The Livy Method Podcast - Learning to Embrace Change with Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer - Spring 2025

Episode Date: May 20, 2025

In this episode, Gina and Learning Expert Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer explore the tension between wanting change and actually creating it. Dr. Deena shares why good intentions fall flat without structure, and how even small adjustments can feel massive when you’re used to comfort. Change isn’t just about The Food Plan—it’s about your relationship with discomfort, resistance, and your old habits. If you’re saying you want change but keep living the same story, it’s time to ask some tough questions. Dr. Deena also highlights the four S’s—structure, shame, skepticism, and simplifying—offering a grounded path forward. Whether you're stuck, skeptical, or just plain tired, this episode reminds us that just showing up still counts. The real work? Letting go of what you can’t control, choosing small wins daily, and learning how to make change stick.You can find the full video hosted at:www.facebook.com/groups/livymethodspring2025Where to find Dr. DeenaInstagram: @awakenedlearningWebsite: www.awakenedlearning.caTo learn more about The Livy Method, visit livymethod.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Gina Livi and welcome to the Livi Method Podcast. This is where you'll have access to all of the live streams from my 91 Day Weight Loss program. With a combination of daily lives, guest expert interviews, and member stories, there is something new almost every day. Miss the Morning Live? Want to relisten to one of our amazing guest experts? Well, this is the place.

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To learn some things. How do we help you feel less overwhelmed so you can continue on your journey? Keep believing in yourself and keep trusting the process. Just be patient. Don't lose weight. We're trying to reach our goals. We are literally in pursuit of change, so we have to change and we're trying to reach our goals. We are literally in pursuit of change. So we have to change and we're gonna notice the change.

But my goodness, making change is so hard for so many reasons. Joining me today is Dr. Dina Kara Schaefer, learning strategist, world renowned learning strategist, also the author of the book, Feel Good Learning and Raising Well Learners. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning, Gina. I would like to start by saying two things

for I know this is your show. So it's your I just if I could have a minute one. I'm wearing a turtleneck in May. I just Okay. Second, happy belated birthday, Gina. It's your birthday, Gina. Oh, hi. Thank you. Thank you. I had a wonderful day and my goodness, am I ever blessed with my friends and my family and our incredible community? Honestly, so many of you. Thank you. If you reached out on any social media, sent me birthday wishes. I love you all. Yes, it is a little bit chilly. We're just coming in hot off the long weekend here in Canada, Ontario. And I was like going to go for a walk this morning because of the sun was shining and the birds were chirping.

I said to Tony, what's the temperature? He's like six. I'm like, yeah. Okay. No, no. Thank you. I am. I love that you brought up my birthday because I, you know, we sat around the table yesterday

and you know, the kids are like, what's, you know, what do you want for your birthday this year? And, and you know, we sat around the table yesterday and you know, the kids are like, what's, you know, what do you want for your birthday this year? And, and you know, what's your plan? And I said, you know, I just, there's a couple of things hot off the heels of a conversation we had with the TNT midlife mamas talking about one getting older and feeling kind of irrelevant or never going to get you get yourself back. And you're just, your youth is lost and you know that kind of conversation which is very real and valid right especially as we start to go

through menopause and we get older am i ever going to be like am i ever going to be in the best shape of my life again probably not maybe the fourth fifth sixth best shape of my life i don't know and then just with my birthday, it's just like it's change. Your birthday every year is change, reflecting back on your life and how you've changed a lot. And I'm like, I'm going to embrace it, right? Like I'm just going to be, and I made a list and I shared it on social media. I'm like, what are the things I'm not going to do anymore? And what are the things I'm going to start doing? And I think when it comes to making any kind of change in your life or embracing change that is happening

that you have no control over, you need to be intentional about it. Is that maybe a good place to start? Yeah, we sure can. We sure can. We can talk about intention. Intention's a good word. It invites us.

It's very dreamy, comes with some vision, comes with a lot of hope and hope ain't a plan. So the reason I think you invite this learning strategist back is there's something around structures and systems. So if we've got an intention, how are we supporting that intention and not just leaving it there as a dreamy, hoped for future vision with structure and systems.

I'm gonna start with the systems gal. Like it's all about the how. Everyone's obsessed with the why, the intention, like ooh, how? Or the goal, the goal, right? Everyone's obsessed with the goal, it's not the goal. You can have a wonderful goal, whether it's a big goal, small goal, that's great, but that's not that the action plan that's going to get you there.

Totally. So the mechanics of, so I've got, and it's not that we let go of the intention. That's very, very uplifting. It's exciting. It's orienting too. Like, well, where am I heading? But how do I support like the architecture, the choreography, the scaffolding of how I actually begin to move in the direction of that intention? Oh, that's good. This one I love about the Libby method. This is the Libby method is structure and support. There's a rhyme and a reason to it.

And as opposed to just counting and weighing and measuring and haphazardly doing all the things that you're trying to do to lose weight, it's very structured. And you're building on the things that you've done and worked through and learned as you go. Same thing, just physically with the changes that we're gonna start making with the food plan,

mentally the things that are popping up. Hence where we are week four. So people are either started yesterday downsizing or today that's changed. They have spent weeks eating to satisfaction, right? Trying to be in tune to their body's needs. And now it's just a slight tiny change, leaving a few bites less on your plate, going from eating enough to feel satisfied to slightly unsatisfied. But it feels like big, massive change to people because it brings up a lot of the feels.

It's the week that most resembles a diet. And even though I say it's less about eating less and more about the things that, you know, the thoughts and feels that pop up in what you're learning. I'm not sure that's resonating with people. Why is it so hard for people to pivot and to make the... Oh, well, we like grooves, don't we? I mean, you even talk about that with set points.

We really like when we arrive at a place and can kind of swim there for a while. And you just got us there, right? Like we were we were there and we got comfortable and we were knowledgeable and we were skillful and we knew what the day the shape of the day. And then you go ahead and tinker with a little bit. So that's part of it is just we're tinkering with a new rhythm. We have to bring a little bit more intention. So it's no longer automated,

which is sort of the point is you're playing around each week. You're playing around with our habits. Yeah. So that's very normal to feel unsettled. This one in particular also is a spicy one. It can feel like something in the past. Oh, I have to eat less, I'm restricting. Now, if we don't listen carefully,

if we don't lean into the tone and the spirit and the actual information that you're sharing, then we might walk away thinking like, oh, well, I just, I have to eat only half of what's on my plate. Nope, like that's not at all what you said. So it's an opportunity to go, wait, what is really

present that Gina is saying? What is the actual guidance? And what is it bringing up for me? What is the thing that's agitated in me? What is alive for me? And then that's an opportunity to heal. I know we have to make change, but can you just talk about why change is necessary? Why change is necessary? Well, that's the whole program. Yeah, that's the program. So I don't think we could keep doing the same thing that we're doing and have different results come to be. I don't think that that like that doesn't feel very logical to me. So I work with students all the time of all ages. And here's so, you know, it's like finals time for high school students.

And here's what most of them do to study. They rewrite their notes, their notes are beautiful and they're pristine and they do it every time. And then they go in and they have a test, whether it's history or English or bio or chem. Yeah. And it doesn't ever feel more confident. So same input, same output, like it's the same.

So something has to change. We have to go, wait a minute, that's actually not at all studying. And just as an aside for any parents of high school students, how you actually study is you practice questions. We'll come back to that another time, but we can't put in the same, like the same inputs and expect a different output.

So change is ever present in the program. You're asking us to notice different things, pose different questions to ourselves, engage in reflection, which we might have not done before. So that's a change. You're asking us to ensure that we have very, very sound nourishing sleep. You're asking us to move, but in not detrimental, like four hours of high intensity clap. Like you're asking us to notice and play and notice and play and notice and play. So the whole thing is change.

So I think the life project or the master class here is, what is your relationship with change? We're all here because we want to change, but how are we relating to change? Especially, this is so fun, especially if we're already angry at Gina. Like if we're already frustrated, if we're bored, if we're like, no, no, no Gina.

Well, I don't think that has to do with Gina. I just don't, I just pretty sure it's not about Gina. That's okay. I can take it. I know. I know. And as a teacher, it happens all the time. Like I would, honest to God, have the same student hate, like when I used to teach high

school, grade 11, hate me at the start. Hate, hate, hate it. Like every question, every kindness, every comment, every feedback. And then would be the same student who would embrace me as they walked across the days of graduation. I'm like, I'm just here the same like nerd doing the same teaching thing. And you're just gonna bounce all your shit off me. And that's all right. That's okay. But it's not about I don't think it's But it's not about me. I don't think it's

like it's not about me. Oh my god. I made the mistake of going and searching. Sometimes I search my name to see what's going on because people like other competitors will use my name and what's going on out there. And I came across made the mistake of checking a Reddit conversation once and I was like never again. I'm like y'all I'm just trying to help you over here. Some people straight up angry. I was like oh my god okay just remind me to never check. Never. Which was weird also but it's so intense. I did the same thing about how people rated me as a teacher and I used to have like a perfect score until and I really want to swear right now until AI, until AI came along and all this, you know, my son, not all, some of my students

would write their papers with AI and I would ask them about it. Like I would, I would catch them doing it. And then all of a sudden my rating felt, Oh, she's a really hard marker. I'm like, I think I just asked if you wrote your own paper. Like I, I think that's all that happened and you hate me because of that. I don't know. I don't even like, I'm not touching it. Okay, I digress. I digress. Can we go back and listen to that again? And I highly suggest everyone who's watching or listening

because I was just about to ask Dr. Dino, what is change? What is the change? Is change the learning part? Is it the things you're actually switching up? And you just said, well, it's all changed it's all it's all basically the choice Gina that you're offering people so you could you're making it very available and accessible people could change one thing i'm just gonna i'm it's my first group i'm going to do the eating plan the way that Gina's guiding. And that's full of all kinds of changes, little ones, big ones.

It's you're asking us to change our rhythm with eating, our relationship with eating. But there's also opportunities all over the place to notice the other kind of variables in the mix, about our sleep, about our rest, about stress, about community and relationships, about how we are in relationship with other people, how they treat us, our boundaries. So it's, and that's not to overwhelm, you're just giving people all kinds of starting places. It's why it's relevant if it's the first group you're doing or the 18th, that there's always a new rock to look under if you want to look under

it. Yeah there's always a new rock to look under. You talk about change readiness what does that mean? Well I mean in a way it's a bit catchphrase-y but it's like we could have the intention but how but how in it are you to do the mechanics, to do the action items towards that change? So we can have the mindset of like, I'm ready and I'm still doing revenge bedtime procrastination doom scrolling until 2 a.m. And then I'm real tired the next day like always. So how do we calibrate those things? So the thing that I say that I want and then the

but because they're not habits yet it's like the the action steps of the new desired behavior before their habits. So before I have a set routine that is actually health promoting, they are micro decisions one after another. It does take awareness and consciousness and deliberateness. How do we begin to move those in alignment? That's for me the more interesting thing around change readiness. It's like change, awakeness or change attunement. Like, well, if we're saying this, but we're doing this again and again and again and again and again, how do we bring it together? Well, that's really, I think that's pretty profound because I think with where we're

at week four, going into downsizing, I mean, if you're still here, if you even woke up, I did a post today, even thinking about your goals, you're a rock star really. But even though we know we signed up for a 91 day program, we're starting to feel it's what we've done, what we haven't done, where we're at. There's a lot of pressure there that we that we put on ourselves. How do we make it to the end with all the changes that are coming? Because you're just starting to make the change. I know there's returning members, right, who know what's to come. And sometimes that can actually make things a little bit harder for you. And then we have new members who have no idea what's to come and trying to just be like, why? I know we're maybe getting ahead of ourselves,

but in knowing all the change that's to come, how do we make sure we're here for it? Yeah, perfect. So the first thing I'm gonna say, and I'm really sort of overstated is structure. So structure to me has to do with habits. How are you opening spaces, windows in a day, in a week, to acclimate to the new information,

to familiarize yourself so that it doesn't feel overwhelming, so it feels like, okay, I've got the lay of the land, and then I can drill down into like, oh great, that basically means I'm doing these three things every day, and I'm gonna repeat them for the week. So structure, that's like, is it a notification in your calendar as a reminder? Is it, we've talked about stacking habits.

Is it an action on the way to becoming a habit and a routine, but before that, like an on purpose action that you just insert somewhere in an already set sequence in your day? Whatever it is, how is the structure, the habits are like on the way to becoming habits. How is that supporting the changes week by week and the larger change that you're after the other part is shame.

So I'm going to do a little bit of a Beverly like four S's. I really love Beverly. So how are you tending to any shame that comes up, because that's part of why we're resistant to change. It's like it didn't work in the past. How am I feeling in terms of my capacity to really do this for myself? Why has it come to this point? Why hasn't it worked? There's a lot of shame in the storying that we tell ourselves. So what is there to support you? Is it community?

Is it a therapeutic ally? Is it what you've decided to immerse in and read and listen to so that you're like kind of doing that empowerment piece? Skepticism. Skepticism is gonna be alive and well for most people who take this program because for most of them, it's not their first program that they have engaged with to try to improve their health and wellbeing.

So I am not gonna be a human who comes on here and it's like just like trust the process and then full stop mic drop. How do we trust the process we trust the process by like today I'm going to experiment with doing the things and see how it goes to my body like it. The body always likes this program like that. That's the remarkable thing. So we don't have to. It's like, you can't necessarily just trust something when your trust has been so torn at and ripped apart in the past. So we can catch our skepticism,

we can catch the storyline in our head, how loud, how angry, how full of doubt it is, how loud, how angry, how full of doubt it is. And also we can take this one next healthy step, questions before a meal, the advice and the recommendation around this meal or this day of meals. And that like doubt can be full of that. And then have a proof of concept emerge. Oh, like watch the it's not even watch the scale. Watch out feels to be in your body as a human who sleeps well, moves well, eats well, and is in community. Like that's what's going to heal the skepticism, because it feels good, the program feels good. And then just lastly, if we're talking about like change resistance, change readiness, is streamline. How can you remove the friction points to doing this?

So that again is back to that like universal welcome that you're giving people into the program. Is it that, you know what, I know there's all these lovely bells and whistles. I just need your book, Gina. If I just had your book physically in my hand and I kept it in my purse or I kept it in my backpack or I kept it open on my desk on the day that I'm supposed to be following in the week, then I can ship away at it a page at a time, two pages at a time. Or do I need to pin something on my browser so that that's

what opens up every day? Do I need to set a reminder to check in with the app morning and night? Do I need to have an accountability pal either in the community or someone in your household being like, I'm going to do my journaling. Do you want to use your living method reflection journal? Like, so there's a lot of different ways to do it, but streamlining your engagement and participation so that you're very clear. Like every day I check in with the Facebook live or every day I ask a question or every day I do one page check in or twice a day I use the app. Keep it simple. When we simplify, we're more likely to adhere to it. If we think we have to change everything, it's impossible.

It's impossible. And you're setting yourself up for failure. Yeah. Well, this is a, this is a perfect comment here from Nicole. If the last three weeks have been all over some good days, some bad days, can I keep going or do I need to start over? I mean that, and thank you, Nicole, for sharing, but that just hurts my heart. Like, just showing up and doing one thing a day is better than doing nothing. And it really is just a matter of moving forward, not going back restarting any of those things.

Why do we do this to ourselves that we think that what we're doing isn't good enough when in the moment, it was literally the best that we could do. Oh, well, that's the world we live in, right? I mean, perfectionism is on the rise. Oh my god, I'm giving like one, two talks about that this week. Like, we are really in a culture and context that is hyper competitive. And so it's like the systems are designed to actually make us feel quite inadequate, insufficient, that there isn't as much abundance as there is. And so of course it feels like you haven't done enough,

that you aren't enough. And in a way, if you just allow me a parallel, like one of the ways that we can help with all of the procrastination, distraction, fractured attention that we all experience and so many young people are experienced, it's time to actually get angry. It's time to feel a little bit of rage and fire

about all that is stealing our attention. It's not dissimilar to, I feel inadequate, I'm like, should I just scrap the whole thing, sign up for the next session? No, this is where we practice. Get angry at the larger pieces that are telling you somehow that you are not good enough, that you're not doing well enough.

Like I think a little bit of angry and pushback is helpful. We live complicated lives with lots of responsibilities and lots of pressures. We have loss, we have injury, we have illness, we have trauma. There is so much we are holding. There are so many plates we are spinning. And trying to just do a little bit each day

towards our health is really all that we can expect. And Gina, you are helping guide us around those healthy choices. This is about, it's always about recognizing where you are at and what you need. Knowing where you're at Google, that why is really important because that's why you signed up, right?

You were very hopeful when you signed up for the 91 day program and now reality is setting in, routine is setting in, which allows the reality to come to light and your thoughts and your feels are all part of that and so you could also go back and say okay well what did I expect of myself why didn't I show up in the way that I had planned what can I do to better support myself so I can what systems can I put in play that are actually going to help me not just keep repeating the same thing? The reality is, if you go back, you're probably just going if that's it, just going back, you're just going to repeat the exact same thing again.

And this happens with people who like get to a certain point and they need to be perfect. So like, I'm going to go back. That's not it. The reality is, you're just you're always going to get to the same point. And we know this with people, they'll make it to week four of the program. And then they'll be like, I've signed up for three programs. I can't make it past week four. It's because signing up again and going back, that's not it. You got to be like, why is this happening? What are my thoughts? What are the feels? Why can't I make it past week four? How can I make it past week four? And this is where all of our brilliant guests come in.

It's so much, it's not about the food plan. It's about showing up every day and trying to make the change. Yeah. The daily changes or the weekly changes, it's about the changes for sure. And heeding the feedback. It's really like, what is the feedback that's being offered? And so one of it is, do I just step sideways out,

start again when it doesn't go as I had hoped or planned? Yeah. There's so much opportunity here for like wide awake reflection. It's just, it's a very simple example, but you know, at the start of this weekend, I'm like, Hey, fam, you want to make a plan about this weekend? Should we do it?

Like, let's have a plan. I love a plan. My God, learning strategies, loves a good plan. How much everyone do you think of that plan got done? We can't control everything like we cannot possibly. It took my wonderful, kind tween daughter a long time when we went shopping for t-shirts. Like so much longer than I could have ever anticipated.

The house did not get clean that day. Yeah. We like threw into the oven whatever was in the freezer so that we could eat by eight o'clock p.m. Cause the t-shirt shopping on Sunday took so long. It just goes like that. So there's only so much we can control. There are opportunities for feedback.

When the day doesn't go as planned, what do we do the next day? Do we berate ourselves or do we go, okay, well, maybe I was a little ambitious. What is there for me to learn about myself? What is in that, like my relationship with control? What do I have to surrender? What tiny little pockets of control do I have?

What do I need to learn about myself as a mother and an entrepreneur and a teacher that's like, boy, I really try to jam a lot into each day. Maybe there's something there for me. Think so, I don't think this is about my tween slowness, about t-shirt choices. I think it's about how I also thought I was going to write 1000 words towards my next book and I was going to do an hour long workout

and I was going to clean the house and I was going to do some gardening. There's some feedback for me there. I got a good one for you. We were at you know, I was away in St. Lucia. So we were like checking out retreat spots. We were at the Harbor Club on this beautiful club in St. Lucia, so we were like checking out retreat spots. We were at the Harbor Club, this beautiful club in St. Lucia on the Harbor for the first few days. And then the last few days,

we went to this resort called the Body Holiday. And it's where everything is included, your, like all your treatments, like AquaFit, like your yoga. And so here's my schedule because like I gotta get it all in. So we're gonna start our day with Tai Chi and then we're gonna do yoga

and then we're gonna do an ocean swim. And then we're gonna do foam rolling and then we're gonna eat, then I'm gonna do a scrub and I'm gonna go horseback riding. I'm gonna come back and go for a swim again. Then I'm gonna go on a sunset cruise. I'm then gonna finish this up with yoga,

another ocean swim and then I'm gonna hit the beach barbecue. Like I'm not joking. It is all in my calendar. I'm so exhausted from your spa holiday right now. I don't even know that I can listen to the activities and they're all very delicious. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna do it all. I'm gonna get whatever and then

you know, as my thought was like racing from one thing to another. I'm like, what am I doing? This is not relaxing. This is not wellness. This is not good for me to be stressing myself out that if I don't do all the things, then I like, and so I'm just, I want to say the point, whether you're at home or you're on vacation, like, I just do what I normally do and just took it away with me. And it just showed up in the same way, just different. That same tempo, that same kind of rhythm just got transferred to the other place. But I hope also, I mean, this is the part

where self-compassion, like I feel Dr. Beverly at the door because who wouldn't have done that? What a rare and beautiful experience. Also, body holiday, I don't have any sponsorships. And if you would like to be the first one, I can really test out all of those features. I'm just saying, I'd be very good. Very, very good at trying out any one of those.

I think that who wouldn't have felt as excited and all in, right? Like that's just a delicious time that is, yes, the same tempo, but that's not what your day to day looks like. I get little glimpses of what your day is like. Sometimes there's a lot of meetings and a big staff and a big family, lots on the go.

The other thing is that FOMO piece, right? It's like, oh, but I want to do it all. And it's a lovely acronym, JOMO, the joy of missing out, but it's not easy. It's like an acronym that can be very difficult to embrace. Third, there's also that like, I don't know, do you ever see that film, Tick Tick Boom, about the beautiful creator of rent?

It's like, there is a sense of like that existential anxiety, time anxiety. Like the beautiful creator of rent. It's like there is a sense of like that existential anxiety, time anxiety, like there isn't enough time. There's not enough time for all I wanna do. Yeah. So the self-compassion part is who wouldn't have done that? And that maybe next time it takes more than four days to actually do the unwinding and go, wait a minute, the most

skillful thing for me is like one water thing and one spa treatment and one exercise thing. And I'm always going to like lose out. Like it's always opportunity cost. And that's just be alive. That's just what it is to be a human. Well, and that, you know, it's interesting because that was my takeaway at the end of the day. I'm just like, is to be a human. Well, and that you know, it's interesting, because that was my takeaway at the end of the day, I'm just like, you know, so I went to my yoga, I went for a swim, did my treatment, horseback riding, but rather than two hours, I did an hour and then came back and just like shut it all down. And there was that

that stress all day long, well, I'm not doing this, I should be at aqua fit right now as I'm floating in the ocean. And that stress on you that you know know, doesn't matter. And so, is that that day, or is it just, do I feel like it's never enough always? Right? And that's my point here. Like, what you are doing in this program

is probably how you do it in life. Like, it's no different. How you are in life is how you are doing in this program is probably how you do it in life. Like it's no different. How you are in life is how you are doing the program. And so this is why the tools and the skills that you are acquiring while listening to our incredible guests and the change that you are making, it's not just about losing weight. You are literally changing your vibe, your energy, your thoughts, your feels, your actions, your habits, how you are showing up, right? And this is why we say it's so much more than weight loss.

Yeah, there you are wherever you go. There you are. There you are. I feel like it's like bigger than a set point. It's like an energy point. You're changing your energy set point, your capacity set point, your awareness set point, you know? I do want to get into a prioritization with you before we go, but I have this comment,

this question from Jamie, I have lived life fearing change and experiencing anxiety when I'm forced to deal with changes. And hey, we are putting it right in your face with this program. This fear has resulted in me avoiding things like advancing my education, advancing my career and taking steps to better my personal life. I'm excited to take some time to focus on this, hoping it will provide me tools

and understanding that I can implement in my life and in the lives of my children, should they have similar struggles. I mean, I think that Jamie is recognizing this, right? Like this is just, hello, here I am. And it's not just about weight loss. This is making change in my life in general. Advice for Jamie? Yes, I'm sorry, we have two more minutes.

Great, I'm gonna take half an hour. So here are four things that I would like to say to Jamie. Also, hi Jamie, that's amazing that you wrote that in. Okay, so let's go from the simplest to the most complex that you can do. First thing you can do is just decide every day. So I'm just gonna learn a strategy to shut out of this. So every day you can say, I going to do a hard thing, a

medium thing and an easy thing that are in search of change. I say this with my learners to that like we can really have some complicated productivity arrangements, prioritization matrices. But like when it comes down to it, can you do something that's actually very easy for you to do towards change? Maybe that's like, you know what, I walk my dog, I'm just going to walk my dog a little bit longer, or I'm going to walk my dog while listening to Gina podcast. That's an easy change. Medium change might be, oh, like, I don't know about this technology thing, but fine, I'll start using the app or reflection. It's like, God,

I really hate journaling. Okay, well, maybe that's the invitation. And hard might be meal planning. I hate meal planning. I hate thinking ahead, but then I scramble because I don't actually have what I need. So that's one way that you can do this. So every day there is an easy thing, a medium thing, and a hard thing towards that larger intention or goal. The next one is you could say five non-negotiables.

I'm going to establish my five non-negotiables. I'm gonna establish my five non-negotiables. You can make it four, you can make it six, that are with me always. And the reason we have a non-negotiable is essentially for when life, when shit hits the fan. So when there is loss, illness, grief, difficulty, financial precarity, we have the non-negotiables

so that we don't forget to take care of ourselves. We don't forget to foreground ourselves. That's why we the non-negotiables so that we don't forget to take care of ourselves. We don't forget to foreground ourselves. That's why we have non-negotiables. They're very easy on the days that are easy, but they're hard on the days that are hard unless we already have a set rhythm. Every day I have some contemplative practice or some like present moment awareness practice.

I have some kind of movement practice. I connect with one friend, no matter what. I may connect with more than one, but at a minimum one friend so that I'm not alone. I also, I always go to bed at the same time, no matter what, and you know, like pick whatever your five are, it doesn't matter. But five non-negotiables begin that practice.

If five feels overwhelming, if you're like, Dina, you said the word five, and I already, I like wanted to throw something at your face on screen, fine, make it three. But begin to have a non-negotiable practice because having an unwavering structure helps us win life waivers. That's what I have.

Yeah, like brushing your teeth is a non-negotiable. You would never think about starting your day without brushing your teeth. Right? Totally. Like it doesn't have to be a big thing. Exactly. That's kind of like a big thing. Yep, okay, got it.

OK, the third strategy is something I call the priority wheel. And it was my response to too many prioritization systems that are based on urgency. There's too much around like, oh, when it feels like a crisis, that's when we can get stuff done. And all of us feel like that.

The threshold for stress is very close for most of us, most of the time. We don't need any more crisis or urgent language because there are actual urgencies and crises that sometimes for all of us happen. So I just wanna divorce that. I'm not interested in more of that language. So I created the priority wheel and all you have to do is this,

either in a morning or in an afternoon and a full day, have one touch point with something all you have to do is this, either in a morning or in an afternoon and a full day, have one touch point with something that you have to do, that you really, really have to do, a deadline that's coming up, something that you should do, like taxes that start in January, like this is gonna be real difficult, this is gonna become a crisis or overly urgent

if I don't chip away, something that you want to do. Maybe you love baking. Maybe you love a particular show. Whatever. Maybe you love science fiction reading. Fine. Like make space for the things that you love. It doesn't have to be on the holidays or the weekends. You can do things you love in a day too. Just some of it, not all of it. Things that feel good to do that we don't ask ourselves, do I want to? I do it anyways because it feels good. Have you ever gone for a walk in your neighborhood and felt worse afterwards? Have you ever done light exercise and then been like, well, that sucked. I have less energy. No. So we do it because it actually feels good to do.

And then lastly, something towards our bigger aims, the thing that is like in us that we are just on fire and passionate for, or if we don't have big fire and passion, we're curious about, we're like, I kind of do want to start a podcast. I kind of do want to start writing a blog series. Cool. Chip away a little bit at a time. So that's the third strategy. And the fourth one is a little bit abstract, but can be very, very sweetly helpful for Jamie or other humans who are like, I've held myself back. I'm not sure. And it's from this lovely,

lovely neuroscientist, and Laura LeCunf, and she would say, tiny experiments, tiny experiments, bring the curiosity. We don't have to like know the whole thing. We don't have to have the big goal all lined up because sometimes the big goal, when we have the shitty days that like we've moved in the opposite direction of our goal, then we're like, well, that's it. I guess I need a new goal or my goal isn't gonna work out

or I'm never gonna be able to reach it. If we brought a lighthearted curiosity to like, hmm, I wonder what would happen if I tinkered with this. I wonder what would happen if I experimented over this. If you get curious instead of critical, how does that support you in showing up the next day? I'm really curious. That's interesting. When I ate too much last night, I actually didn't sleep as well. What would happen today if I ate a little earlier or kind of did a little bit of a different proportion of how much I ate? Let me just see how my sleep would be tonight. It's a little bit lower stakes. That's all I've got. I love it. We'll take it. We'll take it. Lots of people have a lot of questions here. What I would suggest everyone is go back and listen again. Like, you know, you're

hearing especially if you're hearing it for the first time, there's this or that what was this? What was that? People are talking about how they're feeling. I love that you're recognizing how you're feeling. Take a deep breath, sit back, whether it's right now, or it's tonight, later this week on the weekend, and just listen to it. Listen again, just being open and absorbing the information. Just, and just pay attention to the thoughts and the feels that are coming up. Maybe grab a pen and a piece of paper and, you know,

sit down and write the things out that are resonating with you. And in fact, I suggest that you go back and do that with all of our incredible guest experts. Dr. Dina Kara-Shafer is going to be back with us again. I want to remind you you can pick up her book Feel Good Learning or Raising Well Learners because it is that time of year. Many of us have kids winding down the school year. What do you got? Anything you got coming up? Dr. Dina, I know you can reach out to her. She's over on Instagram at Awakend Learning,

where she shares lots of tips. You can also head over to her website. I believe it is AwakendLearning.ca. Anything notable coming up where we're going to want to check in? And I want to say hi to all the parents of all the kids I see. So hi, hi, hi. We're almost there. We're almost in summer. So two things. one is I've started something called the Learning Strategy Studio. Learning strategies are not taught in teacher education programs, and that's a real bummer because then they're not taught to our students. So throughout the year, you're gonna see lots of this

if you wanna sign up for my newsletter or come over to my website. And so the next one we're gonna be doing is next week study skills, including how to use AI ethically, beautifully, helpfully towards more successful and less stressful tests, because those are coming up for our high school students. And then for the learners, and I support a number of them who are like, well, this year wasn't so great. I genuinely want to have another year. So like they're asking parallel questions

to why we're all here. Like, hmm, yeah, not going to class and not doing my homework didn't work out so well. I don't want to do this again. So I want them to feel hopeful. Like there is something we can do and I'm going to run a three week program and yes, I'll record if folks are away.

And this is really good. This is zeroing in for students who are grade 11, grade 12, first year. Oh my God, if you have kids who are heading into first year college or university, please send them my way. I can tell them all the things to do. Or who are in second or third year

who are having a tough time. Like that bracket of humans who are like feeling a little fumbly where the tests aren't going so great or the assignments aren't going so great. the assignments aren't going so great. If there's procrastination, I wanna help. Low cost, come, it's fun. I'll share all the things

that are never ever shared in class. I love it. And I adore you. Thank you so much. Thanks everyone who joined us today. Go back, rewatch, take your notes. Don't be afraid of change. Embrace the change, but make a plan.

Make a plan. Dr. Dena Kara- change, but make a plan. Make a plan. Dr. Dena Kara Schaefer, always a pleasure. Are we looking forward to our next conversation? I'm just going to call the people at Body Holiday and see if I can hook you up. Three, four days. You scrap the horseback ride. I mean, I do it, but like if some's got to give. Well, you know, when we do a retreat, you are coming for sure. Have a great day everyone. We'll see you next time.

Thanks. Bye.