The Johnny Salami Podcast - Phil Duckett

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

Phil Duckett by The Johnny Salami Podcast

I think I took a shit in my neighbor's lawn. Yeah. Hahahaha. Well I love you madly dear, and I need you badly dear. Why did you leave me here, without your love? Oh, I'm hurting. I don't feel like we said that much to each other dude, but I felt something. We probably said 13 words in our entire knowing each other. I just recently met you the other night when you had a spot. You don't even have to really say anything man.

You get to know people bro. You just kind of feel it man. That's the real shit. You just got that vibe with your dog. It just happens. You know, man. That's the real shit. You just got that vibe with your dog. You know what I mean? I feel like the energy is real, man. Sometimes I meet people and I'm just like, there's nothing here, dude.

You can just tell. There's never gonna be anything. No. I get that vibe from some people sometimes. And that's what you really know. Sometimes you can talk to people, but sometimes there's just certain energies where you're just like, I ain't fucking with that shit.

It's crazy, man. Sometimes you give them a chance chance to and then in the end they just end up fucking fucking you in the ass I mean, it's never gone that Never gone that crazy Being snakes and shit Yeah, bro, do you as a black man do you get uncomfortable with like gay shit yeah I grew up around a lot of white people I know y'all play different y'all niggas love doing gay shit. Y'all be doing that sack tap shit and all that shit you know that's y'all vibe yeah like you know I mean if you get be, but we just start to bring it my way

I mean, yeah, I'd be real uncomfortable because I ain't what you know, I mean like you do what you do But don't bring it over here with me. Yeah. Oh, I love being gay around black dudes It's like literally one of my favorite things Yo, I want you like you might be saying gay shit Oh, no, dude, like I played when I played football, dude I played like left tackle and the guard the left guard Was like this black dude cam and I would always do gay shit to him. Dude. He got he would freak Why did you do the hand? I would like well, I would go up to him and go like that dude, and he would lose his mind

Yeah, there's a lot. Yeah, there's a lot. the thing is are you gay like like you just like play gay? I like to play gay dude, you know No touching dude. Okay, no touch. Okay, so Okay, that's what I was like Like you really be playing in dangerous waters No, I would never touch bro, but like you like make people uncomfortable like by saying I like saying gay shit Just to make people uncomfortable. Yeah, I talk about jerking off all the time dude like jerking off dudes and shit I knew what I signed up for and I came on this

What is it? Like is it like is it like a cultural thing like what it like? What does it come from you think? Yeah, I just think like culturally we just like if you if that's what you are then just be that but like But like to not be on that team and play like it's a slippery slope Tricky But I think yeah, I grew up in the era, you know, like white dudes sacked happen. They touched Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like I remember walking with my lunch tray Uh-huh and and they were like duck and just caught me and like and that's good

I first and I was like, I'm gonna kill it. Yeah, and then I was like, oh they're like, oh that means you're in you're in Yeah, I don't want to put me out. I don't want to be in but I feel you., I'll do that shit. Yeah when the touching happens, bro, that's when people start throwing hands for sure And that's when it gets even funnier, dude That's what you really push them to their limit Yeah, cuz you never know like what's gonna happen man, you know, but uh, it is funny Like when fights break out over like gay shit. Yeah, it's normally like an argument. It normally would go there You know, they would take it to physical like a shooting caused from like a teabagging like that's kind of funny, dude I don't you know what I mean? I got in high school. Oh for real. It was on Facebook in 06

No way, dude. They didn't actually have the scrotum but yeah picture or like a video it was a picture It's just it's just yeah, I mean I was pretty fucking ruined You know and so I remember telling them don't draw on my face. Yeah, and they escalated. Yes It was just a teabag no drawn. Yeah, no draw and I don't know Here's the thing my boys said they never did it cuz I was like cuz I was ready to go fight Yeah, like, get physical. I was ready to go back and find him like, fuck this shit. And he was like, no, they just took a picture. Like, because you can see it's just a back.

And then like the guy's just standing by me and I'm passed out on the couch. And it was my homeboy. So it wasn't like some fucking... That's why, because I was going to go fight him. If you really my dog, like you wouldn't have done that. But that's why I always grow up in white suburbia. You know what I mean? That type of weirdo shit

Happens on here's the thing. Normally I was the one watching somebody get teabags So that's why I was just like there's no way y'all would have done this to me It's hard for me not to laugh at that dude. I'm sorry, man So yeah, there's a dude who I went to a party once and he passed out on the couch and Everyone started like wiping their nuts on his face and shit and Like dude was just like dude after dude Dude it could have been on like pornhub dude, it's crazy Dude and then these chicks took sharpies and they drew like

artistic dicks all over his His whole face was covered in dicks bro with sharpie. Yes, and dude when he woke up in the morning Dude, he started screaming at the top of his lungs and he threatened to kill Straight up murder bro. I mean that is a reasonable crash out. Dude so I'm like I'm passed out I didn't get laid or anything like that. I just like fell asleep on this tempur-peetic mattress dude. Had a good night's sleep man and when I woke up I just heard him screaming bro. Barges into the room. Dicks all over his forehead bro.

And he's like did you fucking do it? Oh cause he assumed that it was you. And he was like who's the guy? I'm the guy. I'm the guy. I'm the guy. heard him screaming bro barges into the room dicks all over his forehead bro and he's like did you fucking know what oh cuz he was like threatening to kill people dude and i had to like keep a straight because it was you wasn't it no no i didn't surprisingly bro i was not a part of that was you fell because the the chicks were just like emotionally invested in them and they

were like really into it. And they were doing a good job to do like, I couldn't draw dicks like that. Yeah, I mean, for good reasons. You know, my god. No, I mean, now there were some stories, though. I remember we slid a Viagra my homeboys donut in high school, we had a football team cheerleaders on Fridays used to decorate our lockers Yeah, we would wear our jerseys. I don't know if they still do that. I'm old But they brought Krispy Kreme and we always fucked with the same guy. Oh for real. Yeah, what do you look like?

Literally, I swear to God very similar to you But not as cool and you didn't have a mustache, but he was the candy man. And I remember we put a Viagra in the donut and then we passed out the donuts and I was and, and I remember we all were sitting there watching and he, I remember him biting into it and just crunched and he was like, Oh my God, I got a really big sprinkle. And I was like, Oh my God, this is going to be amazing. And so he ate the donut. Two hours later, he starts freaking out because we watched him the whole day. We were all at the same first period and he was like talking to the teacher.

He was like rubbing her back. And then once we got to the point where he was getting creepy, so we were like, yo, we put a Viagra in that donut. Dude, I didn't even know Viagra like turns you on. I mean, I think from when you're 16, it'll do a lot. You know what I mean? And he literally, once we told him, he freaked out and he called poison control. Oh, man. Yeah. And they were like, sir, you just have to let it pass.

And he was just like fully erect. Fully erect for just a full day. Up until pregame. You know what type of pants he was wearing? Yeah, it had was a uniform. We went to private school. They were It's the worst type of pant dude, yeah, no, there's no hide in the dick. Yeah, the flex fit ones. Yeah. Oh man Yeah, it's tough, too. I used to like borderline jerk off when I Just to like fluff it up like if I was wearing flex fit khakis, bro Oh, you want to be diesel walking around school? Yeah, dude, you know even dude in football. Did you have like

Team shorts or anything like that? Yeah, yeah, bro. Those things were so thin I was like bro, you got to get chubbed up if you're gonna go out there and I'm a brother. I don't never got to get chubbed up. I just go out I'm a brother. I don't ever got to get chumped up. I just go out He over there prepping and shit. I'm like no you just go go as you are But yeah, dude, I don't know some of that shit fucked me up man like Wasn't a lot of tea bag going on but there's like a lot of rumors man, especially spread about me and stuff Well, y'all you grew as I mean, you're pretty young You like so you what you had Instagram and shit in high school didn't kind of it wasn't that big though

Okay, there's more so just like pictures. It wasn't a lot of videos and stuff. Gosh. Okay a lot of rumors though, dude Man, I knew a lot of chicks who got like rumors spread about their nipples and shit And I'm gonna be honest. I spread a lot of those Could you say about some nipples dude? I remember one time I dated this chick bro for like three days and Just weird man Like when I like where I'm from there was like two middle schools and then when you went to high school They were all together. So it's kind of like two sides colliding bro. So that first week You were seeing titties that you never saw before so it was like super exciting, bro

And I remember I laid eyes on this one chick, bro. And she was like super into me, bro. And like, I just kind of like asked her out or whatever. And dude, after a football practice one night, I go to look at my phone, bro. She sent me a picture of her tits. Dude, her nipples were bigger than her tits. They were the big nipples.

Yeah. Those are the cool, the big pancakes. Like they were, oh, they took up majority of the titty. They were the big nipples. Yeah. Those are the cool, the big pancakes. Like they were, oh, they took up majority of the titty. They were full on salami's dude. Johnny's. Straight up bro. Like it was one of the- They freaked you out because you were so young.

Bro, I wish I could, I saved the picture dude. Cause it was like, like I fuck around with big nips and shit. I don't mind them at all. Like if I'm with like a big woman or something and she's got some fucking salami's bro, I'll suck that him at all. Yeah, like if I'm with like a big woman or something and she's got some fucking salami's, bro I'll suck that shit up dude. But this was like the circumference of it bro was it was like oh like her it was her tit Yeah, I've seen them Yeah, the thing is is that gonna deter me yeah, but I sent that to everyone I made a group chat dude like I said so you ruined her essentially pretty much yeah

you ruined her and I just kind of like dumped her bro but oh man yeah man yeah you gave that girl a complex is like yeah like ninth grade yeah she was crazy anyway man it was fine oh yeah that'll make it was a blessing dude it was a blessing this guy's you know You know, it's crazy. I filmed probably one of the first pornos on the cell phone back when I was in high school I knew of me like made like self-produced self-made self-produced for this chick Yeah, dude, and we were advanced for it was on a razor flip phone Damn, I didn't know that video dude, but it was one of the first when they won the first ones that got it So you were like paying extra for it. Oh man, you know, I had the full sprint package.

You know what I mean? High level shit. And I remember, and man, I tell you what, it was crazy because of course I showed my entire football team. Really? Yeah, I mean, I was like, How'd you bring it up?

Because it was homecoming and I got some top 50 yard line. I would suck out the dance. What? Yeah. I mean, I was like, how'd you bring it up? Because it was homecoming and I got some top 50 yard line. We stuck out the dance. Yeah. Wait, what? So it was home. It's like home. What? Yeah. Oh, the dance. OK. Yeah. I think you're saying you were on the field and you like. Well, we went to the field after the game. Mostly shut down. It wasn't right.

Yeah. It was during the homecoming dance. We snuck out, went back to the field and got the top. I was imagining like the actual game You just like tails And you know like fuck me up about it is cuz at the time I was so proud Do I definitely regret it now because it's enough stay in touch with her. She became a prostitute Got addicted to meth start speedballing And so I felt always felt like it was my fault

Like I was responsible for getting her on that track really of the voyeurism And then I remember like a couple times I called and checked in on her Facebook And then she called me asked for money because she was running from her pimp Yeah, come to find out it was her meth. Did you have like an emotional connection with her? Yeah, man. I was my homie in high school and I kind of felt like I did her dirty with the video. Yeah, you kind of just raw dogging it. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Like it's just, yeah. Well, yeah. So it was just like, it was a wild time and it was 04, 05. You know what I mean? Oh shit. Yeah. Yeah, man. That was like post, post 9 11 dude.

So everyone was raw dog. Oh man, we're out here. We're happy to be alive. What else can you Yeah, man. That was like post post 9-eleven dude. Yeah, everyone was raw dog. Oh man We're out here. We're happy to be alive. What else can you do man? Yeah, right exactly. Yeah, we were youths Yeah, man. There's a lot of like hit a lot of like pop music coming out In sync was fading we were starting to get into like ludicrous and Ja Rule like 50 cent shit 50 it just dropped on the same bro she's raw dogging it to like g-unit yeah hell yeah I still listen to g-unit now dude do you listen to that song out poppin them fangs yeah I fucking do calf raises to that song dude yeah you go hard to that song bangs dude all right now that's a

good one yeah I fuck a G unit. Yeah, man. I have like a Playlist on my phone. It's just like two thousands Yeah, I feel like that was like the peak of music if I'm being honest rap was like really good right? Yeah, and everybody was competing our percent dude. I mean, yeah, yeah every fucking body 100% dude So who do you who's your who's your favorite all-time rapper? Who's your favorite all time rapper? Um... Like rapper? Yeah. Or just like musician?

Rapper first. Mmm... I'm gonna be honest dude, I really uh... I really like 50 Cent man. Yeah. But I wouldn't say like he's the best rapper. Probably Biggie dude. Really?

I think so, yeah man. I mean I like uh... I like Tupac but I just feel like Biggie just hit so hard that it was just like. Okay, that's fair. I was not expecting it. Mine, Lil Wayne, hands down. Lil Wayne, first drummer.

I was gonna say that, but I felt like kinda gay. No, are you crazy? Lil Wayne, I know all of his songs. I have every album, every mixtape. Wayne is my like, goat. I would say he's my like my favorite, but I wouldn't say like he's the best, you know I remember like watching an interview with him and he like doesn't even remember his own lyrics, dude He's been rapping since he was 15. Of course. He does it. He was like who who said that they were like, that's you

He's been dropping heat so long He don't even remember he's drunk and he said that's why he almost slowed down with rapping almost wanted to quit because he was like he was afraid he didn't Repeating something that he said already. Just remember. Well, let's be real bro. He was probably just getting so high He just kind of dude the amount of drugs. That's why he looks 63 Yeah, wayne is literally only like seven years older than me. Yeah wayne Yeah, my boy looks like he's been through it, but nothing like listening to him in high school, man. Oh, before any game. I mean, I was like, I'm gonna kill somebody. I mean, honestly, the game is like pretty hardcore

too. The game football? No, the game. Oh, the game. The actual rapper. He can flow. Have you seen somebody, do you see that compilation they put together on social media of all his freestyles and he literally starts every single one the same way? Yeah, you gotta check that out. I was like, damn, I didn't realize that. But Game, I don't know, his music is really good. He can flow, but yeah, I don't know.

I think people don't really fuck with him because he's like of his social media presence. I'm not like a big album guy. You know, people listen to albums. I'm like a big song guy. You find certain songs. Yeah, like the game has a song called We Ain't. Yeah. And it's just...

That's hard. Yeah, it's pretty hard, man. I'm not gonna check that shit. Yeah. Yo, where you from? Rhode Island. Really? Yeah.

Damn, G. I don't know if I've ever met nobody from Rhode Island. Yeah, man, it's pretty a weird place. It's a very like isolated, not isolated, but just like an unknown. Yeah, man. It's pretty weird place. Like Providence? It's a very like isolated, not isolated, but just like an unknown. Yeah. It's hard to explain, man. It's almost like, you ever see that movie Safe Haven with that blonde chick who's like running from her life and shit? Just like some hot blonde chick, bro. She's trying to get away. And that's where she ends up in Rhode Island. I feel like in real life, like a realistic

life, you'd probably go to like Rhode Island or some shit. You're running for something. Yeah, like anal Yeah, damn that's why I so is I heard you could drive to what Rhode Island in like an hour like Cross the whole thing. Yeah, that's Ridiculous. Yeah, man, I used to enjoy going back, but now that I go back, I kind of like, it's just so boring, bro. It's like... Well, you lived in New York now.

It's hard to go back anywhere. Yeah, yeah. Even when I go home, I'm like, shit, how many days I got? Yeah, where you from? South Carolina. Okay, I was there like recently for a wedding, bro. What part?

Like, one of the islands. Oh, the Emerald Isle? I forgot what it's called, man. Something, Brooke maybe. Like like not near one of the islands. Oh emerald I've got what it's called man Something brook maybe Paulie's is literally like a private island bros. Oh wild. Yeah People shit rich people shit, but I was talking to the guy in the uber and he was like, yeah, man Like we're trying to like attract tourists to move down here I mean it is first of all white people thrive for real in South. I mean, it is, first of all, white people thrive. For real? I mean, it's the South.

That's the original, one of the 13 original colonies. Y'all did real good down there. You know what I mean? The bros and shit, it's like, there's an extreme difference in poverty and wealth. Like, you know what I mean? Really? Yeah, and the white folks is a little different down there.

Like, they be cool, but they be sad eyes. You can feel the nigga in they tone. You can be like, yeah, this shit go way back. Yeah, man, it's weird, bro. It's like kind of gay to say, but it's like in Rhode Island, like you don't see racism really. Yeah, I can see that.

And I know that sounds like kind of gay, but it's like, cause like when I moved here, that was like the first time I ever saw saw it in real life which is crazy people be thinking new york don't have racism which i'm like are you like the most racist place ever it really is crazy dude it's so racist bro it really is so yeah that was kind of a shock man but yeah i try to explain to people man i'm like when i was growing up like none of that shit even like it was black you even think about it bro yeah i was just chilling yeah bro i had like an Asian friend a Guatemalan friend Like we never thought about that shit, you know, that's pretty fucking dope

Yeah in South Carolina if you speak Spanish you Mexican we only know what Guatemala is real. Yeah, I think for Mexico Yeah, you guys are like big on sports though, right? No big sports people I mean like that's grew up going to college football games just tailgating all day Yeah, I mean by the time I was like 15 16. I was just getting hammered on Saturdays. Yeah, the tailgating a big deal Huge you want to like the game cocks games? Yeah, my dad coached for the game cocks back for real So I always grew up going to the SEC and shit and you put you play in high school and college Yeah, I'm playing high school and then I went and played at Grambling State University in Louisiana That's it. Yeah, I'm supposed to go play football and I'm going to play basketball because I went to Juco in Florida and some shit just ended up going to hoop.

Yeah. I said, yeah, I used to fucking have a good time back in the day. I had to do something. Now, bro, it's just smoke, mad weed and drink. So it's just like, it's completely different. Yeah. Like for Charles Barkley retirement. It's funny, man.

Like when you talk to like the average person, bro, like they don't really understand like the skill level of a college Like it's you hear people talk and you're like you have no idea what it takes like the life of a division one athlete It's like I look back and I'm like, I don't even know how to fuck we did that shit Even my boys. I'm like we did this shit every like I'll go play pickup sometimes It takes me four days to fucking recover. I'm like dog. I gotta get in the ice bath or something Yeah, yeah, it's tough. It's fucking yeah, but we even like going to the gym now, bro

I like fucking I blew out my back this morning, dude I don't know if you mean like in the weight room on some gay shit in the sauna No, bro, I was just like, you ever get like that, like that, I don't know how to explain it man, that like you'll be listening to a jam or something and you're like, you start getting flashbacks dude. You get like that dog in you. Yeah. Oh, like a games and shit.

You just throw on like an extra biscuit bro and just slip every disc in your back My whole back just fucking Not even a bro. I was squatting on the Smith machine, dude. He blew out your back, right? I'd like two biscuits on I was like, let's fucking get it dude. Just went down just like shit on my balls, bro It was so embarrassing man and I had to like wait a few minutes, dude But there's that moment bro, you just gotta like you think everyone's watching you and they're like, oh that guy only did one set Like crying on the inside I'm like I just give it a few minutes Yeah Nothing to prove. Yeah

Now do I go to the gym down the road also, it's pretty legit. It's pretty legit. I think it's pretty nice. Yeah, okay I'm not gonna throw out my back and no bullshit. Are you hitting planet fitness? I? I used to, but yeah, then I started to went to blink. Okay. Man, it's all right. Do you, when did you like stop? After you stopped playing sports, when were you just kind of like, all right, fuck this man. It's like.

Like the working out and all that. I always stayed somewhat active for a while. I was hooping like regularly. Yeah. And then shit, I think I Think when I went to grad school in Ohio things started to get away from me a little bit Yeah, it's just cold and boring. Yeah, it was a party school. I just got just I was getting wrecked really. Yeah. Yeah I'm Bruce. I make sense man. Yeah, it's the Midwest drinks Midwest drinks, dog. There's not shit going on in the Midwest.

They get fucked up. Yeah. I've never really been, man. I mean, you ain't missing shit. It's pretty dead. Yeah, it's a bunch of meth and Walmart. For real? I fuck with Walmart hard, man.

Yeah, man, home Walmart's my shit. 100% do. But yeah, the Midwest is, people just get fucked up, fuck. Yeah, man, it's, I don't know man, I just like, I don't wanna like, I wanna be able to go to the gym for like the rest of my life, but. Not shitting on your nuts. I know, dude, I might have to just like,

make that sacrifice though, dude. Bro, it just happens, it's like over and over again. That like experience, I've blown on my back like multiple times, and I just keep running it back My friend is the same thing bro. He'll literally like Fucking just go wicked heavy and like shit his pants. Yeah, and like take three weeks off Y'all are quite a duo Which were told I just got a fucking cuz like dude I don't drink or smoke dude

So I gotta like fight my demons somehow and that's how I do Yeah, if I don't go to the gym and I'll fucking start shadow boxing in the middle of the night Bro you're telling me if you didn't smoke weed didn't drink you were completely sober and you didn't go to the gym You could be like fine What would you do? Oh man, I'd probably just be addicted to pussy. Just fucking nonstop. For real?

Beat my dick. Yeah, probably, yeah. I gotta be occupied. Yeah, you gotta have something. Cause me would just wifi and nothing to do. It's just. It's a professional masturbator dude. Oh man, as a kid, Yeah, you gotta have something cuz we were just Wi-Fi and nothing to do It's a professional masturbator. Oh man as a kid. I really thought that was gonna be my future. Yeah, were you uh When you were like so you're married now

Were you were you piping like non-stop Before before the kids I know some of the homies do they they pipe it up hardcore I mean, yeah, we was pretty active before the kids. Yeah things have taken a hard turn really Yeah, yeah, I used to work with this dude who was uh We were homies bro, and he was just like he would tell me the funniest stories like he was just like yeah, man You know like I was hanging out with this guy He brought his sister over and her friends Had sex with all of them. I'm like dude

Say I might be some caff in that rap. Oh I don't know you I ain't seen the guy, but you know, you like you can have a feeling sometimes like you hit all of them Yeah, corporate America to do you can't trust these hoes seen the guy, but you know, you can have a feeling sometimes, like you hit all of them. Yeah, corporate America too, you can't trust these hoes, man. Yeah, man, but it's possible. I've had some wild nights, man, you know what I mean? I've had sex with two midgets in my life. For real?

Yeah, not same time. No, they're different times. How many years apart? Seven. Really? Yeah, I was 18 and 25. That was quick. I was quick, dude.

Yeah, because people ask that question a lot. It was like memorable though? it was awesome for real, you know, you know, I mean just always got that fat ass I always be not that thing think about you Having sex with a midgets kind of funny dude. No, it was wow cuz at one point, you know, we were like missionary But I was so into it at one point She wasn't even on the bed anymore like I was it was like one of those big drums in the bag like it was like she was just I was so into it at one point she wasn't even on the bed anymore like I was it was like one of those big Drums in the bag like it was like she was just I was just she said it was awesome. Yeah fucking cool chick You think you could marry her? I couldn't

Just cuz I like the embarrassment Be embarrassed I think if I'm being honest, I'd be a little self-conscious about it. Yeah, yeah, cuz we like this fucking pervert Yeah, it's not even though it's not like that. But like niggas But like I've seen a video Instagram this motherfucker had two and I was like, this is a lot. There's something happening here This is this might be like prison I got a few if you brought her to like the family party my fucking fan would go nuts for real They just start laughing right away. They would just go ahead and like straight on me. Like they wouldn't like make her feel bad, but like they would they'd say a little slick shit and I'd be like this is too much. You don't think they'd accept

her? If they thought it was genuine love they would, but they would have some questions. Hey like my grandma, my mom would be like real inquisitive. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. It's not funny. Like my mom would be like, this ain't like some kink shit, is it? Yeah.

That's so funny. I did. Yeah. Yeah, I never even thought about it, man. Making love to a midget. I feel like I'd probably have like an emotional connection with them, though. Did you have like a heart to heart? You can be honest, dude. It's fine.

I mean they were like cool. Like, you know, we talked and like smoked and shit prior had a couple of drinks. I think I even went to the bar with one. Yeah. I sound so bad saying that went to the bar with one, but you know, it was a different time guys. You know what I mean? And so, but yeah, it was cool. Uh, the first one, I was 18. We went to the same community college. Oh shit.

Yeah. And we were in the courtyard. We'd seen each other around. She always knew all the homies. And I remember she asked me for a ride home. Because she was like, we got out of class early. And she was like, could you think you could drop me off? And I was like, yeah. She was like, what you about to do? I was like, probably go watch porn.

I got to say that. Because I was like, yeah, I was 18. And she was like, oh, she's like, I'm horny do? I was like, probably go watch porn. I got to say that, I was like, yeah, it's 18. And she was like, oh, she's like, I'm horny too. I ain't fucked since me and my boyfriend broke up. I was like, and I remember Adam's like, was he little like you? She's like, oh no, he was tall as shit. He was five eight. And I remember thinking like, tall as shit is five eight.

It's fucking ridiculous. Here I am, six one, six two. And I'm like, God, so I gotta be Shaquille O'Neal. It's like the green light Yeah, so I got I was like shit You want to go kick it with me and so I remember my parents were at work And so we went to my house and kicked it. Yeah, just like building forts and shit Like I can go see yeah, but no we For it's as funny as fuck. No, yeah, just yeah, we ended up kicking it. Felt it forward, it's as funny as fuck. No, yeah, we ended up giving me some top.

And we was in it. Damn, bro. Second mention I met was at Walmart. Really? Yeah. Kroger, sorry, Kroger. Is that like equivalent? No, it's a grocery store. Oh, all right.

And she was, I was walking down the chip aisle and she was reaching for the Doritos, couldn't get them. So I came in like a gentleman, I was like, let me get them for you. And she's like, oh, you're such a gentleman. Oh, she didn't even ask. You just... Yeah, I just did it. Shit, man.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Good time. That's fucking sick that you're a legend, man. Yeah. And so I was like, and so my boy was like, would you do it again? I'm like, absolutely. And I was like, but this is like, as you know, it's like normal

vagina, you know what I mean? Like there's normal size vaginas, like, because you know, small people can have regular sized kids. Really? Yeah. Wow. Hell yeah. What is it that makes them like a midget? I don't get, I ain't a doctor. I don't know all that. You know what I mean? Dwarfism and all that shit. I think it's like genetic shit. Yeah. But I don't know.

It'd be funny if you just like had like a child with one like a fucking dragon came out Cuz that's like such a big moment to like in the in that hospital room Yeah, you saw a fucking full-on dragon come out dude. Yeah, that'll be hilarious Yeah, you saw a fucking full-on dragon come out dude. Yeah, that'll be hilarious Don't have to be terrified Dragon yeah, like some Viking type shit. Yeah, that'd be terrifying. First of all, the mother's clearly dead There's no way she burst a dragon and makes it. Yeah, that'd be crazy though. If she was a dragon the whole time Yeah, you're high as fuck during it do yeah, oh yeah you have to be I Your high as fuck during it do it. Oh, yeah, you have to be during the birth of your your firstborn child

If you were your first born dragon, dude, yeah, you need to be high for that Well, I'm just saying dude if you were highest hits like if you took like ten bong rips in the parking lot before your wife's birth and she's a midget and a dragon comes out, dude, and you're high as shit. You would think your shit was laced. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, you think you got to hit us some crazy K2. You're like, I'm never coming back, bro. You find God right away.

Immediately. And have an exorcism. I'm calling the preacher. This girl just shot out a fucking lizard. If I was tripping like that dude, I probably never will but I would just go along with it. Start saying shit. I'd probably just look up like an Aragon book or something.

Start quoting it. You would go full like. Yeah. I feel like you have to man. I'm just gonna be like Lord of the Rings Start fucking casting spells and shit. I mean at that point I'd believe I could do it if I just watched her shoot out an amphibian Yeah, I think I would be like give me my wand nigga like what are you talking about? Yeah, man, bro, that would suck though, man Like if you actually like had an emotional connection with a midget, bro, and you just couldn't Couldn't fall in love man because I feel like they're probably experienced that a lot

Um, I bet you every every time they meet a person. It's just like a short-term Like that's got a fucking hit him hard, you know So I'm not not all of them cuz they got those little people show on TLC So I'm gonna be married with like mad kids. Yeah, maybe they're not into other little people, you know Like I wonder they just go there cuz that's what what's out there for him. That's all they have man You know, I wonder if like the suicide rates high dude. I wonder if they're just jumping off like playgrounds and shit Ha! There it is! In my career. Just suicide by playground.

What would you do if like the midget called you and was just like yeah I'm gonna end it. I'm jumping off this swing set right now. I would. That would be like the chick from high school but like the midget chick. Would that hit you hard you think? Would that hit you hard you think think you talk her down from it It's like the same height as you literally from my shoulders All right, let's just see just come down yeah just come down just

yeah yeah oh my god that's ridiculous bro yeah and you don't drink or smoke but yeah your mind goes to the same place as somebody who does yeah i mean you're more of a lsd mind have you put that down i get like stressed out when i have like normal thoughts I get like stressed out when I have like normal thoughts Yeah, actually I get really depressed man If I'm if I'm like if I'm talking to someone and we're just like talking about the weather or some shit I'm just like yo, you're not even gonna go outside like why are you talking about the fucking weather? You know, I mean, so you like the conversation and go like just crazy from the jump of it Like I'm thinking about killing somebody I kind of zone out dude

Okay, I don't really like think about it too much. Yeah just crazy from the jump of it. Like I'm thinking about killing somebody. I kind of zone out dude. Okay. I don't really like think about it too much. Yeah. But I just like talking about like dumb shit for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I love like shooting the shit and just being like

talking about shit that doesn't matter. Cause then I know that like who I'm talking to is like not trying to like fuck with like, you know, like manipulate me or some shit. You know what I mean? Like it's like. get to real is definitely they're trying to fuck you over Yeah, I think so. God you so just keep you don't feel that way when someone's like bringing up like serious stuff I mean depends on who's doing I don't talk serious shit with people. I don't know anyway. Yeah, keep it real Yeah weather when I don't know somebody I'm we're gonna talk about the weather or you know what?

I'm you know, I'm kind of an asshole. I don't know you I I'm worried about the weather. You know what, I'm kind of an asshole. If I don't know you, I'm probably not gonna talk to you. Yeah. At all. I felt that when I met you. Yeah, if I don't know you, I don't wanna just make conversation. I feel like I had to go up on stage first before you started talking to me.

Oh yeah, like if you would've sucked there, I still wouldn't have talked to you. I'm like, man. What? This guy. But no, I thought, I watched, that's what made me talk to you, because I saw you, I'm like, I literally looked,

I was like, who the fuck is this? I thought it was hilarious. But my set is the same. It's like you. Yeah. Yeah, it's ridiculous Absolutely ridiculous and I was high as shit too. I was like this guy's fucking funny. That's my type of shit You know, you're doing comedy high. Oh I smoke for real. Yeah, and you're fine when I first started I couldn't do it But now I mean I've been at it a minute and I mean that's how I that's my yeah normal like being that's crazy So you do you can do both those things and you don't have like fucking wild-ass thoughts. Yeah I do sometimes I say I'm sometimes you know, let it take me on

Definitely been on shrooms and have a fucking hoax. That was pretty fucking disgusting. What happened? I did good. They started to kick at the end of the show, but at one point I was in the middle of a joke and I just kind of like stopped talking. Yeah, it was just shrooms or was there other? And I had a couple of drinks. Couple of drinks.

Yeah, but I remember at one point I was like, why is everybody looking at me? Yeah. I was like, oh, I'm hoasting. And then I kept going, you know what I mean? But I was on K one time and did that on accident. What is K? Ketamine.

Ketamine? Doesn't that just make you like tired? No, dude, it's not like, I mean, if you go into like a hole, it can, like you go hard. But the right amount is like an hallucinogen. So it's like doing like almost kind of feels like lsd a little bit really yeah yeah which gets pretty trippy yeah i kind of want to like i wish it was smart enough like do some research on shrooms man yeah i mean you you can you are so you just google that shit i mean there's all different types of shrooms that

help with different things yeah and like you don't have to take enough to trip like an eighth like you can micro dose it like I was prescribed to just help with like your overall everyday happiness. And I always think about like back like during the hunter gatherer age, like if they ever like experienced that all the time, dog. Fucking right. They had to. You know, people died during the hunter gatherer phase just because they were eating shit and just didn't know hit or miss

Yeah, hit or miss. Yeah, but and then there were some times they hit but it didn't kill them, but they were like, oh fuck Yeah. Yeah, what type of like trips do you think they were having? Cuz dude I doubt they were as hardcore as they are now. I think they had to be worse Really? Dude, you were outside no clothes on and snowinging Yeah, you must have felt like one with nature though, dude One with something dog making out with some dude's wife's tits. Oh immediate. Oh, I don't even know if they had wives They were just sharing them at that point. Yeah. Yeah, just it was like real primal just taking turns just sucking on each other's tits Yeah, like around a fire. Oh, yeah for sure just for warmth. Yeah. Yeah, that would have been fucking sick. Yeah I don't know. I always see you know what I think about that time and like medieval

I'm like the coochie had to be just awful like the smell of pussy during that time That's why men weren't eating it like they thought it was you know I mean, but even still just the smell of that like during that time There was no soap really people weren't it was just like fucking to make kids but i'm like it had to reek yeah dude it's like going to like a fucking like uh bankrupt arby's or some shit but uh yeah dude i feel like they're kind of they probably got used to it though you know that was the smell of it yeah like it's probably just smell like gooch all the fucking time and then you just kind of it's almost like a football locker i mean like oh it's all right yeah yeah and the dude and the dudes for fucking rancid too

So it was like it was just funk on funk. Yeah, especially like their teeth and shit Oh, the teeth is probably the worst part because I want to have a rock Yeah, if you even have a lot of them just rotted out Yeah, but I don't think like those dudes were eating box on the rag. They didn't eat box at all Yeah, that was like homosexual. Is it in like a history book? Yeah, I was watching a bunch of like shit like gladiatorism for real. Yeah, and they were like, yeah You never really see him go down on chicks now It's always like a few seconds of just missionary. Yeah, and then they just leave

Yeah, or they'd be in a whorehouse. That was the one thing I wish I could have seen like they have them now, but I don't know I'm saying and I wouldn't go to one but I don't think I would but like back then look those bathhouses and it was just like nine women Yeah on them feeding them grapes. I'm like, I would have had to go at least once just drunk than a bitch Yeah, do you think you'd go to one if it was like, uh, herald and kumar Like a herald and kumar brothel. Yeah, I'm gonna go to the whorehouse. Oh, which one was that white castle? No, there was the other one.

The other one, okay. Guantanamo Bay. Oh, fuck, I haven't seen that in years. That was a good one. It's the one with that dude from How I Met Your Mother. Yeah, yeah. And he takes the, gets fucking shot. That's right, okay.

Yeah, but that was, yeah, I would have such a good time going, because it was like a nice house. Yeah. The women were beautiful and they just ended up like talking to him. I think that's I mean, that's my type of like vibe. Yeah.

But you know, I've never even gotten like a massage with a happy ending. Like I always go to the massage parlors, always Asian. Yeah. Never been offered. I'm like, what y'all like my shit? You guys fuck with each other? I don't move the ladies, the blacks and the Asians like they fuck with each other? I don't, who? The ladies? The blacks and the Asians, like they fuck with each other? You know what? I think that might be what it is. Because all my wife friends are like, oh, they always offer.

I'm like, she was the sweetest, never said anything. That was the first racism I saw, dude, out of Costco, bro. Black dude and Asian dude. Yeah. They fucking hate each other. I was like, what's going on? I mean, they, well, in like the liquor stores and shit, they will follow you around, like the little each other. I was like, what's going on? I mean they were in like the liquor stores and shit. They will follow you around like the little like convenience stores They will hurry up and buy us in the movie like that. They just like stare at you the whole time

Yeah, it's like the beef. Where's the beef come from? I Don't really know you know, I mean, I don't I but you know It's I think it's normally like it's like cuz it's, the other type of Asians, like the darker Asians, the Vietnamese, like they fuck with the blacks a little heavier, but like you go to like China, Japan, and that's where a lot of it kind of, you can feel it, even Korea a little bit. But like you get like Vietnamese, Cambodian, Thailand, like they have a little more cool. It's always interesting, bro.

Yeah, I'm always at like a standstill, dude, because like I said, I'm from Rhode Island, bro, so when I moved here, I don't get like all the like the nuances of it. Yeah, but everyone kind of does you know, I mean everyone's always like riffing about like Cultural shit and I'm just like you have no idea fucking lost man. I'm just like I don't get it Like I mean, that's pretty good life that you've had then. Yeah, but like no one really believes it I mean, it's also pretty crazy cuz I'm like, it's definitely some racist motherfuckers in Rhode Island somewhere But yeah, I bet you overall you if you're not if it's like that little you probably wouldn't read into it I mean what is like a racism nowadays though, dude, you know what I mean?

Like I was still the same as there's always been I mean, there's different types of subtle racism Whether you know they just stare at you follow you around. Yeah, you know, I mean And then there's just like blatant racism, which is a lot of you know, but it's like in New York, dude If you're in like fucking like Brooklyn or something at like a cafe like their view of like racism is different from like fucking South Carolina It's a little different for sure. Yeah South Carolina I fuck with the South Carolina racism more because you know, they straight up with it They're like, I don't really fuck with y'all They're like a lot of what I used to hear grown-ups like you've always been one of the good ones

You know me like they would say that so yeah You you know me that I know where you stand like there's subtle shit up here They act like it's so progressive and shit and then they be racist as fuck and it's like y'all just do it a little different Yeah, I think what I've noticed dude is like in New York people like over generalize everything. Yeah, which is so confusing man Yeah, it's mag diffusing, you know, yeah, and that makes it fucking New York. Yeah fucking a liberal shit I mean, it's really confusing man, but I don't know what you can what can you do dude, you know? I mean, we just lived in this white man's world fam. We're just trying to make it out here. Yeah.

But you got like, I mean, you have white friends, so for you to be like- I got plenty, I got a white baby mama. I got plenty of white friends, so. You know what I mean? But, yeah, I, I've learned like, just like it's fucked up black people, it's fucked up white people,

so I try to surround myself with just good people. Yeah. And that's kind of how that worked out. Like, the white people around me, they my motherfucking homies, you know me like I've known them for years Yeah, then vet it They went through the system dude. Yeah, you know, I mean they'll stand up for me in a court. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, whatever dude, it's my bad I thought we had a few phone calls I've been trying to run it back. So we used to take phone calls,

and it was actually pretty interesting. And then I just kind of stopped taking them, dude. Why, you just got tired of it? I just got kind of frustrated, bro, because you get good ones sometimes, but then you get some where it's just like, some dude ripping ass into the phone. And I'm like, dude, just ask me a question.

But yeah, man, stopped taking questions, and then started getting into the whole golf thing, dude So I started that whole like I saw the golf shit. Yeah, you play golf. No, I've been getting into it recently Yeah, I mean I played like in high school And like I never took it seriously like I would just like kind of yell vagina and like squint like just Swing as hard as I could instead of four Fucking people up. When did you stop you play right? I play a little bit, you know Just for fun like I'm not very good at it But I grew up playing just here and there went to golf camp really 97

That's when tiger first came on the scene had every young brother thinking we were next. Yeah, wait, so tiger's black and Asian. Mm-hmm Possibility say they're not all bad. I didn't even know he was Asian, dude. You didn't know he was Asian? Just found out like a few weeks ago. Where you been? I don't know, dude. I wasn't alive when he was crushing it. Oh, yeah, I guess I was. Yeah, you were a kid though, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was destroying people. And when you were- He would even go into country clubs a lot of those places when he first, they wouldn't even let him in the country, I mean in the locker room in those country clubs. Because he's Asian? Because he was black. I'm joking man.

Yeah, so were you watching him when you were growing up? Yeah, my dad used to watch him all the time. For real? What was it like when you watched him? It was like, the frustration of all of the old white golfer's faces that this little Negro boy is coming in here whooping our ass and he can't even go in the clubhouse. Yeah. Was phenomenal. It was the first Obama feeling.

What year was it? Uh, 97. We won the Masters in like 97, 98, around there. Yeah, it was around that time when he was like just killing. I heard he was just getting mad pussy dude oh my god man he was killing the pink toes yeah yeah the white women were going dumb for tiger I heard he used to get like hand jobs in the locker room I mean I would not doubt that one I bet that's the least of what he was getting really probably rim jobs too like before round yeah yeah just to take the edge off I've never tried it but there's only one way to find out dude Go to like a like a fucking driving range and do that

Get a rim job in the parking lot. Do you just go and start hitting balls? Yeah, no warm-up, dude Just start swinging drive. I might be the key to it all Just let go of the club like this the type of relaxation like all in your shoulders. Yeah It's only one way to find out dude, I think you should test that theory and put on your fucking new vlog Yeah, bring a fatty to the the range Yeah, I'd fucking dude I went to the range once like in my hometown and I saw this dude. I used to play baseball with and he was like so excited to see me like he was like yo Johnny what's up brother

like good to see you man and he was like dude I bet you had bombs man like let me see the swing or whatever bro I swung as hard as I could miss the ball dude let go of the club bro the club went like a hundred yards and I just left it there Never did I went back maybe like four or five months later I was like, hey, I kind of like let go of a club and they were like how long ago and I was like Four or five months You're fucking retarded. Yeah, why would you come the next day? So I let go of that club and then I had an extra driver dude broke the head off that one

You're like happy Gilmore Swing so far. I still kind of swing hard now, dude But like if I get paired up with like older dudes and like bro chill out Yeah, you know, you gotta let the club do the work Yeah, you don't have to like feel so good man when you let the club do the work. Yeah, you know you gotta let the club do the work. You don't have to like crush it. It feels so good man when you let the club do the work. But it's so hard. You have all that muscle memory dude. Which is like, you're trying to fight it. You're swinging for the fence.

Yeah. You gotta chill out on that. I never knew a harder swing until I saw a video of my swing. And you're just like, I mean just, I mean to break a club head is pretty fucking crazy. Yeah, it was like a shitty Amazon set. But still, I like, I mean, to break a club head is pretty fucking crazy. Yeah, it was like a shitty like Amazon said, but still I like hit the ground. Like I didn't even hit the fucking ball, dude.

Damn, do you whiff it ever? All the time, dude, yeah. Okay, yeah, because when I try to swing to it, that's normally what happens. But I just let the club do it and I'm pretty good at connection. Yeah, I've done crazy shit, dude. I can see that. I just, I feel like you just snap clubs over your knee. No way. Could you do that with a baseball bat? No, like when I see that I'm like is the bat that weak or those guys just fucking ridiculous Most of the dudes who have done that are on steroids

Okay, okay, cuz I'm like I've looked at it, but I'm like that's a pretty thick piece of fucking wood right there I've seen dudes try to do that and like actually like a Shatter their kneecap. Okay, cuz I thought about trying it. I was like we don't have yeah, she's retarded I think we tried that once in the high school with some shit dudes were like just breaking their legs and shit Like you that's that's retarded, bro. Yeah those steroids that makes total sense Yeah, even if I was like super pissed There's no way I'd ever fucking do that cuz I've seen people like swing fucking bats at like parties before Like I remember this dude was I was like a frat party or some shit and this dude had like a wooden baseball bat

And he was hammered and he just swung at a pole like as hard as he could bro And this the bats split in half and like went flying bro and like missed this dude's neck by like an inch And I was like bro that could have been My god bro like dude you remember those basement parties bro, we're just like 50 cent bump in like yes fucking strobe lights and shit Yeah, imagine like making out with a chick and then you fucking see some dudes neck just get fucking penetrated Or not what if I turn the girl on she was like fuck yeah, would you still do it? Do what like she like if she's like if it hit his neck and she's like was like covered in blood She's like holy fuck that's hot Yeah, probably Dude, what? Like if she like, if it hit his neck and she was like covered in blood, she was like, holy

fuck that's hot. Yeah, probably. I mean, I'd go to like the funeral and shit, but. Yeah, of course. But you wouldn't let it ruin the night. Pay my respects, dude. Yeah. If I was hammered, for sure, yeah.

What else can you do, man? Like coping with that death is like a lot. That would be tough. So you probably need to just like close the deal. Yeah. I don't even know what I've never really seen something that traumatic before. No, fuck no. I think it would change you.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, I don't think I'd be here right now, dude. Yeah, I think it definitely switches up your whole trajectory. Imagine being the dude who swung that bat, dude Oh, you're fucked for the rest of your life He's gonna like end up being like on heroin or something for sure. So hard not to laugh at those stories though, bro Yeah, if you think about like an AA meeting like he's got to tell that story to a bunch of people and should be like What was rock bottom for you?

He's just like just a little bit was playing right I blacked out just got in the zone Like really swung down on it and just fucking made good contact. Yeah, that's splitter Yeah, killed Cody You think you'd laugh in those meetings like if you had to like vent about something like I would hope I wouldn't laugh at somebody's Juggler getting sliced over. Yeah, I'm not getting those situations do when people start like venting about serious shit You like laugh awkwardly. Did you ever have to do that in college or anything like that? like like vent about like anything like because where I went to college bro, like I was the first person my family go to college and I like didn't really know

What's going on and during the orientation they locked us in this big room, but I was like 300 people and Dudes just started coming out of the closet No, I swear to God bro, you would have you had to sleep there like two nights There was like events all day man, like you checked out the school and stuff. But I swear to God, bro, like at least 300 people in this big like, fucking room and like, I just started standing up like, hey, well, it started off with like kids talking about how they used to get bullied and stuff and shit and start off slow. And then one

dude was like, Yeah, I'm'm gay and then a bunch of other dudes started like dude just started coming out bro it was literally you go to like an art school or something no no to like a legitimate state school straight as it can get why would people just start volunteering that bro I think they said that they asked us anybody anything they want to say anything on your chest yeah and they like, oh I want it on my chest All right. I know one dude came out a lot of dudes talked about how they came out It was just like a gay fucking roller coaster, bro Man, that's pretty good. They felt free enough to do that

Yeah, but man, I feel like that should have been like a social experiment bro, right? I would never seen that before. Yeah, cuz I kind of wanted to stand up just to see Just just for shits and gigs just to feel like I'm at her dude. Yeah, like you want to be a part of something. Yeah That'd be like you would have gotten a lot of attention They're like everybody like Yeah, there's something to be said though bro about like shit like that though where like one person does something you kind of like follow along Once you see other people doing it Well, yeah, especially that they felt like it was safe now

But really kudos to the first guy who had the balls to stand up in front of 300 people like I'm here for the dick Yeah How many numbers you think you got? That day? Yeah. Oh, he went to pound town for real Yeah, yeah in the dorms and shit. Oh, you went to Pound Town. For real? Yeah. Yeah, in the dorms and shit. Oh, it was a free orientation. I remember orientation week in college.

I was looking for all the puss. For real? What? I'm gonna get to, I'm away from home, and I came from a really strict Christian household. Really? I'm like, I want to have sex with every woman here on this campus.

For real? Are you like actually religious? Or you just kind of of went along with it? No, I still am. I still go to church. But, you know what I mean, God's still working with me. So you just confessing your sins every day? Yeah, every day I'm like, forgive me. Have you actually confessed?

I'm not Catholic, so I'm going to go to confession. Oh, for real? That's only Catholic? Only Catholic. Oh, shit. But it's confession. Damn, I didn't even know that. I just pray. That's all you can do, man. Amen man, I'm trying to live a better life

Yeah, you know me but nah, there's temptation around every corner. Yeah, you know me so I feel like Jesus was getting a bunch of pussy, dude I'll stand away from all that Yeah, about me fucked up. Yeah, I was like, you know, I was a little nervous about the bitches. I'm like, I'm staying away from this shit. Just clip this. Yeah, just clip and there it is. Yeah, my mom would fucking kill me. Yeah.

I mean, dude, all those like, I just feel like all the great leaders, bro, like the historical leaders bro were just munching pussy bro Well, you know Martin Luther King was a gnome like I mean he was the man. Yeah, he's had and he was fucking white hoes Yeah, oh for real. We're white and black Martin Luther King was that you're doing both or just white chicks both. Yeah. Yeah. Damn I've never gone with a black chick, dude. Really? Yeah No, man, I I met this like one, I didn't even meet her, man. There's this chick in my gym, bro.

And dude, she looks like a walking boner. Like she's fucking ripped, dude. And yeah, she's got like an afro and shit, man. She just goes hard as fuck. And sometimes I feel like she's looking at me, but I don't know, man. Like I've heard like black chicks are pretty strict on like the whole dress code thing. Is that true? Very true.

Yeah. So I feel like at the end of the day, man, it's all like, It might not be in your cards. Yeah. But here's the thing. I think you guys are thinking about it all wrong. Shit, my bad. So check it. Also, you could do just a black woman glow up too. She might just be into you because she can see the potential. this. The black woman glow up to she might just be in you because she can see the potential. You got to say what's up to her because if she fucking with you, she

might get you together and she might give you the whole black chick makeover and not have you looking like, you know, Eminem or nothing. So she's looking at me like a school project. Yeah, like she's like, I can fix them.

It's pretty fucking scary. You might get you right. It's the ultimate nightmare, man. The first time I tried to change you. I just think it would be so cool to be with a black chick dude just like be myself. Because I'm like retarded, bro. Yeah, I mean, the thing is, you could probably get one, bro. I'm not gonna lie to you. Yeah, she's a dude.

You know, because every black chicks are all different. So you got like black chicks in the anime and shit. Like they, you know what I mean? They don't really be tripping about the outfits and shit. You know, it depends. I'm talking about a beautiful black woman, dude. Like Afro, bro, she wears glasses sometimes. I just want to know if she's on steroids or not, bro.

Cause this chick's putting up like two plates and shit. And that's what really turns you on the biscuits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Sitting legs hard man. That's you oughta you know what you ought to see on a lift with her sometime Yeah, yeah, ask her for a spot dude when I'm doing like hip thrust Just just make sure you can do it and not fucking blow your back out cuz you know you shit in front of her That's it. Yeah. Yeah, they're not into that shit. No curtains. Yeah Bodily waste damn bro. Yeah, but I mean I think I think you gotta go for the go for gold on this G were you uh

Were you always like fucking with black chicks and white chicks? No, I mean so growing up was all I was like in white neighborhood Private school. I lost my virginity to a black chick, but then after that, I went on a white rampage for a hot minute. You know what I mean? It was snowing in July, baby. Yeah. Then I went to play Juco basketball

in Florida, Jacksonville. Yeah. And so it was mad, white chicks down there too. For real? They were checking your stats and shit? Yeah. No, I was Juco, so they really weren't keeping up with me. They were just partying. We were all partying.

Yeah. But then I went to play to the four year grambling, which was HBCU, a black college. Yeah. So there wasn't no white chicks there. What would you say the biggest difference is between like dating the black chick and a white chick? Is you're being like completely honest.

The main difference is like you said, you got to come correct when you date in the system Yeah, you know I mean like yeah, like you say yo, you need to be like outfit. You know, I mean, where's that? Where does that come from? Church yeah, just our heritage slavery sense of pride But we had to like when you like stepping, you always put your best shit on. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's how it was since the beginning.

What would I have to wear you think? To like really make a like a sister wet? Get the fucking flash floods going? You're wrong. You can't go wrong with a pair of all white air forces. But new air force ones, not that white shit where y'all bring them out of the fucking dryer folded up and creased and dirty. You know, white people wear white Air Force ones until their fucking souls are falling out. Oh yeah.

Yeah, you can't do that. Come with some nice white ones. Yeah, nice white ones. Or you could do... You know, you could be yourself. You know what I mean? You just get some nice, just wear some nice shoes. You know what I mean? Nice clean sneakers. It could be whatever sneakers. Just make sure they clean. Yeah. I got a pair of fucking shit-stand asics right now. Yeah. And that's, and that's for like the cutting grass.

Yeah. Save those for after she says yes. Yeah. You know what I mean? What if I can ball on them though, dude? If I can do like a fucking little hessie step and those things Yeah, you think that would get her going or she doesn't care about that She probably doesn't care about it. Like I feel like you really can't hoop like yeah You're doing a hessie looking like ass just no. Yeah, my my ass balls Throw it off the shot clock dude

Like just completely yeah, I can see that. You're like that in a fully erect. Yeah, I think you just got to go with your normal. It's a basketball shorts and some a six. No, I can hang did. Yeah, I can hang. I can't like I'm not gonna put up like a triple double, but I could like not embarrass like if we were together. I wouldn't like embarrass us.

Okay, I'd be jerking dudes off like that's it. That's why you never come to me. That's never happened. If we were together, I wouldn't like embarrass us. Okay, I'd be jerking dudes off. I like that's it One time I went to play with my friend and like I was just like trying not to embarrass myself, whatever I have no idea why but they were just like they had me bring up the ball, dude I bring up the ball past half court Fucking look I look directly to the right Throwing no look pass like a like a baseball dude fucking hit the dude right in front of me in the face He just beamed him right in the face and dude he had like fighting words for me of course There was no one even moderately close to like

Like there was no available pass. I just thought it would've been so I would be ready to beat your ass to like what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, dude was the first play the game to for first time bring up the wall So so confused If I was the one who didn't get in the face, they would have had to call a timeout I was looking directly to the right too. Oh, yeah. I already know. Yeah. I mean if you can hit a fucking no look pass though, dude.

Mad respect. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's like the ultimate respect you can gain. You think so? You don't think the crossover is better than the no look? I just feel like dude if you're playing like if you're a white dude, and you're playing like Larry Bird Like people are gonna look up to you man, you know Yeah, I mean are my father possibly yeah You still like Larry Bird now people are like who the fuck is this kid?

You don't think Larry could hang nowadays. I definitely think Larry could hang nowadays for sure She was like what six six8? Yeah, 677. I think something. Yeah, I could shoot that motherfucker. Yeah, I mean that's way before my time, but I've seen enough like old like games. Yeah, bird was cooking for real. Yeah, he was cooking. Yeah, dude, he'd be hitting like especially now like with the three-pointer.

I think about Luca Donchers. That's like the same type of game like Luca looks slow and shit and he cooks everybody. Yeah. Yeah. I feel that Well, dude, thanks for coming man. Thanks for having me. I mean this shit was fucking cool brother Yeah, I do you know we had some good chat, you know, we're not clipping the They got a listen to the whole thing By giving that to a compilation like all the terrible shit. It's like tea bag and like the Jesus got jerked off the Jesus thing Just put on LinkedIn Yeah, but uh, yeah man if you don't mind just giving your Instagram out yeah, man check me out

Funny filled up funny ph. I ODU-K. Also, I dropped a special in November. So check that out on YouTube. Just type in Phil Duck it. It'll come up. It's called Gentrification. I appreciate it. Hell yeah, dude. Thanks, brother.

And then, yeah, man, to anyone listening, I think now is like the last chance to get hoodies. If you email salamim merch at gmail.com. Yeah, just reach out if you want a hoodie. And yeah, now it's kind of like the last chance to get them. So yeah, if you're interested, you know, reach out and thank you guys for listening.