The Livy Method Podcast - Day 10: Being Hard on Yourself Doesn't Work (It Never Did)

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

Words matter. If "what's wrong with me?" is your first thought when the scale goes up or a workout gets missed, this episode is for you. Gina Livy and Odette dig into how the words you use on yourself shape your mindset, and how small changes in wording can shift everything."I skipped my workout" becomes "I chose not to today." "I gained weight" becomes "My scale is up. Why?" "What's wrong with me?" becomes "What's going on with me?" It's the same moment with a completely different story, and the new version leads to curiosity instead of panic.This podcast aligns with Day 10 of our Fall Maintenance Program, members can find video in our Livy Method app or Maintenance and Mindfulness Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ginalivymaintenanceandmindfulness Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

New season, new name, bigger conversations. Welcome to Live Lighter with Gina, because lightness isn't something you find. It's something you create in your body, your mind, your home, and in your life. Real conversations, no bullshit. So let's lighten things up for you. If you're looking to lose weight and you want to keep it off, you have got to check out the Living Method. Our next live session starts September 14th.

better than ever, easy to follow. We have the most incredible community and it works. Head over to living method.com to sign out today. The importance of language and how it can impact your mindset, that's the topic for today. I think this is so good. Yeah. Yeah. And for those that didn't listen last night, you touched on this briefly, the language, and

it was a comment about somebody skipping their workout versus choosing not to do their workout and what does that language trigger in your mind? What story does that tell you? Is it, I'm skipping it, which is bad, which is almost like naughty, like I shouldn't be doing it, where if you're choosing, I'm just choosing not to today, maybe that impacts another layer of curiosity. Why am I not choosing it today? What's going on? Is it because I generally need to not do it today? Or is there something else? It just opens up this bigger conversation of curiosity, this bigger possibility of getting to know yourself and understand what's happening versus I'm being naughty and bad and I need to fix that. I need to control that. I need to restrict

that pattern. Yeah, because we're talking about today. Yeah, because the preface to that was, I'm skipping my workouts and my sabotaging myself. So I love the whole curiosity behind that comment, right? And that's where I'm like, ooh, if you want to know the answer to that, why are you choosing that language skipping as opposed to haven't been doing or haven't had the time or like whatever that is. I think language is so, I think there's, there's so much to be learned about the language that you are using. I do. I think the right thing said at the right time can make or break a person's journey. It can make all the difference between someone quitting and someone actually following through and reaching their goal. I've seen it happen. And I think like

the wrong thing said. And this is why I've been such a stickler for mindful of how we're communicating in this group. And that doesn't mean I haven't told some people to fuck off. But, and not that that was right by any means. But I think that we have to be responsible with, and that's my, that's been my reaction to people not being responsible with the things that they are saying. Because I know how much it can impact someone's journey when someone says, oh, well, you know, the reason this program works for you is because, you know, you're fatter than I am or, you know, like that. I don't have tolerance for that because people internalize words have meaning behind them. And it's also not that you can control how someone reacts to what you are saying, but you can control how you react to what you are saying. Like how many people in here have said something to themselves that they would throat punch someone else for saying to. their daughter or their loved one or, you know, like. And so the words you say to other people matter more so, I think, are the words,

the narrative that we are saying to ourselves. So I think there's so much to be learned and so much insight. And also I can say and add to this that whenever I'm dealing with something, I will keep repeating a phrase or keep repeating a thought. And then sometimes I'll hear it repeated back to me. and I'll be like, oh my God, this is like the lesson for me. And it's been like, you know, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock over the head until I like pay attention. And so a lot of times what we're saying, we're actually kind of working our shit out.

But if we're not paying attention to what we're saying, when if we do, it can be really insightful. Yeah. And I think if we're not paying attention to what we're saying, I think you can create the story that doesn't really exist in your head too, because that's what you're, that's what you're, you're, that's the language you're using. Those are the words you're saying. That's the story you're writing. And it might not even be real. It could be this fictional story that you're making up. So it's not that we need to stop the language. It just means that we have to understand it. And, and, you know, this is really coming from this post that we did about the scale and what is your first thought when you get on the scale. And there's still a lot of, you know, the WTF, what have I

done wrong? Um, what do I need to fix? This is not. not working. And those are all valid. You can have those thoughts. You can have those emotions because that's old dialogue. That's old learned experience that's going to continue to come up. But I think if we, the way that we react and the way we listen to that, if it's, you know, what did I do wrong here? This is not working. What is wrong with me? We automatically go into a fix it mode. We automatically go into like, I need to restrict. I need to cut. I need to work harder. I need to do better. Instead of asking ourselves or saying, you know, okay, I don't like this number, can I explain why it's there?

Can I, instead of trying to fix it automatically, can I get curious and try and explain to myself? You don't have to fix it. Maybe you can explain your way into the thought or explain your way out of the thought. And maybe we're coming up with a solution that's not, I need to fix it, I need to cut, I need to restrict, I need to go harder, but like, okay, I need to just pay more attention of how this makes me feel. that I need to pay more attention that this is my pattern. This is my data. These are how I'm collecting the dots. So I think the way that we hear the language, but then it's how we react and

interpret that language too. Yeah, there's a lot of judgment on what's wrong with me, where if you just change it to what's going on with me, that's really reflective and curious, right? Like feel the weight of that. Like, what's wrong with me? Searching for like, what am I doing wrong? what am I not doing enough of, right? It's very problematic. It's very judgey. Whereas what's going on with me just brings this whole other opens your mind to, oh, maybe there's another reason or why am I doing that? Or, oh, that's so interesting. Or, you know, it really makes you be able to see bigger picture where what's wrong with me is so small. I don't know how you find a way forward from what's wrong with me because like there's probably a hundred things going on with you that's causing you

to perceive there is something wrong with you, right? But it's so, it's so easy. And this is where that just a slight change in wording can make all the difference, like honestly. Yeah. And it you don't have to, you know, let's go back to that scale example again. You don't have to like what the scale says. You don't have to be happy about it. We're not saying that you get on, you see the number, whatever it might be, and you're like, okay, no big deal, let me move on. That's not what we, if you're not there yet, you need to, that's valid as well. You can look at it, not like it, not be happy with it, but still not feel like something's wrong with you specifically. We can use that language to talk ourselves into an explanation

versus a fixation being, you know, having to do that. Judy's saying, Judy has a perfect example, right, in regards to the scale. Like the scale is up, today, my scale is up to date or I gained weight, right? Like I gained weight is so, I don't even know, like, as opposed to like, oh, my scale is just up today. Why? Because you can't say, oh, I gained weight. Why? Oh, because I had chips. I had whatever. Like, that's not even reality, but brings a lot of panic and like heavy feelings associated with it. Whereas my scale is up today. Why? Oh, I had a crap sleep last night. I haven't been feeling well. I, Tylenol has got me so, like backed up, you know, whatever that is, you immediately go into curiosity mode rather than this

like sinking feeling of like a fucked up mode, you know, like game changer. And would we say to our children, what's wrong with you? I mean, I say that in my head sometimes, but not to them. What the fuck? You said that a few times in my head, but not out loud. You're right. Yeah. Yes. Right. Well, right? You know. Whereas if you knew your child was, if your child's just like, what the, what's, why can't you just fucking put the turn the dishwasher on? Right. That's like a statement. Whereas like if your kid was struggling, you'd be like, what's, what's going on with you? Like what's, there's something else here. What is that? Right. That's, you know, yeah. It's, it's such a, listen, like, it's, it's such an important thing. I think because it just says so much about ourselves and how are we showing up for ourselves and what kind of energy and are we our best cheer? leaders or are we our biggest critics? And I think you can hold yourself accountable by not being a critic and not judging yourself. Like, I don't know about you, but like I come from old school workplace where it was like, make someone feel so lucky they have a job that they never look for

another job, never ask for a raise. Like, you know, just berate people and make them feel like shit. Like I've had so many jobs where that was the manager work mentality was like, hey, you're lucky to be here. Like go find a job somewhere else. Like that berating and being hard on you, even our parents did this, right? Like making, like being hard on you made you want to change. It doesn't. It doesn't because if you're a self-motivated person, someone cracking the whip on you, you're just more like, fuck off.

Like I don't even want what? Rather than like, oh, I was excited to be here today. And now I just want to say, fuck you. And off I go. So sometimes when you're all. old school like us, we're used to that kind of, that used to be the way to motivate. And now we know that's, that's not the way to motivate anymore. Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. You know, it's, you motivate from this place of fear.

Like, oh, if I, if I don't do it, this bad thing is going to happen. If I don't act this certain way, if I don't do this certain thing, if I don't control this action. Oh, my God. That's from a place, that's from a place of fear and that fear will keep holding you back. you'll never be able to have those fresh eyes and never be able to really embrace those new learned experiences because you're too fearful. Like if I don't cut and restrict and control, then my weight is all going to come back. If I don't do these things, my weight is all going to come back. That's what, and I'm not open to seeing it in a different way. I'm not open to, you know, explaining how it can be a different way. Valerie's here. So I want to say hi to Valerie and read her comment in a sec. But before I do,

I just something popped into my head. And it was the kid in this stove. You want to teach your kid not to climb on the stove because the stove is hot and they'll get burned. So you make them scared and you're afraid. And that's a lot of how we were raised, right? Like I don't really know what it means to get burnt if I haven't been burnt before. So then you got to put the fear of God in me somehow so that I know, okay, stove bad, right? But I wonder if we continue thinking that that's the behavior we need to learn. And we're grown asses. adults. Like we don't we don't we don't need that anymore right. We can figure shit out. Yeah. Interesting. So the thing you like it's that condition like oh food food is bad. Food is putting my scale up. This what I'm eating is bad. You know and that's that's not the fear you want to have. You want to be able to just yeah, but how do you teach that I guess? And maybe it is that repetition. And it is that experience. It is that, you know, doing something over and over again.

I mean, you can't teach that with the stove. I mean, you can't touch it over and over again. You got to learn that one the hard way. Well, I think Valerie just put this in perfect terms. Hi, Gina, no dad. Hi, Valerie. Good to see you. This is so true.

The final part of my maintenance journey is just this. No longer reacting to the scale and blaming myself, but knowing how my body reacts to all the various things and what to do to feel better or, every time, right? Trust. Past diet mentality really screwed me up with the scale, the numbers, and blaming myself. My maintenance road has been long, but I have zero regrets about it. It's work I've been here for, and I'm in such a better place in life now. You know, Valerie, you've been with us pretty much since the inception of our maintenance group here. Gosh, and not that I'm going to try to put pressure on you, but it'd be great to have you on and

reflect because you've been here long enough that maybe in the moments along the way, you were not really understanding the work that you were doing and how it was going to pay off until you, till you arrive, like this is the, this is where we're trying to go. And sometimes you don't know what that is. And so when you're in it, even in the messy middle of your maintenance journey, you're like, oh my God, my weight is going up. I've got to figure out how going going down. Now, what's happening with me now?

What's happening this? And now that you can look back and reflect and be like, well, shit. Like, we don't know what we don't know. And sometimes none of it makes sense while we're in the midst of it, but to be able to look back, right? Like, I just, I love this so much. And I love that for you because, you know, Valerie has been a very vocal member and sharing her journey along the way. And you've been there so much in the time that, you know, you've been. you've been here with us. And this is the thing about maintenance, too, that I love. And this is why you'll

really notice a difference in the content that's being posted. The maintenance program is different than what we're talking about in the weight loss program. And they should be different. It shouldn't just be same, but different, right? So the body loves routine. So yes, for those of you who are new and you're going through the program to solidify your weight, it may seem like the changes to the food plan are the same because your body loves that. And this is where you can put yourself through the physical and then really have an opportunity to deal with that mental piece. But I just love this so much. Yeah. I love this so much. Yeah. And I just want to say about Valerie, too, like you said, she's been here with us for a long time. And she's had those ups and down. She's had the learning.

She's had the questioning. And I know she doesn't, hopefully, she doesn't mind us saying that because she has been a vocal member. Yeah. And she has really lived this experience, you know. And it wasn't always easy. It wasn't always like, oh, I'm in maintenance now. Great, I'm just going to maintain my weight. I know there was a time where she, you know, also went back to the weight loss group because I don't know the reason. I don't want to speculate, but it was like maybe wanted that community involvement. Maybe it was for a few more pounds. You know, she's also gone through, you know, issues with family members and stuff. Like something is always coming up. But the thing with this member and other members is that they just keep showing up. They're still open to that. that even though that old diet dialogue and those old past experiences could be pulling them back, they just keep showing up. And we say this in weight loss all the time. Just keep showing up. Just keep checking in. Just keep believing that you can do that. And that's the same way. And just keep waiting. Just keep checking in. Just keep showing up. Use the support as you need it.

You know, listen to this conversation about language. Maybe it doesn't resonate now, but maybe in two or three weeks from now, you be like, oh, I am catching myself using that language. I am catching myself rewriting a story or creating a story that's not true. And this is where you, it takes time. Yes, it takes work. Yes. It takes that checking in, that engaging, that using the support as you need it to help you get to this place, whether it's like Valerie three or four years later or you might feel like you haven't figured out in a year. It's just that I think that is what we can take from her and from other members that just, you know, stick around and use what they need. I think about my own journey having been able to maintain my weight for over 30 years. And I always say like there's ebbs and flows and, you know, there was that time or, you know, with a kid's dad and business and my weight was really challenging for me. But beyond that, I think I've never lost the interest in myself in terms of learning and growing and evolving and the constant what is going on with me.

right with relationships with myself as I'm changing and I'm evolving and I think like we just put it into buckets we put it into a weight loss bucket we put it into a maintenance bucket but then there's like your whole your whole life and it's being self-aware so many people are constantly looking for new sets of rules and putting their energy outside of themselves this is where we spend a lot of time judging you will notice that when you are extra hard on yourself is probably when you are also judging other people, right? When you spend time judging other people, you tend to be extra judgy on yourself. And that's not like accusatory or anything. We all do it.

It is keeping your energy directed at yourself, not just while you're losing weight, not just in maintenance, while living your life and maintaining being curious. yes and where am I at and what do I need not just from a weight loss or maintenance perspective right and and that is like the tools and the skills what we talk about when you move on from your maintenance journey and you are just living your life that will continue except you'll learn to grow and evolve and and you know in other ways and learn other things you know um which so so i don't know saying it in that way i think it's exciting i love learning about myself and understanding you know what the fuck is going on with me and trying to figure my shit out. And I don't know.

And sometimes it's easier said than done. Like sometimes you don't want to face what you are learning about yourself. Like, oh, geez, I am not that nice to myself. Oh, I really do don't make myself a priority. Or I really am creating stories that I don't want to create. Like, that's not always the easiest realization to have. But having it, I think, is the important part, just knowing that it's there, knowing that that's happening and just, you know, being open to it. It's hard to work through your

shit. And it's hard to be honest with yourself about it. And it's hard to say, yep, I am doing that or, yep, I am working through that. It's, you know, it's not always easy. I was having a conversation with my son who's having some issues with some friends. And, you know, he had to bail on a commitment. And, well, we're making him bail on a commitment because he was committed to a family obligation. and his friends are like, you know, you just, you always have to bail and let us down. And he's just like, but it's family and it's commitment. And, you know, we had a conversation like, I know it's not your intention to hurt people, but you can see how they're feeling hurt, right?

And I think it's, I think it's constantly trying to understand yourself in new ways and give yourself grace, right? Like the way you handled something or did something before was the best you could do in the moment. And that's what I said to him. Like you didn't intend to hurt anybody. It happened, although you have a good reason, it doesn't negate the fact that you did that. And I'm thinking about the conversation that we had with Jen Harper the other day. And you need to forgive yourself for not having known a better way. You know, I think this is where a lot of our judgment comes from or

what's wrong with me or why can't I do this or why am I having a hard time with that? Like you need to have when we talk, what is the compassion and patience for yourself? You need to be able to forgive yourself for not have known any better. Mm-hmm. And compassion is one of those things that we spend a whole week on in this program. Compassion, self-compassion and coping and allowing yourself that space to open it, you know, to open it up and talk about it because it's not easy. And when we, we didn't know better then. So we did, we did the best we could with what we knew or with what we had in the moment. And now, if we're being open to having more, not not having better, but having more,

knowing more, learning more, then we can, we can do things differently. Not that we're doing them better, not that we're, you know, that was wrong and this is right. This is just different and this is more aligned with where you are. Yeah, I always love that butterfly says to the caterpillar or a caterpillar says to the butterfly you've changed and the butterfly is like, yeah, like we're supposed to. But I think sometimes we hold on to our old ways and have a hard time looking past that and changing the way. We hang on to things that worked for us before and we need to be open. into finding new ways, things working for us in new ways. Well, that's a great segue into next week, because that's exactly what we're doing. We're talking about supporting the new use,

supporting who you are now, taking a look at routines and habits and things that you just did automatically that maybe don't necessarily work for you now and really figuring out what does work for you now. Where are you now? What do you need now? Where do you need to put attention in priority versus what you've always done? And being, able to let go of that belief that if I do make a shift or a change, then everything is going to be different. Everything is going to blow up. There's no way I can hold on to what I have.

So we're talking much more about that next week, too, supporting where you are now and who you are now and what actually works for you and making things work for you. Well, I think that, and I think before we get into how we do that is like is really taking a minute to recognize where you are at. Like Valerie can very clearly see where she's been, like what she's gone through, what she's done and where she's at now. And, you know, sometimes we're in the middle of it. You don't really see that. But what you can do is see where you are right now. Right. Like you might not see a path forward, but you're never going to see a path forward unless you recognize where you've been. And the thing is, is that we've all done hard things.

we've all made change. So none of us are starting brand new, right? Like we're coming into this journey with a wealth of information with tons of success stories throughout our lives that proven that we can do hard shit, right? Like this isn't like, am I going to be able to do this? Fucking right, you can because you've done harder things in your life and look where you're at now, right? Just for some reason when it comes to weight loss and maintenance in this whole conversation, or even exercise. It's this all or nothing kind of thing. And we don't look at it as the ways that we've accomplished other things in our lives. You know, God, the conversation is deep today. It's a good one, though. It's a good one. I mean, when you think of mindset in itself,

mindset, what does that mean? What are we talking about? What is mindset? What is that all about? Can we just eat our nutrient-rich food and just be done with it? No, you can't. So, you know, we need to have these conversations. We need to talk about mindset and capacity and all of that and what that means. And I think it's, I'm going to blame it on Valerie because I think Valerie puts it in perspective for us because I can recall all the conversations that we've had with her and around her and while she's been joining us. And it really speaks volumes of someone's journey. And I just love that she's in this place now, you know, which is exactly what we want for everybody to be.

but also understand that a whole massive backpack of tools and skills and understanding and owning where you're at now. I think that's why it went so deep. I think this is the point of community. When you share, you're already connected on a deeper level, right? And I think having Valerie show up in this conversation and being able to bring everything that we've ever learned and talked about into this, that's what makes it go deep. That are the NyQuil I'm taking.

I'm not sure it could be NyQuil. Well, I think a few of our members are in NyQuil right now. So I know. It's that time here. Welcome to cold and flu season, everybody. We're the bears of bad news in the group today that it's coming. You can't hide from it. So what is this week?

Is this week 12 of the maintenance program or what? Yeah. Sometimes. You know, it's all about the aha moment. It's all about the, it's like being like, oh, oh, oh, that's it. No homework here. No, no homework here. And it, you know, we just want people to, our members, to just be open. We're not asking you to love all of your emotions that come up and, and be able to have something grand come out of them.

But just to understand them, respect them. And maybe you can get a little bit more curious about them. Maybe that's the homework. Just be curious this week about what comes up. And then this week, we're also going to talk about, excuse me, the weekends. We know some of our members are still looking for info and how to navigate these. weekends, what do they look like now? And that's just, you know, a little bit of adjusting and understanding. So we're going to talk about that and that late night, late night snacking. We know that that's a habit that cannot be hard to break, even when you are in maintenance. Even 30 years after you've lost your weight, it's still out. But that's like, am I actually hungry? No. Am I distressed? Yes. Did I, you know, have some of the chocolate chip croissant sourdough bread that I made yesterday.

And so I want more sugar. Absolutely. And sometimes, you know, we talk. about these um excuse me it's not in my throat i probably need a nightquil when you are um we've talked a lot about you know the fall is a great time for routine and getting back into routine and often for us this cold weather routine is um sitting inside a bit more watching a bit more tv and that association of the late night snacking being tied to that maybe all summer we weren't doing that late night snacking wasn't being wasn't affecting us and now we're like it's seven eight o'clock at night, it's dark, it's cold, I'm going to sit on the couch and watch a cozy show with my cozy blanket. Yeah. And now I'm feeling snackish. So that also that association. So yes, you could be

hungry, but yes, it could just be an association. So we're going to get into that. Oh, yeah, like dinner last night. I was eating. I'm like, I'm going to bed now. And as I walked upstairs, I'm like, oh my God, no, I'm not. I'm going live. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I was at a routine last night, too. It was 6.58. I'm like, oh, my gosh, there's alive in two minutes. It feels like bedtime. All right, Odette. Okay. Thanks, everyone.

I hope you have a great rest of your week. Looking forward to our conversation next week already. Thanks for joining us live. As always, we know most of you are listening or watching after the fact, but we always appreciate our members who do show up in the moment and help create the conversation. So please never stop. We're so grateful for you. Have a fantastic rest of your day. Thanks, Odette.

Okay. Bye. Bye, everyone.