The Livy Method Podcast - Let's Talk Where You Are and Where You Want to Be with Dr. Beverley David - Spring/Summer 2024
Episode Date: June 25, 2024In this episode, recorded on June 25, 2024, Gina talks where you are and where you want to be with Dr. Beverley David. Dr. Beverley is a Clinical Psychologist registered with the College of Psychologi...sts of Ontario. She also holds a Ph.D. in Sleep Research (Insomnia) and a Master's in Health Psychology.You can find the full video hosted at:https://www.facebook.com/groups/livymethodspringsummer2024Topics covered:9 Weeks into The Program - taking stock of where you are and where you want to beHave you looked at what you’ve done along the way? - the journey is so importantHow do we continue towards our goals when things feel hard?Are we ever really satisfied? - satisfaction and wanting moreAnxiety lives in the future, depression lives in the past - the importance of bringing our focus into the presentStop and regroup - check in every day, at the same timeChanges we create with The Livy Method - catching the internal criticThere is value in the struggleTaking a look at struggle - and removing the negative connotationsName it to tame it - take time to describe what you’re working through What’s underneath the struggle? Is it an emotion, a behaviour or a physical effect? Utilizing the cognitive behavioural wheelCan we say “It’s ok to struggle?” - let’s find a way inThe value of doing the opposite actionWe have to stand back up and keep going - we’re still hereWhy are we never content with where we are at? - we can be happy with what we’ve done and still want to do betterEven if you don’t see results on the outside, there may be results on the insideFinal words with Dr Beverley - trust the process, be kind to yourself and be patientFind Dr. Beverley:https://www.yourpsychologycentre.ca/@drdrbeverleyTo learn more about The Livy Method, visit www.ginalivy.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I'm Gina Livy and welcome to the Livy Method podcast.
This is where you'll have access to all of the live streams from my 91 day weight loss program.
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and Amazon Music. You're going to have this ability to now reframe. Allow yourself time throughout the day to stress the fuck out.
The thoughts and the feelings and the behavior cycle can start changing.
Well, here we are nine weeks into your weight loss journey.
Some of you even further having down a round after round after round, no matter where you are. I think it's a great time to take
stock of who you are, where you are, who you want to be and how the heck you're going to get there.
I don't know something like that. What we need to follow through. We need to finish. We got a lot
of thoughts going on in our minds. What keeps me up at night isn't, can I help people lose weight? It's,
are they going to stick around long enough in order for me to help them? Here to help us with
all of that is Dr. Beverly David, clinical psychologist. Hello. Hi. How are you?
Hi. I'm full of trepidation now this is it this is it if only i had the answers isn't it
oh well if only we all had them because rest assured even psychologists even us that apparently
supposed to know all of this are on our own journeys to finding out who we are, where we're
going. And does it ever finish? It should never finish. I want to be better next year than I am
today. I want to be better tomorrow than I was yesterday. I want to learn. I want to keep
leveling up. And so is there a finish? No, not really. I think I want to be probably encouraging everybody to say I am learning.
I am learning and I'm going to carry on learning to appreciate myself, appreciate my body.
I'm learning to nourish my body because I know what you're going to say.
You're going to say, what about people that are disappointed, you know, that they might not have, you know, hit the goal,
that that thing that they have decided is the finish line. And you probably know what I'm
going to say, I'm going to say, have you, have you looked at what you have done along the way,
the journey is, is so important? What have we learned? You know, whether whether there's been
no change at all on the scale? Have you learned what to put in your body, how to look after your body, how to get the balance you've started to love yourself a little bit more than
keep going, because don't finish that, that should never finish.
Okay. I really want to get into this because you're so right. I think that's how a lot of
people are feeling even when they're doing well. And, you know, to your point about your weight
loss journey, never being done. I mean, that is true in a sense that even when you lose your weight, there is more to do.
And we've heard this so often in the maintenance program because people will be like, I'm maintaining my weight just fine, but I don't feel as good as I felt when I was, you know, prioritizing myself more for the sake of losing weight,
when I was managing my sleep, you know, trying to get that better quality sleep for the sake of
seeing the scale move. When I was managing my stress in order to get me one step closer,
like people were showing up in all sorts of ways for them while they were trying to move the dial on the scale. And then when they're done and they have reached their goal weight, this like really is like a
whole other can of worms, learning to trust that they're going to be able to maintain their weight,
learning to trust that they're going to make choices, you know, that, that help them maintain
their weight, learning to be worthy of all the changes that they've made,
continuing to reinforce those changes. And we talk about this a lot, like now that you're
no longer chasing the dial on the scale, you know, what's your motivator for
showing up in your own life, you know? Okay. It's very, you just kind of summed it up. It's very complicated,
the feels that people have. How do we, so what do we do about it? People are working really hard.
They're showing up every day. They have either, you know, lost a lot of weight there. They've
reached their goal. They're close to their goal. They're on their way to reaching their goal,
or they feel like they haven't done the things that they needed to do or they're not where they want to be how do we how do we help everyone continue to show up and do the things
they need to do long enough in order to reach their goals just that if you could just help us
with that where do we start I thought about so many things as you were just speaking so eloquently about
goals in life motivate us what drives us how we move forward and what came to mind is that
we're allowed to coast as well we're allowed to plateau we're allowed you know we see that
throughout life you know we we might get that job we wanted we might get you know pass that exam
that we were studying for and then there's that you know maybe I'm now I've become more of a master
I was learning and learning and learning and that's the sort of the climb and then we get to
the top of the mountain and are we enjoying the view long enough or are we ready for another mountain and often that's
how our body works we get bored so we get bored when we think oh actually this is getting easy
now and there's something in us in in our human nature that wants a little bit more and so don't
we all find that just as we're getting you know at things that are getting a little easier we put
a spanner in the works and then we make it hard again i'm a libra so apparently that's what we do we seek out balance and then
as soon as we have it we're like i think i'm gonna make my life a little bit more difficult
and i'm gonna take on a challenge so to know that to know that there's ebb and flows there's
there's the energy for the climb then is the okay let, let's take a look at the view. Let's take
a look at the landscape. Let's regroup, then re-evaluate, where do I want to go now? And it's
not a bad thing. You know, in work, we might get promoted. In work, we might decide, okay,
now it's time for retirement. We're always moving. And so for many of us you you know weight loss and dieting or whatever we've come to call
it throughout many of our entire you know people have been doing this since they were very little
there's been this goal that they've been going after um and it can sometimes feel weird when
you think well what now you know how am i going to do that? But we've just got to change, we've got to change the goal, whether it's okay, now I'm now I understand
how to eat, when to eat, how to listen to my body, how to be trusting my body now, what else might
I want to do? You know, would I like to, you know, sign up for a walk? Or would I like to join the
maintenance group? Or how do I want to
keep going in this not thinking that it's one and done? Because yes, it's finally in forever.
But it's finally in forever understanding your body's needs, and that you matter. If that's the
finally in forever, I like that. Because that's wonderful, putting ourselves as a priority.
And then thinking through this thinking about what
motivates a lot of us are very different you know i was asking one of my clients the other day if
if we didn't get the certificate at the end of school you know they have lots of people are
graduating would we do it you know if we didn't get our salary we didn't get at the paycheck at the end of a month
would we do it you know it's it's and I think a lot of us we would because we do like what we do
if I won the lottery I would still want to be a psychologist I'll always want to be a psychologist
I love people and so what do we what are we aiming for we think it it's this thing. We think it's the, but also it's,
do we like what we're doing? And so if you've put down your goal is a certain number on the
weighing scales, are there other things that can be there as well? Like you say, with the non-scale victories, the energy, your complexion, your smile,
your relationships, how you approach the day, how you approach any challenge, because what you're
teaching people is how to step into every day. Things are tough, they're hard. We hit challenges,
they're not always easy. We don't always get the result we want, but we want to push on, we want to learn about ourselves in those moments and think, how can I get back on the bike?
We want to be realistic as well, you know, because nobody, nobody gets through life without
ups and downs, mistakes, poor decisions, and then to develop the both and reasoning skill is to know that you can
succeed in something, you might succeed in hydration, or your sleep, or that you're putting
good nutrition into your body. And you might see no scale movement. So it's the both and.
So we want to look out for them. There's a lot to unpack there.
Yeah, sorry.
I should have taken that.
A lot to unpack there.
So first of all, I'm going to start giving out certificates to everybody when they follow through and finish this program.
I think we need certificates.
You talked about regrouping and re-evaluating.
And I think that's really the focus of today.
I always say
this to people at the beginning of each week, right? Like just assess where you, where you are,
like what you've done, you know, just kind of like, let's regroup before you move forward.
I also, there was a member of Judy who popped up in the comments here and she says she's struggling,
but she's still here. And that got me thinking about, well, that, yeah, I mean, it's, it's so normal just in life. Like you said,
there are times where you're coasting times that you're struggling times that you're crushing a
life and that is normal. And then you got me thinking about this satisfied. Are we ever
satisfied? The kids, was it last night? We were having dinner last night or the night before. And we started, we've started playing these games at dinner where we ask the weirdest questions. And my daughter was like, if you could just do one thing as a job, or Tony said, if you could do one thing as a job in your life, like what, what would it be? Like, what could you, and I literally sat there and said, I would do what I'm doing now. I would do, do, do what I'm doing now, but then ask me if I'm
satisfied. I'm not satisfied. It's never enough. I'm always looking to do more. I'm, you know?
And so I think about the people who are doing the program, even when they're doing well,
they're like, oh, I'm doing this, but I, you know, I would love to do this.
I'd love to do that.
Or is there more I can do?
Like, it just seems like no matter where you are in your journey, people are not satisfied. Is that just, to your point, human nature?
How do we do that?
But we want to catch the butts, don't we?
Want to catch them because lots of us do that.
You know, lots of us minimize the things that are going well.
That's minimizing and maximizing.
Often we even do it if somebody says, oh, you know, you look so pretty today
or what a great dress.
And then you're like, oh, but it's very old.
Like we don't want to just sit in the satisfaction of, yeah, I did pick a good outfit today.
So we often just let it pass. And I don't know why.
I suppose it's it's it allows us to connect often because sometimes we like that vulnerability.
We like that person that is humble. we probably don't like the people that
may be like yeah I'm all that and you know I don't know whether we'd even believe them um because we
are so aware of human nature but I like I like that you are note you are bringing to our attention
that we we could be very very happy with what we do we want more. But we don't want to miss out on what we're
doing already. Because we don't, otherwise, we're always in the future. And we know that anxiety is
often in the future, depression is often in the past. And we want to try and be present. Staying
present is, it underpins so much of our psychology, you know, because our minds are constantly time
traveling. They're ruminating, they're thinking about the things that might happen in the past,
might have happened in the past or may never happen in the future. And we want to think,
hang on, what about now? How do I feel right now in this moment? and we don't practice it enough can you say that again the
whole what happens in the future in the past can you say that again well i'm not think of our minds
as constantly time traveling so we're root we can be ruminating we can be thinking of the should
have could have would have we can be thinking about the things that have already happened in
the past and should i have done that and then we also start thinking about planning into the future with
things that might never happen. Often we worry about so many things that never turn up in our
life. So we want to try and bring our focus, that's the mindfulness, into the here and now,
into the present moment. And it's important to take time to fully experience
our current reality and check in with what's going on right now. And often what's going on
right now is way more pleasant. You know, right now I'm sitting at my desk, I'm talking to Gina.
There's a silence because I've got my AirPods in. That's me being present right now.
I can see the reflection from your glasses and, and I cannot worry about, is Leo going to get to
the cinema? Okay. This afternoon on his school trip, because I'm right here. It doesn't mean
that thought isn't going to just go, but for a moment I was mindful in the moment.
Well, this is what the Libby method is about that mindfulness piece and a big part of what everybody is doing day to day, following that food plan, you know, asking those four mindful
eating questions, you know, that sense of awareness, setting intentions and the day reflections
are all about trying to help people stay in the right now. And that's what helps them be in tune to make the
choices they need to make right now. And that's something I think that you need to practice
because we do spend more time kind of in the past, in the future. Here we are four weeks left
of the program. And it just, I can't like people, people are starting to thank me. I'm like, stop thanking me. We are not done. It's not done.
Stop it. We are not done. We have, or they're starting to talk about, well, what happens with
the app at the end? I'm like, wait, four a month, four weeks people. And they're like, well, you
know, we'll fall. I think I'll just wait until the fall. I'm like, what it's for what? So if this is our human nature, how do we like stop?
And like, how do we dig?
Do we dig our heels in?
How do we, how do we, I mean, I get how the program helps people do this, but do you have
any tips for us?
Like, how do we know where we are?
How do we stop?
How do we like, like, how do we know where we are how do we stop how do we like like how do we regroup
checking in checking in every day is important people often don't like this when I give this
bit of homework to people but setting aside a day a time and you do that already you invite people
to plan their intention but also we want to think are they thinking about are they worrying about anything
are they thinking about anything how are they doing because that helps sort of put a fence
around it at a particular time of the day maybe it's three o'clock maybe it's five o'clock that
you tap into you you're having a conversation with yourself and it's less likely then to come
and just creep a sneak in because you've already
committed to paper, or at least committed it to the left brain, because that's where your language
is. So as soon as you think something with words, you're using your left brain. And we know our
right brain is very emotional. So that's often where we're full of emotion, and we might let
the emotion drive the bus. But once we invite the left brain to
integrate that's really nice so we want to think about that how are how am i um because if we do
that all the way along we'll be able to be checking in am i doing well am i do am i feeling good today
how do i feel about these last four weeks because we we're missing it. We're missing that probably we felt
lots of things each week. This is going to be a 91 day and we don't want to just decide on the last
month how it's been. It's a journey. It is a journey. And goals, these goals that we're
putting there, goals are stepping stones that lead you down the path, okay, of a valued life.
If you put, you know, actions to that, you've given us actions, you've given us a nice curriculum,
what we should be doing each week, and then we get to tick them off. So people like those,
they think, okay, I've learned that, and I've learned that. But once we finished,
and this is what people are probably worried about, Once we finish, what are we going to do?
But I want to think you have learned values.
And values, you can't tick them off.
Values are lifelong.
They last forever.
So we can't say, am I done yet?
No.
Okay.
Because we'll carry those through the rest of our life.
But we can set new goals.
We can say, okay, I I'm gonna revisit that lesson that
Gina taught me I'm gonna have a look and we want to be honest like how many people have
reached you know seen scales move in the past but they did it in an unhealthy way
so was that a good way to do it you know we might have met that goal, but did, was it sustainable? Did we learn about our
body? Did we learn about what it feels like to know whether we're hungry, whether we're satisfied,
whether we're hydrated, so many wonderful things. I hope that people will be able to be thinking,
okay, I also gained this along the way. Well, that's what we talk about when it comes to that, you know, those
four stages, there's lose your weight, solidify your weight, maintain your weight. And then that
finally in forever piece, that's, it's the values. It's the things that you've learned. It's,
you know, the new habits you've created yourself, the patterns of, you know, thinking and thoughts
and that mindfulness piece is where you wake up, you look good, you feel good, hopefully,
or if you don't feel good, you know exactly why.
And you just make the choices that you need to make.
It's not going back to all the things that you did
before you started the program.
It's taking everything that you've learned, who you are.
Can we speak to how people are actually changing
the energy that they're putting out,
the way that they're thinking, the way that they're
thinking, the way that they're moving through life. Can we talk about that? How do we package
that? How do we know we're doing that? That's a very, very interesting question, who we are.
This is probably what might have actually stumped people, because often when we, if we think of it as a negative, that's going to be probably where people hit a wall.
Because they might make a sweeping, personal, personalized statement like, I am, I am a failure, you know, I am. And so I wonder, I wonder if people do have a piece of paper in front of them, whether they would be willing to think, right, who am I? Who am I in this program persistence? Do I want to do this? Because I bet if there's that
little seed of, no, you're not, who do you think you are? That's probably a good exercise to catch
the internal critic that might be trying to say, no, you're not. You're not unless you have Gina.
You know, this isn't going to work. And that is trickery.
It's trickery because you need to trust that when you leave university, you did it.
You don't need your professors.
You don't need your lecturers walking around with you.
You have absorbed and you have learned.
I have lots of people worrying about, should I go to university?
What if it's the wrong course for me?
I'm like, it's not just about that thing. You learn so much when you go, you know, how to manage your time,
how to meet people, how to sort of stick it out, even if you don't like the lecturer. It's all,
it's about the other stuff, not just this. What if it's a waste of money and I've done this and
I never use it? We use it. We use everything in
our lives. And so we want to think that because that's that internal critic that says, don't do
it. You won't be able to do it. You know, you can't do it by yourself. You're a failure. And
then catch it and think, hang on a minute. Is that helping me level up? Would I say that to a friend would I say that to my child in front of me
that wants to try something so we've that would be a very good question who are you when you're
doing this program and some people might have had it thrown back at them you never know some people
don't we know we've talked before about this some people don't like us to change so it might even be said to us like
who even are you now I liked you better when you were this and that but we've got to think who do
we want to be because when we turn up as who who it's empowering there's a lot of criticism when
you you have to change in order to see change and there can be a lot of criticism when you, you have to change in order to see change. And there can be a lot
of criticism along the way because it's weight loss and it's dieting. I started my paper when
you said, who has a piece of paper in front of you and write it down. And I, you know, I'm not
thinking weight loss. I'm thinking about wanting to have the number one weight loss company in the
world. And who is that person? And immediately I'm like like i i was talking about this last night
now i feel confident in that whatever but last night you know i had a glass of wine i'm tired
to watch the hockey game last night and i went to write down and immediately it was like now who do
you think you are this person like this person who dragged themselves out of bed today, like, no, that's
not you.
And like, it was in within seconds because I went to go write it down and I actually
had to stop because I was second guessing who I am and who I want to be because who
I want to be, that's not the person I am right now.
It is, but it isn't. And then you add
criticism on top of that. And that makes it really hard. I also want to talk about the certificate
thing. Cause you know, I always say how frame the program in a way that resonates with you.
Is it a course? Is it a journey? Is it an adventure? But you're right. We go to school
and we get the certificate and we're like, yeah, did this. I can go be a doctor. I can go cut people open and be a doctor now. I can go do this. I can do that. But because there's no certificate at the end of this, I think sometimes people don't really, they don't really, is it value what they've done or don't see what they've done. It's like, they've learned a lot. They've changed a lot.
They've acquired a lot of skills and just by fault, just by finishing, not even, it's not
about how much weight you lose just by finishing. If you are still here at the end of 91 days,
you deserve a damn certificate because we don't get one. There's no value in that.
So how do we make value
in something that we're not, if we're not getting a certificate in it? Internal value is an intrinsic.
And like Judy said, she's struggling, but she's here. She's still here. And that's what the
beautiful butterfly does. It struggles and it is still here. We need to struggle. Even being born, we are struggling.
It's really important to our survival
to squash out of that little bit of our body
so that it increases our immunity.
It squeezes our lungs so that we can take up our breath.
Struggling is, we don't want to be fearful of the struggle.
Everybody is learning.
And to change always has
an uncomfortableness about it. But yes, we are finishing something. We're finishing whatever
they'd said that was for them, the journey, the course, whatever that is. And think about
what would you write to yourself if you were going to and of
course I know that people will have had a different six different experiences around this but if you
were going to advertise this or give give a blurb about it what would you say what would you say to
a friend about this what have you learned what did you enjoy what did you find hard what were
the surprising parts because there's always surprise
if you know along the way whether it's a university degree whether it's an apprenticeship
whether it's traveling whether it's the gene method something will have surprised us to have
gone wow didn't know that was going to happen that you know that's I've just learned something
I'm going to keep that forever so we So we want to keep our eyes up and open
instead of close down and think it's not going to work.
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Or that if we're struggling, it's not working.
So let's talk about struggle.
Because you said something there like, if I'm struggling, does that mean that I'm contemplating or making change like straw I think struggle has such a negative connotation to it where it would make sense if we were trying to describe that the feeling that we have in the
midst of change might feel like a struggle like if you're if you're making change that's like I
think struggle would be the the maybe that you're noticing.
Do some discourse analysis on this.
When you write the word struggle down, what does that mean for you?
Is it uncomfortable?
Is it scary?
Is it a bit anxiety provoking?
Is it tiring?
Is it boring?
Like, what do you think about that? And then ask yourself,
do you still want to do it though? Because what before when, when you when you set out your
intention before the program began, and you signed your, you gave the money and you were like, this
is what I'd like. Did you think it would just be easy to change? Or did you know there'd be work to be done? Because it takes a
long, long time to get to here. So it's going to take time to change. Okay, we've got to identify
the story, we've got to unlearn habits, we've got to start to appreciate our body, and relearn
how to experience our body positively. There stuff to be done okay if we want to
build a house we've got to put the work in we want to tear the house down we've got to put the work
in so unpack it and think okay i called it a struggle but is it worth it and i'd say yes
i'd say everything's worth it it, it's so it because because otherwise,
we often feel down on ourselves when we didn't do the struggle. How many of us,
when we didn't do that thing, think, Oh, I wish I had wish I wish I wish I'd wish I'd gone to that
thing. Or I wish I turned up for that thing. Or, oh, we're more disappointed in the things we didn't do more disappointed
yeah I agree so I love the defining what struggle is right like we all talk about the struggle bus
for example maybe it's the boredom bus or the you know like I love defining what what's what
is it is it struggle is like the catch- all word for having a hard time or feeling up,
like what there's something there or some feelings maybe you can't describe or feelings that you're
not taking the time to describe. And so if you can describe what this, what, what's the feeling,
what's the true feeling behind the struggle?
What is it that's going on there? Or like that, the uncomfortableness or the second guessing or
being unsure, or, you know, the, the, oh my God, there could be so many words. I think that would
really help people because this struggle world word is so huge. There's no, there's no, I don't want to say fix to it, but there's no like way
into dealing with it. So you just, you kind of wait for the struggle bus to pass when it's,
that's not it. It's, it's like, okay, I feel uncomfortable. Okay. Well that's normal. I'm
making change. Okay. I'm kind of bored. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's the routine. That makes sense. I'm,
I'm, I'm used to sense I'm I'm used to the
drama I'm used to the excitement you know like defining the word it's not really struggle it's
it's deeper than that oh I love Daniel Segal will say name it to tame it when we put names to things
our human brain likes it to think okay I've said something flippantly but now let me
say it again and what do I actually mean and how actually am I really you know and then write it
I love writing I like drawing you know you can do a mind map you could do it on a whiteboard however
it works for you I like it I like the how you said take time to describe
because then we've got a little bit more substance we've got a little bit more of the ingredients
that goes into that and then we might be able to unpack it and think oh yeah I am bored okay
that's okay it's it's a bit boring sometimes know, my brother just finished his another Ironman. He's bored on the bike after four, but he's still moving, you know, and it's like, how do you manage bored?
And it can again be the and and both, you know, because, you know, parents, we might have always wanted to be a parent.
And then sometimes there's going to be, dare I say it, because I don't want to upset anyone, boring days where you're like, oh, this is like Groundhog Day, you know, but is it worth it?
No.
It's, it's, it's life is, life does that, doesn't it?
So, yeah, brilliant, Gina.
Describe.
Take time to describe.
I'm thinking of Judy who showed up and she shared struggling, but still here. And I'm
like, that's such a big, I got so many questions. What exactly are you struggling with? Like what's
going on? What can I do? How can I help? But more than that, it's like, if, if she was to define
what exactly it is that she is struggling with, I don't even know that it's what exactly are you
struggling with? It's more like, what is the deeper, what's underneath the struggle? And what is it exactly?
What's the feeling? Is it what's the feeling under struggle? Is that, how do we define that?
How does Judy define, I'm struggling, but I'm still here. And that could be a lot of things,
trying to get the water in and the food plan and the this and the but there's so many things how do we really go to that what's under the struggle is there
start to write it struggle struggle could be it's interesting because on the cognitive behavioral
therapy wheel it an emotion the feeling i always put at three o'clock so is it an emotion
struggle or is it a behavior i'm struggling like so is it's the six o'clock the behavior
or does the feeling the emotion struggle make us do things in our behavior like i'm struggling to
get to the store so i didn't I'm struggling to
make the dinner tonight so I I'm going to eat popcorn I'm struggling to convince my family to
be on board with me so I'm feeling lonely and unsupport like what's going on because then it'll
unpack more feet more emotions under the three o'clock also is struggle a physical feeling am i struggling
because i'm feeling hungry or am i struggling because i'm feeling down in my body like so
struggle is multifaceted like it's it's basically it can be in the emotion section three o'clock it
can be a behavior at the six o'clock and it also can be the physical at the nine o'clock but it's not the
thought it's not the thought the thought is at 12 o'clock we want to think what does that mean
what are we thinking about struggle because if we think it's okay to struggle okay that would be a
healthier way to think if I'm struggling I'm a failure if I'm struggling, I'm a failure. If I'm struggling, then I'm no good at this. Like that's,
that's where we would be catching those thinking traps. What do we think about the struggle?
Okay. So this thing finally makes sense to me, this little, so you write a cross.
Yes. And at the very top is thoughts. Thoughts, yeah. Right? And then your emotions.
Emotions, three o'clock.
And then your behavior.
What we'd see if I had binoculars, yes, behavior.
And your physical.
Physical body, yes.
And do we write struggle right in the middle?
And then we try to.
Well, I think it would be, I don't know if you can see, I think it would be all three because struggle could be an emotion, but it also could be a behavior. I feel like I'm struggling. I'm? Do I feel heavy? Are my feet dragging? Is that
what the struggle is? So it could hit all three, which is why it's a very interesting word that
you've unpacked today. And then we want to think, well, what do we think about struggle? Because if
we think struggle is bad, and we think struggle is a failure then it's gonna make the cycle go even more um busy
we want to think it's okay could we say to ourselves it's okay to struggle or it that it
was okay to struggle at the weekend or i struggled today because i was up later than normal yesterday
because of the game the hockey how do we then think about it because that's what we want to break up
any psychology that uses if we're using the cbt model we're just trying to interfere we're trying
to have an intervention anywhere we can challenge the thoughts we can challenge the behaviors that's
what you're doing you're doing behavioral activation when you first tell us what to do how to do it
then we start thinking we know that once we're putting
good stuff in our body, nutrition and hydration, our brain works better. So then our thinking gets
improved. Our likelihood of doing the behaviors are improved. So everything we're doing is feeding
this beautiful cycle. Everything. That's brilliant because this is what I mean by the way in,
right? So if your struggle is in the center and you're trying to figure it out and you're trying
to find a way into it, struggle is such a big word. So you could write down like the behaviors
that you're doing, right? And then also write down the behaviors, the opposite of those,
the ones that you need to do, the emotions that you're having, the opposite of those, the ones that, you know, that you need to do, the emotions that you're having, the opposite of those, right? The physical, what's going on and what, if I'm not sleeping
and I'm whatever I could, you know, work on my sleep hygiene, I could go for a walk. I could do.
So I think this is really key in helping people figure out what they're struggling with and what
they need to do to continue to show up and to follow through and be this is so huge and I totally
love that you just did the complete opposite it's that's what is that called the opposite action
so clever Gina because that's what we'll often get them to do we'll do the complete
what would you do if you did the complete opposite you know I was a bit grumpy this morning
because I was so sleepy so I did and then And then my friend said, do you need a hug?
I said, no, because I'm grumpy. And then I thought, that's exactly when I need a hug.
So I lent in and did the opposite. So doing the opposite can be so effective. Also with our
thoughts, I am a failure. Well, what's exactly the opposite is I am totally a success. Now,
neither of those are probably true. They're
extremes. So there's likely somewhere in the middle. Sometimes I'm doing all right. Sometimes
I'm doing better than all right. And sometimes I'm doing a bit less than all right. But we're
not total failures and we're not 100% successes. Is that fake it till you make it?
Is that that?
A little bit, I think.
I remember the first time someone said that to me.
I was married and lovely James left and went off.
And you know, that's all.
And I was, Leo was only a tiny and I was taking him to nursery.
And I was still crying a lot whenever and she said
it one day she said it'll be okay she said just fake it till you make it and it and here we are
you know it's one step at a time one inch at a time um because we have to get up we have to
stand back up and keep on moving forward. Cause what's the alternative?
What's the alternative? Well, I'm wondering about that fake it till you make it. Man,
so many things that we say just, I think mess us up because it is you that's, that's you digging deep. That's you trying to change your thoughts. That's you trying to believe that it's going to
be okay. That's you, you know, starting to do the things, you know, you need to do. So even
this concept of fake it till you make it, that is still you, if you're showing up doing those things,
you're not actually faking anything. We want to manifest good stuff. Just like when you were
about to write down, who am I? And you thought, Oh, like we want to put the, we want to say,
yes, I am. I might not feel like it today, but I I still I'm still aiming in that direction yeah yeah
still here we don't hit the bullseye every time we do not but the love of darts you know
it's it's so interesting because even when we think of athletes, how many home runs do they hit?
Well, let's talk about the Oilers last night.
The Oilers last night, they're probably all feeling hella awful,
a huge disappointment, huge failure, but they made it to the Stanley Cup.
And so, you know, I don't know how many of them are like,
yeah, we made it, or how many of them are hungover
because they're just like, oh, I fucking blew that last night.
So even with athletes absolutely when none of us are immune we don't we and it it is part of why humans succeed is because we have this drive it's because we have this I can do better you know if we didn't have that then we wouldn't probably
get up and do stuff we have we want to have motivation do you think that's a learned behavior
or is it like are we just always like is it just it's never gonna stop like what is it why do we
have this I know this is real deep we need six hours for this but like why do we have this I get like we don't feel worth I need six hours for this, but like, why do we have this? I get like, we don't feel worth, I mean, worthy as a whole. We talked about that before,
not good enough. We're never going to get there, but why are we never content with where we are at?
Is it because we think if I'm content today with where I'm at, um, that I'm not going to do more?
Like it's that struggle of being happy. I'm trying to think,
like, again, bringing it back to the conversation, which is assessing where you're at now,
and, and where you want to go, not just like following through on the program,
but finishing your weight loss journey. How do we assess? How do we be happy with where we are are right now and then move forward from that problem oh that's a tricky question
I liked your first question um because I was I liked that better because I was thinking humans
are hardwired to improve themselves we've got to we've've got we want to invent the wheel we want to do this we want to
do we want to get up and walk we want to like you know dopamine is a reward you know we like
feeling reward it's there because then we'll do it again okay um and then we'll learn and then we'll
then we'll better the human race so it it's in us. So to know that I
could do better, know that, be kind to yourself, think that is a human condition. Because I want
to do better, it's not that I didn't do well, and it's not that I haven't done, you know,
I've still reached my goal for now, and I want to do do better and I want to keep going um and maybe we want to
learn that that it's okay to be there I am learning that the struggle is okay I'm learning
that my goals will change I'm learning that sometimes I don't reach that goal, but I've also hit milestones along the way.
So learning, instead of being definitive, allow yourself to be the learner.
And that's really nice because then we don't feel criticism as powerful
when we take a position of learning and openness, growth mindset.
But how can we get... It's a tough conversation. It's like, how do you bottle up the feelings that
everybody has? Like I've done 21 of these groups. I've been helping people lose weight for 30 years.
But it's the same emotions. It's the same feeling, you know, just different people
coming in and out of it. And it's like, how do you, how do you package up this conversation in a way that's actually going to help people
understand to be able to move forward and reach their goals? Not an easy thing.
Not an easy thing, but to know that we're human and it's all right. None, like
anybody that's decided to do anything that's a little bit hard needs to be really proud of
themselves because they're putting themselves out there they're putting themselves out of their
comfort zone to learn something okay whatever they learn along the way pat ourselves on the back
and then we want to trust we want to be able to trust this because people that
you know might think that's it. It didn't work.
Actually, it might have.
If we could look inside your body at how your health has improved, how your body is doing better, how your body is now trusting you.
They can sometimes not be as obvious on the outside, but the inside is thanking you for this.
It really is. It's the, you know,
we don't see maybe the foundation of the house, but the house is beautiful, but it couldn't stand
if the foundation wasn't solid. So if you're not seeing those outside things, please don't give up.
Know that you are celebrating and cherishing the inside of you because that's really important to
remember that's what matters and that's eventually when your body trusts you enough that's when maybe
it'll start moving different things that you're hoping to to achieve or to see but yeah you just said jump off don't jump off the bike before you've given
it a good go well I just had uh I just saw a comment here from Wendy I want to know why I
sabotage myself the second I start to make change that I start notices working help I mean isn't
that just what you just said we've actually talked about sabotage in previous conversations
but isn't that isn't that that trust, right?
That's that trust piece.
Okay, we're out of time.
I wish I could talk to you all day.
We are out of time.
We are out of time.
I was going to ask, my final question was, how do people not put pressure on themselves with these last four weeks?
But I think you covered it.
It's not a black and white response. It's, it's being in the moment. It's taking time to assess where you are
right now. It's if you are struggling to, you know, follow through and finish, like what,
what's the word for that, you know? But do you have anything else to add? Final,
final words from Dr. Beverly? Trust the process process like trust it because you've done all
of this work and it all adds up it's it's it's slow and steady okay it really is and
you can think of as many analogies as you want but you know once we're about to do a big event
we taper off we all sort of when
we're studying we might have cram it there's all sorts of different ways to finish okay but we want
to trust all of the work we've already done because that's the work everything every every decision
turning up good and bad days get us into the moment that we are now.
And so just keep doing.
Keep doing the doings.
Because trust it.
And be kind to yourself.
Catch it.
If you start being mean, if you start criticizing, if you start catching the internal voice,
think, I'm going to write it down.
I'm going to unpack it.
And I'm going to be very kind to myself.
Because I'm here. I'm in the ring. I'm in the race. I'm going to write it down I'm going to unpack it and I'm going to be very kind to myself because I'm here I'm in the ring I'm in the race I I'm learning and I'm going to carry on learning
um but be just be compassionate be forgiving and be patient okay like it's Rome wasn't built in a day.
I love it. And I love you. What a conversation today.
Oh, I mean, it's never the conversation I think that we're going to have.
Like we've talked so often and the conversation every time we have,
there's like, ah, it's just, it's a different perspective.
I thought there was a lot of really great takeaways today. I know it really resonated with a lot of our members who are joining us live if you are listening by
way of podcast i hope that you felt the same um i love that whole what is this called what is this
thing the thought emotion behavior physical is there a name for this that's the cognitive
behavioral therapy wheel that we know that that's when we perpetuate difficulties
when we think okay why did something start or why did something turn up and then why did it stay
then often we're in a loop and so we want to unpack the loop and interfere just start interfering
with it and thinking what if I thought differently about this? Or what if
I did differently here? And then straight away, things start to change.
I know Drew is, our producer is, and director is watching this right now. So I think we need
a graphic for this, Drew. We need to do a graphic for this and pop it up into the group for everyone.
Thank you so much. I just feel
so enlightened by this conversation. I love that I am always learning, right? Like I think there's
like there's you never want to get to a place where you know it all and life weight loss has
been my entire life. And I love that I continue to learn not just about weight loss, but about
myself with these conversations. So thank you so much. I know people always ask, you've been with us a few times for this program specifically, they can find you
on Instagram, Dr. Beverly. And if they are interested in working with you or working with
anyone on your team, they can reach out to you at yourpsychologycenter.ca. Dr. Beverly, thank you so
much. I think you're going to be back one more time
with us, uh, towards the end of the program, which will be fun. It's going to be a fun
conversation. Uh, so Dr. Beverly will be back everyone. I hope you enjoyed the conversation
today. Have an amazing rest of your day. Bye.