The Livy Method Podcast - Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be with Dr. Beverley David - Winter 2025

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

In this episode, Dr. Beverley David joins Gina for a powerful conversation on getting where you want to be and achieving your goals. They break down Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for weight loss, why people quit diets, and how to actually do the work. They talk about working through FEAR—Feeling, Expecting, Attitude & Actions, Reward—so you can move past old patterns and learned behaviours. Plus, they cover the brain’s wiring for threat, practicing compassion using "Catch, Cancel, Correct," and the importance of naming and taming negative thoughts. If you're feeling stuck or pressured by time, this episode will remind you that The Livy Method is about learning, gaining the tools you need, and trusting yourself—because you’re in the driver’s seat of your own journey.Dr. Beverley is a Clinical Psychologist registered with the College of Psychologists of Ontario. She also holds a Ph.D. in Sleep Research (Insomnia) and a Master's in Health Psychology.Find Dr. Beverley:https://www.yourpsychologycentre.ca/@drdrbeverleyYou can find the full video hosted at:https://www.facebook.com/groups/livymethodwinter2025To learn more about The Livy Method, visit www.ginalivy.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Gina Livi and welcome to the Livi Method Podcast. This is where you'll have access to all of the live streams from my 91 Day Weight Loss program. With a combination of daily lives, guest expert interviews, and member stories, there is something new almost every day. Miss the Morning Live? Want to relisten to one of our amazing guest experts? Well, this is the place.

This podcast is hosted on Acast, but it's available on all podcast platforms, including the one you're listening to right now, Spotify, Apple, and Amazon Music. It is time to take a minute out to hear from our podcast sponsor today, which is another podcast actually, the new wellness podcast from Audible.

It is hosted by Chrissy Teigen. It's called Self-C hosted by Chrissy Teigen. It's called Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen, where she's providing a safe space to embrace the twists and turns of personal growth, one conversation at a time. And she has some really great guests that she's having these conversations with, like Mel Robbins, Adam Grant, Gabby Bernstein. These are some of my faves. So she's inviting listeners to learn life-changing new skill sets alongside her and her guests to discover powerful new ways of understanding ourselves. I like that.

That's right up our alley. Self-conscious with Chrissy Teigen, expand your self-awareness, gain valuable insights and become more self-conscious. You can go to audible.ca slash Chrissy, C-H-R-I-S-S-Y podcast or wherever you get your podcast from and start listening today. This is an opportunity to become curious. To learn some things. How do we help you feel less overwhelmed so you can continue on your journey?

Keep believing in yourself and keep trusting the process. Just be patient. Whether you're struggling with your weight loss journey or you're crushing it or on your first program or your 21st program, you're going to want to listen up to this conversation. Today, Dr. Beverly David, clinical psychologist, is going to join us, talk to us about how do we get from where we are at now, regardless of where we are at and how we are feeling and follow through and reach our goals. Weight loss is hard. There's a lot of things that we need to do and work through. Here we are having this conversation currently in week 10 of the program.

So if people are here right now, I'm like, just keep going. You're going to be a success story. But so many people struggle along the way at some point. So I want to start with you and read out a couple questions that we have from our members, don't we'll circle back and actually answer them in the end. But I just want to give people an idea of where people are coming from. So hi, I'm a first timer, I'm down 21 pounds and experiencing lots of non-scale victories.

The program has been life-changing. I'm so grateful. And yet I struggle with negative thoughts. I have so much more weight to lose. Any advice on how to let go of the scale number and focus on the good stuff? Next question. Good morning. This is my third round. First two rounds were successful in weight, down 32 during and in between. This one has been a struggle. I'm so close to my goal of 40 pounds. My mindset has tanked and so has my weight loss.

My question is this, as I approach my goal, how do I make my soul worthy of all the hard work I've put in up until now? I think this piece is the mindset that keeps me at the same weight this round with sabotage and negative thoughts Mindset I try to set a firm affirmations daily, but I can't put that thought to bed Great sharing Woo! All right, Dr. Beverly David in the house. Let's get into it. Hi, welcome. Hello. Great sharing.

Brilliant sharing. I love hearing people really talk through what's going on in their inside processes, hopefully for other people to hear it as well, to think, okay, I connect with that bit, or I'm slightly different to that bit. So I urge people to, if they feel inclined, to look at people's posts and look at the questions so that they can think, okay, I'm

not alone with this, whether it is our first program, whether it is our third program, whether we've lost 32 pounds or no pounds at all, whether we might have gained something, whatever that is, wherever we're at, know that everybody is thinking things, feeling things, doing things, questioning things, because it's part of being a human. So where to start, Gina? Where should we begin? Well, I wanna start with,

I was at the Canadian obesity conference on the weekend and they were saying out loud, it's not eat less, exercise more. It's a lot of things. And then they talked about putting the team together that someone would really need in order to be successful. The doctor piece, the endocrinologist, the therapist, the psychologist, all of those pieces.

And then also talked about how hard it is to get that healthcare team in place and then how long it is to get the care that you need because you're only seeing them for a few minutes here or there every few months. And someone stood up and said, obviously cognitive behavioral therapy was a big piece of that. It's changing your brain, right? We talk about this all the time, unlearning, relearning, learning new things, working through your issues and associations, feeling worthy, how your past gets into all of that. And they were like, yeah, but there is no CBT for weight loss. And I was just like, oh, Dr. Beverly and I

are gonna write a book. And so what does that mean there's no CBT for weight loss? Because we do it with you all the time. Is it that the structure of the program and that we know where people are at and what they're working through that we're able to help them understand their struggles? Or like, how is how is that? How does the obesity society not think that there is cognitive behavioral therapy for for obesity or for weight loss?

They may be referring to, and I probably should check, I should probably do a literature review so that I'm sure. They're probably talking about maybe very large randomized control trials to be seeing, let's look at the data, which you have been doing. You are accumulating data, looking at people that are going through this program and you're gathering a lot of numbers and we need a lot of numbers to ever be able to draw real conclusions, because that's the power of statistics. If you just look at one person, we can't make very many inferences and conclusions, but when we have thousands, then we're able to do it. Now, randomized controlled

trials would have an active condition, a treatment, like which would be CBT. CBT is often a gold standard for psychology because it's very easy. It's a very structured technique that we go through particular parts of the curriculum. That makes it quite easy to compare to something else. So you get treatment, CBTI, which would be, what would that look like if it was a six week program, 91 day program, what would it be? And everybody in the experimental group would get that.

People would be allocated to one of these two groups. The other group would be a non-group, a non-active group, either a placebo where they might get a sheet of paper on healthy eating, something that you might, you know, see at a doctor's surgery, like this would be what you need to do. And so they wouldn't be getting the active package.

And then you follow them. You deliver the therapy to the CBT group, you compare it to the placebo or the control group, that's what we call them, and then we watch. And when we're doing prospective study, we'd be watching at the pre-point, what do we look like at the beginning, what do we look like midway through to the end,

and then how long after does it last? Because that's what we want. We also want to see, okay, this was this effective to proper power size? And what does effectiveness look like? You know, what would the averages look like? What would the descriptive statistics look like? But then even more, how long did that go on to last? Does it last for the rest of their life? Does it last months, years? And what else happens? Because as researchers, we like

to find out those non scale victories. Does our health improve? Do our lifespan lengthen? Do our relationships flourish? Because there's other things to be measured. So they would be also looking at that qualitative data of non-scale victories. Are we going to the doctor's less? Are we reporting quality of life more? All of those bits.

So they might be suggesting that we haven't done massive ones yet, where it's a very controlled CBTi package. CBTi is it for insomnia? CBT for weight loss or healthy living compared to something very basic that you might pick up in a pamphlet. And then how do the groups compare? The interesting thing is both groups will improve because placebo often improves, getting even some information and some connection with research will often lead to a slight improvement.

But then when we look at the differential, how clinically significant that program was, that's what we're looking at and looking for. And then that's when it becomes a gold standard and a recommended first line treatment. When we're like, okay, this is working, this is what people should be offered first. Right.

Let me know when you're ready to do those clinical trials and we'll get started on that. The other takeaway was our members are their own experts. Our members are their own experts. So they're, they're following the Libby method, right? They're making the tweaks each week. There's a rhyme and a reason physically physically, mentally, that we bring on experts. I love that you're always sharing your knowledge,

knowing where people are at and the kinds of things that they're working through. And so I just wanna give people their props and mad respect with where they're at in week 10 and listening to these conversations and doing the work. They are the experts. They know themselves best. How do you think your conversations have fit into the program up until this point?

I hope that I have supported your message of gentleness, being compassionate with ourselves, knowing that we've often been on a journey getting here already. We're not fresh off the boat, we've probably been on the boat quite a long time. And now we've landed in your living room or in your dining room. And we've got this opportunity to learn.

That said, then I want people to quickly realize, wow, I've arrived with a suitcase of stuff that I'm going to have to unpack and dismantle. So putting a spotlight on all of that, including the CBT things, noticing what do I think about even starting a program? What do I think about the shopping list? What do I think about telling my loved ones or my colleagues? So thoughts, you know, what do I think about the shopping list? What do I think about telling my loved ones or my colleagues? So

thoughts, you know, what do I think about myself and weight gain or weight loss or my body? So all those thoughts that we've accumulated, because this is a storybook that we have by the time we've probably met with you, then the feelings, what do I feel like? Am I excited, nervous, you know, feeling dread? Do I know to shame or guilt? Am I hiding this? Am I doing it in secret for fear of somebody finding out? And what am I doing those behaviors? Am I gonna do this? Have I gone out? Have I looked at the shopping list? Or have I looked at these,

the leafy green options and the proteins? And have I looked at the shopping list or have I looked at these, the leafy green options and the proteins and have I actually engaged with the material or am I already not and if I'm not, why am I not? Is it because I think it's not going to work or I'm just going to like watch from afar this first program? So those behaviors are key but we don't want to berate ourselves if we're not doing it. We want to be curious and interested in if we're not doing it. Think, okay, I wonder what is holding me up? Why am I stuck in this syrup?

And then of course our body on the left side, that nine o'clock part of the CBT cycle, our physical body, you know, do we feel nervous every time we join the live? Do we feel anxious every time we're thinking about preparing something or a new tweak and a new week and tweak like what's coming now? Do we feel uncomfortable? So not open the app because we don't want to see what, you know, what we've

done and what we haven't done this week. Um, so it's, it's, I hope I'm helping bring that spotlight that you've already got in the programme a little bit brighter on those, the psychology, our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviours, our body and our history. And like you said, I hope to add hopefulness that with neuroplasticity, we can change the story, we can make a new path, but it takes time. We need to be aware of the grooves that we have already laid down and know that this isn't going to be like that.

It's going to be a process of carving that new route to a healthy calmness around food and our body and ourselves and all of that. Yeah, well, I see Lisa here. My loss has been slow this round, but I've been unpacking years and years of emotions and learned behavior. I believe there's still lots of time to lose weight. Now, we got three weeks up in the program, but there's the rest of your life, right? The time is gonna take the time that it takes. Either way, I'm here for the next round and the next and the next, until I'm at peace with my body and my health. I just wanna point out that first of all,

there is, with all the science out there, there is zero science to suggest that you can't lose weight. There are lots of things that make it difficult for us, but there's no reason why you can't lose weight. I've never met anyone I couldn't help as long as they were willing to do the work. And every single person is going to be able to get there. But it's a lot of work. And the reality is that some people are going to follow through and then they're going to continue with the skills and the knowledge that they've learned to be able to maintain and sustain their weight. There are some people are they're going to fall through and they're going to fall back into old

habits and maybe gain that weight back. And there are people who just aren't going to make it. But for me, I'm trying to create a program that works for everybody. And we're desperately trying to give people the tools and the skills that they need. Why do you think like, what are the big reasons why people quit and don't follow through? That's my question one. Question two is what do you think the big reasons are that people follow through and then fall back into old patterns of behavior? So start with number one, why do you think people, and I know there's a lot of reasons, but I just want to say them out loud so that people can maybe recognize them in themselves that they're having some of those thoughts.

This is a hard one to answer because it might upset people sometimes, but when we do look at randomized control trials and things like that to see what leads to success and what leads to attrition. Attrition would be somebody leaving the program or you know, there are things like they don't, they find it too hard, they don't want to do it. So when we unpack particular things, it would be, I don't know if you ask this at the end of the group, but which bit was the hardest bit? Which bit did you not manage? That would be very interesting data to know, ah, that's the bit that many

people struggled with that week or that tweak. So effort, effort is there, you know, sometimes we don't like to do it. You know, it becomes, we perceive it as effortful. It's too hard. we don't like to do it. You know, it becomes, we perceive it as effortful. It's too hard. It's, you know, what's too hard? Is it that now I'm cooking something different for me and something different for the children? Is it the influence of the family?

Is people saying, come on, eat with us. You know, why are you doing that? You're being awkward. You know, people can say very mean things to somebody that is trying to put their health first. You know, it's all about you now. Imagine that being said and you're like, but yes, it is and that's okay for me to be nourishing

and nurturing my body and self. So it's important to really tap in. Did we think it was financial? Did we assume, oh, buying different things is gonna be expensive? And did we try it out? Did we make the assumption but not actually look, okay, if I did have these things in my cupboard,

what does it look like compared to when I have the other things in my cupboard? So probably a lot of that. I think some people will suddenly think this isn't a quick fix. I don't want to do it for the rest, you know, the rest of my life, or I don't want to be having to think about this every day.

And yet the reframe would be probably you think about it anyway every day. Probably whether it's, you know, I wish I was this, I wish I was that, if only I'd done this, if only that. So it's looking at what you want to replace that with, you know, why is it a negative to be looking after your body every day?

We do that for our loved ones, we do that for our pets. Why don't we do it for ourselves? We sometimes are masking it. You know, I came back from the Invisalign dentist last week and I'm like a star. He knows I wear them 22 hours a day. He's like, it's phenomenal. I'm driving home, I'm thinking, and I have to do that. I'm only

cheating myself if I don't. If I want straighter teeth I need to do the work. I need to do it and I need to do it every day and if I go there and I sneakily haven't who am I who am I fooling? He doesn't care. It's me so it's it reminding yourself every day, what do you want? And nobody's going to do it for you. If you want straight to teeth, you've got to do it. If you want to become healthy and hydrate your body and nourish your body and strengthen your body, you've got to do it. And sometimes that's a hard message looking in the mirror to think it's up to you. It really is. And so that might jar people to think they might think I haven't got the self belief. I haven't got the follow through, haven't got the stamina, but break it down.

Use what Dina has been teaching, teaching everybody, break it down into moments. Every day is a new day. Every day is a new day. Every morning is a new morning. Small incremental changes make a difference. If we think we've got to change everything, we often don't. Okay, it's little, little, little. So there's many reasons.

And you can unpack it even if people are thinking which bit was hard, track it with CBT. Was it my thoughts that were hard? Was it my feelings that were hard? Was it my behavior that held me up? Or was it my body that was feeling so unwell or exhausted or fatigued that was doing something? Yeah, and you, this, you know,

from previous conversations with you, because we used to talk about the struggle bus. It gets talked about how they're on the struggle bus on the struggle bus struggle bus. Yeah, you know, every day I wake up and the struggle bus is outside my window and there it is again and there it is again. And I was like, the bus driver is like, get on the fucking bus. Like I'm sitting up here for you to get on the fucking bus. What are you doing?

Let's go. And then what really interesting you said is the struggle is a big word struggle. And that's where you suggested the CBT model because you want to name it, you want to name exactly what is it that you're dealing with? Is it your thoughts? Is it your feelings? Is it something physical? We're going to do we're going to share that post in the group just so people can get a good visual there. I think so many people are fearful that when they reach their goal, they're just going to gain it back. And I think that causes people to sabotage before they even do reach their goal. There's a post in the group today about fear. And I think it's a valid fear for people because they've lost their weight before and they've gained it all back. And now that was, a lot of that was how those shitty diets

were designed, eat less, exercise more, starve and deprive. They weren't learning the tools and skills that they need. How does someone work through that, that fear? Right, well, fear is a great word because it's also an acronym. Fear stands for what am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? What am I expecting to happen? I'm expecting this to be short term and it's going to come and get me, you know, when's it going to come? A, what are your attitudes about it and your actions that you might be able to change? Because if you're expecting that to happen,

now we want to pull out the A and think, okay, this is that those thoughts. My attitude could be, it doesn't have to be that way. I, you know, I could change that attitude and think this is an actual sustainable model. This isn't, I've been depriving myself for four weeks and now when I go back to normal life, it's gonna come back.

So we've got to change the belief about that. I've learned a new way. I've learned how to look after this body that I am living in. Actions, because it's a double A in the middle of fear, is what actions am I going to take to make sure that happens. If we want our bike to last a long time, we should oil it, we should maintain it, we should pump up the tyres and we should change the tyres when the tread is bare.

We don't do that for ourselves. We do it for our cars, we do it for our furnace, we do it for so we want to actually do the actions. Okay, so let's go back feelings. What am I feeling? Why? What am I expecting to happen? And how can I address my attitude and actions? And then we get to the reward, the R. The reward is that then we start noticing, huh, it's working. My body is trusting me. Look at that. It's been six months and I'm staying nice and stable. In fact, now I think I'm going to start doing an extra walk or I'm going to join that Pilates group because I'm feeling actually quite mobile and flexible. And then lo and behold, then you level up even more. You're like, wow, this is working.

So we've got to do a little sort of case study to notice that. But we know that if we think it, if we think that, you know, I'm not going to make it, we know we'll slow down. You know, if I get in my head in a race, if I'm swimming, it's dangerous if I think I can't do it, because my body starts slowing down. And I'm not intentionally thinking slow down, but my motivation must be just sort of disappearing a little bit. And then lo and behold, I don't, I I'm not doing as much as I thought I could do.

Having said that, then always look at the data because sometimes we perceive ourselves as not doing very well. We think, oh, I've taken my foot off the pedal. And then we're shocked when we're like, hang on, I did better than I thought. Actually, it was in my head. I was perceiving slowing down or failure. And that's where carrying on monitoring is hopefully going to lead to some aha moments. Don't stop monitoring. Don't assume that's it. I feel funky and I feel heavy, therefore I am. Don't check because

you might go, no, it's not true. I'm still where I was. I'm still tottering around that, you know, whether it's like if you fall between, you know, four and seven pounds and that's your nice plateau point, you might be like, this is great. I am trusting the process and that's gonna then help you stay on track.

But if you pull back, if your behavior is suddenly like, now, I'm feeling funky, then you might start moving away from those things that you've come to learn work, like our water, like our feeding our body, like on nourishing our body, like sleeping, like spending some time on your your thoughts and feelings and worries every day. Set aside a time to do your journaling and to be thinking, am I turning up for myself? Well, and this is what makes our members the experts for everyone watching and listening. You are the expert, so you have to make the assessment. That's where the awareness piece

says that week 10 is all about leveling up your mind body connection. How's your body responding physically, mentally to the changes that you've made up into this point and the changes that you continue to make moving forward. I mean, that is like, you know, that is no different in any other area of your life. Like for example, me, I'm here. I really want people to be successful. Sometimes I think I'm failing at that in a variety of ways,

professionally, personally, like everything. It's usually after I've had some drinks or I've got some stress going on or I haven't been doing my walks, I haven't been doing the things that I need to do to be in a better place mentally. And then something will come along and remind me, someone will send me a note or I'll stop and I'll see someone.

And there's always that message there. If you look for it and see it, that someone, some of the universe is sending that says, no, no, no, no, no, you're good. Stop believing that. That's not, that's not it. And that's not what the data suggests. And that's not what reality shows.

It's us, that we were the one, our brain is so wired. Is our brain ever gonna stop going to a negative place in space or is it we're just gonna have to deal with this bullshit our entire lives? It's for sure wired for threat. It is evolutionary prime to be looking out for, you know, threat out there and fear, because it's trying to keep us safe. And ultimately it's also trying to keep us comfortable,

which is hard. That's going to bring cognitive dissonance sometimes where there's a jarring effort. It's sometimes hard to do, but it's worth it. You know, look at the struggle when we're watching our little ones learn to walk, but they keep trying to do it. You know, they'll fall. When I watch snowboard ones learn to walk, but they keep trying to do it.

They'll fall. When I watch snowboarders learning to snowboard, I'm like, why are they doing that? But they have this drive to do it, wherever it comes from, whether it's I wanna keep up with my friends or I wanna have, it's in us, but we've got to not be afraid of that work.

But you often talk, and I love it because the word is correct, associations, but also learned behaviors. So there's slightly two different mechanisms that are always working. We want to remember our psychology with this. Associations are when, if people remember Pavlov's dog, it was when he was noticing that when he would move towards the food or the food drawer and anybody that has pets can attest to this, the dogs will anticipate, the cats will anticipate that food is coming. So what he noticed that this move towards

the food brought on salivation. So salivation is a physical response to your body. It's not the cat or the dog saying, I should create some saliva. So what he did is he paired it with a bell. So he rang the bell and then presented the food, rang the bell, presented the food, and repeat, repeat, repeat. And in the end, the bell alone,

just ringing the bell would create salivation. So the body is now associated, just like if you might walk towards the cupboard of the food, you might see the dog going, so the cupboard is not food, but they're anticipating what's in it. Now, humans are just the same. We will come to associate. That's why particular times of the day when we get home from work, when everybody's left and we've got this moment or when it's quiet and we're about to go to bed, sometimes we can have associated that time of day or a feeling or something happening with linking it with something else. I need, I'm going to reach for some food, going to reach for a glass of wine,

I'm going to have a cigarette, whatever that is, association is how that comes to be. Learned behavior is whether we were reinforced positively or negatively or punished positively or negatively. And we can, we can definitely start seeing this in the way we eat. And I drew this for some lovely person last night so that it's scribbled, but you can see that there's four quadrants, okay? Top left, it is reinforcement, positive reinforcement. And I've intentionally used a plus sign,

the additional ab sign. Bottom left, still the word is reinforcement, but this time it's a subtraction sign, minus. So reinforcement, the word reinforcement means you're likely to see that behavior again. Okay, so if we're thinking about puppy training, you're going to want to see maybe a sit again when we get to the pavement before the road. Positive means you're adding something quite nice to make that behavior more likely. That might be a treat for us humans, it might be a salary or a bonus or an A grade. We get something nice for doing it and then lo and behold we do that behavior more often. Somebody says please, like a person, we might say well done for saying

please and we might give them the thing they want. Reinforcement down here in negative, we're still gonna see it, but this time it's taking something away. Now, this is where often anxiety sits and things like OCD sits, and that's when something we do alleviate some anxiety, it takes away something.

So often people might eat something and it makes them feel a little bit calmer or less stressed. And that's really tricky because it's a real reinforcer. It's made us feel better. Now, the good thing is also things like this program, if people are noticing their weight is going down a little bit or I don't know they're able to walk around the block faster so their personal best walking time is going down a little bit, that also sits in negative reinforcement. They're going to be more likely to keep going if they've noticed that it's working, it's taking something away. Now this side is punishment. We don't need to go

into this very much but this is not a nice side to be. Punishment means you're trying to extinguish a behavior, not keep it. This is the keep behavior, this is extinguishing it. Again, plus sign, negative sign. The plus sign means you get something not very nice happen to you, just stop that behavior. Now we can imagine that might be a smack, that might be somebody shouting at you, that might be a buzz collar or a shock collar because it's saying ouch, don't do that behavior again, I don't want to see it. Not a good way of learning, okay, because often it just leads to trouble down the way. Negative punishment is you remove something. This might be the silent treatment. I'm not going to talk to you and I'm

going to expect that to change your behavior. I'm going to withhold your, you know, your pocket money. I'm going to take away your screen time, say. I'm going to remove my love. I'm going to send you to your room and you're not allowed to be with us. So that's that side. So we want to be always aware when we're journaling and when we're mindful, I wonder which mechanism is at play, because we want to positively reinforce ourselves when we're doing well.

This is great. We want to be aware why we might be using food, because we're decreasing stress. You know how many people have watched movies where the stressed person comes home and pours a glass of wine because it's showing that, oh, you know, so we've seen it and then we often do it. And that's why it's so hard to change behaviors because they've been reinforced in our physical body and by people around us.

So don't think you're failing. Remember you're learning. You're learning your processes. You're breaking down the patterns. You're learning if it's an association. You're learning if, oh, I've learned these behaviors. And then we start to slowly dismantle them. And that just takes time. Wow. Because I don't know about anyone else watching or listening. I'm just thinking about how our history of dieting, how some were raised with food, how we've punished ourselves. I overate, let me punish myself and starve myself today. I overate, let me work out extra hard, punishing yourself with your thoughts. I'm a horrible person, I'm useless, I'm not worthy,

I'm never gonna do this. And how people in our lives have maybe reinforced that with things that they've said as well. Fucked up, Dr. Beverly. I think that's why this shit is so fucking hard. It's so messy, It is so messy. And you know, I'm a psychologist, I'm supposed to know this, but it doesn't we none of us get out of what's thus saying. I can't even remember the saying. We all have it. We all have the bully in the brain that will come up rear its head, old path, you know, patterns will just turn up, but it's about

noticing them. If you're a little bit more aware, you're already winning. Okay, if you're able to go, ah, I just noticing that I'm wanting to do that, or I'm being mean to myself, or did you see what I nearly did? I nearly deprived myself because I thought, you know, because I had that thing I shouldn't now eat for the next 24 hours. If you catch it and that's that catch it, cancel it, correct it.

But often people will remind us about lovely Gina when we first talked, we talked about that. And that's, it doesn't have to be a mean way. It's just to catch the thought, to catch the feeling and then think hang on is this true is this 100% true 100% of the time could I actually correct this and be a little bit more gentle with myself you know would I would I speak more kindly to my child or a friend or a colleague, and then practice that, practice compassionate focused therapy,

which is kindness to think I'm doing my best, I'm turning up, I'm learning, and I'm worthy and lovable regardless. Always remember that. You came into this world perfect, you still are. It's just messaging out there has got skewed. And I love that you said that because again, sometimes people I think they walk away

from our conversations being overwhelmed and being like, you're already doing the work. You're already doing the work. That's the beauty of the living method. It's like, it's built in when you first sign up and then you're hit with all the things you've got to do and step out of your comfort zone. When we're downsizing, it brings up issues

with food scarcity, food waste issues, feels like a diet, those thoughts and feels are brought up. Splitting up the meals and snacks where now you gotta think about it even more, deal with what people are saying to you around you. When you start to see success and how you have to, the thoughts and feels that come with that and the fears that come with that, or at this scale isn't moving, the thoughts and the that come with that and the fears that come with that or at the scale isn't moving the thoughts and the feels and then

every day getting on that damn scale and having your thoughts and feel smack you in the face, right? Like you're already doing it. All right. Let's, I want to circle back to the questions that we had in the beginning. So let's start with Carrie Lim. First timer and down 21 pounds experiencing lots of non-scale victories. The program has been life-changing, I'm so grateful. And yet I struggle with the negative thoughts. I have so much more weight to lose. Any advice on how to let go of the scale number

and focus on the good stuff? Okay, so I would, beautiful narrative, because once we name it, we tame it. We start to moving it to the left side of the brain, okay? Because we want to remember, we've got these two sides of the brain, very emotional brain on the right-hand side, very logical linear language brain on the left.

And when we're very reactive, we're often right brain, okay? That would be the part of the brain that sends that email. Okay, doesn't think it through. That the left brain and the right brain. That would be the part of the brain that sends that email, doesn't think it through. The left brain and the right brain, when they integrate to be the wise brain, would say, I'm going to write the email, I'm going to put it in draft and I'm going to send it tomorrow. When we're in emotional brain, we're going to make quick decisions, not maybe think through the long-term consequence. When we see that scale, if we're an emotional brain, we want to say, hang on, I'm going to try to pause,

have my shower, brush my teeth, go and have a hot water. And maybe we've moved more into the wise brain to say it's okay, it's okay, it's going to go up and down. Nobody is stead straight like this. That would be just a robot, you know, and even it just can't do it. So then I would ask her when she's feeling a little bit calm, and when that wise brain is on, then I would draw it out. So I've drawn that she's very grateful. So I put that over in the

feeling section. I've said, loads of non-scale victory. so that's in her thoughts, but then there's this, I've got so much more weight to lose. Okay, so then we would notice that what's that making her feel like? Is it defeated? Does it change the great, the grateful bit to something else? Like, oh, I'm just not there yet. I'm not, I'm not winning yet. What, how did she, how would she unpack that? Because I would say, and it can be very jarring if you're not ready with cognitive reframing, like rethinking our thoughts, but so much more weight to lose also says very loudly, and she told us, I've already lost some. So we want to concentrate on that bit of the sentence, not so much more to lose. I'm already doing really well. Okay. £21, enjoying the non-scale victories, concentrate on them, really flesh them out. What are they? You know, where do you see it? Do you see it in your skin?

Do you see it in your energy? Do you see it in your energy? Do you see it in bloating? Do you? Where? Where is it? And then just notice, right, I feel grateful when these feelings and these thoughts are around. But when that thought of so much more weight to lose, if we put the like Jaws music to it, then she might have some feelings okay so we want to see can we change the movie and say hey I've got some more weight to lose but I know what I'm doing and I've already lost 21, 21 are behind me now because if we start concentrating on that I'm never going to get to the end we're going to slow down aren't we we're going to slow down, aren't we? We're going to think, no, this is an unachievable task, but you're already achieving it. And the non-scale victories will help you know it's totally worth it. It's not all about that number. It's about the organs that are also saying, thank you, thank you. So, so chart it out, catch your thoughts, catch your feelings, notice what behavior you do

when you are in either of those states, the grateful state, like, oh, I'm feeling great today and my behaviors look like this versus, oh, I'm really riddled with the, oh, you know, I'm not there yet. What do your behaviors do then? So, yes, that's what I would there yet. What do your behaviors do then? So yes, that's what I would do. Amazing. Okay. Last question. This is my third round. First two rounds were successful and weight down 32 during and in between this one has been a struggle. I'm so close to my

goal of 40 pounds, my positive mindset has tanked. And so has my weight loss. My question is this, as I approach my goal, how do I make my soul worthy of all the hard work I've put in until now? I think this is the piece of my mindset that keeps me at the same weight this round with sabotage and negative thoughts. Okay, again, I want to know what negative thoughts are coming up, because 32 pounds, you're absolutely right, so close to that target of 40 pounds. So what is success? Like you are already succeeding.

Your soul is always worthy. It was worthy before you even knew about Gina. It is worthy before you even knew about Gina. It is worthy now. We've got to really think what have I learned and how am I different? Because sometimes we really do forget where we were when we started it. We're now in our now.

Okay, so it's sometimes really hard to think, okay, I'm in less pain with my knees or my ankles or my, you know, whatever that is. I have learned things about myself. I if you if maybe she looks at photographs or if she's got a no journal to be thinking, what was I? What was I back then? What was I? How was I approaching life?

How did I wake up into every day? Because that's going to hopefully anchor her into, I am not sabotaging, I might just be settling in to my new regime. That's why you teach us about plateaus, are moving that set point to let it, letting that set point have time to sit in, to let the house settle, you know, before, you know, we've got to let it, the foundation just get balanced. And we don't want to then think that's it, because that's sort of all or nothing thinking or black and white thinking. It's not working. We don't want to think that that's going to lead us down, not a very nice rabbit hole. So again journal, think through it but really really try and draw on the past because often we forget we look back and we think wow look how far I have

actually come and if we haven't monitored it's harder you know we did time trials to a couple of weeks ago in swimming and it's brilliant because then you compare it to your last time trials and you're like, holy moly, you know, there are some significant drops in time. But it's really interesting because of course, there's factors that help with that. Who are you racing next to? How do you feel that morning? You know, all of this mental state is exactly the same

when we wake up in the morning and we're thinking, you know, have I reached out to Gina's community? Am I alongside them? Am I feeling the feels with them? And let's also enjoy each other's successes because we are human. We do get jealous. We do have, you know, oh, they're doing it better than me,

or they're finding it easier than me. We definitely want to try and catch it when we're personalizing this stuff and thinking, we don't know the full story for anybody. We don't know. So we don't want to presume. But brilliant starts. Both of the authors of those queries or questions or comments,

brilliant, that's the work. Yeah, and you know, you don't have to be, for anyone watching or listening, dealing with that, that's not your particular scenario, but that, like, there's a lot in that that everyone can resonate. Before we go, I have two last questions. One is people fear the gap in between groups. And I know people are gonna be just fine. We're gonna set them up for success. There's a lot of fear there. What am I gonna do in between programs?

And I think there's a lot of benefit to that gap that we have in between groups. But before that, I wanted to address people who feel like they don't have enough time. To me, I'm just like, sign up for the next program. It is what it is. It's going to take the time it's going to take. But people see it as they don't have enough time. They try to crunch their whole weight loss journey in the 91 days when it's expected that people will sign up for as many programs as they need to reach their goals. Now there's benefits to why we do that. Some people might just need one group.

Some people need 21 groups, but that's that pressure people put on themselves. I remember the calendar. I want to lose X amount of weight by X amount of date, a date that I picked, or maybe there's a wedding or something. I got the calendar out. I need to lose, if I didn't lose 20 pounds this week,

I need to lose 40 pounds the next week. And that I can see the X and the time coming to the end. And then I'm doing nothing about nothing. I'm just stressing about everything. Yeah. So how do we, how do we deal with not enough time left? And then how do we deal with the fear of the time in between groups? Oh, I love your double double questions. And you got three minutes to answer that question. Both. I think we've got to remind ourselves that this program, it's 91 days and change can happen, but it's also an introduction. It's an introduction so that we have the tools to know what we're doing. You know, if we

were to take a mechanics course, we're going to learn how to do it, and then we're going to keep maintaining our car. You are teaching us how to do this forever. And if we are drawing on previous diets or fads or juices or restrictions, we're forgetting because we are thinking, okay, yes, I'm going to lose the weight by May the 15th. And then let's all be honest, then probably we stop doing the thing that we were doing. So we need to remind ourselves we're learning, we're learning how to have this sustainable, manageable travel with us, move through life with us, travel through grief with us. It's going to be there always to support you,

to think, okay, now I've learned why water's important. Now I understand proteins. I understand all of these bits. Don't unlearn them. Remember them. They're in your toolkit. You get to carry it around like your Batman belt. The gap in between, it's again, how do you frame it?

Do you frame it as an opportunity to think, okay, I'm gonna see what I've remembered and learned and how have I integrated it? Has it become part of my routine? Or is it still, is there still some effort there? Is there some mental effort and what's the word for it? I can't think of my word. I'm having to stay conscious about it,

or is it coming second nature now that am I getting way better at doing this? A little bit like automatic things, like we feed the cat, we feed the dog, they're very automatic. Which bits have become habits and which bits are still a little bit more difficult? And then we even in psychology or any treatments, which bits have become habits and which bits are still a little bit more difficult.

And then we even in psychology or any treatments, a phased approach is really effective. Having breaks and then going back into it allows us to go, okay, what have I learned? What have I remembered? What's working? How have I been? We want to trust ourselves because remember we want to practice separating from our teacher or separating from our parents so that we build self-esteem, you know, autonomy, agency. They might learn things themselves. They think, wow, look what I've learned. I just love cottage cheese with poached eggs now. Like they're going to start inventing their own things and, you know, go off script a little bit and be feeling proud of themselves.

And anybody that says, are you still on the gena? I want you to say, why course? Why not? If somebody says, are you still swimming? Yes. Are you still learning? Yes. Are you still a psychologist? Totally. Remember how it's delivered. It doesn't, it doesn't need to land like an insult or criticism, you can say, hell yes. move to the front, you know? Yeah. Oh, move those passengers off. Drive your own bus. I was sassy, Gina, felt uncomfortable because I'm never sassy, I'm hot. Drop the mic down to Beverly. Yeah, you know, I do, I do,

because I know you're gonna be back in the next couple of weeks, that we are, soon we're gonna start talking about people's reactions to people's weight loss. And I'm just like, it's not just what you're saying to other people. When you're saying stuff to other people,

you're saying it to yourself. So yes, I'm still prioritizing myself. Yes, still trying to eat healthy, still trying to sleep, get better sleep, still managing my stress, still trying to, I don't know, help my skin, still trying to do all the things to feel my best. Yes, yes I am. I am.

I love it. I love it and I adore you. I know you're gonna be back with us. I think it's at next week. You're gonna do a panel with the ladies, I think. I think so, I'm excited. It's in the calendar. Yeah, so we're gonna continue this conversation.

You gave us a lot to think about today I highly suggest everyone watching listening watch it again. Listen to it again. I'm gonna put all your Dr. Beverly isms. I'm gonna make the all the I don't know. We need some visuals. There's so many good ones I think we're gonna get collect them and then put them out there a final parting words of wisdom for our members today I'm just so proud of everybody. It's such an incredible thing to do. Turning up, deciding to focus on yourselves. And yeah, just try and find that moment and don't be scared of it to think I am doing it. I am doing it and it is my job to do it. No one is going to force me if I want to get faster I've got to do it, if I've got to

study I've got to do it, if I want my teeth this, whatever, it's up to you and you can do it. So if there's been bullies or if it's inside your head that says you can't, start showing yourself that you can one day at a time. And yeah, it's exciting. This doesn't have to be daunting. This doesn't have to be a form of discipline or punishment. This should reward you in the ways

that you should have always felt rewarded. So thank you, Jeanne, for bringing such a holistic approach to this whole industry. Right back at you. Thank you. Someone just called you a badass full of sass. I have to let my mum listen. She'll be like, well done, Stephanie. I have to let my mom listen. She'll be like, well done Beverly. Get that on a t-shirt for you. Oh my gosh, I love you. I adore you.

Thank you. I am so grateful for you taking the time. Again, I think what's special about these conversations is you have someone like Dr. Beverly, who's just brilliant, who knows where you are at, who understands what you're trying to do and work through. And these are really focused conversations to help give you the tools and the skills that you need. And you

are the expert in your own life. And to Dr. Beverly's point, no one else is going to do it for you. And you know, I you know, thank you for this hour long session that you just gave us. There's so many there's there's so many good tidbits and so many good takeaways that we can sit with. And that's what I suggest, like watch it again, listen again, pull out certain things, right? And start thinking about where are you at

and what do you need in order to move forward? We gotta go, I just would talk to you forever, but I know you're gonna be back next week. Thanks for joining me everyone. Thanks Dr. B, I adore you, thank you. You're welcome, see you soon.