The Livy Method Podcast - Let's Talk Next Steps with Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer - Winter 2024

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Gina chats with best-selling author and learning expert Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer about next steps when approaching the break between programs. You can find the full video hosted at:https://www.facebook.com/groups/livymethodwinter2024Topics covered:Welcome Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer to discuss the next steps after The Program comes to an endThe combination or constellation of feels that might come up for you towards the endGoing through remarkable changes in life and breaking through to healDr. Deena Kara Shaffer shares her own personal realizations about what she has been avoiding in her journeyHow do we honour the feels that come up, learn from them, and turn them into an opportunityFeelings are part of the journey. That is part of the work you need to do hereWhat is your most heartfelt wish, and what would happen if you stepped closer to that?Whenever we talk about NEXT, there is a BEFORE. What are the next steps in your journey? What is this experience for you? Frame it in a way that resonates for you What do you do if you think your house is made of weak material or a wreaking ball comes every time? What words are you using to describe your journey? What is there for you to learn from, what is the opportunity? Continuing to work with the house metaphor, with a different approach to buildingBuild yourself a house that is strong enough to withstand the wreaking balls of lifeAre you nervous? What is the architecture, and what is the accountability? Dr. Shaffer shares the steps you can takeBe open to surprising yourself and see what you want to bring to the next groupDr. Shaffer encourages you to find 3 things you did not so great and then look at 3 successes as you move forward into the next group Feel Good Learning; Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer's Book Dr. Deena invites you to enjoy her newsletter and work with her team in learningawakenedlearning.ca@awakenedlearning To learn more about the Livy Method, visit www.ginalivy.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Gina Livy and welcome to the Livy Method podcast. This is where you'll have access to all of the live streams from my 91 day weight loss program. With a combination of daily lives, guest expert interviews and member stories, there is something new almost every day. Miss the morning live? Want to re-listen to one of our amazing guest experts? Well, this is the place. This podcast is hosted on Acast, but it's available on all podcast platforms, including the one you're listening to right now, Spotify, Apple,

and Amazon Music. You're going to have this ability to now reframe. Allow yourself time throughout the day to stress the fuck out. The thoughts and the feelings and the behavior cycle can start changing. In the next few days, you are about to finish, complete this 91 day program. And there's a lot of feels that come with that. Some of you have reached your goal and you're ready to move on and start focusing on maintenance. Some of you, this is your first group. You'll be moving on to your next group in a few short weeks. Some of you have been here, what seems like forever. You've done 15, 16 groups and you've accomplished a lot, but you're not

quite there yet. So a lot of feels I, someone reached out to me yesterday and they're like, is it weird that I'm sad that my diet is ending? Like, first of all, I love us. I love that. And I get it. I get it. Joining me today to have this conversation, Dr. Dina Kara Schaefer. She is the author of feel good learning. She's a learning strategist, familiar with the program. And you've been here with us every step of the way. Hello. Hi. Oh, hi. Oh, hi. Hi, Gina. And hi, everyone. Look at all these beautiful. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning, everyone. Congratulations. Right. And I'm sure I don't know where to start this conversation with you, because I think one thing that we do really well here is we have our own little corner of the online universe where it's a I don't want to say positive because it's not necessarily always positive in the sense of like it's like, yeah, and whatever, you know, people are sharing some real feels.

We are really making real connections. We are trying to accomplish this big thing as a community individually. Like there's, I think there's something to be said for that. Like I say, when people are sad about the program coming to an end that, or that they miss it, they miss the routine. And I don't think it's me that they miss. It's them focusing on themselves, setting those intentions and the day reflections. You know, I think it almost gives them permission to focus on themselves, I think. So I don't know whether it's the community or it's the diet or I'm not sure what it is, but we got a lot of feels. So where do we start with that? Well, I really want to honor, let's not underestimate your impact. I think it's possible people might

miss you also, Gina. You are a force and people get to interact with you and engage with you on the daily. So I do think that's part of it. And I think it's okay that that's part of it. They're in relationship with you. And I think that, you know, for me, everything's going to be a bit of an opportunity. But with the structure underneath that you have provided for 91 days comes to not an end, but a change. And so how could that not bring up feels? Feels of relief. I made it. Feels of regret. Oh, shit.

There were things I wanted to do. I didn't get to where I'd hoped or envisioned. We're going to talk, I'm sure more about that and what we can do with that feeling of regret. There's going to be feelings of like, Oh, Oh, it's over. I, it was such a big thing and I didn't think I was going to get here. And then there's a change of like, there's a cohort feeling, a community feeling of people moving through a very, very important life experience and journey. And many will return or many will stay in touch in all kinds of ways, but it is changing.

So any kind of shift of course is from which is going to emerge all kinds of feelings. And I, you know, me, I'm, I'm not a big fan of like, Oh, is it this or this? I would say it's very likely all it's very likely some combination or constellation of all of those feelings. I love this conversation already because I share with our members that I, I had a really hard time when I first started these groups of moving on, ending a group. I still do. I procrastinate. I stay on lives forever. My lives are like 14 million hours long. I'm

in the group. I don't want it to end. I can feel myself grumpy and pissy about it. Yet at the same time, I'm so excited that we're going to have another group. And people are leaving us because they've reached their goal and they're ready to move on to the next stage or they're going to come back and chances are they're coming back with friends and family and they're getting one step closer to their goal. So what gives there? What, where, what is that about? We're complicated human beings. How could it be any other way than what you just described? It can't be any other way. There are friendships that are built here. People are going through the most remarkable, big deal life hurts and hurdles. And they have

people alongside them that deeply understand that alongside grief, or alongside a diagnosis, or alongside deep worry over their kid or their grandkid, they're also trying to do this really poignant thing for their health. That's so difficult and so laden with history and baggage. I don't mean to say that glibly, but we're all here. Yes, for different individual reasons, but the kind of larger why is shared. We're here to really, we're really like break through something, heal something. So, you know, my feeling is going to be, how could it be any other way than just one big muddle of very big feelings? Some are tender, some are celebratory. Some are like, oh man, I, oh, I kind of messed up a little bit. I already saw one of the words failure in one of the comments and it hurt my

heart. And it just, it really, it makes me so grateful to be here and engage in these conversations that try to disrupt languaging like failure, thinking mindset failure. Because for me, when I hear that, and it's not as if I don't use that language too, I just try to catch myself a little bit where you go, oh, that's the edge. That's the edge that's really important for me to see or learn from. And I'm going to have to keep meeting it.

I'm going to have to keep coming real close. I'm going to have to keep meeting it. I'm going to have to keep coming real close. I'm going to have to even keep beating my head up against it a little bit, but it will start to crumble. It will start to have a little bit of light on the other side through the cracks. And eventually I will be able to break through. You know, I've been doing a number of rounds. Some have been really successful. Some have been like, oh, wow, look at all that life stuff that just took precedent. I couldn't have any control over. And I had to reevaluate, what do I have capacity for? And the fascinating thing to me very personally is that I can hear the words from you, fresh eyes. I can talk about them. I can practice them almost like a contemplative or spiritual practice,

like beginner's mind. I know that I teach it. I do it. I swear to you, I kid you not. I have had my own, again, new realization the other day about one of the things I've been absolutely avoiding, which is like a deeper kind of morning intention and the deeper kind of ended of day reflection. I didn't know these things. It's not like you haven't written these, but they've been clear as day. What?

And I'm at the end of the program now. Great. I couldn't realize this three months ago, but there it was. There it was. It was waiting for me. I was trying to sleep. And there was that angry voice that came in and said,

why did you eat that? As if it wasn't Easter, as if it wasn't me making brunch for my stepdaughter and fiance. Come on now. And I just said, shut the up. Like, I really, I actually don't want to engage. I didn't get quiet. I didn't get compassionate. I got angry. I'm like, stop with the

stop. You're taking up too much headspace. I'm not interested in this anymore. And the next morning I woke up and my morning intentions were way different. And my end of day reflection was way different. And so ain't it just amazing, no matter what day you're on, because there's going to be folks who are like, Oh, I was on a four week injury recovery or a vacation. I'm actually a little bit behind, but I'm still here. Or folks who just like nailed it the first way through, or her like, I'm here for the seventh time. Great welcome there's all welcome something there's always something to learn there's always an invitation did you look over here have you looked underneath this rock have you looked in this crevice because it's all related to your health well-being capacity to

prioritize yourself the relationship with food it's all here for us waiting to be looked at and explored. How do we get out of our feelings about this and actually move forward from it? Because I think people, they want to feel, I think that we think with dieting, there is this thing that we have to berate ourselves, be hard on ourselves, control ourselves, force ourselves. And when we feel like we didn't show up in a way that we wanted to, which is so easy in hindsight, you know, this is why I say to people, like, it's not just that you, or if you like stop following, there was probably a good reason why you stopped following what was going on in your life. Maybe your belief system, maybe you were scared. Maybe you didn't, you weren't ready to face some of the fields that you need to face, but we just want to, we want to be in our feels, but like I know honor, honor, honor, honor the mood, follow the plan, but how do we get out of our feels and be able to look at

it with that perspective of not failing, of not doing what I could have done. And, you know, let's, let's just focus on people who are feeling like that. I want to get into people who are celebrating too, but let's, how do we get out of our feels and be able to like, learn from this, take advantage of it, turn it into an opportunity. Oh, can we sit with that question for a bit? Cause the language, this is really interesting wording. How do we get out of our feels because i think we're all part of this strange time where that like head and heart or head and body is quite disconnected like okay we just gotta we gotta we gotta like shift our mindset we gotta think in a different way we've gotta do we need to get out of our fields or can we

actually mobilize them can we use them can we like engage with them in a different way so we definitely wouldn't want to deny them and we definitely don't want to avoid them i think we just don't want to be like overwhelmed and subsumed by them i think we don't want to avoid them. I think we just don't want to be like overwhelmed and subsumed by them. I think we don't want to be made like stuck where we're unable to move or immobilized by them. So I think all the time, I mean, you've really taught me and I think so many this idea of non-scale victory, because nobody else uses that language. Usually there's only one barometer for success. If there's any kind of plan, any kind of facilitated plan that has to do with like bodies, food, movement. Oh, then we're counting things.

We're weighing our bodies. We're weighing our food. Like there's only one benchmark. But non-scale victories is such an invitation to go, wait a minute. Not just how are my clothes fitting differently, but also what's the kind of mood and energy that I'm bringing to my relationships? How am I coping differently? So when you ask the question,

how do I get out of my feels? It's like, how am I actually sitting with them in a different way? How am I relating to my feelings in a different way? Do I identify so strongly that like, oh, I am my feelings. I am anxious. I am overwhelmed.

Or through what you are guiding people in this program, oh no, I'm not my anxiety. I am not my overwhelm. I'm not my anger. I see it happening. I honor it's happening. And then using it as feedback. What's the need that's being expressed? What's the question that's being asked there? What is the opportunity to do something differently? So I'm so eager, so eager in the most heartfelt way to hear people's coping strategies. And if coping isn't the right word, then like resilient strategies or thriving, flourishing strategies included in the basket of non-scale victories. Like when I get overwhelmed, instead of writing an angry post in the Facebook group, I take myself for a vigorous walk. Look at that. Like instead of eating and eating because I am very sad or I am very, very tired or I am so busy that I feel a kind of untethered, like I'm, I don't have a kind

of grounded feeling. I lie on the floor and I take a few minutes and have my breath move from up here further down to my belly. I ask the four questions. And that's so powerful. Do I think this might be the right amount? There's no should here. Do I think this is the right amount of food for me? Oh, look, I'm eating. How's it feeling for me? I think it might be done. Look at that. Yeah. So is it getting out of our feelings or is it not letting our feelings get in the way of what we're here for? Can we use a dance with our feelings in a way that's actually helpful or educative along our journey here. Yeah, because they're all normal. They're all part, they're part of the journey because of the issues, associations, the beliefs,

the habits, the traumas, all of it, all the feels. This is the work. So if you are having the feels, regardless of what, that's part of the work that you need to do here. That's part of losing your weight in a healthy, sustainable way is, you know, honoring those fields, working through those fields for or moving through those fields and still showing up and doing the things that you need to do that forward movement, that's going to take you to reaching your goal. It's all part of it that

nobody talks about when it comes to losing weight. And you know what? I love this group has been very reflective on, you know, everything that you're doing to not just reach that goal, but to see past that goal and how all the things that you are dealing with or working through are going to, they're going to, that's, what's going to make this finally in forever for people is you're making real change not just like eating less exercising like what a what a stunning i don't know what the like phenomenon or question to go what is my most heartfelt wish here do i believe that I can do it do I believe that life can feel differently than how it does right now and like what would happen if I stepped ever closer towards that and then unabashedly like whoa I did it I mean that because you talk about that self-sabotage piece. There's all kinds of, sure, there's life events that get in our way,

but there's also the habits and the loops that we inherit, right? All those harms that we're carrying around that were not ours, that were imposed. And so there's so much of this program is around belief and self-belief. And that's like micro repair micro repair micro yeah yeah I love that you you talk about this so honestly I don't think you talk about trust in a very light or glib way because you know that it's hard for people just trust the program this could work yeah but that's like literally what every other person says.

And they lie, right? They lie. They tricked us. They took our money. They made us think something was possible. But here it's the opportunity over a very long, healthful window of time to rebuild, reflect, rebuild, reflect, shine a light over here.

Oh, gosh, that's scary. I think I might need some professional support around that. Rebuild, repair. So, yeah, no wonder people have lots of feelings today. It's a lot. I was sharing with Dina that she's got to go to the Celebrate and Inspire post. And this is why you can have all of the feels, okay? If you feel like a failure, you can own that. There's nothing wrong with that. It's part of it.

However you feel, this is why I think it's so important for you to take time and post on the celebrate and inspire post or write it in your journal or sit in the quiet for a few minutes. And cause you can reserve space for both all the fields and also celebrate the fact that maybe you did stop following week three, but you're back now. You haven't given up on yourself, right? Maybe you didn't reach your goal, but you're one step closer, right? Maybe you felt like you just, you didn't accomplish anything, but you, you did, you know, you, you showed up, you did your best, right? Maybe you just can't see it. Maybe you don't want to see it right now. Maybe you want to be in your feels right now. But that's why I

think it's so important to take a minute and be proud of yourself and celebrate the fact that you are still here in whatever capacity that is. I think it's so important and really reflect on all of the things that have happened in the last 91 days. And do you think that's important before we, are we turning the page? What, what is the, what's the feeling that we're going forward with? So whether someone is back again, because maybe they didn't, maybe they stopped following. And so they're going to try again, next program, someone who, you know, crushed the program. They're back for more next program someone who's reached their goals they're ready to move on for maintenance are we we turn the page are we is it

just one continuation do we get a fresh start like what do we do with that oh my gosh how do we see like your patients are so good your patients are so good that i like, okay, I'm like, I want that part. I can't, I got to remember that part. Okay. So there's so many ways I want to respond. And also you can really count on me to be your most long-winded guest. Like I, it's very kind that you keep inviting me back. It's like these sprawling responses. Cause I care so much. I care so much. Okay. So the first thing I want to say is that next steps, whatever next steps are, aren't possible without the steps you've already walked. So if a person goes, I really didn't do very much here.

I listened to some stories. I ate some raw vegetables. I drank a little bit more water, but like I kind of did my own like variations on the theme. Fair. The next step after would not be possible without you doing that. Maybe that was your entry point. You needed to tinker around, test the water, dip a toe in, see. That's not failure. That's your process. You needed to see what this is all about.

Maybe you needed to focus somewhere else and just do this like a quarter turn. That's okay. That opens up the possibilities for next round or whatever your next steps are. Okay. So I just like really want to honor, like when we talk about next, it's because there's been a before. So then your question is like, is it a new page, new chapter? And I think in the spirit of your program which is like offerings in every direction people can listen to you they can watch you they can read you they can track on an app they can contribute online they can have a journal in that same agency that offerings of choice it has to be the same here. What is the most useful metaphor for people? If you have used the words, I'm going to try again. If you've used that every time,

then maybe that's not the right language. Does that just make you feel like you're a little kid not trying hard enough, not helpful then. If it is like this next step is an offering, is an opportunity, what magic might I encounter? What might I learn about myself? What if it wasn't a declarative sentence, but a question? What if it was a metaphor? What if it was an image? What does it look like to have the marathon tape at the end? Or is it a series of stepping stones? Nobody can know what's going to land as most like accurate and resonant like that, like a chord that's strummed and it makes your whole body feel good. What's the metaphor that makes your body feel good? Like, oh yeah, that's what i want to participate in what could be like

new page a fresh journal people love fresh journals i get it's like a whole new thing like a new year's resolution that can be very inspiring for people and they can be unrelentingly punishing for others who are like i'm'm sick of a blank slate. I cannot deal with another new thing. This is an eight part, like a symphony. And I'm somewhere in the middle. There's like a lot of strings. There's a lot of stuff happening. And this is just the next movement. This is the next part. So I wouldn't want to impose one sentence or one image because you offer people choice. What is the thing that's going to help as you wind this down and potentially wind up the next thing, whatever the next thing is you're going to do? Yeah. Well, this is why I say to people, it's important to have it resonate like what is this

is it a diet because some people like no it's a lifestyle or this is a wellness program I don't give a fuck what you call it whatever resonates with you call it whatever you want to call it is it a journey in self-discovery isn't it an adventure is it a course like however you need to frame it however it resonates with you. It's interesting because, you know, we've had, we've had in our Spill the Tea, we had two guests kind of stand out in their approach. And one was, I just, it's one continuous journey. That's it.

I don't look at it as new program, new thing. I'm just continuing. Where we had another one of our members who's been hugely successful be like, I look at every individual group as like a separate thing. I just go from one to the next, to the next, to next. And it's so, it's so interesting because it's two totally different approaches. And I always use the house analogy, right? And I, where you sign up for the program, I'm giving you a plot of land. Each week, I'm giving you the tools. Every day, every week, every month, you're showing up to build your house. And so maybe you signed up and you got your plot of land. And then you're like,

I'm not sure this is where I'm going to live. And so maybe you didn't follow along. And now you've like come to the realization, you pop back and you're like, you know what? Okay, this is going to work for me. I'd like to build my house here. Some of you have got that solid foundation built. Some of you have walls. Some of you have windows. The thing is, is that when you move to that next group, you're not knocking down your house again and starting from scratch.

You really are building on where you will already are at. And I think this is where we got to reflect back on like, okay, what's, what did I accomplish here in terms of my house? Right? Like, even if you just know that this is where I want my house to be, and it took you this 91 days to figure that out. That's a huge step. That's a huge step. You know, whether you got that foundation or the walls or the windows, you got your roof, or some of you are in that decorating or you're ready to sell it. You're ready to sell it. Move on and build your next house.

Whatever that is, I think it's important to have it resonate with you. I think it's so huge to frame it in a way that you feel it in your soul. It's such a good metaphor because maybe it's just that the, like you got two really nice windows. I really like those two windows you put in. Love it. Like that. I like the number of opportunities for people to find their way in. It's the same as this program can find their way in. They can go from, I haven't been super active in the past and I want to ramp that up a little bit in a very helpful way. Or I just don't drink water ever. And that that's going to be the thing. Actually, it might have nothing to do with food. Food might be the

peripheral thing and it's the underneath. So I love that. And the two examples you gave, someone sees it as continuous and the other is like these kind of very clear, discrete programs. And you can imagine why that's helpful, right? Like I don't need to carry whatever did or didn't go super well last time, this time, because this time is going to be different. It is in variably going to be different. How could it not be? If you're maintaining, you're not going to have, uh, you know, a significant, significant weight drops necessarily in the same way, or like, it really depends on what happened before. So I love that. It's like, this happened now we're doing this. What a beautiful, beautiful, um, it's like the, the variations on a theme and

you're allowing people to find their way in to find to find their landing, their own landing place. So there's a comment here where to go. Someone's like, apparently my house was built with straw. I need to rethink my materials. So, okay. So to me, I'm like, okay, well now, you know, just like the three little pigs, right? Straw ain't it, you know, but also you've built that house. And if without building that house, you wouldn't have acquired, like, you know how to build a house. You build a house, albeit out of straw. So what do we do there? Do we, do we go deeper with that? Like what's, what do we do with that example of that mentality we go deeper with that? Like what's, what do we do with that example of that mentality? I built my house, but it's crap. It's fucking crap. It's a lemon.

It's all in a part. It's a, you know, just sinking all my money into it. It's shit. What do you do if you think your house is shit or it's not suitable to live in, or you wish you would have built it out of bricks instead of straw? What do do with that oh so what's so remarkable and i hope i hope this kind human sees all of the other comments that are sister to that i keep knocking my hand with a wrecking ball it's the stepping stone metaphor i keep slipping and falling off a storm came and dismantled my house. Ah, yes. These are so powerful. And I just wonder, like, I love humor. I love humor. I, one of my, if my family or my close friends were to describe me,

fun lovingness would be probably one of the top kind of characteristics. But I'm also extraordinarily sensitive and these like the these um uh comments I'm like oh I feel you I feel you I feel you because there's like a um a particular tone or flavor with the humor that's like oh oh cheaper so like sometimes we're funny because we want to um just participate that way sometimes we're funny, because we want to just participate that way. Sometimes we're funny, we want to make other people laugh. And sometimes underneath that funniness is like, not very funny. And so I wonder, actually, what what these kinds of kind humans who are writing about broken, falling down, like, weak materialed houses how they feel about that language so quickly coming

out like um to know that it lands as like such a such an ouch for others like oh i feel you i feel you that sounds really hard that sounds really hard so what's the opportunity there if it's that the wrecking ball comes every time if it's that this is like reeds of straw and it keeps getting blown down over and over same same rhythm almost like on repeat oh that's an opportunity for different, bigger, stronger help and support, right? Like if it keeps hurting in a big way, in the same ways, then there's the invitation. Like, oh, I need a little bit of like strengthening support in the materials that I'm choosing.

Ah, love it. So I'm really interested in what the folks themselves are hearing from the quick expression of like, uh, like a sarcastic or Barb or quick, a quick humorous thing. What's the underneath feeling is the underneath feeling of frustration. Is it, um, self-sabotage? I'm just never, I'm never going to get there. I don't deserve to get there. Other people can get there, but I can't. That's not my life. Those each need tending and exploration and healing.

They don't need to be pretended away. They don't need to be joked away. They're very, very real. They're like, I want to use different language than red flags, it's like little starbursts of like opportunity. Look there, look there. Don't let it go. Don't let that opportunity to let that go.

Because that probably is the very thing that's getting in the way or holding you back or making it slower or more difficult or more frustrating there's something there in the harsh or hard or like challenging um imagery of the quick joke back I'm so interested in that space and I know I come to all of this I come to learning work as a very heartfelt person yeah and I I just hear all the time, like, Oh, I want to sit with you.

And I just want to, I don't even want to say anything and just go, tell me, tell me more about that. Cause that's. Well, I think this is why I'm a, such a stickler for words,

like the way that you, that you say things. Right. And then like, it's the words have meaning. And I find whenever i'm dealing with something like i'm repeating a sentence over and over and or someone is saying it to me and then i once i realize what i'm dealing with i'm like oh shit i well i knew this i saw this

come in people been trying to people are trying to tell me what I see with that sentence. Can we pull that back up again, guys? Can we pull up that, that last comment about the straw? Um, and I love this because it's not that that you, it's not that you built the house out of straw, right? That's like, oh, I did that. To me, it's the rethinking, uh, you're rethinking and that's it. You got to rethink or approach differently or be like, okay, what did I, yeah, apparently I build my house at a straw. Okay. Got to rethink my materials. So this could be, you know, if you weren't journaling, I'm not a fan of journaling, but it's so helpful. I got my notes. I'm always writing things down. I thought I wasn't a fan of

journaling, but the thing is I journal all the time, but my way of journaling looks different than other people's way of journaling. I go through one of these books like every week. I'm writing stuff down and writing out my thoughts and writing my ideas. And, you know, I'll sit there and be like, OK, what are my intentions? So every day I'm setting my intentions or end of day reflections. But if you didn't use the app, try using the app next time. If you didn't, you know, participate in the Facebook support group, participate in the

Facebook support group, participate in the Facebook support group. If you think you need therapy, try to find some therapy or connect with friends or people who are kind of feeling the same, right? It's not that what you did though was wrong. That's the part like building the house out of straw wasn't the problem. It's just you recognize that you need to move forward differently, either how you're setting yourself up or the resources that you're using or the mindset that you have. Right. So I think that there's, and I'm just saying this because I think when people are describing their own journey or writing out their fields that you already know what you need to do. You already know the answers a lot of times. And sometimes that can be found in the language that we're using. Yeah.

And, and don't you just want to say like, keep working with the metaphor. Yeah. Keep going. Okay. So storm comes through the wrecking ball comes through the foundations were shaky. Great. So next time around, maybe we don't go, we're not going to build the walls quite so high with thin material. We're going to build them this high and wicked strong. Like these are going to be like thick cement walls. You cannot possibly knock this house down. So it's not to aim lower. It's just like a use the same metaphor with a different

approach. What's a different way and what's a different strategy, a different way to build. So keep going, keep using it. It's so potent. If those are the responses, because you can feel them with your body, keep going. What does it look like to plan, like to create the architectural plan differently? What are you going to do? Because the wrecking balls are always going to come. They never come for each one of us. They do all the time.

And so maybe why you're here is to have a house that is solid enough to withstand and weather the wrecking balls of being a living human in a body, you know? Right. So what would that take? What would that take? What is required in your toolbox, in the materials, in the resources, in the planning ahead, knowing the wrecking ball is coming. Yeah. What would that change in terms of a person's approach?

Because it can't just be, we have a house that stands when the weather is fine, when the wind, when it's a breeze, that's not what we're here for. We're actually all a little bit here for when there is like a tornado outside. That's why we're here. That's why I say to people, it's, you're not learning these things. Like it's not about how you show up for yourself when life is sunshine and rainbows. It's not how you cope when it's sunshine and rainbows. It's when the shit hit the fan,

when life is smacking you in the face. That's what that's, that's finally in forever weight loss. You got to acquire the tools to, to navigate through the storm moving forward. Cause those storms are going to come. You can't just fall back and do what you did before. Okay. I want to pivot. I want to pivot and talk about people who've done really well. There are people who've crushed this program yet. they're nervous. They're nervous about the two week gap. And it's only two weeks, this gap, because we have like a seven week gap in the summer and a five week gap in, uh, during the holidays. So there's only a two week gap, but people are nervous. They've crushed it. They've done so well. And yet two week period, it's not even long enough for anyone to fuck this up, but people are nervous. So what do they do about that?

Because I can tell them you're going to be fine. You're going to do great. You've learned what you've learned. You've got this. But I know that doesn't resonate with people. So what's going on there that can help people embrace that two week break? Oh, I love this so much. And this has been me too.

This has been probably most people who've engaged with your program of like, what if it stops working? And again, step one is deep self-compassion. How would it be otherwise? So whether this is your first round of 91 days, or it's been, you've been doing this for five years years that's still not a long time in context of decades of really really harmful messaging and program so self-compassion has to be the starting place because that's a normal fear we don't have to go you shouldn't feel that way go feel you need to feel that's a normal feeling to feel like but but things in the past haven't worked out yes okay okay now luckily we have a whole bunch of

data that we've collected that's different so what I would say around that is like what has worked in terms of the architecture of the program so that you have a very clear scaffolding well if it's worked for you to write an intention in the morning or if it has worked for you to do a mindfulness practice in the morning if it has worked for you to text a buddy from this program don't stop that just because the this program has formally come to an end your engagement with the program hasn't come to an end it's just this stuff on the daily being offered so now moves from what is offered to you to what are you offering to yourself what are you keeping alive for yourself based on what you know works based on all of that gathering so if it is i tracking well i think your app allows for that so keep doing that

journaling if journal like journaling doesn't go away that that that's here for you to do anytime communicating with the buddies gather a few buddies from the program and say let's do a whatsapp group and just say hey how's it? You already know the food piece, which is probably in a way the kind of easiest thing. So it is about what is the architecture and what is the accountability? And I think that there's a small gap here. That's a perfect time to practice. It's not such a long gap. I also like thinking about why gaps

exist. It's a testing the water for people who are participants. It's also a time of reprieve and rest and reset for the hardworking folks behind the program. So I just want to like, it's so important that there's, for example, a big summer gap. You all need to rest. Like you do a lot for a lot of people and you have your families and you have your own bodies you need to take care of. So I do want to think about like we're in relationship. There is mutuality or reciprocity. And these are opportunities as a recipient to be like, yeah, I'm going to just test how this goes. And I don't have to think, my gosh, let's go back to week one and pre-week.

We're not thinking about the whole two weeks. We're not thinking about the whole break. We're not doing the whole of anything all at once. I'm doing one day, like day 92. That's day 92. Well, I'm going to wake up. I'm going to do my thing. Great, great. We're going to recreate the things that have worked so well. And I'm going to put them in place for this day. I'm going to put them in place for the next day. I don't say that it's easy, but I do want to remind people you've been doing it. You know, it's such a, it's so hard because I know what's

to come when, after the two week break, after the seven week break in the summer, after the five week break in between, what always comes is people show up and they're like, Oh my gosh, I did so great during the break. I am so proud of myself. I, this, I, that. And to me, cause we started this bridging the gap group, right, where it's like in between our larger breaks, it's a group that people can join to kind of help them bridge the gap in between groups, a place they can still get their questions asked. It's not I'm not showing off, not going live, but it's just it's a place where people can kind of gather.

And I wondered originally if I was really robbing people of the opportunity to see what they got, to really see what they've done, to really recognize that the change that they've made. And so this is why I, this is why I'm not worried because I know you're all going to show up the start of that next group two weeks later. And you're going to be like, wow, man, I'm really surprised with myself. I did great. Yeah, I did great. Or, oh gosh, I fell back into an old habit. So I need to, you know, I really need this group. It's the material of what to work with and what to put at the center of the next group. Like, Ooh, I didn't think that was so alive for me still. Turns out it's still

here. Ooh, thing that came. Oh, that's like a new inner dialogue. I haven't heard before. There we go. We're going to bring that day one of the next program. I'm going to work with us. This is what I really want to get in there. I want to explore and I want to heal. Love it. Okay. So, um, cognitive time because our time is coming to an end, but you're going to be back next Okay. So, um, cognizant of time because our time is coming to an end, but you're going to be back next group anyway. I don't want to let you go. Let's live outside the time space. Continue. That's so fun. We'll just do like a quick half hour. Like, I think I've been talking, I've just been talking for 10 minutes. I'm so sorry, everyone, but you're all so lovely. And you say such important comments. And yes, it's good.

I could sit here all day. I could sit here all day. So let's talk about mindset moving into how can people set themselves up for success? I mean, you're going to be back in the first week of the program talking about this anyway. But what can people do

to kind of like rest their mind, to feel like they got the edge, to feel like they're coming into the next group and they're like ready for it. They're like, all right, let's go. Yeah. Or is that even possible? Oh, totally. And you know what, if it's okay, I want to speak to the folks who are celebrating. And I also want to speak to the folks who are like a little bit like kicking themselves. Cause I think in a way like we're all we're all here we're here in a shared community we can make things really simple what are three things that went not quite as you'd hoped because even those who are celebrating are still gonna have like yes

i like i really didn't move very much. I did this, but I could have done that. Yeah. I did great. And also, so it's not, I did great, but like I did great. And also, or I, I don't feel I did so great. And I think these are the three core reasons. I'm not going to list 21 reasons why I suck. I'm just going to like focus on three things that actually, if I'm so honest with myself, if I'm so awake and I refuse to say it in angry, you know, football coach,

just kind, benign, aware. Yeah. And then I might look at three kind of moments on the timeline that were shaky or were like, that felt hard. No one can presuppose that for you because someone's least favorite week is another person's favorite so was there something around the move from week three to week four was there something around splitting like feeding the metabolism so if you can pinpoint we just look back and go these three moments got super overwhelmed at week one whatever it is i got i got kind of i got kind of lackadaisical towards the end you know doesn't matter three moments okay and then three things that you are exceptionally proud of even if nuanced like it may be i lost this amount of weight. It could be I am sleeping an extra hour every night.

It could be my skin. My skin feels like it's glowing because I'm hydrated. I feel good. It could be a really important relationship in your life that maybe you are not taking for granted or being hard or harsh with uh anymore it could be you are engaging in nature oh my gosh how sweet is dr beverly like every single instagram post is for walking in nature it's the most fun i'm like can i can i come with you where do you live so yeah it's so fun um so whatever your three success points are, big or small, I'm not a fan of it being like, oh, it has to be off the charts. It can be very subtle. It can be, I listened to most of the

podcasts. I journaled for most of the time. I found myself a therapist. It really it's it's your own barometer of success. And I think that between the three moments that you're just bringing some attention to that you want to like bring a little tending to next time around, you know, the like, I didn't do so great or as great as I kind of wanted to. And I think there's an opportunity there. Three moments just so you can anticipate, like you're not going to carry forward that they're necessarily going to be hard again, but just a kind of extra layer of looking next time. I'm going to really inform myself.

I'm going to read Gina's chapter twice before that week because I want to have a different relationship that particular week this time around. And then I want to be sure to do these three success things again I want to recreate them I think that kind of work is helpful I'm not a very prescriptive learning strategist I got all kinds of strategies and all kinds of tools but in this instance with so many people and such a variety of experiences I'm hoping that there's something in there for most. That if we look at what didn't go great, if we look at the moments on a calendar and we look at what we did exceptionally well, even if exceptional is nuanced or subtle, then we've

really got something that we can carry forward to the next. And remember to make your own metaphor, to make your own phrasing of what it means to start on day one, what it means to do that prep week. What is the spirit behind this new group? Is it a journey? Is it a next? Is it a new? Every journey is personal and profound. We learned that from one of our spility guests and i think it

just fits perfectly perfectly with this conversation i love the awareness piece because it kind of puts together both they how do you how do you reflect back right and and taking stock and really this this picking the three things that maybe didn't go so well those three moments that felt hard in those three things that you're exceptionally proud of, that just makes you stop and take a minute and reflect and assess where you're at and what you might need to focus on moving forward. I love that. I love that. And I absolutely adore you. Okay. Dr. Dina Karashefer. She is the author of Feel Good Learning. You can pick this up. Amazon? Yes? Yeah. Amazon. Okay. And where can people reach you? Because I know they're going to want to reach it, reach out. Gina, like you're so kind to us. So thank you everybody for listening and

sharing time. And Gina, thank you for having me on over and over and over again. It's such a gift. I love it. You know, there are three things that I have coming up in case it's useful for folks. So tonight, it's my last parent circle. I'm teaching parents and chosen families around how to take notes and listen towards studying. I share that because it's that time of year of like, I really, I'm in grade 10 and I'm having a hard time and my parents really can feel it around the house or, uh, or if they're in post secondary. So that's the first thing. The second is, um, I'm really interested in offering like, what can, what can I offer people, whether they have a student in their house, whether they are a student. So I have a really sweet newsletter. newsletter um it's coming out in the next couple of days and it's like a couple of strategies a couple

about procrastination prioritization and so it's like it's free and it's not salesy and it's just like here do you want some things that might be useful um and I also want to speak to you because I get inquiries a lot. This is a hard time for anyone learning. And so I have a lovely team of ethical, brilliant, skillful people who are offering learning strategies, whether you have a learner in grade four or whether they're in the middle of college or university, because I'm aware that it's final exams. And so we help with the, we help make learning humane and doable from a totally different place than tutoring. We're trying to make a little revolution in education. So thank you for asking those. And as always, I'm on Instagram and your community is so kind. I get so many lovely notes. So I'm at Awaken Learning. Thanks. Love it. And I adore you. Thank you so kind. I get so many lovely notes. So I'm at Awaken Learning. Thanks. Love it.

And I adore you. Thank you so much. Honestly, thank you for taking the time over the last few months with us. I know you're going to be back. I'm already excited. Our conversations, they just, oh my gosh, they level up.

We get deeper into things. Our members get more savvy group over group over group. Like talk about like a revolution. Talk about having people make real change. You know, it feels good to feel good. It feels even better to help other people feel good. I know you and I are on a very similar mission and you know, it's all about taking what we've learned in our knowledge and sharing it with other people in the hopes of lifting them up and helping them out. So I'm so grateful for you. Again, you can find Dr. Dina Kara Schaefer's book, Feel Good Learning on Amazon.

You can find her at Awaken Learning over on Instagram. Thank you to everyone who joined us live, watching. We've been keeping an eye on all of the comments. Thank you so much for being such an important part of our community to everyone listening after the fact. We hope that you got some good tidbits and takeaways. Thanks for joining us, everyone. Have an amazing day and we'll see you next time.