The Mel Robbins Podcast - 4 Important Life Lessons I Learned the Hard Way (So That You Don’t Have To)

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

Want to know the 4 important life lessons that can make your life 10X better? No matter what is happening to you, life is trying to teach you something. In this episode, Mel unpacks the 4 most important lessons life tries to teach everyone, and the sooner you learn them, the faster your life will change for the better.In this episode, Mel covers:Why you need to slow down if you want to make your life better.The only way to make lasting and meaningful change.How to be more creative and inspired at work.The 6 questions you must ask yourself before the new year.How to create opportunities for success in your life.The one question to ask yourself if you don’t know what to do next.How to feel more fulfilled without achieving, buying, or earning more.How to determine the biggest lesson you need to learn from the past year.Mel’s favorite practical tool for happiness called “drop the sword”.How “bracing” yourself through life blocks your happiness.Why seeking balance is not always a good thing.How to create boundaries you can actually keep.The boundary Mel set this year that changed her life.What feeling frustrated actually means.What to do if you are in a process that isn’t working for you anymore.Why change takes a FULL year. This episode comes with a 29-page companion workbook. This workbook is designed using the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and empower you to take the next step forward in your life. And the cool part? It takes less than a minute for you to get your hands on it.Just sign up at melrobbins.com/bestyear.  Watch the episodes on YouTube: https://bit.ly/45OWCNr Follow Mel:Instagram: https://bit.ly/3QfG8bbThe Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram: https://bit.ly/49bg4GPLinkedIn: https://bit.ly/46Mh0QBTikTok: https://bit.ly/46Kpw2v Sign up for my newsletter: https://bit.ly/46PVnPsWant more resources? Go to the podcast page here. Disclaimer

Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I love this time of year and I love it because I just am automatically in a reflective mood and I have been thinking a lot about the last 12 months and reflecting on the highlights and the hard parts and all the various things that happened over the course of the year. And I just wanted to take a minute and share four important life lessons that are top of mind for me right now after all this reflecting. And I don't know what it is about me, but why do I have to learn everything the hard way? Like literally, every lesson that I learn in life for some reason causes me to have to

suffer. But I'm willing to do that if it means that you and I can take these lessons and use them to create a better life moving forward. And so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to share these four lessons with you that I learned over one of the craziest years of my life. And here's my mission. I really hope that you not only have fun with me today, but I hope that I can save you the hassle and the heartache of having you learn these lessons a hard way to.

Just try to embrace and consider what I'm saying as a simple truth about life. So I'm not only gonna share them, but I'm gonna take the time to unpack every lesson, and I'm gonna do that because I really, truly do not want you to have to torture yourself the way that I always torture myself. And before I jump into the four lessons, I thought a little context might be helpful. So if you've been listening to the last couple episodes of the

Mel Robbins podcast, you know that lately your friend Mel, well, she's been forcing both you and me to slow down. And you know that that does not come easily for me. It does not come easily for me to get into a very self-reflective mood. I am not the kind of person to make a cup of tea and sit in a comfy chair and just lounge around. And I have to laugh because as I'm talking to you right now, I realize that it's not four lessons, but that I'm about to share what is probably a fifth life lesson with you that I learned the hard way this year. And it's this. You have to slow down. You just have to slow down. It is so easy and so tempting to move fast, isn't it? To just blow through your life, to blow through your days.

But you don't change your life when you're moving a million miles an hour. And you don't enjoy your life either. You need to slow down in order to enjoy your life. And you need to slow down if you want to make it better. Because the most meaningful changes, have you ever noticed they happen when you're still? And when I say the most meaningful changes, here's what I mean. I'm talking about the kind of changes that you force upon yourself. I'm not talking about what life does to you. I'm talking about the kind of changes that come from insight or inspiration, the kind of changes

that take a little bit of courage. You know, those changes where you've been mulling it over for a while and all of a sudden, I don't know what it is, but you just go, I got to do this. And you might feel a little inspired by what you're thinking about. You might feel a little afraid at the same time. And one of the reasons why I've been encouraging you and me to slow down is because it works. I mean, have you ever noticed that it's usually when you're either out for a long walk or you've been lucky enough to be out for a hike in the mountains or

you're walking on a beach or maybe you're taking a really long, awesome road trip by yourself beach or maybe you're taking a really long, awesome road trip by yourself or heck. You're just standing in a hot shower at the end of the day. Have you ever noticed that it's in these quiet moments that somehow you gain clarity? Well, there's a little research for why slowing down creates these moments. It's because slowing down and kind of losing yourself in a walk or in a

shower or on a road trip, you know what happens? It allows your mind to wander. And it's in that moment of slowing down that creativity, new ideas, inspiration for some big change. It just like bubbles up from your subconscious, from your heart, from your soul, all the way to your conscious mind. And that's what I've been trying to make you and me do for the past few days. The last two episodes that I've released, they're designed to get you to slow down, to let your mind wander.

And my favorite way to do this, to force myself to slow down, is by taking a deep breath, grabbing a mug of coffee, grabbing my journal, and just letting it all out. And I see that a lot of you have been doing this over the past week too, because just two episodes ago, don't worry if you haven't listened to it, it's there for you if you want to listen to it. I gave you six questions, six questions that I wanted you to ask yourself, questions that create this kind of slow down moment where your mind starts to wander, six questions that bring inspiration for big changes to the surface.

And if you haven't listened to that episode, I also want to remind you that that episode is also where I told you about this free gift that I have for you right now. It is a workbook. I have it right here. I want to show you this thing is so gorgeous. It is blue. It is yellow. It is bright. It is happy. It is encouraging. It is thick. It is premium. And it contains those six questions. And it contains room for you to reflect. And that's not all that it contains. It also has a ton of material about setting and achieving goals according to the science. And if you haven't downloaded this, you can get this for free. It's zero cost, just like the Mel Robbins podcast. Just go to MelRobbins.com slash best year.

And I want you to slow down. And I want you to download this. And I want you to pour yourself into the pages want you to download this, and I want you to pour yourself into the pages of this workbook that I created for you because it acts as a companion to the episodes that I have released over the last couple days. It also acts as a companion to the episodes that I am releasing over the coming weeks. And again, zero cost, totally free. It's just my way to say thank you.

And it's also my way to support you in slowing down. I do want you to take the time to let your mind wander. I do want you to go a little deeper within yourself and within your heart. And I want to create an opportunity for you to figure out what you truly want in this next year of your life. And consider this free resource as my way to take the knowledge that you're gaining

by listening to the Mel Robbins podcast and help you apply it in real time to your life. I see a ton of you on social media taking photos of your workbook and sharing what you're learning. I love it. I love commenting. I love liking your posts. I love reposting yourself. And so keep on doing that.

And please make sure that you're generous this time of year and that you share these episodes with people that you love and that you get your friends and family, a copy of this workbook too. One of the reasons why I'm so excited about this workbook and why I keep hammering you about it is because I think it's freaking amazing. And it is amazing and it's free. And it's also the exact same process

that I've been going through personally and professionally for more than a decade. Every single year I audit my year. And I always do that before I look ahead and create a plan, whether it's in my life or my business or my marriage, this is how I do this. So if you've ever wondered how is Mel Rob Robin successful, how did she get where she is?

This annual audit is a huge process of it. And what happens when you take the time to really reflect on the last 12 months of your life is you will realize there is a theme there. And it will also have these lessons for you personally that bubble up to the surface. And what I've noticed is that I love figuring out the lessons of my year. Because those lessons helped me leapfrog from this past year that I just audited

into the next year in an incredibly powerful way. And the workbook, it's an important tool that will help you do that. And so I want to tell you what happened last year when I audited my year. So last year, 12 months ago, I did this exact same audit. I did not share a workbook with you. I just did the audit privately with my husband, Chris, and our kids. And it was very clear when I audited my year last year that there were three main lessons that emerged. And those lessons were from one of the hardest years of my life, and they became the foundation upon which

I could do the work to become happier and more fulfilled this year. And the truth is that there are gonna be years in your life where things are amazing, and you're gonna coast along, and're going to just hope that nothing changes. And then there are going to be years in your life where it is challenging and you're going through a period of major growth and you're exhausted. That was this past year for me.

And then there are going to be the years in your life that nearly break you. For me, that was 2022. That was two years ago. And so when I did the audit last year, and I reflected back on 2022, holy cow, I learned so much during that year that nearly broke me, that I said to myself, that's it,

no more of this crap. I have to make changes and this next year has to be a year of healing and learning how to be happy. And so now here I am, 12 months later, and I'm looking back on that year where I committed to myself. Mal, you're gonna do whatever the hell it takes to try to heal, to stop struggling so much, and to be happier.

And that brings me to the four lessons that I learned this year. As I tried to be happier, as I tried to heal, all of which came the hard way, and I'm going to share each one of them with you. And I'm also going to give you specific examples about how you can use them in your own life. And I really hope that you embrace these, okay? So lesson number one, lesson number one is about happiness. And the lesson is this, drop the sword. Mel, what the hell does that mean?

I'll tell you what it means. Drop the sword means stop fighting against your own happiness. And you know, the interesting thing about life is that when you audit your year and you make a decision like I made a decision a year ago to go, this is the year I'm gonna be happy. You know what happens? Life doesn't just go, okay, Aberdeen, Dabra, Mel,

now you're happy. That's not how it works. Life then hands you all sorts of challenging situations so that you can learn how to be happy. And here's what I realized when I look back over the last 12 months. I realized how often I was the one who was fighting against my happiness. That I was the one that was like picking up a sword and just waiting for something to go wrong, that I'm bracing for it, that I'm ready for the fight.

And I started to explore this concept with my therapist over the last 12 months, and that's where this term dropped the sword came from. And when I looked honestly at my life, I could see I always brought a sword to the fight. I could see that I was blocking my ability to allow happiness in. So what does that actually mean, Mel? Well, let me tell you, I want you to think about the visual of dropping a sword because if you're kind of holding a sword like you got a sword up and you're gripping it and you got a tight grip and you're ready for battle. What does that feel like in your body?

Well, you feel on edge, don't you? You feel tense. But when you visualize dropping the sword, something interesting happens. Your energy shifts. It softens. Your mindset changes because you're not bracing. And I was stunned by how powerful this example is visually. Because I don't think you realize, at least I didn't, how much you are blocking happiness from entering your life. You block it with your energy. You block it with your attitude.

You block it based on the stories you tell yourself. That's what I was doing. So that's the lesson I'm sharing with you. And here's what I want you to do for just the next 24 hours. Just notice in any situation, do you have a sword? Are you bracing for what's about to happen next? And when you notice that you're in that stance, when you're in that energy, when you're in that mindset, just drop the sword. Don't be on the hunt for what's wrong. Stop assuming that things aren't going to work out. Stop complaining.

Stop bracing when you see the phone ringing, it's your mother, it's your boss. What if you just allowed yourself to enjoy life? What if you soften in to this moment, into this day, into this year? Drop the sword. Because here's the thing. If you need it, you can pick it up. If you need to fight, if you need to brace, but the truth is the majority of the time, you don't need the sword. Bracing when you walk into work, blocks happiness. Bracing when you're standing in line and you want to order a coffee and it's taken a little longer because the person in front of you is buying six cups of bracing blocks happiness.

You don't need to be tense because somebody hasn't texted you back. And when you stop bracing and you stop showing up to life like everything's a fight, when you stop being so mad at everything, you open up, you soften up and you create room to let the good stuff in and to enjoy yourself. So that's lesson number one. Drop the sword. Now when we come back, I've got three more incredible lessons that I want you to hear from one of the craziest years of my life. So don't go anywhere because they're up next. Welcome back.

It's your friend, Mel. I am so thrilled that you are here. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me. I'm so glad I get to teach this to you. I'm sharing the four lessons that I learned after auditing what has been one of the craziest years of my life. And I just shared the first lesson, which is, drop the sword. Has to do with happiness.

Now, let's talk about the second lesson. The second lesson is this, forget about balance, focus on boundaries. Like you, I have always been in the pursuit of trying to balance work, life, time for myself, and I'll tell you. Last year was the year that I finally realized, Mel, screw balance. You need boundaries. See, here's the thing about balance, especially if you wanna be happier, you think, oh, I need balance, I need balance.

Well, balance is something you wish for. Boundaries are what you need to create. And another insight that I had about balance is that if you're busy seeking balance, you know what ends up happening? You literally put every part of your life in competition with every other part of your life because the word balance presumes that everything in your life has equal weight, otherwise it won't balance, right? Well, that's just not true. And here's what I've discovered that seeking

balance as a way to be happier or a way to have everything, it actually creates resentment in your life. Let me just explain this. For example, if work is really demanding, let's say you love your job, but it's been really demanding. And then you start to feel like your life is out of balance, what happens? You start to resent work. Or if you come home from work, and even though you're seeking balance, you're exhausted, and your kids just want to do something that you don't want to do. What do you do? You resent your kids. And here's why I love boundaries, because boundaries requires you to be responsible for how everything in your life will fit together.

And boundaries get created based on, well, what is my top priority? And what are my needs in the moment? See boundaries are an active choice. Boundaries require you to be self-aware. They require you to get in touch with what you value. And here's my biggest insight about really focusing on boundaries this year. Your boundaries are not for other people.

They're not for anybody else. You create boundaries for you. I want to say this again. Your boundaries are for you. Because want to say this again, your boundaries are for you, because boundaries are where you are saying yes and where you say no. Boundaries highlight what's important to you and what's not important to you. And here's the other big takeaway I learned about boundaries. People are not mind readers. Boundaries only work if you're willing to communicate them. And so I'm going to give you two examples

of how I just started forgetting about balance and I started focusing on boundaries and how that helped me create a better life and achieve goals during this year where there's so many things going on. It was so crazy balance was a fricking joke and trying to pursue it made me miserable. And by the way, great boundaries,

this is what's crazy, make your life feel as though it's more in balance because with boundaries, absolutely everything can fit in and away that it's supposed to fit in based on what's important to you. So let me give you an example. So one of my goals for this past year was to be more present with my family. Why?

Because this was a year about healing and happiness. So I created a boundary with myself. And here it is. Mel, when you're home or you're with your family, your phone is not on your body. That was my boundary. So if we were out as a family, my phone is in my bag. If I'm at home, do you know where my phone is? It's either in my bathroom plugged in or it is in the kitchen plugged in. And look, if you've listened to this podcast or you've followed me on social media for a long time or you've seen me speak at a big, corporate event, you know that I have really good boundaries already with my phone because I don't sleep with it. I don't have it near me. I keep it in a different room and I have that boundary in place so that I can get up in the morning and put myself first and have a great morning routine.

But this year, I took boundaries with my phone up an entirely new notch. I just don't have it on me when I'm with my family. And you want to know what? It works. I feel like I spent a lot of time with my family. And you want to know the truth? I didn't spend any more time or less time with my family than I did the year before.

I was just present during the time I was with them because of the boundary. And there's a lot of powerful research here. In fact, I think we need to do an entire episode on this. There's this thing that everybody's talking about, and there's a big New York Times article about it. It's called Fubbing a K.A

Phone Snubbing so just combine the word phone with snubbing for fubbing, okay? It basically means you are snubbing the people that are sitting there right around you in real life when you are Standing next to them and you're looking your phone and here's the interesting thing about the research Studies show that phone snubbing makes the people around you feel like they're being ostracized by you. And they also start to distrust you. And another study shows that if you start fubbing or snubbing people with your phone, it can lead to this ripple effect when you're with your family or your

friends. And I bet you've experienced this. Let's just say that Chris is on his phone and I'm kind of waiting to talk to him. And I start to feel like, oh my God, he's ignoring me. He's like standing next to me and he's busy scrolling through social media. So what are you end up doing? You just pick up your phone and you start scrolling too. Well this year I did not do that, at least not as much as I used to. And I'll tell you, this boundary was so cool because it made me realize how great it is to be more present with the people that you love and how often it's just the damn phone

that keeps you from doing it. And the truth is, it would never have happened without a boundary. If I had just said, I need balance between work and home, it wouldn't happen. I'm going to give you another example because boundaries are so powerful. I set another boundary with my health. So I am really committed to improving my gut health and balancing my hormone health. And you may already know this, but in case you don't, I am in the throes of menopause and I feel like my body is changing because it is changing and all the things that I used to do in terms of my habits and what I eat and how I exercise. They're just not working.

And I'm freaking frustrated by it. And like you, every single time we have a great expert on the Mel Robbins podcast, I learned so much and I want to give a shout out to Dr. Amy Shaw because I learned so many amazing things about gut health from her. She appeared three different times on the Mel Robbins podcast. And one of the favorite things that she taught me was the research around caffeine, adenosine, and the brain, and also the research about how your estrogen, like absorption for hormone health has a ton to do with your gut health. And when I learned all this, it inspired me to create a boundary with coffee in the morning.

I know, sounds weird, just hear me out, but I used to be the kind of person that when I would wake up, I would drag myself like army crawl my way to the coffee maker. I would slam a cup of coffee before anything else hit my lips. I don't do that anymore because of science. Now I wake up, I drink 16 ounces of water first thing in the morning, and I have a boundary. I do not have coffee until at least 90 minutes into the day, often times later. And I usually only have coffee with breakfast, not on an empty stomach. And on most days, usually only have coffee with breakfast, not on an empty stomach. And on most days, that's the only cup of coffee I have.

And I got to tell you, this is a huge positive change for me. I used to drink four to five cups of coffee a day. And with these changes, I do feel healthier. I do feel less bloated. And the crazy part is, I feel more energized and focused with just one cup of coffee because of the science and because of a denocene. Now, if you want to learn more about this research and you missed the one where she was talking about it, just follow this podcast because the very next episode that I'm releasing is about the eight small habits that I learned from experts on the

Mel Robbins podcast over the past 12 months. And we share that amazing research from Dr. Amy Shaw in the episode that's coming next. All right. Speaking of coming next, let's hit the pause button. I want you to hear a word from our sponsors because they allow me to bring you not only this podcast, but all the things that we do at zero cost. I love our sponsors, so take a listen. And when we come back, I'm going to be

waiting for you and I'm going to be ready to tell you the final two lessons that I learned the hard way so you don't have to. Don't go anywhere. Welcome back to Friend Mal. I'm so glad you're here because I got two more lessons to teach you from one of the craziest years of my life. So just to quickly recap, the first one was about happiness, dropping the sword and allowing more happiness in. The second lesson that we just covered was forget balance, focus on boundaries. Okay? Third lesson. Oh, I love this one. You ready? Frustration is a very good thing. Yep, I said it. Frustration. This is a lesson, a big lesson I learned this year. Frustration is not a sign that things are terrible. Frustration is a sign that you're growing.

And I have to kind of laugh as I share this lesson with you, because I mean, if you think about what I was saying in the beginning, I told you that I always have to learn things the hard way. And one of the reasons why these lessons feel so hard to me is because I always feel so hard to me is because I always feel so frustrated about some aspect of my life right before I get it. And what I'm realizing is, of course you do, Mel. It's hard to learn life lessons because you feel frustrated and you're frustrated because you're growing. You hadn't gotten the lesson yet.

And so here's the takeaway that I just want to hand to you like a gigantic gift. Frustration is a good thing because it just means you've outgrown some aspect of your life. And you're not meant to stay in a place or a situation or in a system that no longer suits you. That's why you're frustrated. And before the break, remember that I said,

I was frustrated with my body because all the habits that I had in my forees were no longer working now that I'm in menopause. Well, frustration is just a sign that I've outgrown the habits that I had in my foretees. And now that I'm in my fifties, I need to up level my habits. That's all that it means.

This lesson is critical. I want you to think about the five main areas of your life. Health and wellness, career money in school, relationships, love and friendship, fun and happiness, purpose, spirituality and meaning. Anytime you feel frustrated with your health or worker school or money or with any relationship or even with the sense of just that some's missing you know that sense of not having purpose. Let me tell you that frustration that you're feeling is good. You're not going to stay stuck there. You only have frustration because you've outgrown something. That's it. So stop making it so personal. Stop telling yourself you're broken. You're not broken. You've just outgrown something. And when you make

frustration personal, like something's wrong, something's wrong. No, something's got to change. Stop aiming at it yourself. Frustration is just a signal that something isn't working. And boy, I have felt frustrated most of this year. And looking back, I now know why. And it's kind of ironic that I felt frustrated on the year I was working on healing and happiness, but it is what it is. Here's why I felt frustrated.

This was a year of hyper, hyper, hyper growth for me, especially at work. And so let's apply the lesson. If you think about frustration as a good thing, that's kind of step one. Now what you can do is you can look for what is the opportunity to grow, and the easiest way to do this,

is I want you to follow a method that I use, I created this, I call you to follow a method that I use. I created this. I call it the three piece. Ready? The three piece stand for project process people. So in any area of your life for your frustrated number one, turn this into a project. Do not make this personal. Frustration is a sign that you've outgrown something.

So you're going to turn it into a project. Okay. Number two, you're going to ask yourself, what process is broken? And a process is the way in which you're doing something. It could be the way you communicate. It could be the way that you organize yourself at work. It could be the way that you operate in a meeting. It could be any process that you're in. And there is a process when you're frustrated that you have been

following that just no longer works for you. It doesn't match where you're going. That's why you feel frustrated because the process is stunting something about your growth. The third peak, I want you to look around at the people that you're around. And here's the catch. The most important person in the equation when you're frustrated is you. And so you're going to ask yourself, am I frustrated because of outgrown the people that I'm around or am I frustrated because of outgrown the dynamic? So let me give you a personal example. Our daughter Kendall just flew home from Los Angeles literally yesterday and she's 23 and she and I are so similar. And if you listen to any of the

family episodes, particularly the one where we shared four secrets of a successful relationship, what I learned from a fight with my daughter, that's the one where we were like laughing at each other, like fighting like this and whispering so that we didn't run, run, run, run. Well, sure enough, she was here for about an hour and we were all ready to get at each other. And I am so frustrated by her dynamic, it has been this way for years. Here's what it means. It just means that there's something that I need to shift in the process of how the two of us interact with one another. And guess what, if I focus on myself, there are so many things that I can do, I can drop the sword, right? So I can stop bracing, which shifts the energy with softens me. I

can use the left in theory. That's a great way not to get pulled into the dynamic and to create space for something else. Here's another example of an area that I've been frustrated with, work. I worked way too much this year. I talked a lot about this, but let me just share a little bit. I never expected the podcast to be the successful out of the gate. I mean, it was not like the big goal. My goal this past year was like happiness and healing. I was not like, I'm going work like Louisiana, dominate and pot, that's not what happened.

And the truth is, I even feel bad feeling frustrated about it because I love this podcast. I love working with my team on this podcast. I love talking to you twice a week. And I hate that it has been very frustrating. And before I tell you why it was frustrating, I want to make sure I thank you because all of this runaway success is because of you and because of our team,

but it's mostly because of you. You made the Mel Robbins podcast, the number five most followed podcast of the entire year on all of Apple podcasts. It's your shares, your listens, the amount of time that you have spent with me. I mean, this doesn't happen. What you did, this is unheard of,

because this is not a celebrity show. They're not famous people stopping by here promoting their stuff. And I'm not a famous sports figure, dating the world's biggest pop superstar, talking to my brother. I love those guys, but I'm like a 55 year old mother of three. And I'm not trying to undersell myself.

I know I've done amazing things, but I'd never launched my own podcast. I didn't expect this level of success. And I'll tell you, there have been times this year where it has been exhilarating. It is so exhilarating to be 55 years old and trying things you've never done. It is so exhilarating to be 55 years old and trying things you've never done. It is so exhilarating to be this creative.

It is so exhilarating to make an impact in your life. And you know what else it's been? Fricking frustrating, crazy frustrating and overwhelming to work like 90 hours a week for an entire year, especially when I had made a commitment to heal and be happy. It's crazy frustrating to feel like you're always behind, to feel like you're always reinventing the wheel to constantly be trying to figure things out because you've actually never done this before.

What I know is that any place that you're frustrated, this is a huge lesson this year, over and over and over again. I would say to myself, it's not you. I'm not frustrated with myself. I am frustrated with the feeling like I know I need to upgrade how I'm working. Remember when I said at the top? You have to slow down. If you're in a moment in your life or you're frustrated about something, you feel like you're getting run over by your marriage or the situation with your parents or work or school, you have to slow down.

Because when you slow down and you stop making this personal and you stop punishing yourself, what you will realize is exactly what we have realized that our small but mighty amazing team has completely outgrown all of the processes and systems that we use to launch the podcast. Recognizing frustration as a sign of growth allows you to step back, allows you to be strategic instead of emotional. It allows you to solve a problem. That's what we've done. It's why we've opened these new studios in Boston. In fact, you might have even heard a little while ago Some of the construction that's happening outside because we haven't even soundproof the room yet

I thought it'd be so cool to be in this really cool area of Boston and I kind of forgot, you know, Mel Boston's not exactly Vermont Where our studio is in a place above my garage where I only need to worry about when Mike, the UPS driver, pulls in and our dog, Yolo goes bananas. Here, holy cow, there are buildings going up everywhere. But whatever, we're figuring it out. And knowing that I don't have to see frustration as a sign that we're failing, I can see frustration as a sign that we're growing. And this is a really important lesson for you to embrace particularly at work and when

you're learning something new. Because when you're learning something new or you're in a hyper-growth period and work or with your side of hustle, you will feel like you're out over the tips of your skis. And it can make you feel like I'm not good at this, I'm screwing this up. I do not want you to think about it that way. Instead, here's the lesson. The next time you're frustrated, think, oh, wait a minute. Okay, I'm frustrated because I don't have the support and the system that I need to get me where I'm going. So how do I take a step back and slow down and create the systems and support that will represent where I want to get to, not where I am right now.

And by the way, exact same lesson in your life. Think about habits. What are habits? Habits are just systems and processes in your life that you repeat. So if, for example, you're frustrated with your health and you're frustrated with your inability to stick to things that you want to do to make yourself healthier, instead of aiming that at yourself, like you're some loser that's never going to get this right, forget that. You just have outgrown the systems and processes that you use.

That's it. It's not about you, it's about the systems. Maybe you need a different process for how you buy groceries, how you stock the fridge. Maybe you need different foods in there. Maybe you need to adopt one of my favorite all-time processes when it comes to making a new habit stick. Write it on a post-it note, stick it on your mirror.

Maybe you need a new morning routine. That's a process, by the way. It's a process you follow every single morning. If yours no longer supports you, don't worry about it. In fact, in a few episodes, I'm going to hammer you about what you need to do every morning, and I'm going to help you make it easier. Here's the bottom line. When you feel frustrated, good, good. It's a sign that you're growing. It's a sign that you need to update systems. It's a sign that you need to either change the people you're around or change the way you're around the other people.

All right, one final lesson. You ready? Me too. I love this one. I love this one. I'm gonna be curious to hear which ones you're favorite of these four. Change takes a year.

I really love this lesson. Because... Gosh, we just wanna speed things up, don't we? Always. Just imagine if you gave yourself permission to dream really, really big right now, and you gave yourself the grace of a year. I keep referring back to this episode that we recorded with my family. And I'm thinking about this moment when this listener called in. And she was really distraught because the family had moved

during her daughter's high school year. And now her daughter was really, really struggling because she was in a brand new high school. It was her sophomore year. She was starting to feel anxious and lonely. And I'll never forget what my kid said. They said, you gotta give it a year. You gotta give that kind of change sophomore year. She was starting to feel anxious and lonely. And I'll never forget what my kids said. They said, you got to give it a year. You got to give that kind of change a year. And they're right. It's a simple lesson. But boy, is it important? You know, when I think about anything in my life, whether it's this

podcast or building the new studios or moving to, or trying to get my gut and hormone health all sorted out, doesn't it feel better to say yourself, it'll take a year? It'll take a year of stopping and starting, a year of figuring this out, a year of learning, a year of experimenting with systems or processes. So whether right now you're making a big change in school, or you're trying to make new friends,

or you're at a new job, or a new new business or you've moved to a new city, or there's anything in your life that you really want to change for the better. Give yourself a year because your whole life can change in a year. And when you get serious about what you want and you get intentional about what systems and processes you create to support that change. Whether these are systems at work or the habits that you have in your daily life, you will change your whole life in a year. I mean it. And I want to remind you, if you haven't gone to Mel Robbins.com slash best year and downloaded this amazing free science back resource. I love this thing.

We poured our hearts into this thing free. Do it now because it does take a year. So don't step into the next 12 months of your life without stopping and slowing down and reflecting and auditing the last 12 months and grabbing those lessons. That's how I do it. I leapfrog from one year to the next on the back of the wisdom from the last one and I love having this podcast because now I can share all of that with you. I want you to mine your life. Look at the ups and downs, look for your own wisdom, look for the inspiration and the clarity that is going to come to mind when you slow down and you answer these questions. And I am telling you, the workbook will help you. And you know what else will help you? Do this with someone else. Share this

episode with somebody that you love with your entire family. Share the workbook. Work on it together because you will be surprised at how amazing it is when you dig deeper together. And also make sure to follow the show so that when the next episode drops, you don't miss a single thing. The next three episodes, they build on this conversation you and I are having right now. And those episodes are designed to set you up to make this year one of the best years of your life to take all the lessons from this last one and boom, leak frog you forward. And I believe honestly that if you take the time, you slow down and you really dig in with that workbook, you will get clear about what you want and why you want it. You will drop the sword, and you'll open up and create more space for happiness.

You'll know what boundaries you need to create that align with what you want this year and who you're becoming. And you'll be able to see the moments of frustration that rise and fall, because by God, when you commit to growing, you're gonna be frustrated. It's just part of the package and learning the

lesson. The frustration is good. It's an opportunity. It's not a reason to annihilate yourself. You take all those things, you give yourself a year. I promise you, you're going to be shocked at how much happens in the next 12 months because I know I always am. And one of the things that doesn't shock me though is that it is one of the greatest joys of my life to be here with you twice a week on this podcast and every day on social media. I feel like, you know, we're walking side by side cheering on one another every step of the way. And that's why I want to make sure to tell you. In case no one else tells you today, I love you. And I believe in you. And I believe

in your ability to find all the wisdom in your life and let it inspire and power you to having the best year ever. I'll talk to you in a few days. All right, here we go. I never know how to start these things. Oh, I'm going to tell the story. Okay. For the... Oh my God. Okay. I should probably stand. Is that okay? Oh, yeah. That's a problem, right? This is definitely gonna be better. Okay, I'm just gonna scroll through this. Oh, like dry mouth. Is that for real? Okay, yeah.

Give me some water. I think so. My face is dry too. Okay, you ready? Can you hear me, honey? Can you hear you ready? Can you hear me, hun? Can you hear me now? Yeah. Can you hear me now?

Okay, great, got you. All right, go all the way back up to the top, even though that was good. Let's wait, there's another bling. Okay. Woo! Well done! Awesome.

Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyer's right and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪