The Livy Method Podcast - Maintenance & Mindfulness Live: Let's Meet Michelle Malloy, RCT

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

In this special M&M guest expert episode, Odette sits down with Michelle Malloy, a Trauma Therapist specializing in hope and healing. Together, they explore what it actually means to build emotional resilience, especially when routines get thrown off and self-doubt starts to creep in. Michelle shares practical tools and mindset shifts to help you maintain your new set point while continuing to grow through life’s inevitable curveballs. From “micro-sips of joy” to redefining resilience as more than just “bouncing back,” this episode is a reminder that maintenance isn’t a destination; it’s a whole new chapter.Find Michelle:Instagram: @peddlinghopewww.peddlinghope.comYou can find the full video hosted at:https://www.facebook.com/groups/ginalivymaintenanceandmindfulnessTo learn more about The Livy Method and our Maintenance & Mindfulness group, visit livymethod.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Gina Livy, and welcome to the Livy Method podcast. This is where you'll have access to all of the live streams for my 91-day weight loss program. With a combination of daily lives, guest expert interviews, and member stories, there is something new almost every day. Miss the morning live? Want to re-listen to one of our amazing guest experts? Well, this is the place. This podcast is hosted on ACAST, but it's available on all podcast platforms, including the one you're listening to right now, Spotify, Apple, and Amazon Music.

Well, welcome to our guest expert live here in the maintenance group. Now, when I say this conversation has been months in the making, it has literally been months in the making. So our guest today, Michelle Maloy, we have been talking since the early spring about having you on and talking to our members in maintenance. So just a quick intro, Michelle is a liby loser. she is here in the maintenance group with us. So Michelle, hello, welcome. Hi, Odette. It's lovely to see you again. Finally, finally, we get this going. So why don't you just introduce yourself quickly to our members so they can get to know you? Sure. So the letters, RCT, is actually just a registered counseling therapist. It's sort of the official, not social work and not psychology. My background is actually an education. And that is what I love to do. I do find that when people are sort of empowered with information, then it's so much easier to kind of get yourself into that healing process.

And I love education because that's, I feel oftentimes that's what we're doing around here. You know, we're educating our members. We're helping them with, you know, acquire the skills, get the tools they need, not only to sustain their weight loss, which of course is the goal, but just to live this life beyond, you know, wanting to lose weight or having to think about losing weight. And I think when we talk about those skills and tools, too, this is where the magic happens here in the maintenance program. Like, yes, we're helping you learn how to sustain your weight, but we're helping you, you know, move through those ebbs and flows of life

and when, you know, we call it like life keeps living. It keeps happening around us. So before we get going, are you watching the Blue Jay series right now? We have to ask. One of my clients got tickets for tomorrow's games. So he was so excited, he and his sister, driving from the East Coast tonight and we'll land in Toronto sometime I've done that drive that is not an easy drive it's probably a solid 22 to 23 hours because you're going to Hamilton to rest and then back in for the game but I'm so excited for him and it's so exciting that you know the the team that I've watched when I lived in Toronto yeah so yeah so Michelle is on the East Coast joining us from the East Coast today it is a drive I've done that drive myself a couple times it is

the drive but it's super exciting you know this is one of the things we've been talking about in the in the group too that you know this this is an exciting time whether you're a baseball fan or not it's an exciting time but along with that comes you know you're thrown off your routine you are thrown um you know you're thrown into this like chaotic place of the emotions being up being down and you know you're so invested and so committed and that in itself can can you know throw you for a bit of a loop. Yeah. Yeah, it can be hard to keep that, what we call that window of tolerance really nice and wide so that you can ebb and flow through life's ups and downs. When it's narrow, we find herself sort of up here in anxiety or crashing into depression. So keeping that wide sort,

and it can be really simple things like your baseball team made it to the World Series. So life's little joys. I call them microsyps of joy and hope. Yeah, microsy tips and we'll take them right we'll take them wherever we can so i want to get into this conversation today because we know from all of our research um with the living method and into this maintenance program that one of the things that that has our members um you know deading themselves or slipping back um into into old habits and old routines is when they are thrown off their routine when things do become a little bit chaotic when um you know those those limiting beliefs and self-doubt start to creep up like, oh, I can't do this.

I'm not going to be okay. How do I work through this? So we know that, you know, our members that are a bit more resilient and we're going to get into those, get into what that means and where that comes from and how to build that. But we know that, you know, our members, they have this belief system that, you know, that they can spring back when this happens, that they, you know, not everything is going to always be okay. I think I read this on your website. You know, not everything is going to always be okay, but you're going to be okay if you can. And how do we really truly believe that?

Yeah, and that's a huge one. And I think even the word resilience isn't the best word, because resilience is really about springing back. But you and especially your members who've been around the Livy program for a while, you're growing. You're not just bringing back to who you were before, you're growing and changing. And that can come with a little bit of stress. So that's why I love the conversation is always about the set point. It's a new set point. And that's the same inner physical health is our emotional health. So what does a new kind of resilient set point look like? And for people who can then be confident that that foundation is there when they need it. Yeah. And I love to, I think I was reading on your blog or your website

that resilience really grows in these in-between moments, right? You don't just get thrown into this situation or thrown into this chaotic place or having to make these, you know, big decisions. And this is where the growth comes from. The growth really comes from this little, this in-between, this leading up so that when that situation does happen, you're prepared as well as you can be, you're ready. And I think that's, you know, really is what we're doing here at the Living Method, too. Like we, in this maintenance program, you know, yes, we're using these tweaks day in and day out,

but it's really about what the tweak brings up and what you have to work through and those little challenges along the way. What do you, what do you think about that? What do you? Well, and it's just information. Like one of the things that I do a lot with my clients is, especially when I first meet them, is we want to expand that self-awareness. And so as that sort of expands and we get to know ourselves, then it's a lot easier for us to know where we're going to be kind of challenge in whatever it is that, that kind of, maybe it's day to day, maybe it's things that are on the horizon. And like, because I do look at emotional health, like physical health, it's in the recovery that our muscles get stronger, right? So we have to remember that

just like, you know, you're lifting weights and then you're exhausted for a day or two and you have those rest days, then you get stronger and the next time you're going to be able to lift heavier. And our emotional health is no different. When we are challenged with really difficult things, and anybody who's watching today could look back into their history and think, yeah, I've slayed a few dragons. I've done some heavy lifting in my emotional life. And you've survived. And what have you learned? We like to categorize it oftentimes with like this was negative and this was positive. But really, it's all just information that can help you find out what you need to be paying attention to as you go along in your in your healing journey yeah i love that

i love that it's just information you know when we say there's so many learning opportunities here that whether like you said we say it's positive or negative whatever that experience might be there's always a learning opportunity to come out there there's information to be gathered you can learn more about yourself and get stronger as you go you know we we've heard that that saying before like things don't get easier you get stronger so you know life doesn't get you easier. These stressful situations don't become easier. You just become stronger to move through them. You, you know, you can pick up that, you know, pick up the tools, pick up the skills, be able work through it. And like you said, move forward on this healing journey. So many of our members have

come from a past of, you know, the cycle of losing and gaining and losing and gaining. They don't believe that they're going to be able to move through that. They don't believe, they don't see themselves as being able to come through that on the other side. And, you know, it can be traumatic. It can be hard for them to, to accept. And like you said, it is a, it can be a healing journey to be able to let that go. And a lot of it, too, is getting really close with and understanding your nervous system. Because your nervous system, when you're in that fight, flight, freeze, when you're in that stress state, it's going to hijack you. And all your best laid efforts are going to be out the window. So how do we work with a nervous system so

that it stays in a place where it doesn't feel so overwhelmed. And that is conditioning. So, you know, if anybody plays an instrument or who does sports, you know that the skills are built in the conditioning in the day to day. It's you're ready for the big game. You're ready for the World Series, right? Because you've thrown 10,000 balls around on the field to one another as a team. And that is what resilience is really all about. It's taking the things. And kind of creating almost a safety net so that your nervous system feels like it can cope, that it is strong, that it understands the resilience. So it's not, I use the analogy in my book of our anxiety often, which comes from a stress state.

It's like a guard dog that is barking at everything. And you can't really trust that it's giving you the right information because it's barking and everything. And so it keeps you in this sort of stress state, in this upregulated state. And so the more you kind of know, the more you're in harmony with your nervous system. One of the challenges is the little judgy voice we all have in the back of your hands, right? It's going to tell you it's what you're doing to cope as a character flaw. And really, it's again, it's just information. And then in the good moments when you're feeling a little more settled it's easier than to put some plans in place for maybe you need to you know

reprogram some of the messages that got downloaded through your life um hardwires are a little more challenging because we have to do some workarounds so getting to know yourself and getting to know where do I need those workarounds um and then yeah you can feel confident that once those are in place that you'll you know you'll be okay yeah I love what you said there about the reprograming we talk about this so much like the reprograming of of your thought pattern, reprogramming of that inner voice and what they say and that reprogramming of your belief system

that you know you will be okay at the end. So let's get into it. Let's get into, you know, these little in-between moments where the growth happens and where, you know, the resilience really comes into play. I know you use this model where you talk about this model called the seven Cs of resilience.

So let's break those on. Because our members, they, you know, they're savvy. They hear it. they want to know, what can I take away from this conversation that's going to make a difference? What do I need to know? What are those juicy nuggets that are going to help me, you know, on this maintenance journey? So let's get into those seven Cs of resilience. Yeah. And just to begin with, I, you know, it was when I turned 40, actually, I realized that not all of the dimensions of my life were going to be going great all at the same time. So I had to really look at what are the areas that I can really

count on and I don't need to do a lot of work. And then what are the, you know, two or three areas where I really need to focus? And I would say the same for members. Seven sounds like a lot, right? So there may be some, if you do a little reflective work after, just you can say, like, this is an area where I feel pretty strong and I don't necessarily need to put a lot of time there. But there may be other places where you're not feeling that. So, you know, the first one, really the first C is competence. It's nice to do review and take some stock, right? Where are you? Where have you come from? Where are you competent? Even we think about soft skills, we put on our resume. Those are competencies. So what are your emotional competencies? You've faced adversity

before I know you have, especially if you've lost weight and gained it back. That's, you know, that's a bit of adversity. Everybody has gone through grief and trauma. So what are those hard skills? What are those soft skills. And then how you've managed through it, the learning pieces, what can I take from that, these competent ways, and put them in my toolkit so that I know I can count on myself to be competent in this particular area. And that's really helpful because, you know, you've been doing it. It's like all of a sudden you wake up to the fact that, oh, I'm better at this than I maybe I realized. I think that's so important that, you know, to remember. the skills and the challenge skills that you've acquired and picked up when you have gone through

these challenges before you know I think it's so easy to forget that you know you can do hard things and we say that all the time you know you can do hard things you can work through it but it's so hard to to really believe that in the moment so I think just bringing that up as the first one competence you know you have the skills to work through this because you know chances are you haven't been through this easy you know you haven't had it so easy all the time forever that you have been able to work through a few things before. Yeah. And none of us are born on a blank canvas, right? We've born into particular families that have had their own, you know, stories and issues. And we're trying to make sense of that

when we're a little kid. And so we do pick up the skills as we go, but we don't often look back and take stock and really look at, you know, how far have they come. What are the things that I've learned? So we want to make them really explicit. Just like I say, you would on a resume, you would look at it and you would say, yeah, this is a thing. You know, this is something that I can feel really confident about. And that's the second one, right? The next see, they kind of go together is when I know that I'm competent in a particular area, then I can build confidence. And again, these are skills that you've gained, your unique talents that you may have,

that's maybe something that comes a little easier for you than for someone else. But the other thing that I say about confidence, and again, it goes back to this sort of positive and negative. It's not always the most positive things that I can feel confident about. I'm pretty confident that if you put a bag of chips in front of me, I'm going to eat to the bottom. Like, I'm confident about that. So I need a strategy for what that might look like when, especially on, you know, if I'm in a difficult period of time. Chips are my go-to. They're my crunchy aggression foods.

when I need to get out all that extra energy from the day or the week. So I'm confident in that. And so it's not only things that I'm confident in, in terms of like the positive competencies. It's also, again, building on that self-awareness, the more confident you are in who you are and where your challenges are, it's not a character flaw. You know, oftentimes that little voice wants to tell us that it's a character flaw.

And we've got to, you know, we've got to forge a relationship with that part of us that, like, why does this judgey part of us want to take us off track and be so harsh about the things we're trying to do to cope? Yeah, and companies is one of those things we talk about, you know, through the program as well. And we see it's one of the things that our members struggle with. They don't have that confidence yet. They don't. They don't have that belief yet. They don't trust themselves quite yet. where where can that confidence come from like if you had to you know just let our members know

this is this is one way you can build confidence what do you think is it is it a phrase is it an action is it a mantra what is it to help them yeah for a lot of people it is just that they have people like affirmations the only affirmation that i really love is this is healing work um from the point of view of because i'm a trauma therapist so everything is really healing work And the reason that I use that one is you have to, if you're going to use affirmations and mantras, you have to use ones that no part of you is going to argue with. So parts of self is a whole other session, right? But oftentimes you feel this fracturing. And when I say parts of self, it's just part of me wants to go to the movies and part of me wants to stay home.

And it's the same with some of the things that we're being pulled towards. Obviously, there's a part of you that wants to stay on your program and get to the big. your goal and yet there's this pull to do something else so um being confident i think in building those skills having a mantra uh like this is healing work that no part of you can really argue with um i would say with the liby program one of the things that i've found really helpful is this is a journey um you know like menopause has been a crazy roller coaster for me so things have been up and down weight thyroid energy all of it and it's been very difficult you know, because I like to be kind of day to day at a certain set point.

And so finding those daily mantras, this is a journey. And sometimes we get sidetracked on journeys, right? So we have to be easy on ourselves to know we're still on the journey. It hasn't, we haven't gone off completely. I love that. You have a mantra or an affirmation that you can't argue with because you're mind will try, right? That voice will try to argue with you and you say, well, you know, I am strong today. And then you're like, well, I'm not feeling that strong today. You know, like you've got

to be able to. I love that. Use an I and G word. That's one of the things I, when I'm asking people to kind of think about an affirmation is an ING word means that it's in progress. It's a verb that's in progress. So I am strong may be changed to I'm building strength. It's harder to argue with I'm building strength because it again and it sort of anchors you in the process but i am strong or any of those ones that like and i know the i am statements can be really popular with people by find for most people that there's some part of them that's going to be resistant to that i am so putting things in and in my book all of my chapters are i ng understanding yourself taking stock healing trauma. They're all ING because they're in, we're always in the process. The only thing

that we can really count on is change. That's the only consistent is change. Everything is going to be moving because we're just, we're in a state of movement. So how do we get in that flow knowing that, okay, this is where I am in this journey today and trying to be as present and mindful as possible with where we are and what we need to kind of do in that moment? We have, I just want to say we have Kim. Kim is feeling very confident that she will seek out all the Reese's peanut butter cups and the Halloween candy today. Right.

I'm a Snickers gal myself, so I understand the peanut butter. We hear you, Kim. We hear you. We feel seen. Okay. So pro tip, one Halloween, I waited until the last minute to go get Halloween treats and they were gone, sold out. And so I picked up Kool-A-Jammers and the kids went nuts for the Kool-A-Jammers.

So that's been my go-to because I don't care for Kool-Aid jammers. But if we got, now my husband always wants me to buy boxes of chips. And I'm like, look, could you just get a bag of chips instead of eating 11 bags of Halloween-sized chips? It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, you could be grown up. But there's something about that child energy, right? So, you know, take out a couple of things. Okay, so we've talked confidence.

We've talked to confidence. Oh, my goodness. Confidence. Confidence. And what's next? Well, connection. And the reason that connection is next is because we are interdependent. There's this idea that this is something, this is a journey that we're on by herself, especially if we have people in our life who don't have this same struggle as us, that they can eat the chips and they can go into the candy bucket night after night. And they don't necessarily have the same challenges. So we need the connection with people who understand. And I can be a little more avoidance. So I'm a person when I have a lot of stress in my life, I want to just get in my chair with my cup of tea in my journal and withdraw. And I know and I've learned that there's a certain, some of that is okay because it is my daily practice. But I know when I start to feel lonely or isolated, that I have to reach out. I have to connect with somebody.

I got to go out. Even just errands with my husband can be a way of going out and doing the thing or calling my best friend. And she's got a really busy life. And so I don't have time can be an easy place to go. So I need to be confident in what I need from her and say, no, I really need a check-in. Like, I really am feeling kind of lonely. And then she's going to make time because she's amazing. So we do have those people in our life.

We are an interdependent species, and yet, especially in the West, we tend to be brought up with this idea that it's, we're the hero and we're individual and we have to do it all by ourselves. This is why I love this program so much because there are so many people who can connect with you who've been, it may not just be the weight loss. It may be other things. It may be grief. it may be, you know, a difficult decision that's coming up. Other people who are just regular human people live in their lives and trying to kind of get through. So obviously find your local support system

and it really helps with stress. So not waiting until, you know, you're feeling like you want to seclude or withdraw, but building those relationships, just like I say, that daily conditioning, building those skills so that when you need them, so the relationships are there. A friend of mine always jokes that nobody accidentally gets six-pack abs. And I would say that that's the same for a lot of things.

It's, you know, relationships don't just happen. We need to be, you know, kind of working on them. It doesn't have to be onerous, though. It can be fun. It can be light. It can be playful even bringing back some of our childhood energy. So we are interdependent. Connection is really, really important.

I couldn't agree with that more. I think, you know, connection, like you said, you call your friend or you, you know, running errands with your husband. Even that can help you feel connected to something. I think finding also like-minded people, like with here in the group, not even like-minded, but maybe like-jurneied people. So we're here in the group and you might be having a day where you want to, you know, just sit and avoidance and not. be around people, but maybe you find that connection with other members in the group and then you realize, oh, I resonate with them. I know what they're going through. Not that I need to feel normal or what I'm feeling is normal. That's not what we're going for, but it's you feel like you're not alone

necessarily. You feel like it's okay to feel that way. And then you have that, you have that community connection to be able to just be okay with where you're at. There's nothing wrong with you. There's just, you know, something going on and what might that be? Like we had Linda, Linda saying, I totally withdraw when I'm going through something, I appreciate how connection can help me keep on the path. So sometimes it's just you can read something or you can feel something from somebody else and that can really bring some clarity to you and help you just move through that, move through that moment. Well, and again, getting to know, like I, I'm kind of an introverted person. So when am I in the danger zone where I'm starting to feel disconnected and checking in with your

nervous system and understanding, like, what is happening in my body that gives me an indication. It's like the flashing lights on the dashboard that lets you know, hey, you got to pull over and pop the hood. I can tell now what loneliness feels like in my body because I've done some work. I don't always recognize it right away because I get caught up in the day-to-day stuff and I'm not recognizing like, oh yeah, you know what? I'm feeling I'm feeling kind of lonely. I need to reach out. I need to make a connection. And then I know we'll get there, but one of the other sees is contribution. So it's not even just that you're looking for support in the group.

You may be giving support. And so this is why I love the learning model because we're teaching and learning and giving. So the contribution, you have something to offer. If you've been gone through something hard and somebody in the group is struggling, like you have something to offer. So that's valuable. And that's going to also make. make that that connection, this interconnection, this bond sort of stronger.

So, and it also kind of reconnects you to your sense of purpose. Sometimes we wonder, like, what's this all for? Yeah, so I was going to say that, like your contribution, like the purpose is going to help you strengthen your resilience. When you can, you know, it's that what is this all for? What is the why? Like, what am I doing here? What am I, you know, that contribution and you being part of it is going to help.

to strengthen that. I think that was really important that you said that just now. Yeah, and I think that like these things go together, right? Like my connection also goes with my contribution. It's not just I'm looking for support when I need support, but also giving support. And there's nothing better than teaching somebody, something that you've, you know, kind of gone through. It's why in therapy, I'm kind of an open book. You're talking about challenges in your marriage. I've been married for 25 years. I've had challenges of my marriage too. And these are some of the, and I love that about the program as well, your experts sharing their stories because we all have stories.

And, you know, it's really important. The other thing that kind of goes with the connection and contribution is character. So this is, we're in the group because we share particular values. Obviously, our values maybe towards our health or finding stability and why, you know, the food stuff is just part of a wider alignment of values for us. So these can be foundational. Again, getting to know yourself, what are your values? What matters most of you?

Let that guide you. And then align with that. So when you're aligning with that, like we're here in this group together, then you're going to be connected and you're going to feel like you're making a contribution. And so being in alignment with who you are and how you're doing life and sharing that journey with people it's so powerful yeah what matters to you um you know when you said that what matters to you and what matters to you and who you are now you know because you know what mattered to you before you started this whole thing might be different than what matters to you

now because you might be a you know a different person or you might have different values than you had before you might put value on different things so i think that that's that's um it's yeah that's to say that your character, get to know yourself, get to know your values and what matters to you. It's going to help you, you know, when those chaotic times do come or those stressful times do come, you're going to be able to lean on who you are and what's important to you to be able to get through it. Yeah, that's your foundation, I think. And as you're kind of shifting and changing and filling the holes and doing the workarounds and rewiring your brain to kind of be in a different place of life, the nervous system feels, you know,

afraid sometimes if we feel too different from who we think we are. So the self-awareness as you go is so important because you're building out, right? You're building in the container for who you are is stretching and your sense of self starts to change. And so the number on the scale isn't as big a part of it. It's like I'm connected to my daily routines and I know what I'm going to do when, you know, something really difficult comes up. I know some of the pitfalls. I know where I'm going to be vulnerable. And so I need to have some sense of who's in my corner and what are my coping skills. And we'll get there. Coping is a big one. That's the big C. Oh, coping is so big. Coping is such a big C. And maybe my favorite C word is having those coping skills now in this part of

your journey and who you are. Man, I just went through. I mean, all of our members know I went through this very trying time losing my dad these last couple weeks. And it's amazing how those coping skills that you may have leaned on before and really have you almost feeling worse. You might think they're comforting before you actually lean into them. And then you lean into them. I'm like, no, this coping. This is not the way I want to cope with this. This is not going to help me feel better and stronger in the meantime. And sometimes, you know, we can think of slacking like, oh, I'm slacking. That's just coping. And we don't want to mix up those. two terms. But sometimes there is, you know, being able to lean on getting through these

situations in a way that works for you and how you want to feel in aligns with you now can be a massive game changer. Well, and it's it's the key to the nervous system, right? Because I use the analogy of learning to ride a bike. So when you're learning to ride a bike, when you're a little kid, all your different muscles are engaging and eventually you're sort of upright and you're riding your bike. But the same can be said for your emotional. How? So you're trying to stay upright. You're trying to survive. And if you've grown up in a chaotic environment, you're going to have coping strategies that maybe are just designed to keep you with your head above water so that you can survive.

And that's what we need to be kind of focused on as well is like, okay, I was, I was, you know, six or eight when this kind of coping strategy came in. And so that we're, when we're in a stress state, we're in survival mode. And so how do you cultivate on the days when you're not in a stress state? How do you cultivate that relationship with your nervous system to let it know that, you know, I'm okay. You know, I don't have to do the things that I normally did in the past. Like, here are some new things. These are new strategies. And gosh, it's so basic sometimes the daily stuff, which is why I love the app because you're paying attention to really the basic things.

really helps sleep and nutrition and mindfulness and hydration, like even something as simple as that. And so oftentimes we're just focusing on the things that we are doing wrong, right? Or the, you know, instead of looking at all the places where we're still doing the things that are really good for us. And we don't pay attention to, hey, I drank all my water today, right? Or I had some greens or I had some, like, all of that is really, really good. And we don't pay attention to that.

are we're biologically wired to scan for danger. So we're going to look for all the places where we may be feeling like we're falling off a little bit. It's just human nature. So we've got to strengthen that part of us. So the more dominant narrative is I'm okay now. I'm not eight years old. I have these other coping strategies. I have these other people in my life.

I have this community that I can rely on. I can take a sidebar and get back on track, right? I'm just, I've just pulled off for a minute, right? And so now I can get back on and it's okay. You know, you just, you order where you were and you get back on. And then you just be where you are because I do feel like a lot of mental energy goes into beating ourselves up for the choices that we've made. So coping really is the thing that is the daily practice, the things that you have in your life,

the smallest things that don't feel like they're a huge deal. Even supplements, you know, like omega-3s can help. you. I took my omega-3. So, you know, doing the work. Do the work. That's right. So when the storm comes in, we're capable, right? The coping the day-to-day is like preparing for the storm. We're getting that, you know, storm tomorrow, probably. So we're putting away the stuff on the deck and we're doing, we're doing the things. And that's what you're doing day-to-day with following the Livy program is you're building this strength, this foundational strength so that when the storm comes,

you'll be better able to cope. I love that. Preparing for the storm because it's going to come, right? You could have a thousand sunny days, but inevitably that storm is going to come eventually and just having yourself prepared for it. Okay, so the last thing, maybe not our favorite word to use around here

when we're talking about, you know, food and, you know, being able to have a tight hand on things. But our last word here is control. So what do you want to say about control and what that means when it comes to building resilience? It's really about getting familiar with how we respond to circumstances. What are the things we do have control over and what are the things that we don't? So when I see clients who have a lot of anxiety, they'll say, you know, I have these feelings that are coming up, but these thoughts that are popping in, they're really intrusive.

Okay, we don't have, we don't really have control over that. They're going to pop up. there's going to be these weird things that, you know, find their way into our brains. But what we do have control over is our behaviors. So it's sort of like trying to find those behaviors that, like, what am I going to do when intrusive thoughts come in? When I'm laying in bed trying to get to sleep and it's an hour has passed, what is my plan? You know, and this is one of the things that I really love about being in the action stage and

the stages of change is that we're paying attention to. the things like okay i don't have control over that but i do have control over here and so that can feel really grounding when we feel like we don't have a lot of control our nervous system is going to be in a state of panic and we don't want that you know we don't want that um because we know that that's going to just lead us to our window is going to start to close we're not going to have that same uh ab and flow that can happen and so find the things um it's just small they're just oftentimes they're really small. Did I drink my water?

Did I take my supplements? Did I eat something healthy and nutritious for my body? Yes. Yeah, it's your behaviors and your actions that you can control, how you approach it, how you even react, I think, because you're not going to be able to control if that storm comes in or not. That's, you know, you can't worry about that. You can't try and stop that.

But what you can do is have that control over your reaction and your behavior and your thought process and your approach. I think that's. Well, and you talk about that a lot in the program, I think, when it comes to the scale. We don't always have control over the number, and I can get really obsessed about the number. And I know that the number really is, I don't have that control over there. What do I have control over? I have control over the inputs.

So I can, if I'm drinking my water and I'm eating my greens and I'm doing my things, and I'm spacing my meals and I'm doing, getting my nuts in, you know, the end in my afternoon, doing all the things. That's what I can control. I can't control, you know, what's the number on the scales. And so that's been a huge shift for me that it's, and again, the scale is just, it's information. They're just data points.

So, and again, patterns. I really love to work with patterns. So I'm kind of a global learner. I like the big story, the big picture. So I like to look over somebody's life and look at patterns so that. it gives us that information. Oh, every time something good happened in your life, something terrible happened. So your nervous system is going to be cautious when things are going too well for you.

That's a really good data point, right? That's a really good bit of information. So, yeah, where can you, what can you control? And most often you can control the inputs. And then I love to scale things, you know, like, okay, I'm, you know, I'm not doing all the things, but I'm a six out of ten today and I can live with that because things were so okay. What? And if you're living, if you're at a six for a really long time, what are this, you know, the low hanging fruit? How do you, how can you move to a seven? It can be something really easy and simple. So it's just scanning your environment. It's scanning what's happening. It's looking at with a critical eye, you know, for in critical, I mean, not the critical voice, but a critical eye in terms of this is information that will help me make decisions moving forward. And that's it. That's, that's our journey. right like we're constantly kind of learning and growing and yeah and yeah it's just it's

helping us make decisions as we move through this right helping us make those decisions when that storm does come when that chaos does happen when that you know that that that ebb and flow is not ebbing and flowing the way that you want it to necessarily and like we you said from the beginning it's this work that we do in the middle it's this work that we do in the quiet times and those stable times that help prepare us for that. It's understanding how we can build, you know, resilience or how we can even, maybe it's just the belief system that we can spring back, but not everything will be okay, but that will be okay and building that trust and that confidence as we move through.

This was amazing. I mean, our members that are saying they already want you back. Yeah. So if you're going to come back and talk about the nervous system and the window of tolerance, I know that you are a trauma counselor. Is that correct? Did I say that? That's right. Grief and trauma.

I couldn't do one without the other. Yeah, yeah. And I think drama can come in so many ways. And we've talked about this week and last week how grief can come in so many ways and how that can affect us. So I think that I think we've got some amazing topics for you to come back and talk to us on. So we hope that you do come back. But just to summarize, Michelle, you know, what do you want our members to take away from this, from this conversation? We've talked resilience.

We've talked about doing the work. we've talked about, you know, those learning opportunities and what do you want them to take away from this conversation to help them move on with their day? Showing up is everything. You know, just take that away. Showing up is everything when menopause hit me really hard. And it's been a, you know, I've been on the roller coaster for a bit, six, seven years. I would go to the gym. It was before COVID.

So we were going, my husband and I were getting up early to go to the gym. And I would just go. And there were days where I laid on the mat literally and did some cat cat. house and did some stretching. That was all I had. But it kept showing up. Keep showing up even if it's not perfect. It's directionally correct. You're going in the right direction. If you're if you're showing up, you can't get good and then start. You have to start and then get good. And there's a big mess in the middle of learning a new skill. And so if that's what you're feeling, then you know, okay, I'm just in this messy middle. And I know that there's light on the other side of that.

even if I can't see it yet, just knowing it's there can be really hopeful that I just got to keep trucking. I just got to keep on. I just, you know, one day at a time, going in the right direction. And it does come together. I love that. We just got to keep showing up. I love that.

Okay. So we are definitely going to have you back. But in the meantime, if our members want more of you, where can they find you? I know you have a website. So www. www. petalinghope.com. right so they can you've got a newsletter there you've got your blogging over there they can connect

with you if they wanted to work with you over there um your instagram is also at peddling hope that's also your facebook account so they can find you there and you have a book we haven't even talked about your book so i don't have a copy here but i know that they can get your book through your website do have it there you can hold it up i do yeah i meant to make sure i got it yes so thriving in chaos. They can go to your website and they can get it from you there directly and you'll send it to them. So I can't wait to have you back.

Like I said, our members are already saying, please have her back. And I know we've got so much more to talk about. Hopefully it won't be months and months in the making again. We are going to not let the chaos throw us off track and get you back sooner rather than later. Michelle, thank you so much for joining. us. Thank you so much for your patience of making this happen. I knew this would be an amazing conversation. And we just wanted to intro you, like I said today, but there's too many good nuggets. We had to get into into some of it. I know we'll get into some deeper, better conversation,

not even better, deeper other conversations in the future. So thank you so much. Thank you. It's been my absolute pleasure for sure. Amazing. And we'll see everyone next time. Bye. Thank you.