The Johnny Salami Podcast - Paddy Defino

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

Paddy Defino by The Johnny Salami Podcast

I think I took a shit in my neighbors lawn Yeah Laughter Music Music Music Music Music

Music Music Music Music Music Music oh no i'm hurting yeah that would be sick man if you could film outside without getting like you know without overheating yeah yeah i mean i think like a lot of times with podcasting people don't even really listen to it

i think they just i think they just put it on yeah a lot of people don't even watch i feel like a lot of people are are just listening yeah you know mine is all people whacking off to my feet i think i told you that right yeah dude well you're doing pretty well pretty well but it's all men jacking off to my feet have you confirmed it or you just kind of yeah yeah you did like a survey yeah well i didn't do a survey but uh it's overwhelming the amount of comments i get and And some of the people are satanic about it. They're like, the devil, water, and your shoes. I want to wear them forever. I'm like, dude.

But are they still listening to the podcast, though? I guess. Or they mute it because all we do is make fun of gay people on the podcast. Yeah. So maybe that's their kink. Yeah, like those two things combined like really get them going yeah yeah and then me dangling my sweet ponies over the edge of the bed i'm not gonna lie dude when i when i did your podcast i actually thought about that and i wore

the nicest socks i had and i didn't know that like the bottoms had like shit stains on them dude that's gold yeah i was looking at the comments afterwards everyone was like hard as a rock they were like i love dirty feet yeah they want to know how long you've worn the socks dude they keep telling me they're like like i'll get messages and it'll be like it'll be like a gay couple and they'll be like why do you keep wearing socks on your podcast i'm like because it's not about that. You know? Yeah.

And they're like, can you please take them off? That's wild, man. Now I feel like I'm getting raped. Yeah. You should start charging money, dude. I think I'm going to do a Patreon. A barefoot Patreon. Yeah, yeah.

You know? The podcast will be just normal. Like anyone that wants to get on, dollar a month podcast. Yeah. $20 a month. I start whipping out my feet in like different locations. Yeah. Maybe I like green screen them into like a Cancun beach or like something.

I feel like you wouldn't even really have to try either. No. I think things like that. Like I tried so hard, man. I just wear a nice pair of socks and I just, you know, kind of sums up my life. You ended up striking gold though regardless yeah and uh dude yeah that that was a really fun episode but like yeah i've definitely had a few where it's like going south the podcast is going south so i'm like i gotta save this i'll just take a sock off. It's like a last resort.

You know what you're doing? I know what I'm doing. Yeah. I've had a few of those, man, where I used to be on like a podcast with a girl or something. And I would be like, this is the worst podcast I've ever done in my life. And I would try to say, I would like yell penis or something. Just to make a sound that's funny. is like four years ago and then i would just be like all right you got to cut that out like asking them to cut out penis yeah i would bring

up like a what-if scenario yeah i'd be like what if i started fucking farting right now and like it would just be like a like a girl i went to high school with yeah she would be like i don't i don't get it yeah of course i'd be like all right well i'm here for the fan that would be crazy if it was like a joe rogan type like live podcast we just can't cut it out yeah you have to like sit in silence i do i'm not i'm probably not the only one who does fantasize about what you would do on joe rogan like how you two would interact yeah like do you ever i don't know if like you're in the shower and you think about something like that or no never actually i've actually never even thought about that really i think i would just show up man i wouldn't uh yeah you can't play i'm not a big notes guy big planner guy

yeah you just come ready to rip i do feel as of recently like i've been putting like holes in my brain though you know it's just about the stuff i've been talking about sometimes i'm like you should say just say one intelligent thing you know what i mean yeah yeah i know you mean you can't just yeah but the worst is like i don't know if you've ever tried to like write something that's funny before a podcast. And you're like, I'll shoehorn this in naturally. And you try to say it and it comes out and everyone's kind of looking at you like waiting for more. And then you're like, so what did you think about that?

Yeah. Things are getting a little stale. You look at your notes. You're like, dude, this is kind of fucking crushed. It's like Osama bin Laden gay question mark? Yeah, I don't know, man. But, yeah, dude, the last time you were here, I, dude, I could not stop laughing afterwards. Because you were talking about, you were talking about how you think, like, pussy's gross.

And then, like, your girlfriend broke up with you immediately after she yeah that was so funny i know i think about that all the time it is kind of like the perfect way for someone who does what we do to like end a relationship it's just by saying the worst thing you could say. I kind of just like excommunicated myself from all women too. Oh, really? Because you can't just make a broad statement that pussy is gross and expect no... Well, it was also funny because like you and I were on like opposite pages. So you came off as the hero.

Like I wanted to be for the boys, but I just couldn't. I couldn't do it, man. You know, I wasn't even thinking about it until afterwards. the hero like i wanted to be for the boys but i just couldn't i couldn't do it man you know i wasn't even thinking about it until until afterwards um but yeah man when i heard that i literally could not stop laughing i was just like that's so dude that's so funny i would also like to go on record that i think pussy is great yeah i really do and i would like some of it sometime but it's too late now man this is. This is your revenge episode. You put up like a six-minute clip

of how much you love pussy. But dude, I do have to thank you, though, because that relationship needed to end and I wouldn't have done it unless I said something stupid beforehand. I mean, look, man, Mother Nature works in mysterious ways. It does.

Mother Nature is a woman, so it's fickle. It can be tough. Yeah, unpredictable, man. But you just have to accept it, dude, I guess. Yeah. I don't know. How has your dating life been? It's actually gotten worse, man.

Really? Yeah. I mean, it's actually gotten worse man really uh yeah i mean it's weird dude like i always i think some people are under the impression that i actually like talk to women which is like cool and all but you know it's not reality yeah what like when you do date do you try to use an app or something well you know some guys like will like make jokes about like not getting pussy and then they'll go and get like all the tons of pussy yeah like for me i don't have to write a joke i can just tell you what happened yeah like dude this was like two weeks ago i think uh this uh this hot chick actually messaged me and uh she was a ginger dude so i was automatically like i cannot trust this

woman yeah whatever she says dude i mean this chick would like put up stories of her like throwing hands like boxing and stuff oh shit very attractive woman dude that's you find that attractive about like a strong woman i thought it was kind of cool man you know a woman that can defend herself you know against your dog you know um dude but she messaged me first and like i responded we just kept going back and forth and um dude then i was like do you want to hang out and she was like no joke she was like yeah bring your dog bub to connecticut and i need you guys to dress up in matching costumes so that i can take pictures and i was like oh that's funny like lol and she was like no i'm serious she was like it'll be good for your business and for mine. I was like, what? That is not her decision. That is not my business plan.

You know what I mean? But she's, I guess she was a photographer and that was why she messaged me initially was to like lead up to that. What would you guys dress up as? She would like send me pictures of like people who would literally dress up in costumes with their dogs. Yeah. Like she was just like, yeah, it would help my business a lot does she have a dog did she want to do that with you no she just wanted to use me for bub and i was like yeah that was super upsetting man that was one of the most offensive things ever that is that's like that's like a guy like using a woman for her tits like

bub is just your fat i think, I think what she said is worse. Yeah. You know? Yeah, because you've got to go all the way to fucking Connecticut. Yeah. Like, you think you can just, you know, you can't do that to Bub, dude. You know what I mean? He's just dressed up as a little Darth Vader.

Like, what the fuck am I doing here? Yeah, that made me pretty sad, though, man. It is. Yeah, that's tough, dude. I got hit with a scam the other day. I didn't realize it for a while. This woman reached out to me on Instagram, and she's like, I love your comedy.

You're very funny. I would love for you to make a video for my daughter's fifth birthday making jokes about Tom and Jerry and Cinderella. You didn't know that was a scam? No. Dude. You know what happened she caught me at the right window in my life where i'm like envisioning a future with like a daughter and like children and a wife you know

so i'm like in my head i immediately went to like oh if i was like this what this girl's daughter like what would be special and i wrote like a whole fucking script for a video and then the funny thing is she's like i'll give you 200 and i'm in the thing i'm just like you don't have to pay me at all i'm gonna do this out of the kindness of my like i just want to do it and as soon as i said you don't have to pay me she just disappeared i was like i think i just out scammed the scammer dude i've that that makes sense i can see that happening my uh my buddy got involved in one of those he was on hinge and like prostitutes would be messaging him and be like you want to see my tits outside of like a david's bridal like just bring 50 bucks and like a 12 pack and he was like

all right he would say all right to like all of them and then hinge like banned him oh really participating in like prostitution no way these were like real life prostitutes dude they were like engaging in negotiations that's fuck hinge has too quick of a trigger in my opinion yeah i mean listen you know but honestly you have to be pretty fucking stupid to believe that yeah yeah i got banned on hinge i'm permanently banned on hinge and what do you do uh hinge i got banned because there was a picture i was like like a little frustrated because like i would get no matches i still don't but like i feel you brother yeah it sucks doesn't it because you're like there's this whole pool of women and they're fucking one guy who sucks you know but i was on

there and i saw a woman who was sitting on a ski ball table and she was kind of like pushing her tits together and i asked like how many points if i landed in those tits just permanently banned and i keep like trying to reach out to them like can i get my account like i literally am gonna kill myself if i can't like bed a woman soon they permanently banned you they were like no you didn't even get a strike no strikes dude this was two years ago and they still won't even respond to my emails they were probably more lenient back then too yeah fuck man i don't know dude but i i'd assume women were getting crazy messages like all the time yeah it's just like dude hinge is just like a directory of dicks yeah like you can just whatever dick you want bro you can just pick it out dude you can choose it foreskin no force definitely not healthy no because men i mean i

don't know how you can ever feel like you're good enough unless you have like a fucking weed whacker for a dildo you know what i mean yeah but even that like there's so many things that qualify because it's like first they look at your job believe it or not women actually don't look at your appearance first they look at your job and they want to know if you're bringing in the dough. Yeah. Then they look at like what you like, what you look like, your vibe, like whatever. And like the very last thing is personality. Yeah.

Personality is just the thing that maybe sets you off, maybe like kicks you out from being with a girl. Like it can only be a negative. Someone once told me looks are everything personality is only a negative yeah i mean they were probably right yeah i think i've told you i don't know if i've told you this before but i was at a party in college and there was uh i was at a rugby party and there was a dude on our team who was like six foot four, like blonde dude, just shredded. And he was drunk talking to this other chick who was to this day the hottest chick I've ever seen in my life. And they were both drunk and they're talking.

And I just decided to like listen in just to hear what they were talking about. And this chick was venting her heart to this dude. And the guy just kept saying penis over and over again. And they ended up hooking up like i'm not even like they literally ended up yeah it's the gravity between the two hottest people is too strong to uh get out of i mean we can't we can't talk though dude because like if a hot chick a hot chick could tell me she's going to kill my whole family, I would be like, that's fine. A hot chick could just say penis to me, and I would probably pull it out. Well, that's what you're looking for.

For a hot woman, she would have to say something terrible for me to not. Yeah, not do it. I've always thought that about myself. I overvalue beauty too much like i think that's just a common thing with dudes especially it's just like anyone who's beautiful like you just shoot up my radar and everything else all your other red flags or whatever the the bottom gets raised on those too yeah i just want to like sometimes i think about just like dating like uh like a retarded

lesbian or something that would be incredible like you know those chicks in high school who like everyone made fun of but they had like a good personality yeah like i'm thinking about like maybe just giving one of those chicks a shot for sure they would accept me into their heart yeah because no one ever no one ever tries that out man no one ever tries the personality route maybe i should like give it a shot yeah i think the retarded is a little it's tough that's a tough one you need like court documents to make that work yeah that's true but definitely the personality thing because like dude maybe we should just go baddie boom baddie fatties yeah i've gone that route yeah it's not as easy as you think man no

no you can't just like dangle a corn dog back to your apartment? I mean, you can, but, you know. They have hearts, too. People think it's like easy just to get a fatty. It's like, no, dude, you still got to put in the work. Sometimes, like, fatties are sassy. Sassy fatties. They're hard to get sometimes, man.

Yeah, they are. You know? Because they have like these weird thoughts. They have crazy confidence, too. Yeah. because they have like these weird thoughts they have crazy confidence too yeah they have like fucking 17 tits and they're just like confident for some reason yeah you know well that's probably why they're like i'm nine times the woman's camera yeah i used to bring chicks home in college dude and like i would be leaving the bar and my friends would be like dude what are you doing they would be like no way and I would be like yes it's happening John you know we live on the second

floor so like dude you know that's a man right I'm like dude that that is like one of my I was always a little insecure about like bringing girls home in front of like my friends because you know it's judgment zone and my buddy uh he used to have a an acquired taste for the fatties yeah and he would but he would do it smart he would like sneak them in in the middle of the night like just kind of like uh like secret you know like a fucking special ops mission dude yeah we called it the style the silent stampede it's like he would just have these like just like cyber trucks of women rolling through there and we never saw any of them but like it was after college then that's cool because after college you can go hey do you remember that girl who would like crush every toilet seat she sat on that's good you guys are legend dude yeah you

guys keep in touch still oh yeah yeah he's still a very close friend yeah i remember taking home this girl dude and her tits were so big that like her bra couldn't like hold her tits oh wow so she had like tits coming out of her tits damn like her tits would like roll over her bra jesus and it was weird man like i remember hooking up with her and i thought she was way fatter than she actually was but she was actually in like she was like a little chubby but she was kind of like in good shape a little bit but her tits just like ruled over her canons dude like she couldn't hold them i mean i'm sure she's dealing with some back problems right now i know unless something happened you know if she got surgery but yeah do you like do you think i think a breast reduction surgery is hot really yeah i think it's

hot if a girl had one of those i think that's the worst thing you can do to a woman is just take away her tits man it is it is it'd be like just taking one of our testicles to like for like weight purposes yeah for yeah i get it for health but like the reason i think yeah whatever health like safety but i the thing i think the reason i think it's hot is because like i just imagine that girl like before the surgery just being like i have my tits are way too huge yeah and that's hot like my tits are way too huge. Yeah. And that's hot. Like, my tits are so huge, I needed a doctor. So the back problems are what gets you going? Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, if, like, a girl is, like, paraplegic from just a pair that she's had on her since, like, the eighth grade, that's, like, that's a retard I would fuck. Yeah. Sorry, I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. No, you can say whatever you want, man. Okay. Yeah, we'll clip that, dude.

Send it to your ex dude are you sure you don't want a second chance yeah for some reason man like uh just like fake tits just crush my heart man anything fake in life just really crushes me man you know like cory cory chase dude. Dude, she was a woman who, I like how I said woman. Yeah. She, when I was like young, she was everything to me. She was my wife across the phone, you know. Did she have fake tits when you were? I think so. Because I can't find a video of her with real tits.

Real tits, yeah. But I think this was like back before i knew like what a fake tit was and what a real tit was so you thought they were real yeah i had no okay and they're like over here like shoulder pads well dude i think she took the opposite route she had smaller tits and she got uh like bigger like implants yeah. She did what the normal whore would do. It's just more tit. Yeah. Yeah, I respect that.

But yeah, no, there is something when you see that. It just looks like a lie. It looks like a woman is lying to you. Yeah, just something about just being fake. Yeah. Just like, you know. Because, dude, small tits are still great. They're still awesome.

For sure, yeah. Like, in many cases, they're better than big ones because they're not like flopping around like crazy. You know? Yeah. I wonder what it's like, man, to just be like a grown man and your wife's tits are like hidden in her belt. Yeah. Yeah. She takes her shirt off and you think it's like a legit cow.

Like, I wonder what that's like as a man to see that. Yeah. Is it just disappointing or do you just think about the old days? I think you start thinking of Christmas because it looks like the stockings on by the chimney with care. You like remember that you need to buy milk. Yeah. Oh, dude, that gave me a terrible memory. I shouldn't even share this.

I was wondering why you didn't laugh. I saw like PTSD in your eyes. I had PTSD to when I was 12 years old on my little league team. And there was this woman named Gladys Hutton who beat breast cancer, but she had like a mastectomy. And I remember one time. This is so bad. One time I remember like she handed me my uniform and she, like, leaned over and, like, her shirt kind of came down. And I saw, like, what her chest looked like. It was, like, it was post-op.

And it was horrifying. Like, it looked like when you, like, take the cheese off a pizza. Sorry. But, like. Oh, dude, there was oh dude there's like uh like it looked like there was like the sauce it was like it was like there was like weird veins and kind of like oh yeah like it looked like terrain oh like if if i saw it from like a close-up i was thinking of i'm dropping into war zone yeah but it was like uh it was a tough thing i remember seeing that and i had like a whole new respect for women yeah that's gonna be tough man yeah especially when you're younger dude like in class and stuff you're always

trying to see like your teacher bend over in front of you so you can get like a little glimpse yeah dude mirror set up yeah you're starting fires on her skirt she was like a microscope just pointed at the sun dude just make a fucking flamethrower dude just to burn her clothes dude there was a uh my second grade teacher miss smith i should probably stop dropping their names i didn't i didn't give her full name at least but she was like it would be so funny if you put this on like facebook and linkedin just every single person in my life yeah she was uh my second grade teacher was like an alcoholic and um when i was not second grade seventh grade and when i was in seventh grade that's when like

the random boners started yeah so like it was always early in the morning and i had her second period so like like clockwork my dick would just get hard you know in the fashion of a seventh grader yeah during english class and uh it was upsetting because she was like this alcoholic woman whose skin was like really weathered and like she wasn't attractive but she would sit at a table like she didn't have a desk she had like a table in the front of the class so you could see her legs and she would just sit like this and you could just see like her white panties there yeah i remember it driving me insane it was like the moral quandary of like i don't want to be with this woman like i don't this is disgusting but also i'm in seventh grade and this is the

hottest thing i've ever seen you were probably like noticeably hard too oh yeah dude yeah yeah it's back then man like everything's so small you don't really have like the awareness you have now no so you were probably just fully erect like looking into the depths yeah yeah and i remember like she used to like call on us to read too like luckily from our seat we're gonna stand up and spin around like but she would call and i remember sitting there and like she calls my name and i'm just rock hard and we're reading like where the red and i'm like all eyes are on me because i'm reading and i'm like pouring sweat and just missing every word and i'm like meanwhile the mean while the dogs are dying in the book

it's just so hard god dude dude it's so embarrassing it's so embarrassing it's happened to us all though man yeah i remember one time just saying no to your dick no no i wish it was that easy man yeah i just remember getting called on i was like no i'm good so i was fucking that was hard as a rock i used to wear like uh fucking like uh khakis but they were like latex yeah if i stood up i would have gotten expelled dude yeah yeah those are like amazon pants yeah that was wicked poor dude so i had like amazon pants like what did you get from amazon that was wicked poor dude so i had like weird pants all the time yeah just like shit stains all over them yeah unless you had jeans like that shit was just on display i mean dude

i was getting boners even in college during class yeah i took a business law class and i remember being hard as a rock dude and my professor was like a retired, like Michigan professor. He was like adjunct. So just part time. Yeah. And he was like, you have to prepare this debate. And we spent like 10 days preparing this debate, dude. And it was like a live debate, dude.

And there was a plaintiff and a defendant, dude. So I'm the defendant. And I thought I was the plaintiff,iff dude i had a fucking boner and when i stood up i just tucked it in my belly button yeah and then i argued as the plaintiff i was the defendant dude i was just like arguing on the wrong side for 10 minutes with the boner wait did he notice the boner or was he more upset about the i don't know man when i when i stood up i like kind of like put in my belly button that was the move oh yeah it was a quick you had to be quick you had to be quick stealth because you can't do it sitting down you'd be like look over

there yeah and you had a dude you had to be it was like a fucking navy seal mission dude yeah like you can't fuck that up because if you don't if you don't pull it up high enough it's just gonna fucking like it's gonna shoot out yeah you know yeah yeah like a rubber band or if you don't or if you pull it up your pant like if you bring your pants down yeah it's just like the head of your dick this is the defendant right here yeah oh god dude yeah they don't go away i still get them on the subway dude i get subway boners i heard dudes get uh boners in the morning you heard that i've just lived it bro i have no like evidence i just yeah dude i, I'll be like, I remember, dude, I used to like, I didn't have my truck for a while. Like when I had a truck, I was living at home and I had to drop my mom off at work in the morning and I would just be rock hard in the car.

I'm like next to my mom. I'm like, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like I would be thinking about like 9-11. Yeah. Anything. Explosions be thinking about, like, 9-11. Yeah, anything. Explosions, you know? Like, just anything to put it down. And I just couldn't, dude. It was something about the morning.

It would suck if, like, your go-to thing was, like, 9-11 to, like, stop yourself from coming. Yeah, dude. But, like, say you were thinking about like baseball or 9-11 or whatever when you're having sex with a woman if like you keep doing that to like stop trying to make yourself come like eventually you're just gonna start coming to the idea of 9-11 yeah and then you have to think about 9-11 like every time yeah you're watching like highlight tapes 9-11 porn yeah yeah it's wild man yeah where do you like how old were you when 9-11 happened it's five okay yeah it was seven i took i took a shit in my neighbor's lawn on 9-11 on 9-11 like between when the towers fell or yeah i always

wanted to be a firefighter from a young age you can't do that with a full stomach yeah talk about boners dude i used to like uh i had these like rain boots these yellow rain boots and like a firefighter hat and i would go outside in just that dude like completely naked just the boots and the hat and i would take the fucking garden hose and i would hose down the trees outside yeah and uh dude during 9-11 i had diarrhea and i ran over we lived in like a two to four unit so like there was like a house like kind of connected to ours yeah and i just ran over in that dude's lawn and shit on his lawn while 9-11 was happening that's the best time to do it yeah and i was like there was a big window

in the front oh so they saw you did it in the front yard yeah like right in front of his whole family they were like watching the news and then i remember going into my house and my whole family was like crying. I'm like, what's going on? They're like, you wouldn't understand. Yeah, they're more sad about that than 9-11. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, when I was a kid, I thought 9-11, because I was like pretty young. And I remember my uncle like complaining that like he had to take his shoes off at the airport. He's like, oh, just because of fucking 9-11.

So I thought 9-11 was like the bill that got passed that made you take your shoes off at the airport. Oh, really? I didn't even know a tower fell or anything. I was like, fuck it. 9-11, 9-11 this shirt off me too. I don't care. I mean, whatever you don't know won't hurt you. Yeah, exactly.

You know? Yeah. My parents definitely hid that from me. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't want me. off me too i don't care i mean whatever you don't know won't hurt you yeah exactly you know yeah my parents definitely hid that from me yeah yeah they didn't want me uh i guess being like islamophobic which everyone was at that time it was kind of crazy um dude are you cool with uh taking like a few phone calls yeah sick dude the water in my house growing up was uh it had like sulfur in it so it just tasted like a like an egg and i would just go up a mission or something basically the actually the family that lived in my house before we lived there uh the the husband and wife both died of a rare kidney cancer

and we're pretty sure it's from the water dude i uh sorry for pissing dude i used to hold it in yeah and then i was just like dude you gotta be a man and just accept that you have to piss yeah you know because that's then you'll be thinking about that yeah it's the worst man yeah when you have to piss and someone's talking and you're just like, dude, I have to piss so bad right now. It just happens so often, man. I'm always pissing. I don't know. I wanted to have diabetes and I guess I just don't have it.

Yeah, you just got a small bladder. I have a small dick, dude. It can only hold so much piss Yeah Yeah man let's see what we got for phone calls Johnny Salami Love the pod man It's a real bright spot in the day

Really appreciate all the work you guys do I'm just calling because I had a question for you i wanted to know how you stay so chill man i uh used to be chill when it was just me and my boys now now i got a wife and two kids and life's a little harder you know but you seem like an expert in being chill and just wondering how you do it. Thanks, man. I mean, dude, I feel like you're more of a chill guy than I am. I don't know. I think we're both similar in a lot of ways. Yeah. You ever get mad or no?

I get mad, but it's like, dude, I got really mad. When I get mad very it's not acceptable i got i went through this crazy like rage fantasy on the train the other day yeah because there were like these kids like on the train and they were like roughhousing and like bumping into people and like dude for like 10 minutes i just fantasized about one of them coming by me and just like slamming him against the wall and being like you're lucky it was me that did this someone else could kick your ass yeah so i do get rage but uh i'm i'm pretty chill i would say but also like you and i are single so like that it's hard to be both i think if this guy wants to be chill and be a father, he just has to be a bad dad.

I mean, dude, you know what chills dudes out is just not pulling out. That is, that is the chillest thing. That'll really keep you going, man. Yeah. Just to know that. Yeah, that's true. I just want everyone to know that, like that really will keep a guy going. Yeah, it does.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I guess have more children is the answer i guess just don't pull out man don't pull out ever let's look at we gotta look at the camera and we look never pull out never forget yeah i don't know man i feel like i've been getting shamed a lot just for being like a chill dude like people don't really enjoy that around here oh really yeah i think it's because like dude i think first of all stand-ups are psychos like for the most part yeah it's like such a self-indulgent thing that when like someone is not constantly in pursuit of making their career better like when someone's like just trying to be funny and hang out it's like it's almost like a threat to them because i think it's like a thing that you need to figure out eventually in comedy

is to just let go and just like relax just be funny not worry about yeah yeah like a spot or something like that yeah well i mean dude i uh, it was my birthday on the 20th and, uh, I'm not going to lie, dude. I had a few drinks, but I was, I was golfing, man, you know, with both of my buddies and they had, you know, beers and stuff. And I was like, I kind of have to, you know, like you're on the golf course. And, uh, I had so much fun, man. Yeah. You know, but afterwards I was just like, dude, like the days following, I had so much fun man yeah you know but afterwards i was just like dude like the days following i just so much anxiety man oh yeah so now i kind of get why people aren't really chill yeah yeah some people are drinking so much so much dude i had to stop because i mean dude i had like

i probably had like six high noons and i i teed off, and I hit the ball into the other fairway. And I go over to get the ball, and this guy is with his son. And they stopped to watch me swing. Oh, dude. Dude. That is the worst feeling on earth. Dude, I swung so hard i like threw out my back and i i missed the ball literally by like an entire foot

did you also take up like a piece of earth like this just dude i just whiffed at the air like dude my head was like looking up there as i was swinging i just swang so hard and it was so sad because like that guy was like watch watch this guy like watch the adult swing like he had like he thought i was gonna be good or something yeah yeah and dude i started laughing so hard like i was like wheezing i was having like a wheezing attack and i couldn't fucking i was like you have to actually hit the ball they were still watching me i was like dude you gotta fucking hit the ball right now and I just swung and just like made sure I made contact

and I just hit it into the same fairway again just further dude I miss drinking mostly for golf courses dude there is nothing better is there anything better I just got back a few weeks ago from my buddy's bachelor party we went to myrtle beach and we played a lot of golf down there and like one of my the same friend who i told you about

who liked the fatties yeah he was blackout drunk on like the sixth hole like we're playing 18 and uh there's a there's one point where like we're all kind of like like we see them he was in my group but he was in my other friend's group and we see them like in the fairway and he's just like in the middle of the fairway on a knee like taking a knee and just like going like this like looking around and he's just ripping a piss right in the middle of the fairway i'm like dude because i played golf in high school so like oh really yeah i used to be pretty good i'm not not really anymore but i have like the etiquette is built in you know and when i see that like my white rage dude this is a sacred land what are you doing damn dude yeah when you get to a certain

point when you're drunk you'll just piss anywhere yeah oh yeah yeah yeah dude i've pissed in front of police officers yeah like i would be like hiding behind a car pissing on the car and i would just stare at the police officers trying to prove that you're not doing anything but dude you want to hear something crazy man so my birthday is on 4 20 like april 20 i was gonna ask because you're not a weed guy yeah i'm not nor are you a hitler guy yeah dude i've had some of the worst birthdays because people are just so high on my birthday. It's like crazy. But, dude, there used to be a golf course in Massachusetts, dude. It was called Locust Valley, and you could play 18 for like $9. Like the grass was like yellow. It was like the worst course ever.

And I had a birthday there once, and only two people showed up. I've been there dude yeah dude so the one kid who showed up joe dude he was gone like he was on edibles yeah and he pulled in like smiling like in another dimension yeah and my other buddy john was just completely sober like me and him were sober dude so we go to t off at the first hole and we're just like talking and like like doing practice swings this guy pulls up in a like a black bmw and gets out and he starts like walking towards us and we noticed he had a limp and this dude was a paraplegic dude he starts walking towards us starts talking to us about like random stuff and you can tell he's like noticeably blasted like this guy's blasted dude and uh he was like do you guys mind if i like take a hack

and like me and my friend john are lefties and the only person with a righty was joe who's like in another dimension yeah and he just like joe was just like i guess like so this guy takes a driver dude just takes a huge hack no dude i swear to god this happened bro takes a huge hack hits the ball and we're watching the ball in the air dude he sliced it like two fairways over it hits the ground one hops this dude in the head and the dude just drops to the ground no way completely unconscious bro so these guys are like looking back at us yeah, what the fuck is going on? Yeah. And the BMW's pulling out. The guy just rolls up his leg and, like, shows his prosthetic.

And the guy's, like, didn't say anything. Okay. And then, dude, I saw the starter from the clubhouse knew the guy by name. He was like, get out of here. He's like, you can't keep doing this. No way. Yeah. This guy would just constantly

pull up to the first hole and just take a swing take a hack i respect that dude yeah that dude it was great the dude got hit in the head bro he got hit in the head and just like his whole body just went limp yeah oh yeah dude i hit my brother in the head one time with a golf ball yeah he was like it was the same thing it was on a shitty course that like people would literally drive the golf carts on the green. Yeah. And like we played nine and I played so bad and we're like, let's play a few more holes. And my brother is like standing up to the right of me. And I told him, I was like, yo, Kieran, you got to like, you got to like take a step back like or something.

I'm not hitting the ball ball well today like you gotta like be careful so dude i'm not kidding he takes one step to his left i swing pop it hit a line drive right off his forehead oh same thing he drops and i'm like i just killed my brother and told him to move into the place. Dude, when the ball hit off his head, it ricocheted off his head and went through the woods on the other side of the fairway. That's hard to hit it. And when we picked up his limp body and he had like you could see the it looked like a golf ball was just embedded in his skin like it came out that far and you could see like the dunlap logo on it like it was fucking nuts he's just unconscious it like knocked him out for a second and he just had a concussion which is like fine but like he's

doing good now in life he's eating crayons yeah he's doing good he writes like your big secret in life is like you made your brother disabled with a nine iron but uh dude i remember doing that i was like i i i if i ever learned anything from this experience it's like just don't play golf when you're in a bad mood you know i mean dude i've hit like uh i've hit carts just yeah teeing off you know what i mean yeah like in like next to the tee box yeah like i've taken shots where you're just like that's you're defying physics yeah it's crazy what can i've seen people hit the ball backwards oh yeah like how the fuck did you even do that oh yeah it's crazy you get like so much backs and the ball just goes backwards yeah dude i got nervous too because these courses were like nice that we were playing myrtle and i

like hadn't hit a ball a lot and they're they're these courses like have a guy that stands by the first tee and like checks you in and then gives you advice. He's like, yeah, you're going to want to run one up the left side of the fairway. I'm like, sure. I get over the ball, slice it three fairways over, and the guy's like, what the hell was that? I'm like, I'm not good at golf. Just because you tell me something doesn't mean it's magically going to happen. Yeah, dude.

It's so, dude, I remember, uh, it's so hard, man. Like I remember going to a, have you ever been to a course where there's houses? Oh yeah. Florida has a lot of crazy dude. Yeah. There's one in Rhode Island that I went to and there's literally houses on the course. And I remember teeing off and just directly hitting a house and being like, dude, it's going to be a long 18 holes.

And my friend that I was with, I think he was like maybe like 150 yards from the hole. Yeah. Like from the green. And he takes this shot, dude. And he hits one of the landscapers in the leg. Like he screamed four. It hits the landscaper in the head and cracks his phone oh shit dude so the landscaper just takes out of this dude doesn't speak english at all yeah

like completely yeah he needed that phone dude and he just holds up his phone it's completely cracked oh my god so we like drove over and my friends like hey i'm sorry man like i yelled four and he's like doesn't speak english yeah he's like he should have said quadra yeah dude one of the landscapers had to come over and like translate for him he's like oh he's saying like you have to pay for the damage and my friend's like there's no fucking way there's no fucking way and uh my friend's like no i'm not doing that like dude like it's your fucking fault like i yelled for whatever and then this lady came out on her porch and she was like hey if you hit his phone you have to pay for it and we're like dude what the fuck go back

yeah my friend would like talk to the starter and stuff yeah yeah i think they honestly filed a lawsuit and you probably just like ignored it yeah yeah i guess you can do that is someone like spawning a demon in the floor dude the neighbors vacuum every day and i i kind of want to say something yeah dude it's so often like it's not even it's crazy like dude i can't even i can't even do the podcast on the weekends anymore because they just go hard fucking blast gasoline on fucking vacuum, dude. Oh, really? Dude, they vacuum so much. Jesus, what do you think they do?

I'm about to go upstairs and be like, yo, stop fucking vacuuming. Yeah. No one vacuums that much. No, like what do you have, 20 cats? That's crazy. Yeah, it's fucking crazy, dude. Dude, yeah, hitting people fucking sucks. I've done it like a couple times with a golf ball.

But those courses that are just weaved through the backyards, they're so cool. people fucking sucks i've done it like a couple times for the golf ball but those like those courses are that are just weave through the backyards they're so cool because it's like yeah oh you're in like a development but yeah dude if you're not good at golf you're just playing like your third shot off like someone's bathroom floor yeah like what am i what so much fun though dude we should go man we should yeah yeah do you have your clubs with you or no i don't but uh i i i'm from upstate new york so i'm like a two-hour train ride out of the city and i just leave my clubs there because all my friends play they all live there um but yeah i don't even know where would we play around here just like on the highway yeah just make our own i don't think they would arrest us honestly dude there's people like literally like shooting up fentanyl everywhere yeah i don't

think they're gonna be worried about us teeing off no we could tee off in my front yard dude don't give a fuck yeah like late at night just see where it lands i used to do that when i was younger yeah i i did that last winter in my friend's backyard ripping golf balls into the abyss just killed some dude that you don't know about dude when we me and my cousin were both on the golf team together and we were like in ninth grade and he used to live by like a playground there's like this ice r, like an ice arena kind of thing. Yeah. And there was a playground next to it. And we used to just tee up and just hit balls at the playground, like in the middle of the day. Because there was like bushes that would like, nobody could tell where it was coming from.

Yeah. And I don't know if we ever hit anyone, but like we would like go over there and look where our balls landed. And they're just like all over the swing sets. Just killed like innocent children maybe yeah have you ever hit a baseball or have you ever hit a golf ball with a baseball bat yeah it's wild it's what the metal bat yeah yeah it'll go like a thousand yards yeah yeah i saw you put like a clip up from baseball. Like, did you play all through high school or? Oh, yeah. I found that, dude.

Some kid when I was in high school, like his family, like videotaped it. That's so cool. So funny. The kid at the end just like falling is so funny. Yeah. Yeah. That was in an injury fun game. So it didn't even count.

Wait, what is that? An injury fun game is like a first game of the season it's like it doesn't count like you play a team that's like not in your division right right and then you didn't hit any more the rest of the year uh no that was the only home run i ever hit like on varsity yeah i've hit balls like no joke 450 feet yeah but there was no fence yeah yeah one time i was in like an au game and i had like fucking tits dude i was so slow but this kid threw a change up inside on me and i hit the ball so far dude that when i hit it everyone was like what do we do like i'm not going to get that.

Yeah. I was, dude, I watched the ball until it hit the ground. Yeah. And then I started running and, uh, dude, some rounding third base.

And my coach is like, fucking dig, like fucking like, I'm like so slow, bro. And I got thrown out at home. It's like one of the most embarrassing moments of my life because everyone on your team like it's like i would have scored it's like well you didn't hit it that far oh dude anyone else on the team would have been at home plate like the fucking two

minutes earlier the inning would have been over yeah to this day people bring it up all the time they're like dude i can i'll never forget that yeah yeah there was no offense like this yeah we used to have this kid who was so fat and slow on our team that uh he was like a liability like we would just like we'd stick there were two brothers one of them was slower than the other and the one that was slower we would put a first base. But the one that was like a little faster, but still slow was like in right field. So if any ball went to right field, it's a home run. Yeah.

But I remember one time the slowest brother was up and he was a lefty and he hit a fucking bomb. Like literally one hopped the left center field fence and they threw him out at first dude at that point you just gotta quit like that's so embarrassing you can't do you'd have to hit a home run every time yeah or else you're out that's like they used to they used to time like your uh base running first yeah, not even home to first. Like, they would time, like, all, like, if you were hit, like, an inside the park home run. Oh, okay. So, like, dude, I remember doing it, and I just felt like I was the only one who was, like,

genuinely, like, in pain running. Yeah. Like, it hurts. So, I don't know what it was about baseball, dude. Anytime I had to run to a base, I just felt like everything in my body was just like breaking, dude. It's longer than it looks. Like when you watch it on TV, you think it's pretty quick. But like when you start running, you're like, holy fuck. And like, I don't know if you guys used to run like drills.

Like we used to do these things called Burma roads where you'd like sprint to first, then jog around the rest. Then you'd sprint to first and second, then jog around. Then sprint to first, second, third. And then the last one. Dude, those would fucking kill me. And also, you're wearing, like, metal cleats. Yeah. So it's, like, the least comfortable thing.

Can't be good for you, man. No. And you're wearing, like, a horse jockey outfit. Yeah, you're wearing, like, a cup, dude. Yeah. It's, like, dude, my cup, too. Like, it used to, like, stick out like stick out like this far just wearing a strap on and like sometimes like it would like when it starts to ride up the end like flips up and it just looks like you have like the weirdest trapezoidal boner yeah i used to wear compression

shorts and then i would put the cup over the compression shorts yeah like a jock strap yeah yeah i was like a fucking thong, dude. It felt powerful, man. Dude, it feels manly putting a jockstrap on. Yeah. You're like, I got to hold these balls together. I would always get a cup like a size up, too. Yeah.

Just in case. You know? Dude, because when you're a kid and your dad is like picking out a cup and you get to look at some of those things and you just see a fucking like a yeah like a fucking yacht of uh those some of those cups were massive oh yeah some of them were small too yeah yeah it looked like a shot glass yeah those were the days though man they were dude what position were you in high school dude i played like uh i was always playing dh but like dude i would i would be a pitcher and i would pitch and i like sometimes like dude they wrote an article about me in the valley breeze which is like a town newspaper that everyone reads and it was just like

when psyche's on he's unstoppable but when he's off like he's off why would they say that about a kid yeah they just shit on my mom showed me it like she i think she still has it dude well she probably loved it because she's like look you're in the paper yeah they like completely roasted me dude yeah because we would play like private schools sometimes okay and i would throw like a one hitter yeah and then the next week we would play like a an unranked team and I would just get taken out in three batters. Just like beam three kids and they'd be like, alright, it's not your day.

But dude, when that happens, you're just out. You can't come back in. You can't bat. You probably didn't even want to pitch at some points. Just give me the stick. Yeah, dude. I played in college for a little bit. I probably didn't even want to pitch at some points. Yeah. Just give me the stick. Yeah, dude.

God, I, yeah, I played in college for a little bit. I ended up quitting because, like, it was just, dude, everyone takes it so seriously in college. It's like a job, dude. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, we're in college. We're at a Division III college. Like, we're not making it to the big leagues. Do you feel like baseball, do you feel like baseball players were kind of pussies too?

My first two years I played at a community college, these guys were not pussies. These guys were like pretty rough rider. Yeah, convicted felons. Yeah. It was a community college. So like after every game, we would all save our money that we were supposed to spend on food. And we just put it in on like weed and just roll up blunts and shit but when i went away it was like it's like a lot of it was like an engineering school so it's just a bunch of fucking nerdy twerps playing baseball and that sucked because like nobody nobody like had any nobody was even

funny really on the team there's like two kids who were funny but yeah that that shit sucked yeah i just felt like uh when i played like college baseball for like a day dude like i just like i just felt like everyone was kind of a pussy dude yeah you know kids were just like drama queens yeah i went from that to rugby so that was just like a huge huge difference huge difference yeah i went from that to rugby so that was just like a huge huge difference huge difference yeah i think maybe because it's like baseball like they're all the best players from their town or whatever so they get together and they're like kind of entitled you know but like rugby nobody gives a shit about who's the best rugby player in your town yeah

man rugby's cool because they're just like not baseball is like so stat oriented dude yeah so it's like you know everything's about batting average and like on base percentage yeah and all that shit you have like a scouting report they're like oh when you face this guy like do this but like rugby it's like yeah just go out there man fucking kill each other like yeah you know it's like it's oh it's a beautiful day like yeah it's a lot simpler that way yeah yeah baseball i i remember being pretty upset because my first like in high school i always called my own pitches yeah i was a catcher and then my first two years in college i called all the pitches and like the coach at the start of the year was like i'm gonna call pitches and like very soon after i was like i know what i'm doing like let me call them whatever yeah and then like i got to college and they're like i was like i i

just call my own pitches like because i know the pitchers well we develop a like a you know some kind of an understanding of what to do and they're like no you're not gonna do that i'm like there's no fun in this now yeah and they're just they're just calling fastballs like every pitch yeah they're like ball in the dirt. Yeah. When I found that out, when I went to college, I was like, it's over. Yeah. I used to pitch backwards. I would throw curveballs like first pitch.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Then they like, yeah, they don't like that. They'll call the cops if you do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. This fucking drunk guy used to call the pitches and it would just be like fastball, fastball. Like he would never do off speed unless you were 0-2 oh two dude like he would never like trust your off speed yeah he was like if you can't throw a fastball it's like dude everyone is sitting on a fast sitting on it yeah yeah yeah i get the off speed first pitch in a sense like if you do it every time they're like gonna look for it but like dude I always thought the key to calling pitches is just like total randomness. Dude, I was just going to say that.

Yeah, just like pick a random pitch in a random location. If it's an off-speed pitch, keep it down. But in and out, whatever. No, do whatever you can to confuse everyone, dude. Yeah. Pick off someone at first who's not even there, dude. Yeah, empty bases, yeah. Step off the

mound for like four minutes yeah yeah we used to have like a play in uh in in college where like if someone would throw at our head like my my uh coach would be like all right like here's what we're gonna do and he would have like the pitcher go out and he would just like he would come set and then just stay there and he would just stay there until the batter stepped out of the box like ice him yeah yeah and then the batter would get back in the box and he would come set again and right away just fire a ball up there i was like my coach was a psycho. He was like, we're getting revenge out there. Dude, they almost tried. When I was in Little League, I hit three kids in a row, and they all cried.

And I had to say sorry to the coach. And the parents. Because I was throwing steam, dude. I was throwing heat, bro. But yeah, dude, when I was in college i did like my first bullpen session at tryouts and it went like really well like the catch was like oh dude you'll like you'll be you'll be on the team or whatever dude next bullpen session literally uh these kids are watching me and uh it was just a fastball dude just right down the middle is what i was supposed to throw dude behind the catcher

like behind the uh the dugout whatever or behind the bullpen is where the stands were dude i threw the ball into the stands people were just like dude where'd that go and you just heard it hit the bleachers bro yeah and everyone was like i've never seen anything like that. It was like 20 feet in the air, dude. This is a college baseball tryout, dude. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I was dealing with like blood clots and shit in my arm.

Oh, really? So I had, dude, I had no control whatsoever. Oh, shit. I actually cried at the tryout. Yeah, because you felt like your career was over probably. Yeah. Dude, I literally like I went to the i think uh they did like a lot we did like a scrimmage and every pitcher got their opportunity bro and i was just fucking like thrown into the dirt like yeah thrown it like 10 feet

over the catcher's head bro that's so frustrating and i just had no idea where the ball was gonna go yeah and i was probably thrown like 70 miles an hour yeah yeah it was bad man dude yeah that we had a kid who uh he like accidentally sawed off the tip of his finger and like a wood splitter yeah and after that happened his finger was like it was like a triangle at the end and he used to be our he was like our third baseman this happened in the middle of the season and like after he after that happened he could never throw a baseball where he wanted ever again really so every time there's a ground ball the third he would like field it and we'd be like come on and he would

throw it and it would like spike like every time that every time. Dude, that sucks, man. It could be worse, bro. I had a kid on my team in high school. He was cross-eyed, and in the middle of a game, he started chasing after a bird in the air. Because he thought it was the ball? He thought it was the ball. Dude, baseball does yield the funniest moments.

Because there was this kid in Little League who was gay. In Little League? In Little League, dude. Holy shit. He wasn't out, but he was one of those people who showed it very soon. Oh, so he didn't come out of the closet. You just kind of knew he was gay. You just knew, yeah.

You didn't even have to know what the concept of gay was to be like, that guy fucks dudes or wants to. What was he doing? So he was in center field and he like used to keep his sunflower seeds in his back pocket. Yeah. And he like put his glove under his arm during a pitch and reached in his back pocket to get seeds. And sure enough crack like ball gets hit right at him in center field and he's like he's like really struggling but he can't get his hand out of his pocket yeah and the ball just hits him right in the chest and he drops

down and he never played baseball again and that's why you think he's gay i think that's why he accepted he was gay but uh i thought you were gonna say he was like finger banging his asshole like during the game yeah the buffalo ranch yeah that would be a he'd be a hero dude that crazy. Yeah, dude. I do miss, like, that, like, team building. Like, we had a really funny team when I was in high school. And, like, the coach would, like, be giving a speech to, like, all the players. And, like, one of the guys would, like, stand behind the coach and just, like, whip his dick out and just start helicopter dicking, like, behind him. Yeah.

Damn. And, like, it was always the funniest i think we grew up in a different area dude yeah one kid used to uh take off his like jersey and his cleats and his socks and he would just roll his pants up to like make it a big diaper so he just looked like a big baby you just do that in the dugout did you guys um so you played all the way until college i played uh three years in college oh shit yeah like a vet dude yeah yeah i was a really really good defensive catcher like really good pop time fuck yeah dude i had like a one nine pop time which is like crazy but uh i was like so good pop time fuck yeah dude i had like a 1-9 pop time which is like crazy but uh

i was like so good at that i was good at blocking everything defensive but then i just couldn't hit to save my life oh really yeah i was good in high school but then like as soon as we got to college i hit like 123 or something like that and it wasn't even like the pitching was tough i was just like you're just standing there in a baseball uniform at like 23 years old. And you're like, what am I doing? Yeah. I want to be a musician. Damn, I didn't even know that about you, dude.

Yeah. It's pretty sick. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know you played baseball until I saw that clip. But then I remembered, yeah, you told me a story about like you were like high or something. Yeah. clip but then i remembered yeah you told me a story about like you were like high or something for a yeah well i i tried out for uh i played community college ball yeah um and i showed up on edible marijuana dr jordan peterson but you're right dude the kids community college kids are just like they're tough yeah man some of them were really good yeah and they're like because

they they don't go to better schools because they don't have any grades you know like they they just had shit academics yeah the highest gpa on our team was like 2.4 yeah yeah yeah yeah that was the thing that sucked when i went to my that engineering school i had the lowest gpa on the team and mine was like it was like a three three oh or something like that oh really yeah yeah we were i dude it was just like the dumbest fucking kids including myself dude like i went to the community college of rhode island and i was like it's kind of like moving to new york city man where you're like all right you're gonna see some shit and you think you can handle it and then you go there and you was like, it's kind of like moving to New York city, man, where you're like, all right, you're going to see some shit and you think you can handle it. And then you go there and you're like, all right, this is just another level. Yeah. Like, dude, I remember my first week of

community college, I took a German class and we're all waiting in this classroom and the teacher shows up and she's like this very nice blonde woman. and the teacher shows up and she's like this very nice blonde woman and then this kid walked in with a pokemon uh like hat but it was like a stuffed animal yeah and she was wearing it on her head and she takes out these fucking like 12 inch uh glow sticks and she was like you guys want to see a fucking magic trick and we're like yeah everyone was like yeah let it rip so she turns off the lights and she starts flailing these fucking glow sticks around dude and then she just lets them go and it hits the projector like a thousand dollar projector dude like breaks a piece off oh shit and i was like dude this chick is gonna get like

suspended or something and the teacher was just like no it's all right i was like dude this chick is gonna get like suspended or something and the teacher was just like no it's all right i was just like what the fuck dude like if you did that at any other college like you get kicked out yeah yeah hands down it's the second you come in the second you're wearing that hat could you imagine rolling up in like like stanford with that hat like yeah it was wild, man. All right, dude. Let's wrap this up, man. Well, thank you for having me, dude.

Thank you for coming, man. You have a podcast, News From Bed. News From Bed. Check it out on YouTube, especially if you like feet. John has been on, I think that was episode 48 or something like that. Yeah, it wasn't that long ago. No.

And yeah, I'd love to have you back on. Hell yeah, dude. Let me know when you're in Brooklyn next. Probably not. Yeah, news from bed. Yeah, and then yeah, I mean the podcast hasn't really been growing, but if you guys want to help out, feel free to like and subscribe and commenting helps, I guess.

I don't know. I just did some research last night for like five minutes. I was like, this all makes sense. Yeah. All the things that everyone says. If not, man, you know, you don't have to't have to but you know if you want to help it grow or whatever for sure appreciate that and then

do you have a patreon or anything yeah the patreon's a dollar I've been trying to do bonus episodes with people who want to like this will probably have like a bonus episode for a dollar a month so there's that too but other than that

thank you guys for listening peace