The Johnny Salami Podcast - Sevrin

Episode Date: November 13, 2022

Sevrin by The Johnny Salami Podcast

You ever think of opening your own black market shit, dude? I think about it all the time. Really? It's not a bad idea, honestly. Wouldn't be. What would you sell? What would be your service that you provide? That's a good question.

Just blowjobs, dude. Mostly. Unfortunately, I think that market's pretty saturated out here. You think so? Oh, yeah, dude. You got your fucking... You got your handy dude yeah the non-consensual was that actually your first time getting a handy from uh

from an old chinese lady we're gonna clip this put this on linkedin by the way perfect thank you well you said it was your first were you lying when you said that or like no it was your first i know it happened but i'm just saying like are you like a returning customer it was no no no it was my very first time i will be a returning customer wait so when you when you uh what made you do it tell me your tell me your inner feelings dude why are we delving into this jesus Christ. This is dense shit, man. This is an emotional podcast. Yeah, I bet it is. And I'm just glad that this is going to be online forever.

Yeah. Dude, walk me through it, man. So you lay down and they massage you. And then she had me take off my underpants, i was like that's odd you know you don't really need me to do that like took everything off yeah she was like no no no no yeah she's like all of it yeah no get rid of these this is all in like broken english yeah yeah okay yeah um i understood very little there was yeah There was tugging involved. And then, yeah, when she did the legs and my back and my shoulders.

Really? Yeah. And then when I flipped over, she just kind of started playing with my junk. Just smacking it around, dude? Yeah. Fuck, man. Yeah. Well, no, I was asking you. She asked with it while she was playing with my junk,

and I was like, no, no, no, I'm good. And she was like, no, it's okay, it's okay. Dude, this is a high-quality place. I would go back, dude. Yeah, I mean. Usually you have to, like, there's like a secret code, dude. This is a high quality place. I would go back, dude. Usually you have to, like, there's like a secret code, dude. Like, I used to go to this place, you had to like put $40 in one of your shoes and just

keep it on the chair. And that was like their code word for like you're getting jade off, dude. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, man, honestly. No, I don't think it, like, it doesn't violate anyone except for me a little bit. Um, but I got over it. I mean, dude, I think they like doing it, man. And, like, it's, you know.

I thought, I thought I had something to do with it, you know. At first, she's like, ooh, so strong. And then. Wow. And I was like, man. So you felt like you, you felt like it was like a strip i was like so you felt like you you felt like it was like a strip club like you felt like you mattered yeah exactly but like the 40 is what really mattered well i didn't intend on tipping until after you know well that dude that stuff

freaks me out like not the whole getting like jade off thing but like i'm just like an emotional guy dude you know what i mean so yeah i can tell if they wanted to do it yeah like i feel like when i used to go i would borderline be about to be like i love you you know what i mean right like do you want to get a coffee after this and like talk about our feelings and stuff yeah it is which would definitely be weird it is it is it was strange afterwards where it was like oh yeah we're not we're nothing yeah you know it's like the opposite of like post-nut syndrome yeah you're like i think i love you yeah i mean i thought i thought we had a connection when you were it's the whole vibe man like yeah did they play like good music no really no fuck dude the place i went to, dude, they would play, uh, it was, like, classic rock hits, but it

was, like, Chinese. I was listening to, like, Johnny Cash while I was getting jaded off, dude. It was sick. I've never felt anything like that, man. Yeah. Serious. There's a lot of quality, quality establishments. They would, like, tickle my butthole, too, dude.

Which is, like, really what got me. Mm-hmm. It's like's like dude you're not supposed to you know you can't replicate that you can't you're not supposed to go down there dude and this asian chick was just like she was just like tickling my butthole dude yeah i got the sense they don't really have this um like understanding no like this uh this thing thing about like boundaries on the body, especially for guys. I don't imagine it's the same for girls that go in there. I guess it just depends on like your degree, you know, like your understanding of like sex pretty much, dude. You know, like some Chinese chicks, Asian chicks. Thai? Yeah, whatever. sex pretty much dude you know like some chinese chicks asian chicks thai yeah whatever uh yeah dude they probably don't even know what's going on they'll probably like literally blow on your dick

you know what i'm saying yeah i'm sure it's a spectrum just like just like confusion but it's like the best thing ever dude you know what i'm saying yeah but you're you lean more towards the uh requisite hand job tickle the butt hole spectrum yeah dude because it's just like exciting man you know after after i went for the first time that's like the only type of porn i watched was like new room just the film i took of the asian woman giving me a handjob. It was all just like underground films, like, you know, which is not healthy at all.

But it's just an Asian dude. Whereas regular porn is just like, that is just good for you. Fuck it. The best thing for you, dude. Yeah, exactly. Gets you out of bed. Dude, I was probably, you know,

you were like, you were talking about, like you do like the you out of bed uh dude i just probably you know you you were like you were talking about like you do like the no spank yeah for like a long period of time or just like short intervals uh it depends i get the better of myself sometimes um i recently came off a seven day stint. Oh shit. And then I was at 36 hours and then, and then yeah, another 24 hours. What's interesting is, uh, I, I downloaded the dating apps again.

Yeah. Which ones? Uh, just hinge and bumble. Oh yeah. I don't really mess with Tinder. Maybe I should? Just Hinge and Bumble. Oh, yeah. I don't really mess with Tinder. Maybe I should. I don't know.

What is Bumble again? The lady has to message you. Oh, wow. That must be like low maintenance. You would think, but they either don't or just send you a hey, because it's still sexual dynamics. They're not like, oh, my God, I'm all of a sudden really charming and pick up guys all the time yeah but is there even like uh an effort to go on it or you just kind of wait for them to like you uh no like it's still the same swiping oh really game a lot of swiping dude yeah

or you can pay to have premium so you get to the top of the stack are you just doing but they just mostly swipe guys like dave and i don't have to worry about it. Oh, dude, it smells like Brazilian pussy in here, dude. I don't know what that smells like. Me neither, dude, until two days ago. Yeah. Dude, Dave just smashing, bro. This guy, this fucking guy, I was like,

dude, should we go somewhere and try to meet women when you get out here? He's like, dude, that's not why I'm going out there. Meanwhile, he's been on 40 times the amount of dates that I have. Dude, it's insane. He'll be like, hey, man, I'm going to go hang out with that chick. And I was like, wait, the one from last night? He's like, no, dude, different chick. I'm like, what the fuck, dude?

Exactly. Just like 20 chicks on rotation. I'm like, what the fuck, dude? Just like 20 chicks on rotation. I'm like, dude, alright, man. I dated a girl for like 10 days and I was like, I can't. I'm thinking about just going gay, dude. Yeah, that's probably the best option. Tremendous scene in New York.

I gotta check it out, man. I haven't seen anything yet. I'm gonna go gay, dude. Just like not do anything sexual just like dudes hanging out here that's kind of my problem dude is it's like i have like this i wish that it wasn't like i wish i could just turn it off so that i could like focus on things that i want to focus on right now yeah but there's still like this, you know, like the little biological imperative in your head.

Just like... Just being a man. Yeah. Just constantly thinking about pussy, dude. Yes. Also knowing that it could ruin your whole life, dude. Yeah.

Yeah. That's why we have porn, dude. But it's not healthy, man. Yeah. That's what I was saying is I got on the dating apps and then that made NoFap harder because there's so many people man. Yeah. That's what I was saying is I got on the dating apps and then that made, uh, no fap

harder because there's so many people that just sexualize themselves on there. What is it like out there on the dating apps? Are the pictures like kind of cliche? Is it like chicks just bent over? It's a full spectrum, but there's also prostitutes on the dating apps. Um, and though their pictures tend to be a little provocative. my buddy was uh my buddy got kicked off of hinge because he was like super nice guy but he would match with prostitutes and they would be like hey like let's meet up you know you can like fart on my tits right and he'd be like i mean we could just like get a coffee or something right and like hinge saw that and they were like oh this kid is like communicating with escorts so i think they i think

that's why they didn't tell them why but that's probably why i think if you like communicate with them they're like all right you know that's enough because you're like agreeing to meet up with them right i mean yeah they always list their snapchat yeah yeah, so that's where they try and take the conversation I've heard. Dude. I don't, yeah. They, you'll see like the same ones pop up over and over again. It says like they've just joined kind of thing. Yeah, I think the system administrators kick them off all the time.

And they come on with different names. Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm just going gonna stick to spank and do it yeah dude when me and dave went out i met this uh i met this chick who's a poly i didn't even know what poly was until i saw like stavi special right and uh she was trying to explain it to me and she's like yeah like i have a boyfriend and we're just in an open relationship and i was like wait a second so you're both able to just hook up with whoever you want and she was like yeah like the approval rate's pretty high and i was just like trying to wrap my head around that and i was like and you're like do i fit in that line what's the approval right for me dude no yeah but yeah dude it's like i was trying to wrap my head around it

and i was you know what's cool about those relationships is that they don't work you have to be a legitimate sociopath yeah dude imagine having a girlfriend and some dude walks up to her and she just leaves with him that night dude i'd fucking fucking cause a genocide, dude. What the fuck? Yeah. That dude is going down. Yeah, dude. I would be so upset, dude. Yeah. But they're just like, I don't know. Let's fuck it.

You know? Yeah. It's like, why be in a relationship if it's open? You know what I mean? Right. It's fucking confusing, dude. Yeah. You get the intimacy, but also...

Yeah, I mean, I think it's just like another way of saying like I just want to bounce around dick dude you know it's like a politically correct way of saying like I'm trying to try out different dicks you know see which one I fuck with I don't know like as the guy too you have to be hitting the streets pretty hard

to like meet a ton of women, I would think. You think so? Well, I just don't think the sexual marketplace is like, for guys, it is like meeting a bunch of women. For girls, it's like, they come to me mentality. Dude, I think more around here, it's more like just kind of being a pussy, dude. Just doing whatever they want. Oh. And we live like opposite lifestyles.

Right. Like we're kind of like selfish and selfless. Yeah. Like we want to make people laugh, which is super selfless. Like we're like, we want to make other people laugh. But we're also like, I'm here alone. I left my life. I ruined my life for this.

Yeah, exactly. I'm all alone. Yeah. Like I don't give a fuck about you right it's like kind of confusing yeah and there's the the egotistical aspect of like i want to be so good at making people laugh yeah you want to make like chicks boyfriends jealous yeah exactly yeah i think uh we were talking to Nats in town, and we were talking about how you think about comedy all the time. Yeah. And how it's got to be just like a form of insanity.

Yeah, dude. I used to hear people say it's an illness, and now I'm starting to understand. Yeah. I was at a Broadway musical, and I had to check in and out of it because I couldn't be present there because I was thinking about, like, oh, would that work? You know? Yeah, everything's just a bit, dude.

Yeah. Even if it's, like, super fucked up, dude. It's, like, really messed up. But I don't know. I don't know. Dude, so you're a... I didn't even know you played college football until you started talking about it. I thought you were just on horse tranquilizers.

But can you walk me through that? Like getting recruited or playing? Well, dude, when I first saw you, I was like, Dave, this guy is a guy on horse tranquilizers. He was like, no, he played legitimate college football. And I was like dave this guy's guy on like horse tranquilizers he was like no like he played like legitimate college football and i was like oh shit but well i played at uh service academy like so air force yeah and like you're d1 and you play all the d1 schools but you are smaller slower and whiter than every other team. So when did you start playing football?

Like in my life or in college? In your life, yeah. Like when did you start? Oh, I played flag probably at like age eight. And I just played backyard football with my brothers before that. So you like definitely have CTE for sure? Honestly, I think that would all come from playing in high school and college because i don't like no one's laying the wood that early

on except for like the two kids that went through puberty yeah you know and they're just wrecking kids um and then to answer your question, yes. You just forgot. You forgot the question. Yeah. But I don't, you know, it's one of those things that's kind of cool because if I ever have it, I'll never know. You know, it'll just slowly deteriorate. It'll be like a Shutter Island scenario. Yeah, exactly.

That's what I'm hoping for, dude. Yeah. Just to wake up one day and be like, where the fuck am I? Exactly. Yeah. I mean. for dude yeah just to wake up one day and be like where the fuck am i exactly yeah i mean was it like a family thing or did you like actually enjoy it a little bit of both yeah it was kind of understood in my family that that was like what you did my dad would not let any one of us stop playing and it was like it was kind of expected that if we wanted to go to college, we had to get a scholarship and it was expected that we would go to college. Like a full ride or just like a scholarship in general?

The intent was for a full ride, but any, any money you could get kind of thing. And then all me and all three of my older brothers, we each got football scholarships. So it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Did you play any other sports it was just football i wrestled for a while uh i played basketball growing up

really liked it but then that and wrestling conflicted and then when i transferred uh schools in high school to go to a better football school and a better school academically what state was this in colorado fuck dude um what what did you graduate with in your class like how many people um like 500 this is like a 2000 kid school there's like a lot of people there yeah it was like 1800 you went out in like the fucking middle of nowhere no this was i i transferred i moved to boulder colorado which is where CU Boulder is. So it's like a decent-sized town. So were you a lineman? Yeah.

Dude, how? Well, in high school, I was like 260 my senior year. I gained 100 pounds in my high school career. You were a defensive lineman or an offensive lineman? I played both ways in high school. What about college? I played offense. I was right tackle in college.

What the fuck, dude? In Colorado? Aren't dudes like 6'8", like 300 over there? Well, they're 6'8", like 300 everywhere, actually. I was all conference for the Mountain West my senior year. Yeah. And the other tackle that was all conference for the Mountain West my senior year. Yeah. And the other tackle that was all conference was 6'6", or 7, and 330 pounds. And I was 6'3", 250.

So you were just getting lower than everyone? Dude, I was just – Just hitting legs every day? I was just mad-dogging it, baby. Can't handle this, bro. Jesus Christ. That's fucking wild. Lower and quick, baby. Can't handle this, bro. Jesus Christ. That's fucking wild. Lower and quick, bro.

I ran well. I used to go to Division I football camps, dude. I was like 6'2", 25 on a good day. Yeah. And I would literally get destroyed. Like my friend's dad was a Division I football coach. And they would always make me go to the camp. They'd be like –

Where was he a coach at? Bryant in Rhode Island. Wow. So they're not – that's not even that big of D1. It's D1 AA. Okay, yeah. But, like, there would just be, like, dudes who were looking for scholarships, and they would just go on road trips to different camps.

Yeah. And I was just, like, some random schmuck dude and we would do like oklahoma drills i would like stand in the back and be like this is cool like i'll just watch back here and i'm like get in here yeah like get in here you're fucking pussy dude dudes would literally just pick me up and like throw me dude i'd be like fuck this dude dude i was like right on the cusp of like being like highly like i was never going to be like this huge recruit yeah but i was like big enough and fast enough that like i would like get some attention yeah and i would go to those camps and i didn't really know how to like play that well yet yeah and i would just like i would do fine but then i would just watch these

gargantuan kids just like get offered by the coaches on the spot you're like all right perfect i saw this one kid literally he was like he was like picking people up and tossing them yeah and they were like listen like enough is enough like stop tossing people like you know when you get someone by the pads and you turn them over yeah he was doing that yeah it's just dumping them and like i think i went up against him and he like didn't do that but he still like launched me in the air and uh my friend's dad was like hey get in the cart and they just drove around he was like dude whatever you want man like i'll i'll give you a spot he definitely played for a better school yeah he

was just like literally murdering people. But I was like, this isn't for me, dude. It's strange, too, because like once you get into college football, technique and like speed become like such more of an equalizer. Yeah. Like you just – like, yeah. Yeah. Like how was I able to block like 280-pound Samoan dude from Hawaii? It's like – Huge technique, yeah. Yeah. Like, how was I able to block, like, 280-pound Samoan dude from Hawaii?

It's like... It's technique, dude. Yeah, I mean, on paper... Practicing in the backyard, dude. Exactly. Friggin' footwork, dude. Dude, it is kind of crazy how, like, if you think about work ethic, like, with anything... Yeah.

It's just, like, insane. You just hammer away at it. Like, if I could go back in time and actually work like practice harder i think i would do it at for what uh just everything everything yeah it's like school life do you leave a lot on the table in your life bro yeah i mean dude like in high school you're like busy like getting stoned and like chasing pussy like you kind of lose track and then everyone's like i'll play more than one sport and it's like you kind of lose track and then everyone's like i'll play more than one sport and it's like you know so i had to do that but nowadays like

some kids are just playing one sport and they do like uh they do their photo shoots man like their training and stuff which would be kind of sick to be honest i wouldn't mind meeting up with some of the boys at like a football field and just playing with each other you know what i'm saying yeah actually no idea what you're talking about do you don't see those kids you put up like their training videos oh yeah yeah they're doing like you know like the cones yeah yeah they'll be like obj off-season training like they make their own one of those yeah just fucking hauling and one mixtape idiots i don't know man i was fairly focused on it in high school i mean i didn't have any responsibility other than that so shit like i got decent grades and

did pretty well at that you're just perfect dude well i guess that's like what would allow me to get into that school because otherwise like you have to be like have really good test scores and really good grades and been like honor society and student council and all this and i was like i had these like good grades and uh i'm good at this sport and they're like we we need you yeah kind of thing and then the nerds at the school were always resentful of the athletes because of that yeah that makes sense they're like i had to work so hard to get in here what is uh what is like air force compared to like army and stuff like it's the same i went to the game last weekend air force army and air force one so we won the commander-in-chief's trophy for this year if you go to army don't you have to like legitimately

serve yes john i did do that really yeah, so like you walked me through that? Because I'm like retarded, dude. Yeah, I got you. Slow it down for me, dude. So you go to school for four years, and then you can leave within the first two years, but then on your junior year, the first day of your junior year is commitment day.

And if you go to class that day, you are committed to serving five years after graduation. Yeah. So, and then if you get kicked out after that, you owe all of the money back. Which is crazy because there are a few that got kicked out. There's like, there's a football guy who like got caught shoplifting and he just got like a bill in the mail for like 180 000 wait so do you get a gi bill after you like serve no because they kind of screw academy guys with that like normally like rotzi or enlisted they just serve three or four years and get the

full gi bill but for academy guys it's you only accrue for the GI Bill after your five years of service so I I served for six years and some change just just like show off yeah exactly and so I only got like one year the GI Bill so I could only I can only pay for like half of college or something like that fuck man they ripped you off a little bit they did pay for my entire school so yeah my buddy got a gi bill dude and you just asked me to go to ihop yeah get fucking free food dude oh yeah well veterans day tomorrow so i think it's just whenever dude if you show ihop you're uh that serve, they're like unlimited pancakes. Here's your pancakes,

KRO. They're like high as shit. Like, what the fuck is that? That ID? Whoa. Is that a fucking Pokemon card? Jesus Christ. That would be fucked, dude, if you made like a fake military card just to go to ihop

it feels like you should have bigger goals if that's what you were gonna do it i mean dude because there's no way that's not a federal offense i'm broke as shit so i might do it yeah dude aren't you didn't you keep the same job you had in boston yeah i mean the market's gonna crash though dude i'm fucked man it's only a matter of time maybe a few days honestly same job you had in Boston? Yeah. I mean, the market's going to crash, though, dude. I'm fucked, man. It's only a matter of time. Maybe a few days, honestly. Before the market crashes?

Yeah, dude. The stock market? Is that where all of your money is? Yeah, dude. All my life savings are in there. No, dude. I work for a mortgage company. There's just, like, mass layoffs.

I don't know if... I mean, it's kind of boring, but, like, companies are just having fucking Zoom meetings. the rates are so high no one's no one's buying no one's buying a house why would you buy a house it's gonna cost you seven percent every company is like yeah like we're gonna lower the workforce increase the goal rates are going up and everyone with a brain is like so we're fucked fucked, right? No, it's going to be cool, bro. There's no work and there's no demand. No one is buying a house right now

but we're fine. I don't know, man. I don't want to think about it but I kind of have to. I'm going on LinkedIn pretty consistently once a day yeah dude the demand is so low I'm literally like I'll put on like a classic rock remix on my computer and just fall asleep dude like it's but what sad life dude like does that job is that like

a transferable skill what you do for them I I think like, I don't know, man. I'm pretty fucking stupid, dude. But like I know how to read and write, which separates me from like a lot of people. Think about it though, Johnny. Dude, think about how stupid regular people are. You know, like do you think you're on the bottom half or the top half? Probably in the middle somewhere. But you're probably on the top half though. You think probably in the middle somewhere but you you're probably on

the the top half though you think so yeah wow dude that really means a lot to me man yeah i'm serious dude yeah you just fucking boozed myself i'm gonna go get a freaking job i'm gonna go fucking run through a garage maybe you're on the bottom half i just die tomorrow yeah exactly yeah no you're right dude it's just like depressing yeah think about work in general yeah i mean dude putting your time into work and comedy is insane like i've been putting all my effort into comedy and not work and i'm getting better at comedy but like before i was kind of like bouncing back and forth right it's like i feel like that's what i'm doing right now really yeah i feel like the universe dude it's kind of like you kind of just bouncing back and forth. Right. It's like, I feel like that's what I'm doing right now.

Really? Yeah. I feel like the universe, dude, it's kind of like, you kind of just have to pick one thing and just fucking fuck it, dude. Yeah. But that's the,

you can't really do that in New York. Yeah, you can't do it. You're right. There's no, there's no way to live here. Yeah. No,

it's, it's, yeah. We could move to Austin and do that. And like, yeah, I mean, it would make just enough money. Do you ever think about not working in the office and getting a blue-collar job, dude?

I do. That does appeal to me. I mean, dude, I worked for Amazon for a while during the pandemic, dude. And just the sweat and tears I put into that job, dude, there's nothing like it, man. Just delivering packages? job, dude. There's nothing like it, man. Just delivering packages? Yeah, dude. I would get like, I put in like at least 12,000 steps a day, dude. It was like, it was physically demanding.

So like when I was done with the workday, I was like, wow, dude, you like did something today. Right. Whereas like an office job, you're like, dude, I just looked at a fucking computer screen. Forever. Typed shit in. Yeah. Pretended to know what's going on with the weather. And that was it, man. It's tough because it's like, you know, these office jobs, you know, they do tend to pay more, too.

So it's like this tradeoff of, like, can I make enough money to, like, buy my own freedom at some point? You're, like, selling your soul dude yeah but that's that's how our society is set up which is like a constant battle of like going into work pretending to be someone you're not and then trying to balance it out with comedy yeah because when you do comedy you're like oh this is who i am and the next day you're like all right back to being someone else. Yeah. It is a little bit strange like that. I'm fortunate that I'm in a job right now that I don't like loathe.

It's not perfect, but I like a lot of it. It's like a lot of cool technology, and I don't have to totally understand it. I just get to kind of be a part of it yeah talking about rockets and shit today I don't load my job either dude I just uh I don't like it though I think you'd have to be like a legitimate psychopath to be like fucking can't wait to just plug those numbers in today dude

yeah and I know some people that pretend to be that and it really kind of disturbs me people who get like quarter chubs when they pop open excel And I know some people that pretend to be that, and it really kind of disturbs me. Yeah. People who get, like, quarter chubs when they pop open Excel. Yeah, or just like, oh, like, I'm really good at this. Well, it's nice to be good at something. Yeah.

Right? And so maybe that's what people enjoy about, like, high-level corporate jobs. Yeah. I mean, the really high-level, though, dude, like the Wall Street dudes, like, they don't really have time for anything else. Right. I think they're just smashing and cashing. Yeah. I don't know. I've, yeah, some, I know, like, some, both of them are female, actually, but they're both, like, high level consultants.

Really? high-level consultants. Really? And they both, either, whether false or not, you know, seem like they're like,

love it. Shit. Dude, I went too long. I'm not on speaking terms with either of them anymore, but I'm sure they probably didn't want to keep me around.

Like, you really love that bullshit job? Yeah. I mean, dude, the whole micromanagement thing, man, it's probably that bullshit job? Yeah. I mean, dude, the whole micromanagement thing, man, is probably what's killing people today. I mean, dude, like, people are just fucking dying left and right

from, like, alcohol. And it's got to be because, like, the whole... Like, imagine hating your boss, dude, and just getting, like, micromanaged every day. Just being like, this guy watches everything I do. Yeah, you want more agency in your life. Yeah. And that's, you know, I'm fortunate in my job, too. It's, you want more agency in your life. Yeah. And that's, you know, I'm fortunate in my job too.

It's like a 30-person company. Oh, really? Yeah. It's like I got one guy like right above me and then the CEO. Shit. Yeah, dude, small company is the best. Yeah, it's definitely the way to go. For sure, dude.

Dude, the big companies are fucked. Well, the big companies companies they're just like the military to me yeah they're like that's the same it's the exact same structure yeah it's you know in the military it's lieutenant captain major colonel general and then at like a consulting firm it's analyst senior analyst consultant senior consultant management consultant it's the same yeah i mean dude i work for bank of america obviously a huge fucking company and uh they would like rip you off like they would uh i mean they wouldn't rip you off but they would be like for kids who just graduated college dude they would put out positions and they would like falsify them pretty much like every job's

like that dude so they put out this position called investment specialist and like me and all my buddies applied and we got accepted and we're like dude we're gonna be investment specialists do you not understand how big this is yeah like imagine talking to a chick and be like i'm an investment specialist like dude flash flood warnings man yeah exactly and then we got there and we found out it was just a massive call center dude it was insane dude that's a lot of the initial jobs are cold calling in call centers oh yeah that like when i was searching for this current job like that's a big part about getting out of the military is how miserable it is to find a job outside the military because they're like everybody everybody's going to want to hire you. And then you're like, who wants to hire me?

And it's just crickets, you know? But like there's so many sales jobs and you talk to so many people that have done it for like six to 12 months before they can like get into the company and get to something else. Yeah. I mean, dude, I've put in so much shitty work.

I just don't want to go back and like start over like i've dude i used to do the cold calling thing in my hometown i would legitimately call people i knew and be like hey like how much money do you have i mean you got like 50k you can just like toss around like yeah i can help you do you want to be yeah yeah i'm an investment specialist i would live in a retail bank and i would like my boss would be watching me and people would like come in and be like go get him johnny yeah i have to walk up to him and be like hey what's going on man like what you got what brings you into the bank dude that's a sick job to have though like a branch manager you get to watch that take place

like just some dumb college kid it is dude like that's the thing is more experience you get on the other side of the cash register you get on the oh yeah the chill side of management yeah you're just getting robbed on saturday and the next day it's like you have to literally just walk up to someone and be like hey man like i know it's saturday morning uh what's your your financial picture looking like? People just fucking lose their shit, dude. Just start screaming and you just have to be like, all right, take it easy. Dude, I would walk up to people who look chill and I'd be like, hey, listen, my boss is watching me. We'll just pretend to talk for a few seconds and then I'll be out of your way.

Yeah. They'd be like, all right, it's cool. You're like, I need you to hit me. I'm going to really sell it. Yeah. If you want to meet fucking stupid people, dude, just go inside of a bank. Who the fuck goes inside of a bank, dude? That's a good point. I don't know that I've been in one unless I was closing my account

dude there's people who go to the bank every day like that's their day they like look forward to it they're like I gotta hit the bank today it's kind of sad man like think about it I don't know if sad's the word I mean dude think about

they're so dumb it's sad yeah but dude think about like your ideal day like what you do to like cope with your problems like there are people to cope with their issues who go into a bank and just talk to someone who works there because they don't have anyone to talk to about their problems

that is not an ideal scenario man dude we had this one guy come in, sat down in front of me and I guess he was a regular and I didn't know yet. Cause I was new there. And, uh, dude, he had a dementia.

And so he told me the same story four times. I was sitting there for two hours and I was like about to cry. Cause I felt so bad. I was like about to cry because i felt so bad i was like i felt bad for myself and for him because i was i didn't have the balls to be like all right man i got a meeting like i gotta fucking get out of here and he just like he was just so passionate about the story dude and i was like about to cry and then my boss came in and was like hey john like we need you over here and i was like oh thank god yeah he was like yeah man do you figure it out and i was like yeah did you figure it out yeah i did i didn't do anything two hours

not on the second time around not on the second story you weren't like wait a second yeah i was like yeah i think i heard this This plot sounds pretty similar to the story I heard four minutes ago. Dude, but when you're in the air, when you serve, what did you do? So in Germany, in hindsight, that was a pretty solid gig. Yeah, many?

Mm-hmm. It was, I was an aircraft maintenance officer, so if a plane would break, I would tell someone to go fix it. I wish I was joking more than I am, but they would come to you. They would be like, it's broken. And when you'd be like, okay, can, do we have the parts to fix it? Can we fix it? And they'd be like, yeah, we do. And you'd you'd be like all right when can you have it done and they'd be like all right the e-tick is in five hours that means estimated time to completion and then you'd be like all right i want that done in five hours

wait so and then then you gotta like relay the information up you gotta tell your boss be like hey it's broken it'll be done in five hours your boss, be like, hey, it's broken. It'll be done in five hours. Then he tells the general, hey, it's broken. It'll be done in five-ish hours. What would happen if you told them to fix the plane and they forgot and you saw them set off and the shit blew up? There's this huge forms process. It can't fly on certain conditions. There's levels this huge forms process. It can't fly on certain conditions. So there's like levels to that shit.

Well, yeah. Any sort of break gets written up. And this is the same on the commercial side as well. Like you go to American Airlines and, yeah, they got maintenance dogs just writing up what's wrong with the plane. And then if it's a non-flying condition then like someone has to sign off the forms before someone can step to the aircraft you were on like a legitimate naval ship no i was on a like a giant land base how'd you get there uber

how does anyone get to germany john yeah so you took a plane there yeah that's wild dude yeah they should have flown you over there and fucking jets dude i think it was like that would have been pretty illegal right also um i don't know that jets have like the range to fly overseas it's like some top gun shit dude we gotta get there in two hours you have to get there in a certain amount of time dude your fucking brain

blows off dude there wasn't a big time constraint they weren't like we need this fresh college graduate here stat so he can run shit dude if you like if they were like germany's about to drop some shit on us if you were on like a naval plane and they were like

germany's about to drop some fucking bombs on us and you had to get in like an f-35 would you do it is that even a thing an f-35 it is uh i don't know where they're at in the production of that honestly but that's like the new one that we spent so much money designing and then china was just like okay thanks for designing that we'll do the same thing uh one of those like tinted window black ones that had well it's got uh it's got vertical takeoff so it can literally like you see the ones in top gun have to like go off the aircraft character. These things can literally just take off like a helicopter, like a spaceship.

And then they got glass bottoms. So basically they have like this system in them where you put the helmet on and then you look down and use the through the heads up display. You can see what's beneath you like it's glass wow so you could be flying and be like oh there's the grand canyon you think dudes get hard when that happens i would imagine so yeah but i think the planes break so much that like pretty much no one gets to fly them so what i think that helmet is like the helmet alone is like several million dollars because it hooks up to like the oxygen helmet alone is like several million dollars. Because it hooks up to like the oxygen. Yeah, and it like has all that electronics to let you like have the full 360 view.

Yeah. So you're saying they break so much, people are just like, fuck it. Dude, I mean, it's been like a defense nightmare. There's so much money going into it. For like the defense companies, like, are they all, like what products? Are they German products? the defense companies like are they all like what products are they german products the defense companies no it's the uh military industrial complex it's fucking like lockheed martin and yeah lockheed martin boeing uh north grumman where the price on yeah where are they like manufactured um that's a good question i think a lot of a lot of it's in the US or at least

like the final build is that's probably why it breaks dude well like the I bet you the parts aren't all machined here but yeah yeah like the 737 jets or something those are like commercial adaptations of

military stuff I think fuck dude you think you could take it up like back to my original question if they were like listen shit's about to go down like you have the option to either fly this away and try to get away or just take the bombs oh i'm still i'm definitely getting in the plane Yeah. How far do you think you'd make it though? Pretty far. Really? The hard thing about flying is not takeoff. It's landing.

You just make it all the way. Yeah. Just fucking crash it. Right into your house i'm serious i did i flew gliders at the academy and you like literally all you have to do to take off is just kind of like you have to get enough like thrust or whatever and then you just like pull back and you're just like kind of in the air and then you reach a speed and you're up there and then if you have enough fuel you can just kind of fly around and then it's little micro adjustments i mean you can fuck it up don't get me wrong you could do like a nose stall start falling from the sky um but like yeah the landing is

I don't know I only flew gliders so like bigger planes probably don't move as much but like like a little micro and your wings are like this well dude if you're like training and someone's in it with you like landing must be pretty fucking difficult, dude.

Because what happens if you're about to fuck up a landing? They just take the control. Really? Yeah. Most planes have multiple controls. That's why there's... And then even the gliders. Just like...

Dude, get out of the chair. Get out of the chair get out of the chair you we got three seconds dude i'm just imagining you like flying away and then it shows like the ship blowing up and then you finally make it and you just fucking crashed dude i don't, yeah. I mean, you need a fucking huge-ass runway. Yeah.

Pull some flight shit, dude. Dude, if I had a 70-mile runway, I'm not sure I could land a plane. Really? Yeah. Take it in? No. I would honestly start laughing, dude, even if I went to a training. Because you have to grease it in there, too. You have to land back wheels first.

Oh, yeah. Really fucking put it in there slow. Fuck yeah, dude. Anything related to heavy machinery, dude, I just start laughing for some reason. I just think it's hilarious. Dude, one time when I wasn't even allowed to drive, I was 15 years old. I was with my friend and his mom, and his mom was super chill. And she allowed to drive. I was 15 years old. I was with my friend and his mom. And his mom was super chill.

And she let us drive. So she let my friend drive and he crushed it. And we were in a stop and shop parking lot. She was like, John, do you want to drive? And I was like, yeah, I've never driven before though. And she's like, it's fine. It'll be fine. Dude, I literally put my foot on the gas.

Full speed. Full speed. full speed we were going like we were going like 45 miles an hour and I just slammed on the brake dude and his mom said smash the fucking

dashboard and she was just like fuck dude she was so pissed why would you do that She's like, fuck it. Dude, she was so pissed. Why would you do that? It was like borderline impossible to even pull that off. Like to be that stupid.

Seriously. It didn't even cross her mind that she was like, that could happen. Yeah, he's like, he'll be a little tender. I fucking smoked it. I remember there was this, sometimes the pilots would like let you, or let other people like get on the sticks while you're in midair because there's not that much you can fuck up.

I remember this guy just getting on and just being like, it's like, damn, these things climb pretty fast huh we went up like 11 000 feet when he got on it's like the tesla flying dude have you ever gotten in like a ferrari or like a tesla and just gassed it up a little bit, dude? I had a CRV. Dude, one time I was, uh, speaking of, uh, you ever get in a RAV4, dude? Yeah. Really?

I mean, not like a new one. I met this, uh, I met this alcoholic dude once at a parade. We were at his house for some reason, getting ready to go to the parade. And he had a girlfriend of like 10 years and he was just like blackout drunk and he just yelled getting the rave for that's what he would call his rav4 like that's what his life was was at i was like dude you gotta you gotta figure something out man you know like if i'm ever in that situation dude when i've like where i've been with someone for 10 years and i'm'm driving a RAV4, and I call it the RAV4. Not ironically?

Yeah. You can blow my head off, dude. Yeah. You should be like, listen, you told me I could do this. John. It's over. I have a letter from your younger self. So you don't think you'll ever go back?

Into the military? Well, you're still in the military right uh i'm transitioned out but i'm still kind of employed by it's weird i don't know how i'd explain it to you you're just like a government employee dude um i'm on like my i i'm in a program where they pay me to work with a company to get private experience. Shit, dude. Yeah. Some gang shit, dude. Yeah. Fuck, dude.

It's pretty sick. You don't think you'll ever go back, like, full time, though? Like, you just kind of, like, did it? No, no, no. There was no, like, passion? No, I was a little disenchanted by the experience. It can be kind of assignment dependent. Some people go in and they have a good boss and they're doing really cool shit.

That's kind of how Germany was for me. But I still didn't feel like I was getting a lot done. Yeah. So, dude, if I decided to just give up on everything and go into the military, do you think I'd just be cleaning shit? Well, you'd take a test and then it would help them place you even if you're like really skilled like it must take like years to actually get into like an actual you know well it depends on what you want to do do you want to be like a general kind of leader guy or do you want to be like a navy seal or a pilot imagine me being a leader dude

they were like this is your captain this fucking guy dude the military has done much worse i'm telling you really yeah dude do you think you could uh think about it dude like the military gets a lot of people that are in like that are economically desperate yeah and emotionally desperate yeah yeah that one too yeah that are like oh i want to i want to mean something you know yeah you think it's i want to boss people around make them respect me yeah like a lot of kids are used to like yell penis in class or out there probably not probably the probably the ones that got like there was like a fair amount of some of the kids that would get like picked on and then they would be they'd become officers and they would like you know they would force like the enlisted force to like you know like stand at

attention when you talk to me kind of shit were you ever good at that like when they yelled at you oh when they yelled at me i didn't really bother me after a certain amount of time but i would for sure laugh i think about that a lot being in that line yeah someone would like spit in my face and made fun of me dude i would cry laughing dude but dude if do you think you could do like uh like buds training or anything like that like you think you'd make it through um i probably i think i could do like Bud's training or anything like that? Like you think you could make it through? I probably, I think I could have. And this, of course, is hypothetical because it's like incredibly difficult.

Yeah. When I was like maybe 21 or 22. But I think I've accrued one age and one like too many injuries. Yeah. Like there's no way that i don't have like a stress fracture or throw my back out within the first two days yeah i would probably start hallucinating dude lack of sleep just everything dude i'm not really good at long distance running i mean they say it's all mental dude but i would legit shit myself like probably 20 minutes in.

During the push-ups. You don't have to do that. I've always wanted to, like, try it. Yeah, it would be kind of interesting. Because you'd be on another level, dude. You'd be a superhero around here. Just mentally. You'd be so mentally tough.

Nothing would bother you. Fucking make my bed every day, dude. You know? I've met some special forces guys, and it's kind of interesting. They'll be like, yeah, they're like, we were partying with them, and they're like, dude, the food around here sucks, so we just haven't eaten in three days. What?

He's like, my buddy Andy, he could hit guy a hundred yards away with a pistol in the head what i was like yeah right on dude yeah i'd be like i'm gonna head out dude yeah he's not trying to get drunk around those dudes just popping off in the parking lot dude what the fuck oh man i've always wanted to like have you seen any like the videos of buds though like the first day like hella hella people are like i'm doing it i like have you seen any like the videos of buds though like the first day like hella people are like i'm doing it i'm doing it and they're like two hours in they're like i'm out yeah people who are like hardcore too yeah it's always like the most jack dudes too they're just like mentally weak they're like fucking fuck this yeah and then it's always like

there's always like smaller dudes who are good at like calisthenics who are like super mentally tough. I heard Jocko Willing talk about it, how he's like, there's like no way to really know. He's like, there's like people that come from silver spoons that make it through. And it's people that are like well-to-do that quit. And same with like poor kids. Like there's no... Yeah, you can't like prep for it. No.

You get in as good a shape as you fucking can and swim a lot and then other than that like just be prepared to like tell your mind no yeah every second of every day for a while i mean i don't know man i feel like i would like legitimately get injured yeah and like mentally i, I feel like you can push yourself through that. But it's also like I want to be able to walk when I'm fucking done with it. David Goggins washed out in the last week like two or three times. Yeah, from injuries. Yeah.

So it's like if that guy got injured, fuck me, dude. Exactly. I'm going to have like a bone popping out of my knee, dude. That's what i'm saying it's like i just have no i have no faith in my body to just get through that fine yeah just carry this log 40 miles yeah i would i mean dude even the push-ups and the pull-ups i'd be like fuck no dude i can't i can do like five pull-ups maybe. Oh.

And they're doing like, they're just like, rep it out as many as you can for like the next two hours. It's like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah. Even the push-ups, dude, I'd be like, fuck me, dude. I think honestly, man, I would probably start like, I would probably start laughing from exhaustion. Mm-hmm. I would really think about what I'm doing and just be like...

If you had to do it over again, how would you... I think about that. I think special forces would have been a decent option. If I could go back and where would I want to be right now? Would I want to be a special Forces guy or did what I did? That would be wild, dude. Special Forces. But I also think

a serious UFC thing would have been good. Really? Yeah. Just kidding. I don't think I had I don't think I had the physical capability to take me much further than my football career did. But if I was a hockey player or a UFC fighter, I could have done that professionally.

Really? Then I wouldn't have to worry about working in tech. Fuck. Dude, I used to throw hands i'm just kidding dude i used to do this dude he was like in the ufc would hold pads for me in rhode island and i was so bad at it dude at one point i threw two punches at the same time and he was like i've never seen anyone do that before yeah unexpected huh oh dude he was like, I've never seen anyone do that before. Unexpected, huh? Dude, he lost like five years of his life. And he would be like, alright, uppercut.

I literally would legit fucking uppercut myself. Like, it was insane, dude. Like, if I won in the UFC, I would die. You definitely shouldn't have done it. I would die if I won in the UFC, dude. If someone kicked my leg, dude, I'd be like, okay, I tap. I'm freaking out, dude. I would have to like go up. I I don't know you did rugby pretty heavily

no? yeah I mean I don't know did you wrestle? no I played rugby dude for URI which is like a legitimate program there would be like fights and there would be like grown men

who were intimidating as fuck and I was like 230 pounds and like 6 feet and I be like grown men who were intimidating as fuck and i was like 230 pounds and like six feet i could like hold my own yeah but i it was my first time playing and then i transferred to a school that was like division two and it was like day and night i was like a stud compared to everyone else because that's a better way to do it yeah like i i if i said you or i would have gotten injured when i went to division two i, I was like, I never got injured. And then I think like one of the last games, I got like three concussions in the same game. And I like kept going back.

Did you guys, oh no, maybe at URI, I was wondering if you played Navy or Air Force or Army. They always had sick rugby teams. We played. A bunch of the football kids would just quit football. You or I was really good at rugby, man. They were, like, really fucking good. And we would play, like, the military schools. I can't remember their names.

We would go to, like, three or four military academies. And the dudes there were just fucking juiced out of their minds. Well, yeah, I was trying to say say it was like a lot of kids who stopped playing football would go play the best rugby players were the ones who wrestled yeah for sure football players are all right i guess football players were always getting concussions in rugby though because they wait with their head yeah yeah that was the funniest thing i've ever seen like the first week of rugby you you're at tryouts or whatever, and they're going over tackling, and they're emphasizing,

they're like, all right, don't use your fucking head. It's the opposite of football, and kids would just run into each other head first. Just never the same after that, dude. It was so graphic. You could hear the impact, and you'd be like, that guy's not coming back. That guy's not coming back That guy's not coming back Like I saw at least 10 or 12 people Which was like

Go for the first day And just not come back Because he just got so fucked up Dude Even like They do those scrums dude They put me in the front of one once To fill in on the varsity team

I literally had to scream I was like Get me the fuck out of here someone throw me a rope in a scrum if you're in the front dude you have like all of the weight of everyone on you and they had these fucking machines like football machines but they're like for scrums like the pads like the sleds and dude they would load them up with tension bands and the coach was like this is like the same amount of tension that like the fucking europeans use and they were like hey john like this dude's gotta like take a shit or something like go fill in for him and i was like what the

fuck dude i'm like 230 pounds and i literally i just like two seconds in i could feel my back crunch i literally screamed get me fuck this dude not fucking put my back to sleep for this shit dude that's good though man i've got mad back issues. So dude, I went to physical therapy for like when I moved to Boston, I was going like for two months cause my back was fucked. Did it help?

No. That's what I'm saying. I've never had physical therapy that's helped. I'm going to try some like acupuncture and what do you think is wrong with your back though? Uh, it's fucked. Yeah. Yeah, mine is.

Dude. I mean, I know it's my hips and shit. Yeah. It all stems from that. I've always had really tight hips. Yeah. But, dude, they're always just like, yeah, slow it down. Stop working out.

I'm not going to do that. No. Oh, yeah. Well, I think, one, I've i gotta stretch out my hips and hamstrings yeah two i think like i think acupuncture can help and like chiropractic and like there's muscle activation stuff where like your muscles aren't firing correctly i don't know dude i think uh your muscles are mildly autistic i think chiropractic shit's bullshit it and have you ever done it?

Yeah. It helps, but for like a half hour, and then it slides back out. I feel like for long term, you really just need to get stronger in like flexible positions. Like that's the only thing that helps me is like doing stretches with resistance, but it's so fucking hard, dude.

How do you stretch your hamstrings with resistance? I mean, dude, honestly, the one thing that's on my back, dude, is like I've been doing a lot of like the knees over top like toes guy stuff you've seen that guy knees over toes he'll do exercises like stretches with resistance so like lunges but it's like knees over toes oh yeah dude the couch stretch if you've ever done that dude it's fucking hard as shit man but i'll literally be in tears at the gym. Just literally like tears rolling down my face.

Like feels good, but it's like painful. Yeah. But dude, I went to this chiropractor and he literally just took out one of those massage guns and put it against my back. Oh, the mini thing? For 15 minutes. And he was like, all right, man, good for a session good first session i was like i'm never coming back here dude like i just yeah i was like this is a fucking joke man there's evidence-based chiropractors that do a little bit better of a job that where you go like twice a week for two months and it's probably like therapy dude you just gotta find the right one man yeah for sure and then you gotta you know

and then the intervals get longer yeah i think the toughest thing for me is like dude i can't just not go to the gym like i'll fucking kill myself right so it's like how do you go to the gym and not have a shitty fucking back that's yeah it's tough yeah what am i yeah what exercises can i do at the gym that aren't gonna hit my back i could do arms and chest and that's it yeah are you doing like heavy shit no i do well i tore both of my pecs the first one i was doing bench it was like 2020 and like you know mid-pandy i was under a lot of stress and a lot of cortisol in my system, I think.

And I was feeling really strong. I went back to Colorado. And I just was like, yeah, let's throw 290 on there. I got like the first two with ease and went down and just like kind of jerked it. And then just like on my way up, just pop on my left side. Shit. It was rowdy, dude. It was like my vision blanked out and shit.

Yeah. Full like shock symptoms in my body. What the fuck? And then the other one was like a year later. I was only doing like 245, but I was trying to do it for 12. And maybe I was getting carried away again. and same thing on like the 10th rep other peck yeah but i i felt it was way less intense i felt like a little bit of a pop and i dumped it and i was like yeah i just tore my other peck so you went to the doctor and they

were like you tore your fucking peck well for the first one of the second one because the second one i went to the doctor and i was like, I tore my pec. Really? Yeah. I was like, I've done this. Like, I tore this one. That's what happened here. Dude, that's wild.

Yeah. And then I had surgery on this one. And this one, they're just like, yeah, it's probably not worth it. What? Yeah. Dude, that's insane. What happened when you dropped the bar? Like, you just fucking screamed?

Yeah. I had a spotter for the first one. Oh, really? The second one, I was just like, okay. Imagine if you were just by yourself. Yeah, and that's fun in a gym if you're by yourself and you just tear your peck. You're like, hey, everybody, nothing to see here. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I fucked up my back deadlifting. I used to deadlift super heavy for no reason. Yeah. You seem like that kind of guy. Just for to deadlift super heavy for no reason. Yeah. You seem like that kind of guy. Just for low self-esteem, dude. Yeah. I was trying to deadlift my self-esteem. I would do like sumo, dude.

My back never hurt doing sumo. And then I got into conventional. And I would go to this gym and they were doing like a competition. And they were like, you get your name up on the board. And I was just like, all right, I'm a piece of shit. Like, like i'll try and do it it was like 405 for as many reps as possible oh dude reps is never gonna be your friend either i got to 20 reps and afterwards i was like my buddy was like i don't know why you did that or like how you did that but that's insane and uh i was like yeah man i'm gonna go home like i'm exhausted i don't know why i just

did that and then that's when my back started acting up and then like a few weeks later i was like you know what dude i'm gonna try to deadlift 600 pounds and i put on 600 pounds for some reason in my head i was like i can do this dude load up the bar, pushed against the floor as hard as I could. Didn't even come close. And I felt like something in my back shift. Yeah. I was like, yeah, that was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. I've had back injuries like that where like in high school,

I dislocated my rib in my back. Like just power cleaning 245 for for like a set of for like my fifth set of five she's using all arms no it was like the catch like i would just catch it and just be like oh that's not good for your back and then that rib popped out and then like throughout my life that ribs just like just, like, kind of floating. It's just like, nah, I think we're out today. Dude, like, two weeks after that, I was at a different gym. And I put a, you know the squat bar where it's, like... Yeah, safety squat.

Safety squat. I only had, like, 225 on it. I was on, like, rep eight, and I was like, all right, we'll just get two more reps. I'm noticing a pattern in our injury stories we'll just go like a little bit harder here on the 10th rep i felt a huge pop in my back and i just fell like the bar fucking fell on me and i just laid there and i was like, fuck, dude. This is not good. Bro. I was laying there. No one came to help me.

Like there was people around me and I just laid there and I was like, fuck. Dude, it took me like 15 minutes to get up. Like my back was in so much pain. And I remember I went to work and then, yeah, that's when I went to the doctor and i was like i can't fucking walk man hey quick question but dude they don't even do anything they were just like yeah man like try physical therapy and that's when i was like all right yeah you got to get like a massage to like loosen up the muscles that have tightened around the injury so once those loosen up you can try and adjust whatever you fucked up. Yeah. I mean, dude, I went to a pretty nice physical therapy place. It was like sports performance based.

And they were doing all these assessments on me. And they were like, you're just like a tight block. Yeah. They were like, you're just a blob. Yeah. They're like, you have no flexibility. And you're hideous. And anything.

They're like, you're a terrible specimen. You're a tiny little piggy, aren't you? They had me do a test where they were like, all right, this dude was this dude was like yeah man i want to see if you can touch the ceiling and the ceiling was 10 feet high and i was like all right man so i touched the ceiling and he was like laughing his ass off he was like dude it took you 10 seconds to leave the ground like he was like dude you don't have any fast twitch muscle in your body like you just have muscle like it was it was like five to ten seconds because i like went down very slow and then i exploded and he was just like what the fuck he was laughing yeah but yeah dude my

back's still i'm just gonna be like i'm just, I'm just going to deal with it, I guess. I don't know what else I'm going to do. I think I'm going to hit like hella yoga and try some acupuncture. I'll let you know, like, this next year, once I get insurance, I'm going to hit back correction pretty hard. Yeah, I have to get health insurance before I do that. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to get health insurance, and I'm going to hit therapy and acupuncture and chiropractor. I mean, dude, I'm going to get health insurance and I'm going to therapy and acupuncture and chiropractor I'm going to see if I can align myself mentally and physically I'm down for some hot yoga that would help a lot see some bitches dude it's all at fives man that's what it's all about dude

there's some good places on Ditmars and there's one on Broadway for hot yoga or is it just regular yoga regular yoga i need that hot shit dude i'm into the hot stuff too but like the the regular stuff is like ten dollars and then the hot stuff is like you know 500 or whatever it is it's expensive as fuck in manhattan there's a over by mcdougall there's a a core power yoga, and it's the most beautiful women in the world, I think. They just have meetings in there.

Check it out, dude. For sure. Yeah, exactly. That's what they need is you and me in there. No, we're going to hit that place hard. Exactly. All right, dude, we'll wrap this up, man. Thanks for coming, dude.

I don't really have anything else to say man Do you have anything you want to tell the people? No I'm all set Did you hear back from the Broadway? Oh yeah I gotta call Rich again He said he'd give me a residency You can catch me at the Broadway comedy club

Four times over the next month Fuck yeah dude Thanks for coming dude Everyone who's watching Hope you guys can subscribe at the Broadway Comedy Club four times over the next month. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah, it's going to be tight. Thanks for coming, dude. Everyone who's watching. Hope you guys can subscribe and check out the episode. It's going to be the best one ever.

Fuck yeah, dude.