The Livy Method Podcast - Let's Talk Working Through The Messy Middle with Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer - Winter 2024

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Gina chats with best-selling author and learning expert Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer about working through the messy middle of The Program.You can find the full video hosted at:https://www.facebook.com/groups/livymethodwinter2024Topics covered:Let's talk about normalizing the Messy Middle with Dr Deena Kara Shaffer.Challenge by choice: messing up on purpose to recalibrate yourself.Why is the messy middle so uncomfortable? Steps we can take define it, honour our language, and resource ourselves.Let's get real and curious about the struggle bus.How an approach of curiosity, not fear, about the struggle bus can transform our relationship with ourselves.You are not the problem and it isn't your fault!Goalsetting methods: there is more than one way to go about setting goals that will get you to where you are going.Experimenting and investigating to discover what works for you.When the struggles come, it's time to grow!How we can turn everything into a problem to solve and when that leads to cycles of coping.It's okay if things feel different from what you expected. How preparation plays a role in managing expectations.Quit or grit? How do I do tenacity when life is hard?Are we putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to calm down when we are angry?Being exactly as you are, including the big feels, is an invitation to get curious.When we are outcome-oriented, we often miss out on life on the way to our destination.Glimmers versus Gold.Celebrating together: check out the Midway Motivation post in the Facebook Support Group.Where does motivation come from?You may need to change what success means for you.The gift of the Messy Middle and why it's important to look at how far you've come already.Now what? Is there an end to the Messy Middle?When it gets harder than you can bear, what's in your toolbox?The Program is 91 days. There is a clear start and finish. You will reach your goal!It can't be comfortable when you are making change. By definition, change is uncomfortable!Where to find Dr. Deena Shaffer, sign up for her newsletter, and purchase her book "Feel Good Learning"awakenedlearning.ca@awakenedlearningTo learn more about the Livy Method, visit www.ginalivy.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Gina Livy and welcome to the Livy Method podcast. This is where you'll have access to all of the live streams from my 91 day weight loss program. With a combination of daily lives, guest expert interviews and member stories, there is something new almost every day. Miss the morning live? Want to re-listen to one of our amazing guest experts? Well, this is the place. This podcast is hosted on Acast, but it's available on all podcast platforms, including the one you're listening to right now, Spotify, Apple,

and Amazon Music. New year, new me. Season is here, and honestly, we're already over it. Enter Felix, the healthcare company helping Canadians take a different approach to weight loss this year. Weight loss is more than just diet and exercise. It can be about tackling genetics, hormones, metabolism. Felix gets it. They connect you with licensed healthcare practitioners online who'll create a personalized treatment plan that pairs your healthy lifestyle with a little help and a little extra support. Start your visit today at felix.ca. That's F-E-L-I-X dot C-A. You're going to have this ability to now reframe.

Allow yourself time throughout the day to stress the fuck out. The thoughts and the feelings and the behavior cycle can start changing. Well, here we are six weeks into the program. Dr. Dina Karaschafer is back and we're going to talk messy middle. I mean, we hear this a lot at this point in the program. This is the longest I've ever followed a diet. This is the point in the program where the motivation is wearing off. You were excited in the beginning. Now you're showing up. Reality is setting in. Life is making it difficult. All of the deep fields are coming up. So please help us. Dr. Dina. Hi, everyone. You know what?

Okay, I'm obviously going to answer your question, but it's just so beautiful that the first comment that came up was good morning, friends. Like good morning, friends. So good morning, friends. It's like there's nowhere I'd rather be. It's my favorite place. So hi, everyone. Yeah, messy middle.

Let's normalize that. Who wouldn't feel that way? Who wouldn't feel that way? Who wouldn't feel that way when it's not new and you're not at the end? Like there was, you know, in thinking about sort of how to just offer any kind of useful strategy or like, I don't know, it's not comfort, but like a reassurance. There's a beautiful phrase called challenge by choice. And I feel like that's what folks who step into the living method are doing. Challenge by choice. you didn't have to do it and nothing nothing that's transformative is ever comfortable so everyone had to have a sense like hmm at some point i'm

going to get bored or irritated and wildly uncomfortable Everyone here has stepped into challenge by choice. It's not easy. It's not always riveting. That's not really the intention. Although remarkably, there is like a kind of, there is a tweak of newness every week, right? Like there is something you're going to do. But if you're back, or if you're back again, or if you're back again, again, again. Yeah. How normal to feel like, huh, I'm in the, I'm in the slump. I'm in the equivalent of like the three o'clock part of my day. I'm in the equivalent of like the Wednesday, Thursday. I'm in the equivalent of February, March. Yeah, you're right. It's not shiny and new. And we don't necessarily quite know where we're going to arrive at if you're brand new. And maybe this has always happened if you're a returning member, and it's like, but wait,

what's the thing I haven't seen? Or what's the thing I can shine a spotlight? Yeah, there's a restlessness that might be happening now. We could call it messy middle. But another way to really think about it is you have all challenged yourself, stepped into something that is purposefully kind of like agitating, recalibrating, purposefully recalibrating. You are shifting and rocking things around and exploring different parts of self on purpose. You're kind of messing it all up on purpose in the hopes of something better and the hopes of something that has more ease and the hopes of like where you are moving towards is more aligned with what it is that you envision for yourself and your body and your life.

So who wouldn't feel a little bit like squirmy? So normal. Drop the mic. This conversation is done. We're good. I love that so much. Challenged by choice, purposely recalibrating. I love this. I would imagine that everything has a beginning, middle and end. I know you help people when it comes to learning in a variety of different areas. So when taking a course, you start it, you're excited. The middle is messy. It's muddled midly. And then there's the end. Why is when we sign ourselves up for these things, we want to make change, we want to grow. Why is it so uncomfortable for us? Why is it so uncomfortable? Why is the middle uncomfortable? Cause it's like undefined.

We have a start date when it's new. We like really know the first day and we have a place to be. And we're like really clear. Oh, this thing starts this day and we have an end, right? There's 91 days, but like WTF, what about all of the weeks and the days in the middle? It's undefined. There's a kind of ambiguity to it. Again, luckily, the nature of the programs and design is that there are very clear tasks each week. There is like shift in this way, shift in this way, but it can feel like a little bit of a blur because it has the least amount of definition just in terms of beginning and end. And then there's like, oh, middle, like, is that a week? Is that two and a half months? What is that? It feels prolonged. And so in that way, that's, you know, I'm forever the learning strategist.

Like that's where we can do something about it. Step one, if it feels like the messy middle is grinding you down or robbing you of a little bit of that hopeful energy, like taking some of that bounce. First is define it. Define it. You can define it in terms of months. It's quite clean. Oh, there's like month one,

month two, month three. You can define it in terms of weeks. And then we kind of bust through what middle is that like kind of slip through your fingers, shape-shifting like fog or cloudiness. I'm just like, I'm doing this week. We can bring it down even further. I'm doing this day. There is no middle. There is no amorphous like,, oh no, there's this day and I have these things to do. Whatever the definition of time, the boundary of time, that might be a helpful kind of lifeline through this time if it feels a little like, uh. And the next step would be, is the language of messy middle helping you? If it feels like an honoring of that is what it feels like. Great. If it's like, is there a more fitting way that I can phrase this for myself?

We'll see what happens when you play with language. So if I were to say to you, like the word, instead of messy mischievous, it's like, Oh, that has a different tonal quality. Mysterious has a different quality. These words come with different qualities. So what about the motivational middle? What is the word that's actually going to be helpful? So we define it in terms of time.

We give it shape and containment, like we're going to contain the time and then we're going to call it whatever you need to call it for it to feel what you need it to feel like. And it doesn't have to be alliteration, everyone. Like it doesn't have to be an M word. It can be just like uplifting or dig deep. Right. And then the next piece is always, I mean mean if you've attended even a single session with gina it's going to be around like resourcing so what do you actually need whatever you call it whatever the span of time is what do you need to keep going through this day what do you need to

feel well and like you can do this day and set yourself up well for the next day and that's deeply personal the rain we'll talk about them to be sure by the end right but like how do you resource how do you inner resource because isn't it all deeply personal and everyone to everyone is different an individual what one person is struggling with you know someone else might see as a challenge and you know or they, you know, someone else might see as a challenge and, you know, or they're, you know, they're working through something completely different as someone else. You know, everyone talks about the struggle bus. It's outside my house. And someone else is like, I can't get through my day. I can't pull it together. I, you know,

people do frame it differently. They see it differently and they experience it differently. Totally. So one way through that is curiosity. Get real curious about that struggle bus. It's one thing to say, just get on it. I don't know. Does just do it help people who are really, really finding it hard to do it? So then the point of learning strategies, the point of the coaches that you bring on here is, and what if I can't, what if I actually am anxious or panicking or worried or bored out of my mind or resistant, or it's bringing up all the things. This is why we have these conversations,

but what if I can't, but if I'm having a really, really hard time? I'm coming up so close against all my stuff. Yeah, cool. Okay. So struggle bus is here. Let's go all the way into it. Get so inquisitive about struggle bus. What's the shape of it? Who's on it?

How old is it? How big is it? What does it feel like? Get a little bit curious because it's not just one thing. Is the struggle around the type of food? Is the struggle around somebody telling you what to eat or inviting you to do it differently? Is the struggle the other people that you're in proximity with and their responses to you? the struggle, like your own hunger and what that actual hunger is about. Like what's, what's the struggle. Let's get real into it. So one way through like struggle bus relationship is getting curious, wanting to know it. So instead of going like,

no, no, no, I closed the door and I hide under my bed. Like, I know you're out there, but I'm not taking a look. It's like, I'm going to open up the curtains and be like, all right, struggle boss, you're going to wait there and you're going to keep waiting there until I get on it. But I'm going to, I'm going to take the time I need to get to know you. I like that. You're so fun. You're so fun. You're so fun. When you so fun when you like, like when there's resonance, you can, it's so beautiful. It's like a, Ooh, I love it. It's so beautiful. I mean, well, 21 groups in, I know all the questions that people have asked and where their heads at and how they're feeling and all of that. And I can, I just know it. This is such a resonating conversation with so many. This is exactly what they need to hear. And I can, I just know it. This is such a resonating conversation with so many. This is

exactly what they need to hear. And I'm great. I'm amazing. I'm really good at helping people lose weight. I'm like, get on the bus, right? It's out there, get on the bus. But this is where our experts like you come, come in, you know, the thought of like taking all the time that you need. I'm like, get your ass on that fucking bus, get your ass on that fucking bus. Let's go. Whereas I love the approach of take your time, get to know the bus, be curious about the bus. You get comfortable with getting on the bus. You know, it's supposed to just get out of your comfort zone. I hear this a lot. You got to step out of your comfort zone. I know that when I am feeling ways and I'm out of my comfort zone, I'm on the precipice of change. And I like, I love that.

I live for that. It doesn't mean it's easy, but I live for that. But for someone else, it might make them, it might be really unnerving for them in order. And that may stop them from taking that step, getting out the front door, let alone getting on the actual bus at the end of the day. So I love this approach.

You know, this for me comes directly from parenting. And I wonder if the other parents, whatever parenting or however you are in a chosen family, if someone is really, really anxious, there you can in their body, they're clenched, and their breath is high. And you could say, like, don't be worried about that. But there's something in the body that they're worried. Yeah, and they can you can really really see it whether they're saying I'm worried about, or they're actually just embodying it. If you firmly and aggressively said to somebody like stop or just do your homework. Yeah. Does it ever work? No no or just calm down just whatever just fill in the blank we've lost them at just sometimes sometimes for sure that like that that fuel of like but i all the way

know that you can and i'm here alongside you and you can do it. And what would the first step be? That can get a lot of, that can get folks going, but it's my care is always around. And what if that doesn't work? How do we not leave people behind who, who are in their bodies experiencing resistance or fear or like habits that are so ingrained that they they've set a goal and they want it so bad so bad so bad but the just do it isn't landing in a way that feels like it's unlocking something you know when someone says something and it like oh like I just unclenched a little,

I just exhaled a little, I'm one step closer to being able to do it. Like, that's what I want to participate in is for all the folks who are like, Oh shit, I can't just do it. What else? What else you got? So what is that then? If it's, you know, like what do you do piece it together? Day by day, minute by minute, choice by choice, like what? Yeah. So someone is really struggling. They don't really know. They just know they're struggling. You know, someone who's just like, I just can't, I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't pull it together. I'm having a hard time getting back at it. You know, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around, you know, the new tweak that we're going to need to make, you know, I mean, that's a lot right there. That's a lot. So where do you start with that? Well, there's two ways I want to go

about that. So the first one is let's as a community decide to perhaps on purpose push against the question, what's wrong with me? Like, let's really see that and go, actually, I refuse. I am not a problem. You are not a problem. Your community members are not problems. We are not problems to be solved. We were all born into and kind of indoctrinated and really, really messed up systems around food and bodies and nutrition and beauty. So like none of this is around problem or fault. We are trying to, led by totally amazing Gina, do something different.

There is something that we're trying to heal in them. So we're not. Second thing is I'll just give a bit of an example. Everyone loves, they love, they love smart goals, right? It's like all everybody ever talks about. We're going to set a goal. We're going to get there by way of smart goals, you know, like sustainable and small and manageable and achievable, right? Realistic. Ooh, that one really kills me realistically. And then, oh, like kind of how do we gather feedback around it? Okay. Smart goals is another system and it can really work for some people, right? Like that feels so natural and like I can

just do it, but I'm here for the like, and what about everyone else who can't, who's left utterly cold by a SMART goal for who SMART goals have never worked. It's like nice idea, but it's actually an acronym and not a way of life for me. There are so many ways to do something. And that's actually the beauty of your program. Like if you think about your 20 questions, there are so many ways you offer a framework and then it's like, well, are you going to take a look at this over here? Are you going to take a look at this over here? And you don't have to do everything. That's totally the point. It's really about points of emphasis. Am I going to look at movement? Am I going to look at sleep? Am I going to look at stress management? Am I going to look at relationships? Am I going to look at sleep? Am I going to look at stress management? Am I going to look at relationships? Am I going to look at my trauma

and get some therapeutic support? Think about all of the different facets that you can kind of amplify or really immerse in. All right. So let's go back to the SMART goals. If we're trying to get to a goal, well, there's also, there's many acronyms, friends, like there's PACT goals. So we start with purpose, purposefulness. So what is the purpose? The actual like, oh, I want this so bad. And then actionable. So how do we make that big thing actionable? Is it by weeks? Is it by days? Is it by parts of days? Is it by saying in the morning, I do a check-in, in the afternoon, I do an end of day reflection, right? Okay. And the next one is continuous. So if we're doing packed goals, C is continuous. How am I going to do today to set myself up to do tomorrow? What is the, like the thread that

connects these days? T is trackable. Beautiful. You have a whole system literally through the method. You can track and get feedback about how you're doing. But there are other ones. There's WHOOP, where you start with a wish. You start with a wish. And then you think about the obstacles along the way. And they're internal obstacles. Like, I know that I am going to meet my stubbornness. I am going to meet these particular

traumatic events. I am going to meet the thing inside me that says I am a problem to be solved. And then plan in the Woot method is if that thought happens, if my resistance happens, I will do this. I will call a friend. I will move my body. I will listen to something uplifting. I will turn on a motivational audio book. So I just to say, what is the point of all of these different goal setting methods? The point is that there is no one way to do the Livi method. There is no one way to do anything. The thing that it is that you want, the place that you want to arrive at. It's not prescriptive. There's lots of room for you. Lots of room for you as you are with your idiosyncrasies and your context and your health challenges and your beliefs and maybe the mindsets that get in your way. That's the beauty. You can be you and all the parts of you and all the parts of your life in this program. And the point is that we get so close. We get so right up close with each parts of those. And so whatever your

goal setting system is, that's just one example of thousands of strategies. The point is there is no singular way and you are not a problem if one of those ways doesn't work for you. If you're like, but I keep trying to work out and I injure myself. Cool. Then it's actually like not maybe the movement thing. Like what if we shift that over to sleep? Is sleep going to be the thing that kind of unlocks the door? Cool. Have at her for the next six weeks. See what happens if you protect and prioritize your sleep, right? There's so much

to experiment with. I love that you say experiment with, because I'm reading some of these comments. First of all, I say whoop when the struggle bus shows up. Whoop, there it is. Next thing you know, everyone in the comments is singing for sure. I love the way Dr. Schaefer says, wishes make my stress disappear. Right? Like I check out the window daily. Yeah. Looking for the struggle bus, right? Like it's really about figuring out what works best for you. And I love the inquire, you know, investigate, be open, try a variety of different things. Like what works for you? Like you have, I think people are so we're in a, we're in the middle now. And then next, you know, in a few weeks, you're going to, we're going to have you back. We're going to talk about people stressing because they feel like there's not enough time and it feel like there's this

time crunch to get it all done and do all of it and whatever. And, you know, yeah, okay, follow the program, maximize, do your thing. But there is time to figure out what you need and how you learn and the things that you need to process and work through. And I think taking the time to do that is probably it's that because we talk a lot about how it's not just weight loss. So giving you the tools and helping you work through the things you need to work through. So at the end of this, you're able to easily maintain your weight it's just like, it's there for you to learn. So you can evolve and you can move forward and you can change and you can grow, right? It's embracing them, but also more importantly, having the tools to deal with them at the end of the day. Doesn't it blow your mind how all of us turn every single thing into a problem? Isn't that incredible?

So like, okay, I'm starting, I'm starting, I'm starting the program. That's so overwhelming. Yeah. I'm so frustrated. And then I'm in the middle. Okay. Now I'm in the middle. That's a problem. It's a problem because you know, like I'm bored or I'm restless or what's happening. Yeah. What's wrong with me? The problem is it went by. I didn't do enough. Okay. Wow. Oh, that's got real interesting.

Let's spend some time with that. Let's spend some time with that. I am so interested in this, right? Sometimes we think we're here. We're here in a program, in a community to do this thing or learn this thing over here. I want to like really mend my relationship with food and my body. Oh boy, looks like we're here for a whole bunch of other reasons too, which is, yes, I really turn stuff into problems to solve. Cool. What would happen if I paused that a little bit and I interrogated that? Ooh, look how quick I am

to judge or get frustrated or get bored. And then what do I do to cope? I'm going to look at that for a bit. Ooh, look at how much I compare myself to others without knowing anything about them or their life, you know? Okay. So what are the pieces that are coming up? And I don't want to say that those are like more real, but it's, this is as much, if not more an internal program as it is an external program. And that is like the magic and the beauty. Yeah, it is, but people didn't sign up for that. They're like, I just signed up to lose my weight. I have 75 bucks. I want to lose my weight.

My, like my friend, Jenny or my friend, Steve or whatever. Like I didn't even check out your website. I just press click buy now I'm in, I want to lose my weight. And then people get in here and they like I'm not saying that they don't want to work through these things but I think for a lot of people it catches them they're they're not prepared they are not prepared for what they need to do to work because the diet industry no one talks about what we're talking about when it comes to weight loss they're completely ill-prepared and this is what I love about our guests, giving them the tools. But what about the feelings behind that of like,

do you know what I mean? Like I'm here for it. This is hard, but this is not what I signed up for. I just wanted to lose my weight. I just wanted to eat well. Great. Great. Okay. Preparation. How many times have the best things in your life come with preparation? Like what's really to be another one, then it's an opportunity to think about what we do when our expectations either aren't met. And I would really like, let's talk about that or they're met in ways we didn't expect. Right. Like it's okay. First of all, it's okay if it's different than how you thought it would be. And if we swim in that a little bit how could it have been any other way how could this go any other way we're not machines that you just like put in food output movement weight loss happens the thing that binds us all here is a real experience of harm in other systems that told us other things that were actually wrong or contradictory and wildly self-punishing,

if not traumatizing. Okay. So how could this have been any other way? And so if I'm here, because my friend Jenny or Doug did a great, like had a really great experience. And I better ask them, how did you do it? And I guarantee it's not just, I did the food plan. Yeah. Right. So if I'm here because of something else, then I probably had a sense that the radiance that they're emanating, the sense of peace that they're embodying is not just because they lost 15 or 53 pounds yeah so when we have expectations about something which i feel like people are put down a lot for having expectations as if it's somehow not normal yeah feels like it's a really normal thing like who wouldn't try to have a kind of mental

conception and that like internal preparation for the thing we think is going to happen where i find it really interesting is like and what if it looks and feels different than that what are you going to do you're going to quit or are you going to grit right are you going to where does grit come from? Where does perseverance come from? How do I do tenacity when it's hard or when my expectations are shifting? Like, am I allowing them to move? As I grow in my perspective, as I'm in this messy middle and I'm understanding where I'm at, oh, oh, that's what the Libby method's all about. Oh, oh, that's what the living method's all about. Oh, yeah. I have to ask myself that I have to feel that I have to really come face to face with that. Oh,

am I going to shift with that? Am I going to like hunker down and be like, nope, I'm just about food. It's just about my bonus snacks. Yeah. Okay. That's where it gets interesting. So for me, everything is a feedback opportunity in, in, in like doing this work guided by Eugene. It's all opportunity for feedback. Like what, what is the invitation here about what this feels like? And when this is agitating and when this is frustrating and when this didn't match the mental picture I had, how can we take good enough care for ourselves that we step towards that? In case nobody's told you, weight loss goes beyond the old just eat less and move more narrative. And that's where Felix comes in. Felix is redefining weight loss for Canadians with a smarter, more personalized approach to help you crush your health goals this year. Losing weight is about more than diet and exercise.

It can also be about our genetics, hormones, metabolism. Felix connects you with online licensed healthcare practitioners who understand that everybody is different and can pair your healthy lifestyle with the right support to reach your goals. Start your visit today at felix.ca. That's F-E-L-I-X.ca. Yeah, this is especially with where we're at right now. So we did our first round of downsizing because as you know, Dr. Dina is familiar with the program. And of course, people have all the feels. There's stress and there's concern or whatever. And then we give them a break from it. And then this week is just like, it's totally different. People are calm. They know they can do it. It was no big deal. They understand it. So next week we have our new tweak, feeding the

metabolism, where I think it's so super cool. It's just another way of getting in tune to your portions. People are going to be splitting up their meals and snacks. They're going to be eating even more often. So you take people who spent years trying not to eat and now they have to eat and, and also prioritize themselves even more often than they have been. It makes people have a lot of feels. Now it's interesting because there'll be some people who are just mad at it from the get. There's, it's inconvenient. It's this, I don't understand that.

It's whatever. And then we get people like, you know, who are returning members like, oh, this is by far my favorite week. And so then we're going to give them a break from it and then they're going to do it again. And of course, after they do it the first time, they're going to be like, OK, I got this. I understand. I actually. But how do we calm down those feels like is there a way to kind of in knowing that the change is coming and as we read the guidelines and we start to be like, is there a way to recognize that or calm ourselves down to get us in the right frame of mind to move forward? Mm-hmm. What a wonderful question, Gina. I actually wonder if we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be calm. And what if we don't feel calm about it?

What if we allow ourselves to be just as we are, but we channel it, we fuel it? If I'm angry, I'm not going to be less angry because i'm supposed to be calm about this program i'm angry i'm angry i'm angry i'm angry and i gotta do the plan and now they're telling me to be calm yeah don't be calm don't be calm okay you are i love it but how can that anger actually be on your side that part of yourself is welcome and how is it useful so it's useful because it's an opportunity for inquiry right what am i so angry about where do i feel my anger because sometimes we're like um i'm so angry but like cool how do you know is it is it like is it? Is it in your heart?

Is it, are you, are you, are you having clenched fists? You didn't even know? Yeah. Cool. Like where is anger? Where does anger come from? What was the moment before anger? Did it just happen right away? Do you have, um, a skill that you can practice around pausing before anger so we don't kind of misuse it but i wouldn't want folks to be like well that dina you know like she comes on and she just tells us to be calm about shit that's actually feels very upsetting and no no i'm like set be upset yeah feel things what are you gonna do what are you gonna do with the big fields we do not have to squash it in fact maybe that is like part of the history that got us here so if i'm so angry that i'm lashing out how can i reach out for support around that

what is in that for me that I actually need to notice and do something about? If I'm angry every single time, Gina changes the program. Ooh, ooh, what does that say about my relationship to change? Because Gina's just like changing a few things. I'm not like changing my house. I'm not changing my job. I'm not changing my spouse. So like, what's the thing that's being pinged at? That's the real thing. That's the real thing. So let's look at that. That's the gorgeous ongoing opportunity of this program. Be exactly as you are. And each of these moments of big feels is an invitation for inquiry. And if it gets too big, then that's when we seek help. That's when we seek help. That's when we ask for an ally. That's where we ask for therapeutic support. Well, and this is exactly what I'm talking about

when I say it's all part of the program and the process. All of the feels, whether it's anger or whatever the feeling is that you're feeling. That's why I love the tweaks. They bring up all the feels. Great. I love this. Chances are, because it's tied into food and your lifestyle and where you are at, it's for you to recognize what's going on and to be able to learn, grow and move forward and all of that.

But it's all part of it. So I want the takeaway to be let's normalize the feels that come with making any kind of change in your life. Because there's nothing wrong with you because you're angry or you're feeling this or you're feeling that. And it's not a right way or wrong way to feel. All the feels are valid and they're all part of the program and the process. Can I say one thing about that? Because you have this beautiful metaphor that you use with people all the time, which is like the many different ways to get to Disney World. And, you know, when we think about messy middle, it's precisely the same thing.

So if we're so end oriented, if we're so outcome oriented, which we are with dieting, right? Well, and just about every other thing in our whole dang lives, we miss out on the life that happens on the way there, like the anticipation of packing the suitcase, of how hopeful it is when we start making those plans, of that some moments have to be a little bit less intense or a little bit more boring, like a little bit more subdued in between the big roller coasters or the big landmarks along the way. We miss out on the beauty of the mundane, of the everyday, of it just being an easier humdrum day. If it's always like the big outcome, the big thing. I think about this in terms of like glimmers versus gold. So the end, right, is like we're like after the gold. The gold is like the significant weight loss or, you know, kind of transformation in terms of feeling. Gold is like the self-celebration

at the end. There are glimmers along the way, glimmers like a new friend in your community, a beautiful, like you guys write the most beautiful things in the Facebook group. And sometimes that lands, can you feel it if you allow it? And we're not just racing to the end, the end of this day and the end of this week and then on to the next. Oh, what that person said was so kind. Oh, what that like incredible attentive ambassador from your program said to me that kept me going that day. Oh, that kind word from my kids or from my partner or from a colleague at work. Oh, how good it feels when I'm hydrated. What are the glimmers along the way to that like big gold celebratory moment at day 91? And so there's that real, like you keep

inviting us into journeying thinking instead of like final day of the trip. And if anyone thinks about the best trips of your life, of course, you remember the peak experiences, the gorgeous landmarks. But let's not forget about the little details that like you slip off your shoes at the end of the day of a day of sightseeing and you're like, oh, man, that feels good, you know? Yeah. like, oh man, that feels good, you know? Or like the most beautiful sunset, the most beautiful conversation with somebody that you met who's local to a region that you've been and you're like, oh my goodness, what a gift to have encountered you this day. There are glimmers along this remarkable journey. And maybe we could just not, we could just not miss out on quite so many in that like I'm bored I'm frustrated this mess is just too messy for me well we just did our amazing um midway motivation post where we've asked our you know returning members who are

back for another round to share their words of wisdom and motivation. And it's just, I mean, that kind of support in our community is amazing. And if you are listening and you haven't had an opportunity to check that out, you have access to the Facebook support group. I highly suggest you do. But also what is really important too,

and I'm sure you're going to agree, is that people need to celebrate themselves along the way. They need to really, and I think that when you are proud of yourself and the changes that you're making or how you're showing up, however big or small, you are more likely to continue to do the things

that are making you proud when you're recognizing those, especially when it comes to building habits, you know, because it's hard to fall back. It's easy to fall back into those old habits because those old habits are hard to break. And one of the ways I feel like you can, you know, really solidify your new habits is by being proud of yourself and celebrating yourself along the way. I love this. I love this. For me, it's the question of where does motivation come from? You know, I'm so unmotivated. Oh my

God. I'm like in the middle somewhere. I'm so unmotivated. You know, I say this to my students all of the time. Motivation is not like a muse, uh, an, an inspiration that knocks on our door and says, I'm here. You motivated today. I'm ready for you. Or from like, like from motivation, motivation is like a person who's going to visit us. Yes. We actually have to make it, we have to make our motivatedness. And so when you offer, you know, motivational posts, okay, that's going to keep me going today. When I noticed that I showed up again, motivating, I'm looking back at this like sequence of showing up. If you said to yourself, I got to be perfect today.

How many days in a row do you think you could keep that up? I've been posting actually a lot of visuals on my Instagram recently about this because it's the same with all the students I work with. If you expect yourself to be perfect, how many days in a row can you keep perfect up for? Two. How many minutes? How many minutes? Right? But if you change the barometer, if you change what success meant, if success meant doing my best, if success meant two Gina touch points today, a live and a post, five liters of water. And I'm going to listen to the podcast, 15 minutes of walking. And I'm going to connect in with a buddy from the community, one question and a journal. I don't like it doesn't, whatever it is to you, that's personal. Then look how many days in a row you

actually could show up to do that for. That's different way more motivating so motivating is often like some future thing but the gift of messy middle is the gift of looking backwards to how many small wins have you amassed so far and they can be real small and they can be real nuanced but how many have you got? How many can you keep going? It's the gift of not being at the start and being overwhelmed and a kind of deer in the headlights. And there's like so much to go. Oh man, you're halfway through. Look how much stuff you did. Not perfect. Nobody's perfect. Even the people who are like, I'm so, I'm like so type A about this program. Great. I guarantee they didn't have perfect days too.

Or that their life came together for a brief moment to allow that. But that's not like for everyone. And it's not for all of life. So for all the people who are like, oh man, I'm not really type A. Or I am in this circumstance. But like, it's taken everything I got, everything I got just to keep going like for the win, for the win. And what does keep going look like for you? Does keep going like define, keep going. What does keep going this in your life? Yes, because my next question is, is there an end to the messy middle or do we just keep

looking for more? And as I'm like, as I'm thinking about this question, I'm, I'm thinking about how, first of all, when people lose their weight and they reach their goal, and then the conversations we're having in maintenance, like you think you're good. And maintenance isn't about struggling to maintain your weight. It's the feelings that now you have now that you're living in weakness that now what now what's my motivator in life? You know, can I trust myself? Like, who am I? Who is this new person I have to get to know? And then I, I take it back, I take it back even further, like I lost my weights 36 years ago. And in my life, I feel like I work on something. I have my aha moment. I move forward. Like I clear that shit

from my life and then more shit just drops in my lap and it just keeps coming. And the shit is never ending. And then I was like, wait a minute. Is this the messy middle of life? There's a start, there's an end. Are we constantly just in the fucking middle? Kind of, kind of. Well, if you think about a to-do list, name one time that your to-do list is ever done. Yeah. You can put it aside and go on vacation, but it's not done. So that feels like

one of we're back to around expectations is our expectation that we're arriving somewhere. Like we're, we're done. Like we finished life. We got it. We got everything we needed to learn. We solved it. We, we like dealt with all of our mental ruts and loops. We're really impeccable with our word and in all relationships, we're like totally aligned to all the parts of our life, but then we get an injury or then we experience a loss or then we get fired or then like, and then, and then, and then, and then, so we can't control life and we are forever, forever invited through the hurdles and the shit storms to be like, hmm, what's in my toolbox? What do I got? What do I got in the face of this?

You know, that's the strategist part of me. That's like I've been building a repertoire my whole life. We all have of like when it's harder than we think we can possibly bear, what do I got? What are in my pockets? What's in my nook? What's in my heart? What's in my family? What's in my home that I can turn to? And this, these 91 days are part of that what's in my toolbox if top tool is overeating and that is no longer serving you and in fact never really was but like also what a normal coping strategy but if you're here to be like I don't actually want that to be tool number one or the shit I say to myself

is so unkind. It's so mean. It's so relentless. I make everything my fault. I make everything a problem that I have to solve. I am always at the bottom of my own list. Cool. I want to learn a different tool. So it's not mechanical. It's just all opportunities for like, what is it that I'm amassing? What is it that I'm bundling and carrying with me? Because there are always going to be the pits and the strategies and the mindsets and the communities and the friendships and the relationships with ourselves along the way. This is such a, I mean, this is such an important conversation that we've had today and a really full circle moment on it. And this is why I do the program by 91 days. There's a start and there is an actual finish to it. And then of course you do as many rounds as you need until you reach your goal and you will reach your goal. There will be an end to your weight loss journey in a sense that you will reach your goal. But then here's the thing. Once you are done and you are in maintenance, life is going to continue and you're going to have different seasons in your life that are easier than others.

You're going to have situational change in your life, moving, changing jobs, you know, things happening in your life that are always going to be there to challenge you. And this is where the mindfulness part comes in. Once you reach that goal in a healthy, sustainable way, yes, physically, but this is the mental part. And that never stops with life. And not that your weight is always going to be an issue that it's not because you have these tools to be able to work through the new things in life that are coming down the pipeline for you to learn. And you have the tools that you'll be able to work through them in a way where you're not binge eating as a way of coping. And you're not falling back into old habits and you are making

choices that are more in line with maybe no longer reaching your goal because you've lost your weight, but in order to maintain and sustain your weight. And that's why this important conversation is so important. And that's why what you are learning along the way is just so invaluable. It's just like, it's priceless because this is really where it's going to pay off. This work that you are doing with the fields that you are having, that's the work. That's the work. Your body's going to fall in line, eat this, do that, whatever. Your body doesn't want the fat. That's the easy part. It's the, it's this part. That's the gift, Gina. it's the gift that you're giving us it is a clear like there's a clear start and end yeah and it's like a very safe um environment and you're asking us notice notice notice notice and it really can't be any other way right it can't but it's not it can't

by its nature be comfortable if it's comfortable that's probably like oh that's why i'm on a right or it's comfortable like huh not much change is going on people are so honest they have the capacity for such honesty the first thing i'm doing all the things gina and then wait a minute pause until lean in really really yeah and the first thing they'll say is like, not really. There are two things on that list that scare the shit out of me. And I haven't really wanted to look at them. Right? Like that's the kind of magic of this method that you are guiding us through.

Yeah. Or there are endless things and the things change all the time. Right? We're not whack-a-mole. Like we're not whack-a and the things change all the time. Right. Like we're not whack-a-mole. Solve this, solve this, solve this, solve this. Like I'm very good at whack-a-mole. I'm very good at whack-a-mole. Dr. Tina Karasheva, thank you so much. Author of Feel Good Learning, learning expert, learning strategist. Where can people pick up your book where can they get in touch with you oh you're so kind so um you can get the book on amazon um and so beautifully it's like people buy your book they buy my book and they buy james clear's

but like there's a little it's like a really sweet trio so So thank you. Thank you everybody. So lovely. And I offer a free newsletter once a month with like, hey, is learning hard in this way? And I really love it. I'm such a marketer's nightmare because I'm trying to reach any student of any age in any sphere, along with parents who are like, oh, my kids are not doing their homework. They're not focused. It's so frustrating. They're not handing work in. And that also professional places that are like, oh, my kids are not doing their homework. They're not focused. It's so frustrating. They're not handing work in. And then also professional places that are like, wait a minute, like my team doesn't know how to prioritize

or time manage or like, I don't even know how to talk about that with my team. So you can reach me at my website and thanks to your incredible community, like your community reaches out and they're seeing my team. And because of your community, I'm going to open up more spaces for after March break for all the learners who are like, hmm, hmm. And the school year is coming close. And I think I could use a

little bit of advice. So thank you, Gina. And thank you to the extraordinary community. Well, I know you offer a variety of different courses for a variety of different reasons to a variety of different people. Here's a comment. We are so fortunate to have all these amazing guests in Gina's program. We truly are. And thank you again for the time that you share so graciously shared with us today. Thanks to everyone who is watching us live and all the questions and comments. And thanks to everyone who's listening.

I know I was going to say, I hope you found it helpful, but I know you did. I know you did. Dr. Dina will be back with us to discuss the end. Get through the end. Can't wait. Thanks again. Thank you. Have an amazing day, everyone. Thanks, everybody. in case nobody's told you weight loss goes beyond the old just eat less and move more narrative and that's where felix comes in felix is redefining weight loss for canadians with a smarter more personalized approach to help you crush your health goals this year losing weight is about

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