about egging, though. He was talking about aggressive. Like, just straight up arson. Straight up jail time. Just straight up like, just straight up,

yo, do you, Tony, Tony, do you have, the worst part is, I don't know about Tony. so this can send him i don't know about tony either dude but i'm saying this could send him down a spiral but it's like tony all right if you don't if you don't have anything you love find something you love to do

that would get taken away if you get arrested yeah tony if you have something you love right think about how that's going to get taken away from you when you are inevitably arrested. Yeah. Do you have shame? You want to be in your local town? They got your mugshot photos and you just did that shit for funsies. Yeah. Tony's got some demons, dude, that he's got.

Yeah. I mean, he's probably in his basement right now thinking, like, should I take a bunch of fucking bricks and throw them through my neighbor's window? Yeah. now thinking like should i take a bunch of fucking bricks and throw them through my neighbor's window and then yeah and then tony if you still feel the need to commit arson or destroy property just find a political cause you really believe in and then do it based on that you know i mean do some uh motivated terrorism yeah go to a fucking uh go to a riot dude yeah you know i mean just start fucking shit up they're always looking for controlled opposition as well you know yeah yeah i agree man we're just like yeah just go to a junkyard man sneak into a junkyard and start throwing bricks through the uh the windows the fuck's the proud boys doing yeah you're doing that you're doing their job for them let them know that too when

they fucking yeah fucking be productive When they chase after you, dude. Be a productive member of society. Hey, Tony, that was just a joke. I'm not trying to tell you to do terrorism, all right? Yeah, no, Tony, just chill, man. Chill the fuck out, dude. Gonna see, like, an article tomorrow? Local podcast tells...

No, worldwide podcast tells men to commit terrorism. Local man, Tony, motivated by the Johnny Salami podcast. All right, dude. Well, thank you for coming, dude. Hell yeah, dude. Always a fucking pleasure. Yeah. You have anything you want to plug?

Any future shows? Your Instagram? Yeah, Instagram. Cool. I'm having fun. I'm going to start, you know, you want to plug any future shows, your Instagram. Yeah. Instagram. Cool. I have fun. I'm going to start, you know, some sketches and shit, maybe some standup clips. Who knows?

Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. You know, you know what it is, dude. You know what it is, bro. All right. Yeah. Thank you guys for watching as always. Uh, please like and subscribe. Um, and that's it.

Thank you.